#and honestly the other sweet/fun moments sprinkled throughout 2-3

[a-stars-art-blog]

Susatoooo the sweetest girl everrrrr

Idk maybe im biased but it seemed like the game liked pushing the idea that Albert would be good friends with Ryuno and Susato and I think that’s the cutest thing ever AHHHH

[chateautae]

flirt | pjm. (m)

➵ summary :  park jimin is a notorious flirt, but so are you. when you both meet at a party after weeks of back and forth, it’s a matter of time before somebody gives in

➵ pairing : jimin x reader

➵ genre :  college!au, sexual tension, smut, pwp

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 4k

➵ warnings : super suggestive flirting, alcohol consumption (both parties able to consent), swearing, light dom and sub themes, soft dom!jimin, brat!reader, little bit of brat-handling, dirty talk, praising but also degradation? it’s hot i promise, use of slut, slight body worshipping, mentions of oral, jimin is hot and yes that’s a warning in itself, breast play, unprotected sex, penetrative + rough sex, bit of angsty sex, creampie cause i seem to not like it any other way

➵ a/n : and my first jimin fic is here!! dear god i love this boy to the moon and back so i got a bit carried with him lmao, hopefully this isn’t terrible cause i still need to edit it but your support and feedback are always appreciated!! <3

2 hours.

2 hours since you first came to this party. You’ve bumped into at least a hundred people, danced your legs numb, God knew how many and what concoction of drinks were inebriating your system and still, you hadn’t seen Park Jimin the whole night. 

The only reason you even dragged yourself to this party was because of him. You were initially bailing on the annual ‘one-last-hurrah-before-midterms’ party because you, like everyone else here had midterms haunting them Monday. It was Friday night and as the ever diligent student, you were planning to study over the weekend.

Though your nagging best friend Hoseok had other plans, threatening you to come with every piece of dirt he had on you until he finally sprinkled Jimin’s name into the mix. You couldn’t lie, it was the only reason you decided to hell with your education, wiggled into a barely-there dress and waltzed in with Hoseok ready to take the night on.

But when you hadn’t seen Jimin at all, you were left annoyed, pissed off and with a headache raking your brain.

Seeing him was a selfish desire, one you’d develop after realizing you had met your match when you first encountered Jimin. You were always fairly notorious for your flirtatious habits and touchiness, a sort of trademark of yours and the same was always said about a ‘Park Jimin’ unknown to you, sometimes described to be an even bigger flirt.

It automatically intrigued you, curious of what kind of rival you secretly harbored until one day, you chanced upon Hoseok who just so happened to be with Jimin. 

At first, you didn't think Jimin could be a daring flirt. He had this sweet smile and disciplined way of speaking that screamed innocent to you, his mannerisms and demeanor shy and introverted. He didn’t make big moves and so you wrote him off as just that. 

But it wasn’t until you started seeing him outside your class’ building, alone, and multiple times after that, enough for you to realize he was anything but shy or innocent.

You ended up observing that a) he was sex on legs, b) easily flipped between the persona of an angel and a demon and c) anything he did could seem flirting. 

You two hit it off without a hitch, your flirtatious tendencies meeting to form a relationship of mutual interest. It was clear as day, both your actions almost always held some sort of unknown intentions behind them, your every saying a double meaning. 

It became the norm between you two, anytime you met turning into a conversation riddled with innuendos, suggestive lip-biting or eyes that couldn’t help but wander. And you weren't stupid, you could tell he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. You two were dangerous, testing the limits of either’s control, hoping someone would give in and only left disappointed when nobody did. 

So when Hoseok mentioned this party, and graciously added Park Jimin’s name to it, you knew this was your chance. A party with buzzing bodies, loud music and copious amounts of alcohol was bound to set him off, especially if you were dressed scandalously and felt bolder with liquid courage pumping through your system.  

But it’d been 2 hours, and you hadn’t seen him all night. You were taking another shot in the kitchen, sulking by yourself and reflecting on the fact that you’d been duped by Hoseok. This party became useless to you, a mere waste of your time as you quickly discarded your cup and began stomping out of the kitchen.

You ventured further into the house to look for Hoseok’s 5’10 ass, tell him he’s the worst best friend for lying to you and that you were leaving this disappointment of a party.

You stepped around people mindfully, dodging them until you rammed smack dab into someone’s back, scrambling for an apology before looking at the unaffected victim.

Park fucking Jimin.

“Y/N!” Jimin beamed, holding a drink in his hand as he smiled widely.

“Jimin, hey! I thought you didn’t come tonight.” You attempted biting back your smile from finally finding him, shouting over the bass of the music as you met him on the dance floor.

“I just ran late. You know me, of course I’d be here!” Jimin raised his drink to his plump lips and sipped, stepping side-to-side in rhythm with the music. 

You couldn’t make him out that well, the disco lights of whatever lights system the only means of seeing him in the dark, but you swear the smirky grin on his face as he scanned you over wasn’t just a figment of your imagination, ecstatic that you already seemed to be reeling him in. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, I already had-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence as someone’s raging body stumbled into yours suddenly, sending you off balance until Jimin reached out for you cautiously.

“Woah, easy there.” Jimin’s arms quickly held you, flashing a scolding look at the person who bumped into you and pulling you towards himself. “Are you here with someone tonight?”

“Yeah, Hoseok! I was looking for him.”

“Why’s that?”

“I.. wasn’t having fun, so I wanted to leave with him.” You swiftly masked the real truth, your voice becoming less of a shout as Jimin encased you, just a few centimeters between your bodies as you peered up at him, cheeks flushed with heat and alcohol.

“Leave with him? Damn, didn’t know you two were like that.” Jimin flashed you a suggestive look, raising his eyebrows.

“Shut up, you know we’re just best friends.” You both erupted into a fit of chuckles as you hit his chest, your hand smacking against his jacket and now that you were close, registered what a meal he looked like tonight; ripped black jeans, plain white t-shirt underneath a distressed jean jacket, all pulled together sexily by his tousled hair, small hoop earrings and a Chanel necklace decorating his neck.

Dear God, how many times you’ve ached to kiss that pretty, pretty neck.

You internally groaned, habitually drawing closer to him as you enjoyed the warmth of his body, nostrils filling with the familiar scent of his intoxicating cologne.

“So I hear you wanna have some fun.” Jimin perked up, eyes amused and hands smoothing over your sides slowly after faltering from your arms.

“Are you suggesting I’ll have fun with you?”

“Of course, gorgeous, but up to you how we do that.” Jimin stepped dangerously closer to you as his voice lowered, your face tucked into his chest as his body blocked other people from touching you.

Excitement shot to your center at his use of a pet name, a common occurrence during your exchanges though his choices of which always an added thrill. 

“And what if I just want to leave and eat at a diner instead?”

“Then I’d definitely take you, food and you? A win in my book.”

You cocked an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “Adding me to the mix suddenly makes it a win? I’m not the one on the menu, Park.” 

Jimin’s eyes seem to blow out, leaning down as his plushy lips ghosted your ear as he spoke, tone darkened, “We can change that, princess.”

A thrill shot throughout your body, hyper aware of his lips mere inches from your face as your heart began to race, turning towards him expectantly.

You began advancing slowly to decrease the gap between your mouths, feeling him inch forward in response, letting him hover just above your lips for a tease before you stopped, “I’d like to see you try, Park.”

Then you abruptly turned out of his hold and walked away, making it through a few people into a hallway, allowing yourself to breathe. You loved teasing Jimin, it was an incredibly entertaining pass time but dear God, did it knock the fucking wind out of you. 

You were mentally recuperating from the fact that he almost let you kiss him, distracted as you stepped away until someone suddenly snatched your arm and pinned you against the nearest wall. You were honestly shocked to see Jimin, surprised he actually took your bait and stayed on your trail to stop you. His dancing eyes held nothing but greed, evident even in the darkness of the party.

“You know just how to test people, don’t you?” Jimin warned as he narrowed his dangerous eyes at you, holding your hot-skinned wrists against the cool wall. 

“Of course I do, it makes things fun and last time I checked,”  You brought your face to his and left only an inch between you two, “that’s just what I want.”

Jimin visibly grew less tamed, glancing down towards your lips as he tried breathing controllably, “Careful what you wish for, princess. It might come true.” 

“And if that’s what I want?” You titled your head expectantly, licking your lips as you watched Jimin bite his own. He eyed you the whole time, making it a statement to drink you in every inch of you. 

You could smell the alcohol on him, assuming liquor was the only driving force behind his actions but then contemplated his level-headedness, his coherent speech and clear judgment in this moment.

Jimin was choosing to chase after you, choosing to not let you go after weeks of incessant back and fourth and you knew you were finally getting closer to exactly what you wanted. 

Park Jimin giving in. 

“You’re fucking hot.” Jimin commented, eyes eating you up hungrily.

“You’re hotter.” You grinned and leaned back against the wall, cleavage unintentionally popping out for him and Jimin’s look immediately shifted, bringing his body closer against yours.

“You look submissive as hell right now, is that what you like? To be dominated?”

“Only if you like to dominate.” 

Jimin could feel the reigns on his control snapping, biting down to contain his raw desire to fuck you. He’s been holding himself back, knowing you seemed willing on your end of the interactions but never wanting to take the leap in case it was all just an act. 

But as he watched you go along with his every comment, staring back at him with the same devious eyes and practically offering yourself to him in his hold, he knew you weren’t acting at all. 

“You talk a big game, but can you put your money where your mouth is?” Jimin leaned his hips against yours, ensuring you could feel his growing hardness. 

“My mouth can do a lot of fucking things, Park.” You jutted your hips into his.

Jimin shut his eyes frustratedly before he re-opened them, a downright obsidian colour taking them over.

“Go the fuck upstairs.” 

“Wh-”

“I said, go the fuck upstairs.” Jimin demanded, looking at you with conviction so searing you in fact did become submissive. 

“W-which room-” You didn’t complete your question as Jimin’s deft hands encased you and lifted you off the ground, bridal-style.

“Jimin-!” You exclaimed.

“Say another word and I’ll make sure you feel me in your throat.” 

You immediately swallowed your mouth shut as Jimin cluthed you to him, core alighting with desire as he carried you up the stairs. Jimin arrived at the second floor and rushed towards the first room with an ajar door, shutting it with your feet after entering.

He made towards the bed and practically threw you onto it, stepping away to lock the door before leaning against it, arms crossed and serious. 

“You sure you want this?” His voice came out considerate, no haste or pressure.

“Yes, Jimin.” 

“You’re completely sure?” 

You nodded incessantly. 

“I need your words, Y/N.”

“Yes.” You affirmed, unintentionally becoming submissive as you awaited him, and Jimin couldn't resist you, not any longer. He made towards your smaller figure on the bed and immediately crashed his lips onto yours, knee sinking into the mattress as he leaned over you, splaying you onto the bed.  

He held your wrists against the sheets, kissing you open as his plump lips worked tirelessly against your mouth. He continued to swallow you, opening up to catch all of you as he sank further downwards to feel your body arch into his.

His wet tongue glided over your lips and you welcomed him in lightspeed, letting his muscle entangle with yours hastily and you instantly loved the taste of him. 

Jimin’s kisses began deepening, exploring your mouth like he was dehydrated and your mouth was fresh water. His thigh began pressing against your core and you moaned into his mouth as Jimin disconnected from you, panting for air. 

“Don’t fucking do that.” He voiced frustratedly, his full lips swollen and pink as he tried to contain himself. 

“Do what?” 

“Fucking moan, it does shit to me.” 

“Sucks for you, I’m responsive as fuck.” You snipped as his sudden confession made you hot, squishing your thighs together. Jimin took notice and he flashed a look at your core. 

“Responsive, huh?” Jimin let go of your wrist, sliding his hand down your body before pressing his fingers to your heat through your dress. You instantly gasped, arching as you felt your walls clench around absolutely nothing. 

“J-Jimin.” you warned him weakly. 

“Mm?” Jimin paid no attention as he lowered himself to your neck and began kissing, tonguing, sucking at a spot that had you cowering and squirming underneath him. 

You groaned as your free hand tangled into his hair, hugging him to your neck as you basked in the glory of his plush lips devouring you. He was laving and nibbling at your skin, continuously kissing the area of your carotid all while rubbing his hand against your clothed cunt. Jimin began rutting his body against yours, the tip of his cock prodding you the more he moved.

“Fuck you, Jimin. This isn’t fair.” You moaned breathlessly

“As fair as it gets, princess. You wanted to see my try, yeah?” Jimin suddenly stopped his movements on your core and slid his hand up your bare thigh, only to shift your stained panties to the side and glide his fingers all over your bare pussy. You gasped Jimin’s name and tugged at his hair harshly, the alcohol hazing everything over with sensitivity and trying to sustain the sheer amount of pleasure he was rewarding you.

“N-nothing’s fair about this.”

Jimin smoothed the pads of his fingers over your slick core, eliciting your incessant gasps, “Fuck with my ego and I fuck with you, baby.” 

He was leaving purple marks all along your neck and chest, moving down to the valley of your breasts and you whined headily, hating that he had such an advantage in this position. 

You immediately grew bold enough to push him off by his chest, detaching him as Jimin looked at you confused. “Y/N, what the fu-” was all Jimin could get out before you stood up and gripped his cock through his pants, his breath immediately hitching. He looked at you with surprised eyes, growing weaker in your hold as you walked him back against a vanity in the room.

You had no clue who this room belonged to, but you could care less when you were minutes away from getting fucked by Park Jimin.

He let out breathy little moans as you palmed him, shutting his eyes in bliss as he turned harder by the second, leaning back against the counter. You planted your lips to his neck and mouthed fervently, making sure you embellished his skin with your desire for him. “F-fuck. Y/N, this isn’t fair.”

“Fuck with my ego and I fuck with you, baby.” You mocked him and began rubbing at his shaft, sucking hickies onto his pretty neck and licking over the areas your teeth grazed. Jimin continued groaning, hugging you close to him as he fisted his hands against your body, trying everything to cherish the pleasure he felt. 

The person he’s been desiring ever since he heard about you, his every nerve thrilled by your ability to counter him, match his energy of constant flirting and testing the waters, venturing further than him sometimes.

You were just so tempting and Jimin wanted every last bit of you. 

That sentiment increased when he felt your hands snake towards the belt of his jeans, unbuckling harshly with need so apparent he wanted nothing but to stuff your walls, now. 

“No, fuck off, getting inside you first.” Jimin denied your hands, capturing them in his hold.

You instantly whined, “But Jimin, want you to fuck my face.” You pouted into his neck, kissing along his collar bones as you rutted against him. 

“Fucking God, I’m destroying you for that.” Jimin wrapped you up in his arms and switched the positions, shoving you against the vanity, your ass on the edge of the counter as Jimin stood in between your spread out legs, lips meeting yours again. 

Jimin lifted the skirt of your dress up and over your backside, pooling around your waist as his hands slid over your fleshy thighs to the band of your panties. He pulled only to snap them back against your skin, the contact making you gasp.

“Why the fuck are you still wearing these?”

“And why the fuck are you still wearing clothes?” You chastised, hands greedily shoving his jacket off him even with your mouth attached to his.

Jimin didn’t allow the action to compromise your kiss either, practically ripping his jacket off and breathing hard against you as he threw it away. He then pulled his t-shirt over himself, revealing his toned, lean body underneath and only leaving his Chanel necklace hanging over his bare chest. You licked your lips at the sight of his smooth and pretty body, the outline of his abs like a work of art.

You reached out to touch him, his face and skin flushed with lust as he watched you. “You’re so hot, Jimin, so pretty.” You praised, eyes ogling him.

Jimin smirked proudly before speaking, “Your turn.”

He searched for the zipper of your dress and unzipped hastily, peeling away the top to reveal your naked breasts and now it was his turn to ogle at you.

“Fuck me, you’re prettier.” He huffed out, eyes blown out entirely.

“Probably not as pretty as your cock, let me suck.” You pouted playfully and pulled him closer to you with the back of your shins, hands greedily feeling up his bare chest.

“Only good girls get to suck my dick.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you’re a fucking brat and a half.” Jimin started kneading your breasts, licking his lips as he watched you spread your legs wider for him and lean your head back out of pure bliss.

“I am not a brat, you just fucking take 10 years to get it on.” You snapped back, moaning in between at the way he groped your breasts, rolling the buds of your nipples with his fingertips.

“Sorry I was a fucking gentleman, didn’t know you were such a cock-hungry slut.” Jimin bit as he planted his thick lips to your perched nipple, eliciting curses from you as his tongue began swirling around, sucking teasingly.

“You just can’t fuck, isn’t it? All bark and no bite?”

Jimin scoffed darkly at that, sucking harder on your sensitive nipples before letting go with a pop. “I’ll fucking break you is why I kept holding off, you’ll regret this, princess.”

“Break me then, Jimin, please. Fuck me like you say you will, I need you.” Your arousal became unbearable as you grew hornier, rocking your hips against him for friction while he laved at either of your nipples.

“I will, baby. Get these off and I’ll fuck you so good.” Jimin tugged at your panties and you lifted your ass for him to discard them.

You unhooked Jimin’s belt and shoved into his pants, pulling his boxers and jeans down until you finally freed his leaking length, thick and throbbing to be treated.

What you always thought was right, his cock was pretty just like him. You graciously pumped him, spreading his pre-cum over the head as you watched him lean his head back, kissing under his jaw.

“So pretty, Jimin, just like you.”

Jimin stopped caring about any and everything and instantly grabbed one of your legs, spreading you wide open for him and situated himself before your entrance.

He brought a hand over yours pumping his member and moved you quicker against his hot flesh, looking down at the lewd scene and your pretty pussy aching for him.

“Look at you soaking, baby, so much prettier.” 

You moaned needily, the back of your shins urging Jimin closer to you again as you whined. “Jimin..”

“Raw?” he breathed impatiently. 

“Fuck yes, birth control.”

Jimin didn’t even take a millisecond before he was pushing against your hole, placing the hand that was pumping his member now against your pelvic bone, pressing down to feel himself sink inside of you.

You instantly careened, moaning out so loud that if there wasn’t music blaring in the house, everyone would know how stuffed Jimin made you feel.

“Fuck-Jimin! Stop doing that, it feels too fucking good..!” You nearly cried, the pressure of Jimin’s hand making you feel any and every ridge, vein and hardness of his thick cock, your walls drinking him in.

“Fuck you, this is what you get.” Jimin blurted as he buried himself to the hilt, groaning satisfyingly at your warm walls hugging him before plunging to make out with you.

Jimin began fucking you with conviction, determination to drive you insane for him as he spread you open. He thrusted fast and hard from the get-go, neglecting to set a pace knowing how much of a cock-loving brat you were. His thumb resting just above your clit dipped down to lightly play with your bud, tease it, all the while licking into your mouth and thrusting into you.

You gasped hard, so much that Jimin’s name was the only thing coherent within them and he swallowed all your sounds with his lips. Your body was on fire at the drag of his cock, shocked at how wet you were when he hadn’t even fingered or eaten you out, his cock doing all the work, leaving you only thinking of Park Jimin’s sheer power.

You wanted all of him so badly, wanted him to ruin you, destroy you like he said he would, fuck you open like he always insinuated he would.

“Jimin, please, harder! Fuck me like the brat I am, teach me a fucking lesson.”

“Princess likes it hard, huh? Want me to fuck this pussy up? Make it all mine?” Jimin’s words were so filthy they had you clutching onto him tightly, arousal gushing from you as Jimin impaled you harder, snapping into you.

His thumb continued its onslaught, your walls convulsing to his every stroke as you gripped his shoulders and kissed him, biting his plushy bottom lip as he fucked you harder.

“Mm, Jimin, fuck!” Your tits bounced as he pounded into you, taking his every thrust like a champ and he damn well shook the entire vanity, continuously drilling your hole as he gave no room for mercy. Your hands snaked into his hair and tugged, making him groan in approval and he only pushed you open wider in response.

“You pretty brat, look at you getting what you want. Fucked like the cock-loving princess you are.” Jimin breathed against your mouth, his skin slicking with sweat as he worked tirelessly against your opening, battering your pussy with an unforgiving speed.

“You would’ve gotten your dick sucked, but apparently-” you shuddered breathily, “I w-wasn’t a good girl.” You felt weak from his repeated onslaught, the bubbling pleasure in your gut keeping you going. 

“Yeah, so fucking behave and maybe I’ll let you choke on my dick.”

“Y-you stop playing games and maybe I’ll let you eat my pussy.”

Jimin only ticked his head to the side as he chuckled darkly, starting to propel his thick cock into your gut and raging at your clit so roughly, you gasped as you carved your pleasure into his skin. Jimin did the same as he bore his fingers into you, a hand squeezing your thigh harshly as he held your leg and your walls fluttered around him, moans growing higher in pitch.

“Jimin! I’m gonna-“ you didn’t even complete your sentence as your walls clamped around him, orgasm washing over you so quickly you barely realized it came. You clenched him like a vice and panted hard against his mouth, Jimin finally coming undone as well, spurts of cum painting your insides and filling you to the brim, certain he’d leak out of you for hours.

You felt stuffed, so full of him you were hazed over with post-orgasm bliss, mind unwinding from any trifling matter on Earth. Your forehead slacked against his shoulder as you both panted for air, sweating as Jimin held your weak body in his arms.

His cock remained shoved inside you, the throbbing letting up on both of you as your highs settled down.

“You..” Jimin swallowed dryly, breathing. “took me like a good girl. Maybe you can suck me off next time.”

“Next time?” You breathed labourly, turning your face towards his.

Jimin peered down at you resting against him, biting back a grin. “Of course, there’s always a next time with flirts like us.”

[blackasmidnightcats]

Tagatha Ramblings

So . . . For me it's really unique to find the dynamic that Tagatha has and how it was handled.

I think everyone in the fandom agrees that it's only in TLEA that leveled up their game and it leveled it up GOOD.

So much so that by QfG how the narrative managed to deconstruct their moments is legendary enough that it's one of the reasons (for me at least and some others I think) that the fandom decided to hibernate for sometime and with it I think Soman's activity also started to kinda decrease.

Off topic though it's kinda unnerving how quiet we are again conscidering that it's just a few more months before OTK and Soman's not really helping with all of his random content. Hopefully this changes in the upcoming months.

But anyways, I really hope that we get some well deserved Tagatha romantic scenes in OTK cause aCoT did not provide enough to please.

Book 1 Tagatha was not just the baby, it was basically the fetus. They were a concept both as individuals and as a couple. Maybe a few characterizations here and there were sprinkled all throughout book 1 but it wasn't enough to convince everyone that they were this legendary love story told for eons.

Ngl, this was one of the reasons why I decided to pick up this book. I didn't know if it was going to be told in a well developed sense but at that time I wanted to read something like that anyways and so I did.

I jumped immediately in the Agatha train cause book 1 Agatha was incredibly funny, endearing, and understandable. She had her issues and doubts about herself but most of all I loved how selfless she can be when it counts. She's tough yes and brave as hell but it's her selflessness that really gets me cause in the end of the day that's one of the things that makes Agatha. . . well Agatha.

Book 1 Tedros . . . was something. I liked him but not as much as how I do now. I liked the few moments where it showed how he was sweet and was willing to overlook things (even though they were ill directed cause he was still pretty much being ignorant) he clearly has a different view from others caused he's the son of some pretty legendary people and is also aware of how untrue their "Ever After" is.

But of course there's his hotheadedness and ignorance that gets him in serious trouble that he's gonna regret and has regreted since.

Regarding my feelings for Book 1 Tagatha it was detached at best. They were an interesting concept but brought me so much pain in the first half of the book cause Sophie's selfishness, Agatha's low self-esteem, and Tedros's ignorance.

And by the time the book was almost ending and just then did Tagatha even start to like each other (and not in a believable way at that) it was kinda late for them but I did not have my doubts about then ending up together cause tropes and such even with the very obvious Agaphie red-herrings.

So basically Book 1 Tagatha was a fun trope that Soman managed to make an interesting story out of but it wasn't groundbreaking.

And I liked the tropes that Tagatha embody. I liked that Agatha was a cranky, goth that happened to be a princess and also liked how she still couldn't believe it but was obviously relieved that she was somewhat acceptable and capable of being loved after being shunned her whole life by her town. (She can be such a babey that we need to protect)

And I liked that Tedros was the perfect, fairy tale prince complete with golden blond hair and crystal blue eyes and was pretty much good at everything (except for some logical sense I guess) but was dramatic as hell and sometimes so sweet and another was incredibly annoying.

And of course I liked that Tagatha was a combination of this but I hated how it was executed in Book 1.

Book 2 Tagatha was a mess and even more so for Agatha and Tedros themselves.

I guilty for falling for the momentary dark, yandere Tedros in the beginning but even I knew he was being a possessive, obsessed dick and I kinda wanted to forget everything else except when he admitted he WAS being a dick and chose Agatha. . . and then I wanted to forget everything else again.

While Agatha was. . . Agatha was done dirty in Book 2. I honestly can't think of anything much positive to say about her in Book 2 aside from the angst when she wanted to stay with Proffesor Sader cause she felt safe. I honestly think that Soman didn't quite know how to handle her cause she. . . was treated AS the princess but at the same time didn't really show those characteristics that made her a princess in Book 1. She was still selfless and brave but that it got kinda overshadowed by her anxiety over Sophie becoming a witch again.

That problem wasn't even solved in Book 2. It just kinda seemed like it dissapeared and Agatha just accepted that Sophie might always want to kill her cause she can't help it. Plus there might be the involvement of guilt cause Agatha did abandon Sophie at the end of Book 2 but then again that situation is complicated.

Thankfully by Book 3 we got somewhere and some things that needs to be discussed WAS discussed.

The Tagatha development in Book 3 is still unparalleled even when they're literaly engaged as of TCY.

Tedros really did shine in this Book. He still showed some signs of being ignorant to certain faults in his character but once aware of them, he made sure to square up. Compared to Agatha, I liked that Tedros took it up to himself to approach the very obvious problem between them and fix it caused he's doesn't want to loose Agatha over anything may it be his own stupidity or her stupidity. They were getting through this together.

Agatha was different. I believe that she went back to her roots and while she has problems with confronting problems with other people involved, she has no problem looking into herself and reflecting on everything for the sake of everyone else.

The Tagatha moments were delicious. From the small things such as Tedros trying to make their obviously unique relationship normal and Agatha's random spouts of jealousy and insecurity to the more dramatic moments such as the forever iconic Moores Scene.

They grew both as individuals and as a couple in this book and it was beautiful.

But then QfG happened and I think Soman was easily swayed by outside forces that influenced his story telling.

TLEA Tagatha standards were so high that QfG somewhat destroyed (my) trust in Soman to give these two the needed narrative.

But for now this is end of my ramblings.

[ladyideal]

Our Love 3/3

Pairing: McKirk x Reader

Word Count: 11.5k (it spiraled away, I’m sorry.)

Warnings: Geez, where to begin. Lots of alcohol, lots of cursing, description of injuries, fighting, mild panic attack, major character death, really 95% angst, crying and sobbing. (Probably missed something, let me know if I do.)

Summary:  After three years with Leonard, and one year with Jim, both your boyfriends proposes to you during Jim’s bday. You said yes. With a new away mission, both Jim and Leonard were called down. Even though you had a bad feeling about it, you let them convince you it will be okay. It was not okay. Honestly, go read the story. 

A/N: Welp, here’s the end folks. And I’m quite at a loss of having typing down almost 12k words in this part. It’s long, but it’s worth the read, I promise. This has become my longest story ever, and I’m proud of it. Hope you like it still, @cuddlememerrick. I did tell you it was gonna break your heart. I chose “Close Your Eyes.” as my last prompt. You’ll only get 2k of fluff. That’s it.

Please get a box of tissues ready. I promise you’ll need them. 

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3

Jim confessed.

No, he wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t upset. In fact, he wasn’t feeling any of them. He loved you. He wanted you. He loved Len, and Len did too. After a talk with Leonard late one night, you and him agreed. Logically, two became three. 

Starfleet had mentioned no relationships with the direct superior, something that Spock continued to point out every time he gets the chance. Jim snorted, and waved it away. To hell with that rule, he said. There was no way that Starfleet could really enforce that rule without making several people upset.

Plus Jim was unorthodox that way. As a Captain, he wasn’t very strict with the rules, a more laid back attitude to them. Sure, it gave you problems and headaches when annual ship inspection came around. But it was worth it. 

It was worth having Jim as your Captain and now boyfriend. 

Since then, your relationships with your two boys have only gone up, and much better. It was double the fun, and double the love. It wasn’t easy to spend time together, especially as Captain and First Officer, your shifts were staggered in order to accommodate between the three shifts. All three accommodated the circumstances by working on the ship. 

You cherished the time together when you can. Whether it was going down to Engineering and almost always having a displeased Doctor yelling at you for being so careless or spending time at the holodeck or drinking at the officer’s lounge and passing out, it was good times. 

Especially since the horrible fight with Leonard, you and him had reconcile and found a better way to help convey your side of the opinion and then his. It took time to get back to where the relationship was previously, but with Jim on board, everything was seamless.

It was almost as if you were living a fairy tale dream. Your two princes and you all dressed up in a wonderful life. Leonard snorted at the idea when you mentioned it to him, but in his eyes, you knew he was pleased. Jim was the opposite, laughing and grinning at the idea. You even wondered if it was even a good idea to tell him that. By his shit eating grin to go off of, you knew that he was cooking up an idea in his head. 

You weren’t disappointed. 

Since Jim’s birthday was in a week, Jim had finally announced that he wanted his birthday party to be a fairy tale themed. Immediately, you and the doctor both rolled your eyes at his antics. The blonde pouted.

“Come on, Y’N,” He tried to convince you. “I know Bones wasn’t going to like it. But you? Please.”

Throughout the day, he’d begged you in all sorts of different ways. A message there, a message written on the foggy mirror, a sticky note on your computer, a frowny face on your PADD, and so much more. He’d even somehow got Leonard to jump on board, and help with his pleading. 

“Enough Jim,” You finally broke down, shaking your head at him as you sat across from him over dinner. “Alright, alright. I’ll do it. I’ll put something together for you, but only because you’re insufferable.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

You did it anyways. Swinging down to the education side of the ship, you spoke to the teachers there to organize an event with the kids. Draw some pictures of the Captain and even draw some pretty castles in the background, and make it a contest. It would be a nice background and decorations around the rec room when Jim was able to get off duty and judge who was best. 

Cake. You frowned in the kitchen of your quarters, looking down at the recipes that your PADD was able to come up with. Being on the ship was hard enough, much less had enough of the ingredients you needed. You sighed.

Replicator it was. 

While you were busy mixing the sprinkles within the batter, a pair of strong arms and the scent of bourbon enveloped you from behind. Ignoring your surprised squacks, Leonard gently planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Leonard McCoy!” You grumbled, swatting his arms away. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Good thing I’m a doctor,” The bastard smirked. “Baking Jim’s cake?”

“If you keep hugging me like that, I will never be able to get it finished on time,” You groaned, lightly pushing away from him. “Now come on doctor, get an apron on. Still need to get started on the cupcakes.”

You threw a nearby apron to his face, grinning back at him. Reproachfully, he pouted at you, but pulled the offered apron off his face, and rolled his sleeves up. 

“Where can I help, sweetheart?”

Rows of children’s drawings of Jim hung across the walls of the room, and a large “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPTAIN KIRK” decoration slung above them all. The large cake and a dozen or so frosted cupcakes sat in the center, and a modest pile of unopened presents sat tucked away in the far corner of the entrance. Officers milled about, all with a drink in their hands. Uhura was dancing with Spock, Scotty was already drunk and waving his arms around as he spoke to an equally drunk but interested Chekov, and Sulu was dealing out poker at another table.

“Thank you so much, Y/N,” Jim hurried over when you and Leonard finally entered. 

“Hey, what about me?” Leonard grumped as you were lifted into the air.

“Let me down, Jim,” You laughed, kicking slightly in the air. “Let me down!”

“You too, Bones,” The Captain smirked over at the doctor, but reluctantly set you back down on your feet. 

“Happy birthday, Jim,” You and the doctor chorused, kissing the blonde and grinning as Leonard kissed his cheek too.

“How did you get the kids to draw all these?” Jim pointed at the pictures and models of him. 

You smirked. “All I had to do was say it was your birthday, and whoever draws the best picture or the best model wins a prize. Judged by you,” You spoke, watching as Leonard left the conversation to grab some bourbon from the bar. “You do have to give out three honorable mentions though.”

Jim laughed, and brought you tightly to him again. “Thank you so much, Y/N. You really outdid yourself this time.”

You beamed at him. “Anything for you, Jimmy boy.”

Jim eyed Leonard for a moment, and in that silent exchange, both men nodded.

“Alright, everyone,” The Captain spoke up louder this time, gaining the attention of those that attended his party. “Thank you for coming to my party. It was spectacular, much more than I ever expected on a ship, and away from home. You can thank Commander Y/N for planning and setting everything up.” He paused, briefly smirking at you again. 

“But I have a surprise of my own.”

You frowned slightly, confused at the turn of events. It was supposed to be you having the surprises, like the lingerie bag hidden underneath the bed, not the birthday boy himself. 

Leonard slid closer to you. “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”

With no other choice, you obeyed. Closing your eyes, you listened to the shuffles in front of you. What the hell was going on.

“Now open them.”

Your eyes widened at the sight of the box held by Jim and Leonard in front of you, and both your boyfriends on one knee. Feeling your heart leap inside your chest, your jaw dropped in surprise. Several officers around you gasped loudly. A surprise squeak bubbled out of your mouth, as you understood what was going on. Rather carefully, Jim pried your left hand away from your mouth.

“Y/N, when I first met you on the ship three years ago, I couldn’t believe there could be anything that shone brighter than the stars. I thought that this could be it, that you were the one that I was looking for. I have this ship, I have this crew, and most importantly I have you. I was scared at first. My reputation hasn't been the greatest, and thought that alone would scare you away from me,” Jim smiled tentatively up at you. "Being on this ship is scary enough all alone with no one beside. I know I make more mistakes than I have made right ones. But I promise to do my best to do it right for you, for Bones, for us.” 

You could only blink in response, wiping away tears with your free hand. 

“Sweetheart, when I first met you three years go at your cafe, you rudely barged into my life with no care at all,” Leonard picked up, pausing when you giggled. “You set my coffee down, made me eat those overly sweet cookies, and talked with me even though I was a total stranger. You didn’t know me, and I only knew your cafe because all my nurses were begging me to go and try your coffee out. You made me realize that there was still hope in the future, and that you were it. I know I can be temperamental at times, but you love me just the way I am. Joanna loves you, same with ma, and everyone else in our family and Jim’s. We want to spend the rest of our lives with you.”

“Will you do us the honor of marrying us?” The two spoke in complete unison. 

Tears streaked down your cheeks as you nodded. 

“Yes,” You spoke, clearing your throat. “Yes!”

With breathtaking smiles, you watched as Leonard pulled the snug diamond ring out of its confines and slowly pushed it up your finger.

You stared in amazement at the row of dazzling diamonds on your hand for a minute, before lifting your head up at the sounds of people cheering all around. Leonard and Jim beamed as congratulations were offered, and the party continued long into the night. 

"I can't believe you Jimbo, for pulling that off," You grumbled, but the smile on your face robbed you from being serious. "You too Len."

"Can't a guy have his tricks up his sleeve?" The blonde spoke, changing out of his regulation shirt into his pajamas.

"Besides Y/N," Leonard added on, digging through his drawer for some sweatpants. "You're not sneaky enough. We've known for quite some time about what's hidden under the bed."

You gasped out loud from under the covers, and groaned in frustration. "Come on! It was supposed to be a surprise." You pouted at your now fiancees.

"You don't hear us complaining, do you?" Jim wickedly smirked. Your eyes widened at his words, then swung over to an equally smug Leonard. 

It was going to be a long night for you. 

It was a day later when the Enterprise received a distress call from one of the Federation colonies. Jim being Jim insisted that he was going to go beam down, and somehow managed to convince Leonard to join him. 

“J, are you sure about going down? I can go in your place,” You punched a couple buttons on your PADD, entering his ready room without knocking. Frowning at the lack of response from your captain, you looked up in time to see Jim gently nipping at Leonard’s lower lip. You shook your head. 

“Close your eyes, Bones,” The blonde purred.

Of course. 

“Ahem,” You loudly cleared your throat. Immediately the doctor and captain bounced apart, faces red after the amount of making out they were having. 

“Good god sugar, there’s somethin’ called knockin’,” Leonard scowled, smoothing out his tunic. “You should try it sometime.”

Jim waggled his eyebrows at you. “How long have you been standing there watching us, hmm? Bet you want to join us.”

You rolled your eyes at the blonde. “While you went and had your fun,” you paused, glaring daggers at Leonard as though the make out session was all his fault.. “I really need to get this away mission sorted out.”

Jim shrugged, righting his shirt. “Just me, Bones, and some security is needed. They’ve got some injured, and need some supplies to be beamed down to the colony.”

 You frowned. There was a bad feeling about this mission, almost making you nauseous as your stomach rolled. “Jim, something feels wrong about all this. They want you and Leonard specifically. No other missions have been like this. You, yes, but not Len.”

Clapping you on the shoulder, you watched as the captain sat back down in his chair. “It’ll be alright, Y/N. It’s just a routine mission.”

“Now hold up Jim, you didn’t say that they-,” Leonard interjected.

You bit down at your lower lip, unsure. “You’re the captain here, I can go down instead. If something happens, it’s not only you anymore. The ship can’t lose its captain. It’s a gut feeling, J. Something’s wrong down there.”

“You said it yourself, doll,” Jim leaned against his seat. “It’s dangerous out there for you. Let me and Bones take care of it.”

You huffed in frustration, turning to Leonard once more. “And what about you? You’re hardly one that likes to go down for missions like this.” 

“M’Benga has gone down the last five missions that needed a doctor,” The doctor scowled at Jim. “And someone has to keep an eye on the infant. Heaven forbid that I look away from him for a second, and the next minute he’s sporting an injury.”

You threw your hands up into the air, done with the pair. “This isn’t over,” You grumbled, pivoting on your heels and storming out.

Needless to say, the next two days you needled and prodded at the two whenever you got a chance whether it was face to face or by via messages. You couldn’t believe your fiancees. If both went down, and god forbid something does happen, you would be losing one, or even both. Jim was always a risk taker, but what surprised you was the doctor.

Leonard was one to never go down on a mission, if he could help it. In fact, he would be turning to the other doctors and nurses to fill in the spot so he wouldn't have to go. Now, him volunteering himself to go down, was absolutely mind boggling. You didn’t know what else to do, but to badger them as much as possible. 

“Get some sleep, doll,” Jim spoke firmly to you in front of your shared quarters, and gazed into your eyes. “Someone out of us three have to be the alert one, and watch it all up from the ship where you won’t be in harm's way.”

“J, please. You have to listen to me, Something’s not right,” You pleaded quietly. “I can’t lose you or Len if something were to happen.”

“And nothing is going to happen, Y/N,” Jim gently brought you into a tight hug. You laid your cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “I’ve got Bones beside me, and I’ve got you watching from above. It’ll go fine, I swear.”

You chuckled weakly. “You can’t make that promise, Jim,” You croaked, tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn’t lose him or Leonard or both. It would devastate you. “Not when every time you go down for a mission, something always goes wrong and you always land yourself in Medbay.”

“Tell me, baby doll, what are you wearing on your hand?” 

“A-a-a r-ring?” You stuttered out in confusion, flickering your eyes up at his face.

“A promise, Y/N,” He gently corrected you, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “My promise to you, and Bones’s promise too. No matter what happens. We will be back.”

You whimpered silently into his shirt, and closed your eyes briefly. Other officers walking along the same corridor skirted around you as much as possible, but some had lingering curiosity. You could care less at the moment. All you wanted, desperately hoped for, was for both your fiancees to return safe and sound. 

“Get some sleep.”

“You too, Jim.”

Leonard was already fast asleep on the bed when you entered. The lights were at 10% brightness, something he must have thought ahead for you. As softly as you could, you stripped off your uniform, threw it into the clothes hamper, and slowly squeaked out the middle drawer for your pajamas. 

After brushing your teeth in record time, you sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing your unshed tears away. The mattress squeaked when you sat down, but silenced as you crawled under the covers. As though the doctor could sense your body heat, his arms shot out, and gently pulled you in to him. 

“Wha took you so long?” He mumbled quietly, still sleep addled. An eye peeked down as you yawned, pressing yourself closer into your teddy bear of a doctor. 

“Jim,” was all you managed out, closing your eyes.

“It’ll be okay, baby girl,” Leonard replied. “We’ve got you.” 

Despite your fears for the coming day, you shoved your worries away for the meantime and let yourself drift away. It wasn’t long before the other side of the mattress dipped down and squealed, another pair of arms wrapped comfortably around your middle. You’d tensed up briefly, but relaxed again as Jim kissed your cheek, careful to not wake you. 

“I’m here, doll,” Jim settled himself right alongside your body. 

“Always.”

With that, you were lulled back into a dreamless sleep. 

Beep.

Beep.

As your alarm blared loudly from one of the nightstands, you were stuck between two furnaces of bodies, and limbs thrown carelessly at every angle. It didn’t take long before the men on both your sides groaned and whined unhappily.

“Someone shut the thing up,” Leonard grumbled unhappily from your right. You groaned this time, sliding deeper under the covers in an attempt to catch a few more zzs.

“J, please,” You mumbled, poking the captain insistently for a few minutes. 

He was awake in an instant, rubbing his eyes open. “Who set the alarm so early?”

“You told me to last night,” You replied from within the covers.

“Oh, shut up the thing first.”

Naturally, Jim stuck a foot out and tipped the blaring alarm over the edge and onto the floor with a light crash, finally ending the noise for good. 

“I’ll have Scotty fix it later.”

Leonard groaned again with a quiet finally. The three of you continued laying in bed for another moment before you reluctantly untangled yourself from both Jim’s and Leonard’s arms, and sat up. 

“Come on, you two. Can’t have the Captain and the CMO late.”

It took some prodding, and some veiled insults to finally get both your teddy bears up and out of bed. Even then, both seemed rather grumpy as everyone started their morning routine. 

As the two men hogged the bathroom, you hummed to yourself as you poured in some real coffee grounds, and then hot water into the coffee maker. After a moment, you steeped it, and poured a generous helping of coffee into three mugs. Knowing Leonard wanted his coffee black and bitter, you set his aside and concentrated on Jim’s next. With a little bit of sugar, into yours and Jim's, you stirred both mugs, and ending it with a splash of milk into yours. 

You adjusted your gold shirt in front of the mirror, rubbing your eyes every once in awhile. “Coffee’s ready,” You called out when the door to the bathroom opened. 

“That the real thing?” Leonard called from the bedroom, hunting down a new shirt to wear.

“Yup.”

“And you’ve been hiding it away from all of us?” Jim asked in feigned disappointment from the couch, trying to lace up his boots. “I could have had this kind of coffee a long time ago, and the actual caffeine would really kick in.”

“Only break it out on the harder days.”

“That’s not fair,” He whined. “You brought this from your cafe, didn’t you?”

“Dammit Jim,” Leonard emerged from the bedroom with some lingering bed hair left, saving you from explaining. “It’s too early in the morning for your yapping right now.”

You laughed. Leonard grunted beside you, and picked up his steaming mug on the kitchen counter. His arm snaked around your waist, and you smiled in the reflection. Before long, Jim stood on your other side with his mug in one hand, and the other on your shoulder.

“Okay you two ridiculous asses, it’s almost 8 and we’re still in the room,” You grouched after a moment of content silence.

“Look who’s talking first,” Jim grinned. “And I know you enjoy watching our asses in the regulation pants. Don’t deny it, doll.”

“Shut up, Jim.”

You chuckled, and grabbed your mug on the way out the door as you followed them.

Two hours went by as you and Jim sat on the Bridge catching up with the Gamma crew and then looking over at missed messages. You frowned down at your PADD, head bent down as you took another sip of your coffee.

“It’s some good grounds you got there,” Jim leaned over your shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of what you were working on. “Should pop it out more often. Coming for breakfast?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

You set your tray down beside Leonard’s and Jim’s across from yours. You’d finally give in after the prospect of replicating some chocolate chip pancakes and bacon was too tempting to ignore. The doctor eyed your breakfast with a scowl. 

“Isn’t that a mountain of unhealthy sugar and fat you’ve got there, Commander?” He pursed your lips at your choice of breakfast. 

You rolled your eyes at him, ignoring the snorts from Jim. “Want some, Doctor? It’s not bad at all. The replicator got it mostly right this time” You offered. 

“No thank you,” He wrinkled his nose, and went back to scooping his yogurt. 

“Your loss,” You shrugged, but said nothing when you let him steal a piece of bacon off your plate too. 

To most of the crew, it was a normal day. To you though, your worry gnawed at your thoughts. Halfheartedly, you worked your way into cleaning the plate in front of you. A lot of things could go wrong, and you weren’t sure what you would if this particular away mission went badly sideways. As though he could sense your thoughts, Jim grabbed one of your hands into his. 

“It’ll be okay, Y/N,” He assured you. “I’ve got Bones with me. He’ll keep me safe from the bad guys.”

You shook your head. “I can’t help it, J. Until you both are safely beamed back up, I won’t know what’s going on there. I’m letting my two favorite people down onto the planet with nothing else but phasers and others to keep you safe.”

“We’ll keep you posted at all times.”

You didn’t look convinced by his words. 

“Hey, hey sweetheart, breath for me. You’re turning pale,” The doctor watched you, setting his fork down with a clatter. “I’m still here, Jim’s still here. We’re not going anywhere. But I need you to take some deep breaths for me first.”

It took a moment for you to reign in your terror, and drawn in a deep breath. 

“There you go, you keep breathing like that,” Leonard encouraged you, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You took another shuddering breath in, and smiled weakly up at him in gratitude. 

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart. Jim and I will always be here for you,” He paused, scowling over at the Captain. You let out a breathy laugh, and returned to your breakfast.

“Once this is all over, we will be in each other arms laughing upon it tonight,” Jim smiled at you. 

“Just be safe, okay?” You looked seriously between the two men. 

“We promise,” Both your fiancees replied in unison, and you couldn’t help but tentatively smiled back. 

When you were full, and almost sleepy again, Jim turned away from the conversation with the other senior officers, and towards you and Leonard. “We should get going to the briefing, Bones, and you need to be back on the Bridge soon, Y/N.”

Half an hour went by before the Captain and the doctor reappeared by your side on the Bridge. Nothing much had changed, save for the medkit swung across Leonard’s shoulder. 

“How’d it go?” 

“We’re ready to head down to the transporter room, and have a rumble with them,” Jim answered first. You raised an eyebrow at his words, a habit you’ve caught on from no other than the doctor beside. 

“Okay okay, we’re ready to help them out, and get our asses back here with you,” Jim hastily revised his statement when he saw both the scowl on Leonard's face and your raised eyebrow. 

“I’ll go down with you,” You stood up, indicating for Spock to take the conn. “Let’s go before Len frowns the entire universe upside down.”

You made small talk with the two on the way towards the transporter room. It was mostly gossip, but it was something to fill the silence. When you reached the transporter room, you realized that the other members of the away team had already arrived and received their phasers from security. 

“Well, I guess this is it,” You turned back to Leonard and Jim, gazing up at their faces. 

“We’ll be okay, I promise,” Jim hugged you again, kissing you full on the lips. He lingered there for a moment before breaking away from the hug. “I’ll see you real soon, doll.. Take care of the ship for me. Let me worry about the mission, okay? I love you.”

You nodded. As Jim stepped away to call out the rest of the security going alongside him, Leonard approached you, face full of concern. He knew what you were going through, and understood the worry that spiraled you into a mild panic attack. 

“Hey, I know you’re anxious about this mission, Y/N,” The doctor delicately cupped your face with his palms, gazing down at you affectionately. “But I’ll be there to watch Jim’s ass and he’ll watch mine. We’ll be fast, I promise. Get ‘em fixed, get ‘em their supplies, and we’ll be back on the ship in no time.”

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart,” He kissed you, and you eagerly responded back. Staying in his embrace for as long as you could, you closed your eyes and leaned your cheek on his chest.

“I love you,” You muttered, just loud enough for him to hear your words. 

“I love you too,” Leonard murmured softly. 

You and him stayed in the embrace for the rest of the time it took the Captain to straighten out his team and up onto the pads. It wasn’t long before you heard the shuffling and rearranging of people when you heard the cough.

“Bones, we need to leave,” Jim regrettably called out. 

“Love you,” Leonard kissed you on the lips one more, this time in full view of everyone else. You kissed him back. Too soon before the doctor broke the kiss and stepped towards the pads. You smiled sadly at them all. 

“Energize.”

In a blink of an eye, they were gone. 

The Bridge was silent as you paced repeatedly from left to right, spin around, and back where you came from. It was nerve wracking being on the ship, and having your two fiancees down there on the ground. 

“Kirk to Enterprise. Do you hear me?”

“Captain, we read you loud and clear,” You replied immediately, stilling for once. 

“We are at the edges of the colony, but so far there seems to be no life.”

You frowned, resuming your pacing once more. “There’s no one?”

“No one in sight,” Jim confirmed. You heard the trace of worriness in his voice. “The sun’s up already in the afternoon, should be seeing movements and daily life by now.”

“Check a little further in, and see what’s going on.” Your pacing increased as did your worry. 

“Will do, Kirk out.”

You waited.

And waited.

And waited some more

“Bones, is it just me or something doesn’t exactly feel right?” Jim spoke, leading the front as he surveyed the quiet settlement in front of him. The wind screeched around the buildings, and echoed as the trees swayed, and rubbed branches against one another. The back of his hair stood up, and goosebumps traveled up his arm.. 

Nothing felt right.

“It’s too calm if that’s what you’re tryin’ to say,” Leonard too was on high alert, instinct screaming at him that he shouldn’t move closer into the eerie calm colony.  He sniffed the air, and stilled. The scent of copper was in the air, faint, but very noticeable. “Jim, there’s blood in the air.”

Jim looked over at Bones, and looked back towards the front. He squared his shoulders, as though he had made the decision.

“Phasers up everyone,” He instructed, pulling his out too. “We’re going to have company really soon.”

By this time, several hours had passed by and no other news was given. 

“Any luck you’ve got there, Lieutenant Uhura?” You shot at her, finally sitting down in the Captain’s chair after nearly exhausting the floor that you were pacing on earlier. 

“I’ve got their signals, but they aren’t picking up,” Your best friend spoke from behind, and you sighed, nervously running a hand through your hair.

Spock watched you as you turned into a nervous wreck, silently striding over to you. “Perhaps it is best we send the other team down, Commander.”

“I’m going down, and leading the back up,” You jumped to your feet. 

“Commander, may I remind you again that you are the First Officer aboard this ship. Regulations state that the Captain and First Officer can not both be present on an away team,” Spock spoke. 

You scowled, bristling at his words. To hell with the regulations. What with the dread curling tightly in your stomach and the lack of communication, you were beyond worried. 

“Starfleet can reprimand me all they want, but I would rather be safe than sorry right now. You’ve got the conn, Spock. I have to do this. Nyota, could you send a message down to Security to have the back up team ready in the transporter room in five?”

Once she’d given the affirmative, you swept out of the Bridge and into a turbolift without a backwards glance. Impatiently, you tapped your foot and crossed your arms across your chest. You should have never let them down. If only you were a bit more convincing, made both Leonard and Jim realize that they should send other people down and not themselves, you wouldn’t be in this current situation. When the lift doors opened, you hurried out towards the transporter room. 

“Scotty,” You turned to the Scot in front of the controls. 

“Commander,” The Chief Engineer glanced up, pausing his fingers on the network of buttons and levers and all sorts of gadgets there. 

“Could you comm Medical for me, and have them on standby?” You accepted your phaser with a nod of thanks at the Ensign. “Two teams should be enough. Send them down when I give them the okay.”

“Aye,” The Scot nodded, reaching for his comm on the side to do so as you ordered. 

Stepping up to the transporter pad, you counted the number of security heads going with you. Ten, you counted, making eleven with you. Should be enough, you reckoned. 

“Everyone ready?” You called out, stuffing your phaser away. 

“Ready, Commander.”

You took a deep breath, and loosened up your tense shoulders. Whatever happened down there for no one to radio back in could only spell one word: Death.

You would do whatever it took to save your boys, and your crew. And if that meant you were going to go in guns a blazing, then so be it. 

“Energize.”

When you and the team materialized on the planet, you swung your head back and forth in confusion. There were supposed to be fire starting, dinner cooking, sounds of little kids running around and chasing each other, sounds of the elderly complaining at the kids, and the rest of the adults out and about on their daily errands. It wasn’t easy as a newly found Federation colony, but the colonists worked it out after some adjustments.

“It’s quiet,” One of the lieutenants spoke from behind you after a moment. 

“Let’s see what’s going on. Phasers out,”  You ordered, taking yours out too. Slowly, your team descended down the small hill, and warily approached the settlement. Your eyes roamed around as far as they could, taking in the structures as you passed them. The wind blew unsteadily, and there were times you swore that there was an alien like screeching behind you. 

“Commander, look!”

You whipped around, halting the team at the exclamation. You furrowed your brows at the speaker, then looked down on the sandy ground where a comm was found smashed into broken broken pieces. Looking back up, you grimaced at the implication of what it meant. 

“They were being followed,” You indicated a couple set of distinct footprints on the sand, much different than the Starfleet issued boots that officers wore. Frowning down at it, you squatted down along with several others to better examine it. Carefully, you traced the prints with a finger.

“Romulans,” You spoke just loud enough for the team to hear. “Several of them too.”

The team glanced at one another, and you sighed, rubbing your temples. Straightening up, you tilted your head up high at the structure roofs. “Stick together everyone, and listen very closely. We’re going to have to have a fight on our hands.”

The next thirty minutes, you spent focusing on your task while doing your best to not let your mind wander away too much on the possibilities of where the previous team ended up. Dread curled tighter within your stomach to the point that you physically nauseous at the thought of your two boys injured, or even dead at the hands of your enemies. 

It was easy to give up the control, and spiral yourself into an endless variety of worry and what ifs. You took a couple deep breaths, in and out; a technique that Leonard taught you to steady yourself. Honestly, you were glad that you listened to him when he said so-.

“Commander, did you hear that?” Someone spoke behind you, and you frowned. Opening your mouth to reply, you caught the sound yourself. It was shrill, but muffled as though something was covering the sound up. It went silent for a moment, and at first you thought it was just part of your imagination. Then, it happened again, but now less discordant. 

Nodding your head towards the direction, the team headed left to investigate the sound. What you were greeted with was a nightmare beyond imagination.

Blood was splattered on the building and on the ground in front of you. Three security officers laid face down on the ground, and a landscape stained with a river of blood flowing in between the buildings on either side. Broken bodies shot dead with phaser wounds and other injuries could be seen laying in a row, executioner style. Men, and even women and children were all dead on the ground in massive pools of blood. It seemed like no one was left. Just beyond the corner though, you noticed a singed piece of blue fabric fluttering in the wind

“Double up, half of y’all scan the perimeter, 100 yards and report back here,” You barked, gulping as you approached the blue fabric. Please, please, please no, you begged, desperately wishing on any deity above that Leonard was alright. Rounding the corner with your phaser out, your eyes widened. 

Leonard was tilted against the wall of the building, as though he was shielding something away from harm. There were bruises and scrapes on the visible parts of his body, but it didn't seem like he was seriously injured.

“Len? Love?” You called out, crouching down beside his head. With a shaky hand, you placed your index and middle finger together, in an attempt to find his carotid pulse. Initially, you’d panicked when you couldn’t find it, but stilled gratefully when his steady heartbeat pulsed against your fingers. Weak, but it was there.

“Dammit, Len, you scared me. What the hell am I supposed to do without you and Jim?” You muttered, beyond relieved that at least one was alive. Before you could fish out your comm, a quiet gurgle could be heard in the crook of Leonard’s arm. Curiously, you gently moved Leonard onto his back, only to find a tiny bundle held tightly against his chest.

You gasped, ignoring the sounds of your badge going off, confirming the perimeter was secured and that the three other security officers were still alive. Softly, you lifted the infant up and into your arms, gently rocking the little boy. You ducked your head once more, and brushed your lips against Leonard’s.

“Come back to me, you hear?” You whispered, nuzzling his cheek with yours. “I’ll see you back on the ship, love.” 

 Cooing gently, you bundled the baby tightly in your arms, and returned back to the spot where your team huddled together. 

“Is that a-?”

“Yes, it’s a baby,” you interrupted the ensign. “Do me a favor, and get my comm out. Need to get a hold of the ship.”

Hastily, he did so.

“Commander Y/L/N to the Enterprise.”

“Spock, here. What’s the status?” The half vulcan answered. 

“Not looking good here, Mister Spock. We found half of the team unconscious and all the colony inhabitants dead,” You explained, shifting the baby again. “There is only one survivor at the moment; an infant boy. Have one medical team be beamed down at our exact location. Tell them to not go any farther into the city.”

“Any word yet on the Captain?”

You cringed. “None for now. We’ll keep locating for them. Judging by what we’ve seen, they were followed by Romulans. Doctor McCoy has been found, but not the others.” 

There was a pause. “Understood, keep us in touch, Commander. Spock out.”

You sighed, and cooed silently at the baby. One thing led to another, and now this was no longer a back up team. This was rescue, a complete 180 of what you were expecting to do.

“Ensign here, hold the kid,” You gingerly transferred the baby into the arms of a nearby Ensign. “Wait here for the medical team. They should be arriving any moment now. Get back up to the ship when they’re done. Everyone else, we’re going to find the rest of the team. Any questions?”

The team shook their head no, and with another concerned glance where Leonard laid, you took the front and led the team deeper into the colony. The warm wind howled as it twisted and turned between the buildings, and shadows lengthened as the sun slowly dipped down below the horizon.

Damn, you swore. It was bad enough that some of the team was missing, but it made the mission even more precarious as darkness enveloped the planet. You were running out of time. If you couldn’t find them with the last of the sun’s rays, it would take the team even longer to find the rest.

With the odds stacked against you, you continued as best you could, eyes and ears opened for any disturbance. Out of nowhere, beams of orange and red could be seen and shouts were heard in the distance. 

With your heart dropping to your stomach, you indicated for the rest to run. The sounds of screams were good in a way, at least someone was still alive. The silence for the last couple hours was almost deafening, and there seemed to be nothing but death lingering in the air.  Hopefully, you could get them out of the sticky situation, grab the Romulans, and return without any trouble. But of course, the universe had other plans in store for you.

“Shit,” You cursed, docking behind a corner as the Romulans waged an all out phaser battle. You made sure the team doubled up, and the odd number left, stayed with you. Breathing heavily, you peered around the structure, observing the Romulans from up above some of the rooftops. You scowled, turning back to your partner. 

Already, you spotted some of the previous team members huddled together alongside the walls of another building across from where you were. When they finally met their gaze, they lifted their arms and gave a weak thumbs down. One indicated a body not far away from them, and drew a line across their neck with a finger.

You cursed again. One casualty already. Many more if you didn’t end this quickly.

“We have to take them out, or we’re gonna end up being sitting ducks,” You grumbled, breathing hard. Already you had accumulated some minor injuries, and the layers of sand and dust being kicked up by the fight irritated your throat making it hard to breathe at times, but you pushed on. 

Scurrying into the building you were laying against earlier, you hurried up the stairs and onto the second level. Dropping onto the floor to avoid being detected, you and the lieutenant wiggled your way towards the balcony. Placing your phaser through one of the decorative holes and aiming, you squinted. 

“Tell me, Lieutenant,” You spoke. “How long is the pause between each blow of the wind?”

The lieutenant hemmed and hawed for a minute. “About three minutes, Commander.”

“Count for me. When the wind kicks up, let me know. The sand will obscure our position, and I can take down more of them this way with less visibility.”

You took the silence from the Lieutenant as a sign of assent. Licking your dry, chapped lips, you patiently waited, all the while everything screamed at you to keep moving. You let out a breathy sigh, the only indication out of your features that chaos rolled within your mind. 

“Now.”

As the steady wind picked once more, you aimed your phaser again at the Romulan across from you that were giving the rest of the team a hard time. With your finger on the trigger, you pressed it. Screams of pain could be heard from the other side, but you swung your phaser to another, taking the three out in succession before anyone could comprehend what was going on. 

Wanting to help out, the lieutenant put up shop the same way you did, and started sniping at the romulans from those wanting to stage a surprise attack. A few phaser bolts came in your direction, forcing you to duck back down. You grunted in pain as some of them made contact with the wall you were hiding behind, wincing when a larger piece of rubble came down and smashed your other hand. 

“Commander?”

“No no, keep going,” You hissed out. “Can’t afford to stop now. They’re still pinned down.”

As the screams of pain got weaker and there was less resistance from the other Romulans, you closed your eyes briefly. You’d definitely broken one of your wrist, and you were 99% sure that a phaser bolt grazed your right leg earlier, and blood was trailing down your pants.

“Ground team got the rest, Commander,” The lieutenant spoke as the rest of the team threw a thumbs up at the balcony where you laid against.  

“Splendid, let’s haul our asses down and see the damage,” You weakly pushed yourself back up into a standing position. With the help of the lieutenant, you hobbled your way towards the street where the rest of the your team stood. 

You looked around their faces, studying them all. Scratches there, bruises, broken bones, but miraculously everyone but one was still alive. You could thank the stars for that. You already had two casualties on the list, and it was already one too many.

“Anyone seen the Captain?” You weakly coughed out. Your heart sank deeper as everyone shook their heads, and you shook your head. “Lieutenant, comm the ship. Have the second medical team be beamed down here. I’m going to go search for Jim.”

 Without waiting for an answer, you turned back towards the building once more, hoping you could get a better vantage point from up top. Squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to get a hold of yourself from the growing pain, you opened them up to look up at the starry night. 

Where are you, Jim?

A sparkle of gold from the edges of your eyes caught your attention. At the low lighting, you squinted in the direction. Visibility was low, and growing worse as the night went on. It wasn’t going to be long before a sandstorm kicked up, but you couldn’t leave Jim on his own. You couldn’t. When the moon appeared again from the clouds, you gasped out loud as you saw the moonlight bounce against his gold shirt on top of a building some distance away.  

Cursing, you hurried as fast as your legs could carry you. The medical team had already beamed down, and was tending to the more critical members. Some watched as you streaked past them, and those less injured attempted to follow you. 

~

One minute Jim was fighting close quarters with a Romulan and then the next minute, the second floor exploded, sending him several yards away. Orange red bolts of phasers repeatedly fired at both him and the rest of his ragged team. He assumed that the other half he sent away never made it back. Yet, everything sounded fuzzy to him, voices were going in and out like a broken record player. It was silent for one minute, and then loud screaming the next. They were all foreign and distant.

The blood gushing from his head and chest would attest to that. However, no matter how bad it looked, he didn’t feel pain. In fact, all he felt was utter bliss.

No. He wanted to see you and Bones again.

“Jim!” You screamed out, the same voice that soothed him on a stressful day; the very one that encouraged him on the harder nights. Arriving at where he was, you immediately knelt to the ground, desperate pushing your hands on his most critical injuries to put pressure on. “Jim? Jim, please. Open your eyes, baby.”

It was Jim. Your Jim in fact.

You just about died right then and there. Seeing Leonard was horrible already, but now this was a whole ‘nother level.

In the cool night, all the captain could think of was how beautiful your voice sounded, like the beautiful sounds of wind chimes swaying in the wind. For a moment, he imagined Bones and himself in handsome tuxedos, and you in their hands as they announced you wed in front of all your friends and family. For a moment, he let himself be content. 

“Hey doll,” Jim opened his eyes, instantly grinning at the sight of you. You were pretty in gold, he had always mentioned to you. That you were just as pretty as a wickedly gold star in the night sky. To him, you were his angel in gold. “You came for me.”

“Hey J,” You choked up, briefly pressing your comm badge to alert medical to get their ass up. “It’s not looking good though. You’re bleeding everywhere. And oh god, Len-Leonard isn’t doing too good either. Does it hurt?”

You felt stupid though. This was your first time comforting someone on the brink of death and all you could offer was if they were in pain. You weren’t a medic, and certainly didn’t have anything on you that could ease the pain. 

“Not anymore,” Jim smiled up at you, weakly bringing his hand up to your cheek. Automatically, you obliged him, nuzzling your cheek on his bloodied hand. “So beautiful, my beautiful star, my gold angel.”

For a moment, you let yourself smile. It was a familiar gesture that was between only you and Jim. It meant that he was okay, that you were okay. It broke your heart at the sight of his comforting hands. He was trying his best to console you, even though you were supposed to be the one doing it to him. 

“I love space. I love the planets. I love the new things, but nothing can compare to me loving you and Bones,” he whispered, a slight slur in his speech now. He gazed at you with the utmost adoration and love you had ever seen from him. “You and Bones are my love, and I love you all so so much.”

Then it hit you why he was saying all this now. This was his goodbye. 

Anxiety hit you like a semi truck, as you drew in a shaky breath. You knew it was bad, you knew that by the time the Enterprise could beam him up and rush him down to Medbay, it would be far too long to save him. Still you held onto hope. “Listen J, you are not dying on me and Leonard, okay? Hold on a little longer, and-and we can go find a priest or whatever and legally wed us, do you hear me?”

“Okay, Y/N,” He spoke, giving you his signature shit eating grin. You released a deep sob, nowhere near as happy as Jim was at the moment. This couldn’t be happening at the moment. This was the famous Captain James T Kirk of the goddamn USS Enterprise that took no shit from others, and believed in going out and doing right. “Doll?”

You raised your head a fraction upwards, meeting his baby blue eyes. His smile was gone, and all that was left was seriousness in those eyes. You had a feeling you knew what was going on. Intuition yelled at you to do something, anything to get him back onto the ship, but you could hardly move your limbs, let alone have the thought of moving him anywhere. Your eyes were glued to his gaze.

“I have one more wish.”

You shakily nodded at his request. The snot and your tears mixed with one another, and you hastily wiped them away as best as you could. “Of course, J, anything you want.”

“Close your eyes, Y/N. Tell me about the date again one last time.”

Each syllable destroyed what remained of the shattered pieces of your heart. That was his one last wish, his very last memory and he wanted to spend it with you in his final moments. And honestly, who were you to deny such a thing to him? 

“Yes, Jim. Of course, anything for you.”

Drawing yet another shaky breath in, you slowly laid down next to his body, despite the fact that the warm blood stained your entire body and hair. With a flip of your uninjured wrist, you opened up your comm, wedged it between your bodies, and closed your eyes as requested. Sooner or later, Nyota would catch on that this needed to be transmitted ship wide. 

“Alright Jim,” You gulped. “We were at the carnival back on Earth during one of the few shore leaves we had. It was getting dark, but you pulled your pout at the operator of the ferris wheel, begging him to let all three of us get on it one last time before the park closed. Eventually, he let us ride it again, but the time was halved. You didn’t care, Len didn’t look too happy at you at the thought of being stuck on the ride again. But we rode it. At the top, you pointed out the different constellations, the various other Federation planets, and the Spacedock where the ship was docked, wheeling around the planet.”

An audible gasp could be heard from your comm, but you ignored it. Some came from the stairs too, but you concentrated on your story as best as you could.

“It was then that you said you were ready to settle down. Find an officiant to wed us together, and we’d be happy forevermore. You said that all you needed was me and Bones, and that that was enough in your life. You had your captaincy, your ship, your crew, and us. You said that even if Starfleet took away everything, at the very least you still had me and Bones. Then afterwards, you took a couple photos of all of us together with the night sky in the background, and soon we were going back down again. Len called you a sap, and grumbled that he would never put up with your antics ever again. We all knew that was a lie though,” You trailed off at the end. Jim couldn’t help but smile at your words. Slowly, he closed his eyes, as the lights disappeared.

Once his breathing completely stopped, you tightly held his cold, still hands in a futile attempt to ground yourself one more time before you let go of consciousness.

“Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, aged 28, lost his life in a fight against the Romulans.”

After that, you passed out beside him, letting the darkness overwhelm you. 

Beep.

Beep.

A rather annoying heart monitor beeped alongside your heart, and you weakly opened your eyes to the grey and white ceiling above. For a moment, you laid there in confusion. Why were you in Medbay this time? 

Then everything hit you all over again. You groaned at the thoughts, of seeing Jim’s broken body, of talking to him one last time. Your heart rate jumped as the memories endlessly cycled.

“Easy there, Captain,” A face leaned into your eyesight, blocking the harsh overhead light. For a split second, you thought it was Leonard that was speaking to you. Then frowned in confusion as Leonard stopped calling you by your rank unless it was for something official. 

“Doctor M’Benga,” You managed out, wincing at your desert like scratchy throat. “Where is Leonard?”

The doctor nodded to the bed beside yours, and you followed his gaze. Leonard laid on the biobed, looking peaceful as ever. For once, you were glad that he didn’t know yet. It was going to be a painful conversation when it did happen. 

“Leonard is alright, in much better condition than you are,” The doctor regained your attention. “Slight touch and go for a little while there with you. Couple of broken bones that still need a couple passes with the osteo generator, and a couple times with the dermal regen is what you need left.”

“Does he know yet?” You asked, voice trembling once more. 

“No, not yet, and it is best to keep it that way until both you and Leonard are in better physical condition,” The doctor shook his head. “He should be waking up soon though. Get some rest, Y/N.”

You frowned, and immediately put up a fuss about going back to sleep. You wanted to stay up, and wait for Leonard so he could be the first thing you saw. Apparently M’Benga disagreed with you, and eventually sedated you back under, claiming that there were enough injuries to heal and didn’t need more emotional ones to add onto it.

M’Benga was right though.

Soon, Leonard was up after an hour or two after you were sedated. Groaning, he opened his eyes, and sat up.

“Good to see you too, Leonard,” M’Benga moved over to Leonard, face impassive. 

“Geoff,” Leonard greeted, laying back down on the biobed. “What happened? Where’s the baby and Jim and Y/N?”

 Geoff grinned wryly at the other doctor, handing Leonard a glass of water. “Y/N beamed down with a rescue team, found you and the rest, and got you all beamed back onto the ship. As for the baby, he’s with Christine at the moment. The Captain is in another room, and Y/N was just sedated again right there.”

Lying in front of his superior was something he disliked doing, but for the meantime it was necessary. After all, it was still correct in a sense. 

“Doesn’t look so good,” Leonard replied, observing you from his biobed as you peacefully slept. “What happened there?”

“A phaser battle presumably,” One side of the attending physician’s mouth twitched. “Y/N was up before you, and wanted to stay up to speak with you.”

“So naturally Y/N made a fuss about it,” Leonard rolled his eyes, but felt the warmth that you were willing to wait for him. 

“Yes. Leonard you’ve got a mild concussion,” Geoff hurried onward. “Other than that, if no other complication arises, you should be cleared to leave the next time you wake up. Get some rest, Leonard. I’ll handle everything for the meantime.”

“Thanks Geoff.”

Couple hours passed before you woke up once more, looking even more exhausted than before. Geoff greeted you again with a faint smile, and had Christine speak with you while she ran the dermal regen on your more superficial cuts. 

“-And then it all just happened at once,” You mumbled, laying back on the biobed as though you’d exhausted all your energy.

“It’ll be eventually alright,” Chris assured you. 

“I still got so much to do, and I’m afraid of taking up command and breaking down. You know the regulation-.”

“Hey sweetheart,” A familiar southern gravelly voice interrupted you from the bed beside. 

“Len!” You brightened up, silently thanking the stars above that Leonard was alive and well. Slightly injured, but alive at the very least. You wouldn’t know if he couldn’t make it as well. 

“Thank god you're awake, sugar,” Leonard grinned. “Heard you gave Geoff a hard time.”

You turned red, and blushed. Turning away from him, you kept your gaze on Christine’s work. 

Geoff chuckled as he strode over. “Good to see the both of you more coherent.”

“Doctor M’Benga.”

“Geoff.”

“In this case, Leonard you’re free to leave whenever you’re ready,” The doctor then turned to you. “Y/N, once Chris gives you the thumbs up, you can leave also. I’ll have you scheduled with Leonard in three days for a follow up on your femur and wrist.” He gave you a nod, and a brief sad smile.

“I’ll wait, and take Y/N back to our quarters.”

You nodded at what Doctor M’Benga was mentioning at, and heaved a deep breath in. Oh boy. 

“Fortunately Leonard, the baby boy that we found,” The rest of M’Benga’s words were drowned out by you as you focused on the pale pink skin on one of your cuts. Jim’s lips were pink too, and soft, and pretty much everything you needed. Now, you didn't know what to do with yourself. 

“Alright, Y/N, you’re good to leave with Doctor McCoy,” Chris finally straightened, wrenching you out of your thoughts. “I’ll see you back here in three days, you hear?”

“Thanks, Chris.”

“You know Nyota and I will be here if you need a shoulder,” Chris gave you her knowing look, another sad smile on her face.   

“Come on, sweetheart, let’s go home,” Leonard took your hand firmly in his grasp, and led you back to your shared quarters.

“Len?” You mumbled on the bed, cuddling him. It was two days since you were down on the planet. There wasn’t any chance since then for you to cry it out, and Leonard still didn’t know. 

“Hmm?” 

“I-I want to speak to you about something important,” You pushed yourself up, wincing at the added pressure on your newly healed wrist. 

“What is it, sweetheart? Can it not wait for tomorrow?” Leonard sat up also, holding you close against his bare chest.

 You shook your head no. 

“It’s about Jim, love.”

“What about him?” The doctor quietly rumbled. “Geoff told me that he’s fine, and stable. A slight touch and go with the extent of his injuries, but we can go see him tomorrow.”

"Leonard,” You twisted around to properly face him, and caught his gaze. 

“Jim is dead.”

~

Later, you and Leonard insisted on seeing Jim. Volunteering himself, Spock had stayed by your side as he walked up towards the small line of silver body bags. Your hands clung to the edge of the table with white knuckles as the half Vulcan unzipped the bag slowly.

You bit the bottom of your lip as you let Leonard approach Jim first, wiping your tears away. Tearing your gaze away, you settled your tearful gaze on Spock instead. You knew that despite his stoic face, his gaze had softened a fraction from his usual rock hard sharpness. The broadcast was transmitted ship wide during a brief red alert, you'd learned afterwards, which meant all 465 crew members heard it all. 

The Bridge and the senior crew were all too close to him. Nyota, you, Spock, Len, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, everyone was affected in some way or manner. He was liked, and easy going. Everyone liked him. You could imagine Sulu holing up with his plants, Nyota crying in her quarters and Spock comforting her the best he could, and both Scotty and Chekov almost drinking their stash dry. 

“Y/N,” Leonard hoarsely beckoned you over.

“Hey J,” You croaked out, placing a gentle kiss on Jim’s forehead. “I love you, so so much.”

The letters had been Leonard’s idea. One from Leonard to you, another one from Jim to you, and the same with Jim. Leonard. Letters written in the event that in the event that one of you died, there would be final words in hopes of giving comfort to the others. Just like your will, you, len, and Jim would update it from time to time, always hoping that there would never be a need to open them. 

After speaking to Spock that you and Leonard would be taking the next day off, Len guided you out and slowly made your way back to your shared quarters. Leonard was a seasoned doctor, patients’ deaths weren't new to him. But to a loved one? He only felt cold and empty within, colder than he had ever experienced. 

You brought out three glasses from the kitchen, while Leonard popped open a new bottle of bourbon. With a nod from you, he poured a generous amount to each glass. You reached out for your glass, and paused. Sliding your gaze up to him, down to the third glass, and back up to Leonard’s puffy hazel eyes, he nodded in understanding. 

You both clinked the third glass, then to each other before tipping the glass upside down. You were on your fourth glass of booze before you even remotely remembered the letters inside the drawers. 

“Sh-should we then?” You nodded your head towards the drawers. 

Leonard’s gaze sharply brought back to your tired ones. He nodded. 

 With a huff, you slid out of your chair, and strode over to them. Rubbing your eyes again for the hundredth time or so, you slid out the bottomest drawer where Jim’s clothes were stacked neatly on top of each other. You’d remembered, as it was your turn to do laundry, and it was only you who would fold Jim’s socks that nicely. Pushing them away, your hands trembled as you gingerly took out the two letters. There was one more underneath, but it wasn’t for you or Leonard. Letting out an unsteady breath, you sat back down in your seat, giving Leonard’s his. 

Y/N.

You stared at his gold ink lettering, and reluctantly turned it over. Breaking the seal on it, you carefully peeled it open. Pulling the sheet out, you were surprised when two photos tumbled out onto the dining table. Curiously, you flipped one over and smiled despite your tears. 

You and Jim were skating on an ice rink. You were bundled up from head to toe and falling over. Jim was half turned to you in the middle of a laugh, while you were in the middle of falling. You hated the photo so much, and you remembered how much your hips hurt after that time on the open rink. He loved it though.

You sniffled, and felt your tears well up again when you turned your attention onto the second picture. It was you, Len, and Jim on the ferris wheel, the same story that you had spoken to him on his final minutes up on that roof. 

Whimpering, you tore your eyes away to look over at Leonard. He too wasn’t doing so well either. Setting the photo aside, he turned his attention to the letter now. Your tears streaked down your face and dripped constantly onto the table as you read. 

Hey Y/N,

If you are reading this, then I guess this is it. 

You’re sad and frustrated, I know. Sometimes I feel like I can read you more than I can ever understand myself. Whether it’s twenty, thirty, forty years before we’re united again, I can’t wait. But don’t rush back to me. Live your life the way it ought to be lived. Become the next Captain, have a life, and settle down with Bones when it comes time. My biggest regret in life is that it was so short, and cut off right at the time where I wanted to live through the most. Bones once told me that love was harsh, and unforgiving. When I met you though, you blasted that all away in a heartbeat. However, I’m not afraid of what life would be like without you, but what your life without me. 

I’ll never forget the memories that we shared together. The first hug, the first kiss, the first time all three of us enjoyed ourselves on shore leave, and the time we spent together on the ship. I’m glad that Nyota finally pushed me into getting to know you better. 

Take care of Bones, take care of yourself, take care of each other, and please take care of mom for me. She’s already lost dad, and it’ll be even harder when she learns that I’m gone too. I’ll be up above, watching over everyone. I’m not gone completely. You have memories of me, and my love in your heart. One day, it’ll all be okay. There are so many people in our lives that care about you and Bones. Let them heal you please. 

I love you and Bones, simple as that. Words can’t describe my love for you. Keep your head up high and make me proud, Captain Y/L/N. 

Love and forever yours,

Jimmy Boy

Bam!

Startled, you let the letter flutter down, only to find Leonard roughly slamming his glass down on the table. You heard a whimper, and you honestly didn’t know if it was coming from you or him. 

“One more?” You managed out, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand again. 

The doctor filled both glasses again with bourbon, and smiled tearfully at you. 

“To Jim.”

“To Jim.”

Leonard, Winona, and you were dressed in black as you held each other, watching as Jim’s casket was lowered into the ground on Earth. As a Captain, he was given full honors and rights and a minute of silence was held. You and Leonard wrote the eulogy together, and the senior crew took turns upon the podium to tell their tales of the wonderful Captain Kirk. When they were done, you sobbed into Leonard’s chest as one of the Admiral stood up and concluded the funeral.

You were made Captain of the Enterprise after a month into the three months shore leave. You were grateful for Starfleet giving you time to grieve for Jim’s loss. It was eventually going to be exciting, but without Jim by your side, you didn’t know if it was possible. 

Laying on Jim’s childhood bed in Iowa, Leonard cuddled you. You let out a sigh, and looked out the window and at the stars above. It was new, not having the rambunctious captain to not be poking out from a corner, and teasing you. Gradually as time went on though, you expected less of his appearances. 

“Could I get you two anything to drink?” Jim’s mom called from the door. 

“We’re all good here, mom. Thanks,” You called out, glancing up at Leonard. 

It only made sense to call Winona as mom since you were going to marry her son. She needed the warmth of a family, now that both of her husband and son were gone. You and Leonard were more than happy to step in. Jim would have wanted you to.

“Alright, yell if you want anything,” Winona left. You listened as her footsteps padded away from the door, and relaxed back into the embrace. 

“Will we be okay?” You asked in the silence. 

“Yes, sweetheart,” Leonard spoke quietly, but his voice was distant as though he had something else in mind. 

He was a doctor. He was trained to look for patterns, and he excelled in that. Something else was gnawing at him, and it troubled him. He wanted to speak to you about it, but he knew that it wouldn’t dissuade you. 

Christopher Pike, blonde hair, blue eyes, Admiral, dead.

George Kirk, blonde hair, blue eyes, First Officer, dead.

James Kirk, blonde hair, blue eyes, Captain, dead. 

Y/N Y/L/N, blonde hair, blue eyes, Captain. 

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SO’s Guide to JAM (The Office)

And no, I don’t mean preservatives.  ;)  For @redheadgleek - because she wanted to know.  

So - the thing about the Office is that, unlike lots of sitcoms where you can jump right in during the middle, The Office (at least at the beginning) benefits from character development - and a lot of things later on don’t resonate as well if you don’t have the context and backstory to set them up.  There are plenty of things to skip, but it’s worth sitting through some of the uncomfortable things to appreciate the story.  That said - hopefully, this guide will help you decide if you want to pass or not.  

I am going to use a ** to designate episodes I think you should watch.  

Season 1

I think Season 1 is the hardest for people to get through.  They were very much trying to model the British version, but the British version is very dark at times, and the American version just won’t allow itself to get that way, so season 1 feels really weird tonally -- and honestly different than the rest of the series.  Plenty of people skip it all together, but there are some things worth watching. 

Pilot - They used the script from the British pilot, and even that was kind of bland.  I find this episode boring, and while it introduces Jim and Pam, it’s entirely skippable.  

Diversity Day - So, there’s a lot of cringe here, but this is what made me really enjoy Jim and Pam, because Jim’s entire day sucks, and then at the very end, he and Pam have a special, sweet moment.  This worked for me, but I can understand wanting to move past all the Michael. 

Health Care - There are some fun Jim/Pam hijinx against Dwight in this one.  The Michael plot is entirely skippable if that’s too much.  But not huge in the Jam story. 

**The Alliance - I would recommend this one, if only because the show comes back to it a lot.  Jim and Dwight form an alliance, which is really Jim messing with Dwight.  Again - the Michael portion of this episode is entirely skippable - so you can fastforward through that if you don’t want to endure it. 

Basketball - Everyone plays basketball.  It’s not really that interesting - but there are some flirty moments between Jim and Pam. 

Hot Girl - I think this is the funniest of Season 1.  Amy Adams shows up to sell purses at the office.  There are great little Jam moments, but the only thing to really take away from this one is that Jim ends up asking Amy Adams out, which sets up season 2.  

Season 2

Season 2 gets rid of a lot of the cringiest stuff from season 1, and lets the show be itself.  While there are definitely Jam heavy/focused episodes, a lot of why the story line works is that there are little moments that build up in each episode that make it worthwhile. 

**The Dundies - This is a great introduction to the show.  Michael is more tolerable than he usually is.  A ton of great Jam stuff in this one.  Really a must see. 

Sexual Harassment - There is a lot of cringe in this one.  However, Pam’s mom shows up, and there are a few smaller Jam moments. 

**Office Olympics - Michael (and Dwight) are out of the office and everyone goofs off.  It’s a fun episode, and the Michael subplot is entirely skippable (though it’s not really that bad) 

The Fire - There’s a fire in the office, so everyone goes outside and they play games.  Lots of fun Jam stuff, though nothing life changing.  The Michael/Ryan stuff is a little awkward.  But the episode is good at expanding all the side characters so it’s recommended, even if it’s not a must see.  

Halloween - Michael has to fire someone, so it is cringy in that regard.  Jim and Pam have a subplot of getting Dwight to go to another job, which leads to some delicious angst.  

The Fight - Michael and Dwight physically fight.  Jim and Pam kind of parallel with a mini-fight of their own.  The episode as a whole I’m a little meh on, but if you just watch the Jam scenes, you’ll get what you need. 

**The Client - Michael goes on a sales call - and is actually a good salesman.  Meanwhile, the office reads a script Michael wrote.  It’s great, classic Jam stuff in this one. 

Performance Review - I personally find this one funny because it’s fallout from The Client, but not Jim/Pam heavy.  They have a minor subplot where they prank Dwight. 

**Email Surveillance - Not entirely essential, but Jim throws a BBQ at his house, and there’s some good development here.  The Michael plot at improv can be completely fastforwarded through. 

**Christmas Party - I actually used to find this episode difficult (until I became really desensitized to it), but it is sitting through the terrible Michael stuff to get to the Jam stuff that will be relevant for years to come.  

**Booze Cruise - The office goes on a Booze Cruise.  Yes - watch this, feel angst, feel joy, feel all the things. 

The Injury - there’s really zero Jam in this, however, it is incredibly funny and Pam and Dwight become friends, and I love that.  Oh, the plot is Michael cooks his foot. I do recommend it, even if it’s not essential.

**The Secret - Jim tells Michael his feelings for Pam. Yes, lots of Jam-y stuff in this. 

The Carpet - Someone puts weird stuff on Michael’s carpet forcing Michael to work in the office.  I like it - there’s a lot of good Jim stuff (and a lot of angst) but not a lot of Jam.  The ending is classic, though. 

Boys and Girls - Jan throws a women in the workplace seminar.  There’s some good Pam development in this one, so I recommend at least watching the women scenes. 

Valentine’s Day - There is zero Jam stuff in it, but that’s the point.  I think it’s really cool what they do with this - but not essential.  However, it does have one of my favorite Pam/Dwight scenes. 

Dwight’s Speech - Dwight wins salesman of the year.  I’m a little meh on this one, too, tbh.  Jim decides he’s not going to Pam’s wedding, but that’s the only Jam stuff in the episode. 

Take Your Daughter to Work Day - People bring their kids to work.  There’s some tiny bits of Jam in this one, but another I’m slightly ‘meh’ on.  

Michael’s Birthday - No one pays attention to Michael on his birthday.  Jim and Pam take a shopping trip that’s kinda cute, but there’s a lot of Michael pouting in this episode that makes it difficult. 

**Drug Testing - Dwight finds a joint and grills the office.  Has one of the best Jam subplots of the show. 

**Conflict Resolution - Michael decides to resolve all the office conflicts.  Of course this goes over well.  Not a ton of Jam, but some relevant stuff, and some fantastic Jim stuff.  

**Casino Night -- Yes, watch this.  Enjoy this.  One of the best Jam episodes, and one of the best episodes in the series hands down. 

Season 3

The thing about Season 3 is -- while Season 2 was kind of Jim’s story, Season 3 is Pam’s story - and it’s one of my favorite arcs of any TV show.  Again, while not all the episodes are essential, Pam (and Jam) get developed in every single episode - so I do recommend seeing all of Seasons 2 and 3, but it’s not required. 

Gay Witch Hunt - Michael finds out Oscar is gay.  Jim and Pam miss each other.  Not essential, and does contain one of the most cringy moments of the show, but it does show the resolution of Casino Night, and you’ll probably end up watching it anyway, even if I don’t mark it as essential. 

The Convention - Michael and Dwight meet up with Jim at a convention.  Pam goes on a date.  Good episode, little things sprinkled throughout. 

The Coup - Dwight tries to get Michael fired.  This one is dark.  Pam gets new clothes, Jim plays Call of Duty.  It’s well written, but again, very dark. 

Grief Counseling - Michael is upset that his former boss has died, and so Pam helps him grieve.  Great Pam development in this one. 

**The Initiation - Dwight takes Ryan to his beet farm.  I love this episode, it’s hilarious.  There’s also a huge Jim/Pam thing at the end, worth watching. 

Diwali - Kelly invites the office to her Diwali celebration.  This one is a bit cringy.  Some good bits, though, with Pam coming out of her shell a bit. 

**Branch Closing & The Merger - kind of a two parter. I recommend both of them, because they’re both good episodes (though The Merger has some high cringe) and some good Jam development going on. 

The Convict - Michael finds out one of the employees has been to prison.  I don’t think it’s as cringy as it might seem.  Jim gets Andy to hit on Pam by using all the things she hates - it’s classic, and the main plot can be skipped if you only want to see the Jam stuff.  

**A Benihana Christmas - It’s hard to explain - lots of Xmas things going on - and possibly the best Xmas special they do, so I do recommend it. 

Back from Vacation - Mostly about Michael trying to cover up the fact that he sent a nude photo of his gf to the company.  It’s not that bad.  There is an essential Pam moment where she breaks down and is comforted by Dwight, but the rest of the episode isn’t essential at all.  

**Traveling Salesman & The Return - All the salesmen pair up to go on sales calls, and Oscar returns to the office.  Another 2 parter of sorts.  Andy gets a bit much, but otherwise, they’re really solid and entertaining episodes across the board, with a bit of Jam development.  

**Ben Franklin - Michael throws a bachelor party in the office, and to even it out, throws a bachelorette party for the girls.  Their stripper is Ben Franklin.  Some cringy stuff here, but not too bad - and I think the Pam story line is worth it. 

Phyllis’s Wedding - this has some of the most cringy stuff in the show.  However, if you skip the wedding and go to the reception, there’s some great stuff -- including some delicious angst for Jam. 

Business School - A majority of this is Michael going to Ryan’s business school, and Jim convincing Dwight he turned into a vampire.  Not a lot here - but the ending with Pam’s art show is great in Pam’s arc. 

Cocktails - Michael, Dwight, and Jim go out to a corporate party while Pam and the rest of the office go out for drinks.  I’m a bit meh on the episode, but some good Pam development in this one. 

The Negotiation - A lot of it is focused on Darryl wanting a raise, and therefor Michael asking for a raise.  This ties up some Pam story loose threads so worth it for that. 

Safety Training - Like the Injury, this is not essential at all, but I think it’s one of the funniest episodes, and I do recommend it on that merit alone. 

Product Recall - the office deals with having to recall a product.  There is really zero Jam stuff in it.  This is really the only one of seasons 1-3 that I have a tendency to skip when I’m just wanting to watch for Jam related stuff.  But it’s not that bad (comparatively to stuff later on). 

**Women’s Appreciation - Phyllis is flashed, so this leads to Michael wanting to appreciate women more.  It’s actually very good, and a great Pam story line.  

**Beach Games -- Yes, watch this episode, it’s amazing, and possibly one of my favorites -- plus one of the best Pam moments on the show. 

**The Job -- also yes, watch this, it’s kind of the conclusion of the original Jam arc.  

I can’t stress it enough, though, in order for The Job to land, I really, really recommend watching all of seasons 2 and 3.  

Okay, so because there are a lot of episodes here, and seasons 4+ are a little different, I’m gonna change up this guide a little.  

Season 4

Season 4 is shorter because the writer’s strike happened then.  There are a lot of delicious Jam moments, and the show is still functioning pretty well as a sitcom (though it steers into more cartoonish when Michael drives literally into a lake).  I recommend watching the whole season, but highlight episodes are ---

Fun Run (not the best - but great Jam stuff, and resolution to The Job); Money (Jam visits Dwight’s farm); Local Ad (it’s just a fun episode); Dinner Party (Michael and Jan host a dinner party - considered one of the best episodes of the show, but I think that hinges on knowing the characters, so don’t start here, lol); Chair Model (Michael is annoying but great Jam stuff); Goodbye Toby (season finale, lots of good Jam stuff.  

Season 5 

Season 5 I also recommend watching all of.  Jam stuff in pretty much every episode, and it’s still a funny and solid show.  However, highlight episodes include --

Weight Loss; Crime Aid; Customer Surveys; Business Trip; Frame Toby; The Surplus; Stress Relief; Lecture Circuit; The Michael Scott Paper Company Arc (Eps 5x20-5x25); Cafe Disco (one of my favorites), and Company Picnic. 

Season 6

I feel like if you reach Season 6, you know whether or not you want to keep going.  This the first season where I think you can really see a decline in quality.  It’s also the first season that doesn’t heavily feature Jim and Pam as earlier seasons, (they are still main characters, so they do get things in every episode, even if it’s not much) and while there are some great episodes, a lot of this season (to me) feels a little meh and boring.  However - essential episodes -- 

Gossip; Niagara; Murder, Sabre (if you want to understand what’s going on in the rest of the show); The Delivery. 

Okay, I guess that’s not a whole lot.  However -- this season also features an episode I do not go back and watch -- that is the infamous Scott’s Tots.  The less said, the better. 

Season 7 

I like Season 7 a lot better than season 6 - the episodes are better all around, and it’s Steve Carell’s last season.  There’s not a ton of Jam stuff here, but more than season 6.  (I also like Jim and Pam’s dynamic in this season more than season 6′s).  Essential episodes -- 

Nepotism; Andy’s Play (it’s a musical!); The Sting; Costume Contest; Viewing Party (for the Glee!); Classy Christmas; The Search (if you want to know where my URL comes from); PDA; Threat Level Midnight; Garage Sale; Goodbye Michael (minus the subplots).  I don’t really recommend the season finale - Search Committee - but it does set up season 8.  

Season 8

Season 8 isn’t very good.  It’s not that Steve Carell left, it’s that the show didn’t know what to do because he left -- and despite having some great characters to work with, they end up focusing on Ed Helms and James Spader, too much.  You can probably skip to season 9 without missing much, however, there are a few half-way decent things.  I wouldn’t call these essential, but in case you want a taste of season 8

The List; Pam’s Replacement (which is really the only Jam stuff this season); Special Projects, Test the Store.  

Yeah, that’s kinda it.  The post Florida episodes are really terrible (Get the Girl-Fundraiser), and are possibly the worst episodes of the show, so I recommend burying them in the sand and not thinking of them. 

Season 9

I think season 9 is a little underrated, and while a far cry from its heyday (and still way too much Andy), I think overall it’s rather enjoyable.  Also, Jim and Pam get a story line spanning the entire season for the first time since, maybe, season 5 - which is a nice change.  It’s a little hit and miss but it’s nice to see them treated as main characters again.  Honestly, it’s hard to recommend just a handful - so, really, just watch all of it and skip the Andy stuff.