#and his interactions with darryl were gold

[kvtnisseverdeen]

[oceandeviancy]

Honesty (BadBoyHalo x Male Reader)

Title: Honesty

Pairing: BadBoyHalo x Male Reader

Requested by: CinnamonRolesSimp on Wattpad

Scenario: Bad experiences jealousy and after getting to a certain point, you ask what is going on. 

---

He knew it wasn't fair to feel the way he did. He shouldn't get uncomfortable by who his boyfriend talks to or how he talks to them. It's natural to have some jealousy but it still didn't seem right to him.

"The best thing for our relationship is honesty" (Y/N) said.

"Yes, I know that. But you know somethings are difficult to talk about. I don't want to seem possessive"

(Y/N) laughed and smiled.

"You will if you keep it to yourself. I don't want you to feel discomfort. Opening up about it will help you feel more comfortable"

Darryl continued to fold the paper, thinking about what (Y/N) had said. Of course it would help but that didn't make it easy. There was always that fear of judgement and he didn't want to suddenly come off as a possessive and toxic partner. That's far from what he is and what he wants to be.

"I suppose it has to do with never really being in a relationship before. All I've been exposed to is the unrealistic expectations from the media"

His partner rolled his eyes. Darryl understood why. His whole career was media based and to an extent, he contributed to many things he wished he didn't. Sometimes there is not a lot of honesty when it comes to being a content creator. For years he's hid behind a pixel avatar as he didn't want the world to see him as he was.

Darryl wasn't exactly the most attractive person in the world. He wasn't the perfect, mentally stable role model people expect him to be. He's seen how Twitter treats those who try to talk about their insecurities. While he has a loyal fanbase who would be supportive, those who chose to attack him seem to always stand out.

They were surrounded by origami paper. Some were already folded into beautiful designs and others were discarded after either ripping or not being folded right. This was an activity Darryl and (Y/N) liked to do on days neither of them had to work.

With their favorite music playing through a Bluetooth speaker, it was a calming activity. A way to get rid of any stress. Somehow, there was something about this session that didn't seem relaxing to (Y/N) but he didn't want to pressure Darryl. It was important they share things but some things can stay to themselves.

After a good long hour of origami and a few short Spotify playlists, they prepared themselves for an event they had agreed to attend. It wasn't meant to be anything big and Darryl was sure he was going to be the only content creator this. This made him feel better about the event.

Originally, he didn't want to go at all. He has been to so many YouTube events, conventions, and panels that it got exhausting and repetitive. After researching for awhile, he found out it wasn't going to be anything like that. It would be refreshing to attend something smaller.

"Alright (Y/N), you ready?" Darryl shouts to his partner.

He received back a "YEAH" and waited in the front hallway from (Y/N). When Darryl saw his boyfriend, he smiled. There was something incredibly attractive about the way (Y/N) did his hair and that warmed Darryl. It calmed him seeing the person in front of him.

The pair arrive at the venue where the event was being held. There were signs everywhere for a fundraiser, gold colored decorations, and menus on the tables in case people wanted to eat. The bar was out of the way and to the left of the entrance. (Y/N) wasn't really a drinker but he sometimes had something when attending these events. Just to enjoy it a little.

"Hello, welcome!" an employee at the front greeted them

I am going to be honest, I am tired and losing inspiration to finish this section. I don't want to delay this anymore. Long story short, they enjoy the beginning part of the event but Darryl gets insecure with how (Y/N) and the bartender are interacting. They aren't flirting. Although, it could come off that way, especially from a distance. This will be edited to include everything once I am not tired and I get more inspiration.

(Y/N) notices Darryl approaching and (Y/N)'s name quickly fell and the laugh died in his throat. He didn't understand why Darryl looked angry? Distressed? Something wasn't right and it worried him.

"Hey, do you mind if I talk to you for a moment?"

Confused, (Y/N) finished his drink and followed Darryl out of the main event area.

"Why were you flirting with him? Or allowing him to flirt with you?" Darryl asks immediately once they reached a deserted hallway.

"I wasn't- was I?"

"Well it sure looked like it"

For someone so soft like Darryl, him being angry was shocking. To see him so serious and firm rather than joking through it.

"Listen, it's clear there is something going on between us if this is how you feel"

(Y/N) was going to continue, maybe even scold him, but he was shocked to see tears forming in Darryl's eyes. (Y/N) has seen him cry before as result of harassment, films, and stress but this was different. It seemed he had causes it and he felt worse.

"Are you trying to imply we break up?" Darryl said, trying to fight the tears.

No, that's not what the implication was. (Y/N) was a little hurt by this assumption, however, he could understand where it came from.

"Sweetheart" (Y/N) said, bringing Darryl's face close to his, "Of course not. I love you. I am just worried about you"

Darryl doesn't respond. He closes his eyes, taking in the moment. Under different circumstances, he would be filled with joy to be this close to (Y/N). Now, he feels drained. Resting his hands on his boyfriend's sides, Darryl kisses him.

"You don't just don't seem to trust me Darryl..." (Y/N) frowns.

With this, Darryl pulls away. He does.

"It's not you I don't trust"

Leaning against the wall, (Y/N) responds, "Are you sure? It just seems every time I am close with someone, you think it's something more"

Darryl thought back on what (Y/N) said during origami. That opening up would make it more comfortable for him. Maybe it was time for him to finally try. Not here. Not here in an empty part of a party where anyone could walk in and ruin it.

An employee of the event did find them and tell them that, while the area wasn't off limits to guests, there were cameras. With or without sound, Darryl knew it still wasn't the best place for an honest discussion.

After saying some awkward goodbyes and tasting one more small treat, the couple grabbed their coats and headed out of the building. Darryl felt guilty he was pulling (Y/N) away from it early. Before he displayed signs of jealousy, it looked like it was going well.

"Where do you think we should go?"

Looking around, Darryl couldn't see anywhere that felt right so he suggested they continue walking. The night was just right for a walk like this. If it had been any cooler, he might've taken them inside. Darryl wasn't sure why he didn't do that. They would have been warmer.

At last, his eyes were drawn to fabulous lights decorating a garden. From what he could see, some changed colors and looked like you could walk through it.

"I think we should go here"

(Y/N)'s expression had remained blank every since they had left the event until now. He now had a small smile on his face. There was almost hesitancy to walk towards it but this moment passed quickly.

They weren't exactly sure what they walked into, if it was an event or something more. As no one stopped them, they assumed their presence wasn't going to be a disturbance. This was good. Neither wanted to be surrounded by people, constantly trying to get their attention. It was mostly quiet. Darryl liked that.

Holding Darryl's hand, (Y/N) guides them through the garden of lights. It was beautiful. (Y/N) realized this was a small botanical garden. He had never been to one as there was never a right occasion to go. It wasn't at the top of his personal date night locations and now, he's a little disappointed he didn't think of it sooner.

The lights reminded him of those parks they fill with Christmas lights shaped like Santa and trees and any other festive shape. This garden was not that. While there were colorful lights, it was more full of white, gold, and silver. Some arched above them while others were carefully put around the shaped hedges and plants.

After a long silence, (Y/N) spoke.

"So," he paused, "Will you please tell me what happened?"

Darryl stops in front of a gorgeous collection of tall flowers. He observes them, (Y/N) suspecting that this was to give him time to think.

"I feel..." he inhales, "that sometimes I lose you"

Lose me? (Y/N) thinks.

"I do not want to be the boyfriend who feels threatened by every little thing and becomes possessive and toxic. But I worry" he says, tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't understand. I- Have I ever done anything to make you feel thing way?" (Y/N) asks, silently panicking to himself.

Darryl shakes his head.

"No, no. It's not your fault at all."

A large family was approaching so (Y/N) and Darryl took a few moments of silence. In this moment, Darryl wiped away his tears.

"I look myself in the mirror and wonder how long it will take for you to leave me?"

(Y/N) was shocked. He had never wanted to leave Darryl. He was always happy with how the relationship. He was loyal, he would never flirt or cheat or anything like that. If he truly wanted to be with someone else, he would leave. But he hasn't. All of this was hurting (Y/N). Not because it was seemingly about accusing him, which is wasn't. No. This was about Darryl. He was insecure in himself and that was painful to know.

"The bartender or one of your friends could be better than me"

"They will always remain as that: The bartender and my friends. You are my boyfriend. You are the one that matters to me"

He smiles. (Y/N) could tell there was more he wanted to say.

"I've always felt pressure as a creator. Pressure to put out content consistently. Pressure to be a role model to do many people, especially kids. Pressure to be someone I don't think I am. For a long time I was just known as the person Zak trolled"

Although he had known Darryl before he grew in popularity, when he begun to watch his content, he did notice this. Many comments on his videos and streams were just about other people. He wasn't his own person. (Y/N) was glad that over time, it happened less and less.

"I've had many disappointments in my life. I'm just afraid to lose everything. One mistake and everything could spiral down hill. This is the side I'm afraid of them seeing"

Them being all of his viewers.

"You see everything as a threat. One tweet, one misspoken sentence, one person. Will you look at me?"

(Y/N) didn't mean for his question to come off as harsh as it did. Darryl had been avoiding his eyes and (Y/N) needed to know that he was listening.

Darryl reluctantly moved his eyes from the fountain to his partner's face. Since he was so focused on telling his story, he didn't realize how handsome (Y/N) looked, surrounded by the glowing lights. With some of them changing color every so often, he was beautiful.

Taking his hand, (Y/N) continued.

"If something goes wrong, understand I am here. I'm not going to leave your side, no matter how hard it may get. You are the best person I have ever met"

"I really am sorry (Y/N). I didn't mean for the night to go in this direction. I've never been that great at interaction."

"I'm glad you brought me here. It's peaceful"

Darryl wraps an arm around (Y/N) and is comforted by the newfound warmth it brings him. He knows it will take while to get through his struggles and insecurities and while the night wasn't what was planned, he feels a lot better than he has been. Darryl slowly kisses (Y/N).

"I promise I will be honest" his partner says.

"As will I"

[darklingichor]

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton *Major Spoilers*

I did not plan to revisit this one because I still have it mostly memorized from when I read it over and over as a teenager.

I loved this book so much, even though my life was worlds away from Ponyboy's, I related to him.

This is probably the most influential book I've ever read. I found out it was written when S.E. Hinton was a teen and I thought "Maybe I can do it too."

I soon found that I was far too sensitive to let people read what I wrote, I couldn't get around the idea of pouring part of myself into something and having someone tell me it sucks.

Now, I realize that's pretty rich considering this blog, but I couldn't do it as a kid and even now it feels a little like saying "please judge my spleen for your liking. If it is found lacking, by all means throw it in the shredder. Fear not, I will feel every cut."

This is why very few people have ever read my fiction.

That's also why, with a couple of exceptions I try to be very respectful of every book I read.

Anyway, what made me return to The Outsiders was that I discovered that there was a 50th anniversary edition. This hardcover has extras, my finger was hitting buy before I even registered it.

So, reread it for the first time in a long time.

I sank into the sweet nostalgia of the story. Reading this book is like sliding on a well worn pair of jeans. This book introduced me to Robert Frost.

I taught myself to type using the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" because I had it memorized and would never get tired of it.

I still love the friendships and family bonds presented in the story. I still got a knot in my throat when Johnny died and Dally lost everything. I cried when Ponyboy found Johnny's letter. By God, but I still love this book.

I did notice that some things hit differently now than they did even when I read it once in my 20's.

The first thing I noticed is akin to when you watch The Little Mermaid as an adult and Arial says that she's sixteen and not a kid

and you laugh out loud because, girl, you are a zygote, shush!

When Cherry says to Ponyboy, she could fall in love with Dallas Winston so she hopes she never sees him m again. When I was a kid reading this,familar with The Breakfast Club, Grease, etc, this seemed like a natural statement.

Now? My first thought was "Oh honey, you're more screwed up than I remembered." Because from their first interaction, Cherry would fall in love with a catcalling construction worker.

Ponyboy says that Dallas said something "Really filthy".  In the movie, he asks Cherry howhe was suppose to know if her hair was really red, like her eyebrows were. A roundabout way of asking if the carpet matches the drapes. Bad enough and in the context of the 1960's that might have been dirty enough to be censored from the orginal manuscript, but I always imagined it was worse than that.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, after all, Dally wasn't so much a step up or down from Bob, as a step to the side.

Honestly when I was fourteen and reading this for the first time, I didn't think much of Cherry, I thought she was fake, and very stupid. She was older than me, but I knew it was massively fucked up not to admit she dated a bad guy.

  I see her as sad now, and she's a much darker character She's painted as someone with integrity, someone with principles.

She wouldn't take a Coke from Dally.

She tells Bob that it's her or the booze.

Won't take a pop from a hood, threatens to break it off with her boyfriend if he continues to drink. Okay, understandable.

Realize he beat the tar out of, and pschologically scarred a kid for kicks?

He was sweet sometimes.

What?

He was something special.

She says to the kid he and his friends attempted to murder. 

"He wasn't just any boy."

Right you are, Cherry. Incidentally, did you have any pets disappear while you dated him?

She's a mixed up girl.

I had many a head cannon for the characters in this book when I first read it.

I thought Ponyboy would grow up to be a writer, Darryl would open his own roofing business, Soda and Steve would work for him while fixing cars on the side. Two-Bit would work with them when he felt like it, or he would end up hitching to California to be a stand-up comic.

I thought Cherry would end up married to someone who worked for her father, who I imagined was a lawyer.

After this read through? I adjusted that future.

We met Randy again in That was Then, This Is Now. He's a hippie, which makes perfect sense. I see Cherry running off to Haight Ashbury. I don't get farther than losing sight of her red hair on a crowded, sunny sidewalk, but I get the same spooky vibe I always got after reading Rumble Fish.

Something else that hit differently, the relationships between the boys.

It hit differently for me because I know now why I love it so much.

I remember being  in a major reading slump before I picked up this book. See, I couldn't get into the books that were marketed to me. I wasn't in to RL Stine, except for the history of Fear Street books. I couldn't get into Christopher Pike at all.

I was reading mysteries and westerns, but I really wanted something that had people my age in it that wasn't a romance or sick lit. I'd read enough of those, and I thought that if I read one more book where boy meets girl then one of them croaks I would scream.

So I went to my mom's bookshelf, and found her copy.

I really loved that the real connections that are focused on, are between friends and family. These connections were not treated as being less than a romantic relationship. In fact, just the opposite, the gang see each other as their cement relationships. Soda and his girlfriend Sandy break up, he's hurt and it adds to an already rough time, but it is not a focus.

I suppose it could be argued that the reason for the lack of focus on romance has to do with the fact that Pony states that he's not thinking of it yet. But seeing how all of the gang look out for each other from Darryl keeping the Curtis's door unlocked in case one of the boys needed a place to crash, to everyone looking out for Johnny, to Johnny staying with Pony when he was upset after his fight with Darry, and looking out for him when they were in hiding, to Dallas helping them find a place to go after Bob was killed, to Pony sticking by Johnny after the killing, to Two-Bit sticking up for Johnny when his mother came to the hospital  and how broken up he was when Ponyboy got sick, and finally how one of Johnny's last acts was to write Ponyboy a letter that he hoped would help both Pony and Dallas.

These are not friendships that end when everyone starts dating.

This seems like a "duh" statement, but you have to think, so many things show friendships as training wheels. Something you use until you reach the next level and find a romantic partner. And, maybe this was just my small town, but that was very much the way things went around me, it was expected.

It was great to read a book about kids around my age who didn't see friendships as inferior to romantic relationships.

Now, knowing that I'm Aro Ace, I think I liked it because it spoke to what I thought was important without making it seem like something I needed to grow out of.

The extras were cool, letters between the author and the editors when the book was in the works, letters from the actors who played Pony, Johnny, Soda, Dallas, and Randy.

It was interesting to read the actors' feelings about characters they played so early in their careers. I was half hoping Matt Dillon would apologize for choking on, and embodying that gigantic piece of ham during the death scene, but one can't get everything in life.

I could read the other SE Hinton books, and talk about the connections between them, but I will likely skip That was Then, This is Now and Rumble Fish.

See, I didn't like That Was Then This Is Now very much when I first read it. A big reason? I didn't like Bryon. There was just something about the character that rubbed me the wrong way.

He's... I don't know... he's like Two-Bit without the charm. Plus, Ponyboy is featured, but Bryon hates him. It seems out of jelousy because of all the stuff that had happened in The Outsiders. And he hates him even more *because* he's quiet about it. I get distancing the last book from the next and that was an effective way of doing it, but when I was younger it just made me not like the character all the more.

I've read it a few times since I was younger, wondering if it would improve as I aged. It didn't.

Bryon is still mostly unlikeable. Plus, I grew up in the Frying an Egg, Diving into an Empty Swimming Pool, DARE, era of drug awareness. The whole book felt like a PG-13 version of The Buttercream Gang. Now that I have sufficiently aged myself...

Rumble Fish, I loved, but like I said, it's an unsettling story and one that left me oddly unsatisfied.

I really enjoyed the next two, Tex and Taming the Star Runner so I may revisit those.