#and heather's bitching about her job and billy's one upping her with every story

[foxgirlontherun]

Time for a miracle

Fandom: Stranger Things - harringrove Synopsis: Steve is the only one who’s able to see, hear Billy now, the only one who can help him. My writing playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1SAwppS9RedniyYLAX478o?si=1T1SfqNVQJ-YTfhmgsd-Eg (Some angst, some fluff and some magic.) New Year’s Eve is a time for miracles, that’s what Steve’s nana Otis used to say, then she held him by the hand and they made a wish when the clock struck midnight. She smelled like lavender and told the most amazing stories, and Steve believed every word she said. He missed her more than ever. Nana Otis would’ve known what to do, she would’ve had a spare miracle for Billy Hargrove.

Steve believed in magic in all his life, and fought unimaginable monsters, but if someone told him he was gonna see a ghost, he would’ve laughed. If someone told him he was gonna fall in love with one, he would’ve called them crazy. And yet here he was.

On this New Year’s Eve the Harringtons’ house and the backyard was full of cheerful conversation, laughing and music. Everyone came, the kids and their parents, the Byers, too, Nancy and Jonathan, Robin and even Keith. Wine drunk moms, dads acting like kids, the kids taking over the heated pool, the older nerds grouping around the hi-fi now placed on the terrace. Steve was grateful for all of this.  

Billy was sitting on a poolside chair on the far end of the pool, alone and unnoticed, watching the kids play. He had a relaxed look on his face, but every time Lucas threw Max so high up above the water that she screamed, he had lightning in his eyes, and he spat out a „You little shit...” that no one could hear but Steve. It made him chuckle. Mrs. Henderson didn’t understand why it was so funny to Steve, but she kept telling him about her new oven. Billy, on the other hand, knew it was because of him. Billy knew that the quick side-glances with the warm smiles were also for him, and he smiled, too. Something only Steve got to see. Steve was grateful for this too, but he couldn’t stop picturing him chatting with the guests, drinking some with Mrs. Henderson and sharing a joint with Robin, Joyce and Mr. Sinclair, or throwing the kids back into the water without warning.

Steve wished he was alive.

***

He knew this was stupid. Ever since Billy scared the shit out of him with his „What’s with the long face, Harrington?” after his own funeral, they were working on finding his way to ... where he belonged. He made a promise, not to Billy, but for himself, that he wasn’t gonna let him down again, he was gonna help this time. Not like on that 4th of July when he left him behind and watched him die. Steve didn’t want to be that person.

So he made that promise and steeled himself, he tolerated all the mocking and the insults from Billy, to get him to work with him. They needed to figure out his unfinished business. That’s what Robin called it, she was the only one who knew, she kind of figured it out, and Steve couldn’t have been more grateful, because he felt lost in the whole situation. Billy didn't seem to mind until they kept it from everyone else. Their first idea was Max. Maybe she needed to know that Billy cared about her.

But of course, she already knew. Billy watched in silence as she cried soft tears into Steve’s shirt telling him “I miss him”. He listened to her share memories, lovingly calling him a dickhead. "Sometimes I accidentally make him breakfast,” she said with her voice hoarse and wet, “I know it’s stupid...” But Steve assured her it wasn’t. Billy was quiet in the car, too, and it would have been a blissful experience for Steve - he didn’t get to enjoy the silence much in the previous days - if Billy didn’t have tears and confusion in his eyes. „But I hurt her so many times...” Steve didn’t know what to say to that.

They hung out with Max more after that, so Billy could be around her without feeling like a stalker, and because Steve loved watching him smile. He was so beautiful when he smiled, he had never realized it before because the smiles he directed at him when he was alive were only ever intimidating. They continued to look for answers. Billy told them about Heather, about the other victims, too, but she seemed to be the one he thought about the most. They knew it wasn’t really Billy’s fault but they helped him anyway. They took flowers for her grave and they visited her grandmother who lived in Hawkins. She told them how proud she was of her, that she did so good in school, and even had a job when they didn’t need the money, and she shared memories with them about Heather’s childhood. Billy seemed to be more at peace after that, maybe the thought that she was loved before she died, helped.

„I have nothing to say to him. My only unfinished business with my father would be me kicking the shit out of him,” Billy said when Steve insisted on asking about his parents. Steve knew by that time that he abused him, so he hated doing this. „I could do it for you,” he said, half-jokingly. Billy laughed. It was a genuine one. „He’s twice your size, pretty boy.” But Billy left that night, and when he returned the next evening, he was upset.

„He has no right to cry himself to sleep, you know? No business keeping my stuff untouched in my room, and putting that fake report of my heroic death on the fridge. Because he never fucking cared...” he spat out the words, pacing in Steve’s room and he cried out the rest „He’s so proud of me now that I’m six feet fucking under.” Steve felt a knot forming in his throat. „What did I do to make him hate me so much when I was alive? Why did he treat me like fucking garbage, why?” He was sobbing, and Steve wanted to hold him so badly. „None of it was your fault,” he said. „My mom, she never came back for me... No one was able to love me, not even her. I was nothing, I was less than nothing. And I hurt so many people...” Steve felt like a broken record, but he just kept telling him that it wasn’t his fault and that he was just a kid, and none of it should’ve happened to him. And that Max loved him, despite everything, she loved him. And after a time that seemed like forever, he stopped shaking and crying. Steve asked him to stay for the night. He usually went to their guest house or wondered around the town because apparently ghosts never sleep, but Steve didn’t want him to be alone now, or ever. And they talked until the sun came up, talked about everything his dad did to him, and then about his mom, and about California, and friends and cars and basketball. Steve realized that night that if he had known any of these things before he died, they could’ve been friends, maybe even more than that. And one other thing, they had to go to Cali.

That three day trip in October was easily the best time of Steve’s life. He and Robin took turns by the wheel and listened to Billy bitching about their driving habits from the back seat of the BMW. They blasted music, sang along horribly out of key, and mocked each other, played Guess the Song and I Spy, as they passed town after town. They found the address in the San Diego yellow pages. Samantha, that was her name, and she was home, but barely there. She lived with the man Steve saw her with at the funeral. He seemed kind, he was probably the only reason she was wearing daytime clothing and brushed her hair. She was staring into space in silence as Steve told her they had been close friends of Billy, and that he had talked about her a lot, had wanted to find her, so they decided to do it to honor his memory. Billy was watching from the far end of the little living room, he wouldn’t take his eyes off of her. „He wanted to see me...” she whispered, her eyes misty. „He wanted to see me, too, James,” she cried. He stood her up and escorted her away to one of their rooms, Billy followed. James offered them some coffee and told them she had been waiting for him to turn 18 so she could legally reach out for him, but Neil made sure no one knew or told her where they moved to. “She was so scared Billy wouldn’t want to see her anymore,” he told them, “but she kept looking, up until Neil called.” They said goodbye, and waited for Billy in the car for quite some time, and Steve never saw Robin this deeply lost in her thoughts before, but he understood. When Billy came out and sat in the car, Steve just started driving back and they never talked about it again. But he saw that all the anger vanished from his posture, it melted away, even his eyes seemed brighter, kinder. The only thing that bothered Steve was that he felt like they were out of options. He had no idea how to help Billy. Another part of him was glad he was still with them. „Let’s play Truth or Dare!” said Robin. „And before our friend, Casper would exclude himself from it,” she turned to Billy „You can only pick Truth, and I’m gonna use only Dare in return.” The way back home was even better.

Steve’s parents usually came home for Christmas, so he decided to relocate their base into the guest house for that time. He outdid himself with the decorating, but he had plenty of help now, Dustin came by with the rest of the party – without El sadly, they couldn’t come from Phili until the holidays started. Robin was there, too, of course. Billy didn’t seem to understand their enthusiasm, bitched about every garland and fairy light, except if Max put them on, then they were perfect.

On the day of Christmas Eve Steve dragged a big fir tree into the living room. „You can’t watch the TV all day. You’re gonna help me decorate it,” he declared to Billy. „Yeah... no. I would rather die.” „You’re dead, dumbass.” „You have a pretty big mouth now that I can’t bash it in,” Billy said, amused. „You’re acting like Scrooge when you’re supposed to be his buddy with the chains,” Steve said, as he tried to prop up the tree in the corner. „You mean Marley’s ghost? He wasn’t an awfully cheerful dude either, so.” „Then the ghost of the Christmas something...” said Steve, tongue sticking out in concentration. The tree was standing. „I’m the ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.” „Yeah, you’re hopeless, that’s what you are.” But then Billy helped him pick out the ornaments, mostly the ones he found disgustingly kitschy, and Steve was happy to put those up first. Then Steve told Billy he was supposed to buy a gift for Max for Secret Santa, and that Billy could help him pick something after they finished with the tree.

On the night before New Year’s Eve Steve couldn’t really fall asleep, he turned to face Billy. „What if you never move on?” Billy lay there quietly for a while. „Would it be so bad? I mean... I was never really happy, you know... but now I think I am.” Steve’s heart was pounding so hard he thought he was gonna just die there. Took him some time to collect himself again. „I won’t live forever. What if no one can see you in the whole wide world but me? What would happen to you after I died?” he asked. „You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?” Billy asked. „Don’t worry about me, pretty boy.”

But the thought of him wandering alone for the rest of eternity really did worry Steve. He couldn’t let that happen.

***

The guests all gathered around Dustin, Lucas, Mike and Will. Each of them had a champagne bottle in their hands and determination in their eyes. Steve wanted to join the crowd but he lost sight of Billy. Robin saw his expression and whispered, „Maybe the fireworks...”

„Oh God, the fucking fireworks! I’m so stupid.” And he set off to find him halfway through the sentence, not caring if they would notice his absence. Robin would cover for him anyways.

They started counting back from ten right when he spotted him in the woods, staring up at the sky. Billy noticed him, and probably the panicked look on his face. „Is everything alright?”

„It is now,” he said and walked up to him. „I just thought... you know... the fireworks.”

„Oh,” said Billy with a soft smile, „They can’t hurt me anymore, right? I just wanted to give you some space.” And they both looked up when the town’s first fireworks illuminated the sky, with the cheering of all their friends in the background. Steve watched Billy’s face, the lights dancing in his eyes, and he thought of nana’s miracles again. He really should wish he could move on. He should wish Billy could leave. But nana Otis also taught him that he should always follow his instinct, his heart, because that’s where the real magic lived.

„I wish I could hold you” he whispered, and he suddenly almost wished Billy couldn’t hear it. But he did.  Billy didn’t look at him, he closed his eyes instead and smiled, a tear rolling down his face. „Me too. But I think it’s time. I feel...tired.”

„What? Now? Why?” Steve asked, shaking his head violently. „Stay for a little bit, just for tonight, please, stay...” He muttered the words in panic. His mind was sinking into a thick haze.

„I’m gonna wait until you fall asleep,” Billy said.

The world started spinning madly, and Steve fell onto his knees, and he heard Robin calling out his name, felt they carried his body and that they tried to make him throw up and he wanted to tell them that he didn’t drink but the words failed to come out, and he saw Billy’s face right next to him on the pillow in the bed, or maybe he just dreamed, everything seemed so heavy, his head, his eyelids.

The first stream of sunshine of the new year rose up to Steve’s window and flew in, slowly filling up the room. He shifted to escape the light, but his dream got chased away by the sound of subtle snoring. He froze. He felt the heat of his body behind him, he listened to his breathing, but he was terrified to turn around. What if it’s just a dream within a dream and he’s gonna wake up again, into a cold bed, into silence. But he desperately needed to look. He calmed his breathing and slowly turned around. Billy’s face was peaceful, undisturbed by the light in the shade of his locks. Steve needed to feel. He gently traced his fingers down the back of his forearm. He could feel Billy’s breath on his skin, and his tears began to flow. Billy opened his eyes.

„I dreamed about my mom,” he said. „Am I still dreaming?”

Steve just shook his head and finally let himself break down. Billy reached out for his face, wiped away some of the tears, then pulled him closer and closer into a gentle but firm hug. He buried his wet face into Steve’s hair, and he held and rocked him as his body was shaking with sobs.

„Shhh... It’s gonna be okay now.” His voice a little shaky.

After a while, when his heart felt a lot lighter, Steve looked up at Billy and he softly chuckled.

„What?” Billy asked.

„You snore in your sleep,” Steve said, with the kindest smile he had. Billy smiled back. “You better get used to it.

A miracle can be a loved one returning from the war, or a heartbeat of a little one in a womb, and sometimes it’s someone snoring beside you in bed in the morning, or a boy telling you „I wish I could hold you.” when you need to hear it the most.