#and he loves charlie ofc‚ it goes without saying‚ but he /wasn't there/

[miniagula]

atm i'm sick over charlie hauling al into a hug after he's helped her figure out the answer to something monumental, and luci can see the easy implicit trusting way she leans into him

[ghosts-of-love]

TEDTalk Time again >:)

Funnily enough, I've actually been tryna think of songs but to no avail which was annoying cuz analyzing your Cap alongside music is sO fun but then when I wasn't actively searching, a song came to mind. Wild how the brain works. ANYWAYS...

Punching Bag by Set It Off is today's song. Although I won't lie, this one might be a bit confusing since I just thought of it and didn't organize many thoughts but here we go >:)

This empty feeling sets in my chest and I start to worry Try to push it down, cast it out, but I can't control it, ah!

This song is very LtF Cap and his relationship with Damien. These first two lines don't even really need an explanation tbh. But it's basically Cap after a decent amount of time with Damien after that "honeymoon" period they had when they first got together. And all those thoughts of Cap not being worth real love taking place in his mind.

Hanging on by the strings that you're pulling So you cut me down just to push me around

Like I'm your punching bag

That third line is the start of the chorus while the first two are still part of verse 1 which is why there's the space. But any lyrics about being pushed around and shit just makes me think of how Damien just degraded Cap in bed without even caring if he wanted that. And the "hanging on by strings" line, Cap knowing Damien isn't good for him but not wanting to miss out on Damien's "affection".

Take it out on someone who won't hit you back 'Til we're all as broken as you

And this ofc, would be the party. Cap deserved to get a good hit in when Damien was being...Damien. But god it just makes me think Damien absolutely knew Cap wouldn't do anything despite all the antagonizing he did. The fact he fucking choked the man ??? And Cap still did nothing (all while comforting Kitty too. Charlie you're an amazing writer) And that second line ? Well...once Damien told Cap he was married, it went to shit for him. I mean, he was drunk and looking like shit at the party and unsurprisingly took it out on Cap when he saw him. Trying to take them both down. Because ofc, it's not Damien's fault his wife divorced him when she was told he was cheating. Not his fault Cap finally got away from him. If everyone sees how fucked up Cap is then they'll want to drop him too and leave him with nothing.

So say, goodbye to your Mr. Nice Guy You got your wish, he's rotting in hell

I'd say this is Cap immediately after moving. When he wasn't super approachable and still kept to himself. Damien sort of broke him and he decides if he doesn't let anyone in, he can't be hurt. And then it happens again after the party. Just as he's feeling safe and comfortable, the peace is broken and Cap goes back to hiding away after having yelled at his friends when they were trying to help him. He does make things right with them but in those moments, he lashes out and tries pushing people away.

I'm up all night when you think I'm sleeping People pleasing's never good for your health

First line is, again, Cap and Damien sleeping together. That unease Cap felt after they were finished and having to sneak out when really he wanted someone who'd let him stay and make him feel wanted. And that second line is...yeah that's pretty Cap. When he talks about how he's sorta given up on love and intimacy because he doesn't deserve it so he just lets others see him how they want to see him.

On this episode of "Friend or Foe", you're throwing stones

Friend or Foe is obviously Damien. The way he changes from being all interested in what Cap has to say to just getting straight to using him. And Cap having to figure out which one it'll be. Part of him wants to believe "friend" for the simple fact that Damien told him Cap was lucky he was still around. Manipulative mf >:(

I could give you the world, but you'd poison the seas I could let down my guard, but then all that I'd be is just your [punching bag]

God this fuckin line. The contrast between Damien and Cap. The way Cap is so full of affection that he wants to give someone. Even though he's been told otherwise and began to believe it, all he really wants is to be happy and have someone who'll share that with him (*cough* pat <3 *cough cough*) And someone he can actually be around without having to pretend to be something else or shut down his emotions to keep being with them. Someone he feels safe with (god this poor man). But then there's Damien. The complete opposite of all that. If the man wanted that, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife while mistreating the "side piece". Damien who, most likely, was not out and probably was very repressed and couldn't express that in any healthy manner.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk :)

This song goes so hard and has been stuck in my head for days now but I only just made connections to LtF with it. Also there's the "bridge" (second chorus sung differently) that has some nice harmonies. Love your writing as always :)))

hey!! thank you for this! I'm sorry that it took me so long to answer it <3 <3

You're so right that this song has very early LtF vibes, especially with Cap and his relationship with Damien.

I feel like "Hanging on by the strings that you're pulling So you cut me down just to push me around" is also really relevant to when Cap goes to Damien after his mum dies and Damien (in my mind, deliberately) brings up his wife for the first time. He really does just do it to be cruel and also because he realises how much genuine dependence Cap has on him - he wants the dependence but not the baggage that comes with it at all, so he very effectively cuts him off.

"Take it out on someone who won't hit you back 'Til we're all as broken as you" so true, this is definitely about the party! damien never thought there would be consequences for his actions and i imagine his friends and family found out about his cheating and he's no longer in their good books and he really doesn't like how that feels. and then he sees Cap dancing and looking happy with some other guy? despite all the hard work he put in to drag him down? nuh uh not on his watch. but he still knows him well enough, and knows that it's only been like, 4 months and Cap can't unlearn all his shite that quickly.

"So say, goodbye to your Mr. Nice Guy You got your wish, he's rotting in hell"

this is defo Cap immediately after moving and at the party! just the return of the cap who tries to remain detached from his feelings (that kind of dissociating he was doing at the beginning, even before his mother died, leaving damien's at like 4am and going for walks etc, having damien be the puppet master so he didn't have to worry about being in control of his own life).

"I'm up all night when you think I'm sleeping People pleasing's never good for your health"

yes, definitely agree with everything you've said about this!

"On this episode of "Friend or Foe", you're throwing stones"

same with this!

"I could give you the world, but you'd poison the seas I could let down my guard, but then all that I'd be is just your [punching bag]"

this line makes me feel like a punching bag, crikey. i just hate to think of Cap in the early stages of their relationship, trying to be the best version of himself, trying to think of interesting things to say to Damien, trying to be outwardly happy even though he's still fucked up about Havers. and then the slow realisation that he doesn't need to do any of these things at all and that he's misinterpreted this man completely but he's also the closest he'll get to love any time soon.

thank you so much for your TEDtalk!! you know i love them so much!! <3 <3 <3 <3

[andthebubbles]

heartstopper 2x05-08 (yeah i decided to finish watching it tonight)

heartstopper 2x05

uhhh so nick and charlie just ran off from the louvre without telling the teachers? hahahahahaaha

darcy!!! grrrrr

as much as i don't care for tao and elle's storyline, it was nice when they finally (? i can't remember if they kissed before this) fucking kissed

ben continues to be annoying

not much to say, really

onwarddddd

heartstopper 2x06

sooo the teacher thing is kinda awkward bc like... just... offering to share a single bed like sorta outta nowhere? skjfngkfjg okay well whatever

yay nick finally said it/came out

darcyyyy <3

why the hell was ben at the party and why was he let in when harry wasn't, i thought everyone hated him, and it's not like he seemed to have any friends at the party anyway, he was just standing around and then he made a fuss in the truth or dare game

truth or dare btw when it involves peer pressure like that sucks

i like tao and elle a lot better now that they're together. they're really cute. esp when they kicked charlie out of the toilet even though he needed to pee lol

i know i said the teacher thing was a bit weird but i meant, more like how it seems to be beginning... you'd think two adults who work together would do it a bit more carefully in case it goes pear-shaped?? also i kinda like mr farouk when he hasn't got a stick up his arse lol, and ajayi is fine ofc

aaah nearly forgot to mention: nick's dad is a fucking dickkkk. absent fathers make me so mad

kinda feeling for isaac here. i also don't like kissing people, it's gross, and people put suchhh importance on kissing... is it meant to feel good or...? all it is is just saliva-ey and wet and gross and sometimes you can even smell the saliva which is ew

heartstopper 2x07

okay before i forget to say it, omg why didn't charlie block ben ages ago on insta

i had already seen charlie's speech to ben on tumblr a few days ago so it didn't get me as pumped (it was very good though) but

NICK'S speech at the dinner table SKSJDNFKNGKFJGN THAT got me pumped (for two broad reasons: 1. yeah why care/who gives a fuck when your dad doesn't give a fuck about you, 2. re your dad seeing you twice a year or some shit like that... so i have an aunt who lives in one country, and her husband lives in the neighbouring country, and they probably only see each other like twice a year, and they're not divorced, and like, what the FUCK are you guys doing; my mum told me she used to (or still does) get really sad about it, so, you know, that thing with nick and his dad really hit hard, even though it's not affecting me personally; i'm just so mad at that dickhead uncle)

also i love tori so much, i so wanted her to stab her fork straight down on david's arm instead of just using her fingers. and then i wanted her to play some major prank on david when she was in the bathroom, like how matilda changed her dad's ... hair product thing into bleach

darcy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (yeah my mum makes a fuss if i wanna wear a suit too :( ) (she looks gorgeous in a suit btw)

isaac is really going through it huh... like, the bit at the mall/shopping area

(btw so... the UK has sixth form-specific schools? heccc)

heartstopper 2x08

that last scene with nick and charlie!! jdkjgnfkjgkjk

and tara and darcy!!! i felt sorry for tara when she was at the prom but then you also know that darcy's going through some serious shit and... yeah. her home life is awful!! where did she go that night after the prom? i hope tara's parents let her stay over foreverrrr

is tori aroace as well? if we is... could we just have an ace person in s3 if there's an s3...

i detecttt imogen/sahar lol