#and he has a nice personality so far
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fucking haunting night. like really don’t know if or when i’m going to be able to sleep. but at least the guy i’m talking to on grindr seems cool :/
#if i think too much abt the things we (my friends not this guy) talked abt tonight i am going to want to cry#except i can’t cry bc i repressed my ability to ten years ago and never got it back#so i just feel sort of fucked up and hollow#but i gotta take the silver linings where i can & i was worried i scared this guy off but no we seem to be really compatible#and he has a nice personality so far#but yeah i. man. i think three out of four of us had panic attacks across the night#mine was borderline but i could not stop shaking and i was dissociating#and if i think too much abt what one of them told me abt his car accident i Will spiral and start breaking down#just. absolutely fucking broke my heart. i am so fucking glad he survived unscathed. that’s all#also really cannot fucking hear abt hazing and did not need to hear the details of this really gruesome incident and. jesus just thinking#- abt it makes me sick. a lot of what we talked abt makes me feel sick we really ran the gambit#but like. shit is in a dark place that is just the reality of where we all are :(#ted talks
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