#and he doesn't really realise later either. he just goes about he keeps being ignorant in his own way

[green-mug-tomato-juice]

odo's whole "i don't choose sides, i'm the outsider, i'm not a collaborator - i investigate crimes objectively, only if someone is guilty i turn them over to cardassian authorities" is so weird to me. because by letting cardassians decide the fate of bajoran criminals, he acknowledges them as having authority on bajor. which they should not, because bajor doesn't belong to them - their claim to power over bajor is inherently violent and is by far the biggest injustice in this whole situation. and since odo defines his whole being by his own sense of justice, you would think he would see that.

[kierancampire]

Mums also pissed me off. So you remember before, how upset I was that Roxy got obviously incredibly fat? But then when I pointed it out to mum she got really defensive, aggy and offended, and said it's just cause I have the kittens now that Roxy looks big in contrast but she's still the same weight? Then like, 2 months later mum confessed how far Roxy got. Or that time recently where I saw Roxy and told mum she didn't seem like her normal self and Roxy was off, and once again mum denied it, and once again said it's because of the kittens but she's fine. Then I think it was 2 weeks later she's rushing Roxy to the vet because she noticed a drastic decline in her health and personality. Do you remember those times?

Well the last time I saw Roxy (a week or so ago) I said to mum that Roxy's meow was really croaky and off, mum made no comment, so slight difference but same story. Late last night mum said Roxy might have to go to the vet soon as Roxy isn't her usual self, and Brandon saw her be sick after eating and, what did me, said he noticed her meow was croaky and that's concerned mum.

I don't want to go into details too much publicly as it can get me into trouble, but essentially, this is all being placed onto me. Her weight looks like it is my fault. Her health deteriorating looks like my fault. My relationship with mum takes A LOT of tongue biting on my side and it is incredibly fragile, so there are many things I can say/do that will ruin and destroy it, this what I am about to say being one of them. I don't want Roxy to suffer by not getting the medical attention she needs, I don't want to cause mum any more financial stress, and I don't want to risk my relationship with my mum. But I am honestly reaching the point where I will say to her, if she doesn't stop over feeding Roxy, and if she keeps completely disregarding me any time I say something is wrong with her, I'm hands off. It fucking destroys me seeing Roxy like this. I don't want to see her suffer. But I can't keep having mum completely disregard and ignore me any time I point out something's wrong with her. But then I can't keep being the scapegoat and having it placed on me to resolve these issues when mum wouldn't listen to me about them in the first place.

Mum has always done this to me about everything, she has literally always done this about literally everything. But the amount of times I have pointed out to her something wrong with the animals, she has argued with me about it, said it's in my head and nothing's wrong. But then every single fucking time I was right. But especially where Roxy was my cat, seeing her like this is destroying me, and I am now the fall guy any time something goes wrong. I'm not having it go this way. Either she needs to start listening to me when I say things are wrong and stop disregarding me and get her checked when I say something is wrong, and stop over feeding her. Or she can keep disregarding me and denying it, then eventually admit to the thing I pointed out long before, but then she can handle it and cure it herself. She can't not be my cat and I have no say in her, but then suddenly be mine whenever there's a problem that needs fixing.

Mum's gonna take it extremely fucking poorly, act like I am a horrible person, that I'm being nasty, selfish, vindictive, and I'll be proving her right about all the nasty things she says and thinks about me. But I don't see any way in which I am being the bad person. I want what's best for Roxy, that's it. But if I'm not going to be listened to when I point that out, I am sick of being the fall guy when mum finally realises what I pointed out long ago. Yet she never fucking changes. 3 times with Roxy in recent times alone I have been proven correct, that's without the countless other times in the past over a vast array of topics. Yet has/will mum change and listen to me. Nope.

[andysbubba]

home to me

↳ andy let you go once, he doesn't wanna lose you again

a/n: a little series? this one's probably gonna have another chapter or two hehe <3

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

---

Andy's stomach churned when he sees you. In a very good way. It's been a good two years since the break up and he can barely believe that he's seeing you right then and there— in the corner of the cafe that Andy knows you love going to. Your voice made his heart flip. It's so goddamn beautiful and Andy misses it so damn much.

He doesn't even know why he's so stunned at the sight of you. It's the only reason why he's there— why he's always going there almost every weekend, hoping to get a glimpse of you sometime. You're in the fuzzy, furry jacket that you're always wearing on chilly days, your hair pulled up with a claw clip and your laptop right in front of you with a cup of coffee right by the side.

He tried to get over you, he really did. But even after all the women he met after you, no one made him feel the same way you did. The butterflies in his stomach he gets just talking to you like some teenager, or how his heart just flutters when you smiled at him with that beautiful grin.

Andy couldn't help but look at you every two minutes, while he's waiting in the queue for his turn. He's thinking of what to say if he even has the guts to walk up to you and say hi.

The break up wasn't necessarily bad... it was mutual. Kinda. You were in the middle of your studies and you just wanted to focus on doing well and getting your masters. It's not that Andy was a distraction— really, he actually helped a lot. But between studying and trying to make sure you don't abandon Andy, you realised that taking a break would be good for the both of you.

You were young, only 24 while Andy was 14 years older than you are. He's so mature and wise that you just felt that you just wanted to grow as your own person before you and Andy took it any further and got more serious. You thought that you'd work on yourself, fixing up your flaws and make yourself just grow into a better version of yourself. And as much as Andy disagreed, he didn't want to force you to keep being with him. He thought that maybe, you both could just grow as time passes, and that you can change right next to him.

But he just agreed with you, because he definitely does not want to pressure you into being in a relationship with him no matter how much he actually wants you to stay with him. So technically, it was a mutual break-up to you. But he didn't really feel the same.

And unsurprisingly, Andy simply cannot get over you. Two years passed, and he just wishes that you're by his side again.

"Hi! What can I get for you?"

Andy snaps out of his trance, stepping towards the cashier and ordering his coffee to-go with a bagel as well. He takes a quick glance at you before he decides to change his mind. "Actually— I'll just have those here."

Wait— you recognise that voice.

You instantly glance up from the screen of your laptop, watching the familiar back and broad shoulders standing at the cashier. Holy fuck- Andy?

Your gaze turns back down to your laptop, your mind trying to decide between approaching him or just letting him go... again... like you did 2 years ago. He still fits into those polo tees like a glove, the jeans barely doing his ass justice but it really accentuates his goddamn thighs.

Fuck. Two damn years and you still have it bad for him.

"Can I join?" Andy glances down at some blueprint or floor-plan thing you have on your laptop. "Unless I'm interrupting— you look busy."

"Andy—" You turned to him and back to the opened floor-plan on the screen. "No, no. Hey-" You lowered the screen and put it aside, leaving some space for Andy. You gestured at him to join you in the booth.

Andy takes up the offer, setting the cup in his hand and the bagel right in front of you before he slides in. "Hey,"

You let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, fidgeting with your fingers underneath the table. "Been a long time."

"Yeah," He nods, offering you one of his adorable smiles as he rests his forearms on the table. "I stopped seeing you around, thought you moved away."

"I thought you did— till I heard the news talking about one of your cases." You retort, lips curling into a soft smile. "How've you been, Andy?"

"Same old, y'know. Long hours at the office and takeout nights. Nothing really changed." Andy grins, "How's everything goin' for ya?"

Oh— and he definitely isn't wrong when he said 'nothing really changed'. For this 40-year-old man to still look like the Andrew Stephen Barber you met like 4 years ago? Phew.

"Uhm- pretty good! I'm uh- I just signed a contract with Perkins and Will."

Andy's lips curled into a wide grin. "You did it!"

He remembers?

Your head tilts as you look at him. "You remember?"

"Of course, hon. That's your dream firm." He reaches over table and pats your hand. "I'm happy for you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Andy," You brush a hand through your hair, eyeing Andy in his whole polo tee and jeans glory. "I'm surprised you aren't working on a Saturday morning,"

Andy lets out a laugh at your words, "Yeah- I just thought, y'know. Uh- I'm old enough to stop being such a workaholic."

You raised a brow at that, "Andy, you aren't old." You give him a suggestive glance as your eyes trace his whole figure. "Definitely don't look like it."

"I'll say the same thing for ya, Y/n." Andy didn't bother hiding his gaze either, eyes trailing down your body till it's back up to your face. "Two damn years and you still look as gorgeous as ever, sweetheart."

A breathy laugh leaves your lips. "Always as flattering as ever, Mr Barber."

"You know I'm an honest person, sweetheart." Andy winks before he takes a sip of his coffee.

You hum as you run your finger on the edge of your own cup. "I remember you telling me that all lawyers are really good liars."

You love how familiar this feels. It's like nothing has changed and both of you are back in 2019. Good, good days. Letting Andy go was a dumb move on your side, you realised that pretty soon after the break-up. You should've known that you and Andy would've made it work someway, somehow.

"C'mon, honey. Y'know I can never lie to you." The wide smile he has on his lips is as charming as ever and god if it doesn't just make you fall in love again- as if you ever fell out of love with him in the first place. Andy clears his throat, a hand inching to the back of his neck and softly rubbing the spot. You instantly realised that he's a little nervous. "You dating anyone?"

You let out an almost silent snort, scoffing at his question. "Ya think? I just called you hot five minutes ago, handsome."

Andy takes a bite of his bagel, looking up at you through those goddamn long eyelashes as his mouth moves to chew the food and those fucking pink lips making you stare at him like a horny teenager.

"You've got to stop staring at me like that, sweetheart." He warns, but the glint in his eyes is telling you that he really doesn't mind you staring him up like that.

Your brows raised immediately in defence. "Like what?"

You tried your best to fight the grin fighting its way to form on your lips. But Andy is a goddamn lawyer, after all. He knows his shit and he knows that you're just being a tease.

He huffs, brow arched as he looks at you. "Like you wanna eat me." He replies shortly, lips curling into a smirk. "Cause I was planning to take this slow after 2 whole years. And you aren't helping."

You hum, picking your cup up and taking a sip from it, hiding the grin forming on your lips behind the cup. "You can still wine and dine me if you wanna." You set the cup down and lean forward, head tilted to one side with your head resting in your palm. "But y'know, I'm pretty impatient."

Andy laughs, backing away from you and resting back against his seat. "Guess it's good that I've got enough patience for both of us, huh?"

You laugh at his words. "We'll see, Mr Barber."

He takes your words as an invite to ask you out. "Dinner tonight? My place."

You playfully rolls your eyes, ignoring the little flutter in your heart. "Who's impatient now?"

"It's a yes or no question, sweetheart."

"Still that cute little loft?"

"I'll text you my new address later."

You couldn't fight the grin forming on your lips. "It's a date."

---

He was at the grocery store when he pulled out his phone and goes to your contact to shoot you a text. It has always been there, saved and never deleted. He didn't want to get rid of the hope that he might have you back.

Andy: 242 Warren St [sent 3.24pm]

Andy: See you tonight, sweetheart. [sent 3.25pm]

You didn't reply so Andy just assumed that you read it. He's looking forward to seeing you again tonight and he's excited.

---

It wasn't till you got home that you realised that Andy doesn't have your new number.

-

LOL I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS.

thanks for reading and uhm come join my taglist if you liked this little chapter? I'm definitely looking forward to writing this one.

do tell me what you think about this, lovelies! i'm kinda excited to see where this goes

-haney

taglist: @milea @ajeff855 @fanofalltheficsx @justile @christowhore @amelia-song-pond @melissad1974 @thegirlwiththeimpala @bval-1 @suchababie @ephemeralfics@franzliszts-wife @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hallecarey1@paintdripsandbrownies-blog @notbrooklynsblog @perfect-peter@alwaysclassyeagle @coffeebooksandfandom @gitasor @mansaaay @iguess-vall @feralherbs @kaiparker-avengerssmut

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

The adoption

So lately I am having Jemima feels and yesterday I spent my evening making edits and somehow it turned into this.

It's a tiny bit long, it switches time in the middle and it's a lot less lighthearted than originally planned.

Enjoy?

The little girl looked sickly, apathetic and lonely. Humphrey's head had seen her walking the halls before when he had been left somewhere by his own body or by his fellow ghosts. He had never really talked to her, for one because she gave him a death stare that put fear into his very soul, and also because he had always assumed hat she was one of the plague ghosts and therefore spent her eternity with her whole village down in the basement and like the adults there simply wasn't interested in the upstairs ghost.

After the burglar incident however, Mary had told him that the poor little thing was haunting the pantry on her own, parentless and was now and then called to assistance because her song could be heard.

It just didn't seem right to him, leaving a child like this. Though he had never had children of his own, he knew too well from his own experience what being ignored, forgotten, only contacted when someone wanted a favour and being alone could do to someone. On top of being dead and the manner of ones death of course that had been probably traumatic enough to turn one into a ghost. It was sometimes hard for him and he was a grown man. He could only imagine how hard it had to be for that poor little child, living as an outcast. So he made the decision to try and befriend her. Either in a worst case scenario she would stare at him and drop him down the well, or in a best case scenario maybe they could keep each other company now and then. It was worth a try.

She didn't speak. She didn't sing either. She stared. That was kind of her thing. It made Humphrey nervous and the more nervous he got, the chattier he got. He told her every joke he knew, every children story, he, with or without body, got Alison to select children books for his daily reading so he could retell them to Jemima. According to the Captain that was her name. Sometimes when she stared on the floor or her doll and seemed to listen, just to give him a death stare when she found that he did not yet know how a story continued. He started to invent content. She had seemed to like the story about the pirates in the secret garden the most so far. To his great surprise and joy she had uttered the word "Continue" at one point.

After several weeks the death stares had stopped. A few weeks after that she started to look at him whilst he was talking to her, instead of having her eyes fixed to the floor. It was a suspicious glance but all in all he took it as a good sign. Besides it was nice to have someone who actually payed attention when he talked to them. The first mistake in the story about Betty her sister and the teaparty full of cavemen had happened by accident and Jemima had corrected him on it. From then on he made sure to integrate at least one mistake each story time and quickly it developed from Jemima correcting his mistake to giving her own input on the plot. Humphrey felt almost proud that she tolerated his company because she loved stories so much. Only when she started to suddenly appear next to him during the day, simply staring up at him, or down at him depending on if he was with body or not, he realised that she seemed to enjoy not only their stories but i fact his company

Even more time goes by. She talks. She sings. She stares (it's very much still her thing), they invent stories, he tells jokes. She starts asking questions. About his life, his death, the other ghosts. He answers her as good as he can and as careful as he can. He doesn't want to open wounds for her. Whilst they often talk about serious topics he tries to get her into more childish endeavours. He has yet to see her smile or hear her laugh and he hopes to accomplish that. She deserves to feel and act like a child no matter how many centuries she has been dead already. Sometimes he wonders if being a father would have been like this. To be worried about a little human almost all the time, and so, so proud and just wanting for them to be happy.

One evening he makes the grave mistake of letting a dog die in their current story. Jemima clutches her doll, Mrs Cabbage, and looks distraught. He tries to fix it by turning the dog into a magic dog who isn't dead after all, but even after the fix, Jemima doesn't seem alright. Not being able to repress the memories any longer, she starts to tell him her story. After a while she takes Mrs Cabbage into one hand and reaches for his hands as support. He later drys her tears with his tunic; he has to dab his own eyes a few times as well. It's the first time that he calls her my little Jem.

"Well I mean I understand If you don't want to, I just thought ...it's not that you could inherit anything, except the name. Or maybe you don't like the name...I don't know if it's a good name, Cheese is a good name, Bone is maybe a bit ..." He rambles nervously before he is suddenly interrupted.

"Will you still come talk to me? And play and tell me stories?"

"...yes of course, Mimi why wouldn't I ?"

"And you won't die or send me away to work for someone else?"

His face goes from nevous anticipation to understanding and fondness.

"No of course not, I can't die again, I don't think and besides that I wouldn't send my little Jem away"

There is silence for a few moments.

"Can I call you Papa?"

"Yes ...of course if you want to?...so is that a...is that a yes?"

Her answer ist the first smile he has ever seen on her face. From that moment on he is officially what he has been for over a year now...a father.

[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

Here's the part where I stir up trouble because it's me and you know this by now.

Warnings: Mentions of threats, death, and suicide. I'm sorry if that's triggering. It's just mentioned.

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 11

You hadn't returned to the Baron again last night, and he hadn't called for you either. You managed to avoid him for the rest of the day.

Today, however, was a new day, and you couldn't keep avoiding him. You put on your stoic face, kept your mind on the job, and made your way up to his office.

At breakfast you had been joined by Natasha and Clint down in the kitchen. It was clear bt the way Clint was looking at you that Natasha had brought him into the loop.

"Why did you tell him?"

"I didn't. He has eyes, too. He can see it just as clearly as anyone," she states.

Clint grins.

You glare at him.

Clint just shrugged and agreed with her. He was the only one to tell you anything alone these lines:

"I think you should open up to him. Sure, you didn't get off on the right foot, but I think he likes you. Really. Maybe give him a chance?"

You chose to ignore that statement and get on with your work. If no one else was going to take their job seriously, then you had to be extra serious for them.

His life was still in danger.

You knock on the door, taking a deep breath as you waited for his reaponce. It cane moments later.

"Enter."

If only his voice didn't send shivers down your spine everytime you heard it.

You enter his office, barely looking at him, and make your way over to where you normally stand. However, you had noticed the way his desk was organised.

Much like yesterday, there was a tea set on a tray. It was a different set to yesterday's. These cups were a pale green and each one a a small pink rose painted on either side of the cup. The teapot had a dozen little roses around the top where the lid sat.

It was a pretty set. Once again, simple, but classy.

He poured two cups again.

"Please, join me," he spoke softly.

You did not want a repeat of yesterday. You remained standing.

Noticing that you hadn't made a move, he gazes up at you with gentle brown eyes. His lips are pulled into a soft smile.

You knew you shouldn't have looked at him, but now it was too late. Those dark eyes are luring you in, and don't forget that smile.

Why did you suddenly want to kiss him?

You swallow thickly, keeping eye contact with him as he continues to look at you with a smile.

"Please."

The way he speaks is so soft. He very clearly wanted you to join him. You hesitate.

"I'm on duty, sir."

"I want you to join me."

You look at the empty seat across from him. The tea would get cold if you didn't join him. Right, yeah, that's why you're going to sit down with him, you didn't want the tea to get cold.

You move over to the chair and take a seat, not looking at the way he was smiling at you now.

A plate of cupcakes sits between you. He takes one.

You look at the sight. Seeing the Baron with his dainty tea set, a cupcake, and a bright expression on his face, he looked so happy and relaxed.

You rather liked this side to the Baron.

You pick up the cup and sip from it. Another delicious tea from his collection. You won't mention how you knew he had a collection of different flavoured tea in a box downstairs in the kitchen.

You smiled at the thought of it though.

It made you feel like you had discovered something about him. A little thing he likes that he doesn't share with anyone else.

Except you, of course.

"How many tea sets do you have?" You ask, now forgetting all about that professional head you had tried to put on earlier. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to humour him.

He smiles widely at you.

"I have six as it stands. I do like to look at others, but I only get the ones that really catch my eye."

You have no idea what was going on with Helmut. The man was beyond pleased. You had initiated a conversation with him. You wanted to talk to him. He couldn't believe it. Perhaps he hadn't offended you as much as he thought after all.

Now, he just had to keep you talking.

"Six? Goodness. Do you use them all?"

"Yes. I switch between them," he grins.

"I'd like to see the others."

"All in due time."

You smile softly.

His heart could literally beat out of his chest right now. He made you smile, and you weren't even trying to hide it.

Feeling a little more willing to be less... stuck up, you reach out and grab one of the cakes.

This pleases him further.

You both eat the cakes and drink the tea. You let yourself smile openly around him.

You were accept he wanted to spend time with you. You wondered if he would indulge you in some information.

"May I ask you something?"

He looks at you with a big gentle eyes. His lips curl in the smallest of smiles.

"Of course."

You put down your nearly empty tea cup and sit up straighter.

"Will you tell me about the group who are after you?"

His smile fades. He hadn't expected that question. To be honest he wanted to keep them as far from mind as possible, but he supposed he did owe you an explanation after everything you had been through.

"They call themselves The Agent Association. John Walker founded it when I retired from the army. He is part of the reason Sokovia has been suffering, when he brought his little gang here to try and recruit me."

"Recruit you? What did he want you for?"

"I have many skills under my belt. I believe he wanted to use me."

"And you turned him down?"

"Yes. I had just left the military. I was ready to return home and settle down. He didn't like that," Helmut's voice became sad. Something struck you and you realised that this went so much deeper than just that.

"What happened? What did he do?"

Helmut looks at you. During the next few moments of silence he was debating on if he should share everything with you. He trusted you, it more came down to if he could bring himself to tell you what happened.

"Baron?"

He wants to tell you. He wants to share what happened to him with you. The reason he had been so cold before you came along.

"There was a woman. She was beautiful. I fell in love rather quickly with her, and she promised to wait for me. He promised I would marry her upon my return and we would live here together. I didn't know she knew Walker. As it turned out, he was in love with her too."

You were suddenly felt with dread.

"Helmut?"

That was it. That was the first time you had used his name. He stared at you, caught off-guard by the way it sounded from your lips.

You hadn't seemed to notice what you had done. Clearly you had been so comfortable with him, you had just let it slip.

He gathers himself.

"Heike. That was her name. She wasn't here when I got home. Three days and no word. I had feared she had chosen him over me, but it was a week later when I heard what had happened."

You felt uncomfortable.

"Heike had passed away. Her family hadn't known I was home, so that's why I hadn't heard anything yet. I was devastated. Two days of being locked away here in mourning with a broken heart, Walker showed up. He broke down my door, he marched up to my room, and then he proceeded to attempt to kill me."

You stare wide eyed, lips parted, mind blank.

"Walker thought I was fine reason she was dead. That she couldn't take choosing and ended her life. I wanted him to kill me. I wanted to be with her in death. He didn't do it. He dropped me and left. I didn't hear from him in years, but one day he shows up with his agents. He wanted to prove to me he had power and influence. Sokovia began to decline and it was because of him."

Helmut had taken notice of how you were leaning forward, listening intensely.

"He's trying to kill you because he thinks Heike killed herself over you?" You ask, whispering softly.

He nods.

"That's awful."

You get up and walk to his side. You place a hand on his shoulder and let it rest there.

"It wasn't your fault."

He turns his head to where he sees your hand. He looks at it. Your touch feels warm, even through his blazer.

"Wasn't it?"

"Of course it wasn't... or are you saying it was?" You ask, softly.

He shakes his head.

"I don't know. What if she had?"

"Do you want my honest opinion?" You ask, looking at him seriously.

"Please."

You kneel down beside him, hand still settled on his shoulder. You meet his eyes with your own.

"If she had ended her own life, I don't think it was over you. By the sounds of it, she was in love with you. She promised to wait."

"Then what do you think happened?"

"Walker. He's trying to kill you, very nearly had twice at this point. Maybe this goes deeper than you think. You're taking it from his word and not your own investigation. Considering all that happened, he isn't a wise form of information."

Helmut places a hand over yours and looks you in the eye. He swallows, letting your words sink in. Your kindness toward him is enough to spur enough confidence in him.

He brings your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckle gently.

He doesn't miss the shocked expression on your face. Startled, you take your hand back and stand up, but you don't walk away.

Already, he misses your touch.

He's not sorry for what he did, even if your reaction hurt him a little.

"Walker will not bring you harm. As your bodyguard I vow to protect you and see this through. I will not stop until Walker is stopped too."

Helmut looks at you with so much longing. His heart feels full. He smiles.

And I vow to protect you. I will not let him hurt you too. Walker will not hurt the people I love again.

He just can't bring himself to say it out loud.

Zemo no longer cares if it's your duty to protect him. He will not let you get hurt by the hands of Walker again.

When the time comes, the Baron will rest and the Colonol will come out to play.

I promise.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles @apparrio @alex-the-nb @thewrongkhristol @hb8301 @the-chaotic-cow @mssennimatilda @uncomfortablebagel @fictionlandslanddreams

[halewitzka]

There are so many The Queers Were Good And The Straights Were Bad In Rocky Horror takes and I'm so ????

RHPS is good because none of these characters are good people! None! They're all incredibly interesting and it varies how much of a bad person the individual character is, but none of them are morally pure. They all do shit that you wouldn't approve of, the only character that is arguably innocent in the narrative is Rocky because he's got like 3 braincells to his name and has been plopped into a world that severely happens to him the entire time and that he can barely make sense of.

Like bro the siblings for sure aren’t the good guys, but what makes them bad is not the fact that theyre in a straight relationship. I mean theyre literally aliens, what do we know whether the concept of genders and/or heterosexuality is even a thing for them. You can't even apply straight to them in that sense.

But even if we disregard the alien bit and say okay, theyre in a straight, incestuous relationship - the fact that it's straight isn't morally condemning. Even the incest, which seems to not be normal or accepted within the transsylvanian culture either (going off of surrounding material that isn't in RHPS itself), is at least consensual. Compare and contrast with Frank, the beloved protagonist, setting out to rape 3 people over the course of a 90 minute movie.

Frank is a narcissist, and he is despicable for just about every single thing he does. Him being queer (again, technically alien logic so how queer in the human sense he really is is questionable but lets ignore that) doesn't make him a good person, in fact he's the worst person in the entire movie. But he's an excellent CHARACTER. He's fun to watch, and as a viewer you enjoy his presence immensely. You experience what it's like to get drawn in by him the same way he draws in the majority of the surrounding cast. But he's awful. He murders and rapes and has no regard for anyone but himself. No amount of queerness will save him from that.

Janet and Brad both have queer experiences during the movie, but does that make them queer? Brad's only sexual contact is with Frank, who may I remind you is assaulting him and then keeps going despite the fact that Brad never actually says yes to what's happening, he just ceases to put up resistance. He actively tells Frank to stop and Frank DOESN'T LISTEN. When Janet sees the aftermath of that encounter on the monitor, Frank looks very pleased with himself and Brad is off to the side, more clothed than he was when Frank came in, and seems to contemplate what just happened to him - and not in a good way.

Janet, while more enthusiastic about it, also has to get tricked into sex with Frank for it to happen in the first place and later goes on to have sex with Rocky. Granted, sex with Frank can in some shape or form always be interpreted as queer because of who Frank is, but he's mostly treated as a man by the narrative (I say mostly because there is that very telling part about him wanting to look like Fay Wray in Rose Tint My World, although he also expresses jealousy only over her clothing).

To get back to the point, Janet's only other explicitly queer contact is with Columbia, during Rose Tint My World - which seems to have all of them under the influence of some sort of spell/drug/alien pheromone??? Brad still is hesitant about what is happening during RTMW despite participating, so it's a bit unclear how much of their actions during the song are out of free will. I'm not saying that because I want to diminish the queer contact that does very much happen, I just think seeing it happen and deciding it's queer and therefore a good thing without further questioning isn't a good idea considering the context of the movie.

I personally like to think that Brad and Janet both realised something about themselves and their relationship with sex during the movie and took some of it with them post-castle. Maybe Janet actively allows herself to enjoy sex. Maybe she's had a bit of a bi awakening. Maybe Brad really did enjoy sex with a man and has to come to terms with it, or maybe he recognizes that it happened to him and he doesn't want that again. While I don't think that would’ve been a thought when the movie was made, Brad is also interpretable as realising he's not into sex at all and is coming to terms with that in a time where asexuality was not really part of the lgbtq vernacular yet

My point is, it's very difficult to assign "queer" or "straight" to most of these characters, and the same problem arises when trying to label them as "good" or "bad". They're complex, all of them, both in their morality and identity, and leave a lot of room for interpretation.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is amazing because it's telling a queer story without shying away from letting its characters be gross and unpolished and wrong. It's a story about people connecting with their sexuality as much as it is a story about a narcissist who gets whats coming to him at the hand of a servant he's neglected and abused. I could write a whole essay on how Riff Raff gets pushed to kill in the final act throughout the movie, and how Magenta doesn't seem to realise it up until it's too late. But this was about the fact that RHPS doesnt make it as easy as "queer vs straight" and "good vs bad" so I'm gonna shut up now

[fukurodaze]

can i have (timeskip?) kuroo with a fem! s/o who is a sophisticated introvert that intimidates people because she doesn't smile or talk much but when she's with friends she's actually really nice, funny and outgoing, and she has really good fashion sense? (i'm sorry if this is too specific lmao you can ignore this i'm just yearning for kuroo HAHAHAHA)

this is so funny because this dynamic is literally THE cutest

so you know how kuroo works in pr right so this is The Office Romance Of The Century

the meeting <3

so kuroo works on the ninth floor and you work on the twentieth floor

though you guys work in different departments, you guys are both around the same age so you guys kind of have the same workloads because yall are still starting

different departments eventually do have different schedules, but as newbies you guys kind of follow one (1) basic timetable that is really just 9 to 5

one thing you never expected about the office: good ass food.... like you thought the bread at your school canteen was good? wait till you find the sandwiches on the fourth floor

and since you quite literally have no friends in this big ass building and there aren’t many co-workers who are your age you kind of hold onto the nice yakiniku sandwiches on the fourth floor

it gets rough in a new workplace for the first time ://

so the sandwiches become your routine - around 5-6pm, you’re coming down a whole sixteen floors otw home but also to get that nice thick yakiniku sandwich

guess who else comes? 

YA GUESSED IT!! UR FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE KUROO TETSUROU!!!

despite telling himself that he’s really easing into the work life well because his senpais tell him he’s smart, he really doesn’t know anyone

he also finds it weird asking his co-workers to drink as he feels like they should be the ones inviting him so he ends up just chillin it out with some surprisingly good sandwiches downstairs

he likes the chicken ones bc they’re just so nice n crispy yay

he kinda feels shit about it sometimes but thats just how it is huh... corporate work... no friends... and all the rest of his friends r like in other places... yeah

ay but at least he finds this cute girl ordering the same thing over and over again at the same time he’s there

he ignores it at first but you know the saying that the more you see someone the more likely they become more attractive in your eyes?

yeah... that’s kuroo @ u...

and usually he’s doesn’t really pay no mind to people who just do their own business

but your fits r just too cool for this workplace... like mans has been coming to work with suits and youre out here with some combo streetwear power suit... sometimes u wear the highest heels and sometimes you wear the chunkiest sneakers but still manage to look so sleek n sophisticated like 24/7

could it be... he finds you... attractive??? even though you don’t smile much?

kuroo doesn’t stall, so he just goes “i like your style”

my my... you love hearing that dont’cha

but u were like “thanks” 😐

he’s like sheesh

and as he’s about to leave you ask, “what department do you work in?”

kuroo does a double take and is like “um... PR...?” he literally looks over his shoulder to see if you’re talking to anyone else because yo... is this you showing interest???

spoiler alert this is the introduction to his chapter in your love life <3

look it’s not hard for kuroo to get along with quieter people because he used to be siiiiilent, and he’s also grown up with kenma, who was much more introverted throughout middle school and high school

god, you felt so comfortable

and he was SO hot.... WTF

but yeah you’re always like 😐 but make it chic because your fits r fire and your eyeliner SLAYS

this may or may not have turned into a little date at the bar nearby

yes the sandwiches are good but you know what’s even better? drinking some good food in tokyo as Official Employees of the Japanese Volleyball Association

this night was pretty flirty, what can u expect... compliment here, hand brush there, cute laughs n chuckles everywhere

hahaha when kuroo saw you laugh and get super talkative... is that a turn on or what... youre also like funny too??? oh cmon...

safe to say you said yes when he asked you out again, and he swears he would do anything to see you laugh again 🥰

and yes, he does see that laugh again. a lot of times, actually.

the relationship <3

first off: he likes seeing u all professional... good food 

second: him in a suit??? yessir. him making connections??? YESSIR

you guys end up hanging around a lot with each other at the office even when you’re busy. and yknow, since it’s the honeymoon phase, might as well sneak a kiss. or a lot of kisses.

people get so surprised when this happens at first, since theyre like... why r they both disappearing 24/7... they cant be going together bc hes... kuroo... and you’re... you... aren’t you guys are supposed to be DIFFERENT??

he always goes heart eyes for u even though it seems like you’re always shooting daggers at him from everyone else’s pov

eventually, as you two get more comfy with each other and spend more time, you find yourself at his place like 4 days out of 7... his place is closer to the office anyways so it’s just convenient especially when you’re busy with your department when kuroo isn’t, and it demands later nights and earlier mornings

when BOTH of you are busy... expect stress makeouts in the kitchen

the way yall would shower together not because of sexy vibes but because yall both overslept and literally have no time 😭

but that doesn’t mean yall dont enjoy it!! u think he’s hot, he thinks you’re hot, works well (you two still end up arriving late)

eventually people see how you guys walk to work together in the mornings a lot... and go home together a lot... and drink at bars together...

and they’re like holy fuck how did kuroo snatch her... like other than the fact that he’s hot... she literally doesn’t smile and is so scary

the sandwiches on floor four have become breakfast burritos because none of yall go home at 5 all that often anymore

but on a lucky day where destiny aligns itself with the stars and time and the volleyball league you’re lucky to get a yakiniku. or maybe chicken.

you guys influence each other, and it’s so funny seeing kuroo come in with some more colourful suits after you told him to experiment with colour

the other people at work r like: kuroo ur gf controls u

kuroo’s like yeah she’s like powerful huh 😏

you kind of laugh it all off, since now you have your own friends at work too, and so does kuroo

they surprisingly ask a lot about your relationship... and though you would like to brag about your very good boyfriend, you keep it pretty vague

you do like to talk about important days though, like anniversaries

but being with kuroo has genuinely made you more comfy in the workplace even though yall are in different departments

you love hearing kuroo’s stories about his co-workers, and you wondered if you could kind of have those kinds of relationships with your co-workers too

your closest co-workers have always been kind to you, albeit intimidated at first

but they’re great shopping buddies, great listeners, and great gossips <3

you normally wouldn’t care about gossip but it’s fun to laugh about sometimes when you’re getting ready for bed and he’s like “by the way... have you heard of [person A] doing ... ” on call

and you’re like oh yeah, actually i have

even he’s surprised at first because you seem like that cool introverted employee but you do have your fits of laughter and bouts of humour

you guys become more comfy with your jobs, and before you know it, a year has passed

you’ve moved in lol

kuroo’s just 100% heart eyes for u pls

the vibes you guys are as a couple?? immaculate. everyone looks at yall like holy fuck. opposites attract and it’s HOT

and it’s so good because you guys know each other so well, from personalities to bodies to work

when you’re on a low, he holds you close and tells you such sweet things, but makes sure to give you space

when he’s on a low, you make sure to talk to him to take him off of his thoughts, to reassure him

kuroo kind of realises he’s actually... like REALLY in love with you and it just hits him a week before christmas when he looks into his cupboard and hates how it’s so messy but ends up swooning 😭

so the next day LIKE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING he’s like “hi. im renting a car. and i am in love with you. do you wanna go on a christmas trip together?”

you don’t even react when he says that... it’s just two seconds of silence and then “okay. i’m in love with you too.”

he’s like “cool. cool.”

proceeds to smother ur lipstick when he kisses u right after work... 

but u love him anyway 🥰

and in that trip... just you two in a strange place together... with nobody else...

he sees you with him for a long, long time

and honestly, with the feeling of his hand in yours, you don’t think you’ll be going anywhere either.

[stealingpotatoes]

The World As It Should(’ve) Be(en)

(feat. some illustrations with no consistent style that were all done in under ten minutes)

I know I’m not the only one who thought Delilah’s “The World As It Should Be” could have been a lot cooler.., so get this: what if there was another mission to dh2

(trust me it's a cool idea -- if you can’t be bothered to read, just look at the pictures) 

So EVERYTHING is the same up until the bit where you go into the portal. You roll up to Death To The Empress thinking that's the last mission... but no! You go in the portal and it gives you your end of mission stats! and you're like ?? wait what i thought i was about to go kill Delilah?

The ACTUAL final mission (and actual Delilah take-out mission) takes place in a Much Better version of The World As It Should Be. 

The final mission starts and you land exactly at the port where you start Death To The Empress, but everything is different about Dunwall. everything’s completely off and wack;  it's sunny, the streets are bright, everyone looks happy! there are flowers everywhere! It's super aesthetic and pretty. The clothing’s also different from the rest of the game. 

You walk through the same streets you walked through in the mission you just did, and there aren't wolfhounds and ppl patrolling the streets, it's not in ruin, it all looks very nice! (you land at the docks for parallels/ to make it very obvious what's changed, not because it makes sense). People are talking; they're happy! there are no guards about at all so you can walk freely and see it all, explore around this world. And the people are talking about how great empress delilah is, mainly. 

And as you go through, you find notes, books, and dialogue etc that hints to an entirely different past; in the first parts of dunwall, you find that delilah has been empress for like 26 years! not just a month and a half. The story pieces together as you go along, and you work out that this is a world where Delilah was never thrown out and her father's false promises were fulfilled. This is her world as it should be. 

But things keep happening to remind you that it isn't real; perhaps the sky sometimes turns to the Void, with whales floating above you, and things will somtimes momentarily look like a painting of Delilah's, not detailed reality. People’s speech repeats and loops too often. Creepiest of all, people randomly turn to stone, then back out, as if it never happened. If you put the corrupted rune in earlier, there might be more glitches than if you didn't. the glitches get more pronounced/ more obvious as you get closer and everything starts to feel a little too perfect, more and more as you go on. Everything becomes more uncomfortable. (And if you kill people in the world, nobody reacts at all. They just let you do it)

Plus, overall it feels like a very childish city? as if this might all be a little girl's dollhouse, not a real place. 

You make your way to the Tower, where you find that there’s a party going on. A really nice party -- puts Lady Boyle’s Last Party to shame. Dunwall Tower again looks super nice and aesthetic. The outfits are again really nice but again rather childish. 

A cool glitch here would be the partygoers keep stopping and just looking dead at you w no transition or anything. One second they’re talking, the next everyone at the party is staring straight at you. Then suddenly they’re talking again, as if that never happened. Also a lot of the partygoers faces repeat too often, reminding you that this is a simulation. 

In the tower/ closer to the tower, you find more history stuff, but it's more intimate/ detailed i guess? ONE VERY NOTABLE THING YOU FIND is letters from Jessamine (!!!) who is very much alive but is just -- and has always been -- the imperial princess!!!!!!!

The letters mention stuff that shows she and delilah are close. jessamine is in this and not suffering bc it's delilah's childish, perfect world! where nothing went wrong and jess is still her sister and del doesn't hate jess! (this is to kind of push it in your face that Del is Like You i guess, but also that smthn smthn she's still thinking like a little girl bc this all stems off childhood trauma etc)

Tho as people, not the player character, Emily & Corvo are ignored in the world as it should be/ there's no mention of jessamine's family bc this is delilah's world and she's not thinking abt other people. 

At the party, you see a woman who you discover is Delilah's mother, alive and well -- which again pushes the whole "this is delilah's perfect world". She talks to you a bit, talks about delilah. Makes you see a different side of her (but you can't be sure it's real; this is Delilah’s perfect, adoring world). She says she ought to go somewhere else. Things keep glitching, whales phase through the walls (it’s super cool). 

You continue through the party, when suddenly you see a woman in a dark dress. She stands out from the rest of the party, in their bright colours, and it’s pretty hard to miss her. This woman is none other than Lady Jessamine Kaldwin, your dead mother or secret wife (whose, bear in mind, soul you let go 2 missions ago). Her outfit is similar to the one in Delilah’s childhood painting of her, childishness of Delilah’s world repeated. 

The fact Jessamine is here makes Delilah almost more relatable (especially seeing as you just spoke to her lost loved one, her mother). It makes you understand her more because you know the protag wants more than anything to have a world where Jess lives. It helps you to understand why Delilah made this more. Actually, this whole mission is sort of "uhuhuh delilah is actually sympathetic" BUT you can still very much interpret it as her lying to you, because this is a manipulation of reality -- what's to say she isn't still lying?

Anyway, you can go up and talk to Jessamine (the game sort of encourages you to talk to her). But she doesn’t recognise you. Emily and Corvo don’t exist in Delilah’s false world, so Jessamine has never known you. It’s very painful for the protag (you can hear it in their dialogue), because their loved one is alive, but she doesn’t know you. You have dialogue options to try to convince her it’s you/ she knows you, but they don’t work. 

While Jessamine doesn’t recognise you, she does say she’d certainly like to spend more time with you. She tries to convince you to stay here, more or less (yes, Inception is one of my favourite movies, what about it?) But the protag says they have a mission/ that they need to see Delilah.    

Jessamine will offer to take you to Delilah, which results in a conversation -- will get to that later. The other option is keep winding through the party and to the throne room yourself. 

Either way, you get to the throne room, where you find Delilah. Again direct parallel. Same pose as before, but this time, her throne room isn't dark and covered in murderous vines, it's bright and full of adoring people/ partygoers (it’s a sort of parallel to the start of the game too, especially if you walk in with Jessamine).

 Delilah doesn’t quite know you’re here. She has a vague idea of who you are, but she doesn’t hate you at all. Breanna is by Delilah’s side, no matter what you did in the Conservatory. However, you don’t see any of the other Coup Crew members there -- this highlights how they were just tools to her, not people she cared for.

So you have three (yes, three — this is where things get even more fun) options here. Lethal, non-lethal, and the option I’ll get to later. 

Lethal is straightforward. You kill Delilah however (nobody stops you), and the entire world begins to collapse in on itself/ break apart and very disruptively becomes the Void again. This maybe ends with you having to fight/ assassinate some Delilah copies in the near empty void/ something more similar to the World As It Should Be as we see in game.

Non-lethal is easier if you placed the corrupted rune on the throne in DTTE, but you can still do it otherwise. It would of course be something to do with trapping Delilah in the World -- somehow cutting off the exit before you go so she can’t escape, should she realise this isn’t reality. 

If you pick either of these ways, you go through the portal again and return to the depressing and dark Dunwall, your Dunwall, and free your family member. (Or take the throne if you’re in super high chaos, I guess). All goes the same. 

Now, the third option. The third option is to stay in the false world. It’s to stay with Jessamine, in this perfect Dunwall. To get this option, you talk to Delilah after Jess takes you to her (though you can still talk to her without Jess guiding you, Jess’ll appear). 

Of course, you have the option to talk to Delilah and say this is all crazy, it’s not real, and proceed to do the former two options. But you also have the option to say you understand her or something, and she more or less offers for you to stay. 

When you first express interest in staying, the Outsider suddenly appears. He’s there to try to convince you that you need to get rid of Delilah, and that your other family member is frozen in stone back in the real Dunwall. But then what Delilah does, absolute madlad, is make a copy of your family member, but how they looked in DH1, not now (idk HOW, but she does it -- she is god in this part of the Void so she just can). Delilah wants you to stay, especially if you’re Marked. Jessamine also tries to convince you to remain here, and she’s harder to ignore. 

You again have the option to reject Delilah’s reality (you get a lot of options to do this), but if you choose to ignore the Outsider, you say something about him “wanting to keep power for himself”, just a lot of insulting really (being about as nice as he was to you, maybe.)e’ll disappear again, unable to stay in Delilah’s part of the Void. And you can stay with your unbroken family, with Jessamine who is alive. And not return to the real world, where you don’t know if your family member will be able to be revived from stone. 

(Seeing as Delilah was in Jess’ heart, perhaps she’s able to make a Jess who is almost the same as the Jess you knew)  

The third ending plays on the themes of “emily/ corvo has been ignoring the suffering in the Empire”. This is the ultimate way you can ignore it all. You can choose to completely and utterly ignore the now in ruin empire that you walked through earlier, and ignore all the people you promised to help along the way and everything you learnt. Or, you can show you’ve changed since the start, and go back to harsh reality. It won’t be nice, but you can’t ignore your people’s suffering again. Imo it gives the character more of an arc, rather than only having the option to return to the throne. 

But yeah, if you pick the third ending, the Outsider of course does his speech. He tells you how the Empire has falled to chaos, fallen to civil war, as everyone vys for the throne and its power. He tells you how your allies fare. And then you see Empress Delilah on her throne in the false world (you see a few glitches to remind you it’s fake). But then you see the protagonist and their family together. It’s a really cute family moment, and aside from the protagonist being the wrong age compared to their family (you’ve got adult Em with dh1 Corvojess, or dh2 Corvo with Jess and 10yo Emily). There are no glitches bc the protag would be ignoring them.  Everything seems entirely perfect. 

Anyways! I hope you liked this! Don’t get me wrong, I love Dishonored 2, it’s one of my favourite games. I just think the World As It Should Be was a sort of missed oppurtunity for something VERY cool. 

[ao3gingerswag]

okay so I had a lil plot bunny for wander home I thought id share.

so I know that we don't really know how dean turned up at johns, I think you made a passing comment about him being left there but you said you hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking about wander home (as one is wont to do when ignoring any and all other responsibilities) and i had a little thought. so I'm thinking this is way in the future when sam is like 17/18, he's going through all the teenage angst and hes having thoughts about bio family. obviously, dean and cas are very happy at this point but sam for some reason gets it into his head that since he and dean aren't *actually* biologically related, their relationship means less and he starts obsessing over deans actual family and whether they could give him things sam couldn't (I think this would tie into a lot of guilt im sure sam has about his inaction during their childhood at johns even tho he was a literal child) and it's this whole guilt thing of whether or not dean has a better sam out there and how sam used him and all such guilt. so anyways, 17/18 sam is I imagine still doing his lessons with the pastor, perhaps he's been promoted to apprentice or whatever, and he decides to use his almost adulthood to try and track down deans bio family. I think he does this to get answers, solving the mystery of deans past (bc deans been with him entire life) but also to prove to himself whether he is actually keeping dean from a better life (o the teen angst) and maybe reunite them. so adventure commences, I imagine him searching through any records he can get his hands on (not many) and maybe lying to cas and dean and saying he's been send on an errand by the pastor and he goes back to John's inn to search for information. anyways after that all happens idk if it would be better for him to find out the truth or not, I can picture multiple endings that would work out differently which I can also add on later if you want but the ending point would be sam realising that dean IS his brother and they ARE enough and 'family don't end in blood' and all that jazz and he returns to the inn and maybe he tells them maybe he doesn't but either way he comes back a lot happier and dean and cas are like 🤨🤨 but they're happy he's seemed to come out of his funk and welcome him back with open arms and make a fuss out of him and sams like :]]]]

ohhhh noooooo this is wonderful!!!!!!! poor sammy :( having all the survivors guilt come back and blaming himself for things that were SO totally out of his control (sam: i didn’t lift a finger to help him ;~; ! dean cas bobby eileen pastor murphy literally everyone else they know: you were literally like 7 what the fuck were u supposed to do???) (also he DID lift a finger to help he always tried to help and risked his dad’s wrath for it, from the time he was like 3 years old ;~;)

anyway anyway. Sam goes Searching, maybe he has to confront john again to get the answers he wants (if john is even still alive idk. regardless i dont think he’d have his inn anymore lol not w/o dean and sam to do all the work. hes probably in debtors prison or whatever.) and yeah theres def no record of what happened to get dean into john’s hands. i think i mentioned in the outside that dean has a vague memory of being pulled away from his parents while crying ;~; but yeah they sold him to john. but like its the middle ages it wasnt like formal there was no paperwork. there is no record. but! maybe sam finds out where john is through the records he can access thru pastor murphy. maybe like he sees that john had been arrested and is in some prison, so he knows where to find him. maybe they only let him in because he can be like Look I’m Important I Work With Pastor Murphy or whatever. so they let him in ans he confronts john and gets to cathartically shout at him/punch him in the face/force him to tell him where he got dean and everything he knows about dean’s parents.

so he uses this information and finally tracks down dean’s parents. and! they suck! like theyre not EVIL per say. not like john. but they still sold dean to a creep who didnt make an effort to hide how he was gonna treat dean. and theyre...really not remorseful when sam is like hey i know ur long lost kid. the dude u sold him to turned him into a child prostitute. and theyre like well thats not OUR fault! like theyre really defensive and pissy and dont have any interest in meeting dean or even hearing about him. they just want to be left to their lives.

so for a while sam is super devestated about this. i think he kind of built up this whole thing in his head where he would find dean’s family and they’d be wonderful and better than sam and sam would reunite them, thus finally making dean permanently happy and making up for the imagined guilt he carries around bc of their childhoods.

(maybe this whole thing started bc while dean has generally become very happy with his life hes still fucked up, maybe he got into a depressive funk and had like a panicked breakdown like he hadn’t in years, and sam was like whoa. this is my fault and dean still isnt actually happy i guess. maybe if i can find his Perfect Other Family he’ll be happy)

so sam makes his way home all :( sad and depressed and feeling like he failed. and then! when he gets home! he comes in and he sees :) dean being happy :) (dean and cas weren’t worried about sam being gone bc they knew he was traveling, tho they didnt know the real reason). and dean is like smiling and laughing while baking bread with cas and sam is like.... :o and then dean sees sam! and hes like :DDDDD SAMMY YOU’RE BACK!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! and he runs over and gives sam a big hug and lifts him into the air even tho sam is giant at this point. and sam is like. oh. OH. he has a good family already. cas is his family. and i am his family. and we do make him happy. even if his parents were good he wouldnt want to go live with them or whatever bc he already has a happy family and home here <3 ;~; ;~; ;~;

and he doesnt tell dean where he really was or what he was doing or about his biological family bc it literally doesnt matter at all <3 <3 <3 ;~; <3 :)

[batfam-adventures]

(Commentary and thoughts on the problem with certain anti tags and frankly anti tags in general, be warned)

I'm going to be honest, there is nothing that infuriates me more than those who attack a ship, or a character as abusive for the reason of banter, poor writing verging on character assassination or astonishing reasons as one character being created to be a beard for the other.

To give an example, the TimSteph ship has attracted a lot of hate recently because apparently one of the two is abusive towards the other (mostly Steph).

Now, I'm not against preferring another ship to that one, such as StephCass or TimKon, or feeling that Steph has basically had a lot of her agency taken away recently, reducing her to just Tim's girlfriend and that causing people to distance themselves from the relationship, those are all fair enough reasons to not really like the ship. Even feeling like there is no chemistry is a reason, that I disagree with, but can respect.

What I can't respect are some of the reasons given for hating the ship.

To give an example, one tumblr outright stated that part of the reason (though not all of it) they hated Steph was because she was created by a homophobe (Chuck Dixon who IS conservative at the very least) to serve as beard for Tim.

Ignoring for a second that Tim is explicity sexually attracted to women (though considering the run that made that clearest was FabNic's version of Red Robin, I can understand not knowing about it), Steph was originally created to be a one-off character, it was fan popularity that caused her to return AND become a love interest for Tim. Even ignoring that, Tim was dating another girl named Arriana, which didn't work out for various reasons, the least of which was his constant absences to perform his duties as Robin.

Speaking of FabNic, it was his run as writer for Robin that is most often brought up when giving reasons to hate Steph and call her abusive. A run that was basically a rush job, when Dixon left DC again for unrelated reasons, where FabNic proceeded to write Steph hire Scarab of all people to fight Tim non-lethally after promising Batman to make him better. I'm going to be honest, I hated the idea of this to begin with, but someone pointed out how stupidly out of character Steph hiring Scarab was given that A) she would definitely not have the contacts to pull it off, and B) Scarab was the entire reason Steph got fired as Robin, resulting in a lot of trauma for her and I have to agree.

Combined with Steph being portrayed as unusually incompetent and her motivations being glossed over and it really reads like either A) FabNic had a vendetta against her character, meaning her character was hurt again almost immediately after being finally getting a break and having her incredibly spiteful death retconned or B) he was in such a rush due to being brought in to write the final arc of Robin in a hurry when Dixon left, that he didn't think his ideas through, and just wanted to get rid of Tim's supporting cast quickly and finish things up for the next writer to have a clean slate, causing him to write that mess of an arc.

To anyone unfamiliar with FabNic's work, the exact same thing happened in Red Robin when the Nu52 was about to happen, so he ended up butchering an entire arc he had planned, Tim's character suffering from an abrupt shift in coldness again when he was getting better and left the series on a frankly unsatisfying cliffhanger. So, I can completely see that as being what happened.

Now as for those who say that Steph's banter with Tim is cruel and abusive. This is something he canonically said very shortly before their relationship started.

So Tim definitely gave as good as he got.

Though this is nothing to what he once said to his first girlfriend, Arianna.

Not that I believe for a second Tim is actually sexist, but his banter can be unusually and unintentionally aggressive at times.

Now I'm not going to say a word about most of Yost's Red Robin run, but what helps is that Tim is not being portrayed as being in the right with many of his actions and gets called out as such, plus he was written pretty clearly to be in a mentally bad place.

Otherwise I and probably a lot of Tim's fans, hate the Batman jr. Character arc every writer (but Dixon ironically) seemed to have fixated on him having, making him become positively humourless for quite a while (especially in Teen Titans, but to be honest there are many fans of the YJ team who hated that run.) Which basically started with Steph and his dad's deaths by the way.

I'm not going to deny Tim and Steph had their fair share of drama before War Games, most notably the power imbalance caused by Tim knowing Steph's name, but being unable (yes, unable) to give her his. Tim had a reason for not telling Steph, Bruce making him promise not to, and he kept that promise even with the YJ team, and even made it clear that Steph couldn't know if they entered a relationship. That's all fair enough, even if Tim had a nasty habit of reminding Steph he knew her name while they were out in the open, putting her identity at risk and knew she hated it.

The stalking was caused when Tim implied he personally knew a girl they rescued, causing Steph to realise just how unbalanced their relationship was, since Tim could be cheating on her without her knowing due to the double life (and had in fact done so to his previous girlfriend Arianna, with Steph).

Which lets be honest, is also completely understandable as their relationship couldn't work long-term without it being equal knowledgewise.

Think about it, you're in a relationship with someone who refuses to tell you his real name, you may be able to recognise him without his mask on, but have no idea he goes to the same school as you since he makes sure to avoid you while simultaneously keeping an eye on you.

Tim himself realised this, since when Batman leaked his secret without his permission, he eventually made it clear he didn't blame Steph and that he should have been open with her when it began to trouble her.

As for Steph coming on to him when he had a girlfriend and wasn't interested, well this is what caused her to crush on him...

He had just been traumatised by being trapped underground with Cluemaster (brrr.) So kissing her in relief when he had a girlfriend was understandable, but it's also understandable that Steph thought he was interested in her especially since he never mentioned a girlfriend.

Amd Tim clearly cared for her in some way regardless judging from this page when Steph was kidnapped a few issues later.

As for Steph only being in love with Robin... the problem is that Steph made it clear once that she didn't care if Tim quit and she'd love him all the same.

So, no, I don't think Tim and Steph was an abusive ship, it might not be your cup of tea, but it's certainly not abusive, especially when written by a writer who isn't being rushed or got a lot on his plate.

As a side-note, it's worth noting that due to how the Tumblr Search Engine works, people not looking for Anti Tags, and instead quite the opposite, still end up finding them on occassion, so yes, they have a right to be annoyed and complain in private conversations.

I'm sorry if this devolved into a rant, but many anti threads have a nasty habit of focusing only on the bad, even when that bad isn't consistent characterisation. Whether we like the Character or not, we need to remember that having so many writers means that the Character will be screwed up occasionally. How many times has Batman learn not to be a jerk only to return to be a jerk almost immediately? How many times has Green Arrow gotten his act together only for another writer to have him return to cheating on Black Canary again?

We have to concede that any character can be screwed up by the wrong writer and we shouldn't hold that against them, especially when the stuff we don't like doesn't consistently happen.

[leonawriter]

Time Hauls A Silver Tide

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, others.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Notes: Pseudo-soulmates AU. Coloursverse. Previous fic in the series is “A Faint Pale Rainbow”, which is Dazai’s side of the same story, but you don’t need to have read that first.

Summary: Chuuya can't see as many colours as most. He doubts he ever will, so most of the time it doesn't bother him so much. The ones he needs are right there, after all.

Until suddenly, they aren't, because he looks at Dazai and he's covered in grey.

...

Chuuya had only ever seen in black and white from the moment he was born. Which, for him, was far more recent than most. He had crawled out of a crater in a seven year old body, and known nothing about the world other than the fact that, suddenly, he existed.

Chuuya, he had said when a kid older than his supposed age had found him, asked what his name was, some weeks later. Nakahara Chuuya. 

Was it really his name? Did even really belong to him?

It had been what had automatically come out of his mouth, though, so he hadn't questioned it. He had needed to be and to belong more than he had needed truth, and the need for some sort of truth would come later. Could come later, once he was prepared to face it.

They held a piece of paper up to him, and he scowled with all the power of a seven year old god when asked what colours he could see.

Some of us can see different colours, they said. Not just back and grey and white.

He'd just stared at them, and they'd almost ignored him, passing him off as useless until one of them shoved at him more than he liked, and he sent them flying without even thinking about it.

It turned out that colour didn't matter when you could fight instead.

...

At first he's something of a lucky charm, and then later on as he grows older and learns how to fight, he becomes the strength and might of the Sheep.

He looks after them, defends them, tells them off when they get rash and stupid and go into the wrong areas of town. Teaches the younger ones some of the things he's learned over the years, and gets into arguments with the older kids.

He watches as one by one, each of the younger kids they've picked up over the years grow up, and each of them gain their first colours, as they make friends and fall in love and have stupid crushes on other Sheep - or drag their supposed true love into the fold.

A cute little kid asks him, when he's fourteen and he's pointing out some of the ways you can tell colours apart just by shade and placement and what colours usually go where, because it's useful to know this shit, you don't wanna suddenly tell someone the sky's red when it isn't, or that the grass is a beautiful shade of blue-

"But - what if I never get colours and none of this is ever going to mean anything because I never meet anyone who's that important to me?"

Chuuya's mouth goes dry.

He belatedly realises that he's still holding a crayon - maybe red? - in midair.

"I... I guess it isn't normal, but it's not like it's unheard of. That's why they label stuff, see?" Her face drops. He isn't helping. "Besides, you're a cute kid. Can't imagine a cute kid like you going around colourless all your life."

She seems better, after that.

He wishes he could take his own advice, and not worry about it so much.

Instead, he's reminded of how many people he's met and known, and how he just seems to never mean quite enough.

The more he thinks about it, the more he wonders if maybe colour is far too human a thing for him to have aimed at attaining, when his main memory of what he's more than just started to realise is the same as what everyone calls Arahabaki, is just a being of pure destruction with no need for colour, or connection.

...

He first begins to see the blues of the sky in Mori's office, arguing with the suicidal brat, and at first he doesn't even notice.

Eight years of nothing other than black-grey-white, and he hadn't known what to expect, because he'd all but given up on the idea by this point, and now this. 

He's able to keep ahold of himself at least - holds back the worst of the staring, keeps himself from going wide-eyed at everything like some damn tourist who's never been to Japan before, let alone Yokohama, which would've been annoying, given this was where he was from, and in many ways, it was where he'd been born, the only place he'd ever known, and yet-

It felt like seeing everything brand new. Through new eyes. And this was just one colour.

It's new enough and novel and wondrous enough that he's relieved when he can barely see the sky or the sea during their fight with Randou, and that none of the combatants were wearing blue.

(Dazai's ability activating didn't normally glow that brightly, but then, usually it didn't cancel out an ability that big, that powerful, with that much range. He finds himself staring a little too long and a little too awe-struck at Dazai's face, then. Knowing damn well who was to blame for the extra colour in his world, and for just a moment, unable to hate him for it. Hate the fact that it's Dazai, rather.)

It's easy to forget who Dazai is.

And then he's gone, vanishing off back to the mafia, leaving Chuuya to pick up the pieces with the blue sky and the blue sea and the first time he looks in a mirror since mouthing off back in the mafia's headquarter's, he sees his eyes - blue, bright blue.

He curls up around himself that night, leg still hurting, and he blames the tears on the pain and the shock of realising how close he'd come to dying, only to lose the first person who'd known exactly what he was and told him that being Chuuya was enough.

He's left feeling like he's lost something without it having even had a chance to start, the idea that if he'd known Rimbaud longer, maybe... maybe, he would have had a second colour.

Apparently, though, kicking a scrawny brat into a wall and then arguing was enough for one, but a few conversations and two life-changing events just aren't enough for the other-

Most of all, though, the heaving sobs that come for him and steal his breath are for the fact that he can see colour at all, and that this means that either it doesn't matter what he was, or - or maybe, he's human enough as he is.

...

The first hints of red flow into his world like sunset as Mori explains what being a leader means, and he realises at long last what it was that he'd been missing for so long.

It seeps into the chair the Boss is sitting in, the Boss' scarf, the carpet, even the rim of the hat he's now holding.

He'd sworn to destroy every last one of the Port Mafia, but here he is, and he feels more alive than ever in spite of the still throbbing knife wound in his side.

(Red also becomes the colour of blood, which makes him pause before applying just a bit more gravity on the unlucky bastard, because knowing and seeing were two different things.

It made sense, in a way, that the same colour he'd been given by the Boss was the colour of the blood that he had to spill to keep Yokohama's nightlife in check, and remind them who was in charge.)

When he looks in the mirror now, he sees red hair, a little too grey to be truly the shade of scarlet that Mori had imparted to him, but close enough he could see what it looked like, for the first time.

A little more of Chuuya that he could accept as his, as real, as someone and something that belonged somewhere.

...

By the time he meets Dazai in that hallway, Kouyou has already begun to give him pink, and that's enough colours to make the light of the stained glass almost unbearable to look at-

Not to mention, in spite of how insufferable he's being, in spite of so much else still being kept in monotone, he can see in stark relief the way that Dazai's face goes from pink to red and all of the places he flushes, and like hell is he giving in, because if anyone around here is an attention seeking dog it isn't Chuuya.

(Even so, he also refuses to admit he enjoys seeing all of the different ways he can make Dazai flush red. Far too many of them at his expense, and the last thing he wants is to encourage the bratty kid to get worse.)

...

Work and responsibilities drive him into having less time, once he gets the role of executive, but he never stops seeing blue, or red, or pink, and when he'd heard people talking openly about how they'd woken up one day for work only to have a colour fade, he's worried himself more times than he can count by the idea that the next time he looks at the sky, it will have faded to a dull tone.

Dazai doesn't seem to care. Dazai just keeps on throwing himself into danger, the way he'd said he was all too happy to the moment he'd admitted he'd wanted to give being in the Port Mafia a go. 

It shouldn't shock or surprise him anymore. 

He still sighs with relief when the sky is the same as always.

...

And then Dazai leaves, without a word, and his car had been targeted with a bomb, so he can't even go after him.

Dazai leaves.

Dazai leaves, and doesn't come back, and he half expects the sky to turn grey regardless, because everything he'd ever started to trust had been right there, and now one of those pillars, as frustrating and aggravating as he was- 

Dazai was gone.

The sense of betrayal feels like it should mean something. That it should do something.

Instead, the sky is as blue as ever, and the sea sparkles, and his eyes stare back at him, bright and hard and dull and scared and alone-

He hates it. He hates what Dazai makes him feel like - vulnerable and only half of what he could be, and he hates that it's Dazai who makes him feel so human, and he isn't even here for it.

...

He had barely interacted with Akutagawa before Dazai had betrayed the organisation, but now, he's somehow wound up becoming a subordinate. He spars against the kid from time to time, and the way he flinches sometimes pisses Chuuya off, because if you're gonna fight someone stronger than you, the last thing you need is to give them an opening.

Even so, it comes as a sort of dull surprise when Akutagawa comes back from a mission one day with dark spots marring his features, and when Chuuya gets close enough to force the kid to slow down and stop pretending he's fine, he realises it's not just a mix of pink-grey-red, but there's purple mixed in as well.

He tells Akutagawa to go put ice on those bruises before they swell up further, and to tell Mori or a medic if they do get worse, before dismissing him.

Purple, he thinks to himself later, lost in the irony of it. A mixture of red and blue. Someone Dazai left behind, but Mori put him in my care. Just figures, doesn't it.

...

When he comes down the steps to the cell they'd been keeping Dazai in, he isn't lying when he says that Dazai looks like a masterpiece, hung up like that to dry. It was what he deserved, after all - for being a damn traitor, for working with the enemy, for leaving him behind like that.

The fact that Dazai isn't dressed in what had once been clearly just a plain black suit, a suit that hadn't left anything to the imagination, that hadn't been interesting or eye-catching, causes him to blink.

Grey. 

Dazai is covered head to toe in grey.

Colours Chuuya can't see, reminders that Dazai had people in his life who'd given him colours Chuuya didn't have.

It's enough to piss him off even more than he already was, because how the hell did someone like Dazai earn the right to that? Someone who manipulated and harassed other people, and had constantly left Chuuya wondering if he'd ever had a shred of human decency or compassion?

How dare you, his fists say. You don't deserve those colours.

He holds Dazai up by the throat, and holds his knife up to the skin above the bandages, close, close enough to see red pooling around the sheen of the blade, feeling satisfaction at the sight of the dark bruises that are already forming on the little skin Dazai is showing.

I hate you, he thinks, and the feeling doesn't dissipate after he's forced to let Dazai go, and it sits pooling in the pit of his stomach once he's already left.

...

His world goes grey whenever he enters Corruption.

He'd told Dazai once, when they were sixteen and he was scared, more scared of what going completely colourblind had felt like - what it could mean - than of Dazai using it against him.

He always had. Expected Dazai to use it against him, that is, and yet... he hadn't.

What do you think it means, he'd asked, needing some sort of answer even if it was just made up to piss him off, and Dazai had said I've heard that dogs are colourblind, and it'd done the job.

It's also the reason why he hates using Corruption at night more than he hates using Corruption in the daytime. 

In the daytime it feels jarring, because even anyone who's used to violence is used to it not escaping the night, but the night brings darkness and muted colours, so when the monochrome begins to fade out and and wash away, it's slower than it should be, more muted than he'd like, and he finds himself shaking in Dazai's grip as Corruption loses its hold on him and yet at the same time, he's still worried that the lingering aftereffects haven't gone away yet.

He collapses to the ground of the crater he'd made, the strength leaving him and with Dazai's hand gone, nothing to keep him upright.

Feels Dazai's eyes on him, as he's peering down at him like, like- like he's playing some sick show of being concerned.

A show that's betrayed by the way that when he does crouch down to be more on Chuuya's level, when he berates Dazai for not stopping him sooner, Dazai just says that he could have, but he'd been having fun.

The bastard.

"I used Corruption," he manages to get out, "because I trusted you..."

He trails off, staring at Dazai's chest, now that his bandaged arms aren't in the way.

Feels like he should say something else, but the words are all lost.

"That's blue," he says instead.

Dazai blinks. Looks down.

"You didn't notice before? I thought I'd add some colour."

The words spin in his head, the anger and confusion and hope and love and hate clashing to the point where the only thing he can think to do is put the last of his energy into a single punch aimed at Dazai's chest. 

It's pitiable, how he knows damn well that an hour or two ago he could have knocked Dazai back into the trees even without the use of his ability, but after Corruption his words from back in the cell are coming back to bite him - you call that a punch? That's barely even a massage.

The last thing he sees as he topples sideways, is Dazai smiling.

...

(The words won't leave him alone, even well after he wakes up and Dazai is gone.

I thought I'd add some colour.

They both knew damn well that Dazai wasn't actually just wearing grey - that there were things he had, that Chuuya didn't.

I thought I'd add-

But Dazai had chosen to wear blue.

Dull and almost unnoticed in between the stripes of his shirt.

I thought-

Bright and shining in the moonlight, glimmering and ready to catch Chuuya's eye when Chuuya needed it most.

I thought I'd add some colour, Dazai had said, and Chuuya heard I thought of you.)

...

It takes a while for him to get back on even ground with himself.

He curses Dazai's name in the celebration he, the Boss, and Kouyou all share for the fact that Yokohama's been saved.

Swears that he isn't mother henning Akutagawa, thank you very much, unless you want to call practically locking him in until he's sure the kid has rested after that fight, and threatening to confiscate the damn coat until he's sure he isn't just going to pull a Dazai and walk out half dead on his feet.

He finds himself walking the route to the Agency's dorms when he should be going home one day, absent-minded and with more focus on the sky than where he's going, which is how he winds up almost - but not quite - walking straight into the weretiger Akutagawa's so hung up on.

"Eh- Nakahara-san?"

He blinks.

"You're doing better than Akutagawa," he says without thinking.

For a moment he wonders what the kid's gonna do with that information, but then the weretiger just... sighs.

"He pushes himself like he thinks he has to prove something to the world with every fight he gets into, that's why," the kid muttered out, just loudly enough Chuuya could hear him and snort, getting a startled look and a flushed face for his trouble. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Nah, it's fine. That sounds just like him, actually. I've been trying to get him to take better care of himself for years now."

The kid deflates - relaxes, really - and laughs nervously before looking at Chuuya in an almost expectant way.

"Were you... looking for someone?"

He could deny it. He probably should. He could snap and say it was none of the kid's business-

He doesn't, though. Not only because there wouldn't be any point this close to where Dazai might come out of the woodwork at any moment, but because the kid didn't deserve any of it.

He sighs, and looks away, and winds up staring at the cloudy sky, the sun set but the light not quite having disappeared from the horizon yet. Pale blues mix with near-blacks, and he can see every last one of them.

"Yeah... I was wondering if the grey bandaged bastard was around."

"Grey-? Oh... you mean Dazai-san, right?" He doesn't wince, at the reminder that Dazai wasn't grey to everyone else. "He... I think Kunikida-san wanted him to stay later than usual to finish up some reports that suddenly became relevant in a recent case. If you need to tell him something, I can pass a message along?"

He-

Can't.

His mouth goes dry.

"Thanks," he says instead, "but you don't have to. It can wait." He didn't think he could ask this sort of thing through a proxy. It'd be like passing notes in class where the teacher can see them - not that he's ever been able to do anything like that. He doesn't know about Dazai, though. The closest is when they'd tried to tap out morse code messages while they were being reprimanded by Mori. "But - can I ask you something without you telling Dazai for me?"

The kid froze awkwardly, as if only just now remembering that he was chatting away with a Port Mafia executive. It would've been cute if it weren't frustrating.

"I, uh - that- that depends on what you want to know...?"

"Relax, kid-"

"Atsushi."

"Atsushi, then." He left off the honorific. He didn't use it with Dazai, or Akutagawa, or anyone really. Besides, they were technically not on the same side, so a bit of disrespect didn't mean love lost."Relax, I just - wanted to- you know what colours he's wearing, don't you?"

"You can't- oh. I didn't mean... I'm sorry."

"Don't. Just... don't."

He just stands there. He doesn't know if the kid's going to just stare at him with pity until he walks away, but he's got more pride than to be the first one to move.

"...Brown," Atsushi says at last, and it feels like it's been way too fucking long. "He has a tan brown coat, and light brown trousers, and a dark brown waistcoat," he carries on, and each word hurts, because the kid's just standing there and pointing out his weaknesses in the middle of the street. "The leather of his tie is, and so are his hair and his eyes."

Chuuya laughs, and it breaks off when he realises how much he must have given away just by the look in his own eyes, and the way he'd sounded so broken, even just to himself, but he can't help but ask-

"Who the hell gave you that colour?"

The weretiger looks back at him, mostly black-and-white, but with almost full-grey eyes that were somewhat purple near the pupil, near the middle, and he smiles.

"That would be Dazai-san," he said, as if he wasn't just saying something that most people kept private, as if he didn't even think of that. "And, I hope that things work out for you, Nakahara-san."

Something about the way the kid looks at him, the way he just accepts, and the way he wasn't even sure if that was pity anymore, something about any one of those things or just one - takes the wind out of him.

"You might as well call me Chuuya," he says, and sees Atsushi smile - brightly - before he turns away.

...

He answers the call, and doesn't come running, but he comes all the same.

You know what this means, don't you, they all tell him, one way or another.

Like hell he doesn't know what they all think. He doesn't care what they all think.

The blues are fading, he'd realised earlier. I can still see them, but-

He hadn't been able to finish the thought, because the idea that they'd just keep fading until they were just a shadow of what they'd been is one he's not about to entertain today. 

He'd worried about it enough other times, growing up, and more than he ever should have in the past four years. But not today.

The bastard didn't get to die on him today.

...

"You know when's a good time to chicken out and go home? 

"I- no. What is?"

"Never, that's when." Everyone's telling me that bastard's dead. But- "Especially not while I can still see this much blue."

He hurls himself off the helicopter with a run, and chants those damn words in midair.

(There are no guarantees, he remembered reading once. From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.

He doesn't remember who wrote it, but hell if they didn't know what they were talking about.)

...

He still can't see brown when Dazai touches him and brings him back, and the suit is all black-and-white apart from the tie, which is a washed out and ugly grey. Dazai's eyes, when he sees them, are wide and grey, and he knows damn well that the grey in Dazai's hair isn't from age.

None of that matters, though, because he's completely surrounded by the blue of No Longer Human.

He won't admit it, but-

Shitty suit and colours he can't see or not, he still thinks this is the most beautiful he's ever seen Dazai.

...

"If you wanted a kiss, you could've just asked for one, asshole," he grumbles out, the curses and grudging frustration betrayed by his words.

He's slumped across Dazai's shoulder, anyway. The only dignity he'd been able to reclaim was that he wasn't caught with his head practically shoved between Dazai's legs. 

"Dogs give the worst kisses," he hears Dazai say, and the only reason (other than being too damn exhausted to move a muscle still) why he doesn't hit him again just for that, is the distant way he's talking, because he knows Dazai as well as Dazai knows him. You don't get that kind of depth from one colour if you don't. Dazai's... scared. "I much preferred the idea of being given one from a prince."

"You're the worst," he mutters out, and hears - feels - Dazai sigh, his hand on Chuuya's neck not moving. "You could've just asked," he says again.

He could swear he could almost feel Dazai's heart stop beating, his lungs stop taking in air.

He forces himself, with what little energy he'd managed to regain, to push up, out far enough that he could see Dazai's face.

"Don't," Dazai says, sounding like he's just been choked.

Dazai's hand slips-

Chuuya lets himself fall forward, like it's a parody of before, trusting Dazai to catch him again, which he does, but this time he has Dazai's hands on his chest, stopping him from just plain falling onto him entirely, and his mouth on Dazai's. It's about the least romantic thing he can think of and they can laugh about it later.

Right now, he's caught by the way that those not-grey eyes are wide open, staring at him.

"Chuuya is beautiful," Dazai says, before gently setting him back down, before they both wind up worse off than before.

He doesn't let go. Chuuya doesn't let go.

He wonders what Dazai sees, when he looks at him.

...

"...Atsushi was the one who suggested the truce between the Agency and the Port Mafia," Dazai says some time later, by several weeks. They're on a bench by the prettier side of the docks, and the sun's setting over the water. A beautiful mix of red and blue. "The only way he could have come to that conclusion would be while he was either on or falling from the Moby Dick, in an attempt to get Q's doll to me, so that I could nullify the ability and breast the curse."

Chuuya blinks, and thinks back to that time. It's not something he likes to think back on. They'd lost too many good people.

"I don't see what that's got to do with me," he says, trying to push the subject away.

"Really? I certainly found it interesting. Because although he was able to see dark reds before then... it was only after that, that he began to be able to see burnt orange."

"That's... seriously?"

"I wouldn't lie about a thing like this, Chuuya. I believe he respects you."

Who the hell gave you that colour?, he remembered asking, and he laughs. 

"And why d'you think I should know that, anyway?"

Trust shitty Dazai to tell him other peoples' secrets. It shouldn't have been his to tell.

"Because I thought you should know," Dazai says. "You deserved-" He looks out at the sea. For once, the first time he can remember, Dazai's eyes don't just glaze over the parts of the sky that aren't red. "To know. That he was the one I found my blue in."

When Dazai turns to him, eyes wide, leaning in, it leaves his mouth dry for reasons entirely nothing to do with kissing, because he knows this isn't a kissing thing. 

His new subordinate-

Oh, he finds himself thinking.

Because it isn't anything about them, it's about Dazai trying to say to someone, that he'd improved, he'd become better.

Akutagawa had never given him anything. Not even the purple that Chuuya had. And when he saw Dazai now, he didn't think that'd changed. Guilt was no more a basis for a colour than pure hatred was, after all.

"You're an idiot, you dumb shitty mackerel," he says. "But... maybe this isn't such a bad look on you."

He might not be able to see the sunset the same way Dazai did now, lacking the gold he knew Dazai was able to see, but he could see the way the years had changed his old partner, and maybe it wasn't that bad, and maybe he was still bitter and angry, but maybe...

Maybe none of that mattered, because the wide-eyed looks Dazai still gave him from time to time were breathtaking. 

Even if he couldn't see all of those shades of brown.

...

AN: The "There are no guarantees" lines are actually something I'd seen quoted by another author, and it turns out the source is Emmanuel Teney, if you're curious.

The title comes from "The Moon", one of IRL Chuuya's poems.

EDIT: Originally this was just going to be a second part or chapter of "A Faint Pale Rainbow", before I decided to make the Coloursverse into a series. Because of that, I almost forgot that I'd accidentally deleted a clarification: 

Randou/Rimbaud does indeed give Chuuya a colour, but because colours tend to seep in rather than come in all at once, the colour that he would have given to Chuuya never had a chance to set, since the first time Chuuya felt any positive influence from Rimbaud was while he was dying; effectively, the yellows stuck in a state of being never entirely desaturated. Which, unfortunately, also means Chuuya's never going to get that colour in future, since it does technically already exist for him.

[jhpclub]

“you were wrapped in red (when we met)”

{ in which jennie and jisoo meet for the first time on christmas eve and not everything is as it seems }

→ jensoo | santa!jennie | single mom!jisoo

jisoo's sense of time had always been a little bit off

like she never knows what day it is and constantly has to ask her co-workers, and nobody blinks an eye anymore when she forgets their birthday—they know it's nothing personal anyway since she even forgets hers sometimes

so she isn't really that surprised when she realises christmas is just around the corner and she had absolutely no idea, too busy working and taking care of her three year old daughter to actually notice the slowly but steadily increasing amount of shining decorations all around town

it only takes getting stuck in traffic on her way to the office and having to listen to a unhealthy amount of christmas songs the radio throws her way first thing on a monday morning before she realizes what time of the year it is

and of course she gets as excited as ever because, well, jisoo is that type of person

the one who used to stay up all night as a kid just so she could spy on santa claus and make sure he brought her what she had asked for (and also steal one or two of his cookies)

the one who would ignore her classmates' comments and would stubbornly keep on repeating that the chubby guy with the white beard is real even though nobody ever sees him or knows anything about him apart from the fact that he apparently enjoys going around every year to sneak into people's house, bring them gifts and eat their food

jisoo was and still is the type of person that could listen to the same christmas carol ten times on repeat and enjoy herself every single time, following the tune by shaking her head while pretending she's in charge of some big orchestra in her mind

she absolutely loved all the bright christmas lights and ornaments as a kid, and the same could be said for adult jisoo as well, so she's more than ecstatic to buy as many as possible and help her daughter decorate the christmas tree while she snaps some cute pictures she's going to stick on the fridge door later

that's how she ends up getting stuck in some shopping mall for hours, going through an unbelievably large amount of ornaments—big and small, covered in spangles and colorful glitter that gets stuck all over her palms—, getting gifts for her friends and family and of course buying two ridiculous rudolph the reindeer sweaters in different sizes just so she and her daughter can match

the two of them immediately get to work once they make it back to their apartment, creating a colorful mess all over their living room in just a few moments, but jisoo doesn't really mind

sure, this is going to be a hell to clean up later, but right now she's too busy watching her baby giggle as she's standing right next to their christmas tree (which isn't that big cause their apartment doesn't have that much space, but it's still way taller than her uwu), her rudolph sweater fitting her perfectly and making her look absolutely adorable

jisoo even helps her write a letter to santa claus because the little girl has only learnt how to write her name so far, and promises to send it to him

and then time goes by and before jisoo even realises it it's christmas eve and she would give absolutely anything to be home with her daughter, some of her mother's freshly baked cookies and a home alone movie playing on the tv, but here she is instead, stuck in the office until late at night because someone else didn't do their job right and she had to pay the price for it

she literally has the biggest pout ever when she gets back home, but she immediately forgets everything about how shitty her day was when she finds her mother and daughter waiting for her

and after eating, her mom goes to sleep, tired after having to look after the baby all day long, leaving the other two alone, and it doesn't take long before jisoo's eyes turn heavy and she craves her bed more than anything in her life

all she wants to do is sleep, but she has to take care of the little one first, who's also looking very sleepy, judging by how she can't keep her eyes open for more than just a couple of seconds at a time

and once the baby looks comfortable and warm enough, jisoo returns to the living room to turn off the tv and head to bed after what felt like the longest day of her life, but she somehow falls asleep on the couch with the tv still on

that's how she wakes up a few hours later, extremely disoriented and confused because what the hell is that sound? it's definitely not the baby and all the tv screen has to offer now is static, so she has absolutely no idea what is going on until she turns her head to where the christmas tree is

and at first jisoo can't really see anything because it's too dark and her eyes are still adjusting to the world around her, but then she spots the source of the sound aka a figure in the darkness, lean looking and just as tall as her, so she guesses it belongs to a girl

which means it can't possibly be that hard to take her down or at least try because there is absolutely no way jisoo is letting anyone steal from her, not when her mother and daughter are sleeping upstairs and definitely not on christmas eve

and she's this close to kicking the girl on the back and making her fall on the tree face first, but just then the stranger turns around, eyes going wide with surprise as they're locking with jisoo's in the darkness of the room

and jisoo decides to take advance of the thief's stunned moment because she knows this is her chance, so she quickly grabs the first thing her hands land on—her daughter's feeding bottle oh my god— and is ready to throw it on the girl's face

except she doesn't go through with her plan because the stranger starts talking really fast and loud and she looks like she's on the verge of bursting into tears

which means more noise, which means more changes of the baby waking up and starting crying like there's no tomorrow, which means no sleep for jisoo, so she quickly leans in and covers the thief's mouth with the back of her palm until she looks calm again

and now that jisoo's eyes have adjusted to the darkness and the stranger isn't looking that terrified anymore, the girl notices how pretty the other is, all sharp yet delicate features, and she also pays attention to her outfit aka a short fur dress in a vibrant red color with hints of white at the top and bottom

she even has a matching hat on and jisoo can't help a “for a thief, you're fashionable and have a sense of humor at least”

and the girl is looking at her like ???????? because thief? hell no

“no, i, huh��well, i'm actually santa claus' daughter”

and jisoo can't help but burst into laughter because of course she had to be the one getting robbed tonight and by an absolute awful thief at that

and no matter how many times the stranger repeats things like “i'm not a thief, that's what the yule lads* do, they're awful”, “my dad is retiring and i have to take over”, “could you please not call the police? my reindeers are waiting on the roof and rudolph is getting more impatient the older he gets”, “my father is going to be so damn angry if he finds out, he'll probably make me train the new elves and let me tell you, no one wants to do that, they're so freaking loud” jisoo still laughs with her palm over her lips to make sure she makes as little noise as possible

until she suddenly stops because the stranger opens her red bag and a piece of paper jumps out, floats in the air right in front of her face and grows longer, until the end reaches the ground

and jisoo just stares at the other girl because what the hell just happened??? is this some type of secret thief technology or is jisoo finally losing her mind?

and the girl just stares back at her as she grabs the floating paper like it's the most normal thing ever and shows her the list of names with either the word naughty or nice written right next to them

and then jisoo just stands there because floating lists with children names, her daughter's included, and waiting reindeers on her roof and some strange yet pretty girl in her living room talking about santa being her father is too much

and she doesn't know how it happens, but she's suddenly back on the couch and the girl is feeding her the cookies her daughter insisted on leaving out for santa while rubbing her back to calm her down

and then out of the blue she starts talking about how cute baby reindeers are and how she used to take care of them and make sure they grew up healthy and strong before she had to leave other people in charge in order to get ready for talking over her father's position because he's growing too old to be traveling around the world

and just by looking at her jisoo can tell she isn't very fond of what she's doing and she would rather go back to the way things were before

and maybe she's too tired to be rational, or she's simply going crazy,,,, like a girl dressed in red fur sitting on her couch is claiming she's the daughter of some imaginary guy and jisoo actually believes her, how crazier could it possibly get?

but jisoo starts talking about how her life was before the baby and how changes aren't always bad, just different, and it takes time to get used to them

and the girl keeps her eyes on her all the time, making jisoo blush because damn she's so pretty and she really hopes the darkness of the room can hide how red her cheeks have gotten

and jisoo doesn't know for how long they've been talking, but suddenly the girl gets up, looking all panicked and mumbling things like “i'm so late”, “dad is going be so mad”

and the girl gets ready to climb up the chimney—“don't look at me like that, it's easier than it looks, magic does wonders”

but before she leaves jisoo asks for her name and is pretty disappointed when she finds out jennie doesn't have a phone number—“well, um, using reindeers and stardust is easier and cheaper, you know?”

she still gives jennie her number anyway because come on, who would let a girl like that walk away so easily?

and maybe it's silly but after that night she keeps checking her phone for any messages or calls, partly to make sure that what she experienced actually happened, but most importantly because she simply wants to talk to jennie again

which much to jisoo's disappointment doesn't actually happen until after a whole year

jisoo thinks it's silly, and maybe she did imagine the whole thing after all (maybe the whole thing was just a scenario her mind made up just so she could have an excuse to eat all the cookies her daughter left for santa), but she still stays up all night and waits

she waits for so long she's almost ready to lean back on the couch and let her eyes close, but that's when he hears a strange noise coming from the chimney, like someone is making their way down

and her heart starts beating fast because she isn't crazy thank god, but most importantly because jennie is here

jennie, who she almost attacked last year because she got into her house without permission, but now look at her, staying up late to see her

jennie, who has a sweet smile and cares about reindeers and ended up being late just to make sure jisoo was feeling okay

jennie, who comes out of the chimney opening with her red bag on her shoulder and the same big smile like last year

jisoo watches her as she goes to stand next to the tree, leaving her daughter's gift right next to the cookies she left for santa

and when they're finally facing each other jennie grabs something from her bag—“stardust. you can write your messages for me on a paper, any paper, and i will get them. well, you know, if you actually want to send me something. no pressure.”

and then jennie leaves, climbing up the chimney like the year before

and once jisoo makes sure the sleigh isn't on her roof anymore she sits on her office, opens her notebook and uses a little bit of stardust to write will you go on a date with me?

and a few hours later a big shining yes is waiting for her right under her question

♡ bonus ♡

jisoo and the baby moving in with jennie and her parents after dating for a couple of months

jennie convincing her father to make snow fall down in the shape of little hearts just so it can be extra romantic when she proposes to her girlfriend

them getting married in matching white fur dresses and hats and looking cute as hell

jensoo and their daughter taking care of baby reindeers and taking cute pics to hang on the wall

jennie cheating during snowfights by making snowballs float and chase after jisoo

jensoo traveling around the world together every year to make sure all the nice children get their presents

jisoo taking care of the elves and even teaching some cool tricks to the younger ones, making them all swoon over her

jennie getting sick because she played out in the snow with the baby for too long and jisoo scolding her but still taking care of her

jisoo teaching jennie how to use a phone and jennie getting introduced to memes

did you know? santa claus' favorite swimming spot is the north pool xD

...

i'm telling your dad

NO!!!1!1

jensoo cuddling and being happy and in love and drinking hot chocolate while it's snowing outside uwu

*yule lads: mischievous pranksters who sometimes steal and harass people. their role has become more benevolent in recent years, though.

— note —

hi! this is the first time i'm doing something like this, i hope it doesn't suck that much. i just saw jensoo's recent pic and simply couldn't resist, they're so cute. any feedback would be very appreciated! ofc u can send me ur requests if u have any, either for an idol or idolxidol,,,

merry christmas, guys ♡

[jxwritesss]

I’m currently writing this on wattpad as well! @jxwritess

This is a Noen Eubanks fan fiction, I’m trying to spread my book around, pls share and help, it means a lot xx, my main platform is wattpad please read it on there if you find this and enjoy it!

New York. The only place in the entire world, where robots were being developed. Robots, that looked exactly like humans, and there being only one distinctive difference, a tattoo. One that said RA-H.

An RA-H. Robotic animated humans. These androids are helping the world as much as it is destroying it. They force people out of jobs, but in doing so create even better things then humans. Thousands of different political views, millions of haters and lovers. And then there's me.

Malia Blanche, 17, I lost my father, and I was the spitting image of my late mother. I only recently moved to LA, where my life was bombarded with these new androids, I get the concept of them, although I don't truly understand it.

Well, on with the story shall we?

-Chapter One.

Sunday, the day before I start college. A new life, a new story and a new beginning. I can finally pursue my dream of being a writer, just like my mother.

My mother attended John Brown college academy  , her department was romance, mine, mystery, ever since I was a child I thrive for solving mysteries, actions, you know in the movies where there's a fight scene, and it goes slow motion and they throw the punch of victory, thats what ignites my fire, the thrive for doing good, but in a dangerous way, I could always figure out who was lying in a movie, or who the murderer was. Maybe I should be a detective, but my flow comes with writing.

Although I was attending my new school in a day, I lazily decided to stay in bed until half 10, I needed to be at Realsons&Co for 11:15, to get my uniform fitted. John Brown is a very pretentious academy, and I'd worked three jobs, and poured my heart and soul into getting here. Only the best attend the Academy. I don't necessarily fit into the 'my daddy got me in here' well, obviously. I quickly slipped on my jeans and jumper, and slid into my most prised possession. Although it had been pre-owned. The Audi was my mother's, she put her heart and soul into the car, and I will respect her decision and keep the car.

I take out my GPS although I already know where my fitting shop is, as I pass it a few times on the way to my grandma's.

Carefully parking in the visitor section I leave my car, and walk up the steps, and enter the shop, the bell above my head dings and an elderly woman pops her head up and immediately smiles at me. 

"Are you Malia?" The woman asks putting her newspaper down and picking up a signing book.

"Yeah, I'm not too early am I?"

"Of course not, dear.  I'm Molly, my grandson Will, he's in the back, he will measure you up if you need anything readjusting or if you can't find anything your size. John Brown, Deanford and Attenwood are in the back left." She says pointing in the direction.

I thank her, and mentally thank that the place is practically empty. I don't like small talk, thanks social anxiety.

Walking through the back I spot John Brown uniform. A black blazer with red linings, a short black skirt and a white blouse and a dark red tie. Not too childish but not suitable enough for adults.

At the corner of my eye I see a tall boy sat on his phone, his eyes flicker up for a second at me, then back down to his phone.

I continue my search to look for the right size for my uniform when I feel a pair of eyes on me, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I start to guess that the pair of eyes is Molly's grandson Will, I mentally scold myself for being so awkward and pretending not to know that he's watching, when I hear his chair scrape my heart decides to do an athlete course and I pray he can't hear it from where he's standing.

I can tell he's now behind me, as I face my social fears I turn around and slam right into his chest, and in result dropping all my stuff, Will snorts, before helping me by picking up some of the clothes that dropped.

"Thanks," I say, grabbing the clothes from his hand and attempting to walk past him, but his arms stop me.

"Was that sarcastic or not?" He asked smiling. I take a second to take in his looks, he doesn't look as bad as I thought he would, but he doesn't act like a arrogant guy either.

"I'll let you figure that one out," I smile politely back, "I'm Will." He says moving his arm in a posh manner to let me through.

"I know, Molly told me," I answer, "I guess you know who I am?" "Yep, how could I ignore a pretty girl like you?" I mentally roll my eyes at the typical boy. "Mhm, well I need to get changed so excuse me" I say speed walking away from him, boys that make comments like that make me feel extremely uncomfortable.

As I turn the corner to the fitting rooms, I hear Will's voice once again, "I'm gay by the way," he says laughing, I stop in my tracks, suddenly feeling a bit stupid.

——

Checking that I haven't left any clothes behind, I pile them onto the counter, where Will is now standing, he starts to put all my clothes in an expensive looking plastic bag, he looks up at me, "Sorry about earlier, I was just messing about." "No, it's okay, I felt a bit silly when you said you were gay."

He shakes his head and laughs, "most people do, well the ones that aren't stuck up with money up their ass usually do." "Well I'm only here on a scholarship, so I'm not one of them people," I say handing him over the small fee I have to pay, as the scholarship covers most of it. "Surprisingly so am I, I got accepted for Athletics at John Brown," I never really though I would but I guess I should thank the Lord, my parents can't wait to get rid of me anyways, being gay has a price to pay, apparently."

"Well, they obviously don't see the good person that you are." I smile at him, although I wish he hadn't of brought it up, I'm not necessarily the best at giving advice.

The bell rings, and a tall, slim girl walks through.

"Tanner" she says walking through right into the back without a second glance.

"I understand what you mean by stuck up," I whisper, Will chuckles and passes me my bag, the girl walks back and stands behind me, not even two seconds later she starts tapping her foot and complaining.

"Since when do we serve nobodies, Will? That's right we don't. Now move, thanks." She says pushing right past me and throwing her uniform on the counter. Luckily it wasn't a John Brown one, otherwise I might've just about died.

I quietly wave at Will and walk out, seeing a shining white Porsche outside. Seriously where do you even get one that looks so shiny from?

I put the bag in the passenger seat, still feeling annoyed about the girl, as I reach my small flat,   I lock my Audi, and read a movie poster about a girl going missing  with her extremely ill dad. Making a mental note to watch the movie later, I walk up my stairs and unlock my door, I make myself a cup of tea and order some pizza, as I walk into my room, I open up my laptop, and have three new emails, one spam, but two from publishers. My heart does leaps as I open the first one.

'Telford Publishing'

- Hello Malia, we are proud to hear that you are following in your beloved mothers steps. I have read your book sample, but I would like to offer you a potential job, and a tour around  the new              T Pub&Co. I know how much it would mean to your mother if you accept my offer.

Many thanks, Gary.

A potential job?? Could this be my genuine big break?  Hearing a knock at the door, I run over, wanting to start up a reply as soon as possible. Grabbing my purse I open my door to an RA-H

"Malia Blanche?"

"Yes, here's my ID." The robots light turns red as it examines my ID. Doing a robotical smile it's arm stretches out, grabbing the pizza I express a thank you and run back to my desk.

'T Pub&Co.'

Thank you for my sample! I will gladly accept your offer, please email with more detail about the tour and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. My mum would be so happy.

Sincerely, Malia.

As I send the email I let out a squeak of happiness with pizza in my mouth. Clicking onto my word pad, I let myself fall into the world of fiction, and let time slip through my hands.

——

And that's how it is now 3.36am on a Monday trying to start a new story, anything to take my mind off the upcoming day, and the extremely embarrassing 'Tanner' fiasco.

I push my chair back from my old, ridden desk, and flop onto my bed, snuggling into my bedsheets, this has been going on for a week, for some reason I have no flow, the biggest writers block, I have stories everywhere across my room, started, just the plot, a thesis, a blurb. But recently I haven't found anything to give me that push. I turn and toss in an unsucsessive attempt to sleep, and as I check my phone it is only 4 am.

Great, no sleep for the wicked.

——

Groggily, I turn over in my bed and look over to my clock, 6.07am. Throwing my bed covers over, I lazily get up and put on the uniform that luckily fits perfectly. Thinking about my email yesterday, there is nothing more that I want in the world then my writing to become known. Realising that I spend too much time daydreaming, and badly making pancakes, i'm late and have no time to see if I have a reply. Already. Typical Me.

Rushing out of my door, checking the contents of my bag to make sure that I have everything that I need I speed walk right into someone walking up my door, crashing everything they were holding onto the floor.

"God I'm sorry, I didn't mean too, wasnt looking where I was going." I look up and realise that, I wasn't even speaking to a human, but none other then an Android. It simply says, "No worries miss," and continues with its day. Those androids are the ones that Robert Morett himself created, word is that his son is attending John Brown. Although i'm here with a writing scholarship, I doubt he'd need any type of acceptance letter. He could just ask, he is one of the most richest people in America.

Pulling my keys out of my bag I speed walk towards my car, carefully throwing my bag in, and starting the Audi, before starting my drive I pull out my phone to the Maps app, although I used to drive past John Brown to get to school I still want to be prepared.

—

Pulling up at the academy, I notice a few eyes staring at the jet black Audi with the tinted windows, they're probably expected a drop dead gorgeous girl, or the sexiest guy

to walk out, but in all honesty I'm neither.

Turning off my car and stepping out the eyes are suddenly averted to another jet black car, most likely a gorgeous boy or girl in it.

My mind wavered at wondering whether I should stay and stare at the person in black, or be late to my lecture.

Achieving my dream comes first.

I promised my mother that I'd focus on my work, and not get distracted. I intend on keeping that promise.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Tony is new to some boarding school that Bucky is already at (with his friends, as in, the avengers) He gets assigned as Bukcy's new roommate. He never wanted to go to the boarding school, he misses home and Jarvis terribly, and feels really, utterly alone and scared. Bucky is nice to him, sure, but he doesn't try to make friends with him that much. One night Bucky wakes up to Tony sobbing into his pillow, because he's so sad and lonely and homesick. (he comforts him and avengers take him in?)

“Yeah, well- Ms. Martha hates me, it ain’t really surprising that I got bunked together with some new kid instead of you. ‘Sides, Sam would mope around if you roomed with me.” Barnes sighs, at least that’s what Tony thinks he does from his distorted point of view after being stopped by the not exactly hushed voices coming out of the room- his room, but not really-, and opting to hide behind the wall outside the room instead of going in, his back to the wall and his hand fiddling with the buttons of his shirt, nervous, feeling unwelcome.

When the other person in the room- Steve, the golden boy of the school, Tony’s mind supplies- comes out and bumps into Tony just as he preparing to walk into the room casually as if he isn’t debating whether to come in after Barnes falls asleep every single day, he gives Tony an apologetic look and a guilty greeting, as Tony smiles right back with an unnaturally wide smile and heads into the room, closing the door behind him.

Without sparing a glance at Barnes who very much does not have a shirt on- as usual- he throws his bag on his bed- the bed, not his bed- and promptly locks himself into the bathroom.

It’s been a week since he came here, and his mom’s promises that the boarding school was going to get better as he made progress are starting to seem like blatant lies, told to make getting rid of him easier.

You need to get some manners, Tony. You are childish, not disciplined, and-

I got accepted into MIT  and I’m 15, dad-

Enough. You’ll go to MIT when you learn how to behave.

The splash of water against his face doesn’t seem to take away from the heat that seems to burn within since he woke up today, induced by seeing that there’s only one cookie left from the ones that Jarvis sent with him. He knows it’s ridiculous, but he misses him, and even the cookies don’t taste the same when Jarvis isn’t there to scold him for attempting to eat two of them at the same time.

You eat way too much for someone your size, Anthony.

Only your cooking, Jarvis. And Anna’s, of course.

He misses his mom, too. He knows she never wanted him to leave, either, but she wants him to be happy, and it’s true that he is a hard kid to deal with. She has always been willing to try, though, unlike his father. His father had always wanted Tony to be easy.

He isn’t. And he knows boarding school won’t change that just because he gets yelled at on a daily basis.

I don’t want to go, mom. I don’t want to leave. What will happen to Dummy? I was just about to finish him-

You’ll come back, Bambi. You’ll see, everything will work out.

He jolts when the banging at the door gets persistent.

He shakes his head, huffs out with annoyance, and opens the door, lips thinned and eyes fiery, prepared to face an angry Bucky. He can stay in his own bathroom for however long he wants dammit-

“You okay?”

“Sorry?” Tony makes a face, confused, but his fists loosen.

Bucky shrugs. “You’ve been in there for quite a time.”

“I’m fine,” he says, pushing past him- well, more like his shoulder hitting the guy’s chest as he passes by- and plops down onto the bed.

He gets the cookie jar out, stares at it, and puts it under his bed again. All the while Barnes stares at him with strange, inquiring eyes that Tony ignores. Maybe he will eat the cookies later.

He doesn’t hate his roommate. The guy gives him the time of the day, never calls him out on his age, and doesn’t act like he is a child, or that he is some prize that he needs to attain or stare at. He goes about his day, hangs out with his golden best friend and the scary redhead that Tony secretly admires, and some other people. He doesn’t care about Tony. It’s good.

Until it isn’t.

(Watch out for the break!)

It happens when he jolts awake from a dream. He is sitting with Jarvis and Anna at their breakfast table, the smell of fresh bagels coming out, and the cat Tony found when he was five and hid in their home, and never got around to name, wandering around the kitchen, Jarvis pouring tea and Anna laughing at something his husband said. Tony is happy. Tony is home.

But he isn’t really, as it becomes clear to him when the unfamiliar scent of his sheets engulf him, and he opens his eyes to the dark room, his heart beating fast and his hands clutching the sheets tightly, flowing tears on his cheeks, and he can’t help but sob.

He has his back turned to Barnes who is still sleeping, so he curls into himself and tries to muffle his crying, and he thinks he is succeeding until there’s a weight pressing down on his bed, and a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

“When I first came here, two years ago- I was about your age, I think- not taking the classes you do, obviously, but you get what I mean. I hated this place. I mean, I still do, but I have some friends to hate it with. Ms. Martha says the more friends I get, the more trouble I get into. Just the other day, I kicked someone’s ass for calling Nat names. After she kicked his ass. I just couldn’t hold it in, ya know? ” The weight shifts, Bucky crosses his legs, Tony assumes, and for some reason, Tony doesn’t turn around or tell him to fuck off.

“Guess what I mean is, I know it sucks, and you’ve been givin’ me the cold shoulder, but we still don’t have a genius in our group even though Clint seems to think he is one.”

Tony snorts at that, and wipes at his face, kind of embarrassed, but not yet feeling inclined to kick Bucky off his bed. Instead, he turns around to face him, and backs away till he is plastered against the wall, a silent invitation, maybe a step too far away.

Bucky doesn’t hesitate as he slips right in, though, careful to keep away at a distance but with a light smile on his lips, understanding, not at all like that indifferent with a hint of bad-boy-with-a-leather-jacket-and-a-cigarette vibe he always seems to have going on.

It all goes downhill from there.

——————————

It’s six months after they sleep in the same bed that Tony finally feels like he belongs in the school, and that he is- albeit relatively- happy to be where he is.

This realisation hits when they are at lunch, and Nat is feeding him crackers because he is refusing to eat anything else and she is very adamant that he eats- surprisingly, Nat seems to have a really soft spot for him and actually shows it- and Steve is sitting across them trying not to fall asleep and fall into his lunch as he was at football practice all weekend, as Sam yells at some guy over Steve’s head about something. The others are scattered around the table, Clint and Thor focused on their food entirely, and Bruce is at the library for a biology project with Betty who he still denies having feelings for.

Bucky is sitting right beside Tony. Tony has a leg dangling off from Bucky’s right leg and a hand on Bucky’s hair, fingers tangling and untangling themselves almost reflexively as he finally swats Nat’s away and focuses on Bucky, positioning his body to see him better. Nat seems to be content with how much he ate, because she just smiles knowingly and directs her attention to a now half-sleeping Steve.

He is happy.

Bucky, though, seems to stare into his meat as if he wants to butcher the animal all over again, eyes focused on one spot and cold, motionless.

“Attention.” Tony demands, leaning in until his lips almost hit Bucky’s face.

With that, Bucky snaps out of it and turns to the side to the face him, almost causing their lips to touch, and making Tony duck his head and blush without meaning to.

Subtle. His growing crush really is starting to affect his ability to appear as a confident and able individual who doesn’t stutter and blush at the slightest attention and touch from their crush.

Bucky hooks a hand under Tony’s chin and raises it, an inquiring look that he always seems to have when looking to Tony.

“What, you can’t get enough attention from all the eyes already on you, doll?” He teases, and bumps their noses together before letting Tony’s face go, making Tony want to cling to him, but Bucky seems to avoid his eyes even when saying the words, making Tony’s heart sink.

He is probably being overdramatic.

“I want yours.” He pushes, now throwing his other leg over Bucky’s legs, both feet dangling and his elbows resting on his own legs, eyes looking up at Bucky’s strong jawline and grey eyes.

The word crush may not cover it, but he refuses to think about that.

Bucky seems to crack then, turning his steel gaze to Tony’s.

He opens his mouth.

“You have sex hair, Stark. Tell him next time so he doesn’t go so hard on you.” Ty ruffles Tony’s hair as he passes by, throwing a wink to him, making him almost squawk- but he will deny that till he dies.

In hindsight, Tony probably shouldn’t have ever befriended Tiberius Stone, and only did so because he thought it would make his father accept him into their home again, something about making good connections with beneficial people- Ty’s father being the CEO and owner of Viastone- an extremely successful- and dirty company that Tony wants nothing to do with.

Ty is an asshole, but Tony thought he wasn’t so bad. Until he decided that he wanted to date Tony and actively started ruining every moment he had with Bucky when he saw them having one. It is, to say the least, annoying, but it’s not like Bucky is into Tony, or anything.

He just huffs out in annoyance and attempts to fix his hair, cheeks reddening, and he pulls his legs away, sitting properly and not looking at Bucky.

That is, until Bucky shoots to his feet and punches Ty right in the face.

Now, Tony isn’t a stranger to Bucky Barnes being overprotective when it comes to his friends, but Tony can almost see the unnecessary force Bucky puts into the blow, making Ty crash into the nearest table with blood gushing from his nose.

“Buck!” Steve exclaims, seemingly not at all sleepy as he stands and basically jumps over the table to restrain Bucky who is still radiating with anger that he doesn’t seem to want to contain.

“He told you he ain’t interested. Leave him alone or next time blood won’t be the only thing you’re losin’.” Bucky’s voice is surprisingly calm, but cold, and warning.

After Ty leaves with muttered promises of revenge, Tony gives one betrayed look at Bucky and takes his bag, leaving the hall, his head thumping and voices getting distant.

He doesn’t feel very good.

Bucky finds him an hour after, his back against the wall just out the back entrance to his favourite building in the school. It’s his favourite because there aren’t many people who like to hang out there, except a few guys who secretly smoke and lots of cats. Tony is in the process of appreciating a black cat when Bucky materialises in front of him.

“Go away.” Tony demands, trying to look over his shoulder to see the cat again stubbornly. “Leia needs my attention.”

“She can wait for his turn, doll. Look at me.”

Tony does, face scrunched up and trying to look indifferent.

“I’m not a kid. I can defend myself.” He says out of the blue after a moment, looking at Bucky pointedly. “So what if he thinks we are… doing /that/? It doesn’t matter. He’s just saying it. Doesn’t make it true. You didn’t need to punch him.” He huffs out, almost offended.

He knows it’s stupid to be hurt because Bucky is angry at Ty implying they were an item, but it just hurts, he isn’t saying that it makes sense. It doesn’t.

“You think that’s why I punched him? He’s been verbally assaulting you for months, Tony, just cause you don’t wanna date him. He had it comin’.” Bucky shrugs, slings an arm around Tony’s waist. “I don’t regret it, but I’m sorry if you are angry at me.”

Tony looks at him, and is convinced that Bucky is telling the truth, so he leans his head against Bucky’s chest and sighs. “It’s fine.”

“No. ‘M not letting him talk to you like that. Or anyone else, for that matter.” Bucky replies with confidence.

“I can defend myse-”

“You are a baby.”

“I’m a genius and-”

“A baby.”

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are.” Bucky’s lips curl, and Tony knows  that he is teasing, but he takes it as a challenge.

He gets on his tiptoes and plants a light kiss on Bucky’s lips, just meant to be teasing, and pulls away, looking at him daringly. “What were you saying?” He hums.

Bucky is gaping at him, cheeks red and eyes wide, and just as Tony is starting to get worried about breaking Bucky, he is slammed against the wall with lips, hot and needy, against his.

An involuntary moan escapes his lips as his arms wrap themselves around Bucky’s neck and he presses himself against him.

When Bucky finally pulls away, he is looking at Tony with eyes that promise more later.

“You are not a baby.”

Tony can only hum in approval.

[seducing-mr-perfect]

So I passed the test, right? Let’s meet up at the hotel bar at 7 for the real lesson. Oh! Enjoy the lunch box - June.

The note. The thing that starts it all. The thing that starts out at as one of June’s heavy botched operations - only that it hasn’t failed the way she thinks it has. The thing that shows us for certain that, despite everything, Robin isn’t completely immune to June’s charms.

It is clear that while June may not particularly admit to liking Robin, things have changed between them after the Brighton deal. Which is why in the scene where she prepares the lunch box, in the dead of night, she seems to shake herself and say The operations must go on. No matter what. Almost as if her new dynamic with Robin is distracting her from her goal.

June seems to slightly miss the mark here too. As with Operation Angel, preparing a special lunchbox personally for him calls for a certain amount of intimacy that they haven’t reached yet. The movie has given us enough indications of how he feels about having his space invaded, for him to comfortably take what June is giving him. Preparing lunch for someone at work is a very intimate, taking-care-of-a-loved-one thing to do, and for a hoarder who doesn’t like to even have his office touched, partaking of that lunch (especially if he nursed secret feelings for the person who made it) would definitely feel like too much too soon. It’s no wonder then that he takes the note, and passes the box to Yoon Mi.

June sees this differently. She sees it as yet another rejection of her efforts, yet another reason to believe he wants to have nothing to do with her. She assumes that since he’s not even opened the box, he wouldn’t have noticed the note either.

Su-yeoung Tries To Help

We don't see Su-yeoung much in the film, even though she is June's best friend. A phone call in the beginning of the film, and two scenes where she is seen aggressively pushing to get June back into the dating scene.

What we do know is that Su-yeoung has had her fair share of disappointment in her own relationships. She has been married once and by the way she speaks of love in this scene, she seems to have changed to a more 'practical' mindset in contrast to June's, which is clearly more emotional and romantic.

However, having being brought up in a culture that does value both love and marriage as an eventual goal (for instance, one does not bring one's significant other to meet the parents unless they're certain of getting married soon), Su-yeoung controls the situation the way any Korean friend would - by arranging a sogeatting.

A sogaetting (소개팅) is a kind of introductory meeting that's often set up between strangers through a mutual friend. Approaching someone you do not know is not very common in South Korea, so it usually falls on a third person to introduce the couple and to stick around in case the meeting isn't going as well as planned. If the two hit it off, the mutual friend leaves them to decide how to take things forward.

Su-yeoung's motives are very straightforward: get June to move on from Ju-yeoung, with someone. Anyone.

Ju-hyeoung may have receeded far, far behind in June's mind, but there is a part of her that clearly isn't completely over him yet. June isn't the kind of let go of her relationships that easily - she tends to not give up on a person unless there is no way even she can ignore the red flags. That's just the way she is. So when her best friend insults Ju-hyeoung, she is immediately defensive.

This is an important distinction to make, because it gives us a better idea of why June would agree so easily to getting back with him later on, just as she has begun to realise her feelings for Robin.

The Note

The scene splits into two halves: one that shows us June's disastrous date with Jin-guk, and another that shows us Robin waiting for June for an entire hour. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see Robin's point of view on certain things, but the film teases us with enough to recognize that what he feels towards June and what he shows are two different things. It's in this scene that we learn that Robin didn't completely ignore the lunchbox, that he kept her note with him...and most importantly, that he's very, very happy to see her that evening.

We also don't get many scenes of Robin shedding his impenetrable sheild and being vulnerable. The times that we do are mostly associated with his past - his grandfather's belongings and occasionally his bullet wound. Robin is depicted as a hoarder; someone who holds on to his memories and keeps them to remind himself of how far he has come, and why his present is what it is.

This is the only time perhaps we see Robin actually show some attachment to something he has received in the present, that he keeps to himself, that he allows himself a private moment of joy (for instance, he tilts his head slightly while reading it, an action we see him do only with his grandfather's photograph). He first looks around to see if no one is looking, and only then gives himself the luxury of letting his guard down. And this is especially surprising given that he always chooses enclosed settings where he is completely alone - like his room or the office - to reflect on these things.

I think it's a mark of how deeply June has affected him that this intensely private man can't help but fondly re-read a casual, friendly note she has sent him, in a setting as public as a hotel bar.

Sogaetting

By sogaetting standards, the meeting between Jin-guk and Min-june is an unmitigated disaster. Su-yeoung only knows him as a friend of a friend, and June herself has her doubts even before the date has begun.

Marriage in Korea is usually a topic reserved either for when a couple have become really serious, or when it is a matsun (맞선) which involves matchmakers/relatives and where the entire aim of the meeting is marriage itself. While there are people who do date with marriage in mind, a sogaetting is hardly the appropriate place to jump into discussions about weddings, especially with almost no input from the potential "bride".

But Jin-guk? Goes straight for the jugular. Starts talking about wedding preparations: how their families will travel to the venue, the perfect place for venue and stay, consulting a family Taoist. He goes as far as to speak of the money the bride should be spending on their travel, reminding her of her potential place in his life and what he thinks her duties are. He presumes this is what she wants, presumes he is a good enough catch that it doesn't even occur to him that she may not want this, and in fact doesn't even care. June barely gets to even speak in this "conversation". She is so uncomfortable, in fact, that she has to hide in a restroom to escape him.

To make things worse, Su-yeoung enables his behaviour, fawning over him and agreeing to everything he says ("oh, a hotel? That's just fabulous!" "I love having my fortune told!"), eventually encouraging the match and calling June crazy when the latter states that she isn't interested. It's clear that by this point June has found herself in a tight spot.

Blind Date

There are two reasons the blind date/bar scene is so important:

1. It is the first of many misunderstandings in their romance. It works to keep the couple apart, keep them from even guessing that the other person might love them: so that when Robin tells June how he feels in the end, the revelation is that much more emotional.

2. More importantly, it highlights a pretty huge cultural gap between Robin and June.

For the most part Robin has fit in rather well to his new environment, despite his struggle with the language. He is respected by his peers and subordinates in the office, is able to navigate his work space without too many hiccups, seems at home with the way his juniors address him. He seems so at home, in fact, that it would easy to assume that he would know a great deal about Korean culture outside the office as well.

However, the film gives us enough hints of his struggle to understand certain aspects of Korean culture. One is the usage of certain slang words, such as piksari and tungchigi, which June has to explain to him. Another is his lack of knowledge about how marriage and meeting the girl's family works, leaving him to commit a huge faux pas in front of her father.

Robin has no idea what a sogaetting is. When June translates the same into a word that seems more accessible to him ("blind date"), she unknowingly leaves out the cultural context of how a sogaetting works and who facilitates it. "Blind date", for Robin and June, mean very different things. For June it is an arranged meeting that mostly just allows for further casual interactions to test the waters. To Robin, it could range from being merely introduced by a common friend (who won't be as involved as someone facilitating a sokaetting would, possibly?) to an actual date, which involves flirting and possibly sex if both parties are interested. This is possibly also why he assumes straightaway that she spent the night with her date as well.

This is where Robin gets not only angry, but also confused. This is someone who has gone to great lengths to get him to wait at that bar, including cooking for him and slipping in a note that specifically mentioned a time and a place. This is also someone who, he assumes, ditched her plans with him to date someone else, and didn't so much as give him a head's up about doing so (part of this is also his fault: he never lets June know that he received the note, even though he was aware that she found out Yoon Mi had the box). When the truth, really, is that she agonized over having her meticulously prepared lunch rejected, worried about losing the note, was tricked into spending an evening with an overenthusiastic friend and a man who bored her to tears, and spent the night wrestling with her brother over the takeout bill.

A lot of what Robin does here is pretty alien to the character we know thus far. He gets starry-eyed over a note, waits an entire hour for the woman who wrote it, calls her twice to find out why she didn't make it, and is tense and angry enough to warrant letting off some steam on the treadmill. None of this works, so he calls her again, unable to just let the matter go.

Let's remember that so far, Robin has been all about control. He exercises control over his relationships and over his feelings, because he knows the consequences of letting someone else have power over him. He views relationships as a game - which means he would prefer to detach himself emotionally from the other person involved, and not be affected by their actions. So when June "ditches" him, he's immediately riled up, instantly jealous, and just as instantly frustrated that he's giving her this much power over him. Part of his anger lies in the fact that she's affecting him in a way that's making him break half his rules.

He is also angry because, for the first time in possibly a long while, he was genuinely happy about something, genuinely looking forward to meeting up with someone, and her (supposed) lack of concern has ruined that moment for him. He is still thinking on the lines of what he thinks a date would look like, and assumes June's actions by those parameters. Owing to the issues he carries from his past relationship, Robin definitely seems like a man doesn't like feeling like he doesn't matter, and that's how he feels around June right now.

June never gets the opportunity (until just before their cruise trip) to clear this up with him, owing to multiple assumptions: that he never got the note, that he was calling her from some random place just to ask the time, that he thinks she is pathetic. First because she thinks the note has gotten lost somewhere, then because her cell battery died out on her. So she is left thinking he doesn't particularly care, and Robin is left thinking that he means nothing to her besides a man who can teach her the rules of the game. It's an impression of himself that makes him even more reluctant to admit how he feels about her - both to himself and to her. It's an impression of himself that he carries to the rest of the film.

--

*A lot of what I said about sogaetting I picked up from whatever I had read and watched. Korean readers, if I've gotten any of this wrong, I'm really sorry. Please do not hesitate to point it out so I can make corrections.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace & Jimmy

Janis: Fucking Phones! *Janis shouts, her frustration kicked into overdrive, phone shotput at the nearest wall before she can think about it. If it wasn't broken before, like. Paces over to the shattered remains, not to cradle with regret, but to put the boot in further, stomping heavily on the useless hunk of junk 'til she's satisfied. Deep breaths were saved for AFTER the storm, not some pathetic vain attempt to stop the inevitable. She was well past that stage. Had she EVER been so naive to be at that stage? Had she ever tried to stop herself? What was the point? She knew how strong she was, how strong IT was, knew better than to get in her own way, like. As she was pondering what the fuck to do now, someone who had NEVER learnt to get out of the oncoming tide's way walked through the door. Oh, Gracie. How many times have you been left shattered on the floor? Stung to think about. Not just 'cos she'd got glass in her feet that needed dealing with. But first- Despite agreeing with Jim earlier, Janis knew her twin better, knew there was more to it. What she did not know was what to do about it. Whatever it was. Gulp. An olive branch disguised as you'd be doing me a favour. That'd have to do it.* Grace? Can I borrow your phone quick, like. *She gestured to the crime scene below her feet.* Grace: *She's a liar, concerned with only the promise that today the gym would be packed, and it was. Every lad who flexed to get girls had eyes for the ones they ranked before Grace walked in, and the girls that were above it, or faking that they were, locked onto their camera roll as they did their work out, looking at themselves, 'done with anyone else, honestly'. She took selfies herself, because without being focused on the insta numbers what did she have, a playlist that preached empowerment without giving her any? Tragic. Pathetic was all she felt next to them, solidarity wiped off her radar by the invisibility she needed and hated. Fuck the sisterhood. Mother nature's turned her back and over it without a 'thank you, next. There's more space at home for her than here. Beyond tragic. Still she goes there minus any juice or coffee stops, there's no craving that can touch how much she doesn't want to run into the growing list of people who she'd die if she had to deal with being around. Obviously she near collides with one of the first immediately because OH MY GOD she can't get a break right now. Coping with only being wanted for her phone is easier than expected though. Grace unlocks and hands it over wordlessly, keeping her attention on what is gestured and so #relatable.* Janis: *Janis nods her thanks, doing her level-best to pretend her sister, silent, wasn't a total headfuck; Wished for many a time but she'd never professed to being careful, had she? The tapping out of a quick text the only sound allowed to occupy the vast space between them. Allowing the awkwardness to grow, as if it could bridge the gap, Janis read his reply (received in record time, by the way) and made huge effort not to smile smugly because she REFUSED to be one of those girls, even though that had had the potential to unite her with her twin in the past, it felt like a bad move now. She wasn't one of those girls either. Not really Not deep down. And she certainly did not seem it nowadays. Oh how we have changed, my friend. She handed the phone back as silently as it had been given, intent on leaving it at that but, for some reason, words tumbling as thoughtless as the rain of violence had upon her own phone just moments ago, she just asked her.* Do you want to come out with us? We're not doing anything exciting, like. So you don't have to...But if a bit of normality sounds good, though; gotta walk the dogs and his brother and sister, run some errands up town. *She finishes lamely with a casual shrug, as if that took nothing, as if they always did this kinda thing. Before they did, but the past was a different place, a town they didn't occupy any more. Whether you thought that a tragedy (and Janis did think it that, too) or otherwise, it was what it was.* Grace: *This headfuck adds itself to the pile, leaving her again, clueless as to who the fuck she is. Grace had long been thinking it of her twin, before barista boy had moved in and got her shaken off from her sister totally, but it's pushed away whenever it enters her head and tries to shake up her own persona. No way and no time like. Until now that it had run out for her anyway. It doesn't matter what her mum said, over and over, she feels broken. And ashamed. And somehow, Janis knew that without knowing, offering her a pity hang to keep the vibe from leaving her alone. Obviously she could go off, hard, in the moment and get everyone else to leave her but what was the point if that's her only power? A pity party is the only one that'll be thrown for her these days, there's no choice but to cope with that. Later. After she's called Janis out in gestures and expressions that scream UGH and AS IF because too much has changed to let go of that. Even as she realises she's accepting, all 'thank god I showered and changed at the gym' crossing her mind and face.* Okay, Jan, no need to beg babes. *Grace fluffs her hair, smiling wide enough to hurt. Later too.* Gotta change my bag first like OMG, a dog that cute has just gotta come home with me. Unfair that your feed gets all of her when mine's the most poppin'. She's welcome. Janis: *Janis rolls her eyes but that action, so overused it went way beyond practiced into straight up muscle memory, was accompanied by a less usual smile. Small but conveying the too-big-and-awkward-to-mention idea that today, just this once, she would let shit slide. Still, it'd feel to alien for both if she let her twin get away with EVERYTHING, like. Sympathies SHOULD only stretch so far, otherwise who even were they?* Sure she'll be buzzin' for the fame, Grace. Just be quick about it, alright? I've already left 'em hanging long enough meself with the fecking phone dramas... *And the shower. And the actually taking longer than ten seconds to pick out somethin' decent to wear, somethin' he might like. Push that feeling down, along with the bile it caused. Don't think about it. Deal with it later. She busied herself in the kitchen, NOT like the proper little housewife the stupidity of giving a shit was mockingly making her feel, but by fishing out the promised leftovers for Twix, finding the sparklers, and chucking in some leftovers for the kids too, Holiday food still coming out their earholes here. Again she ignored the mocking voice from within, trying to be rational about it. It weren't like she gave a fuck like THAT, and not about Jim but if their dad was AWOL it was probably microwave meals and takeaway grub, the kiddos may as well have something decent to line their bellies, Lord knows her fam didn't need it. No sense wasting it. So there. Fuck you. Janis grabbed her house keys and chucked her new cropped hoodie over her outfit, untucking her curls and waiting by the door, foot tapping from impatience, nothing more, alright?* Grace: *Grace moves fast, not because she's feeling it herself but she knows Janis is and can't handle the fight, impatience so blatant to cause it that even without a twin connection that Jimmy would see it himself as quick. Her stomach twists painfully, the idea that no man will ever want her again resurfacing before it can be pushed back down. Her body flops down on her bed staying separate from her, face pressed into the tear-stained pillow until she has a reason for not being able to breathe. A small sound comes out, nothing else. The other girl will be charging up the stairs if she doesn't hurry so she forces herself up and does the switch, grabbing stuff she might need blindly. The 'who am I?' question throws itself out again but it's better than any Janis will ask otherwise. Grace reassures herself its her reasoning for no mirror check before walking away. * Janis: *The 'okay, let's do this' doesn't need to be vocalized (need or want? they're two very different beasts but let's both pretend we don't know otherwise), so it isn't. Quickly jostling out the door, matching pace on the short walk to the Grandparent's, like this was a two-step or a tango another dance that required two to- somehow keeping rhythm, keeping time, so well and so naturally between them it was like they'd never stopped being a double act. Now with Killer in tow, the truth that they had stopped being Graceandjanis, presented itself readily in the hugs and love she received and the awkward hellos and suspicious barks Grace did when they made their date. Janis couldn't very well push the kiddos away, no need to be that much of a cunt on anyone's behalf, her sister especially wouldn't thank her for it- but she converted Jim's into a one-arm handshake type hug affair; 'accidentally (who knew?) pushing her extended fist into his stomach with a 'whoops'. She withdrew, choosing to do what she knew how before anything else could be said or done or even thought.* Race ya to the swings! *It was a challenge for the entire group, fuck it, the dogs could get in on the action if they liked, just give a fucking distraction. Bobby hung back Grace too. Janis looked back, wondering if she should run back too, not leave her sister so soon but she found her legs continuing regardless, beyond her control. That was just how it was these days.* Grace: *She can breathe again, easily, of course she can, when they are walking side by side. Grace forgets until the park's in sight, reminding her hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. She blinks them away, refusing to be that girl, but the buggy's still there, being pushed in time with her own steps so close she can't help but remember how far away any of that is for her. Frantically she clutches her phone, acting out living a life where what the screen is showing her is something she cares deeply about knowing. The distraction can't last and doesn't. There they are, Jimmy and his brother, his sister keeping pace with a sniffing puppy, kicking her own toes against the ground. 'I feel you girl' she thinks, automatically despite having no idea what the girl's deal is and barely a grip on her own either. They all smile, waves and everything, but hers doesn't hurt now and won't tonight. None of this is real. She might as well not be here, that's not news anymore than Janis being gone again is, so why react to it? It's hard enough pretending to give them her usual vibes. The boy doesn't run when the rest do, sticking with her. What the fuck is she meant to do or say to that? She blinks again, breathing deep and he mirrors it. Too relatable. Horrible. If he starts sobbing she can't just stand there. No way. Janis would kill her. It'd look suss af even if she handled it well, a kid crying with nobody but her around to blame. Oh god. She can't do this. He's looking at her like she trod on his dog with her heels on, and hasn't stopped. Grace bends down to his level with another whispered 'hey, cutie', cussing herself for packing her bag on autopilot because she couldn't guarantee having anything he might like. At a loss she falls into old habits, asking him quietly if he wants to take a selfie. He shakes his head no first, until she pulls up all the best features her phone can offer, filters making him smile wider and wider as he skips through. He almost loses it when she makes herself into a singing dog emoji thing and insists loudly that she send it to his big sister's phone. She tells him to go ahead, all it takes to secure a friend for the afternoon apparently. Grace shakes her head, smiling without realizing it. He hasn't even found her games yet. Just you wait boy.* Jimmy: *It's been a headache getting them sorted, but the fresh air eventually clears it before it turns into more than a heaviness behind his eyes. Janis not having a phone, and the thought of him having to text Grace's more than once had him picking up the pace and the kids followed eagerly despite dragging their feet when he first told 'em to get a move on. Cass has no choice unless she was about Twix wrecking her Christmas trackies in all the excitement of her true love appearing and Bobby makes up his mind just as fast when he catches on too. The park or the cramped four walls of their living room, no contest, like. He was with them both there. #Buzzing he thinks with a smirk that's a grin until it's nothing. She pushes him away, forcing him to push himself to catch back up. He touches the chain of the swing just after she does, dogs at his heels, only moving aside so his sister can jump on (and off as soon probably, but go for it, Cass). No prizes for coming second. He looks over his shoulder for bobby, seeking him out, relaxing when he sees Grace with him. He's alright. Wish he could say the same, having lost.* Janis: *Janis took as much internal pleasure from the victory as she could get- not much, nothing if we're being real (we aren't). Empty as she felt, plenty of room, like; still, she found the silly little 'win' just as hollow. Still, could fake that that wasn't the case, throwing up loser signs as she raised her arms in 'triumph'. Being an arrogant cunt was a surefire way to keep people at a safe distance, that method beyond tried and tested now. 'Let's get this whole situation back to fakery, yeah?' Her every sane impulse urges, terror white hot, cornered animal scared, ready to lash out for her survival, (and his). 'Please, no. I'm not ready to stop this!' The part of her that burns with wanting him, loving- this, whatever 'this' was, begs, thick with need. Need was not allowed. Needing things just meant hurt and disappointment, every time. And Janis felt she had enough stacked already. Call her weak or a pussy for knowing she wasn't super-human, (not even human), for knowing her limits (Weak. Pussy.) Enough was enough, do what you do best already, and run; run so far ahead of him that all he's left with is your dust, not even memories, good or otherwise, to remember you by. Forget about it, kid. Ignoring Jim might be a task she was up for the challenge of but ignoring Twix proved near impossible, Janis patted the pup's head absent-mindedly, just to get her to calm down a bit, like. Working out what was wrong when she was met with manic sniffing, she dug around in her pockets and produced a bone. She tossed it lazily but it still flew a great distance through the air out into the open field. She then had the perfect excuse to casually follow after the running dog. So chill. So natural.* Jimmy: *He pushes Cass on the swing a few times, helping her get the speed up she needs to make the jump, but hard as he goes for it, it doesn't help. The only thing that's gonna is to sort out why Janis is being off with him. He asks himself first, thinking that since Grace was being uncharacteristically quiet too that was the answer. Being mad that Gracie has invited herself to tag along made sense but taking it out on him was a dickhead move like. Shrugging to convince any watching sisters that he didn't give a shit, he jogs over to where the two of them are, bending to annoy Twix 'cause that'll get to her most.* Gracie coming too town too? I see how it is, getting coffee when she knows her real faves on shift. None taken.* It's bollocks but going off for a smoke'll go down like a lead balloon with Bobby when he notices which means Cass getting pissed off at him when Janis already is. Instead he nods over to where his little brother is, still beside Grace. *We should get in on that, bet our selfie game's well stronger and you'd make a gorgeous bunny mate it has to be said. Janis: *Janis nudges him away from Twix as if the daft thing were hers and not at least part his, making a 'leave off' sound too.* Don't blame me if she goes for your ankles, like. I didn't teach her how to do that or nowt but you know, s'a bitch's prerogative. *She nods, not looking at him, eyes kept on the horizon, as if he were a stranger she was having a meaningless chat to about the weather whilst keeping an eye out for the bus still.* Yeah. Anything to get out the house though, init. *Said as if Grace was driving her as mad as two hyper kids, which usually wouldn't be a lie but currently her sister had about as much life in her as the Christmas tree they'd just chucked. She did her best to ignore the joke about the other baristas, 'cos at the end of the day it was one, it just didn't feel like it when her twin was in such a way. But even Janis couldn't pin that on the boy stood with her now, she had enough pride to not appear entirely irrational, like. She could, however, lower herself to an eye-roll at the equally as jokey suggestion.* Nah. Bobby's cuter. Besides, I'm so fucking sick of selfies. Jimmy: *He shakes his head exaggeratedly, smirking.* No chance. She's soft as. Lot of that going about.* Jimmy nudges Janis playfully. *Like trainer, like dog, don't they say? *Anything to get a reaction out of her that isn't this. 'Cause fucking hell he doesn't get it. They'd had a good day before, only better if he'd beat her at paintball too, and a decent night despite the actually mad amount of family she had for him to meet. This morning she'd been alright with him. Their normal. Until now. What the fuck had gone wrong? Panic makes his palms slick and he uses her nan's husky as means to destroy the evidence before she twigs it to be, patting the dog's head affectionately.* This one on the other hand, #savage. Twix, get taking those notes, hun. *He laughs, hating what it sounds like when it lands, but preserving. Why the fuck not. Might as well go one further he thinks, and does, acting like he'd been shot down by what's actually true as he raises his hands to demand a ceasefire before making a show of putting the phone away and patting his pocket. * You'll change your tune once that new model's in your hand. Janis: Fuck off! *She says, indignant, voice raised. Couldn't even help it, correct button pressed; well done, mate. Nail on head, the ease in which he could do it sickening, a punch in the guts. A warning sign. No, it wasn't. She just got angry, she was an angry person, that was all, nothing more to it. Now calm down. Calm the fuck down before you embarrass yourself further. 1 2 3- Fuck it. Janis snorts, again words out before she can help it. Before she can censor the shit he doesn't need to know. The shit she doesn't talk about. Ever. With anyone.* Yeah well, that's what happens when you're not raised- *Stopping herself before its too late, 'cos nope not going there, not today, not with him. She let him distract the both of them with his amateur dramatics, looking him up and down skeptically.* Not too late to join the drama club, you know. You need an outlet, mate. About as much as I need the newest iPhone and all its megapixels, like. *She does her own mime act, clicking an invisible camera at him.* Grace: *They are playing some brightly coloured tapping game together when his shyness of her wears off. The questions are easy at first, listing off the cats names as far back as she can remember when she tells him regretfully about not having a dog, counting on her fingers and using his when they run out. They are both laughing at the end of it and she continues after hearing his mum was allergic to dogs so they couldn't get Twix 'til she went. Way to own and finalise that separation Mr Taylor, Grace thinks. Such a mood. Janis would 100% approve. She looks over at her sister but her gaze won't linger long enough to be felt. Not now. It just can't. She can't go there. She asks him more about her, this mum who he insists is 'far away', letting him talk. He deserves to say anything he wants, in whatever sense her absence means to him. None of her family do and look at them all. There's a huge part of her desperate to join in, just have the words 'my sister Edie is gone too' come out, but she can't go there either. It isn't right. Not when she means dead and this kid is what, like 5? If her twin's ever shared that info with her she can't find it in the moment, like it matters. She's not gonna offload that on him. No way. Better to keep smiling and encouraging, at least he's thriving off it.* Jimmy: Calm it down! *His own tone stays playful, matching the smirk he doesn't dare to drop. Fuck him for forgetting his shades the one time he needs them for something that isn't posing, if anything in his face gives him away to her they aren't gonna make it to town, making him a peak dickhead. He nods at the next bit, letting her know how 'so relatable he finds it, like' as he looks over at Cass and Bobby both, wearing the 'don't I know it' on his face wearily. Joke's over there. Call it a raw nerve, or too much truth to shrug through.* Yeah. *Before his weariness can piss them both off he takes the out his given to keep this banter jokey. Hip Hip Hooray!* Countin' on it. Shame you've missed the deadline for being one of us art pricks. You'll always have the 'gram though. #blessed. Janis: *'Great' Janis thinks to herself, sinking further into the regret consuming her every thought and action today as she realizes, (or at least presumes), he picked up on the dead sister vibes and now feels awkward as arse. Well done, dickhead. It wasn't as if she could plead ignorance, four years gone had taught them all that other people were crap with dealing with the death conversation. No one wanted the reminder. Least of all them, to be honest. Had to seep into everything, didn't she? Never any good at staying gone. Fuck you, Edie. Janis swallowed following his gaze to Cass and Bobby, taking the time to check up on her sibling too. Nothing, she tells herself, she feels nothing. Fuck them all. Its the blisteringly cold wind making her eyes water, that's all. She grunts in response, hardly worth it but it was all she had to give, not sorry about it. Sorry. She walks on in silence, throwing things for the dogs, shouting out commands, doing her best to disguise the cracks in her voice as a sore throat and nowt else. In the spirit of throwing a bone, she attempts to say something real, give him anything to work with. Purely 'cos this was boring, like. If they were gonna be wasting their afternoon regardless, yeah?*  Let's play a game. You have to answer every question truthfully and straight away, like, if you don't you lose your chance to ask a question back. Meaning I get to go again or you pussy-out fully and call game over then you lose. Got it? I'll even let you go first, gracious victor that I am. Jimmy: *He doesn't know what to do when he sees it in her eyes any more than when he does in his sister's. The fight. He knows what he wants to do, every damn time, but he knows what it'll earn him from Janis. Same as Cass near enough. A smack or a strop off. He's had plenty of the first, naturally, but the second has him frozen in place. He sees it in his head, Janis stepping back as he moves forward and can't bear the maybe like. He breathes out hard, forcing it until he coughs. By the time he has his shit together, it's done. Chance missed for him to go for asking 'why are you being so off with me?' Thank fuck, 'cause honestly he knows the answer, doesn't he? She's fed up now they aren't faking it. He shouldn't hold blame, state of him, but it's there. For himself mostly, thinking she'd be any different. Nobody stays. Give her a few years and Cass'd be off to, looking for better. Bobby after some more. Still, he trails along, trying to be wrong. Needing to be. He feels it when he kisses her, more than his desperation, and if it exists, he can keep on to it.  So he gets a grip now, sorts himself enough to be properly back next to her. Grins when he is, 'cause there it is. A new chance. Fucking hell. Jimmy nods. * Yeah okay. *He catches her eye, challenging her to back down already but bricking it that she might. What would he do then? He nudges her, the contact meaning more to him than the casual gesture lets anyone else know. He tries, ready to lose if needs be. * What's up with you then? Janis: *Janis resists the urge to pull a face, an 'of all the questions' kind of look, 'cos obviously that's the entire point of the game and she was the one who started it so- man up, like. She opts for the classic 'is that it?' look instead, faking out on her answer not being an option (she wouldn't do that to him) but she could at least front some bravado before answering truthfully. She leaned into his nudge as if to prove to herself otherwise as she said-* I'm scared. *A shrug, again, as if to counteract her words. She also fought the urge to ask what was wrong with him too, settling on an easier question, but one she'd still care to know the answer to.* How many girls have you slept with? Jimmy: *There's so many questions that come to mind when she gives her answer but it isn't his turn and honestly, if it was, he's scared too. More than a bit. Probably more than she is, truthfully. 'Cause the feeling is too strong to be alone in, he's about to let her know she isn't, by reaching for her hand and squeezing but there's no time for that. She takes her go, digging at him less than expected. Jim hides his surprise with a snort, shaking his head. 'What are you like?' that gesture implies, but he's bothered more about the state of himself, hiding behind all this bollocks again. He returns the shrug she gave him, easy as. She already knows about Skerries. There's no mystery despite what they all seemed to believe when he arrived as a newbie * 2. I had a girlfriend at home before. Ages go. * He shoots her a look, hopefully unreadable.* That scare you more or less? Janis: *She nods. Honestly, pleased, just a hint of a smile gracing her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah that shit shouldn't matter and it didn't, like; when you were on level-pegging, her bitterness told her, even if Jim's number was low, hers was always gonna be lower, wasn't it? Still, there was only one honest answer to his question. Didn't even compare, like.* Less. *Janis was tempted to ask him why he was wasting questions but she would be doing the same in-turn so, nah. She let herself think for slightly longer than last time, working out how best to play this. Interesting enough to keep him playing but not coming out with the real scary shit 'cos that'd have him quitting even faster if she went there with no warming him up, like.* Why'd you not wait to find a real girlfriend here? Jimmy: *He laughs, it's her directness that does it. Yeah that's the point of the game but she's there shamelessly #buzzing by his 'revelation.' It's the first time he's done something right since they got here and he can't help smiling himself. Finally not a smirk. Cheers, mate. He stops himself shrugging yet again, in case that feels like a step back, though for real, he could care less about this question. He'd never lied about his lack of interest or any of that. Still wasn't. * I didn't want one. *Until he did. And here they are. Scary shit. It's better to focus on the game, something he can ask while still playing safe enough to keep going. What then? Come on, dickhead. There's a part of him, also from ages ago apparently, that wants to blurt out something about that cunt Harry she kept kissing, the jealousy existing, making him feel shitty. Reminding him he is, like. His smile fades. Can't keep anything, can he? *Why me when you could've just told your haters about other school Harry and left it at that? He loved boasting about the two of you, he'd have been enough. Janis: *Janis stuck her middle finger up but she joined in the laughter all the same, 'cos not would give her away more than she already had and she couldn't have that. Just let him think she was a jealous girl or whatever had him cracking up. 'Cos surely she hadn't let him close enough that he could actually know what was up, had she? She considered his answer as she stressed over her own. Guess he hadn't...But why now? What had changed? Was they really still just mates, but with benefits, like? Was that all he waiting for? Oh wait, stupid bitch, YOU have to answer first. And that is way more than your allotted one question per turn. And just much too much in general. Calm it. And answer before you look any weirder.* 'Cos he weren't my boyfriend. Ever. Anyone can get a lad like that to get off with them, didn't really prove anything. Besides, I wanted to help you, like. I dunna why. Sue me. *She pokes her tongue out, turning to face him, walking backward as she asks her next. Changing tact, 'cos she's not sure if she can actually handle knowing the answers to all the questions she'd posed in her head.* Do you really hate it here? Jimmy: *It doesn't seem like she's gonna answer at first, but instead of feeling good about another victory to his name, it just lets in all the shit waiting there in his own head to fill in the blanks. He's heard and told a load to piss off before she gives hers. It's nowt he didn't proper know by himself but there's comfort in how she says 'ever' as a fuck you. Fuck off Harry you prick. The feeling only builds when she gets walking like that, reminding him of Jaden's party. He'd never wanted to stop kissing her that night. Still didn't. Same finality. 'Cause yeah, right now he didn't ever. There it was. So when he shakes his head it's no pisstake. Banter's the furthest thing from the gesture and he let's his face show it. Just for now, like. * Nah, I hate that them two do, but not me. *He looks over at his siblings, Bobbin's taken Cass' place on the swings now but she's stayed nearby, phone out, snapping him. Do it for the 'gram, he can't help thinking, an affectionate smile lingering as he looks back at his girlfriend. *You? Wish you'd kept running when you did one from school and me like? Janis: *Back to nodding again, following the direction of his gaze and topic of conversation, 'cos she gets it. Without second-guessing and stopping herself with 'well their situation is probably worse' type of thoughts, she just lets it come out. The first thing she's ever said to him about Edie. The first time she's spoken about her in a long time, except to tell Grace she's glad she's dead, and that she wished she were too, of course. Standard.* We haven't always lived here, either...Lived lots of places for Mum's job and just 'cos. Ireland was barely Home for the older lot; when we came back my sister Edie hated it so fucking much. Not exciting enough, I guess. Or she liked people not knowing us the rest of the places, unlike here... *She trails off red-faced. Shrugging for cover as always.* What I mean is, probably the exact opposite for them two. Not enough people know 'em. We could change that. Introduce them to the unwashed mass of my lot. They will get more comfortable, you know... *Again the trail-off 'cos why the fuck was she offering up useless platitudes like he was a total idiot? Jesus. Distract with your answer time, bitch. As if that would diffuse the tension any. HA.* Kind of...but nah, not really, 'cos its just the people and their talk and the good and bad memories and all the ghosts, init? No matter the destination, all that shit follows so- It ain't really Dublin's fault. Just nice to take a break sometimes. *She smiles, hoping it'll just be taken as a reference to always having Skerries or some shit, and not the fact that being with him felt like a break, wherever they were. Don't need to scare him off THAT hard. And not yet. Fuck a good decision. For now.* What about you, why'd your Da move yous here? Jimmy: *It's his turn to nod dumbly then, 'cause he gets it, Edie's (supposed) feeling. It's what he likes best about this city, that even when his (supposed) new boy shine wears off, there's still much none of them know about him. Won't. He can breathe here for that, a bit, and does until he's reminded of the limits by Janis says after. She isn't wrong. Here he isn't the lad whose mum vanished, but he still is. Always will be, unless she does some magic fucking reappearing act, and how likely is that? It isn't doable, he tells himself so every damn night and for good reason. But Janis isn't wrong about what Cass and Bob need either. It isn't fair for him to keep them shut in this tight circle knowing that they can't keep their mouths shut. Why should they? They're just kids and its their normal, bound to feel like the kind of shit chatted about over the school lunch table. His hands shove themselves deep in his pockets not knowing what else to do. He wants a smoke bad but isn't far enough away from the park yet. Won't get to be. This is why they're here like. Shit. * Yeah. *It's all he has to say, barely able to look at her as is. Lifting his head back to her level is a bigger challenge than he can rise to now. Loser. Fuck. More than anything else he wants to ask her for a break, demand it, but he can't. Janis hit right on how there's no escaping this. He sighs, pulling his hood up. If she thinks he's only keeping the cold out then he'll take that, if not, he'll handle it when. Fuck it. There's only so much trying Jimmy can do today. * He got fired. Wanted a fresh start then.* He shrugs. All true. He doesn't believe if lying by omission or any of that bollocks. She didn't ask why he was sacked. Why a fresh start had to be so drastic. Those are other questions, ones he's not about to answer come to that.* We goin' down town or what? Janis: *That was it. Game over. Before she even had tie to register his answer he was sick of giving it. His hood and guard back up. Sighing with it too. Oh, how Janis wished it made HER mad. What she wouldn't give to feel that familiar friend close to her right now, to take comfort in its arms when he was shutting her out. But of course not, of course fucking not. Couldn't even have that, could she? All she felt was desperation, desperate to be let back in, to know what she did wrong so she could avoid doing it again, and it made her feel fucking sick. At least the nausea gave her valid reason to spit on the ground.* Can't be bothered now, don't matter, you lot still go if you wanna. *She fumbled in her hoodie pocket for Killer's lead, whistling him over so she could get the fuck out of here, NOW. Of course, Twix came bounding and the oblivious husky didn't. Great.* Good girl, Twix... *She mumbled, giving her some love and a treat, wishing the ground could swallow her whole.* Jimmy: *He starts walking back toward the swings, knowing it'll take ages to get both of them ready to go, longer than Janis is gonna stick around for definitely. Jimmy keeps his gaze there, Twix'll move when Cass does and there and then, if she didn't he didn't give a shit. There's no room for it. He's only filled up with how badly he's fucked this when the answer comes and a question won't follow. His sister starts mouthing off when he makes it clear they're off home but a look sorts it. Gotta leave before he's left, sorry. Cass gets Bobby and Twix with her, which should make him feel worse but there's no room for that either. Not yet. One for later like. The two them say their goodbyes, Bobby gives hugs to both twins. He doesn't. Can't if it's the last. There's nowt to do but this.* Probs text you, Gracie. *He's aiming for a joke, without waiting for it to land. Any answers. It's too much, being fake again. Especially like this.* Janis: *Even though she's the one who said it, AND she was the one who started to pack up first, when he just walks away, without so much as a glance back, nevermind a goodbye, it's like a punch in the face. (Don't you know by now I don't mean it? Dickhead)* Oi! *She pushes past him, letting the shout sail over his head like it wasn't even a little bit aimed at him, rushing up to Cass to give her the bag of goodies she'd foraged.* Enjoy, yeah? *Saying her Goodbyes to both kid's as if her and Jim already had, nothing to see here. Janis grits her teeth, poor excuse for a good-humored smile to match his worse attempt at a joke. Have her, if that's what you really want, just cut me off 'cos I can't keep hanging on your every word, Jimmy Taylor. She says nothing, figuring she can let her twin, like she used to. Feeling that unnecessary and unwanted again.* Grace: *Grace has no idea what's happening, beyond the obvious. The tragic. She was in her own world until Jimmy came through, a world where she could deal with being around these kids 'cause they're older and Cass reminds her of Gus which hurts, but in the old way, one she's learned to cope with. This new pain is too new to try and deal. It takes everything not to cry when she hears a newborn doing that. She's hates it, being back to being this lost, a hopeless saddo again, so obviously latches onto the tension surrounding her twin and the barista. She can't fix it, can't even really put her finger on the vibe, but it's enough that it isn't hers. A distraction she can sit in. Drama that can never be as deep as the one her body's done on her.* Oh, you're going. Cool. Laters then, babes. Hope I'll see you around, cutie. * She smiles wide at Bobby, a better fake than Janis can ever be. *No offense, Jimmy.* The laugh sounds real. Only the kids give her something back, but it's for them she does it, not wanting what her sister is gonna dish out in this mood. And if looks could kill, the boyfriend's could have them all in the ground. No fucking thanks. Off you go, boy, bye.* Jimmy: *He waves both twins off as if they're on equal footing suddenly like. Funny fucker he is. Even more of a twat. He keeps going, lighting up as he does, every word Cass might say about it blocked out before it gets out. Enough. It's this or worse, sorry. The kids start bickering as they round the corner, taking out the bullshit he'd started and let seep out on each other when they can't reach him. Jimmy feels like handling it like he's younger than Bobby's age, throwing himself to the floor and sobbing for a bit. There's no getting rid that easily though. Not for him. Janis was the lucky one there. Shame she didn't feel it, but it was too late for him to do anything about that. She wasn't even in sight anymore. Fuck knows when she next would be. He couldn't think of school starting when tomorrow was too far. Too much. He rubs his eyes, ready to call it tiredness but nobody was there to issue a challenge. Fuck.* Janis: *Janis turns on her heel, without acknowledging him again (not hard when all she can think to do is knock him out or beg at his feet, neither of those an option she could live with), but its cheapened by the fact he did it first, and meant it. She prays the walk Home can be as shrouded in sweet silence as the walk here was. For her sake this time. But as they walk on, further and further away from him, she starts to wish Grace would say something, ANYTHING! She needed the distraction from her own thoughts, the ones that had got her in this mess in the fucking first place! Differences aside, even her twin was better company.* Did you wanna go up-town, like? We still can... *She shrugs. What else does she have to say or offer right now?* Grace: *The walk back doesn't feel anything like the one going, they are in step, yeah, but it means nothing 'cause they're both so in their own 'drama'. She nearly tells her sister, at least part of it, as an excuse for why she's being this 'ugh' (none of these stupid, basic words fit, but they are what she automatically reaches for), feeling she owes her that, knowing Janis would be down for her being a bitch over giving her nothing to kick back against. None of the words will come out though. Of course. Only more of her usual kinda convo stuff will. She's that bitch now. Shadowing her former self. God, it's even more pathetic than anything she'd tried to pull on her twin. But it fits, and she flips her hair, turning to the other with a smile which doesn't come as easy but she forces herself to wear anyway. *Well, girl, you still need a phone. Even if just to tell him to fuck off when he tries blowing mine up. Janis: *She's looking down at their feet; looking anywhere else, a risk. She nods, allowing a small 'true' chuckle to follow too. Janis raises her head, straightening her back and standing up taller. She groans as she cracks her bones and stretches out her arms and legs like she's warming up for something. Too little too late, perhaps? God damn.* Fuck this shit, Gracie. Fuck.This.Shit. *She doesn't even know fully what her sister's shit is yet but she feels confident in sending it to Hell with her own.* What are we gonna do, eh? Grace: *She whispers it herself, 'fuck it' so soft, but so 'fire'. (Another word than couldn't touch how things were) It felt good to have it out of her. More than that, feeling connected to her twin again (bad as she felt for thinking it under these conditions, god she was such a bitch.) was even better. A more genuine smile is offered up while she thinks of what she can say, tapping her nails against denim. *We're going to town, sister, and owning the rest of this day. New phone, new clothes, whatever we want. Fuck it. Janis: *Janis smiles back, as genuine.* Fuck it. Let's do this.