#and having to eventually end the conversation being like ok great so we'll just not talk about each other going forward. knowing they will.

[shesarealphony]

like i know i have an insane job but i have an INSANE job

[redflagshipwriter]

check yes to go on a date w a dead guy ch 4 progress

next chapter here

(masterpost with this story here)

It took a minute for Jason to recover from that realization. He kept the anger he felt off his face. Danny didn’t seem upset about dying young, but that didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an appropriate topic to prod about on a first meeting. He’d get there eventually.

Jason stilled. Ah, shit, he still didn’t have a plan. Just eating together was too short and too boring. He needed to have something better than that.

Fuck, what were they going to do next? 

Jason strained for ideas. What was a good date? Normally, he'd know more about a person before they hung out romantically. 

Well. Actually, normally he hung out platonically with someone a lot before he started to feel interest in them. This was all kinds of backwards: but he didn't want it to end yet. 

“So, uh, what do you like to do?” Jason asked. Masterful. So smooth.

Danny scrunched up his nose. “Lately my afterlife sucks,” he groused. “I am drowning in paperwork and busy stuff.” He slumped over. “I miss being in high school,” Danny sighed. He drew his knees in and rested his elbows on them, then squished his cheeks with his palms. “I guess I used to just hang out, you know?” He shrugged. “Played a lot of video games. I miss that.” 

“Of course,” Jason said, despite never having hung out and played video games in high school. He'd been an overscheduled nerd in junior high school and then been too dead for high school. “That sounds fun. Wanna go back to mine and play something later?”

Danny lit up, blue eyes sparkling in the fading light. “Yes! That would be great.” He straightened his legs and kicked his heels against the side of the building. “Wait, can we do the whole grungy high school hangout thing with pop and chips and dip and pizza and stuff?”

He almost said “we literally just ate”, but what the hell. “We'll hit the store next,” Jason said. He couldn't say no to that face. Look at ‘em. He was so excited.

'Ugh, god. Danny died in high school,’’ Jason realized. He'd already known Danny died young but it still stuck in his stomach like a rock. 'No wonder he misses what he did then. He's interacting with the physical world now but if he died, he probably went to like, dead land immediately.’

But, uh. Video games. He could do that. He kept up a conversation as his mind churned, asking Danny what kind of games he liked.

The thing was, Jason didn't really play video games. He had a console at his place and if he was hanging out with Roy or Dick there, they'd bring a game over. He owned like, two games. 

He considered popping by the store and just buying something. But that would be weird and intense. He'd probably freak Danny out if he went and dropped money on a game just to play with him. 

Ok. Well. He'd get someone to drop off games before he and Danny could get back to the apartment. Jason sneakily got out his phone and strategized. 

Steph? No. Terrible. He couldn't let that girl know he had a date until the poor bastard really liked him for sure. She'd either chase Danny off or somehow orchestrate the two of them getting engaged. 

Tim? God, no. He'd definitely own a lot of games but they'd all be for the PC, and he'd hang around and smirk about Jason meeting up with Danny.

Dick? Too far away, and way too smug. He'd take it as an opportunity to tease.

Oh, wait. He had it. Jason opened up a message to Duke and sent out a quick “I want to bribe you. Homemade pizza? Artichoke dip? Fried oysters???” 

“Did you take a life?????” Duke shot back. Then, “pizza! What do you need?” 

“Get to my place with a bunch of video games that'll work on my tv in less than an hour and I'll make whatever you want.” 

The three dots indicating typing popped up. They stayed there for a weirdly long time. Then, Duke said, “Can I stay and hang out? 🥺”

Adorable little bastard. Jason typed out NO and then hesitated, feeling kinda bad.

“Who's that?” Danny prompted. 

Ah, shit, he was being rude. Jason flushed. “Asking a little brother to bring over a game,” he admitted. “He wants to stay.” 

Danny laughed. “That's adorable,” he announced. “It's fine by me. Lots of games are better with more people, anyway.” 

Well. If that was the case, Jason was fine with it. He sent Duke an OK and then put his phone away before the inevitable “I AM THE FAVORITE SIBLING” fireworks started. 

[anjaelle]

hii, can you write a dave lisewski x reader where reader is new at school and he volunteers to give her a tour of the school. Dave thinks she is really pretty and wants to be her friend, he asks questions about her and finds out that she likes comics and superhero’s just like he does and he asks her to come to his house after school to watch a new marvel movie that just came out. she says yes and they watch the movie at his house. during the movie dave just can’t keep his eyes off of her and he’s so in love with her even though he just met her.The movie ends and he walks her home because it’s getting late and he doesn’t want her to possibly get into some kind of danger. when they make it to her house( he finds out that they live close to one another) she thanks him for being so kind to her and kisses him on the cheek. he blushes and wishes her a goodnight. from then on they become great friends and maybe even more. (SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, js wanted it to be detailed so it’s easier for you!!🤭)

@baddestdu0y3t

Pairing: Dave Lizewski x New Girl!Reader

Warnings: None. Except general teen awkwardness?

a/n: Ok so I'll be honest and say that I haven't written for highschool characters since I was a highschooler myself about 10-11 years ago. So I'm admittedly a bit rusty. I probably won't make this a regular thing, because I don't really think I'm good at it haha. And I changed some things around and cut some things out for brevity, but kept the important bits. It kind of feels like a coming-of-age romcom.

(gif source)

--x--

Dave would happily get stabbed and hit by a car twenty more times if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the current situation he was in. He'd dripped oil from his bacon egg and cheese in his lap, and tried to clean the stain with soap and water, which created an almost bigger stain. The hand dryer in the mens room wasn't working, there were no paper towels, and he was running late to homeroom. Todd gave him a sympathetic pat on the back and offered the ever-helpful comment, "Don't freak. It'll dry eventually."

But it'd been a half hour, and it hadn't dried completely. A few people passed him with looks of disgust.

This day was already turning out to be shit, and it was only 9 AM. He shoved his head in his locker, wishing that a sinkhole would form in the middle of the school and swallow him whole. As the hallway cleared, he noticed you looking down at at a paper and distractedly walking in one direction before turning a corner and disappearing. You then turned back around and walked past him again in the other direction, with a furrowed brow and a pouting lower lip. When you turned to pass him a third time, he closed his locker and awkwardly leaned up against it.

"Hey! Are you lost?" He nearly shouted at you. You stopped short, startled out of whatever daze you were in, and looked at him as if you didn't even notice there was another person in the hall until now. Any plans he had to have a normal conversation left him immediately. He cut his eyes away from you. It was like staring into the sun.

"Hi." You re-adjusted your bag on your shoulder, "And yeah. This school is way bigger than my old one and I'm kinda turned around."

"Oh, yeah, totally, for sure. It's--yeah, it's big." He said awkwardly pulling at the straps of his backpack, "I mean, the school is big. The halls are big. It's a maze. Even I still get lost sometimes, and I've been here almost 4 years."

God, Dave, shut the fuck up.

You giggled at him and he felt his cheeks warm at the sound of it.

"Um, can you help me?" You asked, quirking your head to get a better look at him.

"Sure. Yeah, I can walk you to your next class."

You smiled at him and he smiled back, revealing the cutest dimples you'd ever seen.

"What about your class?"

He peeked at your schedule and his brows disappeared under the curls on his forehead, "We have the same homeroom. So we'll be going the same way."

He was very different from the boys you talked to at your previous school. You thought of what your old friends would say about him. You weren't super popular or anything, but you navigated most social spaces with relative ease. It also meant hiding a lot of yourself. Dave had a kind face and warm eyes that studied you with a sense of eager curiosity that flattered you. Incidentally, you were curious about him too.

When you introduced yourself to him and shook his hand, you noticed immediately how strong his grip was and his calloused palms. Most guys you knew with hands like those played contact sports. He didn't seem like the type, at first glance. He seemed to notice your surprise but didn't quite understand the reason behind it.

"Sorry if my hands are sweaty," he said, instinctively wiping them on his pants.

You rushed to ease his fears, "No they weren't! You're fine." And then, "Do you play sports?"

"Nope. I mean...sometimes I play Wii Tennis. I don't know if that counts though."

You giggled again, "I think that counts."

Interesting. Maybe he did woodworking or mechanic stuff like your dad. You made a mental note for later.

You both strolled down the hall in no real rush to make it to your destination as you talked. He was incredibly animated and spoke with his hands when he got into the groove of the conversation. And when you talked about your old school or your family, he actively listened and asked even more questions.

"You're really cool," he finally said, breathlessly. If you could visibly blush, you're sure you would've. You've been called a lot of things, but never "cool" with such earnestness. "I just wish I'd met you when I didn't have bacon stains on my pants."

He looked down at himself again and grimaced at his own misfortune. You could almost laugh at how resigned he was. Like this was just an everyday thing he had to deal with.

"You could just do what the girls do when we have stains on our pants," you suggested. He quirked a questioning brow and you motioned with your hands. "Tie your hoodie around your waist. It'll hide the stain pretty well, I think."

His eyes widened like you'd revealed the secrets of the universe to him, "I...didn't even think of that."

He immediately took his backpack off and dropped it to the ground to unzip his hoodie. When you noticed his tee shirt, you heard an eager gasp slip from you before you could really stop it. His shirt had the different sketched out iterations of Batman's costume designs over the years, which included a mix of his comic and movie suits.

"I just really like your shirt." You explained as he tied his sweater around his waist. "I was raised in a DC household. My dad has a big box of old school batman comics in our basement that I used to poke through when I was a kid."

His face lit up at your confession, "You like comic books?"

"I used to. I mostly just watch the movies now. The good ones, anyway." You said, shrugging. In truth, you hadn't picked a comic up since middle school. You missed reading them sometimes, but you never really had anyone to talk about them with. So you just stopped. You explained as much to him and he hummed in thought.

"Well, you can always talk about them with me. Do you like Marvel, too?"

You scrunched your nose up at him and he gasped.

"I'm sorry," you couldn't help but laugh at his dismayed expression, "I just think most Marvel movies are corny. And the comics can be a little soap opera-y to me. Maybe I'll give the comics another try, but I don't think I've seen any recent movies other than Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok."

When he thought about it, he couldn't really blame you for feeling that way, "If you had to choose, would you say that those were your favorites?"

"Nope," you admitted, "My favorite is Captain America: The Winter Soldier."

"And not Civil War? That one's my favorite."

You shook your head as you both approached the door to your homeroom, "I may have only seen it in parts. I don't really remember it."

He bounced on the balls of his feet nervously and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Well if you wanted...we could watch it at my house next Saturday. Only if you want. My dad and my friend Todd will be there, so it won't be just us. But they won't be weird either. At least, I don't think so."

You smiled at him as he babbled on, only reaching out to lightly touch his arm. "Let me ask my mom. She might ask for your dad's number, if that's okay?"

A small smile graced his pretty face.

He nodded, "Totally."

Todd wasn't super happy with the idea of you joining their movie night. But Dave watched him warm up to you until you were both practically friends, too. He felt a twinge of jealousy at how quickly you two got along, but he summed that up to just how friendly and easy to talk to you were. He knew the movie front to back, so he couldn't help but watch you study the movie with deep interest to see how you reacted to his favorite parts. When all was said and done, the three of you sat in the living room discussing Civil War and if you were Team Cap or Team Stark. You all seemed to be in agreement that Tony was a war criminal who indoctrinated child soldiers. But you all were in disagreement about whether Tony deserved to have his ass kicked by two super soldiers.

"He literally didn't even know that he did anything wrong!" You argued to Todd, who rolled his eyes.

"You're only saying that about Bucky because you think he's hot."

"Maybe so," you admitted, "but my point still stands. He was brainwashed, he wasn't responsible."

"So you wouldn't be upset if I killed your parents, and Dave knew but hid it from you, and then beat you up when you found out?" The blond asked, popping a pretzel in his mouth, "I dunno. I'd be pretty upset."

"That's different, Dave would tell me." You responded with a coy wink at your new best friend.

Todd groaned, "You think he'd throw me under the bus for you?"

"I mean--" Dave cut in, pushing himself from the couch to stand to his feet and stretch, "--she is really pretty. And she smells nice. You're not as pretty and you just smell like Axe."

Todd gasped in mock hurt and you motioned to yourself as if to say "look at the material."

When 9:00 hit, you said goodbye to Dave's father who invited you and your family back for dinner, and hugged Todd goodbye.

"You're still wrong about Tony." He mumbled.

"You're in denial."

"You're In denial."

When you broke away to hug Dave he hesitated, "I was going to walk you home if that's okay with you. No pressure. I just...Uber is expensive on Saturday nights, and I know you don't live too far. But I don't want you to feel unsafe."

You noticed Todd shoot an odd glance at Dave before schooling his features. You made another mental note, but nodded.

"Sure, thanks."

You still weren't used to how long city blocks were. So even though you lived only a few blocks away, it felt like so much longer. Despite everything, you were surprised by how quiet this section of Manhattan was at night. Some people milled about, either going to or coming from someplace else. The air was brisk enough to add a jolt of energy to your system, but it still wasn't so cold that you felt any rush to get home.

"So what's up with the callouses?" You suddenly asked. Dave seemed confused by the question, so you grabbed his hand and held it up to him, then turned his hands over to show his reddened knuckles.

"Oh. I-I'm a...boxer. I box." He stammered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Only my dad and Todd don't know. So don't, like, bring it up around them. They'd freak out."

You hummed, "Okay."

He let out a sigh of relief. A sharp gust of wind from a passing wind tunnel chilled you to the bone, and you looped your arm through his.

"Oh!" You said, surprised.

"Are you cold?" He leaned in closer to you, "We can walk faster if you want."

"I just..my hands are a bit cold." That didn't explain the way you were wrapped around his arm like a boa constrictor. But he didn't seem to mind. He shifted his hand in his sweater pocket.

"There's some room."

You felt your stomach flutter when his hand brushed against yours in his sweater pocket. The flutter turned into a rapid thud when his fingers laced through yours. Despite how ice cold your hands were, he didn't pull away.

"Is that okay?" He asked, shyly, fully prepared to move his hand if you objected. You gave his fingers a small squeeze.

"It's great, actually."

You carried on the casual conversation for another few blocks before stopping at a newly renovated brownstone. He realized then that your family definitely had more money than his.

"Here we are."

You slipped your hand out of his grasp when you realized you still had it in his pocket.

"So...I'll see you monday?" He asked, fidgeting with a loose piece of string on his sleeve.

"Of course."

"Awesome."

"Yeah."

You looked him over one last time before you parted ways. He was your first real friend since you moved, but you still felt like there was so much about him that you didn't know. Not because he was particularly secretive, but because you felt like there was more to him than he let on. You unconsciously reached up and moved a curl away from his eyes. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, in response.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," you said, "I just think you're really cool, Dave Lizewski."

His smile bloomed into a wide grin, exposing the deep dimples in his cheeks. "You're cool, too. Probably the coolest person I know, actually."

Your heart was thudding in your ears when you leaned up to press a gentle, lingering kiss to his cheek. Before you pulled away, you heard him gasp softly in surprise.

You suddenly felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and checked to see that it was your mom asking where you were.

You usually let your mom know ahead of time when you were on your way home, but you felt uncharacteristically out of sorts. You shot her a quick text letting her know you were outside.

"I hate to do this," you said, finally breaking him out of his stupor, "I really have to go now. Mom's asking questions. Text me when you get home, okay, Curly?"

You gently touched his arm and climbed the steps of your house to the front door. He gave you a weak thumbs up, but he still stared at you with a shocked, flushed face. "G-gotcha."

"And don't forget."

"I won't. I promise."

When you finally shut the door behind you, you peeked out of the small eyehole to watch as he touched his face in surprise and walked down the street in the wrong direction.

[one-boring-person]

Can I Help You?

Paul (The Lost Boys) x Gay!male reader

Warnings: very vague mentions of violence, mentions of homophobia

Context: After being kicked out o his home by his father, (Y/n) finds himself at the Boardwalk, where a certain vampire offers him some comfort.

A/N: I've had this rattling around in my head for days, so I thought I'd write it out. I'm sorry if it isnt that great, I'm new to writing this sort of a character and I was a little sketchy on how Paul would react in this situation.

My feet ache from use as I trail onto the Boardwalk after a couple of hours of aimless wandering, my mind numbed after being encompassed by grief for so long, dried tears streaking my cheeks. No one gives me a second glance, not a care in the world given to the eighteen year old boy limping around the streets with a tattered rucksack strapped to his back, his jacket stained by the beer his father threw at him when he was kicked out. No, not a care in the world.

I tighten my fingers around the strap of my bag, trying to adjust the weight a little more evenly across my back, my shoulders protesting painfully as I try to mingle with the crowd, ignoring the bustling people around me with the intention of finding a place to sit for a while and think up a plan as to what the hell I'm supposed to do. In my ears, the cacophony of voices and tinny music is loud and harsh, especially after the shouting matches I  took part in, not too long ago, a wince escaping me as a particularly rowdy surfer yells out to his friends from behind me. Starting, I manage to bump into someone behind me, who instinctively pushes me back with an angry curse, causing me to blurt out a rushed apology before I dart away from them, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Already, I can feel the tears resurfacing, their heated droplets threatening to spill out over my cheeks as I do my best to force them down again, a choking sensation rising in my throat. Stopping in my tracks, I frantically look around, disorientated with all the people pushing and shoving past me, the sounds all blurring into one as my vision does the same, panic and fear rising within me as I try to calm myself down, breathing heavily. Instinctually, I manage to work my way out of the crowd, my hands grasping at the low wall that separates the beach from the Boardwalk, my head tucked to my chest as I try my best to calm my erratic breathing  and pounding heartbeat, focusing on the sensation of each gasp of air flowing in and out of my lungs.

Eventually, I find myself sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall behind me, my head thrown back to maximise the passage of air into my body, my rucksack cradled on my lap, the straps wrapped tightly around my fingers - a nervous habit I've never managed to shake. Sweat coats my forehead, my hair sticking to my skin uncomfortably even as I lift a hand to brush it away, more strands falling into place to replace the ones I move. Thankfully, my senses have returned to normal, though my resolve has once again broken, the tears of anger, betrayal and grief dripping steadily down my damp cheeks, leaving small spots on my denim jacket as they fall off my jaw, making me look as though I were in my own little raincloud of misery. For a while I stay sat there, drowning myself in my sorrows, wishing I had a bottle of hard alcohol to help me forget, even if the solution is only temporary, my mind aching and longing for relief.

I barely notice when someone sits next to me, only really looking up when they clear their throat, finding myself face to face with a familiar, handsome blonde, with a mess of hair on his head and warm blue eyes taking in my appearance, his lanky frame folding up neatly, yet somehow languidly at the same time, beside mine. On any over day, I would've spent hours just staring at someone as good looking as he is.

"C-can I h-help you?" I force out, my voice cracking with barely concealed emotion.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" The blonde responds, smirking gently at me, even though I don't return the gesture.

"If you want to, I guess." I say, frowning a bit in confusion, my arms tightening around my rucksack out of habit.

"Well then, can I help you?" He pushes, his smirk becoming an encouraging smile instead, "What happened?"

"Why do you care? No one else does." I sigh, bitterly, a little suspicious of his behaviour.

"Beacuse I hate seeing sweet people like you in pain." He replies, eyes softening when he notices the blush creeping onto my cheeks from the compliment.

"How do you know I'm sweet? I could be a monster." I point out, looking over at him.

Surprisingly, he chuckles at this, the sound sparking an odd feeling in my stomach, as if someone housed a hundred butterflies inside me.

"Trust me, you're no monster." He reassures me, his expression taking on a knowing look as I give him an unsure one, "And as for being sweet, I've seen you around here before, with your boyfriend, and there are very few people who I would consider sweeter. Speaking of which where is he?"

At the reminder, I look down, my heart wrenching painfully as I recall my last conversation with him.

"...you're worthless, (Y/n), so I'm ending it. Don't come near me ever again, unless you want me to show you how pathetic you really are."

He'd slammed the door on me then, but not after throwing our anniversary gift at me from the threshold, the little bracelet I bought him clattering against the hard ground at my feet, my heart tearing itself to pieces.

"Hey, what's wrong? What did I do?" My newfound companion breaks me from my thoughts, his voice laced with panic and concern, a hand placed hesitantly against my arm as he leans forwards to look me in the eye, his other hand coming around to cup my face. I blink away the tears before replying.

"You...you didn't do anything..." I manage to grit out between sobs, collecting myself enough to give him an answer, "He broke up with me, and then my dad threw me out. I've got nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I'm alone."

At my confession, his blue eyes cloud with shock and horror, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tries to respond.

"Why'd your dad throw you out?" He asks me quietly, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin.

"Because I'm gay." I admit, looking down until he tilts my head back up to him, a determined look in his eyes.

"That doesn't make you a bad person. You are who you are, and it's his fault for not being able to see that. As for your ex, he'll soon realise he's missing out on a lifetime of greatness with you, and by then, it'll be too late for him to make amends. And if you need a place to stay and a friend to get you through it all, well, I'm here aren't I?"

Shock and surprise fill me at his offer, my mind already reeling at his show of kindness, my heart aching to go with him.

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose..."

"Of course! There's plenty of space back home for one more tenant, though you'll have to deal with my friends and the fact that "home" is not necessarily the sort of thing you'd expect..." He confirms, sitting back on his heels as he waits for a reply, smiling at me.

"Well, if you're sure it's ok, then I'd love to come with you." I agree somewhat hesitantly, a little nervous after having only just meeting him.

"Of course. There is one condition, though."

"What is it?" I ask, hoping I'll be able to abide by this, and it won't be too costly.

"I'll need to take your name."

"My na...? Oh, yeah, of course. I'm (Y/n)." I respond, relief flooding my voice as I take his outstretched hand, blushing when he lifts it to his face and kisses my knuckles, shooting me a mischievous grin.

"Paul. It's nice to finally meet you." He says to me, helping me to my feet with a gentle pull, "You ever ridden a motorcycle before?"

"Err, I can't say I have, no."

"Well, there's a first time for everything. You just have to hold on. Tight." The blonde smirks, tugging me along to where a black and red motorcycle is leaning against the railing, a few tyre tracks around it showing where there were other bikes around it.

"O-k." I reply slowly, gingerly climbing up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist with some trepidation.

"We'll be home before you know it." And with that, the tall blonde lets out an ecstatic shriek as he kicks the engine into gear, the motorcycle swiftly jumping into motion. Despite my terror, a cautious grin creeps onto my face as we hurtle off onto the road and into a better future.

[inglourious-imagines]

Ireland Whiskey (Sidney "Sid" Phillips)

Requested by: @order-of-river-phoenix

Summary: You and the boys are having some fun.

Prompt: 66 - It's nice to see someone who can appreciate my humour. 

Taglist: @alienoresimagines @floydtab @kyra3155 @real-fans @meteora-fc @not-john-watsons-blog @band-of-brothers-cz @tealaquinn @ok-roemanov

.

.

.

"In the end, we'll all become stories." - M. Atwood

Cape Gloucester

It was raining again, just like any other day. Chucker with Sid was next to her cooking coffee, Hoosier was smoking as ususal and Leckie was blabbing something about killing Larkin.

"Let's play a game, boys," Y/N winked at everybody, "I promise you'll like it."

"Great and now she's trying to ruin the peace too." Hoosier rolled his eyes but a small chuckle escaped his lips and Y/N knew he's totally in for any stupid idea. 

"Who else wants to join?" she looked at the rest of the boys with a sparkle in her eyes. Runner threw himself on a wooden box next to her as he put an arm around her shoulders, "Anything for you, princess."

"She could literally kill you, Bud." Leckie smirked gesturing towards the female Marine. 

Sid was already sitting next to her being too shy to join the conversation and Chuckler just watched the whole scene as he grinned like a little child.

"I promise you'll like that 'cause I hid a certain thing for later and I guess this is the time." Y/N smiled mysteriously as she walked over to her bag and reached for something wrapped very carefully in a piece of cloth.

Y/N placed a full bottle of high quality whiskey from Ireland on the table.

"Holy mother, I fucking love you." Hoosier breathed out grabbing the alcohol and kissing the bottle a few times.

"Did he say that to me or the booze?" Y/N whispered to Sid next to her.

"To be honest, I'm not completely sure. It can be really both." the blond guy laughed sweetly and her eyes lingered on him probably for too long.

She quickly looked away as soon as she realized what happened. Her cheeks blushed a little, her heart beat fastened. Y/N wasn't completely certain about her feelings towards this young soldier. She should be focused on surviving, coming home, and not how his blond locks look like a flood of gold in the sun or how his eyes sparkle every time he laughs. She was full of it, there was no coming back, not even if she wanted to.

"Fuck whatever game you have in mind, Y/N. Let's just drink it." Leckie suggested as his eyes were still focused on the bottle.

"Why not try it, Bob? Could be fun." Sidney stood up for her, gently nugging her side with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Thank you!" Y/N exclaimed, "it's nice to see someone who can appreciate my humour."

"He definitely appreciates something more than just a humour." Hoosier smirked as he took a long drag from his cigarette.

The tent was covered by silence and all eyes were set on Sidney as everyone was waiting for his reply.

That eventually didn't come.

The young soldier just looked at the ground blushing like a teenager mumbling "Well, this is embarrassing." to himself. 

"It's not like Bill said something I didn't know before." Y/N turned to Sidney, a sweet smile was slowly glowing up her face. 

Sid's head shot up as he looked directly at the woman in front of him in disbelief. "You knew? All the time?"

"Of course I did. You're too obvious with the starring and besides..." Y/N made a dramatic pause as he glanced at Bill smirking next to them, "Hoosier told me like 6 days ago."

"You sneaky little idiot," Sid cursed laughing and shaking his head, "I should have known, I should have known."

"But it's a good thing he did it. Mr Phillips, what would you say to a little private party? I know it's not a dinner at the Ritz but I think this bottle of Irish whiskey will do the job." Y/N leaned closer to Sid as she took him by his hand. He blushed so hard and a huge happy smile appeared on his face.

"Hey! That's not fair! We wanna drink too!" Runner exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

Y/N grabbed the bottle and stood up with Sid as he took her around her waist pulling her closer to him.

"You all can thank Hoosier, the Amor. It's his credit." Sid chuckled as he raised the bottle to piss them all even more.

Y/N walked out with Sidney out of the tent, hand in hand. Before they found a nice quiet place, they could hear Leckie shouting. "You son of a bitch! What have you done?" 

[malexfan10]

Malex thoughts

I was watching some old episodes of Dawson's Creek and it made me want to get some thoughts out. I watched a lot of TV shows growing up. For me, the couples I liked were either ones I casually rooted for or on the rare occasion, a couple took me by such surprise that I became extremely emotionally invested. Malex is the latter.

I've been a fan of Captain Swan (OUAT), Stydia (Teen Wolf), Kurt & Blaine (Glee), Buffy & Angel and lots more. The rare pairings I've been completely lost on, I can name on one hand. Pacey & Joey (my first OTP), Chandler & Monica and Malex. I'd say Destiel on Supernatural too but with them, everything is subtext. I don't think the writers will have the guts to go there, not even with the show ending.

With PJ, I love how they started as antagonists, became really great friends, and then fell in love. For me, PJ vs DJ was incomparable. DJ brought out the worst in each other (my opinion) while PJ showed each other what love was supposed to be. The only thing I hated about DC was the constant back & forth between the two pairings. It lasted until the final moment when you realized PJ was endgame (one of my fears for Malex). I hated that but I was a kid so it didn't bother me as much as it would now.

I loved Chandler & Monica because they started out as friends who fell in love, got married and had all the moments in between before adopting a set of twins. I loved their story because it showed their entire journey. True, the show was a comedy but their story didn't end in season 5 when they started dating. Their story just began.

It's hard understanding writers who feel that only the journey matters. Of course it does. The journey is important. It's what makes you root for a couple but the destination and what happens after is important too. It makes you continue rooting for them, seeing all that angst and pain amounting to something substantial in the end.

So as much as I loved PJ, the fact that they kept us guessing until the last 5 minutes before we realized who she chose was too much. The long, drawn out, multi-season, will they/won't they storytelling style is one I'll never be a fan of.

Which leads me to Malex.

They were two broken boys, both brought up under horrible circumstances, who found the missing piece of themselves in each other. When Alex gave Michael a warm and safe place to stay, it was probably the first act of true kindness Michael had ever experienced and it was made by a boy whose pain and suffering mirrored his own. How incredibly heartbreaking but beautiful is that? That initial bond, that "cosmic" connection stood the test of time. Separated for 10 years and it felt like no time had passed at all.

That first moment in the pilot episode outside his Airstream, you could feel the tension. I remember reading interpretations of that scene. People thought Malex were cold and angry with one another "probably over a girl". Are you kidding me? That tension could only be romantic. But that first kiss at the reunion was when I hopped on the Malex Forever train. One stop only. Endgame.

They set them up so amazingly in the first three episodes. The angst was there but you could also feel the deep love between them. They weren't shown as two guys who had a fling back in high school and then crossed paths again 10 years later, said what the hell and hooked up again. No, they were shown as soulmates. Their level of connection even scared and confused them but they both knew it existed. Their love was pure and true and rare.

With all their history and with so many odds already stacked against them, the writers deciding to throw in a triangle just because they could and doing it in such a rushed and messy way really made me scratch my head.

Carina said she loved the triangle on DC. I honestly think she was the only one. That show was incredibly divided, DJ vs PJ. But as much as I hated the constant back and forth, I'll give the DC writers some credit. Joey's feelings for both were fully touched on. I saw her romantic feelings for Pacey more profound and her feelings for Dawson as true friendship (just my opinion), but both sides were shown in depth.

The problem with Roswell? Where did those feelings come from between M&M? They shared a moment when Maria cried and I took that as the start of a wonderful friendship. I was obviously wrong. They hooked up in the desert. OK I hated it but they were two single people and Maria didn't know about Alex so I accepted. All of a sudden, the feelings were real and Maria was conflicted because of how strong her feelings were. Michael chose to be with Maria because he needed something fresh and new and according to the wonderful Vlamis, someone he also had strong feelings for (still hate that last interview LOL).

I understand where Michael was coming from a little better, as much as I hate it and hate how he went about it by leaving Alex just waiting. He'd been through so much trauma and Max and Isobel kept telling him to stop looking to the past (which, really Max? If someone told you that about Liz, would you listen?? But he died so he gets a pass). But as far as Maria's feelings are concerned, I feel like I missed something.

Between episodes 9 and 10, did the M&M feelings bloom overnight from flirty banter to crush to "OMG this is love"? Was their moment in the desert that mind-blowing that the weirdness of episode 11 happened? I don't get it.

The one thing going against M&M is that Malex is overwhelmingly loved and has been embraced by fans and critics alike.

One critic said it best when they reviewed the finale (Vulture).

"I was intrigued by the possibility of Michael/Maria at first, but the love triangle has been so rushed — with so little time spent on Maria’s developing feelings for Michael — that it’s ended up just making her look terrible. We know from Maria’s conversation with Liz that she hasn’t even spoken to Alex about the situation because she feels too guilty, and so having her accept Michael with open arms is such an odd note. Sure, she doesn’t know Alex is waiting for Michael right at the same moment, but she does know that he’s been in love with Michael for a decade."

And therein lies the problem. A lifelong friendship ruined over a guy (unless Carina makes Alex give his blessing next season which would really make me scream) to push forward a pairing that had little development and makes Maria look bad. One side of the triangle is Michael's soulmate and the other side is the friend with sudden feelings. Not the best character development which is sad because we know how awesome Maria can be and as mad as I am with her, her character that I enjoyed until episode 10 and the actress deserve better. But instead of being original, the writers chose the path always taken. They chose to use her as the odd end of a triangle where, unless they want everyone to hate the show, she will likely be the one forced out so Malex can eventually reunite and for what? Drama?

Season 1 started out really strong and it still had a lot of strong moments in the latter episodes (end scene of episode 9 between Malex, Liz & Jenna being kickass in episode 11, all of episode 12 - my fave of the season, Kyle's confrontation with Jesse etc).

But honestly, I feel like the inclusion of this triangle (amongst other reveals like Noah as the 4th alien) somewhat brought the story down. The writing for M&M felt OOC and was messily done.

Only in recent years have LGBT pairings started becoming more mainstream, given better development and importance in the overall story. With Malex, they have the potential of making Michael and Alex one of the greatest love stories on TV. As much as I love the show, I'm not saying Roswell is on the same level as Breaking Bad or The Sopranos etc. But from all the pairings on the show, Malex is the most profound and has the potential to go down as one of the best on TV. To overcome everything they've been through and still choose each other and their love would be the ultimate happy ending because unlike most male/female pairings that go through mostly regular angst, being two males in a small town, Malex have a whole other level of obstacles to face. That doesn't even include their personal history, the fact that Michael is an alien or that Alex's father is the cause of so much pain between them. Or the fact that Alex is a disabled war veteran. I mean, there is so much amazing points to their story. They are the OTP of OTPs.

But so far, it feels like the triangle is the only major roadblock the writers want to concentrate on and that's the biggest mistake of all.

Season 2 hasn't aired yet. We don't know how little (🤞) or how long (😢) M&M will last. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes and hope that Twitter Carina is not the same as Season 2 showrunner Carina.

But for me, Malex will always be each other's endgame. That's what I saw in the first 3 episodes. That's what I saw in the flashbacks. That's what I saw in Caulfield. Try and convince me differently, show. You'll fail.

❤

[tuellertrails]

It’s hard to put into words what our first week on trail has been like, but I’ll try.

Tiring. Hot. Cold. Amazing. Beautiful. Adventure. Ouch. Hungry. Thirsty. Dirty. Smelly.

There you have it!

Starting out the PCT was an emotional experience. It was surreal hiking those first few miles, and then it just sinks in “oh right, this is just hiking. And hiking is just walking. And walking is tiring. Wow it’s hot. Wait, how am I already this dirty?” We only made it about .3 miles when we came upon a little campground with some trail angels that we talked to briefly. One of them was an older man with long white silver hair and blue eyes named Legend who apparently is a triple crowner (has hiked the PCT, AT and CDT). He told us to put our hands towards the trail and then grab some air and cup it into a ball in our hands. He said we had grabbed a little piece of magic from the PCT and it is carried in all the hikers who had gone before us and that we were all connected. He told us to hold it up to our hearts to absorb, but being the brilliant nurse that I am, I held it to the right side of my chest instead of the left, so I guess that means the magic went into my rib cage instead. I’m not an expert in PCT magic 🤷🏻‍♀️ so who knows how it will affect me. Magic ribs? Time will tell. He also told us to take another piece of PCT magic and put it in our pocket to give to a friend. I will sell mine to the highest bidder. Authentic PCT magic, hard to come by, Bitcoin will be accepted as a trade.

Hiking has been very physically exhausting for me, more than I expected to be honest. We’re going about 2-2.3 miles per hour at this point, and have done 10-16 miles per day. We wake up between 6-7 AM, pack up our stuff and head out. Generally we eat breakfast at our first break of the day after 3-4 miles, and I’ve found that I need a break about every 3 miles. If we can get to a great spot for lunch, we will generally take at least an hour and sometimes more if it’s in the heat of the day. We try to stop hiking between 5-6 pm, so we can have time to set up camp, make dinner, roll out our feet and sore muscles, and write in our journals before bed. We are very tired every night, but sometimes we don’t sleep very well if it’s windy or very cold. I always take my trusty Benadryl and sleep better with it!

The hardest part for me so far has been the wear and tear on my feet. The biggest mistake I made at the start was not putting inserts in my shoes. My feet have been in a lot of pain and I’ve had to take more breaks to roll them out to continue hiking. No matter how tired I am, I have to roll out my feet at the end of the day or they fee pretty rough the next day. I’ve also been dealing with some blisters and some chafing, so basically everything hurts! Doing miles on miles every single day is a lot of work, and we are sore every day. Other hikers that we’ve met who have done other thru hikes assure us that we will get our trail legs (eventually) but it’s going to take about 3 weeks

Ok, enough complaining!! We have met some amazing people. Landon’s cousin Justin hiked out with us the first day and it was fun to give him a taste of the trail. There was a small group of people that we started with who have been a bit faster than us and are now ahead of us on the trail, but maybe we’ll run into them again!

We met a mother and son duo named Chris and Pat. Pat is a psychologist at a University and counsels students. She was the nicest friendliest little lady and I immediately liked her. Chris, her son, works in film media and is trying to become a landscape photographer. They were both lovely but Pat can't go very fast so I'm not sure we'll see them again, but we're following each other on Instagram now.

We’ve spent quite a bit of time with a small group of hikers, hiking and also hanging out with them in Julian (where we are taking our first zero day, no hiking and only lots of resting, eating and socializing). Half of them are not American which is exciting! Florian is from Germany and is a super interesting guy. He works for Google and has lived in Australia, the UK, and most recently in San Francisco. We talked about the differences between Germany and Europe, some about politics (how crazy American politics are compared to relatively boring German ones), gun control, Mental illness and lack of resources in America, our messed up healthcare system, the largeness of Australian huntsman spiders, and a whole bunch of other things. Lauren is from Canada and loves to quiz you about geography and ask fun questions. Today she asked "which animal most represents the place that you live?" Landon and I debated for a while and decided on a big horn sheep 🐑. She and Florian met on the JMT and are hiking together as friends as they both have significant others. She is always scavenging for everyone’s extra food and someone suggested that her trail name be Trash Panda (people give each other “trail names” on thru hikes, and then that’s how people introduce themselves. We haven’t gotten ours yet but it’s only a matter of time). I don’t think she accepted that trail name though 😂


Another woman from the group is from Germany named Silke who is a bit more shy but still friendly, and man is she fit. She just blazed past us on the trail today. We also gave her a piece of pop tart and some skittles to try, and she hated both, which was very funny to watch her disgusted reaction. She hasn’t built up the junk food tolerance that we have I suppose, it takes years to build and I started very young! Carolina is from the Czech Republic, and has a great sense of humor. I can’t imagine the kind of bravery it takes to go to a foreign country where you know no one and the language spoken isn’t your first language, and taking on a monumental task like hiking the PCT. It’s pretty incredible and I have a lot of respect for all the hikers, but especially the foreign ones. We took a picture yesterday before Carolina had showered and she said “I look so dirty and crazy!” 😂 I ask just about everyone “what does your family think of your coming out to do this?” and the most common answers include “they don’t really get it...” and “They think I’m crazy.”

Otter is a 58 year old guy who was in the airforce for 30 years and has spent the last 5 years of his retirement hiking and traveling. He hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2019. Otter said that he decided to hike the AT initially because he read a story of a guy in his town who hiked it when he was 18. The guy had to ask permission from the board of education in Virginia to graduate high school early in order to hike it, and they told him no, so he quit high school and did it anyways. Otter told us that he read that and it stuck with him, and he made it a goal of his to hike the AT someday. He said it took 35 years, but he always remembered that guy and wanted to do it. Just goes to show that you never know what kind of impact you can have on the people around you! He has been very kind to us and let us come to the Airbnb that he had rented to do laundry and shower when we got into Julian, and we have used the Airbnb as a hangout zone for our whole group yesterday and today, which has been great. After showering and having clean clothes, we almost felt like normal people 😂. In Mt Laguna at mile 42, we showered in a campground bathroom and washed our laundry in the shower like the hiker trash we now are. Real food from a restaurant and a cold drink from a trail angel (people that provide food/drinks/rides to hikers) is also incredible. When you’re living so minimally, the little things are a big deal!

Lastly we have Brandon, who I met on Instagram last year and was also supposed to hike the trail but canceled due to Covid. He ended up getting a permit for this year too and started the day after us (coincidentally he is also a travel nurse). Last night, after hanging out at the Airbnb, We camped behind the Julian Market (they allow PCT hikers to camp there) and Brandon came too. At 5:30 in the morning after just settling back down into his sleeping bag after getting up to pee, he hears a voice say “oh good, you’re up. I really need someone to talk to.” He looks over and sees this strange girl that he doesn’t know (and wasn’t there when we went to bed) who is wrapped up in her sleeping bag. He says “Oh, um..are you ok?” And she says “I have no pants”. And proceeds to tell him that she ripped her hiking shorts and didn’t carry any warm sleeping clothes because they were too heavy. He tells her that she needs to have warm base layers if she is going to continue hiking (and not die) and that she can pick some up at the gear store in town. She tells him that she asked the guy she was hiking with if she could come and cuddle with him and he told her no, so she knocked on some random strangers window at 3 AM and asked for a ride from Mt Laguna to Julian, and the stranger gave her a ride (and luckily didn’t murder her). So that’s how she ended up on that back porch in Julian, possibly staring at Brandon for hours and willing him to wake up to tell him this. Apparently she talked to him for about 45 more minutes and at some point said that she was waiting for her meds to arrive. He said “Maybe you should call your family?” And she said “no way! They’ll freak out” 😬. Landon and I were returning from using the bathroom and we walked right past them, I thought that they knew each other somehow and somehow missed the pleading desperation in Brandon’s eyes to help him in this incredibly awkward 5:30 AM conversation with this random girl. Eventually she ended up going to the pie shop across the street and sitting in there to get warm and charge her phone. Long story short, I really hope that girl is ok, because hiking the PCT is hard enough as it is without having any warm pants. Also, hiking is not a replacement for a support system and therapy. Be safe and get mentally healthy before you hike!!

One last funny story. This morning we were eating at a diner when the waitress came over to take our order. She looked at me hesitantly and said “Um...I’m not sure how to handle this...you have a spider on your hat.” I yelped and threw my hat on the table. She grabbed my hat and took it outside and gently shook it off and de-spidered it for me before bringing it back to me 😥. What a good lady!! Please tell people if they are wearing spiders and help them out. I guess I am just becoming one with nature now.

Anyways, this is long enough, but I just want to say that we’ve had lots of great experiences, seen beautiful scenery, and met awesome people. Even though this is incredibly hard, it’s such a cool adventure and I am loving having a great partner to experience it with me. Hoping my feet are doing better in the next section and that none of my blisters get infected! Our friends helped me shake down my pack today and I was able to get rid of at least a pound in weight. When you carry everything on your back, hips and shoulders, every little ounce makes a difference! Much love to everyone and thanks for the support, it’s been a great first week!

- Joscelyn

P.S. - I’ll post our daily mileage for anyone who is interested

Day 1

Start: Mile 0 Mexican Border

Stop: Mile 11.4

Total: 11.4 miles

Day 2

Start: Mile 11.4

Stop: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Total: 14.6 miles

Went thru Lake Morena

Day 3

Start: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Stop: Mile 37.1

Total: 11.1 miles

Elevation gain: about 3k feet 🦶

Day 4

Start: Mile 37.1

Stop: Mile 47.7

Total Mileage: 10.6

Went thru Mt Laguna

Day 5

Start: Mile 47.7

Stop: Mile 63.7

Total: 16 Miles

Day 6

Start: Mile 63.7

Stop: Mile 77

Total: 13.3 Miles

Day 7

Zero Day In Julian

[onrainynights]

So I'm about to tell y'all a tale, buckle up. Everything here is 100% true, except names are changed or shortened because duh. Also warning there is slightly nsfw content, nothing explicit and only mentioned but still warrants a warning.

So, I'm 17, almost 18. I'm a high school senior. The story starts almost two years ago, in the fall of 2018. I was a sophomore. One of my best friends, V, was in our school's show choir for the first time, and had made friends with a new guy one year our senior who was also in slow choir. I knew before I met him that he was gay, because V told me. This guy can be called E. One day, he sits at our lunch table and I'm not really paying attention to his conversation with V, I'm just eating my lunch. But then I look up and my first thought when I see him is "eyebrows" because he has really thick eyebrows and then "wow he's actually really cute." He was the first person I was attracted to in over 2 years. I proceed to ask V all about him while admiring him from afar for several months. At this point its nothing more than attraction because I've never really had a conversation with him. Then, in the spring, I volunteered at the show choir competition my school hosted. I ended up talking to him (yay), and he hugs me within minutes of meeting me. One of the first things I ever say to him is "I like your eyebrows." Things are slightly awkward, because I'm an awkward person, and so is he, but it's pleasant. Unfortunately I don't get to spend too much time with him because we both had things we needed to do and there was A LOT of drama that night not involving either of us.

After that point we would talk occasionally but never really got to know each other, UNTIL fall of my junior year and his senior year. By this point I had a crush, but it wasn't more than that and I didn't feel we knew each other well enough to warrant me telling him my feelings. We were both in the fall musical. At auditions, we were friendly. Except he asked me about J, a guy one year younger than me, who was also just as gay as both me and E. The way he asked me "Who is that?" I knew, immediately, that he was attracted to J. He sounded exactly like I did when I first asked V about E after seeing him for the first time.

Regardless, E and me talked a lot more during rehearsals, though we usually kept our conversations light in topic. We flowed well, and he was just as physically affectionate as I was. After a few weeks, I see him cuddling with J during rehearsal, and a friend informs me they started dating. I asked them both questions about how it started—a Snapchat story, go figure. At first I was jealous, but I saw how happy E seemed, and that was all that mattered. But I didn't really know J, like at all other than his name, so I started spending as much time as I could with the both of them. They were a cute couple, I have to admit, but they always did PDA because of J's homophobic family. They only ever saw each other at school.

The first time I talked to J without E there, we bonded. I don't remember over what. The next time, we were alone because I pulled him aside after he made a dirty joke that I honestly couldn't tell if he meant (he did. It was hilarious, and I told him up-front that I wanted to be friends with him. He enthusiastically agreed.) The time after that, it was because I decided he should know about my feelings for E. I didn't want him to potentially find out later on and think I was trying to steal his boyfriend. He was amazingly mature. He said he felt bad for taking E from me when I had liked him longer, but I assured him that E didn't belong to me by any means and besides, J made E happy and that was all I cared about. I think I was already in love with E by this point but I didn't know it yet. J and I joked about my feelings for E whenever we were alone. We got along really well and it was a great time.

One time I cuddled with them, and it was nice, and when E had to get up J and I kept cuddling and talked about how much we both just wanted E to be happy. It was really nice.

And then, closer to the opening night of the show when the set was being built and there were more places to be out of sight, something strange happened. Now, earlier when I said PDA I meant they made out in front of others frequently, and the first time they did anything sexual with each other was in a well-known security camera blind spot in the upstairs math hall after all the teachers had gone home. I know that because J and E (mostly J) liked to tell me about their sex life. In fact, I knew more about their relationship than most people probably did.

So we were backstage one day, when E wasn't needed on-stage much despite playing a main character. There were two prop chairs between the three of us. J sat on E's lap on the chair that had a higher back and I sat as close to them as I could in an office chair. They weren't kissing or anything, just talking.

It was innocent, at first. But then J started working E up, if you know what I mean. It wasn't really uncomfortable for me, because J somehow made me feel ~included~ in their activities. He would whisper something lewd to E, who would blush or say something back, and then would tell me about how affected E was, how hard he was. At some point I think E mentioned not wanting to come in his pants, but I'm not sure. I kinda forced myself not to look into this event after it happened, so the details are a bit fuzzy. Eventually, E made J stop because he had to go on stage soon and didn't want to have a boner while pretending to be straight. J and I talked afterwards, but I don't remember what about, and it was never mentioned between us again. I'm fairly sure that J was a bit of an exhibitionist, and that E wasn't really one but wasn't opposed to what J was doing, either.

Honestly, in hindsight, I'm not sure what to think about this, because I was always so certain they both viewed me 100% platonically, but then they included me in their "sexytimes" without hesitation. In fact, at one point a plan was in place for me to room with them on an overnight trip so that they could do the do without making their roommate uncomfortable. They were both fully aware that I was probably the only person who didn't mind their PDA, and that sentiment may seem incongruous for a love triangle such as this, but I never questioned it. I loved E selflessly, and so it made me happy to see him happy, no matter what—or who—was doing so. Also, I think perhaps I was crushing on J at some point, but I'm not sure. These screenshots are of me explaining the event to a very close friend a few days ago after the shock wore off that I hadn't told her about it as soon as it happened.

At some point, a mutual good friend of mine and E's, who we'll call A, hosted a party for the cast of our musical. I'm not sure if this was before or after the casual exhibitionism incident, but I'm inclined to think it was before.

This party did not involve alcohol of any kind because theatre kids don't need any to make a party unique, wild, and totally unforgettable. It was small, with maybe 20 people at its peak. E and I were there and J was not, because his family thoroughly sucked ass. Anyway, at that party E told me he was in love with J, and wanted to marry him some day. I, obviously, thought that was kinda crazy to say after knowing each other for two months, but I held my tongue because E smiled so widely when he said it. Later that same night, everyone was sitting around a fire, playing a game somewhat similar to truth or dare. Due to a lack of seating, E ended up sitting on my lap for most of the game, which lasted over an hour, my hands around his waist. It was very nice, and when he got up he laughed and said he forgot he was sitting on my lap. He forgot little things like that a lot. I always found it endearing.

Then the show performed and then it was over, and I didn't get to talk to E again until a few months later, and I never talked to J again. Unlike most teens, I do not talk to people online /through text unless I already know them super super well. I hate getting to know people over text. By the time I see E again, because he's the student assistant in my choir class that semester, he and J have broken up. It was messy, and E is hurt. They're on-again-off-again for several months, but I can never forgive J for hurting E, not when he had talked about only wanting E to be happy. Despite that, I wish I could have spent more time with J. He was a good person, but he and E had a toxic relationship after the honeymoon stage, I think because J simply was not ready to be in a serious relationship. (A agrees with me fully on this.)

So E talks with me and a mutual "friend" (we're all friendly but I wouldn't consider this person a friend. Funnily enough, he also had a crush on E at some point, and we bonded over this. Funny how that happens.) about his relationship, and the things he says raise some red flags about J (including J doing something E didn't like during sex and then not stopping when E asked him to. I was very very angry at this but tried not to show it). It became clear to me that their relationship was toxic, but I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. In hindsight, I should have known their relationship was doomed a lot sooner.

Specifically, there was one point during the musical that J had to resolve things with his ex, who was a friend of mine (who I didn't know was queer and wasn't supposed to until E accidentally let it slip.) While J and his ex talked, I cuddled with E and reassured him that everything would be ok. He was convinced that J would cheat on him or get back with his ex. This lack of trust should have been a sign for me, but I didn't realize it until much, much later. I was focused on comforting E at the time and J couldn't have been farther from my mind.

Then, after E and J got back together again for the last time, covid happened, and school closed. I haven't spoken to E since, and no one knows what's going on with J. The only thing anyone knows is that they're not together anymore, and from what I can tell, they're not in contact at all and aren't going to get together again. E graduated, J is at a different school, and despite everything, I miss both of them.

Every day, I pass by a photo of E and A in the hallway of my school, and my heart swells, and I feel like crying. A graduated too, and she's moving thousands of miles away at the end of October for college. E is still living in our town, going to community college, but I never get to see him.

Our school is doing a fall play instead of a musical this year, and E and A are coming to visit and see a rehearsal before A moves away. It could be one of the last times, if not the last time, I get to see either of them. I'm going to tell E about my feelings, because for the first time since I realized my feelings for him were not skin-deep, he's single and not recovering from a nasty breakup. I'm not expecting him to return my feelings, but I'm expecting surprise. I've been very careful up to this point to keep my feelings from him—I thought it would be selfish to tell him when he wasn't emotionally available. A loves the idea—apparently she thinks someone confessing feelings for her after years would be sweet—but I know that if someone did that to me I might not be so happy. I would be shocked and surprised first, and then my reaction after that would depend on the person.

Also, to complicate all of this, I'm trans and he has expressed confusion about that before (poor guy is uneducated in that department, but not bigoted and certainly better than some gay men can be, but I still have no clue if my trans status would deter him from having feelings for me)

My feelings for this guy are deeper than anything I've ever felt before. I really love him, and I know that I'll regret it forever if I never tell him. His visit feels like it's as close to the right time as I'm gonna get, and it might be my last chance on top of that. I don't need him to return my feelings, but I need to know that I did everything I could to take my chances.

TL;DR: I'm a gay idiot but I'm finally gonna tell him how I feel

[lilibug--xx]

We'll Be Alright

here’s a little drabble i dipped into, based on sabrina carpenter’s song, ‘why’.

it just seemed like bughead to me. 

i’m not actually fond of this, because i couldn’t really figure out how i wanted to write this. but i’m sharing it anyway.

here is the link to it on ao3 here

His girl would be beautiful.

He couldn’t help but think about her while waiting, his eyes closing.

He thought about her smile, about all the different ways her lips curved up. Then the way she always pursed her lips, while deciding on her lipstick for the day. Her green eyes shining in the light of the sun, the little wrinkles at the edges from always forgetting her sunglasses. The way her hair got lighter after time in the sun, blonde locks filling in with natural summery highlights.  The way her skin soaked up the sun, turning golden and soft. The way her skin flushed pink when she was embarrassed, angry, or turned on.

He thought about all the reasons they shouldn’t be together, but were.

They lived in New York, Manhattan to be precise. In a shoebox apartment, all one room with their bed up a couple stairs on a sort of loft. It was small, and they felt it. But she wanted to live close to downtown nightlife, to her job at the New York Post, to her favorite Chinese restaurant. She loved being able to sit on the fire escape at night time, watching the people and lights.

He liked the day time, walking through the city amongst the tourists. He always found someone or something new to photograph. He made a living this way, taking pictures. He was a small time artist, but his name was growing. He liked the chaos of Times Square, the Socrates sculpture park, and Brooklyn’s Botanical Gardens. He liked to photograph in alleyways, in fountains, on rooftops, in trees. Odd and weird locations, abstract and different poses. He loved taking pictures of her, too. She was beautiful from every angle, clothed or not, fresh face or made up, smiling or angry.

He loved making her angry. He didn’t really do it on purpose (ok, sometimes he did), but she was just so beautiful when her brow was furrowed and her eyes were dark, dangerous, swirling with unbridled emotion. Eventually they would start laughing, because she couldn’t stay mad at him when he brushed his fingers against her neck, apologized for being an ass. He would tickle her sides and feet until she had tears in her eyes instead.

They slept on a queen sized futon which was hardly big enough for they way they each liked to stretch out. He liked to sleep with the windows open, cool, fresh night air coming in, the street lights bathing them in orange red light. She liked to sleep with the air conditioning on full blast, blankets piled on top of her and her ocean sounds in the background.

She liked to go to bed late and sleep in. Jughead liked to wake up early and drink coffee. He liked his jeans, flannel shirts, and suspenders. She wears pencil skirts and fancy jewelry, curls her hair every day. She’s a vegetarian, and his favorite food is cheeseburgers. He likes to eat junk food and she buys vegan chips that taste like air and dirt but he eats them anyway.

He likes to drink locally brewed beers, supporting the small businesses. She drinks water or Shirley Temples. She has tons of friends, co-workers, family. He has two best friends and a sister, and that was including her. He doesn’t like to socialize, but she loves going to dinner parties and events.

She’s always cold, even with the rainbow of sweaters she has. He’s always slinging his flannel shirt and jackets around her shoulders even when the ground not even cold. She’s addicted to watching the cooking channel, even though she can’t cook for shit, though not for lack of trying. He hates cooking, but they have to eat something after all.

He would never forget the conversation he had with her best friend a year into their relationship.  

“I’m just worried that she’s holding herself back,” the black haired girls words shouldn’t have surprised him. He remembers almost choking on the handful of peanut m&m’s he had just shoved into his mouth.

“No. I think the words your looking for are: You’re not good enough for her. Right?” he remembered being bitter at her for so long, seeing the judgement in her eyes as she looked over his dirty combat boots, worn leather jacket and tattoos.

“I just don’t see what she sees in you.” He snorted at her, grabbing another handful of the candy he was snacking on, blue eyes glaring at the girl across from him.

“I could say the same for you.” He practically sneered.

He didn’t try to hide his feelings from the girl in question when she floated back to the table. She had kissed him on the cheek, fitting herself against his side and tucking her head under his, arms looped around one of his. He leaned back into the seat, staring out the window.

They continued on, the black haired girl pretending she hadn’t just insulted him and he pretending she wasn’t there. His girl could tell their was something going in, but kept the mood light and redirected them both.

He wondered what he did to deserve this girl. What made her stay, what made her love him?

He grew up without a family, only his sister by his side when they moved from foster home to foster home. He came from nothing, built himself up from nothing. But like hell if he wasn’t proud of himself.

She had two parents that gave her the world, a sister she was close with. She had gotten a scholarship to a school her parents could have easily paid for. He was in debt up to his eyeballs.

He wasn’t sure what it was that she saw in him. They liked different things, different people. But they fit so well together despite that. They never asked each other to change. But they adapted and they compromised.

They made each other laugh and smile. They both had issues with anxiety and it was so great when someone just understood without having to explain. They both liked red velvet cake and vanilla milkshakes. They liked movies from the 80’s the best, sci-fi even better.

She loved to take long bubble baths in their tiny little bathroom. He would sit on the floor and keep her company, editing photos and fetching her things she needed to work while she soaked. Then they would lay in bed together, pressed tightly while she plays with his hair, lulling him to sleep. It’s the little things.

He loved her with all he had. She was his world, his everything. He wanted her to always be his girl.

The music started then, and he opened his eyes.

He thought his heart might stop beating at the sight of her. Dress made of delicate lace, swirling and draped around her curves like a glove, the color of buttermilk. The curls in her hair spilling over her bare shoulders, brushing the golden skin, freckles peeking out. Her eyes lined in black, long lashes, pink cheeks, dark red lips. He wanted to memorize every part of her face on his day, especially the smile she was wearing.

Jughead took a breath as her hand slipped into his, their eyes hadn’t strayed from each other since she appeared. He didn’t dare look away and miss a moment of gazing at her beauty. She squeezed his hand gently, quirking her head slightly and he realized he was staring, not speaking, when he really should be. He didn’t realize the time was passing, words were being spoken, and he too had to do his part.

“I, Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, take you Elizabeth Cooper, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

He swallowed his tongue, mouth dry and hot like the desert. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

He barely heard anything that was happening, could only hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest, pulse pounding in his ears. He registered Archie nudging him in the back and he accepted the ring he was offered, turning back around. He slipped the delicate rose gold band onto her finger, sliding it up to fit against her engagement ring.

Betty did the same for him, fingers cupping his hand, pushing the ring onto his finger. The black metal band gleaming under the twinkling lights. He looked from it back up to her face. She was still smiling at him, but the corners of her eyes were wet, tears starting to leak out the edges. He swallowed thickly, his own eyes starting to burn.

“–ceiving of rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. You may kiss the bride.”

At that he knew what he was supposed to do next and he was never more grateful.

He surged forward, cupping the sides of her neck in his hands, thumbs grazing her cheeks. He gazed from her eyes to her lips, cherry red and trembling slightly. Looking back up again, she was waiting. He closed the small distance between them, everything else fading to the background. Her left hand came up to gently brush his jaw, fingertips sliding back into his hair. Her other hand was clutching one of his suspender straps, fisting it and his shirt underneath. Their mouths moving together slowly, softly. He flicked his tongue against the seam of her lips, their tongues touching briefly.

Her mouth was warm, sweet against his. Betty was wearing that God damn maple syrup lipstick and he knew his mouth was going to be cherry red at the end of this kiss. Of course, he would let her cover his whole body with it if she wanted to. He felt a flame of heat surge up his spine at the thoughts of getting her to their honeymoon suite later. With that, and the fact that there was an audience, he pulled back from her lips.

Jughead kept himself close, could feel her parted lips still brushing just against his as he leaned back just enough to look into her eyes. Her lashes were fluttering, long, black and gently curled. He could see the tear marks just under her eyes, giving them a smoky vibe rather that the clean cut lines from before. He didn’t dare move, watching with his breath stuck in his throat as her eyes opened, green staring back at him with wide pupils. She was smiling, with her smudged lipstick and watery eyes. She was vision to behold.

My girl.

He couldn’t help but think it, he was selfish. Years of being told he couldn’t ever have happiness like this being trampled and forgotten, her standing on top in her pale pink heels, smiling like this. He could feel how much Betty loved him. He closed his eyes, letting out that breath he had been holding, tight shoulders relaxing. His thumb on the apple of her cheek, brushing against the skin softly, making sure she’s still there while his eyes are closed.

He opened them again, thanking God that this wasn’t just a teasing dream. His blonde haired goddess of a wife is still here in front of him, still pressed to his chest with her heart beating against his and looking at him, loving him with every fiber of her being. Despite the odds thrown against them, they had made it work. Blue and green eyes drowning in each other, but the end was clear to them both, they could see it just fine. They would be alright.

[ninjastop]

Diara- ninjago OC no one asked for

Diara is the master of language, being able to speak in any tongue. This includes animals, different human languages, and if she reaches her true potential gives her the ability to converse with those from other realms. Unfortunately, she hasn't reached her true potential yet. Diara is an artist of words, every sentence is woven elequently and is usually quite complicated sounding. This is only natural for a master of language. Sadly, Thanks to her powers, she barely EVER speaks, only talking when she has to. Do you have any idea how CONFUSING it is to know every language? She doesn't speak often because more often than not she'll accidentally slip into different languages by mistake. Like, you'll be having a conversation with her and all of a sudden she switched into hissing like a snake because she saw one passing by and got confused. Diara gets easily overwhelmed in noisy places with lots of species and humans speaking different languages due to her powers too. Ironically, as the master of language, she prefers pure silence.

She works as an crime investigator, she is well known for her amazing interrogations. Whether it's sooner or later, everyone KNOWS that with her on the job, the criminal will eventually spill.

Her career makes her quite busy, but when she isn't working she is usually being a low-key high-key fangirl. She actually decided to become a martial artist thanks to the ninja. While they don't know all that much about her as they have never conversed, they seem to be ok with her. Jay has always been her favorate of the ninja. She really is a jay fangirl, 100%. She tries to keep it hidden, but her ninja suit color and jay t-shirt always sell her out. Jay probably likes to brag that he is the world's most famous interrogator's favorite ninja, but we'll never know.

She actually has a pet snake, a corn snake named noodle. He hates his name. He makes a great conversationalist and amazing at being vented to. She usually does need to vent when she gets home, and noodle is always willing to listen.

Now, based on what has been said here... you may think Diara is a sweetheart. Which is understandable, everyone that doesn't know her extremely personally thinks this as well. But know, she will hold grudges to the end of time, she is spiteful, easily frustrated and ALWAYS knows more than she lets on. It's become a thing for the local animals in ninjago to just tell her the secrets of others. It'll look like she is talking to your dog and it's v cute, but in reality your dog is telling her about all your secrets. The people of ninjago are probably lucky that most of them have never wronged her, as the blackmail would be real with this one. Though, if anything you've ever done to her hasn't been viewed as absolutely heinous, you're in the clear. She wouldn't want to hurt anyone that hasn't hurt her first and is very sweet to good people.

She does know spinjitsu, but she's so bad at it it's honestly kind of funny. Like, she'll get really dizzy and she can't control where she goes while using it. Due to this, she only used the fighting style as a last resort. She probably can't use it well due to the fact that no on really teaches her. She just kinda reads a book about it and then tries it herself, hoping for the best.

Diara, interrogating a dog therefore speaking in purely barks: hey dude.

Dog: hey! Wow, you're partner for this job seems to suck! Why is he out of all people tagging along?

Diara: haha, I know right? He's a rookie.

Partner: what's he saying? Anything useful?

Diara, slipping back into normal human talk: he said you look nice today.

----

*diara comes in and plops face first into the couch*

Noodle: hey, something wrong?

Diara: oh you know, just everyone at my job are idiots.

Noodle: as you have said many times, yes.

----

Diara, teaching herself spinjitsu and thinking: alright, read like 43 articles, this should be easy as cake!

*she tries it, gets it going for .6 seconds, automatically runs headfirst into a wall, slams her side into the table and destroys the toaster in the process*