#and have had to force myself to do shit because it's not covid

[sirfrogsworth]

Guess who's back, back again?

It's my favorite alien fanfiction man/boy... @tattered-cynic

I know all of you, my brave brigade of chumps, just want to laugh at him, but it would be for naught. He does not care what you think. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Laugh your pointless laughs. He's just sitting there, munching uncaringly.

He barely thinks about trans people!

Sure, he has written 7 posts with over 2500 words telling me how much he hates trans women while progressively getting angrier and angrier each time I make him look foolish... but that doesn't mean he thinks about trans people.

Perish the thought!

He thinks about them so little that he keeps tagging me—in the hopes of besting me in a debate... about trans people.

While eating a sammich and definitely not thinking about trans women's genitals, he made sure to tag me (again) and let me know SheWon.org is a legit site with important data analysis... showing the horrors of trans women eating lots of hot dogs.

Trans people occupy his thoughts to such an infinitesimal degree that he used a silly dire corgi/wolf post to remind me he doesn't think about trans men/women or girl/boys.

HE DOESN'T THINK ABOUT TRANS WOMEN EVER, OKAY?

Just to be sure he doesn't think about trans people every second of his miserable life, I asked ChatGPT to analyze all 2500 words of his 7 posts from our previous debate.

I know AI chatbots are pretty controversial and I have never really used them before now. But it was the only objective judge I had access to.

I also asked why my best friend had such a hard time reading his arguments and glossed over them.

And I asked the robot to compare that to my arguments—just to be fair & balanced.

Okay, but what if I am also unhealthily obsessed with trans people? I better ask to make sure.

Okay, but all that really matters is who won the debate.

If I am really goon-brained, how could I possibly contend with such an intellectual giant who never-ever thinks about trans people?

Robot, what do you think?

Boy, this robot does not think very highly of my debate nemesis. This is pretty devastating. He could really use a win. Perhaps our latest battle of wits could be judged in his favor. I mean, he got me pretty good with that goon brain thing.

Ouch.

Sorry, friend. I'm sure it was just hallucinating all of that. It's clearly biased towards my brain of goon.

In conclusion...

I don't think trans women are like dire wolves.

I think they are like... Cheerios.

Because a bowl of Cheerios has multiple holes.

And I classify everything in two groups...

Things with holes and things without holes.

I do this because I am goon-brained. And my goon-brainedness forces me to connect completely unrelated things.

I'm pretty sure vaccines caused this. A week after I got the COVID jab I thought to myself, "Straws are one continuous hole with two openings. Trans women are straws."

To my illustrious chump brigade, I ask that you keep me in your thoughts during this difficult goony time. Think of me when eating a sammich. Think of me when you are expelling a warm liquid shit. Think of me when you are not talking on the phone.

Keep me in your thoughts like trans people are in his thoughts.

So... basically every waking moment.

[v88sy]

Lmao but for real. Idk if it's bts drama with Ryan or something but it's getting more and more obvious. Bobby, his captain just died and the guy is just over there offering a cookie to Ravi in these trying times like an extra on set with a blank expression on his face.

I refuse to feel bad for enjoying this situation. Bvddie shippers have made their own bed. I don't like Ryan at all, but even I can admit there's only so much toxicity an actor can take. Buck was at least allowed to exist in his own right in their eyes even if they couldn't stand him canonically dating a man (so much for being LGBT warriors and caring for representation!). But the way they're obsessed with Eddie and try to bring every plot he has back to him being "gay" is exhausting and weird as fuck.

Imagine being an actor and being excited for the storyline your character is getting that season and your fans are just like "we don't care, when are Buck and Eddie going to fuck on screen tho?" Not saying Eddie's plots have always been exciting at all, lord knows they've done some stupid shit with the character, but still. Eddie arguably had the most interesting SL in years while trying to mend his relationship with Chris and they could not have cared less because it meant he was in Texas and not bending over for Buck. I wouldn't blame Ryan if he wants out, if his acting in this ep is any indication, his heart just isn't in it anymore.

I didn't mind Eddie at first, I really didn't. But, it kind of feels like after Shannon died, the writers just...didn't know what to do with him. His entire existence became about grief without any real action to address it or deal with it. I get it, grief never really goes away, but you can't just Fight Club your way out of it either.

I often wonder if the writers intended to write him as insufferable and selfish as they have. He says things to hurt others and never reflects or takes accountability. It's been talked about ad nauseum here, but his friendship with Buck is incredibly one sided. Again, I don't know what's more scary...to think this was all by design...or that it wasn't.

And, since we're just going for it here, Ryandrew Tateman absolutely hasn't done himself any favors here. I know what he did. You know he did. And I wish I could say that was the only thing, or even the most recent.

On a personal note, I've worked in healthcare for 20 years, including the height of covid, so being an anti vaxx/anti covid vaxx is an instant 'fuck off' from me.

And the memes he's been sharing about Pete/Bobby? Salty edgelord.

You make excellent points about anything and everything being boiled down to Gay Eddie™ in some people's minds. Not even bi or demi, or any other shade of queer. It has to be gay, and Buck has to serve as the trad wife self insert surrogate. Which, really makes me question their motives, because it ain't representation. We already got that, and have since day one. Not that they'd ever know.

Look, it's very clear by now that I'm not his biggest fan by a long shot, but it's absolutely disgusting that people want to disregard his body autonomy by saying things like "it doesn't matter what he wants, they're gonna force him to do bddie anyways because it's what the people want".

No, they don't, and honestly, that makes me wonder about your views on consent. The role would involve, at the very least, kissing Oliver, (not that I'd mind myself, but that's another topic for another day) so...yes. It absolutely is his choice, as it should always be when engaging in contact with someone, acting job or not.

And yeah, I'll give it to you that he's probably tired as fuck about being reduced to nothing more than "the guy who absolutely must be gay because *insert harmful stereotype here.*"

And that's in addition to having every. single. interview. harp on the ship that he has said repeatedly that he doesn't want to do, for actually valid reasons, assuming those are the real reasons and he's not just blowing smoke up our ass.

So, yeah, I don't blame him for wanting an out, but I also don't think we should be blamed for wanting to be able to enjoy our show and the fandom as a whole once again.

All that being said...are you trying to put me in jail, katey 😂

[avatar-anna]

Rumors

so...i've had this concept rattling around in my brain, but i had no idea how to write it, so i used pictures instead. i definitely want to do more, but tumnlr only allows 10 pictures a post, so here's to hoping i remember to come back to this in the future!

yourinstagram

liked by taylorswift and 67,530 others

yourinstagram: had a very cool dude over today to make even cooler music

yoursistersinstagram: you let someone in the bat cave?!

y/nfan5: possible collab on the new album?

yourinstagram: more like i was helping someone with theirs ;))

harrystyles: Thank you for having me. X.

harryfan3: HARRY???

harryfan7: omgomgomgomgomg

y/nfan1: pls god let us have a harry and y/n collab on his next album i NEED it

harrystyles

liked by gemmastyles, yourinstagram and 2,233,781 others

harrystyles: HS3. Coming soon.

harryfan8: NEW ALBUM ALERT

harryfan11: HARRY YOU CANT JUST DROP SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT A RELEASE DATE

harryfan4: this has to be what he was working on with y/n right?

y/nfan3: i need them both on a song together

yourinstagram: had fun late night talking with you xx

y/nfan9: i'm sorry wHAT

harryfan5: is this flirting this sounds like flirting

harryfan13: honestly...here for it

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan7 and 4,320 others

y/nupdates: Y/n in a video for Vogue recently!

"A lot of people ask me how Harry Styles ended up recording at my house when we'd virtually never crossed paths before. It was actually Taylor (Swift) who kind of set the whole thing up. They spoke at the Grammys last year and she apparently gave him my number so we could work together...He called and asked if I was available to help with his album at all. At the time I was on the road, then working on stuff for the band, and it just kind of went back and forth for a few months while we tried to line up our schedules. Then I was done touring, but I was kind of in a weird state in life where I didn't want to leave the house or hang out with anyone. And I remember making up excuses because I wasn't really up to making myself presentable to a whole team of people I'd never met before and having our first meeting be this huge thing. I'd basically built it all up in my head about how our ideas would clash and we wouldn't get along and I just kept telling him maybe some other time. Long story short, Harry showed up at my place a week later by himself with just a guitar, a notebook, and my favorite takeout order. We spent the whole day together working on a bunch of different stuff from themes to genres of music to sampling and mixing. And writing. Lots and lots of writing. And now he's a dear friend. He's so sweet and so talented. I wish him all the best with the new album."

y/nfan8: ok i'm glad it worked out and everything but imagine a virtual stranger showing up to your HOUSE?? like she said no and he basically forced her to write his album for her

y/nfan4: that's so real of her tbh to not want to leave her house

y/nfan2: y/n is notoriously introverted it makes sense

harryfan13: girl...

y/nfan7: i don't think it was that serious. and if she really didn't want him there she could've said no

harryfan13: and y/n literally called him a friend?? stop trying to start shit that doesn't exist

y/nfan7: of COURSE mother brought them together

harryfan17: i can't believe that's what harry and taylor were talking about in the video!

harryfan2: chill harry doesn't need to be in a relationship with every woman he's associated with

harryfan4: wait but wasn't y/n at that grammys too?

harryfan9: it was still covid it's possible their paths didn't cross

y/nfan19: wait what if he was too shy to go up to her??😭

harryfan4: i love that they're writing besties now but i think they'd be so cute together 🥹

hsupdates

liked by harryfan4 and 10,343 others

hsupdates: Harry about Y/n L/n for Rolling Stone:

"I've always admired (Y/n's) work. She and her band are incredibly talented, and are just so passionate about creating music. I wanted that same energy for my third album, the freedom to make whatever I want without any reservations, and I knew Y/n was the perfect addition to the team. It took some convincing, but once we kind of got started, we couldn't stop. As we've gotten to know each other these past few months, I not only respect her as a musician, but for the person she is as well. Her soul is one of a kind, and I feel like my album would be so different without her on it. So now not only do I have an album that I'm proud of and love, but I got an extraordinary friend out of it too."

harryfan9: so this is what people mean when they say platonic soulmates

y/nfan12: all we've gotten is crumbs and i'm already in love with their friendship. and the album of course

y/nfan2: i'm so interested to hear this album now. if y/n is on it it has to be good

harryfan3: "her soul is one of a kind?" if that's harry as a friend i don't think i can handle boyfriendrry😭

y/nfan7: i'm holding out hope for them honestly🤞🏼🤞🏼

liked by harrystyles and 23,724 others

yourinstagram

yourinstagram: you've fallen from the sky down to me, i see it in your face, i'm relief, i'm your summer girl

y/nfan17: shut up are those song lyrics??

yourbandinstagram: the tears behind your dark sunglasses, the fears inside your heart as deep as gashes🎶🎶

y/nfan17: HOLY SHIT those ARE lyrics!

y/nfan6: haven't even heard the song and i know the girls have done it again

harryfan4: could it...could it be about harry?

y/nfan8: you're grasping at straws

harryfan12: are they? they've been spotted together all over LA

harrystyles: ☀️☀️

y/nfan8: as friends. friends can hang out can't they?

harryfan3: new music from harry AND y/n? we're about to be fed y'all

harryfan10: THEY REALLY ARE BESTIES

y/nfan2: i bet they collaborated on this song together

Interviewer (I): What's one memory or experience you can share from making this album? Any trips to Japan or Jamaica?

Harry (H): We stayed in Los Angeles mostly for this one. But erm...in terms of a specific memory...I would say that while I was working with Y/n, one of the tracks was actually inspired by her cat.

I: Really?

H: Yeah. Whenever it did something to annoy Y/n, which was quite often, she'd call her a little freak. The song's obviously not about the cat, but the phrase was in my head and yeah. Things just kind of...snowballed from there.

I: The sound that Y/n's band has is more rock centric, a similar sound to your first album. Is that what we can expect for your third studio album?

I: You've become quite close to Y/n L/n it seems like.

H: Not necessarily. Y/n and I collaborated, but she also let me take the reins in terms of sound. She had opinions of course and we would bounce ideas off of each other...but she really just followed my lead and supported the vision I had. She is playing a majority of the instruments on the album, though.

H: It's hard not to.

I: How so?

I: It sounds like you could go on for quite some time about her.

H: She's just cool, you know? I was kind of intimidated when we met for the first time. She's quiet, but you never forget that she's in the room, you just want to go over and talk to her. Of course once you meet her she's incredibly kind and not at all intimidating, but still like chill and stuff. The first time we met we sat for an hour just talking about music we enjoyed and live shows we wanted to attend and things we learned while in lockdown. She's just effortlessly cool. An old soul, I guess. And somehow she translates that into her music. Her sisters, too. They're all just first-rate musicians.

H: Sorry. I kind of gushed for a minute there.

H: And the band. They're just so talented, you know?

harrystyles

liked by jeffazoff and 4,211,323 others

harrystyles: From start to finish, making this album has been such an incredible journey. It was so fun to try new things sonically while also making something that I'm one hundred percent proud of. I've never felt more myself while making music than I did while creating this album for all of you, and I have so many people to thank for that. Hopefully you know who you are. I love, love, love you.

harryfan16: 😭😭😭😭😭

harris_reed: little angel👼

harryfan3: WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU

yourinstagram: congratulations h. you deserve it.💐💐💐

harrystyles: I couldn't have done it without you💐

yourinstagram

liked by yourbandinstagram and 53,089 others

yourinstagram: for one night and one night only...but in all seriousness shout out to my friend and his incredible album. happy to have been a part of the magic :)))

harryfan13: HAPPY HARRY DAY!!!

harryfan4: is she in ny??

y/nfan7: yes! she was spotted with harry before the show today

harryfan9: they're literally so cute i love their friendship

harrystyles: You made the magic happen. Thank you for everything. X.

harryfan3: they're so...

y/nfan2: i genuinely think they like fucking with us bc i legitimately can't tell if they're dating or not

y/nfan7: at this point i don't even care i love whatever they're doing they both just seem so happy to be besties/lovers/collaborators and i love that for them

harryfan5: ^^

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan10 and 3,742 others

y/nupdates: Y/n performing Keep Driving onstage with Harry in NYC tonight at ONO!

y/nupdates: When he introduced her, he said: "Tonight is special in a lot of ways. I'm sharing my album with you for the first time, my family's here, my friends are here, and...a very good friend of mine is here to play a song with me tonight. This album wouldn't have been possible without her, so please give her as much love as you've given me. Y/n L/n, everybody!"

harryfan4: stop they're so close it hurts😭

y/nfan7: i was there they were staring at each other and smiling the whole time!

harryfan12: that's the one where he says choke her with a sea view!?

y/nfan7: YES AND I SWEAR HIS SMILE GOT BIGGER WHEN HE SANG THAT PART AND LOOKED AT HER LIKE HE FULLY HAD TO TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT HER BC SHE WAS PLAYING THE DRUMS

harryfan3: i'm choosing to believe they're in love idc what anyone else says

hs/ynupdates

hs/ynupdates: Harry, Y/n, and her sisters in New York after ONO tonight! Apparently Harry and Y/n were standing and walking very close to each other. Like arms wrapped around each other close.

harryfan2: that could literally mean anything tho. they're good friends why wouldn't they walk next to each other?

y/nfan14: i feel like they don't know if they're dating or not at this point😅

y/nfan8: her sisters are so unserious i love it

y/nfan5: i love that they all showed up for harry🥹

yourbandinstagram

liked by taylorswift, harrystyles and 710,225 others

yourbandinstagram: Thanks for having us, London!

y/nfan1: i can't believe i got to see harry and y/n perform in ONE NIGHT

harryfan3: sending my love and my tears to everyone who got to experience this historic night

harrystyles: Thank you for taking the time to share the stage with me. X.

yourbandfan2: how do y'all always look so good 😭

I: So you opened for Harry Styles a few weeks ago and performed a song with him in New York.

Y/n: My sisters and I did, yeah.

I: How did that come about? Did your team call his team? Or was it more casual than that?

Y/n: Oh, definitely more casual. I think we were just hanging out together one morning and he kind of just suggested it. No bells and whistles or anything like that.

I: So can we expect (Your band) to join Harry on his upcoming tour, then?

Y/n: I don't think so. We're working on putting out a record of our own at the moment, but we do want to get back out on the road soon, but I will definitely be attending more of his shows in the future.

I: And what can we expect from this upcoming record? Did Harry help you the way you helped him out?

Y/n: I've sent him a couple things to listen to, and I value his opinion a lot, both as a friend and as an artist. He also showed me a couple records recently which kind of influenced how I approached some of the songs sonically. He's got a huge vinyl collection at his house. I'm honestly kind of jealous.

I: There's been some rumors running around that you and Harry are in a romantic relationship. Would you like to put any of those rumors to rest?

Y/n: I could see where people might think that. Harry's very affectionate by nature, and over the last couple of months we've become very close. He's not just someone I admire in the music industry, but as a person in general. I feel incredibly lucky to call him a friend. And a close one, at that.

I: So just a friend then?

Y/n: Yeah. Yeah, just a friend.

[anarchotahdigism]

can't relate to so many queer or radical posts cause they're discussing shit like going to COVID-spreading places for COVID-spreading activities to socialize with people meanwhile if I do that, I'll wind up dead. The isolation we disabled & covid-conscious face is deadly, too, but we survive a bit longer taking all these COVID precautions rather than chasing the shallow relationships and past times that y'all ableists love to casually chat about, completely ignoring the bodies left in your wake. Your pursuit of vibes, fun, pleasure, leisure, luxury is nothing less than a slow suicide for yourself and disablement and death for whomever you infect along the way. Most people I know still doing their best to remain in isolation because of how dangerous y'all are are forced to rely on abusive people to survive since many of us can't work at all, and in-person work has been deadly to us for at least 4 years. Many of us, myself included, have had to rely on abusers to survive, because we have no options less dangerous or deadly than the devils we know and despise. All we ask is that you actually value our lives and mask but you don't so you don't

Your silence on COVID speaks volumes about who you are and how you move. Your silence is complicity and it is killing us.

[genderqueerdykes]

on passing—if you don’t happen to be straight and have a masculine style that exactly falls in with cishet men’s fashions, it can be goddamn impossible. these days i’m a bigender femme, but when i was 14-19 i presented myself as a binary young man, and i started T around 16 so from the ages of 17-19 i passed most of the time. but i was always still visibly queer, and it can be impossible to face the choice between being yourself and passing. sometimes you don’t even know you’re making the choice not to pass until you find yourself in danger.

when i was 18, i was sexually harassed in public and i’ll never forget it. even tho i’ve been harassed before and since then, it was the first time i can remember facing sexual harassment after coming out as trans and it’s burnt into my memory. i was dressed kind of androgynously i guess, it wasn’t intentionally androgynous but i was wearing a shit-ton of rainbow clothes, because at that time i still felt safe flagging so obviously in public. this guy started asking me vulgar questions i don’t want to get into and when i responded to reject his.. advances.. he heard my voice and said “oh i thought you were a girl” and i told him i wasn’t. he paused for a minute before continuing to harass me, saying he’d never done it with a guy but he wouldn’t mind. i was terrified. this guy was huge, and i was even smaller than i am now, and probably only barely stronger (bc i have recently had arm surgery.. but i was less than a year out from top surgery at that time, so, not exactly still in heavy recovery, but still much weaker than before that extremely invasive surgery). i was waiting for my mom to pick me up from class at my college so i knew i couldn’t do shit except wait and keep my distance and hope he wouldn’t try to assault me with people around. it was scarring.

i think, after that, i stopped wearing so much obvious pride clothing in public and for a while retreated into a more masculine style because i was scared. it took over a year after that before i openly embraced femininity again, anyway. and im lucky. if i dress masculine “enough” and have short hair, it’s not too hard for me to pass. but i don’t want to dress masculine and keep my hair short. these days i keep it long and shave the sides, but i like my long hair. i like wearing vibrant and feminine clothes. i don’t want to have to mute myself to feel safe.

i’m starting to panic recently thinking maybe i should, for lack of a better word, “boymode” again, and it is excruciating, for me, to think i might have to change my style and possibly my hair out of fear. i can’t be recognised as a guy, not really, with my style. i’ve always been pretty quiet around strangers and i still wear a mask all the time bc of covid, but it also hides my facial hair and how my jawline changed from T, so i mostly walk through the world as a woman because it’s been easier to let people think i’m a woman and, if i need to speak in front of them, think i’m a binary trans woman, than to force my true self down into hiding to gain acceptance as a binary man who, like, just happens to have the world’s most feminine hips and ass that have always kept me from passing 100% of the time anyway.. but now i wonder if that would be better? and i find myself thinking back to that moment of being sexually harassed by some guy at the bus stop at my school after class, the dread that filled my body while i could do nothing but wait for my mom, and i feel so sure that nothing i can do will truly be enough. i thought i was just dressing like a very openly gay cis guy when that happened. i can’t trust my judgement of masculine clothing. i probably don’t even have enough masculine clothing in my wardrobe to pull it off anymore.

i just feel trapped. i can’t pass as a binary man if i try. i can’t pass as a cis woman without being silent all the time and wearing a mask all the time, two things that will draw suspicion from people with bad intentions. i can’t even flee because i haven’t updated my passport since i was 8. i feel like i’m fucked. and, maybe worst of all, no one seems to think i could have it bad, just because my legal gender marker says M now. i’m expected to not openly panic, to stay strong for the Real Women i’m supposed to support in the queer community, meaning binary women, be they cis or trans. um, yeah, girl, no. i’m freaking the fuck out.

idk what this is actually now. i started this talking about passing and how hard it can be and how i passed most of the time at 18 but it didn’t keep someone from sexually harassing me bc he thought i was a woman and he continued to harass me after learning i wasn’t a woman specifically because of my body, which i know because of the disgusting shit he said to me. it’s also kind of a complaint about not feeling seen. people would probably think that someone who was AFAB and is not currently on T and is bigender but a femme is more or less indistinguishable from a cis girl but i can’t relax in public because i know how easy it is to clock me as trans, regardless of what gender a stranger thinks i am or what they think is in my pants. it’s easy for people to tell i’m trans if i don’t carry myself like im walking through a fucking minefield. i can’t stay silent at all times in public for the rest of my life, or even for the next 4 years. but i also cant live the rest of my life, or even the next 4 years, pushing who i really am away just so people won’t question my manhood. im incredibly vulnerable and im terrified. i don’t know what to do. and if i can’t figure out what else to do, i at least want to make sure people know. i exist. im clocky as a girl and im clocky as a guy. i can’t really hide. so.. why cant anyone in my own community see me? im here. im real. i promise.

im so sorry you've gone through this, anon. passing is such a stressful part of life it shouldn't be this hard just to be a person in public. i don't want to take away from what you've said. thank you for sharing your experience

[urtheloml]

wonder how we got this far (i don't really need to wonder at all)

pairing: bakugou x reader w/c: 9k synopsis: you're excited about the prom, bakugou is not— disagreement ensues a/n: i'm back... first post of 2023 n the year is almost over... embarrassing 🧍🏼‍♂️this is the third n final installation to my little white lie mini-series!! read part 1 here n part 2 here!! this can be read as a standalone too :3 uhm... i started this fic in like... april (??) n completely forgot abt it until last week so i have no idea what the original plot was going 2 be but i think it turned out okay (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) also i know this fic is SOOOO overdramatic but i have watched every single movie that had a major prom scene (hsm3, the duff, mean girls, etc) n growing up, i looked forward it to SO bad that i literally used it as motivation to do well in exams. but then COVID happened so no prom experience for me so this is me basically projecting onto my writing!! okay mwah hope u like it xx o((>ω< ))o!!

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. The opening scene of the Bee Movie plays like a mantra in your head as you're searching for something in your closet. Your ears pick up the occasional grunt or cheer from your boyfriend, who's currently laying in your bed with his DS in hand, and your eyes roll affectionately.

You can't find what you're looking for so you abandon the mess you've made in your drawer and turn to Bakugou instead. "'Katsu, have you seen my can of body glitter? It's in a little purple spray bottle."

Bakugo barely glances your way, "No, why would I have seen that. Why d'ya need it anyway?"

Your body slumps against his comfortably as you cosy up next to him on your bed and even if it's been a while, your heart still skips when he immediately tangles his legs with yours. "I need it to make myself glittery for the prom, duh. You can use it too if you want before we leave."

"Huh?"

"The prom. The dance thing we're going to, in like three days?"

Bakugou's eyebrows scrunch up confusedly as he puts his DS down and immediately a bad premonition settles in your gut. "What are you talking about? I never said I was going to that shit."

Ah. There it is. You're glad he put his game down 'cause if he wasn't looking at you while you're about to have this conversation then his console might have landed outside your window right about now. You're looking at him incredulously when you say, "What do you mean you're not going? You're my boyfriend so you have to go. It's like an unspoken rule... you can't not go to prom. Who's gonna take me then? You want me to go alone, like some loser?"

The barrage of questions makes him smile amusedly at you, but for once the sight of it induces anything but affection in you. There's no way he's taking you seriously right now. Bakugou scoffs and turns back to his game, "Huff all you want, princess, but I'm not going to the prom."

Before he can start a new game, your body lands on top of him unceremoniously so you have his undivided attention. "'Tsuki! This is our one and only prom as high schoolers. Doesn't that mean anything to you? I want to go and dance with my girls and I want to dance with you. Please?"

His jaw ticks, and he looks away from you because he knows if he stares too long then he'll cave. He refuses to go and you're not about to sway him. He has his own reasons for not wanting to go and he'll stand by them if it's the last thing he'll do.

"I told you I ain't fuckin' going, alright? You can go with your friends and you can have fun and dance with them but I'm not going. Stop pushing me on this."

His voice comes out hard and unwavering, leaving no room for argument. Also, you can't believe he just called you pushy. Bakugou, who forced a confession out of you just because he wanted you to say it first. He underestimates your persistence though, because next thing he knows, you're leaning down like you're about to kiss him and his eyes are already half-lidded but instead you bite down harshly on his nose.

Bakugou yelps but that doesn't deter you. "Can you at least tell me why you don't want to go? Because you don't want to go to a lot of things with me but you always end up going anyway. Like the nail salon, or Bath and Body Works. Why's it different this time?"

His eyes narrow and he shifts beneath you, probably trying to escape your shit fuck ton of questions but you're caging him in. He stays quiet for a whole three minutes when he finally says, "I just don't want to go, fuck, can't you just let it go and compromise for fucking once?"

What. "What?"

“I’m just saying,” Bakugou sneers, propping his elbow up below his head, “you shouldn’t be forcing me to go. You said it yourself, ya know, it feels like I’m always doing what you want.”

You falter. "That's bullshit, Katsuki. You're being really mean right now."

It seems that you used the wrong choice of words because his face turns gloomy, and you can tell he’s biting the inside of cheek as hard as he can. He places his forearm over his eyes so he can physically block out your reaction when he practically spits, “Why don’t you go date golden boy Kirishima if you think I’m so mean, huh?”

Woah. That was a low fucking blow and he knows it. He regrets bringing up his best friend’s name the moment the words leave his mouth because the way you inhale sharply and get off of him fearing for his life. The hairs on his arms rise when you start speaking to him scoldingly, and he won't even deny that he deserves it.

“I cannot believe you’re still using that against me, ‘Suki, that was more than a year ago! And don’t give me shit about not knowing how to compromise because I always eat the food you make. Even when you make it spicy on purpose even though you know I can’t handle it. And you know what? I don’t particularly like going to the gym with you on the weekends, but I still always go! And maybe sometimes I wish we could have more than just study dates but I stay and read with you anyway. And I always, always, forgive you when you do stupid shit like forgetting our anniversary or- or when you make me cry."

Almost as if your body takes cue from your words, you can feel a familiar stinging sensation creep up behind your eyelids. It starts a chain reaction because somehow Bakugou barrels on. Even though his face blanches when he sees the water on your lash line, he can’t seem to stop his mouth from moving.

"Well, fuck, sorry I'm such a shitshow to handle, princess. You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date me. But if you’re so tired of me already, then why don't you just break up with me, huh?"

No longer was there a trace of affection or playfulness in the way he calls you ‘princess’. The word drips with condescension and malice and your heart cracks a bit at the way he speaks about himself. Bakugou's sitting on the bed now, looking up at you as you stand before him.

Yet, your gaze holds nothing but warmth and frustrated tears when you look at him. Because, much to your dismay, you also always know when there’s something up with Bakugou . He leans away for a moment when your hands come up to touch his head, but decides to let himself fall into your touch in the end.

Bakugou buries his face against your stomach, gripping onto the back of your shirt with crumpled fists. Gently, your hand cards through his messy hair, “Baby, I never said that. I never said you were hard to deal with. You’re a very easy person to deal with, and an even easier person to love. And I have never, ever, thought about leaving you. Okay? I’m sorry for making you think that."

He nods into you, the movement tickles your abdomen and he does it again and again until you start giggling and pushing his head away. Bakugou rests his chin against your navel, looking up at you with slightly glassy eyes. He knows he doesn’t deserve the kindness you’re laying onto him, doesn't deserve you in general, but he still reaches up to swipe a thumb under your eye.

“No, I was out of line. I shouldn't have said all that. I’m sorry, I was bein’ rude as shit.”

The truth is, Bakugou isn't really that easy to deal with. You can handle him just fine because you've had years of practice. To an untrained eye, maybe it'll look bad for him when he scoffs a fuck off everytime you ask to hold his hand. But you know he never means it because he always takes your hand anyway, intertwining his fingers with yours. And then he'll squeeze your hand three times; i love you, i love you, i love you.

So no, he isn't easy to deal with. His body language and words don't always correspond to what he's trying to convey but it's still plainly obvious that he quite stupidly adores you anyway. He'll yell at you for forgetting your wallet, he'll call you an idiot the whole day and then he'll pay for your lunch and walk you home the same day. If you get cold for forgetting a cardigan, he'll tease and taunt you for a whole five minutes maximum before giving you his own that he just somehow keeps forgetting to take out of his bag, as he says. He'll make a face like he just ate a lemon when he tries and fails to not make fun of you if you don’t score so well on a test, and then he’ll tutor you for hours on end until you can get it right.

It gets quite predictable.

He pulls you down then, letting your bodyweight sink onto his lap and presses a kiss against your lips in apology and you hate that it works. Hate that he can erase every mistake with a press of his lips to yours, because he never kisses you without meaning it. And you know he means to say sorry with the way his tongue slips into your mouth.

Unfortunately, the argument does not end.

He pulls away, breathing heavier than before. The bubble of calmness and comfort around you bursts explosively however when he mutters, “‘M still not going to the prom, though.”

It's not like you didn't see this coming. You knew that he didn't really care about prom, no matter how badly you wanted him to. You just thought that maybe he'd take you anyway. The thought of going without him makes your chest clench because you could have the time of your life with your girls but it won't feel the same without him next to you.

Maybe he's right. Maybe you do make him do things he doesn't really want to. But then again, you do the same for him. You're left confused and defeated when it's time for him to leave and he's still adamant on not going. On one hand, you don't want to force him to go. But on another, you really do wish he'd change his mind.

You're silent as you show him out, and he notices but he stays quiet too and in his head, he beats himself for being a coward. He hates himself for not being able to talk to you properly. He knows very well that if he just told you what's up with him then you'd understand, and you could still probably convince to go to the dance. But he doesn't speak up.

Right before he leaves, he leans down to kiss you goodnight but you turn away at the last moment so his lips meet your cheek instead. Slowly, you press a palm against his heart, pushing him away and pretending you can’t hear how it stutters at your denial.

"Hey, before you go, I'm sorry if I'm being pushy again but you-,” your voice trails off, and you sigh defeatedly, “you can't keep making me cry and just expect to kiss it better all the time, okay? And I know you don't mean to do it, but it still hurts, Bakugou. I'm tired of getting hurt all the time and I'm not forcing you to go, but I hope you know that it really fucking sucks that my own boyfriend won't go to the dance with me, and it sucks even more that he won't even tell me why."

Bakugou? What happened to Katsu or ‘Suki, he mourns internally. He keeps a blank face but it feels like the blood within his veins just got replaced with pure fucking ice as he lets your words sink in. He refuses to let his facade break but it feels like someone is grabbing him by the throat and he can’t seem to breathe right.

"If you keep making me feel like this, one day I'm not just gonna let you kiss it all better. 'Cause sooner or later, you're gonna run out of chances."

Bakugou stays unanswering, and you look at him pleadingly for him to just talk to you but he doesn't. It's not until you go to close your door that he finally speaks, voice soft but accusing, "You just said you've never thought of leaving me, and now just 'cause I'm not taking you to some stupid dance, you're taking it all back?"

If Bakugou had superpowers, pissing you off would definitely be one of them. You resist the urge to stomp your foot childishly, because you know that won't help to get your point across. Your teeth bite down on nothing as harshly as possible because you don't want to start arguing again, it won't solve anything. He knows that too, and even though your hands stay right by your side, he feels like he was just punched in the jaw when you meet his eyes and he finds that somehow, he managed to make you cry twice in one night.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this isn't just some stupid dance to me? I get it, okay, that it's not your scene or whatever, and it doesn't matter to you but it really matters to me," you tell him as placatingly as possible, and his eyes are as clouded as his judgement, "I've waited a long time for this, and I never thought I'd even be lucky enough to have someone who means so much to me to go with. And if you can't even see how important it is to me that I want you with me at this stupid dance, then you're the worst. The worst."

With that, you finally shut the door in his face. His muffled protests behind the slab of wood go ignored in favour of stomping back to your room. Bakugou's insufferable! He's stupid and stubborn and temperamental. He's a hothead that jumps headfirst into anything he does with everything he's got.

He's the worst. (he's the furthest thing from it)

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

Neither you nor Bakugou give in to the temptation of calling one another. When you see him in class, you don't look at him and you go straight home. The both of you being too stubborn to admit defeat by reaching out first. It hurts to admit though, that for once you wish he'd just call you. A mere three days of radio silence on both your ends doesn't do wonders for your relationship, it chips away at both of you until the hurt simmmers to a seemingly numb feeling in your hearts.

As you think of ways to spite him, your mind comes up with the idea of going with someone else. But you don't entertain that thought for longer than a second, because that would be cheating and you'd never stoop that low. He probably wouldn't even know if you did anyway.

The night before the prom, you sit on your bed forlornly, twirling the little charm bracelet that slings around your wrist. It's a cute thing that Bakugou gifted you a few months ago. It was a simple purple band with two star charms on its ends and a little saturn charm in the middle. He has a matching one in blue.

"It's beautiful, 'suki. Why saturn?" You had asked.

"Uh... I don't- I read somewhere that it kinda symbolises growth and commitments. And you know, that fits us." Katsuki answered, withholding the fact that he spent three hours reading multiple astrology sites about it even though he quite frankly thinks it's bullshit but didn't want to get the meaning wrong anyway.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause I wanna fucking commit to you and I'm gonna be everything you’ll ever need.”

The bracelet jingles lightly as you fidget with it. Your phone lays on your bed with no signs of him calling and a deep crushing sigh escapes you as you prepare yourself for another night of tossing and turning. The memory of what the bracelet meant lulls you to sleep and you're left wondering if he's still wearing it too, which makes you wonder even more if he's missing you as much as you're missing him or if he's missing you at all. It's hardly noticeable but you think your cheeks feel damp as your eyes fall close.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In his own room, Bakugou lets the dumbbell he's curling fall to the floor. He barely hears the resounding thud it makes or his mom yelling at him for dropping the weight like that. He flops onto his bed, arms spread and neck spotted with sweat. His mind swims with thoughts of you and he wishes it wasn't so hard for him to just fucking open up to you. His insides twist just thinking about the way he left things with you, it makes him feel stupid and he hates it.

It's not like he doesn't want to take you to the prom. If anything, he'd love to do that. He wants to show you off so bad. Have you all pretty, draped over his arm and looking gorgeous in whatever dress you wanted to wear. God does he want to, he wants everyone to see you with him and he'd bask in his smugness that no one else gets to have you like this but him. He'd relish in the absolute envy on anyone else's face as that saw you with him. Because everyone knows, including himself, that you're too good for him. And now he's gone and fucked it all up.

For all the confidence he exudes, Bakugou Katsuki is actually not someone who's void of insecurities. If anything, his confidence is just a front to his crackling interior. But not always, because sometimes he is quite the hot shit. Anyway.

Contrary to your belief, he doesn't want to go to the prom for your sake. He's heard the things people have said about you- or rather, he's heard what has been said about you in regards to your relationship with him. Just thinking about it makes him feel nauseous all over again. He wasn't supposed to hear it, he thinks.

He'd been walking past the girl's toilet whilst looking for you. It wasn't on him that girls talk so fuckin' loudly. Like c'mon, in his defence, if you're going to talk shit about someone, at least do it quietly so that the person aforementioned won't hear his own name like a siren beckoning him to eavesdrop. So really, it's not his fault for pressing his back against the wall to hear the rest. He can't put a name to the two voices (why would he be able to) but from what they're saying, they know him apparently.

..."... I bet he's forcing her. To date him, I mean."

"I don't know... they seem pretty lovey-dovey and all gross to me. If you ask me, she should leave now and find someone better."

"That's called conditioning. Or like, stockholm syndrome. I mean, let's be serious, who wants to willingly date Bakugou of all people. He's like if the word aggression was personified. He's mental, I swear."

They laugh, gaudy.

"I bet he's gonna show up to the dance with the poor girl, 'cause he's way too fucking clingy. Have you noticed that he's practically by her side almost 24/7. Hope they don't turn up together, like give that girl a break."

So. He wasn't supposed to hear that. He wasn't supposed to fucking hear that, and for a good fucking reason. At that moment, it felt like his heart was stuck in his throat while simultaneously, his stomach dropped to his ass. He doesn't cry. He's not that bothered by it. But it makes his head spin that people actually think of him like that.

By then, he wasn't thinking straight, because if he was, then he'd know not to make assumptions about how everyone felt about him based on two girls' conversation. Alas, he's not thinking straight, so, fuck it.

He doesn't know if you remember but he barely said anything when he walked you home.

It hurt him, but everything they said about him wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. It was the way they talked about you that got to him. How you were unhappy or being forced, they said. It's the way he's tried his hardest to pour his heart and soul into you and him and it's still seemingly not enough for people around him to think that you're both undeniably gone for each other.

It makes him upset, because he thinks he's been doing a pretty good job at showing you just how much you mean to him, but apparently fuckin' not. He's obviously not doing something right. Which makes him feel frustrated because he can't figure it out. He tells you he loves you plenty. Okay, maybe not plenty but he does say it. He says it and he knows you know that he’s trying to show it in his own words. He always keeps a jacket for you, he’s never let you fail a test since you got together and he always always makes you extra food that he makes for himself. Maybe he’s done something wrong along the way.

It's not like he unintentionally made the food spicy for you. Sometimes it just slips his mind that your portion can't be the same level of spicy as his is. And he knows how sad you get when you fail an exam, which is why he forgoes normal dates to sit and study with you. Of course he'd much rather do something like hiking or fucking, he doesn't know, laser tag with you, but he'd always put your education first. He knows how much it means to you after all.

An ugly feeling nags at him. It makes him want to pull away from you, show some distance so people would stop talking for a bit. But another part of him wants to run to your house right now and tell you I'm sorry. please don't leave. I can do better. Neither of those feelings actually make him do anything, though, because he's stubborn and refuses to cave.

Ugh. He thinks, before promptly passing out on his bed.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The evening of the prom arrives. You're standing in front of your mirror, all dressed up and pretty. Your dress accentuates your curves amazingly and you've adorned your cheeks with small star-shaped rhinestones and sprayed a generous amount of body glitter all over yourself. The shimmer makes itself known in every crevice of your room but it doesn't bother you right now.

An imaginary Bakugou makes himself comfortable on your bed. He's eyeing you up and down and groaning appreciatively at the sight he's been blessed with. Fuckin' gorgeous, he says, just like you know he would if he were actually here. You're wearing his colours after all.

Your hands smooth down your dress incessantly for the nth time that night, as if getting rid of the imperceptible wrinkles on your dress would get rid of the thoughts in your head as well. It doesn't, but it makes you feel calmer. Maybe some would call it dramatic, or stupid, but you don't even really feel like going without him.

You don't want to miss out on your prom, and you still want to dance with your friends and eat cheap shitty food though. So maybe your hair droops a little, akin to your mood, but you leave your house shining and smiling anyway.

And when you get there, things start looking up. Whoever's in charge of the music has been doing an amazing job of not playing Closer by the Chainsmokers on repeat yet so that's win in your book. In fact, they're not playing any songs that would give the average retail worker war flashbacks, which means they're doing a phenomenal job.

The hall is mostly full by the time you and your friends find a table near the back. There's a line at the punch table and you can already tell that it's probably spiked with something judging by the students practically dry-humping one another on the dancefloor, much to one of the school's chaperone's dismay.

The first hour passes by without a hitch. The buffet table is lined with cheap pizzas, stale fries and other questionable foods like jello cups that you're not sure is even made with real jelly. But your friends eat it anyway and you do too because food poisoning's all part of the party package.

At the back of the hall, there's a photo booth with props and signs for everyone to take. Your friends and yourself take ungodly amounts of pictures at the booth, laughing loudly without a care in the fucking world. You don't let yourself think about how Bakugou would scoff at the choice of props, you refuse to let yourself think about how he'd pose after choosing something equally stupid and you absolutely do not let yourself think about how much brighter you'd be smiling if he were here with you. You don't.

The sound system blares songs from bands you're somewhat familiar with, the bass of the songs echo and reverberate throughout the dancehall. It amplifies the adrenaline running through your veins as you jump around with the rest of the people in the hall. It feels silly and unnatural but you're giggling and swaying and it isn't so bad when you've got your girls right next to you doing the same thing.

It's easy to forget about all the aches when you let yourself get lost in the crowd. You're pushed into the middle of the dancefloor that's definitely filled with people who don't go to your school.

A song that you vaguely recognise by The Weeknd plays over the speakers and it's so fast paced that your heart thumps to the bass of the song. The tremors echo through the hall, shaking the floor and it becomes so easy to forget why you were upset in the first place.

The song ends and cheers from half-drunk high schoolers fills the temporary silence that follows. The DJ announces that he's about to slow things down a little for a kick of romance. He stretches out the word romance so it sounds more like roooowmaynceee and when the music fades into something mellower, it becomes even easier to remember.

It becomes increasingly harder to ignore the pitiful glances your friends send your way as they're whisked away by their own dates. Humiliation and longing pools in your belly as you watch your friends get their waists held and their bodies swayed and it fucking sucks. Even though you wave dismissively at them, it does look quite pathetic when you slowly move to stand against the wall by yourself.

Your eyes sweep over the couples dancing, and you pray that no one asks you to dance while you're being a wallflower. You don't think you'd want to dance with anyone but him anyway. Distantly, your mind wanders to Bakugou, and you're left thinking about what he must be doing at this hour. Maybe he's studying, or watching a movie, or cooking something inedible like always. Maybe he's already asleep. Maybe he's missing you and he's on his way over here right now.

Nobody is crueler to you than yourself, you think, as you let your mind wander dangerously into that false pretence of hope that he might change his mind about showing up.

There's a phantom feeling that glides over your skin as you watch your friends dance, and you wrap your hands around your elbows to soothe it. The sweat from your earlier dancing cools off as the air in the hall gets cooler and you're not sure if it's the crisp, cold air, or the fact that you're painfully aware of Katsuki's absence that makes your throat sting each time you inhale.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In the end, Katsuki's mother is the one who quite literally knocks some sense into him. Mitsuki Bakugou is not a force to be reckoned with, ever, and as tough and cool Katsuki makes himself seem, he'll always be a little bit intimidated by his mom. It's why he tries to seem as nonchalant as possible as he sits on his couch while staring unblinkingly at the TV.

Mitsuki pops her head into the living room. Fuck, he didn't think she'd be home so soon.

"Katsuki? What the hell are you still doing here?"

"You going crazy, hag? It's a Friday night, am I not allowed to take a fuckin' break or what?" He swallows.

"Language, asshat. And I just stopped by Inko's, brat, I know what day it is today," she sighs annoyedly before plopping down next to him, "She tried to show me Every. Single. Photo of Izuku in his tux. I had to tell her I left the stove on to get out of there. So quit the bullshit. Why are you still here?"

Katsuki has a pillow in his lap and he squeezes it until his knuckles turn pale so his voice won't waver.

"She didn't want me to take her," he lies, hoping his mom will take the bait.

Mitsuki shoves her son's head to the side good-naturedly, "I thought I told you to quit the bullshit, brat. That girl adores the hell out of you for some fucking reason, so don't try to lie to me."

It's that one goddamn line that has him snapping at her. It's her words and the stupid girls in the stupid fucking toilet and it's an amalgamation of everything that has him wanting to tear his fucking hair out that makes him lose it.

"Yeah, okay, fuck you too mom. You're right, I don't fucking know why someone like her wants to be with someone as fucked up and angry and- and mean and aggressive as I am too, alright? Everyone at school already fucking wonders why she even wants me so I didn't take her to this stupid fucking prom 'cus maybe they'll get off my back about fucking forcing her to be with me. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be hearing about this shit so fuck off. I wish I knew what the fuck she sees in me that's so good but I don't so just stop this fucked up interrogation, God."

He's not even looking at the TV anymore. He spits out his outburst while staring straight at his hands fisted in the poor pillow. It'll never uncrease now. His jaw is clenched so tightly he's scared his teeth might just shatter in his mouth. He doesn't want to look at his mom right now, too afraid to see her pitiful gaze directed at him. Doesn't want to hear her say you're right Katsuki, I don't know what she sees in you either.

Katsuki braces himself for an impact, knowing he's probably about to get smacked for talking to her like that. He doesn't expect the hand that gently lands atop his head, and he doesn't expect the hand that's curling behind his ears to turn his head towards her. Mitsuki looks at her son, making sure he really looks at her this time.

"Katsuki." She says, as gentle as the first time she held him in her arms. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, he looks just as small to her right now, and just like the day he was born, she will wrap him up and make sure he knows how loved he is.

"Katsuki, listen. I'm sorry for saying that," Mitsuki exhales, "It was a joke, but it was insensitive and I'm sorry. Every other time I said something like that about you wasn't true either. You're a good son and a good student and a good person. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says about you because the people who truly care about you know that you're a good fucking person, Katsuki."

Katsuki can barely hold eye contact with her. As embarrassing as it is, his vision blurs over and he will never acknowledge the way his voice breaks. "Mom," he shudders, "I'm always trying so fucking hard. I want to be good, please."

A noise that sounds like a choked back sob escapes him unwillingly. Mitsuki pulls his face into her shoulder and smiles when he barely resists. He fits just like he did before he thought hugging her wasn't cool anymore.

"You are good. You are so good, Katsuki." she whispers, "You always help to cook, and you keep the house clean and your grades up. You don't speak politely but you are honest and you are just like me. You use your hands, actions, to communicate rather than words. But you know, Katsuki, sometimes the people we love need to hear it from us too, okay? We'll both work on that."

A miniscule nod. "I'll start right now, Katsuki. You may be a brat sometimes, but you are my son. My sun. You are good, and kind and for everything you do not love about yourself, I love it tenfold."

He absolutely does not break at that. Katsuki bites back a whine, and exhales shakily again, soaking in her words like a sponge because he knows these moments for them come few and far in between. He doesn't mind. He thinks it's special that way, cherishing it whenever it does happen even more.

Mitsuki cards her hands through his hair, "You're a winner, Katsuki, that's why you have your name. Don't let whatever happened get to you like this. If you don't go to that stupid prom, you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life. Because I love you very much, and it might even be possible that that girl of yours loves you just as much, or maybe even a smidge more. Get your ass changed, and talk to her, alright? I know it's scary, letting someone in, but you care about her and you need to do this."

Katsuki pulls away from her, wiping his face roughly with his arms. He sniffles harshly, trying to erase all traces of the vulnerability he just showed. He bites his lip hard enough to almost draw blood. He wants to say he loves her back but the words fail him. Not yet, he thinks.

"I don't know what colour her dress is." He says instead.

"Wear your red suit. Don't ask questions, go get ready. You're already late, I'll call a cab for you."

Katsuki nods, getting up to walk to his room. He's halfway up the stairs when he pauses for a second. "Thanks mom. Love you."

Mitsuki waves her hand dismissively in his direction.

Katsuki stands in front of his mirror, inspecting everything he sees as if that'll change the way he feels about himself. His mom talking to him helped a lot, but he's still finding it hard to breathe and it's not just because his collar is choking him a bit. He fiddles with his bracelet. He tries to ground himself as he thinks about whether he should put on a different suit.

He really wishes he listened to what you were saying when you were talking about your dress. What if he shows up and his suit clashes with your dress? That would just make your night worse.

It's ridiculous. He knows he's just procrastinating. Because thinking about suit colours is easier than thinking about the crippling insecurity that still sits heavily on his shoulders, shackling him with the sheer weight of it all. He'd rather think about the colour of your dress than the fact that he feels like he can't give you what you deserve in a boyfriend.

His reflection frowns back at him.

The words you said play in his head like a broken record. You are the worst, you told him. He thinks of all the things he never really says to you because for some reason his emotionally constipated self just can't bring himself to say them. (Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes you never trip on your shoelaces if they're untied, that your hair never tangles in the wind, that if your drink spills not a drop of it would touch you, that your hands are always warm, that you'd never forget to bring your headphones before you leave the house and that you're always safe whenever he's not with you. Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes that if the sky were to drizzle, the raindrops themselves would feel privileged just to be able to fall upon your skin. Because he says I love you but he means he hopes you know he wants to say it right to your face, and into your mouth and kiss the words and every version of it's meaning into the space where your shoulder meets your neck every morning when he wakes up and every night before he lets himself succumb to slumber. He says I love you, but he means more than what those words convey. He says I love you, but he means stay warm, stay safe. He says I love you but he means my heart belongs more to you than me. He says I love you but he means he'll never want anything else for as long as he lives if it meant you'd always stay with him. He says I love you but he means come home to me and keep coming home to me, please.)

Oh.

If he could kick himself for being so stupid, he would. But he can't so he'll let you do it for him instead. I am not a coward, he tells himself as his unsteady hands try to make his hair look less of a mess. It doesn't work so he leaves it be and dashes out the door with an undone tie around his neck and he hastily side-hugs his mom- dodging her attempts to groom him- before throwing himself into the cab.

He doesn't make it a habit to show up late, but hopefully this time you'll forgive him. This time showing up late is better than not at all.

He's never made it a habit to show up late but maybe this time showing up late is better than not showing up at all. He drums his fingers nervously on his thigh throughout the entire ride. He hopes to God you're having fun. He hopes you know he's on the way. He hopes, and hopes and prays that he hasn't lost his chance.

When he arrives, he doesn't even spare a glance for his own friends, too preoccupied with finding you. The hall isn't very big but the space is large enough that he has to walk around a few times just to spot you.

The minute he sees you leaning against the wall, he wishes desperately he could go back in time. He'd do fucking anything to erase that faraway look in your eyes. He can see the way you're yearning to be one of the couples on the dancefloor and he wants to unwrap your hands around yourself and replace it with his own.

Katsuki breathes in deep and makes his way towards you cus damn it, if you wanted a dance, he'll give you a fucking dance alright.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The last slow song finally slowly tunes out, transitioning into a more upbeat one. The couples finally disentangle themselves from one another and you're just about to step back onto the dancefloor when a very familiar pair of arms snake around your waist.

You didn't even see him come in. It doesn't matter how he apparated here, because the only thing that matters right now is the fact that he showed up and the way his arms fit snugly around your hips. A breathless sound of disbelief escapes your lips as he pulls you into him when you turn around to face him.

If he's surprised by the lack of anger or disappointment on your face, he doesn't show it. All he knows is the feeling of your arms coming up to rest up on his shoulders. With the way you're beaming up at him, anyone would think that the only thing he did was show up almost two hours late. He knows better though, he knows he fucked up when all you wanted was for him to bring you to this stupid dance. And on God, would he try his hardest to make it up to you.

Katsuki leans into you, burying his nose into your hair that's all pinned up and pretty. He's getting glitter all over his face and suit and he doesn't care at all.

"I'm sorry," he exhales, letting the apology spill out of him, "'M so fuckin' sorry, princess."

It's so quiet, you almost think he never said it at all. In the background, you can just barely register the lyrics of Paramore's Still Into You that's currently playing. A litany of 'thank yous' is mentally conveyed to the DJ.

"And what are you sorry for?"

Katsuki clenches his jaw, his eyes darting away from yours like he's struggling not to look away. He groans before telling you, "There’s been rumours going on, people talking shit like they know us. Saying fuck all, running their fuckin’ mouths about how you could do better than me. And it’s stupid that I believed them for even a millisecond, I know. Then I realised that if I let you show up here alone then i’d just be proving those fuckers right. So, you win, princess. I took you to this stupid prom. I showed up, ‘m here right now."

Even though it's been said before, the lack of confidence Katsuki has in himself is absolutely baffling. It's like he can admit he has flaws and weaknesses and he'll know exactly what the problem is but he won't fucking talk to you for some reason you can't figure out.

Nvermind, you figured it out.

He's scared. Bakugou Katsuki is fearless. He's not afraid of anything, because he knows everything he's afraid of can be defeated one way or another. His fear of failure is conquered with his efforts in order to secure success. His fear of inferiority to anyone that's a threat towards him can be overtaken by brandishing his own achievements like a sword, or like armour. But when you come along, suddenly it becomes: Bakugou Katsuki was fearless.

The only thing he's scared of is losing you. That’s something that he alone can’t control, because you could very well decide to leave him if you ever felt like it. He realises that if he didn't show up tonight, the chances of that happening would be much much higher, and then if he lost you, he'd be a loser. Bakugou Katsuki is not a loser.

Your chest tightens at the thought that he actually believed that you’d leave him for someone better, as if someone like that even existed. One of your hands reaches up to curl around his neck, forcing him to look at you. You shake your head firmly when he tries leaning away.

You’re glad your voice remains steady when you say, "You should've talked to me. ‘Suki, I can’t believe you almost blew me off because of some shit some people we don’t even know thought about us. They don’t know anything about us, alright? They don’t fucking know how good I have it with you and you shouldn't keep all that to yourself next time, okay?”

His grip tightens, “You should’ve heard them though. Girls are fuckin’ ruthless. Talking about how easily you could just fuck off and get with someone better. Saying I... I'm forcing you to be with me. Fuck, it made me feel like shit ‘cause I knew there was some truth in what they said. I know I can stand to be nicer to you.”

Your hands find their way to his undone tie and you tug, “Katsuki, I don’t care about what they said. You hear me?”

Once he nods, you go on, "I couldn't do any better than you, because you're already the best. You said it yourself. If you think I deserve better, then be better, 'cause I don't want anyone but you. So stop trying to push me away. Whoever started all this can fucking eat our asses 'cause clearly they don't need their mouths if all they're gonna do is talk shit."

"Holy fuck, you really need to stop spending so much time with me." Katsuki snorts.

With a laugh, he twirls you around two times all while complaining that you're starting to sound exactly like him. But you’re not so sure he really minds so much judging by the way he grins wickedly at you. When his arms go back to their rightful place, you rest your forehead against his chest, "Also, let me? 'Suki, I did show up here alone. Which means that technically, you didn't really take me here, you know? 'Cause I had to come here all by myself."

Katsuki huffs and puffs, and leans back far enough to flick your forehead softly. He sways you slowly to the music, despite how fast the music is, "What matters is that I'm here. I’m fuckin' sorry for making you show up here all alone. Look, I’m even dancing with ya, ain’t that enough?”

Am I enough?

Katsuki says all that like he's exasperated with you but really he's posing it as a question. He's asking, and looking for a chance to redeem himself. Like always, you rest even more of your weight against him, knowing you can let yourself go boneless against him and he'll hold you all the same. He's all strong and soft and sturdy and you can hear his heartbeat thundering beneath his clothes and you make sure he can hear you when you say, "You've always been more than enough."

You can feel the way any lingering tension escapes him when you tell him that. He tells you softly, promises you that he'll start opening up more to you, and he kisses you on the cheek to really seal it in. The song echoes throughout the room, thrumming in your veins and making you feel weightless.

Some things just, some things just make sense and one of those is you and I.

His eyes don't waver as he really takes you in, savouring the image of how good you look. He sears the image of you into his brain and he hopes you know how serious he means when he rasps, "Fuck, ya look gorgeous by the way. Absolutely fucking stunnin' and I really fuckin' wish no one else but me could look at ya." His hands run down your sides slowly and squeeze at your hips, eliciting goosebumps all over your skin.

Heat quickly floods your cheeks and pools in your tummy, and his hands tighten his hold on you. You grin at him, "Well, ignoring your tie, I think you look very handsome as well. I'm surprised our colours didn't clash."

Katsuki barks a laugh at that. If only you knew.

It's quite the scene to see you and him swaying gently to such a hyped up tune. Everyone mostly crowds up around the front of the hall. But you and Katsuki hang back from the big mass of sweaty bodies, choosing to stand nearer to the opposite end of the room. If your friends look at you weird, you don't take notice. It's as if you're in your own little world; just you and him.

The second chorus sounds and Katsuki dips you as low as he can get before you yell at him. When you come back up, he's looking at you all starry eyed, staring directly at your lips. He can't stop himself, he cuts you off while you're singing along to kiss you right then. He swallows the little 'mmphrh!' that comes out of your throat greedily, sliding one of his hands up your back all the way to the cuff of your neck to press you even closer into him.

"Fuckin' missed you and your pretty fucking mouth, baby." he sighs breathlessly into you.

It's barely a chaste kiss, looking quite messy for a high school prom. Thankfully no staff member comes in between you and him, so he pulls away slowly before leaning back in. He kisses you once, twice and then some more and even a fifth and sixth time, like he's making up for all the days he didn't.

After he's satisfied with all the kisses he's peppered on your face, he leans away, smiling sillily. "She's right, you know?"

Your eyebrows furrow but your lips quirk up anyway, "What are you talking about?"

Katsuki spins you slowly, "The singer. She's right," and leads you back into him before singing monotonously, "After all this time, I'm still into you."

"You are such a loser, that was so cringe. Oh my god, what the fuck," you laugh, but your heart squeezes in affection.

Katsuki doesn't know if it's the haphazardly hung disco ball and the flashing lights that makes your eyes shine and sparkle or if it's just you, but he can't tear his eyes away from you. You're looking at him like he split the oceans for you, and he thanks every star in the sky that you're letting him hold you this close again.

If he knew how unreal you’d look when you’re dancing in his arms, he never would’ve ditched this thing. What a shame, he thinks, that he missed out on two whole hours that could have been spent with you looking like this. Maybe it’s the air in the hall but he feels practically giddy at the sight of you enjoying yourself, and it makes his heart fucking leap because it’s him that’s making you smile like that.

The sides of his mouth hurt from how much they've been stretched tonight, but he can't keep the smile off his face when you say, "You're right though. She is right."

He hums along to the tune, because denies it as he may, he absolutely loves this song just as much as you do.

Your eyes drink up the sight of Katsuki dressed up so… in character. His hair is as messy as ever, his tie hangs loose and undone around his neck and you’re sure his suit jacket has seen better days but he looks fucking ethereal to you. He’s all lethal grins and loud laughter and his cologne smells as spicy and warm as it always does and you realise again just how in love you are with him.

Katsuki’s eyes are gleaming, and maybe it’s just a trick in the light but you’re reminded of just how lucky you are to have him like this. Because maybe he is brash and harsh when he talks to you, but he’s never treated you like you’re anything but the most important thing in his life. To him, you’re his favourite person in the whole world, and he doesn’t need to say it out loud because he knows you know it too.

So maybe Katsuki isn't easy to read, or deal with. That doesn't mean he's not easy to love. Because loving him was like breathing— instinctual and  inevitable. You loved him the way the moon loved the ocean, and the way the sun loved the stars. Loving him was the easiest thing you've ever done in your life, and you knew that wasn’t ever going to change.

And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you. Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'cause I don't really need to wonder at all. Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

(extra)

Later, when the two of you have sufficiently made out against the wall enough for the chaperones to flick water at Katsuki so he'll finally pull away, you'll find his hand and pull him along to the rest of your friends.

Kirishima will see you two and laugh, telling Katsuki he's glad he pulled his head out of his ass. Katsuki will hiss, "Kay why ess..." and drag you to the photo booth. You won't tell him, but you're secretly glad that you were right. He does scoff at the assortment of props but he picks up a stupid styrofoam emoji of a bomb.

He pushes you into the booth and sets the timer for the picture. Right as it's about to go off, he looks at you very seriously as he says, "You put the boom-boom into my heart," before absolutely smashing the emoji against your cheek.

"KATSU I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU-"

The photos come out blurry and you're wide-mouthed and laughing in all of them. He's looking at you like you're the only thing that exists. There’s barely any inches between you and him like you’re the sun and he’s every planet that orbits your celestial body.

Katsuki walks you home afterwards, laughing and stealing your body heat as he delivers you to your doorstep. When you kiss him goodnight, he thinks he must have known you in every life before this one for him to have the capacity to love you as much as he does. He keeps his copy of the photo in his wallet, signing the back with 'still into you xx'.

Not that he needs the reminder.

[ralnorthedegenerate-blog]

Considering the damage the previous Trump administration did to Health, the removal of the Pandemic Response Unit put in place under Obama and the hundreds of thousands of deaths in America during Covid that were 'PREVENTABLE', it seems to me that this eventuality should have been the crux against a second term.

But alas, with misinformation and partizan patriotism rampant in American politics as well as the encapsulation of right-wing ideology via conspiracy, anti-science / academic sentimentality, any conversation about pandemics or public health measures will ultimately lead to vaccines causing neurodivergence, contact tracing and logging equated to concentration camps, or the mandated use of masks an infringement of the 39th and a half amendment or some shit…

Archaic and batshittery claims that directly impact the efficacy of public health are a danger to everyone and it is in the interest of public safety that these types of claims be silenced; through litigation and judicial means, improvement in education around health and science for all age groups and the slow claw back of trust in the health system by establishing medical care for all, would assist in countering this narrative that gets the ill-informed and under-educated people, killed…

From both a moral and economic standpoint, this idea that you can make it all go away by neglecting health measures, refusal to log and initiate wide spread testing, promoting deliberate misinformation and denouncing and demonizing health expert's recommendations as some affront to your world view- is just wrong.

The damage this causes the economy in lost productivity is something that rampant capitalism (in all its double edged glory) should be rallying behind to prevent. And while I hate having to make the argument, with what should be a simple: DON'T LET PEOPLE GET KILLED DO YOUR DUTY! instead I find myself needing to make it about monetary loss to system that is actively leading to the destruction of our society and our planet because what better way to see results, than to show that this negatively impacts your share price…

The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy, but we are on this sinking ship together and the life boats take two to man…

But above all this, there is a problem of who this impacts. Who is hurt the most from this lax approach to a fundamental human right?

Oh of course, its the low socioeconomic bracket!

Because it always is… Because they are always the first in the fucking firing line…

We saw in the pandemic how badly it affected the ability for people living paycheck to paycheck to meet their basic needs, how terrible it was for thousands of people who had no choice but to either work through sickness, or take leave without compensation, or who had entire workplaces shut down because of the economic impact of the pandemic or through mass infection of the location, forcing them out of employment with no lifelines.

We saw how people that did not have health cover, couldn't access basic health requirements, could not afford the overnight stay in the hospital that could save their lives. The very thing that an expanded and subsidized health care system would solve, impacted millions of Americans.

We also saw small rural communities that depend on tourism and/or delivery logistics to survive, become isolated without health assistance. We saw ghetto's and low socioeconomic areas become hotbeds of infection, not because they are 'unclean' or whatever else the reason Fox gives, but because they had no choice, because there was no support available to them. (and the systemic problems they face also factored into not being able to get support because thanks racism and classism… BECAUSE ITS ALWAYS FUCKING RACISM AND CLASSISM!)

We saw super spreader events at Trump rallies…

WE SAW SPREADER EVENTS AT SANCTIONED RALLIES! PLURAL! BY THE THEN GOVERNMENT!

That alone should tell you how little of a fuck these people give to the safety of others, where they will blatantly disregard the recommendations by people who spent their entire lives, dedicated to understanding disease and how to combat it, advising the government that maybe, just maybe- wearing a mask doesn't turn you into wool bearing ruminant mammal!

And of course, by now you should know the reason why…

Why this is the current course of the Trump administration.

Its simple. He fucked up, he got people killed because he doesn't understand how a pandemic works, and he didn't care to understand.

The only way for him to salvage this, is for the facets of public health to be demonized, that it is some Chinese conspiracy virus that the communists unleashed, that the people who were giving health advice were giving the wrong advice deliberately to weaken pure blooded Americans, that actually they wanted to turn all of the patriots in to femboys that buy model trains and Lego sets. That heard immunity is a good thing, and that it will weed out the weak and meek, leaving behind those of only good, god fearing genes so that they can continue to make America gullible again.

He is deliberately going to get people that he is sworn to protect, killed because of his narcissism.

[ag-updates-and-archives]

Interview: LS Dunes Talk ‘Violet’ January 28, 2025

“Supergroup” doesn’t even begin to describe the tour de force that is LS Dunes. Prepping to release their second record, Violet, at the start of 2025, New Noise caught up with singer Anthony Green, drummer Tucker Rule, guitarists Frank Iero and Travis Sever, and bassist Tim Payne during their supporting stint alongside Rise Against.

As the boxing match of the century played in the green room, the vocalist strummed an acoustic guitar, picked at catering and intermittently did pushups while waiting on the other members to arrive. After a few minutes of chit chat with the five, one thing is for certain; these guys are having a blast. The pressure to make an external splash is low, but the stakes for impressing one another couldn’t be higher. This mentality is what makes LS Dunes work.

You guys are in this really unique position where you all come from established bands and aren’t trying to “make it” with LS Dunes in the traditional sense. Do you feel less pressure with this band? Or do you feel more because people might have expectations already? 

Tim Payne: I don’t think we’ve ever really felt pressure to do this. I think that’s what was exciting about it. We started around COVID, and we didn’t really have any expectations. From the beginning, it was very “whatever happens happens. Whatever we write, we write,” I think that set the tone for what we do.  

Tucker Rule: We’re all here because we want to be here, not because we have to be.  

Anthony Green: Its new that we’re in this creative situation where we can say whatever we want. We really like what we’re making; its kind of impenetrable. There’s a greater freedom that comes along with not having to rely on this. It’s a passion project for everybody. Like any seed you plant, you want to see it grow and change, but we’re reinventing ourselves with every song we put out.  

You’re taking time away from friends and family for a lot of years, I think it’d be hard not to want to make sure it’s working and doing well.  

Frank Iero: Where’s your bar of success, you know? When we finish the record, that’s when I know it’s working. You’re either making art or you’re making commerce.  

 Do you think the quality also comes from that confidence of … I don’t want to say not caring, but you started this for fun, you might not have had giant goals in the beginning … 

AG: I think it’s incredibly accurate to say “not caring” because there’s a whole lot of caring that goes into things that don’t matter, and it weighs it down creatively. This isn’t that.  

NDid the first album feel more like a collection of songs vs this new record feeling more streamlined?  

FI: When writing Past Lives, we didn’t know who was gonna sing or if Anthony wanted to join the band, so I think when we wrote those songs there was a lot of “filling the space,” and what was so impressive about Anthony was he found these little moments or melodies people could latch onto it. It was like, holy shit, no one else could be the vocalist for this band. Now writing with all the members in mind and rewriting vocal melodies, that felt more like a cohesive band.  

Travis Stever: I remember being at home with my wife and listening to Past Lives saying, like, “Listen to what he did here!” We live with instrumentals for so long, and what he did with it was so exciting. Remember how exciting that was?  

AG: I challenged myself to sing and write stuff in a lower register and not abuse my range. I got to yell and scream a lot on Past Lives and on this new record. Having people champion me every step of the way when you’re working on melodies, it makes you go harder and open up more and try things and it makes it easier to be vulnerable.  

Violet is out on Friday from Fantasy Records, and you can preorder it from Concord Records. Follow LS Dunes on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok for future updates.

Photo courtesy of Scott Murry

[demvalhaken]

I will eat your house

HOLY SHIT I HAVENT POSTED IN LIKE 4 DAYS, SORYY GUYS IVE BEEN FOCUSED ON SCHOOL, I HAVE TO GET A VIOLIN PLAYING VIDEO IN BY FRIDAY AND I CANT EVEN PLAY THAT WELL DUDES!!! PRAY FOR ME GUYS, I CANT EVEN GET MY HOMEWORK DONE, I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!

Anyways Queen Bloodlust is a very large black widow cus her immortality causes her to never stop aging/growing… She used to be Divine’s height

Oh yeah if you didn’t read the older post about Bloodlust which is also buried in the termite post. Divine (Guy at the bottom right) is her great-great-great-fucking too many great grandson, he’s king of the spiders, they do not care if its a king or a queen, they are desperate

I’m like the hugest nerd ever, I watched an in depth video about cannibalism and then I proceeded to eat all of that information so I can babble to my friends that don’t even listen to me… I wish I could talk to people rather than somehow ruining my relationship with everyone, it’s giving Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives. There’s also like 100 Tyler, The Creator songs in my playlist, there’s a 50% chance after every song that it’s Tyler. It’s crazy how good I am at being lonely, like bro, why can’t I keep friends with me without doing something wrong… at least my teachers are nice to me :D

Wtf am I on, please don’t give me coffee, It brings the locked up depression out of my brain. I actually don’t think the depression left from Covid… I think it’s just been dormant… GUYS THIS MIGHT BE A HUNCH BUT I THINK IM NOT OKAY!!! Sorry if I go off track in literally every single post, my brain wanders too much. MY HANDS ARE SO FUCKING DRY, THEY BURN, THEY HURT, AND THEY ARE BLEEDING :( I’m still gonna wash my hands 40 times a day, no one can stop me

STOP YAPPING BRO THATS TWO PARAGRAPHS GET TO THE LORE

Queen Bloodlust misses her home because after a battle/war, they had to move, this was during the reign of Bloodlust’s mother, her mom died in the fight… poor Bloodlust, forced to live eternally and watch everyone around her perish slowly

All lore previously stated is subject to change as I’m always rethinking lore but it does stay fairly consistent and rarely changed unless its boring and bothering me

Okay love you guys, sorry for yapping, also be a menace to society, just don’t eat uranium

Edit:

Hehe reference, this was during the drawing, I got bored

Edit 2: Why are my parents always mad at me for washing myself constantly, like bitch what? You can’t just say “stop” and expect that one word to work, I’m just trying to keep some goddamn cleanliness! It’s like they want me to be covered in grime, dirt, spilled drinks, and grossness! Then they get to be homophobic and racist without any consequences when that’s literally worse than being clean 24/7 and tired. At least I actually like black people, we literally all have the same insides, stfu parents… ALSO THEY SAY THAT OFFENSIVE WORD, LIKE BRO WE ARE VAMPIRES YOU CANT BE SAYING THAT

[odinsblog]

[re: this this post and this post]

Let’s keep it 💯: Joe Biden did a terrible fucking job of managing post-COVID healthcare. And before I anger all of the but-he-was-better-than-the-alternative liberals, yeah, sure, he is better than Trump, but that is a laughably low bar. Aim higher, demand fucking better from our elected leaders.

So a while back I agreed that today I would take someone to get their latest COVID shot, but I got a frantic phone call from them saying that they don’t have the money to pay for their shot and they are uninsured and don’t qualify for Obamacare. And I was like, “No dude, you can get your shot for free at CVS or Walgreens or someplace like that,” and just to reassure them, I called CVS (with them on the phone), and unfortunately we learned that CVS is now charging $166 per vaccination shot.

After a little digging, I did find some places that offer free vacations, but they have long ass lines and limited hours of availability that don’t match up with my friend’s work schedule … so I’m gonna bite the bullet and just pay for their shot myself.

I am so mf mad rn.

This is what happens when you elect conservative ass “Democrats” who side with big pharmaceutical companies like Gilead and value cAPitALism over people’s health.

Vaccines should be fucking free. All vaccines. Every fucking one of them. And I mean free to anyone who wants them. Periodt.

And just because I know how annoyingly asinine sycophantic liberals can get if you aren’t constantly and profusely praising whoever the democratic president is, lemme remind you that not only did Biden declare, “The pandemic is over - Back to normal, back to work!” while walking around without a mask at an international car show, but in capitulating to conservatives, Biden also made an unprecedented change to America’s immigration policy by forcing asylum seekers to wait in other countries until we get around to processing their paperwork, and Biden also deported a shit ton of non-European asylum seekers (especially Haitians; see also: Title 42).

And Biden proudly and repeatedly announcing that he is a “proud Zionist” as he allowed funded Israel’s genocide against Palestinians was probably not too helpful for Harris defeating Trump. And now that I think about it, waiting so damn long to step aside for Kamala to run wasn’t very helpful either—she had about 100 days to run a campaign against Trump (and I’m not saying her campaign was perfect, but Biden’s waiting so damn long absolutely hobbled her).

And speaking of waiting too long, Biden constantly waiting to arm Ukraine wasn’t thee most helpful thing either—like damn, what’s the difference between arming them with long range weapons now (when you have only 2 months left in your term), versus arming Ukrainians 2 fucking years ago when it would have made a bigger difference, and would have saved more Ukrainians?? If it’s safe to arm them now, then it was probably safe to arm them at the beginning of Putin’s colonialist war of aggression.

I’m sorry, yes, I voted for him (and Kamala), but Joe Biden was a shitty ass president. I do not want another Republican-lite, cop loving “Democrat” who values chasing conservative white voters more than trying to listen to and at least pretend to placate the Democratic base.

At the end of the day, Joe Biden will have helped move the Democratic Party further right, just as Bill Clinton did in the 90s.

Oh, and remember when Biden promised to waive copyright patents so that other countries could make their own COVID vaccines? He never did that, did he?? But many of y’all insisted on giving him credit just for saying that he would. But he didn’t.

If Biden had any damn nads, and if he wasn’t sO addicted to following all the rules that Republicans have and will continue breaking, he would go buck wild in his last two months and forgive all student debt, pardon people, and just do whatever good he can while he still has the power to do so.

Anyway, I said what tf I said.

If you don’t like it, you know where the block button is.

[alaskan-wallflower]

this whole trip fucking sucks. i sound like a brat because i came all the way out here and whatnot but ive listened to my mom berate me for three days about how if i don’t get this right she’s gonna send me away to camp, she’s been complaining about how much of a brat i am i. public to her fucking friends. her friends ask me about college and she turns it into something about how my goddamn brother is going to an ivy league bad how hard HE worked and how hard HE’S working and how amazing and incredible HE is when it was a conversation about me. it’s sounds stupid and bitchy be had ei don’t deserve a conversation about me but it’s SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS because the only things she says about me are about how much I “hate her” or how much of a “dependent brat who never helps out around the house” i am. and god forbid i tell her i feel like shit it’s “well you’re eating so you’re fine and you better not be sick because it’ll ruin MY week next week when we go off on our planned annual family vacation” and i’m just so fed up with everything. she yells at me and berates me all the time. u miss my dad. my dad listens to me and he lets me rattle on about whatever i want. he doesn’t judge me and he helps me out and my mom calls him an enabler because of this. i had a mental breakdown in the bathroom because i was given the wrong time for choir rehearsal which i don’t wanna go to because my vocal cords feel like they’re being ripped out. but im eating so im fine. i told her i was coming back to the room because it was gonna be halfway over when i arrived and she gives me the cold shoulder over text so now im sitting in the lobby like an idiot because she’s gonna yell at me when i get back. so um lying and saying i managed to catch the last bit. i know im being a pussy because gentle parenting doesn’t get you anywhere na smh mom is joking about beating my ass if i don’t socialize even though i feel like i was wrung through the meat grinder and there’s covid going around and i haven’t been able to do anything i want since regents, which sounds even more bratty. i miss my dad and he’s leaving the day i get home so im stuck alone with her for another few days. it makes me miserable and i genuinely just feel like shit right now. i can’t do anything right and if i have to socialize any more than i have been i’m going to fucking hang myself. she tells me she’s “pushing me out of my comfort zone” but honestly my comfort zone is maybe having a few hours of socializing. she’s been forcing me into all these things she signed me up for and i didn’t even know i was doing until she tells me to get out or whatever. it’s so annoying. i can’t fucking do it anymore.

[asrisgratitudejournal]

Upset, tired, lack of sleep, hormone imbalance

Written 21.03 from my bed after having quite good long sleep (5 hours) during the day (11am–2pm-ish? and 6–8pm-ish), in the middle of quite long to-do list (I need to read reports and watch videos for tomorrow I will be grading students’ big assignments).

All in all, the last few days have been a blast(?) I could say I had 80% fun, and 20% shits but the shits has just ruined the fun… Ke lapangan lagi(!!!) setelah sekian lama!!! My last field trips were 10 days of Dorset back in 2023? Was demonstrating with Stuart back then. And also 1 day trip to St Audrey Bay with the team. So I was super-duper excited (I used to hate field work SO MUCH because it was so exhausting and hot and confusing and I always wanted to cry every time, but now that I don’t need to walk a long way and I LITERALLY have different, more evolved, brain and skillset (I bring my mini watercolour set with me!), I kinda looked forward to this trip). To add, this is a place I have never been so the outcrops and rocks will be new to me. Dan benar saja. For most of the time, I really enjoyed my time: taking the train(!), making sketches of outrcrops, thinking (THINKING. ABOUT ROCKS. IN OUTCROP. Betul-betul rare occasion karena selama 4.5 tahun terakhir I ONLY look at POWDERED ROCKS), answering ‘cute’ questions from these students (I LOVE BEING ASKED so much, even though most of the time I wouldn’t be able to give clear-cut answers, what I love is that I forced myself so much to think because I don’t want to disappoint these students by saying ‘I don’t know’…), interacting with the assistants, learning A. LOT. from one of more senior lecturers from UGM (Pak Indra Novian) with years of experiences in the field, interacting with Ibu Katering (makanannya enak di sini), getting change of sceneries of sawah and mountains and kambing climbing steep rock wall, passing by kandang sapi, melihat orang jemur gabah, JAJAN POP. ICE., I just love it. These past 5 days have also made me think a lot why I wanted to do geology in the first place, and kinda find the answer: I LOVE puzzles and geology mapping is literally finding puzzle pieces and trying to fit them together to make a nice logical history of the earth.

Intinya happy.

Tapi… ya emang namanya manusia. Even in the peak of euphoria and enlightenment I am experiencing, there’s gotta be something that ruins it. I know I shouldn’t be logical about this: ya kalau sedih dan mood swing dirasain aja gausah di-over-analyse, but I can’t help to think “WHY”: kenapa ya sedih, kenapa ya capek banget, pusing, mood swing, SUPER mudah irritated and annoyed, LAPER terus. Jawabannya adalah kombinasi dari: kurang tidur, BANGET, kayanya 3 malam terakhir tuh baru bisa tidur jam setengah 2, jam 2, stengah 3, dan udah kebangun jam setengah 6. Ada hubungannya juga sepertinya dengan kamarku yang BERISIK banget dekat dengan pompa air di belakang, ngopi malem-malem, dan kasur yang keras, terlalu excited sama kembali ke lapangan, ada rasa was-was juga karena I LITERALLY was in charge of these kids, dan recently baru ketahuan dari app kalau emang lagi PMS aja, in 2–3 days jadwalnya akan mens jadi hormonnya lagi superchaotic.

Udah, nah dari situ, makin ketrigger lagi aku dari kebodohan-kebodohan sederhana yang lumayan bikin malu kayak these students not being punctual: ‘ketemu di singkapan ini lagi 1320 ya setelah makan dan solat’ terus literally jam 1320 BELUM JALAN KE SINGKAPAN?? It took about 2-3 mins sih emang, tapi ya berarti kalau 1320 UDAH ketemu di singkapan harusnya udah jalan dari 1317??? Sampe sekarang masih nggak tahu salahnya siapa… I will just put the blame in their parents (and maybe COVID).

Dari 1 event itu, my future flashes upon me: SHIT, I will have to deal with these kids for AT LEAST in the next 2 years in my life (if I decide to stay in UI, looks like I am not leaving soon tbh). Terus yaudah ada part aku projectingnya juga: “I root for them so much, I really want them to be successful. Kalau bisa, way better than me. And even for me it took SO MUCH discipline and punctuality to arrive at this point, so I really want them to be discipline and punctual, I want them to be me.” This thinking point was exactly where things started to get ugly. I started to treat them like I treated my (past) self. Just being SO HARD and mean and… just not nice. This was actually where I should’ve tried to step out a bit and detach. And I didn’t. And it’s okay, I’m not blaming you, 3-day-ago-Noni, really, I understand you did it out of kindness, out of care, because you’re just too nice and too good for this world. And I love you, I love me for that. YAH NANGIS DEH ini sambil nulis ini. HUFT.

Tapi yaudah… akhirnya dia (saya) capek sendiri. For nothing. And just like that, this whole psychological projection has just ruined the 80% fun.

I know I will look at this post tomorrow or the day after tomorrow thinking “jujur ngomong apa Non it was never that deep you’re just tired” (LIHAT bahkan aku sudah ngejudge my current self using the POV of my future self like WTF is wrong with me???). Ok, skip.

But yes this is real, this is happening, this is valid, this is what I’m currently thinking and feeling right now. Did writing all this help sort the feelings out? Not really… Maybe…? We’ll see. Tujuan nulis ini juga gaktau apa tapi emang pengen nulis aja biar unek-uneknya keluar and I just feel like I need to put all these mixed emotions into words because to be honest, I don’t know what I’m (and was) currently feeling: am I sad? Am I just overwhelmed? (I have 10 things to do and MPG kemarin bikin aku harus hold kerjaan banyak banget). Is this because I feel lonely? (5 hari kemarin ngerasa gabisa share emotional load ke orang lain karena jadi the only “adult” in the room). Am I just exhausted physically, and it affected my emotion? Kayak WTF is this what is going on??? (Tapi kalau boleh jujur, I’m a bit familiar with this feeling sih, kaya tiap 2 atau 3 bulan sekali emang PMS-nya bakal ada versi yang DEPRESSED banget kaya gini sampe nangis sendiri malem-malem, walaupun ada juga yang gak kerasa samsek happy-happy aja eh tiba-tiba mens – I’ll check with doctor soon, harus minum obatkah dia?).

Tapi yaudah itu aja yang mau disampaikan, tidak ada kesimpulan tapi minimal udah keluar jadi words. Semoga besok lebih baik. Amin.

Sun 27 April 2025; 21.55 kamar kemuning

[voidsentprinces]

See a few people on the tweets and tumblr wondering if previous expansions got this much flack at their launches.

So, let me reiterate from my own experiences. Even before I was actually IN the fandom. There was a ripple of complaints and memeing about Raubahn (Savage) and Raubahn (Extreme) because the launch was so hard on their servers. That you could literally get stuck on the Raubahn instance battle at the beginning of the expansion. Entire lines of people rose up and was taken pictures of. In addition, there was a small but vocal debate on people being down on Zenos thirstiers. While there were a couple posts here and there disappointed about how neither Doma nor Ala Mhigo were fully fleshed out being too little after cut on different sides of the expansion. Some people questioned Hien's actions in the Azim Steppe as forcing the secluded Steppe Tribes to save his fallen empire and bursting in on a sacred tradition for his own personal gain. But, I wasn't really in the fandom back then. Thats just the stuff that rippled out and brushed across me like a wave on the shoe coating your toes as you walk on the beach.

When I finally DID join the fandom proper in the waning days of Stormblood. Shadowbringers hype was about to be in full swing. The fandom had gotten a few things here and there. The Call had just happened, I think. People were speculating about Solus and getting excited about a possible full fledged war with Garlemald. But then the Shadowbringers cinematic teaser drop. And there were a lot of questions, why was Y'shtola now called Master Matoya? What is Minfilia doing alive again? Holy shit, Gunbreaker hype! Hopes for Healer Dancer arrived. Why the fuck is Urianger so sexy? Etc. Blue Mage in coming.

At launch, Shadowbringers, if I recall correctly, was actually widely acclaimed. Soon after the same people who rained on the Zenos lover brigade also came down on Emet lovers. Some people felt G'raha was kind of a creep. For a small portion of the community, the Hydaelyn is evil circles became somewhat vindicated by the reveal of Hydaelyn and Zodiark being the eldest of primals. Thinking she might be tempering us and the story of light also being as bad as dark in excess leading some to believe she would be the final boss of the series with Zodiark. In addition, there were a few people here and there where Shadowbringers just ruined the entire story for them and they just did not like the direction the MSQ went. As the expansion progressed people lambasted Gaius for going through what they described as "man pain" instead of actual redemption. The NieR raid ending left people a little miffed. But the end of Eden left people happy. And bringing up the 'flat and emotionless' performance people are throwing at Wuk Lamat. There was even a period of time where people complained about Aymeric and Cid and a few others sounding weak cause they were most likely recording from their own bedroom closet due to COVID having shut every motherfucking thing down.

At Endwalker launch, it was kind of excited and mixed. Queues ruled the world as people desperately tried to claw their way in. Some people were mad we didn't raze Garlemald to the ground ourselves. In From the Cold was divisive. I, myself, was on a one Void crusade about being indifferent and even bewildered by the Fandaniel = Amon reveal and lukewarm on Krile being around but being Hydaelyn's sock puppet for cutscenes. The first part of the expansion feeling like a 5.6 rather than an actual expansion and then after Zodiark is when Endwalker actually did feel like it hit its stride. The people who felt vindicated in their Hydaelyn is Evil conclusion bent over backwards and tried their hardest to say she WAS evil the entire time. Some posts about being kind of iffy on Emet returning after Seat of Sacrifice gave him a decent send off. Hythlodaeus and Venat otherwise sweeping people off their feet. And it was mixed on the treatment of Ahewann in particular. And afterwards posts about Relics not being this long tedious grind, the Post-Endwalker Void stuff kind of taking the mystery out of the Void and kind of lackluster. Myths and Pandaemonium meanwhile were praised widely, far as I can tell. And in one single patch poster, an entire section went from called Lahabrea a Bread Loaf to a D A D D Y.

So with Dawntrail launching and getting mixed reaction. I can safely say this has always happened. Expect years of posts from different retrospectives either defending or lambasting Dawntrail as we see with Stormblood and certain sections of both Shadowbringers and Endwalker. Not everyone will like everything in the story. People have their own perspective on things. And they will voice their opinion on things cause people want to be heard. My thoughts on Dawntrail? At time of posting, I still haven't played the MSQ. But I did see a spoiler. So my opinion is that death is an illusion and so are pants.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I'm too exhausted to eat, and I feel like shit so I'm ranting, ignore this I'm just being a whiny baby

Love when people think I'm lazy so I have to prove how disabled I am by injuring myself for them. Like no, I'm not just being lazy, I vacuumed the house for less than ten minutes and put my neck out while my back's already one "good posture" away from going crunch like an old, brittle plastic chair somewhere in the middle and no longer being able to bend or straighten at all for god only knows how long. There's a fucking reason I take things slowly. I'm sorry that sitting down writing or drawing or reading all day takes less energy and causes my body less damage than cleaning the house. I do what little bits I can when I can, I play housekeeper as much as possible, I empty and fill the dishwasher, I do the laundry, I light the fire so the house isn't 2°C when my mum gets in from work, I feed the dogs. Yeah, other people could do more, but I'm not other people, I'm tired and I'm in pain and when that gets too high I stop being able to use my fucking legs, so I'm sorry I don't constantly push myself past breaking point just so I can still not do enough.

Eating takes energy. Showering takes energy. standing and walking takes energy. All of it takes energy I don't fucking have. If had a job I genuinely wouldn't have the energy to eat in a day, I wouldn't have the energy to shower or do any of the chores I currently just about manage around the house. So yes, I know I'm lazy and should do more. But I can't. I physically can't. I know I should push myself more and build up my stamina, but I tried that and it left me almost completely unable to function other than to sleep and force myself to eat maybe one proper meal a day and I was ill constantly because my body didn't have the energy to fight off colds or COVID or any bug that was going around. I get that I need to work harder, but this IS me working harder, my 100% only gets me to other people's 30% and I can't fucking help that.

[thessalian]

Thess vs The One Day Off

Every time I have to do overtime, I end up remembering why I only work a four-day week, and only six / six and a half hours on those four days. Because this is my one day actually off this week, and I am exhausted and made of aches and I have a feeling it's going to be just as bad this coming week.

But they do not get my Sunday this weekend. FUCK. THAT. I will put aside my Saturday Shenanigans until the New Year if I have to but I WILL NOT BE GIVING UP MY SUNDAY D&D CAMPAIGN FOR BULLSHIT LIKE WORK.

Also because ... seriously, this was my 'weekend'

Saturday: slept in because I was exhausted, logged in to find about 100 extra bits of typing in the queue, did four and a half hours of overtime which I didn't finish until nearly the time my Saturday D&D group would normally start, and slept poorly because pain and gale-force winds shaking the windows.

Sunday: got up at a halfway decent hour (...ish), braved gale-force winds for a few errands I had to run (which took longer than expected but never mind), got home, immediately logged in, did three and a half hours of overtime because I literally could not take anymore, and at least made myself a nice dinner before I became a pile of pain.

And now there's today. Woke up at a halfway decent hour ... rolled over and went right back to sleep because just NOPE. Could have done so again but I don't want to screw up my circadian rhythms completely when I have work tomorrow. But I also want to do something fun ... but I hurt badly enough that that's going to be an issue.

Oh, and last night I did some online shopping to get Christmas gifts for my mother. They're hard to shop for, the parentals. My stepfather is a pain to shop for and it's honestly best just to give him food. As for my mother ... I think the problem with both of them is that they're a bit insular, particularly since Covid and since Mum retired (around the same time, honestly). They don't know a lot of what's out there and they have their interests and ... yeah, anyway, Mum called while I was in the middle of yesterday's overtime and I got some ideas so TeeTurtle got some of my business. She likes my TeeTurtle T-shirts so I figured... Anyway, also found her toller retriever socks on Redbubble, because a) she likes "funky" socks and b) she loves Digby, her Nova Scotia duck toller retriever and they're not the breed you usually see on most merch. I was also thinking of an adjunct of, like, a little .pdf with a few of my cooking hints and tips, and some recipes I've had luck with.

Of course, now I have to think about what I might want for Christmas. Look, I didn't have to think about that last year, because Christmas and my birthday were eaten up by the MCM Comic Con ticket and (most of) the Critical Role cast autograph fees. I still regret nothing, because that weekend was fire even if it was excruciatingly painful in places, but ... like ... those were my Christmas and birthday gifts so I didn't have to think about it. Now I kinda do. Of course, the one thing I actually want is a bigger air fryer than the little one I got myself, but my stepdad refuses on the basis that "I don't know what the kitchen will look like where I end up". Which ... people work that shit out, stepdad, but okay. ...No, seriously, it honestly is okay, because if it's anything like my instant pot, it's not like he's saying I can't get one at all; just that he won't be party to it. Which is fair enough - just means I can't ask for one for Christmas. Probably not a new microwave either, because I noticed that Flat 13 now has a microwave installed and I dunno what's happening with that. I mean, obviously Steam gift cards go on the list because ... okay, it's weird. Like, I love it when my friends lob random games at my head, but from the parentals I like the luxury of a whole bunch of Steam wallet money that I don't have to feel bad about spending on something useful and the shopping experience of "How much of my wishlist can I clear during the Steam winter sale?" Then I guess there's the useful stuff - casserole dish with lid for those recipes that really need one, new tableware to replace the cheap-ass supermarket own-brand ones that are like ten years old (maybe even with decent-sized pasta bowls), maybe a weighted blanket... Well. Guess I have my list.

Anyway, with that out of the way ... this is my one day off and it's mostly over and I want to do something with it (Molly!Rook, for preference). But I do hurt so very, very much. All of my haaaaaaate. But it's probably going to have to be more overtime over the week, too, if things keep on the way they have been. I have the 19th and 20th off and I don't care what Scruffman says, I am not cancelling those days or moving them to some other time. I need them so badly, and they're the only Christmas-adjacent days I'm getting because I had the holiday period off last year so it was the other girls' turn. Honestly I just want to sleep for like a week.

[spindrifters]

Hi hello I'm here to yell about how incredible Marginalia is!!! I'm not caught up yet -- started it during summer but got so immersed for a few days I had to force myself to paus after ch38 to be a functional adult again, god it's sooo good I just wanted to keep reading every moment I wasn't at work. I'm still speechless honestly, like, there’s so much I want to say but I can't find the right words to express everything properly. So this is only the first message, and I'll be back with more thoughts later. But for now:

I love everything about it. The worldbuilding, the results of the historical "what if", is soooo cool and thought-provoking, and done so incredibly well. All the magical theory, the wands as a way to control, the "you have to believe it's for you", ahhhfgfgg I'm in awe, and so thrilled to continue and see what more you've done with this. Not to mention the way the worldbuilding affects Remus and Sirius specifically, and the imbalance between them, the nuances, how this is explored and developed as they get to know and grow closer to each other. I love the way you've written them, I adore both of them so much. Their individual struggles and arcs as well as those they share, the dynamic between them, how they slowly fall for each other… Oh the longing and wanting while trapped in this horrible system, it hurts so good and I can feel all the love and tension so well. And Sirius trying so hard to be a better person (and being SO GOOD already, god I love him so much) and being so so scared of ever overstepping the line that must Never be crossed. Uhggffd just thinking about this makes me emotional, I might cry 😭

I've been listening to the podfic as well (absolutely incredible too, holy shit), and both reread and listened to some parts more than once, because I can't get enough of this wonderful story. Your writing is amazing. I'm instantly pulled in and kept there, everything comes alive and I see them so clearly. It's a delight to read, and I'm so looking forward to continuing! (I really wanted to send this before doing so, and have meant to for so long but anxiety kept getting in the way.) Thank you for writing and sharing this beautiful fic <3

YOU might cry? I'm already crying

thank you so, so much, I don't even know where to start in responding to this. aside, of course, from the fact that we're in a mutual appreciation society here because I adore your art so, so much. your style captures the essence of our boys (damp wet old men) so perfectly. and holy shit yes, isn't @angelfruittree's podfic god tier?? it's seriously inspiring being surrounded by such incredible talent on all sides.

anyway, I get the anxiety, but thank you so much for sending this. I've had a horrible week dealing with covid and this is just the biggest bright spot. xx