#and have decided recently that i need to be more intentional with its maintenance

[extemporaneousmusings]

15/11/23

Today I:

-read soooo much fic :)

-did some further thinking and now feel better about things after being kinda shook following my return session in PT for my ankle yesterday. It's more of an issue in the short term than I realized and she gave me a lot to think about. I am going to have a conversation with an ortho specialist about the prospect of some surgical intervention, but today I really came to terms with the fact that I don't need to make a decision about anything major until I have more information, and land a job with benefits that are better than my student health insurance

-got Jamila's # :))) we are going to brainstorm in-universe ketterdam fic ideas :))) I'm so excited!

[chessdaze]

Three Wishes Institute - A TWST fanschool

Reposting this as I’ve changed my URL which broke all the links in my previous lore post, and since I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately and wanted them to be able to read it properly.

First off, as a concept, Three Wishes is a fanschool for twisted wonderland that involves characters that are considered ‘side’ or ‘background’ or even ‘comic relief’ characters from disney franchises. Right now I only have 6 dorms, and characters range from being on both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sides of a story.

Here’s the lore rundown for the main school itself and a brief summary on the dorms and characters I will be designing for them. Under readmore cause this is HELLA long and I don’t want to make people scroll for forever:

The overall story of Three Wishes:

The Headmistress and Master, Amelia Bell and Reed Dearly (based on Anita and Roger from 101 dalmatians), only recently got the school property. Before them, the school was known to be really rundown, a failure, and pretty much on the verge of closing. While it was a school for magic, it was like all the magic was zapped out of the school itself. It was filled with delinquents and very few students who actually cared. Most dropped out if anything.

Amelia was a teacher at the school for a little over a year and the only teacher that students really respected and bothered showing up to class for. She hated seeing the school in the state it was in and tried pleading with the headmistress of the school to try and change things - however was constantly told it was too late and that the school would be closing. It did, and Amelia had to look for jobs elsewhere. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have done more and found herself drawn back to the crumbling school on more than one occasion. She decided to sneak in one day to see if she could find a hint of anything from the old headmistress - who had disappeared without a trace - to see if she could get in contact with her. This wasn’t her idea of course, but her (boyfriend at the time) Reed’s.

Eventually they did track down the headmistress and found her terribly ill. Amelia insisted that the two of them care for her, despite all that the headmistress had done to shun Amelia beforehand. They did, and during that time Amelia explained the hopes she had previously had for the school - she said how she wanted a school that anyone could feel welcome to apply, and not have some special ceremony for acceptance (like the carriages for NRC). She believed people could be equals and that as a magical community they should all help one another. The old headmistress was moved by Amelia’s words and when she back to health she revealed herself to be a powerful sorceress (the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. No design as of now). She explained she had been looking for a worthy successor for the school and her magic but didn’t find Amelia fitting at the time, but saw the kindness in Amelia’s heart and offered her the deed to the school and the surrounding grounds. She wanted to see what Amelia would do with the school and was interested if she could really bring a community together like she explained. Then, she disappeared.

Amelia and Reed worked to renovate the school, taking nearly 2 years on the project. Amelia comes from a wealthy family, but even then funds were not endless, so a lot of fundraising was done to also raise awareness for the reopening school. At first there wasn’t much interest but it slowly got more and more traction. With donations and family money, they were able to complete the school. The two of them also got engaged during this time. Even with them rebuilding the mainschool and doing some maintenance on the dorms themselves, there are some secrets that even the two of them are still learning, as the sorceress took off before giving them the full details on the school itself.

The school’s aim is to not only teach its students magic, but the foundation of being a good person, being helpful and selfless. The school holds a lot of community and fundraising events, and there is even a mandatory volunteering class where students have to spend a certain amount of hours volunteering for a local community service. This school hopes to bridge the gap between the elite and average magic users, showing that deep down everyone is human and deserving of respect and a chance to grow.

This school doesn't have completely different areas for the dorms and it's all actually located on a large campus ground.The main school building is about 4 stories, there's a greenhouse and an auditorium in separate buildings.

The dorms are all two or three stories and are all relatively distant from each other, enough to give each dorm a good spot of land around it. Think a mansion with a large yard. When passing through the front gate for the dorm there's magic that makes it appear in a slightly different scenery - so the students don't always have the school looming in the background and can relax. The dorm's scenery is different between each dorm and it can change with each 'dorm representative'.

There aren't really dorm 'leaders' as there are representatives. Normally about two or three for each dorm - though can only be one if the person proves themselves to be capable / no one else is voted. Each dorm will have a meeting once a month to go over things that the dorm needs to address either internally or with the school or other dorms, and then the representatives bring those concerns to a meeting with the school's staff and other dorm representatives. Think more like a student council and class presidents. The representatives make almost all decisions together. Reps are voted for each year within a dorm, and the voting is taken pretty seriously.

The dorm rep duties outside of the meetings is mostly just like a college RA. They make sure people are following the rules, help solve problems between students in their dorm, plan and hold events, etc.

The dorms:

While students are separated into dorms in this school, the headmaster and mistress try to stress the fact that they are all one community. Friendly rivalry is encouraged but ultimately the matter of dorms is just where the students end up living and placing them near people who can better help those around them. The two in charge don’t want the dorms to become too competitive or to alienated from one another - so there’s actually a lot of cross dorm events and even friends staying over at other friends dorms for days on end at times.

As a note, as long as it’s not inappropriate, students are encouraged to wear anything they want as their ‘dorm uniform’. Standard school uniforms are required on the main campus but as Headmaster Reed puts it - there’s no reason for them to tell the students what to wear in their own house. Plus, the school isn’t as well funded as most other private schools, so not having a lot of uniforms to keep up with is better for them in the long run. They don’t even have a formal ceremonial robe like NRC does, but I will be posting about the uniforms in a different post.

Now onto the dorms themselves.

Cinderella dorm: Nightingale Founded on the hard work and dedication of a princess’s companions, members of this dorm are no strangers to teamwork and getting the job done. It’s said that there’s no miracle students in this dorm can’t pull off in a short amount of time. Members of this dorm are close and they will drop anything they’re doing to help another. 

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Snow White: Diamanttobar Founded on the tradition and devotion of miners, members of this dorm specialize in working long hours and putting 100% into everything they do.They might be hard to win over, but once you have their companionship little will shake their loyalty. Students here notice the smaller details and are said to be able to craft nearly anything.  

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Aladdin: Wondrous Founded on the cleverness and protective instincts of a royal couple’s most trusted confidants, members of this dorm sometimes have questionable methods but overall have hearts of gold. Students in this dorm are proactive in calling out unfair rules and try to work for changes and reforms to improve the lives of those around them.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Mulan: Guardian Founded on the honor and strength of dragons, students of this dorm are known to follow a code of honor and are very protective of one another. They are great with helping other student’s physical and mental well beings, acting as trainers and confidants.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

AiW: Lapinhole Founded on the curiosity and madness of a queen’s subjects, members of this dorm are known to be eccentric and creative. A lot of students in this dorm are mysterious and have a strange method of helping others, but even through the confusion a lot of students rely on students from this dorm for a little more fun in their lives.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Beauty and the Beast: Servireu Founded on the faith and loyalty of a Beast Prince’s servants, members of this dorm are known to be generous, not judgemental, and helpful to those around them. A lot of these students are at the top of their classes and are known for being excellent tutors for others. Though a little eccentric, they obviously mean well and have good intentions.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Annnnddd that’s it! I plan to possibly redo my dorm lore dump post aswell as make a separate post for the uniforms once I have them designed. also the staff will be getting their own posts aswell when I finish their designs too.

[savnofilter]

I think you're hilarious in such a good way and Im new to Tumblr. Your work is amzing and i was wondering if you have any bnha blog recommendations or must read fics?

WARNING! this gets long as SHIT. so im sorry. im on mobile so liek,, also there are shit ton of amazing writers on here but my memory has been terrible as of recently, so sorry about that. all the people mentioned have really good fics so going through their masterlist is the bes option i have on here for you!! also sorry this was so late, i did a lot of username checking and now finally got the balls to post this with their @s cnuidwneovn- also!! be mindful because i was iffy in tagging some because i wasnt too sure if they wrote for bnha anymore. so w/o further adieu!!!now for my fave ao3 fics (with no ranking)~

His Tryanny by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: fantasy

summary: “Deep in a land just like in the fairy tales, lives 4 different kingdoms. But when a hot headed king of one kingdom wants to take over, he seeks for more power. A girl locked away in a tower for her entire life because of her forbidden power, finds a new life when an ash blonde male comes flying through her window. How will their life play out?”

my thoughts: FUCKINGT AMAZING BOOK LIKE I FUCKING STAN. TT its so fucking good! the angst, the tension, angry bloody bakugo?! fucking check! amazing book!! 12/10 will always recommend. mc will say “million reasons” i be like “his tyranny tho, 👀” (and other books but we have to appreciate my highness rq).

completed: yis!

My Angel by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: greek mythology

summary: “The infamous fallen angel, serving under Hades (AFO), Bakugou Katsuki, was known for constantly wreaking havoc within heaven. Defying against God and other deities, he was blacklisted from Heaven. (l/n) (y/n) being an elite archangel under Athena (Miruko), is set on a mission to rid of Bakugou Katsuki but takes a 180 when you sudden began developing feelings for the crooked angel during the confrontation – him reciprocating the feelings. Though relationships between a worker of God and a demon was the greatest sin, and faced consequences to those who are caught. ~ Having to sneak around and hide your relationship with the fallen angel how would an archangel keep her status under God while simultaneously keeping an accursed romantic affair.(sorry i suck at summaries lmao)”

my thoughts: you know, i just have a craving to live a life in greekish-mythologyish and reading lore of olympus makes it partly redeemed. but this takes the cake. LIKE?! oh my fucking god! absoluetely love and im still reading it cause im slow asf but its so good so far! and she doesnt at all, the summaries are what got me interested!!

completed: neh~

I’m Broken Too (Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi) by Kikyo851 (quotev; kikyo851/tumblr; @heroes-among-us-all)

au: canon

summary: “What’s a girl to do when she can’t quite make it as a hero? Become a villain, of course.”

my thoughts: okay so youre thinking, “that summary is short asf” but godtdamn the book is motherfucking good dawg. lieke,,, this absolutely fueled my villain spark way back whenever. (you can gladly thank this book and all the dabi fics from @lord-explosion-baku, who also has a book called “thorns” which is also on ao3. i havent read it because im not into that au but it has many good reviews!!)

completed: neh~

Million Reasons by Chub_Rye (other socials; not listed)

au: future canon (?)

summary: “This is not a happy story, you really wished it was but how can it be when your marriage is falling apart. You truly love your husband, the thing is…he doesn’t seem to feel the same anymore ((Trigger warning: this is a very emotional heavy story, you have been warned.)) Inspiration: Million Reasons by Lady Gaga”

my thoughts: 

*if i had the time i would edit to: “im fucking sobbing fam”* because this shit hurtedt. like, HURTEDT. this book, this very book is the reason why fucking katsuki fucking bakugo slapped down the damn rankings on my list. didnt fucking like him for like two weeks, just thinking about him made me mad as FUCK. but its written so good i cant be mad?! i… okay moving on before i start crying and listing reasons why katsuki needs to CHOKE in this damn book. also if you dislike deku then this story will change. you.

completed: neh~

Muted by HecateSG (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “A collection of short one-shot stories where the reader has lost the ability to speak due to an incident that ranges from accident, to intentional, which now leaves you in the care of at least one of this dashing and intrepid cast of characters. There will be a variety of scenario’s explored and kinks touched upon for all you curious depraved little ones. ~ The only thing these all have in common is that the Reader will remain almost exclusively quiet the entire time ~ The tags will be updated as more chapters are released.”

my thoughts: this is a one-shot book (no cohesive storyline unless chosen) but its so good. so good. i thought shigaraki, dabi and all might in one book was interesting but never the less, super good! i never was interested in the mute concept but its written good? (but thinking about it all the other mute!reader fics are good but they wont nsfw so it didnt interest me-) furthermore, its so good. so pure. so hot. 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Nightclub AU by sour_pink29 (tumblr; @heros-amoung-us)

au: well… nightclub

summary: “U.A. is the most prestigious and well known nightclub in the world. It takes a high price and a creditable reputation to attend the club, but only because it makes your wildest dreams and fantasies come true. The workers are the best of the best: the 1A class; with the sexiest dancers, flirtatious waitresses and waiters, master bartenders, and high class security. It’s truly no wonder why the rich and famous travel from all corners of the world to have one special night at U.A. ~ As a waitress at the club, you were used to dealing with rich, handsome, high maintenance bachelors. But when 6 mysterious men enter the club and your life, you feel something different spark between you and them as they turn your life on it’s head. For better or for worse… ~ AU where you and the 1A class (and some other characters) are workers at the club. Kaminari, Kirishima, Katsuki, Shoto, Tetsu, Izuku, and Sero are all competing for your attention. ~ WILL INCLUDE NSFW IN SOME CHAPTERS ;)”

my thoughts: THGIS BOOK FUCKIN SLAPS. HANDS DOWN WOULD TOOT MY ASS UP FOR THIS! (thought about dropping my studies and just fucking doing stripper work-) like wow… its a good book and the writer was prob one of the first wirters i followed on here?! (thats if tumblr didnt fucking remove my damn following like it usually does. ._.) enough about that, its really good. i think about it often.

completed: neh~

Plus Ultra! One-shots and Requests by MistressPikachu (FinalVolition) [tumblr; @adelheidvonschicksal]

au: varies

summary: “A place to store all my smaller drabbles for BNHA. NSFW and SFW requests CLOSED!”

my thoughts: um so she write for *everything* but not like everything, everything. so sometimes it be like a red flag so make sure you are reading it carefully on the story you click on! personally, since theyre a good asf writer i usually dip my toe in all of them but sometimes i just cant but the ones i can, i read over and over and over again. worth a million reads tbh. 12/10 would recommend if youre nasty like that (and i KNOW you guys are).

completed: neh~

slutty one shots by cherrykwrites (tumblr; @cherrykwrites)

au: varies

summary: “Collection of some slutty short scenarios. Mostly Bakugo, could include other characters too. ~ Everything will be NSFW in this collection. ~ Themes like non con, underage, alcohol, bdsm, daddy kinks, ect could occur in these writings. ~ These are purely works of fiction and do not reflect reality, I do NOT condone any of the immoral actions written in these.”

my thoughts: so of course i could not leave the og, the real home slice, cherry-mother-k-fuckin-writes- CAN WE CLAP FOR THE QUEEN? so essentially, her shit is good asf. you should read it cause its good asf. shes not around that much but she def is really good! (also has my thinking about writing some tattoo artist!bakugo these days, or even a series for my husbandos…). never thought about sandwhiched between kirishima and bakugo until i came across her fics~

completed: neh~

Euphoria - NSFW Series by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: varies

summary: “Just a bunch of BNHA characters involved in several different kinks with you. ~ Summary of first chapter: ~ “Katsuki…”That mewl you made was hard to hear but somehow it reached Midoriya’s ears and he gulped as he saw said man standing up from the ground in front of you. A smirk as wide as it can be with his tongue brushing the corners of his mouth as if he just finished eating the best meal of his life.————————- Basically, Midoriya is in for a emotional ride lol”

my thoughts: they are such a good writer. another one-shots book but they will appear once again on the list but this book is just beautiful. and im a perv. so. have fun.

comepleted: neh~

⚠️okay so this is a series of fics from one writer, but instead of making a shit ton on the list (because if this isnt long already) its by the user QuillMind (tumblr; @quillmind) here are some of my faves:⚠️

Incendiary ~ a/b/o, “Mating season has come yet again. Bakugou has even more trouble controlling it than in previous years… and it’s all your fault.”

Mating Hunt ~ a/b/o, “You and Bakugou have been together for some time. Though you both know you only want each other, your bond won’t truly be permanent and known to all until he claims you during mating season. And as impatient as Bakugou is, as an Alpha, he loves a good chase. You decide to give him one.”

Story Time - A Reader x BNHA Multific by WhenSarahSmiles (tumblr; @makethiscanon)

au: fairytale/storybook/canon-ish

summary: “Whilst fighting a powerful villain, you find yourself sucked into the world their quirk created with no memories of your old life. Yet, the men you meet along the way have a familiar feel to them. Perhaps they can help you unlock your memories? ~ A Hero Academia/Fairy Tale mash up, there’s plenty of chaos to follow even if you think you know the classic stories well. ~ [Warning: Explicit Content from chapter 3 onwards] ~ [I will warn you which chapter features the non-con]] ~ “

-> Story one: Little Red Riding Hood (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader)-> Story two: The Little Mermaid (Shouto Todoroki x Reader)-> Story three: Jack and the Beanstalk (Eijirou Kirishima x Reader)-> Story four: The Three Little Pigs (Denki Kaminari x Reader)-> Story five: Sleeping Beauty (Shouto Todoroki x Reader x Katsuki Bakugou)-> Story six: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Midoriya, Tokoyami, Sero, Monoma, Ojiro, Shinsou x Reader)

my thoughts: bitch i have no thoughts. i only have THOTS. this is a masterpiece, like ive been lacking, the one im on rn is the kirishima one and it worth the read, and i bet the ones after that have been just as amazing! amazing work 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Wolves Among Us (Mini Series) by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: fantasy

summary: “Something about watching him lick your chilled skin was stirring something within you. Your legs started to shiver, but not of the cold that surrounded your slightly exposed body but of a feeling blossoming in the inner regions of your lower stomach. You were getting lost in the rhythm of his pants, wandering in the hazy want of his intense eyes. Your breath began to tremble, and you tried to squeeze your legs together to withstand the odd sensation growing, but he held your leg still and showed no signs of letting go. You were suddenly aware of his hand on your lower thigh, and you noticed that it was the first time a man’s hand had touched there. ~ You were a flower that had yet to bloom in the late of spring. Pure, untouched and suddenly, bombarded with desires. You never shivered in the way a man could make you, and curiosity—maybe naivety, was keeping you from your fear of the beast. —————– Basically, you fall in love with a rude wolf man. ~ Mini series!! Werewolf!Bakugo x Human!Reader, Fantasy AU ~ Inspired by The Company of Wolves by Angela Carter”

my thoughts: i ride this books ASS for updates. my favourite bakugo au’s are fantasy (wit da dragoons) and were!katsuki (haluween). i fucking love it, i love their works. theyre busy with school (like i should be but scholars are all different-) trust me its so good. it has that good spice that make fill my heart with sexy uwuwuwuwuwuwuwus. love it.

completed: neh~

Katsuki Bakugo Scenario Collection by Hvalross (tumblr; @cutesuki–bakugou)

au: varies

summary: “A collection of oneshots and scenarios I’ve done for Bakugou, both personal works and requests on my blog Cutesuki-Bakugou. ~ Please note that the rating of each story will be in the notes of the chapter. Stories range from TEEN to EXPLICIT.”

my thoughts: oh my god. i reread this one chap over and over and over and over and over and over- and over again. the stories range from cute to just good smut and its so good. so beautifully written. and i cant help but just appreciate it. love it sm. (also sorry if i tagged the wrong tumblr im confsued as to which one you use ahaha)

completed: neh~

Wish the World Away by hoshigalaxy (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “bakugou katsuki is the number one hero. but with this title comes a huge target on his back. sometimes it’s better to stay single when you’re a pro hero. there could be accidents. ~ but that’s three years in the past now and bakugou is slowly moving on from what’s happened. that is until he runs into his mysterious new neighbour and things get complicated again.”

my thoughts: ;-; this one hits different. almost like a million reasons type of different. i dont want to spoil it but godt damn man. there is so much to be uncovered but it really hasnt been updated. (cri) its a beautiful book tho. fingers crossed for when it updates next.

completed: neh :

Up in Smoke. (Soulmate AU) by Grapelimeade (tumblr; @gojirabbit)

au: well,, soulmate

summary: “Bakugou doesn’t want a fucking soulmate.”

my thoughts: may i say…it is such a stark contrast to Million Reasons. it is so fucking captivating i will not shit you. this book, is amazing. im just saying, that midoriya scene tho,, 👀 that kirishima friendship,, 💪🏽 its so good…? got me panting for the next chap (and no not like that weirdos but there is nsfw because when tf do you catch me reading a fic without nsfw…?) but i recommend. mc: million reasons tho me: up in smoke tho-

completed: neh~

Vermilion by Morgana_Ren (tumblr; @morgana-ren)

au: canon

summary: “Tomura Shigaraki had a goal. It started out simple enough. Kill All Might, and watch the society that revered heroes above all else crumble to dust alongside their idol. However, what originally starts off as a chance encounter with a UA student during the battle of USJ sends him reeling down the crooked path of obsession.”

my thoughts: its just…? my shigaraki thirst was sparked from this very story. it good, supplies my shifty hands needs and it suffices the boiling lust in my clit. wish we’d see more cause i love it already and it blends the story line well. love it. 11/10

completed: neh~

words hurt [Bakugo Katsuki x Reader] by QueenExplosionMurder (tumblr; @strawberryandspiceandchocolate)

au: canon

summary: “*more tags to be added* ~ when Bakugo Katsuki friendzones the reader, their friendship takes a nose dive off of the face of the earth and he doesn’t hear from her for a while. that is until she is suddenly thrown back into his life, quite literally actually…”

my thoughts: well you think i can go a post without tagging my president? youre fucking wrong. i have actually posted my own prev of her book which you can find here. i am just astonished at well the mood is (because tb when all i would talk about is mood) because mood is just good. it doesnt seem cliche to me. cant wait until the next update.

completed: neh~

You and Yamada by Jo_Rutherford_Lee (other socials; not listed)

au: varies

summary: “Just a few short Present Mic/Reader PWPs I needed to get out of my head.”

my thoughts:

i love this book. couldnt find the yamada book i was looking for but i would be lying if this doesnt revive my yamada love every once in awhile. (jk i found the book but this one is really cute and a quick read!!)

completed: yis

Singed Rose Petals: (Alpha) Dabi x (Omega) Reader by Smutsy (other socials; not listed)

au: a/b/o

summary: ““The villains were always ugly in books and movies. Necessarily so, it seemed. Because if they were attractive - if their looks matched their charm and their cunning - they wouldn’t only be dangerous. They would be irresistible.” - Nenia Campbell”

my thoughts: ohhhh because you guys thought that i’d go through a post without mentioning dabi? LOL so,, this book has brought many many many happy coochie tingles to me. i would murder to be dabi’s omega. and DAS on baby. never was really interested in a/b/o stuff till i read this. love it so much 11/10.

completed: yis

special mentions:

BNHA Brothel by orphan_account [multiple, unfinished]

Hero Killer’s Charge by VulcanCaptain [stain x reader, unfinished]

Mouth Moods by Koalolive (twitter; renlup) [present mic, unfinished]

and god please dont fucking roast me i had a hawks faze. Birb Office for Birbs by insanityrunsinthe_family

[nattspencer]

In case of boredom - Part 1

Missy x reader

Part 1 (you’re here) / Part 2 / Part 3 - Complete 

Summary: The reader was always intrigued by the Time Lady. When she jumps into the TARDIS, the readers decided to write a little novel to take her out of boredom, putting little annoying riddles as a password to each file.

A/N: English is not my first language, I’m really sorry for any mistakes. Also, this is my first fanfic here, so please be kind. I already have a part two in mind for this, let me know if you want it.

Warnings: None

Word count: 1.9k

The GIF is not mine

      Sometimes you think your major problem is having too much empathy and caring so much for other people. You can’t just see someone feeling miserable and not try to do anything to cheer them up, even if this means just standing beside them, however, despite your best intentions, it often ends up hurting yourself, since you always internalize some of their issues. This wasn’t any different when a intergalactic murder time lady started traveling with you, Bill, Nardole and The Doctor.

       You had analyzed Missy since the first time you entered the vault with Mr. Eyebrows - you definitely adore calling him that way, the eyebrows always grows frowny proving your point right - primarily, it was just part of your hobby, you loved study people’s personalities - it always helped to create amazing characters for your tales - but there was something about her, something that scary and attractive at the same time and you never were so intrigued. Slowly, piece by piece, observing from a distance every single detail about her, you started to finally understand bits of what's going on under those pale blue eyes.

      The memory of Nardole’s panicked face when he saw Missy sitting comfortably on the TARDIS after your meet with the ninth legion flashed in your brain and it still makes you giggle, it wasn’t supposed to be funny, you were kinda scared in the moment as well, but his reaction and protests were really hilarious. Bill also tried to complain when she found out that the Time Lady would become a regular in the police box, but The Doctor promised that Missy wouldn’t kill any of you, and also the ship needed maintenance.

      As time passed by, you couldn’t agree more with the Time Lady’s words, she was as much a prisoner here as she was on the vault, and defitinaly as lonely too. Missy spent hours immersed in maintenance work while you all rushed throughout the universe in inimaginable adventures, and when the TARDIS finally fills up again, none of you dare to initiate a friendly conversation with her or even just be alone in her presence, too afraid of her impressibility. Nonetheless, the intriguing mocking smile never left her lips, always ready to toy with any of you, and without a doubt, always ready to annoy the Time Lord. No one would dare to say, but all of you loved to see her messing with Mr. Eyebrows.

      “Head in the clouds?” Bill asked sitting on your side, in the stairs of the console room.

      “Kinda, was it that obvious?” You just hoped not to be a weirdo for too long.

      “Looking at a random spot in the ground for hm… fifteen minutes? Yeah, very obvious, and knowing your eyes, you would probably stay like that for some hours” 

      “Sorry, sometimes I just wonder off, you know” You smiled shyly.

      “I do” She smiled back “I also know that your best histories comes out when you are like this, and believe me, I would let you wander off for hours just to read whatever you would write, but a certain Time Lady was starting to stare at you way too much, so I had to save my beautiful writer from weeks of mocking”

      “Oh, you are really my hero” You gave her an exaggerated hug that made you both lay down on the stairs, laughing.

      “Nothing is for free sweetie, I want a new tale on my table by tomorrow” She teased.

      “As you wish ma’am” You did a floppy continence to her order, and then, an idea crossed your mind.

      “Are you okay?” She asked when you got suddenly serious.

      “I think I just found a solution for something”

      “What something?”

     “You’ll see” You answer simply.

      “Just stay out of trouble little girl” She talked with a warning voice.

      “Considering where we are and who we travel with, I don’t think that would be rather possible”

      “Yeah, I suppose you’re right” She admitted with a little chuckle while she stood up “I'm going to bed, try to go sleep soon as well, it was a tiring day”

      “I’ll do my best, boss” She just showed you her tongue and left the room with a smile still dancing between her lips.

      Books! Missy was always reading something to try free herself from boredom, it wasn’t unusual to find some bloody murder mystery novel around her, so the thought came to your mind, maybe, just maybe, you could try to help her through the characters, encourage her to be good and, with some luck, write something that she would really get excited about. Howbeit, you know it wouldn’t be so easy, the plot needed to be tricky, mysterious, unpredictable, and also, you needed her to wait between chapters while you write them - patience was definitely not among her qualities and because of it, she could get bored really easily - so why not put a password in the each file, leaving a little riddle for her to find out? That could be fun.

      A week or so of planning and plotting has passed away and you started writing, thankfully it didn’t take long before two chapters were brought into life, although, you wanted to make sure that she was into your thread before finishing it all, so you began to ponder how to set the perfect bait. You waited until Missy and the Time Lord started their regular argument about some alien knowledge to sneak into the ship, fully aware that they would be busy for some hours and you wouldn’t get caught, you took one of the library's laptops and place it right in the middle of the central reading table, quickly transferring your files to the computer’s main workspace, aside it, you put a little printed note sticked to the screen with the words: In case of boredom. You knew it would trigger her curiosity, now you just have to wait.

      Hours later, when you came back from another intergalactical adventure, you innocently decided to pick a book from the library just for the sake of bed entertainment, of course, and you glanced a little hand write on your sticked note: Pick harder riddles next time. She definitely was on it, and you almost couldn’t hide a little victorious smile crawling to your lips. You kept feeding her with new chapters almost every day with the same strategy, waiting for her to get distracted before you sneak into the place and every single night, after you write, you stood up for hours in front of the computer trying to come up with an even harder riddle. Were in one of these nights that you suddenly realized, nothing would be more challenging for her than riddles about earth’s history, she probably didn’t bother in researching any of it before since Missy despised the planet. It was perfect, and it actually worked.

      Surely, even a terrestrial would have some problem solving your last one ’when the never setting sun empire had to apologize to the biggest lazio’s last flower’ but you didn’t expect to see one of the last of the Time Lords spend a whole three days in just one riddle. You could see by the little popped vein in her forehead how irritated she was for not finding the answer, however you didn’t dare to tease her about it or even talk about it at all, just allowed yourself to sense the little rewarding feeling taking over your chest. 

      On the fourth night, when you were walking towards your bedroom, after checking the Time Lady’s progress, you suddenly felt two arms smashing your body painfully against the corridor walls, and you didn’t have to look to know who it was, actually you were quite expecting this.

      “What is the answer?” Missy demanded with furious eyes and an arm crushing your chest to the wall.

      “Gave up already?” You don’t know where your courage was coming from.

      “If I were you, I would turn all the mocking down, kitten, I’ve killed for much less than that” She placed a hand in your face roughly rubbing your cheek.

      “You wouldn’t kill me” 

       “Why not? Did you forget? I’m bananas” She said very close to your face singing the last word.

      “You wouldn’t do it because you’re too into the story to let it go, too curious, but also too stubborn to ask for a tip from a insignificant little human, especially a tip from the history of a equally insignificant planet, so all your ego allowed you to do was pin me to a wall and demand for a answer, that was the only way you would get what you want and still be in command” Her grip loosened a little bit, and you could see a hint of shock on her beautiful ice eyes, probably no one has ever read her like that “Or I’m just wrong and you’re bananas, of course” You smiled “Either way, I’m willing to give you a tip: Lazio is a italian region, its name refers to the latins, people from whom the Romans descended. Romans in its turn, had Latin as their official language and the vulgar version of it originated tons of others languages, the most recent creation, as people believe, is Portuguese, witch the largest speaking country is Brazil, also, last lazio’s flower is a metaphor used by a important brazilian writer, Olavo Bilac, in one of his famous poems to refers to his mother tongue”

      “And how the hell I was supposed to know that?” Her teeth were clenched and her fingers were pressing your own jaw, not being gentle at all.

      “You weren’t, that’s rather the point dear, but before you throw all your anger in tiny little me, you were the one who asked for harder riddles, and all the information were on the internet, you just needed to find the right track”

      “That’s not harder, that’s just insignificant knowledge” She growned.

      “I know, but that was the only area that I probably would had a little more knowledge then you, so why not take it as a learning opportunity?” Your heart was pumping on your chest, and the adrenaline was present all over your body. Suddenly, she redrew her hands from you.

      “You’re interesting, pet, I’ll play your little game, but you better keep it high level, I get bored pretty easily you know, and you wouldn’t enjoy to talk with me like this when I’m not captivated, you might get kinda too dead”

      “I do acknowledge your facility in get bored, Mistress, had this in mind since day one”

      “Don’t get too arrogant, puppet, you don’t know so much of little old me as you might think”

      “Or you’re too used to be the attention focus to realize that someone, in the corner, is actually observing and analysing you”

      “Am I this important to you kitty cat? The Doctor might get a bit jealous” She raised a eyebrow teasefully.

      “You’re intriguing, Missy, and as you can see, I love intriguing people, always a good inspiration to my characters”

      “So you might want get a closer look” A smirk was growing in her lips as she got closer.

      “I would, if you hadn’t a research to make, you’re four days late” You said as you placed your forefinger in her lips, pushing her back.

      “You escaped this time baby girl, lets see for how long” the mischief was playing in her eyes.

      “You might be a good flirt, but so am I” You winked at her and started to walk calmly to your previous destination.

     “This will be definitely fun” Soon you heard her heels clicking quickly towards the library.

[greasers-stole-my-social-life]

Get Back//Darry x Reader//Modern AU

Prompt: After y/n and her boyfriend, Darry, take a break, Darry tries to win her back with advice from his brothers and friends.

A/N: I randomly had an idea to write this and thought it was really cute! It’s been awhile since I’ve written, so bare with me! I hope y’all enjoy!!

T/W: A little bit of yelling and a little bit of swearing, but for the most part, it’s pretty darn fluffy!!

Y/n lays awake staring at the ceiling, waiting for her boyfriend to come home. She’s been thinking of ways to surprise him, and after months of planning, she decided that he would probably prefer just a simple night in. She made him and his brothers some dinner, cleaned the house with some help from their friends, and planned on watching TV with him in the living room and staying the night. But the dinner soon got cold, the dishes piled up, and y/n got tired of waiting in the living room, so she waited in his bedroom instead. 

It’s safe to say that they have been distant recently with y/n’s new job and the extra hours that Darry took on at work so that he could make rent this month. It wasn’t anyone’s fault--they both knew that--but the distance was definitely taking a toll on their relationship. Sometimes, she would come over after work to see him but he wouldn’t be home, and sometimes, he would stop by her place but she wouldn’t be home. They’d call each other when they would get the chance, but one of them would either be at work or falling asleep on the other end of the phone due to the exhaustion of working all day. They hated to admit it, but they were beginning to have doubts about being in a relationship. They loved each other, but maybe the timing just was not right.

Just as y/n’s eyes begin to grow heavy, Darry opens his bedroom door, slightly jumping at the sight of his beautiful girlfriend in his bed. “Hi, baby,” y/n chirps, sitting up with a smile. “Hi, y/n,” he smiles briefly, walking over to her and pecking her on the lips. As Darry goes into his dresser to change into some sweats and a tank top, y/n gets up and wraps her arms around his torso, kissing him on his neck. He tenses up and removes her arms from him before turning to face her. “I’m not in the mood. I’ve had a long day, and I just wanna sleep,” he states curtly, turning back around to close the drawer. Trying to make the best of the situation, y/n smiles and wonders, “I take it you’ve had a rough day?” “Mhm,” Darry mumbles, kicking off his worn out boots. Y/n eyes her boyfriend and carefully thinks of what to say, but she knows that when he’s had a rough day, he couldn’t care less for small talk. 

With her feelings somewhat hurt, y/n finally asks the question she’s been dreading, “Are we okay?” Darry sighs deeply, softening his sore muscles and allowing his arms to hang at his sides, his clean clothes still in hand. He slowly turns to face her and looks down at the floor as he quietly confesses, “I don’t know, babe.” Tears well up in y/n’s eyes, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t expecting him to answer so unsure. She sniffles, and quickly wipes away tears that now flow, smearing her once perfectly done makeup. “Well, alright then, I think I’m just gonna head home,” y/n murmurs before leaving Darry’s room. He stands up to follow her, but lets her go. It’s better this way.

-a month later-

The Curtis house was in its worst shape yet, and that was saying a lot. Even after Mr. and Mrs. Curtis passed away, Darry made sure to keep up with house maintenance, but his break up with y/n messed up any sense of a schedule that he once had. His brothers try to help as best as they can, but Sodapop and Ponyboy forget what needs to get done without their older brother there to remind them. 

After a long, hot day of work, Darry comes home to his brothers and their group of friends in the living room watching TV. Darry immediately tenses up at the sight of the unkempt kitchen with dishes piled up to the ceiling, spills on the counter tops, and the garbage can filled to the brim. “Pony, why isn’t the trash out?! And Soda, why aren’t the dishes done?!” Darry scolds, causing the group to jump at the sudden break from their television trance. “We forgot, Darry. Don’t worry, we’ll do it now,” Soda explains calmly as Darry storms into his room to avoid yelling more at his brothers. 

Soda and Pony begin their chores almost immediately, not wanting to upset Darry any further. “Shoot, what’s up with him? He still hung up on y/n?” Two-Bit asks before taking a swig of his beer. “Yeah...” Ponyboy trails off as he walks by Two to take the trash out. “That’s why I avoid serious relationships,” Dallas scoffs bitterly. “I’m guessing you and Sylvia are still broken up?” Steve smirks, earning a cold glare from Dal’s ice blue eyes. “It’s a shame. They were perfect together,” Johnny speaks up, fiddling with the frayed edges of his denim jacket. As Pony walks back inside, he sneers, “Darry was nicer when he was with y/n...now he’s just like he was when Mom and Dad died; cold and bitter.” Sodapop, still unfinished with the dishes, takes a seat on the edge of the couch and says, “Wish there was a way to get them back together, but Darry never wants to talk about it.” Darry, who has been listening from the hallway, enters the living room with a defeated expression and admits, “I’m open to ideas...I miss her.” 

Sodapop is the first to speak up, “You’ve gotta do something romantic, like bring her flowers and take her out somewhere real nice.” Darry walks over to his father’s chair and sits down, listening intently to the advice. “That’s too boring. He needs to surprise her, like in that one movie where the guy holds the stereo playing their favorite song,” Two-Bit suggests, his eyes still focused on the TV screen. “Why don’t you throw rocks at her window or something like that?” Dallas says as he feels around in his pockets for his carton of cigarettes. “You should also work on an apology - a real good one. You don’t wanna show up to her place with nothing good to say,” Johnny adds, knowing exactly what it’s like to get tongue-tied at the worst possible time. “You could invite her to the drive-in. They’re playing that one movie she really likes,” Ponyboy proposes. “Do y’all think this is all gonna be enough? What if she still doesn’t wanna get back together?” Darry worries, running a hand through his greased hair. “If she says no, we don’t want anything to do with her anymore,” Steve laughs, getting up to go to the kitchen. As the boys chuckle softly, Soda gives a comforting smile to Darry. This has to work.

-later that night-

As y/n tidies up the small kitchen in her apartment, she hears music coming from outside. Y/n recognizes the song, and stops scrubbing the counter tops for a moment. This was her and Darry’s song. It was the song that they had their first kiss to, the song that they would sing their hearts out to when they would drive together, and the song that they would dance to at midnight in the living room when everyone else was asleep. Y/n smiles as she reminisces, swaying her hips to the beat of the music. While washing her dishes, her window shatters, causing her to stop what she’s doing and grab a kitchen knife in case she would need to defend herself. “Damn it, Darry! I said a small pebble, not a fucking rock!” Dallas shouts, causing y/n to sigh loudly, setting the knife back down. “I didn’t mean to throw it that hard! I’ve told her plenty of times before that she needs to replace her windows, but she never listened!” Darry defends himself. She throws on a pair of shoes to avoid stepping on the glass, and stands at the window to look down at the group of greasers. Two-Bit stands beside Darry with a small radio at its highest volume, playing Darry and hers song. Darry holds a bouquet of yellow and pink flowers while Dallas walks back to Darry’s parked car where the rest of the boys watch anxiously from inside the coop and on the truck bed.

“What the hell are y’all doing?! And why the hell is my window shattered?!” y/n shouts. “Well, the window part was an accident, but that’s not why I’m here!” Darry begins as y/n stares with her arms crossed over her chest. Darry reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out note cards with his apology written out on them. Before he gets the chance to say anything, y/n’s neighbor’s window opens. An older man, about 70 years old, leans out and stares coldly at y/n before hissing, “Would you quiet down? Some of us are trying to get some sleep!” His window slams shut before y/n gets a chance to apologize. She storms out of her apartment and stomps down the old steps of her apartment building. 

As she steps outside, the cool autumn breeze greets her, causing her to cross her arms over her chest to keep warm. Darry and the rest of the gang greet her with hopeful smiles, but she most certainly does not share the same feelings at the moment. She keeps a distance between herself and Darry, keeping a stern expression before demanding, “Do you wanna tell me what the hell is going on?” Even with her stubborn expression and closed-off body language, Darry can’t help but smile dumbly at her fuming beauty. “I came to apologize,” Darry begins, completely ignoring his note cards that were carefully written out, with the help of Soda and Johnny, and placed in his jacket pocket before coming over to y/n’s apartment building. 

“I was a jerk and should’ve given you more attention when we were together. And, I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you when you were only trying to make things better. I really love you, but I know that I’m sometimes not the best at showing it. I want to be better and want to be with you, but I understand if you still need time...I’m really sorry, y/n,” Darry continues, causing y/n to drop her arms at her sides as a small start of a smile pulls the corner of her lips.

“Oh, and these are for you,” Darry says sweetly, handing the bouquet to y/n. She gladly takes the bouquet before wrapping her arms around Darry. Happily surprised, Darry holds y/n close to him before pulling back to kiss her gently. The boys cheer from the truck, causing Darry and y/n to share a laugh. As y/n rests her arms loosely around Darry’s waist, she sighs, “So how are we going to fix my window?” Darry throws his head back with a laugh before placing another kiss on y/n’s lips, remembering the taste and feeling of being in love.

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I brought up hanyang type 88 here and i said i’d explain, so here I am!!

okay so first off here’s a bunch of likely useful context about girls frontline. There is this feature in the game called digimind upgrade, or mod 3, where certain t-dolls can be upgraded past the normal maximum levels and stats, and at the same time gaining whole new abilities and also a new design. Basically a reinvention. There are like hundreds of playable characters in the game, and only a fraction will get mod 3s, typically the ‘main characters’ who are relevant to the major ongoing plot.

two things about getting a doll who has the ability to do digimind upgrade, to actually do that. One, is that it can be very costly in terms of in-game materials. like, maybe i just played the game wrong but I would have to grind for weeks in order to amass the materials to upgrade just one doll to mod 3. So even though by now there are dozens upon dozens of dolls who are capable of this feature, i’ve only actually done so with like, less than one dozen. A normal player probably has to be picky.

secondly, and this is the big one, every t-doll’s mod 3 comes with story cutscenes that become available for you to view upon upgrading them. Personally, i think most of the only worthwhile mod 3 stories are the ones that are associated with the actual major characters of the main story, especially since their upgrades actually happen in-canon and their mod 3 stories fill in blanks or otherwise expand upon the regular story chapters.

for the t-dolls who aren’t major characters that get digimind upgrades, their associated stories tend to follow a very basic pattern. They’re feeling like they are falling behind other T-Dolls in abilities or are otherwise experiencing a drop in confidence in their abilities, but then find the resolve in them to either change themselves or stand by an aspect of themselves, and this leads them to heading to the lab to get upgraded. obviously theres some nuances here and there depending on the character, but a lot of them, from what i saw, follow this basic pattern.

hanyang type 88 has a mod 3 but i certainly never wanted to see it. Firstly, using the feature at all takes up resources are kinda precious so i wasn’t just gonna use it on anyone. Secondly, she is just one of many one-off t-dolls that basically dont ever show up in any actual main story cutscenes or even funny events. Thirdly... you saw what she looked like in the linked post, i was in no rush to make use of her.

That being said, even if you don’t ever upgrade a t-doll, simply having them in your possession allows you to at least view the first of four parts of their mod 3 story, which nets you a small amount of those materials needed to see the rest (its a pretty fiendish system, huh o_O). I was lacking in some materials to upgrade a doll i cared about, so i just mucked around, eventually happened upon type88 again and decided that instead of just immediately feeding her to the furnace, I’d watch the first chapter of her mod 3 story. I watched it, it made me just curious enough to look further, and well. ...I got into it. Exactly what I got into, i shall now just elaborate and summarise the whole thing in my own way! Warning, it’s long!

(disclosure: my summary will bias towards my own preferred interpretation whenever any aspect is somewhat vague.)

The story starts with type 88, or as she is called by others in griffin base, Ai, working her shift in the base’s cafe, because what else would she be doing.

i hate looking at her! Anyway, its just a pleasant peaceful day and Ai is taking the logistic person, kalina’s order when suddenly in the middle of a conversation, Ai freezes in place and starts making worrying sounds.

kalina here and the t-dolls present in the cafe are concerned, and talk about how Type88 has actually been crashing like this more and more frequently lately, yet has not reported any of this to the maintenance crew despite the advice of her friends. They try rebooting her on the spot, but it has an even more concerning effect, because she starts erratically acting like she doesn’t recognise the others, and talks about how she is a maid in “Jiangcheng Cafe”. Afraid that her neural cloud (her mind) has been scrambled, they put her to sleep and bring her to the repair bay.

Its in the repair bay where they explain exactly what is wrong with type88. She is a fairly old doll, and her processing capacity has been severally clogged up for a long time. Her internal memory is overflowing because many large sections of her mind is filled with very large encrypted files (memories that she stored away). she is likely to keep crashing and possibly even cease functioning entirely one day if those encrypted files are not deleted, but nobody is really keen on just deleting parts of her mind without her consent. For now, kalina just opts to try and decrypt the files and see what they are.

And from here, we watch type88 memories from her perspective. Sort of. Kind of. It gets complicated later but for now, we view the first memory of her life, not as a combat t-doll type88, but...

...as 59898, a doll designed to be what is basically a ‘crash test dummy’ for testing artillery technology in a research station. With a purpose like this, 59898 has an (ostensibly) rudimentary AI. Her learning ability is intended to be used to better aid the results of their testing, but she also knows how to understand and even imitate specific human gestures in order to better respond to instructions or conversation, even though she herself has no voice module to speak with. She is assigned to assist one specific person.

first off, i was pretty shocked right off the bat that this story above so many others actually has unique assets to it. The above two sprites don’t show up anywhere else in the game, i don’t think. Secondly, this woman’s name is only ever spelled with those white squares, so I’m stuck with having to just calling her ‘the pilot’, as dry as that sounds... I just don’t want to type out weird characters every time, or call her ‘triple cube’...

Anyway, so 59898 is assigned to help this woman in testing artillery tech (stuff like mechs and tanks). I should mention really quick that in the game’s story, during this point of time is when world war iii is happening, but that’s just a backdrop for robots to eventually gain more prominence. Anyway, we move on to the second memory, where some time has already passed. At the beginning of this memory, the pilot is visibly depressed, which 59898 takes note of.

Her ‘comfort mode’ consists of patting the pilot on the head, who while surprised, actually is grateful. She feels comfortable enough to talk about her worries aloud to the doll, mentioning how she is a war refugee and has to make a living in the research base because she can’t go back to her home in china, at least not before making enough money for a very expensive and exclusive train ticket. She continues to talk at length to the doll...

...not that the test doll is capable of responding to anything she says. The pilot insists that she’s happy just to have someone listen to her though, since she feels like she can’t really express her feelings to any other person on the base. Despite that-

That aside, the pilot says that referring to 59898 by her serial number all the time feels a bit weird, so she decides to give the doll a name. (I sure wish the story would give this woman a name too, other than ‘three white squares’ but oh well...)

She talks more with Jiangcheng Ai, or just Ai, after that, asking her if she’d like a change of clothes sometime, like some casual clothes, or an old maid outfit from an old cafe job she used to have (I guess they had to throw in any explanation for that outfit somehow) Point is, more and more time passes.

As time passes though, and we go into the third memory, the pilot brings up complaints to her superiors about how the more recent testings, becoming more increasingly intense and frequent, are putting a great strain on Ai, and even repairs can only help maintain her chassis so much. She insists on wanting to take Ai’s place in the testing, but they refuse because, well, Ai’s entire purpose is to take the strain of these tests so that the human pilot doesn’t have to, and the doll is just a tool there to pave the way for the pilot to eventually take over the mech in action

The next time Ai wakes up from her most recent repairs, the pilot is there to greet her, and Ai can tell straight away that she’s unhappy and tries to comfort her again. The pilot is not surprised at this and talks about how this is how Ai has been since they first met. She goes on to say how all the other people on the base don’t know her half as well as Ai does. Ai tries to understand and determine what the pilot’s intentions with saying all this is, but she cannot do so and can only listen while offering ‘executing - affirmative nod’.

The pilot talks about how once the war is over, she’d like to take Ai back home with her, where they could go to all sorts of gatherings, and the pilot would introduce Ai to her friends.

Ai reviews her personal data, confirming that she has no owners or obligations other than the pilot, so she executes another affirmative nod, and the pilot says this:

As Ai tries and fails to further determine this, something bad happens! if you’ve read this far, i’m sure you’ve already guess what happens next...

At that exact moment, a warning goes out and the research base is being attacked by nebulous enemy forces. With no time to talk anymore, both the pilot and Ai head out into their first real fight.

They spend a good long while repelling enemy forces, working well together and apparently using all sorts of wacky anime weaponry like beam blades and whatever ‘retrograde evasion’ is!

obviously though, you already know this isn’t going to end well for them... When the pilot takes a breather, Ai moves to protect her, but at a critical moment, a sudden high-speed projectile comes her way. In the next instance there’s a crash, and we move onto another memory. Where its all fire and debris, and Ai can’t move.

^ this text box actually repeats several times, indicating that she is repeating her scan for life signs over and over. She gets an internal warning from her systems (differentiated with red text) that she has insufficient power and it warns her to immediately cease ineffective operations. [Unable to detect owner life signs] repeats again.

At this point, uuuuh, its a little stupid actually? because two humans show up, reusing generic ‘bad guy’ sprites from other events that don’t match the current environment and situation at all (one is in a suit and the other is in casual clothes). but the reason they’re here is to provide exposition out loud about what happened. It looked like the human’s mech took a hit for the doll and was blown to bits, though they talk about how that doesn’t make any sense.

Ai at this point tries to execute a bunch of different actions like hugging [target not found] and screaming [no relevant module] but they all fail, and her internal systems tell her that her power is running out and she will cease to function in 30 seconds.

So in those last 30 seconds, Ai decides to quickly review her internal files. the damage she took has corrupted her memories and she doesn’t have the time to properly go through them, so she executes a ‘simulated processed records’, which basically mean she’s just filling the blanks of those memories herself with simulations.

And I have to say. I was decently into and enjoying this little story so far, but its this part that’s the reason i became forced to make this stupid giant post. the first ‘memory’ loads up, and we see the pilot.

Different ‘memories’ of the days spent with the pilot are loaded back to back, each are very short and only last a few lines. Across these files, the two of them talk comfortably with each other, Ai is invited to go get coffee with her, the pilot talks about how going alone is boring and would rather spend time with Ai, Ai saying back with her own words that she always likes spending time with her, etc etc etc.

And then finally, she loads one last ‘memory’, from earlier that same day, before the explosion and the fighting.

and she shuts down.

i passed by this scene the first time all calm, but an hour or so later when I was in the bathroom replacing shampoo bottles, i started thinking about it and I literally started sobbing. And then again later that night when i was in bed. I hate this game!!

so that’s the ‘end’ of that, and the next scene opens, once again in griffin base’s cafe, except...

Ai is sporting a brand new (ugly) look. She says she’d like to take kalina’s order but she was just leaving on other business, as she likes keeping herself busy with all sorts of work around the base ever since she got upgraded into a gundam gajinka. and after she leaves, kalina talks with the other dolls about how Ai used to have some cache issues because her neutral cloud was too full, but upgrading into this new chassis easily fixed that and even allowed her to make use of her old locked away abilities.

Because of the way this scene in the cafe opens up exactly like the very first one at the beginning, it makes me believe that this final scene is also a simulated ‘memory’, that is, Ai filling in the blanks of her corrupted memories with what she wishes to be reality. And i feel confident in believing that because after the scene fades to black, we see more of her internal system monologue.

She (the system) says that the priority execution is to preserve those encrypted memory logs. She does so, and the neural cloud upgrade is complete with confirmation of no loss files. With no risk of deletion in this new form, she executes the command to unlock the encrypted memories. And finally...

[spiderbread dies]

i still wouldn’t use her in gameplay because i can’t stand looking at her design but  i told you all i eat up robot with feelings stuff and this is like prime example of exactly that... and if i didn’t make this post, i think my own neutral cloud’s cache would be at risk of overflowing x_X!

[jelly-space]

Here are some of my headcanons for Oliver because I adore him so much. I love how differently he is interpreted and drawn by the fandom, these are just how I tend to imagine him. Forgive the bad writing, I've only written academic essays and like one fanfic one shot when I was 12 so it may come off as awkward to read.

♡ Super self conscious about his looks. Doesnt understand how to take compliments but wont stop someone if they decide to lay on the love. Do it enough and he'll be smitten in no time.

♡ Will go to many lengths to get someone he's fallen for to do the same to him. The harder he falls the more he forgets that people typically dont like being stalked and def arent into murderers.

♡Will get upset if object of affection starts to avoid him. If they keep steering clear of him it wont end well. Will start with denial on his part and end with a mess for his "sweetheart"

♡ Vicious cycle of baking to destress and feel less lonely, not having anyone to give his treats to and then getting stressed about eating too many sweets. Will leave suspicious looking bags of goodies on random countrys doorsteps to avoid it as much as possible. America and Canada have become masters are sneakily discarding said treats when he gives it to them in person.

♡Amazing baker but not such a good cook. His food is edible, and he has a few dishes he excels at but he tends to make everything too sweet or bland. Part of that may have to do with the fact that he can not stand most spices(he's in the cilantro tastes like soap party) and because he will regularly put sugar in his recipes thinking its salt and will not taste to check.

♡ Personal space? What's that? He may be bashful to strangers but the second he gets closer to someone, personal boundries go out the window. He's touched starved so anyone that talks to him more than once should expect a lot of too close for comfort moments.

♡ Tries to be a good listener but gets distracted so easily. On the other hand he can talk for hours.

♡ Doesnt label himself as anything because he's not very up to date on almost anything nowadays, but would be considered pansexual.

♡ Give this man an inch and he'll make a mile. Tell him more than two compliments and hes already planning the first date. Many unsuspecting humans end up being a target for his infatuation, none of them have ended all that well though.

♡ Has had and still has a crush on many different countries, but considering they're a bit more volatile/uninterested, he's a lot less certain and outgoing in his affection. When hes frustrated over not being able to be with someone he'll purposefully go out looking for humans to be with.

♡Is good at hiding his emotions when he wants. Is a master at smiling away his problems, at least until he gets home. Then he will either A: start panicking to himself B: try to distract himself with a hobby C: Call up Allen, Matt or Francois to vent D: go out to "vent" his frustrations on some random human or E: Drink, and let's hope it never gets to that

♡His body is as soft as can be. Oliver is, as he would say, pretty chubby. He has a slightly protruding stomach(not a hard fat stomach but a soft fat type if that makes sense), thick thighs and fat built up in his upper arms. He also has a double chin and chubby cheeks.

♡His hands, on the other hand, are surprisingly thin and nimble. If you were to ask him what part of him is the prettiest he'd likely say either his eyes or his hands.

♡Is very high maintenance with his nails and hands in general. Lots of sweet smelling lotions, nail filling and nail polish is used to keep them looking nice even with all the work they go through with his baking. Usually will go with clear but hes got an arsenal of pastel polishes he'll use when he's feeling cute.

♡Calling him fat is the easiest way to get on his hit list. He'll except being called chubby by those closer to him but it's best not to mention it at all unless you're gonna give him nothing but complements for an hour straight.

♡Freckles, freckles everywhere. This man is covered in them and he's endlessly self conscious about them. He's grown accustom to the ones on his face since they've become quite popular in recent years and hes been getting complements on them from humans he passes by while out. But gets rather shy about the rest of his body and will usually only show his arms because he really is covered in them head to toe. He'll even avoid rolling up his sleeves while baking so he doesnt have people seeing them.

♡Speaking of freckles, there's another reason he tends to leave them alone now. Centuries ago he had used makeup to cover his face, but the ingredients used...weren't so kind to his skin. Luckly his face healed over time but now he gets flashbacks whenever he sees foundation.

♡Is a master manipulator. He may not be good at catching small details because of him getting easily distracted, but he is good at reading people in general. Enjoys messing with people's emotions and steering then into whichever way he wants. It helps that he acts and looks kind and attentive, people think he has good intentions when hes really just twisting how they feel and act to benefit himself.

♡Oliver can be very delusional in many different ways. He wasn't always like this but since he had to deal with a lot of terrible stuff growing up as a country, it's how he copes and rationalizes his life. The delusions can rang from mild to severe. Someone looks at him for a second too long? They must think he looks silly in his outfit. Person runs away when they find out he's stalking them? They're just playing coy. Allen wants to seperate from him and become independent? Francois and Matt, and who knows who else, have brainwashed Allen into hating him will have to fight to bring him back to normal.

♡Like his 1p counter part, Oliver does dabble in magic but to a lesser extent. He focuses more on potions and spells that he can use against others or to spy, but as magic can be unpredictable and unreliable at times(at least for him) it's usually a last ditch effort.

♡Can see magical creatures and has a few that he is close to. He feels a connection with the fae; he thinks they have a lot in common. But he tries to keep them out of his home for that very reason. He was afraid of them stealing away Allen and Matt when he left them home for too long. Now they both have fears of fairy's because of all the scary stories they've heard over the lifetime.

♡Gets pretty stressed when things are too loud and hectic, would probably need to excuse himself at least once during a 1p world meeting if he ever went to one.

♡When it comes to technology he is absolutely clueless and refuses to learn it. The newest stuff in his house is his new oven that took him a solid year to fully understand and small stuff that Allen has bought like his new tv. Allen is usually the first person that Oliver goes to for advice on technology since Matt is not much better than himself.

♡On that note he is a sucker for older technology, his favorite thing besides his kitchen is his gramophone that he'll use to play the massive collection of records he owns. He'll listen to music from any place he can get his hands on but he had a particular love for French music.

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Sorry! Lehner had around a 10 minute rant today about how he feels like the NHL lied to the players about loosening up the restrictions placed on teams and forced teams to get the Covid Vaccine. ESPN and the New York Post released an article about it today.

(this is a follow-up on this ask)

Ah okay, I found a TSN article about it, which covers the fact that he also apologized for some of his remarks (mainly comparing the restrictions to being “like prison” which is a bit cringe when you’re a millionaire in a free hotel, yeah), and also significantly clarified some of the intent behind what he was trying to say at the presser:

I’m gonna put my full thoughts this under a cut because it’s ended up running pretty long and rambly, but tl;dr: after considering his more precisely clarified points here and with the perspective I know he’s coming from, I can honestly see and empathize with what Lehner seems to be expressing here about how the NHL has chosen to handle player vaccinations and informing them about what that means for the restrictions on their lives, and I actually don’t disagree with his criticisms overall. Some of the phrasing could have been better, but he’s acknowledged that too.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL may have done a poor job of honestly managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the extra restrictions placed on the players and their families with each team, and that they’re also up to some version of their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

Right, so, long thoughts are down here. Also gonna copy the majority of his comments directly because I think it’s worthwhile for people to read exactly what he said:

"As I’m frustrated like a lot of people in the world right now everything didn’t come out of today’s press in the right way," Lehner wrote. "Main point is that we need to start take the mental health important as well In this situation. It has a huge impact on everyone in society right now. To put competitive edge before well being of people's lives is wrong. As I said, people are struggling with many different things mentally and we need to consider that, as well. Then, being lied to makes it worse."

I love hockey and the league has done a lot of good things," Lehner continued. "But this missed the mark. My bad to say it’s like prison and I apologize, but with mental health issues that are developing in the world, it develops problems mentally. We will see exactly how this affects everything with time. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I hope we can all work together to help people that suffer through mental help from this going forward. I’ve heard how a lot of people are doing through this as people talk to me about it."

During his briefing, Lehner said that the league has misled the players about how vaccination will lead to the loosening of restrictions.

"They told me yesterday that they're surveying all of the teams to see who has taken the vaccine and who has not taken the vaccine and they're not going to change the rules for us as players until all of the teams have a fair [amount] of [vaccinated players] at the same time, so there's not a competitive edge," Lehner said. "And that made me go crazy, to be honest."

Lehner said the league is failing to look at its players as people first and lied to them about taking the vaccine.

"These are human lives and people are struggling with this stuff a lot in society and we are humans just as everyone else," Lehner said. "So there's a twofold problem for me here - the first one is we got promised something to take something that not necessarily everyone wanted. So that was lie - a blatant lie. Second, to put competitive edge over human lives in terms of going back - and I'm not saying we're going out to a party or whatever, but we had a meeting when the season started, at the beginning of camp, that pretty much told us we can't go outside of our house, can't do anything, can't go to the grocery store, can do nothing on the road. You can take a meal out of the meal room and go sit up in your room, don't be with your teammates, don't do this, don't do that. Nobody thinks about the mental impact."

The Gothenburg, Sweden native says his peers are struggling through this pandemic season.

"I know people will say, 'Oh, you're millionaires' and this and that or 'What about these guys?' but we care about that, too, man," Lehner said. "No matter what people think, this is a society problem. But when government, corporations, NHL, whoever are taking decisions in terms of irrelevant things like competitive edge over the human being? It's not okay."

It seems pretty clear to me from this article that his main issue isn’t really with getting the vaccine or being required to do so (my understanding is that it is still opt-in for all players, not mandatory. It’s that he doesn’t view the League as having provided players with a realistic expectation ahead of time for how being vaccinated would or would not change their daily reality. That they were led to believe that getting vaccinated would lead to things that didn’t end up happening, and therefore weren’t empowered to make an informed choice about when to get vaccinated.

The way he describes it, the League was not clear enough ahead of time about the fact that individual players being vaccinated would not make them individually exempt from league-wide restrictions, and this created a feeling of false hope about what getting vaccinated would mean in terms of not just having to stay in your house or hotel room literally all the time. If you were looking forward to getting vaccinated because you were led to believe it would mean finally not having to live in that isolated, mentally draining environment all the time, and then only found out at the last minute or after the fact that no, you actually still have to keep following all these rules that are making your life so isolated and difficult, that’s gotta be pretty emotionally jarring. If you were a player who was a little unsure about getting vaccinated quite yet (for whatever reason, including possibly being in a risk group for side-effects or just not wanting to get waylaid for a week with the smile symptoms it induces during a crucial stretch of games), but decided it was worth it for the tradeoff of getting back to a life that was less of a strain on your mental health, and then got told AFTER you made that decision and got the shot that no, that tradeoff isn’t happening the way you were made to expect it to, I think it would understandably piss you off.

It also sounds like part of what he has taken issue with is that, from the sounds of it rather than ease internal restrictions on a team-by-team basis as determined by each team’s vaccination rates (which would mean that if for example the Wild had 95% of their team vaccinated, the Wild only the Wild would get to start living a life with slightly less restrictions), the League is instead opting to say “no, we’re only going to ease the rules for EVERYONE at the same time once all teams have reached similar numbers of vaccinated players and staff to ea other, because we would see having different rules for different teams as giving some of them an unfair competitive edge”.

Lehner takes umbrage with this approach, because he thinks that focusing solely on “competitive edge” by making more-vaccinated teams keep having to live incredibly isolated lives (even isolated from vaccinated teammates) is a case of the League prioritizing parity over the toll that barely being able to interact with other people or leave their houses is taking on players’ mental health. And I can really really understand his point here. We have all seen what quarantine has done to our individual mental health, and even if they are millionaires, those impacts also exist for the players.

I actually just recently re-read the Athletic piece about the intense mental health and addiction struggles Lehner has gone through and done the incredibly difficult work of getting help for in the last five years. This man has fought incredibly hard and done a massive amount of therapy and other work to sort out his head, deal with his demons, and get himself to a place where he can cope and wants to be alive. That kind of recovery journey is a battle which will continue for the rest of your life and requires constant maintenance practices (again, speaking from experience). He also spent most of this season not even getting to be around the team at all, stuck at home recovering from a concussion (which usually involves doing frustratingly little and waiting around impatiently in dimly lit rooms for your brain to heal). And now, upon returning to the team, road games mean more time spent sitting in a room trying not to be bored out of your skull, while possibly also having to have some limits on things like screen time as a post-concussion precaution.

Imagine being somebody like him, who has spent a lot of time working very hard to build up a lifestyle and a system of coping mechanisms in recent years which have allowed him to live a healthier and happier life, to then be thrown back into an isolated and highly restricted new lifestyle where probably at least half of all those habits and norms and support systems are taken out of reach, that has to be incredibly difficult (I’ve experienced something similar myself this year). Especially when you haven’t been able to even go and be with the team in the dressing room, or probably even do anything with your family that classes above “mildly strenuous”, because you’re out for six weeks recovering from a concussion, which is its own mental and physical health battle. And then, you are apparently given the impression from the League that “hey, if you’re willing to get vaccinated, that will lead to you being able to return to some semblance of a life that is less taxing on your psyche”, and you agreed to do so even if you were perhaps cautious about getting the vaccine before, because you’d rather accept whatever risk comes with the shot than gamble on keeping your sanity together for however much longer this isolation drags on, only to then find out that “actually no, even if your team and staff is entirely vaccinated you still have to spend most of your time sitting alone in rooms trying not to sink into a spiral of dangerous depression until other teams in other states with different vaccination programs are also immunized to similar levels, and our only real reasoning for holding that mental relief out of reach is mostly based on ‘competitive parity’”.

Yeah, I absolutely understand why he would feel very frustrated and even betrayed by that course of action! For Lehner, it’s not about competitive edges or the game on the ice, it’s about having made the decision to get vaccinated at this time with the understanding that it would allow access to an at least slightly less mentally taxing lifestyle, only to find out later that the League seemingly never intended to follow through on providing that despite you holding up your end of the deal. And it sounds like he is speaking for a number of other players beyond just himself who are also struggling with their mental health in these conditions. Even if he himself is managing to cope because of what he’s learned in his recovery, he would certainly be well-positioned to recognize signs in the people around him that they are struggling in ways that may be similar to what he went though before, and know how dire that can spiral into being.

Look, I don’t think Robin Lehner ever expected to be allowed to go out and lick people’s eyeballs or wander the supermarket maskless once vaccinated, but you heard the description of how intensely restrictive the NHL’s rules for players off-ice lives during COVID are. They are far more intense than the rules being enforced for non-NHL individuals in many of the same cities and states, because the NHL is trying to bring risk as close to zero as possible. And if you were a player told that being vaccinated was going to reduce contagion risks enough to mean that right away the NHL would finally let you and your teammates from “can’t go anywhere or see anyone, eat your dinner in your hotel room and try not to be depressed about it” to “you can go to the store with a mask on. you can eat meals with your also-vaccinated teammates. you can visit your parents or siblings while social-distancing/masking. you can spend free time around other people and/or in more public spaces without being chaperoned constantly by team staff. you can sit next to your also-vaccinated teammates on the plane/bus. you can hang out with them in their room”, and THEN later were told “sorry, we’re not actually going to let you do that yet. not for COVID reasons but rather because we worry not being totally miserable shut-ins will give you a competitive edge over that team in another state who aren’t getting vaccinated as quickly”. That has to feel like a slap in the face in terms of how much the league actually cares about your well-being or about being honest in its role in your personal medical decisions. Perhaps when he says “forced” he is expressing a feeling of being stuck between choosing “either get vaccinated or let your mental health keep degrading in isolation”, only to find out that making the deal doesn’t get you the relief you were promised.

Idk I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot here trying to circle in on my precise point bc my brain is a little scrambled today, but like. If the players made their decisions to consent to vaccination (at this time, with whatever version of the shot was offered, under whatever circumstances they may have going on personally or medically) based on one understanding of the situation, and then NHL really said “lol NOPE actually that was a false premise” and changed things after the fact, that’s kinda an informed consent issue and I think he’s right to call it fucked up! And everything he says about how mentally taxing such a super-isolated lifestyle is honestly only repeats worries I myself had right from the moment the “stay in your hotel room alone” rule was announced — that the League may be underestimating the toll (especially with some of the long road trips this season) that forcing players to live in total isolation like that was going to have on individual wellbeing and team morale.

Robin’s comments this morning could have been put better, but as somebody who has ADHD and who knows about bipolar disorder, I know emotions for folks with brains like ours can run fast and intense and sometimes lead to not always planning out every word as precisely and you might later have liked to once that moment has passed. The fact that he apologized for the less tactful part of the comment and sought to clarify his words tells me he’s thought a lot about this and wasn’t happy with how he expressed his thoughts initially. Also, while his English is very good, you can sometimes forget it isn’t his first language, Swedish is — some thoughts don’t translate exactly as they sounded in your head. That said, also Robin Lehner one of the more outspoken NHL players about mental health issues in recent years, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of guy to mince his words or tiptoe around a point — I’m not surprised he’s the person expressing these concerns about mental health, and I’m not surprised he was a bit blunt about it either lol.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL did a poor job of managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the players and their families, and that they’re also up to their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

(also: the New York Post is a right-leaning sensationalist rag 90% of the time. take all spin it puts on things with a grain of salt)

[shortythescreen]

Warning(s): NSFT/18+. Vaginal sex, semi exhibitionism? Corny porn plot. 

Pairing(s): Crypto/Wattson. 

Author’s Note(s): A commission for my lovely @dargonwolfeh! Had so much fun writing this continuation of their fic. My first ever fic with two canon characters together! Someone pinch me lol. 

On paper, Crypto and Natalie are not living together.

They could file for it if they chose to. Could go the Apex Execs and tell them they needed one less suite. It might be the smart thing to do, considering Natalie never spends time in her own apartment anymore. Crypto’s hesitant to share his business with others, though. Especially the people he’s hellbent on taking down. Especially since the marketing team would surely publicize them as ‘star crossed lovers’ should they ever be placed on different squads in the arena.

So, they say nothing, even though everyone knows they live together. Everyone knows they’re a couple. Even if they themselves haven’t quite realized just how deep they’ve sunken.

Until now, anyway.

Crypto stares into his medicine cabinet, hand frozen on the little handle attached to the mirror. He’s not very particular about grooming himself. Mila Someone he knew before taught him that he needed to use a different soap for his face than he did his body and that’s… about the extent of his self-maintenance. He’s bought the same shaving cream, the same 2-in-1 hair and body soap, and the same face wash for… years.

Therefore, the bubblegum pink moisturizer tucked neatly against his shaving cream is definitely not his. Neither is the ‘normal to dry’ face wash, or the gummy women’s multivitamins. As a matter of fact, now that he looks at it more closely, a majority of the things in his medicine cabinet don’t belong to him. Awhile ago, he might have been bothered by that, but now…

The front door of his apartment swings open and shut and he doesn’t panic. Doesn’t think it’s the syndicate, come to arrest him because they know who he really is. He knows who just got home, who’s blabbing on the phone.

“Non, Octavio, not like that!” Natalie says. Crypto closes the cabinet, forgetting why he opened it the first place. When he sees his reflection, the dark dusting of stubble beginning on his jaw and his upper lip, he remembers. He decides he’ll say hello to his girlfriend before he takes care of that.

He takes a step away from the bathroom counter, peering out the open door of the bathroom. Natalie is shrugging out of her coat, holding her phone between her shoulder and her ear, the opposite hand cupping it to make sure it doesn’t slide as she strips out of her day clothes. Her sunny hair tumbles out of its hood as she does, the short locks brushing just beneath her ears, and his lips twitch up at the sight of it.

She turns and beams as she sees him. She finishes hanging up her coat, tossing it carelessly over the rack and lifting her head, holding one arm out to him. Shirtless, Crypto exits the bathroom, looping an arm across her shoulder blades to tug her close. He kisses her forehead in greeting.

“Salut, mon amour,” she mouths up at him. The grin fades from her features and her eyes turn towards the chatter coming from her phone. “Okay, well, that means you didn’t plug it in to the right port.”

Crypto loudly snorts, making Natalie press her lips together to hide a laugh. She presses a finger to her lips, silently shushing him. Those pretty blue eyes flicker over his chest, over the dark line of hair on his lower belly. He smirks at her, reaching up to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, the rest of it falling over his knuckles.

The tips of his fingers dance down the side of her throat and Natalie shudders. She takes a step away, trying to put some distance between them.

Their match from last week flashes through his mind. She certainly hadn’t backed off him while he was trying to talk to Ajay. They were very lucky that she was distracted by the match – or that she was willing to turn a blind eye to their shenanigans. Though his expression stays neutral, Crypto snatches Natalie’s hips, pulling her close.

“Y-You’re working with an older model, Octavio, it’s not going to go as quickly as the newer one,” says Natalie, the little stutter at the beginning of her sentence making him quietly smirk. He dives down, licking a stripe up the same place his fingers were, and she shivers against him.

“If you want it to work, you have to have patience,” she continues as Crypto traces the band of her pants, all the way to the back. The prominent curve of her ass feels perfect in his palms and he squeezes, tugging at the stretch waist she wears.

Natalie always has a problem finding pants that fit. Her ass isn’t proportionate to her waist, sticking out further than any smaller size jeans would allow. She likes the stretchy ones for that reason and he’s grateful for that now, snapping the elastic band against her.

Natalie squeaks and Crypto backs her up, against the couch. Their legs knock as they move but when she finally hits the cushions, she falls into them with a plop. Her dark eyes twist up to him and, oh, for all she seems so sweet, he knows that look.

“Non, mon amie, I’m fine,” Natalie suddenly breathes, remembering Octavio is on the line. Her throat flexes and Crypto smirks, palming the bulge in his sweatpants. Her eyes blink to his crotch then back up to him, like she’s waiting for him to make a move. He has every intention to. “Uh-huh. Okay, well, let’s try this again.”

Crypto reaches down, manhandling her onto her knees. She hangs onto the back of the sofa with one hand, clutching her phone with white knuckles in the other. He grips those stretch pants, pulling them slowly down, and biting his lip at the way they stretch over that juicy round ass of hers. Natalie likes boxer briefs, especially ones with interesting patterns. Today, the underwear has bananas as they design, peeled or otherwise. The innuendo isn’t lost on Crypto and he snorts. Natalie glances over her shoulder with a sneaky grin.

“Cheeky,” he says, tugging those briefs down. Her pussy is perfect, pink and open and waiting for him, surrounded by golden curls, and Crypto’s mouth waters. She shivers as cool air caresses her and he’s right behind it, spitting onto two of his fingers. He holds her open with his opposite hand, fingers sinking into the pillowy flesh of her ass, spit dripping onto the couch as he presses his wet fingers against her.

“T-Then you just-” Natalie begins, and he can’t see her face, but the little hitch of her breath tells him all he needs to know as he pushes his fingers past her outer lips. They clutch her clit on either side, and he sees the muscles in her lower back clench. “Just plugitin.”

She chances a look over her shoulder once again and Crypto smirks. She’s so eager already, so ready to be fucked. He doesn’t have nearly as wild of a sex drive at Natalie – had to remind her during the first few times that foreplay’s important, that having her soaked and wet and trembling made it easier for him to fuck her to pieces. He’s tempted to remind her again, but he can already feel her cunt lubing up his fingers with every stroke of them against her. He should have known she was a little bit of an exhibitionist, sought a little thrill after she sucked the soul out of his dick in the arena.

Crypto pushes one finger up to the knuckle inside her and she squirms, clearly wanting more. He watches her, waiting.

“Oui, you put in the password? And it’s-” Her jaw drops as he slides a second finger in on one of his thrusts, stretching that sweet cunt. It hugs his fingers beautifully and the thought of having it on his dick instead makes Crypto bite his lower lip. Natalie thrusts her ass back into his palm, always greedy, always hungry for more. She’s so used to being on top, to riding him, fucking him open, and he can feel her trying to take control even though she’s the one vulnerable here. “I-It’s still not working?”

Her head drops as he pulls his fingers out, only tugging his sweats down low enough to free his cock. He slides his wet fingers up and down the length of it, before raising the same palm to spit in it once more. Natalie’s been like a bunny recently and Crypto thinks he should have had the foresight to hide some lune underneath the couch.

He didn’t, though, so he pumps himself, biting his lower lip, waiting until he can hear his fist moving along his shaft, until it sounds wet and sticky. He rolls back the foreskin, pressing the blunt head to her weeping hole. Natalie tenses all over and he peers up at the back of her head, waiting. When he doesn’t move, her head snaps towards him, and she gives him a glare that could turn blood cold. He chuckles, obliging her with a slow roll of his hips, seating his cock inside her.

Natalie bites her lower lip, hard, and he knows he’ll be able to see the indentation of her teeth in the pink skin later. He doesn’t care though, pulling her back onto his cock, careful not to clap his hips against her ass, even though he wants to.

“Octavio, listen, I-I just got home.” Lie. Crypto would smirk if he weren’t so entranced by the hot, velvety heat of her. She starts fucking herself onto his cock, hips driving back, and Crypto leans back, watching her work. “I will come and take a look later.”

She rests her forehead against her clenched fist, thighs scooting apart, giving her a wider range of motion. Her cunt makes white, creamy streaks on his dick and Crypto bites his tongue, driving forward. Natalie slams her fist against the back of the couch as he piledrives into her cunt, the blunt tip hitting that spot that he knows makes her see starts. “Oui! Ouiouioui, okay, au revoir!”

She tries to push herself up onto her forearms, tapping desperately at the end button on her phone. When it finally beeps, signifying Octavio can no longer hear her, she groans, low, and loud, and long, and the noise goes straight to Crypto’s dick. He mouths at her shoulder, moaning himself, grinding his cock hard and fast into her cunt.

“Crypto!” She gasps. He hooks an arm around her torso, grappling with one of her breasts through her top. She slips the hand that had been holding her phone down, feeling where they’re connecting. The noise he makes isn’t human, the fat of her ass quivering with every clap of his hips against hers.

She drags those fingers up, toying with her clit as he pinches a nipple through her top, and she moans something like his name. When he glances down, he sees sweat pulling in the small of her back and he sighs, biting her shoulder. He sinks himself down to the base and grinds his cock down, against that spongy spot he found with his fingers earlier. Her voice grows higher in pitch, fingers frantically moving on her clit, and Crypto shudders, closer, close, fuck, he’s so close-

“Crypto!” She yelps and without warning, her cunt constricts around him. His jaw drops, the scorching heat of her closing in. He thrusts his hips forward once, twice, before suddenly pulling out, grabbing his cock – fucking soaked, still attached to her cunt by a sticky trail – and jerks it frantically. He throws his head back, Adam’s apple bobbing as he cums onto the globes of her ass.

They’re both panting, trying to catch their breaths. Her blonde hair somehow looks crazy, even though he hadn’t fucked with it the whole time she was on the phone. She looks over her shoulder at him, beautiful, gorgeous pink lips parted to suck in breaths of air.

“You… are mean,” she groans, flopping onto the couch. Crypto snorts, smirking at her.

“Karma is mean,” he says, nudging her over on the couch with a knee. He knows they’ll regret it later, that his spunk is smearing all over the cushions, but she looks so perfect, so fucked out. He squishes her into the couch, joining her.

“You liked what I did in the ring,” whines Natalie.

“And you didn’t like what I did just now?”

“That’s not what I said, mon amour,” she grumbles, turning to nuzzle into his chest. Crypto kisses the top of her head, looping an arm around her, and reaching up to ignore her phone as it starts to ring again.

[thenovelartist]

The Problem with Standiel

I recently got @chocoluckchipz hooked on Age Matters by @enjeliciousblog, and a conversation about Standiel turned into... well... this. XD

The whole point of Daniel giving Rose a coat rack with his coat and pair of shoes was not for her to put a face on it and give it a name.

Honestly, he should be worrying for her mental state, but Daniel could honestly chalk this up to Rose being Rose and give her a pass.

“Don’t stare at Standiel,” Rose warned from somewhere behind him. “It’s rude.”

“Standiel?” Daniel repeated. He’d heard her talk about Standiel a couple times, but never once was this what he thought Standiel was.

“Standiel,” she confirmed with a smile. “My stand-in Daniel.”

His expression fell. “So, this is your way of mocking me.”

“No,” she said, siding up to him so she could elbow him in the ribs. “It’s the better version of you.”

“Better version?”

“He doesn’t boss me around or talk back to me.”

“Excuse me!” Daniel cried.

“And I don’t have to worry about him overworking himself,” she continued as though she hadn’t heard him. “He’s much lower maintenance than you. I won’t go gray worrying about him. If you cared about me at all, you’d try to be like him a little more.”

Daniel grunted, feeling his cheeks warm with embarrassment. “You’re saying I should try to be more like my coat rack? The one I gave to you with the intent of making people think you don’t live alone? Which, people will suspect something is off when they see a face taped to the jacket.”

“Then I’ll move the tape off the fabric. Don’t you dare touch Standiel.”

“Standiel is my coat, that you put a face on,” he argued, not fully believing that he just addressed this inanimate object as ‘Standiel’ in the first place.

“And it’s a beautiful face that I gave him. Don’t insult Standiel!”

He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. But when it came to Rose, he could honestly say she made his life a little less normal.

Maybe a lot less.

And yet, he was shockingly okay with that.

“I regret giving this to you,” he said.

“How could you say such a thing?”

“You’re talking to a coat rack.”

“I’m talking to Standiel. There’s a difference.”

“Normal people don’t talk to coat racks.”

“Normal people aren’t a secretary and a maid to an anti-social CEO of a social media company, but here we are.”

Daniel took a breath. This woman…

“So, don’t be insulting Standiel. Be nice to our creation.”

“Our?”

“Yup.” Rose shot him a playful smile that he hated that he loved. “Ours. He’s our baby, now. After all, as you just pointed out, we created him together.”

She then shot him a wink that nearly sent him blushing. “You’re ridiculous,” he mumbled, unable to come up with any better retort than that before slipping out of her apartment, her laughing all the while.

…

“You haven’t visited Standiel in a while,” Rose said, bringing up Standiel for the first time in two weeks. “He misses his dad, you know.”

Daniel rolled his eyes at her antics. “I’m busy.”

“Too busy for your own son,” she said, shooting him a pout and batting her eyes in a way that actually made him feel guilty. Over not visiting a coat rack with a face taped to it.

“Just come say hi,” she said, her pout not going away.

He grunted. “Fine, later.” He couldn’t stand her shooting that look at him. It made him feel like a terrible person.

Her pout disappeared. “Good. I knew you were a good father. He’ll be happy to see you.”

He rolled his eyes again. Honestly, he could not believe he was playing along with this ridiculous charade. But then again, when her giggles reached his ears, he realized just why he did it.

…

“So, for Standiel’s Christmas gift—”

“We are not doing this now,” Daniel interrupted, forced to look up from his work to look at Rose.

She was wearing that same teasing grin she always wore when talking about Standiel. The same twinkle was in her eye. And it caused that typical skipping beat of his heart. “Well, I just need to know if his dad’s going to get him something for the holidays or if I have to get him something in your name. He’d be very disappointed to not see anything from you.”

“How about you take this file,” he said, snatching the closest file to him. “And finish the report instead of talking about an inanimate object like it’s our kid?”

“Because,” Rose said, taking the file anyway. “Me finishing this report won’t make you smile like when talking about our kid.” She cocked her head cutely, shooting him a smile he just couldn’t resist. “Loosen up a little. You’re so serious all the time. Your kid looks just like you: grumpy with an unchanging expression.”

“That’s because it’s drawn on a piece of paper,” he deadpanned.

“Yeah, but yours isn’t. Why can’t we see that pretty smile of yours once in a while. Our kid is never going to smile if you don’t. You set the example.”

Daniel quirked a brow at her. “Why are we talking about our ‘kid’ at work?”

“Because talking about him makes you smile.”

“It does not.”

“Sure, it does,” Rose said. “Admit it. You enjoy it.”

“I will do no such thing in a professional setting.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Oh, you’re such a kill joy! Our poor son; he’s got no hope for a future. He’s going to be grumpy just like his father.” She exaggerated a sigh.

Daniel bit his lip, trying not to smile at her antics. “Get to work, Rose.”

“Spoil sport,” she grumbled.

He smirked at that.

“Ha!” she cried, pointing the file at him. “Smile! There is hope for him yet.” She tossed open the door only to jolt to a stop. “Oh, hey Andrew.”

Daniel watched Andrew give Rose a curious glance as he walked in, but it disappeared fairly quickly. “Hey, Rose.”

Rose slipped out, the door shutting behind her, leaving the two men alone.

“What brings you by, Andrew?” Daniel asked.

For a moment, Andrew looked frazzled, but he composed himself pretty quickly. “Um, just a couple things I wanted to go over with you before the meeting tomorrow.”

Daniel nodded, choosing to ignore the odd strain in his friend’s smile. “All right.”

…

Honestly, Rose loved teasing Daniel about Standiel. She loved whenever she could tease her boss and actually get him to give her a smile, no matter how small. It was like the grown-up version of getting those little star stickers on a good test in elementary school. She’d do whatever it took to make sure she got one.

And seeing grumpy Standiel every day gave her the motivation to try to pull a smile out of Daniel.

“Good morning, Rose.”

“Morning, Pommie!” she cried, seeing her co-worker enter with a drink carrier. “You bring the drink of the gods today?”

Pommie chuckled. “I did. Here’s yours.”

She took a sip, noting that it tasted a little different than usual. She decided not to comment, though. She had a stack of paperwork that needed to get done. “You’re a lifesaver.”

…

“Aren’t you going to say hi to Standiel?”

Rose watched with amusement as Daniel glanced at Standiel. “Hi.”

She couldn’t help but giggle. How she had managed to get him to talk to a mannequin, she still wasn’t sure, but she had. And it was one of the most amusing things ever.

“Oh, come on,” she teased. “Can’t you say more to our son than that?”

“Are you still calling it our son?”

“Yeah. He already looks just like you, don’t you think?”

“When I imagined our kids, this was not what I thought.”

Her heart went tripping over its feet as her brain processed his words before skidding to a full stop. She watched as his face turned a shade of red she’d never seen before.

“Bring dinner over; I’ll be in my office.” And with that, he was out the door like a shot. Leaving an equally red Rose to ponder just what he thought their kids would look like.

That is… once she processed the fact that he thought about them having legitimate kids in the first place.

…

Something was fishy. Very very fishy.

Because no one in the entire office could give her a legitimate reason of why they were not letting her lift any of the stacks of paperwork that needed to be cleaned out nor the stacks that needed to be brought in. When they agreed to partner with Company D for a collaboration, Rose was fully aware and ready for the amount of paperwork that would fill her office as she got to enter in all the records and such. But despite it being her job to manage most of it, no one was letting her lift a thing.

“That’s the last of it,” Andrew said, depositing the last box on the ground in her office. “And if you need any help moving things around, just ask. Take it easy, Rose.”

He sent her a wave as he walked from her office, meaning the most she could to was toss him a “thanks” before he disappeared from sight. She’d have to thank everyone later for moving the boxes up for her. She could have done it herself even though it wasn’t exactly something she wanted to do. Hauling heavy boxes full of paper was never an enjoyable task, but she still could have helped out instead of them treating her like an invalid.

Instead of thinking about it, she got straight to work. After all, this was going to take all day.

…

It took a long two weeks, but all the groundwork for the collaboration with Company D was finally in place.

“Meaning that it’s time,” Andrew began, pouring two glasses of wine for him and Daniel, “for a little celebration.”

With a small smile, Daniel took the wine glass.

“Cheers,” Andrew said.

“Cheers,” Daniel good-naturedly agreed. He was more than glad to have all the groundwork set up, meaning things would be much smoother sailing from here on out.

The door to his apartment opened, revealing Rose standing there with a pot that likely contained dinner.

“You could have just cooked over here,” Daniel said, walking over to take the pot from her.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” she said. “Oh! Wine. Are we celebrating the end of that hellish two weeks?”

“Yup,” Andrew said.

“Nice. I could use a drink after that week.”

Andrew’s expression fell completely. “Um, do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I’m going to have to agree,” Daniel said. “Because I don’t particularly want to babysit you again.”

Rose sent him a pout that was going to make it hard for him to keep this up. “One glass? I won’t get drunk. You can make sure of that. Please?”

He hated how weak he was with her. Before he knew it, he was grabbing a glass for her.

“Daniel!” Andrew snipped.

When Daniel looked up from handing a glass off to Rose, he was surprised to see Andrew glaring at him. “What is it?”

“I thought you’d know better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not to let a pregnant woman drink.”

Daniel froze, his blood going cold. Rose was pregnant? What… when…? And why wasn’t he told?

Andrew sighed. “I’m sorry. I was waiting for you to tell me, but I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation you two had about a month back, talking about your kid. I didn’t know anything transpired between you two. I knew you lived close and were friends but not that you two… you know…”

Daniel didn’t really hear the rest of the conversation. His mind was completely blank. Fried. Broken. Done. Andrew had overheard that conversation.

And as such thought… he thought…

Next thing Daniel knew, Rose was cackling like a madwoman. “You…you thought…” That was all she managed before her laughter overtook her, and she soon was laying on the floor, holding her stomach as her laughter filled his apartment. “He heard about Standiel!”

Daniel was sure his face was about as red as the wine in his glass. Andrew had overheard them talking about that stupid mannequin and thought he and Rose were having a baby together.

That might be the most embarrassing thing he’d ever lived through.

“Tell him about Standiel!” Rose cried from the floor, still cackling like a mad woman. “Wait!” she said, managing to get up to her knees and lean over the counter to face Andrew. Her cheeks were red from laughter and bore shiny tear trails. Had Daniel’s mind been functioning even slightly, he would have thought the look was good on her. “Is that why you wouldn’t let me help move the boxes of paperwork? Because you thought I was pregnant?”

“Um… yeah.” Andrew said, looking equal parts lost and sheepish. “And why we were ordering decaf coffee for you, too. But… uh… I’m guessing I’m missing something?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel answered before reaching for his wine glass. Maybe today would be a good day to see just how many glasses it would take for him to forget this whole thing ever transpired.

…

Eventually, when Rose got her act together—though she still felt like she could double over with laughter at any second—she pulled Andrew out of Daniel’s apartment and towards hers.

“It was a joke,” she explained. “I’m not pregnant, and no, nothing happened between us.”

Andrew looked like he breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh…kay,” he said. “But why were you talking about a kid?”

“Because that’s what we call Standiel.”

“Standiel?”

Rose had to bite her lip to keep from laughing as she opened her door. “This,” she said, motioning to Daniel’s coat rack with her face drawing taped to it. “Is my stand-in Daniel. Or Standiel.”

Andrew stared at the thing with a bemused expression. “Standiel.”

“Standiel,” Rose confirmed. “Our kid because we created him together.”

At that, Andrew’s grin cracked, and he looked like he was two steps away from breaking into laughter himself. “Aaaand Daniel plays along?”

“Yeah!” Rose beamed. “He does. Pretty incredible, right?”

With that, the last semblance of Andrew’s composure slipped away, and he started laughing. “I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to everyone.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s easier to believe than Daniel and I actually having a kid together, am I right?”

“Well, yes and no,” Andrew said, calming down a bit, but there was a dangerous gleam in his eye that remained. “We kinda do have a bet going of when you two will end up together. I thought I’d won. I’m going to have to repay Pom.”

All Rose’s amusement vanished in an instant. “You what?”

[chirpycreations]

How Villians Sleep At Night Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: This story will NOT be my usual happy, bit of violence sorta thing. It will contain some mature themes and language. I don't mean Undertale genocide mature either. I mean abuse, manipulation, depression, low-self-esteem and possibly suicidal thoughts (I'll clarify this list as I work on the story). This isn't something I'd let my 12-year-old sister read so if you're under 14 I probably wouldn't recommend it.

Alrighty, with that out the way, happy reading!

- - - - - - -- -

Cold, windy and cold. The light snow began its descent, its final journey, landing down on his nose and everything around. Drawn like a magnet, he felt his hand jump outwards, catching one of these fallen angels, only for it to dissipate in a matter of seconds.

He paused a few meters from the door, turning back to the tall building which loomed over him. He must look different from when he arrived. His body felt chocked by the bandages around him. Ribcage, vertebrae and skull, left arm laying lazily in a sling. It wasn’t just his recent addition of battle scars and bruises those. His clothes, or more accurately, now his clothes. Donated to him by a friend. They were too small, too tight, too familiar. Sleeves of the tired blue hoodie just surpassing his elbows, trousseaus mimicking shorts, and pink fluffy slipper which, judging by their size must have once belonged to his friends older brother.

The wind wrapped around him as if in a hug to congratulate, or was it to comfort? Both would be appropriate given the events that had passed.

Regardless of its intent, he pulled the scarf up to his nose, covering up the sensitive bone beneath. It was still raw from only having been recently reintroduced to the world that lies around it. A world much colder than the one he had known 4 weeks prior, and for more reasons than just the winter chill, gesturing its commiserations.

He found himself drawn out from these thoughts by the moaning of the snow behind. Crunch, crush, crumble. The snow settled under the weight of the oppressive foot.

He didn’t need to face its domineering owner to know who was approaching. The sigh of heavy boots and ragged breaths. He’d come to know them well.

“I am guessing you did not come to congratulate me on getting out of the Hospital?” His voice was coarse, rusted form lack of use over these last 4 weeks. Those in his defence, he had spent the last 3 weeks asleep and the option to practice such activities had not been appealing this last week, despite his visitors who had shown no such hesitation.

“That’d be correct.” The voice replied, his usual grim tone clouding over.

He could picture the cowboy standing there in the snow. His thick brown jacket, heavy boots and purple scarf, no doubt pulled up high like his own. Yellow beady eyes, peering through the falling snow. The only thing which could penetrate it was the scar running through his left socket. Two lines were torn deep into the bone like a knife through a cloth, jagged edges jumping out at those who dared ask the question; How?

He held onto these images just a little longer. He didn’t want to face him: Judge, jury and executioner. Didn’t want to break the illusion, see the bullet, the disappointment, hate and pity which followed in his final moment. Not now, not from him. Not a reminder of how far he’d fallen. How much he had failed everyone. Them. Himself. Not now, not yet.

The judge let another ragged breath escaped into the wind, then spoke again, his voice still harsh, “We need to talk.”

He almost laughed: Predictable.

He’d imagined this meeting over the last week, dreaded it.

Each time he imagined this outcome, each time only worse. The path so far smiled in his favour, but was it actually kindness? Or the sympathy of fate while deciding which hand to deal him next?

“I expected you would say that. Maybe somewhere a little warmer? I know a suitable spot.”

- - - -

The change of scenery was nice. He had seen too much white: White walls, white snow, white dust. It all blended together after a while. Instead, the calm beat of rain sang out drowning these thoughts; drip, drop, plop. The soft squelch of moss beneath his shoes and cool blue glow of flora. A welcomed change.

He sat on the lone bench, once home to an abandoned quiche to which he believed was adopted by Frisk some months earlier during their last run. A last bid to make their wrongs right? He couldn’t help the bitter smile that came with the thought. They had been the same all along, hadn’t they?

“Alright, let's get this shit over with. I’ve got better things to be doing than dealing with the fucking mess ya’ve made me, bless yar heart.”

The judge; to whom he’d come to know as Apollo, Wayne or his more commonly called name: Justice, over the last 5 months was the same as always. Grumpy, ill-tempered and foul-mouthed. Not knowing better, you’d think it was any other ordinary day. Paperwork, lack of sleep or maybe Squirrel might have contributed to the slight dip in mood, but otherwise, you wouldn’t think different. He knew different. He knew it was his fault.

Justice had taken to standing in front of him. He’d pulled out a dictaphone, notepad and pen. Bad cop, good cop? No, there was only one of him. He didn’t see Sarge or Chara, so obviously he’d been decided as an ‘easy’ case to deal with. Even so, it didn’t feel much like an interrogation.  For anyone else, Justice would tower over them like a mighty dictator, interjecting fear and obedience. Then like a master surgeon he would dissect them for his answers. For him, however, the same was hard to say. Even while slouching, his lanky body continued to meekly rise above the judge, even if by only a few centimetres.

The situation felt a little... uncomfortable, but not more than that.

The dictaphone clanks as Justice sat it down on the bench. A bone finger reached out and pressed ‘Record’.

That's it then. No more hiding, no more delays. The inedible was always going to happen. He could only stall for so long.

“Interview #597883. Interviewing S-"

“Hoshi”

His interruption was met with silence, annoyance and confusion. For this story, he is ‘Hoshi’.

Was.

“...Interviewing ‘Hoshi’.” Justice finished his annoyance still very present. Strike one, maybe?

“For future review, this interview will be documented. All information discussed will be kept confidential and on a need ta know bases with only those holding clearance.” The note pad was empty. Did he really know all this off the top of his head? How long had he been doing this?

“You will answer all questions given to you, with nothin’ but the truth and will not withhold any information regardless of its contents. Should ya be found to be lying or withholding anything, then all evidence for your case will be rendered void. Do you understand?”

Tap,

Tap,

Tap.

Hoshi rushed into an answered upon noticing the impatient pen's rhythm upon the paper. “Yes...s-sir.”

“Justice'll do.”

The silence was his reply, a slight nod of the head.

“Look, I ain’t gonna sugar coat this for ya. You’re in some deep shit here and really fucked up. I don’t think I have ‘ta tell ya how serious the charges you’re looking at are.” He paused, taking a breath, or was it a sigh?

“Endangering the life of a Creator & leaking sensitive information regarding the Bar & it’s Patrons to an unknown 3rd party is pretty fuckin’ serious, and should’a already contributed to 4 accounts of sansicide on you’re head if it wasn’t for sheer fucking luck.”

“That being said,” He added after a moment,

“You did speak out about it and put your life on the line to take the brunt of the consequences (, even if a little late).” He mumbled the latter half, scowling down on the words as if their existence in that order should sentence them to a fate far worse than his own.

“While try’na throw your life away is fucking dumb and won’t fix what you’ve done...myself, Z-Stars and other agreed ya deserve a chance. As well as the numerous vouches towards your character we received, evidence collected would suggest possible fowl play to some extent. Whether this is true or not, I intend to find out.”

How had he gotten here? Everything was going so well. Everything was going according to plan. It was simple enough. Fool proof. 'Hoshi proof', Shadow had even teased him often enough. If any common fool could do it, he would be fine. He couldn't fail.

But still...

- - - - -

"Que se passera-t-il si cela ne fonctionne pas?"

("What shall happen if this does not work?") He asked. He'd felt the fear call at him through the fog of his mind. It's worrying pleas, he could barely make them out, but it seemed logical to respond to them. By responding to them, they would leave. He'd be alone again with the fog. The nothingness. It had grown on him, the emptiness inside.

"Je suppose que ça dépend de la façon beaucoup don't vous voulez rentrer à la maison, n'est-ce pas?"

("I guess it depends on how much you want to get home, doesn't it?") His Shadow replied, in broken french.

Unlike him, his Shadow wasn't native to his tongue. Despite this, however, Shadow had insisted they use his tongue to communicate. His language was less common than English. It meant they had more privacy, 3.29 times more to be precise, and as a bonus, their target also didn't speak it.

"Tu t'inquiètes trop. Je serai là si tu gâches. Maintenant préparez-vous, ça ne devrait pas être trop long maintenant."

("You worry too much. I'll be there if you mess up. Now get ready, it shouldn't be too long now.") Where was he now then? Why wasn't he by his side? Whispering flattery... advice... encouragement...like he'd always done. Telling him how stupid and pathetic he was, how he couldn't do anything, wouldn't be anything.

Apart of him wished he could tell him he was right... again.

"D-d'accord. Merci mon amie."

("O-ok. Thank you my friend.")

- - - - -

A hand waved in front of him, ending its journey with a flick on his nose. He blinked hard twice looking up and meeting the angry gaze. Ah right, he was still here.

“You’ve got one chance ‘Hoshi’. The truth or I can make a start on locking yar ass up for eternity so I can get some brain bleach and drink the rest of this fucking nightmare away.”

"..."

“Choice’s yar’s really, but ya should know a lot’a folks stepped forward to vouch for ya. It’d be a shame to reject their forgiveness ‘cause it ain’t often you make friends like ‘em who’re willing ta stick by your side no matter what.”

It took a moment for Hoshi to find the right words. He’d know his decision since he’d first awakened.

“Where would you like me to start?”

A weight placed its self upon his shoulder: a hand. It stayed for a moment, lifting and coming back down with a pat. The judge had a smile projected onto his face, it couldn’t have been his own. In all the time he’d know him, he’d never truly smiled (unless sarcastic of course). Maybe he was seeing things? After all his left eye was still tucked away under bandages, deemed too damaged to face the elements.

“That’s the spirit, boy.” No, the smile was real.

He let his eye drift upwards, meeting Justice's almost unnatural gaze. Too kind and gentle, too out of character. If anything, the uncanny expression on his face made him feel even more uncomfortable than the whole integration.

The weight removed it’s self completely,

“The begging. Include all the details ya can remember. We need ta know who we’re fuckin’ deal with cause whoever these folks are, they’ve already made it pretty fuckin’ obvious they mean business.”

“I-I...I am sorry.”

“I know.”

They remained in silence for a minute, nothing more could be said: The damage has been done. All they could do now was pick up the pieces and hope there was enough glue left to save the situation from shattering further.

“Let’s make a start kid, somehow I doubt this’ll be quick.” He flipped his pen around. It stood at attention, ready to follow his every command.

“O-ok.”

This is it, then: the true story.

It was so long ago, so many things had happened since then. Could he even remember how it started? How it happen? But then again, the better question was how much would he let himself remember? He’d tried so hard to bury it, pretend the illusion was real, fight back the pain, the tears, late at night when white lies clawed at him. Slowly digging themselves up from the shallow graves he’d hastily buried them in.

He preferred the illusion. It had a happy ending.

Was going to, at least...

Was heading that way before the events of one month ago.

The incident.

His ultimate failure.

His betrayal...

He smiled meekly, he...he was a terrible person. He knew that much was certin. No.

A mess, not a person. A mess of lies, illusions and shredded memories. That was a different story, however. Maybe he would get to tell that story one day too. But till then... this is the story of Hoshi, Sans.

His story.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Cover & Chapter 1 art

[TOSD] How Villians Sleep At Night by me 

Justice Sans by Vangold 

[blakelywintersfield]

I have a ghost in my car.

My first car was named "Baby", and I called her, well. Her.

My second car was also going to be a "her", but since discovering that it is haunted by some being or another, I've been working to call them by neutral terms only, since it's a little hard to ask a haunted car their gender.

Does the entity see themselves as part of the car? Separate but attached, like a person living in a house? Does their spirit reside in the electrical wires of the radio, or perhaps just the dashboard where they fiddle with the controls as they please. I do not know. I cannot ask a ghost in a car these questions. I mean. I can. But the likelihood of them finding a way to answer isn't high. Especially if they don't care too much for conversation.

"But Blake -- your car is old! It's probably just some faulty or loose wiring in the stereo."

I did consider this! Enough that I had it checked, at my mum's dealership, because that could be a possible fire hazard, yeah? But they said it all looks perfect. No faulty or loose wirings, just a normal stereo. This car had only one person who owned it before me, and he had it over 10 years. A family man, with two kids; no wrecks, no major issues with the car, just standard part repairs, maintenance, and replacement as needed for any standard vehicle. It is, by all means, the perfect used car, and dealership inspected before being given to me.

How did the spirit get in this car? Of course, I don't know the former owner. Only details from the dealership workers who told me what they knew, and little hints about his life that he left in his car -- accidental, or arguably on purpose for the intention of the next owner to just toss out. I'm naturally curious and skimmed documents, for no other purpose but to learn something about the kind stranger who just so happened to sell his perfect used car the day after I totaled my Baby, my first car, the old family car that lasted us 15+ years and, had I not looked right too long to merge, would have probably lasted me at least 10 more. A wonderful coincidence. Possibly fate, but I'm in no position to interpret the will of the random chaos that is the nature of the universe. Regardless of whether it was "meant to be" or "just so happened to be", this man unknowingly bequeathed his trusty old car to me.

According to the things he left, the car was manufactured in Indiana; he lived in Tennessee when he bought it; and eventually he moved into a comfy suburban-urban area in the state next to mine. Perhaps he moved into my state, since there are plenty of dealerships where those papers claimed he resides, making it unreasonable to travel 2 hours just to go to another; and decided to get a new car, one more cushy, more modern, better window tints, and bigger space, to drive one of his kids to soccer games; I hope those arm compressors were left intentionally in the car. I'd hate for them to be inconvenienced, considering they seemed to be a very modest, modern, nuclear family of the Midwest. One with enough patience and good sense not to wreck a car in one of the many Midwestern hellscape interstates, or even get into a fender bender, for 10 whole years.

But these are just assumptions, made by details I know about a man I've never faced, never so much as spoken to. He could be the All American Average Man, given a more nuanced temperament by the condition of the car. But he could have also been, had, and done things I wouldn't be able to tell from a car, its history, and some miscellaneous papers and various items left behind -- purposefully or not left unknown to all but him and his family. Maybe he was like me, and practiced magic of some kind. Maybe his kids made the common rebellious childhood mistake of playing with magic. Perhaps there was an accident, not one he participated in directly, but one he tried to assist in, that sadly ended unwell for some. Perhaps... it wasn't an accident. Maybe he got away with something, and All American Average Man, committing a One Time Atrocity, with enough intellect and wit to avoid mortal judgement, and enough sense to abandon a car right after -- or when it showed signs that it Knew. Or, perhaps, it came with the manufacturing, at the plant where it was constructed, or where the assembly parts were formed. Perhaps, it came from the very materials, the metals, the minerals, the plastics, that form the car.

I cannot tell, for I cannot ask. Well. I can. But I have no way of getting an answer. Easily, anyways. And I have no good reason to force whatever spirit resides in my car -- perhaps I should call it their car, since they most likely spend more time in it than I -- to answer questions purely to quell curiosity. Especially since they show no ill will. All I've dealt with is the stereo turning on when I've turned it off (it requires a genuine pressure to turn it on and off) and the volume turning up on it's own (the knob takes a few clicks to register a volume change, and takes a good finger muscle to turn). It's quite charmed me most times, and lightly startled at the worst. Namely when I mute a CD that I've played over a few times, for whatever reason, and it gets turned back on; or a song that I particularly like gets turned up. Whoever they are, I admire their love of music like I do -- and I'm pleased that they do seem to enjoy my taste in songs! Whenever my CDs are on random, and I think real hard about what I want to hear next -- it plays! Of course, I don't know if I can credit the ghost on this, or if it's my own ability to will things in existence, since that was common with my old Baby, and my ancient iPod. Or, perhaps, it garners a third option.

Perhaps, this spirit may not even be attached to the car -- but to me. If that's the case, then maybe they're a guardian angel, a beloved passed friend, the will of my endeavoring childhood self, or just... a random ghost that decided to tag around with me. I do not know. I cannot get an answer easily, and I have no reason to push for answers. It brings me no harm. If anything, it brings me companionship, a reason to better myself, a reason to be happier, be better, if to keep the phantom that walks with me content and happy while they stick around for however long they want -- or must.

However, if this is the same spirit as the Kleptoplasm that enjoys befuddling my family and, recently, my coworkers, then perhaps I may try to gently request that they let those items show up a little sooner to cause less grief to those around me. And in return, well. We'll take a midnight drive with the music loud and the windows down. That seems like a good deal, right?

And for those who might be wondering: my current car's name is Subasu, the Subaru.

[scarletwillowtree]

Game Night

Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader

Warning: fluff, Nat being Nat

Word Count: 1,825

Summary: Working at Stark Industries had always been a dream of yours. But once you’re there, will you end up with a new addition to your dream?

A/N: The first of my requests is done! I recently moved and only just unpacked my laptop, so they should be uploaded periodically over the next two weeks. I really loved writing this piece for @pretendingandpreposterous, and it’s my first Bruce fic so I hope I did him justice!

43. “I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”

55.“Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.” 

Carpe diem had always been your personal motto. You knew that the only way to get what you wanted from life, you had to take that figurative, and sometimes literal, leap of faith. When you had just graduated from MIT with a degree in biomechanical engineering, you applied to Stark Industries as mostly a joke, but there was still that little voice in the back of your mind saying “what if?” 

So naturally, when you received an e-mail response from Pepper Potts herself stating you had the job, it took a few moments to get over the shock before spending the rest of the week feeling like you were in some kind of dream. You packed your most essential items, made plans to have the rest of your stuff shipped to New York once you’d found an apartment, and by the end of the month you were starting the next chapter of your life somewhere you never imagined you’d actually be. 

When filling out your application, you hadn’t paid much attention to the actual position, you just knew its requirements revolved around your new degree, so another shock came when on your first day Pepper’s assistant was showing you to your work station and she showed you into a massive lab lined with various Iron Man suits. 

“Mr. Stark usually spends the majority of his time here in this lab, along with his colleague Dr. Banner. They should be on their way back from lunch now, just wait here for them. Good luck!” 

The overly chipper woman left you alone in the quiet lab where you had to fight your instincts to start looking closely at everything like a child in a candy store. Eventually, your curiosity won and you began wandering around the wide-open room, taking in the various gadgets laying on the tables. At one certain item, you stopped and picked it up, the smooth metal feeling much heavier in your hand than it looked. Looking closely, you were guessing that it was one of the older models of Stark’s arc reactor, though the power had been depleted from the small device. 

Looking closely and after opening up the center compartment, you found a blackened rectangle inside, which looked strangely like half-melted palladium. It resembled the block you had used for a project involving lasers during your undergrad years. 

“This would’ve caused some serious blood poisoning, what the hell were you thinking Stark?” 

You had been so focused on the small device, you hadn’t heard the doors to the lab open nor had you noticed the two men who now stood behind you. 

“Well, at the time palladium was the only viable power source. I had to go and create my own element to bypass those nasty side effects, no big deal. You must be (Y/N), right?” 

You felt your spine straighten and your muscles tense before slowly turning to the two men, where one was smiling like a bird who just caught a bird while the other just looked exasperated by the antics of his friend. The one with a smirk on his face stepped forward, hand extended and introduced himself as Tony Stark, and introduced you to his friend Dr. Bruce Banner as well. While shaking Bruce’s hand, you found yourself wanting to linger, his dark eyes drawing you in. 

What a great way to start this new part of life. 

=============

Over the first few months working at Stark Industries, you had grown closer to both Tony and Bruce. At first, you were working closely with Tony on the programming and construction of his newest nanotechnology suit. You had been recruited to work out the kinks in the system that connected the suit to Tony’s nerves so that the fighting and mobility of the suit were seamless with what he intended. Originally that was all you’d been hired to do, but after seeing you in action you were hired permanently. Tony cited that he only did this because now that Bucky was in the tower they’d need you for maintenance and repairs to his arm, but you two had become friends over the weeks being cooped up in the lab together. 

You and Bruce, however, you had become extremely close, even through his fear of possibly hurting you by Hulking out. Your feelings for him were definitely no longer safely situated in the friend zone, but you kept that to yourself since you didn’t want to risk either your job or the friendship you had built with the quiet doctor. The two of you regularly worked together in silence while Tony was blasting his music, but when the music wasn’t drowning out the conversation you and Bruce talked nearly nonstop to each other about anything and everything. Soon enough you began eating lunch together, and while most days Tony dominated the conversation, other days you and Bruce would talk about everything outside of the world of science while Tony seemed to watch the two of you like a hawk. 

Today had been a quiet day in the lab, you and Bruce exchanging some groan-worthy science puns that had even Tony ready to leave the spacious area. About an hour before your usual quitting time, Tony finally acknowledged the two of you with an emotion other than annoyance. 

“Alright, not to end this horrifying joke session I’ve been subjected to, but I vote we head up to game night a little early tonight Banner. You coming this week (Y/N)?” 

You had refused going up to this point, nervous about meeting ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’, but the look Bruce was giving you was the final tipping point. Letting out an over-exaggerated sigh, you pushed yourself off the stool and strolled over to men in the doorway. 

“Lead the way, gents.” 

=============

Loud laughter filled the air as Bucky pouted, heavily glaring at Steve as he drew four more of the brightly colored cards. The group had decided on Uno for the time being, and Steve had been pushing Bucky further and further from a possible victory. 

The team members had quickly warmed up to you after seeing you walk in with the resident super-geniuses, in fact, they barely batted an eye at your arrival in their private game night. 

You were standing by the bar area of the common area, having chosen to sit this round out and have a cocktail yourself like many of the people around the room. Turning back from watching the group with full intentions of grabbing your drink, the smile from your face fell quickly as an undignified squeak forced its way through your mouth. 

Right on the other side of the bar was Nat, who had been observing you rather closely all night. You had brushed it off as her being wary of new people, but at the look in her eyes, you knew it was more than that. 

“I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” 

“Who?” 

You looked at her with wide eyes, confused about what she was implying. Her smirk stretched wider as she gave a small shake of her head. 

“Banner. Are you trying to tell me you haven’t noticed?” 

My body felt like I had just slipped into a slightly too warm bath as my face bloomed with red.  

“It isn’t like that. We just work together, nothing more.” 

“Sweetheart, I read people’s body language for a living. He doesn’t see you as just a coworker.” 

With that last jibe, Nat sauntered off, back into the fray that had started as an innocent card game. You swept your eyes across the group and locked gazes with the one person you were looking for. He gave a soft smile before turning back to the conversation around the table. 

Turning back to the bar, you grabbed your drink and quickly downed it before gently setting your glass back. Pushing away from the bar, you started making your way to the balcony doors just off to the side, suddenly having a desperate need to feel the cool air of the fall evening against your burning skin. 

The lights of the city twinkled like stars, the air stinging against your rosy cheeks. Letting out a heavy sigh, you leaned against the railing, a soft breeze ruffling your hair as you closed your eyes. 

“(Y/N)?” 

Your eyes flew back open as you spun towards the soft voice coming from the doorway. Bruce looked hesitant as he stepped towards you, concern shining in his eyes in the low light. 

“Are you feeling okay? You ran out of there kinda fast.” 

“Oh, I just needed some fresh air, I was feeling a little warm.” 

Bruce walked over to you as another breeze passed over the balcony, some of your hair landing in your eyes this time around. Before you could move the (H/C) strands, his hand shot out and tucked the wandering pieces behind your ear. Your blush returned full force as your eyes met his again, this time an unreadable emotion behind his eyes. 

“Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.” You felt your lips pull up into a soft smile as you continued to stare into Bruce’s eyes. After a moment of silence, he started leaning towards you slowly, giving you more than enough time to pull away if you wanted. But did you want to? Over your time here, Bruce had slowly become more than just your coworker, he had become your friend, your confidant, you knew he would be there whenever you needed him to be. 

Leaning in the last few centimeters, you felt your lips brush across his, barely a whisper of a touch. Then, Bruce was kissing you fiercely, a barely contained passion pouring through the kiss from him to you. 

You matched his passion, yet the kiss was still loving, full of all the unspoken feelings between the two of you. Finally, once your lungs began to scream for air, you parted. You both were breathing heavy as you looked back at each other. A large smile broke out across your face and a breathy giggle passed your lips as your joy bubbled over. 

“So, does this mean you’ll finally try that new Italian place with me?” 

He barked out a loud laugh before nodding his head, then leaning down to capture your lips in the next of many, many kisses the two of you would share.

[egdocument]

About the EvaGeeks wiki and why you shouldn't trust it, concerning mainly one user.

On the subject of EvaGeeks: Let’s talk about the manipulation of information on the wiki, and perpetuated “nastiness” on the forums that has persisted for several years now. THIS IS A MIRROR OF THIS GOOGLE DOCS FILE. (My twitter post.) You can share this post or the original document freely, use parts of it, etc. I want this document to simply serve as a warning to new Eva fans and those less familiar with EvaGeeks and their history - as well as an update for people who haven’t seen the current state of it.

NOTE: If you can’t read any of these images, these are Imgur albums containing all of the notable ones: https://imgur.com/a/z2mGvvX https://imgur.com/a/oAgufc3

The intent of this document is not to “take down” the wiki or forum, obviously. The intent is simply to inform people of the dangers of trusting this site with their Eva info. It might be the best we have but that doesn’t mean we can’t improve it. I would actually love to see a more community cultivated version of the site with less biased information, but I fear that will never happen. The anxieties of any one (or many) individual(s), which have prevented consistent change until now are well justified, and it is not within reason to blame the outsiders for never bothering to correct the myriad of issues with the wiki. Please extend kindness to other Eva fans and approach sites like EvaGeeks with the appropriate scrutiny, if you aren’t already. We’re divided enough as it is.

Before I begin, I must state: All of the information presented is publicly available, either through main pages, chat logs or history. And yes, the link to join the Discord server and verify the information given in this is publicly available too. I will not link it myself, as I want to avoid any possible harassment of the users I speak about here. Harassment is NEVER the answer in any kind of conflict. This behaviour I don’t believe can go unchecked, but that doesn’t mean the consequences of it should be any kind of conflict towards any user. I will be naming them here so you are aware, but I really do have to advise you, as a reminder, DO NOT HARASS OR ENGAGE WITH THEM. The rule of thumb is that these issues are more systematic than you might think, and blaming or taking it out on a singular person or even a whole group is never justified. Targeted harassment, even with reason, especially never helps to remedy an issue, because it forces the person to double down on their behaviour and beliefs. Causing unnecessary pain to a person is never okay, and the ‘offences’ committed here aren’t deserving of it in the first place. Please also consider the feelings of the people who use the server and EvaGeeks site; not everyone is your "enemy" or your "target" (and frankly, no-one should be) and despite the feelings echoed in this document, EG is not a monolith of a singular opinion or belief.

The purpose of this document is to inform people of the ways EvaGeeks fails objectivity and has existed to push narratives and exclude outsiders for far too long. With new people coming into the Eva fandom (and there of course being others who have been around for quite a while but just aren't aware) I feel like now is the best time I could write this.

As for what prompted this, an anonymous member of the Discord server contacted me regarding the behaviour of one particular user they were concerned about. Said user had expressed considerable bias in the past and was admitting to making large edits to pages on the wiki very recently, and the person who contacted me felt unequipped to bring the issue to light themselves.

A decent amount of this document will be dedicated to presenting said user's contributions - while I feel someone always had to address the EvaGeeks Problem at large, it doesn't help that this user has essentially incriminated himself here to expose the problem in its entirety. 

There is quite a bit of pretense I must discuss before I get into the subject of the wiki pages themselves. I suggest you read all of it; the start of the wiki section will be in heading text if you’d like to skip to it. I’m sure information on the biased editing of wiki pages is privy to anyone who has used the server or the site itself, but at the server’s current status of 60 entire members, I know not everyone has, or is aware of what the problem actually is. Please note that the person who contacted me has requested anonymity and I will be complying. I will not include screenshots of their conversation with me, and anything I quote from them will be paraphrased so nobody can go full Sherlock and analyse their typing patterns. It sounds silly and it’s probably just paranoia, but they shared my concern here. Any conflict we can prevent is for the best. EvaGeeks, of course, has a culture very much promoting the idea that it’s the “number 1 source for all things Eva”, and for English speaking fans it definitely is - you’d be surprised the amount of people who still, after all these years, think this site is consistently reputable. For the sake of context, I’m going to assume that you are not all that familiar with the site’s history or nature, so I’m going to provide a little bit of information about it for those without any first-hand experience. The forums in particular cultivate a very join-us-or-get-out type community, where those who dare to go against the grain get incentivised to leave the site; they’ll claim this isn’t the case if asked and obviously the site is NOT a hivemind but that doesn’t mean it’s not insular. I can vouch for myself and many others who refuse to go in more than a few threads for fear of discussion turning particularly nasty. Even the server member who came to me about this has stated they feel it “might not be a hivemind but it sure feels that way.” Silencing dissent, even when officially-backed, is part of their culture. You don’t have to personally harass everyone who has an opposing thought to you for it to not feel acceptable, you just need to have a history of mocking those who do. If you want some previous, notable cases of “discussion turning nasty”, here’s some off the top of my head: 1. The AWL Incident - In which ADV VA of Rei and director of EoE dub, Amanda Winn-Lee, joined the forums for discussion and was promptly harassed by a user. Most of these messages have been deleted but you can view what remains of her post history here.  2. Recently brought to my attention: upon beginning translation of the Episode 24 drafts, EG forum user LiLi was subjected to incentive to leave, mostly in the form of homophobic disgust in replies to her thread or others they were mentioned in. Any information that goes against the cultivated narrative, even when it is literally officially licensed content, is only ever considered with a degree of reluctance. The fact these drafts co-exist with other pages concerned with this episode is almost a miracle. You can find plenty of repeat instances of the above if you want to (more to do with homophobia and misogyny than outward hostility, but honestly it’s the same thing.) A look at basically any EvaGeeks thread concerning pairings or the female characters will unearth a variety of awful comments from many other users, not that that would be surprising to anyone who has spent more than two minutes in the fandom. Now, of course, that’s very relevant to the topic at hand even if it doesn’t seem to be. The EG wiki and forum have quite a bit of overlap and circular influence on each other as you’ll see later if you aren’t already aware of it. For a short summary before we jump into things and analyse our subject of the day, this essentially means that anyone with an opinion or information the majority doesn’t like will never get in a position good enough to edit the wiki and keep the edits there. This has resulted in many articles filled with conjecture and fan speculation that serve to shut down other viewpoints, whether it’s intentional or not.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ON THE TOPIC OF THE EVAGEEKS WIKI

The issue surrounding homophobia and downplaying of references to LGB content in Eva, through proxy of fan-dictated content control and translation is not a new one by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sure you're all very well aware. It’s far from the only issue present in the fandom but it will be our subject of conversation today. Any ‘one instance’ of this persistent behaviour from Eva fans is never going to be enough to summarise how insurmountable it really is, though, so today I instead draw your attention to one user of the wiki who goes by the name of FelipeFritschF and his recent, frequent updates to pages concerning Nagisa Kaworu.

[TOPIC: FELIPEFRITSCHF]

I must reiterate here: although this document is mostly concerned with this user and will contain a number of receipts from various places, it is NOT supposed to function as a hit piece or inspire any kind of mob. Leave this guy the hell alone, just be aware that he’s the one making most of these changes and isn’t a particularly impartial party, to put things lightly.

Now, before we really get into things, it should be stated that the EvaGeeks wiki requires approval to get your edits there, as stated at the bottom of the homepage, here:

This means that anyone making consistent edits to the wiki has in fact been approved, and this isn’t the result of lack of maintenance.  

What you’ll find is that it is consistently Felipe making edits to the pages in question. Kaworu’s bio page, for example, is almost entirely edited by Felipe, which we can see from the “History” tab of the article.

This is barely half of his edits made in the last few days. Take a scroll through it yourself if you’re so inclined. This hilarious bit of waffle was added by Felipe a few days ago and since revised since by him, as shown here. 

(As an added bit of comedy, the man who decided to add in the Japanese in the first place apparently didn’t know the difference between 好意 (kindness, what Kaworu actually says) and 行為 (action). It’s been fixed since but I still think it’s quite funny.) Now, as anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of Japanese knows, 好き is not actually a very ambiguous word at all. I think it goes without saying, though, and I’m not here to have an argument about translations with you all (for the record, Kanemitsu’s now scarily infamous translation of this scene is perfectly fine with me in a vacuum, it’s just literally everything else surrounding it that’s the problem. Also, regretfully, I will have to speak about this nonsense later when it becomes relevant.) I’m using this as an example instead, to show how utterly ridiculous this guy’s additions to these pages are. He’s not even making a point here. It keeps going past this excerpt, and I suggest you read the whole thing (Kaworu’s page is linked above.) The point of bringing this up - and when I eventually discuss the Netflix translation when it’s necessary - is not to complain about semantics, although I’d argue that’s what’s happening in these articles, honestly. It’s just helpful when proving the actual point of the editor being incredibly unreliable and biased in how he phrases and omits things.

On the page dedicated solely to Shinji and Kaworu’s relationship (which is basically identical to their section on Kaworu’s page as far as I can tell), we can see that Felipe has also edited this several times, and even credits himself with expanding the version on the Evangelion Fandom Wiki now copy and pasted back to EvaGeeks.

The kind of “discussion” (very much not discussion when added to a wiki page supposedly presented as factual information, is it, frankly?) would be fine if it was happening in the EvaGeeks forum itself (and happen does it ever, but that doesn’t change the inappropriateness of this particular behaviour.) What I find disturbing is that in the past few days, this user has gone out of his way to make some already worrying articles even worse, presumably in an attempt to silence discourse, or add more fuel to the flames, surrounding the new Netflix translation. He has a whole page on that one, too, one which is very up-to-date in some regards and not at all in others, despite only being added a few days before me compiling this information. Frankly, going through this whole page on its own is a huge waste of my time considering how BLATANT it is in its biases, but I’ll do it anyway. It IS only a Theory and Analysis page (which is essentially an EvaGeeks free-for-all), but I think it’s quite bothering that the site even allows Theory and Analysis pages that consider only one viewpoint and are written by one person. The forum, presumably, is connected to the site for a reason. 

I’m just going to link it here, for the sake of brevity. https://wiki.evageeks.org/Theory_and_Analysis:Kaworu%27s_lines_in_Episode_24 I suggest you read this before continuing. For a slight departure, the original theatrical Funimation dub of 3.0 is partially available for viewing online, although the audio is in cam quality so you may want headphones if you have plans to watch what’s there. The home media dub’s major changes are to issues with lore and localisation of jargon. While not directly mentioned in this article, it is implied from the subject that this is what it’s about; it’s been speculated that the very literal translation of Episode 24 in particular has come about due to Khara’s embarrassment with how Funimation’s theatrical dub of 3.0 handled Kaworu and Shinji’s relationship rather loosely. Despite these claims, every instance of the two sharing (honestly pretty awkward and unnecessary) flirtatious back-and-forths are still present in the home media version, barring an instance in the stargazing scene where Kaworu’s dialogue was translated even worse than it is in the final dub. If you don’t believe me, do the comparisons yourself. It may not be conclusive, but I think it puts mostly to death the rumour that “a Khara employee was there and saw how people laughed at the Kaworu and Shinji scenes and demanded it needed to be changed for the final release and now that’s being reflected on the new translation”, which is what it tends to boil down to. 

It also goes without saying that NO ONE PERSON is “the most qualified” (holy shit, is this entry not even bothering to hide how biased it is) to translate an entire TV show, let alone something like Evangelion. Let us not forget that Kanemitsu’s claims that he respects “ambiguity” are not even true to begin with. EvaGeeks itself is a shining example of Eva fans, of which Kanemitsu is one and this is even discussed in the article, not being impartial enough to be tasked with discussing Evangelion! (There is obviously issue with citing the ADV translation as a source of all truth; if you read further into the thread on my tweet [the kitchen scene in EoE], I provide extra context for those interested, which I am aware has been spread around Discord and other places without that context included. Of course, I’m not an unbiased source either as you can probably tell from my tweets nor am I claiming to be, so please feel free to discuss these things in other places if you want. I’ve just got the tweets I have on hand here. Sorry about that.) Next, the repeat claim that this is “Khara’s licensed translation and thus the most accurate version” is pretty obviously nonsense; I’m sure I don’t need to point out to the audience that Japanese companies meddling in localisation has ended poorly in the past, or that Khara uses questionable translations from the dubs of the Rebuild films on licensed merch from time-to-time, or that the translation was fairly obviously not overseen or even QA’d by anyone following Kanemitsu’s translation work judging from the myriad of grammatical errors, missing subtitles and overly literal, poor sounding phrasing present in the final work. (Do I need to source this? Just watch the damn thing.) It’s not even like the ways it was translated have been consistent through different versions on Netflix; some were translated from Kanemitsu’s English to other languages judging from the obvious mistakes being present in multiple tracks, and some were barely even translated at all - the Italian version, the dub of which is mysteriously now missing, was so bad people were commenting that it sounded like Shakespeare or that it was translated word for word from Japanese. I dunno about you, the reader, but something about “Khara only bothered to check very rigorously the English version for their specific requests with the translation” doesn’t sound like what really happened to me. It’s more like they’ve just sent a translator they have worked with before to work on a project of theirs. Apologies for engaging in speculation, but that’s all this whole article is anyway. It’s just something I noticed from skimming through the page, but I find it quite interesting that Felipe makes a blanket statement about the excerpts from Schizo and Prano “being wrongly attributed to Anno” and then the source he provides for that is just someone on the EvaGeeks forums saying the same thing with little proper sourcing, when that was never really the intent of their post anyway. An interview summary exists where Anno has stated he wrote both books himself, and if you haven’t seen it, here it is. It’s obviously flimsy at best, but Tokyo Otaku Mode is an officially licensed Evangelion distributor. If Felipe is going to parade around his love for the Very Official Khara Subtitles Of NGE he can at least extend the same gratitude to other forms of official information; I mean, frankly, this article is about as reputable as anything in the Netflix subtitles are.  Lastly, another thing I found quite interesting is his strange love for the ADV VHS subtitles. I really, really think this is obvious, but subtitles changed in later versions of the ADV release were changed because they were deemed incorrect. I don’t have sources for this so take it with an absolute grain of salt but I believe there’s even a commentary track on the Platinum release where the translator talks in depth about why she translated episode 24 as she did. It’s not exactly a better word than Kanemitsu’s, but if we’re considering translator’s word as law for whatever reason like Felipe is here, we might as well consider hers, too, right? Oh, and actually, have a look at the sources used on that article. Most of the sweeping statements he makes have absolutely no backing beyond what he’s piecing together from old and irrelevant interviews (when discussing the Netflix translation) as well as...linking Kanemitsu’s job history...I mean, sure, the guy is qualified, but do I really need to go over this again?

INTERMISSION: Speaking of sources, you might have noticed from perusing these articles yourself that EvaGeeks has a very low standard for sourcing to begin with, which is likely partially to blame for how things like these articles can even exist in their current forms in the first place. A site that doesn’t have such a lenient policy on sourcing, though, is Wikipedia. Felipe, of course, cannot stay within the confines of the fandom and has decided to have a go at providing some information to Kaworu’s actual Wikipedia page as well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Kaworu_Nagisa&action=history Felipe is far less to blame for the state of Kaworu’s Wikipedia article, which is honestly pretty bad to begin with. There have been plenty of other people editing this one and the rather homophobic “Relationship with Shinji” part of the article has been present for a while before he started editing it. (The fact this article literally uses someone being explicitly homophobic as a source is not surprising for Eva fandom, but holy shit, am I disgusted every time I reopen this page. I'm not even going to bother figuring out who added that one.) I do wonder if his reasons for not desecrating this page the same way he has on EvaGeeks is because he knows it wouldn’t stay up for particularly long. Reminder that he is also the main editor of the same pages on the Evangelion Fandom Wiki, which is essentially a copy and paste of EvaGeeks. Of note is this little tidbit I found:

This is what Felipe then deleted, as this is apparently not relevant, despite literally being about Kaworu’s relationship with Shinji. I mean, I’m sure this could have been put in somewhere else and perhaps phrased a bit better, but why the hell would you outright delete that kind of information? It’s supposed to be a wiki, not your own personal opinion chamber. BTW, this is the thread post he links as a rebuttal to that person adding it, and it’s probably for the best it’s presented here with context: https://forum.evageeks.org/post/886380/NGE-Ep24-Script-First-and-Second-Drafts/#886380

He clearly thinks he has a point here, but I’m not sure what exactly he’s going for. Basically everything he’s saying is conjecture, and while I can kinda see where he’s coming from it sure does completely fail to address the intent as explained in this interview. “Read the whole interview” is very dismissive, especially when the interview in full doesn’t exactly contradict the initial point. It does say quite a bit, how he will disregard official information when his wiki articles themselves are full of nothing but rambling.

Here’s another relevant and quite funny Discord screenshot:

Felipe is making a pretty hypocritical statement here. I’m sure he does have a point - there’s probably been quite a bit of vandalism happening to these pages which isn’t exactly surprising (again, Eva fans are not often rational people, please be honest with ourselves). That being said, I think there’s a particular irony to the man who has written many very, very long paragraphs on the wiki pages he has control over trying to stop people from thinking there might be anything but “ambiguity” between a pair he doesn’t like.

In the case anyone reading has forgotten: the purpose of a wiki should be to provide unbiased information on the material it discusses. Obviously the repeating of “innocuous” statements about how “ambiguous” it all is, in the vain of EG’s now made fun of ‘we don’t know what he really meant by that’ and ‘why Kaworu is so intent for Shinji alone to have happiness remains a mystery’  are pretty obviously intended to downplay the very, very obvious “subtext” and leagues of official information provided.

It kinda goes without saying that WE CAN INFER THESE THINGS FROM THE ACTUAL INFORMATION ON THE WIKI, you don’t need to add a disclaimer to everything going “well we just don’t know what it means!” (even in instances when we do know what it means, but that’s almost besides the point). You don’t need to add in these statements, unless you’re trying to sway people into ignoring what's presented by the show. If you want people to draw their own conclusions, you are in fact capable of presenting information without commentary - in fact, that's kind of the whole point of a wiki. Yes, Eva is ambiguous at times, but talking down to people like they need this reminded to them constantly is an absolute waste of time and energy. It’s almost as if the editor has been trying to cultivate a narrative and has been getting away with it because you can’t really prove these statements are biased unless you do the research. (I mean, you can from context, but it certainly hasn’t done much to get them removed, has it?)

You can view the editing history of any given EvaGeeks article on their own pages if you want to see just how many times these things have been added in by Felipe. And obviously, no, it isn’t just his fault - there are other users, several, in fact, credited with the editing of these pages, many of the edits serving the same point as Felipe’s paragraphs on “ambiguity”. He’s just the most concrete example of a biased editor. Also, yes, I do recognise this has all happened within the few days post the release of Eva on Netflix and that it was likely prompted by that. But we know at least one of the mods is aware of it given how Felipe talks about it in the EvaGeeks Discord server. It’s also quite funny I’ve seen people linking these pages like they're some kind of "gotcha" in response to tweets discussing the new translation, as if they haven’t been invented out of thin air in the past few days.

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Now, frankly I’m sick of staring at EvaGeeks, and if you want any more information on these articles and others with instances of the same thing happening, you can have a look at it yourself.

Originally, this document contained far more screenshots from Felipe. My desire for this to not turn into a hit piece has lead me to remove a great deal of these messages. I do suggest, if you want to, you join the server and make your own conclusions. Even beyond what the member told me about I found myself agreeing with him fairly frequently when he was being reasonable - this doesn't change my concerns regarding the presentation of information on the wiki, though. The anonymous member was mostly concerned about this user having basically all the control over Kaworu's wiki articles, seeing as he has far too high of a stake in everything. Not all of these messages are inflammatory or even necessarily bad or wrong, but I find that to anyone privy to the “revelations” about the EvaGeeks Wiki here, they paint an interesting story, to say the least.

It’s starting to sound like he perhaps has just had some bad experiences. The following few messages are part of the same conversation.

I find it interesting how he flipflops from not understanding anything about the whole Eva Parallelism Theory Thing to suddenly being all for it when it concerns things not about the gay stuff.

Comments on how ‘manipulative’ Kaworu is

Because Kaworu is very pro instrumentality, and this definitely isn’t just a theory, I mean, it’s even talked about on the wiki, guys! (And I’m not even touching on the yes-men in this server.) Oh.

Oh no.

For the record, this page is clearly still under construction, and to point out any one thing about how bad it is would be essentially just poking a stick at a beehive. At least this one is so absolutely poorly phrased it’s doubtful anyone could mistake it for any kind of proper information. I also find it incredibly funny whenever pages on the wiki use the forum as a source. Relevant: Qmisato’s post on his defending of Shinji sexually assaulting Asuka: https://qmisato.tumblr.com/post/183082754484/yesterday-i-was-invited-to-evageeks-official

In response much later. I really can’t see it as being framed as “fun teenage romance”, also why is the word romance suddenly being used to talk about Asuka and Shinji after the whole debacle with Kaworu? He’s said before he doesn’t see Asuka and Shinji’s relationship as romantic, either (and GOOD! It’s not!)

(Also - it’s not sexual assault when Shinji tries to kiss Asuka in her sleep, but it IS when Kaworu does the exact same thing to Shinji? Make up your mind, dude.) Turning this sort of thing into Shipping Discourse is frankly not the right way to go about it, but it is perhaps notable that despite what Felipe says, he is in fact an Asushin shipper. (I don’t feel the need to post all these images in the document as its cluttered enough as it is.) At this point it’s rather adhom and I feel irrelevant but I do think it’s relevant that through all of Eva fandom, those who have the most issue “understanding” (more like accepting, I suppose) LGB subtext, are those who also are really attached to a fairly morally grey het pairing themselves. Again, seriously, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of this and assuming the worst of someone because of the pairings they like isn’t my intent here, it’s more that I find this pattern has always been prevalent and it’s bothering me I’m seeing it STILL in 2019. ESPECIALLY from a wiki editor who inserts so much of that into his work on the site. 

  You’re probably sick of reading all of this (and I’m getting sick of writing it), so I’ll wrap up the part on Felipe quickly: Yes, I just dedicated several pages to screenshots of mostly innocuous (when considered out of context) stuff one guy had to say. I feel more obsessive than I’d like to admit, and frankly I have no business with this person. We’ve spoken twice on EvaGeeks threads if you can even call it speaking. This task was given to me by a member of the community who was concerned about his behaviour but didn’t want to publicise it themself and I feel a little out of my depth here. I at least hope we can come to the conclusion I wanted to here, that I fear may have been lost in this whole great mess of language - no one person should have THIS much sway over the state of a wiki that’s supposed to be impartial, especially when they have not been quiet with their biases in the first place, and it is the failure of everyone involved in the maintaining of the wiki itself that this sort of behaviour has been allowed in the first place. 

The guy can have whatever opinions and theories he wants, obviously. I don't give a shit; he's not even that bad compared to the grand majority of Eva fans to begin with. Don't think this document exists to "cancel" him or thoughtpolice, I truly, genuinely, do not care what is said inside this server anymore. It doesn't concern me. I mean, it's a fucking cartoon, for god's sake. This only becomes an issue when opinions are expressed on a wiki, for reasons I have reiterated many times now. EvaGeeks lacks the objectivity required to function as a wiki and I'm trying to make that clear. 

[ON THE TOPIC OF THE EVAGEEKS WIKI AND COMMUNITY IN GENERAL] As for who can edit the wiki and what they’re allowed to say: As you can see from the nature of people’s posts in this thread, you’re given access to do very specific things, and although I haven’t bothered going through the process myself (as I find it would be quite redundant, trying to fix such an inherently broken system), I’m guessing it’s very easy to get your edits reversed if you post anything they don’t like. Take that as conjecture of my own.

I have it in decent faith that the approval process involves whoever of the mod team is there at the time coming to an agreement based on people’s applications. Obviously this is a decent idea for a system, and I’m sure there are legitimate reasons as to why EG has to be locked down as much as it is; judging from the state of other fanon wikis I’ve seen there’s likely to be a decent amount of vandalism, especially in a fandom as passionate as Eva’s is. However, I think it’s fair to say that the complete restriction of updating these pages to those approved by a mod team who, while I’m sure are very reasonable people overall, certain individuals of which have displayed concerning behaviour and biases of their own in the server during my brief look around. I won’t be naming anyone in particular from the mod team as I don’t feel like I need to add any more targets of shame to this already horrifically negative document, but I have gotten the general impression (in case it needed confirmation, following the remaining of these specific changes on the wiki) that some mods, not all, aren’t the most nonpartisan individuals themselves. I do happen to be decent acquaintances with at least one of them so, again, please don’t consider this a personal attack.

My concern here plainly is that I don’t think a group of mods who have routinely failed to prevent events like the ones mentioned earlier, nor seem to have much of an issue with the myriad of examples of people being openly homophobic and misogynistic on their own forum are really in the position to be choosing who of the Privelleged Few get to control the Eva meta-narrative here. As I was writing this, I was alerted to the state of the primary Japanese Evangelion wiki as a source of cross referencing for what these things can look like if done right. If you take a moment to browse it, even if you don’t speak any Japanese and have to use an automatic translator it should be very obvious how something like this differs greatly from EvaGeeks. Kaworu’s page, for a relevant example, doesn’t have present any of the nonsense statements about ambiguity or overwritten descriptions of everything. The wiki respects the reader’s intelligence enough to know that it is, in fact, a wiki, and thus tries its best to be factual. His page is fairly decent in size and states things we know are fact rather than theory. There’s no attempt made to influence or confuse.

Oh, and just in case you think the mods aren’t actually active or present enough to know what Felipe is doing, his particularly awful page on Kaworu in episode 24 got a shoutout from the official Twitter account two days ago.  

If you are going to join the Discord server to verify things yourself* or do further digging, again, please be cautious of other users inside and do your best not to start anything. I am an occasional contributor to the forums and I’d prefer not to get my account flagged or to experience harassment myself, if any EvaGeeks members are still reading this document and disagree with my conclusions. I may not have posted much since I joined earlier this year, but despite everything I find the forums to be valuable for connecting with other fans and have enjoyed the positive feedback to my SIRP translation! Those who have spoken to me there have been very kind (including Felipe himself), and I must reiterate that this is not targeted at the whole site, or even at just Felipe. I simply believe there is more than enough evidence to suggest there have been consistent, systematic failures to recognise and correct the utter lack of objectivity present. I seriously don’t have any personal issues or beef with this guy, either. I wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t someone else who came to me about it.

*It should be noted that the person who spoke to me has pointed out certain members have been concerned about outsiders joining and screenshotting the chat. They may remove the public link to join if this document were to cause a huge issue. I will leave the server following the publication of this document and I have no plans to join again. I can’t speak for those who may join of their own accord but I do hope people have heeded the disclaimer I made initially.

Thankyou to all the people who have extended their own kindness and support during the creation of this document, to the anonymous person who tipped me off and the lovely Eva analysts I know for offering their own experiences with EvaGeeks and further supplementary information. If this whole document reads like the product of a bad mental health day, I guess it is. Also yes I know how hilarious it is that I’ve spent all this time creating what essentially amounts to an EVAGEEKS CALLOUT POST but I mean. Someone had to say it. Why not make an utter buffoon of myself in the process?

[trustyourgutblog]

❁ Intro. Q&A with S&C ❁

❁ What is your favorite type of movement?

S: I struggled with movement for a long time. Exercise was categorized as a chore in my brain growing up. I had parents who LOVED running, yet running always made me feel like I was dying. I discovered yoga in late high school. Last year, I completely fell in love with a studio that incorporates HIIT, core, and heat to create a dynamic workout. I'm obsessed! It's my therapy, workout, community, and whole heart in one. I also love that yoga is a competition against yourself - constantly bettering your own practice, rather than focused on competition against others.

C: Growing up I was always active and involved in sports like basketball and track. I’ve ALWAYS hated the running aspect, but every now and then I’ll go for a jog outside if it’s nice out. Now that I get to choose my workouts, I enjoy a combination of lifting, yoga, and HIIT workouts. My workout split typically looks like 4 days of lifting and HIIT and 1-2 days of yoga. On rest days, I always start my mornings with a short yoga flow or light stretching. I also enjoy the hot yoga classes that S talked about above! Hot yoga is what brought us together :).

❁ What is your favorite way to de-stress?

S: Oh god. Anything alone. Seriously. I am extroverted until I hit my limit and once I hit that limit it is a hard crash. I recently moved to a really friendly neighborhood and have loved riding my bike to the library, curling up in my hammock, and reading a great book while listening to some instrumental tunes. 

C: So many different ways! As a social worker, in order to be effective, I have to be on top of my self-care at all times. Journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, walking, and playing with my dogs and cats are some of my favorite ways to de-stress. I also find that using ear seeds helps when I’m experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. Stay tuned for more ear seed info. in later blog posts!

❁ What is your favorite self-care strategy?

S: I need to be organized. I like knowing what food I'm going to eat the next day, having everything written out and color-coded in my planner, etc. I do really well when everything is put in its place and prepped for the next day - to a fault. I tend to deal with my high maintenance personality with obsessive organization because it is the type of self-care that directly combats my ADHD brain and keeps me functioning.

C: In addition to the ways that I de-stress above, I find a sense of calm in my weekly routine. At the beginning of the week, I enjoy cooking and meal prepping lunches for work, cleaning, and journaling my goals and intentions for the week. I have a Panda Planner that I like to use to stay organized. I also feel my best when I’m taking care of myself (i.e. focusing on eating well, being active, and maintaining my beauty/skincare routine).

❁ What are your health passions?

S: I have been on and off vegan for 6 years. I decided to start it back up at the beginning of this year, and 99% of the time I follow veganism. That's a HUGE passion of mine. I also recently started cycle syncing and I can't shut up about it!! I'm so excited to see what benefits it will provide. I'm a RYT200 yoga teacher with certifications in trauma-informed, children's, and teen yoga - I'm particularly passionate about incorporating vulnerability and mental health aspects into my practice. Lastly, I struggle with physical health (Endometriosis diagnosis) and mental health (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder & ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis), this has been a huge journey for me over the past two years. I am currently at a point where I manage these diagnoses really well naturally and it's important to me.

C: GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH! That is what inspired the name for this blog! I find that my gut health impacts my skin, moods, weight, energy level, and my overall well-being. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and IBD in 2016 and have been focused on healing myself with a combination of Western Medicine-based medication, nutrition and journaling food sensitivities, vitamin supplements, movement, and strategies to improve my mental health. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very passionate about mental health in general as I’m a practicing therapist, however, I tend to get burnt out on focusing on mental health only as it is often difficult for my consumers to incorporate a holistic approach. I am also passionate about movement and working on my fitness, as Fergie would say. There’s something uplifting about accomplishing a new fitness goal whether it’s increasing my weights in lifting or holding a headstand in yoga (still working on that one lol).

❁ What led you to wholistic wellness?

S: I had parents who made a huge lifestyle change right after my freshman year of high school. As a family, we went vegan cold turkey (or is it cold tofurkey? pls laugh) and my Mom poured her heart and soul into researching natural alternatives. I have had my own battle with balancing traditional medicine with more holistic results. I very strongly believe in wholistic approaches - I'm not against medication by any means, but I believe it's so so important to treat the whole person and that there is no "one size fits all" approach.

C: Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything particularly “unhealthy” about my lifestyle, but reflecting back as an adult, I can definitely say that we were not a household that was focused on optimal nutrition. We drank gallons of milk and Sunny D and ate maybe a serving of canned vegetables per day. We were active, so no one in my family was overweight, but I think my parents were just raising us on foods that they grew up on (that and canning became all the rage in the 90’s). I would say that I became passionate about holistic approaches to my health shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s and was trying to learn to manage my symptoms. I had a lot of inflammation in 2016 and was prescribed a low dosage of steroids until my doctor prescribed immunosuppressants to keep my immune system from attacking my colon. I began focusing on more holistic approaches when I noticed that medication alone wasn’t making me feel 100%. Sure, it stopped my active inflammation, however, I was still struggling with stomach cramping, diarrhea, and chronic fatigue. About 1 year after I was diagnosed, my husband and I moved to a larger area where I had access to more specialized medical providers. My new gastroenterologist (GI) referred me to a nutritionist who helped me to learn to identify my food sensitivities. She also referred me to a behavioral health psychologist who provided me with an outlet for my stress and anxiety. I began to learn that I was holding chronic tension in my stomach whenever I was stressed or anxious about something. That’s when I began to understand the importance of holistic health.

❁ What is your personal social media?

S: @sarahlhively on Instagram

C: @cassandruh_dee on Instagram

❁ What kind of posts can I expect to see on this blog?

S: I'm really excited to talk about managing mental health naturally (particularly anxiety), possible book recommendations, self-care, and healthy meal prepping while on a broke college student’s budget.

C: I look forward to sharing my personal experiences with navigating my chronic health issues, nutrition, FODMAPs, gut health, mental health, the gut-brain connection, fitness/movement, and self-care.

❁ Why social work?

S: It's nice to not have this question followed up by "you know you'd make much more money as _______. Is it too late to change your major?" But for real. I started college as a special education major, quickly realized I'd rather do pretty much anything other than write lesson plans, and switched to being a WGST major. I expected to be able to get a job doing advocacy work with a particular focus on LGBTQ+ & women issues. I soon realized the WGST track is for students who eventually want to do research and social work was more what I was looking for. I never looked back. The multiple directions a social work degree can be taken in, the continually changing cases, the advocacy, vulnerability, and seeking justice for people all capture my heart. 

C: I have always been passionate about having a career centered around helping people. I became interested in therapy after having a particularly negative experience with a therapist that my dad sent me to when I was getting caught in the middle of my parent’s divorce and I experienced some trauma. I originally pursued psychology, however, fell into social work when I figured out that there are so many different opportunities available for MSWs.  I truly love my job and feel grateful to be compensated (FYI times have changed and not all social workers make next to nothing - thank the universe) for serving the children and families on my caseload

[slasherkisss]

Cabin Fever - Jason Voorhees x Reader [Chapter 1]

Summary In an effort to remove yourself from your previous life in the big city, you move to Crystal Lake. The cabin you had inherited from your father makes the perfect place for a fresh start, however, there is a secret in these woods (and within yourself) that you must come to accept...and to love. 

A/N My first chapter of a Jason story that’s been weighing heavily on my mind as of late. Also a sort of ‘writing christening’ to this new blog! I’ll hopefully be updating this as I go/in between asks. I hope you all enjoy it! This first chapter is mostly exposition, but, set up is necessary for stories at times don’t you think?

You had visited the cabin up at Crystal Lake with your father every winter for as long as you could remember. Despite it belonging to his employer up until the most recent months, it felt like home. The smell of moss and freshly chopped wood made your senses more at ease than the scent of smog and churning machinery. Most of your days were spent tending to the cabin’s upkeep as well as the maintenance of the garden in its backyard. You feel selfish and, perhaps, a bit egotistical in admitting that you had always known that it would find its way into your possession one way or another.

You feel less remorseful than you should, though, in knowing that it took two deaths for you to be able to receive it.

The first was the original owner of the cabin. Your father’s boss had always been a man of delicate emotional standing. After his wife had fallen ill and decided it better to take control of her own life by driving her car off of a cliff, he had tried his hardest to move on and continue with the job turned duty of living to carry on her memory. It was your father who had originally suspected that the man would not last longer than a year. Grimly, you could only agree with him and wait. When both of you were proven right, you were surprised again to see that the cabin had been left to your father in the other man’s will, calling him a brother amongst employees and thanking him for his support in trying times. That had been the first and only time you had seen your father cry. Tears of emotion like runs of rain etched in canvas lining down his face. The sight had made you cry too.

When your father died you had also expected this, but, that did not make it any less heart wrenching. The blood cancer that had plagued him for the later years of his life caught up to him in one fell swoop, sending him to a hospital where he died not days later. You couldn’t remember crying as hard as you did in the hospital room that night when the doctor’s pronounced him officially dead. You still had his obituary report tucked away in the pages of a sketchbook, taped against a canvas of nightmare doodles and eldritch terrors. The knowledge of his death was painful. You had felt your heart rip in two pieces that night, but, it was also eye opening. To therapists, perhaps, it was eye-opening in the worst kind of ways but you had no interest in sharing your emotions with anyone regardless of if your family thought it was a good idea or not.

Life was limited. You would die and, should you dare love anyone as much as you loved your father, they would die too.

You had no choice but to live with your mother and stepfather after the passing of your father, too poor to afford rent or fuel to drive anywhere too far away, you found yourself trapped in a house that only served to further your isolation into yourself. Though your mother tried to encourage you to go out and see friends, perhaps even a therapist, you never did so. Your stepfather encouraged natural medications and herbs, pumping your body with teas and vitamins he imported from one part of the country or another, but you always hid them away instead of taking them like he told you to.

Fights were more common than not. They would argue you with you, plead with you, to pull your head from the clouds.  Your warped ideas of life and death ate away at you like a parasite, disconnecting you from reality. It shone in your job as you talked to customers in a monotone voice and shared no smiles or bouts of stories and laughter as you did when you first started. Your managers called you into the office and gave you multiple warnings, letting it go at first as grief for losing such a close family member so suddenly. Whatever friends you had before the funeral were gone now, pushed to the side in the window of unread messages and missed calls. You had disconnected your phone completely at some point, though, you couldn’t quite remember just when.

There was that too. The fogginess of your memory as every day was spent in a stupor of disconnected, warped, and malfunctioning reality. The world was never the right shade of blues or blacks. Ceiling fans swung too fast. You were afraid they would fly off the hinges and decapitate you. Food became unnatural poison that you never trusted unless you bought the ingredients and cooked it for yourself. Your stepfather’s insistences to take the vitamins he offered you became threats of poison if you did not stay in your room though the words he mouthed and the words in your head never seemed to quite match up. The world of the city you lived in became too fast-paced. Too overwhelming. The noise of airplanes flying overhead or cars in the nearby freeway zooming by gave you anxiety. Your heart ached at the mere idea of stepping food out into a world where there was nothing but noise.

It was when you were searching through old pictures of you and your father that you remembered the cabin. You remembered your technical ownership of it now and, with a joyous leap of hope in your heart, you remembered the quiet and self sustaining style that you and your father lived in every winter.

Saving up for the trip from your bustling city home was manageable enough, but, it was the leaving that was the hardest part. Suitcases in the car and last bag wrapped firmly in your whitening knuckles, you could still register the screaming sobs of your mother as you left the home you all shared.

“Running from your life won’t help you, [Y/N]!”

“You’re only going to get worse if you keep this up!”

“Please come back inside, you’re scaring me!”

“[Y/N]!”

You left without heading her warnings, rage bubbling inside of you of her view of the situation. She saw it as running away from your problems. Fleeing your life to hide like a sick dog and lick your wounds until death. You saw nothing of the sort. This trip, this move, wasn’t an escape attempt. It was a chance to start over. To live far away from where things happened and return to a world where you were happier, where memories were yet to be made, and where you could control your own life and the things you truly wanted.

It was a reset period. A well needed one. A chance to travel back into the memories you had built with your father, to properly mourn him through reconnecting in the one place you felt alive. To be safe in a world where you were in control for once and not the outside forces of cities and parents who did not understand why you were how you were. Once you mourned, then, you would have a world where no one would know or remember you. You could be the you that you wanted to be in a place where no one had any previous knowledge of your behavior.

It was perfect.

A heavy thunk echoed, breaking you from the silent flashback you had momentarily experienced. You turned around, cradling the last box of items you had within the moving van that had brought you out there. The man who had driven the van and helped you unload several of your things into the house before you was staring back at you with a frown bristling against his lips. You chose to ignore it, however, and offer him a smile in return despite the uneasiness he caused within you. “Thank you for the help with the heavier things,” You murmured as politely as you could, “Would you like to come in for a drink before you head out? It’ll be cold out there soon and I’m sure I know which box my kettle is in.”

The joke you attempted did not make him laugh. Instead you watched as he stepped backwards towards his truck, head shaking as he declined your offer.

“No ma’am,” His voice was low as he dared gaze around the rest of the woods warningly, “I don’t want to stay in these woods longer than I have to...they say they’re haunted, you know. A young woman like yourself really shouldn’t be left alone in them...Who knows what could lurk around here.”

You could only laugh, the voice he was using a clear warning. A gentle plead to get you to return to the safety of civilization. A foolish sort of mantra from a tongue that didn’t understand the ways of the forest and, thus, fell on the deaf ears of a woman intent on proving a point. Your fingers gripped tighter on the box, shifting it in your hands to keep the steady hold as your head tilted to the side ever so slightly, skewing his personage horizontally by only the slightest of degrees.

“I’m sure whatever is out here,” You responded with a sharp shutdown of his request, “I can handle it just fine on my own.”

“Well,” He chuckled after a few moments of silence, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, miss.”

“Have a safe drive.”

With those last four words you turned sharply on the heels of your feet, bangs brushing against your forehead while you moved forward. You refused to look back as the sound of the truck roaring to life echoed against your spine. As you felt the rumble in the soil to when it left, dissipating from the area and leaving you, again, in the familiar silence of the autumn woods. You took in a deep breath, smelling the moss and decay that had just begun to overcome the wet lakeside soil.

It smelled like a fresh start.

You hurried inside as the wind picked up, placing the final box in your living room and beginning to unpack the necessities for the night. Luckily, your father’s friend had left it furnished upon his death. The only things you had to bring were small. Utensils and electronics for the kitchen. A few pictures and decorations you could not part without. You had left your television and computer behind, disinterested in keeping in contact with those from your past life. Instead you substitute the boxes they would have taken up with books. Piles of books that would garner their own line of bookshelves both downstairs in the living room and up in your bedside dresser. You would wait to unpack them, just as you would have to wait until spring to purchase any sort of gardening implements and seeds for the backyard. There was a silent thanks that echoed in your mind to the past you for remembering to stock up on canned goods and non perishable foodstuffs, as they seemed to be what you were going to mark your survival upon for the next several months.

The unpacking went on well into the beginning of the sunset, oranges bathing the entirety of the cabin through the thin glass windows as signal for you to cease in your movements. Your own humming and gentle melodies had given you comfort as you unpacked your belongings. As you finally decided to stop for the night, pleased with the progress you had made on the living room decorations, you decided a quick dinner would be a good way to celebrate your move into the home. You placed your tea kettle on the stovetop after filling it up with the sink at its side, preparing a single mug with a fished out bag of your favorite decaffeinated chai tea placed within it to serve yourself after the water had warmed.

While waiting, you stopped out onto the porch of your home, gazing out into the vast wilderness around you. From here the world was peaceful, your heart finding pace with the twittering of the birds as they faded to give rise to the cicadas of the evening. A wind bristled at the porch, blowing past you and causing you to shiver as you watched it take a few reddened leaves with it from the ground. A mental note was made somewhere in your peripheral to rake when you could. Clearing the ground now and keeping it clear would make it easier to plant things in the spring as you wanted.

A motion in the forest caught your eye.

It was a brief shift in the trees. A single change of scenery that had your head snapping upwards and staring out into the distance, eyes as wide as a does as you observed the endless surroundings of brown and orange. Paranoia held itself tight against your stomach as it always did when you had seen something from the corners of your eye. It was not the first time something had flitted there aimlessly nor would it be the last. Your mind conjured up the thoughts of the truck driver who had taken you to the isolated cabin and helped to unpack your stuff. Of the tales he had told you while riding with him and the warning he had uttered before leaving you to your own devices.

I don’t want to stay in these woods longer than I have to...they say they’re haunted, you know.

Another shift and you stared further, squinting to try and see just what was constantly bothering your eyes.

As your mind meandered to the remembrance of the tale of Jason Voorhees, who had drowned years ago in the lake so close to your own backyard, you could have sworn that you saw a figure hiding amongst the trees. He was tall, but small compared to the towering pines around you. The cedars reached to the setting sun as you watched the possible intruder, his face hidden behind a single hockey mask as your eyes met. Or, you could only assume that your eyes had met. He felt...unreal. An apparition amongst branches. Something your mind conjured up in its spare time while you were alone. Your heartbeat in your chest was deafening as you  continued to stare outwards, mouth suddenly dry at the possibility of confrontation but curious to where it would lead.

The sound of your tea kettle whistling, high pitched and shrill throughout the household, snapped you from your reverie. Your head tilted back to examine the noise, acknowledging it for a moment before turning your head back to the front of the house. But, if there ever was a figure in the first place, it was gone now. The spot you had held eye contact with for so long as empty now, leaving only you and the trees alone together.

Anxiety faded to unsureness and you shook your head, dismissing it only briefly before returning to your home and shutting the kettle off in the kitchen. It was only a momentary trick of the eye, you convinced yourself over and over again with a mantra that soon fell from between your lips audibly rather than just in your head. No matter the repetition, however, you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something more than just your mind, plaguing you with paranoia. It was something more, just as this forest was something more.

You sipped your tea and took a breath. Whatever it was, you were sure, that the forest would reveal it to you when it trusted you enough. Until then, you were content to wait.