#and good presents for your bi alien sons wedding anniversary

[7thcirclebaker]

Lex Luthor trying to be like a not terrible dad and be supportive but is definitely off the mark;

Tim and Kon get married, he is there like unsure how affectionate to be but is like, here's the original Luthor farm because idk he doesn't use it and they clearly have a place in Gotham but Connor loves Smallville so maybe they want a place there and mercy and several parenting books are like sentimental things are good though, this is a good idea. And it is tbf. Connor can still do farm chores at the Kent's and stuff but they have their own space and can like add to it. It becomes like less haunted by the terrible childhoods had there over a few years.

Timeskip, slightly

They've been married like over 3 1/2 years and Lex while getting better is still lacking some like emotional intelligence and awareness, genius doesn't mean smart in all ways. So he's always given gifts on theme to the classic wedding anniversary themes which at 4 years is fruit or flowers which is stumping him to plan. Because like sure he could gift them like enough trees to plant a sizeable orchard but that doesn't seem like it's hitting the mark and Bruce can definitely gift them that with like extra oomph from Dr.Isley (because obviously, the gift giving is still in a way a competition between inlaws) So he's looking over the files he has on both of them, and a parenting book, and as he flicks through the files there's like the closest thing to a baby photo Conor has, which is a small tube with a blob. But this sparks a train of thought that goes through several stations and none of them are common sense ville in Lex's head right. Fruit > Fruitful Loins > Children > Expertise in Kryptonian human blended clones > A gift only I could easily do for them > Average time in a marriage before having kids > current public opinion of the couple > increase in public standing for them and me by having kids > ?? > Wins all round tbh!

It's not necessarily hard for lex to get both their DNA, but it takes some time and then getting viable clones is another little bit so he's delayed on getting it to them. So they get an anniversary card ( hand delivered by mercy who's so happy to not be around "Soon to be a grandfather" Lex Luthor) and it says something along the lines of sorry your gift this year is slightly late, my plans were going perfectly so I blame their tardiness on the Kryptonian" So they call Clark to be like Hey, did you bust any of lexs more morally dubious plots recently because looking at this card it seems like you did, not mad though, just let us know. He's like no, I didn't, I'll like scope it out though, btw here's a weird Kryptonian house plant for the apartment that I got Ivys help to grow, happy anniversary. Tim is slightly worried because Clark comes back being like nope, it's all a-ok, totally fine. But like he can't do much because him and Connor have a Hawaiian holiday booked to just relax and be themselves, nice anniversary present from Bruce (While he brings several hundred trees to the farm and Ivy to plant them so a surprise orchard appears when they get back - let's see lex top this) they come back after a week and the next day...

Meanwhile Clark went to go talk to Lex to be like I hope you're not doing anything too weird because like co-parenting is weird but don't scar our son anymore right. Only Lex is like at yet another secret lab checking final development on the fraternal twins so when Clark finally tracks him down (mercy ignored him for a solid 5 hours because she had too much cover work to do and also no patience for this) he's standing in a classic evil pose watching a pair of growth chambers with babies in them. (He says it's just a power pose and it's kind of a default for him after years in board meetings) Clark is immediately like dude what the actual fuck! Why did you try and make more clones when your parenting at the moment is freaking out the son we do have?? "Aah, but these aren't our children, they are our grandchildren." Pauses for dramatic effect "Do you think Kon-El and Timothy will appreciate the gift of children the way their parents have not?" Clark bluescreens. Reboots. Thinks really hard at super speed. And then starts politely asking Lex questions to find out why, how, have you talked to anyone else about this plan at all, why again, etc. Lex's train of thought finally gets diverted for an emergency service in common sense ville. Communication is a thing, that he has not done. But at this point it will ruin the surprise and this way you can say you knew about the grandchildren before batman "The worlds greatest Dective" so please don't tell them.

A definitely not misty eyed Batman steps out of the shadows of this lab "We won't tell them, that's for you. Though I will make sure Alfred prepares the nursery" He will say he found it through detective work and careful following - he tracker tagged Clark and once it took more than three hours for him to find and talk to Lex, Bruce was prepped to Zeta wherever he found Lex and provide backup because he was also sus of the in-law. Clark goes home and tells Lois and she's like, normally parents just complain and guilt you into having kids like yours did, not decide it was taking too long so I'll make them for you and hand them over wrapped in a nice blanket. But this is Lex so she isn't as surprised and also excited because babies.

Batman and Superman have totally been acting weird this whole week which only like a dozen people noticed but one of them was the Flash so there's a JL betting pool on why. The only thing they can for sure tell is that it's good news. Tim and Conor get called for a Titans mission as soon as they get back from holiday and even though it's short it's tiring but like Bart fills them in afterwards about the Goss while they wash up before heading back to the Gotham penthouse and neither of them have any idea about why their dads are acting weird, it disturbs them.

Next morning they're having a slight lie in, or that was the plan if not for them hearing the intercom buzz and the faint sounds of crying babies while Lex asks politely to be let up. Tim doesn't actually hear this, being an insomniac who needs sleep and cuddles, but Connor does and him getting up to let Lex+ in disturbs Tim. They get dressed and make coffee while Luthor is in the elevator. Tim is drinking gods nectar when Connor moves to let Lex in who comes in with a pair of the fanciest nappy bags slung over his shoulder and a file folder. Mercy (the ever tired absolute boss in need of a payrise) is behind him pushing a double buggy which she pushes into the apartment and then leaves to let them have privacy while she gets the rest of the stuff. Tim starts drinking the coffee faster when he sees the buggy because he's not awake enough yet. Connor asks whos are the kids. Lex is like "Yours, I informed you that your gift for your anniversary would be slightly late. You'll need to pick names for them in the next three days and fill out the forms located in this file to register the birth. Don't worry we've got paper work to show they were created as part of an experimental surrogacy program for LexCorp so no one will know they're created with cloning technology" He's said this barefaced to try and not give away that he's nervous about their reactions. Tim does a spit take and Connor Bluescreens.

--- more to follow maybe at some point. Free to a good home if someone wants to actually write it out and make English good because accidental baby aquisition and TimKon parenting is a fic we all need more of ---