#and going damn why didn't i look more in the books! but it's easier to talk while you're sewing than when you're browsing books

[wildwood-faun]

first SCA meetup, check!

[nightingale-prompts]

Loving Spirits - Beholder AU- DC x DP (Tim X Danny)

The rest of the series

So Tim and Danny are at an impasse. Life was comfortable. But they weren't progressing.

It wasn't stale, no never. Every day Tim could only guess what was waiting for him when he got home. If Danny was distracted with his blueprints or pouring over star charts. He could be laughing over a mythology book.

Danny had a habit of redecorating, not that Tim minded. The apartment was kind of bare before. Now it felt like he walked into the wrong house everything he came back. Boho, retro-futurism, and maximalism. Each style blended haphazardly. Tim was just glad it wasn't black everywhere. He was cool to let Danny take over the space.

There was currently one little problem. Well, several but one was more glaring than the others. He didn't know how he managed this but Danny didn't know he was a Wayne. He knew who the Waynes were but he spent so much time focused on his job, school, and hobbies he didn't care about gossip. Add that no one could casually approach him without losing their nerves and no one could tell him.

This was working out great for Tim until-

"Tim...you know I've never met your family. You've met mine and I kinda want to know what I'm getting into." Danny half laughed as he moved his rook on the chess board.

Tim panicked. He could tell Danny he was an orphan so he had no family but Danny was dense, not stupid, and knew damn well that Tim had a family. How else would Tim vent about his brothers and praise what siblings he did like? (Duke and Cassandra)

But right now Danny knew that Tim got a great position at Wayne Industries due to nepotism and brains. He also knew that said position meant a lot of late nights and overwork due to how underprepared he was. The latter was a lie to cover up his Red Robin identity

All these things he could use to get at least some sympathy from Danny and only a few compliments.

Tim didn't like lying but it's expected. Who in this family liked lying about their secret identity besides Dick who probably gets off on that sort of thing deep down. Okay, so Tim liked having a secret identity too but that didn't mean he liked lying to Danny. Okay, he would totally be okay with lying if it was easier and had no consequences but there would totally be consequences on a long enough timeline just look at Bruce's relationships.

Well Tim had to bite the bullet this time.

"I don't know. My family can be so busy. And well... I had a bit of a fallout a few years ago with my brothers. I was practically abandoned. That's why I moved out. Sorry...I don't really talk about it. Family dinner night is the most I can stand."

Timothy Drake you absolute fucking coward! That's so cheap! You manipulative little shit!

"Oh...you poor thing. I didn't know it was like that. I promise I won't bring it up unless you want to talk about it." Danny frowned sympathetically bringing up a hand to cradle Tims cheek soothingly.

Like I said, you're a genius, Tim! Greatest plan you've ever come up with! Absolutely flawless!

***

Danny guessed that Tim side of the family won't be present at the wedding. That's okay but not ideal. That allows Danny to fill up the roles with his side. Youngblood was going to be the ring bearer. Clockwork is the officiate but did Tim want a specific denomination? Danny was sure he could ask any diety to show up for the ceremony.

There was so much planning for these events, years even if he didn't just elope.

Danny just felt bad that they were this deep into their relationship but its really Tim putting in so much effort.

Tim invited Danny into his nest of all things and they are sharing a space.

Nocturne was scandalized when he heard.

"But you're so young! Even Clockwork and I don't share our nests every night!" Nocturne said dramatically pulling out a fan and cooling himself like he heard that Danny was now a fallen woman in Victorian England.

He wasn't wrong though. Ghosts don't often share a nest. It's a sacred and off-limits place of their haunts. Even ancients like Clockwork and Nocturne whose original haunts have long since been lost to time (ehehe) had their own domains in the infinite realms and were careful about crossing into them carelessly so they don't muddle them.

Nests are charged with so much of your own energy, that letting them be tainted by another's energy was an uncomfortable idea. There was so much vulnerability in feeling exposed like that.

Thankfully, Tim hasn't asked them to share a room. Danny wasn't quite sure he could handle it without panicking.

Clockwork wasn't happy either witht he news.

"Moving into his nest is one thing. I respect the boldness but he hasn't even bonded with you." Clockwork was traditional at his heart but it all came from a good place. "When I claimed Nocturne as mine I at least -"

Danny nodded but tuned out the rest of the lecture.

"The future is now old man!" That was all Danny could think.

Seriously Danny was not listening. All he could hear were the butterflies in his stomach and sappy love songs.

But now Tim had proposed! That changed everything.

He asked Danny to stay by his side forever! It was a promise at that. There was nothing more binding. All they needed now was to make it official legally and get bonded.

But still, Danny would like to announce it to both their families. Although Danny hasn't told Vlad because he'd try to chase Tim off again. Seriously, ever since Danny "accidentally switched his original insane and corrupted Vlad for the alternate future non-ghost side redeemed Vlad he had been the ideal godfather. But the new Vlad was overbearing in his own way. How Dani survived is a mystery with a dad like that. Vlad was too ambitious right now and was discussing bringing Dan back to hopefully fix him. Vlad's ghost half made from his hate, anger, isolation, and obsession was to blame along with Danny's unresolved grief and fear of himself. That created Dan.

If the plan goes through Danny has to worry about more then just the wedding planning.

Danny already had so much on his plate. He needed to resolve the issue with the ecto pits soon. He had been getting complaints from the Infinite Realm residents. Being the high prince meant plumbing issues like this fall on him to resolve.

It's all so exhausting. But Danny can't help.but feel like he forgot something.

...Must not be important then.

[steddiealltheway]

Steve looks at Eddie and takes a deep breath. He can ask this. He really can. It's not that big of a deal.

"Hey, Eddie?"

Eddie glances up from the small book he's writing in and raises his eyebrows.

"Can you give me a hickey?"

The book shuts quickly, but, other than that, Eddie remains relatively frozen in place.

Steve shifts to sit up a little straighter against the wall of Eddie's bedroom as he explains, "There’s this girl who keeps coming into Family Video who is really persistent. I've tried to drop hints that I'm not into her, but she isn't getting it. And Robin suggested that I needed to appear to be in a relationship so she would stop."

Actually, Robin had told him that he needs to be direct and reject her, but he didn't want to be cruel. So, he suggested that the two of them should pretend to be in a relationship. But Robin only looked at him in disgust and told him that she would not be taking the fall for his problem.

"Why don't you just reject her?" Eddie asks.

Steve sighs. Why do people keep having to ask him that? "It's not the Family Video way."

Eddie snorts and glances away, pausing for a moment before turning back. "Why me?"

Steve shrugs. "You're the only friend my age that I can ask. It would scar me and Robin for life, and there's no way I'm asking Nancy."

"You know who would do it with no questions asked?" Eddie asks.

"Who?"

"Argyle."

Steve laughs. "Yeah, but I don't really know the guy."

Eddie softly smiles and nudges his shoulder. "So you're saying I make you comfortable?"

Steve looks at him, wondering why he's phrasing it like it's a question. "Yes," he confirms.

For some reason, it seems to fluster Eddie, but he quickly nods and sets down his book. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll give you a hickey," Eddie says.

Steve swallows and runs a hand through his hair. "Cool. Cool. Uh, I guess we should do that now?"

Eddie nods, but neither of them move.

A few seconds pass before Eddie clears his throat and asks, "So, how are we doing this?"

Steve shrugs. "However you're comfortable with, but you should probably be in front of me."

Eddie nods and says, "Right." Then, he shifts and swings a leg over Steve's lap, straddling him on his bed.

Steve's heart beats a little faster. He hadn't thought this far into his plan, and he certainly hadn't expected Eddie to make him feel this way.

Eddie slowly leans his head down to Steve's neck then sits back, biting his lip in thought but not saying anything.

"What?" Steve asks.

Eddie fidgets with his rings and says, "This will be easier if we're standing up or laying down. Sitting like this is going to hurt my back."

Steve knows that either position is going to kill him, but the thought of his knees buckling while standing up has him deciding, "Well, we're already on the bed, so..."

Eddie nods at him and moves so Steve can lie down.

As he gets comfortable, Eddie climbs on top of him, hovering in a way that must be a damn workout.

Steve laughs, "You don't have to do a plank over me. You can get comfortable."

Eddie blushes a bit then settles his weight over Steve's body. And oh. Yeah, that feels nice.

Steve reaches up to hold Eddie's hair back so he can look at him. And shit, he didn't realize this is an angle he wants to see Eddie at more often.

"You're still okay to do this?" Eddie asks, voice slightly rougher than before.

Steve nods quickly. "Yes."

Eddie nods back and leans down as Steve tilts his jaw to expose the right side of his neck.

Eddie's breath is hot against his neck, mouth hovering but not touching yet. "Where do you want it?"

Steve tries not to sound so strained when he says, "Right under my jaw."

Eddie's lips finally brush against the sensitive area almost like a kiss before he opens his mouth wide and presses his lips firmly against the skin, tongue brushing lightly against him before he begins sucking. Steve's eyes squeeze shut when Eddie's teeth brush slightly against him. He slaps a hand over his mouth and fists his hands into Eddie's sheets.

This was not part of the plan. This was definitely not a part of it.

Soon, Eddie pulls away, and cool air makes contact with the wet spot against his neck as Eddie breathes out.

Steve's hand clamps over his mouth tighter before he opens his eyes, thankful that Eddie is staring at the mark and not at his face. But he's confused about why he's frowning.

Then, Eddie's hand comes up to lightly tilts his jaw back to him, but he still stares at the mark with his brows pinched.

"What's wrong?" Steve asks, a little more breathlessly than he wants to sound.

Eddie finally looks him in the eye and says, "It's...it's good. Like, a solid hickey... but it's right under your jaw like you asked so it's not extremely visible." He crawls off Steve and grabs a small mirror off his side table.

Steve grabs it, trying to ignore how flushed he looks before he stares at the hickey. Eddie's right. It's nice and red, standing out against his skin, but only when he tilts his head just right. Hell, someone could brush it off as a hit to the jaw.

Steve sighs. He doesn't know if he'll be able to survive Eddie giving him another hickey.

"I can give you one on the middle and bottom of your neck if you really want to sell it," Eddie offers.

"Sure," Steve says without thinking. Because shit, if he doesn't think he can survive one more hickey, how the hell is he supposed to survive two??

But Eddie takes the mirror back and is on top of him again before Steve can really think.

Luckily, Eddie looks him in the eye and asks, "Are you sure you're okay with this? We could just put makeup on you to make it look like hickeys."

Against his better judgment, Steve shakes his head and replies, "No, it's okay. I want this to look as realistic as possible. But, hey, are you okay with this?"

Eddie nods quickly and enthusiastically in a way that makes Steve feel like maybe he's not the only one enjoying this a little too much. Honestly, it makes him feel much better... but also knowing that Eddie's into it makes him feel h-

His thoughts are cut off when Eddie's hand fists into his hair and gently pulls to expose his neck more. Without thinking, Steve's hands come up to grip onto Eddie's back tightly as he sucks another hickey into his neck.

Steve pinches his lips together as best as he can, but he's sure his heavy, quick breathing gives him away.

Then, Eddie moves on from his neck to the junction between his neck and shoulder, pulling at his shirt to get better access as he trails his lips over his skin, never losing contact as his wet lips leave a trail connecting the two areas.

But when Eddie starts sucking a mark into his neck again, something about the area sets something off in Steve causing him to moan loudly. He slaps a hand over his mouth again, but the damage is already done.

Only, Eddie doesn't pull away. He sucks harder.

Steve's back arches off the bed, and his hands fist into Eddie's hair pulling him off of him.

Eddie's lips are red and wet with his own saliva and his pupils are blown wide in juxtaposition with the panic filling his eyes.

Steve breathes out, "Please tell me I'm not the only one who wants this."

Eddie shakes his head quickly and rasps out, "Fucking hell I thought you were going to murder me."

"Eddie, the last thing I want to do to you right now is murder you."

He leans down, brushing his nose against Steve's, and whispers, "And what do you want to do to me right now?"

"First, I want to kiss you," Steve confesses, heart hammering in his chest.

Eddie leans down, lips brushing against his as he asks, "And then?"

"I'm thinking something that involves a lot more hickeys."

Eddie smiles. "I like the sound of that."

Finally, they both move together, kissing deeply in a way that makes Steve think that maybe Eddie's lips are magic everywhere.

And shit, he's going to have a hell of a time explaining the hickeys to Robin and the kids, but it'll be worth it.

Now including an Ao3 link :)

[im-so-normal-iswear]

hello! can you please write oneshot (or headcanons) of yandere!sonic with a reader who tries to escape/hide?? it can be platonic or romantic, you choose :)

A/N: OF DCWJSUHSNW YESS I'LL WRITE A LITTLE BIT OF ONE SHOT AND A LIL BIT OF HEADCANONS, I'm still kinda new to writing fanfics so I'm like super duper sorry if this is bad 😔😔

Tw: kidnapping (taken place before narrative), forced affection, yandere (if any more tws, let me know!!

Yandere!sonic x reader

Romantic...

Did you seriously think you could get away from him?

Small reminder here bud, he's THE fastest.

It's really not hard for him to catch you.

Sonic POV:

There was the sound of keys jingling as the door unlocked and sonic stepped inside, bag in hand, smiling widely as he called out. "Hey babe, I got us some chili dogs!"

...

No answer?

Weird...

But no matter!

He set the bag down on the table as he set out to look for you, calling your name as he looked through the house.

...

Wait did he lock the do- click, creak, kachunk

Of course...

Reader POV:

You breathed in and out quickly running as fast as you could.

Shit shit shit, damn it! Why can't you run faster.

Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you kept running. Of course you knew sonic was fast, you weren't stupid, so you tried turning corners, tried running to anywhere where you could be concealed.

...

You seemed to be running for some time now no?

It was weird, sonic was way faster than you he surely should have been here by now... But he wasn't. As anxiety set in you ran faster and faster, trying to get as far as you could, to anyone you could.

...

At this point it felt like your legs were about to give out, you shut your eyes trying to think of anything other than the sheer exhaustion you held.

Maybe you could just sit down for a sec-

Suddenly you feel something slam against you, knocking the air out of your lungs. You heaved to get air as arms wrapped around you. Looking up you felt your heart drop as you saw Sonic's eyes stare blankly at yours, still keeping a smile on his face.

"Whatcha doing there?"

"..."

"You do remember I'm the fastest right? I thought you'd remember?"

"..."

"Anyways! Sorry it took so long, had to get caught up in that show we were watching together, you don't mind that I finished it without you right?"

"..."

"Jeez why so quiet? It's like I'm talking to myself at this point! C'mon, let's get home, I could really go for some more chili dogs right now."

He carries you in his arms might just be dragging you if you were still struggling, but you're too tired to do anything at this point. Anyways, when you get home, he places you on the couch, and makes sure to lock the door.

...

...

...

After you finished eating he sat you down.

"Look, I get it, running? Love it! But I'd just prefer you tone it down, when things change we can go out together and run as much as you want, but just.. Not now, y'know? So just don't do that again. Okay?"

He sounds like he's asking but it really isn't a choice for you

He takes most, of not all things as a joke/game, and you running away or hiding isn't an exception

He would in fact purposefully take slower or just waist time before starting to run at all, he's cocky. He's sure that he could reach you quickly, so he doesn't worry about you actually getting anywhere. All he needs to do is just wait until your too tired too even move and then swoop in, it makes it way easier for him to bring you back.

I kinda focused more on running away but I didn't do too much on hiding so I'm gonna do a few head canons in this same post

⬇

⬇

⬇

Who doesn't LOVE hide and seek, plus, you finally playing a game with him? Total win in his book.

Will toy with you, not in a like "oh I'm the best and I use people as my playthings" way but a "lol, imagine trying to hide lmfao 😂😂" way if that makes sense, just feels like him idk

"Where are youuuu?"

While looking for where you could be hiding, he's acting as if he's lost some mundane item.

"Where did I put it.. Hmmmmmm"

Will pull out the scratching his head while looking confused asf combo (Looney toone moment)

If you actually think he can't find you, you're deluding yourself

As soon as you breathe a sigh of relief, any door, or cabinet, to said hiding spot will be flung open, air rushing past. "Found you! :D"

Again, all of this is just a game to him, but he's not stupid. He sees the terror in your eyes, pretending not to notice it as he yaps about how said 'hiding spot' was a good one and how it was fun.

Will get clingy afterwards, regardless if you hid or ran, cuddles, doesn't matter if you don't want them, you're getting them!

Even if you tried running away he wouldn't chain you up, or tie you down, I think he would like the chase tbh, even if realistically he would reach you in a matter of seconds, regardless of how far you were.

A/n: I hope you liked these!!

I wrote these late on a school night, I might be cooked, yall its 12:54 am 😭😭

[sillylilsquid]

Real life Romance book pt 5/?

✨alternate universe Hyun Ju x reader ✨summary: in which you meet Hyun Ju at your work, and quickly become friends. you've never dated a woman, but something about Hyun Ju was different. She made you feel a fire in your chest, and though you didn't understand it you were ready to try.  ✨trigger warnings: afab reader, sexual themes. minors dni, 18+ ✨2.8k words

The sun peaking through your curtains made the pounding in your head even worse. You groaned, stuffing your face into your pillow. Laying there you tried to play through the events of the evening before. You remembered going to the club with your friends and girlfriend, but not much after that. You knew you only got home safely because of Hyun Ju, and you were very thankful for that. Slowly you sat up, rubbing your eyes in hopes to sober you up a little bit more. You noticed your room looked a lot more tidy than the evening before, and you knew damn well you hadn’t cleaned it in your drunken stupor. A glass of water sat on your bedside table, you smiled, eagerly grabbing for it. Chugging it down you looked down at your clothes seeing you were in pajamas. Hyun Ju must have helped you change–and as sweet as it was, the thought made you nervous. You prayed you hadn’t made a fool of yourself last night.

Once you felt up to it you got out of bed and rummaged around for your phone. It was sitting in your purse, dead from being off the charger all night. Sighing, you plugged in and began to clean yourself up. You brushed your teeth and washed your face, and you found that it was much easier since your makeup had been removed. What a kind woman, you thought. You ran a brush through your hair and braided it to keep it away from your face. You knew you needed a shower to wash the smell of sweat and alcohol off your body, but you wanted to call Hyun Ju first. Impatiently you waited for your phone to charge enough to even turn on. As soon as you were able to, you dialed Hyun Ju’s number.

Hyun Ju had messaged you a few times that morning, but seeing they were green and not blue she assumed your phone had died. That was one thing she forgot to do before leaving last night; of course she cleaned your whole place but managed to forget plugging in your phone. That morning she did her usual routine after returning from the gym. She dressed herself in a pair of baggy sweatpants and a shirt, her hair messily pulled into a ponytail. Leaning against her kitchen island, she finished her morning coffee and she heard her phone vibrate against the counter. Quickly, she grabbed it. Seeing your contact photo of the two of you made her smile as she answered your call. “Good morning sleepy girl.” she spoke, setting her coffee mug down. You groaned on the other end, your throat feeling raw. “Sorry, I didn’t realize my phone died. Thank you for last night.” you responded. “You didn’t have to clean up my place…but I really appreciate it.” Hyun Ju smiled, trying to keep herself from laughing. “How many times have I told you? You can’t just let random people into your place; first it starts by them doing your chores, next thing you know you’re dead.” she teased, bursting out in laughter. You sat on the other end of the phone, shaking your head at her joke. “Ha ha, very funny. Better watch yourself or I’ll take my key back.” the both of you knew that was an empty threat. 

“Can you come over? I really feel like shit, and I just want to see my girlfriend.” you whined, and of course she agreed. “But maybe wait a little bit, I need to shower and change my clothes and stuff,” you explained, but she cut you off. “No need to wait, I’ll be over soon. You can shower once I’m there.” “Wait, why should I wait?” you tried to ask and with that she hung up. You sat on your bed, mouth hung open at her words. Shower? With her here? Surely she didn’t mean together, right? Shaking your head you headed to the bathroom, found some ibuprofen and quickly swallowed them down with another glass of water. With how close Hyun Ju lived to your apartment you knew she would arrive shortly. 

Hyun Ju made one quick stop to the coffee shop on her way over. She ordered you a tea in hopes it would make you feel a little better. Arriving at your place she locked her car and walked inside, up the stairs, and yet again politely knocked on your front door. This woman. You stood, feet shuffling to the door and unlocked it for her. When you pulled it open you were surprised to be greeted by her in such a casual outfit. You were used to her always being so tidy and well dressed, but you found this side of her just as attractive. Shyly you stepped to the side so she could enter. As she kicked off her shoes she stuck out her hand with the cup of tea, which you grabbed eagerly. “Thank you!” you exclaimed, sipping it slowly so as to not burn your mouth. The warm liquid soothed your throat as you swallowed it. “You’re welcome sweet girl. Now, if I remember correctly you need to shower, and change. It’ll make you feel a lot better.” you blushed as you looked down at yourself. “Geez I didn’t think I looked that bad.” you muttered. She chuckled, her hand forcing your chin up so you would meet her eyes. “Hush now. You know that’s not what I meant. Come on,” she leaned down, giving you a tender kiss. When she grabbed your wrist to drag you towards the bathroom you followed her obediently. 

She turned on the water, testing it with her hand before giving you the okay. You stood there staring at her with wide eyes. She raised her eyebrows as if waiting for you to either say something or undress. “Can you…could you turn around, please?” you asked, fumbling with the bottom of your cotton pajama top shyly. Hyun Ju laughed, her mouth opened briefly as if she wanted to say something but nodded instead and turned around. Once you knew she wasn’t looking you quickly undressed and stumbled into the shower snapping the curtain shut behind you. You heard her footsteps leave the bathroom and return a few minutes later, making you peek your head out. She had grabbed you a clean shirt and a pair of panties. You recognized the shirt as one of her own that she had let you borrow one time when you spilled coffee all over yours. The gesture made you smile. You tucked yourself back in the shower and tried to focus on washing off the night before. 

“I knew you wouldn’t remember last night.” she finally spoke. Her tone held a hint of disappointment, but you knew she didn’t mean it rudely. You couldn’t help but peek out again barely enough to see her leaning against the bathroom counter, her arms crossed lazily over her chest. The image made your knees weak. “Why? Did I do something stupid?” you asked, raking your fingers through your hair to detangle it. Her eyes drifted to you, admiring you and you blushed realizing you were standing with your chest barely covered by the curtain. You disappeared back into the water. She stayed silent for a moment then hummed. “You don’t remember trying to rip my clothes off? I’m offended.” she teased, giggling. Once her words registered you were mortified. She had to be playing with you. “No way, I–did I really?” you asked, your voice becoming small as you grew embarrassed. “Don’t feel bad, you were really drunk, I knew you didn’t mean it.” that made you gasp. “I did mean it! Wait, no–I mean like, well of course I want to do that but…” you stopped talking knowing you were only making things worse. “Sweet girl, it’s okay.” she responded kindly, her voice sounded like it was just on the other side of the curtain. Hesitantly you moved to look out at her, being met with her beautiful dark eyes. She leaned in, giving you a quick kiss. You finished your shower in silence, soon turning the water off. You went to reach for your towel and saw it wasn’t on the counter, but in Hyun Ju’s hands. She stood close motioning for you to get out. Clearing your throat you looked down at your body before taking a deep breath. You held that breath as you shyly pushed the curtain open. She helped you step out of the shower and proceeded to dry you off. As her hands explored your body you shivered, partly from the cold and partly from being so close to her.

Once she knew you were dry enough she helped you get dressed, and somehow standing there in front of the mirror in just a large shirt and panties made you feel even more exposed. Hyun Ju stood behind you, her height towering over your smaller frame. She began to brush your hair and you watched her in the mirror, occasionally your eyes would meet and every time she would flash you a smile. “I’ll be ready one day, soon even, just not yet.” she explained and when you didn’t answer she spoke again. “In the meantime at least let me admire you.” she sat down your hairbrush, and let her hands drag up your thighs. They landed to rest on your hips. It made your shirt lift slightly, your panties exposed. You blushed profusely. “Take all the time you need,” you whispered, craning your neck to look back at her. Her hands gave your hips a squeeze with a smirk. She removed them from your waist, your shirt falling back down over your thighs. Her strong hands now traced over your shoulders, down your arms, across your stomach. They left the feeling of fire every place they touched. “You know how hard it was to resist you? You sat there, so needy…you gave me this look with your eyes,” she spoke, her voice heavy with… lust?  You weren’t exactly sure, but you were sure that you were quickly getting turned on. Staring back at her reflection you knew the exact look she was talking about. You used it a lot to get what you wanted, something you had mastered throughout your dating history. Your eyes met hers in the mirror, and you gave her that exact look. She seemed to freeze, eyes widening. “Tease.” she whispered in your ear. You shivered at the feeling, and you knew you had to stop or else you’d be yet again trying to rip her clothes off her.

You leaned back into her touch briefly before bending down and slipping out of her grasp. “Let’s go watch a movie or something–my feet are killing me!” you exclaimed, running to your couch and flopping on it. Hyun Ju remained in the bathroom for a moment trying to collect herself then followed you out to the couch. You were also trying to force yourself to calm down and think of anything else, but it was so damn hard. When she sat down next to you her arm wrapped around your shoulders, and you tucked yourself into her side. She picked out something to watch but didn’t plan on watching most of it–she was too focused on you. On your body, and that look you gave her. Hyun Ju felt that familiar tight feeling growing in her stomach. 

Slyly you reached over to place your hand against her stomach, acting as if you didn’t even know you were doing it. As the two of you “watched the movie” your hand idly played with the hem of her shirt. She’d tense every so often when your fingers would brush against her skin. After a bit though you grew bold. You scooted closer, practically sitting on her lap so you could place kisses along her neck. Hyun Ju let out a sigh, it tickled your ear making you shiver. Before you could register what was happening, she had pulled you onto her lap. She kissed you, her lips moving feverishly against your own. She hadn’t moved your hands so you decided to take your shot. Slowly you started pushing her shirt up exposing the soft skin of her stomach. You broke the kiss to admire her, but to also check on her and see if she was okay. Her eyes were closed, head hung back to rest against the back of the couch. Her breath coming out in soft pants. You continued to move her shirt up, past her bra and Hyun Ju raised up her arms. 

“Hyunnie,” you whispered, it was the nickname you knew was her favorite. She cut you off before you could finish your sentence by sitting up to pull off her own shirt. There she sat before you in just her bra and sweatpants. Her eyes searched your face, and as much as you tried to look back at her you couldn’t help but stare at her body in admiration. Her body was lean and muscular, but still held femininity. You tore your gaze away to meet her eyes. You couldn’t speak, your mind not allowing you to form any words. “It’s okay, I’m okay.” she assured you, leaning forwards so she could kiss you. Her hand rested on the back of your neck to keep you close. Your hands hovered, not knowing where you could touch–so you decided to just rest them upon her shoulders. She chuckled against your lips. “I know you love looking, you can touch.” she offered, slowly pulling away so she could watch. You cleared your throat, now nervous. “Don’t be shy now,” Hyun Ju whispered, grabbing your wrists. “Sweet girl.” her voice was soft, laced with a teasing tone. Her hands tightened on your wrists and pulled them off her shoulders. At that moment you started to get over your nerves, realizing she was letting you do this. In fact, she took her shirt off. For you. She wanted this, with you. 

Your hands traced across her collarbones, playfully snapping one of the straps of her bra against her skin. Her breath hitched, eyes glued to your hands. Slowly, your hands drifted over her breasts. You didn’t try to take her bra off, if she wanted it you were sure she would’ve discarded it along with her shirt. Swallowing, you gently squeezed her breasts. A moan, though barely audible, escaped her lips. Your heartbeat pounded so hard in your chest you were sure she could hear it. Seeing her like this made you drool. What a beautiful woman, you thought. As your hands slowly moved down her stomach you felt her abdominal muscles, reminding you of how strong she was. The skin of her stomach was soft and supple. Hesitantly your fingertips traced the waistband of her sweatpants, but you stopped yourself. Don’t ruin this, you reminded yourself. So you swept your fingers back up, resting on her breasts again as you leaned in to kiss her. She needily kissed you back, hands wandering your body. They had pushed your shirt up enough to rest against your butt, kneading it briefly. As you two continued to kiss you felt her body relaxing more underneath yours which made you smile. She was comfortable with you. The movie on the television soon finished, and when the apartment became silent she slowly pulled away. She was panting underneath you. “Like what you see?” she teased, reaching up to swiped her thumb across your bottom lip. You nodded eagerly, which made her laugh. “Hyunnie, you’re beautiful.” you whispered. You brushed her hair out of her face, trying to fix it after destroying it earlier by threading your hands so desperately through it. “You’re beautiful too,” your name fell from her lips so effortlessly. Her voice smooth, still thick with desire.

You slumped against her, burying your face into her neck. She wrapped her arms around you and her muscles flexed. You felt yourself grow tired; you weren’t sure if it was because of last night, or because of your heated kissing with Hyun Ju. “Sleepy?” she asked you, and you just silently nodded. Hyun Ju reached around you to grab her shirt, briefly pushing you up so she could pull it over her head. You whined, but allowed her to do it anyway. Hyun Ju stood up with you in her arms, legs wrapped tightly around her waist. She carried you to bed, setting you down. “Don’t go!” your voice desparte, making you blush at how needy you were acting. “Sweet girl, I’m not leaving.” she crawled over you, tucking the both of you into bed. Her body snuggled up behind yours, pulling your back against her chest. As your breathing slowed you felt the feeling of sleep take over you, and you could’ve sworn you heard her whisper three words. I love you.

✨a/n: i appreciate all the love i get from writing, y'all are really sweet. enjoy!!

[emmylksblog]

hector x reader heavy heavy angst? Idk😭😭

HEAVY SECRETS // H.FORT

summary: you and hector have a rough week and past relations and secrets keep pilling up until you both explode

content: angst and more angst

warnings: mentions of sensitive topics, curse words

words: 2552

a/n: i almost wrote a whole story, somebody stop me

You sat in the front row of the small crowd, watching as Hector ran up and down the field kicking the ball back and forth. You had a fight this morning over your constant worrying, but in truth, you couldn't help it. Hector getting hurt out on the field was a very real concern and your constant worrying caused some tension in the relationship. You couldn't stand to think about what would happen if Hector was seriously hurt out there on the field.

You watched the game intently, clutching the armrests tight in worry. Hector had already been slammed into by the opposing team once, and you couldn't help but shiver as the memory of Hector wincing in pain flashed through your mind. The whole day so far had been a mess, and you were scared of what would come next.

The game began drawing to a close, and you glanced up at the scoreboard to see that Hector's team was in the lead. In 10 more minutes you would be going home, free until his next game. That morning's fight replayed in your mind, and you couldn't help but wince. Just a few more minutes and you could talk to him.

The final whistle blew and you breathed a sigh of relief, standing up to get ready to leave. Looking back down at the field you saw Hector looking directly at you, his sharp eyes narrowed and not looking happy one bit. Your heart sank a little bit as you slowly walked out through the crowds and towards the door for the player's hallway.

It only took a minute to find him, and as you approached you noticed just how tense he was. The muscles in his back and his shoulders seemed to bulge, ready to snap at a moments notice. As you approached, Hector turned to look at you, his face dark and expressionless. He didn't say anything, just gestured for you to walk forward towards the parking lot.

The walk was silent, Hector's tense rage filling the air around him. The drive home was just as tense; no radio no talk, just deafening silence. Hector's hands were tight around the wheel, and you were silently praying the drive would go quickly.

The drive home felt like an eternity, with only the sounds of the car and Hector's harsh breathing. You couldn't understand why he was so mad - his team had won, so what was the problem? Maybe if you tried to breach the silence it might make the drive easier.

"Hector...?"

There was a moment of silence after you spoke, and you wondered if Hector had even heard you. When he spoke, his voice was tight and controlled, trying not to snap.

"What."

"Why are you so mad?"

Hector didn't respond initially, just staring out the windscreen as if he hadn't heard you. Then he spoke, and his voice was very clearly holding back his anger.

"Tú que crees? (Why do you think?)"

You were completely baffled. Sure, you had had an argument this morning, and you weren't in his good books, but he had just won a game and you were about to go home and relax together. There was no need to be mad.

"I don't know. You won the game, so why are you so mad at me?"

Hector didn't speak for a moment, as if trying to find the right words. When he did speak, his voice was still very controlled and restrained.

"Because you constantly worry about me and try to take control of everything I do to "keep me safe". It drives me mad every damn game, and especially this one."

You were stunned. You hadn't realised that your worrying had pissed him off so much. Sure, he had mentioned it once or twice in the past, but you never thought it was this serious. You opened your mouth to say something, but Hector carried on talking before you could say a word.

"You're always worrying about me getting hurt. Even when I tell you I'm fine you don't listen. It's like you don't trust me to take care of myself!"

He sounded frustrated and angry, but underneath the heat in his voice you could hear a slight tinge of hurt.

Hector was gripping the wheel tight, his knuckles almost white. His jaw was clenched tight so as to keep himself under control. It had been a hell of a game today, both on and off the field...

"You always do this! You always drive me mad with your stupid worrying, and you never listen to me when I actually need you to..."

The car rolled up to a stop in the driveway, and the only sound was that of the car engine. You had wanted to say more, to reassure him that it wasn't like that and that you listened to him, but you never got the chance. Hector switched off the engine and stepped out of the car, and you felt your anxiety start to rise.

You followed Hector up the stairs of your shared apartment, and it was like walking towards your own execution. Hector was ahead of you, and even without seeing his face, you could sense the anger rolling off him. You were both quiet as he fished the apartment keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night, and you both went about your usual nightly routine without speaking. Dinner was a silent and tense affair, with neither of you speaking a word. Throughout the night you could feel Hector's eyes watching you, filled with silent anger.

During dinner, as you sat across the table from Hector, you could feel his eyes constantly on you. His stare was like a million needles burning into your skin, and it was almost painful to look at him. You knew immediately that he knew something that he was mad about, but what?

It didn't take long for you to remember the secret you had been hiding from him for months.

You knew that you should have told him ages ago, but you were scared of his reaction and his anger. The fact that you had kept it from him for so long was bound to make him more mad, and as you looked at him, you swore you could see a fire of anger in his eyes. The whole day was silent, and when you'd finished eating, Hector spoke for the first time in hours.

"Follow me."

You did as he said, and followed as he walked into your living room. He gestured for you to sit down, and you perched on the edge of the couch as he sat in an armchair across from you. There was silence for a moment, and as Hector looked at you, you could feel the anger rolling off him in waves.

You knew what was coming and you braced yourself, waiting for the inevitable. Hector's face was a mask of control and anger, and when he finally spoke, his voice was very clearly trying to hold back his anger.

"You've been hiding something from me, haven't you?"

Your heart sank as he spoke, and you found yourself frozen in place. There was nothing you could say to defend yourself, and you could tell by the look on his face that he already knew what you'd hidden from him. All you could do was nod at his question, and wait for the blow.

Hector had figured it out, and you could tell by the way that he was looking at you. The anger and betrayal was clear in his eyes, and you had never felt so awful.

"I can't believe you. How long have you been meeting up with him behind my back?"

Your whole body felt numb as he spoke, shame and guilt washing over you in waves. You swallowed once, but found that your throat was dry.

"About...three months..."

Hector's face darkened as you spoke, and you could see his jaw tense and his hands ball into fists on the arms of the chair.

"Three months." His voice was controlled, but you could tell he was struggling. "You've been meeting up with your ex for three. Goddamn. Months."

You nodded once, fighting back the tears in your eyes. You wanted to speak, to tell him that you were sorry and that it wasn't how it looked, but you knew that it wouldn't do any good. Hector was furious, and you had made the grave mistake of lying to him.

Hector's voice was laced with a dark sarcasm, and his eyes were like knives as he spoke.

"No me lo puedo creer. (I can't believe you) Just today you were going on and on about how worried you were about me, yet you've been meeting up with your ex behind my back for three damn months!"

You winced as he spoke, and your heart felt like it was shattering. You had been trying to protect him from your stupid mistake, but it had all backfired.

"But...I really was worried about you!" You tried to defend yourself, but your voice sounded weak even to your own ears.

You wanted to say more, to make him understand why you had done it, but Hector cut you off before you could get a word in.

"Save it." His voice was tight, and you could see the muscles in his jaw rippling. He sat back on his chair, staring at you with his hands clenched tight. Despite his words, you continued trying to explain.

"But...it was a mistake. It's something I regret, and I was only meeting up with him because he needed the money-"

Your explanation was cut off again when Hector spoke up, his eyes narrowing at your words.

"What, so you didn't trust me enough to tell me that you were meeting up with your ex? You didn't think I'd be able to help and you just hid it from me?"

You felt your heart drop, and you knew instantly that he had a point. Why hadn't you trusted Hector? Why hadn't you just told him and been honest?

"That's not it!" You protested, even though you knew he was right. "I just...I just...I didn't want you to worry about me, and I thought I could deal with it!" You were grasping at excuses, trying desperately to make this right.

You stood up from the couch and walked over to Hector, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

"Please Hector, just listen. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to worry you-"

Before you could touch him, Hector stood up from his chair and stepped to the side, avoiding your hand. He looked down at you, the anger still clear in his eyes.

"Bullshit. You didn't trust me, and that's why you hid it from me. You were scared that I wouldn't understand, that you couldn't rely on me."

You felt a surge of frustration and anger at his words, and you stepped back from him. "You're one to talk! You're always gone, with your football and your games! You're never around enough to listen to me, so how am I supposed to rely on you for anything?!"

Hector's eyes darkened as you spoke, and his jaw twitched with anger.

"That's different! Football is my job, and you know that. And I can listen to you when I have the time, but I can't be there for you if you don't tell me what's going on in the first place!"

You huffed, the frustration and anger building inside you. "And how am I supposed to tell you anything, when you're never around?! You think I don't want to talk to you, to tell you about the things that are going on? You hardly have time for me anymore!"

Hector clenched his jaw tighter and stepped closer to you, his eyes flashing. "Don't you tell me that. You know how busy I got now with the first team. With all the training and the workouts and the games. It's not my fault I can't be here all the damn time."

The frustration and anger within you boiled over into sadness and defeat. You couldn't keep going on like this, pretending to rely on each other when in truth you were both too busy with your own things.

"Then why are we even together?" Your voice was quieter, and you couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

Hector's face was a mixture of shock and hurt at your words, and his hands tensed at his sides. "What...? What do you mean, why are we even together? We...we're a couple. That's why."

His voice was tight and strained, and you could tell that your words had cut him deep.

You were so tired, physically and emotionally. This entire night had strained you past your limits, and all you wanted to do was sleep. You looked up at Hector, meeting his hurt and angry gaze for a moment before looking away.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room tonight. I'm too tired to deal with this."

Hector was silent for a moment before he gritted out a response. "Fine. Go sleep in the guest room then. Me da igual. (I don't care)"

His voice was harsh, but you could hear the hurt and anger in his words. He was hurting, and badly.

As soon as the door closed behind you, the tears you had been holding back all night finally began to fall. You stumbled over to the bed and flopped down, the sobs wracking through your body as you buried your face in a pillow.

The pain and regret of the night were suddenly overwhelming, and you felt a deep sense of sadness and loss. How had things gotten so bad between you and Hector? Why hadn't you just told him the truth in the first place?

You let out a strangled sob as the realization set in. It was all too late now. You had waited too long to tell Hector the truth, and now it had spiraled out of control. You had lost the baby he never knew of without telling him, your ex knew and was holding it over your head.

The thought of Hector finding out the truth from someone other than you sent another wave of sobs through your body, and you clutched at the pillow as if it was a lifeline. This was a disaster, and it was all your fault.

Hector slumped down into his own armchair and buried his face in his hands. The whole night had gone so wrong, and he still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

The look on your face when you questioned your relationship wouldn’t stop flashing through his mind. It had cut him deep, and the hurt and anger that had flared up in him when he heard those words wouldn’t go away. He loved you, and now you were telling him that you didn’t want to be with him anymore?

Hector let out a deep sigh, gripping his hair tight as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. Why hadn’t you just told him that your ex was blackmailing you, that he needed money? How could you have thought that he wouldn’t be there for you? He would have done anything to help you, but you had kept it from him and now it was all falling apart.

PART 2!

[pascalislove]

ANGEL: SALESMAN X F!READER PART 12

Summary: She was an angel and she should be his.

The weeks without him had been a torment.

Y/N tried to fill the days with work, books, and movies, but nothing could distract her from his absence.

The worst part was that she couldn't forget what he had said to her.

"I don't love the others."

The words echoed in her head, making it impossible for her to go on with her life as if nothing had happened. Why did she have to say it? If he didn't love her, if it was just a whim, maybe it would have been easier to forget.

But no. It wasn't a whim.

And she loved him.

But loving Gong Yoo meant accepting his darkness. And that terrified her.

Maybe that's why she decided to go out that night. To distract herself.

—"You can't stay home forever," her friend Ji-Ah told her. "Let's go to a club. Just have some fun."

Y/N hesitated, but in the end, she agreed. Just a few hours. Just a little while.

The club was filled with lights and loud music. The atmosphere vibrated with energy and the sound of people laughing and dancing.

Y/N wasn't used to such places, but she did her best to relax. She drank a little, just enough to feel lighter.

—"Don't drink so much," her friend warned her before heading out onto the dance floor with a boy.

—"I know. Just a little more," she replied.

As she played with the glass in her hands, a man approached her.

—"Can I get you another drink?" he asked with a charming smile.

Y/N politely shook her head.

—I'm fine, thanks.

—"I just want to talk. There's nothing wrong with that, right?"

Y/N smiled at him politely.

She had no interest in him. He was just kind.

What she didn't notice was the exact moment the man, with a subtle movement, dropped a small powder into her glass while she looked away.

A few minutes later, Y/N began to feel strange.

Her vision blurred, her thoughts muddled.

—"Are you okay?" the man asked.

—"I... I feel dizzy..."

—"I'll take you outside so you can get some air."

Her body felt heavy, but she didn't react immediately.

Only when he held her waist and led her out of the club did an alarm bell go off in her head.

—"Where... are you taking me?" she asked with difficulty.

The man smiled.

—"To my house."

Fear hit her suddenly.

She tried to move away, but her body wouldn't respond.

—No… let me go…

—"Stop fighting," he muttered irritably. "You'll come with me."

Suddenly, a shadow appeared behind the man.

An instant later, fingers closed around his neck.

The stranger was brutally pushed against the alley wall.

—"Leave her alone. Or I'll kill you with my bare hands."

The deep, icy voice made Y/N's eyes widen.

She knew him.

She'd recognize that voice anywhere.

—Gong Yoo…

He was there.

He'd been there the whole time.

Watching her. Protecting her.

Y/N tried to say something else, but darkness enveloped her completely, and she collapsed.

Gong Yoo reacted the instant her body lurched forward.

He caught her in his arms before she hit the ground.

His jaw clenched as he stared at her pale, vulnerable face.

Damn it.

He knew something like this could happen. That's why he'd followed her.

From the moment he saw her walk into the club, he'd watched her from the shadows.

He saw when the man approached her.

He saw when she was too friendly and when he put something in her drink.

He didn't intervene immediately.

He waited.

He waited because he wanted to see how far that guy would go.

He wanted to see what kind of trash he was. But the moment he dragged her out of the club, all his self-control broke.

Gong Yoo looked up.

The man was still against the wall, trembling, his hands on his neck.

—"Y-You're right, she's drugged..." he stammered. "But I'm not..."

Gong Yoo punched him in the face before he could finish his sentence.

The man fell to the floor, bleeding from his nose.

—"Pray I don't kill you." His voice was a deadly poison. "Because if you had touched her... I assure you, no one would have found your disgusting body."

The man nodded quickly, backing away as if his life depended on it.

Gong Yoo ignored him.

His priority was Y/N.

He picked her up and disappeared into the night.

When Y/N woke up, she was in her bed.

In her apartment.

She felt disoriented at first, but when her vision cleared, she saw him.

Gong Yoo was sitting on the floor next to her bed.

He looked at her with an intensity impossible to describe.

—"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

Y/N swallowed.

—"How did I get here...?"

—"I brought you." She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling a surge of emotions.

—"Did you follow me?"

—"Yes."

Y/N stared at him.

—Since when were you there?

Gong Yoo rested his forearms on his knees and sighed.

—"From the moment you walked into the club."

Y/N was speechless.

—"You always knew something was going to happen, right?"

—"No. But I knew if it did... I had to be there."

Y/N felt her heart clench.

He hadn't walked away.

Never.

Gong Yoo watched her intently.

—"You told me you didn't want to see me again... but I couldn't stay away."

She looked away.

—"I don't know what to do with you..."

He leaned a little closer, his voice softer than she'd ever heard.

—"Just tell me you don't want me to stay. And I'll leave."

Y/N looked at him again.

The answer was in her eyes. She didn't want him to leave.

But she didn't want to fall into his dark world either.

She remained silent.

Gong Yoo smiled, with a hint of sadness.

—That's okay. You don't have to answer now.

He stood up slowly and arranged her hair with a surprisingly tender gesture.

—Sleep a little longer. I'll be here.

Y/N closed her eyes.

For now… just for tonight… she wouldn't push him away.

◇◇◇

Y/N barely remembered what happened after Gong Yoo took her back to his apartment.

All she knew was that when she woke up, he was still there.

He hadn't left her for a single moment.

He had cared for her all night. He gave her water, made her soup, even though she could barely manage a few spoonfuls.

When he felt her fever subside and the effects of the drug wear off, he didn't leave immediately.

He helped her get up, made her tea, and even cleaned the living room while she rested.

And the worst part was, he didn't say a single word about what he had done for her.

He didn't expect thanks.

He didn't expect anything.

As the sun began to rise, he was the one who broke the silence.

—I have to go.

Y/N felt a strange emptiness in her chest.

Why?

Why did she feel this way when all she'd wanted was to get away from him?

Gong Yoo looked at her seriously.

—But before I go, I want you to know something.

Y/N swallowed.

—"What?"

He took a step toward her.

—"I love you."

Y/N's heart stopped.

—"Gong Yoo..."

—"You don't have to say anything right now. I just wanted you to know."

She didn't know how to respond.

Because she loved him too.

But... how could she say it after all?

Gong Yoo gave a half smile and caressed her cheek with his fingertips.

—I'll wait for you. As long as you need.

And with those words, he left.

Weeks later…

Y/N tried to move on with her life.

She hadn't seen Gong Yoo again since that night, but... she missed him.

More than she was willing to admit.

Working at the bookstore was her only distraction.

That afternoon, as she was organizing the shelves, the door opened and two men walked in.

—Welcome— she said politely without looking at them much.

One of them approached the counter with a forced smile.

—We're looking for someone.

Y/N looked up.

The two men looked dangerous.

—"Who are you looking for?"

—"Your brother."

Y/N felt a chill.

Her brother.

Of course. Debt.

He was always in trouble with money.

She tried to stay calm.

—He's not here. He left weeks ago.

The men looked at each other and smiled mockingly.

—Oh, really? Well, tell him he has to pay us when he comes back.

One of them crossed the counter and got too close.

—And if not, someone else will have to pay.

Before Y/N could react, he grabbed her by the arms and slammed her against the wall.

—¡let me go!

—Your brother owes us a lot of money, darling. And if he's not here… we can get paid another way.

The other man smiled.

—Yes… we'll have fun with you. You're beautiful.

Y/N felt a cold fear in her chest.

—No… please…

One of the men raised his fist.

And the blow landed hard and sharp against her cheek.

Y/N felt the burning and the metallic taste of blood in her mouth.

No. No. No. Tears began to fall.

But then…

The sound of the door slamming open made everyone stop.

An instant later, a brutal force threw one of the men to the ground.

The other was grabbed by the neck and lifted against the wall.

—You touched her.

That voice.

That damn voice.

Gong Yoo.

The man tried to struggle, but Gong Yoo's hand tightened around his neck.

—I'm going to kill you.

—¡Wait…!

But Gong Yoo threw him hard to the ground.

Before the other man could react, he received a direct blow to the jaw.

The fight was brutal.

Gong Yoo showed no mercy.

He struck without stopping, without hesitation.

Pure fury.

One of the men tried to stab him with a knife, but Gong Yoo dodged the attack and kicked him in the stomach.

The other…

He.

The one who had hit Y/N.

That bastard didn't deserve to keep breathing. Without a second thought, Gong Yoo grabbed a thick book from one of the tables and slammed it against the guy's face.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Until his face was covered in blood.

The sound of bones breaking was gruesome.

—¡Gong Yoo, Enough!

Y/N screamed, but he didn't stop.

His hands were covered in blood.

The blood of the man who dared to hurt her.

—"Gong Yoo, please!"

But only when she touched his back did he react.

He turned sharply, and Y/N saw his expression.

Madness. Rage. Darkness.

His face was covered in blood.

But when he looked at her...

When his eyes met hers...

Something in him broke.

—"Are you okay?" he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Y/N could barely nod.

Then he took her face in his hands.

And rested his forehead against hers.

—"I don't want you away anymore,"

Y/N whispered, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.

Gong Yoo squeezed his eyes shut.

—Y/N…

—I love you.

He froze.

Y/N looked him straight in the eyes.

—I love you, Gong Yoo.

He clenched his jaw, as if trying to control his emotions.

And then…

His lips crashed into hers.

Desperate.

Hungry.

Regardless of the blood on their skin.

Regardless of the darkness.

Just the two of them.

This story does not follow the plot of the series, tell me if you like it and if you want me to tag you in the chapters🫶

Tag list:

@beebeechaos , @onyxmango , @muchwita @czarinera , @putrescentpoet , @solsticeex , @sowhatwereyousaying

[cattlemons]

heyy, it’s the anon that sent in the request about wanderer with a reader who has a bad relationship with their father :) if it’s alright maybe i can just go by 💿 anon? i have another kinda personal request, and again if you don’t feel comfortable writing it please let me know. 

I have a control freak mother, who is obsessed with our family looking perfect from the outside. for example, about a year ago i had plans to k!ll myself, and i broke down and told my mom, and her response was taking away my phone, computer, everything that i could communicate to people with. She called me an attention seeker and told me that i wasn’t allowed to tell anyone else about it.  

It can either be new or a continuation of my first request, whatever you feel like writing :) thanks so much, lovely <3

The Weight of A Memory

TW: Suicidal ideation, emotional distress, pretty sure there's a cuss somewhere, 1,7k words

a.n. can be read as a continuation to this but fine as a stand alone. More below for you, 💿anon

“So, you’re saying it can work? Erasing a memory from the Irminsul, I mean,” you prodded the man beside you for what felt like the fiftieth time after his prior admission.

The wanderer’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance as he scoffed at your question; a desperate one he suffixes. 

“I only told you that because it seems plausible but even I don’t know the complexity behind the damn tree,” he hissed before adding a quiet “yet” to the back of his remark. 

“Honestly, I don’t think we can progress anymore on this topic,” the aloof puppet gruffed out, “the best we can do at this point is to abandon the title entirely and find an object much easier to study than the Irminsul. It’s a massive retrospective joke that we thought ‘Selective Memory Alteration via Mental Connection to Irminsul’ would be a good research title. We can’t even get access to the tree, much less experiment on it.”

He’s definitely right, but you can’t bring yourself to agree, not when he just alluded to the possibility. 

“We don’t have to gain direct access, we can just connect through the meditational route, you know, incense and the likes?”

The Wanderer let out a mocking snort as he looked at you like you’d said the most absurd thing he’d ever had the privilege to hear. 

“The ‘meditational route’ you throw around so easily takes years to hone, idiot, it’s not just smelling salts and candles. You’re a researcher of the esteemed Akademiya and this is your idea? I don’t want to be that person but it looks like you’re desperately clinging onto a failed idea.”

On a normal day, you would know well enough that he’s only trying to dissuade you from wasting your time on something pointless but, unfortunately, for both you and him, today has been an absolute shitfest for you. Where you’d normally sigh at his crass way of speaking, today you decide to one-up him and say some rather nasty things as well. 

You suppose it’s only fair that monkeys see, monkeys do. 

But what started off as annoyance quickly turned into genuine anger as more ugly words and defined poison spewed out of what was supposed to be a discussion session on your research. He said some painful things and, admittedly, you did too. It, soon, spiraled out of both of your control as things started getting painful especially when he asked what all this insistence was for. 

“Why are you so hellbent on going through with this title–and don’t you dare tell me it’s just because it interests you! You’re much too smart to make such a lame excuse.”

You were silent as embarrassment leaked from the corner of your eyes because truly you did not know. 

Or, rather, you did. You just didn't want to admit it to him. 

Taking what you hope are your things, you rush out of the grand hall, passing by the walls of books and scrolls. You need to get out of there before it suffocates you alive, whatever ‘it’ may be.

The Avidya Forest is a good ways away from the main city of Sumeru but The Wanderer took it all one stride at a time, all in the name of tracking you down. 

Truthfully, in the empty echoes of the cavity he calls his heart, he feels bad for the things he’s said. He knows he shouldn’t have questioned you too harshly, not when you seemed so unsure of it in the first place, but he needed to know why you wanted this so badly; partially because of the intuition he spent millennials sharpening told him to and the other half because he’s seen this desperation before, back when he donned red, black, and gold. 

He followed the path he’s sure you must’ve taken and started guessing when the beaten path petered off. 

He was right to place his bets on the left fork because he found what he was looking for, albeit not in the condition he was hoping for. 

You were hunched over under a tree, clearly sobbing.

The Wanderer almost scoffs at how pathetic this all was, more so his insistence to come find you than your evident sadness. 

Making sure to step a little louder, he made his presence known. He hopes you’ll extend an olive branch of sorts and start the conversation but he supposes it’s too much to expect such mercy after how the situation unfolded. 

He sat beside you but you made no effort to acknowledge his existence, much less be forgiving. He’s fine with it. If you won’t talk, he’ll just have to talk for the both of you. He’s not particularly good at discerning human emotions but you mirror a certain grief he’s experienced three times too much. So, even though he’s probably extremely behind the curve in expressing human sympathy, he can, at least, offer the empathy of a hurt soul. 

“I don’t know what the fuck happened to you but the divine can’t fix it for you, you know. It’s stupid and damn near fruitless to place your hard-earned hopes on a tree. I don’t know what you’re trying to fix but whatever it is you’re trying to erase, I guarantee it'll bite you back in the end if you do it this way.”

He expected at least another hour-long silence but you took the bait and he’s grateful that you did; even if it did hurt him a bit to see the effects his words had on you. 

“You know what’s stupid? Not telling me how you know all of this. How do you know I'm trying to erase something? How do you know it won’t work? How do you know it can’t fix the hurt I’ve been through? How in all Teyvat do you know forgetting won’t make things better because I am about 99% sure I’d be much happier if I don’t remember the attempts I cry about at night,” you heaved as a wave of heaviness you did not know you carried wracked through you. 

You’re not quite sure how he’s got you to open up about your father once before but, damn it, he’s going for another record by digging deep into your personal hardships. 

He stayed silent in what you assumed to be stunned silence but by the time you turned your head to look at him, his eyes carried no surprise, they carried a shared sorrow instead. That’s when you knew that this whole debacle was a mirrored event for him. Something he witnessed himself go through and is now witnessing in you. Epiphany struck like thunder because now you know that's probably how he knew what you were planning; he's done it once before.

If you had any piece left to break in your heart, you’re sure it’d break for him too.

“You’ve tried it before, haven’t you? Erasing a memory in the Irminsul?”

Your question was met with a mocking scoff but unlike the last time he did it, this one was targeted towards himself.

“I’ll do you one better, I tried erasing myself off of it.”

You greeted his admission with silence, you’re not quite sure if it’s some sort of absurd understanding or profound shock. The man beside you has not only tempered with the Irminsul by erasing himself but lived to tell the tale. You have no clue what would drive someone to do such a drastic measure but you realize, in a way, you were not much different. 

“I was abandoned by my creator, by the people I ate and drank with, by a god and by its maker and the pain made me bitter so I tried it yet I’m still here. I know that the whole research is just a facade for your true goal.”

You can’t help but avert your gaze, caught red-handed. 

As you let his words sink in, your realize the hope you once carried were diminishing by the second. A weight dropped onto your shoulder making you curl into yourself even more. You held yourself in a shoddy attempt at mimicking some comfort.

“So, there’s no end to this, is there? Not even the Irminsul can help me,” you asked, sullen and all of a sudden so tired of everything. 

He let the quiet fester just long enough to have you break down again. He did not mean for more tears to fall from your eyes but he’s not sure how to tell you that there was no hope in the Irminsul to fix your hurt. How should he phrase what he thinks you need to hear?

“There is no way for the Irminsul to help you, us. Even if you forget, there’s no assurance it won’t come back to your mind and make things feel ten times worse,” he tells you in a tone so close to a whisper. 

He watched as you sobbed at how futile everything was, how hard it all was. 

He let you grief for your loss of an easy way to happiness.

“But I won’t say there’s no way out.”

You looked at him, your tear-filled human eyes meeting his glass puppet ones.

“It’s a lot of effort, much more than I’d like to give sometimes. Hell, it took a god and some otherworldly intervention to get me back to the baseline of a decent human,” he laughed pitifully, “but it’s possible. If it is for me, I don’t doubt for a second it is for you too.”

His words did little to ease the barrage of tears streaming past your cheeks but amidst the throes of emotion, it comforted you, much like the weight of a blanket on top of a sore body, a heaviness that seeks to drown out the sorrow instead of crush the happiness. 

You looked away to wipe the snot and waterworks away. You wanted to thank him and maybe say your fair share of apologetic lines but when you turned back around to face him, he was gone. 

The tree branches swayed as the wind rustled the leaves off of their seat on the bark. On the space that he occupied just a few seconds ago were some of the stuff you must’ve left back when you rushed out of the Akademiya and amongst it was a small note. It wasn’t the neatest of handwriting and it was a crude, almost cold letter (if it even counted as one considering it consisted of only a few words) but it brought a tiny spark of warmth into your heart.

I’ve done it before. I believe in you.

To 💿anon, I'm so sorry this took so long. My exams drained my energy and I did not want to write you something half-assed so I waited until my schedule cooled down a bit to continue where I left off. Just like last time I hope this brings you some comfort and if you need to share please feel free. Much love <3

[rapz-rites]

Hearts

Damian Wayne x Reader

You and your soulmate can feel each other's heartbeat 

A/N: for @thesuperiorrobin btw I started writing this super late at night so it might not be the best but I hope you all like this

Word Count: 1.1k+

Warning(s): Barely proofread, loophole cursewords

You jolted up from your sleep. 4 times a week, 3 if you’re lucky. Like clockwork. Your soulmate's heart beats so fast, so hard, it wakes you up. You would think he was having a heart attack. 

You don’t know what your soulmate does that gets his heart beating so fast in the middle of the night. You found this whole heartbeat soulmate thing so stupid. Of all the things you and your soulmate had to share, a heartbeat, seriously?

On everyone’s 10th birthday, they start “sharing” their soulmate's heartbeat. It's not really sharing though, so you didn't understand why they explained it that way. Probably to romanticize it. 

You couldn’t go back to sleep until about 4am. But that didn’t matter because your alarm went off 2 hours later. You hated your life. Not only did you get no sleep because of your stupid soulmate but you had to get ready for school, a school filled with pompous a-holes. Luckily it was your last year and you only had a few more months left until you graduated.

~

You walk into class late, everyone looking up at you. Luckily for you, your teacher is nice enough to let it slide. 

“Hey” you said to the boy you usually sat by. His name was Damian, Damian Wayne. Yup. As in Billionaire “playboy” Bruce Wayne.

“What now L/N?” He asked. He looked up at you with an annoyed expression. Damn. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 

“Do you think you could help me with number 5?” You looked at him with pleading eyes. “Pretty please.”

“Sure.” And he did. You didn’t really need help, you just wanted to bother and talk to Damian. 

The two of you were close acquaintances but not friends. He was you favorite pompous rich a-hole and you were one the most tolerable people at GA to Damian

After this class you were done. You were transferring books to and from your backpack when your best friend, Lienne, pulled up next to you. 

“What are you doing after school? Do you want to have a sleep-” If you didn’t stop her now it would turn into an investigation.

“I’m working at the clinic after school, but I can come over after and we can have a sleepover all you want,” you smiled at her.

“Ok. See you after work. Oh, and bring those chips I like please,” she says walking away. You chuckled at her.

You worked at a pet shop clinic. You loved it. You weren’t a people person, you were a pet person. I loved cats, dogs, and hamsters. Any domestic house pet you could get your hands on, you loved it. They were so much easier to deal with than people. 

You were peacefully playing with a hamster while it was quiet in the store. Suddenly 2 men rush in. You put the hamster back in its cage and turned to the 2 men. They both looked like they were freaking out.

“We need your help! Like it's an emergency,” the tall one said. He had jet black hair and a white streak at the front. Then the second one spoke up.

“It’s our brother's cat,” the other one said. He was shorter, maybe 5’10/11. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He handed you an adorable little tuxedo cat. You couldn’t help but awe at it.

“Sure, what happened? Our vet is currently busy, but I can check him out and get him to see him as soon as possible.” you walked them into an exam room in the clinic. As you were assessing the cat, your boss walked in. 

“What's going on here?” He asked. You explained what happened and gave your assessment of the cat to your boss. He complimented you on your good work and took over. You were happy until you felt a strain on your heart. Something was wrong with your soulmate. It felt like he was having a panic attack or something. You went to the front of the store to sit down. You were trying to steady your heartbeat to cancel his out. But of course as you sat down, someone walked in. It was none other than Damian Wayne.

“Where’s Alfred? Where’s my cat?” he asked. You walked up to him to get his attention. You were holding onto his arm while he was looking around frantically.

“Your cat? Is he a tuxedo cat?” He immediately looked down at you. “You’ve seen Alfred? Where is he?”

“Your brothers brought him in,” you explained to him calmly. You were already trying to calm your soulmate’s heartbeat and now you have to calm a frantic billionaire son. He was spouting nonsense you didnt want to listen to while you ushered him to a chair.

“Listen Wayne,” you said, shutting him up. “Your brothers brought him in. I assessed him and the vet is now with him. He's going to be fine”

You could tell your words helped, but he was still anxious. It was kinda cute that he cared this much for a cat. One time you saw him roll his eyes at a school assembly about suicide. But he was still breathing heavily. At this point your heartbeat was calm but you could still feel your soulmate’s fast heart.

You took Damian’s hand and put it over your heart, and you did the same to him. That's when you felt it. People who already met their soulmates said once you know it's this indescribable, thrilling feeling. They were right. It was like time stopped and nothing else mattered. Your hearts synced and that's all you both felt. You both stared into each other’s eyes. You opened your mouth to speak but was interrupted. 

“Are we interrupting something?” The tall brother asked. You quickly moved back from Damian, putting your hands at your side.

“Yes”

“No”

You both spoke in unison. You looked at him, but he was glaring at his brothers.

“So what did Dr. Goldwin say?” you asked, smiling before it got awkward.

~

“OMG OMG OMG!” Lienne squealed, jumping around her room. “YOUR SOULMATE IS DAMIAN WAYNE.”

You weren’t surprised at her reaction when you told her. She always had a knack for the dramatics. As she was jumping around, spouting how beautiful your wedding was going to be, you got a text from your “future husband”.

Damian ☹️: Hello Y/N

                    Let’s go out on a date Saturday

                    Send me your address and I'll pick you up at 2pm

Y/N : I’d love to go out with you 😉

You’ll tell Lienne once she calms down. She's going to freak.

So… what do you think???

I’m working on request so plz don’t think I forgot abt those.

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY IRON BULL  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

hey, don't top from the bottom.

next time you're free, why don't you come grab a drink?

didn't figure you were the kind to bed your way to power.

love is all starlight and gentle blushes. passion leaves your fingers sore from clawing the sheets.

do you want your silky underthings back, or did you leave those like a token?

you're the toughest, wisest, most beautiful person i've ever met.

these big muscled hands could tear those robes off you while you struggled, helpless in my grip.

i will never hurt you without your permission. you will always be safe.

you don't need to be afraid... unless you want to.

you see us as this forbidden, terrible thing, and you're inclined to do the forbidden...

you want to watch, don't you?

make sure you undress him with your eyes... respectfully.

i'd offer to help you get rid of that frustration but, you know... i'm in a committed relationship.

next time we're alone, i'm going to pin you down and do things your body won't believe.

all that crap made sense to you?

i can't tell you how proud i'm gonna be, watching you out there, addressing them... with this big, old love bite on your neck.

wait, i'll flex a little for you. make it easier.

that staff's in pretty good shape. do you spend a lot of time polishing it?

i can see you don't want to talk about it. bet you looked good doing it, though.

how do you manage that while staring up at everyone's ass the whole time?

you and i are fine as long as you don't do any weird crap.

i'd pin you down, and as you gripped me, i... would... conquer... you.

oh, for shit's sake.

good. i like that energy. stoke those fires, big guy.

all i'm saying is... you ever want to explore that, my door's always open.

worked that out on your own, did you?

you're not as flashy as most mages.

wait, did you "forget" them so you'd have an excuse to come back? you sly dog.

i didn't say it was healthy.

you don't actually like thinking about hurting people, do you?

if you do that, everyone knows you're a spy.

still waiting for me to do something sneaky and spy-like?

we probably won't try down to burn down a city this time.

really not sad i missed that one.

you're lucky then. it was awful.

you only lack the will to get more blood on your hands?

enjoying the great outdoors?

this area's low on dancing girls, sadly.

i've always liked fighting.

i'm not sure you know what you're asking. not sure if you're ready for it.

well, that's a fucking relief.

i'm fine. hurt myself worse than this fooling around in bed.

so, you going to let me have it, [name]? or do i get to wait and wonder?

you really kicked the crap outta that guy.

it's pretty hot where we're from.

it's not a secret. it's just too big for a quit chat.

you get that thing i asked about?

maybe you should stand in front of me.

you ever get the asses mixed up?

you're a damn fine marksman.

i fell on a guy who tried to stab me in the gut.

all right, now you're just making it weird.

nobody fights well when their clothes are on fire.

i... didn't mean to offend you.

that hurts, [name]. that's hurtful.

i may have done it a couple of times on purpose.

i cold 'cause it freezes them, and then they break into little bits when i chop them in half.

with the magic, do you prefer fire, or lightning, or cold, or what?

you don't need to worry. i have no intention of trying to leash anyone.

are you gonna write me into one of your stories?

it's just daring somebody to try to attack it.

when that breaks, you fix it. like we're doing now.

in theory, they're no different from anyone else.

anyone who takes that burden and lives a good life with it has many respect.

you're pretty tall for a human.

the bloodstains are good for scaring enemies.

could you make it sound angrier? "love" is a bit soft.

tell me more about the coat.

i don't need a book to remind me that the world is full of horrible crap.

you're really good with that bow.

it's just friendly. i won't step in your business.

what i'm saying is, please stop stealing my kills.

we should get shirts. probably need different sizes.

i think you're confusing. how can you just pick and choose what parts you believe in?

you know, i really like hitting things.

who has sex smelling like roses?

hey, i don't hate you. you and me? we're good.

hey, no-pants fridays is a cause.

it's a difficult thing you've done, turning your back on one life to live another.

[mrs-barnes-rogers-writes]

A Second Chance Is A Better Chance - Part 22

Marvel AU

Pairing: Alpha Steve Rogers x Omega Witch Reader, eventual ? x Omega Witch Reader and Alpha Steve Rogers X Omega Witch Reader

Theme: A/B/O / True Mates

Series Warnings: A/B/O, eventual smut, violence in parts, witchcraft, shapeshifters

Chapter Summary: Bucky and the reader start a heart to heart.

Chapter Warning: Mentions of witchcraft, past trauma.

You keep your hands down, watching them as they shake, as Bucky drives you home. His eyes flicker between your face, the road ahead and your hands.

"You OK?" He asks.

"I'm not sure." You reply, your voice full of uncertainty.

"Look, what she said..."

"I don't want to talk about it." You say abruptly, rubbing the tears from your face. Buck sighs in response.

"Sorry." You whisper.

"You don't need to be sorry. You don't want to talk about it, so that's on me, but I need you to know none of what she said is true and it won't stop Steve wanting you."

"You don't know that." You reply, your gaze now out the window.

"I do."

You can't help but role your eyes.

"Y/N, I know Steve. I've known that punk since we were knee high on a playground. I know everything about him. It's the reason I'm the beta of the pack. I can read that kid like a book, and I know how much it tore him apart when he was rejected, and I know he'd never do that to you."

"But that's the thing, you know Steve, you don't know me James."

Bucky tries to ignore the pull in his chest when he hears you call him by his first name.

"Well, I know now that your mother's an asshole."

"Not just my mother."

"Your dad too?"

"My biological dad, I don't even know him. My stepfather, I don't even know where to start."

"Start at the beginning."

"I'm not drunk enough for that and you don't have all day to listen to my bullshit."

"I've got time. and you've brought vodka."

You shook your head and let out a huff.

"You're not going to let this go are you? You're not going to give up? Any of you?"

"I can't speak for that bunch of idiots but I can speak for myself, and for Steve." He paused and reached over to squeeze your hand. "They didn't give up on me, and I'm not giving up on you."

You looked down at his hand on yours and pulled yours away.

"You shouldn't have done that, I could of hurt you."

"But you didn't, plus your hands aren't shaking anymore."

Your brow furrowed and you looked down to see he was right.

"You seem confused babydoll?"

"It's normally harder than that."

"Well according to Sam, and it kills me to use that idiot as a reference," he smirked, "but he said its usually easier for a witch to control things when they're with their pack, and I know Wanda has definitely been more settled since she became part it."

"Wanda, that's Natasha mate? Pietro's sister?"

"Yeah, her and Nat are kinda busy at the minute."

You smirked.

"Oh I know I can smell them all the way up here."

Bucky let out a chuckle.

"Yeah I think her shielding needs work. Maybe you can help her with that?"

"Maybe." You shrugged.

"I have a question."

"You seem to have a lot of those."

"Actually, I haven't asked you that much at all little miss luna." He replied, a glint in his eye. You rolled your eyes. "So, can I ask?"

"About what?"

"Is it true you put a shield over the whole damn town? In Queensborough?"

"Oh my goddess, is that really your question?"

"Yep, look I've served right, I seen shields, seen witches on the frontline. I've seen Wanda use them here and there, and Loki, but we try not to talk about him. Anyway, they said, I heard it was the whole town."

"From who?"

"A contact from S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Oh that Fury guy?"

Bucky laughed hard.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

"That 'Fury guy' is the Director or S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Well, he should do his job better." You shrugged. Bucky laughed again.

"You're right, he should." He laughed. You watched as his face lit up with a smile, and his eyes creased with laughter. He really was a beautiful beta. Bigger than any you had ever met and built very differently to Billy but there was something about him you couldn't shake. You felt your cheeks heat and pulled your eyes away. Looking around you realised you were home. Well, your current home, Stark's cottage. Sam pulled up in your car, parking it back in your original space next to the cottage. He stepped out and made his way to the passenger side of the truck. You put the window down as he approached.

"You OK?" He asked. You nodded in reply.

"I'm sorry for causing a scene back there. If I embarrassed you..."

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second there babygirl. You did not embarrass us." Sam told you.

You looked down at your hands.

"But"

"But nothing. You didn't embarrass us. Now, do you need to release some of that energy because I know a couple of spots that Pepper wanted plants." He smiled, pulling open the door for you. "Do you know how to do that? Push into the ground, make plants and all that?"

"I do, I've not done it in a while though." You replied, thinking back to your lessons with Cordelia and Fiona.

"You've got this babygirl." He replied, as he helped you from the truck.

Sam guided you around to the back of the cottage and into the back garden, which you'd yet to venture into. Bucky followed closely behind, his hand soon finding the small of your back. As you looked between them both, you couldn't help but feel at ease. They weren't scared of your powers and if anything, they seemed to embrace it. Being in the military they'd seen witches in all shapes and sizes, and had probably fought with them and against them. So had Billy and Frank, but even they had been suspicious of you to begin with. It was the reason Frank had gone looking for you when he'd heard the rumours around town that you were there and why he asked what you wanted in exchange for helping them at the docks the day of the accident. Sure things had changed quite quickly, but there was something about Sam and Bucky being unfazed, being so accepting that warmed your heart.

Maybe you should talk to Steve.

Enjoy this fic? Fancy a cuppa? My Ko-Fi.

TAGLIST

@animegirlgeeky @mrsevans90 @slut4rogers @jvanilly @otterlycanadian @neocity-mel @jessjessmarvelandhp @littletomboy2

[svartalfhild]

Omg 7 pls

7. visiting them at their place of work

Not sure what qualifies as "place of work" that's different from their normal meeting places, since they're both Mourn Watchers and Veilguardians, but I shall do my best to keep to the spirit of workplace.

The eluvians were just so damn useful. Rook and her friends could be in different parts of Thedas in a matter of hours or even minutes, and that made the task before them far easier than it otherwise would be. It also meant home wasn't far for any members of the team.

Today's featured convenience, however, was that Rook was able to bring Lucanis' fresh cooking to the Grand Necropolis. Emmrich had gone there early in the morning to address some trouble with a spirit he was evidently well acquainted with, and she thought she'd bring him some lunch. Maybe there was something she could help with, too. Or maybe she was just nervous about leaving him alone outside the Lighthouse for too long after overhearing Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain's plans to torture and experiment on him. Sure Manfred was with him, but as much as she loved Manfred and believed in him, she didn't think he'd be a match for anyone that might come for Emmrich.

So here she was, stepping through the mirror to the Grand Necropolis with a basket in hand, hoping to find him busy at work with what had sounded like some sort of bequeathal dispute and ready for a little break. The Necropolis was home, and she was always happy to return, but it still didn't feel the same as when she'd left over a year ago. Maybe it never would. Maybe the scars that she and the place had left on each other would never fade, and she'd never be entirely welcome here again. Maybe that's why the Lighthouse felt more like home now.

Still, she knew these halls and its people, and she refused to behave like a stranger here. She walked confidently through the passageways and grand chambers, outwardly ignoring the staring and whispering of apprentices and masters alike, even as she started to wonder if perhaps her hair was mussed or her waistcoat was missing a button. Yes, in case you missed it, Ingellvar was back and she didn't have time to stop and chat about what she was doing with Professor Volkarin or to indulge impudent questions about her past. She had important business that was none of yours.

After passing a throng of gossiping apprentices just outside the library who clearly hadn't learned how easily their voices carried here yet, Rook found Emmrich nestled amidst law books and legal scrolls at a table in the reading room.

"Emmrich?" He looked up at the sound of her voice, and the expression of irritation and concentration etched into his features instantly melted away to be replaced with joy.

"Hello, dearest! What brings you to the library?"

"You," Rook answered with a bright smile. "Your business sounded tedious, so I thought you might like a bite to eat." She indicated the basket, and Emmrich's eyes shone with adoration.

"Oh, how thoughtful. Truth be told, I was beginning to feel a bit listless and irritable. An interlude for refreshment would be most welcome."

"Walk with me," Rook requested cheerfully, holding out her hand. Emmrich closed his notebook, tucked it in his coat, and took her hand as he rose from his chair.

"Manfred? Keep an eye on these documents, would you?" he called out, and Manfred appeared from behind a bookcase with an obliging hiss, hobbling over to the table. Rook gave him a loving little pat on the side of his skull, which earned her a happy hiss.

"We'll be back soon," she promised before guiding Emmrich out of the library and towards the gardens, where they could have themselves a little picnic.

"There's Ingellvar again. And Professor Volkarin is with her. Maker, are they holding hands? The nobles'll be all aflutter if they hear about this," one of the apprentices whispered as they passed.

"That minx!" another gasped.

"Shut up, Drika! You're an apprentice! It's not going to happen for you!" a third hissed.

"I think we should all shut up. She's an elf; she can probably hear us," a fourth added flatly. Smart kid. Rook didn't even deign to look their way as she and Emmrich walked by. If he had heard them, he gave no indication either.

In the gardens, they found a lovely little empty plot nestled between some bushes, affording them a little privacy, and they sat down.

"I brought cheese sandwiches that I made with the bread Lucanis baked this morning and that Ferelden cheddar Harding was recommending. You can add butter or apple jam if you'd like; I've got some of each in here. There's also some stuffed peppers Lucanis wants us to try if you're feeling adventurous. To drink, I have-" Rook paused to squint at the elaborate Antivan calligraphy on the label of the bottle she'd pulled from the basket. "Well, it's an Antivan red Lucanis said pairs well with the stuffed peppers. It's probably worth more than my life. Oh! And Taash said the bananas we got from Rivain are finally ripe, so I brought a few of them too!"

"It all sounds delightful, my dear. Most especially because I get to enjoy it with you," Emmrich responded with a fond smile. Rook blushed and busied herself with setting out the food, unsure what to say. They enjoyed their sandwiches and wine for a few minutes before Emmrich spoke again, his tone much more serious. "Rook, may I ask you a question of a personal nature?"

"Certainly."

"Does it bother you? All the gossip. About you. About what you did. About us." Oh, that was very serious and personal indeed.

"I'm...used to commentary about my origins and my...monochrome appearance. I've been strange all my life. Very few people have their facts straight on what I did during the war and why, so I pay no heed to the uninformed takes bouncing around these walls. As for us, well, I don't particularly mind. The other Watchers can say whatever they like. It won't change how I feel about you, and we're both mages, so we're not illegal in the eyes of the Chantry or anything. There's no danger in people finding out, just...a lot of people being a bit rude. They'll probably get bored with it eventually and move on." Rook felt like she was rambling as she spoke, like she'd been sitting on these thoughts for a while and they'd all come spilling out at the first chance. She hadn't realized she'd been gesturing until she finished and noticed the uneaten half of her sandwich flopping in her hand.

"I see," Emmrich said softly, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"Why do you ask?" Rook inquired with an attempt at a more casual air before taking another bite of her sandwich.

"You squeezed my hand rather tightly when we walked by those whispering apprentices," he informed her, and she blushed again, this time in embarrassment.

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's perfectly natural to care what others think and to be hurt by ill considered words, you know." Emmrich gently placed his hand over hers, and she suddenly felt very weak. "You don't have to be an unshakable rock at every moment. I worry that you will shatter if you try." The threat of tears began to subtly burn behind her eyes at this. He had seen right through her.

"I might shatter if I don't," she replied, her voice wavering ever so slightly. "I can't afford to-" No, she couldn't say that. It would make her feel too exposed. "Varric always tells me that I'll have an easier time if I don't dwell on what others think and what I could have done better." At this, the sympathy in Emmrich's expression deepened and his fingers curled around hers.

"I see. We needn't discuss it further. I didn't intend to upset you."

"It's alright." She hadn't expected him to let it go so easily, but she wasn't going to question it.

"You show so much care for others. I only wish to show you the same in return."

"I know." Emmrich lifted her hand and tenderly kissed her knuckles, making her heart flutter.

"Shall we try some of those stuffed peppers?" he suggested gently, and she nodded, quickly finishing her sandwich before picking up a pepper. It was delicious, but of course she expected nothing less from Lucanis. They were crunchy, creamy, herbal, and spicier than she was accustomed to, but she didn't hate it. Emmrich muttered "oh dear" after his first bite but happily continued eating and slowly turned a bit red. They agreed that the peppers were fantastic albeit slightly painful. The bananas luckily turned out to be helpful in their recovery.

"I'll pass our review on to the chef," Rook chuckled as she began to pack everything back in the basket.

"Please do. And thank you ever so much for this lovely little picnic. It was a wonderful diversion," Emmrich responded warmly.

"You're welcome."

"Will you permit me to do something similarly diverting for you in the future?"

"If you'd like. I'm always happy to spend time with you, Emmrich."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Only after he'd returned to the library and she was on her way back to the mirror did she realize that he'd just finessed his way into getting her to let him take care of her. Dammit.

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Hold me tight

Eris x OC

Word count: 2100+

Warnings: smut, 18+MDNI

For @erisweekofficial, Day 3: Healing/Betrayal

Dividers by @tsunami-of-tears

It was only the morning, the beginning of the day, the very first meeting of many and Eris was already tired and had enough. Correcting mistakes of his father and revising all miserable decisions that old man ever did, was so time consuming. It was two months since Eris became the High Lord, yet he didn't get a single moment to stop and just breathe. And the amount of work was increasing with each passing day. It was crazy.

The only reason why he worked so hard, why he could bear with this, was the vision of returning to his chambers to her. His mate. She was the fuel for his fire, the hearth where he could safely crack. He was doing it all for her. To ensure she would be safe and sound in his Court for the rest of her life.

When evening came, he was so ready to go to the bed. He wanted nothing more just the silence and peace, to stop the buzzing, to kick out all the bothersome assholes who still asked something from him.

Just a little more and I'm done, he was forcing himself to finish the stack of documents on his desk that somehow appeared during the day. It was almost midnight when he finally put down the pen and the last piece of paper.

Completely exhausted he dragged himself through the hallways of silent Forest House, everyone already in their beds, peacefully sleeping. As the doors of his room came into view, he sighed heavily. It was too late. His dear mate was certainly asleep at this time. Yet another day without talking with her properly and enjoying her company. Not that he wouldn't like the moment he slipped to the bed next to her, caressed her beautiful face with feather-light touch that always brought smile to her lips as she snuggled to him. It was actually one of his favourite moments.

Eris quietly opened the doors and halted in surprise. All her candles that she placed all around the bedroom, were lit up, the air smelled after apples, cinnamon and white musk. She loved that smell saying it reminded her of him.

Helen was seated on the bed, leaning against the pillow, long auburn hair like veil around her small shoulders, book on her lap. As soon as she heard him, she looked up and smiled. That was all he needed to instantly feel better. He missed that sweet, gentle smile whole damn day. His lips twisted into hardly there smirk.

"Love," he breathed out hoarsely and closed the doors.

Her smile only widened. "I was waiting for you." She closed the book and put it aside.

"You don't have to do that. You know that, don't you? It's pretty late," he seemingly scolded her, but he was happy.

"I wanted to," she shrugged and stood up. "I've prepared something for my hard working High Lord."

Eris had no idea what it could be, but he already loved it. He had her by his side only for last two months yet he trusted her more than anyone else, even more than to himself. She walked up to him on light steps, her arms immediately found their place on his waist. He squeezed her round hips, the thin silk nightgown under his fingers felt like another layer of her soft skin.

"I missed you," she whispered as she balanced on her tiptoes to reach to his lips.

"I missed you, too," he groaned into her mouth. His fingers traveled up her body and entwined with those soft strands of hair. He gently pulled on them, tilting her head back for easier access. She submitted and let him to kiss her like he had been dreaming about all day. His tongue found its way into her mouth, stroking and exploring until she moaned. That small, sweet noise was like a wave of new energy that hit him and Eris started to push her back to the bed. His hands roamed all over her hot body, slowly pulling up the long nightgown. They were almost there when she pulled away, running hand along his spine.

"Not yet," she whispered out of breath, eyes still closed. "First, let me take care of you, please. You are working too hard. You deserve it." He nodded. There was nothing he would deny her, not after all the suffering.

Helen took his hand and led him to the bathroom where dozens of candles flickered around a bathtub full of milky coloured water, petals of red roses floating on its surface. Eris smiled, really smiled for the first time that day.

"Baby, you spoil me," he purred.

"I haven't even started yet," she spoke from behind him with affection. When did she get there?

Eris swirled to face her and stiffened. She was gloriously naked, the light of the flames dancing on her perfect porcelain skin. He forgot even how to breathe at that sight worthy of the gods. His entire body buzzed with need and excitement. After the days of only seeing her sleeping face he finally felt alive, even the bond in his chest lit up and vibrated with the intensity of his feelings. She had to feel it too, because she looked baffled for a second, the expression immediately replaced with relief and soft smile he loved so much.

"How I come to deserve you?" he breathed out, breeches suddenly too tight and uncomfortable.

She only shrugged and danced to him on the light steps of forest faerie, her hands soothingly ran over his arms and chest to the buttons of the shirt. She undone them one after another, taking her time, her gaze grazing over the newly revealed inches of his pale skin. At last she took the shirt off of his shoulders while touching him as much as possible. She knew how to handle him the way he liked the most. They didn't have enough time to really get to know each other, yet she already knew him as if they were together for centuries.

Eris closed his eyes, letting her do whatever she wanted, simply enjoying her touch. Three months ago he didn't dare even to dream about moments like this. He thought he would never be allowed to love her fully and publicly, that he would never find peace in her arms.

The bond snapped for him exactly eighty-eight years ago and he had to hide it whole the time, dreading what his father would do to her, if he found out that his son was mated with a humble fae, a peasant as Beron called them. He learnt only her name before he winnowed her to the Spring Court and asked his brother Lucien to hide her somewhere and take good care of her. He hadn't seen her ever since then, not until he finally became the High Lord.

Meantime, Lucien moved her to the Day Court, to his real father's court and hid her in his palace. All the pain and suffering was worth it though. The very same night as Eris claimed his legacy, he broke through the wards of Helion's palace and literally kidnapped his own mate from the bed. And ever since then, he thanked the Mother for this gift every second of every day.

His breeches landed on the floor, his cock proudly standing at attention. Helen chuckled at the sight. "So eager already."

"For my beautiful mate? Always," he hummed with cocky grin.

"Come," she pulled him to the bathtub, urging him in and he gladly yielded.

As soon as the warm water embraced his tired body, he relaxed and in a single go he breathed out all the stress that had accumulated in him. His head fell back on her soft chest. Helen started to massage his shoulders and back as she washed him and he turned under her nimble fingers into a moaning mess. His amber eyes met her kind, warm brown ones.

"Come to the water, love," he pleaded.

Smirk appeared on her face as she gracefully slid in, straddling him. His tip brushed against her centre and Eris groaned, his hips thrusting up on their own. His fingers dug into her rear as he tried to get her where he wanted her.

"Tsk, tsk. My bad boy," she pushed him back down and sat on his thighs. He growled disapprovingly.

She kept massaging him, teasing him until he couldn't take it anymore and tugged her to his heaving chest. All the candles around them burned brighter as on command.

"Careful, Eris," she moaned into his ear, "otherwise you'll set the room on fire."

"I don't care. This damn place can all but burn down. All I need I have in my arms now."

His lips landed on hers heavily, hot like the flame itself, all consuming. He kissed her like man starved, gently navigating her hips where he needed her the most and this time she didn't stop him.

Helen slowly sank down and they both moaned in unison when their bodies came together.

"Fuck," Eris whined hoarsely, drinking in her heavenly expression as he filled her. He launched at her throat with intent to leave there his mark. She moaned loudly and her back arched while her fingers entwined with his long red strands, tugging him closer. She started riding him, small whimpers escaping her.

"Good girl," Eris rasped into her skin. He squeezed her ass firmly while his other hand traveled from her waist up, cupping her breast. Satisfied with damage he caused on her throat, he leaned down and took the other nipple into his mouth, sucking, squeezing and nipping. Helen even more arched back, her eyes closed, loud whimpers mixing with moans.

"Eris," she panted and he immediately knew what she needed. He felt it on his length, the way she tightened around him. His lips wandered all the way up her throat to the sensitive spot under her ear that made her see stars.

One of his hands still worked on her nipple, kneading the now sensitive breast. Meanwhile, the other one slid from her butt to the place where they were connected, drawing circles and teasing until Helen's breath became labored. She came on his cock, screaming his name again and again.

However, Eris wasn't done yet.

"Hands on the edge of the tub and hold on tight," he ordered sharply, his voice hoarse, the desire burning him in the most pleasant way. She did as he asked, climbing down from him, sticking out her bum. He growled, kneeling behind her as he pushed in in one smooth move.

Helen gasped loudly at the perfect way he filled her, arching her back she tried to reach for him, but he pushed her back down.

"Stay like this," he snarled. He thrusted into her, his pace growing faster. He needed the release and there was nothing gentle about the way he sought for it. They both turned into moaning, panting mess in no time. Water was splashing all around them even on the floor, putting out few candles.

"Eris," Helen cried out, the knot in her belly tightening again. "Faster.."

"I'm close, too. Together, okay?"

She couldn't speak, only nodded. Eris's hand moved from her hips down, reaching between her legs, his long fingers found her clitoris. His already so fast thrusts became even more deeper and stronger as wet skin was slapping against skin. The knot in her tummy finally snapped and she came with his name on lips. Eris came in the same moment as Helen, his roar bouncing from the walls.

Eris collapsed on her back, breathing in her sweet smell of forest berries. His hands roamed all around her body, caressing her, thanking her for this happiness.

"I love you so much," he said lowly into the skin of her back, leaving a trail of kisses there.

They both were so tired, they couldn't move for a while, just resting in the still warm water in each other's arms. When water cooled down, they moved to the bed. Eris stretched out on soft sheets and reached hand out for his mate.

"Come." He was so drowsy he hardly kept his eyes open, but he wouldn't sleep without her.

She just shook her head, mischief tugging her lips. "Roll onto your tummy for me, would you?"

Eris smiled tiredly. "Won't you go to the bed already?"

"In a moment. I'm not done with pampering my lord yet." She took out massage oil from bedside table. Eris hummed and rolled face down. Helen gently massaged oil into his scarred skin until his breath calmed down and he seemingly fell asleep.

"Good night, love," she kissed his forehead, wrapped him in the covers and snuggled to his side.

"Finally," Eris smiled sleepily with closed eyes. He rolled to his side and hugged her. His skin warmed up and they both fell asleep holding each other.

[eden-writes-stuff]

Tags: double shot, Angst, one sided wolfstar, confessions

Word count: 517

Sirius

Two words made Sirius' world shatter. Two words from the wrong person. "I do."

Let's skipp back a few weeks.

Sirius knew he was interested in boys in second grade, when James had brought them a magazine with underwear models.

Sirius knew he was into Remus Lupin in fourth grade, when he saw him sleeping in a corner with a book on his chest, lightly snoring.

It had hit him like a bludger. Of course it was Remus. Why had he ever thought he could fall for someone else? It seemed so obvious now.

The way the sun seemed to shine a little brighter when Remus smiled at him. The way birds stopped singing to listen when Remus was laughing. The way he always felt lighter when he knew he was about to see Remus.

Well, damn.

Sirius was never one to hide. He wouldn't let this fail because he couldn't make his feelings clear. So he did it in every way he could.

"I really don't like my last name. Can I steal yours?"

"Come over, Moons. My bed is way more comfortable."

"Why does Evans get to sit on your lap and I don't!"

"Don't I get a goodluck kiss before my final exam?" He didn't.

"Your jumpers always look so comfortable. Mind if I burrow one?" He didn't.

"Do you wanna go to Hogsmede this weekend? Pete and Prongs have detention." He didn't.

He didn't notice Remus getting more and more iritated with each of his approaches. He just thought that he wasn't clear enough.

So eventually he caught Remus alone to lay all cards on the table.

"Oi, Moony-pie."

Remus turned around, looking at him questioningly. "Can I... Can you come over for a second?" He held the tapestry covering the secret hallway aside for Remus to enter.

"What is it?", he asked, leaning against the wall in the dark.

Suddenly Sirius felt himself grow more and more nervous. This wasn't like all those times flirting with each other. This was it. Ride or die.

"You know how I keep saying... stuff to you?" "You mean talking? Yeah, you do that a lot." They both laughed for a moment.

"No... I mean specific stuff." Why was this so hard!? "You know... how we should get married and I wanna sit on your lap and other stuff." He could hear Remus inhale.

The darkness made it a little easier. "I don't mean that as a joke. With the others, of course. I'd never shag James. We're way too good friends for that. That would be weird. But you... You're different." He forced himself to stop talking and take a breath.

"I don't wanna be just friends anymore."

The silence was almost deafening. Remus' answer took longer than he expected.

"I do..." He wanted to throw up.

He wanted to curl up into a little ball and never see daylight again. He couldn't look at him.

"Pads, I... I'm honored that you feel that way. I just don't feel the same. I'm really sorry." And then he left Sirius alone in the dark.

part two: https://www.tumblr.com/eden-writes-stuff/773013087657836544/part-two-of-this-tags?source=share

[its-in-the-woods]

Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 5

Chapter one here, two here, three here, four here

Pairing: Walton Goggins x You

Rating/Warning:  As always minor get out.  Little angst, lots of fluff, handholding,kissing

Slow build like novel damn length okay, Very Fluffy, Pinch of Angst, Relationship Development, Hurt/Comfort, Older man/ Younger(30s) women, Alternative universe, fictional work (IDK WHY BUT I AM PUTTING IT) Probably more as I go.

Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Note: they are both single, all for fun.

I think I may have an ending now. Posts will continue to be 2-3k long. Every other day more than likely.

*As always thank you so much for the love. I have another AU brewing, as well as some fallout stuff. So please be sure to stick around to see what's next. *

***

Three weeks go by quickly. Time always flies when you are busy. Liz has gone back to her usual snot-nose self. Basically avoiding you at all costs unless you have to swap information. Katie had also taken the same stance on things. She was much more curt and would regularly give you side eyes. It hurt. You'd always like Katie, she may not have been a friend but the cold shoulder was rough. You'd also been traveling a lot more. The nice thing was Trevor and you would share rides. If you were slated to travel south of town you'd pick him up. North and he'd pick you up. Most mornings you'd try to snooze a little on the drive. He never pushed things, not that there was anything to push. But it was still nice not to have questions about your lackluster love life. Instead, you would just talk about him and Decon. They were getting on famously and had talked about potentially moving in together. 

As for Walton, he was his usual goofy self, but there was something off. He doesn't touch you as much. No hand on your elbow, or quick cheek kisses as he leaves the trailer. He wouldn't drag his chair over to make sure he sat beside you so that he could show you something funny he found on Instagram. Instead of sitting himself a little further from everyone, he seemed to have distanced himself from most of the crew. You didn't realize how much you noticed all the little things until they were gone. You've taken to eating lunch in the makeup and hair trailer. Trevor has been hanging with Decon and the rest of the props department. As much as you enjoy the company you can't help but feel like a third wheel. So eating alone while reading a book is just easier. Plus the book took your mind off the fact that you felt a heart-sick. Even though nothing had transpired, you had been more hopeful than you had realized. 

So instead you‘re busing yourself, already lining up another show for when this one is finished, which is a huge relief. Having a show slated ahead of time can be daunting and it depends on who you vibe with more than your talent. Thankfully your name has gotten out there, untarnished by Liz and you've clicked with a few heads of departments who are happy to have you. Your year is full, you even let yourself look over apartment listings. A good half of them are way out of your price range. The other half is several cities away, and with how expensive gas is, the lower rent wouldn't matter.

You let out a sigh checking your watch. Another fifteen minutes before the trailer would be swamped with people. You briefly wonder if you could get a nap in. The last week of night shoots had worn you out. A knock on the door pushes that thought away. 

“Come on in.” You call out expecting an AD or maybe Costumes to come in.

The door opens and Walton comes in, hat and sunglasses blocking out the unusually sunny day. You felt slightly annoyed that you'd have to redo his face, and Trevor would have to unflatten his hair. Your heart speeding up pushed that out of your mind. 

“Hey, Walton.” You say, trying unsuccessfully to ignore the butterflies in your stomach along with your elevated heart rate.

“Hey, gorgeous,” He says with that wicked grin as he settles in the chair across from you. The nickname makes you straighten yourself up.

“You're a bit early. But I don't mind,” You say, reminding yourself that you need to keep your distance if you are going to make it the next few months. 

“I am actually here to ask you a question.” His hands adjust his clothing. You wonder for a moment if he is as nervous as you are. The morning from nearly a month ago playing out, the thought of him full of jittery energy as you sat with him. 

“Oh?” You ask, taking a sip from your water bottle to hide your smile.

“Would you like to come out for dinner with me?” 

You worry at your lip for a moment. The man had barely spoken to you for almost a month and now was suddenly asking you out. It really didn’t make much sense. 

“Sure, who else is going?” You ask, having convinced yourself that he must have arranged a get-together like the weekend previously. There was not a snowflake in hell chance he was asking you on a date.

He looks down at his hands fiddling with his watch and taking off his shades to look at you. “Was kind of hoping it would be just the two of us,” 

Now your face is flushed, was this happening? “Oh- umm- like a date?”

Walton's cheeks turn pink and he rubs the back of his neck. Damn, you'd missed how bashful he'd get about you. “Yeah, a date. There's a sushi place close to me that I've been wanting to go to.”

“I would love that,” the words fall out of your mouth before you even have time to think. He grinned, his whole face lighting up, making the monetary lack of judgment worth it.

“Could I pick you up at your place around seven?”

You have a smile breaking across your face. “Now here I was worried about giving some ‘random man’ my address.”

His hundred-watt smile lights you up and you are half tempted to go kiss the dang fool. “I promise to only drive by a few times.”

The door opens and Trevor is coming in. You swore the man had both the best and worst timing. 

“Hey, you.” His face changes as he sees Walton. If thought bubbles were real you were certain ‘oh shit’ would have hung over his head. “I seem to have excellent timing interrupting you both.”

“No, you're good,” Walton waves his hand at him, a small smirk still pulling at his lips. “Was just ready to get myself looking good for the next scene.”

***

Trevor has been trying unsuccessfully to get you to spill the beans. But you refuse to tell him anywhere near where people could overhear you both. You'd rather avoid any more scoldings from Liz. The last thing you wanted was for her to get even more pissed off than she already was.

The day is finally done, and you're anxious to get home and change. Trevor follows you to the parking lot chattering about his plans with Decon. You can tell it's taking everything in him not to pester you for more details. 

“So are you going to tell me? Or do I need to follow you home?” He finally gives in. Part of you doesn't want to tell him, the rumor mill could feed itself. But this was Trevor, someone who you actually liked as a friend. He wasn't going to spill the beans on you.

You sigh, unlocking your car and dropping your purse into the front seat “I am just going out for dinner.”

Trevor's face lights up, and he all but screeches, “Really!?” 

You tap his shoulder and he immediately calms down. Looking around you are relieved no one seems to have heard his excited chatter.

“Really, you're actually going out on a date with Walton?” The man is so excited he is vibrating. He may be more excited than you are.

You do your best not to laugh at him “Yes, we are, the first date. It's nothing serious, just going to eat sushi.”

Trevor's eyebrows narrowed, confusion gracing his face.“Wait. It’s your first date?”

You turn back to eyebrows scrunched, “Yeah. He's barely spoken to me until today.”

Trevor looks surprised, “Wait. Hold on. I thought you two had just taken things” He makes indistinguishable hand motions. “Outside office hours.”

“What? No. He's practically avoided me since I broke down a month ago.” You are shocked that he hadn't asked about this before. 

“Holy hell. It took him that long to get it together.” 

You groan looking at your watch. “Stop it. I have to get going. Please don't tell anyone.”

Trevor made the zipper motion over his lips. “But you better text me when you get home. I want all the details.”

You roll your eyes but nod as you finally get in the car. Knowing full well you'd have a novel worth of text to read by the end of the evening.

***

Once home you jump in the shower. Braiding your hair like Trevor had taught you, two braids on either side meeting in the middle and down the back. Mascara, eyeliner, and some tinted moisturizer go on. It’s quick and simple but does the job. Once you are mostly dry you move over to your stand-up wardrobe. You curse at the fact that eighty percent of your clothes are either black or stained.  Throwing caution to the wind you find a pair of black denim jeans and loose loose-fitting purple top. It's not like you're walking the red carpet. You wanted cute but functional. Digging around you're surprised when you find a pair of non-scuffed boots. They fit relatively well and shouldn’t give you blisters if you end up going for a walk.

A black handbag is filled with bits and bobs. Lip Chap, hair elastic, wallet, phone, a charging cable, a small container with Tylenol, mints, and ginger tablets. You also grab a black leather jacket that's light enough to carry but warm enough to protect you from the evening winds.  Years of running on fumes have taught you how to move quickly and travel lightly. Most of the time problems could be solved with what was on hand.

A few deep breaths and affirmative thoughts and you feel significantly better. It was going to be a good evening you repeated to yourself. Phone buzzing, you grab it out of your bag.

“Just downstairs.”

You quickly reply that you're ‘Coming downstairs’ 

Grabbing your keys you lock up and head out. Trying to calm your mind as you rush down the stairs. It was just a dinner date, sushi, and some chatting. Just because you haven't been on a date for almost six years doesn't mean you need to be full of anxiety. 

Being single and working in film meant you either dated folks who also worked in film or you didn't date. Unfortunately, you didn't have a bisexual bone in your body. Not to mention that most men that seemed interested were, well, slimy. So you had given up the ghost and thrown yourself at work. Now here you were walking down the hallway to get picked up by a man. Not just any man either, Walton Goggins, a man that could pull anyone and he had certainly pulled you. It felt a little surreal and frightening.

You stop at the door and try to still your mind. Then you push through and he is parked right outside. Leaning against his vehicle like he doesn't have care in the world. He's wearing a loose-fitting navy shirt, several buttons undone at the collar, with black pants, sunglasses, and a hat. Walton’s face breaks into a crooked grin when he sees you, his body unfurling as you come closer. You'd be lying if you didn't want to find out what was under that shirt.

“Well, aren't you looking good?” He says licking his lips and watching you come towards the vehicle.

You blush as you meet his shade covered eyes. “Not too bad yourself.”

He chuckles, and opens the door, “After you, m’lady” 

The drive is relatively short, being later in the evening meant that most traffic was gone. You both chat about the week, minor set annoyances, and future plans. Walton’s hand never leaves yours, his eyes occasionally glancing over at you. If he had asked you to just drive around you would have agreed. Walton parks the car in the parkade, and the two of you get out. He laces his fingers in yours as you walk down the sidewalk. 

The sushi place is tucked back off the main street in an old historical building. The sign is worn and the door hasn’t been painted in years. It was going to be good food. The server places you both in a booth in the back corner of a relatively empty space. The lights are dim and it feels cozy. You two sit beside each other and look over the menu. 

“Have you ever had Takoyak?” He asks, pointing at some deep-fried balls on the menu.  

“No, I haven’t. They are squid right?” You ask.

“Yes, they are delicious. I would recommend them, oh and okonomiyaki.” The fact that he can pronounce half of the words is impressive. 

“Do you want to share a few things?” 

“I think that is a marvelous idea.” 

The two of you order a table full of various goodies and some Saki. You share them and talk about the different foods you’ve tried. You remember vaguely the discussion you had a month ago, and he fills in on some of the more foggy details. You have no idea how long the two of you had sat there, most of the food has disappeared and you’ve found yourself thigh to thigh with the man. You lean back and hum, feeling slightly overstuffed and most definitely sleepy. 

“You worn out?” He says, his hand tracing patterns on your knee.

“Mmm, a little bit,” You lean your head against his shoulder, he’s warm and you can’t help how comfortable you feel. 

“Why don’t we get out of here?” He says quietly kissing the top of your head.

You nodded in agreement, really you’d go anywhere he’d want to go.

Outside the cool night has settled in, and you shiver slightly, tucking yourself into your jacket. Walton grabs your hand and leads you down the way. Around the corner, there is a little path that leads down to the ocean. Once there you both stumble down the sand until you find some driftwood to sit on. Looking back toward the lights of downtown. 

“The city is so beautiful at night,” He says, hands still holding yours.”All the lights reflect off the mountains and the seas. Looks like a painting.”

You wiggle yourself down the piece of wood so you’re resting against him, Watching his eyes sparkle as he looks at the light. Walton turns to you, watching your face, eyes going down to your lips before back up to your eyes. 

You take the hint and lean into him, finally, kissing him. It feels like it’s taken so long to get here, your heart is racing and you can’t help but let yourself linger. He pushes back against you, hand coming up to hold your face. It’s over so fast. He pulls back, and you just look at him. Sharp jawline covered in stubble, slanted nose, kiss redden lips, eyes watching you. 

“I want to kiss you again,” He says breathlessly, so you lean in scooting and push up against him, legs slotting between each other. You can taste the sushi and saki. If this damn man pulls away again you are going to lose your mind. But he does, you’re both breathless like two teenagers. 

“It’s been a lovely night,’ He hushes his thumbs brushing over your cheeks. “I wish I could stay out here with you all night.”

You smile at him snuggling closer. The two of you wrapped around each other watching the night sky. Large freight ships move in and out of the harbor, cars drive past, and other couples wander by. It’s peaceful in its own way, just the two of you holding hands and stealing kisses. You want to ask him to go back to his place. Wanting to make the first move, but you hold off.  Taking things slow, and steady. It was after all your first date. 

***

Chapter six

**As always thank you all so much for the love. If you'd like to be tagged for future chapters let me know! Comments, like, reblog fill the void of my writer's cold dead soul. **

[mariamariquinha]

wailing wall (Alejandro Gillick x f!reader)

A sequel to dark arrangements.

Summary: The day you touched hell.

Word count: 5.833.

Warnings: Violence, torture, death, mentions of suicidal thoughts (and practices), discussions about drug trafficking, DARK!THEMED, bad words, descriptions of torture 'rituals', physical illnesses. Angst. Like, really angst. With a considerable "happy" ending.

A/N: From the series of things that were sitting in my Google Docs.

I literally used Google Translator for the Spanish parts. Sorry for any mispelling or mistakes (I'm learning).

****

Important links you might be interested:

National Registry of Missing Persons

International Committee of the Red Cross

Diego Luna's interview with Variety about 'State of Silence'

****

You messed up. 

You should’ve known better, in fact, and that led you to mess up. 

That nickname made sense: it caught attention, it made people turn to you with a certain sense of trepidation. This also ended up becoming a basis for reputation, which, at that time, was of no use at all.

Icarus. 

“But she’s a girl, right?” 

Never a woman, just a girl. Because being a girl to them made it easier, or more enjoyable, and reduced you to a position of vulnerability. Just a girl? Is this what you have that is so valuable?

And then your uncle would show that sinister gleam in his eyes, place his rough hand on your shoulder or your back, in a falsely delicate touch, which you resisted just moving away from, and prepared himself to give the most intelligent answer he had managed to come up with in all those years, one that you heard almost like a mantra.

“It's because she doesn't have an ounce of fear of flying too close to the Sun.” 

And you flew very close that time, going against your own convictions and, damn it, your own sense of protection that made you survive all those years.

You knew why Alejandro was the first person you thought of when you found yourself most conscious. It was the pain, almost excruciating and cruel, that took you to more distant or sometimes more recent memories; you would give anything for one last stern look from him before he himself ended your agony. 

But he wasn't there. Nobody was. It was just you, a basement that bordered on isolation, the irremediable smell of blood and a pain that was slowly being healed in your ribs and chest. As soon as it happened, you could barely breathe, and you were writhing on the floor with your hands on your chest, grunting in pain as you felt the cold concrete against your face. Your head also hurt a lot.

In a rare occasion of affection, Alejandro had given you a book. It was something he particularly liked, perhaps, you couldn't be sure, but it was good in the early days, right when you got into that mess, when you just stared at any beam of light in that place with the hope that you would die soon. 

At first they wore the aspect of charity, and seemed white and slender angels who would save me; but then, all at once, there came a most deadly nausea over my spirit, and I felt every fibre in my frame thrill as if I had touched the wire of a galvanic battery, while the angel forms became meaningless spectres, with heads of flame, and I saw that from them there would be no help.

The Pit and the Pendulum. Edgar Allan Poe. 

You didn't make a lot of jokes with each other, but the next time you saw him, you chuckled and said "I didn't know you were the type to read that", even though you weren't calling him 'not very intellectual', just someone who didn't connect with that kind of thing. You were wrong, of course; the content of that story, as well as the others that made up that tiny collection, reflected how Alejandro's life and world were limited to death, shadows and hopelessness, just like his own.

That day, he moved his lips in what seemed like a return smile, and you closed your eyes in relief at still having your mind in reality to remember that.

That wasn't how it was supposed to be, however. It didn't make sense, it didn't… encouraged any agreement. He promised you. Well, you made him promise you. That it would be quick, without reservations, and that he wouldn't look back, because killing you had no use for him, and you didn't deserve more than a second look if you were so useless. He didn't verbalize it. He didn't say "sure, whatever you want" or just an "I promise"; Alejandro almost never said any safe words to you anyway, so you figured he would just do it.

You wondered if your mother felt the same way you did; if she was taken to that basement, or one that was far away from the house so you couldn't see her anymore. You even wondered if being away from you was a type of torture for her, if they used it against her as a valid promise that they would kill you if she tried something, only to then put you in the same place and slowly subject you to the torture of a slow death. 

You had been thinking about her these last few days, more than usual. It was a sign that your end was near, with dreams filled with memories of her, or with subliminal messages that you didn't understand, or the consequences of fever, hunger or neglect.

You started to miss her more. When you accepted that it was what it was, you went to sleep every day thinking about the moment you would meet her again.

Suddenly believing in the afterlife wasn't so bad.

****

“How do you feel today?”

You still hadn't been able to decipher whether Dr. Salazar was just another person who submitted or conformed. He would see you every two days, even if you were no longer sure how much time you spent there, and you were always welcomed in a very bright, sterilized and inviting place. It wasn't a hospital, nor a doctor's office – these places didn't have two armed men at the door, or the irremediable smell of the sickly air freshener that the employees used throughout the house.

He always approached you with great patience, his attentive eyes that made you cling to a sigh of care, even if it was fake. When he was announced, and when you were taken away, you could always count on a caress on your forehead, where he would wipe your skin with a damp cloth and then, perhaps breaking a small rule, give you discreet sips of water, always looking back to make sure no one was watching.

He always seemed very tired and worried.

“... Tengo tres hijas, todas jóvenes. Uno de ellos incluso se parece a ti,” I have three daughters, all young. One of them even looks like you.

Because Dr. Salazar couldn't bear the silence of your pain, so he filled the room with little laments about his life outside the walls of that place. You never responded, mostly because you didn't know if you could still speak or if you were afraid of what was going to come out of your mouth, but he kept talking, and you watched his serene face as he did so.

Three daughters. A horse farm. A medical degree in Cuba. Swiss lemonades. A desire to get to know Spain.

Sometimes, when you were particularly emotional, you felt like saying that you thought about the beach, about those desires to be under the Jamaican sun without any worries, but you both knew there was no point in that, so you just remained quiet, watching him assess your bones, skin and eyes.

“Sin sangre.” No blood.

It was your response ever since you heard him mention the diagnosis to someone you didn't know. Menstruation was one of the first things that went away during torture, along with everything else that came little by little. You concluded that he was monitoring this, so when he asked you these questions, you only answered this: no blood. 

Dr. Salazar nodded positively, wrote something down in a notebook, then began the regular inspection. You were dirty; they had denied you a bath for a while. In addition to the smell, your nails were also dark, a mixture of things you didn't want to know about, and he always inspected them as if there was something interesting in it, or if he was just waiting for the day they would disappear. You expected it too, you wanted to say. You expected so much worse. 

He would give you some new medication and then that person you didn't know would come in, listen to instructions from him, and after that, over the next few days, someone would appear where you were and do something different to you: they would change your gauze, they would adjust the bed so that you didn't feel so much pain, they would choose another place to cut or kick or punch you.

It was senseless torture because they didn't ask questions, because nobody needed to know anything about you; it was recreational. A punishment, perhaps, that your uncle enjoyed having power over.

That day, after the usual check ins, Dr. Salazar hesitated before calling the person. He looked through the notebook, then placed it on a table and came to you, pulling your unresponsive body close in a hug, with the announced justification that he was just checking your physical stability.

“Ellos vienen. ¿Dónde estamos?” They come. Where are we?

It was whispered in your ear, his arms wrapping around your spine and pressing you against him as he pretended to be putting you on your feet. You blinked a few times, your hands falling to your sides without the strength to make you react physically, and your brain took a few seconds to process what that meant.

You thought it was a final test, something they wanted to be sure of so they could decide whether to kill you or not.

With effort, you raised your left hand and squeezed the sleeve of his coat, turning your head just a little so he could hear you whisper the answer against his soft hair. 

“Caracas. Muro de las Lamentaciones.” Caracas. Wailing Wall.

****

He made a comment about your nails with an amused smile on his face, pointing to your hands with the tip of his fork before using it to spear a piece of meat on his own plate. 

You couldn't move your arms. Since that invitation, you had been forced to sit there, at that full table, staring at a beautiful piece of filet mignon with mashed potatoes and carrots (your favorite dish) without being able to taste it, feeling, among other things, your belly twisting with hunger. He had authorized a shower after a session: one of your shoulders had been dislocated, and the other was bruised, so you were cleaned up by the person you didn't know, then dressed in a clean change of clothes, and set out for a private dinner with your uncle.

He spoke, and you heard one thing or another while blinking heavily, overcome by intense physical fatigue that he just didn't care about. You didn't even look at him: you knew that if you did, you would throw up what you didn't have in your stomach to vomit. 

When he falsely noticed the lack of contact with the plate of food, he asked if you weren't hungry, and then said you had to try the steak, which they did excellently, that the mashed potatoes was the same recipe as your mother.

You looked at him when you saw him lean over to you and cut a piece of meat for you. He was smiling like never before, sadistic, taken by God knew what and visibly out of his mind, and when he held out that piece of food to you, a feeling of survival passed through you. He opened his mouth, suggested that you do the same.

Good girl, he said. Isn't it delicious?

And it was. It was divine. It was soft, well-seasoned, mild, and the only thing you ate that night.

****

He had plans, he told you over dinner. That your gringo friends were starting to bother him, so he would have to disappear for a while; just for a while, just until he found a way to get rid of them. When you returned to your 'room' that night, weak in your legs and almost carried by one of his guards, photos of Matt, Steve and Alejandro had been laid out on the mattress. You stared at it for a while, kneeling at the foot of the bed, and knowing that he would be watching you through the camera on the ceiling, you picked up Alejandro's photo and imagined the look on his face as you ripped off a piece of paper with your teeth, chewing it with ferocity, fighting your stiff shoulders for the sake of a show. 

That's what you threw up later that night, alongside that single piece of meat. 

****

It was a bang: a big bang, as if something had been knocked over by a bomb. You woke up scared, the sudden movement of sitting on the mattress making you feel pain all over your body, and in an impulse to get out of bed, you ended up falling to the floor.

You could feel the ground shake beneath your palms, hear from afar what sounded like shouts of orders, and soon after, some shots started. It was all very far away, distant, almost imperceptible, and you decided you were hallucinating. You stayed there, lying on your stomach, curled up inside yourself, listening to the noises with your eyes closed as if you could materialize them if you wanted.

The door opened abruptly. Heavy footsteps came towards you and you waited to be pulled up, or a kick, or a punch.

Someone knelt down next to you, and you opened your eyes. It was black tactical pants, military boots of the same color and the tip of a rifle. It… It looked like… 

You felt a lump in your throat, but you didn't find yourself able to say anything. He didn't need you to say it. Then you deduced that yes, it was there, at that moment, that your life would end, and that he just came back to fulfill his promise. Just a small favour, something to make you die as you wanted to. 

“I want to take you somewhere.”

And as if you were a feather, he calmly lifted you, wrapped a hand around your waist and, without complaining, dragged you with as many steps as you could take out of that room. You looked around: there was blood, bodies, a characteristic dust. The noises were no longer there, but the screams and voices continued. His grip helped you stay upright, like Dr. Salazar's, and suddenly you wanted to ask where he was, if it was time for your appointment, or time for him to talk about something new in his life.

But it wasn't. No, it wasn't. You felt the vest pressing against your right side, the smell of gunpowder, the rigidity of a solid body; Dr. Salazar smelled like a fresh bath – he was soft, cozy.

You lifted your face and stared at Alejandro's profile. He was staring ahead, passing hallways and passages, filled with flashes of light or complete darkness, and you frowned in confusion.

He stopped walking. Calmly, he turned his face towards you and with those penetrating green eyes, he accessed the full extent of your lost expression. You stared at each other for a while, until you realized that you were in the front room, at the foot of the stairs of the house, and that just a few steps away from you was the vastness of the yard, the gate and the road. Outside, you could see Matt and Steve passing from one side to the other, giving orders, holding guns as big as Alejandro's.

Someone grunted at your feet.

Someone impaled him in the shoulder. It was a generous iron bar, and it was the way it was secured that prevented the blood from expelling from the body. He shouldn't be here, right? And not like that?

You moved away from Alejandro's body and hoped that he hadn't noticed your spontaneous action of pulling the pistol from his thigh, and if he had, that he wouldn't stop you. You didn't see anything else; you didn't see if he had left your side, if he was watching.

Your uncle was hyperventilating – he didn't have much time. When he noticed you, he raised his face as best he could, moving his legs in despair, mumbling a lot of nonsense things, mentioning your mother, giggling in shock, going on and on and on-

“Sabes que solo hice lo mejor para ti y me apuñalaste por la espalda. Cariño, puedo perdonarte. Podemos-”  You know I only did what was best for you and you stabbed me in the back. Baby, I can forgive you. We can-

It was a shot.

Just one, on the forehead. 

His head got heavy and he fell back, his empty eyes looking up at the ceiling. 

Your arm hurt like hell, more than any pain you could have felt since you got there, and it fell to your side as if the gun weighed a ton. Suddenly it wasn't just something that poked your waist when you wore it on your belt; suddenly, you watched as the blood finally began to flow into his eyes, ears and head.

Your head felt heavy, dizzy. Any micro strength you gained at that moment began to fade and you swung to the side with the weapon, your eyelids almost preventing you from seeing the exit. There were shadows, then. You knew that your unconscious efforts to stay alive were no longer necessary, that the evil had passed, and that you could go. You could.

The sunlight hit you hard, it burned you, and your legs almost couldn't take it, but you needed to get out.

You saw your mother. She was wearing that beautiful, chic dress, the one she was wearing the day she disappeared, with her face made up, her hair up. You always knew she fit the aesthetic of that house, so elegant and soft, full of secrets but graceful. She was calling you, wasn't she? Was that why she was smiling at you like that?

You've already had the tip of a gun pointed at your head, but this time was different. You would only need to press the trigger, just push your finger, and then everything would be over for good, and you would finally have an inch of peace.

Your eyes closed, but you didn't hear the bang of a bullet going through your head; the ice from the gun was still there, touching your head, and nothing came out. It was a click, a small 'tick' that yielded nothing; frustrating, pathetic, ridiculous. You felt a hand grab the gun, then lower it, then take it away from you.

He said something, didn't he? Take her? Help her?

Whatever it was, you soon felt a pair of arms wrap around your back, then your legs, and you were lifted into the air, this time without brutality, as if you were finally seen as fine china and not a sack of potatoes. You couldn't hold on to Steve, but he carried you without much trouble. With your head hanging back, you saw what you were leaving in that place, and what would become of it; you smelled the gasoline, saw the door open wide and blood begin to drip onto the floor beneath your uncle; saw the pile of bodies spread across the yard.

Alejandro was standing there, Matt finishing pouring the liquid around the room where your uncle's body was. He watched you disappear, almost in slow motion, and the last thing you saw was the small flame of the lighter in his hand. 

There was a discordant hum of human voices! There was a loud blast as of many trumpets! There was a harsh grating as of a thousand thunders! The fiery walls rushed back! An outstretched arm caught my own as I fell, fainting, into the abyss. It was that of General Lasalle. The French army had entered Toledo. The Inquisition was in the hands of its enemies.

****

He noticed you before he actually saw you. It was like a feeling, like a sensitive shiver when you were around, because you were trouble, and he knew how to sense one coming. Usually he would sort it out before he could feel it again.

It was clear he never did that to you.

You always wore a lot of dresses when you were still doing what you did, maybe to create a little sense of naturalness, which was stupid, but he also didn't tell you anything because it wasn't a bad look. Yeah, well, you had done that: you had given him something to appreciate in the midst of so much chaos.

Matt never hid where you were, but he knew better than to try and look for you; they both knew that Alejandro already broke too many 'ethical protocols' for you.

Seeing you that afternoon, Alejandro began to count details of your body as he did before, and as he did in the hospital, when he paid you a single visit while you were still unconscious, because you were stubborn and certainly wouldn't go more than two days without opening your eyes. There, you had two deep, dark eyes, your dry lips, your face dry from malnutrition; the horizontal cuts were made on your forearm, but he could see that they had done things to your chest, and if he could bet, he would recognize the shock burns on your nipples. The worst part was a cut along your navel that had become infected, and later he would discover that you ended up acquiring poor bone formation in one of your thighs due to an excruciating recovery from a broken leg.

He could see the scar from your leg surgery peeking through the hem of your dress. It was a clean job, but it was still a scar, and it still seemed to clash with a lot of who you appeared to be. You went from one side to the other with a certain grace, even if with steps partially limited by your leg, and no one seemed to notice that you had marks, and everyone smiled back at you, and none of it seemed anything similar to how he found you years before.

Alejandro had been in Puerto Rico for two weeks. For two weeks, he accompanied you throughout your routine, and soon found you living in a discreet bungalow in a remote area of ​​the city, almost always in the company of a man who he discovered was called Fernando.

That night, after a day of being a very silent sidekick to your day, Alejandro saw you go to bed early: you took three different pills, treated your skin with some cream, and sat up in bed as if you were thinking or, perhaps, praying. You stayed there for a while, staring into space, until you turned your face towards the window and saw him.

The two of you stared at each other for a long time. After years, it was the first time you saw him and that he saw you face to face, and all you did was offer that tired expression, without the hint of provocation or natural cleverness that usually crossed your face. You had no fear, no joy, no resentment: you were just there, recognizing that he was there too, and that empty look was perhaps the only time that made him lie in bed thinking about you with a small churn in his stomach. 

You had become him.

****

Fernando was the one who answered the door, so you weren't surprised when he came walking into the kitchen with a sour face talking about a guy looking for you. You had been bracing yourself for this for a long time, and as you told Fernando to tell him to come in, you thought you were pretty confident that you could act normally.

And in a way, seeing Alejandro sitting at your kitchen table was… different.

He hadn't said much since he got there. He accepted the coffee you made and was sipping it, but you didn't know if he liked it, if it was to his taste at all, and Fernando kept glancing between you and him while he took a while to leave, as if he wanted to hear what the two of you would be talking about.

Eventually, you convinced him to go to work at once, that you would be fine, and that he shouldn't forget the oranges you needed for lunch. Alejandro watched the way Fernando patted your waist twice, gave him a severe look and then left through the side door; he just raised his eyebrows expressionlessly, scoffing lightly behind his back while sipping on the coffee. 

You leaned your back against the sink, crossing your arms defensively against your chest. It was just the two of you now.

“... Have you changed your mind?” 

Because it was the only first thought you could manage to spill out, even if in a low, pathetic voice, and to which he just placed the cup on your table before leaning back on his seat, still unimpressed. 

“No.” 

“No?”

“No.”

“Then why are you here?” 

He considered your face for a moment, then swiped his eyes around the room, accessing your belongings and his surroundings before tilting his head to the side. You hated yourself for still knowing what that meant. 

“Some things happened,” He excused. 

“Yeah, I know. Things like that take three years to end.” 

You didn't understand why you saw his mouth twitching, holding that smile he always hid, but you weren't attached to it. Heavens, you knew you couldn't. Of all the insistence for Matt to give you some idea of ​​where he was, of all the places you looked for him, you had the right (or the obligation) to feel offended by the fact that you still felt your heart warmed by that kind of thing he did.

Alejandro stared at you for a beat too long, those green eyes taking everything in, and suddenly you felt the need to cover yourself more, to hide. He took that in stride. 

“Who’s he?”

“A friend.”

“Like me?”

“No,” You squirmed a little. “You’re not my friend.”

“... Certainly.” 

If you felt half as witty as you did before, you'd be sending him out of your house, or at least using his mouth for anything other than treating you like an idiot, but God knew you didn't carry half of your personality from those years, and that the most you could do was to bring that offended feeling towards the fact that he was there.

You wanted to say that you missed him, that you had been missing him since you woke up in that hospital and he wasn't there; you wanted to speculate why he played with you like that, handing you a gun with a single bullet, and letting you believe that you could end it, just to watch you fail; you wanted to say that you didn't feel better, that Fernando was a good comfort, that he had no right to be there to make you realize that he was the one you felt true appreciation for. 

But you couldn't say anything because since he arrived, he only asked you two questions, and none of them were about how you were.

You turned your face to the door Fernando had come from when you heard him get up from the chair, and your eyes closed when he got close, very close, placing one of his cold hands to your neck and resting it there while he lowered his head just a little, merely brushing his lips on your forehead.

“Take me for a walk.”

****

That's what you told him the first time you met, when Matt introduced you as one of the trusted contacts he had. The two of you were outside the inn they were staying at, and you nursed a cigarette when you asked him to. Since that time, a lot of things had been weighing on your heads, but you lived on a different wavelength, so that wasn't what the two of you talked about that night.

Well, he asked why you were doing that, and at the time your uncle was merely an issue you were working on, not necessarily the epicenter of the problem in general. The two of you talked about Mexico, went over some information about the topic at the time (you talked, actually, since he didn't say much), and it was the closest you came to that feeling of delicious flirtation, the attraction starting to bubble inside you.

You had an independent spirit before; when the two of you walked, you were always a step or two in front of him, swaying your hips, having a more harmonious flow. Now, you had to unconsciously put your arm around his for support when there was a small incline in your path, because your leg was never going to do what it did before, and you didn't want to feel the shame you felt when he watched you do it. 

The two of you didn't walk much (you could go further, but you had spent the whole previous day circling around the city, so you were pretty tired) and sat on a more discreet bench near a path where you routinely walked.

“I'm still active, you know, physically,” You said, even though he didn’t ask. “I can't do cartwheels or handstands, however. There went my gymnastics dream.”

The teasing was supposed to clear the mood, and when Alejandro huffed, you felt like it worked, even if slightly. 

“You've been taking care of yourself,” He concluded, his arm slightly pressing against yours on the bench. “Has Fernando been helping you?” 

You couldn’t help but smile at that, glancing at him with a hint of amusement. 

“He’s not a threat.” 

“It depends on what threat he could be.”

Things changed, you almost pointed out as he looked at you with a calm but cold expression. You were no longer a pepper full of fire, nor a girl willing to enter into a possible contest of egos (which was definitely not the case) to find out who was the 'man' in your life. Since you stopped there, and even before that, you had been taking care of your own life, believing that you knew how to manage on your own, but nothing was the same as before, and when these ideals almost all fell to the ground, you just thought it would be prudent to count on a more qualified person to help you.

You didn’t know if Alejandro would impose that he would establish a presence in your life; you didn't even know what he was doing there, and that should be the first thing you should worry about.

“You’re tired,” He pointed out next, when all you could manage was a silent answer, and you sighed, brushing your hands on your face. 

That was the hardest part, if you could even put some level of difficulty in how things were going. You were doing well materially: you had a nice house, your body recovered well, you were basically retired if you wanted to. That was triple what many people who had been in your shoes got. Sometimes, or almost always, you spent sleepless nights dwelling on your privileges, remembering how everything for you was a matter of opportunity, how you took advantage of a system that you were supposed to help fight or just stay away from, how you pushed your luck every chance you got because you were an asshole.

You wanted to tell him that you had been thinking about finishing what you started that afternoon – that sometimes you stared at a river for a long time, or put your hand on your neck, and imagined that that wasn't where you were supposed to be, that you didn't deserve it. It felt like a gathering of many things you wanted to say but weren't saying; Alejandro should have known, he always knew.

“How is it for you?” 

He shook his head softly at that, averting his gaze to the landscape in front of you two. 

“Empty.” 

“So you don't feel anything?”

“I feel angry.” 

And you felt guilty. Dirty. Worthless. All very primal feelings, the kind that made you look at Alejandro with different eyes, or at least genuinely understand why he was who he was, or did what he did. You spent so much time playing a dangerous game that you didn't realize that death for some people was the only possible option.

“... Well, I am tired because I dream a lot, so I can’t exactly rest. I’m reckless in my sleep, I… It's been three years and I still feel like it was yesterday. I bought a bungalow so I wouldn't feel suffocated, but sometimes I can't breathe even though I'm here, in the open air.” 

It seemed like an outpouring of frustrations and regrets, but Alejandro didn't seem indifferent, because he was rarely when you got the things he wanted to hear. Although you didn't know if this was something he wanted to know, you just said it, under the excuse of it being a justification for a question he had asked.

“I also dream,” He offered. 

“With what?”

“I dream about you.”

Which wasn't at all difficult for him to say, as if it were a routine comment about life in general. You felt a little against the wall. If he dreamed of you, what would it be? Did his mind project the grotesque images that yours did, or was he more comfortable with his awareness of what he was doing all these years? Was it all deaths or all losses? With you, was your figure destroyed on or under a dirty basement floor, on a sofa or a bed in some apartment?

You opened and closed your mouth, then shrugged sheepishly. “... What about me?”

“Nothing, just you. Your face. Your voice. Your smile.” 

“It seems random.”

“I might have thought that at first, but that's not what I think now. You and I both know that you are an anomaly in my life.”

It hurted, but it was the truth, so you nodded. 

“You should have killed me when you killed my father.”

“It's been 20 years and you're still here.” 

You felt a cold breeze hit your face and you shivered; it was a psychological reaction, you knew, you were more sensitive to changes in temperature.

He didn't offer you his jacket, nor did he make any gesture of welcoming you.

In your world, him choosing not to kill you was some kind of proof of sentimentality that transcended the need for a warm hug – maybe it was the most romantic thing anyone had done for you, you couldn’t tell. 

What you could tell was that in three long and painful years, this was definitely the first time you truly felt happy.

Alejandro was back to you. 

****