#and god that devastated FACE he makes after he finally opens up to 'donna' only to realize it's not her! and how it evidently jars him

[twelvedimensional]

also the depth the interiority that idle rambly monologue of the dr's holds, the fact that his offhand thoughts just coalesce into this wonderfully stark image (the tardis, revered, the tardis, reviled, the tardis, the center of a city and then all alone again at the edge of a sea)

[meganwritesfanfics]

Fresh Bruises (Josh Lyman x Reader) Part 2

Warning this story contains mentions of Domestic Abuse 

“Can you tell me what happened Josh,” The paramedic continued. 

“We got separated. I had to talk to Leo about the crisis happening in Syria so I left her with CJ, and when I finally got a chance to head back to the two of them, CJ was by herself. She said Y/N had met a friend but it wasn’t a friend, it was Henry. He is her ex boyfriend, her abusive piece of shit ex boyfriend. And I knew he had hurt her. I just knew it, and I had promised her…” Josh was rambling badly, he felt as though he was hyperventilating. 

“Josh, you gotta breathe.” 

“You don’t understand, I promised her, I promised her I wouldn’t let him hurt her again. I failed her,” Josh broke down crying. 

The paramedic grabbed Josh’s hand pulling it forwards so that he was leaning from the seat over to Y/N. She quickly intertwined Josh’s hand with Y/N. 

“She is here Josh, you knew something was wrong and you acted quickly, we can help her because you found her.” 

Josh opened his eyes, once again staring at Y/N. He found comfort in the sound of her heart monitor slowly but surely beeping away. 

“You gotta breathe for me though ok, because we can’t help her if you pass out on us.” 

Josh nodded as he leaned down kissing Y/N’s hand. 

The whole rest of the ride in the ambulance they let Josh stay holding Y/N’s hand, the paramedic who had helped him would every once and a while check in to make sure he was still breathing. But when they got to the hospital, it was a different story, as they rushed her inside Josh tried to keep up as best he could but his legs felt heavy and it hurt for him to breath. 

“Josh, you gotta let go, you gotta let the doctors do their job.” The paramedic said. 

“No, I can’t leave her, I can’t…” He looked at her with tears in his eyes again. 

“Josh,” She said calmly, and he let go of Y/N’s hand stepping back as the doctors wheeled her away on a gurney. 

As he watched them go, he backed up so his back hit the wall then he slid down to the floor. 

“You are going to be ok Josh,” The paramedic said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “I have to get back to work.” 

“What… What is your name?” Josh said wiping his eyes. 

“Joan.” She smiled and then she turned to leave. 

Josh watched her walk away, his mouth agape. He wasn’t a religious man by any means, but he couldn’t help but think that his sister had sent this paramedic to be with him. 

“Josh,” He heard a voice call him and he turned to see Toby, CJ, and Sam burst through the doors. 

“How is she?” CJ asked as they made their way towards him. 

“They took her back, I don’t know, I don’t know…” 

Sam slid down to the floor next to Josh putting his arm around his shoulder. 

“We are here for you. As long as you need us.” He said. 

“You can't, the crisis…” 

“Leo will call us if anything develops, and Donna is gathering all the information she can, she will bring it to you shortly. But right now you just need to focus on being here for Y/N.” Toby continued as he too sat next to Josh. 

“Yeah,” Josh breathed as all the emotion hit him again and he leaned forward crying. 

By the time Donna got there they had all moved into the waiting area. 

“Oh my god Josh,” She gasped as she quickly set down the pile of paperwork she was holding in a chair and pulled him in for a long hug. 

He held onto her tightly. Donna had been with him through most of the terrible things that had happened to him. His dad, getting shot, his ptsd, and now this. 

“What did you bring me,” He smiled as he pushed away. 

“No, now Josh, you do not need to worry about this right now. I’ve taken detailed notes, I talked to Leo. We have time, nothing more has developed.” 

“Thank you Donna, but I need to work, I need to distract myself from…” He started getting choked up again. 

“Ok, yeah, I can walk you through my notes I took with Leo and then…” 

Donna proceeded to walk Josh through everything he had missed since his last conversation with Leo. 

By the time Josh had really distracted himself from the work, the doctor came in. 

Everyone bolted to their feet and Donna stood next to Josh gripping his hand tightly. 

“We have taken her back for surgery, she had severe internal hemorrhaging from the wounds. She also has a concussion and an orbital fracture. I’m sorry I don’t have more news to share, with how severe her injuries are, things are subject to change quite quickly.” 

Josh opened his mouth to ask them a question but all they came out was a cry. 

“Will she be alright?” Toby asked as if he had read Josh’s mind. 

The doctor paused for a moment and Josh reached over and grasped onto Donna’s arm tightly. 

“We won’t have any answers until after the surgery, but finding her when you did and getting her help quickly, has given her a fighting chance.” And then he left leaving Josh devastated. 

“Josh, I am sorry sorry, I should have never let her be alone with him. I knew I recognized him and I had this unsettling feeling but I…” CJ started trying her best to stay composed. Sam quickly wrapped his arm around her pulling her into him as she cried. 

Josh knew that he should say something to her, that he should tell her it wasn’t her fault. That she wasn’t the one who broke their promise, he was. It was his fault. But Josh couldn’t muster any words, instead he just stumbled his way back into a chair staring blankly at the ground. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed. But the next thing he knew Toby was calling his name. 

“Josh,” He started quiet, but he didn’t respond. “Josh,” Toby tried again but nothing. “Josh!” He said as he reached out and grasped his friend’s shoulder. Finally Josh looked up at Toby with sad eyes. “I just got a call from the secret service, they found Henry.” 

The sadness that Josh had been feeling was quickly replaced with rage as he stood up nearly knocking Toby over. 

“Where, where is he.” He snapped his hands balling up into fists. 

“Josh,” Toby said, placing his hand on his shoulder again. “He killed himself.” 

Josh didn’t say anything; he just stayed staring at Toby, his face pale. 

“Are you ok?” 

“Of course I am, why do you think this would upset me.” Josh snapped. 

“Josh,” Toby continued looking concerned. 

“Oh I’m sorry Toby, am I supposed to weep for the man who has placed Y/N in the hospital. She might die, so no I’m not upset that the bastard offed himself, because if he hadn’t I would have killed him!” 

Toby stayed silent as he looked down at the ground. 

Josh took a breath trying to calm himself down, but as he let it out it caught in his throat. 

“I… I’m sorry.” He said. “I just…” 

“Don’t worry about it, I think for the first time in your life you have a legitimate excuse for being an ass.” Toby smiled as he patted Josh on the shoulder. 

Josh cracked a small smile and as he did he looked around to see that it was only him and Toby in the room. 

“They had to go back to the White House but we are all going to take turns coming to wait with you. Donna just went down to the cafeteria to get you food.” 

“You guys don’t have to stay…” 

“The President and Leo will also be here later tonight.” 

“What,” Josh gasped tears in his eyes. 

“He wanted to be here sooner, but there is a few things that need to be finished tonight in regards to the crisis”

“He doesn’t have to…” 

“Joshua,” A voice called and both Josh and Toby turned to see Abby coming down the hallway. 

“Dr. Bartlett what are you…” 

Before he even had a chance to finish, Abby enveloped him in a giant hug. “I’m going to go talk to Y/N’s doctor and see if I can get any updates for you, alright sweetheart.” 

As she broke away she carefully placed her hand on Josh’s cheek, and he leaned into her touch. 

“Thank you.” He breathed. Then she went down the hallway as quickly as she came in her heels clicking against the tile floor. 

It wasn’t long before Donna came back with a sandwich and some chips. She handed them to Josh as they both sat back in the seats. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

“Josh, I’m not arguing with you about this, you need to eat.” Donna insisted as she shoved the food into his lap. 

“I’m going to have to head back Sam should be here in a couple hours, if you need anything or if you get any updates, call me ok.” Toby said. 

“I don’t need you guys to babysit me, I will be ok, you guys need to focus on running the White House.” He said more venom in his words than he had intended, but he wasn’t used to people talking care of him. 

Toby just nodded as he gave Donna a sympathetic look before he left.

[aseioh]

The day the earth stood still pt.2/3

Author’s Notes: Striking a deal with an Eldritch being has never been so easy

 Bela was numb.

Kneeling by the foyer of the house, she stared at the crystal remains in front of her. The whole house was in disarray, dolls once lovingly caressed now lay broken on the floor. Angie, Donna's favorite doll and pseudo-self was missing as well. Bela wanted to stand and investigate to see what had happened to cause all this devastation, but the thought of leaving Donna alone even for a second grounds her in place.

'She was alone' Bela thought, she was alone even in death. Poor Donna Beneviento the mysterious doll maker, in life and in death alone in every sense.

"It must have been hard for you, you couldn't stop him. You must have known that you couldn't stop him, only stall. Stall for a little more time" Bela talks to the crystal remains. Standing up Bela walks around the first floor of the house, she sees the fresh blood smeared on the walls.

'there must have been a chase, Angie's favorite hide and seek' shattered dolls littered the floor, sewing materials scattered on the table, books toppled from their shelf.

Bela stops by the foot of the stairs and looks at the portrait of Donna.

---

  She remembers the time Donna came to the castle for the portrait commission, how she was fidgeting on her seat as her mother sketches. Donna was nervous even with her veil on her head, the fact that someone was looking at her so intensely was making her sweat.

 "Now, now Donna no need to be nervous. It's just us girls here." Alcina tries to calm the nervous woman. "Look even Angie is calm" pointing at the doll Donna is carrying.

 "Relax love, no one will see you here. Even then it's just Cassandra and Daniela, they'd like to see you and Angie later. Daniela will definitely want to play with Angie, and Cassandra would probably ask you about crochet patterns." Bela giggles at Donna's surprised look.

 "Yes Cassandra's trying to learn crochet, when she learned that it involves stabbing things to make something she got this grin and started asking for crochet hooks" Donna giggles the sound so soft that everyone in the room can't help but smile. Alcina gives her daughter a small smile, thankful that she has managed to ease the nervous woman.

 The rest of the day went by, with Cassandra and Daniela later stopping by to chat with the woman.

---

That portrait now hangs by the staircase the most prominent thing you first see inside the house. Donna's soft smile and Angie's grin captured perfectly on canvas. Bela was so lost by the portrait that she didn't hear the door open at first. Quickly sensing that something was different around her she swarms to Donna's side ready to kill anyone that dares disturb her lover's sleep.

Standing by the door is the last person she thought she would see.

"I see you've reunited with Lady Beneviento" The Duke stands by the foyer, leaning forward with the use of a silver walking stick a suitcase by his leg. The very fact that the portly man stands in front of her unnerves Bela, that and she realizes that The Duke towers over her although not as tall as her mother.

She immediately goes on a defensive, her body shielding Donna's crystal remains.

"What are you doing here. There's nothing for you to steal" Bela sounded furious how dare this man come here and barge into Donna's home. Readying her sickle she makes a move towards The Duke.

Sensing the tense atmosphere radiating from the young woman, The Duke lifts his hand in a stopping motion. "Before you continue in this destructive way, may I suggest you listen to my proposal first" The Duke enters the house and sits at the first available seat, Bela follows the man's movement never taking her eyes off him.

"Come and sit Miss Dimitrescu, I find it easier to bargain when both parties are sitting" Bela follows the man near the table but refuses to sit. "I'll stand thank you"

"Very well, now, about my proposal. I have been a proprietor of all kinds of wondrous items, and in my life I have accumulated fantastical and often occult objects that an average man would sell his soul to obtain-" at this The Duke looks at Donna's remains then looks at Bela letting the implication of his words sink in. "Objects that can curse its owner or grant wishes that beyond your wildest dreams."

"And I would like to extend my services to you, Miss Dimitrescu" The Duke finishes. Bela was quiet as she considers the man sitting in front of her.

Was this real? can she really bring Donna back to life. But as she hopes for the miracle presented to her another thought comes into mind.

"What's the price?" at that The Duke's smile broadens. "I always knew you were a smart one, Yes, as with all things in this world there will be a price to pay. Something of equal value for starters"

“Anything” Bela says without hesitation

“Ah but I haven’t even told you what the price is. Will you still be willing to exchange once you know?” The Duke prods Bela looking for any hesitation within the woman's feature and sensing none.

"Very well, I can help you revive Lady Beneviento but the price would be steep. Both of you will have to pay for it, for your part you will have to give up half of your life to sustain her. For Lady Beneviento she would have to give up her memories of you and any lingering feelings along with it. I would guarantee that she would have a new life away from here, a new start." The Duke ends laying down the terms of his proposal.

Bela listens to every word "And your telling me that what you've just proposed is an equal exchange?"

"I did say that it's just for starters, as you are in no position to give me anything of value, I do believe that I'm the one who can determine the terms and conditions of this bargain."

Bela considers the man's word and thinks of what her mother would have done. "If I do agree with what you said" she says carefully, "What proof do you have that Donna would be safe? Why are you helping me?"

"I'm just a humble merchant, I go where I'm needed, and I can't pass up on a good business deal." The Duke said with a sharp glint in his eyes. He almost seems inhuman. "And I can assure you, I don't renege on a deal. Lady Beneviento will be taken care of."

"And what if I want second opinion from mother?" Bela questions

"I'm afraid you can't do that. This deal is between you and me. The moment you walk out that door I will be gone and you're beloved will stay dead."

Bela steels herself and walks towards Donna's remain one more time. Kneeling down and gently placing her hands on the crystalized faced, Bela thought of happier times with her beloved. "I'll make this right Donna, No matter what happens I love you. I want you to find happiness, even if I'm not in the picture."

Standing up Bela faces the merchant. "I agree to your terms, but I want your word and proof that she will be taken care of. That you will bring her outside of this damned village and away from this madness. I want your word Duke."

The portly man stands up and walks towards Bela, extending his hands and offering to seal the deal with a handshake "Well then we have a deal."

Bela accepts the proffered hand and feels herself grow weak, a few more moments and the young woman faints her last thought of was of the smile of the mysterious doll maker.

The Duke nimbly catches the young woman before she hits the floor, surprising considering his rotund body. Carefully placing Bela on the floor, he moves towards his next client "Now Lady Beneviento, I will be taking the Cadou from you and there will still be minimal scaring. Hopefully with your new identity you will forget all the pain this village has caused you." He places a white circular object near Donna's torso near her heart. Like magic the crystalized remains of Donna began to form into her old body, checking if the woman is breathing, seeing as the woman looks to be asleep.

Moving towards the door The Duke retrieves Angie from a suitcase and gently placing the doll near Donna. Satisfied with his work, he moves towards Bela, scooping up the young woman he makes his way towards his carriage. Making his way towards the castle, he spots Lady Dimitrescu at the steps of the castle foyer. The Lady has recovered enough to be able to stand and wait for the return of her daughter.

"Good evening Lady Dimitrescu, I've brought your beloved daughter back. Do not worry she's merely tired, she'll awake in no time" The Duke greets the matriarch of the castle with his usual flair. For Alcina's part she eyes the man wearily sighing "You've done something to them haven't you? I will not ask the details as I know your ways merchant. I just want to know if my daughter will be safe."

"Do not worry madam, she will be fine, as well as the newly revived Lady Beneviento."

"So she did perish, alone. My poor Donna"

"I believe she tried her best to stop Mr. Winters, but alas, the man's willpower to get his daughter back is stronger than anything. I believe you also understand that"

"I do, my daughters are everything to me" Alcina said with a hard edge and finality in her voice.

The Duke carefully opens his carriage and retrieve the sleeping woman, gently giving her over to Alcina. Alcina brings Bela closer to her embrace to ward of the cold. As The Duke makes his way towards his carriage he turns to the Lady of the castle. "I shall now return to house Beneviento to retrieve Lady Beneviento and will get her to an associate of mine that would set up her new life. after that, I do believe we have our own deal to make."

"That we do" a thought crosses over Alcina "Why help us?"

The Duke considers, this wasn't the first time he heard that question and he deals the answers in half truths "There are forces in this world that exist that even science cannot explain, the old Gods have left but few remained and continue to slumber on. Some are sympathetic to human and would grant wishes when asked. I believe that is what happened with your Mother Miranda. My associates and I keep the balance in check." the surroundings behind The Duke starts to get fuzzy and dark, static sounds seem to come from everywhere. and as soon as it starts it ends everything comes back to normal and The Duke is back to his pleasant self. "I hope that answers your question, 'til we meet again my Lady"

Alcina understands that there are some things in the world that should be left alone, this is one of these. "Yes until later then. Thank you" Alcina makes her way back inside the house, nursing Bela near her breast. Cassandra and Daniela greets them by the door, concern in their face.

"Is Bella alright, Mother?" Daniela asked

"She'll be fine my dear, we all are. When this day ends everything will be made clear and the ashes of the damned will scatter in the winds" Alcina answers cryptically as the three women make their way further inside the castle.

Inside the carriage The Duke considers the days event, chuckling to himself 'and the Day isn't even finished yet. There are many more plans to move forward and a struggling parent to help'. His thoughts came to the lovers he just helped, the bargain was just he thought. He just hoped that he had a satisfied customer.

Smiling broadly he hums a long forgotten tune, his thoughts on the sleeping woman he brought back in the castle. If his predictions are right and if Miss Dimitrescu is as smart as he thought she is, then she would be able to find the loophole that was inadvertently placed.

Donna may have lost her memories of Bela as payment, but if they were meant to be together, then Bela can simply find her again.

Better send her an address then just in case. after all he wasn't one to just put everything in one basket, a little push on the right direction should be enough.

   Now dreams run wilds, as lovers find their way        Through the nights, not a care in the world        And over there, over the twinkling of the lights        Harbor lights, say goodnight one more time 

----

Notes: Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion tomorrow!

[chocolatequeennk]

Forever Timeless, 4/23

Summary: Two months after the Dalek Crucible, the Doctor and Rose are getting used to having the biggest family on Earth. As they visit Leadworth in 1996, Victorian England, a mysterious desert planet, and Elizabethan England, those family and friends often help in unexpected ways. But no matter where they go or who they’re with, it’s always the Doctor in the TARDIS with RoseTyler–just as it should be.

Ten x Rose, Donna x Lee

Betaed by @saecookie, @rudennotgingr, @pellaaearien, and @jabber-who-key

Tagging @doctorroseprompts for Doctor/Rose content

Part 7 of Being to Timelessness

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3

Chapter Four: At Last

The Doctor looked at Lee as the TARDIS spun slowly in the Vortex. “I’ve got the coordinates all set. Are you ready to see Donna again?”

Lee nodded. “Please.”

The Doctor flipped the lever, and the time rotor moved up and down with its typical grinding, wheezing sound. Lee shook his head, amazement etched across his features. He studied the TARDIS like someone who’d heard about them all his life and couldn’t believe he was finally seeing one.

“Just n-never thought I would be inside a TARDIS,” he explained when Rose looked at him questioningly.

Rose reached out and patted the central column. “Put on a good show for him, dear.”

The TARDIS lights flashed, and they spun through time and space at a dizzying speed. The ship landed hard enough to send them all to the grating. Everyone laughed, no one harder than Lee.

The Doctor jumped up and brushed himself off. “Let’s go see what Donna and Jenny are up to,” he said, jogging up the ramp.

Rose’s phone chimed, and the Doctor had a sinking feeling he knew what the incoming message said. He waited for Rose to read it, and her sigh confirmed his fears.

“Oi, Sunshine. When we said a week, we meant an Earth week, as in seven days. You’re late.”

“Oh… this is bad.” The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. He could already feel the bleach burning his scalp.

“What’s wrong?” Lee asked.

“We landed a day later than we promised to meet Jenny and Donna,” Rose said as she typed out the text and hit send. She looked up in time to see Lee smile and shake his head. “What?”

“Just imaging Donna’s reaction.”

oOoOo

Donna was in the middle of telling Jenny exactly what she planned to say to the Doctor when her phone chimed with a text notification.

“Oh, that better be them,” she muttered as she fished it out of her purse.

Sorry we’re late, Rose said. We brought something for you.

Donna snorted. “If they think some little rinky-dink souvenir is going to make me forget they actually did strand us, they need to think again.” She picked up her bag and tossed a note on the table to cover the bill. “Come on, Jenny.”

They could see the TARDIS from the edge of the park, and Donna unconsciously picked up her pace. At the moment, she couldn’t tell if she were more eager to be home, or to give the Doctor a piece of her mind. Either way, she was glad to see the TARDIS.

When they were about ten feet away, the Doctor stuck his head out of the TARDIS. “Are you coming?” he asked.

Donna stopped and put her hand on her hip. “Oi, don’t get shirty with me, Spaceman,” she told him. “What did I tell you about not leaving us stranded in Barcelona? You’re just lucky the hotel had a vacancy so we could keep our room for another night—and lucky Jenny was positive you would only be a day or two late.”  

An amused chuckle cut off Donna’s tirade, and she whirled around to tell the innocent bystander exactly where he could put his busybody nose.

But the sight of a familiar face drew her up short. “Lee!” she gasped. Then she put her hands over her mouth, for once in her life completely speechless.

“Hello, D- D- Donna.”

The stuttering broke through her shock, and she ran to him, reaching out to touch his face, his hair, anything just to convince herself he was really there.

Her hands finally settled on his shoulders, and she clung to him just as she had in their last moments together in the Library. “Oh God, oh God. Is this real?”

“You’re real,” Lee said, holding her just as desperately. “I hoped you were real.”

“I found you. I promised I’d find you, and I did. I found you.”

Donna pulled back and cupped his face between her hands. “But… how? And where?”

“I got t- t- trapped,” he explained. “Between worlds.”

“When we activated the transmat at the Library, the Reality Bomb was in full effect,” the Doctor explained.

Donna tore her gaze away from Lee to pay attention to his explanation.

“And Lee’s transmat beam, unfortunately, got caught in the Void—the space between the universes. He was literally stuck in a crack between worlds. Somehow, the crack opened up in the bedroom of a little girl in 1996, which was where we found Lee.”

A shiver ran down Donna’s spine. “I thought you said all of that was repairing itself. Closing back up like it had never happened.”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. “Strictly speaking, it didn’t happen. Not in this timeline. Mickey and Pete and Jackie were only able to hop through because Pete’s World ran ahead of ours, and things hadn’t yet—”

“I asked about Lee, not the whole bloody universe.”

He cleared his throat. “Right. Sorry. Welllll… the crack was closing when we found Lee. But he’s here now!” he said quickly, before she could react.

Donna pulled Lee into a hug. “I can’t believe I came so close to losing you,” she whispered. His hand stroked her hair, and she had to swallow back tears. “I spent so long looking for you…”

Rose caught Jenny’s eye and gestured towards the park. Taking the Doctor’s hand, she pulled him towards the trees, trusting their daughter to follow.

oOoOo

Lee closed his eyes and rested his head on top of Donna’s. Her whispered confession eased one concern he’d had—that what they’d had in the Library had all been a lie.

Up until then, he’d felt a bit like he was on a first date, sweaty palms and all. But now… “I was sent to the Library to find out what happened. Instead I found you.”

Donna stepped back half a step and looked up at him. “What do you mean, you were sent?”

He lowered his voice and leaned in. “I’m a Time Agent,” he told her quietly.

“You mean Rose was right?” Donna exclaimed.

Lee chuckled. “Yes, she was.” He frowned. “I apparently spent 100 years in the Library’s mainframe, and I still don’t know what happened.”

Donna smiled and took his hand. “Well I can answer that,” she said. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

“We were supposed to have a quiet day in,” Donna started. “I was painting my toes, Jenny was reading, and Rose was painting. Then the Doctor came in and told us to get ready to go…”

Lee listened raptly to the tale, from the message on the psychic paper to the surprise strangers arriving in the Library to the lights suddenly going out.

He sucked in a breath when Donna repeated the Doctor’s warning. “Count the shadows.”

“Vashta Nerada,” he breathed.

Donna rolled her eyes. “Of course you’ve heard of them.” She sighed. “Am I always going to be the only one who doesn’t know things?”

Lee blinked at her. This insecurity… It hadn’t been there in the Library. But maybe the program of the computer had given her the confidence she apparently lacked. It had certainly made other changes, like making his stutter even worse than it was in reality.

Donna took a breath and continued the story. “So, one of the crew was taken. Eaten, I guess. And as soon as the Doctor knew how big of a threat it was, he wanted to send me and Jenny back to the TARDIS to be safe. He dragged us into the little shop, with the transmat pad by the door.”

Lee nodded. That was when their story began, then.

oOoOo

The Doctor wrapped his arm around Rose’s shoulder as they walked the paths in the park. They’d taken off in the opposite direction of Donna and Lee, with Jenny walking beside them, telling them all about their week long holiday.

The Doctor held Rose close as he thought about the other couple and wondered how things were going for them. He remembered how devastated Donna had been when she’d gotten back from the pocket universe in the Library computer. She’d had the life she’d always wanted, but it had been fake.

Hopefully Lee can make it real this time, Rose said, following his train of thought.

He hummed in agreement. I hope so. I just… He took a moment to soak in everything they had—each other, their bond, their daughter walking with them. Donna deserves all of this, too.

Rose stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re very sweet sometimes,” she whispered.

Her phone beeped before he could reply. Rose checked the text, but all three of them had turned back towards the TARDIS as soon as they heard the chime, guessing what the message was.

oOoOo

Rose smiled when she caught sight of the couple. They were sitting across from each other at a picnic table, holding hands.

It looks like Donna’s worries that the real Lee might not care about her didn’t come true.

The Doctor hummed. Yep. Oh, I’m glad.

Donna saw them first and she jumped up. “About time you got back here,” she snarked. “Although I shouldn’t be surprised you’re late… don’t think I’ve forgotten you were a whole day late getting here.” She gestured at the Doctor’s head. “Nice platinum blonde, I think.”

“But… you…” The Doctor gestured vaguely between Donna and Lee. “I had a good reason for being late! And aren’t you glad the TARDIS took us to Leadworth to find him?”

Donna’s teasing expression faded to happiness. “Yeah. All right, you’re off the hook this time, Spaceman. But next time…” She raised an eyebrow meaningfully.

“So, are we ready to go back to Cardiff?” Jenny asked. “I bet Gran is wondering where we are.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Mum will find something to mutter about, no matter when we arrive. But, as long as we don’t need to make any stops first…”

She looked at Donna and Lee. “You’re certainly welcome to come with us, Lee. We have a few friends who might be very interested to meet you, actually. I understand if you aren’t up for meeting a whole group of new people today, though. We could drop you and Donna off somewhere and come back after the party, if you’d rather.”

Lee shook his head. “I’ll come with you.”

“Excellent!” The Doctor, still worried about his hair, darted to the TARDIS and unlocked the door. “Come on them, what are we waiting for?”

“I was going to say that your mother-in-law’s anger at you missing the party would be punishment enough, but you’ll just natter on about how this is a time machine.” Donna pursed her lips. “And you’ll be able to get us back in time without her even knowing we were almost late. It’s almost not fair.”

“Jackie’s stubborn refusal to grasp the basics of time travel can be frustrating, but it does have its advantages,” the Doctor agreed.

oOoOo

The Doctor watched his little entourage as he and Rose flew the TARDIS back to Cardiff. Donna was watching Lee like she thought he was going to disappear again, and he had her hand clasped firmly in his own.

Jenny sat on the jump seat, watching the two of them. The Doctor tilted his head and studied his daughter. There was something… off in the way she was holding herself.

Let’s take Jenny for a trip on her own as soon as we can, he suggested to Rose.

Rose turned slightly to watch Jenny for a moment, and then she nodded.

Their landing was soft, and Rose led the way to the top of the ramp. “Time to visit family,” she told everyone. “Lee… I know you agreed to come, but  please don’t feel like you need to spend time with my mum. I love her, but she can be… a lot.”

Lee smiled reassuringly. “I’m pretty sure I’ve met people more difficult than your mum, Rose.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” the Doctor muttered under his breath.

Rose glared at him, and he smiled unrepentantly back. They both knew that the faux antagonistic vibe between him and Jackie was all for show… Well, mostly.

“All right,” he said, gesturing for them all to leave the ship. “If we don’t get out there now, she’ll be banging on the door wondering why we’re staying in this box.”

Rose opened the door and started laughing when she saw her mum halfway to them.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Jackie said. “I don’t know why you’d want to stay in that box when the party is inside.”

Rose stepped outside and moved aside so everyone else could exit the TARDIS. Jackie’s eyes lit on Lee, and Rose nodded. “Donna brought a plus one, if that’s okay.”

Jackie smiled. “Of course! Now come on, the party is nearly started.” She turned and led the way back to the front door.

A car pulled into the drive as they were walking inside, and Rose raised her eyebrows when she realised that Martha and Mickey had arrived together. The Doctor had told her about the timelines he had noticed, but she hadn’t really given it much thought.

The two groups met at the front door and entered the house together. “It’s about time you all got here,” Jack called from the living room. “I was starting…”

His voice trailed off when he caught sight of Lee. “Well hello,” he said. “Jack Harkness, and you are…”

“Not interested,” Donna said firmly. “This is Lee. Lee McAvoy. We met at the Library.”

Rose covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile at Donna’s clever wording, but to her surprise, Jack’s gaze sharpened.

“Lee McAvoy? At the Library?” he said, emphasising the article.

Donna looked back and forth between the two men. “Oh right,” she said after a minute. “Jack used to be a Time Agent, too.”

“Yeah, and I remember hearing about an agent who was lost in the whole quarantine of the Library.” He looked at the Doctor. “You know, I actually wondered about Lee here when you told us you’d been to the Library. But I assumed if you didn’t mention him that you hadn’t met.”

He looked at Donna, then at her hand clasped in Lee’s. “I guess I was asking the wrong person,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Jaaaaack,” the Doctor said, exasperated.

“You know, I’ve heard of Jack Harkness, too,” Lee interjected.

Jack leaned forward. “Oh yeah? The tales of my greatness go before me?”

Lee shook his head soberly, bur Rose noticed a glimmer in his eyes. “N-no. The tales of your…” He opened and closed his mouth a few times. “Of your nakedness.”  

The whole group burst into laughter. “He’s got you there, Captain Cheesecake,” Mickey said, pounding the man on the back.

“Why are you naked in all the stories, Mr. Jack?” a very young voice asked.

Rose bit her lip and looked down at her little brother, who had snuck into the room when no one had noticed. Oh dear, she thought, looking at the unamused expression on her mum’s face.

“Oh really?” Jackie said as she picked up Tony. “What kind of stories have you been telling my little boy, Harkness?”

She ignored Jack’s incoherent sputtering and wheeled on Pete. “And you, Mister. We’ll be talking about you taking Tony with you to work.” She swept out of the room, and everyone let out collective breath.

“I see what you mean, Rose,” Lee offered, and the tension broke into laughter.

Jenny slipped away from the group, making her way to the kitchen. Pete was pulling dishes out of the cupboards. “Can I help set the table?” she said, guessing what he was up to.

“Of course.”

They each picked up a stack of dishes and carried them into the dining room. As they laid plates around the table, Jenny felt her granddad watching her.

“Jackie tells me Donna brought a plus one tonight,” he said after a few minutes.

Jenny’s hand clenched around the knives she held. “Yeah. Lee McAvoy. They were married in a parallel universe, and we’ve been trying to find him.”

Pete nodded; he understood different universes and different lives better than anyone. “I’m glad Donna was able to find him. She’s seemed a little sad this summer.”

Jenny sighed. Donna had been sad, which made her own upset that much more selfish. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

They finished setting the table, and then Jenny followed Pete back into the kitchen. “Of course,” he said, “Lee joining your group changes the dynamics a bit, doesn’t it?”

Jenny bit her lip, then let everything she was feeling spill out. “Yeah. Mum and Dad, and Donna and Lee. And then me. Just Jenny. I’m the fifth wheel.”

She dropped onto a bench and slouched. “I don’t fit anymore.”

Pete held out a hand and pulled her to her feet. “Then you have to find a way to make yourself fit,” he said firmly. “Come on; dinner is just about ready.”

oOoOo

After supper had been cleared from the table, the Doctor clapped his hands. “All right everyone, may I have your attention!”

“Oh, we’d better listen to him, or he’ll find a way to blow up the dining room or something,” Jackie said sardonically. Everyone else laughed.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “If you’re done taking the mick—”

“Never,” Mickey said.

“Then maybe,” he continued, raising his voice a little, “you’d like to hear my new safety resolution.”

“Oh, for—” Jackie took a large gulp of her wine. “I’m going to regret this, but let’s hear it.”

“Thank you, Jackie.” Finally, everyone quieted and gave him their full attention. “All of you have travelled with us at one time or another, and most of you have had the… let’s say the misfortune of being stranded.”

Mickey nodded. “On a spaceship in eighteenth century France.”

“Quite right, Mickey Smith. And now, we’re all going our separate ways, to a certain extent. Some of us are in Cardiff,” he gestured at Pete and Jack, “Some in London,” Mickey and Martha, “And some of you might not even live in this time.” This to Lee. “And since we all seem to find trouble more easily than most, I’d like to offer… let’s call it a safety button.”

“What are you thinking, Doctor?” Martha asked. “Project Indigo was completely dismantled by UNIT when the Earth was put back where it belonged.”

Jack held up the wrist that had his vortex manipulator. “I’ve got my own safety button.”

Lee reached into his back pocket and pulled out an identical device. “Me t-t-too.”

“Where did you get that?” Donna exclaimed.

Lee pointed at himself. “T-t-t…” He paused and took a breath. “Time Agent,” he said, forcing the words out.

The Doctor interrupted before Donna insisted on a full history of where he’d been hiding his Vortex Manipulator this whole time. “Excellent, the two of you are covered then. But for the rest of you, what I’m about to suggest is the next best thing.”

The soft murmur of conversation around the table stopped and everyone looked at him. The Doctor nodded and launched into his explanation.

“The TARDIS and I have been working on a little project.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out ten thin pieces of wire. “These are homing beacons. I’ll just install these in your mobile phones under the battery. If you’re ever in trouble and need us to come get you, just press and hold 9 and it’ll activate the beacon.”  

“I hate to admit it,” Jackie said, “but that’s actually a good idea.”

Everyone around the table nodded and pulled their phones out. The Doctor rolled his eyes at Jackie, but went to work on installing the homing beacons onto all of the phones, working down the line.

The last phone on the table was a plastic toy mobile. He looked down at his young brother-in-law, staring up at him with all the seriousness a three-year-old could muster. “I wanna be able to call you too, Doctor.”

The Doctor ruffled the boy’s hair. “Absolutely, Tony Tyler.” He picked up the toy and pointed the sonic screwdriver at it, letting the sound fill the room for a few seconds before he stopped. Then he handed the toy back to Tony.

“There you go. One Tony Tyler homing beacon, ready to go.”

The nanny, who had been waiting at the doorway, came in and held her hand out. “Come on, Tony, you got to talk to the Doctor like you wanted. It’s time for your bath now.”

“Night, Doctor! Night Rosie!”

“Oh, I don’t warrant a good night,” Jackie said, but the Doctor was fairly certain she sounded less irritated than usual.

Sally, the housekeeper, brought out coffee and tea and placed them on the sidebar. Jackie smiled and thanked her, then looked at the group.

“As long as we’re all making announcements, I’ve got one of my own. You’re all invited to our place for Christmas. We’ve got plenty of room for all of you, if we pull out the couches.”

Mickey and Martha both started shaking their heads. “We can’t get that long off,” Mickey said. “We’ll be doing good to get out here for dinner and back to London before we’re expected to be at work the next day.”

“Oh, come on,” Jackie wheedled. “It won’t be the same without you.”

The Doctor got an idea, and after gaining Rose’s approval, he spoke up. “There is a way we could have a holiday house party and still get everyone to work on time the next day.”

“How’s that, boss?”

Martha got it immediately, though. “If we leave the current timeline for the week, right Doctor?”

He nodded. “We could take everyone off-world for a holiday trip. Pick you all up on the 23rd, say, and then bring you back the next morning. Not only do you get a few days’ holiday, you’ll still have Christmas Day at home to catch up on laundry or whatever.”

“I’m not spending our first Christmas together in a hotel on some strange alien planet,” Jackie protested.

“But we could rent a house,” Rose told her. “You could do all the grocery shopping and bring everything with you, and then you’d still get to host the party just like you wanted.”

Jackie pursed her lips. “You’ll help him find a house?” she pressed.

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Yeah, I’ll help him.”

Jackie looked around at everyone. “Are you all okay with this?”

Mickey nodded. “It’ll be nice to get away for more than a day,” he said. “UNIT has been working us hard for the last few months, trying to clean up the mess left by the Daleks.”

“All right then,” Jackie conceded. “We’ll go away for the holiday.” She pointed at the Doctor. “But we better not end up on the planet Zhoz.”

“I’ll have you know—”

Jackie waved him off. “Come on, everyone. Get yourself a cuppa and let’s go sit down in the living room.”

oOoOo

Rose took her cuppa and went to an over-stuffed armchair tucked slightly away from the rest of the seating arrangement. She tucked her legs up underneath herself and watched her family.

Jack and Lee were swapping stories from the Time Agency. Donna was sitting pressed against Lee’s side, and every once in a  while she’d interject with a story of her own from traveling on the TARDIS. Rose loved to see her newfound confidence—a year ago, she wouldn’t have felt like she had anything to add to a conversation like that.

A naked streak interrupted her observations. Rose jumped up when she realised the streak was her little brother, dripping wet from his bath. He shrieked with laughter as he darted through the living room.

“Oh, Lord,” Jackie muttered.

“I’ve got him, Mum,” Rose told her as she took chase.

It wasn’t hard to track the little boy. If the puddles of water hadn’t given him away, the constant giggling would have. She caught up with him just before he opened the back door to run out into the garden.

“Oh no you don’t, mister,” she said, scooping him up. “Come on, time to go to bed.”

She waved at Pete and Jenny, who were trying not to laugh. “And apologise to Dad for interrupting him and Jenny,” she instructed.

“Sorry, Daddy!” Tony shouted.

“You’re forgiven, Tiger.” Pete stood up and kissed Tony on the forehead. “Now be nice to Anna. She’s getting her exercise in today.”

The winded nanny smiled tiredly. “Thank you, Mr. Tyler.” She took Tony from Rose. “Come on, young man. It’s bed time for all streaking toddlers.”

“What’s streaking?” Tony asked as they left the room.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Rose, Pete, and Jenny burst out laughing.

When Rose reentered the living room, Jack was leaning back on the couch, a gleeful smirk on his face. “And now I’m not the only one with a naked story.”

[misskittyspuffy]

To a better future (15x20, alternative ending)

[Takes place in 15x20, alternative ending]. When Dean and Sam find out that Chuck has manipulated them once more, they decide to take control of their lives again. (Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen, Dean & Sam)

Note: Like many of us, I was truly hurt, angry and devastated after the finale, that was a huge slap in the face. I decided to wrote my own ending, the one I was sure we were getting (if the show had followed its narrative). Feedbacks are more than welcome ♥︎

Please note that English isn't my mother tongue, if you have any remark or spot mistakes, feel free to let me know! :) This is a translation of my fanfiction "À un meilleur avenir".

Ao3 link

  Their saturday nights were usually made of binge-watching sessions in the Dean-cave. Beers and pop-corn were their driving force for the evening. They usually were sitting on the couch Dean had especially set up in front of the big screen. Some other nights, they were going to the movies —which they rarely did in the past.

  But that evening, duty was going to prevail.

  An empty warehouse, deserted thirty years ago, had some strange —their kind of strange— activity in the past few weeks and the eldest Winchester had decided that it was worth to take a look at what seemed to be a ghost case. Three rash people had died at the place and some survivors had reported violent attacks.

A year ago, they had regained their free will. As it turned out, Chuck hadn’t played his last card that day, near the lake. After turning him into a human —at least, that’s what they had thought— the Winchester brothers hadn’t realized that they just had been trapped in his last scenario.

To remove a threat, you need to make believe to your enemy that he has successfully beaten you. And that’s exactly what Chuck had done. He had made them believe they had won. And had largely benefited from it.

The trap had taken the form of an illusion that had led Dean to his death and Sam to the perfect family life he had once hoped for. There had been a shift in the way Sam was feeling though —when he had gotten married, when his son was born, he had felt that something was off, but he had never succeeded to put his finger on what.

Seven years had passed after Dean’s death when one morning, while Sam was off to his daily jog, he had found Jack on his porch, waiting for him. He was looking unusually worried, which had led the Winchester to believe that something very serious had happened. Little did he know, by this time, how much his life had been about to change. The Nephilim had then explained to him that he was about to break the divergent timeline Chuck had created and in which he had locked them in. The trick was ingenious, but Jack had been more clever. He had perceived a breach while moving from one world to another —he and Amara were rebuilding the parallel dimensions Chuck had meticulously destroyed, in order to preserve the Balance of the Universe.

It had taken a while for Sam to fully accept the idea that what had been his life for so long was a lie. The illusion created by the former God had become his new reality. Getting out of it was scary and had seemed impossible at first. He had spent hours contemplating the life he had built, watching the son that was born from his marriage —born from an illusion. But looking at him playing in their living room, he had felt very real. When he had called him “dad’’, handing him over a drawing he had just made of their perfect little family, his throat had tighten. In the next few days though, he had come to terms with the fact that Jack was right, and a deep feeling of gravity was now taking over. What was about to happen was probably one of the most painful things he ever had to experience. Losing what he thought was real did feel real, but intellectually, he knew something wasn’t right. It wasn’t who he was, it wasn’t his life.

  As soon as Jack had told him about Chuck, about the fact that he still had his powers —to some extent— and had only conceded a part of them to him, including Amara, Sam had known he was telling the truth. Seven years ago in that barn, it wasn’t the ending Dean had deserved. 

  It wasn’t them back then, it wasn’t him right now. Their lives had been taken away from them.

  He had finally put his finger on what felt wrong. Jack had then mentioned a certain Eileen, and at this moment, that name hadn’t even ring a bell. Donna, Jody, Charlie, Claire… So many people that Chuck had erased from their lives. People that were once family had become strangers. Sam had finally accepted Jack’s plan to restore his life and Dean’s life the way they were before everything went wrong. The bonds the youngest Winchester had formed in that illusion were left behind, and he knew it was a wound that wasn’t going to be easy to move on from. But he knew his brother didn’t deserve to die the way he did. It had been enough for him to find the courage to move forwards with Jack’s scheme to fix their lives.

  The natural order of things was back in the space of a few minutes, thanks to Jack. He had brought Dean back on Earth, had given them back their memories and —in the process— had restored their real personalities. Sam was again the same age he was before they fought against Chuck. The fallout had been truly hard to accept, for both of the Winchesters. They had been screwed, big time. Dean had fallen on his knees, right in the middle of the Bunker, feeling more numb and devastated than ever. Only a few hours had passed for him when he was in the fake version of Heaven Chuck had created, but it had been too much already. He had received a call from Donna and Jody, who had felt the need to talk to him, after feeling like they had gone through a fever dream.

  What a f*cking asshole, the eldest Winchester had yelled, while throwing his phone away.

  He wasn’t as expressive as his brother, but Sam shared the same state of mind. He was still processing, especially considering what he had left behind, but now that everything was back the way it used to be, the seven years he had spent in that illusion of life felt like a blurry dream. They were now in control of their lives again.

  Jack and Amara had been enough to overpower Chuck —for real this time. Using his idea of a lie, they had turned him into a real human being. He had quickly gotten a chance to learn that the Universe had a really strange sense of humor, and had died a few weeks later from an unknown disease.

  One year later, on a saturday night, Dean was getting ready for his hunt. Standing in front of the Bunker’s table, he was putting away weapons in his bag, making sure that they hadn’t forgotten something that could be useful : the EMF meter, pouches of salt, guns… At some point, he frowned and rummaged at the bottom of the bag, and finally found a nunchaku.

  “What the hell?!’’ he grumbled. “Damn it, Sam!’’

  A man’s hand appeared next to his, adding a blade in the bag, which the Winchester opened a little more to give his partner a better access to it.

  “You really like this one, don’t you?’’ he said with a smile.

  Cas shrugged. “You’re the one who told me that I was going to have my favorites.’’ 

  “Right,’’ he nodded.

  The former angel was standing next to him, dressed in a leather jacket, wearing jeans and a red shirt, that completely detonated with his previous usual wardrobe. Dean was partly responsible for this new looks, he had dragged him to a few shops after Cas had came back human. 

  “You think it’ll be enough?’’ the blue eyed man asked.

  The Winchester looked up and leaned on Cas, kissing him briefly on the lips. “Looks good to me.’’ 

  A disapproving look appeared on the former angel’s face. “Dean.’’ 

  Dean raised an eyebrow. “What?’’ 

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the grenade-launcher?’’ he sighed.

  While he was speaking, Cas opened the bag again, pointing out the weapon in question.

  “So what?’’ the Winchester said with an innocent look.

  “Ghosts, Dean. We’re going to fight ghosts. The grenade-launcher’s usefulness will probably be close to nada.’’ 

  “Oh yeah, because your blade is going to have so much effect on them,’’ Dean said in return in a teasing tone.

  Looking a little bit offended, Cas squinted. If a look could kill… 

  “You being so cute when you’re mad really should be a crime,’’ Dean said with an affectionate expression on his face.

  The former angel was standing still and Dean kissed him again on the lips before grabbing his hand and leading them to the Bunker’s stairs, making him follow his steps. “Let’s go, you can still sulk in the car,’’ he said in an amused tone.

  Sam appeared in the hall, coming from the corridor. “Hey,’’ he said to the couple. An intrigued look appeared on his face. “What are you up to?’’ 

  Dean and Cas exchanged a look. 

  “Nothing big, a haunted place. You know, the usual stuff,’’ the eldest Winchester shrugged.

  Sam frowned. “You got a serious lead on that?’’ 

  “Yeah, three deaths. We’re going to take a look.’’

  “If you give me a minute, I could—’’

  “No,’’ Dean interrupted him firmly. “You and Eileen got plans for tonight. Go. Watch your dancers in tights, or whatever, we’ll take care of the dead.’’ 

  Sam rolled his eyes. “Really, Dean? That’s all you’re taking away from ballets? Dancers in tights?’’ 

  “Never saw one, but I’m fine with it,’’ he answered with a half smile.

  Cas grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, pushing them in the direction of the stairs. “Don’t pay attention to him Sam,’’ he said midly-amused, midly-exasperated. “Dean is right, we’re taking care of it. Enjoy your night,’’ he ended with a smile.

  While they were leaving, Sam realized his nunchaku was in the trash. “DEAN!!!’’ 

***

  What was supposed to be a classic hunt turned out to be more challenging that what they were expecting. A demon also occupied the Warehouse, and a second one had appeared during the fight. Cas’ blade ended up being useful. After killing one of them, he was projected on a bunch of cardboards. Dean killed the other one, and once it was over, he ran in the direction of the former angel, worried.

  “Cas, you’re okay?’’ 

  “I’m fine,’’ he answered while breathing heavily. He grabbed the hand Dean was giving him. “I didn’t expect this turn of events.’’ 

  “Yeah, two little surprises that weren’t on the program,’’ Dean said, looking down at the corpses. “You’re sure you’re okay?’’ he asked again, sliding his hand along Cas’ arm.

  Cas nodded and kissed him on the cheek, near the corner of his mouth. “Don’t worry that much for me. I can handle myself. You’re human too… and you’re still here.’’ 

  “I’ve been human a lil’ bit longer than you have,’’ Dean said. “I got my fair amount of injuries before properly kicking ass, you know. Takes time.’’ 

  “Our training helped me to improve.’’

  “Good, that’s what it was meant for,’’ he said firmly.

  Dean started remembering their first trainings and what had led them to this situation. Which reminded him how things went the year before, after they had gotten back on their reality.

  Flashback - A year ago

  After learning that Chuck had manipulated them once more, Dean had locked himself into his bedroom, on the edge of breaking everything that was in it. The person he used to be probably would have done it at this point. But Cas’ words still resonated with him. Love was the force driving his actions, he wasn’t made of hate or violence, and he wanted it to be the thing that would prevail from now on. He had every intention to honor that. 

  Once he had hugged his brother and catched up with him about the recent events, Sam had left the Bunker to meet Eileen, who he had been talking to for the past hour. They both had felt the need to see each other, considering how things had gone since the last time they had interacted, the day she disappeared. With Sam away, Dean had taken the opportunity to do what he knew his little brother would probably have dissuade him to try. He had went to see Jack, who hadn’t left the Bunker yet. The young man was quietly sitting in the library when the eldest Winchester approached him, a determined look on his face. 

  “Can you open a breach to the Empty? Do you have that power?’’ 

  “I know what you’re thinking,’’ Jack said, slowly closing the book he had in his hands. “I was expecting you to ask me that. Can I do it? Sure. But… the actual state of things with the Empty is not stable enough yet. I’m… negotiating with her.’’ 

  “I have to do it, you know I can’t let him over there,’’ he ended with a trembling voice despite himself. “I’m not asking you to bring him back for me, I know it might not be possible right now, this is something I have to do by myself. I’m just asking for a little boost.’’ 

  Jack quietly nodded. “You think you can win this? That you’ll have something to offer that the Empty will be interested in?’’ 

  “Let me handle this part,’’ the Winchester replied.

  A beat.

  “So? The breach?’’ he asked again, looking impatient. He had tried to cover it, but his voice had came out as a little supplication. 

  “Of course. It’s Cas.’’ 

  Dean’s throat tightened and he had a sudden difficulty to swallow. “Yeah… exactly. It’s Cas.’’ 

  “But if things go wrong… I don’t know if I’ll be able to step in. There is a new balance, I’m not the only one ruling on the Universe, and I have no power over the Empty. That’s why I didn’t have a chance to bring Cas back myself.’’ 

  The Winchester nodded, nothing would make him change his mind. 

  A few minutes later, the breach was open. A dark circle had taken place on the Bunker’s wall, undulating and growing second after second, the same way it had the day it came to collect Cas. Dean took an inspiration and with no hesitation, threw himself into it. 

  “Good luck,’’ Jack said once the Winchester had disappeared. 

  A smile took place at the corner of his mouth. 

  He knew everything was going to unfold the way Dean had planned it.

***

The Empty was a vast place, it really was doing justice to its name. The darkness was the only thing Dean could contemplate, with no beginning nor end in sight. He wasn’t even sure that he could actually see anything beyond fifteen or twenty feet. He was destabilized at first, didn’t know where to start, turning around and contemplating the void, trying to find any form of activity, a sign of Cas’ presence. Unsure of the direction he was supposed to take, he blindly started to walk around, and did the only logical thing he could do at this moment. He called Cas’ name. Once, twice, ten times, twenty times, fifty times —but for a moment, silence was the only answer he had gotten. He shout out his name until the Empty finally appeared right before him as Meg.

  “Cas! Cas!’’ she said in a mocking voice. “WILL YOU SHUT UP??!!!’’ 

  Dean took a few seconds to adjust to his new interlocutor, on his guards. 

  His jaw clenched. “Where is he?’’ he asked firmly. He wasn’t there to negotiate.

  “You’re here to get your sweet little angel back, that’s cute… but not enough. Your weapon will have no effect on me,’’ she said while pointing out the blade he held in his left hand.

  The Winchester looked briefly in the same direction and tighten his grip on the blade even harder. “It’s not for you.’’ 

  The Empty looked intrigued. “Really?’’ 

  “Where is he?!’’ he asked again.

  She sighed while crossing her legs, sitting on her throne. “Somewhere… between here and there… I saved him a seat at my best spot.’’ 

  A creepy smile distorted her face and she raised a knowing eyebrow in Dean’s direction. Cas’ treatment was probably one of the most painful she could inflict to someone. At this mere thought, the Winchester started to feel sick in his stomach. How long Cas had been here? How many days, months, years maybe had he been stuck in this place while him and Sam were living the scenario Chuck had planned for them? 

  The Empty hadn’t seen it coming —to be honest, Dean hadn’t either— but in the second that had followed, he had thrown himself to her and gave her a powerful punch in the face, that destabilized her for a second. She sent him away from a movement of her hand, he landed harshly on the ground. Dean got up pretty quickly, but the rage hadn’t left his face, his eyes were still dark and fixated on the Empty.

  “WHERE THE HELL IS HE??!’’ 

  “You and your angelic boyfriend are really insufferable,’’ she said furious, matching his own tone. “You wanna know where he is? He’s reliving his worst torments on loop. In which you’ve done many cameos, actually,’’ she added amused. “I’m not gonna pretend I’m not enjoying watching him suffer. Because I do.’’ 

  Dean clenched his jaw. “One last time, tell me where he is or I swear I’m g-’’ 

  “You’re gonna what? Yell at me to death?’’ she said mockingly. “You can do nothing against me.’’ 

  “Maybe. But I can get quite inventive, I’ll be the biggest pain in your ass. You like quietness? I can promise you you’ll never find peace again. I’m human, you have no power over me.’’ 

  The Empty’s face suddenly fell.

  “Tell me where he is,’’ Dean said, once more.

  She looked contemplative for a few seconds and a sigh escaped her lips. “Good luck, Dean. But remember… no matter what you do, Castiel is mine.’’ 

  With a snap of her fingers, she teleported him to Cas. Dean landed harshly on the floor of a cold room, only to find himself surrounded by four walls. There was no door, no way to escape. The place was dark and he had a hard time seeing where he was, but after adjusting his vision to the place, he discerned the presence of Cas, who was lying down, facing the floor, unconscious. He wasn’t physically hurt, but the pain on his face was very telling about the hell he was emotionally experiencing in whatever the Empty was putting him through in his nightmares. His face looked worried and scared.

  Dean kneeled next to him, hanging the blade at his belt. He turned him on his back and tried to wake him up, putting a hand on his face.

  “Cas! Hey, Cas! Wake up. I need you to wake up.’’ 

  It took a little while, but after insistance, Dean finally succeeded to bring him back to conscientiousness. Cas had a hard time keeping his eyes open.

  “Dean?’’ the angel finally said in a husky voice. He wasn’t sure if he was truly awake or if dream and reality had just got mixed up again. 

  “It’s me,’’ he said. “Hey, hey, stay with me, okay?’’ he added when he saw that Cas was falling out again. He tried to keep him in a sitting position.

  “You’re not real.’’ 

  “I am. I promise you. I’m sorry it took me so long…’’ His voice broke. He kept the angel’s face between his hands, looking deep into his eyes, trying to convince him it was really him. “I’m gonna get you out, okay?’’ 

  Cas seemed lost. “Where are we?’’ 

  “The Empty. You sacrificed your life to save me, remember?’’ 

  A beat. Cas’ eyes seemed to focus and find a semblance of consistency. “I remember.’’ His face fell. “Dean… what are you doing here?’’ he said in a worried voice.

  The Winchester was baffled. “You really thought I was going to leave you rot here?’’ His throat tightened. “You saved me, Cas. More than once. You really thought I wasn’t going to look for you?’’ 

  Cas frowned. “You might not be able to leave this place.’’ 

  “Oh believe me, I will. We will. You’re coming with me.’’ 

  The angel shaked his head. “I can’t, Dean, the deal…’’ 

  Dean stopped him. “The deal doesn’t matter anymore. I have a solution.’’ 

  He took the blade at his belt and showed it to the angel, who seemed lost in return. He didn’t understand.

  “But… you have to agree with my plan,’’ he added, nervous.

  “What do you mean?’’ 

  “The Empty can only hold angels and demons. If you’re human, she won’t have any hold on you.’’ He pointed out the flask that was attached to his necklace. “If we extract your grace, if you become human… you’ll be able to come home with me.’’ 

  Dean was anxious, he didn’t know how Cas was going to react to his proposal.

  “Do you agree with this plan?’’ Dean asked hesitant.

  The angel nodded, still feeling groggy. “Of course.’’ 

  “Awesome,’’ Dean said, relieved. “Look, I don’t know what the Empty is up to, we should hurry up, okay? You’re ready?’’ 

  As a sign of agreement, Cas extended his neck, giving free access to Dean. After a short hesitation, the Winchester cut him a little with the blade, placing the flask near the incision. The process started and only took a few seconds. The blue light, glittering, started its transfer to the container, making the angel feel suddenly weaker.

  “YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!!’’ 

  The Empty, still wearing Meg’s traits, had just appeared next to them. Furious.

  “Castiel is mine, you had no right!’’ 

  “We did actually, and we took it,’’ Dean answered in a defiant voice, while helping Cas to get up. “He’s human now, he doesn’t belong to you anymore.’’ 

  She was about to throw herself at them but the portal leading to their world appeared again on the wall of the room they were in. Dean put Cas’ arm around his neck and led them to the breach, which they quickly got aspired by. In the next second, they were on the Bunker’s floor, catching their breath. 

  “Excellent timing, kiddo,’’ Dean said to Jack while getting on his feet.

  He promptly ran to Cas’ side, helping him to stand. He was noticeably weakened, but seemed to be okay.

  “How are you holding up?’’ he asked to the former angel, his full attention on him.

  Cas leaned a little on him. “I think I’ll be fine,’’ he assured. Cas then realized who was standing next to the table. Jack. He fixated his look on him with a questioning look and the young man finally ran to his father and took him into his arms. “I missed you, Cas.’’ 

  “How long… how long was I gone?’’ he asked while they were breaking the hug.

  Dean and Jack looked at each other, uncertain. The timeline had been changed, distorted, rebuilt. What had represented a few days for Dean had been seven years for Sam. And they didn’t even know how it was for Cas. It was a difficult question to answer. 

  “We should save this for later…’’ Dean said, with a tap on his shoulder. “Let’s take care of you first.’’ 

***

  Ten days had passed and things were back to the way they used to be. Not everything was the same, of course, but their life had now found a semblance of normalcy again. Dean had rearranged everything in Cas’ bedroom, to adjust and adapt the place to his new needs. He had given him some of his clothes and they had gone shopping to complete his wardrobe. 

  Cas was feeling way better and, like he once had to do, was now adjusting to his new life as a human, rediscovering the pleasure of eating food that didn’t taste like molecules. 

  Things with Dean had slowly changed during the course of the last few days. At first, they had been all focused on his new condition, helping him to find a new balance, but now that things were pretty much coming back to what they were, the dynamic between the hunter and the former angel had slowly became awkward and a strange tension had taken place between them. Not that they were avoiding each other, far from it, but they were walking on eggshells —even Sam had noticed it. Cas was particularly cautious about the way he was acting around Dean. After his confession, which they had never talked about since he had came back, he was very attentive to not causing any discomfort.

  Little did he know about the inner battle that was currently raging in the eldest Winchester’s mind —battle he had lost many times in the past few days, actually. Hesitation, fear of doing everything wrong, of the unknown, of giving his life a new turn, of experiencing his feelings in a way he never had before… all of this was holding him back. The love thing wasn’t something Dean was comfortable with. Not because he didn’t felt it —he felt it too much actually— but he had never been good at expressing it. He was good at pretending things didn’t affect him, his nonchalance was preserving him. But Cas’ confession had changed everything, had made every single wall he had built around his heart shiver. He had been aware of his feelings for the angel for quite a while now, years even. He had slowly realized that there was nothing brotherly about the way he was feeling about him. Their relationship had always been quite unique.

  Every time he had lost him, Dean had known. The deepness of the hurt had been beyond reparable. When he had offered him that mixtape, shortly after he had almost died a few years ago, it had been his way of expressing it, even if he knew the angel wasn’t going to understand the true meaning of such a gift. He knew it was the love language that had made his parents fall in love, and in some kind of way, it had been the language he had chosen to use. 

  But he was tired of being silent. Tired of not being who he was. Of not following his heart.

  He had no reason to hide anymore. He couldn’t pretend Cas didn’t feel the same way. All his life, he had been solely focused on Sam’s happiness, because that was all what mattered. He wished for him to have the perfect life he had always wanted. Who would have guessed that one day, Dean Winchester would start thinking about his own happiness, would believe that he might actually deserve it too. Better days were coming. They were now free, a world of new possibilities was opening to them. Maybe, just maybe, he actually deserved something different than the life made of sacrifices he had always imagined for himself.

  It hadn’t taken that long for things to take a new turn. Cas had decided to come to his first hunt as a human, which had immediately activated in Dean his protective mode. The Winchester had tried to stay as chill as he could, but he had stay right beside him, not letting him out of his sight. Once they had been back from their mission, the former angel had complained about it, telling him that he did not want to be a burden for him, which had led to a grumpy answer from the hunter.

  When Dean had come to his door that night, to make sure Cas’ wound after their hunt didn’t need more care, their conversation had derailed incredibly fast.

  Cas had been shaking his head, not breaking eye contact with the Winchester. “You should stop worrying that much about me, Dean.’’ 

  A beat.

  He had then given him an earnest answer. “Can’t. Won’t.’’ 

  They had stayed silent for a moment, staring at each other from opposite sides of the room. Dean had felt his hands become sweaty, his breath racing. He had taken a new step inside the room, had closed the door behind him. He was now standing near the entrance, his eyes fixated on Cas, who was next to his bed. The silence of the room was only troubled by the sound of their respective breath, which added some kind of weight to the moment.

  “I’ll never stop worrying about you…’’ Dean said with a new intensity, tilting his head on the side.

  He had taken a new step towards the former angel, hesitant. His eyes had been fixated on the floor for a moment, before he had brought them back on him.

  “Cas…’’ 

  He had shaken his head, opened his mouth like if he was about to say something, about to speak his own truth, but no words had come. So he had decided to do the only thing he knew how to do: let his actions speak for him.

  Once he had reduced the distance between them, Cas’ heartbeat had incredibly increased. He hadn’t dare to hope. Never. But… what if? In the spare of a few seconds, he had gotten his answer. Dean’s face had come really close to his own, his green eyes never breaking the contact with his blue ones. There was so much left unsaid, but right now, he needed to show him how he felt. He had leaned closer to him, closed his eyes and their lips had finally met. Shyly at first, but when they had realized how good it felt, how it was everything they had needed, they had reinforced their embrace. There was no hesitation left. The Winchester’s hands had cupped Cas’ face, while the former angel had wrapped his arms around him. When they had first broke the kiss, their faces remaining close, a silent tear was running through Cas’ cheek.

  “I love you too, Cas,’’ Dean finally succeeded to say, like if he was reprising their conversation from weeks before. Tears were flooding his eyes and he was shaking. “We… never talked about it, since you came back. I never got a chance to thank you for… everything. Absolutely everything, Cas. Things went so fast back then. But I want you to know how much I love you. I have for years, actually. Everything you are… and I always miss you, so much. But I never thought… I never thought we could have this. And I’m sorry, so sorry, that it took me so long to say it.’’ 

  Cas’ throat had tightened. He had been physically incapable of saying anything in return. It was all he had ever wanted, but had convinced himself he would never get. He didn’t think he would deserve it. He had taken the initiative of the second kiss, which had started as tenderly as the previous one and led them to explore a physical and emotional intimacy neither of them had known before.

  From this day, every piece of the puzzle had started to fall in place. Their life had taken a new turn —but this time, it was one they had chosen.

Present day

  Dean had just parked the Impala at a gas station. Once he had turned off the motor, he had rotated his body to face Cas’, who was sitting next to him and was consulting his phone.

  “Claire and Kaia are coming by on friday,’’ he said, meeting the Winchester’s eyes.

  “It’s her birthday, isn’t it?’’ 

  Cas nodded.

  “We should get her something,’’ Dean suggested.

  “I’m gonna need your help,’’ the former angel said, a hint of panic on his face. 

  The Winchester winked at him. “Don’t worry, I got an idea of something she might like. She loves music, right?’’ 

  Cas sighed. “Yes, she… tried to make me listen to some of it, actually. It was… quite an experience.’’ 

  Dean bursted into laugher when he remembered the day he had found Cas listening to The Pretty Reckless. 

  Since the day he had become human, Cas and Claire had been more in contact than ever. They had talked on the phone and had met each other a couple of times. Claire was still living with Jody and Donna, but along with Kaia, they were now doing things their way. The young blonde was pretty invested into the hunting life, a choice Jody and Cas weren’t sure they were approving. But she wasn’t taking no for an answer and the only thing they could do was let her make her own experience. Everyone could see that Kaia had a good influence on her, though.

  “At least, we don’t have that kind of issue with Jack,’’ the Winchester said. “Well, when he comes by,’’ he then muttered to himself. 

  The former angel agreed. “I understand his questionings way better.’’ 

  “A Nephilim who became our new God and now juggles with multi-dimensions and handles existential kind of stakes… Yeah, makes sense for you,’’ Dean said with tenderness in his voice. 

  A half smile appeared on the former angel’s lips and he shrugged. “I’m a few millions years old, Dean. I mean, I was.’’ 

  “And you’re really not doing bad,’’ he added, taking his hand in his. “You’re doing a lot of good, actually.’’ Cas tightened his squeeze, intertwined their fingers.

  Adjusting to life as a human being had been a whole new challenge, Cas was still processing and learning, even though he wasn’t a stranger to this. But with the help of Dean, Sam and Eileen, he was getting more and more comfortable and used to it. A month and a half after he had returned from the Empty, he had decided to seek for a way to help and be active in this new stage of the world. He had joined social workers in a shelter and had offered his help for the place five times a week for the past months. He had gotten very invested, and Dean had joined him more than once, especially when some supernatural events had collide with the work they were doing there.

  “Offering guidance and protection to these kids seemed more appropriate than spending days in bed watching Netflix with you… even though I really enjoy Netflix,’’ he ended with humor in his voice.

  Dean raised an eyebrow, midly-offended. “What about being in bed with me?’’ 

  The former angel rolled his eyes, accentuating his grasp on the Winchester’s hand. “Like if you didn’t already know that I enjoy that part.’’ 

  An amused smile appeared on Dean’s lips, before he became serious again, looking at Cas lovingly. “We did a lot of good lately, you and I…’’ 

  They stared silently at each other for a few seconds, lost in each other’s eyes. Cas got closer and leaned into Dean to kiss him slowly. “We did.’’ 

***

  When they arrived at the Bunker, they saw that Eileen and Sam had returned from their night out. They were now comfortably sitting on one of the couches that were in the main room and were both looking at the youngest Winchester’s screen, laughing at what they were watching.

  Dean and Cas came down the stairs and walked in their direction.

  “So, how was it?’’ the eldest Winchester asked in a skeptical voice, while putting his bag on the table.

  “Amazing,’’ Sam said with an emphasis. “I know what to get you for your next birthday.’’ 

  Dean’s face fell. “Sam, if you drag me to one of your ballet things, I’ll never talk to you again, capiche?’’ 

  The youngest Winchester shrugged, side-eyeing the former angel. “Maybe Cas wants to see one.’’ 

  “Ha! Doubt it,’’ Dean said in a pretty confident voice.

  “Well…’’ Cas seemed to seriously consider the option. “Why not.’’ 

  “What?’’ Dean said incredulous, looking at his boyfriend with a look of betrayal. “Really?’’ 

  “Life is short,’’ Cas said with a shrug. “There is a lot of different forms of art, I don’t want to limit myself to only a few of them.’’ He smiled and teasingly nudged Dean, who looked disappointed.

  “You should consider it,’’ Eileen added, laughing a little. “We made pop-corn, do you want some?’’ she then signed, pointing them the bowl that was on the table. The moment she said it, she realized it had gone empty. “I’m gonna get us some more,’’ she added.

  “I’m coming with you,’’ Cas signed.

  He put his jacket on one of the chairs and while talking about his and Dean’s last hunt to the young woman, they left the room together. The eldest Winchester and the former angel had taken some sign language classes online, adding that learning to their almost daily practice, allowing the efforts to be split in two during conversations. 

  Dean watched them leave, looking contemplative for a few seconds, and then came to sit next to his brother, after grabbing one of the beers that was on the table. 

  “No bad surprises? During your hunt?’’ 

  The eldest Winchester was lost in his thoughts and he took a moment before answering. “Two demons, who came out of nowhere. But we got rid of them pretty easily. They were the ones responsible for the attacks and murders. The ghosts were harmless…’’ 

  “They’re gone too?’’ 

  “Yup, we did what we had to do.’’ 

  “Awesome, I’m gonna put the informations on the app.’’

  “Don’t worry about it, Cas did it on our way home,’’ he said while patting his brother’s leg.

  “Good. Hey, did you know that the app had now spread in Europe and Australia?’’ Sam said while showing him the screen of his computer. “Charlie took care of everything.’’ 

  Dean smiled proudly. “They would have been stupid not to do it. It’s a genius idea that you had.’’ 

  As soon as they had found their free will again, Sam had spent months thinking about what was going to be his next step. With the exception of his relationship with Eileen, which was the only thing he was pretty much confident about, the possibilities about his future, especially in terms of career, were very uncertain. The life he had in Chuck’s ending was now a fuzzy memory, but it had led him to question his ambition.

  After hesitating, he had decided to follow his gut and pursue his will to become a teacher. Law school was his past self’s dream and after years of fighting, he had realized that he wanted to pass on his knowledge and connect with other people. At the same time, he had developed an app with the help of Charlie, that was reuniting hunters in the same virtual place and allowing them to share precious informations about their hunts, the supernatural spots, informations and datas about the creatures they had fought, the places and dates of their hunts. Every case that was solved was signaled as such on the app. 

  It was a worldwide and virtual version of John Winchester’s journal, that had allowed him to unite thousands of hunters through the world and had facilitated the fight against ghosts, demons and other creatures. Sam had invested a lot of time in the making of the app, which was now the biggest database that ever existed on the subject. Rowena, as the Queen of Hell, had a better control over the demons than it was the case by the past, but many of them were still off her authority.

  Watching his little brother be so invested in his new missions had made Dean very proud.

  “You’re doing great, Sammy,’’ he said while looking at his brother. “The way you handled this whole thing… you made a difference.’’ 

  He raised his beer in Sam’s direction.

 “I don’t know if you realize it, but you’re not doing so bad either,’’ Sam said after a few seconds of silence.

  Dean shrugged. “Doing my best.’’

  “The bar is practically yours, Dean. There’s only some paperwork left, it’s a done deal.’’ 

  For the past month, the eldest Winchester had started to see his dream of possessing his own bar slowing become a reality. They had found it during one of their hunts in Lebanon, with Cas, Sam and Eileen. It was well located but the place had been haunted for years and the previous owners had much trouble selling it. In exchange for the Team Free Will’s services, they had offered to sell it to Dean at a very interesting price.

  “I guess,’’ Dean said with a proud little smile 

  “And Cas…’’ Sam added gently. “You seem to be doing great together. After all these years… you deserve it.’’ He tried not to push too much, knowing how bashful his big brother could get on this kind of topics.

  Dean was looking at his hands, but his face had clearly brightened up. He nodded. “From day one, he changed everything for me.’’ 

  Sam smiled. “Who would have believed it.’’ 

  “All those years ago, I wouldn’t have seen us coming this far.’’ 

  “Clearly, me neither…’’ 

  The youngest Winchester was hesitant for a second, looking nervously in the direction of the framing of the door Eileen and Cas had went through.

  “You know… I’m gonna propose to her,’’ he finally said.

  Dean’s eyes went wide open, even though he wasn’t exactly surprised, knowing his brother.

  “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now… I’m confident that what we have is what I’ve been looking for my whole life. Everything just… clicks, when I’m with her. I didn’t think it would happen again, after Jess.’’ 

  Dean bowed his head for a second, smiling. 

  “You’re… you’re not going to cry, right?’’ 

  “What?! Me? NO!’’ Dean replied in a defensive voice. He took a new sip on his beer, trying to hold it together. “I’m just very happy for you, Sammy.’’ 

  He took his little brother in his arms, gently patting him on the back.

  “Are you scared?’’ he asked once they ended the hug.

  The youngest Winchester sighed. “A little… I mean, I’m not really afraid that she would say no, even if this is a possibility, of course. But, I trust what we have and I know she’s sharing my dream of building our own family.’’ 

  Dean looked confused. “What scares you then?’’

  “Well… the last time I thought about marriage, it was with Jessica… and I lost her. In the worst possible way.’’ 

  “Our lives went pretty well since the day we defeated Chuck.’’ 

  “I know, but… a part of me is still afraid that everything is going to be taken away from me, you know? We lost so much since our childhood, I’m just… not yet used to things being so simple. I don’t know if that makes sense?’’ he said, looking at his brother.

  Dean slowly nodded, with an understanding look. “It does. I woke up more than once in the middle of the night just to make sure Cas was still lying down next to me…’’ 

  “We had our share of traumas and losses…’’ Sam sighed, taking the beer he had left on the floor. “To a better future,’’ he finally said, raising his bottle for a toast.

  “To a better future.’’ 

THE END

[sunnygang]

analysing the sep 24 wigfrid animated short (don’t starve)

I am rewatching some Don’t Starve animations and catching up on some i hadn’t seen yet. I am watching the Wigfrid animation tonight for the first time (the sep 24 one). I am a few months late, whoops!

I will be putting this analysis under a cut, since I will be pairing a lot of screen caps from the short itself! Also this turned out WAY longer than I originally intended it to. There’s a tw for incest mention in one paragraph (about a stage play that is relevant, NOT about Wigfrid) and I put the warning surrounded in asterisks and bolded before the paragraph referenced!

The short opens with a shot from what is safe to assume is her front hallway. Wigfrid is an actress and she appears to live alone in a nice home.

The walls are of course covered in her various photographs and stage play memoriam. Over the mantle on the left the framed poster reads  Die Walküre (The Valkyrie). Keep this in mind as this is Wigfrid’s best role. Also peep that nice chaise lounge she’s sitting on!

Some national culture, we get to see the newspaper she is reading. This paper is The Kronicle. The real life Chronicle newspaper, upon searching it, returned a good number of results. I am going to say that this particular article is the Ohio Chronicle (founded by the Lorain Printing and Publishing Co which was founded in 1829, the paper itself may or may not have been founded that same year), and I will get into why later.

The front page features the Tragedy in San Francisco. The tragedy of Maxwell and Charlie! The article header specifically reading “Tragedy in San Francisco! Many Still Missing After Devastating Earthquake!” This is around the same date, it has to be within a matter of days for this short to take place from the date of the Charlie and Maxwell disappearance in San Francisco. We don’t get to see Wigfrid reading this article, however. This is merely set there for the viewer’s sake. This is helping form our timeline of when these events all occurred. Many still missing. That means the search continues. This article could have been published a few days after the mentioned earthquake or a week even. Still, it gives us somewhat of a timeline to reference. The earthquake and the events of this Wigfrid short happened in relatively short time from one another.

This newspaper article header reads “Is It Curtains for This Prima Donna? Former Rising Star Seems Unable to Recapture The Magic of Her Precious Role”

Wigfrid isn’t shown reading the front article because she is focused on the news centered around herself. She’s called a prima donna here in this headline. Being called a Prima Donna can mean a number of things. It can mean a principle female singer in an opera or concert organization OR someone who is vain/undisciplined and finds it difficult to work as a team. She doesn’t have any quotes in DST that would indicate Wigfrid doesn’t work well with others. She mostly greets the other players warmly and hopes for good blessings from Yggdrasil, etc.

I think the journalists who wrote the article were looking to have this kind of double idea happening. The term Prima Donna comes directly from Italian for the types of female leads to the definitive aspect of the term. However around the same time (19th cent) it came to mean the second definition as well. Those writing the article likely wrote it with both aspects in mind. This gives Wigfrid her personal reason for wanting to ask Maxwell for help in some way. This is her drive. She is obviously a talented lead opera lady given the decorations and extravagant nature of her home. But this article says she is unable to recapture the magic of her previous role. The role in question looks to be very different from the Wigfrid Valkyrie we know. Her best role may be her Valkyrie role and maybe when she’s trying to branch into something else it isn’t working. And the critics and journalists think it isn’t good for her. She was a powerful Valkyrie, but not whatever this role happened to be.

We get to see her finishing reading the article (or maybe this short interrupts her just barely skimming it) and angrily crumple and toss the paper to the floor. She turns her nose up at it and dramatically walks to a bookshelf in the room and pulls out this record:

Die Walküre. This is the recorded orchestral arrangement for the stage play Die Walküre. In the bottom right of the record sleeve is the names of who I believe to be the composers for the recorded version of the orchestral arrangement. Vincenzo De Vera and Emmental Halle. Wigfrid’’s. Best. Role. The role with such “magic” that she has been since “unable to recapture.”

**incest mention in this next paragraph in the contexts of norse mythology and the real life stage play of The Valkyrie, not Wigfrid herself**

Interestingly enough, Die Walküre is a very real stage play. It is based on Norse Mythology about two twins who are separated in childhood and then eventually meet and fall in love (yikes!). This union angers the gods and they demand Siegmund die. Sieglinde and their unborn child are saved by the defiant actions of Wotan’s daughter, The Valkyrie. Valkyrie Brunnehilde faces the god’s retribution as a result of her actions.

More Valkyrie content hidden away in her shelves. She adored her role as The Valkyrie. Her house is, as we have seen, filled with memoriam from that stage play.

She plays the record and walks over to her wall and looks at her poster of herself as the Valkyrie. The newspaper clipping on the left reads “Audiences Left Spellbound by Soprano’s Powerful Performance.” Wigfrid is a GREAT performer and she is a soprano! She even has a little statue/sculpture of herself as The Valkyrie.

Here’s where I am going to go a little more into the Prima Donna bit. Wigfrid was the lead female for Die Walküre so she is a Prima Donna in that sense. however, she is also vain. She has surrounded herself with HERSELF. All over the walls in her home. Posters and pictures and photographs and SCULPTURES? You Prima Donna girl you, Wigfrid!

Her ceiling is even intricately decorated with scenes from Die Walküre.

And then we get here. We enter Wigfrid’s fantasy about performing as The Valkyrie who has to face a challenge. This challenge being a dragon that forms from this stack of newspaper pages. More entertainment pages that discuss Wigfrid’s stardom reaching an end.

Wigfrid’s real name is scratched out. So we know for certain that Wigfrid is NOT her real name. We can still call her real name whatever we please until we get more solid evidence surrounding her name. Wigfrid is probably Die Valküre’s name in the stage play that Wigfrid acted in. In The Constant it’s safe to assume that the character she takes on in the world happens to be this character, Wigfrid. At this point it raises some question as to whether or not Wigfrid is treating The Constant like a stage. Where she gets to really perform the role of The Valkyrie.

Back to the newspaper taking the form of a dragon, though. The papers are her enemy. The journalists writing about her in such awful ways literally conjure up as her enemy, a dragon, to vanquish. This reveals how she feels about the way others speak about her. Especially when they are critiquing her so harshly with claiming she is a fading star unable to capture her magic.

Wigfrid is thrust into the air by the dragon and she seems lost for a moment before she regains her composure and strikes down the dragon. These are the feelings she is expressing through her singing accompaniment with the arrangement playing on her record player. And Maxwell notices this.

Maxwell appears before Wigfrid through the newspaper. This intrigues me because we know that Them (the Shadow Creatures of the Constant) are capable of reaching into the real world from pages. Thinking back to Maxwell’s Codex Umbra where he first discovered Them and became Maxwell instead of William. Maxwell (or probably rather, They) reaches through these pages to communicate with Wigfrid and have her make a deal. The deal to regain her former glory.

Whisked away with this Shadow Maxwell form by the Shadows from the pages. And with that Wigfrid joins the missing group, taken to The Constant.

And then theres these shots in succession:

All that mail piled up. How long has it been since Wigfrid has disappeared. I think we can assume that some of the mail in her box might be fan mail. SHe has packages on her front step (in front of double doors for her entrance wowie!). I spy at least three packages there piled up with all the assorted mail she otherwise has accumulated while missing. I also spy at least four newspapers. It’s hard to say whether these newspapers are Morning Dailies, Afternoon Dailies, or Weeklies. And then we get the final, fifth newspaper copy tossed on top of the stack that labels Wigfrid as someone who is also now missing. This is an important newspaper because this paper is a DAILY newspaper.

The Kourier paper is likely a mirror to the IRL newspaper in Findlay, Ohio. This paper puts out a copy DAILY. I am going to assume that the first newspaper we see Wigfrid read is a weekly newspaper. It covers more national events such as the San Francisco tragedy. This final newspaper is a daily newspaper. This helps the timeline. Wigfrid has likely been missing for only five days at this point. At most it could have been a week, pushing it to of course seven days. Maybe one of the other papers in the could be another Kronicle copy, which I am deeming the weekly style paper. In my hunt for information about the IRL version of this paper in our real Ohio, I struggled to find specifics online whether this paper published weekly or daily. I do know for certain that tthe IRL Courier is put into circulation daily.

OKAY! Next I want to discuss the colors used in this short. Ignoring the fully colored bit in the center while Wigfrid fantasizes about performing for a moment.

In the beginning of the short we have warm colors. These colors can both reflect Wigfrid’s mood and also the time of day. Wigfrid is angry about the way she is being talked about in the newspaper articles. She is silhouetted by orange-red. It could also be the evening. Adding a little to what I stated just a bove about the newspapers, I think The Kronicle is a paper that is delivered in the afternoon. I personally deem this accurate because in this scene Wigfrid of course is just now reading this article (or rather just barely skimming it over for the first time). Judging by her reaction which I’ve detailed above. She isn’t reading it over again and having an already bummed reaction, One of her eyebrows is raised while she looks over the article before throwing it down. Thus, it was her first moment seeing the article along with us.

We see her anger melting into a kind of sadness, or forlorn feelings even when she first puts on her record. She is still angry of course, but she’s feeling a lot of emotions, as we do, at this point in time.

At the end of the short we have cold colors. At this point, Wigfrid has gone through her fantasy of performing The Valkyrie. She is feeling solemn about it all now though. What if the papers are true? What if I am losing my magic for my roles? I think it’s also into the night or even possibly into the morning. It’s either the shine of the moon coming in from the windows, or early morning blue hours peeking in. I don’t want to say that she spent the whole night fantasizing and performing for herself (The Valkyrie is not an 8 hour performance). BUT. When we get to see the scene where the last newspaper is delivered to her doorstep, it is again in the blue lighting. The Kourier newspaper delivered onto her stack of mail. The Kourier is a morning delivery vs The Kronicle being an afternoon delivery.

ALSO. Remember my post about Winona? WELL she was ALSO located in Ohio pre being dragged into The Constant. So far we have two characters safely concretely placed IN Ohio at the time of their disappearance. Obviously, The Shadow Creatures do not discriminate since Wes was likely trapped way back during the train derailment with William, and of course Charlie and Maxwell/William himself were taken from San Francisco.

Okay. That’s all I have time for this time around of over analyzing don’t starve content. I am glad I got into the imagery and symbolism this time around. I also went WAY in depth in this one. I plan on going in way depth on the other animated character shorts, so stay tuned!

[imjustalonesomewriter]

I’m Just A Pet Rock

I wrote something based on this tweet. Enjoy!

“Look at this rock, mom!” a girl yelled. I had been watching her, playing with her dolls next to her big brick house, until she wandered over to me, “It’s going to be my pet.” Next thing I knew, I was lifted up and took indoors. The house was well furnished for the time period. The girl sat down on the large velvet couch, across from the large brick fireplace, and pulled out her pencils. She drew two eyes, and a small, crooked mouth on my surface, and her name on my bottom.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Jameson,” the girl grinned, “My name’s Betty.”

And from that day on, Betty and I would be best friends. At least, I thought we would be. Within a month, Betty had forgotten about me. I was set on the top of the fireplace, next to a few pictures and under the mirror, to sit and collect dust.

Betty soon grew into a young woman. No longer was she the girl who had found and named me, but she was a gorgeous, head-strong lady. Her choice in dresses was interesting, but according to all the magazines on the table below me, it was the newest “fad” to have short hair and short skirts.

One day, Betty brought home a boy. Not just any boy, but a rich boy. Her father was pleased. Two months later, Betty and Joseph were married, and they moved in to Betty’s childhood bedroom.

“What is this?” Joseph said one day, picking me up, “What is a rock doing on the mantle?” “Mother liked it,” Betty replied, on the same sofa she had played with me on. My mother liked it. Those words stung like a wasp. I thought Betty liked me, not her mother. Her mother hardly touched me, besides to remove the occasional layer of dust off.

Nothing of importance happened for another five years, except Betty giving birth to a little boy named James. I like to think she named him after me. Later in the decade, the stock market crashed. Joseph lost most of his money when his bank closed and father was no different. We were forced to sell some of their furniture, including the mirror and sofa, and replace them with other, cheaper items.

The decade was hard, but daily life seemed to go on. James grew up into an outgoing, energetic young man and as soon as he graduated highschool, he enlisted in the army. Betty was devastated, but Joseph was proud.

“My son’s fighting for our country!” He would boast, “He’s a true patriot.” James eventually returned from war with a missing toe and a limp. He became a lawyer, married, and bought this home from Betty and Richard. The house undertook a massive renovation. The bit of kitchen counters visible from the fireplace were now sky blue with metal. The living room was totally re-furnished, too. The cheap couch was replaced with a long, yellow one, and bookshelves were placed on either side of the fireplace, and a new TV was placed in front of the shelves.

James and Valerie had three kids: Theodore, Annie, and Genevieve, but I liked to call Genevieve “Diamond,” because of her light blue eyes.

Slowly but surely, the kids grew up like everyone else. Theo went to Harvard, Annie opened a bakery, but Diamond stayed at home, unsure of what she wanted to do. “What is this, again?” Diamond asked, tossing me up and down.

“Be careful with that, honey,” James replied, pointing his cane at a photo of Betty on the wall, “It was your grandmother’s pet rock as a child.”

“Can I have it?”  “Sure.” Diamond set me in her pocket and went upstairs, to her bedroom. It was well decorated and had plenty of pictures on the walls. One of them was of a man with greasy hair and another was a picture of Diamond, Theo, and Annie. Diamond placed me on top of the desk in the corner of her room.

For months, Diamond would sit at her desk, write on some paper, then type on a typewriter. Sometimes she would talk to herself, saying things such as, “God, I’m such an idiot!” or “Finally, chapter sixteen!”

One day, Diamond came in with a book in her hands and faced the wall.

“So, I know you guys aren’t alive, and can’t talk, but...” Diamond held up the book in her hands and squealed, “I wrote a play!”

The next decade was a blur. Diamond didn’t married, but devoted herself to writing and her plays. Sometimes she would act out parts in front of the desk, so I could get a glimpse into her plays.

“Do I look OK?” Diamond asked, reading off of her script. Quickly, she jumped to the other side of the room, “You look absolutely terrible,” jumping to the other side once again, she sighed, “Thanks.”

Diamond did eventually take me back to the fireplace, back to the view I was so used to. Nothing had changed, except for the couch. It was leather.

One day, in May of 1971 (according to the calendar), she brought home a baby named Donna. Diamond didn’t marry until after Donna’s birth, to a man named Daniel. He was an actor in one of Diamond’s plays. My best guess is that they must have fallen in love on set.

“Nice rock, Gen,” Daniel chuckled, “Did your kid make it?” “She isn’t ‘my kid.’ Her name is Donna,” Diamond replied, “And, no, it was my grandma’s.” One day, Daniel started packing the things he had brought into the house, and about a week later, he never came back. 

Diamond or Donna seemed happier without him. Donna was only a young teen, maybe fifteen, but according to her and Diamond’s conversations, was doing “college level work.”

Donna didn’t take me to college. She didn’t take Diamond either, so we were left alone. Diamond worked on her plays, and I watched as she performed them in front of the mirror above the fireplace.

Diamond died suddenly, right after Donna graduated. Donna moved back into the house one day and started packing things up. Most of the pictures on the walls were put in boxes, the TV was thrown out, and Diamond’s pile of papers were moved into the basement.

“Who are you?” Donna said, flipping me over. She examined Betty’s name on my bottom before turning me back over, “Huh. Guess I’ll put you near the heirlooms.”

So she did. Donna set me next to some photos of Joseph and Betty on the top shelf. She never did check on me again, except to show some relatives the photographs. 

Occasionally two little children will come downstairs and look at the items around me, plus another woman who Donna calls “dear” or “honey.” 

But for now, I’m forgotten. 

After all, I’m just a pet rock.

[lastbluetardis]

One Life, Together

This fic had been on my computer for God knows how long, but I found it and got inspired to finish it, and so voila! Enjoy :)

Tagging @doctorroseprompts because it’s Doctor x Rose.

Tentoo x Rose, ~4900 words, Teen

Summary: After making their way to a little seaside inn, the Doctor and Rose slowly begin to clear the air and find their way back to the easy relationship they’d had before universes separated them.

AO3

“I’ve only got one life, Rose Tyler.” Oh, how he’d missed saying her name. Missed the way the syllables felt on his tongue, and the way his hearts no longer squeezed in agony from missing her. Well. Heart, singular, he supposed. It squeezed in nervousness now as he forced himself to look into her eyes; he was more vulnerable than he’d ever been before. “I could spend it with you. If you want?”

He wanted to fall to his knees and beg her to accept him, to want him, to want to spend their forever together. But it was her choice. It would always be her choice.

“You-you’ll grow old at the same time as me?”

Her voice was soft. Incredulous. As though she couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. And he couldn’t blame her—he could barely believe what he was saying. Just a few hours ago, he’d been firmly in one body, overjoyed at the prospect of having Rose back, even while a piece of him lamented that he would get her back just to lose her again in a few decades.

“Together,” he answered, unable to help the smile at the idea of growing old—him! Growing old!—with Rose.

She shook her head in disbelief, and he was horrified to see tears welling in her eyes. She was about to refuse him. About to tell him thanks, but no thanks. She was stepping up to him now, surely to say goodbye.

But no. Her hand trembled as she reached out and set it overtop his chest, where his singular heart was trying its best to hammer its way out of his ribs.

The warmth of her small hand bled through the fabric of his suit and sent a wave of calmness over him, as her touch always did. He swayed on his feet.

The TARDIS groaned from behind Rose, and she gasped a little and dropped her hand. He wanted to snap at his stupid ship… Only to remember it wasn’t his ship anymore. A new ache lodged itself into his chest, sharpening when the sound of the TARDIS pulled Rose’s attention away from him. She turned.

“We’ve got to go,” the other Doctor said tightly. “This reality is sealing itself off…forever.”

That word hung in their air, ringing between them with heavy finality.

The other Doctor turned away from Rose, and the Doctor could hardly believe it. How could he turn his back on the woman he—they—loved so deeply and completely? Didn’t she deserve more than that? Didn’t she deserve to make her own decision?

“But… it’s still not right,” Rose argued, her voice thin as she jogged after the retreating Doctor and Donna. Thankfully, they turned back ‘round to face her. “Because… the Doctor’s… still you.”

“And I’m him,” he answered.

Rose looked lost. She sounded lost, and the Doctor wanted nothing more than to go to her and pull her into his arms. He was about to step towards her when she called them both forward. He saw the reluctance on the other Doctor’s face, and he realized that was panic in the other’s eyes. He’d wanted to make a clean break of it not for Rose’s sake, but for his own.

“All right, both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?” The Doctor ached with the memory Rose was dragging up. He’d locked it down for so long, never daring to look at it, lest his hearts—er, heart—shatter irreparably. “Go on, say it.”

“I said, ‘Rose Tyler’,” the other Doctor answered, making it clear he wouldn’t say anything more.

But of course Rose wouldn’t let him get away with that. “And how was that sentence going to end?”

I love you I love you I love you! he wanted to scream. But Rose wasn’t looking at him.

“Does it need saying?”

His hearts—dammit, heart—broke for Rose. He watched the incredulity and devastation on her face, before she forced it away and turned to finally look at him.

“And you, Doctor?” she asked, wary.

He was hyper-aware of the other Doctor, how he was staring at him with an intensity that crossed into jealousy and bitterness. He began moving towards Rose as she said, “What was the end of that sentence?”

He touched her arm, anchoring himself because his knees were suddenly wobbly. His heart was racing so fast he could barely catch his breath. He leaned in until his lips were at her ear. The wind whirled her scent all around him, making him feel like he was finally, finally home.

“I’ll love you even after our forever ends,” he murmured, his voice breaking.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, begging her to believe him, to choose him, to stay. Her eyes scanned his face, but he wasn’t sure what she was looking for. He was about to reaffirm his eternal love for her when she reached out and grabbed his lapels, using her grip to pull him down as she lifted up onto the balls of her feet.

Their lips crashed together, and he could hardly believe it. Oh, he’d missed his. He’d missed her, and he never wanted to let her go again.

At that thought, he realized his arms were dangling uselessly at his sides, and so he lifted them to wrap around her waist, hauling her closer. She responded by sliding her hands to grasp at his shoulders, and gods above, she was actually pulling him in. She was actually holding him.

His mouth moved hungrily now, desperate to taste every inch of her he’d been deprived of these last few years.

Her arms let go of him, and he let out an undignified whimper, unable to bear parting from her. She smiled against his mouth, then angled her head to the side to keep them in the kiss as her arms gripped his biceps once more.

Irrefutably, this had to be one of the best snogs of his life.

Until she yanked herself away.

His ears were whooshing as he forced open his eyes to see what was wrong, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring off into the distance, and he turned his head to see what caught her attention. He looked in time to watch the TARDIS fade from view, from the universe, forever. Well that explained the whooshing noise.

His stomach bottomed out. Then his heart followed it when Rose ripped herself out of his arms completely to run towards the spot the TARDIS had been.

That wanker! He didn’t even say goodbye. Or let Rose say goodbye.

The Doctor licked his lips, which still tasted of Rose, and straightened. His heart was breaking, and he was certain Rose’s was too. He tentatively stepped towards her, where she was frozen to the spot and looking at the damp sand as if she couldn’t believe she’d been left behind.

He slipped his fingers between hers and was reassured when she gave his hand a squeeze, then began to massage his thumb with hers. She looked over at him, her face tense.

“Doctor?” she asked after a beat, and he hated the tremor of uncertainty in her voice.

But he forced his hurt not to show, and he relaxed his face into a small smile before he whispered, “Hello.”

Her face pinched off as more tears made an appearance, and he used their joined hands to tug her in for a hug.

“Oh, Rose.” He dropped her hand to wrap both arms around her and crush her to his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Breathe, love. Breathe.”

“He left me,” she whimpered into his shirt.

“I know.”

“I just left me!”

The Doctor tightened his arms around her, not sure what he could say to soothe her breaking heart. If there even was anything he could say.

“Did you know?” she asked, her voice suddenly angry. “Did you know he would do this?”

She pulled away to glare at him. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks were damp with tears, but she looked murderous. He flinched away from her gaze, a ready lie on his tongue, but he caught himself before the denial could come out. Instead, he breathed out a sigh and hoped Rose would forgive him (and eventually maybe the other Doctor, too).

“I suspected,” he admitted. Because it’s what I would’ve done if he were me and I were him.

“And you didn’t say,” she accused. “You tricked me! You both tricked me!”

“That’s not fair,” he said quietly as pain and panic lanced through his chest.

“Don’t you dare talk to me about what’s fair,” Rose hissed.

“Well, would you prefer to be on the TARDIS?” he snapped, his temper rising in response to hers. “Would you feel better if I was the one left behind? ‘Course you would, because you don’t even think of me as the Doctor, do you?”

“Now you’re not bein’ fair! Of course you’re the Doctor!”

“Am I really, though?”

“Same memories, same thoughts, same everything,” she parroted back to him. “S’what you said, innit? Unless you were lying to me.”

Her anger was soon replaced by fear, and the Doctor sighed and rubbed a finger into his eyes. “I wasn’t lying. Sorry. I’m the Doctor. Really. Your Doctor.”

Rose huffed out a breath, the fight seeming to go out of her, and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “This is all so… fucked up,” she mumbled. Then she glared at him. “Why didn’t you just let yourself regenerate?”

She turned on her heel and strode towards her mother, missing the way his entire face crumpled.

oOoOo

The walk to the road was tense and silent, with Rose leading the charge. Jackie looked unsure about whether she should walk with Rose or the Doctor; she settled for keeping a few paces behind her daughter and occasionally tossing a few pitying looks back at him. He hated her for that.

The Doctor kept his head down against the gusting wind that brought in thick gray clouds that threatened rain, and instead made a game of trying to step in Rose’s footprints in the sand. Her impressions were much smaller than his own feet, and it was slightly awkward to shorten his stride to match hers, but still he did it.

Finally, they made it to the road and walking became easier now that they weren’t slogging through sand. They walked for miles and miles it seemed, with nothing but the roaring wind in their ears, before the Doctor glimpsed a small seaside town.

He followed the two Tyler women through the narrow streets until they made it to a rustic little inn. The elderly woman behind the counter seemed thrilled to see them, and the Doctor wondered if business was slow.

He hung back as Jackie took care of getting them rooms to rent, and he tried not to make it too obvious that he was watching Rose out of the corner of his eye. She had her arms crossed over her chest and kept her back to him, which infuriated and saddened him all at once.

Look at me, he wanted to demand. See me.

“I’ve got us two rooms,” Jackie said a minute later. “An’ I called Pete. He’s gonna work on getting us a zeppelin to London as soon as he can. But there’s a storm blowing in, so we might be stuck for a few days.”

“Great,” Rose said bitterly. “What rooms?”

“101 and 102,” Jackie answered. “Just down the hall there. I figured you and—”

“Sounds good,” Rose said, interrupting her mother. She took the second key from Jackie, and turned to face the Doctor. His hopes were dashed when she pressed the key into his palm and said, “See you in the morning.”

Then she turned and strode down the hall without another look at him or her mother.

Jackie frowned at Rose’s retreating form, then she winced at the Doctor. “Give her a bit of time. A lot’s happened.”

“Yeah,” he said hollowly. “See you in the morning.”

Never mind the fact it was barely suppertime.

He brushed passed Jackie and caught up to Rose, but he breezed right past her without a second glance then opened the door to his rented room and slipped inside.

The room was dark and cold, making him feel even lonelier than before. He turned the heat up, but it didn’t ease the chill that seeped down to his bones.

He didn’t know what to do, and Rose’s words kept bouncing around in his head.

Why didn’t you just let yourself regenerate?

He was wondering that himself, too.

Boredom and restlessness soon overtook him. There was nothing in the room to entertain himself with, apart from the television. He wanted to be with Rose, to catch up with her on everything that had happened over their last several years apart, but she obviously didn’t want to be with him.

That was fine. He was fine.

But the room was very much not fine. It was too quiet and too empty, and so the Doctor grabbed his key card, shoved it into his pocket, then exited his room. He ignored the woman at the front desk, asking him if everything was all right, and instead darted outside, where the sky was dark and ominous. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

Why didn’t you just let yourself regenerate?

He ground his teeth together and shoved his hands into his pockets as he took off in a random direction. The sidewalks were all empty. The entire town seemed empty.

Still, he walked on. The sound of crashing waves was his only companion on his aimless journey. He could smell the salt from the sea, as well as impending rain. He would have to head back soon unless he wanted to be caught in a deluge, but he couldn’t stand the thought of going back to his cold, empty room.

Why didn’t you just let yourself regenerate?

Surely all of his problems would have been solved if he’d ignored his vanity and let himself regenerate into a new body. He would have his TARDIS back, and he would have his Rose. His Rose who didn’t hate him or resent him.

(Never mind the fact that without having aborted his regeneration energy, Donna never would’ve become the Doctor-Donna and saved the multiverse.)

In this perfect scenario in his head, he had his two best friends with him in the TARDIS, traveling with him forever.

(Never mind the fact Rose’s and Donna’s forever didn’t even come close to his.)

A gust of wind buffeted him, swaying him to the side a few steps before he regained his balance. He really ought to head back now.

Why didn’t you just let yourself regenerate?

With a sigh, he raked his hand through his hair and continued walking forward, away from the inn. Just a little farther, he told himself. Then he’d go back.

He continued on until he reached the outer edges of the town. And instead of turning back, he walked along the perimeter, telling himself he’d eventually get back to where he started. He was taking the long way ‘round, was all.

He’d been walking for well over an hour by the time the first raindrop fell. It splattered, cold and wet, onto his cheek as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. He paused, watching the way it splintered through the clouds and seemed to strike into the heart of the ocean before winking out. It was beautiful.

Thunder boomed overhead so loudly the Doctor thought he could feel it in his chest.

Another raindrop pelted on the top of his head. Then another. And another.

Soon the heavens opened up, and fat, cold raindrops were falling everywhere, creating tiny rivers in the streets almost instantly.

“Bugger,” he muttered as a chill rocketed up his spine.

His hair was soaked in seconds and hanging in his eyes. He impatiently brushed it back and set off at a jog towards the inn.

The woman at the front desk looked horrified when he strolled in.

“Sorry,” he said cheerfully. “Went a bit farther than I thought.”

Then he turned away from her and strode down the hall to his room, where he saw Rose sitting on the floor, her back to the door.

She jumped up the moment she saw him. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I went for a walk,” he said, trying not to think about the reasons—good or bad—Rose had for being outside his door.

“In the pissing rain?”

“It wasn’t pissing rain when I left,” he answered, shrugging. Pleased as he was to see her, he wanted to get inside and out of his cold, wet clothes.

“You should’ve told me,” she muttered, crossing her arms.

“Why? You couldn’t wait to get away from me earlier. Didn’t think you’d care if I’d gone,” he said. He knew it was a low blow, and he felt guilty when she flinched.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s just… I’m so…”

She shrugged helplessly, and he felt that sentiment in his very bones. It was comforting, if only a little, to know that Rose was as lost as he was.

“I’m dripping on the carpet,” the Doctor said after a few beats of silence.

“Oh. Right.” Rose’s shoulders were hunched as she moved away from his door.

“D’you want to come in?” he asked before she could walk to her own room.

“D’you want me to come in?” she retorted.

“I always want you,” he said quietly.

Her cheeks flushed red, but she nodded. He rummaged through his pocket for his room key, then let them in. He was glad he’d switched the heat on before he left as he walked into an almost stiflingly warm room.

He went into the loo for towels, and he worked on drying his hair as he grabbed an armful and walked back to Rose. He dumped the towels on the foot of the bed, then sat down on them and toed off his shoes. His socks were damp, and he peeled those off too.

He wiggled his cold toes and stared at them intently as Rose sat down beside him.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean what I said. Y’know… about letting yourself regenerate instead.”

“It would’ve made things easier,” he said, shrugging.

“Yeah, ‘til we all died in Davros’s Reality Bomb,” she replied.

He said nothing.

“I don’t know what to do, Doctor.” He finally turned to face her, but she was staring at her fingers as she wrung them in her lap. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. I’m feeling everything, and it’s just… it’s so much.”

The Doctor could easily understand that.

“It’s like… I’m furious at the other Doctor for leaving like that. And I’m hurt that he didn’t say goodbye. But I’m also hurting for him ‘cos today can’t have been easy for him.”

“Letting you go… saying goodbye to you again was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do,” the Doctor said quietly. He could imagine the pain of finding Rose only to lose her mere hours later.

Rose sniffled.

“I’m worried about him,” she admitted. “I just… I want him to be okay. No. I want better than that for him. I want him to be happy. Really, truly, properly happy.”

“He will be. I promise,” the Doctor answered. “Hey.” He nudged his elbow into her side. She peered up at him through damp lashes. “I promise. It will be hard at first, but he’ll heal. He’ll travel and find new friends and slowly this emotional wound will heal for him.”

A tear dripped down Rose’s cheek, and she brushed it away.

“Despite my anger and my hurt, though, I’m happy,” she whispered so softly, like she was revealing a huge secret. “I really am happy, Doctor. I get to stay with my family. And you. I’ve got you. My Doctor.”

She smiled at him then, a small, fragile thing. But still. She smiled.

“I’ve missed you,” she said.

“Oh, Rose.” A lump lodged in his throat, and he moved his hand to cover hers. Her skin was warm against his rain-chilled fingers. “I missed you too. So much. I—” His voice died on him, and he swallowed through his dry mouth and rasped, “I never want to be apart from you again.”

“We won’t,” she said fiercely. “I promised you forever, remember?”

How could he ever forget?

He nodded dumbly and threaded their fingers together.

“And… and you said you’d spend your one human life with me,” Rose said. “So we’re stuck together, you and me.”

The surety in her voice bolstered him, and he brought their twined hands to his mouth to brush a kiss to her knuckles.

“Forever,” he vowed.

She gave his fingers a squeeze, then her weight shifted closer until her hip was pressed to his and she leaned into his side. She rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

The words sent an ache through his chest. A good ache. The best ache.

“I love you, too,” he replied. “I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I know,” she said. She turned her head to look up at him. “Even before. Even though you never said. I knew.”

The Doctor rested his cheek on her forehead, then tilted his head to press a kiss to it.

Rose took her hand away from his and brought it up to the back of his neck. She kept his head where it was and stretched up and brushed a kiss to his lips.

He hummed and exhaled through his nose at the soft press of their lips. This kiss was much gentler than the frenzied one on the beach, but it was still perfect.

“Can I stay in here with you tonight?” Rose murmured against his mouth, caressing her fingers across the nape of his neck.

“’Course you can,” he rasped, relieved and exalted. “Always.”

She smiled into the kiss, then shuffled beside him. She brought her knee up under her and pivoted towards him, using the better angle to deepen the kiss. She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and scraped her teeth across it, sending a chill that had nothing to do with the cold shuddering down his spine.

He let out a muffled groan against her mouth as he grappled with where to put his hands. When he went to wrap his arms around her waist, he lost his balance and began falling backwards onto the mattress. He squeaked in surprise, but then giggled when he heard Rose laughing at him.

She followed him down until they were both laying on their sides. Then she buried her fingers into his hair and hauled his face close to hers.

“Your hair’s shorter,” she mumbled around his mouth. She scraped her nails across his scalp as she tugged on his hair. “At least in the back.”

“Yeah, been experimenting with different styles,” he replied, not particularly wanting to talk about his hair.

“I like it,” she said. Then she hooked her leg over his hip to pull him impossibly closer.

He whimpered but followed willingly. At least until her chest pressed against his, causing her to shudder.

“Wait. I’m gonna get you wet,” he said, realizing he was still soaked.

“Isn’t that kinda the point?” she teased.

All coherent thought left him as his blood rushed from his brain to below his belt.

“I… you…. we… what…?”

“Stop thinking so hard,” Rose said. She reached down and took his hand from where it was fisted into her jacket at the small of her back. She guided it between them and set his open hand on her chest, a few inches above her breasts. “Are you okay with this?”

“Gods yes,” he gritted out.

“Okay then,” she said with a relieved smile. “Me, too. It’s just like old times, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, even though in his old body, he could regulate his hormones better so he could keep more than one thought in his head while touching her breasts.

Kissing Rose again was the most incredible experience in the universe. In the multiverse. He never wanted to stop. He wanted to hold her in his arms for the rest of their lives and never let go.

She seemed to have the same idea. She wrapped her leg tighter around his hips, hauling him closer.

Their lower halves tangled restlessly, rocking and grinding together, while their lips and tongues tasted and teased each other. It was as if they’d never been apart. Their bodies still knew and recognized each other, and it was like coming home at long last.

Their hands grew bolder, touching and rubbing and pressing to bring forth the sweetest of sounds from each other’s throats. The whisper of clothing and skin and their muffled sighs and moans and pants were the only sounds in the room. Apart from the giggles when they tried to tug the Doctor’s sodden trousers down his legs and he got stuck, the wet fabric clinging to him like a second skin.

But soon enough they freed him, and his suit jacket and t-shirt fell to the floor as well. As did her own shoes and socks, trousers and jacket, shirt and underthings.

“And you always said I wore too many layers,” he panted when he fumbled with her bra clasp.

“Shut up and kiss me,” she ordered.

So he did. And she kissed him. Dozens and dozens of searing little kisses to his face, his neck, his chest, anywhere she could reach as her hands clutched his bum.

They shuddered when they joined together, and they clung to each other desperately as they moved, writhing and rocking and crying each other’s names as they found their pleasure.

It was over far too quickly, to the Doctor’s slight embarrassment, but she’d finished as quickly as he did. In any case, he was glad that he hadn’t left her unsatisfied. They could take their time later, when they’d rested.

As he traced absent swirls and circles onto Rose’s lower back, he realized that they had all the time in the world ahead of them. He truly had forever with her.

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing a series of kisses to the curve where her neck met her shoulder.

“Love you, too,” she said sleepily.

“I’ll love you forever,” he vowed, lightly trailing the tip of his nose up her neck and jawline to pepper kisses to the sensitive skin beneath her ear. “Even after our forever ends. Even when the universe has decayed into nothing, I’ll still love you.”

“Who knew you were such a sap?” she teased, but her eyes were shining and she was beaming.

He smiled back and nuzzled his nose against hers.

She then heaved a heavy breath that didn’t sound like a sated, blissful sigh.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I will be,” she answered, and while it wasn’t particularly what he wanted to hear, he was glad of her honesty. “A lot’s happened. And I’m still sorting through my thoughts and trying to figure out how I can be so happy and so upset all at the same time.”

The Doctor hugged her closer, trying to offer whatever comfort and support he could.

“I understand what you mean.”

Rose pulled back from his arms to look up at him. Her brow was furrowed.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He shrugged, and pulled her back into his arms. When he couldn’t see her face anymore, he whispered, “Being human’s odd. My chest feels a bit funny, a bit empty. And the TARDIS…” His voice choked off. His oldest companion of nearly a thousand years, gone.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked.

“Yeah. Still. I can grow a new one. Shouldn’t take more than a few years.” I hope, he added silently. “But I’ve got you, so all in all, not too bad.”

“Oi!” She poked his belly, and he breathed out a soft laugh.

After a few minutes of silence, Rose asked, “Will you stay with me the night?”

“Seeing as you’re technically intruding upon my room, you’re staying with me.” Rose didn’t say anything, and a quick glance up at her gave the Doctor a good enough view of her face. It was open and vulnerable. “’Course I’ll stay.”

“It’s just… before. You’d often leave my room after, and I’d wake up by myself,” she said. “And I didn’t mind, ‘cos I know you didn’t sleep much and you had TARDIS repairs and things. But now you’re human and you need to sleep. And I need to know I’m not alone, Doctor. There were so many nights I’d dreamt I was home, and you were with me, but when I’d wake up…”

The Doctor tightened his hold on her. He knew those dreams all too well.

“I’ll stay the entire night,” he promised. “Neither of us is ever gonna wake up alone again.”

Rose nodded to herself, then reached down for the duvet they’d kicked to the foot of the bed. She hauled it up to their shoulders and nestled under the covers, closer to him.

The chill in the air was gone. The room was pleasantly warm now, and they’d generated plenty of heat beneath the sheets, creating a cozy nest for them.

The Doctor’s eyes grew heavy and, with a parting kiss to Rose’s brow, he allowed them to slip shut.

[daydreaming-scribe]

Kiss it, Make it Better: Repentance

I know it’s been two months since I posted the last chapter and graphic, but here’s the fourth Chapter of Kiss it, Make it Better. Thanks as always to @gaywitchtwins.

Sam and Alicia have a heart to heart, and Alicia asks for insight.

Seeing Jody and Donna and the girls off is by no means an easy process. Sam managed to convince them to give the Baneses some time to themselves. They’ve trekked out to the roadside where Sam and Max had parked with Jody and Donna holding him up on either side. Claire’s seated next to Alex in the back of Jody’s police car, not far from Alicia’s Jeep. Donna’s packing up the trunk, and a very concerned Jody is trying to reason with Sam.

“I don’t think you should be going back in.” She insists, voice measured with exhaustion. “You’re not really in the condition to be doing anything but rest.” Sam shrugs off her statement. Smiling softly, he places a hand on his friend’s shoulder

“Max said he’ll heal me when I get back to where they are. It’s only 3:30 now, and it shouldn’t be too hard to find the clearing.” What with the smoke trails from the inferno standing out against the bright blue sky. Sam will be shocked if the forest rangers or local sheriffs don’t get there before he does. Jody gives a worried look.

“About that…” She trails off slightly. “What if something happens?” Before Sam can counter her, she adds on. “I know you’re not afraid, Sam, but I think you should be. Max’s a hunter, but he’s also a witch. Using Dark Magic. And he has Alicia under his control right now. If he turns against you, it’s two against one. And you’re in no condition to fight back.”

“Max is a good guy, Jody.” Sam says. “He had the chance to off me earlier.” At her puzzled expression, he explains. “I confronted him about Alicia when we were scouting the forest. But he promised that he was going to tell Alicia anyways. He just didn’t get the chance.” The sheriff blinks.

“Confronted him?” She questions. Her eyes narrow in realization. “That’s why you two were acting strange before. You knew the whole time.” Sam nods, mentally preparing himself as he senses Jody’s rising irritation. “And you didn’t say anything? Alicia tried to kill us! What if that had happened earlier, huh?”

“The Dryad controlling her body tried to kill you.” He points out, promptly rewarded with another glare. “And I didn’t tell you because I wanted to talk to Max, and I thought he’d feel less threatened if less people knew.” Jody’s ready to protest again, but he cuts her off. “Jody, please trust me on this. Max isn’t a bad person. He just wants his sister safe.” The sheriff gives a final pleading look. With a sigh, she pulls him into a hug.

“Be safe,” she whispers. “Don’t do anything stupid.” Sam laughs, hugging her back tightly.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He promises. The sheriff doesn’t look remotely convinced, but she’s soon in the police car with the others. Sam waves till the car is a small speck on the horizon. He then moves to the motorcycle, parked beside the Jeep courtesy of Alicia. Popping open the portable trunk, he withdraws one of the spare shirts and the extra jacket. He puts on the clothing, placing Donna’s lent jacket in the trunk. After a moment’s hesitation, two handhelds come out as well.

Closing the trunk, he makes his way back into the clearing. The forest isn’t nearly as mazelike as before. He never loses track of where he’s heading from, nor the route he’d taken making his way out with Jody and the others. Sam walks alone for some time in silence, the only noises being the birds in the trees and his own footfalls as he makes his way deeper and deeper into the forest. Eventually, however, voices reach his ears. Ones that are clearly arguing. As he gets closer and closer to the clearing, he can make out what they’re saying.

“I can’t believe you’ve been letting me walk around like a complete idiot for months.” The clearing comes into view. Alicia’s back is to him, but Max’s face is in view. His expression is beyond shattered.

“I didn’t want you to freak out.” He counters. Alicia’s laugh in response is filled with hysteria.

“Freak out, yeah, why would I freak out? You only cut my heart out of my dead body and used the magic that killed Mom to bring me back to life.”

“Leesh –”

“No! Don’t!” Alicia yells. “This is dark magic. It’s six layers of wrong. Mom – ” She breaks off, hands covering her face. “Jesus Christ, Max, Mom taught you better than this!”

“Mom’s dead, Alicia!” Max is suddenly right in front of his sister’s face. “Mom’s dead, and you were dead, and I had no one!”

“So, what, that gives you the right to make me your puppet?” Max falls silent once more.

“I just wanted you back.” He whispers. Alicia stills, leaving the twins staring at each other. Sam clears his throat, grabbing the twins’ attention. He jerks his head in the direction of the still-burning tree.

“Max, you’re probably the only one that can put that out. It should be a pretty straight walk back to the Jeep.  We’ll meet you back at there.” The two of them stare at him. Max is panting, still out of breath from arguing with his sister. After a slight hesitation, Alicia approaches, walking past him and heading in the direction he just came from. Sam looks back to Max. The man’s golden eyes are bloodshot, his cheeks stained with from still-falling tears. He slowly approaches Sam, and the older hunter hides a flinch as Max places a hand on his injured side. The witch’s eyes briefly glow a gentle violet, hand warming against Sam’s flesh. When Max lifts his hand, the wound has faded to a tiny scar. Sam gives the dejected witch a smile, hoping to relay whatever comfort he can in it. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll wait for you.” Turning from the devastated witch, Sam jogs as fast as he can to catch up to Alicia. He finally reaches her, and falls into an even pace at her side. They walk in an uncomfortable silence for some time, and Sam can feel her beady black eyes trained on him.

“How long have you known?” The question’s what Sam expected, but the biting tone catches him by surprise. A glance confirms Alicia’s glaring at him. “You’ve been tense ever since you first saw me. And Max has been careful making sure we haven’t had any more contact with you since Rock River.”

“I found out this morning.” He says. “Dean thought Max might use the Borrower Witch’s ring, but I didn’t actually know until this morning.” The woman considers his words.

“You knew I was dead, then. You just didn’t know what Max had done.” Sam nods. “And the time you two had alone scouting?”

“I just wanted to talk to him, find out the truth. And convince him to tell you the truth.” Alicia rolls her eyes. “He was going to tell you. At least he promised to.” She doesn’t respond to that. “I had faith that he would tell you. Or, hoped he would, I guess.”

“You hoped he wouldn’t use the ring, either.” She sneers. “Maybe Max isn’t as trustworthy as you thought he was.” There’s no mistaking the bitterness in her tone. Whether towards him or her brother or the situation in general, he can’t be sure. “You trusted him to do the right thing, and I’ve been walking around as a twig monster for months because you thought wrong. Wouldn’t have killed you to check up on Max if you cared so much about him. About us.” Sam’s brow furrows. Her anger is definitely directed toward him, no mistaking it. Which is fair, he deserves, but he certainly didn’t expect her to be angry at him over this.

“I watched you get stabbed, Alicia.” He reminds her. “I was too weak to help you. Pretty sure the last person Max wanted to hear from was the idiot who got his sister killed.” Alicia comes to a halt, gaping at him. Sam winces. “I’m sorry. I forgot you….” He trails off, deciding it’s smarter to not say ‘I forgot you don’t remember dying’. To his relief, Alicia just shakes it off.

“No, it’s fine.” She says, rubbing her temples. “I mean, you’ve told me more in five minutes then Max has in months. Can’t complain too much, can I?” Alicia continues walking. If she’s much closer to Sam than before, he doesn’t think it’s enough of an issue to comment on. “If Max had reached out to you, would you have kept in contact with him?” Sam frowns at the bizarre question, and the even more bizarre shift in Alicia’s tone from angry to conversational.

“Of course.” He says. “I mean, if he needed help.” They’re almost out of the forest now, the Jeep in sight. “Why do you want to know?” Alicia shrugs, making her way over to the car and leaning against the side of it.

“Curiosity.” Sam quirks an eyebrow, staring at her inscrutable expression. “You don’t agree with him bringing me back either, do you? You were horrified to see me.”

“It’s not that, Alicia.” He says. “I’m happy you’re alive and everything.” The answer is an almost hysterical laugh.

“Do I look alive, Sam? You heard that Dryad – I’m a stick figure.” To prove her point, Alicia flashes her stomach, poking at the wound sealed by twigs. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been off since Rock River.” At Sam’s shocked expression, she rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on. I’m not an idiot. I haven’t cried about Mom. Like, at all. The woman who gave birth to us and raised us is dead, and I haven’t been able to shed a single tear over it. I hid it from Max, didn’t want him stressing out more. He hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in months, he barely eats. The brother who chased after any guy who seemed remotely into him has pretty much become a monk. I’ve been so afraid of him thinking that I was emotionally damaged, or some kind of monster.” She gives an empty laugh. “Guess he already knew.”

“Alicia –”

“Don’t try and defend him, Sam.” Alicia snaps. “I know that you want to make me feel better, but I just need someone to be on my side. I haven’t cried at all, I haven’t had or wanted sex, I can’t get drunk no matter how hard I try, and believe me, I’ve tried. I haven’t really eaten or slept in God knows how long, and it hasn’t affected me in the slightest. I’m a monster. Or, not human. Or alive. The least you can do is admit that Max made me this way.”  She has a point. Sam gave her brother a whole monologue about his own experiences and how Alicia has the right to make her own decisions. He can’t exactly switch it up now.

“You’re right.” He says, exhaling sharply. “Max shouldn’t have done what he did.” Alicia relaxes somewhat, not content but not as angry as she was less than a minute ago. “What are you going to do now?”

“Does it matter?” She asks. “Max apparently has the right to make every decision for me now that I’m his puppet.”

“He promised me he’d tell you the truth and let you decide for yourself.” She doesn’t look too convinced by the sentiment, eyebrows raised. “And even though you already know, I’ll hold Max to his promise on allowing you to make your own choices.” Alicia blinks, gaping at him in shock.

“Uh... thanks, I guess.” They fall back into an awkward silence. The trail of smoke has died down by now. Max is probably making his way back to them. They’ve got nothing to do but talk. Or, you know, avoid talking.

“I was half-ready to come to Kansas and kick your ass, you know.” Sam starts at the non-sequitur, glancing bemusedly at Alicia. She laughs at his confusion. “Sorry, little out of the blue. I finally put two and two together. Lot of things are just now starting to make sense.” Sam must still seem pretty puzzled, because she just rolls her eyes and smiles. “Max went on and on about you for weeks after we met at Asa’s funeral. I was about to duct-tape his mouth shut, it was getting so annoying.”

“Didn’t know Dean and I had that effect on other hunters.” Sam chuckles, smiling. “He really spent weeks talking about us?” The woman’s mouth tightens into a smirk.

“Not Dean. Just you.” He blinks, not exactly sure what Alicia means. “Trust me, I was treated to endless one-way conversations and dumb questions.” Her voice shifts, going as deep as it can in a bad imitation of her brother. “ ‘Ughh. I should’ve gotten Sam Winchester’s number’… ‘He’s nice and hot and a good hunter, that’s like a triple threat in boyfriend qualities,’…. ‘Hey Leesh, how do you think he keeps all that hair so well-kept? That seems like a gay thing, do you think he could be gay?’… ‘Did you see his ass in those jeans? I need to get his number,’.” Sam feels his face heat up. This only makes Alicia grin wider. “He was more excited then he let on to see you again in Rock River. Half the reason he flirted with the bartender was so he didn’t get so nervous around you.” Her voice wavers. “And then afterward, the talking just stopped. Initially, I didn’t think anything of it, because he was getting over Mom. When he told me not to call you two ever again, I thought something had happened between you two. Then, the stuff with Max not eating or sleeping or hooking up – I thought he was heartbroken or something. I was ready to hunt you down and make you regret hurting my brother, whether you let him down in the nicest possible way or had been a total homophobe about it.” Sam makes a noise of protest, which Alicia rolls her eyes at, dismissively waving a hand. “Relax, I figured you were a nice enough guy for it to probably have been the first. Either way, Max was moody about it and wasn’t spilling anything. It was like eighth grade all over, complete with the embarrassingly huge crush.”

“Crush.” Sam repeats dubiously.

“Which you know nothing about, right?” He can’t help but smile at the smug tone. “I’m surprised you didn’t realize. He had a great time flirting with you.”

“I wasn’t entirely sure if that’s what it was.” Sam admits. “I don’t get hit on too often.” Alicia cocks an eyebrow, clearly not believing him.. Blushing, he adds “Also, according to Dean, I’m not the smoothest guy. Maybe I’m not good at telling when someone’s flirting.” She snickers. “In my defense, though, you have to admit. Hitting on creepy older men at your own dad’s funeral is a weird thing to do.”

“Granted, but calling Asa ‘Dad’ is a stretch.” She responds, stretching her arms out. “He was great, but he wasn’t a part of our lives like Mom. Max wasn’t even out to him.” She glances back to him. “You were also one of the people closest to us in age at that wake. You’re not that old, Dude. And personally, I think you’re the best kind of creepy.” Sam huffs, returning Alicia’s broad smile with a much fainter one. “And Max likes you. Good enough for me.”

“He can do better.” The words sound defeatist, especially coming from his own mouth. Alicia’s just validated his suspicions, told him exactly what he was hoping to hear. He and Max have a mutual attraction, or at least they did before Rock River. And now Sam’s pushing that away, afraid that Max is too good for him. It’s the truth, though. Or, true enough, at least. Max isn’t going to hook up with the asshole who got his sister killed. Especially when said asshole is talking him into letting his sister decide whether she wants to die or not. Alicia doesn’t seem convinced by his sentiment.

“Why, because you’re straight? If that’s the reason, then I guess so, but he could also do worse.”

“The last guy I dated ended up being possessed by a demon for seven years. Right up until I stabbed him through the chest.” Alicia goes silent. Sam realizes a little too late what he’s admitted. It’s the first time he’s come out to someone since Stanford. “Max bothers you with his crushes. I still haven’t told Dean I’m into more than just women. He doesn’t know that Brady was my boyfriend.” Sam forces himself to shut up before he says anything else stupid. “Sorry, that was dumb to say.” They both stay quiet for a while. Just when he’s thinking it will last until Max returns, Alicia breaks the silence.

“You said before that I have the choice.” Sam nods, meeting her dark eyes. “So, what do you think I should choose?” Oh great, another conversation for you to screw up.

It’s not really my place to say.”

“Oh, come on.” She scoffs. “Don’t give me that. You know what you want to say. Just tell me.” He gives a noncommittal shrug. “Sam.”

“I can’t make the choice for you.” As much as he wants to. He’d love nothing more than to tell Alicia he wants her to stay alive, or at least stay the way she is. So that Max won’t have to be alone, so Sam won’t feel as guilty about her death. “No one should decide except you. If you choose to stay, I won’t judge you for it. I won’t judge if you ask Max to undo the spell, either. As long as you want to do it, and not just for Max.” Alicia frowns.

“Why do you care so much about my choices?” She asks. Sam hesitates, staring at the younger hunter. Well, already told one Banes your life story today. Might as well tell the other.

“Do you remember Elvis? How he asked me about being possessed by Lucifer?” Alicia gives a nod. Drawing closer to her, Sam begins to talk about his history with possession. He spared Max the gorey details, but Alicia’s someone who knows what it’s like. It’s also a bonus that as someone not technically living, she lacks the ability to vomit in disgust. He can’t help but have diarrhea of the mouth, blabbing on about the times he’s been possessed, from Meg to Gadreel. The memories of the Cage that still make him wake up in a cold sweat. How Dean, Castiel and Kevin himself all bent over backward to justify his brother’s actions. Alicia looks nauseous by the time Sam finishes. She flinches when his hand rests on her shoulder, before relaxing into the gesture.

“Bottom line, any choice about your life has to be yours.” The voice in his head reminds him of going behind Dean’s back to undo the Mark of Cain. He tells the voice to kindly fuck off, and adds on that a person’s freedom to die is nowhere near the same thing as a person’s freedom to be a murderous rampaging nigh-unstoppable demon. A sharp cough makes Sam glance up. Standing a few feet from them is Max. He hasn’t improved, appearance-wise. If anything, he’s worse, eyes and nose now almost red and newly dried tear stains covering his face.

“Fire’s out.” Max says, eyes locked on his sister. Alicia pointedly avoids her twin’s gaze, staring at a random point past his shoulder. “Didn’t spread to the other trees, from what I could tell. But the Dryad’s gone completely.” His eyes meet Sam’s. “Couldn’t feel any remnants of the souls trapped in the tree. Hopefully they moved on.” The forest noises fill in the emptiness of their conversation, the birds and woodland creatures far more active now that it’s approaching nightfall. The fate of the ten humans sacrificed to Menodice’s ritual is probably better left unknown, or at least not thought on. Max looks back to his sister. “Did you decide?” Alicia sighs, scratching at her neck. Her hand comes to a rest on top of where Sam’s is still resting on her shoulder.

“I’m nowhere close to okay with what you did, Max.” She says coldly. “You lied and hid the truth from me, for months. I’ve been going insane knowing something’s wrong with me. Thinking I should hide it so I didn’t worry you.” Her twin winces, each word cutting him to the bone. “You might be the one with magic, but Mom taught us both not to screw with the natural order. And using the same magic as the witch that killed her?” Her twin hangs his head, swallowing hard. Alicia presses on, squeezing Sam’s hand. “I get not wanting to live without each other. Okay? Losing Mom was hard. Really hard.” Max is already crestfallen, knowing what his sister is going to say. “I can’t stay like this. This isn’t life.”

“Alicia…” Her brother begins.

“Max, I can’t stay this way.” She repeats. “You’re my whole life. Always have been. But if the alternative to death is this, then I’ve made my choice.” In the back of his head, Sam can hear that cold laugh. What a hypocrite, staying quiet. You have no room to talk about choices. You know a way, Sammy. For her to be back, no consequences. Or close to it at least.

“There’s another way.” He blurts out. “If you want, there might be another way.”  Two sets of eyes lock on him. Alicia’s beady black ones are filled with hesitation and concern, while the golden set bear a familiar intensity. Sam can practically taste Max’s desperation. He’s uncomfortably reminded of when he was trying to free Dean from his deal, and later trying to break him out of hell. How many lines he crossed.

Hopefully he doesn’t have to cross many more.

[onceuponanolicity]

Sara confronts Oliver. Oliver gets to see Felicity one last time, despite avoiding her, before he leaves on the Gambit.

                                                  Oliver was ready for the longest summer of his life to end. He never would have thought that spending time with Laurel and Tommy, practically twenty-four seven, would be tedious but it was. Maybe it wasn’t so much the company but the way he spent it. Or did not spend it. While parties had been plentiful they always seemed lackluster because one element was constantly missing. His heart. Somewhere along that video conference with Felicity he lost it.

           Oh, he still loved Laurel. It was a different kind of love. One that he could hardly explain. Something beyond friendship, but nowhere near the depth of feeling that hit Oliver hard during those rare instances when Tommy did not censure himself and mentioned Felicity’s name.

           Swearing softly, Oliver entered his bedroom for the rest of his luggage. His driver was downstairs awaiting his arrival to head to the airstrip for his trip to his newest college. One that Oliver was determined to stay in all year because Stanford was as far from Felicity as he could get and still be out of Starling.

           “Ollie.”

           Turning sharply with his hand still on the handle of his door, Oliver discovered Sara sitting on his desk. “What are you doing here?”

           Sara studied him as she swung her legs. However her casual pose was deceptive if her face was any indicator of her feelings. “I know it was you.”

           “What?” Oliver could not be any more confused. He had hardly seen Sara all summer. It came part and parcel of avoiding her best friend. “What are you talking about?” He had no idea where she was going with her question.

           “Laurel’s computer. You did it. You called Felicity.”

           There was no way to stop the holy shit expression from landing on his face. After all this time with no one saying anything, Oliver had thought the whole thing dead and buried everywhere but his subconscious. And his dreams. Oh, the dreams. Stop it, he reprimanded himself. He could not go there.

           Sara jumped off the desk and stalked over to where Oliver was still rooted to the spot. The only thing he had managed since seeing Sara sitting there was close his door. She crossed her arms as her eyes narrowed and her brow furled. “Felicity tracked the IP address. It was definitely Laurel’s laptop.” Sara circled around him. “Only one problem. Laurel cannot remember ever calling Felicity on Skype during your trip to France.”

           Sara snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “But funny thing is, when I happened to say something in regard to why you guys never called except for those couple of times to Tommy he laughed and asked about that time when you were supposed to call Felicity to tell us that you were heading home. He even said that you called him to specifically get her account.” Sara rubbed her chin. “But you supposedly never called Felicity.” Her eyes shot up to his. Blue flames licked up at him from their depths. “Unless you did.”

           Oliver swallowed hard and tried to joke it off. “Are you sure you’re not the one becoming a lawyer?” He tried to laugh, but even to himself it seemed stilted. “You’d be damn good at interrogations.”

           “Stop trying to be cute, you pervert.” Sara shoved at him and he stumbled slightly. “That call lasted over twenty minutes. Do you even know how devastated Felicity is knowing someone saw her doing that? She’s still waiting for the consequences to bite her.” Oliver groaned. Biting and Felicity should never be in the same sentence after what he saw. “She said she was never going to show her face back in Starling again.”

           “I…” Oliver swallowed hard. There were no words he could give her. And any that he may have thought of deserved to be said to Felicity.

           “I seriously thought about going to my father with this,” Sara told him. “Felicity would be devastated and Laurel might get in trouble because it was her computer you used. Those are the only reasons that I haven’t. Not for you.”

           Sara’s glare pierced through Oliver. It hurt. More than anything else did. Oliver ducked his head. He had caused so much chaos by not being able to look away. By not turning off the computer when he should have. “I can’t…”

           “God! There is something seriously wrong with you.” Sara threw her hands up in the air. “I cannot believe I even crushed on you. Even for a minute.”

           Oliver bit back a smile, even though the situation was anything but humorous.

           “What?” Sara’s glare was practically murderous.

           “For a second you sounded just like her.”

           “She’s my best friend,” Sara said shaking her head. “I’m sure she sometimes sounds like me, too.” With her hands on her hips and her chest heaving, she stood in front of him. When she closed her eyes and shook her head, Oliver suspected the conversation was almost over. He was right, because Sara chose that moment to stomp around him.

           Oliver caught her arm. “I don’t plan on seeing her again. Even though I should apologize.”

           “Damn straight,” Sara said over her shoulder. “You’re not worthy of her.” Sara’s head turned so she could glare at him then down at his hand which still held her arm. “Stay out of her life, Ollie. Let her find someone else.”

           Just the thought of Felicity with someone else almost made Oliver break out in hives. Someone who would caress her, love her, hold her when she needed to be touched. That person could never be him. Dropping his hand from Sara’s arm, Oliver scrubbed his hands over his face. Nothing was resolved in that movement, other than the knowledge that he needed a shave, so they fell back down to his sides.

           Oliver had screwed up too many times. Stood back so often allowing any other guy to step into the place he coveted. And Felicity deserved so much more than what he was willing, or able, to give her. “She should.”

           “She should?” Sara blinked up at him in disbelief.

           Oliver nodded at her before his eyes raised up at the ceiling that he fully expected to fall on top of his head. “Yes. She should find a great guy and be happy.”

           Sara shoved his arm drawing his attention back down to her. “One day you’re going to wake up, Ollie, and she’s going to be gone forever.”

           “I know.”

           “You’re an idiot.” Sara grabbed the door yanking it open so she could exit and slammed it behind her.

           Oliver leaned forward with one arm propping him up while he let the deep gaping breaths invade his body. It was not enough. Slipping to the ground, Oliver turned to lean against the door, his head buried in his hands. He let the best thing that his life may ever know go. Gift wrapping her for some other guy. Oliver could only hope the guy knew what kind of gift he was receiving.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           Felicity was content. Maybe not completely happy, but comfortable. She and Cooper were finally dating and it was nice. Cooper was a great guy who completely understood her and supported her work and hobbies. He was the one who encouraged her daily. But he would never be Oliver.

           Shaking her head, Felicity dismissed that destructive thought. Her life was in a great place. There wasn’t much more she could ask for other than more visits from her best friend. Sara’s last visit had been around her birthday. A wild weekend where Donna and Sara had flown up to Massachusetts to celebrate Sara’s twentieth birthday and the holidays at the same time.

           Now it was almost Spring break and Felicity sat there at her computer debating her options. The last conversation Felicity had with Sara, she had just met a great guy at this dive bar she snuck into with some friends and was going with him down to Florida for the week. Cooper had suggested she head with him up to Iowa to spend the time with his family. And Donna had only just called a few minutes ago to beg Felicity to come home and spend the week with her. Then there was always the option of staying at school and working on paper she needed to begin her Master’s. Iowa or Starling or here? There was not much of a choice to make. Starling was a pitfall. It contained someone that Felicity never needed to see again and that person was not her mother. Iowa seemed nice. Different. But was she ready to take the leap and meet Cooper’s family? Probably not.

           Felicity sighed and opened the file folder on her computer. That left her starting on the proposal for her Master’s thesis.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           It had been over a year since Oliver had seen Felicity on Laurel’s computer screen. Yet, his finger hovered over her name on his phone. He did not know why but she was the first one he thought of when confronted with his latest college pitfall. Oliver needed to hear her voice. For her to tell him it was going to be okay.

           Tossing the phone on the bed next to him, Oliver buried his face in his hands. God. What was wrong with him? It had been so long and yet he still wondered what she was doing and with who. There was something seriously wrong with that.

           “Ollie?”

           Looking up, Oliver noticed his little sister peeking around the corner of his door. “Speedy, what are you doing here? I thought you were getting dressed?”

           Thea was having a Halloween party in thirty minutes. One that Oliver had agreed to help supervise with his father out of town. Then his mom had sprung the fact that she also needed to head out for an emergency meeting and that he’d be the one left in charge of the kids.

           He had been on his way in when his mom had greeted him at the door. She kissed him and told him about her new plans. Ones that she regretfully could not get out of.

           His mom had admired his new suit and told him how handsome he looked. She kissed his cheek and assured him that she had requested backup in the form of Sara. The two of them would be looking after the kids together. Oliver assured her things would be fine and that he and Sara could handle things.

           “I was,” Thea said. She scurried in and plopped down on the bed next to him, jumping slightly. “Sara called.”

           Oliver had thought he had heard the phone ring. “And?”

           “She’s not coming.” At Oliver’s look of disappointment, his sister grabbed a hold of his arm and hugged him. “It’s okay. She said she’s sending her friend over in her place because she had to go into work.”

           “That’s fine,” Oliver replied, though he did wonder which of Sara’s friends was coming. He knew most of them even if he wasn’t exactly friends with them himself.

           “Great.” Thea jumped up off the bed and smiled at him. “Felicity should be here any time now. I haven’t seen her in years, I’m so excited.”

           The door shut behind her leaving Oliver alone as his mouth gaped open. Felicity? Here? Oliver could feel his brain short circuiting. The rest of him was fully functional however. On autopilot, he made his way over to his closet where Raisa had laid out his costume. Thea was having a party where everyone had to dress up in some sort of costume that matched her own mermaid attire. So there would be mermaids and pirates a plenty. Oliver’s mind went on a tangent as it pictured Felicity dressed up in a long tail and nothing else. Her long black hair draped artfully over her shoulders while her pink nipples peeked out from behind the strands.

           Stripping quickly, Oliver pulled on the pirate costume with a renewed vigor that he had not felt since he had arrived back in Starling City a week ago. A smile played across his face as he stood in front of the full length mirror and adjusted the dreadlocks on his head. Oliver was a perfect Jack Sparrow, complete with the eyeliner. A cocky pirate was right up his alley.

           Oliver was ready. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Oliver reached for the door. His hands shook as he turned the knob. He was not quite sure if he was ready to confront Felicity all of a sudden. Oliver did not know what his reaction would be when he finally saw the seventeen year old in front of him. What he could not do was push her against a nearby wall and ravish her mouth. He’d leave that for his dreams later that night.

           “Ollie, c’mon. People are here,” he heard Thea call out from the other side of his door as she ran past.

           Speedy was always on the run. That’s how she earned her nickname in the first place. If she wasn’t chasing after him and Tommy, then she was following some great adventure of her own. She wanted to be in the middle of everything. God, he loved his little sister.

           It was that love that made him shore up his nerves. He could not make a wrong step tonight. He did not want to ruin this night for her. She meant so much to him. Thea was the only other person he missed daily in his life. Which was part of the reason he had agreed so readily, even a month ago before he was kicked out of Stanford, to help host the party.

           Heading out his door, Oliver followed the path that would take him downstairs. However, he stopped dead on the landing when he spotted the lithe form of Felicity Smoak. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He was beyond thankful that the bannister hid majority of his lower half from the view of anyone down below. Oliver might be wearing loose pirate pants, but even those were being challenged by the erection that was beginning to form.

           Felicity was down at the door jumping up and down in excitement along with his sister as they greeted some of the other kids who were arriving. The short skirt Felicity had on bounced up past the curve of her ass. Sure she had some sort of skin colored leotard on underneath, but that didn’t detract in any way. In fact, it only allowed Oliver’s imagination to run even more rampant. The brown leather dress she wore barely covered the roundest part of her even when she stood still. It made her legs look like they went on for days.

           The outfit was meant to draw a man’s attention for sure. It was only long enough to cover her major assets. And even then it held two slits up either side right up to her hips. At her slim waist was a blue stitched belt that held a bunch of turquoise stones in an intricate pattern. Her black hair, which before held traces of purple, was now streaked blue to match that belt. It was braided together allowing that blue to shine through. Some sort of headband wrapped around her forehead with a jaunty feather poking out.

           When she turned slightly, he finally saw the front. The dress was cut low in a V pattern that went straight down to her waist. Luckily, that nude leotard was there to preserve her modesty because Oliver was sure just about any guy who hit past the age of puberty would be wondering if he could slip his hand inside otherwise. And Oliver was damn sure past puberty. So it was no surprise that he was already thinking that if that leotard wasn’t there his own hands would be there molding and shaping her pert breasts readying them for the onslaught of his tongue.

           Yelling at himself to stop, Oliver griped the bannister hard. He was hard enough to be driving nails into the wood in front of him. Not exactly the best look when you had to go downstairs and greet a bunch of pre-pubescent children and their parents. Taking a deep breath, Oliver tried his best to think of the least sexy things he could to relax his body. When he had a chance he’d sneak off and grab a drink from his dad’s liquor cabinet. That should settle him down.

           Satisfied he was decent enough, Oliver descended the stairs. “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.” Well, the rum was a good idea at least. Maybe he could run around with an entire bottle and claim it was part of his costume. If he had to look at Felicity dressed like that all night and not touch her, he might just need it. “Happy Halloween.”  

          “Ollie!” Thea threw herself into his arms. “You look great.��

           “Thanks, Speedy.” Oliver set his little sister back on the ground carefully so he would not mess up the crepe tail that she wore. He gave her his best pirate leer causing her to laugh. He nodded at Felicity. “And who be yer friend?”

           “Ollie,” Thea scolded as she pulled Felicity over by her arm. “It’s Felicity.”

           Oliver bowed carefully so he would not lose his hat or hair. “And who are ye dressed as, me lady?”

           Felicity, who seemed hesitant at first, smiled at him and curtsied. “Princess Tiger Lily.”

           “Who?” Oliver really had no idea who Felicity was supposed to be, but by the expressions on both of the girls’ faces he should have.

           Thea smacked at his arm. “From Peter Pan. She was the Indian princess.”

           “Right. Of course.” Oliver apparently needed to brush up on his Disney. He do that with Thea over the coming month or two.

           Another knock sounded on the front door. When Thea went to reach for the door, Oliver stopped her. “Why don’t you and Felicity join your other guests? I’ll get the door.”

           Thea graced him with a brilliant smile. “Thank you, Ollie.” She latched onto Felicity who he had hoped to escape from for a moment while he recovered from her being so close after so long. “C’mon, Felicity.”

           Watching his immediate problem walk away, Oliver let out a sigh. He pulled open the door and began to greet the guests.

           About the time Oliver wished he had not agreed to the party because there were so many screaming kids, the last guest arrived. Chrissy Farriday and her mother, Tina. Chrissy barely waved as she ran past him to join in on the fray that was happening under Felicity’s supervision in the other room. That left him alone with one of the youngest moms. Her brown eyes ate him up. Every inch of him, especially the part of his shirt that lay open. Oliver felt like a lollipop that had been denied from a child.

           “Hello, Oliver.”

           “Tina.” He touched the brim of his hat refusing to bend in any way while she stood there.

           “Nice costume.”

           Oliver scanned Tina from head to toe. It was only fair considering how she had already catalogued every detail of him. The short black sheath dress should have been too cold to wear considering the temperature outside. However she looked more than warm enough. “Nice dress.”

           Tina stepped up to him on her sky high heels. She ran a finger across the part of his chest that was exposed. “Looks better off.”

           Oliver swallowed hard. Ever since her divorce six months ago, she had not been pulling punches about what she wanted. And what she wanted was him in her bed. Okay, so technically a bed was not exactly necessary. “Would you like to stay?”

           And that’s when Oliver knew he had lost his damn mind. As if having Felicity around in such an erotic outfit was not enough, Oliver had now encouraged a thirty year old single mother to stay with the implication something could happen between them. All during his little sister’s Halloween party. Fuck! Oliver rubbed at his face. He had gotten in too far the second Tina agreed to his proposal and shut the door behind her.

           She followed him into the room filled with laughter and screams. Clapping, Oliver drew everyone’s attention. “There are games set up outside.” There were groans because of the cold chill that had invaded the air over the last few days. “Heaters have been put out there, along with tents to keep everyone warm.” This brought cheers. “Let’s have a party.”

           The girls, and a few boys, ran toward the back doors. Felicity stood by the doors encouraging them to slow down and file out so no one would be run over. A small girl with glasses tripped and Felicity reached down and helped her up and brushed off her pirate princess costume. Oliver could almost picture Felicity doing the same thing in about ten years with her own daughter. Their daughter.

           Oliver shook the dangerous thought away and continued to watch Felicity with his hungry gaze as she set the girl’s hat back on at a jaunty angle. Oliver could not have stopped smiling if he was threatened with death.

           “She’s cute,” Tina said from next to him.

           “Yes. She is.”

           Tina laughed. “I have a feeling we are talking about two different girls.” Oliver turned to look at her. “That’s okay,” Tina told him with a shrug. “I can see the appeal.” Tina waited until Felicity followed the last kid out and ran a hand up his arm. “Have you fucked her yet?”

           Oliver stepped away from her, slightly turned off by her bold statement. “No.”

           “But you want to. I can see it on your face.” She brushed her long ash blonde hair from her face and tapped a long painted nail to her lips. “What’s her name?”

           “Felicity.”

           Tina scanned the room making Oliver do the same. Everyone had definitely left, leaving them alone. Tina walked up to him and gripped his hips pulling them so that they connected with her gyrating ones. “Fuck me and picture her. Call me Felicity.” Tina pointed out the glass doors to where Felicity was organizing a game of tag. Tina circled around him and pressed herself to his back. “Watch her. Don’t take your eyes off her and use me to fuck her like you want to.”

           Oliver walked away. Tina was crazy. Making his way to the liquor cabinet, Oliver unlocked it and grabbed the bottle of rum that he had already planned on drinking. Cracking open the new bottle, Oliver took a deep drag of the amber liquid, relishing the burn. Tina extracted the bottle from his hand and took a sip of her own before handing it back. Her suggestion was nuts. So, why was his body responding to the thought as if it was the best idea he had heard yet?

           After drinking deep, Oliver set the bottle down and grasped Tina by the hair harshly. He slashed his mouth over hers. Tina panted into his mouth as her tongue warred with his. Oliver had never treated a woman like this, but he was pissed off. Maybe if he scared her away, this would all end. But Tina only seemed to enjoy it and so did he if he was honest.

           He walked her backwards while their mouths fought for dominance. When he reached the wall next to the glass doors, he tugged her up so her hips would match up with his. Her wetness permeated his own slacks. She pulled her dress up and Oliver realized she did not even have on underwear. Fuck. Oliver groaned. That was hot.

           “Oliver,” Tina groaned against his lips.

           “Shh.” He could not hear her voice right now. It was too far from the softness of Felicity’s. “Turn around.”

           She slid down and leaned against the wall. Her ass popped up invitingly. Oliver glanced out the glass door and his eyes found Felicity in an instant. She was bending down helping a little boy with his shoe. Her braid fell over her shoulder and the boy played with it, snaking it through his fingers. Felicity laughed at whatever the boy said.

           Oliver grasped Tina’s hair and jerked her back sharply so he could suck at her neck while he released his erection from his pants. “How hard do you want to do this?”

           “Hard.”

           Spreading the cheeks of her ass, Oliver slid his length through the globes, stroking himself between the plump flesh. “I need to fuck you, Felicity. I’ve been dying to do it for a year now.”

           “Then fuck me.”

           Oliver was about to push inside when he paused. “I don’t have a condom.”

           “In my purse,” Tina told him. She nodded to a black bag nearby.

           Oliver grabbed the purse and brought it to her while his hand stroked his length. He wanted so badly for it to be Felicity’s hand. He wanted Tina’s body to be hers. If he could just pretend for just a little longer…

           Tina pulled out a condom and slid to her knees. She placed the plastic around him. “Think of her,” she told him right before her mouth closed around his bobbing erection.

           Closing his eyes, Oliver pictured Felicity with her mouth around him. He’d be clenching that braid in his hand ready to pull her up before he came. Oliver reached out and grasped the strands of Tina’s hair and shoved farther and deeper into her mouth. She gripped his ass and rode with him. Right when he thought he was about to topple over the edge she eased him out and stood up.

           Curses escaped his lips thinking she was going to leave him like this. But Tina went back to her original spot with her ass in the air. “Eat her, Oliver.”

           It was Oliver’s turn to fall to his knees. And damn if he didn’t think of Felicity spread across that bed in Vegas as she pleasured herself while he ate Tina out. Oliver pictured Felicity’s juices coating his tongue. Her wetness dripping over his fingers. His thumb plugging Felicity’s ass as she screamed out his name.

           Rising, Oliver was about to enter Tina when his eyes locked with Felicity’s. He saw the blush stain her cheeks even from the distance that separated them. She knew exactly what he was doing. It should have shamed him, but it only excited him further. Because she had no idea that in his mind she was the one here in front of him.

           Slamming into Tina hard, Oliver had to hold onto the wall to remain upwards, while his other bit into her hips. “You feel so good. So fucking tight.”

           “Say my name.”

           “Felicity.” A few more pumps and he shot over the edge. “FE-LI-CITY!”

           Oliver rested his head on the sweaty back of his partner. Her hair stuck to his face but he did not even care. It was the release he did not know he needed. The one he craved for far too long.

           Tina shimmied down her dress after nudging him off. She smiled at him and patted his cheek. “Felicity is one lucky girl when she decides to take you up on that offer.” Tina glanced out the window and Oliver almost wanted to tell her not to look at Felicity at all. “Honestly, she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.”

           “She might have an idea,” Oliver mumbled more to himself than to her. Going over to the liquor cabinet, he grabbed a towel and cleaned himself up the best he could.

           Tina pinched his ass when she came to stand by his side. “Next time, Felicity wants that up her ass.”

           Oliver’s head swiveled sharply. “There is no next time.”

           Her eyes narrowed. If possible her face grew almost ugly with the way her face screwed up in her anger. “I’m probably the only woman who would ever let you think you’re fucking your love interest while fucking me without issue. I doubt your Laurel is so cooperative.”

           “Leave Laurel out of this.”

           “Apparently, you already have,” Tina said with a snarky chuckle and a pat to his cheek. “See you around, Mr. Queen.”

           No sooner had the woman left than Oliver grabbed for the liquor bottle he discarded earlier. The party was long forgotten as he swilled down the hard liquor like water. He needed it to cleanse himself of what he just did.

           Felicity found him there about an hour later. He smiled up at her from the chair he settled in. He saw her note the empty bottle at his feet and the new one that lay between his legs. He smiled up at her. “If it isn’t Princess Lily.”

           “Tiger Lily,” she corrected him with a frown on her face. “Are you drunk? You were supposed to be helping with the party.”

           Oliver shrugged. “You could help me.”

           “Sure.” Felicity looked around. “Do you need a glass of water?”

           Oliver shook his head and eyed her slowly from head to foot. Felicity was so fucking hot in that outfit. Rising from the chair, Oliver stumbled slightly, clenching hard to the bottle in his hand so he would not drop it. She grabbed onto his arm so he wouldn’t fall. Taking advantage of her hand on him, he pulled it between his legs to the semi-erection he had. “Wanna scratch my itch? It’s only fair since you put it there.”

           Felicity flinched and tried to yank her hand out of his, but Oliver kept a tight grip on her and coaxed it to stroke him. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the feeling of her small palm over his trembling flesh. He could come in her hand here and now and be content.

           Opening his eyes, Oliver licked his dry lips and studied the small woman in front of him. It was nice to finally think of her that way instead of feeling weird lusting after a child. “Are your panties as wet as I am hard?”

           “Oliver!” Felicity’s voice seemed to echo, but then he realized that it had actually been another voice that had screamed his name at the same time.

           He turned and discovered his mother standing in the doorway. Reluctantly, Oliver released his hold on Felicity. He smiled sloppily at Moira. “Mother. You’re back.”

           “Are you drunk?”

           Out of the corner of his eye, Oliver saw Felicity nod before running toward the back doors with wide blue eyes. That left him alone with the visible disapproval of his mother.

           She sighed. “Let me guess. You decided to get into character.”

           “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,” Oliver chanted while swinging the bottle that still sat in his hand.

           Moira walked over to him and snagged the bottle from his hand. “Go sleep it off. I’ll take over.”

           Next thing Oliver remembered he was waking up in the middle of the night, hungry. Stripping off the costume except for the loose slacks, Oliver made his way down to the kitchen. Spotting a beer and a half-eaten vegetable plate, Oliver pulled them from the fridge and meandered his way outside to the hot tub. Turning on the heat and the jets, Oliver relished the cold on his skin as he sipped his beer.

           He had been a jerk with Felicity. A complete asshole. One that, had it been someone else, Oliver would have gladly beaten the shit out of. He really should find some way to apologize the next time he saw her. If he saw her. So, far it had been easier to avoid her.

           Testing the water, Oliver noticed it was ready. He set his stuff by the edge and went to the nearby closet and grabbed a towel. Stripping off the pants, he stepped into the hot tub naked. Oliver rested his head back and closed his eyes. His earlier humiliation ran through his brain. The very organ that had decided to abandon all logical thought earlier in the evening.

           When he opened his eyes again, he tilted his head up. Oliver spotted a figure in the shadows on the balcony of one of the guest rooms. A bit of light flashed that way and it reflected off the glasses that the small person wore. Oliver knew it had to be Felicity. There was no one else staying in the house other than his family and none of them wore glasses.

           How long had she been there? Did she see him get in the tub? She was too far away to be able to call out to, especially at this time of night.

           Picking up a carrot, Oliver bit into it thoughtfully. He had to contemplate his next move. Unconsciously, his other hand slipped down under the water and began to stroke his length. Hell, it would only be fair for her to see him get himself off after he watched her.

           He gasped at the strength of his hand as he continued to stroke up and down. It caused a small reaction from her as she edged closer on her small balcony. When he screamed out his completion, she looked like she could have jumped over the railing. Her body was tense as her hands clenched at the metal in front of her. Oliver would give anything to get up there and relieve that tension for her.

           But any thought of that was taken from him the second she ran back inside. Oliver had no idea why but he felt his heart plummet. It felt like an end of something. Like he might not ever see her again after this moment. It was a disheartening thought. One that Oliver could never seem to shake.

@almondblossomme @1106angel @lovethishealthylife @sunshine0977 @miriam1779

[debbieker-blog]

This, I will never forget 

(( I’m super late, I know!!! I’m sorry, but good things were happening and then really bad things happened, so, that’s why this took a lot of time. It has been written a long time ago in my head and it’s finally here! yay Thank you to @isabellafaulkner for the rp. I loooove yooouuu, girl! I also did a little mention of other ladies, but I don’t want to annoy them with a tag :) ))

Closure.

People say that very few can get it, and that if you want to do yourself a favor, you better pretend that you did get one.

I woke up really early that morning. Another restless night to add to the collection. Confusing thoughts had been hunting me since my birthday and they were getting harder to deal with. I had heard of existential crisis, but this is getting ridiculously annoying. Seems like all the important things in life that I had been leaving aside all this months, suddenly, decided to come back together at the same time. Thank God that despite all that torture, I was able to come up with the social project they asked us to do. It was a hard task but I was pleased with the result of it, no matter what happens to me in this competition I hope they consider my proposal.

I entered to the palace again taking my sneakers off, trying not to leave much sand in the immaculate carpeted floor after my morning jog at the beach. I opened my door’s room and I found three sad faces in front of me, staring. I froze at the frame of the door while my mind did a quick research in my memories. There had been rumors that we will have news of other eliminations soon…

Oh God.

My heart suddenly felt like a heavy rock inside my chest and what’s this in my throat? I take a deep breath, burring with it the feelings threating to get out. I forced my face and the rest of my muscles to look relaxed and I entered the room closing the door behind me. “Well… I guess we have much to do this morning, am I right?” I said smirking.

“We are going to miss you, Lady Debbie” Lisa said with a hardly perceptible tone, playing with her hands. I put my hand on her shoulder “Come on, ladies, we knew this would happen someday. I will miss you all too, but I need you to help me maintain a positive mood around here” I look at each one of them “Please?” They nodded, but kept their sad faces for some more minutes, until I started talking about all the good things I missed from Sota and that I will finally get to see again. All the talking was meant to cheer them up, but deep inside I knew it was to convince myself this was for the best.

I wasn’t surprised of this elimination, everyone knows Dom and I were just not compatible, at least I knew it since the beginning, but unfortunately, not being compatible doesn’t stop your feelings, even when they didn’t even have a name. I arrived at the palace feeling a simple attraction for the Prince. The mystery that always had involved him made that attraction grow; the way he easily and unconsciously made me forget my internal debates with myself when I spent time with him, was starting to make me wonder if … but I guess if this was love I would’ve been devastated by then, and I wasn’t. I just felt terrible sad. Endings always are.

I took a long shower and then I had my breakfast by the balcony of my room. The sun was making the garden flowers look brighter like it used to do every day. I was going to miss that view, and the perfect Angeles’ weather.

“Here’s what you asked for, Miss” said Nadine standing behind me.

“Thank you, Nadine” I stood from the table and took the wine bottle and the glasses with one hand, then quick my steps towards the door “I’ll be right back to finish packing, ladies”

I stood in the hall hesitating, looking at the door in front of me. I had thought of not saying goodbye to any of the ladies because I have never been good with emotional moments, but I just couldn’t leave that place without seeing my favorite selected.

I knocked, and she opened the door immediately as if she was about to do it anyway.

“Debbie!” Isabella shouted giving me a big hug.

This isn’t going to be easy.

I pet her back with my free hand taking another deep breath as it would give me the strength to stay in one piece. “Yes, it’s me! But I didn’t come alone” apparently it was working. “Look!” I showed her the bottle of wine and the glasses I was hiding behind my back.

She chuckled giving me a disbelief gaze “You want to celebrate that you’re leaving?”

I entered to the big room, it looked like mine, but without the amount of dresses here and there. “We are going to celebrate you are winning this thing!” I exclaimed placing the glasses on the small fancy table and pouring the wine into them. “We can talk about my departure later” I handle her one of the glasses. “…So, here’s for the future queen” I raised my glass and instinctively she did the same.

“Here’s to our friendship” she said before we both take a sip of wine

“I’m so happy for you!” I exclaimed. And I really was. I thought I would never find a real friend in the middle of this competition, because despite I wasn’t really competing for Dom’s heart or crown, sometimes things between girls can get tense after all that time hanging together in the same place, but it never was like that. This experience gave me the opportunity to meet very nice ladies. I smiled at the memory of all of them: Aricia, Cal, Fiona, Theia, Berk, Maddie, Emms, even Kat … I hoped I could get to see them again sometime, but Bella was the sweetest soul I’d ever met. I wanted her to be happy and if Dom was what she really wanted I would have been glad to see her marrying him.

“How does it feel to be in the top 4?” I finally asked pausing my thoughts.

He placed her free hand on her left cheek, she was clearly looking for the right word to describe her feelings “It feels surreal! It’s insane”

Since we first met I told her she had everything to be queen. I remembered it was the same day she promised me if she becomes queen, she would give me a personal cute guard to take to Sota with me. “I have always rooted for you, Bella”

Yep, the honest hour was coming

I cleared my throat trying to swallow the thing that has been there obstructing it since this morning. “I know- I know I’m not good at this, but I didn’t want to leave without thanking you for your friendship. Living this experience wouldn’t had been the same without you” I took the third deep breath of the day, fighting a tear back. It was getting harder every time. I wonder how long it would be before I crumble like a mazapan.

Hmm… I should take some of those with me for the trip… and cupcakes too

Isabella pulled me into a hug again “Debbie you are amazing! And I’m so grateful for your friendship”

I broke the hug to point a finger at her “I have to warn you, I will message you all the time, ok?”

“And I will call you at least 5 times a day” she chuckled

“You better! … Good luck with Dom” I crossed my fingers “I hope everything turns out as you want”

She sighed, letting go what seemed to me like contained stress

“Thanks! Let’s see how things go!”

Isabella, always worrying too much as if she didn’t have everything to be a great queen and make Dominic happy. He would be a real fool if he let her go. I gave her a little push with my shoulder trying to make her feel more relaxed “It will be alright!”

Great! Like if those were the words she really needed. Ugh. How do I have friends?

I didn’t know what else to say, so, I decided to go before I create an awkward silence and ruin the moment “… I have to go pack my things… See you later, Bella” I said with a heavy heart but smiling still.

She hugged me a third time, but this time I hugged her really tight too, even when I knew there was a risk to burst into tears. Hugs have always been uncomfortable for me, they are just a way to hide your face, and even when I have always been nice with the ones that have been nice with me, trust was a whole different thing, and a real problem to me. I only hugged my brother Keelan; my best friend Sophie didn’t like hugs too, so, it was never a problem…, but this time I was sure the person I was hugging was and always would be a loyal and true friend.

“I’ll miss you, I promise I will come visit your family’s farm in Sota!

“I will miss you too. I will wait for you there!” I walked towards her door and turned back to waved at her.

“Take care!” She said waving back.

Back in my room, the fairies and I managed to finish packing and get myself ready in the 15 min I had left. I felt pretty with the simple but beautiful pink day dress and beautiful shoes I was wearing. The car that was going to take me to the airport was already waiting for me outside. A blonde, tall, guard entered the room to help me with my only suitcase and I was carrying the backpack I had brought there with me.  I look around the enormous, fancy room for a minute one last time and when my eyes met the wooden desk behind the window I walked towards it as an impulse, took a little piece of paper and a pen from the drawer and wrote:

“THANK YOU. GOOD LUCK FOR THE FUTURE”

I folded the paper keeping it on my hand then walked downstairs to the main door where my maids were standing in line to say goodbye. Donna gave me a small box from the kitchen staff. I took a quick look inside and saw a dozen of delicious macaroons. I smiled at her and took her hand and placed the folded little paper in it. She gave me a disbelief look and I articulated the name “Dom” and she nodded.

“Thank you” I said smiling as if I was thanking her for the box of desserts.

The driver helped me to get in the car and stuck my face to the window waving at the three lovely ladies. We were all smiling but our smiles didn’t reach our eyes.

“To the airport, Miss Varker?” The driver asked.

When he looked at my confused face he chuckled and continued “…some of the ladies have decided to stay in the province a little longer”. I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t considered that option.

“… To the airport, please” Before that moment I hadn’t realized how much I had changed these days. I was sure in other times I would had choose to stay, to avoid going back to normal as much as I can, but this time I knew I had a life to face.

[ladystylestores]

Donna Karan, Fashion’s Casandra – WWD

https://ift.tt/3cQqeiT

“For some reason beyond my comprehension, stores want us to ship them six-ply cashmere sweaters and double-face coats by July 15. Of course, that’s fine with the consumer, because she’s learning to buy on sale by Oct. 15….The industry has to come together, to support one another and sell the right clothes at the right time of year. — 1997

“We’re all in trouble. We have to collaborate to create the kind of change [we need] to get out of these waters that we’ve created for ourselves. Nobody else did this. We did this.” — 2009

“What I think we’ve got to do is lower the volume on the press shows….Why do we need to blast out five months in advance rather than when it goes into the store?” — 2010

 “When it’s snowing out, they’re looking for a pair of boots or a warm coat [and can’t find them]. That’s why I started Urban Zen. I couldn’t take it anymore. If they’re not going to do it, I was going do it.” — 2016

Donna Karan — fashion’s own flesh-and-blood Cassandra. The Trojan princess was doomed to foresee the future, its dire straights perhaps preventable if only people listened and believed. Yet her cries fell on deaf ears. Donna has predicted cause-and-effect fashion industry maladies for years, and no one believed her — at least not until a global pandemic hit, killing hundreds of thousands of people and bringing the worldwide economy to a screeching halt.

A major thorn for Donna: those early deliveries. The comments above are hers from the years noted, the first two made at the WWD CEO Summit, the others, from published interviews. For years, Donna has decried the self-defeating practice of shipping clothes into stores months in advance of their weather appropriateness, all but insuring early, extreme markdowns. For years, some in the industry would nod in false agreement, secretly willing her to just shut up. Mostly, eyes rolled and shoulders shrugged, silent declarations that this was all just “Donna being Donna.”

Not anymore, with the industry thrust into turmoil by the coronavirus pandemic that has stunned even the power players into pause mode. Meanwhile, for legions of independent brands, many of which were already struggling to stay afloat, prospects are now grimmer than ever in the wake of the COVID-19 shutdown and the ever-deteriorating retail landscape (many, many such brands remain dependent on the traditional wholesale model) with, in the U.S. alone, Barneys New York gone, Neiman Marcus Group in bankruptcy and Nordstrom permanently closing 16 of its department stores, as well as all three Jeffrey outposts.

Now, Donna’s decades-long proselytizing doesn’t ring so kooky. Last week saw the launch of overlapping initiatives aimed at pushing deliveries back to better align with the true seasons and instituting markdowns only at the end of selling seasons. Dries Van Noten leads the most notable of these efforts. It calls for women’s and men’s fall collections to be in store from August through January, with markdowns in January, and spring collections, from February through July, with markdowns in July. In addition, the plan seeks to increase sustainability by creating “less unnecessary product, less waste in fabrics and inventory, less travel.”

Giorgio Armani didn’t seek consensus. He kickstarted the slower fashion movement last month, committing to a more seasonally correct delivery schedule on his own, while Saks Fifth Avenue also called for such a shift.

If this isn’t a moment for a Donna check-in, what is? Though no one involved with any industrywide initiatives had approached her for advice or involvement, if she feels at all exasperated, frustrated or hurt, she’s not letting on. Last week, she signed Van Noten’s consortium letter at forumletter.org.

“This is not about an ego,” Donna said. “There’s no ‘me’ here. This is a ‘we.’ This virus has impacted the world.” She feels encouraged that broad pockets of the industry are finally realizing the need for change, while saddened by the depth of devastation wrought in getting to that point. “I’m happy that this [industry effort] is happening. I’m sorry that it took this pandemic, a crisis of this level, to bring everybody together. This is a very, very difficult time. We are going to be looking at changes every single minute of the day. But where there is a problem, there is a solution — this is what I believe.”

Donna has long trumpeted the importance of marshaling the industry’s various factions and individuals to work together for the common good. In articulating that desire now, she indulged in a little classic Donna-speak. “I have always wanted to collaborate, to communicate, to create change,” she said, launching heartily into a litany of her beloved c-words, “cotton, cashmere, café, concierge, create, collaborate, communicate, change. Clothes. Country. City. Conscious consumerism.” At that last one, she stopped herself. “I mean, a consciousness must go into this,” she mused. “We will all be more conscious of the choices we are making. We are more conscious of our reality from an economical and environmental point of view, and that will dictate not only how but also why customers buy from a brand….It’s a wakeup call. God forbid, something [terrible] happens to you, there’s a lesson. With darkness comes light. It’s a guarantee.”

That said, in pursuit of that light, Donna acknowledged feeling “like a broken record” after 25-plus years of passionate campaigning. “We’re not serving us [as designers], and we’re not serving the community, we’re not serving our industry. We’ve got to redesign it. I mean, that’s what we stand for, designers. We have to redesign this industry.”

Though she believes that measures should have been implemented years ago, she’s resolute that the past is over, and that the future offers no gray area: Now, change must occur. “I’ve been saying this till I’m deaf, dumb and blue in the face….We don’t have a choice,” she said, except to agree “how we all have to come together.”

While history offers no exact parallel to this extraordinary moment, Donna cited precedent for the industry functioning as a genuine community in pursuit of the greater good. She noted two examples: the AIDS crisis and the aftermath of 9/11. “Never will I forget what happened to an industry at that moment in time,” she recalled of the latter, while still highlighting a difference between then and now. The September 11th attacks happened during New York Fashion Week, shaping a grim milestone for the entire fashion world. But they were attacks against the U.S., with all of the physical devastation, and much of the psychological/emotional impact, centered there. “[The whole world] wasn’t living it,” she said. “Now, every one of us is living it. Nobody’s [immune], no Chinese, no French, no American, no company, nobody. This is a global problem.”

Yet Donna refuses to blame the fashion industry’s current problems on COVID-19; rather, the crisis has exacerbated long-escalating issues. “Was there a global problem prior to this? Prior to this, go up and down Madison Avenue and see 45 empty stores. Prior to this, go down on Broome Street — empty. So this problem in fashion was [pre-existing]. Too much, too early, too many. For designers themselves, it was a machine. That’s why Urban Zen has been so important to me, because I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Donna turned her full attention to that philanthropically oriented business in 2015, after departing Donna Karan International, then owned by LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton. She said that even during quarantine customers are buying, responding to the personal experience of connecting with sales associates via Zoom and FaceTime. Then, there’s that practicality issue: “If you look at my web site, it still has cashmere sweaters. It’s cold out.”

For all her support and practice of in-season deliveries, she views the early ships that put winter coats on retail racks in August and airy spring fare, before Christmas, as only a part of fashion’s woes. She opened a broader dialogue a while back (pre-COVID-19) with then newly ensconced CFDA chairman Tom Ford. “Tom said that he wanted to get involved with the younger generation. I said, ‘that’s’ great, but I feel the entire industry has a much larger problem.” They agreed to talk again, after the fall 2020 show season. And then came COVID. She plans to resume the conversation at some point.

Tops on her agenda: the timing of shows. Donna believes ardently that online consumer exposure to collections six months before the clothes hit the stores — whenever that is — amounts to commercial disaster, and is a primary cause for many of the industry’s current problems. Translation: She remains a stalwart see-now-buy-now advocate, something of a lone luxury wolf on that point. Unlike the issue of early deliveries, which went unaddressed until now, the industry, particularly the American industry, experimented with the see-now-buy-now model several years ago and with few exceptions (Tommy Hilfiger comes to mind), it flopped, particularly at the luxury level. As of the last NYFW in February, only Ralph Lauren at fashion’s high end was still on the spring 2020 timetable — or would have been, had he not sat out the show season altogether.

Donna rejects the broadly accepted view that in-season showings can’t work. “We used to show the press and retailers early, and WWD would run two pictures,” she said. “You can’t knock off a collection based on two pictures.” That was pre-Internet. But today, entire collections are transmitted around the world in real time, allowing fast fashion’s purveyors months to copy the prime goods (and they only need weeks). Since they can get the look out there fast and cheap, why should the consumer pay much more months later, when her mind-set has already moved on to what’s next? “Particularly now, more than ever,” Donna offered, “we are communicating in the moment and living in the moment. We have learned a lesson in this coronavirus — we are living in the moment.”

When the see-now-buy-now experiment first percolated, a powerful opposition argument went that the end goal of a runway show ignites a designer’s creativity. Donna doesn’t buy it. “There are remedies,” she said. “Nobody wants to stop artistic creation. But revealing all our creativity to the consumer world six months before [the retail season] is asking for trouble by being knocked off. We are responsible to create a successful business.” COVID-19 has forced the entire show system to be under scrutiny, with many brands and designers now pondering alternatives, digital and others, to the traditional runway. For independents, it’s a matter of weighing ROI — bottom line, is the show worth it? — while everyone, power players included, must consider filling the house. “Do you think you and everybody else will be boarding planes and staying in hotels in Milan and Paris in the fall?” Donna mused. “I don’t.”

About young designers, Donna stressed that her comment to Tom Ford must not be misunderstood. She’s been following the work of Parsons School of Design graduating seniors online and is blown away by their talent level. But she cautions young arrivals to fashion design not to race into launching their own brands. “We have developed this ‘my collection, my collection, my collection, my collection, my collection’ mentality,” she said. “There are so many ‘my collections.’ I was thrown into it at 24 [at Anne Klein], but all I wanted to do was learn. Your educational process. if you think of a process, they don’t graduate [medical] school and all of a sudden become a doctor and start [seeing patients] or whatever. I’m not questioning embracing young designers. You do not ever hear me say that. I think we have to rethink what a designer community is for everyone.”

That’s not all that needs rethinking. Asked if the sorry retail news of the past few weeks has made her nostalgic, Donna’s answer surprised. “I had a problem with [the major stores]. It’s difficult for me to say,” she said. “I appreciate them, and I feel terrible about [what’s happening]…I like the personalized feeling. I got lost in a big store. And then I kept on saying, ‘Guys, these stores have to have a new energy’; they lost the intimacy.”

Not that a big store can’t captivate. Donna meandered way back, to Marvin Traub’s heyday at Bloomingdale’s. “Every year, he would do this exhibition on India or somewhere. That to me was the most exciting thing. It turned me on. You have to excite someone.”

Such strong memories aside, above all, you must live in the present with an eye toward the future, however undefined and ominous it might seem. Donna is undaunted, especially as she senses the industry coming together. “I am hopeful now that so many are joining forces and making the commitment to change,” she said, articulating her dual perspective. “I’m coming in as a conscious consumer, and as a designer who cares about an industry.”

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