#and glottis attacks oh my God

[lyssitalennon]

I hate people who are surprised that Hugh Jackman can sing you motherfuckers he got his start in Australian theater he was curly in Oklahoma way before he was fucking wolverine

[gravewaax]

I realized that I had a sticky note full of dumb underappreciated Mcelroy quotes so I’m foisting upon you some of my favourites:

"This is healthy. It's one of the first steps; doing pushups on your husband's grave. Greg would want you to have a shredded core.”

"Everything we learned about our enemy is, like...it's invincible and it ate the world and now there's just the sun but it's backwards."

"What's the yaw of his left nut?"

"Jack Nicklaus bit off 70% of the mass of my nose."

[talking about dicks] "That's a real slammin' unit you've got there."

"Guess what? I'll turn ya' into a fucking baby if you're not careful."

"Y'know how the slogan for Bethesda is 'Come fuck this thing right'?"

"I don't want countless lifetimes, I want that meat."

"Out of the frying pan and into the bear."

"Jacob sees you and instantly winks out of existence, because if you're human then what is he?"

"You do not puncture them with straws, but with your ear-teeth. I taste with my skin. How do you taste?"

"No time for romance, I'm still tryna’ figure out how my face works."

"His blinker-parts are like two sharp beaks."

"Do a quick hand jive inside of his face-skin."

"I have no jokes, he's the shame of god."

"He looks like Stephen King's dick exploded."

"Here's where you do your dark deeds...in your flesh church."

"The chamber's full of snakes. You drown in snakes."

“The hunt is on; Murder She Did!"

"Yes, Margaret-Oprah, the classic Catholic name."

"Time to carve this shit up. Gimme that sweet foam, Vicki."

"I've got a murder wall in my brain."

"This car sale went all dicks-up so fast."

"Bus driver, eat! that! bus!"

"Oh, now he's gonna eat my last shrimp. I'm in hell."

"Did you want your gender-swapped Kratos to have a venom sack in its glottis?"

"Poison lactation. I have other attacks, but...” “But why would you use them?"

“I’m talkin’ about golf sin.”

“Try to outrun your crimes before they become putrid and fallow in the midsummer sun.”

add your favourites too, idk