#and getting your license is much harder than when I was 16 and hate crimes are pretty bad right now

[fvckw4d]

Kinda sick of people who will admit there's some unfairness and inequality in the world but it never quite extends to anyone they know, even their struggling loved ones. Suddenly that just becomes bad luck that must be "overcome," and they can not under any circumstances admit to their own advantages.

[luthienluinwe]

Black Roses and Hail Marys

Inspired by artwork @xbullet-01​

Jason Peter Todd, age 15, died on Saturday, December 22 while on an overseas trip with adoptive father, Bruce Wayne. He is preceded in death by parents Catherine and Willis Todd. He is succeeded in life by adoptive father Bruce Wayne and adoptive brother Richard Grayson. A closed-casket visitation will take place at Newcomer Funeral Home from 10 AM until 7 PM on Thursday, December 27. The funeral will take place on Friday, December 28, at 9 AM at the Gotham Cathedral with graveside service to follow. In lieu of flowers, expressions of sympathy may be made to the Hudson County Department of Child Services.

He crumpled the two-week old paper in his hands and threw it onto the floor, not caring where it had landed. It couldn’t be true. Jason wasn’t dead. Just a month ago, they’d been laughing together at the manor, Dick finally having warmed up to his replacement. Just two weeks ago they’d gone on patrol together and talked about all of the things Dick would be doing off-planet.

And now he was cold and stiff and pale and dead.

And Bruce hadn’t even bothered to give him a damned phone call.

He hadn’t even been able to go to the funeral.

His heart was pounding in his chest, and it wasn’t fair. He was able to stand there, complaining about something Jason would never be able to experience again.

He started to reach for the phone, teeth clenched. He rehearsed everything he wanted to say to Bruce in his head three times over. But his hand wouldn’t wrap around the receiver. He swore and punched the wall next to where the phone sat hanging, the pain in his knuckles not registering for several moments.

 ********

Dick had gone home to visit the family after a rough case with the Titans. He’d found out about the new kid from the papers and from some tense phone calls with Bruce and Alfred, but knowing and experiencing were two completely different things. “Hey,” he greeted Bruce and threw his bag onto his bed.

“You could’ve at least said hello to him,” Bruce crossed his arms and Dick rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well you could’ve at least told me about him,” he snapped.

He didn’t even regret it when he saw the younger boy’s head quickly duck out of view of the doorframe, when he heard the footsteps all but running down the hall.

*********

 The rain was pouring down, but the water was hard to see against the black night sky. His suit clung to his skin, and he didn’t even care about how hard it was going to be to take off that much wet spandex once he got home. He had debated the outfit for hours. A suit was more appropriate, more formal, more traditional. But Jason had never done anything the traditional way.

Enough people would have worn suits to mourn him, people that sent flowers and Hallmark cards and pretended to care until the next big tragedy popped up. Jason’s name would fade away. Dick could see the future galas clearly in his head. “Oh, and remember that one boy? The one from Crime Alley? Such a shame what happened to him,” some woman with a diamond ring on her finger and diamond studs in her ears would say. “Ah, yes, a shame to die so young. What was his name? John? James?”

He wandered through the cemetery, long deserted by that hour, looking for the stone he least wanted to see. He passed the smaller graves with the tiny headstones. He passed the monuments for people that history had already forgotten.

And he saw it, gray and cold and unfeeling. Jason P. Todd. August 16, 1994 – December 22, 2009. May You Forever Soar the Skies.

Dick shook his head and stared at the stone. It wasn’t right. Jason had been fire. And now he was surrounded by ice.

 *********

 “Oh my God, we’re going to die,” Dick muttered and shut his eyes tightly, leaning his head against the back window of the car. On the list of bad ideas Bruce had come up with that week, Jason driving them to the gala was definitely near the top. By his count, they’d run two redlights (it was different when they were civilians) and nearly rammed into an elderly lady.

 Bruce turned and shot him a glare. “At least he didn’t wreck the car two minutes after getting onto the freeway and use the goddamn brake!”

 “Sorry,” Jason squeaked out, and Dick couldn’t help but smirk. At least Bruce was consistent with being tough on them.  

 He got out of the car, hanging behind Bruce, and waited for Jason to step out of the driver’s seat. “You did… okay,” he managed. “Just, I don’t know, relax or something, okay?”

 “Hard to do when you’re being screamed at,” Jason muttered and crossed his arms. For a moment, Dick wondered what the kid’s deal was. All Bruce had told Dick was that Jason’s parents were dead and that he came from the bad part of town.

 “Yeah, well, he does that,” Dick shrugged. “It’s how he shows he cares. Now let’s get inside. The sooner we make appearances the sooner we can disappear with Roy.”

 He thought he saw a glimmer of a smile on the younger boy’s face. And just for a moment, he thought maybe having someone on his side wouldn’t be so bad.

 **********

 He clutched a single, long-stemmed rose in his hand. The thorns had torn through his glove and made his hand bleed, but he didn’t care. He hadn’t been sure of what to bring. A bouquet seemed too impersonal.

 His chest was tight and his mouth was dry. Jason was just a kid. He’d just gotten his learner’s permit. He was going to ask the kid from his class out on a date. Now he was never going to get his license and he was never going to go on that date. He’d never get married. Never have kids. Never be the person Dick knew he could have been.

 And it was so damn unfair. Jason was starting to get better. Bruce was getting through to him. The anger and aggression and impulsivity were all getting better.

 Death was something that happened to other people, not to them. Not when enough had been taken from them already.

 He threw the rose onto the grave and sat on the cold, wet ground, staring at it. “I’m so sorry, Jay,” he heard his voice crack and he hated himself for it. He felt like the air had been knocked out of him, like someone had ripped his chest open and grabbed him by the heart.

 And he could feel the rage that Bruce always warned him about boiling in his veins because Jason had died and Bruce hadn’t done a goddamned thing about it.

 ******

 “If you flick your wrist they’ll fly better,” Dick leaned against the wall and watched as Jason practiced throwing his Birdarangs. Bruce had a Wayne Enterprises event. Alfred had been given the night off. And Dick had been less than thrilled at Bruce’s attempt to force him to bond with Jason.

 “Can you go five minutes without criticizing me?” Jason snapped, green eyes full of fight and fire.

 Dick blinked and crossed his arms, impressed that he’d finally stood up to him.  “Will you just trust me?” he asked.

 Jason sighed and let out a resigned “Fine.” Dick smiled and stood behind him, guiding his arms and his right wrist. He felt Jason’s breath catch when he saw the weapon fly and land, sticking into the wall. Alfred would be upset that they’d damaged the new paint, but Dick didn’t care.

 He stepped back and watched Jason turn to face him. “Did you see that?” the younger boy asked, eyes full of wonder.

 “You know,” Dick laughed. “Sometimes I do know what I’m talking about.”

 *******

 He shouldn’t have driven to the manor. Rationally, he knew that. He was angry and upset and not in his right mind. But he needed to have that conversation in person. “Dick?” Bruce frowned and glanced over at him from his desk. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“When were you planning on telling me?” Dick slammed his helmet onto the desk in front of him.

“How did you…”

“The damn paper, Bruce!” he snapped and shook his head furiously. “Not to mention it’s all over the damn media. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? He’s dead and you couldn’t even come to tell me yourself…”

“I didn’t know what to say,” Bruce sighed and rested his head in the palm of his hand. And for a second, Dick felt sorry for him. He’d lost a brother, but Bruce had lost a son. “It was quick,” he said, but wouldn’t look back up at Dick. “He wasn’t in pain.”

“And I’m sure that’s exactly what you told all your stupid fake friends,” Dick said, trying to keep his temper in check. “What really happened?”

“Why do you need to know the details?”

“Because he’s my brother, and he’s dead, and you don’t even care enough to tell the damned truth about it!”

He’d crossed a line. He knew it as soon as he saw Bruce’s eyes flash, something dangerous in them. Bruce Wayne, caring father and public figure had left the room. Cold, terrifying Batman had replaced him. “You want to know what happened?” the older man demanded. Dick wondered if Alfred would pop his head in to make sure they were both okay. “He went off on his own. He was kidnapped by the Joker. He was beaten within an inch of his life, and he was blown up. Are you happy now?”

 And Dick wanted to scream, to demand how Bruce could keep himself so far away from the situation. But fighting wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t bring Jason back.

He grabbed his helmet and he left.

 ******

They had fought just before Jason had died. Dick had told himself he’d cool down while he was off-planet. That they could work it out and go back to their regular, twisted lives. You could have killed him, he could still hear his voice shouting at Jason, dressed as Robin.

Yeah, well I didn’t. Even if he deserved it.

The rain was falling harder. It was late and he needed to get back home. But he didn’t want to leave Jason there alone. He should have been nicer. Maybe then Jason wouldn’t have gone off on his own. Maybe then he’d still be alive.

Dick never hugged him. Dick Grayson, the most touchy-feely person on the planet, had never hugged his little brother, the person he was supposed to protect and love and care for no matter what.

His arms were wrapped around the headstone before he knew what he was doing. His breaths were shuddering and ragged, and he knew that the rain wasn’t the only thing making his face wet.

He rested his head against the cold, hard concrete. “I’m sorry, Jay,” he spoke, voice barely above a broken whisper.

Jason was gone.

And it was all his fault.

“Dick?” he jumped when he heard Bruce’s voice behind him. He pulled himself away from the headstone, trying to act as though nothing had ever happened. He started to stand, but Bruce pushed him back down. He watched as his adoptive father sat on the ground beside him. What a sight it must have been, Nightwing and Batman staring at the grave of a boy time would forget. “I’m sorry.”

He wanted to fight. He wanted to scream for Bruce to leave him the hell alone, to never talk to him again. But all the fight had been drained out of him. And when Bruce pulled him into a tight hug, he did nothing to push him away. “I’m so, so sorry.”

[realfinemood]

Ryder Appreciation Week Meme!

Questions are from here. I’m going to do all of them instead of waiting for asks because apparently I have A LOT of stuff I want to say about Gwendolyn Ryder.

1. Does your Ryder like their father?

It’s complicated. She loves him, because… he’s her dad. But she can’t really say she particularly liked him. That would require him actually being around, or being present when he was. She can admit that she worked harder in school partly out of a desire for his approval, but the fact that she was more interested in science and tech than becoming an N7 like him didn’t really help. The fact that Scott tried even harder for his approval and still failed bothered her more than anything. She’s not a big fan of how he treats other people in general. (She knows she’s not super great with emotions either, but she likes to think she handles it better.)

It was getting better with the Initiative, though she had to work through her own anger that Dad’s work had ruined her own standing with a career she loved. That he saved her life at the cost of his own is a shock to her, one that she feels completely guilty about, and the fact that she can’t talk to Scott - the only person who’d really understand - makes it worse. The memories make things even more confusing, and hearing Cora talk about things she really should already know makes her feel even more guilty, but it’s at least made her understand her father a bit more.

2. How does your Ryder feel about their sibling?

Gwendolyn adores her baby brother. She knows she’s not really older than him in any important way, but she’s always been overprotective of him, even more so the more distant Dad grew. (Scott grumbles about it, but knows that’s her way of showing she cares.) Growing up they were partners in crime, but she’d always take the blame and claimed she talked him into it, especially if Mom was particularly mad about whatever it was. When they got older and he got a bit angrier/more emotional, she’d often let him just vent at her about everything, or bail him out when needed.

3. If given the chance, do you think your Ryder would be a good Nexus Director?

Not remotely. She didn’t fly 600 years to a different galaxy just to sit around playing school principal. The politics she has to deal with as Pathfinder are bad enough, thanks.

4. What’s your Ryder’s favorite weapon?

Gwen’s not really a weapon fangirl in any way? But when she saw that she could make a Black Widow that wouldn’t break her arm to use, she had to have it. That and whatever pistol she can find works for her.

5. What’s your Ryder’s fighting style/class? (biotic sniper can be a thing now!)

Her main fighting style is "build as manly tech toys as she can.” Her omnitool back in the Milky Way was modded with everything she could think up, but she needed a new one to integrate with Sam and the scanner. When she figured out how to get a flamethrower from it, it was love. When she got a shiny Remnant VI to replace her turret, Peebee became her new best friend. 

6. Does your Ryder get along well with Tann, Addison, Kandros or Kesh?

She sympathized with Tann at first - having a job that you’re not remotely prepared for? Totally understand. But the political bullshit got old fast. She gave Addison shit but knew she was completely right to distrust her ability to be Pathfinder. After having to do clean up on so many of her screw-ups though, Ryder’s general opinion of Addison is just to roll her eyes. Kandros is great - the fact that he knew everything that was going on was a lot for her and offered her a friendly shoulder meant a lot, even if they don’t agree on much. She really likes Kesh and considers her a friend, which is why the fact that even she didn’t stand up for her about going to Meridian hurt more than she expected it to.

7. Is your Ryder good at driving the Nomad?

She is and her squad can shut it. No but really, she drives fine. A slight tendency to drive up things that are clearly too steep to be climbed, but that’s what six wheels are for and you never know until you try, right?

8. What is the one Pathfinder task that your Ryder hates?

The speeches Addison makes her give everytime they start up an outpost. There’s things to explore and science to do and the galaxy is at least a tiny bit more stable. Either people will see that or they won’t, she doesn’t really get how making an awkward speech about it will help. Keri’s interviews she gets and just telling the truth is easy enough. But the speeches are time she could be spending doing literally anything else, and surely there’s people who could do a much better job of explaining.

She also hates that she has to spend some much time killing remnant instead of studying them, though that seems to be more an “existing in Adromeda” thing than a Pathfinder thing. She’s trying to take Peebee’s “can’t study them if they kill me” motto to heart.

9. What does your Ryder enjoy about being a Pathfinder?

She gets to initiate first contact with an alien species and explore vaults and alien planets before almost anyone else from the Milky Way. That is amazing and she’s definitely not taking it for granted.

10. How does your Ryder feel about the memories they unlocked?

Seeing Mom again hurt like hell. She always told Scott that of course Dad loved Mom, he was just grieving differently, but she never really 100% believed it until she watched them. Which brought more guilt of course, and more anger that he could just be with her instead of obsessing over Sam fixing her, but it was good to actually see that for herself. The fact that they could one day get Mom back is… something she’s putting off thinking about.

11. Does your Ryder consider SAM a friend/sibling/…?

Sam was Dad’s little project that screwed over her career and the thing he’d obsess about instead of spending what little time she had left with Mom. Once he’s in her head, well. Not much she can do about it, so might as well accept it, and it’s not like she can blame him anyways. She quickly grows to trust him and “friend” is probably a good word for it, though she’s more fascinated by the process of an AI learning and comparing her and her father’s actions. And teaching him her terrible sense of humor is a nice bonus.

12. What’s your Ryder’s favorite location in Andromeda?

Havarl. Not only is it gorgeous, but the ecology and the mutation of it is fascinating. She’s glad the council didn’t force the issue of putting a colony there, but she does which she could spend more time with the scientist there to study everything that’s going on.

13. If your Ryder could give one gift to their LI (if there is one!), what would they give?

The idea that she could find it when Vetra and all her contacts couldn’t is ridiculous, but she definitely recruited Sid into a fruitless attempt to find that ugly lamp Vetra wanted so much. She attempted making one and it was so terrible but Vetra loved it anyway, once she was done hysterically laughing at it.

14. How does your Ryder feel about the fight between Kallo and Gil?

She gets why Gil did what he does, and she quite frankly agreed with him. No matter how good Kallo’s team was, Andromeda brought things they couldn’t have expected. But that didn’t give him a license to be a dick to Kallo about it, or to not share with the rest of the crew when he changed things, or to make those changes while they were in flight. By all means, fix what needs fixing. But actually remember other people have value too.

15. What does your Ryder think about Shepard?

(I have no idea if this lines up with the timeline, but I’m going with it.) Gwendolyn and Scott were on the Citadel during the geth attack, though their ward was locked away from the real action. They only have news reports and friend-of-a-friend second hand stories, but she knows that Shepard and her team are what saved the day. Even if the council dying meant the Citadel got a little less fun for humans afterwards, she still thinks Shepard was pretty badass.

16. Does your Ryder like the other Pathfinders?

Definitely. She can’t help but feel empathy for people scared and still helping or working despite their grief. She doesn’t know Hayjer as well as Vederia and Avitus, but the fact that they all stepped up and supported her means a hell of a lot.

17. What is the one lesson your Ryder learned in Andromeda?

Planning things out and taking time to think them through is great, but it’s also a luxury. She was always a look before you leap kind of person, but Andromeda has taught her the interesting new strategy of “no one else has a clue, so wing it and figure out how much trouble you’re in later.”

18. What is the hardest thing your Ryder had to do in their life?

Leaving Scott to go pathfind. It was hard enough leaving him behind when it was only going to be a short trip. But taking off in the Tempest made her feel like she was abandoning him. Sure, there was nothing she could have done, and he was in good hands with Harry, but she was supposed to protect him and she couldn’t help feeling like she’d massively failed.

19. Does your Ryder like memes?

Absolutely. She makes sure to share the best ones with Liam and the most annoying ones with the entirety of the Tempest.

20. Which song would represent your Ryder well?

A combination of Fake It Till You Make It by BRIIA and Journey (Ready to Fly) by Natasha Blume.

And another meme because I can, I did this archetypes quiz with Gwendolyn:

And one with Lalla Shepard cause why not: