#and getting attention from others who are 'below' her. not that she conciously sees people as below her but i think society

[vv-ispy]

on one hand I totally understand tropes are popular but on the other hand I think Amos is a lot more compelling as a middle aged woman trying to figure out her life after a loveless relationship than a mother figure ya know

[moonmoon2102]

An Alpha’s daughter [Call of the Moon; Werewolf AU]

So... this one is obviously a bit more advanced in the story since Jinah (Yongsun and Byulyi’s daughter) is a teenager here.

Also, if anyone’s interested: Here’s a really short audio clip which does belong to this story post: https://moonmoon2102.tumblr.com/post/621017109788606464/alphasdaughteraudio

Not much left to say about this aside from: Happy reading :)

"I don't know man… I think that's a bad idea," the man said to this companion as he stared at an unconcious Jinah.

 "Why are you such a pussy?! The boss promised us a huge amount if we bring her to him! We'll be living the sweet life, dude! Money, alcohol, babes! We'll be the next big thing in our neighborhood!"

  His words didn't do much to calm his companion down, the bad feeling he had after they had abducted the teenager lingered inside of him. He moved from one foot to the other, eyes fixed onto the young woman.

  "She's pretty, isn't she?" his accomplice noted, brushing strands of hair out of Jinah's face, "I wonder why the boss is so interested in her… actually… I don't care"

 "And I still think it's a bad decision we made."

 "Oh come on! Spare me with your nonsense! Think of the money!"

 "That's what I mean… for a simple girl that's… a lot of money. Like… why? What's so special about her?" "I repeat… I don't care!"

  The slightly smaller, more nervous man stepped closer, examining Jinah's petite frame. His eyes wandered from her face, over her neck, down to the v-neck of her t-shirt where he caught a glimpse of a darker patch of skin. The lowered his head and rubbed his eyes, making sure he was not imagining things. A thought flashed up in his mind which he quickly pushed away as dirty fingers moved to push the collar of her shirt aside.

  As if he got burnt, he stumbled backwards until his back was pressed up against one of the many columns of the warehouse, muttering multiple curses under his breath.

  "The fuck is wrong with you?!" his mate asked, watching him extend his arm to point at the young woman.

 "S-she… she… fuck!! This is bad!! Really bad!!" "Oi, you idiot! Relax, what's your problem?"

  The scared man grabbed his accomplice's collar, dragging him closer. "Fucking look at that!" he exclaimed, pulling down the neck of Jinah's shirt, revealing a birthmark just below her left collarbone, shaped like a perfect crescent moon.

  "This is what freaks you out?! It's a fucking birthmark!"

 "Do you even know what that means?!"

"No and I don't care! It's a birthmark!"

"Shaped like a crescent moon!"

"I see that! So what?!" The smaller man sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose before he looked at his companion.

"She's a fucking Alpha's daughter!"

 His accomplice broke into a laugh.

 "Pffff, an Alpha's daughter… yeah right!"

 "I swear, dude! I just recently read about that! The birthmark proves she's an Alpha's daughter! Someone who was born an Alpha, the strongest and most dangerous type of werewolf there is!" he explained, running his hands through his hair in an soupcon of panic, "fuck man!! Fuck!! I'm sure the Alpha is looking for her! We'll be dead if that beast finds us!"

  "Stop being such a scaredy cat! We'll be fine! If what you say is true, I doubt the Alpha knows where we are."

  As if to prove him wrong, a bone-chilling howl echoed through the warehouse, startling both men. They frantically looked around, trying to make out where it came from. The dim light in the warehouse didn't prove to be much of a help as most parts were engulfed in darkness.

  "See?! I told you the Alpha would be looking for her!! Fuck!! L-let's just… let's just set her free! Maybe the Alpha will spare us!"

 "Are you stupid?! I'm not gonna let the opportunity to get rich slip just because you got scared by… nothing."

 "Nothing?! You heard the howl!"

 "It was… probably just… a dog or something." "A dog?! Howling like that?! Are you out of your mind?!"

  A metallic clank made them both jump and turn around, this time sure of the direction it came from. The abductors strained their necks, eyes frantically darting through the wide open space. As they couldn't make out anything, they somewhat relaxed, chalking it up to their nerves getting the better of them.

  "See? I told you there's nothing!"

  Right as the last word has left his mouth, a low growl rumbled through the air. Both of the men turned to their right with their hearts racing, gulping as they laid eyes upon the two glowing, crimson orbs staring back at them from the dark.

 With slow steps the werewolf, albeit still in its human form, moved closer towards them, baring fangs as she growled, claws extracting in a threatening manner, scratching along metal sheets that were leaning against the wall to her right side, sending sparks flying as she dragged them along the rusted surface.

 The taller man shifted his gaze towards Jinah, the slight twitch in his legs not gone unnoticed by the Alpha. Byulyi's eyebrows knit together, her eyes flickered with sheer anger as she snarled at him. Throwing all caution to the wind, the man sprinted towards the teenager. Before he could even reach her, his eyes grew wide as he felt a hand around his neck, feet losing touch with the ground, realizing that Byulyi had leaped in front of her daughter to protect her. The kidnapper floundered with his feet in a desperate attempt to make contact with the ground again, his eyes wide in shock at the immense strength the seemingly petite woman had. His hands came up to pry at Byulyi's single one but no matter how hard he tried, the werewolf kept the iron grip around his neck.

 His companion watched in horror, frantically looking around to find anything to attack the werewolf with, though he knew he would stand little to no chance against her but he had to at least try. He found a metal pipe, gripping it tightly in his hands as he charged at the werewolf. He swung the metal rod like a mad man, screaming from the top of his lungs. Lifting the makeshift weapon high above his head to land a hit into the werewolf's head, the man's eyes grew wide as Byulyi caught the pipe with her free hand, bending it as if it was made out of rubber.

With an energetic jolt Byulyi ripped the pipe out of his hand, throwing it into a corner. A bloodcurdling roar filled the warehouse, followed by a dull thump as the Alpha flung the other man towards his accomplice, knocking both to the ground in the process.

 Byulyi's breathing was heavy, keeping her eyes fixed on the two men who dared to lay hand onto her daughter. Neither of them moved, the force they've been thrown at each other with had knocked the wind as well as their conciousness out of them.

Knowing they'd be out cold for a good while, her fangs and claws retracted, eyes turning back to their natural color. A soft whimper caught Byulyi's attention. She spun around to see Jinah stir, slowly pushing herself up from the ground, groaning as one hand shot up to her head.

 The teenager hissed, feeling as if a truck had run her over. Her head pounded and her limbs were sore, her vision blurry. She blinked a few times to adjust her eyes to the dim light and regain her vision, a soupcon of sheer panic took her over as she frantically looked around, not recognizing her surroundings. Her breathing began to pick up, heart thumping against her chest as she could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

  "Jinah!"

  The Alpha's daughter whipped her head around, relief washed over her in an instant as she laid eyes upon the familiar face.

  "Mom!!"

  Byulyi dropped onto her knees, pulling the teenager into her arms while Jinah instantly circled hers around her mother's waist. Both, mother and daughter held each other in a tight, yet comforting embrace as tears streamed down their cheeks.

  "Mom… I was," Jinah hiccuped, "I was… so scared…"

  "I know, baby girl… I know… I was scared too!" Byulyi stated, her voice thick with tears, disengaging herself from Jinah, hands on her daughter's cheeks, "are you okay? Are you hurt?"

  "I… I think I'm fine."

  A barely visible yet proud smile tugged at the corners of Byulyi's lips, despite her fear and everything she had went through the past hours, Jinah was a fighter.

  "We should leave. Can you walk?"

  Jinah nodded, eyes following the werewolf as she rose back to her feet, gladly accepting the extended hand her mother offered to her.

 The teenager's gaze fell upon the two men who had abducted her, causing Jinah to step closer to her mom in fear, hands tightly gripping her arm.

 "Don't worry," Byulyi assured as she noticed Jinah staring at them, "they won't do anything to you anymore."

  "A-are they---"

  Byulyi shook her head. "They're just unconcious. I'm not a monster, Jinah. People like them on the other hand," Byulyi said, turning her head towards the kidnappers, "it's people like them who are the real monsters in this world."

  Jinah silently agreed to her mom's wise words as it couldn't be more true.

  "Let's go home. Your mommy is waiting for us."

  Just as Byulyi was about to turn, Jinah flung herself into her mother's arms again, hugging her tight, head resting on her chest.

  "Thank you, mom…" she whispered, "for saving me."

  Byulyi smiled and kissed the top of her daughter's head. "You know I'd give my life to keep you and mommy safe."

 Jinah hugged her even tighter upon hearing these words.

  "Let's go, kiddo."

  The Alpha's daughter stuck close to her mother as they walked past the abductors. While being glad Jinah seemed and looked to be fine physically, Byulyi was well aware of the deep, emotional wound her daughter would have to deal with. Yet she felt somewhat at ease, knowing her and Yongsun would do everything they could to support their child, helping her to tend to the wound this traumatic event had caused. Byulyi swore that to herself as they stepped out of the warehouse into the cool night air.

Sorry for the weird spacing; it looks fine in the editor but once posted it’s all over the place. Anyway, to whoever stopped by and took the time to read: Thank you very much :)

[ventoaureorun]

May I please request a something for the love languages valentine thing with Melone in mind? My love language is words of affirmation and I use she/her pronouns. I think going out to lunch somewhere that isn't so fancy that it would be stressful but still a nice place so you can dress up in something pretty would be fun. Especially if you get to see birds hang outside a cafe. I just think Melone's fantastic and just being around him would make me giddy or getting to talk to him about biology

“ Mmm baby doll, wake up already…”You slowly woke up to your boyfriend Melone’s arms tightly wrapped around your waist while his head rests on your shoulders. Staring at you as you slowly blinked awake, it was honestly quite frightening at first but you’ve gotten used to it over time. As you slowly gained full conciousness, your face gets peppered with light kisses before Melone himself leaves the bed.“ I took a day off today to spend it with you! Risotto says he’ll give all my missions today to Ghia so alls good~ I’ve planned a little date for us today too, so all you need to do is look pretty and we’ll go out and have fun!”In his happy little singsong voice he tries to coax you out of bed. With a few complaints you get ready and dress yourself up. It was nice, after all, Melone didn’t get many days off in his profession. So off you went, following what little plan you boyfriend had for you.To some people his incessent chattering would have been annoying but dear lord for you it was adorable. You watched and listened, taking in what exciting scientific breakthrough was published last night and the way his excitement shone through his little mask. The way his eyebrows rose when he gets passionate about the topic and the way his eyes sparkle when they catch the sun light as the two of you walk. Melone’s hands never letting go of yours as he speaks too. With every big motion he makes he just continues holding onto you tightly and swings your arm along with his. He doesn’t even seem to be paying attention to the direction he’s been walking yet you two do end up at an old cafe at the edge of the central part of town.“ I love this place honestly. This part of town is still under Passione so they don’t really mind us here, plus we can people watch as its still near a busy street.”Upon entering, all he had to do was throw a few notes to the owner and he quickly ushers you to the private balcony on the second floor overlooking the street below. Unlike most dates you two don’t seat opposite each other, Melone casually drags his chair nearer to your side and pushes the table closer to the ledge, so the both of you can watch the street below side by side“ Order whatever you want, I’ll cover it, I have no one else to spend this money on other than you mia bella~”He gives you a very excited smile before he continues with the latest updates on his little experiments from the last mission, occationally pausing to point out what is worth ordering here before getting distracted by a passerby and rambling on about who he thinks he would mate them with. You enjoyed the time you had with him, it was nice having some uninterrupted privacy over the semi-busy streets. While you payed attention to the people, what truly armoured you were the birds that flew by in the sky. As you watched a pair fly by your eyes eventually landed on Melone’s.“ Like it? Hehe I picked this place because we’d be outside with the trees too so the birds come real close! Look look!”He somehow managed to dig some seeds out from one of his pockets and placed them on the handrails before backing away, to which some song birds from the trees tentatively hopped over, quickly ate the seeds up and flew away. Damn that was amazing, you were surprised those little creatures even dared to come over. You enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with your loving boyfriend, as the evening drew near the two of you packed up and left. Standing outside the restaurant he pulls you in for a proud and passionate kiss in front of shocked pedestrians. “ Happy Valentine’s amore mio.”

[musicallady7]

•HER•

Richard and I strolled by the river Seine admiring the streets of Paris. Everything was so aesthetically picturesque. Like a pretty painting you'd see in a museum. The river below was calm with gentle waves rippling by the water. Birds swooped down to the river with their wings flapping to get home as the sun began to set. The sky was graced with a fine line of peach clouds, the bright orange light slowly beginning to fade away as a midnight blue sky loomed over it.

Bikers pass over the bridge, riding right past us. The cool breeze blew back my hair, conveniently keeping the strands out of my face as it lightly ruffled the flowy skirt of my dress. At nearby restaurants, couples toasted over a glass of red wine, as a  little car with a family of four drove by.

Then there was Richard. He makes this scene perfect.

His face that beamed with warmth looked so radiant in the last light of the sun. A soft smile rested on his lips. I pursed my lips and felt the heat on my cheeks when my mind painted a very sensuous image of how his lips would feel on mine. His ginger red hair that contrasted against the orange lighting of the sunset was combed neatly and looked soft to touch. I was tempted to run a hand through his beautiful red locks. His emerald green eyes matched the military uniform he wore. I was delighted beyond words to hear he came home from the war safely. I was afraid I'd never see him again.

I grasped his hand that held mine a little tighter, afraid he would disappear like a beautiful mirage. He felt like a daydream.

I stared a bit longer than I hoped. He sensed me looking and met my eyes. I immediately averted my gaze somewhere else feeling my cheeks heat up.

This all seemed like a scene in a movie, but that's how it always seemed with Richard. He had quite the talent to make it all feel surreal as if it were coming off the pages of my favorite novels.

We passed by a vintage themed flower shop, where a myriad of beautiful bouquets were displayed outside in painted artsy buckets. The sweet scent of the flowers soothed me and made me exhale deeply. Richard abruptly stopped walking, gazing at the bouquets. I followed his example stopping to appreciate the flowers as well.

"They look pretty." I muttered to myself brushing my fingers lightly over their delicate petals.

"Eira" he called me, getting my attention.

"Yeah?" I asked sending him a small glance before turning back to the flowers.

"Wait here" he replied, as he motioned with his hand to stay where I was. I nodded silently, a bit distracted by the flowers. From my peripheral vision, I see him running inside the store. I wait outside as he asked, just looking around. Soon enough he walks out with a bouquet of white and pastel pink camellias in one hand.

He hands the bouquet to me, placing it in my hand "For you"

I look at him, then back at the flowers, then back up at him a couple times before I could respond. "Th-thanks" I stuttered in a small voice being absolutely flustered.

Like a schoolgirl, I tuck a strand of my platinum blonde hair behind my ear before daring to actually meet his light green eyes that bore into my soul. God, those eyes. They make me sigh dreamily when I think of them.

I still had a hard time comprehending that he actually loves me sometimes. It just feels so unreal still. Then he does all these things, says all these things, he's so sweet and sincere. I don't know if he does it conciously or unconciously but even just by the way he looks at me, like now, I can feel his adoration and love. My heart just melts. How can I not love him back?

•HIM•

After dinner we decided to walk around Paris a bit more. It was later in the night and there were only a few people left in the streets now, including me and Eira. As we walked around, I notice she would glance at the flowers then at me often. Her mind was preoccupied by something.

Suddenly, the rain started to pour down heavily. We both exclaimed in surprise being soaked from head to toe. I grabbed her hand as we ran to take cover under a small outdoor roof of a closed restaurant.

"Well that was an unexpected turn of events" she said with a laugh, looking up at the grey stormy sky that used to be clear and filled with stars earlier.

I grimaced at the sudden change of the weather. "I guess that ruins a nice evening walk"

"Hmm" she hummed thoughtfully, smiling widely afterwards. "It doesnt have to you know" she placed her bouquet at a table making sure it wouldn't fly off. She then took my hand and dragged me out to the empty streets the raindrops showering down on us. She jumped and whooped in excitement, stretching her arms upwards.

"Eira what are you doing? You might catch a cold" I warned her as I quickly took my coat off to wrap around her. She removed  the coat and hung it on my shoulders.

"Richard, if I catch a cold, you'll be there to take care of me anyway. Now come on!" She beckoned me to play in the rain with her.

She started to twirl around and splash on the puddles, laughing out loud. This is the most carefree I've seen her be. She noticed me standing there just watching her  with an amused look and splashed a puddle my way. I made an even bigger splash her way.

She gasped in surprise and laughed mischievously. "Oh, so that's how its gonna be!"

She wouldn't back down, she wanted to get her revenge. She ran to a store and took a bucket that was catching rainwater. She lifted it with ease and emptied its contents on me. I shut my eyes tight as I was drenched from head to toe. She threw her head back in laughter, then bending down and slapping her knee.

"Im going to get you!" I chased after her and she immediately ran to avoid getting caught. It came to a point where we chased each other round and round and round a car. The cycle broke when I jumped over the hood and caught her, wrapping my arms around  her waist. She shrieked in surprise, giggling uncontrollably as I spun her around in the air until she got dizzy.

"Okay okay you win. Put me down now" she gasped breathlessly as she tried to catch her breath.

I placed her back down on the ground. Once she was on her feet, she stumbled slightly and placed her hands on my shoulders to lean on me for support. My hands never left her waist. She looked up at me beaming with her frosty blue eyes. I observe them thoroughly and for the first time, noticed that she had a snowflake pattern in the irises of her eyes. I realize our close proximity and felt a shiver run down my spine at how close we were.

"Dance with me" she whispered.

"There's no music"

She chuckled softly and replied "Close your eyes and listen closely"

I did as she asked. I could hear the rain pitter patterning on the rooftops. The wind rattling the windows. The movement of the river nearby. The sound of our light breathing. Straining my ears, I listened closer. That's when I heard it. Soft music playing a soothing tune from afar. It was faint but it was there.

"I hear it" I told Eira who smiled widely. We began to sway to the tune as she slipped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. We stared into each other's eyes as we danced focusing only on each other. When we waltzed on the empty street of Paris time seemed to stop. There was no one else in the world but us.

My breath hitched as Eira leaned in closer to sing softly in my ear.

Des nuits d'amour à plus finir

Un grand bonheur, qui prend sa place

Des ennuis des chagrins s'effacent

Heureux, heureux, à en mourir

Her voice soothed me. Like there was no trouble in the world. She sounded as soft and gentle as an angel. She has me enchanted. I am hypnotized by the way the words elegantly flow from her lips. I am trapped by her icy blue eyes. At this moment I knew I was always going to be hers.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras

Qu'il me parle tout bas

Je vois la vie en rose

Il me dit des mots d'amour

Des mots de tous les jours

Et ça m'fait quelque chose

She continued to sing as we made the street our dance floor. Light on our toes, it almost felt like we were waltzing on air, secure in each other's embrace. Holding her close, I basked in her grace and beauty. All I could focus on in the moment was her. How elegant her every move seemed. The way she smiled. How her pale skin looked absolutely radiant in the moonlight.

Il est entré dans mon cœur

Une part de bonheur

Dont je connais la cause

C'est toi pour moi, moi pour toi dans la vie

Tu me l'as dit, m'as juré pour la vie

Et, dès que je t’aperçois

Alors je sens en moi

Mon cœur qui bat

La-la-la, la-la-la

La-la-la, la-la-la

La, la, la-la

She continued to hum gently as I spun her around and lowered her body to dip. I slowly brought her back up, my eyes never leaving hers. She was truly ethereal, and she captivated me in every way. There was no escape. No matter if she felt the same way or not, my heart belonged to her.

We stood in the middle of the dimlit streets of Paris at night. The rain poured down on us in a cold shower. The moon was a subtle silhouette in a puddle nearby. The soft music was masked behind the whistle of the wind.

And there's Eira. She is what makes this scene perfect.

We held our breaths as we stepped closer and closer to each other. She slowly brought her hand up and caressed my cheek. I leaned in to her soft touch. Her eyes flickered to my lips and she stared intently at them. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as she leaned in close enough that our lips brushed against each other.

The next moment, I am taken by surprise when she planted her lips on mine and tugged on my collar to pull me into a soft yet passionate kiss. For a few seconds I froze unable to respond and had a hard time registering it in my head that she was kissing me. She was kissing me.

Eira was about to pull away, not feeling me kissing back but as soon as I noticed that, I responded quickly, gently holding her face and kissing her senseless. Our lips moved perfectly together, in sync. As I closed my eyes, I can feel her smile into the kiss when I ran my fingers through her hair. She wrapped her arms around my torso and pulled me in closer that I can feel her heartbeat on my chest just as rapid as mine.

I cant remember how long I waited for this to happen and now it finally was. Eira couldn't help but giggle, interrupting the kiss. I chuckled fondly at her being adorable. Her eyes met mine once more.

We simply gazed at each other saying nothing yet having a mutual understanding. Nothing needed to be said.

Disclaimer: I dont own the song La Vie En Rose

[strawberryspeachy]

Idk who else does this. I assume im not the only one but it makes it impossible for me to console with my friends and family about one another. More so - my family.

I bitch about my family a lot on here. In depth stories and how theyve fucked me up mentally. My family is not full of the worst people. Theyre all very well liked out in the world - im actually the only unpopular one. But my family acts so different around each other vs with strangers. They all refuse to think about the fact that all of us probably do that and ... well anyway. I can never go to my family and tell them about something that happened out in the world because while they might comfort me initially while im mortified - a couple weeks later theyll use it as ammunition against me

My aunt told me before i went to college that i was the worst person to live with and that im a selfish conceited bitch and ill never be friends with my roommates because i overreact and freak out all the time

So heres the thing

She was right. All that did happen. And with her - what she said was true. But idk why it happened in college and with my roommates because i act completely different with people who arent my family. Below

My family doesnt hear me when i talk in a regular tone of voice, theyll even pretend im not talking. I have to scream to get their attention - and then oh boy do i get it.

But i dont scream with anyone else. In fact i very conciously get quieter. I speak slower and deeper and quieter. My pitch changes with my feelings as i talk and my upset pitch combined with my naturally carrying voice is distinct. But its not yelling/screaming

When my family picks a fight with me i already know whats going on. I know why theyre mad and who they are. I have no questions as to why theyre fighting with me (except that time a couple months ago with my grandfather) my family starts calling me names and degrading me. Honestly. I might say bitch or asshole, but ive never been a fan of the - im gonna cut you down because im mad thing - i always just kinda cry and tell them to stop (except my mother who i started doing it to to get a point accross to her that its not cool - didnt work) hm... actually i have nothing to note here. This is when i start reciting what actions and words the person calling me ‘lazy’ or whatever has done/said that make me do the things—— like if a family member tells me a lazy and never help them - ill bring up the last five times i tried to help them and instead of thanked i got told i did it all wrong or that they told me to leave them alone or whatever. I have a super good memory for the things people have said to me and can recite their quotes back at them. That really pisses people off for some reason. —- but friends and strangers too. They might tell me off for only contacting them when i need something. To which ill literally pull out my phone and show them all of the texts ive asked them that are me just wondering about their lite that have gone unanswered. That theyve only answered the ones where ive asked a favor.

So idk with that one

But heres a third. I said i know my family. I know their intentions and who they are. I dont ask them why theyre doing things. When we get in a fight because they did something shitty i tell them to stop. I do the crappy thing where im like ‘you always do/say this when blank happens and i cant handle it. You need to take a step back and figure out why you always react this way’ but with other people - i dont understand them. When they hurt me i tell them “to me it seemsss like youre doing blank. Am i understanding this correctly? If i am why are you doing it?”

See what i mean here. So if i to to my family like. Why do people hate me theyre like - cause you assume you know people but you dont. Where as the other people are like ‘stop asking me why - you dont need to know!’

It really doesnt personally get me anywhere. My family thinks im a dickhead and everyone else ... idk to my family i scream and im accusational and i drudge up the past (to them 2 weeks ago is the past - theyve totally changed)

To my family when they wont do what i ask i throw a tempertantrum. To everyone else i ask a bunch of questions and then pull away. Pull away might sound like im ignoring them but with everyone i talk to im always the one to start and keep conversations going. I just stop starting them for a little bit till im dont being upset with them (normally its from them making me a promise and then breaking it)

So yea. I have no point with this other than to say - i cant go to my family unit and ask what the fuck is wrong with me. Cause. So many things in their eyes. I am a massive peace of shit. But also in their eyes - its kinda ok cause my entire family is a massive peace of shit snd we just kinda coexist in this obligation to talk and exchange gifts and pleasantries from time to time

But like in college when i thought id gotten over my depression and it came back and i shared my thoughts woth my college friends - one of them told me i cant tell them that stuff. That i need to go talk to my family about my personal problems. And i was like well fuck.. you’re probably probably right and im a social fuckup possibly because i cant do that