#and gave advice based on the assumption that i was cis

[tpwrtrmnky]

Look, all I'm saying is, when I went to a hair removal clinic to get this bullshit off my face I was advised that hirsutism in women is a serious medical condition and before paying up i should make sure my doctor would note in my journal that i have it, so that it would be eligible for coverage

So I checked aaaaaaand nope, not when you're trans, specifically. Then there's no proven psychological benefit of removing facial hair, apparently.

That is the difference.

[dragonbugsuperior]

Stop Blaming Marinette

Honestly no, everything is blamed on Marinette.

What happened in the New York special is not Marinette’s fault. Adrien stans specifically use it to excuse the bashing of Marinette and placing responsibility on her for something she shouldn’t feel bad for. Marinette is constantly shamed and blamed for things that aren’t her fault in the show, the fanbase, and the narrative and I’m tired of it. Adrien initiated the dance in New York. A reminder that Marinette at the time was trying to move on from Adrien all throughout the movie. Marinette is the one who picked out Adrien and Kagami’s ice cream in Miracle Queen, Marinette’s the one who gave Adrien advice in Frozer, Marinette’s the one who sacrificed her own feelings for her “friends” to be happy, Marinette’s the one who helped both Kagami and Adrien get away from their packed schedule and busy lifestyle when she really didn’t have to but she’s “sweet” one of the most if not the sweetest character in Miraculous Ladybug.

Guess it's easier to shift the blame onto someone who's always receives blame rather than admit they're predatory cis billionaire white boy is in the wrong.

I'm tired of Marinette apologizing.

I'm tired of Marinette being held responsible for things she shouldn't be.

I'm tired of the constant shaming and humiliation Marinette goes through.

I'm tired of her crush on Adrien being exaggerated just so people can get a "good laugh" it's misogynistic.

Backpedaling her crush when she's trying to move on is not comedy. It's annoying. Not only do they back pedal her crush they destroy her opportunity with someone who actually does respect her boundaries, actually makes her feel comfortable and is easy to talk to when in distress.

But I guess it's only for the writers to make sure they're white predatory character stays relevant if they're mixed asian protagonist is fawning over with all the other girls except her black best friend. (Who is also whitewashed along with her)

Marinette was with Luka during the NYC special, she was actively trying to move on while Adrien was the one who asked Marinette to dance. Can we also talk about how messed up it was for Kagami to choose a guy over her first actual female friend? If anyone’s to blame and be held accountable here, it should be Adrien. He knew he was with Kagami and he was the one to initiate the dance with Marinette. Adrien grabs Marinette’s arm and starts to dance with her. Frozer still rubbed me the wrong way, that assumption was based off false knowledge which could have been prevented, Kagami’s statement was snarky and all around pure jealousy.

I'm genuinely getting tired of people blaming Marinette for everything including this new heep of mess circling around the special.

Her and Marinette have not interacted at all in that episode whatsoever, Marinette gave no reason for Kagami to say anything to her, but because she was given that Adrien had feelings for this mysterious somebody she assumes it’s Marinette and causes her to behave in a catty snarky way. I'm a very opinionated person, but can manage to hold my tongue on many hot-topic issues if the situation calls for it. This is not one of them. Stop blaming Marinette.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hiii. I want to first say thanks for all the help you gave me, really. But I do have a question, I have a story I want to write that is in first person and I want to hide something really big about the main caracter until the end of the story. Their gender. Mostly because I want people to try and figure out along the way and break a little of the assumptions we do about main character already based on gender. Any advice how (and even if) I should carry on this story? Again thank you so much ;)

Story Challenging Gender Assumptions

I love the idea of a story that challenges assumptions we have about gender, and I do think it can probably be done. I can’t speak for anyone else, but on the day-to-day my inner thoughts wouldn’t normally out my gender identity. My irritation at household chores that I need to do, e-mails I need to write, bills I need to pay, and general frustration at humanity-in-general certainly wouldn’t give anything away. So, I think you just have to make sure to avoid situations/thought processes where it would be difficult to avoid. Like, if your character is a CIS woman, you probably want to avoid a scene where she’s frustrated about an upcoming visit to the gynecologist or that her birth control has gone up in cost, as those two things would obviously give everything away. But, if she’s thinking about how she’s crushing on the new girl at work, that doesn’t tell us anything definitive even though some people might wrongfully assume she’s a man. And that’s the fun part, is finding all those little ways to challenge those assumptions. :)

————————————————————————————————-

Have a question? My inbox is always open, but make sure to check my FAQ and post master lists first to see if I’ve already answered a similar question. :)

[wearamaskcoward]

Why did you say you were a cis woman on your dating profiles when youre obviously trans. Plus you posted about being trans on here multiple times. Youre outright lying to people and it’s disgusting

I…am a cis woman??

I haven’t “posted about being trans multiple times”, I’ve reblogged like 2 posts recently that give advice to trans people, and I just happened to have some knowledge about one part of those posts. Last time I checked cis people were allowed to and encouraged to reblog those types of posts.

The first one was post for trans men who are going to have top surgery that mentioned taking Tylenol to help with the pain. I’ve had migraines on and off since I was 10, and I take the active ingredient in Tylenol for it. I never once even alluded to being trans, and I’m 99% sure I specifically said that I take it for migraines,  I was providing my own experiences with that drug, because I think that the information I gave was important for anyone who would be taking Tylenol.

The second one was a photoset that was giving advice about fashion for trans women. They briefly talked about shoes, but it was more or less just how to convert from men’s sizes to women’s, and that it might be easier to buy shoes from companies that make them specifically for trans women. I was wearing women’s 11s by the time I was in middle school, and basically all of my shoes are women’s 12s now. I now the struggle™ of being a woman with large feet, so I reblogged with some tips and tricks that I’ve learned over the years, since the post didn’t mention them.

So…I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make assumptions about my genitals based off of what medications I take and my shoe size, thanks

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/porn-star-accuses-famed-sex-and-relationship-expert-reid-mihalko-of-sexual-misconduct/

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

Predating the #MeToo movement, cuddle parties took the nation by storm, finding audiences starved for the language that would land them the stress-free intimacy they so craved.

The golden rule for Cuddle Party attendees: Ask permission and get a verbal yes before you touch anyone.

The oft-pajama-clad participants were encouraged to check in frequently by asking fellow would-be cuddlers questions such as: Is this okay? How does this feel? Does this feel good? Reid Mihalko pioneered these consent-based non-sex parties in 2004, 10 years before California Gov. Jerry Brown signed the first affirmative consent standard into law.

With little in the way of formal academic credentials for sex ed traininghe earned a bachelors degree in fine artsMihalko went from Cuddle Party co-founder to famed Sex Geek, lecturing at universities across the country and launching his own series of sex education workshops and DVDs. Touted as a sex and relationship expert, the 49-year-old continues to preach the importance of consent throughout his lectures; one of his more popular college campus talks is How to Be a Gentleman AND Get Laid: Navigating Consent, Sexual Freedom, Partying, Dating, Relationships and What It Means To Be a Man On Campus.

But now one woman is accusing Mihalko of gross hypocrisy.

Adult actress Kelly Shibari says that about eight years ago she had a disturbing encounter with Mihalko when she was invited to one of his workshops in downtown Los Angeles.

Fascinated by the workshop, Shibari says she offered Mihalko a ride back to where he was staying while in town. She was looking forward to extending the conversation as they drovebut the conversation didnt go as planned. As I drove him back to his friends place, he spent the entire time trying to figure out how to have sex with me. I kept telling him, well, Im a sex worker and a porn performer, you cant get this unless you pay for this and I wasnt doing any private sessions, recalls Shibari. He kept hammering at it, even after we parked and I said no. Hed come up with scenarios, like what if we did a video together, or different kinds of workshops. It felt like he was coming up with workshop ideas just so he could have sex.

To complicate matters, these workshops represented a work opportunity for Shibari.

Expressing a sense of exasperation, Shibari, 45, seems to relive those moments as she shares her story with me. He was doing the puppy dog thing. He said, Well if we cant have sex is there something else we can do? Youre so pretty, etc. I stood my ground and he tried to come up with all these different scenarios and so I was like, Would a handjob work? recalls Shibari. It was like he didnt understand he was pushing too far and I was like, fine, I will give you a handjob if youll just leave. I dont think he understood what he did was wrong, especially because a couple of months later he hired me for a hand sex workshop. I accepted and in a weird way that probably negated any uncomfortable scenario that happened before.

Still, she did not feel comfortable with the encounter. Those were the early years of her adult entertainment career, which for many performers is a time of uncertaintynot knowing what you can and cant say no to while still maintaining a profitable career. When I first got in the industry I wanted to be a team player, I wanted to play along, says Shibari.

The incident seemed especially out of line with the public emphasis Mihalko placed on affirmative consent.

To give a sense of the game Mihalko talks, when The Daily Beast contacted him and gave a sketch of the nature of the accusationsharassed into giving him a handjob in a carMihalkos first response was to note his concern about any pressure regarding names. I dont want you to tell me who it was. In role modeling as a cis man, especially a white cis man, I make it a policy to ask for information and not names until the people who have names want me to know. Mihalko went on to explain it as nerdy consent stuff and indicative of where we are with rape culture in todays society.

Despite not being given a name, Mihalko went on to say that he remembers when he met Kelly Shibari there was indeed a handjob in the car. I believe that was at the beginning of Kelly and I getting to know each other. Back then I had a lot less unexamined privilege and was very extroverted, he says.

He notes it was also around that time that he was shifting from cuddle parties to sex education and wasnt yet as experienced in professionally interacting with porn performers. I saw porn performers as excellent in communicating their boundaries because they communicate as part of their profession. Now all these years later, knowing what I do now, all I can say is that we are all human and just because someone is a performer or sex educator doesnt mean they are amazing about speaking up, says Mihalko.

Trying to remember the situation with Shibari in the car, Mihalko surmises that he was probably really nerdy and was very excited to be talking shop with a sex industry colleague. It was like musicians talking about music. I was just geeking out. Looking back, I now realize that might come across as pressure because all Im doing is talking about sex with them, says Mihalko. My assumption back then, which is different from today, is that everyone is capable of telling me to shut up.

Jokingly referring to himself as a golden retriever on espresso, Mihalko explains, Im that kind of energy, acknowledging that his enthusiasm can sometimes be mistaken for pressure, so Ive learned to recalibrate, to be the well-behaved golden retriever on espresso. Im using humor but not trying to trivialize it.

Ten years ago, Mihalko says he was probably checking in but may have been less aware of any existing power dynamic, calling himself less savvy about sexism then. As a result of his growing popularity, Mihalko explains the importance of using side channelsa new policy hes developed due to his celebrity status and what he calls the wonkiness of shifting power dynamics. If someone has an issue and they feel unable to take it up with him directly, he encourages them to bring the issue up via other people or methods, in a way that they are comfortable doing. He calls the situation with Shibari tricky, since he considers her a friend: I performed with her in a porn, she did a workshop with me and we stayed in touch afterwards. Mihalko also says he reached out to Shibari after discovering shed named him on a list of bad industry people but nothing came of it. This also might be why that encounter came to mind.

When somebody comes forward with any information, my advice is to thank them for speaking up and ask them to tell you more, says Mihalko. Treat the situation like it happened yesterday, even if it was 15 years ago. Its not about why didnt they speak up sooner, its huge that they are speaking up at all. Ask them what they need, ask how to clean up the mistakes, and how you can help to start the process of healing.

Shibari continued to work with Mihalko after the handjob incident and says, I thought it was good business. I had initially passed it off as an industry thing that people do because its porn.

Just last year Shibari says Mihalko approached her, inviting her to one of his play parties. I said no and stormed off. He obviously doesnt get it, says Shibari. Maybe you should think about your prior interactions with someone before you approach them and apologize.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com

[relationshipadviser-blog]

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/porn-star-accuses-famed-sex-and-relationship-expert-reid-mihalko-of-sexual-misconduct/

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

Predating the #MeToo movement, cuddle parties took the nation by storm, finding audiences starved for the language that would land them the stress-free intimacy they so craved.

The golden rule for Cuddle Party attendees: Ask permission and get a verbal yes before you touch anyone.

The oft-pajama-clad participants were encouraged to check in frequently by asking fellow would-be cuddlers questions such as: Is this okay? How does this feel? Does this feel good? Reid Mihalko pioneered these consent-based non-sex parties in 2004, 10 years before California Gov. Jerry Brown signed the first affirmative consent standard into law.

With little in the way of formal academic credentials for sex ed traininghe earned a bachelors degree in fine artsMihalko went from Cuddle Party co-founder to famed Sex Geek, lecturing at universities across the country and launching his own series of sex education workshops and DVDs. Touted as a sex and relationship expert, the 49-year-old continues to preach the importance of consent throughout his lectures; one of his more popular college campus talks is How to Be a Gentleman AND Get Laid: Navigating Consent, Sexual Freedom, Partying, Dating, Relationships and What It Means To Be a Man On Campus.

But now one woman is accusing Mihalko of gross hypocrisy.

Adult actress Kelly Shibari says that about eight years ago she had a disturbing encounter with Mihalko when she was invited to one of his workshops in downtown Los Angeles.

Fascinated by the workshop, Shibari says she offered Mihalko a ride back to where he was staying while in town. She was looking forward to extending the conversation as they drovebut the conversation didnt go as planned. As I drove him back to his friends place, he spent the entire time trying to figure out how to have sex with me. I kept telling him, well, Im a sex worker and a porn performer, you cant get this unless you pay for this and I wasnt doing any private sessions, recalls Shibari. He kept hammering at it, even after we parked and I said no. Hed come up with scenarios, like what if we did a video together, or different kinds of workshops. It felt like he was coming up with workshop ideas just so he could have sex.

To complicate matters, these workshops represented a work opportunity for Shibari.

Expressing a sense of exasperation, Shibari, 45, seems to relive those moments as she shares her story with me. He was doing the puppy dog thing. He said, Well if we cant have sex is there something else we can do? Youre so pretty, etc. I stood my ground and he tried to come up with all these different scenarios and so I was like, Would a handjob work? recalls Shibari. It was like he didnt understand he was pushing too far and I was like, fine, I will give you a handjob if youll just leave. I dont think he understood what he did was wrong, especially because a couple of months later he hired me for a hand sex workshop. I accepted and in a weird way that probably negated any uncomfortable scenario that happened before.

Still, she did not feel comfortable with the encounter. Those were the early years of her adult entertainment career, which for many performers is a time of uncertaintynot knowing what you can and cant say no to while still maintaining a profitable career. When I first got in the industry I wanted to be a team player, I wanted to play along, says Shibari.

The incident seemed especially out of line with the public emphasis Mihalko placed on affirmative consent.

To give a sense of the game Mihalko talks, when The Daily Beast contacted him and gave a sketch of the nature of the accusationsharassed into giving him a handjob in a carMihalkos first response was to note his concern about any pressure regarding names. I dont want you to tell me who it was. In role modeling as a cis man, especially a white cis man, I make it a policy to ask for information and not names until the people who have names want me to know. Mihalko went on to explain it as nerdy consent stuff and indicative of where we are with rape culture in todays society.

Despite not being given a name, Mihalko went on to say that he remembers when he met Kelly Shibari there was indeed a handjob in the car. I believe that was at the beginning of Kelly and I getting to know each other. Back then I had a lot less unexamined privilege and was very extroverted, he says.

He notes it was also around that time that he was shifting from cuddle parties to sex education and wasnt yet as experienced in professionally interacting with porn performers. I saw porn performers as excellent in communicating their boundaries because they communicate as part of their profession. Now all these years later, knowing what I do now, all I can say is that we are all human and just because someone is a performer or sex educator doesnt mean they are amazing about speaking up, says Mihalko.

Trying to remember the situation with Shibari in the car, Mihalko surmises that he was probably really nerdy and was very excited to be talking shop with a sex industry colleague. It was like musicians talking about music. I was just geeking out. Looking back, I now realize that might come across as pressure because all Im doing is talking about sex with them, says Mihalko. My assumption back then, which is different from today, is that everyone is capable of telling me to shut up.

Jokingly referring to himself as a golden retriever on espresso, Mihalko explains, Im that kind of energy, acknowledging that his enthusiasm can sometimes be mistaken for pressure, so Ive learned to recalibrate, to be the well-behaved golden retriever on espresso. Im using humor but not trying to trivialize it.

Ten years ago, Mihalko says he was probably checking in but may have been less aware of any existing power dynamic, calling himself less savvy about sexism then. As a result of his growing popularity, Mihalko explains the importance of using side channelsa new policy hes developed due to his celebrity status and what he calls the wonkiness of shifting power dynamics. If someone has an issue and they feel unable to take it up with him directly, he encourages them to bring the issue up via other people or methods, in a way that they are comfortable doing. He calls the situation with Shibari tricky, since he considers her a friend: I performed with her in a porn, she did a workshop with me and we stayed in touch afterwards. Mihalko also says he reached out to Shibari after discovering shed named him on a list of bad industry people but nothing came of it. This also might be why that encounter came to mind.

When somebody comes forward with any information, my advice is to thank them for speaking up and ask them to tell you more, says Mihalko. Treat the situation like it happened yesterday, even if it was 15 years ago. Its not about why didnt they speak up sooner, its huge that they are speaking up at all. Ask them what they need, ask how to clean up the mistakes, and how you can help to start the process of healing.

Shibari continued to work with Mihalko after the handjob incident and says, I thought it was good business. I had initially passed it off as an industry thing that people do because its porn.

Just last year Shibari says Mihalko approached her, inviting her to one of his play parties. I said no and stormed off. He obviously doesnt get it, says Shibari. Maybe you should think about your prior interactions with someone before you approach them and apologize.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com