#and frustrated bc i didn't want to be stuck like this. but i cant afford to be closer to london. and i frankly am not in the headspace
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Well turns out commuting to work's gonna be stupid expensive
Oh fucking well. I reckon I can get away with only going in once before getting a Railcard over Christmas
#delete later#gotta say it does feel like whenever i do something good with living alone and having to move stupid far away to afford#anywhere half decent i get kicked in the face with something else. makes me want to screeeaaam. but nothing i can do!#plus grief is hitting me finally. had a proper psnic moment earlier. that was not fun. im just really fucking tired you know#even with a Railcard im gonna be the most expensive fucking employee to bring in weekly. EURGH i fucking hate all of this shit#i know it doesn't matter i know. but its one extra anxiety on top of feeling shit and getting the beginnings of actual grief and i just#feel like shit and am frustrated. i wish everything was easier ya know. but it isnt. so. nevermind i guess#im just tired#and frustrated bc i didn't want to be stuck like this. but i cant afford to be closer to london. and i frankly am not in the headspace#to be job hunting rn. i know that will always be the response. just get a better job. your own fault for staying at a job that#doesnt pay very well. and yeah i know it is my own fault. its all my own fault. idk where i was going with this. im gonna go to#fucking bed. maybe shit will be better in the morning. i fucking doubt it#but im not allowed to do that so. we must persevere. im tired of it but we must
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