#and feel overwhelming intense rejection and lowkey constantly hate myself
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#once again overthinking about how i keep considering adhd medication to be some kind of life changing drug#like im just. waiting for my life to start? when i get on meds?#and there's like. a decent chance it is not gonna be like that for me#no antidepressant or adjacent has ever worked for me before#and i shouldnt rly get my hopes up and i should probably just find other ways to help myself#but it's like 'oh no i cant do that bc i have this thing later' but on a larger scale#idk#i just keep getting stuck on like#what if im just like this for the rest of my life#what if there's no treatment that works for me and what if i just cant do shit and leave things to the last minute#and feel overwhelming intense rejection and lowkey constantly hate myself#and go through all this with no remedy for the rest of my life?#what then?#idk i think im still coming to terms with like.#adhd actually being a disability#the vindication of 'oh im not faking all these things i actually Do have adhd'#is slowly being replaced by 'oh. i have adhd and i actually have to deal with that now bc it is disabling and debilitating'#and it's just. shit#anyways#ignore me#incoherent rambling
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