#and fanfiction is weirdly enough responsible for me wanting to possibly make a career out of this if i can

[coffeebanana]

I feel like it took me too long to realize I'm primarily driven by internal motivations. And I think that's sort of because I did do well in school growing up?

School came easily for the most part, and I thought it was going to get me somewhere, so putting in the effort when I needed to was something I "wanted". And I think that made me believe I was motivated by external factors (grades, parental and teacher expectations, etc...) instead.

But gosh, in my last year of undergrad? When I realized I actually had nothing lined up and wasn't interested in jobs in my field and grades didn't matter anymore? I could not make myself care. At all. Like I almost failed two classes. On the other hand, I've tried multiple times to get into coding in the past, but it never worked out. I enrolled in a program once, but I felt like I was learning all these things I'd never actually use, and once again I couldn't make myself care. Now I'm teaching myself HTML/CSS/JavaScript/etc... (the motivation being that I want a job where I can work from home/have flexible hours) and I'm having so much fun with it? Because I'm choosing how I learn. And I have a tangible (and in my mind achievable) goal, so I'm actually excited about it.

(Also...obligatory something something about how it's never too late to change what you want to do with your life.)