#and exagerating my symptoms because I didn't want to go to school

[acepandemi]

3 months without meds. Second blood test was today. The results should be in either tomorrow or overmorrow. And then we'll see.

I toughed it out! It was hard though. Not getting enough sleep, waaaay less mental energy, often being unable to focus, feeling mentally jittery. Decidely not fun!

Also, I had a conversation with my counselor about this, and she asked me if it was like this before I took these meds. And ngl, it was really hard to answer that question. I've been taking these meds for over ten years, and the person I was before that was just... so incredibly different from the person I am now, you know? A lot younger, obviously, just moved out, just started therapy, just started taking the first steps towards my Autism diagnosis. At the lowest point of my depression, soooo much unresolved trauma. Still just moving with the flow of what I thought was expected of me, barely begun to figure out who I was as a person, not to mention my sexuality and gender (still not entirely sure I've figured that out, but asexual panromantic demigirl feels good for now, better than "possibly bi woman", as I thought back then). So yeah, I can't really compare myself now to back then, not easily.

Buuuuut, important right now is that I'll finally know soon if the thing the doctor is worried about really is a side effect of the meds or not. (Tbh, my money is on "not", which would be... not neccessarily good but also not neccessarily bad, I don't know what exactly yet, but it might mean I'd get to take my meds again? And honestly, I really want that. I don't like feeling this way.)

So, now we wait untill I'm allowed to call (tomorrow morning around 11). And if the doctor ends up calling me first, again, I'll know it's trouble. Eh, at least I'm not a boring patient!