#and everytime I set an appointment it’s fucking months away

[cerridwen007]

Corruption of Innocence. Part 1.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x f!reader.

Word count: 5K (18+) minors dni!

Summary: You are the main topic of daydreams that have recently been flooding Matt's mind. Ever since he met you, you've held a strong place in his head. Every part of him has become obsessed with you, the thought of loving you, growing old together and the thought of taking your innocence for himself frequently saturate his thoughts. 

Notes/warnings: SMUT, horny af Matt, possessive/obsessive Matt, soft Matt, dirty talk, oral (male receiving), suggesting of p in v, power dynamic, unhealthy relationship, obsessive reader, sub reader, virgin reader, dom Matt, masturbation, dirty talk, no use of y/n.

A/N: Okay like I said in bio, I am quite new to tumblr and fanfic writing so I'm experimenting with a few different writing styles/conventions, level of detail and overall subject in the fics. So if you want to let me know if you found this smut enjoyable/easy to read, that would be much appreciated thanks. Also I am currently writing part 2 and was going to wait till I was further into writing with that but I just couldn’t wait to post this. I love it too much. I just wanna add that I am so grateful for the love and interaction I've received on my writing. I honestly never would have thought that so many of you would read my work let alone enjoy it, so for that I thank you and hope I can continue to deliver pieces of writing y'all enjoy. 

Corruption of Innocence. Part 2.

***********

He was obsessed with you, like no man has been or ever will. Not that it was hard or anything, you were a very good looking girl that had turned a few heads in her time, but no one had seemed to appreciate you like he did. Matt had his fair share of relationship, hookups, onenight stands and such but none of them had fulfilled anything more that his animalistic want to fuck. 

You were a different breed, rare, one of a kind, everytime he touched you he felt chills that rain throughout his entire body, setting his soul on fire and freezing it simultaneously. It was like touching an angel, you were healing his soul.

“Ah Matt, are you okay, did you need something?” you asked, a little confused at the man who had been standing in front of you for a while now.

He had been daydreaming in front of you, he had thought of you many times in many different scenarios but he never had been lost in his thoughts of you in the same room, let alone right in front of you.

“Oh.. ah yeah that’s right I wanted to see if you could reschedule the appointment I had with the Lopez family for Thursday instead of Friday." Matt choked out.

“Sure. anything else, boss?” you asked innocently.

A million thoughts raced across his mind. You slowly but enthusiastically sucking his dick, taking all of his length that you could before you choked, pulling it back out and teasing the tip of your tongue, precum dripping into your mouth, with a single drop escaping from the corner of your mouth. You were not looking away as his head dropped back between his shoulders, a loud grunt coming from his throat as he exhaled. Every wet swipe of your tongue sent shivers down his spine. That little scenario was one of many that often flashed brightly across his mind like an advertisement.

Matt quickly cleared his throat and as subtly as he could dropped the case file he was holding a little lower in attempts to hide his growing excitement. “No, that will be all…. Thank you.”

He quickly walked away to try and dissect that awkward encounter alone in his office and if he could stop thinking about you, do some work too. Which was very unlikely. He closed the door to his office and sat down behind the desk in a huff. He put his face in his hands and deeply exhaled. He was very confused about many things all surrounding you. You were like his kryptonite and anti-venom all at once.

Ever since you entered his life 6 months ago, becoming his new assistant and eventually even entering his friend group, he had been fascinated by you (especially because you were so hard to read unlike everyone else in his life) which quickly led to obsession.

He had always been a charmer and good with girls even in university (though his skills have much increased since then). But it had always been easy for him to bed any girl he wanted and that wanted him. And knowing the slut he is, it was many, very frequently. But around you he often became awkward and struggled to get the right words out, if any at all.

He was both frustrated and loved that you made him this way, very different to the experience he had with other girls. You were so perfect in every way, kind, caring, funny, sassy when you wanted to be, intelligent, had many talents and hobbies, confident and more. Yet he had many conflicting thoughts about you.

He wanted to spend hours sensually kissing every inch of your body, to study it so he could know it like the back of his hand, yet he also wanted to make you scream out his name as he claimed your pussy was his and nobody else's. His daydreams of you were often filled with starting a family with you and meeting your family and adopting pets together then quickly turned into how fucking pretty you would look as you pathetically whimpered his name, too drunk on his cock to form any other words than that. 

He was torn about having dirty thoughts about you, especially having no idea if the feelings were reciprocated. On one hand he felt almost gross thinking such dirty thoughts about a girl who came across as quite innocent especially compared to his previous romances but on the other side of him, maybe even the devil in him got even more worked up thinking about taking your innocence and being the only one allowed to praise and use your body. Corrupting you for his own entertainment.

***********

You were a class A simp. Since early teen years, you had a problem with getting crushes and becoming obsessed with them. It started off like any crush of course giggling and blushing at everything they say about you, but soon it became more, too much in fact. You would put them on such a high pedestal you would disregard and not even acknowledge any questionable or bad traits they had, even if your friends tried to warn you about it. You would simply brush it off saying it was nothing. They would appear in your dreams frequently, you would often find yourself talking to yourself and daydreaming about what it would be like to be with them and spend the rest of your lives together. 

All this infatuation led to severe disappointment, after a long while; sometimes up to years and years, the hazy cloud of perfection that you viewed them through would slowly disappear for one reason or another and you would crumble. You were a very sensitive and emotional person so it felt like your heart was literally breaking every time this happened. All over some of the shittest guys that would barely even look your way. 

You had gotten alot better since then. It had taken a long time to get over and past this self spiralling routine you had; lots of counselling and long talks with friends and just a lot more focusing on yourself. In fact for the last 3 years you had managed to stay away from developing severely unhealthy crushes, just keeping it nice and casual with the few guys that you had briefly dated, reminding yourself to look out for red flags and not to put them on some sort of perfection pedestal in your mind. You were quite proud of yourself and it was going good till you met Matt Murdock.

Looking back at all the guys you had previously become attached to, they were all pretty shitty. Either they were misogynistic or racist or made snide and creepy jokes or all three. Matt was nothing like that. You made sure you kept notes of anything out of pocket he would say and how he would act around others and had found no red flags. 

Yes, he was a bit of a flirt with other women (which you would deny to yourself but made you a little jealous) but he would alway keep it respectful and know that the girl felt comfortable around him. Still you tried your best to not think or acknowledge him more than you have to at work and social gatherings, still determined to withhold the new values you kept for yourself involving men. But it sure was damn hard. He was pretty fucken perfect.

Over the last month, as much as you hated yourself for it, you found yourself again slipping into your old, bad habits. You tried everything to stop it, distracting yourself with cleaning and cooking and hanging out with friends and everything else you could think of. None of which did much at all. The one thing that did seem to help stop or slow your growing infatuation for Matt was one thing. 

You were inexperienced, and I'm talking very inexperienced. The furthest you had gotten was a very awkward teeth banging into each other's makeout session that resulted in chipping the guy's tooth. You always tried your best to forget that memory. Even though you had been on a few dates with a few different guys it never got very far because of your fear of intimacy. I mean don't get me wrong you would love to be fucked the shit out of and then cuddle after and do allsorts of dirty stuff in the bedroom. Lord knows you thought about it often but you never had the balls to actually do any of that stuff. 

Whenever there was an opportunity, you panicked and kept overthinking about everything. Does your breath smell bad, what if you accidentally bite him too hard, what if he is actually a mad scientist and he's going to steal your DNA and make a clone out of you?! All this stuff was actually just anxiety. The real reason you had never gotten very far is because you were scared, so scared of being so vulnerable with someone, letting them into your most secret thoughts and letting them see you whole, imperfections and all. You were so caught up in your insecurity, that you never let anyone truly in, afraid of not being good enough causing them to leave you. So when Matt had asked you if you wanted to hang out at his place tonight, one on one, since Karen, Foggy and Marci were all busy, you got really nervous and spit out an awkward “..Yes!... sure I'd love to.”

**********

“Great, I'll see you at 8 tonight.” Matt said calmly. But he wasn't calm at all. In fact he too was quite nervous as being with you in the office or in a group setting it was hard to keep his hands off you. Your scent drove him wild, oftentimes throughout the day at work he would have to sneak off to the bathroom and relieve himself, driven mad by your pheromones filling his nostrils, making his cock throb in pain. Imagining it was your soft hand or wet mouth relieving him instead.

He honestly didn't know what came over himself asking you to come over to his place by yourself so the two of you could hang. He had no clue how he was going to keep his dick under wraps having your strong scent be right under his nose at all times. He certainly wouldn't be able to sneak off to the bathroom during the night to ease the pain. The thoughts continually plagued his mind through the rest of the evening at work and throughout his walk home. He pushed the thoughts aside when he got home though, having instead to focus on tidying up his place a little and getting ready for you.

After giving his place a little clean up and ordering the takeout food in advance to come 30 mins after you arrive, he decided to have a shower to calm his nerves before you came. He turned on the water to the temperature he likes and stripped his clothes off, stepping in the shower he sighs deep, warm water relaxing his tension filled muscles. The hot spray easing his muscles, his mind begins to wander again. Without thinking one of his hands brush against thick thighs as he pictures how the awkward conversation earlier could have gone. 

“Sure,anything else boss?” you ask innocently.

Matt's friendly smile turns into a devilish grin. “ I might have one thing in mind that you could help me with, honey.”

You gulp nervously but intrigued. “And what would that be Mr. Murdock?”

Matt chuckles deeply and leans into the desk, very close to your face. “ Make my cock as wet as your pussy is getting right now!”

Matt slowly starts to stroke his firming dick, deep breathes concealed by the noise of the shower raining down on his broad back.

Your voice hitches in your throat as your cheeks redden a dark crimson, you nod and say “yes” in a small voice. You stand up from your desk and walk around to Matthew staring at you with a dark look in his covered eyes. You slowly get on your knees in front of him and begin to unbuckle his belt and undo his zipper. You warily look around for Foggy nearby in the office or anyone else visiting. Matt lifts up your chin softly and wipes his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Don't worry about anyone catching us sweetheart, I'm sure you'll make me cum before anyone finds us.” he smirks, giving you a tender rub on your cheek with his thumb before removing it.

Your cheeks continue to blush and you smile a little.You fasten your pace undoing Matt’s belt and pull down his dress pants. He reaches down and pulls his hard cock loose from his black boxers. You gasp a little intimidated by the sheer size of the veiny monster before you. Without thinking you grab the shaft firmly and put your lips around the head.  Matt quietly groans as his head falls back between his shoulders. You start to bob your head on his tip while stroking the rest of his length with your hand, slick from your saliva dripping down it. 

Breathing deeper and louder, Matt begins to stroke faster and harder on his throbbing cock in the shower. The steam and his sweat make his toned muscles glisten in the low light in the bathroom. Soft moans escape his lips as he strokes wishing like hell that it was your soft hands and mouth, pleasing him instead of his rough calloused hands.

You pussy throbs softly, your panties completely soaking.The smell and sound of your arousal make him growl deeply. Your hunger grows and grows the longer you suck his dick. Each time you bob your head down his shaft you try and take a little more of his length down your throat, desperately fighting back the urge to gag as tears begin to prick your eyes. You fasten your pace stroking him as his moans become louder, sensing he is close. Your teeth lightly graze him for a few seconds causing him to cum.

“Fuck!” Matt groans as he caresses his throbbing cock to the end of his high. 

You slurp up everything leaving no trace making Matt moan deeply. He reaches down to wipe away some droplets that have fallen out the corner of your mouth. Smirking he puts his flaccid cock back into his boxers and does up his pants zipper and belt.

“Fuck that was good, sweetheart!”

Foggy suddenly walks in on the two of you, not having a single clue about the activities that had just occurred seconds ago.

“What are you two doing ?” he asked. You both swiftly look back at Foggy.

“Oh… um… I was just helping Matt tie his shoe.”

Foggy raises his eyebrow in suspicion. 

“Yeah she was helping me cause I pulled my back last night… exercising.” Matt says cooly.

“Right! Exercising… yup, that makes sense!” Foggy replies back to Matt thinking he understood what Matt was covering for. “ Well I'm heading out to Josie’s to meet Karen and Marci who are already there, so I'll see you later?”

“Yup,we’ll be there Foggy!” you say peering from beside Matt's legs. Foggy grins and walks out. Matt waits till Foggy has left the office completely before telling you the coast is clear.

“Okay he is gone!”

“Whew, that was a bit close.” you say as you slowly stand on your sore knees.

“Yeah too close.”  he says while offering a hand up. You, looking at the ground, don't see it and accidently hit your head on it while standing up.

“ Oh shit! Are you okay?” Matt asks you, suddenly very seriously.

“Yeah, I'm okay.” you wince a little before laughing. Matt starts to laugh too.

He leans his forehead against the cool shower tile and deeply exhales. Letting the water wash away any remaining residue of his expulsion. God, not only did he want your body so bad but he also just wanted to be the one who you laugh with, the one who makes corny jokes that you try not to giggle at, the one who makes you smile lovingly at him when he says how pretty you look. Before he can get anymore lost in his thoughts, a knock at the door breaks him from his fantasies. 

“Shit.'' Matt mumbles under his breath even though you won't hear him (he forgets others don't have super hearing like him sometimes) and quickly scrambles to turn the water off and put a towel around his waist. He walks quickly down his hall and opens the door to your confused face, with your heart rate quickening.

“Uh sorry to greet you like this I…. lost track of time in the shower….. Uh but come in, come in. I'll just quickly change. But uh make yourself at home.”

You gulp, trying to not let your eyes wander too much at the sight of Matthew only in a small white towel hanging loosely on hips. His toned abs glisten in the light, still wet from his shower. His v-line looks deliciously good with a happy trail that leads down to the tiniest bit of dark hair you can see before the towel covers the view.

“Yeah, okay sure.” you say awkwardly as Matt steps aside letting you in and closes the door. He has a wide smirk on his face as walks slowly to his bedroom to change, noticing how your heart rate has spiked since you saw him, more than half naked.

You go to sit down on his cold leather couch and nervously begin to fiddle with your fingers, knees drawn tightly together, chewing the inside of your mouth as you do. What am I doing here? You think to yourself. It wouldn't be so bad if I just got up now and left, it wouldn't be that awkward avoiding Matt for the rest of my life right? I mean I'd probably have to quit my job if he didn't fire me out of pure hatred first though. 

Before you can spiral anymore, Matt walks in wearing a tight black t-shirt and light grey track pants and of course a small grin on his face. He goes to sit down beside you, so close he can easily feel your heat radiating off your body onto his. 

“So.. I ordered some Thai food earlier that should arrive in 25 minutes or so if that's cool, I would cook but…”

“Yeah, Thai food sounds good and yeah Karen told me that you're not a very skilled chef mainly due to the lack of ingredients you have on hand and that you don't really like grocery stores either. No offence of course.” 

“No offence taken… You’ve been talking with Karen about me?” he says, the corner of his mouth pulling upwards and one eyebrow raising.

You shuffle in your seat and feel your cheeks warm. Looking down at the ground awkwardly you respond.

“Uh.. Yeah, well I mean no…..well, not all the time of course….. I just, um there’s a few questions that I had about you that came up in conversation…naturally of course.”

He leans in near your ear and whispers. “Well, if there are any more questions that you have. I'm right here to answer them for you.” 

Your face grows redder, you draw in a sharp breath, your thighs unconsciously push together tighter as the heat starts to grow deep in your stomach, catching you off guard with his sultry tone. He notices your heart rate quickening, and the ever growing prominent taste of your arousal in the air. He breathes it in deeply, humming darkly as the sweet aroma fills his nostrils, subtly palming his growing excitement a little through his pants for some relief. He smirks, gathering all the more evidence to support his suspicion that you want him like he wants you.

“Well, I have one question.” you ask shyly.

“And what would that be, honey?”

Your breath hitches in your throat for a second, so you swallow and press on. “I have noticed sometimes that…. that you seem to be more sensitive, like a lot more sensitive to certain things then the rest of us. You pause for a second looking up at his face trying to read his expression before continuing on. “ For example when that squeaky client comes in for an appointment to talk about divorcing her husband, you always look miserable like you're getting a migraine just being near her and her annoying high-pitched voice.”

“Huh, sure seems like you’ve been watching me closely sweetheart.” he responds, teasing you.

Your heart seems to be beating out of your chest as he talks very close to your ear in a slightly deeper voice than his usual, each nickname he refers to you by only makes your pussy wetter. You're afraid that soon a tear will dribble down your leg if he keeps his flirtatious act up.

“Ah, forget I said anything.” you respond, quickly trying to dismiss the topic.

“No, keep going, it’s fine, seems like you care about me.”

“Well yeah, of course I care about you, you're my boss…. and my friend and I just wanted to know if there is anything that I can do… to make it easier for you in those situations I mean.”

Matt eyebrows raise, a little taken aback. Touched at how thoughtful and caring you are, his smile beaming brightly, knowing that you think about him more than just between your thighs, although he's pretty happy about that too. 

“Wow, that’s very kind of you to offer, but you don’t have to worry about me, I've gotten used to dealing with it.” He pauses. “ but… I mean if I suddenly can't deal with it and need some help…I'll let you know.”

You smile sweetly back at him. “Great.” 

 A moment passes between you comfortable in each other's presence before it changes back to sexual tension. You both lean in close, so close you can feel his breath on your lips. Your heart feels as though it will flutter right out of your chest. You bite your lip as Matt subtly licks his bottom lip and grins. His senses overwhelmed happily by your rapidly racing heart, the heat radiating off you and the strong scent of your arousal filling the air. Your eyes flutter close as you lean in further, lips softly brushing against one another. A knock at the door makes you pull back surprised and Matt leans his head down and sighs.

“Well, that’ll be the Thai food.” he tells you, a little annoyed.

You sit awkwardly on Matt’s couch in silence while he pays for the food and brings it to his coffee table. You both sit in silence a good 5 minutes into your meal before you speak, neither party knowing how to seamlessly carry on from the conversation you had before or the almost kiss. You work up the nerve to speak and clear your throat.

“How did you become blind Matt?” you ask him blatantly, catching him off guard. “You don’t have to tell me if you don't want to or you're not comfortable or anything…but I never asked you because I assumed it might be rude but if it's alright I'm curious to know about it.”

“No, it's fine, I can tell you.” Matt takes a deep breath before starting his story. As he speaks, you feel yourself hanging onto every word he says, your eyebrows creased together, listening to him speak about his sorrowful story.

As he finishes talking, you can’t help but stare at him in awe at how much he has been through, yet he still keeps a smile on his face everyday and manages to be such a joyful light in everyone's path he crosses. You feel yourself falling for this man more and more as he opens up to you and shows you a side that you have never seen. You then think “fuck” how am I going to get over this man when he lets me inevitably lets you down, thinking back to your previous obsessive one-sided relationships. God dammit, you were in love with this man.

Matt looks down at his feet feeling a little melancholic after talking about such a sensitive topic for him.

“Thank you… thanks for being so open with me… I know how hard it can be to fully open up and be vulnerable like that.”

Matt smiles, nodding. “Thank you for listening.”

Another silent pause ensues between you, yet this time it's comfortable. Like two longtime friends who have grown to enjoy sitting comfortably in each other's presence without the need for words.

Matt suddenly chuckles to himself. You look at him confused but smiling, fork halfway to your mouth before you stop. “What?”

“Nothing.” Matt says, still smiling to himself.

“No it's not, what is it? Tell me!” you say getting a little impatient, still with a grin.

“Oh it's just some old, dumb question that I used to ask the guys at uni, whenever there was a lull in conversation to lighten the mood.”

“Okay, well ask me then.”

Matt stares at you for a second, grinning before asking you.

“Okay fine. When was the last time you….you know, (you raise your eyebrow intrigued) masterbated?”

“Oh?” you respond blushing, not expecting him to ask you that.

“You don't have to answer that if you don't want to… I shouldn't have said anything, like I said it was a dumb thing I did in college an-” Matt rushes to say.

You giggle, smiling. “No it's fine, I'll answer… I just didn't expect that was what you were going to say.”

Matt smiles shyly. 

“Uh it was like 2 days ago I think.” 

“Oh, cool….cool.” Matt gulping, can't help but let his mind run to thinking about you masturbating to the thought of him. Using your fingers feverishly to try to stimulate the longing you had for him to be between your thighs instead. Crying out his name over and over wishing it was him filling your hole instead of your fingers. Matt is brought back into consciousness when you speak.

“So what about you, when did you last beat your meat?”

Matt chuckles again, at your interesting way of saying masturbate before thinking back to the activity he had just finished doing in the shower before you arrived.

“Uh, earlier today.”

“Okay… but when is ‘earlier’.”

Matt exhales, hoping his answer will make you wet at the thought of. “Before you got here, in the shower.” Matt leans in closer to you, his lips ghosting your ear, his smile turning into a sinful grin. “Actually, right before you got here, sweetheart.” he says darkly.

Your body acts on its own. Goosebumps run throughout your body, your heat pooling once again between your thighs as a quiet but clear moan escapes your lips. Not holding back at all Matt carries on.

“Does that turn you on,sweetheart?” Matt purrs, putting your takeout containers on his coffee table. You bite your lip trying to suppress another whimper leaving your mouth. “Does it make you wet just thinking about how I fucked into my hand moments before you arrived…thinking about you?” he growls. You look at him.

“Matt..” you ask breathlessly. For once your over-thinking brain can’t pull you from the present, too hypnotised by the low seductive words leaving Matt smirking mouth, each word making your panties more and more drenched.

“What sweetheart? Wanna know what I was thinking about when I came?” 

You whimper, nodding. Matt puts his hand on the top of your thigh lightly, slowly rubbing it back and forth. He takes a deep breath of your addicting arousal. He swallows hard, eyes shutting for a second. His cock throbs, straining against his boxers. 

“I was thinking about your pretty little mouth, tightly wrapped around my dick in the office. So hungry to take every inch you could, so enthusiastically licking up every drop of mine.” 

Matt, noticing how flustered you were getting, puts his hand on your inner thighs and rubs it closer to your warming middle. 

“I think of you often while I fuck into my hand. Think about fucking you so hard that you’re pathetically falling apart on my cock, failing to say any words other than my name.”

You're so horny, you're struggling to keep from touching yourself right now or even better using Matt’s hand to fuck you instead. You look down and see how tightly wound up Matt is too, which causes your pussy to painfully throb, needing him to fill you up badly. 

Panting, you lean in closer to Matt, letting your lips brush against one another before making contact. The kiss at first soft and sweet quickly deepens into something hungrier, lustful. Matt wraps his hands around your jaw, tightly securing your face to his. His tongue suddenly shoots out of his mouth and makes its way in yours. You can’t help but moan loudly in his mouth, his hands start roaming your body. He goes to put his hand on your panties but you suddenly pull away.

“Ooh did I go too fast? Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable? Matt rushes to say, looking concerned.

“Oh no, no… it’s not you at all, it's just…i’ve never really done this before.” you sigh and quietly whisper “I…I..I’m a virgin.”

Matt smiles a little trying to ignore the twitch that your words made his cock feel.

“That's all sweetheart?” 

“Your not repulsed by that, the fact that I don’t know what I'm doing, that I don’t know how to please a man-”

“Not at all…if im being honest sweetheart.” he leans in and whispers, making you shiver. “It makes me want you more.”

You bite your lip surprised by his reaction, a shaky exhale leaving your mouth. He looks at you, eyes full of lust.

“Do you want me to continue?” he says, gesturing down to your thighs.

You nod and he pauses waiting for a verbal response.

“Yes. Yes Matt, I want you to touch me.”

******

[hansolmates]

the proposal (m)

banner done by the ammmahhzzing @eerieedits​

summary; Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. pairing; editor!Jungkook x assistant!reader (f) genre/warnings; the proposal!au, fake marriage au, enemies to friends(!!!), friends to lovers, bouts of flangst, dry humping, slight blood but not too bad, lang, alcohol, poor jjk discovers he has the ability to feel emotion, poor y/n is in the middle as always w.c; 20.1k of endless banter and koo hiding his romantic side a/n; yeah, it’s almost summer. But i think we need a lil holiday magic in our lives! I rewatched the proposal this weekend and whipped this up. Why is koo so gosh darn easy to write? This is my longest fic since i wrote maze runner back in 2014!! i rec this extension to get fully immersed in 2pov! Enjoy and pls tell me if there’s any errors im too poopied to proofread it again drabbles; 01

“When I hired you, you basically signed a contract that said you’d do anything for me.” 

“Yeah, Jeon. I did. That meant like, getting you coffee or working late hours—normal work stipulations,” you can feel the hair on your scalp growing thinner, “not commit fucking fraud!” 

Your boss looks moreso frustrated than you are, but you cease to care. Jeon Jungkook has been nothing but a thorn in your side since your employment at Big Hit Publishing two years ago. Being a budding author who wanted to graduate from online sites and freelancing, you accepted the job as the editor-in-chief’s assistant in the hopes of getting your first book published. 

However, your dreams of being an editor are quickly dissipating, especially when Jungkook corners you this afternoon and announces that he may have left America during the time his work visa was still processing. He may have to give over his editor-in-chief position because there’s no way he can get a work visa processed in time. As a result of this information, he may have told his supervisors that you seduced him on a late night one year ago, and you two fell in love and have been secretly engaged ever since. 

Because y’know, your citizenship to this country is an asset to the company. 

“We didn’t have to go to Norway to PR Emma Watson’s autobio,” you huff, fingers going pale from how hard you were gripping your iPad. Jungkook is an esteemed workaholic, and you have no idea where it stems from. You remember that trip to Oslo, Jungkook insisting that you and him both go to make sure everything goes smoothly.

“You weren’t complaining when we went to that restaurant with the open bar.” he runs a hand through his coiffed hair, making the pomade untack from its style. “You got so drunk that Emma held you while you cried about global warming.” 

Wholly unamused, you frown. “Jungkook, can you please take this seriously?”

“I’m taking this seriously, you’re not the one who’s about to be deported in two weeks!” Jungkook hisses, face dangerously close to yours. Not that anyone would know what he’s saying, but you can tell from his defenses that he genuinely is nervous. 

“You wouldn’t be deported if you had just set an earlier appointment to renew your Visa!” 

“I wouldn’t be deported if you had just set an earlier appointment to renew my Visa!” 

At least twenty pairs of eyes are watching your confrontation, probably making their own conclusions as to what you two were fighting about again. Curse this office for having full-walled windows, you often feel like an ant in a plastic farm. Your work relationship is an anomaly to the rest of the staff. Before you started working at Big Hit, Jungkook’s assistants did not last long. Within the first week of working, you understood why. 

Jungkook whirls around his desk, glaring at the glass doors as he puts himself between the staff and you. “If you don’t marry me,” he says lowly, close enough for his hot breath to fan your face, coupled with his fresh-scented cologne. It annoys you how good he smells. “You’ll also be replaced because they want to give the my position to fuckin’ Karen of all people,” you fight the twitch of your lips. The only thing you two mutually agreed upon is the hatred of his co-editor, Karen. “All of the late nights we’ve worked together, the gallons of coffees you consumed, putting up with my shit, your dreams of becoming an author,” his eyes flicker to the way the grip in your iPad trembles, “will go down the drain and turn to shit. Whether you like it or not, we’re in this together.” 

Pretending to be unfazed, you bat your lashes, “So are you saying, you need me?” 

“For fuck’s sake—”

“Ah-ah, Jungkook. I’m not going to ask you to get on one knee, but you should at least tell me how much you need me.” 

You assume with great confidence that the only reason you’re kept on Jungkook’s payroll is because you’re not afraid to stand up to Jungkook’s bullshit. He looks positively disgusted at the mere thought of paying you an iota of a compliment. You’d say on average, you get half a compliment a month from Jungkook. You say half because he’ll compliment you, then downplay it with whatever flaw he can fabricate to get under your skin. 

He loosens his lavender paisley tie, annoyed. “Fine. I need you. I need you because you’re the only one who knows me well enough to be my wife. You’re the only woman I’ve had full conversations with in two years and knows all my dietary restrictions, favorite books, foods, and hobbies. By process of elimination, you are my best candidate.” 

“Romantic,” you roll your eyes, “I guess I do,” you push him away with a finger to his chest, “but I want a raise. And after we finish Sorn and Mark’s project, I want you to read my novel.” 

“Done and done.” 

“Well Jeon, I guess you’ve wifed me up with your ways of seduction.” you muse sardonically, feeling more upset for yourself than anything. 

“Fantastic,” he sighs, finally throwing his tie across the desk and plopping in his armchair. “Cancel the call with Janet, call PR about Irene Kim’s interview on Ellen, and order me a medium rare steak from J.J. Bittings with a side of brussels.” 

“Right,” you mutter under your breath as you pull up your checklist, as if you didn’t just give away your life to the Devil incarnate. 

Jungkook’s back is already facing you, focusing on his computer displaying two new manuscripts. “Oh, and on your way to J’s don’t forget to pick up your ring at Saks.”

“Bitch, you’re asking me to pick up my fake wedding ring?” 

Unbothered, he shrugs. You see the planes of his shoulders stretch beneath the blazer, because he’s deemed this conversation long over and he has work to do. “Yeah, but it’s real diamonds.” 

You’ve been seeing red for days. 

While the rock on your ring finger is indeed beautiful because Jungkook has impeccable taste, it drags you down and arouses the elephant in the room everytime you show up for work. 

You get enough stares on the daily, and you were just getting used to the looks of pity and sympathy for working under Jungkook, but now there are only snickers and playful winks as you trudge down the cubicles every morning. Everyday feels like the runway at a shitshow, and you are the headliner. 

Taehyung clapped you none-too-hard on the back when you showed up to work the next morning, congratulating you on the engagement. “Can’t believe you’re fuckin’ the big boss!” 

The rest of the staff poke their eyes out of their cubicles like Digletts, and you shush them, using your hand to make them sink down. 

Coffee is spilling down your shirt thanks to him, and you reach for tissues in his cubicle. “Can you not say it like that, please?” 

“Oh, come on. I heard from the supervisors Jungkook went on about how you seduced him late at night and took charge,” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows approvingly, and you fight the urge to not throw up your coffee in his face. “How do you keep it so professional? Or do you save all that pent-up energy for after hours?” 

“You disgust me,” you grimace, stepping out of his cubicle and immediately regret wasting your five-minute break conversing with the typist.

Striding back into Jungkook’s office, he doesn’t hesitate to rattle off the next items on today’s agenda. He barely looks at you when you stride in, too focused on whatever corrections he’s slashing in red ink. 

“Did you get Taemin’s second draft?” 

“No, and I told him that if he can’t get me the draft by tonight he won’t get a publishing deadline and the number of copies published will be decreased by a third.” 

“And Taehyung’s author agreed to our stipulations?” 

“Of course, she’d be dead not to.”  you mutter, “she’s a nineteen year old Influencer, what would she know?” 

“Exactly, that’s why we milk it out as long as we can.” Jungkook throws the first draft in a large, intimidating pile, mixing in with all the others like a needle in a haystack. “Which is why it’s important we snag dinner with her this weekend, we can really—”

“What, this weekend?” your sense of equilibrium cracks, and you walk forward to put his hands on his desk. “I took this coming week off for Christmas. I’ve planned this for months.” 

“I know.”

“I can’t just cancel my flight! I saved up for that!”

“And?” Jungkook brushes off your fury like a piece of lint, “I’m Korean. Christmas is a fake holiday for me.” 

“You can’t just tell me I can’t go home to my family, it’s the fucking holidays!” 

“Why not, I’ve done it before. Remember on Valentine’s day when I told you the only date you have is a date with Kwon Boa’s publicist? Or on Secretaries Day when I argued that you don’t feel appreciated by society anyway and therefore why bother taking one extra day off? Or during Easter when your family screamed in my office on speakerphone that you should quit—”

“Okay,” no need to be reminded of how much you’ve wasted your life for this man, “but this is different. I’ve already bought plane tickets and this holiday is special. It’s a whole family reunion in the Poconos and we’ve reserved over five houses to fit all of us! I can’t just ditch!” 

“But I need you!” he replied just as hotly, in a tone that reminded you so many times of how tethered you are by this man. Two years have gone by, and the only thing that kept those strings together is the constant ache in getting your first novel published. “With all the marriage stuff and stupid extentions we had to make on these writers there’s no way we can get everything done before winter ends!” 

“You’ve done it before, why can’t you just ask Taehyung to assist—”

“Trouble in paradise?” 

A chill travels up your spine, and you and Jungkook exchange panicked eye contact. A tiny, pretty blonde lady struts in the room like it's hers, plopping a fruit basket atop Jungkook’s manuscripts. 

“If by paradise you mean our relationship, then no.” Jungkook’s the first to recover, meeting you at your side and stretching an arm around your waist. “I’d say work-wise things are getting a little rough, but nothing we can’t handle. We’re a team, after all.” 

“I just wanted to stop by as I was in the neighborhood,” the woman says, making herself comfortable in a leather seat reserved for guests. “Congratulations again on your engagement.” 

You tack on a smile, squeezing Jungkook’s arm a little too hard, but it’s enough to make the lady in front of you smile back. “What brings you here, Taeyeon?” 

Kim Taeyeon is Jungkook’s immigration liaison, AKA the person responsible for making sure you’re not breaking the law. She’s a pretty thing, with eyes sharp but a smile that’s soft and deceiving. 

“It’s just a shame you two have to rush a civil wedding,” Taeyeon sighs, looking at the window overlooking the city. 

“Ah, it takes some of the planning stress off my back, really.” you force a laugh, tugging Jungkook to sit on the couch opposite her. “At least one thing is done. The thought of planning a whole wedding with over two-hundred people is so stressful.” 

You weren’t really going to have a white wedding with Jungkook (however you may have entertained the thought, which is reflected in your Google search history) but you had to keep up the ruse that you were. A civil wedding in two weeks, then a quickie divorce a year later. 

“I know! My wedding was a real mess let me tell you, straight out of a movie!” Taeyeon is certainly the type of person to make you feel at ease, so at ease that it’s simple for you to melt your front. “But besides the point, are you two doing anything special for the holidays?” 

“Ah, well I bought a flight to meet my family in the Poconos,” you start, trying not to succumb to your nervous habit of wringing your fingers. You grab Jungkook’s hand as a reprieve. 

“And you’re not going?” Taeyeon’s gaze snaps, yes snaps, to Jungkook. 

You try to step in, realizing your flaw. “We’ve just been so swamped with work, all the immigration stuff and with these book delays Jungkook suggested he stay behind—” 

“But we’ve decided to prioritize our personal life and enjoy Christmas with our family,” Jungkook swoops in, threading his fingers between yours. He flashes Taeyeon a smile, and from the way his face lights up and his nose crinkles, you could’ve mistaken it to be genuine. “I’ve never experienced a big family Christmas, y’know. I’ve missed snowboarding too, I used to do it a lot in highschool.” 

“Oh, that’s just so sweet!” Taeyeon cooes, clasping her hands together. “Do send some pictures when you come back!” 

“Of course,” Jungkook stands up and attempts to leave Taeyeon out. You follow in tow, She obliges easily, mentioning something about just wanting to check in and she also has work to do. 

“Also,” Taeyeon’s head flickers to the people sitting outside Jungkook’s office. “You should manage those workers out there,” she looks at you, sympathetic. “Apparently, they didn’t peg you as the type of person to sleep their way to the top. And that’s just what I heard from walking down the hall once!” she laughs, tinkling brighter than a windchime, but you just tighten the grip on Jungkook’s palm. “Such a childish assumption. Things can be much more complicated.” 

She tips a “happy holidays” off her shoulder, and you both are smiling like the loving couple you are. As soon as the elevator doors close and Taeyeon is really gone, Jungkook moves to let go of your hand, but you hold him in your grasp. 

“She’s onto us,” you snap, tugging him closer to you so your co-workers wouldn’t read your lips. 

“Don’t you think I know that?” he bites back. He looks offendingly at the fruit basket adorning his desk. 

“What if we get caught, Jungkook?” you start to spiral, feeling your deepest fears crawl to the forefront of your brain. You’ve done extensive Google research on commiting fraud, and if you do get caught, Jungkook will never be able to come back to this country and you’ll have a fine of up to $250,000. Your boss doesn’t pay you nearly enough to get by with that kind of debt. “We’ll ruin this company, and our lives, and any hope of being published or credible.” 

“Hey, relax,” Jungkook whispers in your ear, the tone oddly comforting. He pulls you into his arms, and you barely have a chance to recover when he squeezes you extra tight around your waist. Jungkook only ever hugs you when doing PR, and even then it’s an awkward half-hug. Hell, he never hugged you on your birthday. “This is what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna book my flight to the Poconos, bring some manuscripts so we can work remotely, and no one will ever know.” 

You sigh into his arms, nodding tiredly. It feels nice to be hugged like this. His arms are strong and warm, and you feel small and protected. It’s been a while since you’ve felt like that. Maybe Jungkook did have a heart under all that muscle. 

“I’m putting up a good show, aren’t I?” he says, and you feel your heart drop just a little. Disappointed, but not surprised. 

From your view facing the cubicles, you see at least half the employees comically bugged with  heart eyes at you, enamored by your fake relationship. 

“Do not stretch your long-ass legs on this plane, Jeon,” you nudge your smaller leg away from your section of leg room, “Jesus, we’re flying economy!” 

It scares you how little you fought against Jungkook joining you for the winter holiday. It is the logical decision after all, Taeyeon is on your trail about your sudden engagement and you both needed to keep up the ruse. That includes going on family vacations. Also, the fact that Jungkook works through Christmas because he doesn’t celebrate it does make you feel a little bad. You can’t remember the last time the man took a vacation. 

The man in question barely moves at your weak attempt, and stretches his leg even further across your seat. “Sorry, babe,” he says, fishing around his seat for the included blanket. 

“It’s fine, Kookie.” You reply sweetly, and decide to kick off your shoes to drape a leg over Jungkook’s thighs, “you’re like a portable footrest!” 

He looks absolutely insulted at your objectification, but smartly decides to choose his battles and lets you keep your position. Tucking himself in with a scratchy blanket he waves you off, “Whatever, just wake me up when we arrive.” 

“What, no.” you pull up your iPad, shoving the note entry in his face. “I know everything about you, and yet you know nothing about me. I made this easy on you and just wrote everything down. You just have to read it.” 

“Seriously? I’ve known you for over two years, I’m sure I know enough about you.” 

“Really, then how do I like my coffee?” 

“Uh… hot?” 

You give him a look and he knows. With a sigh he grabs the iPad from your hands. Within seconds he’s giving you another dirty look, as if he’s skimming a conspiracy novel. 

“You know all this random shit about me?” Jungkook asks, scrolling down as to what feels like your life story. 

“Yes, because unlike you, I listen when you talk.” 

“Fine. What’s my favorite type of weather?” 

“A warm and sunny day, which correlates to your favorite kind of date which is walking along the beach at sunset. Cliché much?” 

“Okay, rude. Who’s my favorite artist?” 

“You like a little bit of everything, but since seventh grade you’ve been pining for IU. In the office, you like to sing along to Lauv and Hozier.” 

“Favorite movie?” 

“The Marvel Series. But you really like 5 Centimeters Per Second, you like the romance.” 

“And how do you know my favorite anime movie is 5 Centimeters Per Second? I’m pretty sure I’ve never told you that.” 

“Jeon, when we were promoting Momo Hirai’s self-help book at Anime Expo you were gone for two and a half hours at 1:50 sharp.” your boss’ Adam’s apple bobs and he swallows thickly at your admonition. “And low and behold, you gave yourself thirty minutes’ time to line up early because when I checked the schedule Makoto Shinkai had a panel on ‘The Otaku’s Perspective on Romantic—”

“Alright alright, I get it.” Jungkook slumps in his seat, as comfy as it can get with your legs draped around him and a seat at the far end of the plane. You know he’s trying to hide a blush, and you feel proud for making him a little flustered. “You’re lucky I’m a fast reader.” 

The plane ride goes relatively fast, with Jungkook asking quick questions about your family and other random things. It’s like playing a game of 20 Questions, instead it’s the final boss battle with 200 questions and if he doesn’t get them all right, the penalty is deportation. 

When you land, you’re both stiff and glazed over. Once you exit the terminal, Jungkook ditches you for the bathroom and says he’ll meet you at the luggage pickup. You give yourself a few moments, gearing yourself up for the long week ahead of you. At the luggage pickup, you see a tall man watch the revolving conveyor belt with interest. Either that, or he’s zoning out. 

“Joonie!” you cry, nearly dropping your phone upon seeing your big brother. He’s dressed comfortably in a grey sweat ensemble, as if he rolled out of bed and came straight to the airport. 

A bright grin takes over his face, and he doesn’t hesitate to smush your body against his. Under his tall frame you sway, your toes barely swiping the ground. “You’re alive!” he cheers, pulling back and holding your shoulders to get a real look at you. “I can see you’ve gained a little weight, eyes are a little dark, but I’m glad the Devil let you go. I still can’t forgive him for making you skip out on Jin’s wedding.” 

You don’t appreciate the way that Namjoon picks and prods at your exhaustion, but you know he means well. While he does not know your boss by face and name, he had enough artilerary from the billions of phone calls to learn about the Devil and the havoc he’s wreaked upon your life.

When you don’t respond he gets the cue that you do not want to talk about work this week, and he smacks his lips together. “But nothing a little R&R can’t fix! The ski resort nearby has a really nice outdoor jacuzzi and we could set an appointment for facials if you’d like. Or we could do absolutely nothing and turn into baked potatoes and watch movies until our eyes burn up.” 

“Both would be great,” you smile softly, catching two familiar suitcases make their rounds on your flight’s conveyor belt. You grab your pink luggage with one hand, and Jungkook’s black chrome one with your other. 

“So, where’s the new beau?” Namjoon rocks back and forth on his heels, hoping to get a glimpse of the mystery boy you mentioned you’d be bringing as of two days ago. 

“He really had to go to the bathroom,” you squint your eyes to make out the newcomers exiting the dropoff area. “Oh, there he is. Kook!” 

Like a goddamn model, he struts in your field of vision like nobody’s business. Unlike you who stayed in your apartment all day before leaving, Jungkook decided to spend a few hours at Big Hit in the morning to tie up most of the loose ends before your trip. He’s talking to what you assume to be is a client, noting the way his brow furrows as he clutches his phone with a tight hold. He’s changed out of his tie and leather oxfords, but he’s dressed crisply in a dark button up and blazer ensemble, still wholly overdressed for a family reunion. 

Namjoon starts behind you, “He looks...” 

“Handsome?” you goad, elbowing him, “Charismatic? Undeniable presence?” 

“Hard.” 

You don’t know what to make of that adjective, and you subtly shrink further in your jacket as you mull over the implications of his word choice. 

Jungkook steps up to the two of you, ending his call. His eyes float between you and your brother, and he manages to put two and two together. “Hey man,” Jungkook gives a practiced smile, extending a hand. “I’m Jungkook, I’ve heard lots of things about you.” 

“Good things, I hope.” Namjoon chuckles, returning the handshake. “I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you, though. Can’t wait to get to know you this week.” 

“Looking forward to it,” Jungkook takes his luggage and Namjoon grabs yours, leading you two out to his minivan. While Namjoon is preoccupied with getting the car started, Jungkook looks at you as if he’s already regretting making the trip down. “This girl has two braincells to her name. I just got off the phone with Sorn’s publicist.” 

“What trouble can an influencer do?” you reply in disbelief. 

“Exactly, influencing is the trouble,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “she did some mukbang and now she’s in the hospital for food poisoning.” 

“Ah, don’t get too worked up,” you help him lug your suitcases in the trunk. You spot Namjoon subtly eyeing you two from the rear mirror. Pressing a thumb between his brows, you make work to melt away the 11-shaped stress lines on his forehead. “Let’s just send her a Lush gift basket and she’ll be fine.” 

You ignore the way Jungkook’s gaze lingers on you longer than needed, running over to your seat at shotgun. 

The inside of his car smells like bergamot and lemon, and the sweet, vulnerable side of you wants to cry over how much you’ve missed your brother’s scent. It’s been way too long. 

Once you’re all safely in the car and driving Namjoon says, “So, are you going to hide the engagement ring or give the family a collective heart attack?” 

You tense, hands automatically floating to the teardrop diamond weighing heavily on your ring finger. The story that you two contrived about your relationship isn’t too complicated, but complex enough that it seems convincing. Instead of being your boss, Jungkook is your Literary Agent who gives you referrals to new and upcoming authors. You working closely together and bonding over the stresses of the publishing world, have kept a secret relationship under wraps for over a year to avoid any unprofessionalism or favoritism. 

“I was thinking about that the whole ride, actually,” you twirl the metal back and forth, watching it gleam in the light. “Mom and dad know, but I don’t wanna lie to the rest of my family. They’ll freak out because it’s the first time they’re meeting Kook and we’re already engaged. It’s just a location thing, y’know. You guys don’t live in the city so we’ve never had a chance to really talk it out.” 

Namjoon snorts, “Or, because your boss never gives you a break.” 

If Jungkook finds any offense, he doesn’t show it. Putting what should be a comforting hand on your shoulder, he says from the back seat, “I already told you babe, do what makes you comfortable. But I don’t want to lie to your parents early on, you don’t wanna make the situation any more complicated.” 

In other words, you better tell them about our engagement because Taeyeon could be hiding in the bushes waiting to catch us. 

“Smart man,” Namjoon says shortly, but you can’t tell whether it’s a compliment or not. 

“Yeah,” you exhale, turning to smile stiffly at Jungkook, “no use hiding the inevitable, right?” 

The next couple hours are overwhelming. There’s a party right when you walk in your winter villa, your parents throwing you a reunion party (not for your family, but for you specifically because you’ve been MIA since Big Hit) with the house filled to the brim with family members. Within seconds your favorite cousin checks out the rock on your finger and screams that you’re engaged. 

Everyone must be so high off the fact that you’ve made it to a family event that they’re elated you have a life outside of work. Jungkook is treated like a prince, charming the hell out of all your aunties and baby cousins. 

“Oh, pumpkin!” your auntie squeals, linking arms with you while you’re trying to eat your dinner, “I just hugged your fiancé, and he has abs! Lucky you!” 

“Auntie,” you hiss playfully, “you hugged him that tight?” 

“He’s part of the family, isn’t he?” 

“Right,” you force a smile, downing your glass of champagne. The bubbles burn your throat pleasantly. 

“Babe, can you come here for a second?” Jungkook manages to swim his way through the throng in the living room, holding out a hand for you, “your mom said that our room is ready, care to lead the way?” 

His smile, as pretty as you can care to admit, renders your aunt speechless, and she lets him whisk you away to a long hallway that leads to a set of bedrooms. Jungkook lets go of your hand as soon as you're alone, letting his palm run along the pictures that decorate your hallway. 

He stops at a picture of you and Namjoon as kids, faces tanned and lips cherry red from your twin popsicles melting on your hands. “Wow,” Jungkook pretends to be alarmed, “I didn’t know you used to be cute, what happened?” 

“Shut up,” you smack his hand away, walking ahead of him. 

“I thought you guys reserved a bunch of houses, why does the furniture look worn and there’s pictures of you everywhere?” 

“Our extended family has reserved houses, but this is actually my family’s vacation home. I used to go here every winter and summer break,” you reach a bedroom in the corner of the hall, smiling at your wooden name tag hanging on the front, “this is my old room.” 

It certainly doesn’t have that youthful charm it once had, but there are still bits of your childhood scattering the room. There’s ticket stubs and photobooth strips tacked to a corkboard near your desk. Books that you would reread cover to cover are organized proudly on your shelf, worn for wear. 

Jungkook groans in relief, plopping his body down on your freshly made bed. “Your family’s really clingy.” he sighs, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

You turn to give him a snappy answer, but it dies in your throat when you see what he’s laying on. The familiar family quilt sinks under Jungkook’s weight, mocking you. You shriek, throwing your arms over to lug his body to the other side of the bed. Bundling up the quilt in your arms, you glare at a very appalled Jungkook. 

“The hell is wrong with you, woman!” he cries, not loud enough to escape the room, but enough to have your body vibrate in annoyance. 

“Jeon, they put the fucking baby blanket in my room,” you mutter more to yourself than him, folding it under your arms. 

The blanket is comfy in your grasp and you’re sure it’s clean, but the fact that you weren’t actually married and in love made its appearance a whole lot worse. 

“So?” his eyes are wide in confusion, “my mom still has my baby blanket too, I’m not gonna shoot anyone because of it.” 

“It’s not my baby blanket,” you admonish, “it’s the baby maker blanket. A weird family tradition when someone gets engaged.”

“Which means?” 

“They’re expecting us to fuck and have children.” 

The thought of procreating and starting a family with you must’ve caused all the champagne to return to his throat, and he looks a little pale. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” he lies back down on your mattress, and you leave him be so you can chuck the blanket back in your parents’ room. 

You’re barely out the door when a young man is waiting out in the hallway for you, poised to knock. “Hey, baby girl.” they throw you an easy lopsided grin, opening their arms to you. 

In your haste, you slam your bedroom door a little too loudly. “Yoongi!” You let yourself sink into his waiting arms, reveling in the familiar embrace you missed so much. Yoongi is Namjoon’s best friend and work buddy, not to mention the man you’ve had a crush on since you were able to walk. While you can safely say at this moment there is nothing serious going on, a small part of you always wishes there could be. 

His voice husks in your ear, ��Why are we hugging in between the baby blanket?” 

“Oh!” you brush past him, opening the door to your parents’ room and flinging the offending item as far into their room as possible. “Sorry, Jungkook and I were a little freaked out when we saw it. We’re definitely not thinking about children right now.” 

“Jungkook,” he hums, and your smile falters just a tad when you see the way Yoongi tips his head down in thought, “It was quite the news. Congrats though.” 

You want to say what you’re supposed to say, that yes, you should be happy. But the selfish part of you does not want this exchange between you and Yoongi to be happening. When you get your quickie divorce in a year, the small, hopeful part of you hopes you and Yoongi could be something. 

Before you have a chance to fabricate a response, strong hands encircle your waist, and you feel Jungkook’s chin digging into your shoulder. 

“Thanks, man,” Jungkook’s voice rumbles, “we really appreciate it.” 

Yoongi gives a nod, muttering something about catching up later before he walks back to the party. 

It’s then that Jungkook’s weight feels impossibly heavy on your shoulders. “You know, you’ve been doing a really shitty job of being my wife-to-be ever since we landed,” Jungkook whispers, feather soft lips dusting across the shell of your ear. It’s an act so intimate you can imagine your family passing down the hallway could be mistaking you two for speaking unthinkable acts. A toddler cousin spots you two and giggles, babbling something to your uncle about how you’re hugging. “You did so well when we were with Taeyeon and Big Hit.” 

“It’s not the same when I’m lying to my family,” you turn to face him, equally simmering. “These are people that actually love and care for me, unlike you.” 

“At least I care about what’s most important,” he grits back, “our jobs, our futures. Is that not enough for you to keep it in your pants?” 

“Excuse me? You don’t even know him!” 

“I don’t have to know him because I’m holding you right now and you’re practically sweating through your cardigan.” he grimaces, digging his chin further into your collarbone, literally trying to get under your skin. “Your face looks like a cherry tomato.” 

You turn your head to bite back, your noses touching. The staring contest seems to last for days. Unlike Jungkook who doesn't know how to register basic human emotion, you still have hopes for a life after this. Before you have a chance to answer, your favorite cousin enters the hallway, oblivious to your concerns. Jimin’s red all over, passing you two flutes of blush champagne. “Hurry up, we’re making speeches!” 

Champagne is overflowing like Niagara, and you and Jungkook are the reason for it as you’re thrusted into the living room. Your weird uncle is in the middle of a long-winded speech about his fishing business and how dreams are made from ‘bait and a dream’. You make eye contact with him, and he gestures wildly to you and Jungkook. 

The crowd proceeds to go wild, echoes of speech! Speech! Reverberating throughout your living room. You and Jungkook share uneasy smiles, unsure of where to go with this show. 

Deciding it’s your family by blood, you start first. “Honestly, when I moved to New York I wasn’t expecting to feel so lonely,” you clutch your flute with both hands, swirling your drink absentmindedly. You then turn to Jungkook, giving him a tender smile which he returns back just as fondly. “Until I met Jungkook. I’m really happy that I get to share this week with the people I love the most, so let's drink to family!” 

Jungkook lifts his glass, “Thank you for the warm welcome, I can’t wait to spend time with all of you. This is my first Christmas with a large, loving family. Cheers to that!” 

The room erupts in cheers, allowing themselves to clink glasses and chase down their respective drinks. Even the little ones crowding the kiddie table in the back are enjoying their apple juice while making silly faces at the new couple. 

Jungkook weaves his arm between yours, and you get the signal to do a couples’ drink. He eyes you with mischief, as if to say we did it. After you two take your drink, Jimin’s the first to drunkenly yell, “Ohmygod just kiss already!” 

“Kiss kiss kiss!” 

“This is going on my story so make it good!” 

“Kiss him before I do!” 

“Oh my god,” you groan, throwing your forehead on Jungkook’s chest. Your family really is something else. 

As if the chants can’t get any louder, it’s hard to focus on anything but Jungkook’s presence. Jungkook lifts your chin up, murmuring, “Let’s give the people what they want.” and he presses his lips to yours. 

It’s awkward at first. Why wouldn’t it be, you’re making out with your boss, in front of your family, pretending to be engaged. But Jungkook doesn’t let up, parting your lips slightly to deepen the kiss. As much as you want to make up how terrible and disgusting kissing Jungkook is, it really isn’t. His lips are soft and he tastes like the peach champagne, and his grip on your waist is strong and warm. 

He leaves you breathless when you pull away, a smirk on his lips for a brief moment before he turns shyly to your family who are probably foaming at the mouth now. 

Maybe it’s the champagne coursing through your veins, but why does it suddenly feel so hot in the middle of winter? 

The first day back starts off wholly uneventful, with Jungkook working on some manuscripts and you preparing dinner with Jimin. Most of your family is on the resort hitting the slopes, so you’re quite thankful for the reprieve since the party was so overwhelming. The blonde is all smiles as he bumps the oven closed with his leg, letting your lasagna bake to perfection. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Jimin rests his head on your shoulder, “it’s definitely not the same when we’re adults. Frankly, it sucks balls.” 

“Big balls,” you agree, gnawing on a leftover baguette from last night. 

“Speaking of big balls,” Jimin wiggles his brows as you attempt to move farther from him.

“Please don’t say it.” 

“C’mon! Just tell me if the sex is good!” 

“No!” you cry, flicking your crumbs at him. 

“I will open this oven,” his hands are already on the handle, “and your dish will undercook.” 

“Don’t you dare!” he opens the oven a tad, and you slam your hand down. “Fine! The sex is fantastic, happy?” 

“Ewh, no!” The storm door swings open, revealing Namjoon, Yoongi, and Lisa, Namjoon’s lady friend. “I didn’t need to hear that, thanks.” 

Your face looks absolutely pained as you watch the two older men walk in. They were the last people you’d ever want to share about your sex life too, even if it is fake. You can only bear to look properly at Lisa as they kick off their boots and shake the snow off their heads. Lisa pokes her tongue in her cheek, looking at you with a wild look in her eyes. “I’ve heard so much about your current drama. Can’t wait to hear the 411 from you, though.” 

Yoongi looks unfazed, then again you never really know what’s going on in his head. “You guys wanna go to a movie tonight?” Yoongi asks, grabbing a slice of the baguette and dipping it in a dish of olive oil. “I think the one that’s showing is based on a book your company published.”

“Is it ‘Rotten Love’?” 

“That’s the one.” 

Pushing yourself off the counter, you nod eagerly. “I’ll go tell Jungkook to get ready. We can eat dinner real quick and then go right after,” you grab a bottle of water from the fridge, “Joonie, set up the table please.” 

Jungkook doesn’t notice you walk in, and you can hear the faint sound of Muse blasting from his Airpods. He’s on your floor, doing pushups while reading a transcript under him. This time he’s using your iPad, every few seconds taking a thumb to scroll down. Sweating through his shirt, you can see the beads running along his silver reading glasses. It’s completely contradictory, your muscle bunny of a boss getting in his reps while psychoanalyzing a potential novel, but somehow it works with him. 

“Maniac,” you mutter, bending down to place the cool water bottle on his cheek. He stops abruptly, like you’ve pressed the pause button on his seemingly robotic arms. Seriously, you can’t fathom how he manages to do both. You swipe the iPad under his body in place of a white towel, which he accepts gratefully. This isn’t the first time you’ve had to snap him out of it, sometimes you’d catch him at the company gym nearing 10PM, reading on the treadmill. 

“What time is it?” he asks, fluting the water bottle down his throat. 

Ignoring the way his neck glistens in sweat, you say, “It’s almost seven. C’mon, we’re gonna eat dinner and watch a movie. You’ve cooped yourself up in this room all day, time to interact with the world.” 

“What movie?” 

“The book we published in 2018, ‘Rotten Love’? They made it into a movie,” and you can’t help the wry grin that takes over your face when you say your next words, “guess who directed it.” 

He sighs, rubbing the towel over his damp hair. The normally styled strands fall limply at his forehead. “I don’t remember, I shifted over that project to PR. Any director’s fine, but please please please don’t let it be—”

“Jung Hoseok!”

“Son of a bitch, we gotta go.” And it’s the first time in a while you see a genuine smile graze his features, one not laced with you and your marriage. It’s an old pastime for you both to get picky over Jung’s work. “I swear, he better not put his scenes all over the place like last time, I got whiplash.” 

After a quick dinner you all pile into Namjoon’s minivan, making your way to the theatre. The drive is fast, and before you know it you’re waiting in line to get inside. It seems that the PR between the film studio and Big Hit did a good job assisting, because there’s a sizable line despite being half an hour early. 

“So honey,” Lisa leans into you, squishing you further into Jungkook’s shoulder. “Did you like, help out with the publishing of this novel? To be honest I don’t even know what your job is,” Lisa admits with a shrug, “you’re not a glorified coffee girl, are you?” 

“No,” her mixed enthusiasm never fails to stump you, “Ah, but I really didn’t do much in the production of ‘Rotten Love’,” you reply easily, relaxing into Jungkook as he moves to drape an arm around your shoulder. “I just told my boss to sign some documents n’stuff. It’s really nothing—”

“Babe, are you kidding? You ran the whole freakin’ project!” and you’re in shock, because for the first time in the history of ever, Jeon Jungkook is paying you a real compliment. “It was her first assignment when she got hired as the big boss’ assistant. A lot of people in the office doubted her,” he squeezes your shoulder, “but not for one second did I doubt her, you could see how hard she worked to make it perfect. I heard the boss was really impressed, too.” 

You remember that period of time. Jungkook made you dive headfirst into the publishing for ‘Rotten Love’, letting you sink or swim in his decision for keeping you employed. After a full month of meetings, negotiations, and debating whether you should have caffeine IV’ed in your body to save time on eating, you got Jungkook’s evaluation. You remember the stoicism in Jungkook’s frame as he surmised your work, throwing you a flippant “it’s decent” before sending you off to do more work. 

Relief flooded your system after those two simple words, because that meant you had a chance and you could keep your job. But this? If what he’s saying is true, you’re on Cloud 9. 

“Awh, thanks Kook.” you squeeze his arm, letting your fingers trail down to lace your fingers with his. 

Lisa’s face is all scrunched, and she doesn’t hesitate to stretch over you to smush Jungkook’s cheek between her two fingers. Her blue nails dig into his soft skin. “I like him, honey. Keep him, he’s so cute.” 

She leaves you alone after that, skipping over to bother Namjoon about buying an extra bucket of popcorn. 

“At first I was nervous having you near my family for a week,” you say brightly, rubbing a thumb over his hand, “but I kinda like seeing you try so hard to not rip other people’s heads off.” 

He puffs out his cheeks in an attempt to soothe the stinging. “Could be worse, I could be engaged to Karen.” 

With that you laugh, loud enough to turn heads and have Jimin and Lisa send you adoring looks. Jungkook sends you a nervous smile, the one that he’d always send you during team meetings when he was unsure of how to respond to something. Instead of giving him a smart answer, you get on your tiptoes to pat his reddened cheek. “But she’s right, you are kinda cute when you wanna be.” 

Instead of replying, he squeezes your hand tighter to lead you inside. 

Everything is smooth sailing after that. You, Jimin and Yoongi are saving the seats while Jungkook, Lisa and Namjoon are getting the refreshments. Jimin is prattling on about a new job interview and you’re listening attentively, while Yoongi shoots off advice every time Jimin says he’s nervous. 

Yoongi looks past Jimin to give you that gummy smile that always made your chest ache. “Chim, remember when she applied to work at Jamba Juice?” 

“Oh my god,” Jimin giggles, clutching your arm. “When you had to do a trial run in front of the manager? You forgot to put the lid on the blender and you sprayed the staff with green juice?” 

“The stains took forever to get out,” you pouted. “And I didn’t appreciate the snaps you saved of me. I got nervous because you were recording me!” 

“Am I hearing some juicy details about your childhood?” Jungkook appears, passing a huge tub of buttery popcorn to Yoongi. 

“Emphasis on juice,” Yoongi says tartly, popping a handful of kernels in his mouth. 

“Yes, do you wanna see a picture of your fiancé covered in green juice? She wore a low-cut shirt that day so it got deep, man.” Jimin says, using his hands to gesture obscenely to his own chest. 

You’re mortified, and you push down Jimin’s phone and cover whatever receipts he has on you. “Jimin, I’d like to stay engaged, if you don’t mind?” 

Your not-so-favorite cousin cackles in response, telling Jungkook that they’ll talk later. 

“Here,” Jungkook cooly hands you a King-Sized KitKat. 

“Awh,” you marvel, immediately opening the wrapper, “you actually read my notes and found out what my favorite candy was?” 

He scoffs, dark bangs blowing up. “Who doesn’t like KitKats?” but you’re giving him the look, and he sighs, “C’mon babe, just gimmie a break.” 

“Ha-ha,” but you break off a piece anyway, lifting it to Jungkook’s lips. It’s then that the theatre starts to dim, and the telltale signs of the movie begin. “Ready to rip Jung Hoseok to shreds?” 

“Always.” 

Barely fifteen minutes pass and Jungkook is spreading his legs. You’re about to kick him before he leans in to whisper, “They made Renee too dull,” he sighs in disappointment, as if he sincerely had high hopes they’d bring the novel to justice. “I mean, I get it, in the novel she’s supposed to be a plain Jane. But she isn’t grey.” 

“Right?” you lean into Jungkook, throwing your legs over his thighs like you’re back at the airport. This isn’t out of intimacy, you think to yourself, you just need to be close enough to Jungkook so you don’t disturb the other patrons with your talking. “She’s either a bad actress or they messed up her character. I really got upset when I read this part, but it’s kinda bland on the screen.” 

As much as you love Jimin, you know he’s not going to get your over-criticality over the media. Yoongi and Namjoon are on the other end of the row, but they wouldn’t be too pleased having you gab over the movie because you’re too much of an aficionado. Jungkook is the only one who can tête-à-tête, or in this case, Kit-a-Kat with you. 

You sigh into his shoulder, inhaling his clean scent. “Let’s pray Jung didn’t completely butcher the chapter where Kenzo reflects on his penniless journey.” 

“I’ll leave the theatre right then and there if that happens, care to join me?” 

“Already out the door, bossman.” 

Jungkook looks away from the screen briefly, reaching forward to take an obnoxiously big bite of the KitKat in your hand. You stifle a giggle, and before you can soak up his cheeky grin he’s already looking back at the movie. 

You wonder what Jungkook is like outside of work, if he has that side to him. A little part of you wishes that this playfulness he’s exuding is real. Not to your fake marriage, but a playfulness he can execute to a person that he really likes. Two days out of the office and you’re starting to see that Jungkook has the capabilities to enjoy life, however simple it may be. 

The movie is finished in a blur, and you and Jungkook are still bickering over the intricacies of the film compared to the novel. The night air is cold and burns your cheeks, reminding you exactly how late you’ve been out.

“Well, I thought the romance was so boring!” Lisa blurted, wanting an in. Her lime green ski jacket glares in your vision, and you move away from her immediately. “No one cheated on each other, there was no drama, or evil best friend!” 

“Whoa there,” and you see the little fire in Jungkook’s eyes, one you’ve learned early on to stay away from when you spent hours in his office debating over manuscripts and plotlines. He stares down at Lisa, really stares down. “You think every romance needs some sort of internalized conflict for it to be good? Why can’t they just grow and learn from the external conflict together? It’s literally useless for them to break up over and over just—”

And that’s your cue to walk ahead of them, because while you did agree with Jungkook, you’ve heard this debate one too many times. Ever the closet-romantic at heart. You hope Lisa doesn’t lose her patience and punch him out. 

“Hey,” you feel a hand pat your hair, and you look up at Yoongi. He looks absolutely fluffy in his long puffy jacket, and he matches your steps with his. “Do I look ugly tonight, or something? I feel like we barely exchanged two sentences with each other.” 

“What, never!” you chastise, “you always look good, Yoongi. And we have the whole week to catch up, remember?”

“Really, then why don’t we go out in two days to pick out a tree for your house? Joon and I are planning on going.” 

“I would love to go pick a tree!” you exclaim, “the last time we got a tree together was when your brother had to lift.” 

“Great,” and he pats your head again, but this time his hand lingers to finger the ringlets of your hair. “It’ll be just like old times, baby girl. I’ll pick you up at 9.” 

Unbeknownst to the both of you, Jungkook’s argument ended minutes ago and he’s mulling over a new type of internal conflict. 

“Owie, ow, ow—fuck you! Ow!” 

“Well if you just hold still,” Jungkook grimaces, taking his turns with both hands to simultaneously wipe the injury with a cloth and then pressing the affected area with an ice bag. 

“Buh ih hurths!” your voice is muffled by the cloth, stained red with freshly bloomed blood. 

The ski lodge started off great. You enjoyed a fabulous beligan waffle breakfast courtesy of Jimin’s parents, and then made the trek to the slopes. You’ve been here dozens of times, so you didn’t feel an inclination to gravitate to any of the fancy schmancy sports. You were fine playing shuffleboard inside, but your inner youth complained that it’s the holidays and you should be getting out more.

Jimin and Jungkook (who claimed he hasn't snowboarded since he was 16 yet he’s doing tricks like a goddamn Olympian) were shredding on the slopes while Namjoon and Lisa were skiing on a smaller hill. You and Yoongi watched safely from the lift, riding it like a kiddie attraction. You must’ve taken the lift at least ten times, complaining about how you’re both too lazy to function and you could really use a hot chocolate and a fireplace. 

After the fifteenth time on the lift, legs numb, you stumble over with heavy boots to where Lisa and Namjoon were waiting for Jimin and Jungkook. They wanted to walk around more and see if they could try a more difficult slope. 

While you were waiting, you had to admit that Jungkook did kind of cool all decked out in his gear. A competitive, playful smile was easily reflected in his gaze despite his helmet and goggles. 

That slight admiration is knocked right off your feet when Jungkook speeds by way too close for comfort and you’re in his path. Jimin had already slowed next to your friends and family, looking at you in anticipated horror.

It’s far too late, and despite the fact that Jungkook manages to pull your body to his while you wipe out, your face crashes into his helmet and you taste metal. 

Mildly disoriented from the impact, Jungkook’s muffled string of curses nurse you back to a decent consciousness as he tries to carry you to the lodge.

“Holy shit, I got that on camera!” Jimin cries, gesturing to the Go-Pro nestled in his helmet. 

So now you’re in pain and it’s all Jungkook’s fault. Your bottom lip is split, and the burn on your face won’t go away. 

You watch as Jungkook dotes on you, his bangs pushed up everywhere due to his grey goggles haphazardly being propped upon his forehead. His pink tongue sticks out as he concentrates on not getting blood on your sweater. It’s just you and him that are stuck around in the lodge after you got pummeled, standing by the fire while everyone else continues on with the fun. 

“Why were you over there anyway, in the middle of the slope?” he scolds. 

“It was the slow down zone, Jeon. You were the only one not slowing down, you speed demon.” 

“Sorry,” he says gruffly, pressing a little too hard with the ice and you wince. He lets up and presses the cloth to your lips to soak up the moisture.

“Did you say something?” 

“I said, I’m sorry.” 

You sigh dramatically, “I wish I had a camera to save that shitty excuse of an apology.” 

“Speaking of cameras,” he shucks his phone out of his pocket, handing it to you. “Jimin uploaded the video.” 

That man, you don’t know where he has the means to quickly upload and edit things, but if it’s for the ‘Gram, it’s worth it to Jimin. You open Instagram and immediately click on @chimmyboi’s story, immediately wincing as the first few seconds reveal the brunt of the impact. He should really put a disclaimer before uploading content. 

The tumble between you and Jungkook doesn’t look so bad, but it’s when you get up does it look gnarly. Your chin is dribbling in red liquid, and Jungkook’s throwing off his helmet and goggles in a panic. 

He makes a half-assed snowball where you’re lying on the ground, pressing it against your mouth. With his other hand he pulls you into a sitting position, not caring that you’re staining his clothes as he hauls you on his body. 

“Ohmygod,” you splutter, trying not to move your lips, “I look like I got decked with a hockey puck.” 

“It wasn’t that bad, don’t be a baby.” Jungkook sees the piecing glare you give him, and he sighs. “Okay, it looked pretty bad. I was a little worried back there, but now the bleeding pretty much stopped and holy shit—stop smiling! You’re making it open up further!” 

“You were worried?” 

“Shut up.” 

The ice bag is watery and not doing much anymore, but Jungkook still insists to cool your face down. You lift a hand to his cold ones, attempting to take the bag and cloth from his grasp. 

“You should go board with Jimin and the rest of them. I can take care of this.” 

“It’s fine,” he reasons, reaching for the ice bag but you hold on tighter. 

“C’mon, I know the only thing you were looking forward to this entire trip was going snowboarding. I’m a big girl, I can be alone for an hour or two.” 

Jungkook locks his jaw, gnawing at his cheek as he mulls on his decision. “Wouldn’t I look like a bad partner if I leave you?”

“Nah, this has happened before. Almost always someone gets injured on the trip. Last time something like this happened I was eight and I got five stitches on my leg. This is nothing. You’re fine.” 

“But still.” 

“Fine, you wanna make it up to me?” 

You scan the room for any ideas, and it settles on a trio of girls huddled by the register of the built-in café. They’re pretty snow bunnies, decked out in sweater dresses and fur lined boots. They remind you a little of The Powerpuff Girls, all in pastels and attached to the hip. Their gaze has taken hostage in Jungkook’s frame, blatantly ignoring the fact that majority of his attention is directed towards you. You wonder why you haven’t noticed them sooner, because now the staring is getting borderline discomforting. 

Slipping off his goggles with your free hand, you gesture subtly to the girls. “They think you’re hot. Go flirt with them a little and get me a free drink, I’m sure they’ll pay for you.” 

He doesn’t understand the correlation, “Why would I do that?” 

You shrug, separating the strands of hair that stick to his forehead. “Lisa and Namjoon do it all the time when they go clubbing. They compete and pretend they’re single for like two hours, and then they keep a tally of how many people offer to buy them a drink.” 

“That is completely different, but I’m open to trying it when we get back to the city.” he acknowledged briefly, getting up from his crouching position. “I got a better idea.” 

Puzzled, you watch him saunter over to the register. Like bees to the honey, the girls follow Jungkook with their eyes, watching him exaggeratedly mull over the menu. 

He spares the slightest of head inclinations to the drooling trio, “Hello ladies.” The smile is not flirtatious, but kind. 

You suppress a giggle, burying your chin in your scarf as you watch the whole interaction. You don’t even know why you asked Jungkook if he would flirt with those girls, as he kept most of his dates private over the years. You picture a college-aged Jungkook getting his daily breakfast on his way to class, ignoring the way his presence attracts heads. 

The barista hands Jungkook a tray filled with a plastic cup of ice, and a cup filled with something hot, and a chocolate croissant. He grabs a straw from a tray, stabbing it in the hot drink’s lid. 

“Excuse me,” one of the girls coquettishly puts her hands behind her back, puffing her chest out as she leans over Jungkook’s order. “The regular croissants actually taste better in my opinion.” 

“Well my wife’s had a hard day, so I think she deserves something sweet.” 

He doesn’t even turn around as he makes a beeline to where you’re seated on a loveseat, carefully placing the tray on the coffee table. 

“Your better idea was making them jealous?” you ask, unsure of his intentions. 

He shrugs, “College-Jungkook always wanted to show off his girlfriend like that, so indulge me for a second, alright?”

Rolling your eyes you reply, “My life is about indulging you. Don’t forget the trips I’ve made to the grocery store when your personal fridge was out of banana—”

“I thought I said we don’t speak of those hard times,” he cuts you off, “ever.”  

You stop him from filling up your ice bag with the ice he brought. “C’mon Jeon, you’re burning daylight out there. I got this. You’ve stalled enough, go have fun in the snow with Jimin, you adrenaline junkie.” 

He scrunches his nose, but relents when you throw him his jacket and goggles. Before he pulls on his gloves, he cups your face with both hands to pull you in a kiss. His hands are cold from the ice, gluing you in place in fear of him kissing you too hard. But it’s barely that, a brushing of lips so tender as he takes extra care with your open lip. 

“Is this also a self-indulgent request?” you pucker, “who knew there was a hormonal teenager under that editor-in-chief’s body.” 

His eyes flicker to the audience in the back, and you don’t need to look behind you to note that they’re glaring daggers in your head. It’s like you’re straight out of a rom-com. 

“You’re leaving me to the bunnies,” you say teasingly. 

“Then hurry up and get better so you can join us,” he taunts, “or else you can’t help me bury Jimin in the snow.” 

It’s a tempting offer that makes you down your drink so you can enjoy the rest of your day. 

Light seeps through your windows, rays kissing your eyelashes and willing them to open. You groan, hand splaying out to wake up Jungkook. When you find his space empty and cool, you sit up and search for your fake-fiancé. 

He’s on the floor, smack in the middle of his morning workout. Your iPad is under his body, and somehow he’s managed to find a setting where the document scrolls for him automatically. He’s not wearing his Airpods, so you rasp, “Jeon, you’re crazy. I get the morning workout, but you don’t have to look over any more transcripts. I think you’ve read enough for this week.” 

“It helps me ignore the burn,” he says shortly, and you see the ripples of his back flex with every push-up. “And I wouldn’t have to do so much reading if my assistant would just do her job.” 

“I already told you, I’m not working during my vacation.” you throw off the sheets, padding to your closet. “I’m going to pick the tree today. You should go to the mall with my mom and Jimin to pick out some new ornaments.” 

“What?” he gets up, and you ignore the perfect view of tight muscles decorating his abs. Exactly how long was he awake for to have sweat clinging to his shirt? You’re going to short-circuit and it’s barely 8:30. “But I wanna go help pick out the tree.” 

“You don’t have to do that, Joon and Yoongi got it.” 

“Yoongi, really? You think he can carry a tree?” 

“This isn’t a pissing contest, Jeon.” you settle on a burgundy Patagonia jacket and grey leggings. “Besides, Yoongi and I are just friends.”

“You sure about that, baby girl?” 

You whip around to poke at his chest, and you ignore how smug he looks. “Do not test me, Jeon. Like you said, I’m with you every step of the way in this marriage. I’m not going to jeopardize that over some childhood crush.” 

“Wow, your life is really turning into a Wattpad entry,” he admonishes, “fake-fiancé still pining over his older brother’s best friend, really high-qual stuff.” 

“I’m serious.” you grit, “I took a week off so I can get away from you and that was ruined, so I would like a little bit of space today.” 

And that gets Jungkook to back away. His face deflates a little, and you feel a little guilty for making him upset, but you stab that thought down and convince yourself that he deserves it. It’s not like he cares about you, he just wants to show off to the boys.

“Fine,” he turns around to put on a fresh shirt, and you almost notice the pout marrying his face. “You could’ve just told me you wanted space. I’m getting kind of tired of you too, you know.” 

He flops on the bed and you huff in reply, quickly throwing on your attire inside your closet while he watches a YouTube video. You check your phone, and at 8:59 a knock is at your door. Jungkook doesn’t bother to get up to answer, and you open the door to see a sleepy Yoongi with a paper cup in his hand. 

“An English breakfast with two sugars and a dash of milk, baby girl.” 

You mask your wince at the pet name. It hadn’t bothered you when you were young, but its starting to feel coddling now that Jungkook is making you hyper-aware of the attention. “Perfect,” you faux-beam, the hot beverage warm your fingers. 

“I’ll just warm up the car and—”

“Babeeeeee,”  the deepest, sexiest voice echoes from your bed and out in the hallway. He sounds absolutely tempting, and needy. You freeze at the way your boss can so easily pretend he’s exhausted and wanting you, “come back to bedddddd. I’m not done with you yet.” 

Yoongi’s ears are red, “Aaand, I’ll let you finish whatever business you have.” 

The older man bolts out of there, and you snap your head back to look at an innocent Jungkook. He tilts his head at your bout of anger. 

“You know, I have half a mind to fling this tea down your shirt.” 

“What?” he looks at you like a child caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “He can’t be the only one who can call you baby.” 

Honestly, you didn’t mean to lash out on Jungkook like that. You did need to put up a face as you were each other's significant others, but it doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time. To top it all off you’ve been feeling weird as of late, and you can only attribute these terrible feelings to a certain brunet who’s been sleeping in your bed. 

But you pin these feelings for another time, because you need to enjoy what little quality time you have with your brother. 

“Hey, whaddya think of this one?” It's just you and Namjoon picking the tree, and Yoongi’s sitting in the cabin keeping warm. He said to call him once you’ve decided, since it is your house. 

“Hm, it’s fine.” you shrug, inhaling the pine. “Maybe a little too tall.” 

Namjoon nods, and you follow him to the next row of greenery. He’s been pensive this whole time, and you have a feeling he’s hiding something. Surrounded by pine and the fresh winter air he says, “Hey, I just wanna say sorry.” 

“Why, did you like that tree over there? I don’t mind it, we can go back!” 

“What, no? I’m sorry for being weird around Jungkook.” 

“Huh?” sure, you noticed the weird language and terseness he gave Jungkook initially, but you chalked it out as big brother issues. 

You two continue to walk around the forest aimlessly, not really tree hunting. 

“I was just upset that the engagement was so sudden,” Namjoon starts, and you feel the guilt start to set camp in your stomach. “And I don’t know, at first he just didn’t seem like your type? I always thought you wanted to date someone gentle, someone you could hold and depend on. He looked so serious, and maybe a little immature.”

“He is a little immature,” you agree softly, digging your boots in the snow, “but I don’t love him any less because of it. We’re growing together.” Shit, why was that so easy for you to say? 

“Figured,” and Namjoon stops to place a hand on your shoulder, “I see the way he looks at you, and you can’t fake love like that.” 

Namjoon’s admonition is so convincing that you almost convince yourself that it is something. 

Something is bothering Jungkook, and he doesn’t know why. 

It’s not the billions of charges he made on his credit card for new ornaments, because it simultaneously inflated his ego and impressed your mom. 

It’s not the way Jimin hangs onto his every word and doesn’t let up, because it is refreshing to have your cousin find a genuine interest in him. 

Jungkook, Jimin and your mom have been taking laps around the mall for the past hour. They’ve floated around here and there, picking out whatever catches their eye for the tree. 

Jimin’s in the middle of explaining the Jamba Juice story when a glimmering window display catches his eye. 

“Hun, have you not bought her a present yet?” your mom says over his shoulder. 

“No,” he exhales, embarrassed that he just admitted he didn’t think of getting you anything in front of your mom. “She doesn’t ask for anything, really.” Besides her book published, a raise, and a potential promotion as editor, but they didn’t need to know that much. 

“Good thing you’re with the right people!” Jimin cheers, ushering him into the jewelry store. 

Funny enough, he knows exactly what to get you. Once he points it out, Jimin and your mom “ooh” and “aah” respectively, agreeing that what he chose was perfect. If you had asked Jungkook a week ago what kind of jewlery you like, he’d give you a dumb look and say “something shiny.” But that’s what’s bothering him. He just walked right into the store, saw what was right, and everything just clicked. 

Jungkook pins that thought for later, because once their shopping is done they’re back at your villa, arranging the ornaments and detangling the lights that have been holed up in the closet for eleven months. 

Jimin and he are sitting on the living room floor, stabbing thread through popcorn. He really only saw this craft in the movies, and the small part of him is amazed that you and your family go through the hard work to make your holidays so warm. 

Your mom appears from her bedroom, clutching something in her hand. She sits in front of Jungkook, a huge smile on her face. 

“Before you say anything,” and it strikes him how similar you are to your mother. There’s that tone he always receives before he gets new news, or the way you’re eager to share something that will make him happy. “I don’t want you to think this is a luxurious gift or anything. But I realized that you don’t have a wedding band so I went through my old cases and found this.” 

She opens her palm slowly, revealing a simple black band. 

Jungkook’s lips part to form words, but his vocal cords betray him. At first glance, this ring could’ve been mistaken for one of Jimin’s plentiful rings adorning his fingers. Upon closer inspection however, Jungkook notes that this band is thinner and more worn. The metal looks strong and old, the slight scratches and faded color revealing that it was a well-loved piece of jewelry. 

Your mom is offering Jungkook a wedding band. 

“If you don’t like it, that’s okay!” your mom says quickly, nerves radiating because of Jungkook’s silence. “It was my grandfather’s. Don’t feel as if you have to accept it. It’s not a wedding band persay, but I think it matches and it looks about your size and we didn’t get you a Christmas gift so—”

“It’s perfect.” Jungkook tells her firmly, sending him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, I guess we kind of rushed the engagement so I didn’t think of getting a band of my own.” 

Your mother is grateful, dropping the ring in Jungkook’s awaiting palm. “I think my daughter should be the one who puts it on you, don’t you think?” 

“Right,” he echoes, and he just stares at the ring in his hand, feeling weird in his chest. He can’t remember the last time someone put this much thought in getting him something this significant. He can’t accept this ring, but he can’t refuse it either. “I could never find something with this much value from a little shop in New York, so thank you.” 

“Oh, and while we’re on the topic of New York,” Jimin puts down his completed popcorn wreath, “y/n said she already put in her off days for Easter, so you should too. It’ll be at my place this year, and I live by an indoor skydiving zone. She mentioned you’re an adrenaline junkie.” 

“She also mentioned that your birthday’s in September.” your mom pops in, “We were thinking we could take Friday off and stop by for the weekend. I’ve always wanted to see Hamilton!” 

Jungkook knows they’re trying to cheer him up. They’re trying to make him feel part of the family, feel wanted. But he can’t remember the last time he’s felt wanted unless it’s for a book deal or a business exchange. It’s been so long since he’s felt this warm, and he didn’t realize how much he yearned for it until he proposed to you.

“Hey man,” Jimin puts an arm around his trembling shoulders, “are you alright?” 

“Fine,” he’s crying, and doing a shit job at hiding the tears. “It’s alright, I just,” he can’t even find the strength to get up and walk away from this. Is it pathetic that he’s breaking down in the comfort of your cousin and mom, starved for affection? “I just, I miss my family. It’s just the four of us, but they’re all the way in Korea and it’s been awhile since I’ve really celebrated anything with them. They visit sometimes but it’s not the same, y’know? And work is so stressful but I’m not in a position to say that. And your family is just so, so nice and it makes me miss them even more. You’re all so lucky to support each other like this.” 

Jimin and your mom sandwich him like an Oreo. It’s almost funny, how two smaller humans are comforting this big human and not the other way around. “Poor baby, it’s your family too.” 

Pathetic. It’s pathetic how much he wishes to have a family like yours, but he can’t have that. 

“Can we please not tell y/n about this?” Jungkook wishes, leaning his head on your mom’s. “She’s going through a lot right now with work and stuff, I’d rather just talk to her about this after the holidays, if that’s okay.” 

“It’s quite alright, sweetheart,” your mom runs a hand through his hair, and his eyes automatically flutter closed, “just remember, your feelings matter too, okay?” 

You and Jungkook slip into bed at the same time, murmuring half-hearted “how was your days” and brief descriptions of your outings. It’s a little awkward considering the morning’s events, but not unbearable. 

“The tree smells really nice,” Jungkook tries, looking up from his phone. 

“Yeah, makes the whole room smell like Christmas.” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you have a good time shopping, find anything good?” 

“Yeah.”

“That’s nice.” 

[11:29] Jimin: hey, you know my room’s right next to yours right? 

[11:29] Jimin: we share a goddamn wall and im NOT hearing shit

[11:29] Jimin: are you putting that baby blanket to good use ;)

[11:30] You: YOU”REE DISGUSTING are we even family!!!!  Can i disown a first cousin?? 

[11:30] Jimin: i’m just sayin.. U said it was fantastic

You throw your phone away, letting it slide off to the mattress and onto the baby blanket. Yes, the baby blanket is unfortunately here to stay. Over the course of three days, the quilt is like a ball in a tennis match between you and your mother. You’ve given up and just kept it on the floor. 

“I have a question,” you say aloud, motioning to your bed partner. 

“Shoot.” 

“Was it true when you said I was the only girl you knew well enough to be your wife?”

“Of course, that’s why we’re here.” 

“I’m just wondering, because I really thought you could pick any girl in the office to be yours.” you stuff your hands under the covers, playing with your ring. “I mean, you’re kinda-sorta handsome. You could’ve picked someone just as pretty and they would have studied your whole life story for you.” 

Jungkook's phone falls in his lap, and he looks at you like you’ve lost a couple brain cells. “Normally, I would eat up the fact that you admitted I was attractive. But do you realize you’re just as beautiful, if not more?” 

What? 

“I know it’s unprofessional, but how professional can we get when we’re married, but you’re the whole package, y/n.” and he says it with such fervor, you can’t formulate a response. “I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. No one else can take my shit and throw it right back in my face, or debate with me for hours on end about a novel’s direction. Only you can do that.” 

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head, “thanks, you’re right. I’m just clouded, and stressed. And Jimin’s being an ass and it’s really bothering me.” 

His chocolate eyes flicker in the darkness of your bedroom, making note of your phone on the floor. “What’d he say?” 

“It’s stupid, he said that he thinks it’s weird he hasn’t heard us bang all week,” you force a laugh, “it’s my fault though, he wouldn’t get off my back so I gave up and told him the sex was fantastic.” 

“Are you worried he’s unconvinced?” 

“A little, maybe? I don’t know.” you’re wrinkling your bedsheets now, turning the cotton into putty as your sweaty palms wring at the edge. 

“I don’t mind giving him a show.” Jungkook blurts, and you instinctively pull the covers closer to your chest, even though you’re fully clothed. 

“What, like fake moan into the wall?” 

“There are things you can do over the clothes,” he says matter-of-factly, pulling the sheet of his bedside down slightly. “And you just said you’re stressed. I’d be a bad fiancé to not let you relieve some of that tension.” 

Jungkook opens his arms and gestures for you to get on his lap. Your body is hot all over, and you can’t tell if it’s because you’re horrified or aroused. Maybe a little of both. 

“Are you kidding—you’re my boss!” 

“And we’re consenting adults!” he narrows his eyes at you, “don’t say you’ve never thought about it before.”

And the sick, twisted part of you has, a lot. There’s something about a man in a tailored suit and owning up to its power that’s really attractive. Not to mention all those times they’d be traveling for work, stumbling for a quick McDonald's bite at 12AM and he’d be dressed casually in tight black jeans and combat boots. The energy really kept you on your toes. 

“Wow, I really hate late-night talks. All the secrets come out, don’t they?” 

“If it makes you feel better, your ass looks great in pencil skirts,” you turn to him with flared eyes, “what? I’m just trying to let you know I mayhaps find you attractive.” 

“Mayhaps you should stop talking before I regret this.” 

His eyebrows lift and disappear from his bangs, the hair freshly dried and fluffy from his late night shower. He then pats his lap with a little blasé as if to say “hop on”, and you ignore the way how good the seat looks, his boxer briefs doing nothing to hide his unmentionables. 

Trying to fight alongside your last drop of dignity, you take your time. 

“C’mon y/n, don’t make it weird.” 

“It’s been weird, Jeon! Jimin’s next door!” you hiss, backing away slightly, “Give me some time, I can’t just hump my boss!” 

“You’re not humping your boss.” Jungkook has the audacity to grin, the expression looking absolutely sinful in the moonlight. “Think of it as your lover wanting to make you feel good.” 

The bridge between love and hatred is a fine, fine line stemmed by passion. 

Careful, you lift your blankets up and slip out of them, moving to sit up. It’s ridiculous, tiptoeing around your bed to avoid any sudden creaks in the aged wood of your mahogany headboard. 

“We’re out to prove to your family we fuck on the reg,” Jungkook snips, “you can make noise.” 

Within seconds, he’s hauling you on his lap. You squeak in surprise, feeling the thin material of his boxers seep through your thin silk shorts. You wriggle around, monitoring Jungkook’s expression. He does not allude too much, but you take note of the way Jungkook secures you with his hands between the swells of your thighs. 

“I’m not a rollercoaster, stop adjusting like you’re gonna buckle up.” 

Jungkook’s dry humor lightens the mood considerably, and you can’t help but smile timidly at his attempt to make you feel at ease. He lets you take your time, and you never imagined someone so demanding in the office can be so… kind in bed. 

You dip forward to kiss his lips once, twice. He looks needy, but lets you set the pace. You appreciate that. You’re salivating at his willingness to make you feel good, and you whimper as he nibbles on a sensitive spot on your neck. 

You need more. Sensing your urgency when you jerk his chin up, he muffles your sounds with a harsh kiss, taking care to moan deeply into your mouth. The heat is luxurious on this winter night, burgundy kisses exchanged between the sheets like secrets. His tongue slips between your teeth, tasting every inch of you and exploring you like the deepest texts. 

He pulls away slightly, and you’re drowning in his gaze. “Am I still just kinda-sorta handsome now?” he nips at your neck, sucking on a spot between your jaw. 

“N-no,” and you pull him up by the chin, taking in his messy hair and glazed eyes, “you’re fucking sexy,” and you tug your mouth to his once more. 

You don’t even realize that you’re rolling your hips until Jungkook breaks the kiss in favor of grabbing your hips, making sure your core is nestled perfectly between his hardening length. It doesn’t take long for the both of you to get wet, and the silk glides easily between your thighs like butter.

“That’s it, baby girl,” he encourages, one hand reaching up to cup your breast, “use me, make  yourself feel good.” 

“Please, don’t call me that,” you whine against his mouth, trying to keep the mood in, “Babe is fine, but baby girl makes me feel like a little kid and I’m not a little kid.”

“You damn right,” and he lifts his hips to meet yours in a sharp thrust, and you gasp hotly into his mouth. It’s too late to muffle your moans, not when you’re drenched with two pathetic pieces of fabric stopping the both of you. “You’re a gorgeous, intelligent, strong, amazing woman.” 

With every compliment, he does all the work, thrusting with each adjective like he’s blessing poetry into your body. 

“J-Jungkook,” the name is muffled against his shoulder, too fuzzed in ecstasy to be embarrassed by the drool coating his tank top. His hair tickles your shoulder as he nips at your clothed breasts, swirling around your nipple. “I-I, m’gonna come,” 

“You’re almost there huh?” and he slips a hand between you two to find that sweet spot, swirling designs between your shorts. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

And you’re shaking, collapsing into his embrace as he rides out your high. He cradles one hand in your hair as you rub furiously against his other, chasing your pleasure like a starved animal. 

“K-Kook,” you murmur into his neck, finding the strength to roll your hips one more time to check. “You’re still hard, do you want me to help?”

“No.” he’s forthright, and as tired as you are, you force yourself to pick your head up. Sweat lines his brow and his face is flushed, but he’s already helping you off and handing you a tissue from the nightstand. 

“What?” you’re hurt, and don’t want to admit why. 

“Don’t feel like you need to,” he grunts into your forehead, dipping a chaste kiss right in the center. “Just let me do something nice to you for once.” 

As much as you want to, you don’t complain as he tucks you in. You don’t complain when you see a wet stain on his Kirby boxer briefs. You don’t answer back when he checks his phone one more time and pulls you in to press a kiss to your cheek. It’s 12:31. 

“Merry Christmas,” he murmurs into your skin, and turns over so his back faces you. 

Christmas is a loud and eager affair. The entirety of your family piles into your house while still in pajamas, aunts and uncles from other villas running in with their children with their newly opened toys and gadgets. There’s a buffet style breakfast piled on the kitchen island, and you’re all eating in the living room while watching holiday movies. 

Jungkook melds right in, unsurprisingly. He has your baby cousin Dante in his lap, teaching him how to use the controls of his new Nintendo Switch. 

Despite only meeting Jungkook a few days ago, you notice that some of your family have taken the liberty of giving him small presents. You spot a simple silver chain around his wrist, courtesy of Jimin, and a fluffy grey scarf wrapped around his neck, courtesy of your aunt’s impeccable knitting club. 

“He fits right in, doesn’t he?” 

Yoongi hands you your usual cup of tea, and you accept it gratefully. You’re sitting right next to the tree, and you notice that some of the ornaments are miniature books. You absentmindedly run your fingers over the carved wood, especially on the ones that are your favorite titles. 

“Yeah,” you hate to admit, so you whisper it into your mug. But Yoongi can hear, he always does. “I didn’t think it would be this easy.” 

“Easy to love him, or easy to fit into this family?” 

You splutter into your mug, and Yoongi does the right thing by patting your back. It feels a little bit like he’s burping a baby, but otherwise, it soothes your lungs. 

“I am happy for you, you know.” he says, knocking knees with you. “It might not seem like it now, but I truly am.” 

Deciding not to dwell on his subversive confession, you thank him for the tea and excuse yourself. Dante seems like he’s got the hang of MarioKart, so you tug Jungkook by the hand and lead him back into your bedroom. 

“I got you a present, but I didn’t feel like making a scene about it,” you pull out a pink gift bag, tufts of white tissue paper sticking out. “Also, it’s kinda cheap and it was a last minute thing, so don’t have any high expectations.” 

“Gee, you’re really making me feel deserving of this gift,” but he takes his time in unraveling the bag anyway. 

He pulls out a shiny onyx black mug, rolling it between his hands. On one side it’s engraved in gold cursive “World’s Best Boss” but on the other side it’s engraved, “World’s Best Husband”. 

“Subtle,” he grins, pulling you into a hug. He gets that it’s a gag gift, but because it’s from you, it's a lot more meaningful. You could’ve easily delved into his bank accounts and see what he buys for himself, but you decided to take the more personal route. 

“Thanks,” he murmurs into your hair. And to really throw you off he says, “For my gift, I’ve decided to publish your novel.” 

You shove him away as if you’ve been stung, and you barely have the voice to ask, “Are you serious, you’ve read my novel? I didn’t even send you the first draft!” 

“We share the same Google Drive, it was easy to find. If you had noticed, it’s the only thing I’ve been reading this week,” he shrugs as if it’s nothing, but he’s in actuality giving you your lifelong dream. “You deserve it, really. I’m sorry if you felt like it wasn’t ready to be read. But it was wonderful, you’re a real wordsmith.” 

“I’m not upset,” you can’t be, not when he smells so good and he’s trying to hug you all over again. “How many copies?”

“10,000.”

“20,000.”

“15,000, and I’ll even give you permission to dedicate your novel to me.” he raises his brows irreverently. 

You scoff at his arrogance, but you don’t admit to confessing that along with professors and your family, you would be dedicating it to him. “Well my gift feels like absolute shit,” you deadpan, “can I have a do-over tomorrow? We can go to the mall or something.”

“You’ve done enough for me,” he disagrees, breaking away from you to place the mug on your desk. “Agreeing to my farfetched proposal, letting me into your home. I think that’s an amazing gift.” 

“You’ve been way too nice,” you look at him wearily, noting the rosiness in his cheeks. 

“You say that like it’s not possible!” 

“Who knows? Maybe the Christmas spirit has performed a miracle, who am I to judge?” and you can’t get enough of the man, running into his heart one more time. Pressing your ear to his chest you sing, “Well, in the Poconos they say, that Jeon Jungkook’s heart grew three sizes that day.” 

It may have not grown three sizes, but if the living room wasn’t so loud, maybe you could’ve heard his heart beating three times as fast. 

The calm after the storm is your favorite part of Christmas. Most of your extended family has left to mull in their own homes, leaving your family to laze around until it’s just you and Jungkook that are awake. 

Jim Carrey’s version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is playing on Netflix, arguably the only superior rendition of the children's book. The tree is still glowing by the fireplace, soft white lights trickling in the darkened room. 

Earlier in the night, you and Jungkook had cuddled up in the middle of the couch under a blanket, and were too lazy to move even when the entirety of your family vacated. Either of you could’ve easily shoved each other off and went to bed, but here you are, making offhand comments over hot cocoa. Each second that passes by, you’re more aware of how well you two sink between the fabric like you’re meant to do this. The domesticity terrifies you, but you don’t dare to point it out. 

“How does his face do that?” Jungkook turns to you, contorting his face into funny expressions. It’s a poor attempt at the green creature on the screen, but it makes your mouth twitch and you fight the urge to giggle. “It’s like he’s made of rubber.” 

“He has a sense of humor, unlike some people.” 

“Very funny,” he says, turning away to take a sip of his cooca. 

Sinking further into the couch, you unconsciously latch onto him more, savoring his body heat. “Can I confess something?”  

“What’s up?” 

“A week ago, I loathed you. I used to have recurring dreams about you getting run over by a Wonderbread truck. And I was driving the truck.” 

“Wow, that makes me feel so much better.” 

“No really, if I had the opportunity to watch you get hit by a cab, I would’ve paid for it.” 

“If it were possible for me to file for divorce at this very second, now would be time. You are a walking red flag.” 

“Okay, but!” you shush him with a finger to your lips, and he goes cross-eyed at the touch. “After seeing your stellar performance this week and an impeccable display of human emotion. I think after all of this, we could be friends.” 

“Fwends?” he says through your finger, mouth smushed. “Why whuh we?” 

Instead of lifting your finger right away, you swipe at his cherry lips, getting rid of the marshmallow sticking to the corners. 

“Because we get along.” you say simply.

“Because we’re supposed to be getting married.” 

“No! We’ve always gotten along! We’ve just been too up our asses to notice!” you sit up, appalled. “Here’s my theory, a change of setting has suddenly spurred on your character development—”

“—y’know I really don’t appreciate your use of literary jargon, it’s really pretentious—”

“—because without your external conflict, you have a chance to let loose and enjoy your life for once!” 

Jungkook frowns, adjusting his frame so he slightly hovers you. He’s pretty like this, dressed in fluffy black pajamas and his face soft. His eyes absorb the Christmas fairy lights, and you notice for the first time in two years that there are no longer purple bags under his eyes. 

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, voice so small you wonder if he’s worried to crush the moment. “Friends are hard.” 

You shake your head vehemently, “Friends are easy, keeping them is the hard part.”

He doesn’t know why he’s being so weird about this. You’ve worked for him for over two years, you know him as well as you know your skincare routine, down to the last detail. 

“Jeon, don’t think too hard about this,” you try to get him to lighten up, the intense look in his eyes throwing you in for a loop. It makes the little hamster wheel in your head spin rapidly, and you wonder if you’re really crossing a line. “Jimin said you had a really good time yesterday, I was almost jealous I couldn’t come shopping with you.” 

He cracks a smile at that, “Yeah, Jimin and I shared a moment,” and he leans down to the shell of your ear, “and he said he really enjoyed our moment last night.” 

“Oh my god!” you grab a nearby throw pillow, chucking the rough fabric in his face. 

He breaks into a laugh, but not the wine and dine chuckles that he’d have between terse negotiations for work. It’s a full out giggle, like he’s proud to have riled you up enough to break your resolve. Who knew your angry face could be so cute? 

“I guess if we’ve crossed a line, might as well make it all the way to the end,” Jungkook says easily, running a hand through his chocolate tresses. 

You and Jungkook are leaving the day after tomorrow. Most of your stuff is packed and ready to go, and you’re currently spending the rest of your night at a sit-down dinner with your immediate family plus Jimin. 

It’s peaceful, you muse. Jungkook even offered to help cook. Back at Big Hit not once did he ever bring leftovers from home, always insisting you order something for him during work. Kimchi fried rice is a simple dish, but Jungkook had taken great care in making sure it was cooked properly and adjusted to your family’s tastes. 

Your parents are glowing and enjoying their time with the whole family, a rarity that grows more valuable with age. The meal soothes you like a balm, reminding you of old conversations that had you spew milk out of your nose or Namjoon accidentally spilling beans on your lap. 

“Oh, you should also clear your schedule for the first week of September,” Jimin says absentmindedly, shoving another mouthful of fried rice. “Besides Easter, Jungkook says we can celebrate his birthday and visit for the weekend.” 

“Seriously,” Namjoon balks, sitting up straight as he regards you in disbelief. “You’re sure your Devil of a boss will enjoy you out of his chains for two vacations, god forbid you take the holidays off again.” 

The grip on your fork tightens, but you steel yourself. Honestly, you were wondering why it took Namjoon this long to let it all out. He was always vehemently against your job, as he was the person who got the brunt of your vents when you were stressed. Probably for the sake of Christmas he let it go, but now that it’s over, the topic’s fair game. 

“Oh, c’mon Joonie,” your mother frowns, “not at the table.” 

“He isn’t that bad, Joon.” you reason, completely ignoring Jungkook as you stare straight at your brother. “He means well—”

“Means well?” Namjoon barks a laugh, as if it’s the most laudable thing. “Sis, you cried everyday for a straight month after you were hired.” he places his hands on the table, regarding you carefully, “I had to personally call your doctor in New York to get you sleeping pills, and not to mention that two weeks ago, you were crying again because you were worried he forgot your vacation and would make you work! Don’t tell me he ‘means well’ when I’ve been busy picking up the pieces!” 

At this point, you’re livid. Jungkook’s right here, and while you can’t go ahead and out the fact that he is your boss, you can still have his back. 

They don’t know that you’ve picked the pieces back up, reinforced yourself to create a better version of the person you once were. 

“He does mean well,” you cry, matching your brother’s red tone to a T. “He’s just stressed and genuinely cares about the company. I choose to work long hours because he takes his time in making sure the work we publish is worthwhile, and I support that. He’s hard on me because he knows I have potential. He’s going to make sure I succeed.” 

Namjoon looks at you like you’ve grown two heads. “You’re seriously defending your shitty boss?” 

Jimin puts a hand over Namjoon’s in an attempt to placate him, but he shoves it away.

“Honestly,” Namjoon spits venom, “how can you possibly stand to be around someone who makes your life so miserable?” 

Your meal has gone cold, and your fists clutch desperately at your jeans. The breath is robbed from your lungs, and you can’t look at anyone for fear of them regarding you with guilt. You know since the day you got hired that your family wasn’t exactly enthused at your boss’ level of expectation and work output. But they don’t know the industry, and they don’t even really know Jungkook past the surface level. . 

But you know in their eyes, they’re right. Their daughter left their comfy home to pursue her lifelong dream, only for it to be broken in a matter of weeks. It’s natural to feel protective, and while you’re resilient and were able to get it together as of late, it wasn’t enough for them to understand. As someone who loves you, it’s obvious they’d want to blame your boss, blame Jungkook for your suffering. 

You imagine your father would ask Namjoon to step outside, or your parents would make Jimin pull you and Jungkook out. Neither of those things happen.

A warm, large hand is placed on top of yours. You look towards Jungkook, face unreadable as he squeezes your thigh. 

“Namjoon’s right.” Jungkook utters, pressing his lips together. “You deserve to be treated with respect. The boss has never appreciated the hard work you do, at least not out loud. You’re too good for him.”

“Jungkook,” you gape, putting your other hand over his. 

He pulls away at your touch, glancing at the clock. “This dinner was wonderful,” he says gently, looking apologetic to your parents. “Excuse me, but I promised to call my parents at this time.” 

The excuse is completely half-assed, but no one says anything as he leaves, walking out the door without a coat. The table is terse, with your parents attempting to coax out dessert while Jimin clears the dinner table. You refuse to look at Namjoon, who has no idea why you’re so upset. You wait five minutes before you mumble about getting Jungkook a jacket. 

However, when you open the door he isn’t sitting on the porch. He’s all the way up the street, too far for you to be heard with a yell, and walking farther into town. The black hoodie falls to your side, disappointed. 

Jungkook does in fact, call his parents. Your mother suggested it when she gave him the ring, thinking it would ease his homesickness if he made a better effort to communicate his feelings. 

And so he spends over an hour huddled in a cafe, talking about nothing and everything with his mom and dad. He tells them about the little novelties he’s experienced this week, like making popcorn strings and picking out themed Christmas ornaments. He tells him how he promises to book a flight back to Korea as soon as his work visa goes through. While he doesn’t mention the proposal, he mentions you. He prattles on and on about how strong and beautiful you are, and how you’ve crept up on him and made him realize how awful of a person he was. 

His mom prattles excitedly through the line, saying that women make you realize how much better you can be for them, but she doesn’t know the half of it. 

Jungkook sat there in your dining room, Namjoon boldly telling you off about how miserable he’s made you. 

And yet still, you defended him in ways he never imagined. Your relationship has always been mutual, and prickly at best. You balanced each other out, but he knows he doesn’t deserve you. When he first hired you, he rendered you indispensable like all the other assistants that couldn’t handle it. You’d break eventually. 

And you did break. But you picked up the pieces and put yourself back together, and you didn’t resent him for it. He hated that. How can you trust someone who’s hurt you so much? 

He can’t let you go through with this marriage. You’re wrong. You don’t need him to be successful. 

[11:09] You: mom unlocked the door for you. Jimin and i went out for drinks so idk when ill be back

[11:09] You: please don’t be mad at me

Silly girl, why would he ever be mad at you? 

His plan is simple, Sneak into your villa, grab his luggage, and try to book the earliest flight back to New York. Then, he can come clean to Taeyeon and spend the year in Korea while they work out his visa issues. He’ll quietly pack his things and clear out the office before Monday.  Hopefully by the time he makes it to Busan, he can forgive himself. He’s going to regret missing your expression when you get to hold the first physical copy of your novel. 

This plan proves difficult when he sees Namjoon waiting outside for him, sitting on his luggage and reading a book. His long legs are splayed across the porch, and he doesn’t spare Jungkook a glance.

“Knew something was off,” the older man doesn’t look up from his novel, “found the mug on her desk, bossman.” 

Muttering a curse under his breath Jungkook opens his arms, “Are you gonna beat me up now?” 

“What? No, I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Jungkook scoffs, and watches Namjoon roll his luggage to the back of the van. “And out of the kindness of my heart, I’ll save you the Lyft fare and drive you to the airport.” 

Is he that predictable? He flinches at the sudden jet of the ignition, and he takes heavy, snow-laden steps to the passenger seat. Once buckled in, Namjoon tosses the book in his lap. “Some light reading for the drive.” 

If Namjoon wasn’t the driver, he wouldn’t hesitate to chuck the book at his big, intelligent head. Instead, he glowers, clutching the book tightly. It’s only when they round the corner to a house brightly decorated with lights, does he see what novel Namjoon’s plucked. 

A Mutually-Assured Attachment. Jungkook tosses the book back and forth between his palms, noting the soft cover is so worn it could melt apart in his lap. It feels tended and loved from years of use. 

It’s Jungkook’s first novel, and you had a copy. One of the first editions, if he remembers the cover art correctly. Granted, he thought you had some of his books purely because of your job, but not one from your childhood. Frankly he thought this should have never been published, but he was nineteen and that in itself was a large feat. 

He carefully peels the pages, and takes out his phone to shine the flashlight mode. At the very front, blood red ink is scratched next to the title: “this is THE most pretentious title i’ve read in my life! Don’t disappoint me jeon!!” 

Your handwriting’s all over the place. He sees graphite, gel, and glitter pens mark the margins, as if you’ve come back each time to write something new. The annotations vary, from “this part sucks” to “shit, that’s good i should do that”. You draw little pictures of the objects he’s contrived, from the little brass locket one character cherishes to the facial expressions you imagine they hold. 

And at the very end, your handwriting sits neat and bold on the inside cover: I can do better than him. 

Jungkook chuckles to himself, turning off the light. You’re always right. 

Namjoon senses the younger one is done, and he clears his throat. “I really really don’t understand what she sees in you.” 

“I don’t understand either,” Jungkook agrees easily, his finger tracing your handwriting. He muses that you were always out to get him, even if you didn’t know it. 

Namjoon masks his surprise by clearing his throat. “But I’d rather seek to understand than live the rest of my life having my sister resent me. I don’t really know what you two are going through, but if she trusts you with her life, I’ll try. Emphasis on try.” 

“I don’t deserve your trust.” 

“You damn right you don’t,” succumbing to his impulses Namjoon makes a sharp turn, and Jungkook holds his stomach together before it flies out the window.  

You come home to find your room cold and barren. All of Jungkook’s things are gone, except your Christmas mug. 

You at least thought Jungkook would spare you a goodbye before he ditched you. You hoped you’d at least consider each other friends who provide explanations after all of this. 

Lifting the mug off the desk, you hear a little clink in the glass, the chime unfamiliar. Hurriedly, you pour out its contents. A heavy, tungsten black ring lands in your palm. You clench the metal between your fingers, hugging it to your chest. 

Mind made up, you dash out to the hallway, nearly bumping into your cousin. At the same time you and Jimin blurt, “We need to go to the airport.” 

Apparently Namjoon warned Jimin that something fishy’s going on. Namjoon didn’t know what, but he had the inkling that Jungkook was hiding something. Once Jimin received the text to meet them at the airport, he flung you in his sedan and floored it. Flushed with adrenaline, Jimin is speeding with a fervor you’ve never experienced. 

“Can you please, take the edge off and tell me what the hell is going on?” 

Just like how Jungkook didn’t want Big Hit to go down the drain, you didn’t want this week to be in vain. You can’t wait a year for Jungkook to come back, and you didn’t want to publish your first novel without him by your side. 

“Long version or short version?” 

“The in-the-middle version. I don’t think I have the brain capacity to absorb all your drama right now but I really need some answers.” 

“O-kay. Basically, Jungkook isn’t a Literary Agent. He’s my god-awful boss. Or was awful, I don’t know. Jungkook left the country before his work visa was fully processed. That’s a breach, so he needs to live in Korea for a year to come back. But he can’t run Big Hit remotely, so he proposed to marry me to attain citizenship.”

Your head whips to the dashboard and you cry out, barely stopping the impact with your hands.  

“Sorry, sorry!” Jimin’s eyes are focused on the red light, absolutely terrified. “Bitch, you’re committing fraud with your boss! You could go to jail, that’s like, the hottest love story ever!” 

“But he’s going back to Korea because now he suddenly realized he can forge basic human connection.” you mutter, “so no, we’re not going to jail because he’s decided to do the right thing.” 

“So what you’re saying is, Jungkook has achieved self-actualization and decided to peacefully move to Korea and sacrifice the company for you.” Jimin is carving his free hand in the air, gesturing wildly. “Don’t you see! He really likes you.”

“Yeah, so now we need to go to the airport and tell his dumbass this isn’t the time to be selfless.” 

Once you find a spot you’re rushing out of the car, weaving between carts and people to find the correct terminal. This airport is much smaller than JFK, so it’s easy for you to navigate and get past the TSA. It also helps that Jin’s wife is an attendant. 

“He chose the 1:45 flight in Terminal 31A,” Mijoo chirps from her tablet, leading you in the right direction. She’s dressed impeccably, the odds and ends of this airport glued together by her impeccable organization. She points to the clock, which glares a digital 1:18AM. “You have time.” 

“Thank you Mijoo,” you exhale gratefully, “and I’m so so sorry I skipped your wedding!” 

“This is the 300th time you’ve said it,” Mijoo rolls her eyes, pushing you and Jimin forward, “But I’ll make sure not to miss your wedding.” 

You’re sweating from your down jacket, and you can’t believe it’s really all come down to this. The one person you’ve spent the last two years of your life doting on, and you didn’t want to stop. You wanted him not just for the publication of your novel, but because you needed him. 

Jungkook’s sitting in the waiting area of Terminal 31A, looking wholly inconspicuous as he reads a book and has his hood propped up. 

Fists balled, you stride forward only to have Jimin tug you back. “What?” 

Jimin pulls off your thick coat, making haste to wipe the sweat off your brow with his sleeves and flatten your messy hair. “What?” he tilts his head to the side, “you need to look good before the big confrontation. I’m recording this for archival purposes. Do you have any lip balm by any chance? You look chapped.” 

You slap his hands away, but those grubby fingers just come back with a vengeance. “My life is just a big show to you, isn’t it?”

“Living vicariously all day, every day.” 

While Jimin parts your bangs, the intercom cuts through the air. 

“The 1:45 flight to John F. Kennedy International airport will now commence boarding. Please line up according to the ticket class.” 

Jimin smiles at you, squeezing your shoulders and gestures for you to go. To your horror, Jungkook is first in line. Panic bubbles to your throat.

“Jeon Jungkook!” you cry, voice echoing throughout the terminal. “If you so much breathe in the direction of that plane I will call Mark Lee right this second and tell him the book series is off!” 

Like a deer in the headlights, Jungkook heeds to your voice immediately. In his stupor you jog forward to snatch his wrist and pull him out of line. You don’t let go until you’re away from the long line, and Jungkook tugs his wrist away. 

“Don’t you dare call him,” Jungkook looks serious, as if you didn’t drive all the way to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. “I will never forgive you if you terminate Mark Lee’s contract.” 

“And I won’t forgive you if you get on that plane.” 

Pain flashes in his eyes, and he shakes his head. “I need to. I can’t let us—let you go through with this. You and your family deserve better.” 

“What? Jungkook, I agreed to this just as much as you did.” 

“No, you didn’t.” he’s adamant, and steps back with every step you take forward. “As your boss I threatened you, held it over your head like an ultimatum. I’ve hurt you,” his voice cracks, looking at you desperately, “why would you want to be stuck with me when I’ve made your life miserable?” 

“If I really wanted to leave, I would’ve done it a long time ago.” You reason, “Do you really want to leave the company behind? To fucking Karen?” 

“Of course I don’t!” Jungkook exclaims, “but it isn’t worth hurting you, hurting your family and everyone that loves you.” 

“And what about you? You’ll be hurt when you leave,” and you step forward, so close that your chests are touching. You take hold of his hands, clutching them between your small ones. “Don’t go, stay with me in New York. We’ll both work hard and try to not run each other to the ground. Let’s be better together.” 

You’re practically begging, biting your lip raw and hoping Jungkook understands how good this change is for the both of you. 

Jungkook is conflicted, looking back and forth between the airline boarding for JFK and your watery eyes. He hates seeing you like this. He can’t imagine you, the strongest woman he’s ever met, crying because of him. Namjoon’s voice echoes in his mind and he tries to smash it to the edge of his memory. But as always, you’re right. 

He replaces your grip with his own, and gets down on one knee. 

Jungkook says your name like it's the sweetest of songs. You’ve never seen him so terrified. “y/n, I didn’t do it right the first time, so let me try again. Please, marry me. Marry me because I want to date you. I want to take you out and give you what you deserve, what we deserve. I want to do better for myself, do better for you. I’ve realized you’re the only person that makes me feel like I’m simultaneously on fire and on thin ice,” he pulls out a velvet box from his pocket, revealing a thin band with interlocking black and clear diamond studs. It’s a pretty little thing, with a groove in the center so it stacks perfectly with your engagement ring. “This was supposed to be your Christmas present, but I chickened out at the last second,” he says sheepishly, tucking his head in. “But if you let me put this ring on your finger, I promise to be your home away from home.”  

With a sob you fall to your knees, throwing yourself onto Jungkook. A small “oof” escapes his lips, and he struggles to hold your waist so you both don’t topple over. “Yes, yes, yes!” you cry, pulling away to cup his face with both hands, pulling him into a sweet kiss. 

Jungkook’s smile takes up his entire face, and he eagerly pecks your lips one more time before ripping the ring from its holder and stacking it on top of your engagement ring. The teardrop diamond is nestled perfectly between the thinner band’s V. “Pretty,” he says, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“Wait,” you pull out the black ring that you found in your room, holding it to his face. “I’m assuming this is yours?” 

“Yeah,” he replies, “your mother said it was your great grandfather’s. It’s not an engagement ring, but it’s the thought that counts.” 

“It matches,” you hum, placing his simpler band in his ring finger. Once it’s on, you take a deep breath. “Shit, we’re really doing this?” 

Jungkook pulls you to stand, wiping the happy tears from your cheek. “We are, we’re a team, remember? We’ve crossed the line and we gotta finish it.” 

And he picks you up, the workouts definitely paying off as he spins you around like you’re the leads in La-La Land, drunk off the happy chemicals firing in your brain. Jimin whoops and hollers, along with all the other patrons in the vicinity of the airport terminal. 

Your real-fiancé puts you down, the both of you now hyperconscious of the stares people give you. Other people have filmed the proposal as well, completely smitten by your confessions. 

“Jungkook,” you giggle into his shoulder, “you were right. Our story is straight out of a Wattpad entry.” 

“Down to the super cheesy in-public airport proposal?” he chimes, pressing his forehead to yours. “Couldn’t have asked for a better love story.” 

“I can’t wait to fall in love with you,” you whisper, quiet enough for his ears only, “for real, this time.” 

“Not that it’s a challenge,” he teases softly, “but I’m already halfway there.” 

some months later.

“Like the new office, boss lady?” your new assistant (yes, you have an assistant!) asks kindly, his bubbly presence uplifting you immediately. He leads you to the window box, filled with tiny plants. “I figured you like succulents, because you have no time to water them and they’re prickly like you.” 

“Very funny, Seungkwan.” you chide good-naturedly, picking up a succulent with a yellow flower in the middle. “But thank you, your interior design skills are outmatched. I can’t wait to work with you.” 

“Me too, your social commentary you published on the literary industry? And you managed to lace it all up in an inconspicuous fantasy novel?” Seungkwan boasts, “I applied for this position right then and there.” 

“Thanks Seungkwan, why don’t you take your lunch and we’ll meet back at one to discuss our plans for next week.” 

“Sounds good, do you want me to pick you up something?” 

“I’m good, I’m meeting with the bossman.” 

Seungkwan gives you that look, his lips jutting out in a suggestive manner that almost makes you burst into giggles. Your assistant decides not to bother you until after you’ve eaten, and bids you goodbye. 

Just when you get a moment of peace, a handsome face pokes his way inside. “Hello editor,” Jungkook knocks on your door for the sake of attention, but you’re already dragging him into the office and shutting the door tight. “Like your new office?” 

“Love it,” you moan, gesturing to Seungkwan’s light filtering curtains. They’re not dark, rather a tasteful sea green, but they’re opaque enough to stop wandering eyes from peeking into your space. Your personal space was a qualm that immediately needed to be mended after your experience in Jungkook’s office. “A lot more private than your office.” 

“A little part of me hates how much you deserve this promotion,” he sits on your desk, and doesn’t hesitate to pull you between his legs, letting you lean into his chest, “but I do love the added privacy.” 

You fiddle with the buttons of his navy collar, his strong thighs trap you between him, “Why, miss me already?” 

He shrugs, “Taehyung doesn’t look as good as you do in a pencil skirt.” 

You laugh, brushing the strands of hair that fall from his coiff. “No one looks as good as I do in a pencil skirt.” A firm grip confirms that, two strong hands cupping your backside. “Mr. Jeon!” you gasp playfully, pushing him away slightly to pinch his cheeky grin. “Can we save this for later? I’m hungry, but we can always continue this for dessert.” 

He groans in your neck, “Love the sound of that, Mrs. Jeon.” 

bonus.

“FUUUCCCKKKKKK YEEAAHHHHH!” Park Jimin’s voice bounces off the walls of Taeyeon’s office, his face taking up the entire screen of his desktop as the camera shifts harshly between him and you and Jungkook at the airport. “My cousin’s not going to jail! WOO!” 

Taeyeon pauses the YouTube video at a particularly unflattering screencap: Jimin’s nostrils are flaring wildly and he looks fairly high mid-scream. 

A low whistle escapes Jungkook’s lips, “Wow. That video’s viral,” he looks to you appreciatively, “if Jimin kicks off his YouTube career, you think we can milk a memoir outta him?” 

“Potentially,” you reply nonchalantly, playing with your rings. 

“So,” Taeyeon’s voice is icy, slashing between your casual conversation, “you’re getting married, for real this time?” 

“Yep,” Jungkook pops. 

“Alright,” and from her desk she pulls out an ungodly stack of documents, one that mirrors your own back at the office. “Jungkook, you’ll stay with me. y/n, you’ll go to Vernon’s office and he’ll give you the same spiel. We’ll interview you privately with the same questions. A hair out of place and you’re in trouble. You sure you want to go through with this?” 

You and Jungkook exchange looks, betting your own company that you got this in the bag. 

“Hit us with your best shot.” 

[nolansnose]

To my moots: I did A THING. Wrote a lil something. A Nolpat imagine *gasps*

This is unfinished and I will only be updating this everytime Patty gets a point or better yet, score a goal!

Edited and rb'd because this has been updated!

(With added steam 🙈)

Summary: Surprise!

Nolan Patrick x whoever you wanna pair him with in your head

UNTITLED

They hadn't exchanged any kind of communication in three weeks. That kind of radio silence from both their ends wasn't normal. It has been a month since they saw each other last, they were both busy --- she with the endless demands and responsibilities of being the new executive assistant to the director of medical services while Nolan was training in preparation for the incoming season.

It amazes her how they were able to give each other attention in the past year and how they haven't given up on each other. It wasn't easy, it's daunting at times, at least for her.

For someone with such a demanding job and schedule, she truly couldn't figure out how she was able to give time to Nolan.

She didn't understand how someone like her was able to pique his interest or that he continued to give her attention, well, not until these past few weeks. She may be busy but during moments that she wasn't thinking about work, Nolan makes sudden, sometimes unwelcome appearances in her thoughts.

Unwelcome because she shouldn't be thinking about him. They're not... Argh! She sighed and put down the book she's trying so hard to understand in her lap. She's in an old cottage by the beach, alone for this long weekend, her first non work related trip after a long while since being appointed and she's alone. She should be relaxing, resting, eating sumptuous meals and reading this... Shit it was Nolan who gave her this book. Why did she pick this one to bring? She sighed again and tried for the nth time to relax in the couch she was perched on. She put her feet up in the arm rest and reached for the tea in the side table to drink but grimaced as its already cold.

As cold as the weather that wasnt apt for the place she was in. Beaches are made for warm, summery weather, not rain and cold drafts. She looked out the window and shook her head because it was still raining. The rain peltering the roof was loud and... what was that?

She heard something beside the raindrops. Footsteps. Rustling. Knocking? Was someone knocking?

But she wasn't expecting anyone.

Still, she stood up and headed for the kitchen which was near the parking area of the resort she was in. She clutched her chest when she saw another shadow beside the plants outside. Shit! A thief? But this was an exclusive resort!

She grabbed the fruit bowl in the counter and headed for the kitchen door. There was that sound again. Footsteps. And knocking.

She took a deep breath and raised the bowl above her head, ready to whack whoever was on the other side of that door. She unfastened the locks and opened the door.

"Fuck!", the 'intruder' called out and caught the bowl before it made contact with his face.

"Nolan?", she blinked.

The newcomer put down the bowl and raised the hood of his jacket. "Hi,"

"I thought you were a thief!"

Nolan looked at her with amusement. " I knocked but there was no answer."

"When was that? I didn't hear anything."

"Uh, five minutes ago?", he asked as he grabbed a clean towel out of the basket on the washing machine near the door. "May I?"

She exhaled loudly while moving away from the door so Nolan could dry his shoes in the mat and removed his jacket which was also wet.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. How did he even know she was here? Oh. Right. She remembered telling him about this weekend trip the last time they were together.

"I missed you," he said. "You didn't text or call."

"You never did, too," she pointed out.

"Hey, I called," he said with a bit of pain in his voice.

"When did you call?"

"Are you going to let me come in or do I have to defend myself by your kitchen door?"

2

"What's that for?", she asked having glanced at his backpack.

"Change of clothes. I've been in town for a few days, actually ", he replied honestly.

She gave him another quick look before going back to retrieve the cup of tea in the living room and brought it up in the kitchen to heat in the microwave. She felt his eyes on her while she set the timer.

"Chamomile?", Nolan asked just as he put down his already opened backpack in the kitchen counter and took out a clean pair of socks.

She didn't know whether to be irritated or happy that he remembered her preference. Normally, she'd appreciate it but now she felt cornered. Vulnerable. She came here to unwind, rest and think, -- to escape from all that's troubling her -- that included Nolan.

Yep, trouble. That's Nolan, alright. What else would you call the man who chose to entangle himself with someone like her? Even for a weekend, she wanted a break. She wanted him out of her head, her body and her bed.

"You still haven't answered why you're here," she took the mug out of the oven and set it on the counter. She caught the smirk on his face. "What?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Nolan took a step towards her and tenderly caressed her arm."Didn't you miss me?"

She looked up into his eyes to see a worry there she didn't normally see.

They've talked about their situation a handful of times before, where they're headed eventually. Together they've decided that its better if no one else knew whatever kind of relationship they were to have.

She can't remember exactly how that topic came about, but they wound up in bed together before defined lines were ever set.

This, whatever this was, has gone on for a year, a short time compared to others. She knew she shouldn't keep her hopes or expectations up, but sometimes, she gets tired of her feelings being hurt from a misunderstanding because nothing was solid or made public. Sometimes the feelings were his. Sometimes he acted jealous or frustrated because she behaved in a way that made him question the exclusivity they had agreed on a year ago.

"Not at all?" His low, lazy voice pulled her back from her thoughts.

She shook her head. "No."

He leaned into her some more, their closeness made her feel like she's drowning. "Liar."

Then his mouth met hers and she instinctively opened her mouth to allow his tongue to enter. He tasted sweet and salty like caramel popcorn. He satisfied every urge and each craving.

A whimper escaped her throat and he had her pushed against the counter with one hand in her hair as the other lifted her leg and grabbed her ass. He knew how to completely envelop her into a whirlwind of sex. It started out with a kiss as it always did.

And this kiss grew more fervent and she felt a familiar hardness push against her in just the right place. He made her feel sexy and desirable in a way that she revelled in. His kisses were addictive.

Its hard to reclaim her sanity everytime they ended up like this, like he drained whatever courage she had left. But before she could totally gave in, she held Nolan's arm firmly and pushed him away from her. He moaned a little as a protest but moved away and let her right herself.

The desire for her was evident in his eyes, in his jeans and she tried not to look but his scent, his kiss lingered. She was still dazed and her heart was beating wildly.

"What?" He asked as he touched the edge of his mouth.

"We can't continue this, Nolan", she insisted.

He shook his head. "We're not doing anything we haven't done bef----"

"No", she cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "This as in hiding. We thought it wont get this complicated given our work and who we are, we thought it'd be easy. None of this is easy, Nolan."

"Thank you for saying we, instead of you," he nodded as he answered. "Seriously. We both said this unofficial exclusive thing would be easy and a breeze and I'm glad you didn't pile the blame for your feelings just on me."

She looked at him carefully. Sometimes, his prankness still startled and overwhelmed her. She hoped and tried hard for its effect to not register on her face.

"Whoa," he said with one eyebrow raised when her gaze turned squinty. "Why are you looking at me like I just told you I'm getting married or something?"

"Let's end this, Nolan," she said in a faint voice, then grabbed the mug of tea again.

She felt him observing her eventhough her attention was on the tea she's drinking.

"You already said that four months ago."

"This time I meant it." She said in a voice lacking of conviction.

[butdaddyiluvvhim]

Unwanted | Timothee Chalamet

Ask: Idk if you do Mob!Timothee or mob! at all but I was hoping that you could write something with Mob!Timothee x pregnant!reader where he doesnt want kids so he pretends that you're not pregnant until you had to drive yourself to the hospital when your water breaks? I'm sorry this is alot

Its totally fine I love this!!!

Not Proofread!!!!!!

You ever have that feeling of being in a room full of people, yet feel completely and utterly alone. That's exactly how you felt ever since you found out you were pregnant. You had known that timothee didnt want children but you had hoped that he would change his mind, be happy, and supportive about a child. His child, coming into this world.

9:34 AM Augest 8th 2019

He was the complete and total opposite.Timothee was angry and pretended that your belly was protruding from eating a full course meal and not from carrying a four and a half month old baby. You had also hoped that he had some sympathy left to at least help you set up the nursery. But he didnt.

He had walked by numerous of times whether it be on the phone or just passing by for amusement. Yet he still failed to help you when he had seen you were struggling to set up the crib. His best friend coming in to from a meeting down the hall to help after he heard you grunting with pain and annoyance from spending hours in the small but large room.

7:23 PM November 25th 2019

When you went shopping for baby clothes women and men. Gave you looks of pity, obviously thinking you were a single mother, and honestly it felt like you were. You had always had sympathy for women who have had to do this alone and now all you could do was sympathize yourself.

2:48 PM December 6th 2019

You thought of leaving. Hell you had tried leaving but as soon as you stepped foot outside the front gate that protected the house from the outside, with a bag in your hand filled with clothes and money. One of the many guards had brought you back into a place where you couldn't call home anymore thanks to one man.

4:25 AM February 10th 2020

You and timothee had seen each other obviously but everytime he still had not acknowledged your baby bump, he barely looked at your collarbone if you were lucky. Everytime you had said "Timmy we need to talk," he'd cut you off with , "Not now I have a meeting." Or it's end with a bad argument spitting words at you for "Carrying an ABOMINATION, in you fucking stomach!" And sometimes he'd laugh at you in front of his other mafia friends, something you use to love so much.

1:37 PM May 3rd 2020

That was until you woke up one night to blood soaked night shorts and timothee not answering the phone. You knew he had been clubbing alot more in the past few months, so it wouldn't surprise you if he was accompanied by another women. That usually made you furious, but right know you were struggling to clean up and put on fresh clothes. While taking the suitcase filled with both yours and your baby's clothes down and into the car.

2:50 AM May 3rd 2020

Arriving at the hospital was worrisome. Not ready to push something the size of a watermelon out of your vag. The doctors had set you up into a private room, calming you down a bit, not much though. While waiting you had checked your phone to see if you had replied or checked you messages at all. He didn't, he hadn't in the past few months. What would be different now?

Timothee

I'm bleeding

Can you get home pleaseee

I'm at the hospital

I'm going into labor

I'm sorry

Delivered 3:02 AM

You had started to silently sob thinking of all the things he had missed out in this pregnany.

_

"Oh my god!" You gasped, feeling a strange yet comfortable feeling in your belly. "What?" Timothee asked, slightly on edge as to why you looked so happy yet weirded out. "The baby's kicking!" You said feeling the small flutters, hoping that this is what brings him around. "Oh, he said looking disappointed "that's nice." He said as he walked away. Knowing later tonight you would be crying what was left of your heart out in your once shared bedrrom.

3:03 May 3rd 2020

_

Your mind was brought out of its haze as you heard a door open, begging it to be timothee, but to no avail it was just your OBG/YN, Dr. Robbins. "How are you doing?" The beautiful blonde doctor asked. While checking how far along you were. "M'fine" you replied, no emotion in your voice, in what should be the happiest moment of you life, but was one of the dullest. "No dad?" A question she had asked everytime you went in for an appointment. "Has there ever been?" You replied snarkily. Instead of replying she gives you a look, one you knew all to well, guilt.

6:10 AM March 3rd 2020

_

You stared down into your beautiful daughters eyes a few hours later, your forehead glistening with sweat, and chest heaving up and down at an ungodly rate. Her eyes didnt have pigment yet, but you were sure would come out a greenish/hazel.

The door burst open, startling her filling the room with cries, but silence from everyone else in the room. Timothee stood in the doorway clothes disheveled and backwards, with freshly painted hickies on his neck. You grimaced, knowing your beliefs were true. He walked in sitting on the bed with you, he leaned in to kiss you but you pulled away from the stench of vodka and perfume. He frowned and looked at you to see your eyes that once shined with love and affection towards him were now dull and sad.

"Its a girl."

6:11 AM March 3rd 2020

_

Part 2 maybe???

Like and reblog please!!!

Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!

[yikesharringrove]

Happy Trans Billy Week!

Day 3: Bakery/Chef!au

@transbillyhargrove @blurbwitch

Harringrove

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BIlly is ftm, Stevie is mtf

-

“At least just try her stuff. She’s really good!”

Robin was trying to sell Billy on her friend, again.

He had been working his ass off opening this cafe, had been interviewing professional bakers around the city for it. And Robin wanted him to hire her friend. Who baked for fun.

“And she’ll work in house! You would just have to pay her a salary, not give her a cut of everything sold.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“But then I would have to buy all the shit for her to bake everything.”

“But you’ll make bank on her stuff. She makes these little doughnut things, but they’re double fried and made with like, puff pastry.

“So not a doughnut at all.” She slapped his chest.

“Fuck you. People would pay like, five whole dollars for one ‘a those. At least just try.”

“Fine. Have her bring me some samples of stuff on Monday. I want cookies, coffee cakes, specialty pastries, crossiants, and whatever that not-doughnut thing is.” Robin grinned at him.

-

Robin came in on Monday trying to awkwardly bring a giant box into the cafe.

“Stevie couldn’t make it. She had a doctor’s appointment or something. But anyway, here’s what you asked for.” She placed it down on a table, pointing at everything.

“So she made chocolate chip cookies, gingersnaps, snickerdoodles, and teas cookies, croissants, coffee cake, carrot cake, chese cake, that doughnutty-thing, actual doughnuts, brownies and lemon bars. I think she didn’t sleep for like, four days.”

Billy was impressed. It was a good spread.

“She also made me bring a loaf of sourdough in case you’re doing like, toast stuff. I said you weren’t, but I think she feels bad for not being here.”

They tried everything.

And unfortunately, is was all fucking delicious.

“Fine. She’s fucking hired.” Billy made a list of everything he wanted to sell, thought maybe the delicious not-doughnuts could be a bit of a speicality, new flavors every week. “I’ll need a comprehensive list of ingredients, and she’ll probably have to check out the set up we got here.”

Billy hadn’t really wanted an in-house baker, but he hadn’t ripped out the ovens, proving drawers, coolers and counters in the back, so he supposed it would work out okay.

“And tell her I want an in person meeting within the next few days.”

-

Billy was scrubbing out one of the ovens in the back when he heard the bell above the door.

“Sorry, we’re closed,” He called.

“Um, I’m Stevie Harrington? I’m Robin’s baker friend? You said I should come see the space?” Billy got up with a groan, stretching until his back popped.

“You tellin’ me, or askin’.” He pushed open the back door, smirking at the girl standing on the other side of his counter. She was tall, had much fucking dark hair, falling almost to her ass and big round eyes.

“Telling. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here yesterday. That appointment was important. Billy shrugged. “I have a list of ingredients for you. I figured how many of each item per day, and broke it up into waht I would need weekly and monthly, since I don’t know how you’re planning on ordering everything.” Billy nodded at the neat handwriting.

“Your stuff was good. I was thinking for those double fried things, we could do a new flavor every week. Make them a bit of a specialty.” Her cheeks went a little pink.

“Thank you. I’m so glad you liked everything, and decidded to give me this opportunity.” He smiled at her.

“You’re talented. Come see what I got.” She followed him to the back, her eyes going wide as she looked at the industrial ovens. “This place was a bakery, so we’ve got everything you should need.” The old owner had passed away, didn’t have anyone to leave the bakery to.

“Oh, this is perfect. When’s opening?”

“We’re four weeks out. I was planning on ripping all this out, so it has to be cleaned, but everything else is ahead of schedule.” Stevie opened an oven, peerinf inside.

“They’re not too gross. The old owners tool good care of everything.” She took of her jacket, was left just in her pretty dark blue dress. “I’ll help you clean.” She smiled at him as she took the cleaning supplies from him, getting to work scrubbing down the oven.

Billy played some music as they worked, chatting lightly to one another.

“So, how’d you end up in Seattle?” Billy had shot straight up here after graduating hisgh school, didn’t want to leave the west coast, but wanted to go somewhere different. Stevie had mentioned being from a small town in the midwest.

“Just kinda needed a fresh start. Robin and I moved out here together about six years ago, now. She went to University of Washington, and I jsut wanted to live somewhere interesting for once. Plus, it’s just better for me here.” Billy nodded.

“Me too.” She smiled at him. She had put her dark hair into a messy bun to keep it out of her face, and Billy had gotten her an apron to keep her dress neat.

“What made you want to open a cafe?”

“Well, I mean, it’s Seattle.” She laughed. “But I also just liked the idea of running my own business. Building something from the ground up. And I like the vibe of cafes. They’re just in between places. You can come alone and just hang out.”  Billy had gotten many comfortable mis-matched chairs and placed them amoungst the tables and chairs. He wasnted it to be cozy. He had bookshelves on one wall, thought he could even have a take-a-book-leave-a-book kinda thing goin’ on.

“I think that’s really nice.”

-

Stevie started coming over everyday to help him clean out the kitchen. Somteims she would drag Robin, but more often than not, it was just the two of them, scrubbing everything out, listening to music and talking about random things.

But one day Stevie didn’t come in, didn’t call Billy to let him know, didn’t send Robin with a message.

Billy thought he was frustrated that his employee was missing, but really, he was just worried.

She looked tired the next day when she came in, her hair up in a messy ponytail, was wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt.

“I’m so sorry. I promise that will not happen again.” She had gotten right to work.

“Look, I don’t mind if you need personal days, just call me. Let me know.” She nodded at him, her eyes were bright. “Are you okay?” Her lip trembled.

“I’m sorry. I just, sometimes I have such bad days, and I can’t stand to look at myself, and I don’t want anyone else to look at me. And you’re always so nice to me, and I, I didn’t want you looking at me with your pretty eyes. I knew I would fucking fall apart.”

She was kneeling on the floor, fucking crying as she scrubbed at the proving drawer. Her make up was beginning to run just a bit.

Billy grabbed a fw paper towels, sitting down next to her.

“You wanna talk about it?” She shook her head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” She wiped at her esys, smudging the dark makeup underneath. He took the paper towel from her hands, wiping up streaked makeup.

He was staring into her big dark eyes, noticed the soft honey gold in them, the forest green.

“Is it okay if I kissed you?” Her gaze dropped to his lips.

“Yeah,” she breathed.

Billy leaned in, kissing her softly, keeping it slow and chaste.

He pulled back, dabbing at her eyes again.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while. I’m sorry, that probably wasn’t the best timing, I just, I really like you.” Her lip trembled.

“The reason, the reason I was feeling so bad yesterday was, was because everytime I speak to my parents on the phone, they call me their son.” She swallowed hard.

“The last time I spoke to my dad, he called me his ungrateful bitch of a daughter. I get it, Stevie. I really do.” Stevie whimpered, another tear slipping out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t, didn’t know if I could tell you.” He smiled at her, wiping her eyes one last time, kissing her cheek.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to tell anyone anything.” She gave a watery laugh.

“Thank you, for being kind to me.”

“You’re a good person, Stevie. You deserve kindness.” She smiled at him, pulling back to take a deep breath. “And I meant what I said. I really like you. I’d like to take you on a date, if that’s okay.”

She nodded vigorously, ponytail bouncing.

“Oh, yeah! I had the biggest crush on you since I walked in here. I mean, Robin’s been trying to set us up for like, months.” BIlly raised one eyebrow, giving her a lopsided smile.

“Are you serious? Is that why she was so insistent on me trying your stuff?”

“Well, and that fact that I’m a damn good baker.” He laughed. She was grinning as she moved back to scrubbing the drawer. “She’s gonna be so smug. I can already hear her. Stevie, I TOLD you that you would love him. He’s JUST yout type.” Billy grinned iwder.

“And what is your type?”

“Beefy assholes that’re way smarter than me.”

[fairytail-incorrectquotes]

How would the Exceeds handle lockdown? Happy, Carla, Lily, Lector, Frosch, Samuel. Let's throw in Marl and Lucky too.

well, carla is trying to teach happy to read, and ignoring her premonitions showing that's it's never gonna work. happy only cares about books about fish and comic books - carla doesn't see comics as "proper literature" and doesn't have any book about fish other than the doctor seuss classic.

happy isn't very happy, ironically. his favourite pastimes include fishing, breaking into lucy's house, fishing, quests with extreme danger of death, fishing and eating some freshly caught fish. I'm sure you can see the problem here; all of them are impossible due to the lockdown rules. he's going crazy and making canned tuna smoothies (carla is Infinitely Disgusted). he's enjoying his reading lessons, though, because the comics he always brings always have such pretty pictures! even though carla won't let him read them...

carla is slowly going insane. she's flying around magnolia like a carrier pigeon, as she's the only one responsible enough to go outside. she does everyone's shopping and brings them "care packages" with gradually increasing levels of frustration. eventually she just slings shopping bags through marginally open windows. she's trying to teach happy to read, while at a safe distance away. happy is having none of it and keeps inching closer to her, and before soon his head is in her lap as she makes him anunciante a "ph" sound. she's so angry at his apparent LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF SOCIAL DISTANCING, but he won't listen to her otherwise. if he asks for one (1) more story about fishcakes, she's gonna have a mental breakdown

pantherlily is babysitting yaje and shutora and gajeel. he's trying to keep levy sane, but being stuck inside with two small babies and one very big baby is not easy. he asks carla to bring a new book every day and has started repainting the nursery room, again. he doesn't seem fussed with his newfound responsibility; changing the twins' diapers and hoovering and stopping them from crying when gajeel starts practising guitar. inside he's screaming. he's been in the house, not working, for two whole months, and yet has not had a WINK of sleep since last Friday. he and levy are closer than ever and do the laundry together, doing duets from musicals and being absolutely knackered when they try to work out whos clothes are whose. the house was deepcleaned, at one point, but now it's so filthy and there are dirty socks and empty wrappers and the occasional fork strewn across the floor. gajeel keeps using toilet paper for things he shouldn't and lily isn't happy about it; there's a tp shortage, dammit!

frosch is a baby. they're keeping rogue's hair in his skull, because without them he would've pulled it out in frustration by now. they don't really understand that there's a pandemic, and are kinda confused that everyone's been home for three months. the concept of lockdown eludes them, but they do as they're told and stay in the house. the frogs at the end of the garden that they've been looking after are growing up now and most of them have gone on their sticky little way. they come back to visit them though, and they sleep together a lot. frosch naps on rogue's lap most of the day, and picks out what box sets they should watch together. they've seen f•r•i•e•n•d•s at least six times. frosch is really enjoying it! they get to be with rogue 24/7 (not that they can count to either of those numbers) and there's no danger of painful death or torture or gore this time! they're loving it! although if they understood the circumstances, maybe they wouldn't...

lector has appointed himself Sting's Best Friend and Bodyguard and Royal Advisor (SBFBRA for short). everytime sting leaves the house, he follows with a massive fuck-off sword, to make sure people stay 6ft away. anytime anyone even gets close - maybe because the crosswalk just isn't wide enough - he hisses at them and prods them away with the hilt, as a warning. he's coming out of lockdown ripped; when he's not acting as SBFBRA he's converting his room into a gym. he spends twenty hours a day on a rowing machine, and ten on the dumbbells, and five on the treadmills, and apparently zero on the maths textbooks. he also learned to crochet.

samuel's electricity bill is higher than snoop dogg at the top of the tower of babel. his TV is on constantly, on the news, and he's getting updates on every device he has. he's always waiting to find out when the lockdown ends, because there's only so many novels you can write. his library/house is out of books that he hasn't read. he's playing dnd by himself and DMing himself, and plays monopoly alone, and plays tridimensional chess alone, and- well, you get the picture. he is DONE with this shit. he deconstructed a microwave and made a typewriter with the parts. he's contemplated going outside but according to all his calculations of every possibility, there's just too high a risk. he's not enjoying lockdown at all; not because his daily routine has changed (it hasn't), but because the shop that he buys his organic probiotic yoghurt from is still closed. he's started a podcast about The Art of Vagueposting. noone listens to it.

I hope this was worth the wait!! I apologise, I simply don't know enough about marl, lucky (happy's parents?) and touka to write about them

what do you think, my fluffy friend?

[moonchild93liner]

Luna - Hybrid AU - Chapter 06

Summary: Y/n is a cat hybrid that had some troubles in her past but after spending a long time in a shelter she decides to try something new in a house with seven men. Pairing: Hybrid!Reader x ? Warning! Mentions of abuse Word Count: 2.576 yeeeea I got carried away sorry Genre: FLUFF FLUFHFUFHYF FLUFFY A WHOLE LOT OF FLUFFYNESS with some points of angst because why not

Chapter 01 Chapter 02 Chapter 03 Chapter 04 Chapter 05 Chapter 07 Chapter 08 Chapter 09

I started to run in the direction that I thought it was from the store, my legs were definitely hurt.

I saw what it looked like Taehyung. He turned back, I froze. He noticed my figure stoping abruptly and I could see he was confused, he started to walk in my direction and I was still frozen. His face was tilting from side to side trying to understand what has happened. I saw the moment he recognized me.

"Y/N! FUCK!" His voice was very rough and he started to run, tears were falling from my eyes, he stopped a couple of steps in front of me.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?" He put his hands on his head, I had no reaction. He came closer and was going to put his hand on my shoulder but I hissed and flinched.

"No, I'm here to help you, you see, I was trying to find you since yesterday, I believe just a couple of hours after you left, why did you do that? What's with your nose? Did you fall?" He bent down and tried to look me in the eyes, I was sobbing, he offered me his hand.

"Let's go home? I got the keyboard but I forgot the receipt, lucky you I was just getting back to get it." I cleaned my nose and looked at his hand, I took it cautiously. We started to walk, even with my legs hurt I could walk properly, I didn't want to worry anyone any more.

We got to the store and the owner looked at me with pity.

"What happened to you dear? Did you pass the night on the streets? I asked you if you were going home..." He seemed disappointed, I just lowered my head.

"Anyways, hope you are two are heading home, she must have been through some bad times, take good care of her." Taehyung squeezed my hand and nodded.

"Thanks, we are going home now." He also seemed disappointed, like all of this was my fault.

The walk home was silent, I was not feeling comfortable to tell him what happened, he was acting kinda angry. We got home and I think everybody was there, they made me a very delicious breakfast with eggs and bacon, I got a lot of hugs and scratches! After we all ate I stood up to help Jin do the dishes.

"Y/n dear, whenever you feel comfortable to talk about what happened just know we are all here for you. We need to take care of you, did you hurt anything?" I brought a chair and was sitting beside him.

"Where's Yoongi?"

"Oh, he left this morning, a few moments before you arrived with Tae, said he needed to fix some stuff..."

"Well, to sum up, I clearly was lost, at first I thought about going back to the shelter-"

"DAMN! We need to talk to Mrs. Kim, sorry dear, we went there this morning but since we couldn't find you she got worried and asked us to call her if anything happens, just a sec... GUYS, CALL MRS. KIM! Now please, go on." He shouted and we could hear Kookie shouting 'yes' in response.

"Yes, I really thought about going back there but I'm just like a blind person on the streets, I don't know where to go, I don't even know how to cross a street..." Tears start to fall again as I remembered the things that happened last night but I needed to talk to them and Jin has always been very calm.

"...So I found that store and got the keyboard fixed because I broke it, obviously, but after that I didn't know where to go so I curled on the floor and tried to sleep but..." I had to stop, I took a deep breath and tried to go on. "... those, those guys they... " Next thing I know I was sobbing, Jin stopped what he was doing and squatted in front of me.

"What did they do angel? Did they hurt you?" He brushed my hair off my face.

"They kicked me, spit on me, told me awful things, they punched me and threaten me." I was crying my heart out, he hugged me and caressed my back. "I thought I was going to die, I thought I was GOING TO BE RAPED, I CAN'T TAKE IT! I DON'T WANT IT!"

"Shhhh, calm down, we are here, you are safe now, don't cry! Do you need to go to the doctor? I can take you, I promise it won't hurt, I won't let them hurt you, what do you say?" I simply nodded and showed him all the places I've been hurt, we went to the doctor, he prescribed me some pain killers and some rest.

We came back and since we were up practically all night we went to sleep, everyone else was sleeping when we arrived. I was so tired I just rolled over my bed and blackouted. . "Y/n, Y/n wake up, we need to eat, I know you want to sleep, you need to rest Jin told me about the doctor's appointment but eating is also important, we want you to be fully recovered and well treated, hm?" I heard Hoseok's voice growing clearer as he caressed my hair and I was waking up. He gave me a light kiss on my temple, I smiled and snugged with my teddy bear.

"Look at her, so cute, mind if I join you? Doesn't this bear tickles you?" He asked leaning over and starting to tickle me, I laughed and that made him go harder, I was laughing out loud when I felt my leg. I whined and he instantly stopped.

"Sorry kitty, here, let me help you, shall we? After that I can help you take a bath if you want to." He kissed my forehead and helped me get up. We went to the table and I sit beside him, we had a wonderful dinner even though it was a little late.

"Now, before resting again you need to take a good bath miss, do you want me to help you?" Hobi asked holding my hand.

"I don't know, maybe I can do it myself, but could you just, you know, be around in case, I don't know, something happens? Sometimes my legs hurt" I pouted, something I didn't do in a very long time.

"Of course, my little kitty! Anything for you!" He squeezed my cheeks, I held his hand and we went to the bathroom. He set the bathtub for me with hot water and some bubbles and stuff. I asked him to turn around so I could take my clothes off, he turned and tried to peek, I laughed and covered myself.

"DON'T YOU DARE, I WOULD SCRATCH YOU ALL OVER!" He laughed and smirked.

"I don't think that would be so bad, you know..." I threw my clothes at him and sat down on the tub.

"Ok, you can go now but keep close." He sat on the toilet with the top down, that reminded me of myself some days ago.

"So, how things work between hybrids, hybrids and humans?" He started looking interested.

"Well, as long as I know, the only difference is that from a hybrid I can reproduce, from a human, there's no chance, that's why we are used as sex slaves. There's this thing called mate, it's like your soulmate or whatever, when you want someone to be your mate you mark them, with your fangs." I explained as I washed myself.

"Ouch" He looked at me.

"Yes... I know because I've seen some friends marked but they say it doesn't hurt at the time. Also there's this thing called heat, they say every hybrid has it but I've never experienced because Mrs. Kim would give me some pills, she said they were good for me but to be honest it's been a couple of months since I took my last one. They say you get horny, excited all the time and it doesn't stop until you release yourself with someone, either a human or another hybrid." He was paying attention to every word.

"I think I'm good now, thanks for your help Hobi, can you please pass me my towel?" He stood up and grabbed my towel.

"You will have to stand up to get it." He dared to look at me with a smirk on his face. I scratched his leg top to bottom.

"Geez! Take it, bad kitty! I won't ever tease you again!" He left laughing.

I covered myself with the towel and went to my bedroom, I looked at the clock, 22:49, almost late. I put my most comfortable pajamas and as I finished changing I went to Yoongi's room to put the keyboard where I found it, I was just finishing it when I heard the door clicking.

"Hey..." It was Yoongi.

I looked at him terrified, I flinched and curled up on the corner already feeling tears forming, I instantly remembered him screaming, his voice was sharp, not like it usually is, soft and calm, like the way he is talking right now even though I felt a little shakiness.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have treated you that way, if you're willing to take my apologies I would like to know how are you..." I wasn't looking at him but noticed he left the door open.

"The door is open if you want to leave and don't talk to me, I will surely understand, what I did was terrible and, again, I'm deeply sorry, I would like to talk to you, can I approach you?" He squatted from where he was standing close to the door. I nodded.

He came closer slowly and again squatted in front of me, he showed his hand.

"Hey, I'm here now, thanks for letting me get closer, would you like a hug? I won't hurt you ever again, I've made a promise."

"Thank you" I whispered and hugged him, we sat on the floor and I fit my head on the crook of his neck, his scent was woody, I have said that before, I don't know how to describe his scent, it brings me safety and trust everytime. It's strong and striking but has a sweet undertone far far away almost at the end, it ends with a scent that makes me smell it again.

"Let it all out, I don't care how bad it is, I want to be the one with you right now and I want you to cry it all out to forget every bad that has happened to you." He whispered since I was close, one thing I liked about him is that he talked low, humans have this habit of thinking they need to speak loud, we can hear them clearly, maybe they can't hear as good as hybrids.

And I cried, I cried until my lungs hurt, until my hiccups were incontrollable, I tried to explain what happened between my sobs and to be sure I don't even know if he understood but I didn't care, I just wanted to take that weight out of my shoulders. During all of this he was hugging me tight but not enough to hurt me since I was still recovering, as my breathing soothed he brought his hand up and started to brush my hair with his fingers.

"How are you now? Feeling better?"

"Tae helped me, Jin took me to the doctor, we had dinner, did you eat?" I looked at him and as the cold air hit my eyes I felt them burning from the crying.

"I didn't ask what happened, I asked how are you feeling, I don't care about what Tae or Jin did, I want to know about you, also don't worry about me." He looked back at me and smiled, his smile was sweet and pure. I smiled back.

"I'm good now, feeling much better after letting it all out, thank you Yoongs"

"I will always be here for you, kitten." Well 'kitten' was something definitely new. "What do you say about watching a movie?" I nodded with a soft smile.

We got up and I sat on his bed.

"And you even fixed my keyboard, Y/n we really don't deserve you, you didn't have to do that! Let me set this up first and then I'll set the movie."

"We're not watching on the living room?"

"Oh no, I need to rest, I've been out for the whole day and the last thing I need is 6 men yelling and bickering about random stuff, plus, my bed is more comfortable." He closed the door. "I'm gonna leave this closed so we don't have disturbance but feel free to leave if you want to, ok? After the movie ends of whatever..."

"I just need to go to the bathroom first." So I did and when I returned he was already laying on his bed with his legs opened.

"You said your bed was more comfortable but it's not necessarily bigger, where do I go?" I chuckled.

"Come here, lay with me, I will give you cuddles!" He waved at me calling me to lay between his legs and I felt butterflies on my stomach with the sound of the word 'cuddles'. I felt my cheeks burning but did it anyway, I laid with my head on his chest and crossed my arms, to be sure I didn't know what to do with them.

"So, what exactly kind of things were you fixing?" I asked while he was setting the movie on the TV.

"I have a studio, it's also a good place when you need to think. I will try to be a better person now so I needed to sort out my priorities. Basically I was thinking about my actions and principles all day, that's it."

When he finished everything he left the remote control aside and hugged me from behind, a huge shiver went down my spine, I shrugged and left out a little chuckle. He kissed my hair.

"I will be your keeper, as long as you're with me nothing bad will ever happen to you again, huh?" He whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek slowly, I closed my eyes and focused on the warm feeling of his lips on my skin, I smiled widely and melted into his arms.

The movie was light, a story about a man following his dreams or something like that, to be honest I wasn't paying that much of attention to the movie, also I was starting to feel a little sleepy. I stretched myself and as my top came up a little by the action his hand was now on my bare skin, my eyes snatched open waiting for his reaction.

His other hand went up to scratch behind my ear and soft purrs started to come from the back of my throat unwittingly. The hand that was on my waist was now caressing my skin with delicate circle moves.

He placed feather kisses on my neck and sniffed me as his nose touched me. I was a shiver mess by the point, I turned over and hugged him, laying completely on top of him and already falling asleep not without noticing a weird bulge that was now pressing my stomach.

To Be Continued...

:)

The image is not mine.

[tooktoolongtogetthis97]

Personal Shit that You Don't Have to Read

What's the point anymore?

Everytime I try to make something go right or even just try to do something, I either fuck it up or just get further behind which just makes me more and more depressed/mentally ill.

I'm so far behind in my classes, feel like I'm a shitty teacher/lifeguard/friend, and have no motivation or energy to fix it as much as I may want to.

I was supposed to submit a project which I've barely started on Friday and just missing assignments for my classes. I'd be surprised if I don't fail a class this semester. Most people know but I'm student teaching right now and I had to teach a 3 day lesson sequence (actually what that project is) and at the end I had to give a quiz which the class average was a 67 which in the district I'm teaching in is just a F (70 is a D) which means I failed my students. I also had a student write on the top of her quiz that she didn't feel prepared/comfortable taking the quiz about 2 out of the 3 main activities were completely unhelpful (not including our class discussions although I doubt those seem to help her too since she missed questions on the quiz that were learned in the discussions).

When it comes to lifeguarding, I feel like why am I even doing it? Just today at work I didn't quite get a bandage wrap right for a girl who needed it and one of my HGs had to redo it. Sidenote: I was working with 2 of HGs because we are so bloddy understaffed that we have like no regular lifeguards that can work A, B, or C shifts so HGs have work LG shifts if possible or we're just short and stuck on stand for hours. I'm also good at some LG skills but are utter shit with others like stride jumps and back boarding out a passive victim. I know it's why we practice at inservice but it doesn't help me feel like embrassassed when I fuck up. [Inservice is a monthly meeting where we go over what's going on in the facility and skill and also practice skills]. I also tend to go to the first inservice meeting of the month and found out that my supervisour is going to start having sign-ups and if less than 5 people sign-up for one, it's not going to happen. Well twice in the last 3 months, it has only been me and 1 kid who went which means those are going to start being cancelled. Well the issue is that the other meeting is on a Sunday night and I can't do Sunday nights, I have other commitments like I play in my church's handbell choir. It's not fair...

I have been in such a terrible mental state that as caused me to be a shitty friend. I want to help so bad but I can't work through my own shit... I feel terrible that I can't help them properly...

Physically, mentally, and emotionally I've been a fucking disaster. Physically I got sick from my students 2 weeks ago and still stick. I've also been in absolute constant agonizing pain everywhere. Based off of some medical ads I've seen (because they're fucking everywhere), there were some for fibromyalgia and as I kinda relate to the symptoms they were discussing so I looked it up and there is a chance I may have it. Obviously not self diagnosing myself, but it's something I'm definitely concerned about and will have to talk with my doctor with (if I can get myself to call the practice to set up a physical exam appointment that I need anyway). Emotionally I've been much less able to hide my feelings which isn't good because as a teacher and lifeguard, you have to shut that shit up and suppress it when you're working. I tend to suppress everything anyway because I don't want people to worry or just deal with people who don't understand at all trying to help (and making it worse) or telling me to suck it up "because others have it worse" but it getting so much harder. Mentally, I have been super depressed with spikes of anxiety and I can't escape it at all. I think part of my issues are stress and not sleeping (like I'm averaging maybe 5 hours). I'm still taking my medications but it's just bad. I have been selfharming more and more recently. I went through a period where I managed to go on average 45 days, but now I'm lucky if I go a week. I relapsed on Saturday and almost again earlier today. I want to stop but much to my old therapist's surprise, it's not that easy. I also have been struggling with the bombardment of suicidal thoughts mainly late at night keeping me up. It's fucking terrifying. I'm not going to act on them. I actually cut myself to make the thoughts go away.

I want everything to stop. I want to end this suffering. I want something to go right for once... 😔

[rainbowglittr]

Love and Marriage - Chapter 16 (Mature, Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

Chapter 16:

I opened my eyes. Rolling over in the bed, I stretched my arm out feeling for Jesse. I didn't feel him so I sat up. I heard grunts coming from his side of the bed, crawling over I saw him on the floor next to the bed in the middle of a plank with his headphones on. I watched for a while, the way his shoulder blades contracted, his back muscles flexing, the sweat starting to drip. Once he was done with his set he started to get up but as soon as he made eye contact with me, he jumped and yelled, "FUCK."

I laughed until tears started rolling down my face. He stood there with an unimpressed look on his face.

"Damn Jay, I didn't know you were awake."

He said, he turned around to grab a towel and start wiping off the sweat that was making his body glisten.

"I wasn't for long. Jessekins?" He rolled his eyes at the sound of the name.

"Yes, Lovebug." he sang. I scoffed at the petname.

"What's going on for today?" I asked as he grabbed some weights from the corner of the room.

"Today, Di is officially moving out, but I have a gig at a bar a couple of towns over, if you want to come, and we have to see my mom in her new house." He said all while doing arm curls.

"Of course I want to come! I couldn't make it to your first one."

"Aight, bet. Di is coming so she can record. I promised her."

"You're bringing your underage sister to a bar?"

"It's not a bar, it has one but she won't be over there."

"Whatever. I guess you didn't tell your mom?" I said.

"Hell no, she would kill me."

"This Thursday is when we get to hear our baby's heartbeat. This is the appointment, Jess!" I said. I had just dismissed the reminder on my phone.

"Really? Already, you're not even four months yet."

"Anytime between six to eight weeks you can hear the heartbeat."

"You are so cute when you're excited."

All of a sudden a huge wave of nausea hit me. I got up and ran to the bathroom.

"I'm not sure that was excitedment!" I yelled back to him.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The morning sickness has to end

I texted to Monique.

Since Jesse's mom had found out, we pretty much told everyone we knew. I kept it really simple and I sent a picture of the pregnancy test to our group chat. Now me and Monique were comparing pregnancy notes. After brushing my teeth, I walked back into our room and looked down at Jesse on the floor doing sit ups.

"I like seeing you work out, it's sexy." I said as I climbed onto the bed.

"Oh yeah?' he said with that lovable stupid grin on his face. He finished his set amd stood up. I pretended to fan myself off.

"You know you can help me with the next exercise."

"What do you want me to do?" I said.

"Lay down on the floor, and I'll get on top of you-"

"That's all I need to know." I got up as Jesse laughed and laid on the floor, but not before making sure my bonnet was secure. I was not about to roll my hair in carpet dirt. He got on top on me in push up position and said,

"Your job is to give me a kiss every time I go down."

"I think I can do that, ready?"

"Le's go." He said. Every time he came down I gave him a quick kiss. I used his breaks in between sets to really kiss him.

"You're getting tired." I said. His push ups were getting slower and and his grunts louder.

"I'm not," he said. He kneeled in front of me. "Climb and hold on to my back."

"Are you kidding me? No." I said, sitting up.

"Come on, I got you."

"No."

"Do you trust me?" He said. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Of course I do."

"Then come on, girl." He said, laying down on the floor in push up position. I sighed and climbed on top of him, wrapping my arms around his waist, using my knees to not slide off.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Ready, I guess."" Isaid and to my surprise he started lowering himself down and back up again. I had to tighten my grip on him so I wouldn't slip off. We heard a knock at the door.

"Jess?" A muffled voice said behind the door.

"Come in Di." He said, still not stopping.

She walked in and gave us a funny look while holding something huge behind her back.

"Should I ask or should I just...?" she said.

Jesse finally collasped on the floor and i got off him.

"Just working out sis, take your mind out of the gutter." He said. He very slowly got off the floor and started wiping himself off with a towel.

"You need a shower." She said scrunching up her nose.

"You need a personality that isn't annoying but here we are." He replied.

"Anyway, I came to give you something I've been working on. My therapist said that I should find a hobby and I decided to make drawing my hobby so, since I'm going back to mom, I made you this." she said and showed Jesse a drawing of Diana and Jesse sitting together. It was from an old picture of them, when diana was six and Jesse was like eighteen. It was a beautiful drawing and it looked so real yet you could tell someone drew it.

"When did you have the time?" He said in awe of the picture."

"When you were having sex." she said smiling.

"Aye! Stop that! What is wrong with you? Seriously this is amazing. I'm going to hang this up. Thanks, turns out you are actually pretty good st something after all." he said, giving her a hug and a kiss on her head.

"Eww, you're still disgusting! And sweaty!"

"I know, and if you don't get out of this room in the next twenty seconds, I'll hug you again."

"Ugh," she said as she walked to the door. she paused for a moment and said, "Thanks for letting me stay here, I love staying here with you. Love you."

"Love you too, sis." He said. Before closing the door she said,

"You keep acting like I don't know what you be doing in here at night. I've seen and heard you. And Jay's pregnant, so I don't-"

"Get the FUCK OUT, Diana!" He yelled as she shut the door. I laughed and shook my head.

"What's wrong with her?" he said.

"She's your sister, that's what's wrong. And she works you up and you go for it everytime. Now let me see that picture."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

We spent most of the day in and out of our house, helping Diana and Aiesha move into their new house that was now, just three doors down. I mostly stayed in Diana's new room, helping her decorate. She choose to make her room really artistic. There was space for her to draw and paint and there were shelves of the newly bought, (by Jesse) art supllies after seeing her artwork. She had made a beautiful painting of her father that she hung on her wall. it was a picture from their most recent father's day trip. She really had a natural, God-given talent for art, much like her brother.

She brought in another box of things for me to put on her shelves, all of her and Jesse's awards. I looked down at a trophy from Jesse's years in football, and another one from soccer, and another one for baseball, and yet another one for basketball, one for swimming. I really forgot how much of an athlete he was before he went to college, but even in college he still played sports. When Di came in I asked about all Jesse's trophies.

"Oh, mom must have gotten the boxes confused. I will take his soccer one though, its going to be great for a prank. " she said, taking the soccer trophy.

"Should I ask?" I said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Um, nah." she said, quickly moving out of the room. After another hour of of helping Di decorate, Jesse came in the room and wrapped his arms around me.

"It's time to go baby, I got to get ready for my gig tonight, and you have to do whatever you do that takes three hours." He said. I slapped his arm.

"I don't take three hours, it's more like one and a half!" I said.

"How about we go home and take a shower together, you know, save water or whatever." He said kissing down my neck.

"Ewwww." Diana said, coming from her new closet. "You do know I'm still in the room?"

"Sorry, but weren't you the one talking hella shit earlier and now you wanna be all eww, that's gross? Make sure you're ready to go by 7:30 cause I gotta get to the place by 8:15." He said moving away from me.

"I will." She said. She ran into the closet for a second and came out with another drawing. She handed it to me.

"I made you one too." She said. It was a drawing of one of the selfies we had taken at Jesse's family dinner. I was blown away by the detail, and the fact that she thought enough of me to draw me. It looked so real. I gave her a hug.

"I love it, thank you." I said, still a little in awe.

"I'm glad you like it."

"I hate to break up this little halmark moment but we gotta go and you can't be late." Jesse said. Diana stuck her tongue out at Jesse as we walked out the room. we were just about to walk out of the house when Jesse's mom came in.

"Thanks for helping out you guys! This has been the fresh new start me and Di have needed, I really appreciate it." She said, beaming at us.

"It's no big thing mom, you know that." Jesse said. He gave her a hug.

"And you, I know things have been difficult between us but I am really coming around to you. If you still have morning sickness there's a tea that I used to drink that helps, especially if you are not at home, If you want to try it." She said to me. She had really been trying in her own way I guess to get along, and, even though things werent perfect between us it wasn't a bad start.

"That would be nice, It really has not let up." I said. Her smile got even wider.

"I'll drop it off in the morning! I am so excited for you guys! Take care of my grandchild, and Jesse, don't you let her lift a finger!"

"Got it, mom. I'll be back to pick up Di for my gig. I'll beep and she can come out." he said. Aiesha and I both slapped Jesse on the arm.

"You will go to the door and pick her up like a proper gentlemen, I raised you better than that. If I ever catch you honking for your sister, I will beat yo ass so hard you won't be sitting for a year, you must've lost your damn mind Jesse!" His mom said.

"I was just kidding mom, damn." He said, rubbing his arm where she slapped him.

We said our final goodbyes and walked out the house. Jesse took my hands as we walked across the street and past two houses until we got to our house. I laughed thinking about the ridiculousness of her moving so close we didn't even have to drive.

"What are you laughing at, Love?" Jesse asked as he turned the key into the door.

"Just, we are so close to your mom now it borders on ridiculous." I said walking through the door Jesse was holding open.

"I know, but it'll be nice after we have the baby, free baby-sitting."

"Yeah, I guess. So you mentioned a shower?" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Want me to carry you?" he said, pecking my lips.

"Boy you already know."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

The music was thumping and causing my chest to vibrate. It was dark but I liked the vibe. The walls were made of brick, giving the place a really nice intimate vibe. We actually left the house on time and got to place early. Jesse, being organized, always on time, and more dependable of us both made sure of that. He also made sure that me and Diana got a table front and center. So far this was his second gig.

The plan was for Jesse to build a social media presence, it didn't have to be huge but the record company wanted to see that he had somewhat of a following. So by doing different local gigs, he was supposed to be gaining exposure, performing experience, and hopefully followers. Diana was Jesse's social media manager, Jesse was more of a personal user of social media than a "influencer" type, but Diana loved it. She updated his social with pictures and videos of him performing and singing. She had a real talent for it because through all her posting and interaction she got him to about two thousand followers within two weeks across multiple platforms. Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and whatever else everyone is using these days.

Eventually he was going to have to get himself a real publicist, and a manager, and I'm sure a whole bunch of other people and positions I haven't even heard of yet.

Di was adorable as she set up her ipad to record Jesse's performance. Her face scrunched up as she struggled to find the perfect angle with her ipad tripod. Once she found the right angle, her face lit up in a way that was eerily similar to her brother. Finally she sat back and relaxed, and pulled out her phone.

"How's everything going over there, Di?" I asked.

"Great, I just have to send out a few posts so that I can get people watching when I live stream it."

"You really like doing this stuff, do you ever think about making a career or job out of it?" I said. If she really wanted to, she could probably make a lot of money off of social media as a side hustle.

"I guess I could, but I didn't really think about it like that. I like doing it for Jess, but I never thought of it like that."

"You would be great at it and could possibly make a lot of money. Maybe talk to your mom about it." I sipped my seltzer water.

"Hmm, maybe she's been so different since dad...since he's been gone. I doubt she'd actually understand." she said as she continued to type.

"Sorry to hear that. How are you doing, with all that?"

"Better, I guess. I still miss him a lot."

Before I could respond the host was at the mic. A tall white guy with slicked back hair, and the most outrageous bright orange pants tapped on the mic.

"I'm Randy, and welcome to Starlight. It's talent night and we've got some really talented acts for you all to hear tonight. If it's okay with you guys, Sunshine, a crowd favorite and regular, will start us off!"

A woman who looked about 23 emerged on stage and stood into the spotlight. Her brown skin contrasted beautifully with her blonde hair which had golden highlights in it. When she smiled it made sense that she called herself sunshine. She grabbed the mic and the crowds welcomed her to the stage with applause.

"Hey, y'all. Nice to see some old and new faces. I'm Sunshine, and imma sing a little something for y'all. Y'all ready?" she said and the crowd cheered in response.

Her set was amazing and not what I expected at all. She was one of the most energetic performers I had ever seen. She danced and sang around the stage like she was Beyonce. Her songs were all upbeat and fun, and I could see why she went first.

Jesse was going third. Every performer had fifteen minutes for their set with five minute breaks between performers. The guy that went after Sunshine was terribly boring. All he sang were sad slow songs in the most dead voice and with the energy pumped into us from the first performance he didn't last long before he was booed off the stage.

Finally Jesse was on. I could tell he was nervous by the way he was holding his guitar so tightly. He looked good, I made sure of that. His black top unbuttoned just enough to show off his toned chest. He put down his guitar on the stand and took the mic.

"How's everyone doing out there?" He said. A few murmurs from the crowd answered back now that the energy had been drained from them.

"I promise you by the end of my set I'm going to get you all on your feet. You ready?" He said and a slightly louder crowd responded. The track started and I immediately recognized the song Jesse was singing. It was definitely a good upbeat choice that had everyone bouncing or tapping their foot. It was one of his original songs. He was very stiff on stage at first but as the song went on he looked a lot more relaxed.

He went on to do a cover of Bruno Mars' That's what I like that gave me chills when he hit the falsetto. And when he thrusted his hips, but that's because that move

brings back a lot of good memories.

Anyway the crowd seemed to be responding well to him- especially the ladies, and it was nice to see him let loose on stage. I had never really seen him perform in front of so many people before. He spent so much time in his career hiding from the spotlight and staying in the background that it was nice to see how much he's grown into really taking control of the stage and embracing the performer in him.

When it was time for his last song, Jess was going over to grab his guitar and he had the most embarrassing trip and almost fell, but he took it like a champ, made a joke about it and sat on the stool. He placed the mic back in the stand. He found me in the crowd and I blew him a kiss while his sister gave him a thumbs up. He smiled and started talking.

"For my last song, I'm going to sing something I wrote over ten years ago. It's a song I wrote about someone special and I think everyone can relate to." He started to strum. I didn't recognize the song at first but after a while it came to me. It was a song he wrote while we were still in high school.

Once he finished the last note and said good night, the crowd really showed him some love with a loud round of applause. I stood up and blew him another kiss. It was well into the next act when he reappeared.

He was glowing, I could feel the excitement bouncing off of him.

"Hey baby, did you like it? How did I do?" He said, kissing me once he got close.

"Besides your little accident you did fine." Diana responded.

"I wasn't talking to you." he said. Diana shrugged and her fingers continued to furiously move against the screen of her phone.

"You did amazing, you got everyone to their feet. I loved it."

"I'm glad, I was so nervous and trying not to act like it."

"I could tell at first but then you really loosened up."

"Good. I'm so hyped up right now, you wanna get something to eat?"

"I want something sweet." I said.

Jesse threw his guitar pick at diana.

"Come-on I got to drop you off before eleven or mom will kill us both, let's go."

>>>>>>>>>

"JALEIA! JALEIA, WHERE ARE YOU?" Jesse screamed out as he moved through the house. I was in the kitchen stirring a pot of collard greens. I could hear his footsteps racing through the house. He had just gotten home and from his earlier phone call he said he had some amazing news.

"Kitchen, babe!" I replied. What I thought would be a quiet and peaceful Tuesday night was not going as planned. Five seconds later Jesse was in the kitchen. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. The feeling sending tingles down my spine, he pulled back and said, "Baby I got the deal!"

"You got the deal, the record deal? Oh my gosh, congratulations Jess, I told you they would be crazy not to pick you!" I said, jumping up and down.

"Well, it does come with some negatives, though." He said cautiously. I pulled back, raised an eyebrow and said,

"Like what?"

"I met with Dre's guy as a manager he seemed legit. So I hired him, and the contract they were able to work out was pretty decent, your basic starter contract but cause I got some clout, a little more money."

"Okay, I'm not seeing the problem, Jess."

"Here's the deal. I will be spending most of my time writing and recording it in L.A." He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Understandable." I said. I felt really confused and really antsy, I wish he would just spill it.

"I will have a lot of promo to do, before and after the release, so I'm going to be working like hell for the next couple months. They want to release it in May or June of next year, which means it has to be mostly done by March, tight squeeze." he said.

"Sooo, what's the bad part?" I said. I closely examined his face, I could tell there was something that he wasn't telling me. I squeezed his hand to motion him to go on.

"I have to record a duet with Imani Redd and the music video and open for her for a couple dates on her upcoming tour."

[jintheawkward]

written on your skin

pairing: JinKook (Seokjin | Jungkook) words: 7903 summary: it was supposed to be a normal day. their anniversary, but still, pretty much a normal day. unfortunately, that’s not how things went.

aka seokjin got his first tattoo, but to his boyfriend's displeasure, not in jungkook’s studio.

ao3

A hand covered his, stopping him from breaking the dishes by his vigorous and thorough wiping.

„Co-owner or not, I will take it out of your pay, if you break another glass.”

Seokjin looked up from the cup in his hands to see Hoseok frowning at him, but he could tell he wasn’t really mad.

“Sorry,” Seokjin said with a sheepish smile as he put it away, reaching out for a different mug in the dishwasher. “I was just trying to get this coffee stain and it wouldn’t go off.”

“A stain, or its actual paint?”

Not being in the mood for snarky comments, he left the question without an answer and proceeded to dry the rest of the dishes.

“Hyung, is everything alright?”

The quiet conversation with occasional slurping pauses, which had been taking place at the other side of the kitchen for the last hour, completely halted and Seokjin felt Jimin and Taehyung watching him with an eagle eye.

“I’m okay, Hobi.”

Raising their eyebrows at each other, his younger employees exchanged meaningful looks which only meant that they were having one of their weird telepathic moments again.

“I’m not blind nor stupid, you know,” said Hoseok in his parent voice that never failed to make their friends nervous. “Something is clearly eating you up.”

“Oh, he’s just frustrated with Jungkook,” Jimin butted in before finishing his strawberry juice in few gulps.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be the ones doing the cleaning? What are we exactly paying you for?”

“Our big smiles and young spirit!” Taehyung beamed with positivity. “But Jimin is right, this is because of Jungkook.”

“Yeah, Seokjin-hyung has been checking his phone the whole day, and everytime he did, he sighed and got this ugly scowl on his face. Like this one now, look!”

Seokjin didn’t hesitate to swat away Jimin’s finger that kept pointing at him.

“Shut up.”

“What did that brat do again?” Hoseok asked tiredly, and he couldn’t care less about them killing each other.

“Nothing,” Seokjin uttered, pushing his annoyance to a side, at the same time that Jimin scoffed, “Being himself.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Taehyung asked rhetorically as he continued demolishing the cake leftovers from that day. “That ass forgot about their anniversary.”

Seokjin gave Taehyung a warning stare because the boy was about to skate on thin ice. No one in their right mind would try to grate at the nerves of a person who was already on edge, especially if that person was Seokjin.

“What, am I wrong?”

Putting down a plate, Hoseok blinked in surprise and leaned against the sink with his hand on the hip.

“Hold on, what anniversary?”

Taehyung licked his fingers clean and folded his arms on the counter, his eyes narrowing in thought.

“Well, it was during your birthday party that Seokjin and Jungkook basically got together, right?”

As Seokjin was taking a breath to finally say something, Taehyung wasted no time in sharing his conclusions once he received Hoseok’s nod of confirmation.

“We have August now, so according to my calculations, today should mark their six-month anniversary,” he said, a proud grin of victory playing on his lips when he and Jimin high-fived. “See, Namjoon-hyung isn’t the only Einstein in our squad.”

“Also, we’ve been kind of counting,” Jimin admitted with no shame. “I mean, it took us ages to make you two stop dancing around each other, and actually do something about the sexual tension. So, of course, we’re keeping an eye on you. We’ve created you.”

“Oh,” Hoseok murmured, and it sounded like the saddest sound ever uttered when sympathy entered his voice and he glanced at Seokjin with a pity. “Is that what the morning reminder on your phone was for? Is it your and Jungkook’s anniversary today? And he forgot?”

To be fair and honest, Seokjin wasn’t usually keeping up with anniversaries either, so he internally cursed at himself for listening to Hoseok and setting up the special countdown app on his phone few months ago, just because his friend had found it cute and had been using it as well.

Now, half a year later, it only brought Seokjin frustration and disappointment – Jungkook was miles away since he had been sent to one-week courses by his boss to learn some advanced tattoo techniques, and he wasn’t answering his phone today because they were supposed to have some intense session.

And that would be perfectly fine if Seokjin wouldn’t know today was their six-month milestone.

Damn you, modern technology. Farewell, sweet oblivion.

“It’s not a big deal. He’s probably busy at the workshop.”

“You don’t have to act nonchalant, hyung.” Jimin wrapped his arms around Seokjin from behind like a baby koala, nudging him with his head. “It’s okay to be upset, you know.”

“Let us take you out tonight! Actually, we all should go!”

“Great idea, Tae,” Hoseok exclaimed, his entire face brightening up with excitement as he scrabbled for his phone. “I’m calling Namjoon.”

Scoffing, Seokjin rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, because being with couples on my anniversary is going to make my lonely loser self feel better.”

“We’re not dating!” Both Jimin and Taehyung loudly protested, to which Seokjin only shrugged since he had no intention to get himself into another discussion on the topic of ‘exclusive best friends with benefits’, or whatever they were calling it.

“Of course,” Hoseok brushed them off quickly as he was tired of hearing the same old song as well. “But hyung, we should totally hit the town tonight, have something yummy to eat, get some drinks, maybe dance a little bit...”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I’m not letting you go home so you could indulge in self-pity and beer, because you would only end up eating yourself out of house and home during a Studio Ghibli marathon.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad plan,” Seokjin grumbled in disagreement.

“Come with us,” Taehyung pleaded as he latched onto him, joining Jimin in the group hug. “It’s gonna be fun!”

With a sigh, Seokjin glanced between his friends. His eyes met Hoseok, who immediately broke into a smile as he was sure they had won the battle.

“Night out it is,” Hoseok laughed, already pressing his boyfriend’s number on speed dial. “I’ll ask Namjoon to bring Yoongi-hyung along. You know, in case you wanted to roast him for sending Jungkook away.”

“Min Yoongi, where the fuck are you?” yelled Seokjin into the phone, which he held close to his mouth even though the music played on the jukebox wasn’t that loud and the bar seemed quite empty as the Friday night rush crowd had yet to arrive.

“Home. Just like I told Namjoon I would be, before he left work to meet you, guys,” answered Yoongi calmly. There was a sound of running water in the background, so Seokjin was pretty sure that the traitor was about to get himself a nice bath with one of his favourite bath bombs. “I feel dead tired, so I’m ready to go catch some Z’s.”

“That’s bullshit. We lived together for four years and I have never seen you go to bed before 3AM.”

“Today was really crazy. And as you know, we’re kind of short of staff right now.”

Seokjin didn’t even try to keep the scoff out of his voice.

“And I wonder whose fault it is.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Yoongi heaved an annoyed sigh, and it sort of sounded like a growl. “But I had no other choice, hyung, so can we have this damn conversation some other time?”

Before Seokjin could come up with a witty comeback, the line clicked and went silent. He stared at the phone in his hand in disbelief.

“Not only did he stood me up, he’s just hang up on me.”

“Yoongi-hyung is probably afraid that if he shown up, Seokjin-hyung would skin him alive since it’s his fault that Jungkook is missing their anniversary,” Jimin laughed and brought the half-empty bottle of beer to his lips.

“We did have lots of clients today, though,” added Namjoon, ever the conciliator and diplomat. “I can’t even feel my arm since I had an appointment after an appointment.”

After listening to their chat in a focused silence, Taehyung briefly glanced up from the beermat house he had been building for the last twenty minutes.

“But unlike someone, you still came, hyung.”

“Well, that’s because I’m here, duh,” Hoseok said with an eyeroll, linking arms with Namjoon and smiling at him afterwards.

“Purely and simply, Yoongi is a coward who, for his own good, chose not to meet me today.”

“Or a genius, actually,” Namjoon pointed out with an amused chuckle, but he immediately attempted to mask it with a fake cough when he caught Seokjin’s unimpressed scowl. “You know, if you consider all the circumstances.”

“Alright, alright,” Taehyung called out to catch their attention, knocking down the little construction on the table with his hand. “The mood is getting dull here, so we need to move somewhere more fun.”

The thing about Seokjin and alcohol was that he knew his levels and the way with them - what to do to get his buzz going and become tipsy, and how many drinks he needed to add to that to get actually drunk or, if the critical situation called for it, royally wasted.

“Hyung, you shouldn’t drink that much,” mumbled Hoseok sleepily as if he heard what was going on in his mind, his words coming out a bit muffled since his head was buried in the crook of Namjoon’s neck. “There’s a difference between having fun and getting pissed.”

“Oh, is there?” Seokjin smirked and continued to circle the rim of the glass with his finger. He was approximately three shots away from a morning headache. A bearable one, but still, a headache. “I feel like you’re the one who had enough, Hobi.”

With one hand wrapped around Hoseok’s waist and the other stuck in a bowl of nuts, Namjoon stopped munching on the peanuts and took a brief look at his boyfriend who snuggled to him closer. Only Hoseok would take a nap in the middle of a nightclub. And possibly Yoongi.

“Yeah, I think I should take him home.”

“Actually, both of you had enough,” Seokjin emphasized when he took in Namjoon’s hooded eyes and dopey grin, “I will call you a cab.”

Namjoon let the lazy smile take over his face, and Seokjin was immediately greeted by his dimple.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Don’t mention it.” Seokjin waved a dismissive hand at him while staring at the glass of amber coloured liquid in front of him. Eventually, he made his decision and knocked back his drink.

Two more, and he could claim himself officially drunk.

“You’d better call it a night,” said Namjoon as he shrugged on his jacket and zipped Hoseok up as well.

“Maybe later.”

Namjoon’s emotions were usually all over the place after he took few sips of beer, and knowing that it was more often leaning towards the sad side, Seokjin forced the corners of his mouth up.

“I’m fine, Joon, so don’t worry about me too much, okay?”

“Be careful.”

“You too.”

After throwing Hoseok’s arm over his shoulders and hoisting him up, Namjoon gave Seokjin a quick, but gentle, squeeze on the shoulder and then he headed for the exit, stumbling his way with Hoseok through the crowd to wait for the taxi outside.

“We bumped into Namjoon-hyung and Hoseok-hyung on their way out,” Jimin blurted out when he and Taehyung appeared, slamming the tray full of drinks on the table. “Since the old married couple has left, who’s going to finish these now?”

Taehyung hold his hands up in an immediate refusal. “Don’t look at me, I have my coke.”

“You have taste buds of a child,” Jimin commented, all giggles and hiccups, but he filled Taehyung’s glass with the remaining soft drink anyway, and the other took a sip from a straw.

“Alcohol doesn’t make you more adult than me.”

“Whatever you say,” said Jimin with zero interest, already pushing a shot of crystal clear liquor towards Seokjin. “I guess, it’s just you and me, hyung.”

As they clinked their glasses and continued drinking the health of everyone they could remember, the smallest part of Seokjin’s consciousness reminded him of all the booze of various colours he had consumed that night.

It gave him a slight idea of the nasty brain explosion that would await him the next day.

Oh, well. Let his tomorrow self deal with that.

“Bottoms up!”

Suddenly, Seokjin’s phone on the table lighted up, the vibrations travelling across his palm.

“Oh, now you are calling me,” Seokjin smirked at the screen as he rejected the incoming call from Jungkook and proceeded to delete the nine unread messages that he assumed were most likely from him as well. “But guess what, I am the one who’s busy now.”

“Is that Jungkook? Shouldn’t you…”

“Nope.”

“Fine, whatever suits you,” murmured Taehyung with a raised eyebrow, not pressing further when Seokjin turned off his phone and shoved it in the pocket of his jeans.

Smiling like a Cheshire cat, Jimin propped his head on his hands. “Let’s have some fun.”

“We could play a game,” Taehyung suggested.

“Great,” Seokjin said, grimacing a little once he finished his drink that was too sweet and too disgusting for his spoilt tongue. “I love games.”

Not only did Seokjin woke up with the deadliest hangover since his college days, but he also welcomed the morning with a terrible case of stiff neck, coming most likely from the thing under his head that was uncomfortably poking him in the nape. It was hard and squishy at the same time, but it definitely didn’t feel like the extra soft pillow he had spent a ridiculous amount of money on.

And hair. There was so much hair everywhere.

Grumbling, he tried to turn around and make himself comfortable in the bed that suddenly seemed very small and crowded. He cracked his eyes open, only to see more of the blond mop. He moved to get away from it, spitting out the strands that got into his mouth and stuck to his lips, however, there was still that thing stabbing him in the neck.

It turned out to be Taehyung’s skinny arm, holding him in sort of a hug. And then there was Jimin, sandwiched between them, which explained the dishevelled nest of hair.

“Uh,” Seokjin groaned out, his head spinning as he shifted again to free himself from the tangle of legs.

Jimin grunted from his sleep, while Taehyung gasped for air as he pulled away and turned over.

“Water and pills are on the nightstand,” Taehyung mumbled drowsily before he drifted back to sleep.

“Thanks.”

He sat up slowly, trying to avoid any sharp movements that would lead to the fruit of his yesterday’s bender making a sudden and unwanted entrance.

Even though he was convinced that death would be a better and more effective solution, Seokjin reached for the water bottle and the packet of tablets that Taehyung must have prudently prepared yesterday, and swallowed two pills at once.

Oh, goodness, what was he thinking? He was way too old to be trying to pull this kind of stunt.

Apart from the throbbing headache that was splitting his head open, and his stomach doing major flip-flops, his body was hurting all over. And it wasn’t the regular pain he would usually wake up to after a night out – this one felt like a bus ran over him, followed by a convoy of trucks, which made him wonder how wild things got last night.

As he managed to keep the churning contents of his stomach from coming up, making his way to the bathroom, he realized it was his left hip that was really calling for his attention.

Honestly, his waist was almost used to all kinds of treatment by now since Jungkook had the eagerness of a teenager and quite strong hands, which he tended to forget about whenever they would fool around.

This time, however, Seokjin’s skin was burning and it felt sore, tight, and all in all very uncomfortable.

Annoyed, he pulled off his pants a little to check whether he had possibly hit himself because the events of last ten hours just mashed into one big foggy blur.

“What, what, what?” Jimin shrieked in confusion when Seokjin started screaming a murder, and he immediately woke up with a flinch so hard that it sent Taehyung rolling off the bed.

Soon after the hard landing, Taehyung’s head with messy hair sticking up everywhere appeared.

He was scowling sleepily, only one of his eyes opened.

“Seokjin-hyung is probably facing the consequence of our stupid game.”          

“It wasn’t our anniversary yet!” Jungkook shouted as soon as he burst through the door with such force that he almost knocked off the tinkling bell above it.

Startled by the sudden noise of Jungkook’s dramatic arrival, Hoseok dropped both the milk pitcher and the mug he was holding, so what used to be a cute latte art spilled everywhere on the counter.

“God fucking Jesus, Jungkook,” he cursed, still clutching at his chest, and breathing through his shock.

“It wasn’t our anniversary yet,” Jungkook repeated, this time in a calmer voice, and he dropped his duffel bag by the high stools. “I mean, mine and Seokjin-hyung’s.”

“How about you tell that to someone who actually cares?” Hoseok asked through his gritted teeth while smiling at the guests nervously. Jungkook looked around, only to be judged by dozens of strangers, so he was quick to join Hoseok in a round of apologetic bows.

When the people stopped paying them attention, Hoseok glanced at the mess of coffee and milk, and started cleaning it.

“Just so you know, Seokjin-hyung was really upset,” Hoseok said, his hand making a gesture that could only imply drinking. “He wouldn’t admit it, but I could tell that he was.”

Jungkook rubbed his hand over his face as he suppressed the urge to scream in frustration.

“This is all just a huge misunderstanding,” he groaned loudly. “Where is he?”

Before Hoseok could give him an answer, an arm looped around Jungkook’s neck, pulling him into a headlock.

“Well, well, well,” a voice hummed in his ear mockingly. “Who do we have here?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he easily freed himself from Taehyung’s grip.

“I don’t have time for this, hyung. Have you seen Seokjin-hyung?”

“Oh, Jungkook, you’re back,” said Jimin who suddenly appeared at his other side, which should come as no surprise since Jimin and Taehyung were basically a package deal. Jungkook couldn’t even remember the last time he saw one of them alone, without the other lurking nearby.

“Yeah, I’ve just got here from the station,” Jungkook nodded absent-mindedly, eyes searching for the familiar pair of shoulders. “I’m looking for Seokjin-hyung.”

There was a quick glance between Jimin and Taehyung, which for some reason disturbed Jungkook a bit.

“Look, no matter what happens, don’t fight, you two. It’s not worth it,” Jimin started, squeezing Jungkook’s shoulder, and then giving the floor to Taehyung.

“Moreover, you were the one who forgot about the anniversary thing, …”

Jungkook was about to argue that, for God’s sake, he didn’t miss anything, but Taehyung didn’t even let him open his mouth.

“… so you can’t get mad at Seokjin-hyung. Or anyone else.”

“Why would I-“

“Just don’t get mad, okay?”

“Fine,” Jungkook agreed with an annoyed sigh, which seemed to calm the two idiots down. “Now, is he here or not?”

Jimin motioned with his head to the kitchen.

“He’s taking a break at the back. Low blood sugar or something.”

“Which is only his excuse to wolf down five scones with a jug of tea, while bossing us around,” grumbled Taehyung, folding his arms over his chest in a quiet protest.

“And he has a right to do so since he, actually, is your boss,” Hoseok sneered at him in return, while handing him a tray loaded with cups, glasses and plates of pastries. “And so am I, which means that if you don’t bring this to table 9, I’m going to find another cute waiter to work for me.”

Although his cheeks puffed out in a pout, Taehyung wordlessly turned on his heel and did as he was told. And before Hoseok could also nag at Jimin, the latter was already moving away with a pen in one hand, and a pad in the other.

“Yeah, take table 5’s order, I know.”

Scrunching up the dirty cloth that was dripping with coffee, Hoseok raised his hand as if he wanted to throw it at Jimin but he ended up laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

Like a sunflower following the sun, Jungkook immediately turned around at the melodious voice to face his own source of light and warmth.

Seokjin slipped behind the counter and carefully set down the piles of clean saucers and plates he had brought from the kitchen.

“Hyung!” Jungkook greeted him with a wide grin that seemed to bloom of its own accord whenever his boyfriend was around.

“Oh, Kookie, hi,” said Seokjin in reply, blinking at him in surprise, and for a second, Jungkook thought he heard the dishes clanked against the counter. “I thought you weren’t coming back till tonight. You’re early.”

Jungkook furrowed a little as Seokjin’s lukewarm welcome set off alarm bells in his head.

“I managed to catch an earlier train. What, aren’t you glad to see me?”

“God, of course I am,” said Seokjin, rolling his eyes and shaking off whatever was going through his mind as he planted his hands on the counter and leaned forward with an easy smile. “Come here.”

After the poor attempt to keep his excitement in check, Jungkook mimicked Seokjin’s pose, and let him close the distance with a gentle kiss, followed by two more pecks since Jungkook wasn’t satisfied yet. It didn’t differ from their usual greeting, but somehow the simple touch made Jungkook’s lips tingle as he was reminded of what he had been deprived of for a whole week.

“Really?” grumbled Hoseok in a mock indignation while focusing on arranging the new batch of muffins. “Does appropriate PDA in a workplace tell you something? And by appropriate, I mean none at all.”

Upon hearing Hoseok’s objection, Seokjin snorted and proceeded to jab Jungkook on the chest with his finger since he was trying to steal another kiss from him.

“Right, because you and Namjoon are very subtle when he drops by during his lunch break.”

It was now Hoseok’s turn to scoff, his face then twisting into an offended scowl as he was passing by Seokjin.

“Ts, one could hardly believe that you were calling him various names two days ago,” he mumbled in disbelief before he pushed the kitchen door open and went through.

His words hung heavily in the air, and Seokjin and Jungkook could no longer avoid the topic that neither of them wanted to bring up.

“Um, yeah, about that,” Jungkook started, scratching at the back of his neck, but stopped abruptly when a gentleman cleared his throat next to him before asking Seokjin for a coffee to go.

“We’re okay,” said Seokjin once the customer left with his cup of double espresso.

“No, I’m really sorry about not answering my phone that day, but I was in the middle of this workshop, so…”

“Jungkook, I get it. There’s no need for you to explain yourself or something.”

“I feel like I should since you were mad at me. Still are.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it anymore,” said Seokjin as he tried to laugh it off. “Neither of us is actually into that anniversary stuff anyway.”

“Then why weren’t you picking up my calls later that night? Or yesterday?” Oh, great. Now he sounded just like a crazy clingy boyfriend. Or his Mom.

“Well, the thing is,” Seokjin hesitated and it was his turn to fidget on the spot. “I went out with Jimin and Taehyung because they didn’t want to leave my sorry ass alone, then we got carried away and I might have drowned my phone in beer.”

“What?” deadpanned Jungkook as he couldn’t help himself but stare at Seokjin with a blank expression, however, he thought better and quickly held up one hand. “Nevermind, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Nope, you definitely don’t,” Seokjin said, and Jungkook was probably imagining things but there seemed to be some kind of ambiguity in his words.

“Anyway, I do have something you might wanna hear."

Seokjin’s eyes twinkled with interest as he leaned closer.

“Oh, really?”

“It’s kind of a funny story.” To emphasize his words, Jungkook laughed a little, although it sounded more nervous than joyful. “Our anniversary is today, actually. That is, if we cared about stuff like that.”

“No, it’s not,” Seokjin disagreed, motionless and dead serious.

“Yes, it is.”

This time, Seokjin even shook his head.

“No, it’s not. I’m pretty sure that two days ago, it was six months since Hoseok’s party.”

“And you’re right. But we weren’t dating then.”

“For fuck sake, stop shitting with me, Jungkook.”

“Look, we did kiss there for the first time. And had a pretty much good time making out.” Unfortunately, that one particular memory got lost in a drunken haze and remained foggy in Jungkook’s head. “But I can barely remember that. Moreover, I almost threw up all over your shoes too.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” murmured Seokjin with a consoling smile before cracking up. “You did throw up all over my shoes.”

Jungkook took a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

“Anyhow, I refuse to acknowledge that as the start of our relationship,” said Jungkook and glossed over that mortifying experience since he had never felt so embarrassed in his life, especially about something he couldn’t even recall properly. “So, our anniversary is today, because it was today that we went on our first date and I asked you to be my boyfriend.”

“Excuse you,” Seokjin objected, “it was me who did all the asking because you got so damn shy suddenly, considering you had bickered with me for an eternity before.”

“Do you have to correct or comment on everything I say? You know, not everything is a competition.”

“Funny to hear that from someone who always has to have the last word,” Seokjin smirked and patted him patronizingly on the cheek, which Jungkook repaid with a shove and a glare. “But fine, let’s say today is our anniversary. Any plans?”

“Maybe,” Jungkook replied, grinning. “Just give me the keys to your apartment.”

Seokjin tilted his head, wondering.

“Why? Are you going to move in to surprise me?”

The question, combined with Seokjin’s serious expression, caught Jungkook off guard and his guts clenched in panic.

“Jesus, no, I want to make you a dinner,” he mumbled while a hot blush crept up his neck and into his cheeks, making Seokjin burst out laughing.

“Chill, I’m just kidding,” said Seokjin, out of breath as he failed to control his laughter. “But dinner sounds good.”

“When are you getting out of work?”

“Two more hours, and then I’m done. Should I stop by the store?”

“No, just bring yourself.” Shaking his head, Jungkook pulled himself up and kissed Seokjin over the counter. “I’m going, see you later.”

He threw the duffel over his shoulder and Seokjin placed a quick peck on the corner of his mouth.

“See you. And don’t make a mess.”

As soon as Jungkook opened the door, he didn’t even wait for Seokjin to get inside and rushed back to the kitchen in fear that their dinner would burn to the bottom of Seokjin’s new pan – it was hard to say which would be worse.

“You know, when you said you were going to cook for me, I expected something fancier than fried rice for the special occasion,” Seokjin admitted amusedly once he breezed in, joining Jungkook by the stove. Snaking his arms around Jungkook’s waist, he pulled the back of his shirt down a little and kissed the tattoo on his nape like he always did.

The Virgo constellation had been Jungkook’s first tattoo, and when he had decided to expand it and get the Sagittarius part after two months of dating Seokjin, Yoongi had said it would look like a fucked up chemical structure together and called him a cheesy sap, but he did it for him anyway.

“Hey, I make the best kimchi fried rice,” protested Jungkook, mixing the rice while Seokjin hooked his chin over his shoulder, his hair soft and ticklish against Jungkook’s cheek. “Besides, it would be either this, a dish I’ve mastered to perfection and even more, or a half-assed attempt at French cuisine turning into a muck.”

“Alright, alright, you’re the chef,” said Seokjin in surrender, and both their bodies shook with his laughter since he was still hugging Jungkook.

“But if it’s not enough for you, I ordered chicken too, and beer is in the fridge.”

“Okay, now that’s the kind of fancy I’m talking about,” said Seokjin, happy and excited like a little child as he took Jungkook by his chin to turn his head and kiss him. “You’re the best.”

Jungkook smiled against his lips before shooing Seokjin away.

“I know. Now go take a shower and let the best boyfriend finish cooking.”

When Seokjin later walked out of the bathroom, fresh and clean, he returned to a feast consisting of Jungkook’s famous kimchi fried rice, two boxes of seasoned and fried chicken, and two bottles of beer, everything carefully spread on Seokjin’s small coffee table.

In the middle, there was a candle burning, and the smell of food was mixing with its sugary scent. It was one of those giant 3-wick jars from Bath & Body Works, and Jungkook had to bring it from the bedroom because he couldn’t find anything better.

Seokjin chuckled when he noticed it.

“And people think I’m the romantic one out of the two us.”

“Shut up and sit down.”

As they were lounging on the couch and eating the fried rice straight from the pan hazardly placed between them, Jungkook sipping on his beer and Seokjin humming in delight with a crispy drumstick in one hand and a spoon of rice in the other, while re-watching their favorite anime, Jungkook knew this was how happiness must look like.

“What?” Seokjin asked, slightly furrowing his eyebrows, when he caught Jungkook staring. His hair was messy and still wet from the shower, his lips red and greasy, and Jungkook couldn’t help himself but kiss Seokjin right then and there.

“Happy anniversary, hyung.”

“Happy anniversary, Kookie,” said Seokjin gently and he wiped Jungkook’s lips with his thumb before turning back to the TV. “Now let me eat and finish this episode before you get all mushy.”

“Oh, just fuck you.”

“Yeah, maybe tomorrow, I’m totally pooped out and probably getting into food coma.”

The pan almost tipped over when Jungkook gave Seokjin a shove, and the latter didn’t hesitate to push him back.

Needless to say, it didn’t take them long to devour everything on the table as they managed to do so before the second episode of the anime could even start.

“God, that was perfect,” moaned Seokjin blissfully, not so different from the way he would after a particularly good sex, and he lied down, licking his fingers clean and throwing his arm over his eyes. Jungkook followed suit, tossing away the chicken bone blindly somewhere near the box with a pile of trash.

This time Seokjin let out a groan when Jungkook nestled beside him and dropped his head on Seokjin’s chest.

“Are you trying to kill me?” complained Seokjin, coughing a little. “I’ve done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.”

Grinning, Jungkook turned over to look at him.

“And what do you deserve then?”

“Only the best, of course,” replied Seokjin nonchalantly as he lifted his arm from his eyes, but his smile was challenging.

Jungkook didn’t need to be told twice – he leaned above Seokjin and kissed him, pressing himself close to the body he had been missing so much. As always, they started slow, just to enjoy and appreciate each other’s presence, their mouths moving together gently and gracefully.

Seokjin opened his mouth enough to let the tip of his tongue pass, teasing and tracing the edge of Jungkook’s bottom lip. With a little groan, Jungkook returned the favour with little nips before deepening the kiss by sliding his tongue inside his mouth. It elicited a satisfied purr from Seokjin, who knotted his hands in Jungkook’s hair, roughly running his fingers through it and occasionally giving it little tugs that sent a jolt straight to Jungkook’s groin.

Licking into his mouth, Jungkook could still taste all the spices from their dinner on Seokjin’s tongue. He trailed his mouth down his neck, kissing and sucking at the smooth skin that smelled like fresh and clean laundry, his second weakness right after Seokjin.

When Jungkook moved a bit lower and started to nibble at his collarbones, Seokjin squirmed and lightly pushed at his shoulder.

“I need to do the dishes…” Seokjin breathed out, trying his best to control his voice, and he nudged Jungkook again since the younger didn’t budge at all.

Jungkook ignored him as he continued to lap over the mark he had just made, caressing it with his tongue. “I’ll take care of it later.”

“You’ve already made the dinner, so the least thing I could do is wash the dishes.”

“What, like right now?” Jungkook whined but he stopped what he was doing and sat back on his heels since Seokjin for some reason kept wriggling underneath him.

Sighing, Seokjin looked up at the ceiling as if to calm himself down and regain his composure.

“Yeah, when else?”

“Nope, you’re not going anywhere.”

“Jungkook, let me at least put them in the sink,” said Seokjin as he propped himself up on his elbows.

“Nobody is going to do the dishes now. We have more pressing matters at hand,” said Jungkook firmly, leaving no room for discussion, and to emphasize this, he took off his shirt in one swift move.

That immediately shut Seokjin up as his eyes started to trace every line, every dip and every ripple of Jungkook’s body. Seizing his chance, Jungkook took advantage of Seokjin being distracted for a moment, and dove down for another kiss. But this time, there was no prelude or slow build since Jungkook was growing impatient with every passing second.

Without an ounce of hesitation, Seokjin responded with the same amount of hot eager lust, his hands wandering everywhere they could reach. The kisses were getting more wet, sloppy, and desperate, their moaning growing in its intensity. Jungkook enjoyed the feeling of Seokjin’s touches burning against his naked skin, even more the light scratches of his nails. And once Seokjin instinctively spread his legs wider, the excitement in his pants obvious, Jungkook knew that they were both on the same page about their plans for the rest of the night.

“You know, I wasn’t joking about being dead tired,” said Seokjin against his mouth once they finally broke apart, gasping for air.

“That’s fine – just lie there, enjoy yourself and let me do all the work,” Jungkook replied with a grin before he bit down on his neck again, turning his attention to the unblemished parts of skin that only waited to be marked. Meanwhile, his hand sneaked under Seokjin’s loose shirt, running his fingers over his ribs before exploring the smooth defined stomach and-

“Ah, Jungkook, s-stop,” Seokjin hissed in pain, which almost made Jungkook jump up.

“What’s wrong? You okay?” he asked in an alarmed voice, immediately pulling back to check on him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Seokjin said, although he looked anything but fine. Closing his eyes with a defeated groan, he threw his head back against the cushions. “There’s just something I need to tell you.”

“Alright, what’s up?”

“Look, I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was drunk and had no idea what I was doing.”

“Now you’re just making me nervous.” Jungkook couldn’t help the little frown that settled between his brows. “What’s going on?”

Oh my, God, did he hook up with someone? After all, he was handsome, drunk, and pissed off, which was a lethal combination when going out, alluring all the potential one-night stands in the radius.

Did Seokjin cheat on him while he was away?

“What? Jesus Christ, no!”

Jungkook must have said that aloud because Seokjin quickly sat up, reaching out for his hands.

“No, I would never… how could you even think that?”

“So, what is it then? Can’t you just tell me already?”

Seokjin took another deep breath as he lay back down, gingerly lifting the hem of his T-shirt to reveal a red swelling near his waistline which Jungkook had probably touched by accident earlier. The small drawing on his hipbone looked awfully like one of Taehyung’s stupid doodles.

“What happened to-“ Jungkook started worriedly before his eyes widened in realization, threatening to pop out of their sockets. “Fuck, did you get a tattoo?”

Letting his shirt slip back down, Seokjin only managed to nod, whereas Jungkook sprang to his feet and couldn’t seem to stop talking as soon as he put two and two together.

“Moreover, in someone else’s parlour?” he exclaimed, even though he didn’t mean to raise his voice like that. However, he would have been lying if he said he wasn’t irritated – it did kind of hurt his artist’s pride, so there was no point in pretending that he was okay.

“You got your first tattoo, and didn’t ask me to do it? I’ve been begging you to let me draw something for you since day one.”

“I know, and I’m really sorry.” A genuine look of apology crossed Seokjin’s face as he caught Jungkook’s hand in his, tugging at it gently to make him sit down. “But if it’s any comfort to you, it obviously wasn’t planned, and it hurt like hell the next morning. My hangover was nothing compared to it.”

“And where did you even get it?”

“In Holly Gesha, the one down your street. The sketch was Taehyung’s though.”

“What?”

As if sensing another wave of his temper, Seokjin shifted and settled behind him to wrap his arms around him.

“Please, don’t be angry,” he said, then pressed a soft kiss under his ear to placate him.

And honestly, Jungkook was only human.

“I’m not angry,” Jungkook sighed as he found himself sinking against Seokjin’s chest. “At least, not that much. More like disappointed. I kind of hoped that I would be the one to give you your first tattoo. You know, once I would persuade you to get one.”

Jungkook would have never admitted it aloud before but it was a fantasy, a little silly fantasy he had been harbouring since he first met Seokjin.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” Seokjin mumbled into his hair, his one hand playing with Jungkook’s fingers, while the other petted his head with affection just as he liked it.

“Oh, well, nevermind,” Jungkook said with an air of forced indifference.

Since he could see right through all his acts by now, Seokjin brought his hand to his lips and kissed each and every knuckle tenderly.

“I have no intention to keep this monstrosity on my body, if you have wondered. But in the future, I might be more willing to let you have the honour to pick out something little tiny for me.”

Jungkook felt like there was only one way to react to that – so he turned around and pressed his lips against Seokjin’s.

“I will hold you to that,” Jungkook teased as he pulled away, and this time, the smile came out more easily. “Okay, now let me see the work of our competition.”

Seokjin wordlessly lay on his back and Jungkook pushed his shirt up.

“Oh, God,” uttered Jungkook soundlessly.

He hadn’t paid much attention to it the first time, so he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry on Seokjin’s behalf once his eyes landed on the piece of art permanently inked on his skin.

With no doubt, the design definitely belonged to Taehyung, because it was goofy, adorkable and disgustingly sweet. Who else would think that a “Bread Genie” with a dancing genie lamp and a toast would make a good tattoo?

“Please, tell me it’s not infected and that I’m not going to die in the next 24 hours,” Seokjin demanded since Jungkook’s silence was disconcerting him.

“No, it’s fine. It will feel sore for a while, but otherwise you should be alright. Let it breath, put ointment on it regularly, and avoid wearing tight clothes.”

“Oh, the perks of dating a tattoo artist,” Seokjin smirked but there was no real bite to it.

“Honestly, I still can’t believe you got your first tattoo in the Holly Gesha. That’s like the world’s dirtiest shithole that even NASA wouldn’t be able to find elsewhere in space.”

“Yet, you know the tattoo shop.”

“That’s because it’s the world’s dirtiest shithole,” deadpanned Jungkook. “And what the fuck is gesha, anyway?”

“A type of coffee beans,” replied Seokjin casually, rolling his eyes when he saw Jungkook staring at him with his eyebrows raised questioningly. “I’m a barista, I know my stuff okay?”

Jungkook scoffed and slapped him on the stomach.

“Did you get your tattoo in a freaking coffee house or what? I’m actually surprised it didn’t came out worse than this.”

“Look, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t left for a week to go on that summer camp thing,” said Seokjin, his voice sleepy and eyes closing.

“It wasn’t a summer camp but an art tattoo workshop,” retorted Jungkook as he reached over to pinch Seokjin’s clothed nipple, which made the older yelp and shove his leg in Jungkook’s crotch. “And don’t blame me, Yoongi-hyung was the one who told me to go – it’s not like I could say no.”

“That devil is getting back on me for making fun of his spoilt dog by sending my boyfriend to some artsy club.”

“Art tattoo workshop.”

“Potayto, potahto,” said Seokjin with no interest, rolling his eyes. “The thing is that you weren’t here, I got drunk, played a stupid game with Taehyung and Jimin, and somehow ended up with a freaking tattoo.”

“So, it’s my fault now?”

“Technically speaking-“

“Maybe we should stop before we fight,” Jungkook decided to cut him off since the discussion was leading nowhere, at least nowhere he wanted to go.

Resting his back against Seokjin’s thigh and the sofa, Jungkook pulled his other leg into his lap and started to lightly massage it. “Anyway, how did you want to hide it from me? Your hips are like my favorite spot."

"I know, that's why I eventually spilled the beans.”

As if he saw the gates to heaven, Seokjin let out a little moan the moment Jungkook hit the right spot. Encouraged by the response, Jungkook continued to expertly knead the tight muscle to hear more of those beautiful sounds only Seokjin could make.

Once he managed to loosen the stiffness in Seokjin’s calf a bit, Jungkook slipped between his legs again, hovering over Seokjin, because even his will had its limits.

“It’s kinda cute, though,” he admitted with an expression bordering between coyness and mischief as he lowered his head, peppering Seokjin’s face and jaw with languid kisses until his lips slid to the silky skin of his neck, gradually travelling to his clavicle and further down his chest.

“No, it’s horrible,” Seokjin spluttered and his voice hitched as he glanced at Jungkook who just swirled his tongue around his navel. “Jungkook, what are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Rubbing his lips together, Jungkook cocked an eyebrow in amusement as he started to pull down the sweatpants that were already sitting dangerously low on Seokjin’s hips. “Like I said, relax and let me take care of you.”

Seokjin didn’t get a chance to reply, his eyes rolling back in his head when Jungkook finally plunged down to keep his promise.

“… and now I kind of want him to keep it, but he’s determined to get rid of it.”

Slurping up his coke and staring at him with his poker face, Yoongi remained silent, so Jungkook took it as a sign to go on.

“I mean, I was hating it at first, but then we had sex and I don’t think I’ve ever come so quick and hard. Okay, maybe that one time he fucked me into the chair in the studio-“

“Gross, too much information!” Yoongi interrupted, making fake gagging noises as he threw him a disgusted look. “Why are you even telling me this? You know, there are things I don’t want to know about Seokjin-hyung, and this particular door should stay closed forever.”

“But, you’re my mentor-“

“That only applied to your apprenticeship which you completed two years ago.”

“-and my friend. And as my friend, you need to listen to my worries, hyung.”

“I think your tattoo kink doesn’t count,” Yoongi smirked and peered into a paper bag with their takeaway lunch in it. “Unless you pop a boner in the middle of a session with a client.”

As Jungkook opened his mouth, ready to bite back like the cheeky brat he was, the curtain was drawn aside and Namjoon emerged from his tattoo room where he had been working on some sketches to expand the galaxy on his arm.

“Did you clean up after yourself?” Yoongi asked after Namjoon plopped down at the table next to him.

Yawning, Namjoon rubbed at his eyes.

“I will, but let me eat first, hyung. I’m starving.”

“You have an appointment at one.”

“I know, so chill, everything will be spanking clean,” Namjoon reassured him calmly as he reached into the bag for his burrito and unwrapped it, destroying the tin foil unceremoniously. “Anyway, what are you talking about?”

“Apparently, Seokjin has a tattoo now,” said Yoongi with a meaningful look, handing him bunch of napkins because God knew Namjoon would need them.

Namjoon chuckled around a mouthful of his food.

“Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“And our boy here is realizing his fetish for inked skin.”

“Oh, it’s probably not really the tattoo that’s making him all excited, but Seokjin himself.” Namjoon laughed again, only this time pieces of meat, beans and rice flew out of his mouth. “You worship the ground he walks on, so don’t worry, I don’t think it’s the teacup and cookie that are turning you on, Kook.”

“Genie lamp and bread, hyung.”

“Whatever,” said Namjoon, shrugging, before he took another bite. “I mean, Seokjin could have rainbow sprinkles on his dick and you would still get a massive hard on and go down on him without a question.”

Jungkook didn’t feel a bit sorry when the nacho chip he threw at Namjoon hit him right on the forehead.

“Hey, shut it, that’s my boyfriend’s dick you’re talking about.”

But it wasn’t like Namjoon was wrong – Jungkook had enough guts to admit that – because rainbow sprinkles or cute bread tattoos, Jungkook loved Seokjin from head to toe.

And nothing could change that.

[ssoheartbreak]

.

my mum is getting annoyed that I dont want to join in on the streets’ whatsapp quiz and bingo this week, like of course I’m not going to join in on it I’m annoyed as fuck like just yesterday I had to fish out several of my clothes from the fucking bin because she decided they were “done”, she complains all the time that I’m eating her out the house, and a whole load of other shit that you could look through my tags for. Yet she expects me to just be all cool with it now and go back to “normal” like no, that’s not how this works, she’ll yell at me for pointless shit and then the next day or even later that night she’ll be fine and try to act normal and internally I’m just like “yeah no, I’m still annoyed, fuck off and leave me alone, everything isn’t all better just because you cooled off or some shit” 

Nothing ever gets fucking processed in this house, like I haven’t trusted her with my mh ever, and I haven’t trusted her with anything serious since before I was 14, she doesn’t know shit about the stuff I’ve gone through like;

The depression causing me to miss school coupled with the anxiety of returning and having to explain and catch up on work, which turned into her yelling and hitting disciplining me instead of yknow getting me help so that became anger issues when I was 13-14, but then she would stop hitting me when it turned out I could hit back, and yet she didn’t think to get me professional help So she get my uncle a couple houses down to “help” her out but that never worked, so she got my now brother in law to “help” and when it turned out that she took me to his and my sisters house and left me so I would stay there and they would take me to school but I left my shoes in my mums car I decided to walk miles barefooted to go back to my house because that’s so normal and yet she didn’t think to get me professional help

That was when I knew I could never trust her with anything, In my 3rd year of highschool I had 30% attendence. And then I found a coping mechanism in self harm and that rose to 70% in my 4th year, she never knew about it because I would keep my arms hidden all the time and I still do to this day. She just thought I was “behaving” more now. and so she didn’t think to get me professional help.

Then in february 2012 I tried to kill myself, I failed and no one outside of my tumblr knew about it. I couldn’t tell my mum or ask for help because well, I couldn’t trust her and all the yelling and screaming had done nothing to change that over the years.

Ever since then it’s just been self harm for periods of time then stopping and thinking i’m doing better only to get worse and go back to it. My family would make comments on everytime I ate or made food and it got so bad for years that I would “eat my feelings” and I just got fatter and fatter, and now here I am the heaviest I’ve been and I have a fucking eating disorder. But that doesn’t stop my mum from constantly making me feel bad for eating

I got better with my long term girlfriend A, I was happier than normal and depression was less of a constant thing, but my anxiety was still super bad. We got together and it was great, I was in school more, I was happier, I had regular friends. And I had someone/where to escape to when I wanted away from my mum. But my anxiety never lessened and things fell apart and she broke up with me because she thought I was using her as a safety net and didn’t need to try. Now I think she’s dating the dude she kissed at the party we went to just before we broke up, nice. All our friends obviously stuck with her, one was her childhood friend fair, one was my best friend but he was in love with her sucks but understandable, and the others stayed with the group. nice

So now I’m in my 20′s,but in the years before I tried going to college for engineering bc I was pushed into in by my mum, did a year and didn’t wanna continue. So I did a year of computer science, dropped out halfway through but made a connection that became a good friend a couple years later. then I went to electrical engineering which I was forced to do, and I dropped that instantly. A year later, gf breaks up with me, and I’m starting my frist year in accountancy, still depressed, still anxious, still kinda decent weight but now i’m getting fatter and fatter since my teenage motabilism is slowing and I’m becoming an alcoholic to deal, self harm has been on and off, I’ve been threatened with homelessness more times than I can count,

This one is quick, after the split with A I became super alcoholic-y and eventually this girl I used to know from my pokemon days hit me up on twitter we got together for a little over a year, I even spent a month in vegas living with her during the summer, and a few days before new year I broke up with her. There was so much fighting in our relationship and she would emotionally manipulate me, and she’d say things like if we broke up she would never date again and all this other shit.But then my friend got me into playing siege which is how I met my current friend group of 2years now, but early on there was this discord server for all of us who played and met on the game to hang out on, there was a girl I started to like, and I brought a friend into the discord so we could all play together. She and I get super flirty and a couple months go by and we start dating, all is good but about a month goes by and my gf at the time and my current bestfriend plan to roadtrip from texas to arkansas to visit the friend I brought into the server for his birthday for a couple days, fair enough, I can’t visit but I hope they have fun, seems all good until a month later on my birthday a good friend of mine tells me that my gf and the friend I brought into the group fucked while she visited, the other friend knew nothing and was blackout for most of the partying, but it took a month to get to me. So I confront them, she admits it but is more concerned about how I found out. I confront my “friend” and he starts being apologetic until I lay into him for being a shitty friend, then he says that I should’ve expected it since it was long distance, and that he wasn’t the only one she cheated with, so that was a whole fun chapter. oh yeah, I figured she was acting sus when she hung out with guys irl so I developed paranoia for the first time and that shit sucked!!!!

I did 2 years of accountancy and I struggled at the end of the second, depresso and anxiety hit hard and I was missing classes and almost got kicked out, I stayed behind to make up work and finished a few days later than everyone with an A grade. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do a 3rd year, not that I even wanted to I was forced into this, so I tried telling my mum that I was gonna look for work and not do the third year yet, she didn’t like that and threatened to make me homeless or send to down to fucking england to livfe with the dad I text once a year. So I ssigned up to the course and got accepted, I went for a decent amount of time, but then I’d miss days, and it would get hard to catch up, so I missed more, then in december I stopped going and eventually was removed from the course. I pretended I was still going while I would just leave for hours and sit in a car park because I couldn;t take the abuse from her finding out. Eventually she did and it was a shit show, I went on benifits and then the summer I started working as a night porter.

Work was okay for the most part, except when I would set up continental breakfast buffet how the previous manager instructed me but then the morning manager would come in and I would get told off, this happened a few times before I learn to just do it for the person coming in and how they like it. Then I would deal with shitty customers who don’t know I can’t serve them booze or anything, or dealing with drunk customers pissing on the chair in the reception, or dealing with customer who get aggro when I can’t help them. Then I went on a fire safety course that taught me almost nothing about proper procedure and order of events that I should follow. Then one morning a steamy shower set off the fire alarm, I was in the restaurant which is seperate from the lodge and I couldn’t hear the alarm nor did my little buzzer go off even though it should’ve good fucking system huh and the manager evacuated the lodge, I panicked and did what I could to help. Then the GM came downstairs and said that’s why I went on the course so I could know what to do and made me feel like shit. A couple weeks later I quit becasue I couldn’[t handle that responsibility. I had some savings that I was gonna use to visit friends in america so I lived off that, but not before my family all asking me why I quit and as we know I can’t trust them because it’ll get back to my mum and I especially can’t trust her. Then my brother in law tries asking and I can’t tell him bc it will get back to my sister then to my mum, couldn’t tell my boss bc it would go from him to my other sister to my mum.

Then in january my savings are almost done, december 31st and my tooth is aching, I hopped it was rotten so I could get an infection straight to my brain to kill me, but 3 days pass and I’m in so much pain that meds don’t work, I’m over safe doses, I can’t sleep and I get super headaches that I almost pass out from. I cry in pain and eventually tell my mum who after some convincing realises how serious it is, she stays up the night, helping me phone emergency dental places or the NHS to try and get it removed. It was bad but it wasn’t infected and had no chance to kill me that way if any. She gets me a cold press and some ice to help with it and although I couldn’t get a dentist appointment until the morning she helped with it until then. I was finally feeling like this is how a mother should be, her kid crying and writhing in pain and her helping out, and I was starting to feel some trust for her for helping me when I needed her but she couldn’t help herself she had to make a snide comment that it’s because of all the fizzy juice and energy drinks that I drink. Just when I was hopeful she tears it all back. My back right top and bottom teeth get pulled, dentist was a great guy, and life went back to the same shit. I went to my benifits appointment and got signed up, I asked for an advance payment bc my mum was hounding me for money, so now my benifits are a bit lower than they should.

Then she argues with me about being late with payments even though I show her when I get paid and how much. and now we’re here, during this pandemic where the top part of this post was today. This is a good grasp of all the shit I’ve went through, it’s not everything but it’s the big stuff that I remember.......minus the whole ///R/// situation which I will likely never talk about, and now a quote from my mother which sparked me ranting instead of just about today but about my whole life

“All you do is cost me money”

[chxxry]

17062019

(because my friend is better than yours to do such shit)

Hello June and hello an older me, so it is the mid of June and things have been amazing thanks to the people around despite all the work and school.

Let me start of with Ultra which was poor with the set up they have and all the last minute poor organisation and setlist but it is fine. A great time was made with Emily and her girls, I really had a blast with Axwell on the first day then Porter Robinson and Skrillex on the second day. The jam is amazing though I have to admit 2 years ago was the best, the setlist is amazeballs and of cause the venue is outside with rain. Oh, and a fight actually happen on the second day of Ultra, like if only they can take it outside but it is amazing still the 2 days(or i should say night since we only go in at night)

Then the long week of birthday week. Really nice dinner with my friends at Ma Maison and the card with really nice message says alot. I can only smile to it because it is so nice of them to do it even the quote on the card is Harry Potter as well as a quote that I believe will give me strength for it. “Happiness can be found even in the darkness of times,if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Following with a dinner with Vanessa and Qiwen which was a surprise because this particular I receive a text from Vanessa on when will I be available for dinner for the very day. I am more than just happy, it is really sweet of her and Qiwen to do it for me and to remember. Thank you guys alot really. Then guess what, Baby Harvey came out on the very day, which got me to travel to the Hospital to look at him. He is such a cutie by all honesty though I think my nephew Jayden still wins the cute baby award (being a bias aunt). Congratulations to Al and Mel, and rest well Mel. Dinner with my colleagues for someone’s end of internship, WOOHOO. All the best to you Elaine, and enjoy the remaining time before all the real society comes on you. Got myself a last minute call from Cyrus for dinner before heading to meet my parents and their friends which was funny because every time a birthday song comes up they will start singing for me. 

On the very day, when for a pool training which totally poop me out with damn scorching weather and dinner with the family at the cafe which douche works at. Nice cafe and food but due to Fathers’ day it was super crowded. And because it is Fathers’ day, there were alot of family in the cafe that you won’t believe the band actually sang Baby Shark from a request. After dinner, went to catch MIB with Jo’s jio as I spend the last few moments with Chris Hemsworth. Seriously, how is Chris Hemsworth so urgh, like his eyes. ESPECIALLY his eyes, totally get me staring at it like damn gorgeous his eyes are. And Jo presents me my japan loots as well as gift from her personally. Thank you so much, I really really appreciate the effort and time for you to visit the places to get for me even to the cafe despite your own trip. The next day, I went to meet her and the rest for ramen and chilling. It was nice meeting everyone especially Roni who I haven’t seen for ages. Then the cake you see above, was Hatake’s idea. I swear I actually flip my eyes up before laughing and because Kiri’s is just days away from mine, hers wrote “you also old” which was so damn funny. Sometimes having friends like that makes life funnier and better. Oh, and the present from my Frenmily + Kiri + Crisis, thank you guys so damn much for the present, I am going to savour it if that is even the right word to use. The wrapper is the best of all best because Jo actually went to do a powerpoint with all 13 members of SVT + Hidechan + Yuuki which got me laughing hard. I swear no wrapper is going to beat that. Thank you guys so much,oh and a very nice white rose from Himi which I cannot explain how I feel about it since it is the first time I’m getting flowers on special day. Got myself a call from Australia, really thank you brother. as well as a midnight call all the way from the other part of the globe, thank you my friend. You have always been the best of all the best who never fails to make the effort. Not forgetting kiri who wishes me every year on 2359. EVERY YEAR since I know her, 23:59. 

These gestures have been so much for me that I really think blessed is an understatement. I really feel that it is more than I should deserve, but still thank you. (Need not read further if you do not want to deal with my rant, lengthy and nuisance)

_______________________________________________________________

Despite all the happy moments up there, I am still sour, unhappy, unforgiving, not letting things go etc. 

1) I do not know what else have I not done as someone being called a Best Friend. If you have no intention on putting me first do not call me that. You have not given me the best experience to have a best friend that I do not like names for people around me. I just go by friends or acquaintance, which makes life easier and some girlfriends. For so many things since then till now, I kept silence as much as I can and accept every flaw you have but i am sick and tired of it because you take every silent as my way of agreement when it is not and things got over the top. I get that your god damn boyfriend is so damn important but things like keeping your words and promises really don’t apply right. “Do not want me to feel bad that you pick him over me” This words, I do not even know why are you saying them because for the years it has always been like this. And irony is not just me feeling that way because your own friends feel it too but they just decide to keep it shut. I didn’t feel a thing when you tell me “oh shit” because I already EXPECTED and GUESSED it will happen and you won’t be joining me to it. Do you know how sad that feels? For me to even expect this to happen, that people around me are angry for me but I am not because I had in mind it was bound to happen. Then aka suppose to be your Best Friend, you actually only ask her availability so late like she doesn’t have any friends is it? Even so, your stupid bestfriend aka ME still give chance when people ASK FROM THE START OF THE MONTH and push away appointments to in hope for something. Nothing, no messages until the very last minute and when I tell you how pack I am/was, your reply of “guilt tripping” is such a turn off that pisses me off. “Oh wells” “Thought can have dinner before your birthday” So is it my damn fault? You have never think of me first right? Your eyes and mind only have your damn boyfriend and his Friends right? When you have trouble with your boyfriend related issue that you cannot even tell him and them who will you tell and be there. YOU FUCKING TELL ME.  I am honestly very piss now as I type this, but this is the last time I will type them because for the sake of my wellbeing I am going to let it down and calm down and get to the last stage of DONE where I start being silent on EVERY LITTLE THING. Like I keep saying “put me on the no.1 speed dial” when you are about to go into labour (when pregnant) what was your reply. Pointing to the boyfriend’s friend who you have been sticking with and say “he will drive me”. Thank man, you made things even clearer isn’t it. Do not blame me when I do the worst things to you because what you are going through now from ME, is not the worst. I can be the worst person you ever deal with, I can be even more out right bitch about it. Stop your blood excuses and reflect, I know my own damn busy self which you will use it to defend yourself but think the heck about it, have you even think of me first before everyone else. Even your friends don’t even think you put them first, stop asking us just because you have nobody. Pathetic. And your message for my birthday, I do not know what to say because it turns me off. Effort? I don’t know, I think every expectations from you to surprise me didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

2) Sister, youngest. I spoil you, I get it. But have I not keep my mouth silent enough, I am also tired about not being a priority the way you claim it. I am tired but everytime I get it off my mind and slowly I get use to it. The way you text me telling me you are bored everytime puts me off. Am I a spare because nobody is texting or reply you? I don’t know but I always put it off and try my best to keep the sarcasm off which sometimes I just cannot. Like this time too, when I see the message I really didn’t felt anything. All I felt was being turn off because I cannot feel a thing. I didn’t want to reply but I still did, not replying is rude to do so. Maybe is just my fault because from then till now I give to you whatever I can ad maybe is just me being all sour and irritated that you tend to throw me aside when you meet someone new especially guy? Maybe is just me being sour. But honestly, I do not want to be done with you and it sucks because I am tired with all these dramas that are so dumb.

3) I think because I am single, I have friend problems instead. Maybe I should get a guy and I will not have time for any of my friends like they didn’t for me. Honestly. Not sarcasm because it is how I feel. When my colleagues get my a card with heartfelt messages, and i think of the text messages, it really piss me off. When unexpected birthday messages from unexpected friends, and they look and feel the same as how your important friends’ messages are really.... I really do not want to reply any of the messages the two of you send because disappointment and turn off was so great. 

[syruswriteshissoul]

Fuck you.

Fuck you. You know who you are. You chose drugs over me. Your own boyfriend. You lied to me. You said you needed time alone to think. I caught you getting high on acid with your shitty friends. The same friend that almost allowed you to get raped. The only reason why you weren’t is because of me. I saved you. Despite this fact, you chose to put me below your friends and treated me like a floor mat. Walking all over me. I almost lost my new job because of you. I called into work because I wanted to be there for you and I needed some sleep after staying up all night to save you. I was called into my bosses office at the beginning of my shift. He called me in there to warn me that if I miss any more work I will be terminated. Despite all of this happening I offered to help you. You were struggling with depression, I skipped school just to cheer you up. I showed up to your house without telling you because I knew if I told you, you would have left before I got there because you were “done and couldn’t handle people anymore” and wanted to commit suicide. You even thanked me for coming over that day because I made the day better. I offered to help you get through this mental battle. I asked for the rusty iron key to your heart so I can unlock that lock and set you free. You refused my help, instead you choose to abuse Lsd. I even warned you about its health impact for your mental stability. Speaking of health, you are diabetic. Type 1. You have a tattoo saying that on your forearm. You were diagnosed over a decade ago. Even though you have been battling this health condition for years you still neglect to take care of yourself. I went to one of your doctor appointments, and your doctor pointed out that there was a direct correlation between when we started dating and how often you checked your blood sugar level. He thanked me. I’m not sure if you even remember that. Last I heard from you, you were in California. You are with the same people that almost allowed you to get raped. I checked in on you to make sure you were alive. You were but you admitted to hurting yourself like you always have. Since you walked on me I stopped following you on social media. The only time I saw your name is when I would post a Snapchat story and I would check to see who has seen it. You always looked at my story. I even called you out about it… Saying “you loved and cared so much, but now all you do is watch my stories.” I remember you saying that I treated you like a princess and that you felt worshiped. You said I was the best thing to ever happen to you. I believed you. Yeah there was times you became upset with me, but every time it’s because you either wouldn’t talk to me, or you flaked out on me, or you were making a poor choice and I pointed it out to you. Everytime I was forward about my feelings of disappointment you would flip it around on me and make me seem like the bad guy. When ever I tried to help you, you put me down. Right now I am waiting to graduate from Highschool. With decent grade but being acknowledged for being one of the most capable kids in a school were you had to apply and we only have 130 students. I am getting ready to have a full time job as a Network IT admin at a machining company that makes millions of dollars a month. I was happy with everything in my life but my living situation at home. I offered you the same happiness and success. But instead of accepting my open hand, you spat in my face and disregarded me. You threw your life away, your chance to graduate on time next year to go with shitty people to California for some fun. I showed you almost unconditional love, and you treated me like trash. I’m sorry I tried to save you. I wasted so much effort. I love you so much but I have never been so mad at someone in my life. I wish you the best of luck with your life. I can’t help you and I feel bad, but I shouldn’t. I did everything I could in my power. I hope you don’t have to learn the hard way but that is the direction you are headed. It seems like the only person that truly cares for you and wants nothing but the best for you is Me. You don’t even care fore yourself. You are destroying your beautiful body with drugs, and none of those drugs are your insulin that you should be taking. I get that you have fucked up in the past, but that is the past and you can always write a new future. You can change your and your families history. I am doing so with mine. Now I, the asshole in all of this (proclaimed by you) wishes you the best of luck. Have fun. And fuck you.

[mythoughts1-blog1]

You really need to stop with the belittling me and talking to me like i'm small and unimportant to you. You need to actually start talking to me about my life and what goes on in it. Ask me about my uni work, help me with it, ask about my family, ask about what my plans are for next year. Rather than rub it in my face, maybe help me through things I need advice or help with. Instead of leaving me to sort it for myself. You know I'd do my best to help you with anything you need so why can't you do that for me? Why do you hate coming to my house so much? Why am I always the one going to yours? Why can't you once in a while make the effort to come to my house, or be there when I might need you. We had this conversation before Bristol when I wasn't well and I told you that when I'm upset like this and I know you're 5 minutes away it makes things 10x worse and you said you'd improve on that and you're not. You've never attempted to understand how I feel. On a daily basis I feel lonely, helpless, constantly thinking bad things are going to happen and you are beginning to really contribute every day to this. You never let me have a say on when we see each it's always according to your work schedule, you never ask me for my day off and work around me, it's always me working around you and it's tiring me out.

The other day in the car I was stressed. I'm stressed to fuck at the moment. I have a years worth of uni work to do in 2 weeks, and I haven't got a fucking clue where to start with it. I have my dissertation to write which I am struggling with and got no one to help me. I have no where to live in like 2 months when my contract for here runs out and I genuinely have no fucking clue what I'm going to do. I constantly have health problems which ISN'T my fault, I can't control it. My family is becoming homeless practically this month or next month which 1. is worrying and 2. it means i can't even move home if i need to as they won't have room. But you never ask about my problems. You haven't tried to talk to me about stuff and when you do you undermine me or make me feel small or embarrassed about it. I don't feel I can even talk to you anymore. I can't express when I'm stressed because you shout at me and turn rude on me before even asking is everything ok. You know when the whole entire world feels like it's against me and I'm getting absolutely nowhere with no idea what I'm going to do. No idea if I will even graduate.

When I'm walking to work and I see that girl and it makes me feel anxious in the one place that usually doesn't. Everywhere I go I'm surrounded by shit that I'm not strong enough to deal with yet and I'm getting lost in it all.

I wouldn't feel so fucking sad all of the time if you didn't talk to me like I'm lower than you. You judge me and talk to me not very nice and it has a major effect on me. You're late every single time I see you, and i'm getting fed up with it. Like not because you're late its because it is every single time. And it's not like we can see a lot of each other at the moment due to uni work and stuff but every time we are supposed to see each other you're late and never let me know and it isn't fair. I deserve a bit more myles. Even with this phone call today, it might not mean much to you but when I need someone and I'm waiting for an hour because you didn't have the time to say youre running late then it hurts. it isn't fair and it just makes me feel like you don't care about me. A part of the way i feel is anxious which makes me assume the worst is happening. So little things like you being an hour late is 10x worse in my head and by that I assume you don't care.

Today the doctor gave me strong antidepressants to start taking from tomorrow morning. They're going to have a huge effect on me in the next few weeks. She is referring me to psychiatrists and making me get counselling again. I did tell you when I booked this appointment what it was for but it seems you forgot. I did say I was going to talk about the bleeding issue as well which I did and she said it isn't normal that I bleed this badly on the pill and she is monitoring me for 3 months and might refer me to a specialist after that. I am so upset about this today because Ive been trying so hard to get back to myself and i constantly feel on my own. I have no one to talk to about any issue who can help me. The doctor wants me to leave uni and do it again next year so I can focus on myself for a few months with this medication and then start 3rd year again next year. I don't want to have to go to counselling again i've been there and done it before but obviously it all fucked up in november meaning it's set me back like 6 months. I hate myself and feel like a massive let down

I know your reply to this is going to be that I make you sad and I'm fucked up and its not your fault you have uni stuff. that isn't what I am saying. I need someone who I can lean on when I need to and you make me feel bad if i ever need you. you make me feel like i'm in the way, as you said before about putting your life on hold for me.. when have you ever done that. You've never dropped stuff for me before i always have to wait until our scheduled time of seeing each other. How am i supposed to get through this if you continue to beat me down and make me feel worthless. Everytime your late, every time you aren;t there for me when i'm ill, every time you show no interest in my life and issues it all adds up and makes me feel alone even more.