#and everyone learned to take sam very seriously when she says she's about to hurl

[tolltale]

i'm happy that infamous hasn't specified what job your parents do and left it more or less    Ambiguous so far so I can keep being unreasonably attached to the idea of sam being a fisherman's daughter lol

[unwiltingblossom]

15x19 is just....just hilariously bad. It’s a hot mess of garbage and lost potential.

Let’s just say there’s one and only one way to salvage this story, and it’s that the entire story is just another Swan Song, and this haphazard ending was written by Chuck to give the boys a sense of closure and freedom that’s impossible for them to ever have from the moment they realized who Chuck was.

It’s literally that bad. it can only be excused by Chuck being a lazy hack in-universe to pander to Dean and Sam. Rushing the end of Castiel’s arc in like two minutes, with zero emotional payoff unless you’re deeply, deeply invested in Destiel and desperate for any crumb of it. Luci reappearing for five minutes and acting totally out of character before dying basically instantly right in front of Jack to conveniently charge him up, then Chuck killing Michael for literally no reason whatsoever (Michael did exactly what he wrote him to do) right in front of Jack, Chuck deciding just not to kill Jack because...........................................because, and also deciding to beat, but not kill, the Winchesters, and the most anticlimactic defeat of Chuck possible.

What was the point of him combining with Amara? Nothing, there’s no payoff, it’s just a way to write her out. For no reason in particular she vibes with Jack even though Jack betrayed and tried to murder her while Chuck did nothing against her. She has an entire arc about being an inseparable pair with Chuck, brother and sister from the dawn of time that no one else can understand, a bond that even the imprisonment couldn’t break, and then she’s like ‘ah yes, the ally of the person who betrayed and tried to kill me - who tried to do the same - the son of the angel who betrayed me and tried to seal me away, I like this guy and will go be with him and “harmonize” instead of staying with the brother that I love, or protecting him from this.’

What has changed between pre-season 11 (or really pre-season 14) and now? Has their god figure changed tactics at all? Literally no. Not even a little. Every part of Jack’s limp wristed speech just added up to ‘absentee dad who doesn’t come and help people because he doesn’t want to be a helicopter dad’. The current writers just balled up their fists and shook them at the sky angry about  a Chuck who literally just didn’t exist, and hurled insults at him for doing things that their new replacement is also planning on doing.

Dean and Sam aren’t even off the hamster wheel, they’re just now on Jack’s! Which is better, because they’re on the good side of their world’s god--wait, they were that already before season 15, oops. Chuck was literally personally indebted to them! Amara was in love with Dean! Nothing has changed!

But even if that’s the ending they wanted for some demented reason, the execution is awful, possibly the worst! Not only did Chuck and Amara’s abilities and personality become inconsistent with previous seasons, they became inconsistent with a few episodes before.

In the end what was Chuck’s personality?

Whatever you were about to think was wrong unless your answer was “Nothing, he didn’t have a personality, he reacted only as the plot required him to at the time with no rhyme, reason, or internal consistency.”

One moment Chuck is railing at the Winchesters for ‘not obeying’, the next he’s punishing someone for obeying him or saying that the only thing that interests him is how the Winchesters surprise him. One moment he refuses the white flag for literally no reason, the next one he’s demanding they give up. One moment he needs Amara to Great Reset and has completely lost interest in the Winchesters, the next he’s given up on the hard reset and only cares about the Winchesters again. One moment he revives his most rebellious son because he knows that son is obsessively devoted to him, the next he’s killing his most loyal son for reluctantly rebelling (exactly according to a previous plan). One moment he says ‘now Jack dies’ the next he goes out of his way to just not kill Jack for no reason. Does he want a fitting death for the Winchesters or not? He sure doesn’t know the answer to that!

Chuck was not a person, not even an entity. He was a formless, personality-devoid plot object pushed around the map to give the Winchesters something to react to and try to ‘defeat’. Billy was far more the arc villain - even Empty - than Chuck, and her ending was utterly anticlimactic and unsatisfying.

He acted exactly as necessary to get the very specific ending they picked, and nothing more. Every time up until the final conflict whenever he saw Jack he’d immediately kill Jack unless Jack was literally just dying in front of him. Every time he was irritated with someone and wanted them gone through the season, he would wave his hand and they’d vanish to ‘somewhere else’, implied to be very far away. Suddenly this one time, he instead sent Jack a very short distance away, so as to ensure he’d be close enough to absorb Michael’s power when Chuck SMITED him, not killed him in some normal way.

Shall we look at the very specific chain of insane events that had to happen to make this result?

- Chuck erases all of living existence except Michael, the Winchesters, Castiel, and Jack - the last of which he has zero interest in and very much wants dead.

- Chuck, instead of going to the bunker himself because he knows full well there’s literally nothing, nothing, that can kill him with Amara’s power (and also instead of just instantly resetting like he wanted to do with Amara), revives Satan and sends him to the bunker to make a new Death so that she can read Death’s book.

- The combined cleverness of him and the longest lived villain in the series due to his tenacity and cleverness don’t decide to peacefully take the new Death away for ‘security’ and kill her where the Winchesters (and Michael) can’t see, and instead instantly murder her in front of everyone before she can say how the end happens

- Chuck, despite making a point TWO EPISODES AGO about how he’s literally omniscient, and so though he can’t read the book that doesn’t mean it can actually be used against him, suddenly forgets that only Death can read the book. All of the time in the universe and he’s never learned this???? Even the Winchesters knew!

- Chuck evidently infused him with the power to insta-kill Death....somehow, but this power is not on display at any other point, especially not the crucial next moment:

- The most tenacious and sneaky villain on the show then slowly makes his way around the bunker with a fellow archangel who wants to kill him present, then lingers and offers to let a son he hates (and Chuck dislikes) that he believes is currently powerless to come with him. He then is unprepared for the very same trick that Gabriel tried to use on him 10 season before and failed back then with the phrase ‘I taught you all the tricks you know’, and gets immediately ganked by Michael with no fight at all

- Chuck LITERALLY WAS THE ONE TO GIVE THE WINCHESTERS THAT ARCHANGEL BLADE AND WROTE IT SO THAT THEY WERE THE ONES WHO KILLED HIM WITH IT THE LAST TIME. HE COULD NOT HAVE NOT KNOWN THEY HAD IT!!!!

- Dean and Sam then discuss their plan to trick the omniscient Chuck between each other and Jack. Chuck somehow doesn’t know this, even though it was established in the past that the warding doesn’t actually work against Chuck and Amara and he has literally nowhere else to be looking in the multiverse except at them

- Jack absorbs the power of an archangel, making him the third most powerful being in the universe currently, as all other archangels other than Michael are dead and Death is dead, and there is NO OTHER POWER ANYWHERE WHATSOEVER to hide him in, yet is undetected by Michael or Chuckmara

- Chuck appears when they attempt to do some BS to kill him, even though he would know full well that just wouldn’t work, and decides in that one specific moment, even though he doesn’t care one whit about Jack, not to go ahead and just delete Jack since he’s gonna do that in a minute anyway, he also doesn’t send Jack ‘away’ like he has with literally everyone else, nor does he control Jack and turn Jack on the boys. Nope. Just slap him vaguely to the side

- Rather than deal with Michael after the Winchesters, Chuck decides he hates his most loving and loyal son who has never once done anything wrong against him, and sought to do his will even when he was gone, even when Michael was stuck in the cage unjustly. He goes ahead and murders Michael for something he wrote as a trap for the Winchesters and doesn’t even wait to deal with Jack and the Winchesters first to do it

- CHUCK. SHURLEY. UNDERESTIMATED THE WINCHESTERS. THE ONE WHO WROTE THEM TO BE THE WAY THEY ARE. THE ONE WHO WROTE “AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN’T UNDERESTIMATE THE WINCHESTERS?!” FOR CROWLEY TO SAY.

- Chuck didn’t notice Jack absorbing the power of Michael LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, making Jack nearly Chuck’s power by absorbing the two most powerful archangels and literally leaving him THE ONLY FLAME OF POWER IN ALL OF EXISTENCE BESIDES CHUCK. STANDING RIGHT. NEXT. TO. HIM.

- Seriously, the energy of Michael didn’t dissipate, it sucked right into Jack, still in his peripheral vision. Chuck the omniscient!

- Chuck then decides, unlike every other time he faced the Winchesters or anything he wanted dead, no he won’t smite or erase the Winchesters or make them face some poetic fate, he’ll punch them down. But not once and obliterate them, oh no. Over and over so he can “leak god power” that he then doesn’t notice is being drained into Jack

- He literally does not notice a being as powerful or more powerful than him standing behind him. OMNISCIENT CHUCK.

- Rather than take the power back, flee, or do anything with his power or eons of experience (like transfer his consciousness to Jack along with the power), he stands there and immediately is drained

THIS is the path that had to happen, with no deviations, for the Winchesters not to just die.

And on top of that garbage plotline of perfect coincidences we’re expected to believe wasn’t written to happen in-universe, the execution is the saddest and most pathetic wet fart of a finale ever.

There’s been 15 seasons, and conveniently we can compare three different ‘true’ endings in the process. Let’s do that, shall we?

Ending 1 - Swan Song. Build up: 5 seasons

The other endings didn’t get the benefit of five seasons of build up, so we won’t factor in the first 2 or 3 seasons just to be fair, and only count the beginning of the apocalypse arc.

Primary villain: Satan, with the backdrop of demons and the corrupted faction of angels. Their personalities are well defined and compelling. Their behavior makes sense and are consistent, and draw you in to be invested in what happens, especially the eventual heelface turn of Castiel.

Stakes: Humanity, but far more importantly, the supporting cast whom you grew to know and love over the years, even including Castiel.

Over the apocalypse arc, we see the boys struggle against impossible odds and what appears to be fate, raging against the dying of the light because they cannot accept that the future can really hold the end of everything. They despair, they grow, Dean - a staunch atheist - prays to god for the first time ever. Slowly but surely they lose ground, with every attempted victory only resulting in more failure. Ellen and Jo who survived an early season fake out and became beloved characters end up fighting and dying in a long, drawn out sacrifice scene that matters, leaving the people behind shattered. Bobby is crippled. Sam and Dean both give up and almost give in.

In the end, the final confrontation still happens, Castiel finally makes a stand for the sake of humanity and free will and he dies for it. Only the love that Dean and Sam have for each other, the lifetime as brothers and their fierce bond of family, finally saves the day. And it only happens at the cost of sacrificing Sam and Adam’s lives, forcing Dean to live for them.

The final battle takes all episode, it’s dramatic and it’s emotional both good and bad.

Ending 2 - Alpha and Omega. Build up: 3 seasons

The arc with Amara once again was a long build up of the Winchesters constantly trying to make things better and only making things worse, but where Sam was the vessel and thus had the personal connection to the villain in the first arc, Dean was the vessel exploring the darkness and thus had the personal connection to Amara in this arc.

Primary villain - Amara, the bitter and angry sister of Chuck who doesn’t understand human morality but has a personal connection to Dean.

Stakes: Existence itself, but also far more importantly, the supporting cast built up from the last checkpoint.

The crushing hopelessness of fighting a being with ultimate power filled the arc, and Dean’s attempt to reason with Amara failed not because she was insane, but because her understanding of existence was simply different and incompatible. Donatello their prophet has his soul devoured by Amara and Metatron is killed in a diversion, but overall there’s not as much sacrifice because it wouldn’t have done any good anyway. However, it has its Ellen and Jo moment in the form of the hopelessness of the Croatoan episode. The city converted, the Winchesters helpless, Sam infected and slowly turning, while Chuck has given up and plans to die with the world. 

And honestly, that moment when Chuck begins to sing, when the amulet after so many years finally begins to glow and the clouds part, everything isn’t fixed yet but somehow it’s all alright because “Dad is finally here” is such a beautiful moment.

Many before have commented on it, but Chuck’s song and the moment he heals everyone is iconic and beautiful, as is the moment when the play sings ‘Wayward Son’ while Chuck watches in the bleachers with a smile. Things also get desperate, as Chuck nearly dies even after they get everything together as allies - even including the last arc villain - they put together something that will only maybe work so that at the very least, existence can continue.

Once again, the boys and everyone get together to fight the inevitable and impossible simply because they believe humanity deserves to continue to exist, and it’s the love of family - this time between Chuck and Amara, who truly, no matter the eons of rivalry and resentment and bitterness, don’t want to see each other hurt - that puts aside the end. The inevitable fade is prevented because of love and family (and isn’t that the point?) and even Chuck as a father redeems himself, taking the anger from Dean, Sam, and his own son and finally makes peace with them as well.

In the same way Chuck brought back Castiel stronger as a gift, Amara brings back Mary younger as a gift, and just as in season 5, they leave with the promise that Dean and Sam can handle things from here. Chuck even says "The Earth will be fine without me. It’s got you and Sam.” before he leaves.

The final episode isn’t a battle, but the solution takes all episode, and the ending is somewhat bittersweet, though more positive emotional than negative.

‘Ending’ 3 - Inherit the Earth. Build up: one season

They didn’t have much choice about this, because Jensen sprang ‘I quit’ on them, and they evidently didn’t want Jack to be the final villain, so the arc they were in the middle of had to be terminated (and the Michael arc ended at an awkward place so they couldn’t have just ended it at the end of s14 instead)

Still, the season of buildup....just isn’t. Most episodes have nothing to do with the inevitable impending doom, and rather than hopelessness, the Winchesters mostly live in a delusion that despite utterly failing to defeat Amara, somehow they can beat Chuck with less power. This conflict is fueled by sheer rage on both sides, as Dean has up and decided he hates that someone is controlling his life and thinks he gets a say, and is willing to endanger the entire world for his grudge against Chuck - even though this was something resolved back in s11 (the resolution with Satan was also completely undone by these writers instantly but that’s another matter)

Primary villain: Chuck, with an aside of Billie and The Empty - unfortunately this Chuck has no connection to the previous Chuck (or even himself episode to episode), Billie has always been extremely bland and doesn’t really accomplish anything through the season, and the Empty is totally unexplored and wholly exists to say “BE QUIET” and provide fanservice because it’s using Meg’s actress to do so. It has no personality beyond wanting to be left alone and getting vindictive if it’s not. It also can’t impact anything because it’s barred from Earth and nothing significant in the plot happens elsewhere this season.

Stakes: Humanity, and also some side characters you don’t really know or care about

Let’s talk about those, because it’s the biggest failing in the execution of this whole plot and why the ending has no oomph and doesn’t matter even if Chuck had a coherent personality and the ending had made sense.

Bobby is not Our Bobby, and despite bringing him back, the writers utterly failed to explore him or bring him into things, even in this final arc. There’s been no chance to bond with this Bobby. Even his ‘romance’ with Mary was offscreen and he had little more than grunting to say about her death.  We’ve also had our chains thoroughly jerked around by Bobby since season 6. Emotionally we’re dead to Bobby, and the writers seem to have assumed this by token returning him and then shipping him on a bus immediately (or maybe the writers suck, because they do this to Mary most of the time too and there’s no reason for people to be bored of her)

Charlie is not Our Charlie, and we’ve already seen her die (pointlessly). Once again, the writers utterly failed to explore her, even more than Bobby, and no one can point out anything that makes her any different from the original except that she has no connection to the boys. She’s also been shipped off and removed multiple times, so viewers are well acquainted with her being gone. She does nothing in the final plot to make people remember her or be invested.

Does Garth even die on screen??? Have we even seen him since the antiMichael arc? Oh right, he’s in the joke episode where he gives Dean fillings. You know who doesn’t even die on screen? Jody. She also has no role in the season. She doesn’t even appear in reality, only alternate versions of reality! Instead, Donna appears! Just long enough so she can die on screen painlessly in a plot twist about Billie. Presumably Donatello dies, but, y’know, it’s offscreen.

More importantly, none of these people who die are involved in actually helping to fight Chuck. They help the Winchesters a little in their cameos, but they’re not involved in a desperate fight for survival, putting it all on the line even though they know it’s hopeless, because humanity deserves to exist and no matter how impossible, they have to fight.

Three people of importance die or ‘die’.

Amara, who as mentioned is just written out of the show for no conceivable reason

Rowena, is the only person with an impactful sacrifice done to fight Chuck, no matter how hopeless it is. Unfortunately, it’s somewhat rushed, and Sam is over it pretty quick....because Rowena becomes Queen of Hell, completely undermining her death and really just giving the Winchesters an upgrade, because she’s even more reliable than Crowley in there (they proceed to never call on her)

And then there’s Castiel.

His death is rushed and hot garbage, as mentioned. He’s not dying to fight Chuck, or for something he believes in. It’s not a long and emotional or heartbreaking scene. It’s a useless and stupid one that only happens because Dean is an idiot, with the fakest suspense of Billie just open palm smacking on a door for a stupidly extended amount of time, just so they could fulfill an ‘oopsie’ plot hook they’d planned for far in the future with the Empty.

And the worst part? After undermining Castiel being one of the brothers and everything he’s ever done with ‘it’s not that I loved humanity and did what I believed was right, even in the face of adversity and those around me telling me it was wrong, it’s that I loved you and confessing this even though it’s 100% unrequited and we’re surrounded by doom and I know things are hopeless I’m completely happy, at peace, and have forgotten Empty’s promise (oops, forgot about that qualification, didn’t you?)’

After all that, Dean, Sam, and Jack aren’t even really broken up about it. Dean is sad for like five seconds and then they move on back to angry at chuck mode. Jack lost his actual dad, Sam and Dean lost their brother - forever this time - and they’re like ‘eh, we moved on from losing mom again and losing dad again, this is nothing’.

There’s no impact to this sacrifice whatsoever. Especially because in the very next episode we see that if you have Chuck’s power you can just yoink out someone from the Empty, and that very episode they already said that the Empty can’t go where Chuck doesn’t want him. That is to say: Jack can just rescue him now and there’s nothing the Empty can do about it.

And as for the conclusion?

What saves the day? Is it love? Does Amara’s appeal to Chuck as his sister work? Do the Winchesters swallow their pride and go to Chuck to plead with him to see reason and remember his love for his creation? Does the love Michael have for his father reach him? Do the love Dean, Sam, or Jack have for each other matter, overcoming the impossible to choose love, freedom, and family like always?

Nope.

They win because Chuck is angry and hateful and full of hubris, so he makes a billion mistakes in a row, allowing himself to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And is there a lesson about love in the end, something about freedom or family or forgiveness?

Nope.

They leave Chuck groveling as a human (like that’s different from how he’s been for eons, happily so), Jack fixed everything (except Castiel and all the angels and heaven and all the monsters and serial killers and cannibals)  and then gives a speech about how he is everything and is in everything but not Dean and Sam’s car because the only way to be good at his job is to go do the thing Chuck was doing and Dean raged at him about.

And it happens in a few seconds.

Completely anticlimactic. There’s no climax. There’s no build up. There’s no satisfaction or emotional payoff. There’s no closure that makes you say ‘yes, this could be the end and I would be completely satisfied’ except that they didn’t include the last second sequel hooks that were in s5 and 11 because they knew there’d be more seasons.

Also looping back to the logistical side of things again

There is no ‘godforce’, there’s no ‘grace but it’s divine’

Chuck and Amara are power

You can’t just ‘drain’ them of it, you can’t steal their power and leave a husk, because there’s no husk. They’re not inhabiting someone like angels or demons do. They are that power. Why do they have that power? Because they do, Because they are, they have that power in their world.

If you could somehow ‘steal’ the power you’d be stealing the ‘essence’. Just like with Amara moving to Jack, Chuck would move to Jack, and suddenly it wouldn’t be Jack anymore, because a human mind and soul can’t overcome him (see: he writes them)

Also, consider the sheer staggering amount of NERF!!!!!!!

Chuck + Amara, that’s Chuck doubled in power

is now canonically the power of “One human soul + two powerful archangels + a few punches worth of power”. That means by their reckoning, Chuck alone is only a punch or two stronger than Michael. 

think about that compared to what Death said to Castiel with all of purgatory in him.

And this

This is why I say

The only way to correct this episode is to reveal in the end of this next wrap up episode that it was all written by Chuck, for Dean and Sam. The only fix to this is to make it so the bad writing is just typical Chuck being a ham-fisted writer who is ultimately just doing what’s best for humanity and especially his two favorites: giving them closure, someone to let out their rage and hatred on, and true ‘free will’, by once again removing himself from the equation and letting them live their lives without him.

[shirtlesssammy]

8x22: Clip Show

Then:

Cas almost gets hit on by Dean 

Now:

Lost Creek, Colorado

A couple are at a cabin in the woods, and the woman is so happy that her boyfriend finally joined her. He acts like it’s no big deal but we flash back to a memory —specifically of Supernatural season 1, episode 2: Wendigo. He’s Tommy and has some serious PTSD from the terror he experienced that night in the woods.

He thinks he hears a growl and pulls his girlfriend away from the window. He knows that a Wendigo is outside and pulls out a flare to take the unseen monster out. He crumples to the floor and then just explodes right in front of his girlfriend. Eeerp.

At the bunker, the brothers continue to find records that the Men of Letters have kept over the years. Sam’s not doing so well due to all the Trials. He’ll feel better once they finish them.

Cas shows up in the war room, and it appears that Dean and Cas didn’t follow the golden rule of not going to bed angry. Dean doesn’t even acknowledge the angel. Cas is still convalescing. He sits down to talk with Sam a bit about the trials. Dean comes back with food for Sam—well, jerky, beer, and peanut butter cups. 

Cas offers to go with Dean for more food, but still gets the cold shoulder. “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For everything.” Classic DeanCas, lol. (Brb, off to throw myself off a cliff.) Oh wait there’s more, Dean calls out Cas with the whole bolting with the angel tablet and adds, “You didn’t trust me?” 

THESE BOYS ARE NOT IN LOVE:

Cas is contrite but Dean is not accepting his apology. Sam stays out of it all for a bit but interrupts eventually to pull Dean aside to make it clear that Cas is one of the good guys. What’s that saying? Dean’s harder on Cas because he loves him the most? Well, meh, I do like their later seasons of grumpy banter more than the divisiveness of right now.

In any event, the brothers head to a storage room. 

Sam wants to find a case that their records mentioned. He finds the box, and Dean finds a dungeon! Sam’s box contained a movie film.

They set up the movie (They even made popcorn, guys!)

It’s an old black and white film of the Men of Letters. Josie, the woman that Abaddon possessed, is filming the experiment. They have a demon captured in the very dungeon the Winchesters just discovered. They throw holy water on the demon, recite an incantation at it, and then one priest cuts his hand and presses it on the demon. It flares out, apparently gone. The film stops. It was weird (!!!) One of the priests is still alive and Sam thinks it’s a good idea to get the lowdown on what they just watched on the film. Cas wants to go too but Dean won’t hear of it. (Brb, flinging myself off another cliff. DO NOT LIKE.)

Cut to the brothers meeting with the priest. He tells them that the other priest believed that demons could be saved. He thought that they could cure the demon and they could be a normal human soul again. There were other experiments after that one attempt, and then the priest ended up dead a couple months later. Something had torn him apart. Sam tries asking about records but goes into a coughing fit, complete with blood. He heads to the bathroom while Dean continues to talk with the priest. The priest agrees to give them the other priest’s papers.

Meanwhile, Cas is on a mission to make up with Dean. He’s at a Gas ’n Sip and pulling all the essentials to make Dean like him again.

Ways to woo Dean Winchester:

Beef Jerky

Porn

TP

Beer

Protein

AND Smiting the sap who can’t provide the pie

Cas almost smites the poor attendant. Metatron interrupts. They need to talk.

He wants to talk about Heaven. It’s apparently a mess up there without the archangels. Naomi isn’t in charge as much as she’s led Cas believe. Cas blames himself for everything that’s happened in heaven. (URGH, no! —I mean, yeah, but NO). Metatron thinks they can buddy up and save the day! They can sort everything out. First, they need to shut down Heaven. Then he mentioned crepes and flies away.

At the bunker, Sam can’t find Cas. Dean doesn’t care (URGH, no!) They decide to watch the last audio recording before the priest died.

Once again, there’s a demon in chains. This time, the priest injects the demon with purified blood. He continues to do this 8 times. And the demon seems to be cured. 

They decide to try the experiment out on their own decapitated Abaddon.

Meanwhile, Cas flaps over to Metatron’s brunch location, a cute restaurant with an outdoor patio overlooking the water. It’s a perfect place to relax!

Iconic dialogue alert: 

Waitress: Cool coat.

Cas: No, it's actually quite warm.

Waitress: Cute and funny. Okay…

Metatron: I should have picked a better looking vessel.

You’re not here to accidentally flirt with the waitstaff, Castiel! Cas asks for clarification on Metatron’s quest to close the gates of Heaven. Metatron waves it away as just another godly safety switch - you’ve got one for leviathans, demons, and Heaven, of course. Metatron tells Cas that it’s time for a heavenly lock-in to work out all their feelings. And he needs Cas, the warrior, to do it. Cas owns to feeling responsibility for the current state of Heaven but recoils when he hears the first trial. He’ll need to cut out the heart of the cute waitress, the sole nephilim on earth. (Pronounced in this episode as neph-IL-im.) “What’s more important?” Metatron asks. “Her life? Or your family?”

With season 9 under my belt, I watch Dean and Sam sewing Abaddon’s head on with particular horror. Like, you took on the Mark of Cain to defeat her, Dean Bean. Which led to a whole bucket of depression and sad men. Nobody likes buckets of sad men. (JK obviously I love it or what am I even doing here?) What a spectacularly bad idea! Still, it wouldn’t be my beloved show if characters were making smart choices. Abaddon wakes up, cracks her stitched neck, and greets them with “Morning, sunshines.” 

“I can’t wait to tear out those pretty green eyes,” she says, lovingly. The Winchesters smirk, drawing her attention to her handless state. (They chopped off her hands - or maybe just left them detached.)  “I’ll stump you to death,” she says and...that’s the spirit, Abaddon! She knows about the priest and his work curing demons. In fact, she was a special dispatch straight from Hell to make an example of him. The priest led her to Josie and possessing Josie helped her dismantle the entire Men of Letters network. Yeesh. 

The phone rings. It’s Crowley! Abaddon is appalled to learn that Crowley is the King of Hell. Dean and Sam leave the room to talk to Crowley and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BOYS they leave Abaddon alone. 

Outside, the Winchesters chat with Crowley. He directs them to some news stories, “sexts” them an address, and bids them farewell. They discover that Crowley’s been putting out hits on people the Winchesters have saved. 

While Crowley’s giving them the news, Abaddon makes like Thing from the Addams family and puppets her hands out of the loosely closed box on the table.

Her hand crawls into her mouth and pries out the demon trap bullet. It’s freedom time, mofos. 

The Winchesters return to find Abaddon gone. You FOOLS! Sam keeps his eyes on the prize, though. Crowley’s latest address is from their “witches and baked goods” case and is clearly a trap. Time to make a play to catch themselves a different demon. 

Prosperity, Indiana

The power’s out in the target’s apartment (and so are the cupcakes! yum!) Unfortunately, Jennie’s body is also out - sticking out of the oven, that is. “You were a great gal, Jennie Klein,” Dean says and...okay? Great mourning, everyone. 

Crowley calls them up again. He’s killing off everyone they’ve saved (and using the books as a reference guide) until they deliver the demon tablet to him. 

Metatron and Castiel stalk the waitress outside her place of work, Metatron goading Cas to make a choice. Urg. It’s just the bad decisions gang all around. She whirls around to confront them and saves them the trouble of introductions. “I could see your halos.” (I start to hum Beyoncé to avoid thinking about this next part.) Metatron calls her an abomination and she begs to be allowed to just live her life. (She apparently works twelve hours shifts as a waitress, for heaven’s sake. It’s not like she’s exploiting her power.) Cas looks disturbed, apologizing even as he advances on her. She throws him across the grounds like he’s nothing and then advances on Metatron. Castiel kills her from behind. Oof. 

The Winchesters race to the next location, only to discover Sarah - the art dealer Sam flirted heavily with several seasons ago. She’s staying in a seriously adorable hotel room, with actual art on display. Dean greets her like he’s just dropped by for a casual visit. OMG Dean. Sam briefs her on the plan. Devil’s traps at all the exits, shotguns, and an exorcism ready to play on loop. We learn that Sarah’s married with a kid. (Sam gets a peek at what-could-have-been.) Sarah tells him that he’s changed - he’s more confident and grown up. She misses the old haircut. Awww… 

Crowley calls and starts counting down and when he reaches zero, Sarah starts to choke. She collapses. “You son of a bitch!” Dean shouts. “Son of a witch,” Crowley clarifies - his mother taught him a few useful spells. The Winchesters start tearing apart the room to try and find a hex bag. Crowley continues his villain monologue: he’s keeping all things hell-related far away from the Winchesters - no more demons getting close enough for them to kill. 

“I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused – the ONE thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes!”

I mean, when Crowley’s right, he’s right. 

Sarah dies. Ugh. UGH. Crowley gives an ultimatum: they stop their quest to close Hell or people keep dying. In rage, Dean hurls the phone across the room. When it breaks, they finally find the hex bag. (Me: But okay she only stopped breathing a minute ago? Start CCR and call 911!)

Back at the bunker, Sam is Not Okay™ and does not respond well to Dean’s attempts to cheer him up. Sam, who continues to look awful and exhausted, suggests giving in to Crowley. “We’ll kick it in the ass like we always do,” Dean insists. Rousing speech, babe. 

We fade to black, with everyone we love on dark paths of one kind or another.

______________________________

I NEED Quotes:

Well, that was weird with three exclamation points.

I NEED pie.

I can't wait to tear out those pretty green eyes.

First things first – what are you wearing?

You’d better find him toot-bloody-sweet. 

I know this is insane, but insane is kind of what we do.

______________________________

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[unmaskinggod]

Couldn’t Be Better

I have the gift of General Anxiety Disorder with Depression, which was masked for decades by alcohol and antidepressants. And, while I’m not “cured”, I am able to better control my mind when the inevitable “attacks” of anxiety manifest. A significant and frustrating issue for me is that I don’t always know what the triggers will be, so often I’m surprised by a loud knock on my mental door and the rushing in of what seem to be uncontrollable thoughts that are laden with shame, fear, and the feeling of emotional drowning.

So I said all that to say this: ONE of my known triggers is The News. And, appropriately, The News is created and disseminated with the intention of stoking fears which, for me,  turn into anxiety. 

Part of my work on overcoming anxiety is long walks during which I listen to podcasts of spiritual teachers from many backgrounds and faiths (or lack thereof). Today I listened to Sam Harris’ 10% Happier podcast in which he was interviewing Sylvia Boorstein (who is a renowned meditation teacher an absolute treat to listen to). She mentioned the phrase that is the title of this post in a context that was congruent with what I’m about to say, although not exactly on point.

Here’s the point, though. When I hear of something outrageous that some politician has said or done - which are plentiful these days - I would get enraged and then desperate because I have no control over what has been said or done, and boom, anxiety rushes through the door opened by anger and/or desperation. But this phrase has helped me to reframe things a bit.

As I sit at this computer this morning, I am 63 years old. Every decision I have ever made in my life (fueled by how my thinking was formed from infancy) has led me to this moment in which I am typing these words. Even the slightest variation in choices 20 minutes, 20 weeks, or 20 years ago would have altered the arc of my life. And yet, here I am. And I realize, as I sit here thinking which word to pick next, I couldn’t be any better. And neither could the politician who just obviously and brazenly lied on camera (or radio). My entire life has led (and even pointed to) this moment. I am the sum total of all my decisions to this point, as is the politician. That is what Buddhists refer to as Karma (that’s for another post). Every thought and action I am partaking in currently is conditioned by the moment that precedes this one. I can’t be better than I am right now. I CAN be better in the next moment, however, because I have the ability to not let past karma direct my current decisions, again, in this moment.

So the next moment I can be much better. But in the moment that just passed, I can’t be. The last moment is done and is now history and cannot be changed or redeemed (as if that were necessary). I also can’t decide the moment after this one, because it’s not here yet. So I’m left with now - which, if you think about it, is all that really exists. You don’t exist in the past. It’s gone. You don't exist in the future - it’s not here yet. You, me, the lying politician, birds, trees, crocodiles, bacteria, and koalas only have their existence in the PRESENT moment. Anxiety, it turns out, is nothing but thoughts that I’ve pulled from the past and hurled into the future. And, as my anxiety coach has written, anxiety manifests in a two word question: “What If?”

See, we think about ourselves as, well, selves. But are we really? Aren’t we just the current presentation of our past, manifesting itself in the present? And in the next moment, dependent upon this moment, I will not be the same “self” I was. I’m not the same self I was when I started typing this post. I’m not even the same person I was when I started typing this sentence. Nor this word. I’ve aged, millions of cells have died, hair has fallen out, thoughts have been thought, coffee and kombucha have been consumed (molecules which moments ago were in a cup are now part of my body). Air has been breathed (that may or may not contain coronavirus molecules). Energy has been depleted, and each breath I’ve taken is one less breath that I will take before this body dies.

Unfortunately, I rarely slow down long enough to notice any of this. Most of my life is lived unconsciously, meaning that whatever I decide in this moment, more often than not, is simply the “natural” outflow of the conditioning of the previous moment. It’s not an examined choice. I’m being lived, not living. See, here's the thing: I am not required to simply follow my conditioning. In fact, I have learned through practice, that every decision I make has the potential of creating long-term happiness, or long-term suffering. I am completely in charge of that, meaning I am completely in charge of the rest of my life, but that is a responsibility I rarely think about, much less take seriously. I watch my life unfold by looking backwards (at the results) and am appalled, often, at the outcomes, forgetting entirely that the outcomes are only possible because of choices I have made.

And yes, I realize that tragic things happen to people through no fault of their own. I have had my own deep pool of tragedy from which to draw, as has nearly everyone. The devastation, however, isn’t required to be the basis from which I make current decisions. It has formed me, but it only controls me to the extent that I am unconscious of its impact on my decision making in this moment. 

My parents divorced when I was very young, and suddenly my Daddy was no longer part of my life. I don’t mean I saw him less frequently. I never saw him again until I was 36 years old. And in my family, we simply pretended that he had never been there. We didn’t talk about him. We didn’t acknowledge that he used to be there and wasn’t any longer. As a 5 year old boy this was devastating, I now realize. That really poor decision my parents made shaped the rest of my life, my understanding of what it meant to be a boy, man, husband, father, etc. It also affected my concept of God - absent, quiet, not interested - and it affected my friendships and relationships with men and women. And until I realized that, I couldn’t be better than I was before I had that understanding.

Now I do understand (some) of the impact it has made on me, but with decades of inertia and unconsciously living as an “abandoned” child, simply having the knowledge of the impact of divorce and how it was handled doesn’t make living more consciously any easier. If anything, it makes it more difficult because, frankly, it’s easier not to have to factor this new knowledge into my day to day experience. In other words, it was easier to live unconscious of the impact it made on my life. Why? Because with knowledge comes choice. Now I can choose to alter the arc of my life by incorporating this new knowledge into my decision making, which will affect how I treat my wife, kids, work, and most importantly, myself.

So life, in this moment, couldn’t be better. I’m not saying that it’s wonderful. I’m just saying that it couldn’t be any better than it is. It COULD have been better than it was, but that moment has come and gone. The question is, what can I do, consciously, that will make the next moment better, and by extraction, juke the arc of my life toward long-term happiness? 

And that is the question, isn’t it?

[shirtlesssammy]

7x23: Survival of the Fittest

The Road So Far:

I just want to give a GIANT shoutout to everyone in fandom that survived this and stuck around. I know in my heart my interest would plummet without Cas. Season 7 was brutal.

Now:

We find Crowley and Dick Roman sharing a business Scotch and negotiating how they’re going to divvy up Earth once the Leviathan master the human race. Demons get Canada. Leviathan need America though. (“They’re so fat.”)

In return for this generous offer? Crowley must give “Frick and Frack” imposter blood (as part of the cocktail that will kill Dick Roman.) They agree, and because Dick Roman doesn’t “kiss on the mouth” to seal his deals, Crowley unfurls a standard writer that stretches 10 feet. Lol.

Sam and Dean, meanwhile, are on the road trying to locate a righteous bone. Sam suggests contacting Cas again. For the record, I believe when Dean says “Dude, on my car” he’s making an oath that Cas made an appearance naked and covered in bees, not that he showed up naked, covered in bees, on Dean’s car. Either way, Dean was there and Cas was naked. But there were bees.

The boys arrive at a nunnery crypt and find the perfect bone, Sister Mary Constant. “Let’s bone this nun.” Oh Dean, always a way with words.

Crowley and Roman finish their negotiations.

Sam and Dean perform a summoning spell for Crowley. (Ah, was it during Dean and Crowley’s summer of love that they finally got him on speed dial?) Crowley doesn’t show, but Meg does. And she has a friend along with her: Cas.

He’s currently jamming out to some serious emo soft rock in the car. 

(Sidenote: Cas and Jack wave the same way. My heart.)

Dean is showing very, very, very little patience for his dear, damaged friend, but I know he cares so I’ll let his posturing and toxic attitude slide for right now. Cas does have serious questions about monkeys and cosmetics. Indulge the angel, Dean.

Once inside, Cas continues to act and say strange things. In his own broken way, he lets the brothers know that the angel garrison protecting Kevin is gone. Dean, in his usual football coach aggression, scares Cas, who does not want to deal with conflict. (I do love Dean’s line “We’re worried.” His worry manifests itself through anger throughout the series.)

Meg notices the demon summoning spell materials and is about to ditch when Crowley finally makes his appearance.

Crowley is less than pleased to see the angel. Cas dives into a nice, rambling diatribe about insects and honey (and a THOUSAND Cas + bees fics were born.) There is meta out there about this but I just can’t find it right now. Sigh, it was really good. Crowley doesn’t want to torture Cas if he’s not all there, so he hands the boys his blood, or is it? He says it is, but also says not to trust anyone.

He then tells Meg that she can stay with Cas until they handle Dick Roman.

Meanwhile, Bobby in the body of a hotel maid, is well on his way to becoming a vengeful spirit.

Dick Roman makes plans in case Crowley double crosses him. It involves an arm.

We briefly check in with Kevin Tran at SucroCorp Headquarters. His allies aren’t the sharpest blades in the drawer.

The brothers soak the righteous bone in the blood.

Nothing happens so Sam and Dean have no idea if it worked. Cas flaps in (I miss his wings) to present the (I proofread that as “his”. Brb, weeping) brothers with sandwiches. (His monitoring of the ingredients and comforting the pig before slaughtering it? Don’t touch me.) 

And when Dick Roman asked for the arm, he meant a literal frozen arm, wristwatch still intact.

While Kevin awaits his fate, he’s presented with dinner, a Biggerson’s burger. “I’m a vegan.” Not for long, buddy. You’re going to be living off of hot dogs soon enough.  

Kevin escapes with the help of his purloined hairpins and overhears a board meeting fronted by Dick Roman. He's discussing business strategy, including how they're going to divide America up to perfect their plan of industrialized leviathan feeding. This is all delivered in a cheerfully upbeat business-speak manner as they enjoy sushi made from fresh orphan.

When Kevin's heard enough, he heads straight for the exit, but is confronted by Dick's assistant.

Dean and Sam sit in a car and tap into Sucrocorp's security cameras. (They thank Charlie for it and I smile just to hear her name mentioned.) To their dismay, they discover that Sucrocorp is now overrun with Dick Romans, or a bunch of dicks, as the show might phrase it.

In the boardroom, Dick has Polly take off her dress and draws attention to her slight build. (Gross) He injects her with a drug that will be targeted to all skinny Americans. As it takes effect in Polly, she begins to spasm and foam at the mouth. She collapses quickly to the floor.

Sam notices a truck pull up outside of Sucrocorp and recognizes the maid as she gets out of the truck. He sees ectoplasm dripping from her, puts two and two together, and bails on the stakeout so he can go retrieve Bobby. He confronts Bobby in a back alley as the security camera whirls around. Bobby brandishes the knife at Sam, telling him to leave. When Sam refuses, Bobby slams Sam against the side of the car and chokes him. It's only when Bobby sees his reflection in the side of the car that he withdraws, horrified.

Back at the cabin, we learn that the woman Bobby possessed is doing much better. Sam then switches over to talking about the leviathan hunt and reveals the multiple Dicks. Cas looks perturbed by the news. “Hey, Shifty, what's your problem?” Dean asks. DEAN

“Do we need a cat? Doesn't this place feel one species short?” Cas says, deflecting. (Me: But seriously, YES) He refuses to get involved since he destroyed everything.

“Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas. Clean up your mess,” Dean shouts. This causes Cas to flap off and Meg informs Dean that Cas is the only one who can recognize the real fake Dick. They need him.

Later, Sam and Dean spin their wheels trying to figure out how to tackle their Dick problem when Bobby appears. He tells them he's going vengeful now that he's in the Veil, and begs them to burn the flask. Cut to a little while later, standing around a bed of hot coals. It's all feelings and no hugs in this little funeral scene and Dean chucks Bobby's flask into the coals. As the flask burns, a light illuminates Sam's and Dean's face. And then...Bobby is gone.

Jump to later, where Cas is busily playing games when Dean approaches him for help. He's not asking for a soldier. Instead, he just needs a lift to get to his car. They flap into a little storage garage with a covered car. Cas muses on their approaching assault on Sucrocorp. If Sam and Dean die, they're heroes. But if Cas dies he's just doing what he can to fix his own stupidity. Although, he also entertains the possibility that he'll die and get brought back again. “It's a punishment,” he tells Dean about his last three resurrections. OUCH, man.  

Dean delivers his own brand of pep talk in reply. “I'd rather have you, cursed or not. Nut up, alright? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?” He's angry and defensive, but Cas starts to smile anyway. He detects a note of forgiveness in Dean. Cas vows to go with Dean and help out.

It's gray, it's rainy, but that doesn't stop Baby from squealing tires and generally being amazing. The Impala tears into Sucrocorp headquarters to the strains of Born to Be Wild.

Meg emerges, armed with borax and a knife. Dean, Castiel, and Sam are already inside, having slipped in while Meg distracted security outside. They hastily go from room to room checking for Dick Romans.

Outside, demons accost Meg. Crowley is moving in.

Sam rescues Kevin, who convinces him to stick around and blow up Sucrocorp's lab. In the lab, Dick is delicately sampling lethal creamer when Dean and Cas show up and slice up the chief lab tech leviathan. 

Dean pulls out the bone weapon, Dick lunges for Dean, and Cas tosses Dean out of the way and hurls himself at Dick. Dick easily chucks Cas across the room. This gives Dean the perfect opportunity to stab Dick right in the chest, but it seems to have no effect. Dick's still walking and talking and being smarmy. But then Dean opens his jacket and pulls another sharpened bone from a front, inner pocket vast enough to hold and conceal a giant bone (who MAKES these coats and where can I find one?) Cas pulls Dick's head back, baring his throat long enough to allow Dean to stab Dick right through the neck.

Dick Roman snarls angrily and begins to pulse with energy. He cackles before exploding into black goo.

Sam picks up his head to look around the lab moments after the explosion. It's empty of anyone but him and Kevin. While it's spattered with black goo, Dean and Cas are gone.

Enter Crowley, who happily tells Sam that without Dick Roman leading them, the leviathans are easy picking for his demon army. The bone weapon had a kick and dragged Dean and Cas off to Purgatory. Crowley nabs Kevin for his own, then leaves Sam alone in the lab as he silently freaks out.

Dean wakes up in a forest to Cas tersely ordering him to wake up. Cas tells Dean that they're in Purgatory and it's full of monsters and...even worse...leviathans. Dean turns to see red eyes glowing in the woods and tells Cas it's time to go...but Cas has already flapped away, leaving Dean alone. 

Random findings and food for thought:

7x23/13x10 parallels

Dean needs Cas to get Dick

Starry, Starry Quotes:

Here we are, negotiating like proper psychopaths.

Let's bone this nun

Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.

How important is lipstick to you, Dean?

You have no sense of poetry.

Where's the fun in clobbering a ball of wet fur? Text me when Sparkles here retrieves his marbles

Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity.

We should play Twister.

I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time.

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