#and everyone is listing reasons why that makes me a proble.

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Ranting

[denaliwrites]

My Heart's a Stereo

Crowley x GN!Reader

Summary: Crowley fears a lot of things, but losing you is at the top of hios list.

Soundtrack: Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes

Requests: Open!

Warnings: Canon-Typical Heart Proble--wait...

Life had, rather ironically, been a tad bit hectic since the doctors discovered something wrong with your heart. You understood, of course. You were young and otherwise healthy. There was really no reason for there to be a problem, so they were in a rush to find the proper diagnosis and fix you -- well, assuming it could be fixed, anyway.

And your poor boyfriend -- you could tell the situation pained him more than it did you, scared him more than it did you. Not that you weren't pained or scared, because of course you were. He just seemed... more open about it, like he couldn't be bothered to repress it.

Or maybe he wanted to show you that it was okay to be those things.

Even with that thought in mind, you didn't really let it show just how rattled you were over the whole thing. Crowley worried enough for the both of you, he didn't need yours compounding his.

Two months of extensive testing and few conclusive results didn't break you down. A third month of even more tests and several bad results delivered with devastating simplicity in a too-bright office painted in Caribbean sea green and decorated with gold and teal corporate art blotches didn't break you down.

No, what finally broke you down was the first night Crowley shook you awake.

It was a random night sometime in the fourth month -- the doctors were still running batteries of tests, but they'd generally accepted a diagnosis and had moved on to treatment.

Crowley insisted on staying by your side, at all times. In the doctors' offices, at home, at the grocery store, in Aziraphale's bookshop and, most adamantly, in bed.

He'd forbidden doing anything fun in that bed, so you weren't sure why he wanted so badly to be there.

At least, until you were woken one night to him desperately shaking you awake.

You blinked blearily up at him, eyes struggling to focus through the sleep still clawing at your consciousness and the aggressive shaking that was slowly working to chase away the sleep.

"C--Crowley," you whimpered, trying to shrug him off. "What the hell--stop!"

He stopped instantly, eyes widening as if he'd only just realized you were awake.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, stroking your face and chest lovingly -- no... wonderingly. "I'm so sorry. I just --" He made a sound at the back of his throat, but it wasn't like the one he usually made. This one sounded like a choked sob. "I just needed to make sure."

"Make sure? What?"

"That you were... I-I just... the thing is..."

"Crowley, please just tell me."

He hesitated, and you could see the gears behind his eyes turning, contemplating the best course of action. Whether telling you was a good idea or not. At first, you thought maybe he wasn't going to say anything. But then, quietly...

"Your heart stopped."

Oh.

"I had my ear over your heart, so I could listen -- hearing it, it comforts me. Knowing it's still going. I just... that's all I do, all night. Listen to your heart... but it -- it stopped. It stopped and --"

You weren't sure when the first tear fell, but you felt the dam break and you felt the sobs that shook your whole body.

Instantly, Crowley had you in his arms, wrapped up tight in a warm embrace that relaxed you all the way through.

"If you tell me it's okay to be scared," you managed through your sobs, "I swear to God."

He laughed, and it sounded wet, and you realized that he was crying too. "Sick of hearing me say that?"

"I'm sick of everyone saying it."

"Yeah, fair enough." He laughed again, and through the tears, you managed to join him.

The two of you stayed locked in that embrace for what felt like hours and, hell, maybe it was. Eventually, though, you mutually disengaged. While you wiped the tears from your face, Crowley moved to a stand.

"Where are you going?" you asked.

He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss in the center of your forehead. "I am going to go get you a hot chocolate."

You couldn't help the little moan that broke out from the back of your throat. "Okay, that does sound good... I guess you can go."

"Thank you, darling," he said teasingly.

You weren't left alone very long -- after that scare, you were sure Crowley would want to start following you even into the places he'd dared not go before, like the toilet and shower.

And though the moment of being alone was nice, you couldn't help but feel relief when you saw him walk in the door, mug of hot cocoa in hand.

He passed it off to you, then sat next to you on the bed and leaned over to kiss your temple. "I know you're tired of hearing it, but it really is okay to be scared. It's okay to feel anything -- but it... it's not okay to bury it all and pretend you don't feel anything. Those emotions are gonna be there, whether you want them to be or not."

You sighed into your hot cocoa. "I know," you whimpered. "I guess I just... I thought maybe if I pretended nothing was different, it'd go away, and people would stop treating me so delicately like they do now. I just want people to stop acting like I'm made of porcelain suddenly."

He looked so sad -- and you could see in his eyes that he was only just realizing he'd been part of the problem. "I'm sorry," he murmured into your shoulder as he leaned in to kiss it. "I'm so sorry. I should've known. I shouldn't have let my feelings affect how I treated you."

"It's okay," you said with a light shrug. "It's okay for you to feel things too. You're my partner -- this affects you too."

He kissed your shoulder again, then pulled you into an awkward side embrace. You didn't mind, though -- you wanted nothing more than to be close to him.

He bent weirdly so that he could rest his cheek over your chest, ear pressed to the spot just over your heart. You let your head fall -- gently -- over his throat, keeping him locked in that contorted position. He didn't seem to mind, more than content to listen to the beating of your heart until long after you'd finished your hot cocoa, and fallen asleep nestled into his neck.

[stargazer-sims]

TLC (3)

previous

Nikolai: Look, Sasha, who's that? Is it Grandma?

Alexander: *squeals*

Elena: You used to make that same noise whenever your Grandpa came home from work, Kolya. You always got excited to see him.

Nikolai: I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed or amused by that

Elena: Amused. It's much better for your mental health.

Alexander: *happy noises*

Elena: Come here, Sasha. Let Grandma give you a cuddle.

Nikolai: Thanks for agreeing to take him.

Elena: I should be thanking you. I get to close the shop tomorrow and spend the entire day with my grandbaby.

Nikolai: You're going to close the shop? Where are Deb and Rose?

Elena: Debbie is on holiday with her husband, and Rose had dental surgery yesterday, so she's taking a few days off. I do give my employees personal time, you know.

Nikolai: I never assumed you didn't. This is going to inconvenience your customers though, isn't it?

Elena: Any more than you staying home tomorrow is going to inconvenience everyone at the rink? They'll survive a little inconvenience.

Nikolai: Okay, point made.

Elena: Silly Daddy, worrying about inconveniencing people. Everyone knows the world revolves around you, don't they, Sasha?

Nikolai: I'm pretty sure he does think that, actually.

Elena: As he should. Have you packed his bag yet?

Nikolai: No, not yet. I kinda had my hands full with Mishka, and I was busy making Sasha's formula for you. Oh, he should eat before he goes, speaking of that. When I got home, he and Mishka were both passed out on the couch, so I have no idea when Mishka last fed him. He's probably starving.

Elena: I'll feed him.

Nikolai: Thanks. Would you mind packing his bag too?

Elena: Of course.

Nikolai: Mishka made you a list, although you probably don't need it.

Elena: I'll look at it, since he went to the trouble of making it. Then you can tell him I checked off everything on it.

Nikolai: Thank you. He'll appreciate that. He's really worried about being away from Sasha for the night.

Elena: That's not surprising. I was beside myself the first time I left you and your sister overnight. Grandpa took good care of you, but that didn't stop me from wanting to burst into tears every time I thought about how much you might be missing me.

Nikolai: So, it's normal? Mishka isn't overreacting because of his anxiety?

Elena: Well, I can't say if he's overreacting or not since I haven't seen him, but if you're asking if it's scary to leave your baby with your in-laws overnight for the first time, then the answer is yes. No matter how much you love and trust them, they're not your parents and there's bound to be a tiny bit of doubt.

Nikolai: I never thought of it like that. I guess that explains why I'm not as worried as him.

Elena: That, and you've always been fairly unflappable. It must be hard for little Mishka, not having his own mother here.

Nikolai: I think so. He talks to her almost every day, but it's not the same as being close by. She's coming to see us before the end of the summer though, and I think Vika is coming with her too, so that'll be good for him.

Elena: And for this little one as well. Your babushka is going to travel a very long way to meet you, Sasha, and I know she's going to fall in love with you.

Nikolai: I hope she does. I got the impression she's really coming for Mishka, not for Sasha or me. She's not a huge fan of mine, and neither her nor Dr. Vasiliev are particularly thrilled by the whole science baby situation.

Elena: Dr. Vasiliev? You don't call your father-in-law by his name?

Nikolai: You met him at our wedding. Would you call him Ivan?

Elena: You're asking the wrong person. You know I would, if for no other reason than to knock some of the pride out of him.

Nikolai: I don't think I'm as brave as you. The man intimidates me.

Elena: Don't let him do that. He may not like you, but he doesn't have the right to intrude on your happiness, or to impose his opinions on your family. If he's not pleased with Mishka's choices, that's entirely his problem. You and Mishka are grown men, and you don't need anyone's permission or approval to create the life you want for yourselves.

Nikolai: I... yeah. I'm not going to tell him that.

Elena: If I ever see him in person again, I might. If we can embrace little Mishka and welcome him as part of our family, the least your father-in-law can do for you is have the courtesy to respect you.

Nikolai: Remind me never to get on your bad side.

Elena: Don't worry. I can't even imagine what you'd have to do for that to happen.

Nikolai: I know I don't say this enough, but I'm really glad you're my mother.

Elena:That goes both ways, and it goes for Mishka too. I'm honestly glad to call him my bonus child, and I'm especially glad we have this little man. Your father and I don't even care about that science lab business. As far as we're concerned, Sasha is perfect. How you and Mishka had him doesn't change anything.

Nikolai: That means a lot.

Elena: It's the truth.

Elena: There we go, little man. You're all done with your late dinner. Can you burp?

Nikolai: You should probably have a towel or something. He spits up a lot.

Elena: Grandma doesn't mind a little spit. That's what the washing machine is for.

Nikolai: You think Grandma can teach Daddy how to have a stronger stomach? The first time he spit up on me, let's just say he wasn't the only one doing it.

Elena: *laughing* You didn't tell me that before.

Nikolai: It was a little embarrassing to admit. Mishka's like you, though. It doesn't seem to bother him, and he doesn't use a towel on his shoulder either.

Elena: It gets easier, I promise. Here, why don't you wash his face, and then maybe you can hang out with your father for a bit while I pack his bag.

Nikolai: Okay.

Mike: You were in there for a long time.

Nikolai: Sorry about that. Sasha had to eat, and Mama wanted to feed him, so I just stayed in there to talk. You could've came in too, if you wanted to.

Mike: It's fine. The cats were keeping me entertained.

Nikolai: They're not very good conversationalists.

Mike: Neither am I, so it worked out.

Nikolai: You shouldn't underestimate yourself. Being shy doesn't mean you have nothing to talk about.

Mike: Have I ever told you how much like your grandfather you are? That sounds like something he'd tell me.

Nikolai: Being told I'm like Grandpa is a compliment.

Mike: That's how I meant it. What's your mother still doing in Sasha's room, by the way? I thought you'd both be done in there.

Nikolai: She's putting some stuff together for him. I didn't have a chance to do it before you guys got here. Mishka needed me, and I was kind of frazzled trying to figure out how to do all the things by myself.

Mike: I guess it's a good thing that we're running off with the grandbaby, then.

Nikolai: As long as you bring him back.

Mike: You know your mother. She'd keep him forever if she thought she could get away with it.

Nikolai: She could, but then she'd have to keep Mishka too. It took some convincing for him to let you take Sasha for the night. If you don't bring him back tomorrow afternoon, I wouldn't put it past Mishka to come looking for him, sick or not.

Mike: We'll bring him back. If Mishka isn't feeling better by tomorrow evening, maybe your mother can stay here with you for a couple of days instead.

Nikolai: Could you manage by yourself? Like, with meals and everything?

Mike: Probably not, but you have a kitchen. I'd just come here to eat.

Nikolai: Why don't you just come and stay as well? That'd make more sense.

Mike: Well, if you insist...

Nikolai: *laughing*

Alexander: *giggling*

Mike: Did he just laugh too?

Nikolai: Yeah, he's been doing that for about a week now. He does it when he sees somebody he likes. Mishka, me, Beth-Anne... He goes wild when he sees Beth-Anne.

Elena: *from the doorway* Look what Grandma has, Sasha! It's your overnight bag.

Alexander: *excited squeaking*

Mike: I guess the sleepover is already off to a good start.

Nikolai: Sasha, you be good for Grandma and Grandpa, okay? Don't give them too much trouble. Papa and I will see you tomorrow.

Mike: Don't worry. We'll look after him, and I'm sure he won't give us any problems.

Nikolai: I know you'll take good care of him. We're going to miss him, that's all.

Elena: We'll call you in the morning so you can say hello. And you tell Mishka not to worry. He can FaceTime me as much as he wants.

Nikolai: I'll suggest he tries to keep the FaceTime calls to a reasonable amount.

Elena: What did I just say, Nikolai? As often as he wants. I don't want him to feel like he can't check in. That's not going to help him learn to trust us, is it? Better for him to call me twenty times to assure himself I'm taking care of his baby as well as he could than to give him a reason to think we don't want him to know what we're up to.

Nikolai: I guess you're right.

Elena: Of course I'm right. Eventually, Mishka won't be so upset about being away from Sasha, but you have to let him work up to that point. You shouldn’t rush him into anything.

Mike: Like all those kids you teach. You wouldn’t rush them.

Nikolai: Mishka isn’t a kid.

Elena: No, but all of this is new to him.

Nikolai: It’s new to me too.

Elena: It is, but he’s not as resilient as you. I think you imagine risks are like speed bumps. For him, I’d say he sees them more like mountains, and you’re going to need to let him climb at his own pace.

[hugheshugs]

when he falls for the sun | q. hughes

part one of the milkshakes au

part two

prompt list

join my taglist !!

summary: a cold hearted quinn cant help himself from melting at the thought of loving you.

pairing: grumpy!quinn x sunshine!reader // bad boy!quinn x good girl!reader // mean!quinn x sensitive!reader // dom/sub dynamics (??? SO MANY POSSIBILITIES)

word count: 1.9k

note: i love these two sm and i hope u give this au a chance <3

taglist: @heatabovejakey @boeswhore @idfan21 @thescooby-gang @calemakarjuice @tanninetanya @huggycelia @rainysuitcaseprunegiant @1-800-iluvhockey @owennpower @drei-mrssvechii

you're the sweetest girl around. anyone would be a fool to say you aren't the purest soul they've ever met. you do no wrong, have not a single bad bone in your body and never cause any harm. everyone loves you. you meet the odd rude person here and there but all in all, you're the people's angel.

you're also a goody two-shoes. you never sneak out, have never had a boyfriend or gone to a houseparty, nothing of the sort. you planned to keep it that way until you met a certain someone.

--

you were with your friend mabel, who dragged you to a boy's house for some odd reason. well, if you were being honest with yourself, it was only odd for you. you never hung out with boys unless they were your school friends but even then, you never met them off campus.

mabel was an extrovert. she was friends with almost everyone in town so it was no surprise she forced you to come to some random person's house under the guise of hanging out with her.

"why are we, um, why are we here? not to be m-mean, i'm just a little confused," you asked as you both stood on the house's doorstep.

"my friend jack lives here. i told him i'd hang out with him today but i had plans with you so i just thought of bringing you here," she explained, making you furrow your eyebrows.

"you could've just cancelled our plans," you almost frowned. "i would have understood."

"yeah, but you need to start hanging around boys. at this rate, you won't get married until you're 60 years old," she said after knocking on the door and you let out a small gasp.

"that's mean and absolutely not true," you crossed your arms.

"oh please, you know i'm right. jack has two brothers, a younger one and an older one. pick your pick and let the fun begin."

you opened your mouth to reply but stopped midway as the door opened. you were greeted by the most beautiful pair of eyes you'd ever seen and you instantly felt yourself melt the moment he spoke.

"what the fuck do you want?"

--

ever since that moment nearly three weeks ago, you crave to see him again. sure he wasn't.. the nicest, per se, but there's something about him that you can't just forget.

the way he literally scowled at you when mabel and jack were in conversation (it made you want to cry) to the way he was awfully kind to his mom when she asked him to help her in the kitchen. he's the last person you thought you'd go for. he's a mean, grumpy person who makes you feel upset and happy at the same time, and for some reason you love it more than anything.

and his voice, god his voice. you starve to hear it again, which is why you asked mabel to help you out. she told you there's a small party a couple of your mutual friends are going to tonight and there's a chance he'll be in attendance, so now you stand in front of your mirror, dressed in one of your favourite casual dresses, hoping to catch his eye.

well, maybe more than just his eye would be nice.

she also told you there's a high chance he doesn't like you because he hates everyone, but you chose to ignore that part.

a honk outside snaps you out of your thoughts and you smile, feeling nervous but excited at the thought of seeing him again. you grab your handbag and run out to the driveway, mabel waiting impatiently in her car.

"are you ready to see your man?" she asks as you hop in.

"he is not my man," you blush, rolling your eyes happily. "thank you for coming with me."

"no problem, i wanna see my girl get laid."

"mabel! that's not happening at all, especially not tonight. i just wanna.. see him."

"so you're gonna drool over him all night and not make a move?"

"exactly."

"loser."

she gets to the party pretty quick, perhaps due to her fast driving that nearly made you nauseous. boy, was she in a rush. you utter a small 'thank you' before hopping out as fast as you can and running to the front door excitedly.

you bounce on your heels as you wait for her to catch up and when she does, she knocks on the door and walks into the unlocked house as if she owns the place.

"that's allowed?" you ask quietly from behind, practically smushing yourself into her out of fear.

"clearly you've never been to a party before," she replies, walking into the kitchen to greet a couple people. her comment brings a pout to your face and you don't realize you're being introduced until a hand waves in front of your face.

"helloooo, earth to y/n?"

you blink and snap your head toward the people in front of you. "hi.. h-hi, i'm y/n."

you give a shy wave and unconsciously shuffle a bit towards mabel. they smile, almost coo at how sweet you are. after introductions, the two of you make your way to the backyard where apparently most of the other people are.

that's when you see him.

there he stands, beside his friends, dressed amazingly and being so effortlessly perfect in your eyes.

your mouth parts as mabel pulls you towards the group but you continue staring at quinn, unable to take your eyes off him.

"hey guys! this is my friend y/n. quinn, you remember her, right?"

you furrow your eyebrows at her question, wondering why she would ask that. why would he remember you? you don't think you're a very memorable person.

he simply stares at you, eyes flickering down to your dress before looking back up. he bites the inside of his cheek and gives a small, barely noticeable nod. your heart drops at the action but you somehow manage to send a shaky grin his way.

the rest of the party goes by painfully slow. you haven't talked to quinn this whole time, never finding yourself in his company to have a conversation and you definitely aren't going to approach him first, especially not by yourself.

unbeknownst to you, quinn can literally feel your eyes burning into the back of his head. it does irk him a bit but he doesn't mind because it's you. he could smirk at the hold he has on you. if it were anyone else, he'd probably have them six feet under.

as much as he wants to approach you, he knows now's not the time — not in front of everyone. he stays in his place, talking to his friends as both your hearts gnaw at the skin of your chests.

"trevor's gonna walk up to her before you do," quinn's friend, josh, nudges him.

his head snaps towards trevor, eyes narrowing as he sees the boy looking in your direction.

"he knows about her. he won't," quinn trusts, remembering the moments after you and mabel left his house that day.

he had instantly grabbed his phone and told almost every guy he knows not to make a move on you. was it selfish? sure, but he doesn't care. they wouldn't do him wrong by making a move on you, considering how threatening he sounded. you may not be his but everyone knows he's yours.

"god, quinn. she's a fucking beauty," trevor comments as he walks over, receiving a glare in response.

"she's just sitting," quinn states a bit coldly, crossing his arms.

"yeah but damn, look at her. when you said she was pretty i didn't think you meant pretty and hot."

"shut up and stop licking your fucking lips before i cut your goddamn tongue off," quinn threatened, not even trying to hide the scowl on his face.

one thing to note is that quinn has never been the jealous type. he's always very confident in himself and puts his full trust in everyone. he never second guesses his relationships but now, after seeing the way his friend is looking at you, heat rises in his chest and his position feels threatened — whatever position he currently has in your life, however meaningless it may be.

his jaw clenches and he frustratedly decides to make his way over to you. his body turns aggressively and he bumps into something, a light shriek emitting from whatever it is — rather, who it is. his hands rush to your falling frame, holding your waist and both your hearts leap as you now find yourself able to balance on your feet.

"m-m'sorry, i shouldn't have been.. um, been standing here," you apologized in a small voice, refusing to look up at him as you stare at your feet.

shit, quinn thinks to himself. how did i bump into her.

"no, we all noticed you, he's the only one that didn't so it's his fault. hi, i'm trevor."

quinn uses every bone in his body to resist the urge to grab your hand as it reaches over to shake trevor's. you finally look up and he sees a small blush covering your features.

he lets out a low breath, jaw ticking. anger bubbles in the pit of his stomach at the thought of trevor making your cheeks flush instead of him. little does he know, you're still recovering from bumping into him.

"nice— nice to meet you trevor. i'm y/n, i l-like your shoes."

"i'm josh."

"hi, josh.. i like your— i like your shirt," you compliment. "and quinn, um, i like your.. hair."

quinn simply blinks and his two friends giggle behind you as you turn to face him. he normally wouldn't say anything, him being the quiet person he is, but he doesn't want to make you feel bad. the thought of him already turning soft for you makes him feel sick.

"i like you."

he doesn't know why he said it, especially in front of his friends — he wanted to assert his dominance in front of them so they know to stay away from you — but he's glad he did when a grin appears on your face.

"you like me? like.. like like me or just like?"

he shrugs but doesn't let his gaze stray away from you. you feel intimidated when he crosses his arms, especially after his lack of response. even so, your curiosity gets the best of you, your sensitivity shying away without hesitation.

"i like you as in i wanna go get a milkshake with you. right now."

quinn lets out a small sigh, eyebrows furrowing slightly at your admitting request. he doesn't quite understand what you mean, nothing other than you wanting a milkshake processing in his brain.

a pout forms on your face and you rock on your heels, grabbing his hand with both of yours and tugging it.

his heart races at the sight, those lips doing nothing to ease the thoughts he's had about you. the sight of you begging for him, letting out a small whine — even though not suggestively — makes him feel things, things he's never felt before. surprisingly, he isn't too fearful.

"c'mon, let's go get milkshakes!"

he rests a hand on your hip and pulls you to him, your heart skipping a beat when your head lightly hits his chest.

"you trust me enough to hangout with me alone?" he whispers lowly, his voice only coming through to you.

"you.. you haven't given me a reason not to."

and with that, with the chilly air nipping at your cheeks and with your noses turning red at the frost, milkshakes are the only thought flooding your love stricken minds.

--

part two

[jumazo]

19 Things to Start Doing for Yourself in the New Year.

By Maria Stenvinkel

“And suddenly you know… it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.” ~Meister Eckhart

Did you know that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail?

That’s pretty crazy. Maybe you’re part of that statistic. Feeling eager, excited, and ready for change only to fall back into old patterns after a few weeks.

This was me, year after year—striving for change but not managing to pull it through, but not last year.

A few days ago I found a letter I had written to myself on New Year’s Eve in 2016, describing how I wanted 2017 to unfold. I described what I wanted to accomplish for my business, the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, and most importantly, how I wanted to feel through it all.

To my surprise, I noticed how much I actually had accomplished. Even though my letter was very ambitious (oops, went down that road again…), I noticed how my vision, focus, and intentions had placed me in the right direction throughout the year.

In previous years, my focus had been on achieving things such as exercising three times per week, eating only healthy food, and quitting bad habits. You know, concrete results. This time, however, my focus was on working toward my vision of the future I desire while growing and enjoying myself in the process.

In simple terms: making sure I was happy while working toward a compelling future. So, whenever I put down a goal, I also made sure to define how I wanted it to feel.

For example, instead of deciding “I’m going to exercise three times per week” I wrote “I’m gonna love my body and take really good care of it by practicing yoga, dancing, or doing other activities I feel drawn to do.”

To help stir your imagination for the New Year—so that you’re not pushed by pressure, but instead pulled by pleasure—I’ve listed nineteen things you could start doing.

1. Start focusing on what you already have.

It’s easy to focus on scarcity. To turn your focus toward what you currently don’t have in your life. In this social media-dominated, hyper-commercial, and filtered society, a state of lack can often get the best of us. But, as Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Abundance isn’t something you acquire. It’s something you tune into. So, start noticing, focusing on, and truly appreciating what’s currently in your life. This year, I’m going to focus on the people I love, the fact that I’m healthy, and knowing that I’m in charge of where I steer my life.

2. Start using your imagination for creating.

Imagination is a powerful thing. It can either show you the most catastrophic scenario or allow you to play, explore, and create in your mind. Your imagination can either be your greatest tool in turning your dreams into reality or your greatest roadblock.

Use it to create, not destroy. Use it to stir faith, not doubt. Use it to become a force for good, both for yourself and those around you. For example, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong if you start your own business, imagine how fulfilled you’ll feel and all the people you could help.

3. Start living in the now.

Often, we live in past or future tense. Often, we’re so caught up in what took place or what might happen that we lose sight of what is happening. Start living where life actually takes place: here and now.

Use your senses to become present: feeling, hearing, seeing, tasting, and touching. Say yes to what you’re doing, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

When you’re washing the dishes, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re transporting yourself, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re speaking to someone, make that the most important thing in your life.

4. Start ignoring what others are doing.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. To look at others and either judge, blame, or feel sorry for ourselves. But, we don’t grow green grass by focusing on our neighbor’s garden; we do it by nurturing our own.

Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone’s greatest moment. Instead, choose to honor your life by creating, investing in, and caring for it. Simply, keep your eyes on your lane.

5. Start being really honest with yourself.

The only way to change something is to first acknowledge what is. To look at the situation exactly as it is but not worse than it is. To look your fears, limitations, and blockages right in the eye.

What’s working and what isn’t? What do you want to do that scares the crap out of you? Give yourself credit for what’s working and then look at how you can change what isn’t. As they say, the truth will set you free. But first, it might hurt or piss you off.

6. Start putting better labels on things.

What glasses are you wearing? The optimistic, fearful, or I-cannot-do-this pair? How we experience life depends on how we choose to look at things. Losing a job can either mean a problem or a great opportunity. A breakup can either mean the end or the beginning of something new.

Label things in a way that empowers you. Turn a traumatic event into a blessing in disguise, a difficult situation into a challenge, and an ending into a new beginning. Be the author of your experiences.

7. Start telling empowering stories.

Building on the previous point, notice what stories are currently running through your life. Maybe it’s about your parents, financial situation, or health condition. The stories we tell define us. Empowering stories create empowering situations.

One story I used to tell myself was that “I wasn’t ready” to do things in my business, to launch products or workshops. Once I changed the story to “I’ll do the best I can and learn along the way,” taking action and expanding my comfort zone felt doable.

Look at one area of your life you’d like to change. What is the story you tell yourself about this area? How can you tell a better, more empowering story?

8. Start focusing on something greater than you.

In life, we either show up for what we do, how we do it, or why we do it. Having the last one (“the why”) defined is what brings purpose and meaning. What’s your mission, change you want to see, or reason for pursuing something?

Participating in something greater than yourself and being clear on why you’re doing it adds purpose. And if you don’t know what that something greater is yet, make it your mission to find out.

9. Start acting like you care about yourself.

Do you truly care about yourself? Do you act, speak, and treat yourself like the lovable and loving person you are? Because, here’s the thing: we cannot give what we don’t have. Just like we need to put our own oxygen mask on first when flying, we need to tend to ourselves first before we can tend to others.

Know that putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Look at your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. What do you need more or less of to feel good? Then, make it a priority to care for yourself (so that you also can give from a genuine place).

10. Start trusting that others are doing the best they can.

Trust that everyone is doing the best they can based on their experience, beliefs, and state. The person who cut you off in traffic might be in a rush to get home to a sick loved one. The person who didn’t deliver his project on time might be experiencing heartbreak. The person who was rude to you in the queue might be having a really bad day.

You never know what someone else is going through. So, instead of making assumptions, trust that they’re doing the best they can. Lead from a place of compassion, not judgment, and you’ll spare yourself (and others) unnecessary pain, anger, and frustration.

11. Start asking better questions.

Questions such as: “What can go wrong?” or “What if I screw up?” simply don’t have a positive answer. Your mind will go looking for whatever answer you ask for, so start asking wisely. Sure, you can ask them to get clear on the worst-case scenario, but then make sure to shift focus.

As Tony Robbins said, “Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Instead, try asking questions such as “How can I make this a success?” and “How can I find the best solution to this situation?”

12. Start caring about things that actually matter.

If you care too much about things such as judgment and criticism, you’ll mostly keep yourself stuck and paralyzed—unless you find things to care more about.

13. Start trusting yourself wholeheartedly.

Just like any other relationships, the one with yourself needs to be fueled, nurtured, and taken care of. When you feel curious, intrigued, or excited about something, trust that it’s happening for a reason. When you get red flags about a person or situation, trust that it’s also happening for a reason.

Start acting like you trust yourself fully. Behave like you’re in full connection with your inner self and always guided. The more you act like you trust and believe in yourself, the more that will actualize for you.

14. Start celebrating your obstacles.

“Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.” The first time I heard this Zen Proverb, I didn’t get it. How could obstacles be the path? This idea of obstacles not standing in the way but actually being the way sounded like alien language to me.

But, here’s what I discovered: Desires are powerful. Life is always guiding us toward what we want, but in that process, blockages and fears will be surfaced so that they can be seen and/or healed. So, when you’re dealing with an obstacle like fear, don’t avoid it. Instead, push yourself to work through it. Every obstacle you face brings you one step closer to your dreams.

15. Start gaining perspective on your problems.

I once heard someone say, “The problem with problems is that we think we’re not supposed to have any.” Problems might not always feel great, but they propel us forward. They shed light on what isn’t working so that we can find, explore, and investigate better solutions.

In moments of struggle, remind yourself that all over this planet, people are fighting for their survival. Acknowledge your problems but then shift toward finding a solution. What do you need to progress? Where and from whom can you gain clarity, confidence, and support to move forward?

16. Start embracing your vulnerability.

Vulnerability is scary. Yet, it’s the gateway to growth, change, and connection. It’s the last thing we want to show in ourselves, but the first thing we look for in others. We cannot shut out pain, shame, and disappointment without also blocking love, growth, and connection.

So, have the courage allow your deepest and most fragile parts to be seen. Allow your heart to crack right open and something beautiful will happen: you’ll be able to transform difficult feelings into love, strength, and compassion.

17. Start spending time with the right people.

How are the people you spend most time with? Do they give you energy or drain you? Friendships and connections aren’t something static; they’re always in motion. Set a high standard for yourself and choose to only spend time with people you enjoy.

Make sure to surround yourself with a tribe that reflects how you want to feel and be and what you want to do and have. If you don’t have that today, then make space for those people to come into your life.

18. Start taking 100 percent responsibility for your life 19. St

Last week, I met a girl in the co-working space where I work. It was the second time we met, yet I felt urged to suddenly share my at-the-time struggle of not feeling enough for my business and some people in my life. Apparently, she was experiencing the similar things. I left feeling relieved, empowered, and more connected to her than before.

19. Start creating the life you want now.

It’s easy to postpone. To fool ourselves into thinking “Once my situation is different, I’ll act on my dream” or “Once I’m in a relationship, I’ll start loving myself.” But to live the life you desire, you’re going to have to create it now, not sometime in the future.

Conditions or timing will never be perfect. So, instead, ask yourself, “If I had all the love, money, time, confidence, and knowledge I desire, how would I think, act, and feel?” Step into that version of yourself.

Take Baby Steps Toward the Life You Desire

To get to where you want to be, you have to start walking in that direction. Don’t see it as a sprint, but more as a marathon. How can you create a manageable and enjoyable year where, not pressure, but pleasure is leading the way?

Don’t overwhelm yourself by setting too big goals or expecting things to be perfect. (They never are). Instead, choose to focus on one to three things from the list. Then once you feel comfortable with one area, move into another. Remember, consistency beats intensity.

[unseenthewriter]

CHAPTER 1: NEW

Chapter 1: 1793 Words

Total: 1793 Words

"How old is the new DS anyway? He looks very young."

"Why would he transfer from London?"

"I heard he was on track to becoming a DI soon."

"His accent makes me think he's American!"

"Apparently his specialty is cybercrime."

I sighed softly to myself as I sat down at my desk. I'm sure all this chatter will blow over soon. I hope. God forbid anyone finds out my Father was an MI6 Agent or my Mother was a United States Interpol Agent...

"Murray is that report ready?" DS Miller asked me.

"Yes, ma'am I put it on DI Hardy's desk last night." I replied softly.

"Oh. That was quick." She said surprised.

I shrugged softly and logged into my computer.

"Have you found a place yet?" Miller asked me.

I sighed. "Not yet. I have a lot I'm working on. I still don't even have my badge yet."

Miller looked confused. "But you've been here for almost 2 weeks now."

"Yeah, I know." I muttered.

"Murray. My Office. Now." DI Alec Hardy said to me as he walked past my desk.

"Got it." I said and followed him.

After the door closed Hardy gestured for me to sit down. I obeyed. "Your badge is here." he said handing it to me. He sighed. "I have a few questions for you."

I figured this conversation was going to come sooner or later. "Sure."

"Your file from Scotland Yard doesn't say much about when you were shot a year ago." He said.

"It was- extremely classified at the time, Sir. I was working with my Father an MI6 Agent on catching a dark web hacker." I replied.

"Your Father works with MI6?" Hardy said.

"Yeah, he used to. My Mother used to work with Interpol as well." I replied.

"Agent Quinn Murray?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah did you know him?" I asked

"Worked with him once a long time ago. He's doing well then? Didn't realize he had a son. I knew he had a daughter." Hardy admitted.

"Um- not really no. He died during that case." I said.

Hardy leaned back. "Why Broadchuch?" He asked changing the subject.

Lying to your boss isn't great but I don't think I can admit the real reason yet. "Dad loved it here. Even asked to be buried here. Besides I needed a change of pace." To be fair this isn't a lie lie just not the real truth.

"Right, get me a list of places that use paper bags in the nearby area." He said and stood up. "Miller!"

"I'll get right on it." I said softly.

~~~

"Dad you know I'm still worried about these threats you're getting from-" He cut me off and ruffled my hair.

"Finn for the last time I get threats all the time." He said.

I moved his hand off my head. "Dad please I'm not a kid."

"Besides, we almost have his location right?"

"Yes but-" I started.

BEEP

"See his location! I knew my son was going to find a quick way to get that. Gear up." Dad said.

"He's like... down the block." I commented.

"Not surprised a lot of creeps enjoy being right under cops noses." He repiled.

___

"Dad can you at least let one of the others be in front" I pleaded.

"You got all the worrying from you Mum huh?" Dad said.

I grumbled as Dad knocked down the door. We were pretty much instantly in a haze of bullets. I ducked for cover and fired back. When the skirmish was done I took a deep breath and noticed Dad on the ground. I rushed to his side.

He was shot in multiple places and bleeding out fast. There's no way he was going to make it.

"Finn..." Dad said.

"Just stay with me Dad help is on the way." I said.

"No- listen to me Finn you need to get to" he moaned. "You- need to get to Broadchuch."

"Dad please we can go the next time I get some vacation time. I know you love it there but we can go together." I said to him barely holding back my tears.

"The key- Broadchuch-" He said before trailing off.

"Dad!" I tried to awaken him but was pulled away.

"DC Murray you've been shot." the officer said.

"No! Please, he-"

~~~

I jolted awake in a cold sweat. I was at my desk still. "3 AM? fuck." I muttered while rubbing the key hanging around my neck. Hardy's office light was still on, so at least I wasn't the only one still here. I grabbed the list of places that use paper bags. "Right this was finished."

I stood up while tying my tie and knocked on Hardy's office.

"Come in." He said.

"I have that list for you Sir." I said softly.

"Jesus kid you didn't have to stay late to finish it. You look like shit." He said and took off his glasses.

"Oh no, I uh fell asleep." I said.

"You're sweating though." He pointed out.

"I just sweat really easily haha..." I lied.

Hardy sighed. "Take a walk with me."

"Oh uh I mean- I really should." I started.

Hardy glared.

"Right yeah walk."

~~~

I watched the waves with Hardy sitting next to me on the pier. Dad was right, they are very calming. "You didn't come here because your Father liked to vacation here." Hardy said not as a question but a statement. "I can't have my DS's lying to me."

I sighed and pulled the key off my neck. "When my dad was dying he kept saying something about Broadchuch and "The Key". My Mom gave this to me before she passed." I said and handed the key to Hardy.

Hardy sighed. "Quinn called me after she died. Must've been hard on you and your sister."

"I uh- I'm a single child and a Trans Man." I said.

"Oh, I didn't realize." He said and handed the key back.

I coughed. "No, no it's fine. I hadn't been out of the closet that long when she passed."

"You were raised in America right?" Hardy asked.

"Yes, I mainly went to boarding schools anyway but I have dual citizenship with the US and UK." I replied. "It sounds like you knew my Father pretty well?" I asked.

"We went to Uni together." Hardy admitted.

"Huh. So I wasn't the only one not being entirely truthful." I said and stared back at the waves. I could feel the glare coming from Hardy. "Wait- you were the friend with the heart probl-" I said turning back.

"Yes, and you're the kid with the asthma problem." He countered. "How were you even allowed to join the police?"

"It's mostly managed now. Just have to stay away from fires." I said and put the key back on my neck while standing up. "I should go."

"Where are you staying?" He asked.

"Trader's Hotel until I find a place." I said.

Hardy scowled. "Let me give you a ride."

"You don't have to I'm working on getting a car soon too." I protested.

"Get in" He said.

~~~

"Jeez, Murray you look exhausted." Miller said to me as a sat down at my desk.

I didn't get any more sleep that night. Not like that usual or anything. At least it's Friday so I can try to catch up on sleep this weekend. "I was up late looking at cars online." I said.

"How was the change from driving in the US?" Miller asked.

"I have been living in the UK for 5 years you know. Been a citizen since a few weeks after birth." I said.

Miller looked surpised. "So do you have 2 passports and all?"

"Yes. Makes things easier." I repiled.

"Can I see the US one?" She asked.

"It's in my room. I have this though." I said and pulled out my Minnesota Drivers License.

"So you're 22?" She asked after handing it back.

"Yes." I chirped.

"Miller!" Hardy said while walking past.

"Better see what he's on about." She said.

Finally, now I can work in quiet. I put on my headphones and started looking more into "The Key".

~~~

"I don't want to buy a house just to have somewhere nice." I muttered while pacing in my room. I can easily afford anywhere in Broadchuch. My family was rich and all but I don't want to bother with any upkeep.

"Fine! Fine, let's just go back to the car situation." I said to myself, turning to the other wall with cars.

"Too big. Trunk is small. Too high up." I mumbled.

There was a knock on my door. "One second." I said and put my button-down shirt back on.

"Oh hello DS Miller. I wasn't expecting you." I said and let her in.

"Ellie please. I figured you could use someone to show you around town a bit..." She said while looking at all the stuff I had about homes and cars.

"Yeah I uh." I coughed. "I've been to Broadchurch a few times on vacation. I know my way around fairly well."

She smiled. "You still don't know half of Broadchurch then."

"Fine." I said and grabbed my sports coat and tie.

~~~

"You're a lot like Hardy you know." Miller said. "You're far too young to act like a brooding middle-aged man."

I frowned slightly. I wasn't always like this. With BOTH of my parents dead now though...

"Murray your sandwich." Miller said and handed it to me.

"Oh thanks." I said softly.

"I heard you were on your way to becoming a DI if you didn't transfer over here." Ellie said.

"Everyone says that but with my age and all I really doubt it. The fact that I'm even a DS pissed off a lot of people." I commented.

"Why did you become a detective anyway?" She asked.

"I like solving problems and puzzles." I sighed. "And with two Agents for parents, something involving crime was kind of a given."

"Your parents were Agents?" Miller asked and I noticed she was already halfway done with her sandwich.

"Mmm my Father worked with MI6 and my Mother was with Interpol... Well technically CIA." I stared at my still uneaten sandwich. I wasn't very hungry at all. I figured it was a little weird to not order anything though. I put it in my leather messenger bag.

"Oi eat your sandwich you're even thinner than Hardy." Miller said.

I grumbled and pulled it back out and started slowly eating it. I don't even like sandwiches that much.

"So how are your parents then?" Ellie asked.

"Dead."

"Oh."

AN: A New fanfic? With one of my favorite shows? Why yes I have no self-control!