#and every time I watch it I wish there were more :(

[tarotsoul]

ghost in the wind — part three

summary: as feelings progress and truths unfold, you're left with a decision that could end your entire existence as you know it. the mother has a path for every soul, perhaps this was where yours was supposed to end.

warnings: swearing, mentions and brief descriptions of sexual abuse, consensual sexual themes, mentions of death and suicide.

word count: 5.8k

series masterlist

Feyre Archeron could never begin to imagine the pain and horror her older cousin had faced in the mortal lands. Rhysand hadn’t shared that image, hadn’t shared the memories he’d witnessed when he took some of that pain away from you. 

She didn’t need her mate to share those visuals. Not when she felt every ounce of anguish through their bond. And every day since then, she had not been able to forget it. 

Another two weeks had passed since your arrival, three in total of your being in the Night Court, and you were finally beginning to work through your trauma. 

The offer had been there to find your own place of residence, to have that independence if you so wished. But after speaking with Feyre and Rhysand, after learning it was in fact Nesta who had imposed the leave Y/N be rule… you realised just how much you loved living in the House with your family. 

Your friends. 

So when you’d finally accepted Mor’s desperate pleas to take you shopping and fill your empty wardrobe…

“You’re going to need another dresser.” 

You blinked, taking in the mess around you. Your entire closet was stuffed to the brim with dresses, blouses, sweaters, coats…

And the pile on your bed…there was no chance of those articles of clothing fitting in the closet too. Nesta was right, you definitely needed another dresser. 

“Rhys is going to lose his shit when he finds out how much we spent.” 

Your eyes widened at Nesta’s words, not quite picking up the teasing tone she spoke in. Mor shot her a look and threw a sweater at her face. 

“She’s kidding,” Mor reassured. “My dear cousin has more money than sense. This won’t have even made a dent in his wealth.” 

A relief, but that guilt began to creep its way into the pit of your stomach nonetheless. You were ashamed to admit that while you had fun shopping with Mor and your cousin, you hadn’t even taken a moment to realise how much everything had cost. 

Nesta threw herself onto your bed, right on top of the throng of clothes you needed to find a place for. “I’m thinking we raid Rhys’ wine cellar tonight…”

A gleaming smile radiated off Mor’s face in agreeance and they both turned to you with upraised brows, expectant. 

You pursed your lips, an apologetic smile on your face. “I told Rhys and Feyre that I’d babysit Nyx tonight.” 

Nesta huffed and threw herself back on the mattress again, clothes bouncing and crinkling as she did so. Mor raised another brow, as if that wasn’t a good enough excuse. 

“So? I’ve gotten drunk while watching Nyx loads of times.” 

Nesta seethed at her. “One, that’s my nephew and I never want to hear you doing that again. And two, Y/N’s tolerance to alcohol won’t be as strong as ours. Two glasses and she’d be borderline incapacitated.”

Despite the slight insult, a laugh bubbled up your throat at just how right she was. Because you’d never even drank a sip of wine in your life, and Nesta knew that. 

“I’m surprised you don’t have plans with Azriel…” 

Mor was prying, you knew that. But you had no control over the heat that made its way across your neck and face. 

“We’re just friends.” It wasn’t a lie. You’d spent a lot of time together the past couple of weeks, and he was one of the only people you felt truly comfortable around. 

Mor gave you a knowing look. “Mhm, tell that to his shadows.” 

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

Nesta scoffed, sitting up again. “Az’s shadows are basically an extension of himself.”

Mor hummed. “They don’t do anything unless Azriel commands it. Or sometimes, they’ll do something based on his emotions or thoughts. They’re so friendly with you because Azriel likes you.” 

Your cheeks burned. You hadn’t realised his shadows touching you was a product of Azriel’s emotions. And the more you thought about it, there hadn’t been a time since you met him that they hadn’t touched you in some way. 

You didn’t say that, though. No. Azriel clearly had no qualms about other people noticing, but that did not mean you were willing to gossip about it. 

You did not need to allow silly fantasies to root their way in your mind. Azriel was your friend. And you were okay with him only wanting you as such. 

Within an hour, Mor had disappeared to tend to her own duties and just as Nesta was about to leave for hers, she grabbed your wrist and motioned for you to look at her. 

“I’m proud of you, you know.”

She didn’t need to say anything more. Those words were enough—more than enough. She saw you, she recognised everything you had been through and everything you did every day to overcome it. 

I’m proud of you. 

The last and only person to have ever told you that was your mother. 

And because you saw her too, because you remembered fhe young mortal woman she was before her own struggles of turning Fae and adjusting to her new lifestyle, you found yourself saying, “I’m proud of you, too, Ness.”

Nyx had been wonderful to look after that night. 

You’d gotten all the cuddles and boyish giggles, the beautiful little smiles and a few stinky diapers to go with it. You loved every moment with the little babe, and when Rhys and Feyre returned from their night off early in the morning, you offered to sit with him again whenever they needed it. 

But despite how fulfilling and wonderful it had been, it had also hurt. You wondered if you’d ever be blessed with the opportunity to carry and birth your own child. Wondered if you’d ever even find someone to want you in that way. 

Especially within Prythian. 

It was another late night for you, though your reading sessions had taken you from the lounge to the library. And you no longer spent them alone. 

Azriel sat on the couch opposite you, his nose deep in a book as you watched him. In the past week, you’d spent a lot of time together. It ranged from walks into the city to sitting and reading in the library until early hours of the morning. 

You’d grown accustomed to his presence, his scent often able to calm any anxiety or qualms you felt. He had noticed, of course, he wasn’t a Spymaster for nothing. But Azriel did not mention the change in you whenever he was around. 

He basked in it, in the way you appeared so much more comfortable with him. You weren’t afraid to speak up, to ask questions or acknowledge whatever was on your mind. 

You were coming out of your shell and it warmed Azriel’s heart to know that he was somewhat of the cause for it. 

“What does salacious mean?”

Azriel blinked repeatedly as your voice broke him from his thoughts. Salacious? His throat tightened. You’d often ask for definitions of things you were unsure on, sometimes even asking how to pronounce words you had never come across. 

But salacious? 

“Are you reading Nesta’s romance novels?” He quirked a brow. 

Your lips involuntarily pouted at him, your own brows furrowing just slightly as you rested the open book back into your blanket-covered lap. “Yes. Why?”

Anxiety creeped its way into your stomach, rooting deep into your flesh from the inside out. Reminders of how this used to go flashed through your mind and suddenly, it felt like you were back in the village, back in the mortal lands and living with Rafe. 

A tendril of darkness peaked at the corner of your vision and you focussed on it, watching it slowly dance across your knuckles and weave between your fingers in a calming manner. 

Shadows. Azriel. Library. Velaris. Safe. 

And just like that, the anxiety un-clawed its roots and crept away. 

Azriel nodded ever so slightly to the book, knowing exactly what had just happened with you but acting as if he didn’t. “Salacious means…having inappropriate interest in sexual matters.”

There was no hiding the heat on your cheeks—the way it burned your soft skin. You tore your gaze from his as quickly as you could, unable to contain your slight shame and embarrassment. 

But Azriel did not mind one bit. 

Azriel had secrets. He supposed that being the Night Court’s Spymaster, it was to be expected. But these secrets were different from the others, something he kept locked tight in his mind for the past month. 

And it wasn’t the secrets that had him moving closer and spending all of his time in the lower level of the House. No. That was very much you and your presence and whatever it was in your soul that called out to his. 

He couldn’t stay away—though, it wasn’t like he even tried—for that pull was far too strong for even his willpower. 

He had suspicions. Suspicions of a golden thread that started in his chest and ended in yours. He knew it was far fetched, knew he was only hurting himself by entertaining the complete insanity of the idea. 

You were human. Mortal. And mortals didn’t have mates. He told himself so every day, and right after, like clockwork, he countered his own sound advice with the one thing that had been troubling him the most.

Because what mortal could plant and bloom a patch of tulips with nothing more than a thought and a touch. What mortal could speak so clearly to the earth and create life right before another’s eyes. 

Despite the possible threat that could pose for his court and his family, Azriel had kept that tidbit of information to himself. Just for now. Just until he could make sense of it. Then, and only then, would he bring that information to light. 

Because Azriel did not feel any ounce of danger or ill intent from you. He did not feel anything but warmth and intrigue and that godforsaken sensation when you grew excitable over something. 

He couldn’t take that from you. Not when you were finally coming out of your shell, finally talking and laughing and going as far as joining him and Cassian for training twice a week. 

“If sex makes you uncomfortable, there are other romance novels without that.”

Heat warmed your skin again. Shadows dared to intertwine with your fingers. 

“No, it’s not that.” You played with his shadows, allowing them to caress your skin. “Sex doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I’ve just never had a good enough experience to understand much.”

He didn’t push, didn’t ask further questions. You wouldn’t be embarrassed for this, for something that was not your fault. You wouldn’t cower anymore, hide what you felt or thought. No longer would there be repercussions for speaking your mind. 

So you spoke again. 

“Rafe was the only person I’d ever…it’s just different to read it, to have it described as something enjoyable.”

Azriel’s knuckles turned white. Something enjoyable. He’d never experienced it to be anything but. His soul almost cleaved in two at the thought of what you’d endured. 

Azriel dared to glance at you again. “Sex with the right person can be very enjoyable. It should be nothing but beautiful.”

He stiffened then, blood thumping in his ears. His shadows stilled, noticing the shift in your scent just as their master had. Sweet, all consuming arousal, and Azriel did not miss the way your thighs pressed together in impulse. 

He swallowed thickly. 

You broke his gaze, your own heart thumping sporadically as you stared at the pages on your lap. You couldn’t help your mind wandering to thoughts of him, of experiencing that with him. You knew it was wrong. So, so wrong. 

“The thought of being intimate like that with someone new…” You couldn’t find the words to express the fear and anxiety that came with that thought.

Azriel listened intently, breathing deeply. 

“I want to experience life the way it should be experienced. Not the way others have pushed it upon me.”

He leaned forward slightly, resting his book on his knee. “You control your life now, nobody else. If you want something, despite how wrong that desire may feel at first, take it.”

You wondered then if he could see into your mind as Rhysand could. If he could feel that shift in the air. If he could smell it on you. That want and desire. You would not apologise for it. Not anymore. 

“But if it feels wrong, is that not my guts way of warning me?” You countered. 

Azriel smiled, just barely. His knuckles still white. “It’s your guts way of protecting you. Because you’ve never experienced anything beyond what others bestowed upon you.”

Gods above. 

An ache fluttered in your chest, just above your breast and you absentmindedly rubbed at it, disrupting the neckline of your shirt. Azriel’s eyes squinted at the exposed skin, at the mark that adored your flesh. 

“Are you hurt?” His tone was primal, protective. 

You paused your movements, following his gaze. “Oh, no.” You pulled your shirt a little lower. “Just a birthmark.”

He needed to compose himself, needed to stop allowing his mind to wander about other areas of your concealed skin. He felt like nothing more than a big brute. 

Your soft, airy giggle woke him from his daze and he looked over to find tendrils of darkness caressing any inch of your skin that they could. Gods, if he didn’t have a leash on his emotions around you, how could he control his damned shadows. 

“It’s like they have a mind of their own.”

They didn’t. But he couldn’t correct you. Not without exposing the fact that they only fed off their masters emotions and desires. Not without exposing the fact that Azriel wished he was the one touching your skin and not his shadows. 

He swallowed again, throat dry. 

“Nesta told me that they’re an extension of yourself. That they only act if you will it.” You didn’t know why you said it, why you thought you had the right to speak that truth. 

But you would not apologise, even as Azriel remained silent for a few moments. Partly out of shock, partly in awe. But that was another thing he would not speak aloud. 

“Sometimes they can act on behalf of my emotions. My desires and wants.”

You dared to meet his honey eyes. “And that’s what you want?” You were breathless, a feeling in your stomach that you’d never once experienced before. “You want to touch me?” 

Neither of you knew where this confidence had come from, but Azriel did not question it and you did not apologise. 

He shouldn’t say it, shouldn’t repeat the words that echoed in his mind and soul and body. But, Gods…he could not seem to regain any semblance of control when he stared into your eyes. He could not lie to you, could not hide what he felt. 

“I want to do a lot of things.” The admittance was barely audible, nothing more than a breath he’d been holding but you heard it all the same. As though you’d demanded the words out of him. 

You couldn’t look away, even if you tried. Your entire being was encapsulated by him. Your chest heaved, legs ached. The shadows slowly left your shoulders and neck, returning to their previous position at your fingers. 

“But above all, I want you to be comfortable. Happy.” 

Something compelled you to stand, the shadows seemingly guiding you to their master as your book toppled to the couch. He watched with a hungry gaze, one full of faltering self-control. 

If you want something, despite how wrong that desire may feel at first, take it.

Take it. 

Take it. 

“I’m comfortable with you.” 

The shadows moved like a breeze between you both, tugging you closer and closer. Nothing else mattered, not in that moment. Not when your soul felt like it was singing, like it was exactly where it longed to be. 

Azriel stood slowly, towering above you once at his full height. You strained your neck to meet his gaze and he bent his to come closer. You could feel his breath dance with yours, could feel his hard chest press upon your soft one. 

No part of you felt nervous, no part of you felt unworthy. 

But Azriel…he didn’t know what to do. For weeks he’d been dreaming of this moment, dreaming of the taste of your lips, the touch of your skin. He slowly raised a scarred hand to caress your warm cheek, and you didn’t cower or shy away from his touch. 

A test, perhaps. To see if you really could handle the intimacy of another male so soon after what you’d endured. You didn’t falter, didn’t break his gaze. He wanted you, more than he ever wanted anything else before. 

“What you went through…”

“I don’t want to talk about what I went through,” you cut him off. “That was then, this is now. I don’t want to live in the past.”

Take it.

Take it. 

Your lips…so close to touching his. 

The shadows swirled in delight, excitement.

Azriel knew this wouldn’t be just a kiss. This wouldn’t be meaningless. He felt it, in every part of him, he felt the way your entire being sang to his. He wanted to lay his soul bare before you. 

He itched to brush your hair behind your ear, to hold you and taste you. But Rhysand’s voice echoed through his mind, beckoning him for his assistance. He closed his eyes, huffed out a breath.

“Rhys is calling for me.” 

Azriel stepped away, removed his palm from your skin. You swallowed, stepping back and letting your eyes fixate on the rug beneath your feet. He cleared his throat, struggling to reign in those shadows of his. 

“I’ll come to you tonight…we can talk then.”

But had Azriel waited just a few moments longer, had he given into the urge to brush your hair from your face, he would’ve noticed the slight point that had formed at the top of your ears. 

Azriel didn’t meet you in your chambers that night. And you didn’t see him the next morning. Or the day after that. 

Cassian had mentioned that Rhys sent him on a mission. That he would be back in a few days. 

But something was wrong, you could feel it in every inch of your body. An ache that only got worse with every passing moment. You tried to ignore it, tried to relax in a hot bath with soothing lavender oils. Nothing relieved the pain. Nothing soothed the ache.

And when you left your bathroom and found your once round ears now pointed, and a trail of tulips following in your wake, your legs carried you toward the kitchen before you had a moment to consider it. Cassian and Nesta sat at the table, giggling over their breakfast when you stumbled toward them. 

“What’s happening?” Your panicked tone caught their attention, eyes wide as they stood and took in what lay before them. 

From the stone ground, moss and grass and flowers bloomed as though you stood in the middle of a field. Daisies and buttercups sprouted in your hair, roots of trees tangling around your limbs. 

Everything was so loud yet muffled. Like every word was screamed in your ear but somehow underwater as Cassian called out frantically to Rhysand. Neither of them went near you, even when Rhys flew through the open balcony doors, Feyre in tow. 

They looked at you with nothing less than concern and fear. 

“What in the Gods is happening to me?!” You demanded. 

Rhysand held Feyre back as she attempted to near you, his gaze locked on you as he assessed the situation. But it wasn’t the flowers or grass or roots that he watched. It was you, and the way your crescent-moon birthmark glowed something violet. 

Rhys had known, had suspected something lay dormant within you. From that moment he entered your mind, when he gazed upon that luscious field that seemed to call to you with promises of something new. 

He’d never witnessed such before. Not in the most powerful of Fae had he ever stumbled across that. 

With a very careful step forward, his gaze demanded yours. Feyre had told him of your mother, of her death and your marriage to Rafe. And his voice was soft when he finally asked the question that had been on his mind ever since. 

“What happened the night your mother died?” 

The world went still, cold. Feyre whirled to him in protest. 

“Rhys—“

“—it was a house fire.” 

All eyes turned to you, to the patches of bloom that haltered their growth. 

Rhysand took another step closer. “Where were you?” 

“I—“

A heat unlike any other licked at your skin, waking you from your peaceful slumber. A heat so unwelcomed that you bolted upright in a sheen of your own sweat. 

You could hear the wood of your cottage crackling under a burning flame, and smoke quickly infiltrated your room. You coughed, attempting to swat it away as you squinted in the darkness. 

“Mama!?” You called out, panic stricken in your voice and body. 

Fear began to cripple you, began to take away any sense of self preservation. You couldn’t leave your bed. Your door now engulfed in flames, you screamed. 

“Help! Someone, please help!”

No one was coming. This was the end. You couldn’t move, couldn’t get to your beloved mother. A shrill cry, unlike anything you’d ever heard before, split your heart in two. 

A scream of pure agony and fear tore through your throat, your eyes clenched shut as you gave your body over to the fire. 

Only the next breath you breathed was clean and cold. And your sheets were no longer beneath you, no. Now you laid on the rich soil outside of your home, your fingers rooting themselves into the dirt. 

You screamed and sobbed, unable to do anything but watch as the fire claimed your home and your mother. 

You were sobbing, collapsed to the ground as you struggled to breathe at the memory. 

Rhysand dared another step closer, kneeling before you now and his eyes held such sorrow, such remorse. 

“Y/N…” he spoke softly. “Was your mother ever accused of being a witch?” 

Nesta seethed, threatening. “Rhysand, that’s—“

“How do you know that?” Everything felt very, very still. No one should have known that. No one of these lands should have known that. 

Rhys didn’t answer your question. And despite the sound of large wings breezing through the sky, you did not look away from the High Lord. Not even as Azriel rushed into the House and his heart sunk at what he bore. 

“The day I entered your mind and took some of your pain away, I felt something. Something within you that I have never, in my 500 years of life, felt before.”

Azriel took a step closer. He should have said something when he first noticed the flowers. Because now, whatever power you had…it was consuming you. 

“I’d like to try something,” Rhysand proposed. 

You struggled to keep your breathing even. “What is it?” 

Another step closer, a warm hand on yours. 

“I’d like to enter your mind as far back as it will allow me. Just to see if I can find something.”

Violet eyes watched yours. “Find what?”

He squeezed your hand in reassurance. “Something to make sense of this.”

A moment of pause, to take in your surroundings. The flowers and soil had sprouted to cover the entire expanse of the lounge floor, your friends and cousins standing just beyond the brush of it. 

Eyes flickered to something hazel. Azriel. He stood in the soil, flora coating his ankles and he struggled to keep a tight leash on the shadows that fought to reach you. 

You looked back at Rhysand. 

“Will it hurt?” 

He shook his head. “No, not if you don’t resist.” 

That suddenly sounded an awful lot like your past. Memories of Rafe pinning you to the bed—scolding, reprimanding, promising no pain if you didn’t resist. 

This wasn’t like that, you had to remind yourself. You were safe. They only wanted to help. To understand. 

Azriel stepped closer, ignoring the silent warning that Rhysand whispered into his mind. A scarred hand out held, you took it. And Rhysand took that moment of distraction to enter your mind. 

The first memory he saw was one from just days before. You and Azriel reading in the library, the shadows that swirled your fingers and arms, the near-kiss that escalated into nothing. 

He dug deeper. The next, of you and Azriel again, exploring the city where you left a trail of green and brown tulips in your wake on the embankment of the river. 

Deeper and deeper, until the memories showed you living in the mortal lands. A blow to the face, to your stomach and your head. Rafe seething above you as he shouted and belittled you. 

Deeper, to a memory of your husband pinning you to the mattress, of his body crushing yours as he stole everything you never offered. 

Every memory Rhysand met, you re-lived them. 

A little deeper and he was watching you at the Archeron household, helping Elain plant seeds, watching Feyre paint, reading with Nesta. 

Deeper and deeper he went, passing the memories of the fire, of your mother, until he found exactly what he was looking for. 

“She is my child too, Selenthia. You cannot keep her from me.” A voice you did not recognise. A memory you did not recall. 

“For her protection, I will do what I must.” Selenthia seethed, coddling you closer to her chest. “No one can know what she is, or she’ll be hunted for the rest of her life.”

The unknown male huffed. He was beautiful. Tall and lean, strong and commanding. But there was something about him. Something not quite right. 

“So you plan to lock her away for the rest of her life?”

Selenthia bared her teeth. “I would never lock my child away. She will live her life as a mortal. I won’t subject her to a life like mine or yours.”

A moment of silence. “You cannot hide her from what she is.” He spoke softer now, edging close to peer at you, his daughter. 

“What do you plan to do when she first bleeds? When her ears point and her power grows—“

“That won’t happen.” There was no room for discussion in Selenthia’s voice. She placed a finger over your heart, a familiar violet glow permitting from her skin to yours. 

“What are you doing?” That male’s voice, cold once more. 

“I’m burying her power. So long as this wyrd remains on her skin, she’ll be safe.”

Selenthia pulled away, just enough to take a look at the mark that marred your skin. A mark two shades darker than the rest of your flesh, the shape of a crescent moon and no larger than a fingernail. 

“There. Nothing more than a birthmark.”

Rhysand retreaded from your mind, panting and shaking. Tears streamed down his flushed face, your own skin staining with silver, too. 

“What is it?” Nesta demanded, daring a step closer. 

But those tulips and daisies and buttercups…the soil and grass and roots, they all began to sink into the ground until nothing but the florals in your hair remained. 

“My mother…she…she was a witch. A healing earth witch. And my father—he…”

“Your father was Fae.” Azriel breathed, his eyes focused on the point of your ears that peeked through your hair and flowers.

“He was of the Night Court. A High Fae male.” Rhysand added gravely. 

Azriel’s hold on the shadows loosened and he allowed them to caress you, comfort you. Your hand never left his. 

You pulled away from Rhysand, clutching at your chest—at that crescent moon you always thought was a birthmark. Your mothers protection all along. 

“When you crossed the wall into the Fae lands, your power tried to break through. It was your mothers mark that had been keeping it buried with you all these years.” 

You dared a look at your cousins. But they looked at you with nothing but sorrow and anguish. No fear. They did not fear you, they did not pity you. In their eyes all you could see was longing. A longing for you to no longer live in such agony and hardships. 

“Our mothers were sisters. Does that mean—“

“I don’t think so,” Rhysand cut you off. “If they held the magic you do, I believe their power would have shown by now. They were Made. So it’s possible the Cauldron could’ve interfered with it if that were the case.” 

It was too much. All of it. Reliving those memories again, seeing your father… You couldn’t do this. Couldn’t have magic and powers. You could not be half Fae, half witch. 

It would be easy to give up. It would be so easy to ignore it until it killed you. So easy to just let go of everything. But a pounding in your soul begged you not to. Begged you to fight with everything you had. Begged you to live. 

“Burn the mark.” 

All attention snapped to you, flickering from your face to the mark on your chest that finally stopped glowing. 

“Are you insane?” Nesta seethed. 

You looked at her. “I don’t think I’d be far off to guess that if I don’t burn this mark, this…power will consume me entirely. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be so lost because I have no idea who I am. This is who I am, whether I like it or not. I won’t run anymore.”

Feyre stepped closer, crouching to your level and taking your spare hand in hers. Azriel still held tight to the other. “If you wish to burn it, it will unleash whatever power you have at full force. You don’t have any training, any control over it.” 

You felt sick to your stomach. “I don’t want to die, Fey.” 

And that was enough to enrage Feyre in a way she’d never once felt before. “You are not going to die. Do you understand me?”

Azriel squeezed your hand, begging for you to look at him. You couldn’t. You couldn’t stomach the thought of him looking at you any different than he had three days ago. 

“Rhys, fetch Madja. We will burn the mark in a controlled environment. Where any fallout can be contained.”

You shook your head, not willing to risk a single soul because of your selfish decision to live. 

“No,” you said. ��Drop me to the mountains and I’ll burn it myself.”

Nesta scoffed. “Oh, you are insane.”

You seethed at her. The first ounce of anger you’d truly shown. The first time you’d ever directed it at anyone but yourself. 

“This isn’t your decision. I will not risk anyone. Azriel can take me to the mountains and you can all keep your distance. At least until it’s safe.”

Until it’s safe. As if you knew for certain you’d survive it. You truly weren’t sure you would. There was nothing more to discuss, your tone made that clear enough. 

“Fly me, winnow me…whatever. Just do it now before I change my mind.”

Within a blink, your body was shivering and you were no longer in the House of Wind. Shadows encased your entire body, darkness swarming every inch of you. You said nothing as Azriel held you, nothing at all as he flew you across Velaris and toward the highest mountain just outside of the city. 

Only when he landed, when he refused to remove his hold from you, did the darkness dissipate and hazel eyes gazed into yours. 

“I’m staying with you.” 

“No, you’re not. I won’t risk your life, Azriel.” 

He set you to your feet, holding your hands now to keep you close. A plea of desperation swam in his eyes, his entire body yearning to take you and find another way to fix this. 

“There is no other option. If I don’t burn this mark, I don’t know what my power might do. It might kill me, it might destroy this city. I cannot risk anyone’s life for mine.”

Azriel parted his lips to speak but you shook your head, squeezing his hands. 

“If I don’t survive this—“

“Don’t.”

“Please, listen to me.” Silver lined your eyes, blurring your vision. “If I don’t survive this, I want you to know how special your friendship has been to me. How much I care for you, for your family.” A sob tore through your throat. “And I am so incredibly sorry for burdening you all in this way.” 

You reached on the tips of your toes and pressed your lips to his. Warmth and love and the most raw emotion could be felt between you both. An apology for not having longer, a prayer that there would still be time. 

A fuse lit within the pit of your stomach, in the pit of Azriel’s. Tears stained your lips, stained his. In that moment, you were one. Whole, as though you always should have been. 

You pulled away first, forcing your hands from his hold. You took several steps back, blinking through the distorted vision and swiping away and evidence of the fear that crippled you. 

A puff of violet darkness misted beside Azriel as Rhysand winnowed to the mountains. Pain flicked through his eyes, regret and the same sorrow you saw in your cousins. 

You did not meet his gaze. 

“Summon a fire.”

He did as you asked. And handed you a blade. 

You did not grant them another look, did not give into the pleading in your mind to watch them leave. Or else you would’ve seen Rhysand drag Azriel off that mountain. You would’ve seen the anguish on the Shadowsingers face. 

Alone. As you had been your whole life. Though the weeks spent in Velaris had given you a taste of what could’ve been. You’d treasure those memories in the Hereafter. Those and the precious ones of your late mother. 

For they were all you had left. 

You did not allow another tear to fall. Not as you hovered the blade over the flame, not as you tugged your shirt down and took a deep breath. 

For if all you were ever meant to be was a ghost in the wind, you were content to know you’d reunite with your mother soon. Where you would no longer feel such pain. 

You didn’t want to die. But if this was all the time you were fated to have, then so be it. Better you than someone else. 

“Keep them safe.” A whisper to the winds, if they deigned to listen. 

With a final breath, you pressed the scorching blade against the mark on your skin and the entirety of your captive power unleashed upon the mountain as your body allowed it to consume you. Until you saw and heard and felt nothing at all. 

From below, the city shook, a thundering boom and a gust of aftershock and pelting mountain debris that blew the Inner Circle back. 

Then there was silence. 

And Azriel’s soul bellowed. 

a/n: so a LOT happened in this chapter and there is still a lot more to happen, i'm hoping i can fit it into two parts but it may be stretched into three, we'll have to see!! i'm so grateful for all the love you guys have been giving this series and i am so excited for you to find out how it all ends!!

if you enjoyed it, please consider giving it a like and reblog, your feedback is always appreciated <3

tag list: @anna-reader-blog @bubybubsters @honethatty12 @angiieguevara @honk4emoboyz @e1jeyy @celestialgilb @rcarbo1 @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @judig92 @moonfawnx @historygeekqueen @idkitsem @horneybeach1 @apenasandorinha @thaynarajejheje @popcornlauncher @mrsjna @fuckingsimp4azriel @kk191327 @babypeapoddd @bluebries81 @secretlyhers @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mixheleee @be-your-coffee-pot @ly–canthrope @acoazlove @camilasstories @yesiamthatwierd @scoliobean @marigold-morelli @mellowmusings @dreaming-lis @prettylittlewrites @optimisticbabydreamer @halo-mystic @curtaincaramba @donnadiddadog @nocasdatsgay @hisonlykiwi @bookishbroadwaybish @peachyxlynch @hungryforbatboys @call-me-evangeline @stqrgirlies-blog @acourtofbatboydreams @pinksmellslikelove @demon-master-zero @more-a-then-i @svearehnn

[satinroses]

Night Time Routines

How the harbingers and their darlings ready for bed

Yan! Harbingers x reader (separate)

Feat: Capitano, Dottore, Pantalone and Scaramouche

Word Count: 3.4K

A/N: “honk shoooo honk shoooo” - capitano, “zzzzz zzzz” - Pantalone, “honk mi mi mi” - Scaramouche, dottore’s doesn’t snore but he does speak in fluent sentences in his sleep and it’s terrifying. thank you for coming to my ted talk. also yes i made scaras pretty purple eyes light up like ei’s when she’s using her skill, the more raiden parallels the better in my opinion

Warnings: 5.3 archon quest spoilers, Yandere behaviours, i have likely not proof read this as well as i should have so i apologise for any mistakes, dark themes, some mentions of NSFW themes but no actual smut, being robbed of making choices, they all have serious control issues

Capitano:

Capitano has struggled with sleep for centuries now, he hopes you take no offence when he doesn’t join you at night however he would never wish to make you feel neglected. The primary reason he stole you away was to could ensure that you are treated with the dignity and adoration that befits someone of your character.

If your hair is long enough then he takes great care in braiding it every night. You’re surprised that a man of his stature is able to manoeuvre his fingers so nimbly through your hair. If braids aren’t your style or they simply wouldn’t work with your hair then he patiently awaits your instruction. Whether you want a bun, a ponytail or simply for your hair to flow freely he will diligently do as you command.

Although some aspects of your night routine may resemble that of Pantalone’s darling, Capitano doesn’t force you to abide by any particular routines. As long as you get enough rest he doesn’t mind if you spend every evening huddled in the library, just please allow him to sit with you as you read, nothing would bring him greater pleasure.

Despite the first harbinger being unable to sleep due to the constant burden of the tormented souls upon him, he does find comfort in the domesticity partaking in your nightly routines affords him. Watching your eyes flutter shut, hearing the words that slip out of your mouth leaving him to guess what you could possibly be dreaming about, watching over you when you are at your most defenceless.

He finds it utterly endearing to see you in this state. His heart feels much lighter the first night you fall asleep in his presence. He understands you may hold some resentment towards him for stealing you away from your home and the life you knew yet he is able to find hope in the vulnerability your behaviour shows. Being in your most docile and helpless form around him must surely mean you hold some form of trust for him. Trust is something he can work with, he’s certain now that he can cultivate this small piece of trust that you’ve extended to him from a sapling into a flourishing bloom and in time, perhaps you’ll forgive him for the selfish decision he made. He was utterly mindless and inconsiderate when he took you with him, against your will. Every day he lives with the shame of stealing you and yet... watching over you as you lay in his sheets, he cannot bring himself to regret it.

He shuts his eyes and listens to the rhythm of your breaths, a symphony that brings him nothing but relief. The knowledge that you were resting peacefully by his side invigorates him far more than slumber ever could.

After some time passes and he truly believes you are warming up to him in spite of everything, he might slip into your bed (with your permission of course). He’s unsure what to do at first, so overwhelmed with your closeness and warmth but as you begin to drift into a dreamscape, he allows his hands to wander slightly (but never anywhere inappropriate, despite how desperately he might crave your body he would never force you to do anything that might dishonour you). The body heat that emanates from you brings him immeasurable comfort as he forgets about the pain of the abyssal rot ravaging his body, instead focusing on the softness of your skin on his.

To feel you against him, your body tucked against his, it brings comfort that settles deep in his bones, not even the heavenly principles nor the curse that eats away at his flesh could strip it from him. For the first time in 500 years he remembers what its like to have a home.

Dottore:

You have the misfortune of having spent more time alone with Dottore than anyone else in Teyvat. In spite of his near constant presence, you had never once see him or any of his clones go to sleep. Once every few months you’ll catch him with his eyes shut and hunched over his desk, you assume he has finally drifted off but then mere seconds later his eyes will shoot open and his hands resume tinkering with whatever (or whoever) has had the misfortune of piquing his interest.

Prior to eliminating his clones he often used them as lab assistants, citing that the only person who he could trust to fulfil his work to the measure of perfection he demanded was himself. As the sun began to set whichever of his clones had the least to do would be charged with escorting you from his laboratory in the cellars of Zapolyarny palace to your shared estate. Much to Dottore’s annoyance, he swears that as the moon begins to rise, the segments begins to rush to finish their tasks in hopes of being the one to escort you home.

From early morning to night time you are forced to remain wherever Dottore is however he understands you are only human (for the time being, however he has plans to change that) and you require rest so he allows you to go home and sleep with the caveat that a segment remains by your side as he repeats a similar sentiment as he did earlier, that being the only man he would ever trust with your safety is himself.

Upon prime having to destroy the clones he is visibly on edge despite his dismissals when you try to enquire about it. It’s evident to you that without having the security of his segments watching over you he is tense. He now forbids you from going home, even with a platoon of Fatui guarding you, he has made far too many enemies to count over the years, he isn’t foolish enough to entrust your safety to some lackeys that even the eleventh could carve through with ease.

Much to your dismay he also states that he cannot take so much time away from his experiments to tend to your slumber and that from now on you will be sleeping in the laboratory.

It doesn’t take much exertion for his brilliant mind for him to deduce that you are not thrilled at this development.

After a few days of complaining he finally cracks. You seem to find a fault with every aspect of his laboratory.

”I’m uncomfortable”

”My back hurts”

”It’s too loud”

”It’s too bright”

”It’s too hot”

“It’s too cold”

”This pillow is lumpy”

”I can feel you staring at me”

It drives him mad. His next experiment will be on your voice, he has to test his hypothesis that there is something particular about your voice, perhaps it’s the tone or the pitch but whenever you speak he can’t help but grant you his full attention.

He prides himself on his resilience but for you he has always been quick to crack. Seeing you in such a bad mood puts him in a bad mood. Suddenly his patience has been shortened exponentially, the screams of his patients grind on his nerves far too quickly, leading to many experiments being cut short.

The following morning you will see two anemo skirmishers setting down a large object covered in a dust sheet in the far corner of the laboratory. You raise your question to Dottore, asking what it is. Only then does he set down his tools, a tiny smirk blooms across his face as he takes your hand in his and leads you across the room before lifting the sheet off the object and looking at you expectantly.

It was a single bed with plain white sheets and a single pillow. It was hardly exuberant but for Dottore to even show any form of regard for the discomfort of any living being was nothing short of a miracle.

If you ask him what prompted this his voice will grow venomous as he bites out that your endless complaints were a hindrance to his experiments but you see the self-satisfied sneer on his face as he soaks in your gratitude.

Admittedly you do still have to endure the screams of those unfortunate enough to end up strapped to the operating table as he refuses to allow you any form of noise cancellation lest he needs you for something (he never has but you’re sure he just doesn’t want to give you any avenues for ignoring him), at least you can keep your head staunchly under your pillow for whatever small form of muting the cries that it's able to provide.

Pantalone:

In spite of your resentment for Pantalone you could not deny the morbid interest you had in watching him go about his day. As an outsider you couldn’t shrug the pervasive feeling that had settled in your mind that his whole day seemed to be more of an elaborate routine rather than a man naturally progressing through the day.

Every paper, painting and plate had a specific place in his life and that was how Pantalone preferred it. One night at dinner you had made note of it and he had let out a rare chuckle as he gazed at you from across the grand mahogany dinner table. He put down his utensils before taking a moment to stare down at his hands, twisting the rings back into place so that the gemstones on them rested perfectly on his fingers, glimmering just right in the light before he acknowledged that perhaps some people might agree that he can be a little particular.

From the moment he had taken you into his home, he made sure that you too fit into his routine as flawlessly as everything else. He had expectations that you would meet if you knew what was good for you. Throughout the day his routine never once relaxed and as such, neither did yours. From the moment dinner ends he has you on a schedule that he had devoted hours to ensure it would allow you to fit into his schedule as perfectly as he wants you to. Like a ballerina wound up in a jewellery box, you would pirouette seamlessly to whichever melody he desired and you only move when he winds your cogs, never before.

Once you rise from the dinner table and he returns to his study, you are taken directly to your shared chambers with Pantalone by your ladies maids. In the porcelain tub within the en-suite sits a pool of hot water, still steaming with heat. Standing there awkwardly with only a silk robe wrapped around you as maids flutter in and out of the room. You stay rocking on the balls of your feet until at last the head maid returns, with her she carries a silver tray upon which rests several different bottles of fragrant oils and soaps to add to your bath.

Perhaps if you had been a little less perceptive you would believe this to be one of the areas in your life in which he allows some leniency but that is not the case. You are certain beyond all measure that each and every scent has gotten his approval before being presented to you. Maybe you should be thankful for this small illusion of choice but it only makes the reality of you situation sting in your tear ducts.

As you smell each one the head maid takes great enthusiasm in telling you the elaborate backstory for each and every bottle. Although its her voice speaking, you can hear his words.

The violet grass scent that had been acquired from the very highest point of Liyue’s immense mountain scape lending to it’s powdery floral notes being far more potent that before.

The sakura bloom oil had been extracted from a handful of petals that had been struck by the Shogun’s own divine lightning lending to it’s typical sweet smell having a bright undertone. You couldn’t stand that oil, you swore every time you applied it, it tingled.

The glaze Lilly that this oil had been diffused from had allegedly only bloomed when an adeptus descended from her abode in Jueyun Karst to serenade the flower and coaxing it into opening its petals. Supposedly its scent was so delicate and intoxicating that everyone who smelt it wept tears of joy. You didn’t think it smelt much different than any other glaze Lilly.

After a dozen more being presented to you, each with its own elaborate origins you simply grabbed the bottle closest to you on the tray, not caring which. They all smelt far too similar to care.

Since the day you were taken he had insisted that there was no price too high for his beloved. Perhaps he thinks you find his gifts romantic, instead you can’t help but laugh bitterly at the irony of your bathing products being better travelled than you are.

After nearly an hour of several maids scrubbing you from head to toe (when you had originally arrived you had refused their help however once Pantalone caught wind of this he had punished the maids for it. You had pleaded with him that it was your own fault for refusing their help and to please not punish them for your actions. He smiled gently, thanking you for your honesty before pressing a gently kiss to your forehead yet he said nothing about pardoning the maids, dismissing you at every mention of it. You had an entirely different group of maids tending to you the following morning and every subsequent morning after that).

After leaving the bath and drying off, you were dressed in a night gown. They were undoubtedly the worst part of the night, although they were beautiful they were also covered in itchy lace with necklines too deep and hems too short for the Snezhnayan winter.

After being dressed you would sit down at your vanity and methodically brush your hair with the gifts he had gotten you from Mondstadt: a boar bristle brush with a silver handle (he claimed the bristles were from a mighty bore sovereign native to Dragonspine) and a Dragon bone comb (he also had this made in Dragonspine, the bone acquired from the skeleton of Durin, the comb was a sturdy bone that no matter what always stayed warm).

Finally you would lie in bed and wait for your husband. If he decides to join you then you can slip gently into your dreams, the one place where you can forget about the heavy arm latched around your waist and the fingers tangled in your hair. On more unfortunate nights, he would not join you in your shared chambers, instead he would expect you to come to him. Shuffling sleepily through dark corridors until you finally reached the tall doors of his study. Your knuckle barely grazes the wood before the door swings open and he offers you a gentle smile before wrapping his arm around your waist and coaxing you in.

If you were lucky a few well-placed tender kisses to his neck would persuade him to abandon his work and join you in bed however some nights he would have you sat on his lap until the sun rose. Those nights you rarely slept well as you had to deal with his mutterings, the candle light illuminating the room and the way he adjusted you on his lap. If you were lucky you could shut your eyes and feign sleep when you felt something hard growing beneath you, other nights he was insistent on your participation.

Scaramouche:

Throughout the countless waking hours you’ve spent in unwilling solitude with the sixth harbinger you were hardly surprised at the revelation that his sour attitude persists far past the sunset and well into the moonlit hours. If anything his annoyance only grew the closer you crept to retiring for the night.

Having no knowledge of his marionette body’s ability to endure without sleep, you couldn’t disguise your discomfort the first night you shared his bed and his lilac eyes stayed glued to you all night, their vibrant hue glowing in the dark of your chambers. You could see the dim purple light in the room, even through your eyelids. His illuminated eyes wouldn’t move from your face as you rested. It doesn’t matter how often you late in the night you might wake up or how often you squint through your half-closed eyes at him, Scaramouche’s gaze stays fixed intently on you from the moment you pull the blankets over your shoulders.

Should you somehow develop a fondness for your captor you will quickly learn that in spite of his feelings for you, he is not an attentive or affectionate man. Scaramouche scoffs at the proposal of ‘cuddling’. He spits out that he will not entertain such pathetic displays of fondness, not even for you. The firm tenor in his voice makes you believe that there is no room for negotiation on the matter, however from that night onwards, his hand remains fixed tightly around your wrist the moment you retire under the covers with him.

One particularly irritating trait about Scaramouche is his insistence that you never turn away from him, many times your awoken by a set of firm hands clamped down on your shoulders as they turn you around in the bed, back to facing him. While you are both waking and sleeping he refuses to allow you to turn your back to him, you’re unsure as to why and frankly you’re not certain you wish to know. There are aspects of your captor's past that you're undoubtedly influence his current actions yet you do not wish to learn such things, not yet.

On exceptionally rare occasions, oftentimes after an intimate night of gently unwinding with him, removing his clothing with all the attentiveness he has expected to be synonymous with being the wife of the sixth harbinger. Brush your lips gently over his skin with a tenderness in your touch he hasn’t felt since… he can’t recall. After several hours in each others passionate embrace, Scaramouche may fall into a restless slumber. You may initially find this rare period of sleep from him to be enjoyable however it opens the gateway to a version of Scaramouche you may find yourself unfamiliar with.

The first night Scaramouche falls asleep in your presence, you soon understand his disdain for sleep. The whimpers and cries that escape the balladeer are completely uncharacteristic for him. You had never heard his voice assume any tone beyond a haughty drawl or an intimidating bark, you almost didn’t recognise it was Scaramouche speaking until a familiar word escaped his throat.

”Y/N...”

It was undoubtedly the balladeer speaking however his voice had been fragile and light as he spoke your name, as though saying it too harshly would cause it to shatter.

”Y/N… come back, please…”

“please...” he had whispered out and the word sounded almost foreign on his tongue. Until now you had assumed the word didn’t even exist in the harbingers vocabulary. His sleep only seemed to worsen. You sat up, unsure whether you should wake him or not. His gentle murmurs were slowly growing louder and more desperate. You watched as his sleeping form writhed across the bed, his arms fully extended as his fingers clenched and unclenched, grasping and pawing at the bedsheets.

You slowly nudged yourself closer to him, preparing to wake him from whatever nightmares was plaguing him until his hand brushed against your night clothes. Suddenly his fist clenched tightly around your waist as he yanked your body impossibly closer, curling around you.

The following morning he untangled his limbs from yours before quickly scurrying out of the room. His gaze never met yours but from the chaste kiss and the way his eyes refused to look up from the ground… you swore he almost seemed embarrassed, his demeanour suiting that of a pouting child rather than an agent of destruction.

As you opened the bedroom doors not long after his departure, the stench of sizzled flesh wafted through the corridors. Some poor Fatuus were now paying the price in blood for Scaramouche’s humiliation as they were demoted from subordinates to the punching bags for him to unleash his rage on. The part of himself that he had buried so deeply, shrouded in layer and layer of bitterness and rage, had exposed itself to your discerning gaze and his mortification was suffocating him.

If he were a weaker man perhaps the humiliation would have brought tears to his eyes but he was stronger than the mewling little wretch he used to be. Like forging a sword, he had beaten the impurities out one by one in the heat of his own hatred and the boiling of his blood until only the perfect blade remained. cold. lethal. merciless. He is no quivering weakling that can simply be thrown away. Not anymore. Never again. In spite of his pathetic display last night he would make certain you and everyone else remembers it.

[ladiesworldsblog]

Isn’t she sexy? She’s everything a man could dream of, she’s a hot body and a dirty mind. And she loves to play with both.

We expected some guest for a dinner party and she had decided to dress beyond sexy, wearing a sheer body suit and slim leather pants. My dick reacted as expected and she just smiled at me.

I just begged her to wear something to cover her boobs and she offered me a deal, if I were ready to do, what she wants, she may do me a favor. So she told me to wear my cock cage that evening and do whatever she says to me and she’ll wear a jacket.

Of course, I nodded and told her that I‘ll do it. Giving her a lovely kiss to seal it. She kept her promise, but I guess some of our guests still got a peek of what she’s hiding underneath. And I heard how she got complimented for her dress and several men obviously told her, that she’s in a great shape. She loves both kinds of of feedback and nearly blushed several times.

I just enjoyed the view, she was clearly the center of attraction and the air was filled will thoughts of dirty minds. I guess every male guest and maybe even some females were thinking about some more private time with my wife. And it aroused me, I wouldn’t have say no to their wish… to their demand. I could understand it so well.

But it got late, more and more of our guests had to leave and suddenly I had lost sight of my wife. But I had to take care of the needs of the remaining guests, so I couldn’t have a look after her. Half an hour later my wife came back to our guests and a minute later I saw one of my friends coming from the bathroom smirking at me as he returned to the party.

Turned out, that he was the last guest, who didn’t had intentions to leave. You know these guys, right? So it was just the three of us and he was heavily flirting with my wife, overwhelming her with compliments and sweet talk.

Suddenly my wife told me to join her in the kitchen for a second. She said, that she’s was in the mood for a bottle of champagne, but the last bottle just got emptied and she asked me to get another one from the shop. I told her, that I had a drink or two as well and couldn’t drive.

She smiled at me, told me, she knew and begged me to go for a walk. My mind started to spin and I remember that my friend and my wife reappeared at the same time just an hour ago. „Be a darling, you promised to do, whatever I want, right.“ I nodded and watched as she gave me her jacket and returned to the living room.

Oh my gosh, I was horny and excited and surely I knew, what was going to happen. I just heard her saying to him, „we‘ll have some time for us, you may unwrap your gift now! And don’t worry about him, he’s fine with it and he‘ll get his treat, when he’s back!“

It took me over an hour to get back to our house, my friend was gone and my wife lay on her back on our couch, she was naked and sweaty and some fluids ran out of her swollen pussy. She smiled at me, told me, I‘m such a lovely cuckold and offered me to taste, what he left inside of her.

[writing-flower]

“ Between life and death, death is tempting ”

First act: “From the roots”

Prologue: “Happy fifteenth birthday! (Again?)��

WARNING: Mention of blood and death.

My memory had never been the best, it was good, but not exceptional. Nothing out of this world.

I wasn't as smart as Damian or Tim, I wasn't as strong as Jason or Dick, nor was I as sharp as Bruce Wayne.

I wasn't exceptional, but I was good, but not good enough for them. For him.

God, I was so focused on getting his attention, playing sports, try to pass every subject with the highest grade, join any club like debate or math.

Anything, but all that never leads to anything.

Well, almost nothing, everything I did only caused Damian to see me as a desperate for attention, which, he wasn't wrong.

But still, it didn't make it hurt any less, every insult, malicious insinuation even the occasional threat flying through the air, each one was the result of three years of trying to get someone to look at me.

Sometimes that attention only appeared with Dick, on the few times that he came to visit and came across a scene of me with Damian, He immediately stopped him.

Forcing him to apologize, spoiler, he never apologized.

The first time it happened I thought that my attempts had finally yielded good results, but no, I dare say this was worse.

As if he gave me hope and then suddenly he snatches it away without any fanfare.

Oh wait, that's literally what happened.

And about the others, I didn't even have the chance to talk to them, simply because I was already tired and also because if Damian continued he would have more reasons to screw me.

And let's face it, nobody wants to feed the wolf because you know it bites.

In this case, the bird.

It didn't help that almost the entire family was going on patrol, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in being part of that, but then I remember Jason...I immediately got that idea out of my mind.

Mm, but if I stop to think, or rather, remember, another thing that I learned in my attempts to get my family's attention, I fell in love with dance.

It was the only class that I didn't drop like the others, I genuinely loved it.

Once in her class, the teacher made us all dance with large, long, and thin fabrics. She made us dance what we wanted, in her words: “Dance as if you were free”.

My companions danced with joy, I just stayed silent for a few moments watching them without knowing how to start.

But then I sighed to close my eyes, letting my body move as it wanted.

“Dance as if you were free” I thought, I started to imagine the music in my head. It was nice, I love it.

I went from knowing what the hell to do to starting to laugh with my classmates, I turned around and then curtsied, feeling how almost all the fabric covered my body.

I open my eyes and see my entire audience applauding, not just me, but also the rest of the dancers.

As soon as I turned eighteen I followed my teacher's advice. I didn't do it before because I was a minor, I needed my tutor's permission and blah blah blah...

Contact with my family at this point was zero, except for the new member, Duke, a sweet and kind boy.

Just looking at him made prayers come to mind for Bruce.

“If you let this kid end up like Jason, I’ll take care of throwing the Joker at you myself, you unhappy idiot.” I was thinking but also listening as Duke energetically told me what his first patrol had been like.

I used to have a certain respect for Bruce, I mean, he's Batman and he does everything in his power to make sure Gotham isn't in such a shitty place.

But then I remember that he keeps adopting children as if they were dogs to give them "A better life" by turning them into human weapons.

Sooooo, yeah, I wish that every day he wakes up with a backache and a headache.

"[Name]"

"Yes dear?" Through the mirror I watched Duke looking at me hopefully as I put on my makeup for the upcoming performance in an hour.

Oh no, I already know what he's going to ask.

"Why do you never come to the mansion?" God, I swear he does that look on purpose, brat.

I sigh as I turn around to look at him.

"You already know my answer, I have no reason to do it and I don't want to either." I said as I turned back to the mirror to continue.

"Yes! I know, but why exactly don't you want to?"

A silence reigned in the room, putting on my makeup but at the same time thinking about what to answer him.

As much as I resent the Waynes, they didn't do anything to Duke, until now, they treat him as he deserves and the last thing I want is to plant that seed of hatred towards them in Duke.

Because I know him, as soon as I tell him what my childhood was like in that mansion and those responsible, the first thing he will do is complain.

And at this point in my life I don't want any unnecessary drama with them.

I lowered the lipstick and looked at him.

"I never liked being in that mansion, since I was little I was always afraid of those giant, dark hallways, and I still am."

Duke stared at me in bewilderment. "Is that the only reason you don't want to come to the mansion?"

I nodded. "It sounds stupid, I know, but every time I walk down those halls it brings back bad memories."

That wasn't a lie.

Duke was silent for a few moments before coming up to me and hugging me.

"Aww, honey you are such a sweetheart sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah, because you can be a brat sometimes too." I laughed as I ruffled Duke's hair until it was disheveled.

"A white lie won't hurt anyone." I thought while Duke laughed and tried to pull my hand out of his hair.

Without realizing it, it was already time to start. I said goodbye to Duke, telling him to go back to the mansion, but he insisted on staying.

Something I allowed, GOD, I should have begged him not to do it.

Because from one moment to the next while I was dancing, all the lights went out and when they came back on I felt like blood was flooding my mouth, like everyone was screaming in fear.

What happened? Why am I bleeding?

Duke, he was next to me trying to keep me awake, to not close my eyes.

It got to the point where I couldn't hear anything he was saying, it was complicated while I felt like a part of my body was bleeding non-stop.

I hate to see him cry, please look away... leave me here.

Please...

I don't want the last thing I see to be you crying...

Please...

She opened her eyes calmly and confusedly, all she could hear was the ringing in her ears. She thought she was in a hospital because of the light.

But when her vision stopped blurring, she realized that the light was not from a hospital spotlight, but from the skylight in the wooden ceiling.

"Wait...Skylight?" She muttered, feeling her voice raspy and her throat sore.

The bed wasn't that soft, it was really hard and uncomfortable but still [Name] didn't want to get up, after almost dying...

[Name] sat up in bed right away.

"I ALMOST DIE!" She literally jumped out of bed and ran to the closet to get her clothes.

She needed to see how Duke was doing, his desperate face and the way he held back the urge to cry and couldn't, broke her heart.

But it was when she pulled out a t-shirt that she realized.

"This isn't my size..." Confused, [Name] walked over to the mirror.

If Duke broke her heart, now she's literally having a heart attack.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" [Name] could swear that any living thing that was near her would have run away in less time than it takes a rooster to crow.

She touched her face carefully, as if it would disappear or break if she touched it hard, this is so weird...a woman in her late twenties trapped in her fifteen year old self, god, what a hell.

[Name] She stepped back without taking her eyes off the mirror while she sat back down on her bed.

On the other side of the door, she heard someone knocking on it two or three times. Accompanied by a soft but direct voice calling her name.

"Miss [Name]"

[Name] immediately turned around to stare at the door, for a few short moments no one said anything, there was only silence.

"Are you okay? You didn't come down to breakfast. That's not something usual for you." Alfred said once he got no response from her.

"Yeah, I'm fine Alfred...I just stayed up late last night that's all..." She didn't know what to say, obviously it wasn't okay, but she didn't want any more problems in her head, she just wanted to focus on the main problem.

She literally just got younger, which would be a good thing if it weren't for the fact that she also came back to this damn mansion.

"Okay, miss, I'll be waiting for you with your breakfast, you need to eat something before you start the day." [Name] was about to reply until Alfred stepped in. "Also, Happy Birthday Miss."

She didn't say anything, she didn't want to.

Alfred walked away from the door, [Name] could hear his footsteps moving away through the hallways and down the stairs.

"Was it always this quiet?" She muttered in her mind as she turned her gaze back to the mirror.

She thought about her life before coming back here, it wasn't good, she didn't earn much from dancing, but... it was her life, a life that took her time to perfect.

And now, I go back to the beginning? Shit, no.

"Alive or dead, I don't care, either way I'm getting out of here..." She said with some frustration and tiredness. "Happy birthday to me...that's new."

With nothing left to lose, she gets back out of bed to find some clothes to change into.

It was her birthday and she had to look good.

And hopefully, it would be the last birthday she would spend in this mansion.

NOTES: Hi, I hope everything is okay, even if it's better than me, I had finished the 'prologue' a while ago but I was feeling a bit unsure that something felt out of place or "weird".

I repeat and reiterate, I can understand English but in terms of speaking/writing it I am still learning. Until I feel completely confident for now I will continue using the translator (my savior).

But if there are any errors (probably some, I hope not many) let me know, I want everyone to be able to read comfortably and as long as I can I will make it happen.

Anyway, I hope you like it, I love you! Muak muak💋💋

TAGS:

@crazycaoticsimp @closetreader1864

[kumkaniudaku]

Worship

Summary: Patrice needs to know how Terry feels about her changing body.

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Black!OC

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, Smut (18+)

MASTERLIST

“Do you still think I’m pretty?” 

If one question could suck all of the oxygen out of the room and put it all back in a gust of disorienting, bitter wind, that was it. Patrice hadn’t intended her inquiry to be an abrupt interruption to an otherwise calm evening, but she couldn’t allow the thought to torment her any longer. 

Patrice watched Terry from the large mirror in front of them, her bottom lip trapped beneath her top row of teeth while she watched him lean over and spit toothpaste out of his mouth into his sink. Sympathy flashed across his face as he looked back at her. “Of course I do. I think you’re beautiful.” 

“Are you still attracted to me? And not just in theory or what you remember about my body from five months ago. I mean, right now. Pregnant, showing, and all. Am I still sexy to you?”

“Patrice…” 

Closing her eyes, Patrice shook her head and lifted her palm to stop Terry before he jumped into a diatribe for what she considered a cut-and-dry question. “Please, don’t do that, Terrence. Answer me. Do you still see me as a woman worthy of your sexual attention? Yes or no?” 

“Yes, baby. You are.” 

Hearing his answer sent a rush of sadness coursing through Patrice’s veins. She wasn’t sure what she hoped to hear, but that wasn’t it. That only created more uncertainty and a slew of questions she wasn’t sure were still worth asking. Still, she persisted, letting her inquisitive nature take over when she wished she could be quiet and go to bed in blissful ignorance/

“Then why,” A painful lump grew in her throat as tears pricked her waterline. Patrice swallowed it back to try and muscle through her interrogation without allowing her emotions to derail. “Why haven’t you touched me? It’s been three months of nothing. What you’re saying to me doesn’t match your actions.”

Strained silence blanketed the bathroom, competing with the humidity responsible for lingering droplets in the air for which one could douse the embers of reconciliation the fastest. 

Physical and mental changes had thrown Patrice into a loop. Every day, her insides were shifted and stretched to what felt like capacity, bringing a bevy of brand-new feelings that rocked her with every unexpected mood swing. Rays of joy reminded her she’d be meeting a life she helped create intermingled with tormenting thoughts of her attractiveness or lack thereof, keeping her lips glued shut for fear that she’d sound bonkers to her husband. So, she kept them all inside or in the privacy of weekly chats with her girls, hoping the kinks would work themselves out, and they could return to the love she recognized.

“I’m not trying to put the blame on you or me,” she tried to explain when she wasn’t greeted with a response from Terry. “I just…I noticed we’ve slipped away from each other. We barely touch outside of a kiss or a hug. The little comments are gone. We’re flirting less. We haven’t been us, Terrence and Patrice, since we saw this baby on that machine a few months ago, and I’m the only one who seems to notice!” 

He sighed and furrowed his brows. “I notice, Treece. I just…I don’t know. I don’t know what to do or how to be. This is my first time.”

“It’s mine too, Terry! But what does that have to do with who we are! What happens when the baby gets here? Is this going to be our life forever? Is this just it?”

Terry didn’t know what to say. The raging winds of life had blown him to and fro as a husband and father-to-be. Where he thought he was balancing both responsibilities with impeccable efficiency, he missed the signs of his wife’s distress. He couldn’t recount where he went wrong to rectify his misgivings. What’s worse is that he didn’t see an avenue to admit his confusion, fearing he’d sound crass and uncaring in the face of Patrice’s concern. 

So, they stood there in silence, letting unspoken words snuff out the already dying flames of intimacy. 

The stench followed them into a new week marred by disjointed interactions and tight lips. They existed like passing ships in the night, exchanging pleasantries typical of a couple who’d long let go of the rope, not one still possessing the will to fight but lacking the how. 

Sounds of children playing and birds chirping filtered through the open kitchen window as Patrice sat at the kitchen table, clicking through pages and pages of baby items to fill their shower registry. Terry watched her from the entryway, quietly admiring how glistening sun rays gave dimension to her fresh dye job and highlighted glowing skin. Her belly curved beneath one of his long-sleeved t-shirts, clothing her and their heir in his presence even though they were still on the outs. The soft smile gracing her face while she undoubtedly occupied her mind with color schemes and furniture layouts made him grin before he could stop the corners of his lips from creeping upward. 

He missed her. The notion of missing someone he slept next to every night felt as alien as wearing two left shoes, but it was the truth. It was a starting point. And, as long as he had a starting point, he could map his way back to where they belonged. 

“Can I do something for you, Mr. Richmond?” 

Patrice’s question startled Terry out of his thoughts and set him on a path toward the kitchen. “How’d you know I was there?” He asked before stopping short to rest his hand on her upper back. The habit made her lean into his touch and the lingering kiss he held against her temple. 

“Heavy feet, remember?” Their stilted chuckles synced into a familiar cadence, slowly releasing the valve on latent tension. She looked up at him and smiled. “You okay? Need something?” 

“Actually, yeah. Mind if I sit down?” 

“It’s your kitchen table, too. Sit wherever you want.”

Curious eyes under long lashes watched Terry round the table to drag his usual seat closer to hers. An inner battle made him look into the backyard from the window when they locked gazes, biding him time to gather his thoughts until he felt satisfied with their direction. He looked back, bathing her in a soft, doting gaze. “You are unbelievably attractive to me, Treecey. There’s not much you can do to turn me off.” 

“So, what’s stopping you? Is it something I’m doing?” 

“No, no, no,” Terry rushed to reassure, gently placing his palms on her thighs for a squeeze. “Can I be honest?” 

Patrice nodded back at him, praying that what existed on the other side of his extended pause wouldn’t act as a wrecking ball on her wavering self-image. 

Terry scooted closer until Patrice’s knees fit perfectly between his before lacing their fingers together. His eyes didn’t waiver as he spoke the only truth he knew. “I don’t know how to interact with this new version of you. After all these years, you still make me nervous. I was nervous when we started dating again. I was nervous on our wedding night. Now, your body is changing, and I’m more nervous around you than ever,” He admitted. “I’m afraid I might hurt or bother you when you’re tired and trying to catch a break between all you have going on. But, I guess I let being nervous keep compounding until I made you feel like you aren’t the most beautiful woman in the world at all times.”

Patrice’s resolve had long morphed her first dose of hot tears for the day, the sensation coming in so quick that a few slipped past her fingers when she tried to tame them. “Am I, really?” 

Moving forward, Terry brought his hands up to rest on Patrice’s cheeks. “You’re gorgeous to me, baby. I’m so sorry I ever made you think you weren’t.” 

Patrice closed her eyes to feel the feathery caress of lips across her nose and cheeks. He’d run out of words. All he had left was desperate pleas in the form of physical affection to atone for all his sins. 

She accepted each one with no pushback, melting into his touch as the weight of untold battles began sliding down her heavy shoulders.

“It wasn’t just you.” Patrice’s confession came with a deep breath to settle herself. “Every time I step out of the house, someone is commenting on my body or touching me. ‘Oh, you’re carrying high!’ or ‘Girl, you gettin’ big fast!’ It’s too much. I thought I was strong enough to validate myself because that’s what I’ve been doing, you know? But I couldn’t. So, when it felt like you were pushing me away for the one thing I can’t control, I spiraled. I shouldn’t have let it get that far, but I didn’t know how to speak to you without losing my shit. These hormones are kicking my ass.” 

Loud, harmonious laughter meshed to heal aching souls navigating their first storm as parents-to-be. Terry watched Patrice’s face light up like stars over the countryside and smiled as he reached up to dry unshed tears gathered in her eye’s inner corners. “That’s okay. Lose your shit every once in a while. Now’s the perfect time.”

Patrice sighed before reaching for Terry’s wrist to anchor her racing thoughts. Her eyes bore into familiar green pools that always regarded her with love that felt almost too overwhelming to absorb. She watched him mouth a sincere ‘I love you’ that made her skin tingle from head to toe. She gripped him tighter, hoping he could feel the effect he had on her.

“Listen, baby, I’m five months pregnant, not dead,” Patrice laughed, earning a bright smile from Terry. “I still want my husband. I still want to be wanted by you, too. Because your validation means a lot to me. Especially while I’m changing like this.” 

Terry dropped a hand to make space for an incoming round of kisses, each deeper than before. “I want you, Piggy,” he spoke before pressing another kiss to her lips. “I’ll always want you. We’ll be 90 in the nursing home, and I’ll still be chasing behind you with my walker and calling you my girlfriend.”

“Good,” Patrice giggled, tickled by the imagery of a distant version of themselves still head over heels with time winding down on their time together. Static passed between them. Touches became magnified. Pupils dilated with an incoming flood of endorphins. She bit her lip before finishing her thought. “Because if I’m half as horny at 90 as I have been for the last few weeks, we’ll have to keep the nurses on speed dial.” 

“It’s been like that,” Terry questioned, his eyebrow arching.

Patrice moved his hand closer to the meeting of her thighs, hoping he could feel the throb matching her increasing heartbeat. “It’s been like that.”

Terry let his eyes wander across Patrice’s face to linger on her lips before looking back at her with drooping eyelids. His voice emerged from beyond his lips, sounding like hot chocolate on a winter morning. “Let me fix that for you. Show you how much I want you until you tell me to stop?” 

An offer she couldn’t and wouldn’t dare refuse. Permission granted with a short nod and shallow breaths set them on a path down the hallway and into their bedroom, where the sweet symphony of early evening lovemaking was poised to reclaim its space in their lives. 

Patrice lay in wait, lower back and hips lifted off the mattress by a throne of pillows arranged for her comfort near the edge of the bed while she watched Terry arrange scented candles on the dresser in all his naked glory. 

At some point, she’d find time to thump the back of his head for using her expensive stuff to set the mood. But tonight, she chose to focus on the sensual shadows dancing across his body as he stepped between her legs and leaned forward to see her face under dim candlelight.

“Comfortable,” he asked as his hands roamed from her knees to her thighs and back in an effort to soothe his bubbling nerves. “Google says I should have a wedge for you, but I hope that’ll do.” 

Patrice sank deeper into her cocoon and nodded. “This is perfect. I’m okay.” 

“You promise to let me know when you aren’t?” He waited for Patrice to respond verbally in the affirmative before gingerly lifting her right leg to bring her ankle to his lips for a slow kiss. “What’d Mookie say in Do The Right Thing? Thank God for the ankles?” 

He dropped a kiss against her calf before nuzzling the spot. “Thank God for the legs.” He inched further to suckle Patrice’s fleshy inner thigh, drawing a soft sigh from her as a reward for his good deed. “Thank God for these thighs. I love them so much.” 

He set his sights on the swell of her growing belly, rounding day by day with the promise of a little bundle of joy made in their image. He kissed his way past her belly button and up to her breasts, lingering on his name written in slanted script before moving again. “Thank God for the left nipple and the right.”

Patrice let her eyes flutter closed as he directed her hands to the back of his head while expertly pulling one of her nipples between his teeth. Terry lavished each areola with attention from his tongue, letting quiet moans serenade him until he backed off to say more.

“Thank God for all this gorgeous skin.” He rubbed his nose up her sternum into the crook of her neck. “Thank God for the way you smell. Nothing in this world compares to how it drives me crazy.”

Patrice arched into the kisses Terry left along her neck until her core ached for his attention. 

Every sensation, every lick and practiced nibble at the hands of the only man to satisfy the nooks and crannies of her womanhood, and then some felt intensified ten times over.

The second trimester had done a number on her. Her best friends and OBGYN all confirmed that the gnawing, insatiable sexual appetite she’d developed was normal and meant to be harnessed before her libido waned on the way to the final stretch. 

“Men used to fight wars for women like you. And here you are, giving me  chance after chance to get it right.”

She whimpered into his ear. “Baby.” Her nails lightly scratched at his shoulder blades, begging for a touch only he could provide. “Please, Terrence. Don’t make me wait.”

How could he deny her? She’d asked so nicely and waited so patiently to have him joined to her at the waist. He owed her swift pleasure after all he’d put her through while the stress of growing ten fingers and ten toes reigned down new emotions every other day. 

Terry didn’t tarry on his way to granting her wish. He stood flat-footed before her, slightly bending his knees to deepen their kiss as they reveled in the feeling of his tip gathering wetness at her opening. 

“Tell me when to stop,” he breathed against her mouth. “I know I can’t go too deep. Say when.”

Their lips remained connected throughout his measured re-introduction to her body until a shared gasp turned two breaths into one. Patrice’s jaw dropped as he inched closer and closer to her limit. He watched her with intense focus and a furrowed brow, waiting for her to make the call. 

A little deeper. A little more. Almost. So close. “Right there,” she called out, her hands gripping his biceps to maintain her tether to reality. “Mm, right there.” 

He rolled his hips in a fluid, intentional back and forth, letting the tug from her walls set his start and endpoints. He lifted a hand from its space beside her hips to guide one of hers back toward the mattress for their fingers to interlock. 

Terry murmured variations of ‘I love you’ while Patrice allowed him to gently rock her through rolling waves of pleasure until moans turned into screams trapped in her throat. Strong legs acted with equal parts power and restraint to coax her into the release she deserved. 

He carefully leaned forward to rest his weight on his forearms and speak against her mouth once she felt her getting close to the promised land. “Look, this beautiful body carrying my baby. I was an idiot for wasting all this time when you needed me most. You forgive me, Piggy?” 

“Mhmm,” Patrice managed to whine as the coil in her body began to tighten in preparation for her orgasm. 

He shook his head, needing more. “Say it. Tell me you forgive me.”

“Yes!” She answered, tossing her head back to revel in the euphoria spreading across her limbs. “Yes! I forgive you!”

“My beautiful girl,” he whispered as he thrust into her, feeling the tips of her nails turn his skin into her personal emery board. He blinked away the mix of pain and pleasure to finish showering Patrice in praise. “You always have been.” He could feel her tightening around him, spurring a falter in his stroke that quickened his pace. He panted to match her deep breaths, turning a simple sentence into one he had to grit through clenched teeth. “You always will…be. Fuck, I’m…fuck.” 

Ninety days of pent-up emotions and withheld affection came with an orgasm strong enough to push Terry up on his toes while he listened to Patrice marvel at what he’d gifted her with his hard work. 

They heaved until heaving became delirious laughter, then ‘til laughter circled back to needy kisses missed during their time apart. 

Patrice pulled Terry close, cradling the back of his head to speak into his ear while leaving budding markers of his love under her earlobe. “I don’t want you thinkin’ that’s all for tonight.” Terry slowly released her skin from his lips and pulled away to answer with a quizzical look. Patrice pushed up on her forearms to nip at his bottom lip. 

“Come on. Get me off my back. It's your turn to be worshipped.”

--------

Reply if you'd like to be tagged in future work!

TAGS: @planetblaque @wvsspoppin @thatone-girly @avoidthings @slutsareteacherstoo @eilujion @amyhennessyhouse @yaachtynoboat711 @jenlovey @pinkpantheris @blowmymbackout @onherereading @becauseimswagman1 @thiccc-c @hrlzy @urfavblackbimbo @blackburnbook @ashanti-notthesinger @xo-goldengirl @ariiijestertheklown @blyffe @tvchi @wabi-sabi1090 @blackmoonchilee @flydotty @aldrigmer444 @ash-ketchumzzz @nayaesworld @ms-mosley-ifunastyyy @writingsbytee @teddybeerz @trippyscotch @theogbadbitch @ghostfacekill-monger @nyifly22

[hgfictionwriter]

Revelations: Part Two

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie's confession leaves you reeling. It changes everything and you don't know how to even begin to navigate the emotions and hardships that come with it.

Warnings: Angst. Language.

You blinked several times and your mouth fell open to speak, but zero words came. Your jaw remained slack while a frown slowly formed as your thoughts ricocheted inside your head. You stared at Jessie, vaguely processing the deep look of concern on her face.

"I-I had no idea," she began to speak with a new urgency spurred on by your silence. She shifted closer to you and held out her hands in her lap in emphasis. "I just," she shook her head as she tried to find her words. “I arrived for a game and she was there. I-"

“Wait. Who,” you finally spoke as your frown deepened while your mind struggled to comprehend what was being said.

“Um, well, Sara,” Jessie said as you saw her trying to compose herself again. “My um, ex? I guess? I don’t know what to call her, really. But, um," she swallowed hard, gaze fixed on the floor as she spoke, "she told me we needed to talk." She glanced at you, eyes pleading. "I-I didn't know what to do with that information. It seemed so weird - I hadn't seen or talked to her in years and all of a sudden she just showed up wanting to talk? And you know how things are at the doors, I just rush through, so I just kinda nodded, but moved past. I didn't even exchange information with her."

She swallowed audibly again and began to wring her hands together. Her voice quivered.

"I didn't think much of it. I thought maybe she wanted to catch up and I dismissed it because, I don't know - she and I were connected so briefly," she said as her voice rose in pitch and she rubbed her face roughly.

Her shoulders visibly rose and fell as she took a second. She looked at you more fully and her eyes glistened with mounting tears.

"She showed up at the next game - same thing. But this time she held out her phone to me." Her pace slowed and her eyes drifted briefly to the floor. "She had a picture up."

Your heart pounded so heavily in your chest that you felt for sure she could hear it. You watched wordlessly, jaw now clenched tightly as she retrieved her phone. She eventually turned it over to you.

Somehow you managed to lift your hand, a tremble in the action, as you took the phone. Your breath held stagnant in your throat as you looked down to see an image of a little girl with dark, wispy curls looking up at the camera with a familiar smile. Her cheeks were tinged pink with freckles adorning them and her nose.

The synapses in your brain fired rapidly as pieces fell into place. You tried to swallow, but nearly choked at the effort. You stared at the photo so long that her screen locked. Your stunned expression reflected in the darkened screen for several seconds before you looked up at her.

Jessie stared at you, eyes wide and searching. She looked terrified.

"What am I looking at?" You eventually asked, voice wavering with how dry and tight your throat was. Jessie inched closer to you, knees now touching yours. She gently retrieved her phone from your limp grasp.

"That's-that's Zoie," she announced softly, her voice nearly a whisper. "My daughter."

It was her second time confessing it, but this time it hit you hard and square in the chest. The feelings that had been simmering and forming just beneath the surface came rushing up. You shook your head several times and let out a weak laugh.

"I-I don't understand. What are you talking about?" You shifted your gaze up to the ceiling and waved your hands about in confusion and desperation. "How do you even know? That could be anyone's kid!"

The weight in your chest undermined your words. The image you just saw on her phone was near impossible to deny despite every fibre of your being wishing for this to be some horrible misunderstanding.

Jessie didn't respond immediately and you snapped your head back down to see her eyeing you remorsefully.

"I know," she said quietly, casting her gaze down as she opened her phone to look at the photo again. "It's a lot to absorb. I-I didn't believe it at first either."

You realized that your jaw was clenched so tightly that your teeth were starting to ache. Your fingers dug painfully into the tops of your thighs. Tears began to burn behind your eyes and you stared hard at Jessie. She didn't cower, but her shoulders were hunched as she stared absently at the photo.

"She's mine, Y/N," she said softly, looking up to you once more. "Sara and I-"

The mention of this other woman brought out a visceral reaction in you.

"Wait - hold up. Who the hell is Sara again?" You interjected. "I don't remember you ever mentioning her." Jessie sighed wearily, picking at the corners of her fingers.

"She," Jessie started, waving her hand around aimlessly, "was, kind of just some girl. She was on the track team and we met during my last couple of months at UCLA. We'd really only been on a few dates before I got signed to Chelsea and left for London. I stopped hearing from her not long after I left. I didn't really know why. And I didn't really question it either - we weren't committed, I was busy - new life, new career. I didn't give it more thought." She exhaled somberly. "Now I know why."

Your pulse was still pounding loudly in your head as her words settled in.

"Just 'some girl'?" You asked as your raised your eyebrows. "Some girl - who happened to have your kid," you said with surprising steadiness as you stared her down.

She winced, recoiling slightly and burying her face in her hands before lowering them.

"I know this is a lot to dump on you. I-I'm so sorry, babe," she said. She huffed irritably. "This is why I didn't say anything for so long. I had to wrap my head around things and I just couldn't even begin to fathom what to say to you."

You sniffled and sat up straighter. "So what. You fuck this girl. She gets knocked up. But...you're in London when she finds out? And what - she just doesn't tell you? She just carries on - lives her life, has your kid. And all of a sudden decides to confront you?" You asked bewildered.

"I know," she said sullenly as she closed her eyes. "She chose not to tell me because I was so far away and I had no intention of coming back to LA. And, I don't know, she said she just didn't see how it would work and didn't want me to abandon this great opportunity." She sighed. "But when I transferred to Portland, she thought it was time. Zoie's starting kindergarten in September - other kids have their parents and, Sara just thought it wasn't fair to Zoie..."

Your throat was dry all over again. As she talked it dawned on you that she'd been having all of these conversations and developments with this woman. Her ex. The mother of her child.

"So all of this hiding around, secret calls and texts, late nights - all of this bullshit - you've been sneaking around talking with her?" Saliva pooled in your mouth as you thought about it.

Jessie fidgeted. "Yes. But - it was all about Zoie. Trying to figure things out. There was absolutely nothing else going on. I swear," she said adamantly as she grasped your hands. You might've pulled away if your limbs didn't feel numb. "She knows I'm in love with you. So in love with you. And that we're engaged."

You stared vacantly at the floor as you gave a slow shake of your head. None of this was making sense. This just couldn't be real.

"I don't - I don't even know what to think," you said. "What does all of this mean? W-what now?" You asked as you tried to keep your voice even and calm.

Jessie held your hand tightly as she retracted the other to rub her mouth in thought. Her voice cracked as she started to speak.

"She's staying with her aunt up here and is looking for a place to live. Zoie's enrolled in a school up here now. And," Jessie released your hand to clasp hers together, shoulders rising with a breath, "I...I'm going to be a part of Zoie's life. She's my daughter. And I'm going to help raise her." She took a deep breath. "And I pray that you want to do that with me."

You opened your mouth to speak, mind still reeling. Your jaw flexed a couple of times as you tried to find your words and Jessie forged on in your silence.

"I love you so much," Jessie said, voice breaking once more. "And I know you didn't sign up for this. I don't want to lose you, but, I can't walk away from this. Now that I know, I can't just pretend or try to make this all go away," she said with increasing breaths. Her eyes filled with tears, "And it's been killing me to lie to you. You're the love of my life, my best friend, and to keep this from you the past few weeks has been torture. You're the one who I talk to when things are hard, when I need advice, and to know that this could hurt you," her voice grew taut as tears began to fall, "and that it would change everything..." She took a shuddering breath. "All I ever wanted was to make you feel loved and safe. And now..."

Her shoulders shook as she began to cry fully. Despite the shock and concoction of still-unnamed emotions coursing through your body, you still found yourself reaching out to comfort her. It was automatic. Natural.

She cried harder as you placed your arm around her and she curled into you, clutching you desperately to her in a way she never had before. You blinked, nonplussed, but embraced her nonetheless.

Your mind flashed back to a moment all those weeks ago. Suddenly, that moment took on a whole new context.

You slowly blinked, waking as you heard rustling at the front door. You yawned and stretched out in bed.

"Jess?" You called, voice slightly hoarse with sleep. You rubbed your face as you reached over to check the time on your phone.

1:45am

"What the fuck," you whispered as you stared at the time with a wince. You sat up and looked out into the darkened apartment.

You'd been at her game that night and was planning to wait for her, but she'd texted you right before warm-ups telling you that coach wanted to speak with her after the game. She told you she loved you and to not to wait up. She'd meet you at home.

"You can turn on a light, Jess - it's fine," you called. She didn't respond, but soon you heard her slowly pad into the room. You frowned as you made out her silhouette. "Are you okay? Why are you home so late?"

"Uh, coach had us do a debrief and study plays. And then Janine and I just stayed after and talked," she said blandly and with a heavy breath. She wordlessly got changed and climbed into bed, curling into herself at the far edge. "I'm sorry to wake you," she said softly into her pillow.

You gave a small chuckle. "It's fine, babe. Just glad everything was okay," you said as you laid down behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. She stiffened, but you chose not to chalk it up to anything. "You must be exhausted," you added.

"Yeah," she said quietly. A second passed and she added. "I love you, you know."

You chuckled once more and kissed the back of her shoulder. "I know."

You fell asleep again, but awoke sometime later to hear retching coming from the bathroom. You sat up and tossed the covers off, walking towards the sliver of light coming from underneath the bathroom door in the dark. You pushed open the door to see Jessie bent over the toilet, one hand bracing herself against it and the other holding back her hair as she heaved though nothing came out.

"Oh my gosh," you whispered as you rushed over and dropped down next to her, only now noticing the tears streaming down her face. You held back her hair for her and rubbed her back soothingly. She sobbed and coughed. "Jessie, oh my God. What's going on?"

She swallowed audibly as she tried to compose herself. She wiped hurriedly at her face.

"I'm just not feeling well," she said quickly, giving you a cursory glance as she tried to catch her breath.

"Is that all? You're crying," you said as you kissed the side of her head and handed her some toilet paper. She dabbed at her face as she shook her head.

"I'm fine. It's just from the dry heaving. My stomach's not feeling well," she insisted. She stared blankly forward before looking over at you, staring at you even. "I love you," she said again.

"I know, baby. I love you, too," you said with a soft smile as you kissed her head once more. She was pale and shaking. "I'll go get you some water," you said. You were about to rise when she grabbed your hands urgently, tugging you down.

"No," she said firmly, before clearing her throat and quieting. "I just - I don't want you to go. Can we just stay here for a sec?"

You frowned. She really must not be feeling well. Jessie could be very affectionate, but she wasn't clingy. You nodded readily, scooching closer to her and caressing her cheek.

"Of course, baby."

Your mind continued to reel as Jessie cried in your arms. She was distraught. Nearly hyperventilating. You'd never seen her like this. She was always so calm and even when she was upset, it was a quiet upset and often tightly controlled. Nothing like the woman who was sobbing in your embrace as you blankly stared at the wall.

During that time, something came over you. The initial anger and bewilderment took a backseat as the woman you loved clung to you for comfort.

When she eventually calmed, the weeks of emotional turmoil and lack of sleep caught up to her. When she forced herself to sit up, her eyes were puffy, bloodshot and they were heavy with exhaustion.

You tried to ask her a few questions and she did her best to respond, but she was visibly struggling in the haze of her breakdown. She looked like a shell of herself.

You found yourself speaking.

"We should go to bed."

It took a moment for your statement to register and she gave you the faintest look of question. You cleared your throat but held her gaze.

"You're exhausted. And, I don't even know what I'm thinking or feeling, so...," you trailed off, your gaze following suit. She started to protest, but you cut her off with quiet resolve. "Jess."

She stared at you, eyes darting across your face in apprehension.

"I'm terrified you're going to leave me," she said, her voice thin as her eyes welled up again.

Your heart raced, but you didn't waver. "I'm here," you told her evenly. "We have a lot more to talk about. But, maybe not tonight."

It felt like an out of body experience as you two retreated to the bedroom and got into bed. With the lights off, you lay stiffly on your back staring up at the ceiling. Out of the corner of your eye you could see her on her side watching you but too afraid to close the space between you.

Again, this understanding that she needed you somehow subdued all of your other impulses. You lifted your arm and wordlessly beckoned her. She hesitated for a second before rushing in and wrapping herself around you, her head on your shoulder. You held her in much the way she often held you.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice tight with emotion. "I promise I'll do everything I can to make this work. Whatever time you need - whatever you need - it's yours. I know we'll adjust," she expressed. "And Zoie - she's so sweet. And funny. And bright. You're going to love her, Y/N. And she's going to love you so much. I know it."

A lump immediately formed in your throat and your grip on her tightened. You hoped it just felt like a reassuring squeeze.

"Let's get some sleep," you managed to say.

You stared up at the darkened ceiling still in a state of delayed shock. It was only when Jessie's breathing gradually deepened and slowed as she fell asleep that you allowed silent tears to start flowing.

Your jaw ached as you ground your teeth together and you fretted as your chest hitched with a shaky breath; Jessie didn't stir.

You never would've anticipated this in a hundred years. You always felt Jessie would be a great, dedicated parent. You'd talked about it together at length. You'd imagined it many times.

You just always pictured that it would be your child - the one you and her had together. Not one she had with someone else.

This changed the entire landscape of your relationship. Your future together. Everything you envisioned was now wildly and forever changed.

It was no longer just you two. Jessie had a family now. But not with you.

Right or wrong, you wished she'd been cheating. Then you could've been righteously furious, upset, betrayed. And - in theory - it could be something you two could work to put in the past; to forgive, forget and move on. But this?

There was nothing temporary about this. It was permanent. Painfully permanent. She was a parent and forever would be. And this woman - someone who'd been a blip in a minor, negligible story of Jessie's past - was actually tied to her for the rest of her life and in so much more significant a way than you.

Suddenly, your world went from being focused and centered on you two and the future you'd build together, to now you being a bystander - an extra - in your own life.

Your throat seized up and you choked back a sob.

What was the rule book for this? You felt like your emotions and your wants needed to take a backseat. Much like this evening. Now you, your feelings, your needs, paled in comparison.

Jessie had a new role to step into. Something far more important than your girlfriend or fiancée. And that little girl's well-being and right to have a loving parent in her life trumped your hurt. Who were you to hold Jessie back from being an important and fulsome part of her child's life?

Her child. Her and some other woman's child.

It hurt to even think it.

Your mind spiraled throughout the night and your stomach twisted in knots over and over. While Jessie somehow slept straight through the night - maybe finally at peace to some degree after her confession - you could barely sleep a wink.

You were already awake by the time your morning alarm pierced your ears. Jessie jolted awake, but you remained stoic. The alarm continued to blare and you stared absently at the wall ignoring it. The bed shifted as Jessie reached over you to turn it off.

You laid still and unblinking even as you felt Jessie observing you as she sat back.

"Hi," she greeted softly, tentatively.

The impulse to reply was a mere flicker and the muscles in your throat twitched briefly before giving up.

She laid a hand gently on your arm, but didn't speak, surely uncertain of what to say. You heard her swallow as she absently caressed your arm.

"Are you going to work?" She asked quietly. You gave a feeble shake of your head. "Mm," she voiced and you saw a glimpse of her chin dropping towards her chest. "I understand. I missed practice the next day. And more, really, since I've been all over the place with various meetings, and yeah," she finished even quieter, belatedly realizing she'd said too much.

She never told you she missed practice. As far as you knew, she was at the facility training. As far as you knew, she was always where she said she was. Clearly that wasn't true.

You wordlessly lifted your inert form from the bed and willed your limbs to carry you to the bathroom. She remained still for a moment, but soon heard her rush after you. You shut the door firmly behind you and locked it with a deafening click before she reached it.

"I can stay home with you," she offered through the door. "I want to. I know we have a lot to talk about. And I want to be here for you."

"Go to practice, Jess," you told her dully before a flicker of anger rushed over you. "Or wherever the fuck you want to go."

You leaned against the wall, catching a glimpse of your reflection and immediately looking away, deeply unhappy with what you saw in the mirror.

"Babe, please," she implored. "Can we talk? I don't want to leave you."

Your anger flared once more, but you worked to temper it, your fingers digging painfully into your arms as you hugged yourself tightly. You sniffled.

"Have a good day, Jess. I'll see you later," you said with finality through the door as you opened the shower curtains and turned on the water.

"Babe," you heard her call through the door. Several moments passed before you her muffled voice filtered through one more time. "I'll miss you today. Please text or call me if you need anything. I'll be here in a flash."

You got undressed and stood outside the shower. The seconds passed as you remained there. The tension in your body continued to mount and you had red, angry divots in your skin from where your nails dug in. You waited. You wanted her to leave, just being around her hurt, but her actually leaving felt like some kind of unsettling confirmation.

Your stomach sank as heard nothing further from her and you stepped into the shower and cranked the heat.

It only took seconds for you to double over as tears came once more, except this time the scalding hot water washed them away.

You audibly sobbed, comforted to know that the sound of the shower would muffle your cries in case Jessie was listening in. The water burned, pellets bouncing off of your skin like sharp pinpricks, but it felt satisfying and good. It distracted you from everything going on inside of you right now.

You looked down and realized you still had your engagement ring on. You hadn't taken it off last night. A strangled noise escaped your mouth and you envisioned ripping off the ring, drawing back the curtains and throwing the ring across the room. The fingers of your opposite hand gripped the ring tightly, ready to pull, but eventually fell to your side.

She hadn't betrayed you. She'd given this ring to you, this promise, in good faith. She still loved you. She still wanted you. She didn't know this was coming.

Somehow it still hurt and you cried harder.

When you eventually exited the shower, your skin battered and abused, you got changed and collapsed onto the couch. You spent the better part of the day trying to distract yourself in front of the TV, but even in your catatonic state, you couldn't truly settle.

Jessie texted you a few times throughout the day saying how much she loved you, asking if there was anything she could do, that she missed you.

You never responded.

She came home early that day with your favourite take-out in hand and looking oh so sweet and hopeful as she offered it to you. You mustered up a flat 'thank you', but could manage to only eat a few forkfuls. Suddenly, Jessie's recent lack of appetite all made sense.

You talked further. You learned that her family knew, Sinc and Janine knew as well. It felt humiliating that you were so far down the list, though some deep-seated part of you understood her logic - that there was so much more to lose in telling you.

You learned she was already into conversations with lawyers about custody, child support, the list went on. At some point, her voice just became an echo in your head, your mind far too overwhelmed to properly process everything.

"I should stop talking," she eventually said gently as she watched you while you stared absently at the floor.

You sighed heavily and rubbed your eyes before dropping your hands into your lap. You sat motionless for a second before saying, "I don't even know, Jess. I have no idea what to say or do."

You heard her exhale. "I know, baby. I'm sorry." You didn't respond, but she leaned in and gave you a soft, tentative kiss on your temple. You still didn't react and she withdrew with another soft sigh, her hand lingering on your leg before pulling back altogether.

"I can sleep on the couch tonight," she offered.

This drew you out of your passiveness. You shot her a glare as your body tensed with irritation. Her brow furrowed in confusion and hurt at your visible scolding.

"What?" She asked, her own upset and frustration starting to show. "I-I don't know what you want or need. And I wish I knew. I wish you'd tell me, because all I want to do is to fix things and I don't know how right now," she beseeched.

You turned on her. "It's been one fucking day, Jessie. One day! You've had fucking weeks to process all of this and you got to control how you were going to handle it, when you were going to tell me, how - all of it. I have zero control," you seethed. "Not only do I have to wrap my head around you having a kid and how that changes everything for us, but you've also been lying to me and I still don't know everything. I don't know what to think or feel. So I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable, but I need more than one fucking day to adjust."

Your outburst silenced her and she fidgeted slightly under your steely gaze.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I just...," she reset, looking at you now, "I just want to do whatever I can to make this as painless as possible."

You bit back a bitter laugh. You knew she meant well, but 'painless' was an impossibility.

"I don't know if you want me to go or to stay," she added vulnerably.

You took a shaky breath, feeling sorry for her again. "I know," you said and rubbed your face. You exhaled quietly. "I don't want you to go."

"Then I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: Tag request - @valuyhh

[pitchsidestories]

More than a pretty face II Alessia Russo x Williamson!Reader

romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 1630

summary: Leah is the third wheel whenever she’s with your girlfriend Alessia and you. While the striker struggles with her body image.

author's note: hi everyone, we combined the request with an idea we had in the back of our mind and we hope you'll like the mix of lightheartedness and heavier topics. 🤍❤️

Post-training dinners were one of your favourite team traditions. Every few weeks, after a long, hard session, the entire Arsenal squad would go out for a meal. You loved the combination of good food and conversations with your friends. It was something that you were looking forward to every time.

Too preoccupied with arguing with your sister, you completely forgot about the pasta before you. At least until you heard Kyra giggle on the other side of the table.

“Lessi, are you kidding?”, she laughed.

You watched Alessia frown at her: “Why?”

“There’s only green on your plate.”, Kyra grimaced in disgust, pointing at your girlfriend’s salad.

“Yeah, I wanted a salad.”

You studied her plate from across the table. No toppings, no dressing, just plain salad.

Leah involved herself in their conversation: “Nothing wrong with that. Kyra, you could need some greens too.”

Kyra wrinkled her nose again: “Ew.”

Alessia shrugged, smiling: “She’s not wrong.”

It was a polite smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yes, she is. That’s not what you need after a long training session.“, Kyra complained jokingly.

You bit your lip and watched as your girlfriend discussed different food choices with your teammates.

With nervous fingers, you tapped Beths arm and whispered: “Beth?”

The midfielder turned to you: “Hm?”

“I feel like Lessi… I think the comments about her appearance got to her.”, you carefully formulated the worry that had begun to appear in your chest. Suddenly, your stomach was in knots, you weren’t hungry anymore.

“You think so?”, Beth asked in surprise.

“I do… Look.”

She followed your gaze towards Alessia.

“The salad?”

You nodded cautiously: “Yes. Do you think I’m paranoid?”

Alessia had struggled before with her body image, you knew that. So, every sign of changes in her eating pattern sent a subtle wave of panic through your body.

Beth sighed: “I think if you really want to know, you should talk to her.”

You forced a smile: “Ugh, why are you always right?”

“Sorry.“

“Always, right? What did you two chat about?”, Leah asked innocently.

Beth shrugged and deliberately lied to your sister: “Football stuff.”

“Yes, things you wouldn’t understand, Lee.”, you joked, teasing her.

Leah rolled her eyes at you as she so often did: “Oh yeah, because I obviously don’t play football.”

“You do but no that up front.”, you explained.

“Still.”

“Will you drive with us to this team activity thing next week?”

“Nah, I don’t want to be the third wheel again between you two lovers.”, Leah quickly shook her head.

Beth snorted: “You don’t mind that any other time either.”

 “And it's not our fault that your girlfriend is American”, you added in a teasing tone, which earned you a playful slap from your sister.

Her lips formed to a pout:” Doesn’t take away from the fact that I don’t want to hang out with you two. I’m driving with Lia and Kim.”

“Oh, wow.”, you whistled, pretended to be offended by her decision.

This didn’t stop the defender from mockingly continuing: “Besides, you’re a horrible driver.”

“Thanks, Lee.”, you rolled your eyes at her.

It was the night of your team activity, usually it involved dinner and games, and you were leaning against the open door of your bedroom to check on your girlfriend:” You’re ready, Lessi? We should be leaving soon?”

“No, I hate my outfit.”, she groaned in frustration, still laying on the bed.

When you noticed the dried tears on her cheeks, your heart broke a little. In the late afternoon light, the blonde looked gorgeous, and you wished she could see herself as you saw her, the striker was even sadly breathtaking.

You gently took Alessia's hands, in which she had hidden her face: “Less, you look beautiful.”

“I don’t.”, the forward replied with a trembling voice.

“Alessia?”

“Yes?”, your girlfriend glanced up at you.

Softly, you asked her:” Would you like to change into something more comfortable?”

“Can I wear your sweater?”, a small smile appeared on the blonde’s lips.

In one quick swipe you pulled off your oversized pullover to hand it to her: “You.. yes, you can have it.”

Alessia pressed the garment gratefully to her chest and explained:” It’s just the comfiest thing.”

In a sincere tone, you whispered into her ear: “You also look very cute in it.”

For a second, she beamed at your words before her grin disappeared as quickly as it had come, leaving only a gloomy expression on her face. “Do you think the comments are wrong or right?”, the striker questioned.

“I knew it was about the comments.”, you mumbled.

 “And oh god, maybe I’m a bad role model if I sometimes don’t feel confident in my own body.”, your girlfriend panicked.

Soothingly you began to stroke her back: ”Lessi, calm down.”

“Sorry.”

You cupped her face tenderly in your hands, hoping that your sentences reached her:” Listen, it’s normal not to feel confident all the time. No one does. You’re not doing anything wrong and you’re not a bad role model.”

“But you and your sister look so perfect.”, Alessia protested weakly.

“That’s not true, Less. We’re not perfect, no one is.”

She smiled sheepishly: “At least you’re perfect to me.”

Apparently, your words began to have an effect, because the striker added cheekily: “Aside from the fact that you snore at night, it's not exactly Sleeping Beauty-like.”

“Shut up!”, you playfully hit her arm with the pillow.

Alessia giggled. The sound was like music to your ears.

A little smirk appeared on her face: “Make me.”

You were only too willing to bridge the gap between the two of you and put your lips on hers until your girlfriend was too out of breath to keep talking.

But before you could make a move, Alessia interrupted herself after checking the time on her phone: “Actually, wait for it until after team bonding.”

You heaved a frustrated sigh but still slipped into your jacket: “Fine. Ready to go?”

“I’m ready.”

You both left your apartment but before you got into Alessias car, you took her hand and held her back: “Less?”

Alessia turned towards you: “Huh?”

“You’re beautiful and you’re a great athlete, okay? It doesn’t matter what other people think.”, you assured her one last time.

She nodded thoughtfully: “Okay.”

“Okay, now let’s go, pretty girl.”, you smiled at her.

You got into the passenger seat of her car while Alessia drove.

“I hope they got Pizza on the menu so we can share.”, your girlfriend said suddenly.

You laughed, surprised by her comment: “Oh no. You always say that and then you’ll complain that the pizza in Italy is better.”

“It’s true! Nothing beats Pizza in Italy.”

“See?”, you rolled your eyes with a laugh.

“Okay, fine. I still want to share Pizza with you.”

“Me too.”, you grinned. Your heart skipped a beat, seeing how excited Alessia seemed to be.

You arrived at the location five minutes late and you would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for your sister.

“Hi, you two are fashionably late.”, she greeted you with a wink.

You shrugged and lied to her: “My fault. We had to make out in the car first.”

Leah grimaced: “Disgusting.”

“Oh, someone’s a gremlin again.”, Alessia teased.

Your sister pouted and turned to Lia: “Wally, they’re impossible.”

“You love them.”, the Swiss player replied matter-of-factly.

“Sadly, I do but don’t tell them.”

“I would never. But I’m sure they know, you love to hang out of them.”, Lia laughed.

“Even when I feel left out sometimes because look at them.”, Leah complained, pointing at where you and Alessia were studying the menu.

Lia grinned: “They’re a couple and you’re surprised about that?”

“Elle and I are not that bad.”

You looked up and glared at your sister: “Yes, you are.”

“Shut up.”, Leah retorted.

You shook your head: “No. The pizzas arrived, my friends.”

Alessias eyes lit up as a server placed the plate in front of her: “Finally.”

The good food, lively conversations with your teammates and your girlfriend’s genuine smile warmed your heart and soul.

Once the dinner was over Leah gave you a short hug:” Drive home safely.”

“You’re not driving with us?”, you asked astonished.

The defender paused for a moment, pretending to think carefully about the question, before answering with a grin on her lips:” Actually, yes, I’ll come with you, but only if Alessia drives.”

Gallantly, Alessia opened the passenger doors and bowed slightly to you both:” Get inside my passenger princesses.”

“Excuse me. I’m the passenger princess, she can sit in the backseat.”, you promptly protested.

“Ugh, fine.”, Leah grimaced as the blonde sat down right behind you.

With a sweet smile, you turned your head towards your sister:” Sorry, big sis.”

“You’re not really sorry.”, the older woman observed her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Your giggles filled the car:”No.”

Amused, Alessia shook her head and turned up the volume on the radio. Once her car stopped in front of the defender’s house, she said:” Good night, Leah.”

“Night, girls.”, the blonde waved goodbye and skipped buoyantly to her front door.

On the way to your home, your girlfriend began nervously.” Amore, I thought about what you said earlier.”

“And?”

“You were right.”, Alessia conceded.

The car stopped at the red light, the rain pattering on the roof, as you hugged her from the side with relief and gave her a kiss on the cheek: “You’re so much more than a pretty face, Lessi, please never forget that.”

“And so are you.”, she replied in an earnest tone, pressing her lips gently to your hand.

Then Alessia continued the drive through the night, the lights of London guiding you both to your home.

[t-a-a-1]

Counting Stars

Pt.2: The Wait

TFP Optimus x Female Reader

Summary: After revealing to Optimus that you are carrying his sparkling, he convinces you to stay under the Autobot care. However, after the sudden appearance of an old lover of yours, Optimus faces difficult challenges as he tries to win you back and learn how to prepare to be a father at the same time.

A/N: Lots of yearning, jealousy, delusions, craving, fluff. All that good stuff.

4K

Counting Stars

Pt.2: The Wait

There is a clear difference between carrying a sparkling and dying. 

You weren’t sure which one you were doing.

Everyone was treating you like you were about to perish. Everyone has always been careful around you. But now they are extremely aware of you. Every step you take, breath, look, smell, nothing was too insignificant. 

“You shouldn’t be carrying that.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t eat that.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t go there.”

The autobots treated you like a doll. Although the thought sounds amusing, it really wasn’t. 

“I just want to go for a drive. I’ve been inside for two weeks. I need to get out.”

Bulkhead moves his helm from side to side. He was  the third bot you asked about going out. 

“What if we crash and you get hurt?” 

You knew he was making up an excuse to not take you for a drive. Because what kind of Autobot would be such a bad driver?

“I am a human! I need the sun and see pretty things or I’ll get depressed and die!”

“Can you just watch the sun and pretty things on TV?”

Crossing your hands in front of your chest, you huff, showing your clear satisfaction. 

“I am sorry (Y/N) but you are carrying the only sparkling Cybertron has seen since millennials. If you weren’t having our species’s only hope, I would be more lenient.” 

Bulkhead’s voice sounds apologetic. You know that he was telling the truth. Maybe they all missed hanging out with you but couldn’t do much due to current circumstances. 

“I am being serious. I need to go out.” you say looking at the bot. “I’ll seriously die.”

You were exaggerating but you didn’t know until how much you could last without going crazy. 

“Well, maybe we can wait until Optimus is back and hear what he thinks.” Arcee steps in, trying to see if she could alleviate the situation. “You know, so no one wants to get in trouble.”

“Prime isn’t even around.”

A simple talk couldn’t fix everything. Although you and Optimus were in speaking terms, you wouldn’t say that things were the way they used to be. Things were still awkward and tense between the two of you. 

“You need to understand him, he is also going through biological needs not seen eons ago,” Ratchet speaks up while still typing on his large computer. “He is nesting for you and the sparkling, he can’t control it and he is trusting us to keep you safe while he is away.”

“Oh so you care about his biological needs but not about mine? I see how it is.”

“It’s not that, it's just–”

Ratchet turns to look at you. 

“Alright, maybe you are right.”

The medic-bot notices the color of your skin. It’s pale. Not in a natural way but in a sick-manner. Your belly has grown and you look tired. Mentally, you must be going through a lot. The weight of the survival of an entire civilization is on your shoulders and you are yet to know if the sparkling will be born healthy. 

“Only for 30 minutes.”

.

.

.

Optimus was able to satisfy his biological needs only after he found ten dandelions. It was extremely hard to bring them to base since they were delicate and were easy for its tiny petals to crumble. He had found several but would have to go back and look for more since most would lose their petals on the way. 

He also found some pretty rocks. He wasn’t sure which one you would like most so he brought all of them. 

“So you are here to stay with (Y/N) for the rest of the pregnancy?”

His olfactory sensors picked a familiar smell. A human one but it was none of the kids. It was a scent he wasn’t fond of. One he very much wished did not exist. 

“Yes, as a Special Agent, I was assigned this duty. Which I am glad for, I want to spend time with (Y/N) as much as possible.”

Special Agent Alex. Fowler’s Co-worker and your childhood best friend. 

Optimus’ sensors were on alert. All of his instincts warned him. 

“Potential male threat detected. Human male may potentially steal sparkling and partner. Action Required: Keep human male away from mate.”

“May I inquire about your reasoning behind your sudden … presence without invitation?”

He didn’t waste any time as he walked towards the center of the hangar. His tall demeanor did not seem to phase the secret agent. 

“Hey, Prime! Sorry for not announcing it before,” Alex waved knowing that he would get more of a reaction out of Optimus if he pretended that his hostility does not affect him. “But I am just doing my duty. (Y/N) was originally supposed to be transported to a secured area under my watch. But since that didn’t happen, I’ll be staying here.”

“(Y/N) is currently protected by five Autobots at all times. She’s safe here and does not need your guarding.”

“That may be right but (Y/N)’s child is a matter of national security. I can’t let the Autobots have complete control over humanity’s first human-alien hybrid child.”

Optimus closes his servo, fighting the urge to smash the human like a mosquito. 

“My sparkling is no human experiment.”

“I am not saying it was,” Alex looks directly at Optimus’ optics. Unafraid. “What I am saying is that the child would benefit from having all the resources this world can offer. That child, no matter what it may be or look like, would be more human than Cybertronian. It will grow here. Learn our languages, history, traditions and culture.”

Alex smirks, about to deliver the final hit. 

“It’s not like there’s much to learn from Cybertron after all,” he says. “I may raise that child myself.”

Everyone could hear Optimus’ gun engine turn on, about to point directly at the agent. 

Until you showed up. 

“Alex?”

He immediately put away his weapon, pretending that he wasn’t about to harm a certain individual. He couldn’t do it, not after seeing the smile on your face. 

Not after you jumped into his arms, hugging him as he spinned you around. 

“Alert. Action Required: Eliminate threat. Keep human male away from mate. Alert.”

His processor telling him commands wasn’t helping the feelings in his spark. 

“You have always been beautiful but pregnancy suits you so well. It’s going to make my stay here all the more pleasant.”

Alex has always been a flirt.  But you never took it seriously. At least not now. You used to love the compliments during the time of your relationship. Years ago. 

“Are you staying here?”

You ask excitedly, in a desperate need of a friend your age. A human friend who would understand your need to get coffee and see the sunsets. 

“Yes, you won’t have to be lonely anymore,” Alex puts a hand on your head, giving you a soft head pat. An act Optimus was never able to do casually. Putting hands on you without consent in any way did not fit right with him.  “I’ll stay as long as you have me.”

“Yes! You can stay in my room!”

You seem to enjoy the affection. The agent gave you a certain warmness Optimus couldn’t give you and his processor is starting to write codes unfamiliar to him. 

“I am highly against that–”

“Alright, I’ll put my things in there,” Alex’s voice was louder than Optimus’ as he was closer to you. You were too excited to pay attention to the rising anger of the bot. “But tell me, where were you? I was waiting for you and got kinda worried.”

“I’ve been inside here for two weeks and Ratchet took me for a quick drive.”

“For two weeks? That’s not healthy for you and the baby, you need to stay active and get enough sunlight.”

“That’s what I told them but they wouldn’t listen to me.”

Everyone around you noticed your evident happiness that they didn’t mind the comment. You were right, they weren’t taking your needs into consideration. It was even more evident by the sudden change of your mood. 

“Well, from now on I’ll be taking care of you,” Alex moves his hand to caress your cheek. “And I’ll take you on regular drives and trips.”

“Do not touch my sparkmate–”

“Also I brought you a gift!”

He looks down at his backpack as Optimus’ voice subsides. Opening it quickly and showing the content inside it. 

“My favorite chocolate!” you take the pink box from his hands. It was an expensive brand and hard to find. Not available anywhere in the city.  “Thank you! 

Optimus quickly thinks of the things he got you. Dandelions, flowers, rocks. Would you love them just as much? Will you jump in excitement and hug him? Will you see him as fit enough to be your provider, protector and Sparkmate?

“Analysis Complete: Human Male wishes to bond with Sparkmate and steal Sparkling. Activating Sparkmate Protection Codes. Eliminate offering. Keep Sparkmate secluded.”

It’s like he couldn’t control himself. It was fear, confusion and jealousy that overtook his processor. 

Without any announcement, Optimus walks towards you and takes the chocolate box using two of his digits. You watch him with amusement, not understanding his actions. And without any previous warning, he crushes the box. 

The Autobots don’t say a word, flabbergasted at their leader’s actions. 

“I- I am–”

Optimus wanted to apologize but he was so surprised by his own doing that no words left his dermas. 

The room is silent for a few seconds until sobbing is heard coming from you.  Normally, you wouldn’t cry but your hormones have been acting differently, making you more emotionally sensitive.

You run to your room, Alex quickly follows by until the two of you disappear from the hangar. 

“Sparkmate in distress. Advance with caution. In case of Sparkmate rejection, proceed to program Offline codes.” 

Optimus looks at his servo. The pink chocolate box is destroyed. It was a nice gift. Delicate, gentle, genuine. And he destroyed it. All that was left was the result of his own selfish actions. 

.

.

.

He didn’t know how to approach you. Nor knew if he should. His processor was begging him to go talk to you. 

His pedes hang from the cliff as he sees the stars in the sky. Its a view Cybertron was unknown to.  His home planet, with all of its technological advances, unique traditions and indescribable views could never have this kind of beauty. Yet, it can’t compare to the delicacy of your eyes.

Hearing heavy steps walking towards him, he knows it wasn’t you. Most of the time, he couldn’t tell when you were approaching him, your steps were too small to be heard. Either that or he would smell your scent. 

“You know, the right thing to do is apologize, right?”

Arcee was not one to open up easily. That was something she had in common with Optimus. 

“It would be simple if I knew she would want me to,” he responds, seeing the motorcycle sit next to him.

“... Are all male bots this stupid?”

“I believe so.”

There was silence but it wasn’t awkward. They didn’t need to talk to understand each other. Optimus is a great leader but somewhat stupid when it comes to relationships. It is of no surprise, however. Cybertronian and Human relationships are very different. Cybertron culture is more reserved, sometimes even completely political. As a species living for so long, it’s more about companionship. A long lasting friendship. Finding a Sparkmate was completely rare. Something not everyone would get to experience. 

Humans however … Due to their short lifespan, they were more prone to fall in love and out of love rather fast. 

“My processor has been programmed to do things I deemed as primitive for our kind,” he says. “Sometimes I can’t control it.”

“Then just tell her that,” Arceee puts a servo on his shoulder. Physical contact wasn’t common in Cybertron either. But he didn’t mind. “And apologize … a lot.”

.

.

.

You started to overthink. A lot. 

Optimus had feelings for you. Of that you were almost certain. You think ‘almost’ because now you weren’t so sure. 

Optimus would live for many years after you are gone. Maybe one day he will finally find the one, his Sparkmate. Where would that leave your child? He has told you that he will be responsible. But is he doing it out of duty or because he has love for his sparkling? You didn’t want him to believe that he is being forced to stay. 

It was a stupid thought. You knew that. But the thought still lingers in the back of your mind. 

“Prime is gonna kill me whenever he finds out I took you out of the base.”

It's always nice to get out of the base during the night. Especially with someone who saw you as an individual instead of just a ‘carrier and savior of an advanced robot race.’ He also drives nicely, not too fast, not too slow. Alex used to be a mechanic, his love for cars was always evident. Even as he drives, you can tell that this is all he ever wanted to do. 

“You know he won’t even kill a fly.”

“Yeah and that’s why it’s so fun to tease him.”

Alex tried to diminish the tension of the previous situation. He didn’t know why Optimus did what he did. But he feels a bit guilty for teasing Optimus as much. Maybe if he hadn't pushed him to his limits, he wouldn't have done such ugly act. 

“Can we go to the beach?”

You ask randomly. 

Alex smiles.

“Sure.”

.

.

.

When Ratchet informed him that you had gone on a night drive with Alex, he immediately went to your room. 

Why?

It was something even he couldn’t understand.

He knew he wasn’t going to find you there. 

Yet, his processor couldn’t understand how you weren’t here. He needs you. Now. His every circuit aching at the thought of you leaving his side. Carrying his sparkling and with a male who had successfully stolen you from his servos even if it's just for one night. 

He can still smell your scent in your room. Even after he had mass-shifted to enter, the room was still too small for him. He touched the bedsheets and began to miss the moments he has shared with you before in it. 

Where are you?

He needs you now. He needs to hold you, to know that you are safe. To express how much he adores you and the sparkling. 

“Sparkmate Status: Missing. Sparkling Status: Missing. Safety Status: Unknown. If Unable To Locate, Proceed With Solitude Activation Codes.”

He used his Comm-Link to call your cell phone. But nothing. He tried again. Nothing. 

It wasn’t until the 30th time that he understood … You didn’t want to be with him. 

You didn’t want him. 

You didn’t want him.

You didn’t want him. 

His servos tremble. 

Optics feel heavy. It’s strange. Having blue liquid come out of his eyes. He had cried before. For different reasons. This was pain, in its purest form. In a way words can’t describe. Proof of it were his subsided pleas of air as he had forgotten how to breathe, something he didn’t know he could do until he saw you. 

His spark aches. It hurts. Everything. 

Everything …  His everything is gone.

.

.

.

It was about a 10 hour drive.

Watching the sunrise was always a beautiful experience. Feeling the warm sunlight touch your skin energizes you. It made you forget the previous negative emotions and you began to have this strange yearning. 

For Optimus.

You wanted to be with him. Wishing he could  be here with you along with your unborn child. 

Maybe he had over reacted but knowing Optimus he probably has a good reason for destroying the chocolate box. Was he taking care of your weight? What if chocolate is toxic for sparklings? You wanted to talk to him and make things better–

Oh. 

You were right. You do need the sun. 

“Let’s build a sandcastle.”

Alex could sometimes be like a child, which was fun. There was never a boring moment with him.

“Let’s build an Autobot, instead!”

You let yourself touch the sand and immediately feel something moving inside you. It feels strange. It doesn’t hurt but feels very uncanny. Nonetheless, you smile as you put your hands in your belly. Your sparkling may be more human than you think, also enjoying the activity and fresh air. 

“Do you think will look like his father?”

You ask Alex as he tries to make a small square with his hands, using water from a water bottle. 

He looks at you and then down at his little project. 

“If the child were to live on Cybertron then I would prefer for them to look like Optimus,” he says, trying to think of a delicate way to tell you his opinion. “But since they will be living on Earth, then I genuinely hope they look more human.”

You know you will love the child no matter what. But Alex had a point. What kind of life will the child live if he is too different? Humans can be cruel, especially to those who are different. 

“If something happens to me … will you take care of them?”

He lets out a heavy sigh and looks at you again. His mood had been ruined but it was a question you were meaning to ask. 

“You know childbirth is difficult as it is and well, I am assuming giving birth to the first Human-Cybertronian child would be even more so.”

“You know we’ll have the best doctors in the world for that day,” Alex starts to mold more rectangular boxes as he stacks them up. Meanwhile you have started working on the head. “And if anyone can come out alive out of that it's you.”

He makes a pause and a small laugh escapes from his lips. 

“Besides, didn’t you fuck a 20 feet tall alien robot? You did that and came out fine. Childbirth should be a piece of cake.”

Without any notice, Alex’s mouth is filled with sand. You had thrown him a sand-ball and he started spitting it out and washing his mouth with the remaining water. 

“Hey! It's true!”

“Yes but you didn’t have to say it like that!”

“I don’t blame you, if Arcee would give me the chance, I would hit too–”

You throw more sand at him and he also retaliates. A sandy-battle unleashed as the wind was in your favor. Alex was gentle enough to only attack you below or above your belly. His ‘projectiles’ are extremely small compared to yours and between giggles and laughs, the battle continues until both of your hairs and clothes are covered with sand. 

And then, Alex’s phone begins to ring. 

.

.

.

“Where is he?”

The sun is still rising. The groundbridge could not stop time. But the time in California and Nevada were the same. 

You run towards Ratchet who is still by the groundbrige system, Alex close by.

“At the top, he is doing better now that I told him you were returning but …” The autobot medic pauses, not finding the right words to describe the situation. “I think you should go and see for yourself.”

You didn’t hesitate and made your way towards the rooftop. Of course, you didn’t run but you moved as fast as your pregnant body could. 

It was a good workout, you were losing your breath as you made your way to the elevator. If you had been in better shape, you would have taken the stairs. 

As you wait to arrive at the top, you could hear the beats of your heart palpitating against your chest. Overthinking is a talent of yours. Many stupid thoughts crossed your head. Thinking that Optimus was too angry at you for leaving the base without permission. You were ready to accept your punishment, whatever that may be. 

Instead, as you arrive at the top of the cliff, there are more questions than answers. 

You find big rocks, with a weight of more than a ton. Two rocks standing vertically and one on top of the two laying horizontally. Like a small house made out of giant rocks, enough space for a single Cybertronian. One that is around 20 feet tall, blue and red that turns into a truck.

Optimus is there but he is too busy spraying dandelions around his small house that he didn’t notice your presence. 

It wasn’t until he turned around that his optics shine in excitement. He almost runs towards but reminds himself to be gentle. Reaching out a servo, you expected him to hold you but he doesn’t he pulls away, using all of his strength to restrain himself. 

“I am glad to see you are safe.”

He says in a soft voice, the relief in his voice is evident and you feel the need to jump into his servos and be embraced by him. But just like him, you stopped yourself from doing so.

“I am glad you are safe too,” you tilted your body a little, your attention directed to the rocks behind. “Ratchet said you were acting … strange.”

Optimus also takes a look at his creation. He wished he could do better but its the best he could do with his limited resources. 

“Yes, you could say so.”

“May I ask, what is going on?”

He has been meaning to tell you but he doesn't know without getting nervous. He didn’t know how you would react. Will you think of him as weird? Disgusting even? But he can’t run away any longer. You are the sword and he is against a dead end with the only option being moving forward.

“Cybertron hasn’t had a sparkling in milenia so to ensure its safety, my processor activated primal codes,” Optimus says. “It makes me do things that may be antiquated.”

Not understanding fully, but if you had to come to a conclusion, Optimus may be going through something similar to animal mating rituals. Which is not so far fetched since Cybertron used to have Predacons before Cybertronians appeared. 

“Is that why you destroyed my chocolate box?”

“Due that we haven’t concluded the Conjunx Ritus, my processor doesn’t consider you as my Conjunx Endura yet, although I consider you my Sparkmate” Optimus blinks multiple times as he only does when he is nervous. “I identified Special Agent Alex’s actions as threatening to steal you and my sparkling.”

“Me?”

“Yes, although those reasons are more … intimate ones.”

Your heart beats faster as the sunlight reflects on his paint-job. He looks beautiful. You once again remember how incredible and extraordinary of an individual he is. There is no one like him in the entire universe and never will. You feel delighted to know that you are in his presence, being able to admire a side not one has seen yet. 

“Oh,” you look away after realizing you had been staring at him for too long.  “And that?”

You point at the rock structure and Optimus optics quickly follow. 

“After you left, I went to look for you at your private quarters,” he kept looking at the rocks and you wonder the struggles he had to go through to carry them to the top. “Not seeing you there activated my Solitude Codes.”

He walks towards the rocks, there are a lot of dandelions. Some of them died. Others are alive. There is some sort of yearning in his optics as if he belongs there. Its a sorrowful yearning, as if he was made to do something that he wishes to not do. Yet, he knows he would be skillful at it. 

“I felt the need to build this.”

“And do what?”

You ask, not wanting to walk closer as you thought that maybe you would be overstepping his boundaries. 

“Wait,” he answers. 

His back faces you. Not being able to see his faceplate, you can only tell how he feels based on his voice box’s tone. He just stands there, looking down. 

“For what?”

“For you to come back.”

He answers so longingly that it makes you almost shed a tear. For a moment, time stops. There is no wind, no sound, no scent, nothing. But just him. As if your entire world had become just him.  

“... And if I didn’t come back?”

He slowly turns to look at you. A soft smile, of  love. There wasn’t any desire in it. It was pure. Genuine. As he is in love with your soul and wishes to spend eternity with the thought of you. With your existence, whatever that was. To be one until the heavens and the earth collide. 

“I would wait until you do.”

And for a second, the Prime no longer was. But just a spark. In his purest form. His faceplates open, he wants to say something but it's lost in words. He had given up so easily. Realizing that he has yet to find the right words to express his love for you. A love so vast that not even the best poets or writers could ever put into paper. 

If he could go back in time and stop himself from becoming a Prime, he would. Because being an archivist would have made him more eloquent, maybe then, he could describe to you a small fraction of his endless adoration. 

“Prime–”

“Guys!” Alex came out of the elevator, screaming and ruining the moment. “Sorry to interrupt but we have a message coming from Megatron!”

He tilts his head outside the elevator, blue eyes staring at the two of you. Noticing that he interrupted a romantic scenario, he just pointed a finger at the two of you. 

“Prime we need you, please make-out quickly!”

And with that, Alex leaves as soon as he appeared. 

“Well, now that you are here, I won’t be using this,” Optimus walks towards you and bends down on one knee. He is still too tall but you appreciate that he tries to see you faceplate to face. Using a servo, he caresses your hair and your soft skin. With so much adoration and devotion. 

  “I don’t have much time but I realized I haven’t thank you yet for carrying my Sparkling.”

He wants to hold you. Craving it. He wishes he could have time to tell you more. To whisper in your ears sweet things. To read to you the most lovely of poems. To just rot in a bed, indulging in nothing but love. 

But he can’t. Not now. 

“Creating a new life with you has been the greatest honor of my life.” 

He stands up, walks past you. Leaving you at a shock, at a state of awe. 

“Now, let us go,” he says. “Some things can’t wait.”

He'll wait until you call him by his first name again.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: It was fun to write this. Optimus panicking and not understanding the changes he is going through. I think on this he has accepted that he may not win you back but that won't stop him from loving you and his sparkling. Meanwhile you are falling for him all over again.

I wrote this because y'all liked the concept for Counting Stars and supported it a lot! So thank you everyone so much for the support.

This was a one shot and I continued it because there was lots of love but I don't have a certain story-line. To be honest I don't know how to continue it.

For the next chapter (if there is one) I was thinking that Megatron accidentally sends Reader to the Dark Dimension where Reader meets Nemesis Prime. In this dimension, Optimus loses Reader and his Sparkling, transforming him into an evil being.

Meanwhile in Reader's dimension, Optimus is losing it. Slowly spiraling into madness at the thought of never seeing Reader and his Sparkling again. Destroying everything on sight, the Autobots fight to keep Optimus at bay.

The plot would end with Optimus and Nemesis fighting to see who would keep Reader.

That storyline would take around 2-3 chapters and it would conclude this story.

But that is just a thought, I still don't if I'll continue this since I really need to focus on writing the next chapter for 'The Darkest Hour'

And I am currently working on a oneshot bayverse Optimus fic too so please look forward to it!

Again thank you for reading and sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes.

See You in the next story!

Previous:

https://www.tumblr.com/t-a-a-1/771132293279580160/counting-stars?source=share

[coffeegnomee]

genuinely i think alot of kaboodle's actions on lifesteal can be explained by her scripted lore background. the world of scripted lore is fraught with the idea that "lore" is just... being miserable. it was something that made it difficult for me to get into ksmp (though i did eventually enjoy it), because it felt just so awful all the time. pointless arguments didn't tug at my heartstrings, it made me frustrated. but that's besides the point

i think maybe one of the reasons she takes everything way harder than she should and exaggerates relationships and disagreements is perhaps because she is drawing in past experience to be a good entertainer, in the way she is familiar with. which is so fair! we are formed by our backgrounds. it does unfortunately make it difficult to watch her if you're accustomed to the more ""live action"" sort of format lifesteal is usually in, where people seperate their characters from themselves a little less. but she has a good size audience that seems to fw it, so i dunno

that's just my take on the overuse of the word "betrayal" and such

agree but disagree. yes scripted is usually just being miserable but zam is just miserable all the time and his lore actually makes sense and is very entertaining to watch and he also separates himself from his character (to a degree). but when he is miserable he is consistently miserable while also doing some fun things to distract from the misery or making some impact on the server like cleaning up spawn while being miserable to chat. kab just sits around and talks and does fuck all. sorry. hating. a lot of hating below.

and it's annoying because she is miserable but then will go be fighting her inner demons of destruction, but then won't destroy because she doesn't want to be mean and she cares so much, but then she plans to destroy anyway but then she doesn't do it and doesn't have any consistency in any motivation or characterization and she's all over the place. every hour her emotional state is different and there's absolutely no effort at a throughline and everything before is just thrown out the window.

And it pisses me off that she does come from scripting because surely her characters on ksmp had some throughline and consistency.

and yet her inconsistency on ls does make sense bc in scripted you can plan and succeed with every plan you make when you are literally scripting the outcome.

but on lifesteal you can plan for something cool and fun and it can be taken away in an instant by the very same people you were trying to impress and that is hard and will send anyone into being tilted.

and trying to decide how to react to that is wildly difficult and i dont really envy them having to figure out what to do, but i do wish she would DO something. but that's also unfair because she is doing something, she's rebuilding. but while rebuilding she's going between wanting 4c to help her while also trying to convince him to betray his team while also trying to convince him to give her a heart without a fight while also planning to kill him while also reminding herself she has to be nice to him. so she's just using him. just say it with your full chest. you never cared about him and you just want someone else to do the work to get your own selfish self-pity plan back on the server.

you want to complain and then have someone swoop in and save you. and you dont want to make any effort to actually care about that person.

it's miserably sad and annoying to watch because lifesteal is about caring about people, and she goes on and on an on about caring *so much* but she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. and she lies to herself and and chat and insists that she cares.

and yes that's a rather consistent characterization to through at ls!kab but damn if it doesn't read like that at all and she went from genuinely apologizing to 4c to just using him flat out and reminding herself that she needs to use him and cant just kill him.

maybe its just that she's vilely unlikable. maybe that's the point in her scripted mind. make a hatable character. and yet her actions also speak to desperately trying to make a likable character whom youre sympathetic to, she tries desperately to guilt trip and pull at the heartstings about how shes just been betrayed so many times and life is so hard for her and shes so weak and how could you be mean to someone so pathetic and wounded.

but she's not likable at all. she doesnt care about a single other soul or what they care about. the second they put a boundary up she wants to run and leave, which, fair enough, actually a cool characterization of trauma but like also so abusive-coded. but in the end she chose to not abandon bacon as far as we can tell, but i can tell you give it two seconds and that thought will come back and she'll decide to betray him anyway. because nothing is consistent and nothing she says has any long term value. she just goes on the past five minutes to decide what she will do.

she's just so fake and that fakeness can be attributed to the character, but it only feels even more fake because she insists it's a character and not her as she turns around and does something that makes more sense for her to do as herself than the character. she is being two people existing on the same account, swapping out whenever necessary. but that's stupid. take responsibility for your actions and your emotions. stop blaming others.

and yes. it all goes back to how painfully different scripted mcrp is from unscripted.

and i know for damn sure that this will not be like this next season because she will learn from this season. or she doesn't. and that's what's so frustrating. the possibility that she never learns why lifesteal is lifesteal.

the possibility that she keeps writing asshole abusive characters that just get more abusive because of her own internal mental problems that lay unresolved and shoved under the rug like they aren't part of the character even though they are part of herself. she refuses to look at herself and acts like if just just acts hard enough they won't affect anything. they effect everything. you can't run from yourself when you are making unscripted content.

and yes. i am being really mean about someone who clearly has a lot of baggage. yes i am being mean about someone who is abusive as a defense mechanism and hates boundaries because of fear of being alone and all these things that are basically the bully being bullied at home type beat.

but she embraces none of it. doesn't even see any of it. thinks she has written a cute story with kazam, a cute ship that may be a little messed up but is at it's core cute.

it's fucking abusive and shit. it makes my skin crawl. zam is screaming to be let out of it and she thinks it's sunshine and roses. she is, to use the word literally, delusional about her actions. she thinks they are one thing when they are anything besides that.

but we do have one success story. and the trend goes that every lifestealer learns what lifesteal is by their second or third season. they all eventually get it. vi chose to do a very distinct character vs streamer in s4 and he crashed and burned to a degree unfathomable. and he learned from it. and he now says that was his favorite story he ever told. he see's how he's grown as a person because of it.

there is only hope in the future when it comes to kaboodle. lifesteal genuinely changes you and makes you grow. not because you choose to grow, but because it forces it out of you.

but in this moment im just constantly a ball of rage and constantly sent into sadness every time i watch. and she keeps interacting with my mains so im not going to just miss the story, and the progression is already happening, the kablantis shock is a genuinely lifesteal trauma moment for kab and is already changing her in good ways. this is the story, this is part of watching lifesteal. the meta conflict is what makes this server painfully unique. this difficult encounter with players that piss you off. because people in life are like this. people can suck and hurt each other and don't look at their internal mental state, they shove things under the rug and think they're fine and cause sorrow and pain when life gets difficult. that's life. encountering it as story really helps understand the people around you. to be more compassionate, be able to see when theyre hurting and chose to be kind anyway. to learn how to feel the negative emotions and process them and not run from them yourself. or learn how to stick up for yourself and put up your own boundaries and learn that you can. to figure out who you are. it's the best. and the worst. and leaves me hating until i realize it is interesting even though i hate it.

[lvnleah]

viv’s move to manchester.

this series masterlist can be found here!

The day you helped Viv move into her new apartment in Manchester felt strange from the start. The drive had been quiet, except for the sound of Myle panting softly in the backseat. You held Twix tightly, watching your iPad in the back seat as Beth drove. Beth had packed up a few bits into the boot and you were taking them up to Manchester for Viv’s new apartment. 

When you arrived, Viv was already outside waiting. She waved when she saw the car, her big smile making your heart feel warm. But even though you were excited to see her, you didn’t like the way the moving truck behind her made everything feel different.

The offer from Manchester City was a tough decision to make for Viv. She had offers from all over the place, even outside of the country, and she’d talked about it thoroughly with Beth and all of your family. There was no chance she was leaving England because they knew it’d be too much for you. 

Manchester had the same priorities as Viv and although it was a few hour's drive, the train didn’t take as long. Manchester was too far away for Viv to stay living in London so a few weeks ago her and Beth went flat hunting while you stayed with Leah and Buddy. The new flat was really nice and you even had your own bedroom. 

“Hey, mijn meisje,” Viv said, crouching down to hug you as soon as you got out of the car. “And there’s Twix too! Did you keep him safe for me?”

You nodded and held Twix up for her to see. “He missed you, so did I!”

“I missed you too,” she said, scooping you up for a cuddle before setting you down. 

Inside the flat, everything felt too new. The walls were plain, the floors were shiny, and there weren’t any pictures or toys like at home. You followed Viv and Beth as they unpacked boxes, helping where you could. Myle trotted around, sniffing every corner like she was trying to figure out if this was her new home too.

“Where’s your bed, Mamma?” you asked after a while, clutching Twix to your chest.

Viv pointed to a room down the hall. “It’s in there, but we have to put it together first. Want to help me?”

You nodded and spent the next hour handing her screws and holding pieces of wood while she and Beth worked. When the bed was finally done, you climbed onto it with Twix, testing it out. It felt soft and big, but it didn’t feel like Beth and Viv’s bed at home.

As the day went on, the apartment started to look more like home. Viv hung up a few family photos in the living room, and Beth helped her organize the kitchen. You even put one of your drawings on the fridge, right in the middle where Viv promised it would stay. 

But when it was time to leave a few days later, your stomach started to hurt. You followed Viv to the door, holding her hand tightly.

“Do we have to go?” you asked quietly.

Viv crouched down so she was at eye level with you. “You and Mummy need to go back home, mijn meisje. But you’ll see me at the weekend, and I’ll call you every day. Okay?”

Tears pricked your eyes, and you clutched Twix tightly. “You come back with us? Please?”

Viv’s face softened, and she pulled you into a hug. “I wish I could, Roo. But this is my new home now while I play football.”

You didn’t say anything, just buried your face in her shoulder and held onto her as tightly as you could.

Beth’s voice was soft when she spoke from the door. “Come on, Roo. We need to get going.”

Myle whined as if she didn’t want to leave either, and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling as you said goodbye. Viv kissed your forehead and promised again that you’d see her in a few days, but it didn’t make leaving any easier.

The car ride home was quiet again, except this time, you didn’t let go of Twix. Your chest felt tight, and even Myle’s gentle nudges against your hand didn’t help as you watched your iPad again. 

By the time you were back in London, it was late, and the ache in your chest hadn’t gone away. Beth tried everything to cheer you up—she made your favourite dinner, read extra bedtime stories, and even let Myle curl up on the rug in your room. But nothing worked.

The first night without Viv proved harder than Beth anticipated. She’d known it would be rough for both you and her, but nothing could have prepared her for just how much you would both miss Viv’s presence in the house.

You were curled up in her bed, clutching Twix trying to fall asleep. Beth had tucked you in hours ago, reading you three bedtime stories instead of the usual one. But it didn’t help. “Mummy,” your small voice called from your room.

Beth sighed, putting down the tea she hadn’t touched. She padded into your room, finding you sat up in bed, your cheeks streaked with silent tears.

“I want Mamma,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

Beth’s chest ached. She sat down beside you in bed and pulled you onto her lap, “I know, baby. I miss her too.”

“Why can’t she stay here?” You sniffled, burying your face against Beth’s chest. 

Beth rubbed your back gently. “Mamma has her new club in Manchester, remember? And Manchester is a long, long, loonggg way from London, isn’t it? So Mamma needs to stay at her new flat in Manchester but I promise we’ll call her in the morning. How does that sound, eh?”

You shook her head. “I don’t wanna call her. I wan’ her here now!”

The tears spilt out before you could stop them. Your chest felt tight and hot, and it was hard to breathe between the sobs. Beth held you close and rocked you back and forth, whispering how much Viv loved you, but it didn’t help. The ache didn’t go away.

Eventually, you heard Beth sigh. She pulled back a little so she could look at you. “Alright, how about this? Just for tonight, we’ll do something special. Want to eat pizza in bed and watch Tangled?”

You blinked at her through your tears. “In bed?”

“In bed,” Beth said with a small smile. “But only this one time. Deal?”

You sniffled and nodded. “Okay. But I want plain pizza.”

“Plain pizza it is,” she said, wiping your cheeks with her sleeve.

When the pizza came, you carried Twix into Beth’s room and climbed onto her big bed with Myle. She set up her laptop at the end of the bed, and you snuggled under the covers while Rapunzel sang about her tower. Beth handed you a slice of pizza on a napkin, and you took tiny bites, feeling a little less sad with every bite.

By the time Flynn Rider started singing, your eyelids were heavy. You rested your head against Beth’s chest, feeling warm and safe. Twix was tucked under your chin, and Beth’s voice hummed quietly along to the music.

Before the movie ended, you were already asleep.

The next few weeks weren’t easy. You struggled to adjust to Viv being away despite seeing her on the weekends and talking to her multiple times a day. Little things set you off—spilling juice, not finding Twix in the morning, or even the sound of Beth saying “no.” Each tantrum seemed bigger than the last, and Beth tried her hardest to stay patient, even when she felt like crying herself.

Things didn’t seem to get any better. Beth had to go to training, and you had to go with her, which you weren’t thrilled about. As soon as you got to the training ground, you crossed your arms and pouted. You didn’t want to be there. You didn’t want to do anything. You just wanted to go home. 

So you decided to plop yourself down on the floor and refuse to move from the hallway outside of the changing rooms. 

Beth noticed right away. “Roo, come on, munchkin,” she said gently, bending down to look at you. “It’ll be fun, I promise. The team will be happy to see you.”

You shook your head as the tears began to bubble up. “I don’t want to stay here. I want Mamma.”

Beth sighed, she had been trying so hard to keep things normal, but it wasn’t working. She was tired, too and felt like crying at any given moment. 

You lay on your back, tears flowing down your face as you kicked your legs around. “I want Mamma!”

“I didn’t do it,” you heard Monkey say as her and Leah came out of the changing room. “You have no proof I did it.”

Leah raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms with a small, knowing smile. “Oh yeah, course, none at all,” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Monkey shrugged innocently, but before she could say anything else, she spotted you still lying on the floor, tears streaming down your face. Her expression softened instantly, and she looked down at you. 

“Why the glum face, kid?” she asked. “I’m here! The party can begin!”

Beth shot her a sharp look. “Not the time, Monkey.”

Beth looked up and caught Leah’s eye. The silent exchange between them was brief but loaded: I’m at my wit’s end. Leah nodded, crouching down to your level and softening her voice.

“Hi, Roo,” Leah said gently, pushing a strand of stray hair out of your face. “You’re not having such a good day, are you? Do you want to tell Auntie Le what’s wrong?”

You shook your head, hugging Twix tighter and sniffling. Leah stayed patient, giving you a moment. “Come on, sweetie,” she coaxed. “There’s no need for tears. Where’s our happy little Roo gone, eh? I happen to know there’s a special cake in the canteen with your name on it. Shall we go and have a look?”

You sniffled again, peeking at her through watery eyes. “Chocolate?”

“Oh of course,” Leah said, her lips curling into a small, reassuring smile. “Only the best for you!”

Your lip wobbled, but you slowly reached out to take Leah’s hand, clutching Twix with your other arm. Beth let out a quiet sigh of relief as she stood back up.

“You get changed,” Leah said over her shoulder, scooping you up onto her hip. “I’ve got her for a bit.”

Beth hesitated, getting a glare from Leah as if to say “you need five minutes of peace”, before nodding gratefully and heading to the locker room.

In the canteen, Leah found a quiet table for the two of you and set you up with a slice of chocolate cake. You poked at it with your fork before taking a tiny bite, still clutching Twix protectively.

Leah watched you quietly for a moment before leaning closer. “You miss your Mamma, don’t you, huh?” she asked softly, her tone understanding.

You nodded, not looking up.

“It’s hard when someone you love moves away,” Leah continued, her voice calm and soothing. “But you’re so brave, you know that? Your Mamma misses you too, more than anything. And you’ll see her soon, I promise.”

You sniffled, taking another bite of cake. “She said she’d call tonight.”

“She will,” Leah said, smiling gently. “And when she does, you can tell her all about how you had chocolate cake and hung out with your cool Auntie Le.”

“Monks said you're not cool!” You giggled before hiccuping. 

Leah gasped in mock offense, “Oh did she now?”

“She said you’re bossy!” you said, a small giggle breaking through your sniffles.

Leah leaned back in her chair, “Well, Monkey clearly doesn’t know what cool is. I mean, who just helped you find chocolate cake, huh? That’s peak coolness right there!”

You giggled again, the sound making Leah smile in relief. “Okay… maybe you’re a little cool.”

“A little?!” Leah said, pretending to be scandalized. “Roo, you’re killing me here.”

You smiled shyly, taking another bite of cake, “You get me cake again when I’ sad next? Then you’re cool!”

Leah chuckled. “Deal, but don’t tell Monks. She’ll want in on the cake action, and we can’t have that can we, eh? She’ll be eating all of it!”

You smiled a little wider, the tears from earlier drying on your cheeks. Leah ruffled your hair lightly. “That’s my girl. Now, finish that cake so we can boss everyone in at training, yeah?”

By the time Beth came into the canteen, she was changed and ready for training. “You feeling better now, munchkin?”

You nodded, your cheeks still a little puffy from crying, “Auntie Le’s cool. She got me chocolate cake!”

Beth arched an eyebrow, glancing at Leah with mock suspicion. “Oh, she did, did she? Are you trying to bribe my kid, Le?”

Leah grinned. “Not bribing. Just being the cool Auntie, apparently.”

Beth crouched down beside you, brushing a hand over your hair. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, munchkin. Why don’t you go get some toys to take outside with you, yeah?”

You nodded before slipping off of your chair and running over to the little toy box that was for you and Buddy. 

Beth sat down next to Leah with a sigh, “Thanks, Le. How are you so good at this?”

Leah chuckled, “Tantrums are a daily occurrence in my house these days. You can return the favour when Buddy has a meltdown over the crusts not being cut off her sandwich next time."

The next few days were easier but still tough. You still had tantrums over little things but they weren’t as full blown. Nights proved to be the toughest though, so Beth had just given in and let you sleep in her bed cuddle up to her. She was doing anything to make sure you were happy. 

Beth tried her best to keep the routine as stable as possible, with the team stepping in to help where they could. She decided to take you and Myle to Manchester to visit Viv for the weekend with Vic tagging along. You were so excited you barely slept the night before, waking up at the crack of dawn to pack Twix and your favourite toys into your backpack.

The drive up was a lot livelier this time, with Vic sitting in the backseat with you, telling silly stories that made you giggle endlessly. Myle seemed to pick up on your excitement, her tail wagging as she rested her head on your lap.

When you arrived at Viv’s flat, she was waiting outside with a wide smile, just like the last time. “There’s my mijn meisje!” she called out, kneeling down to scoop you up the moment you jumped out of the car.

“Mamma!” you squealed, wrapping your arms tightly around her neck.

Myle barked happily, pulling at her lead as Beth got her out of the car. “Alright, alright, Myle, calm down,” Beth said, laughing as Myle bounced over to Viv, tail wagging furiously.

“You survived the journey then?” Viv teased as Vic climbed out of the car, stretching dramatically.

“Barely,” Vic joked, ruffling your hair as you clung to Viv. “Your kid’s got a lot of energy, you know that?”

“Tell me about it,” Beth muttered, shaking her head but smiling fondly.

“Hi, liefde.” Viv smiled as Beth threw her arms around the pair of you. 

“Oh god, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you,” Beth mumbled into Viv’s neck. 

Inside the flat, everything felt better with Viv there. She’d decorated a little since your last visit, there were more pictures on the walls, and your drawing was still front and centre on the fridge. She’d even set up your bedroom with some of your favourite toys and new bedding which had a princess on it. 

“Look!” Viv said, leading you to the room. “I got this just for you.”

Your eyes widened as you saw the new bedding. “It’s Princess!” you squealed, running over to touch it. “Mamma, it’s my favourite!”

“I know,” Viv said, kneeling beside you. “I wanted you to feel like this is your home too.”

You threw your arms around her neck, hugging her tightly. “It does! It’s perfect!”

The weekend was full of laughter and cuddles. Viv took you to a nearby park where you played on the swings and slid down the slides with her cheering you on. That evening the four of you, plus Myle and Twix, snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. You fell asleep halfway through, curled up between Viv and Beth, Twix tucked under your arm.

“I think someone’s tired!” Beth giggled, nodding towards you as you practically laid on top of Viv. 

Viv smiled, brushing your hair away from your face before placing a kiss on your forehead, “Yeah, it’s been a long week for her.”

[yan-lorkai]

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ﾟa/n: today is my birthday so I wrote this. Y'all wish me a happy birthday or I'II cry, ur choice /j

"Oh, look at this," He leans into your personal space far too close, making your heart run laps on your chest. If it was from fear or something else, you couldn't identify right at that moment; green eyes looking right at your soul, searching for all those secrets he already knew - forcefully discovered each and every one of them. "This frightful face, those gorgeous eyes staring back at me just like that... C'est magnifique, mon amour!"

He pries off the duvets from you, depriving you of that comfortable warmth in which you were hiding yourself. The cold air nips at your skin harshly, snow falling outside your windows while he giggles. He is always giggling. Rook was giggling when he kidnapped you and took you away from your old life. He was giggling when he made you watch him kill your loved ones - for he said "they are just holding you back from achieving your truly potential."

And then he was giggling when you tried to run away, laughing almost maniacally while he ran after you in that woods he knew so well. And when you got caught in his traps and had your foot twisted, he was almost clutching his belly as he was laughing far too hard, green eyes brimming with something you couldn’t quite name it. Maybe satisfaction? You weren't sure.

A gentle kiss is pressed into your cheek. He was far too passionate with his romantic display and didn't really care about your opinion on that matter - he could do worse if he wanted, for now if he wanted just kisses you wouldn't mind it.

"Do you know what day it is?" He whispers, almost like a salivating wolf, blonde hair sleeked back as he licks his own lips. "Non? Oh well... And here I was thought you were still counting the days so earnestly like a good little lapin."

His faux worried tone hurts more than you let him realize, twisting an invisible knife into your guts again and again, rearranging them to his liking. As the maniac he is, always stalking, always watching, hearing and smelling the air around you, so alike a snake but lacking its cuteness.

You cough, forcing yourself to think about something. Anything as his fingers are currently resting over your knees and soon they'll be making their way up will he could hold your hips in his hands, squeezing hard enough to leave his mark behind.

"A holiday, perhaps?" You try, voice uneven and weak.

Unexpectedly, he smiles. "Not a holiday, non, but maybe it should be. The entire world should celebrate it but... Maybe it's good that it isn't a holiday, people would be so sad and angry if I had stolen that much from them."

Your head pends to the side as if you didn't understand any word he just said - you had many moments like this with him. He could talk nonstop and never make any sense. And you just let him go on and on, not really hearing him, everything going on an ear and leaving by the other.

"I could make you guess again but you truly lost the passage of time, fufu," Rook smiled again, rearranging a stray hair that fell over your face as his thumb caressed your soft skin that he was so proud of caring. "It's your special day, mon ange, the day you graced this world and were born into it. Happy birthday."

It didn't feel like happy at all. If anything, a bitter taste took over your mouth as you think about how much time had passed since you were under his care in this God forsaken place nobody would know about. Where nobody would ever found you. Where your parents died. Where your life ended. Where nothing else matters.

You gulped audibly, breathing hard so the tears over your eyes wouldn't overflow and drown you. But it didn’t matter. Internally, you were drowning, fighting to keep living, even if your life wasn't all that interesting as the were so many restrictions on it.

"Thank you." You answered him, letting him pull you into a bone crushing hug as you drowned on his deadly scent or on his deadly lips who were stealing yet again from you, stealing your air, stealing all the kisses you saved to your lover. "Thank you." Was all you could said.

[ssweeterthanfiction]

Hii love your writing obsessed with I wish I hated you 💋💋 wanted to request a Finnick x capitol reader where it’s him breaking in to find reader sneaking around the house at night behind peacekeepers, he was sent by the rebels to capture reader to use her to threaten snow but she is on their side and goes willingly, maybe her falling for Finnick during the escape. Keep in mind since she is close to snow by blood that means she wasn’t exposed to a lot of people so even if she is for the right cause she is naive so her love might be obsession or reliance but I mean it all works out in the end. Anyways other thank that ik I said it but I love how you write Finnick!

omg thank so so much girly💗💗 i always love whenever people enjoy my writing!! and oh i love this idea sm (THIS IS PROBABLY GONNA BE A 2 PART THING)

‘I Can See You’

finnick odair x capitol fem reader

masterlist

You'd made it a habit of sneaking around, something about it always felt so freeing. Ever since the rebels had satrted making moves against the Capitol, your grandfather, President Snow, had uped the presence of guards in the mansion. Everywhere you went, the halls would be lined with guards posted at every window, at every exit, at every entrance. You felt trapped, but you couldn't complain too much, you were trapped in a luxorious mansion whilist the people in the districts suffered the wrath of your grandfather.

You hated watching the coverage of the districts, but you're grandfather forced you to. He knew you hated it, but he hoped that you would let go of you naivety that way you could learn how to keep control of the districts, that way when it came time, you could stand in a place of power.

But you didn't want power, you wanted peace. You hated seeing the people suffer, the people that the Capitol were supposedely in charge of. You hoped the rebels would win this war.

You were sneaking around the house again. Tiptoeing around every peacekeeper on guard, your silk slippers making no noise as you did.

But something was different about tonight. Everything felt quieter. Like you were being watched. But whenever you would turn your head, no one would be there. You brushed the feeling off and turned the corner to make your way to the rose gardens, but once you did, thats when a hand clamped over your mouth. You let out a muffled gasp as you were pulled against a broad chest. You struggled a bit as the person pulled you into the shadows of the hallways.

"Don’t scream," the voice hissed in your ear.

You stopped struggling as the hand slowly withdrew from your mouth. You spun around, fully ready to call out for help or to run away, but all thoughts of escape stopped as you looked up at the person.

Finnick Odair. The Capitol Darling, now a rebel.

You had seen him before at events, but you had never spoken to him before. You were used to seeing him in flashy Capitol attire, now here he was in tactical gear.

"Finnick?" you whispered, your voice shaky but dripping with awe.

Finnick tilted his head, watching you carefully, his expression unreadable. “You know who I am. Good. That saves time.”

"I-I mean, of course I know who you are," you stammered, your cheeks flushing. "Everyone knows you. You’re... you’re Finnick Odair. Capitol Darling turned...rebel"

His lips twitched, but the hint of amusement didn’t reach his eyes. “Then you know I don’t have time to explain.” He reached for her wrist, his grip firm. “You’re coming with me.”

Your brows knit together, “Coming with you? Why? Where?”

"I don't have time to explain. So we can do this the easy way and you can either come with me willingly, or," he pulls out a tranquilizer, "We can do this the more...difficult way. Your choice honey."

Your mind rushed with thoughts, if you went with him you would be leaving the comfort of the mansion.

But it dawned on you. You would be leaving the mansion.

"I'll go with you."

Finnick smirks, "Good girl. Good choice." he says pocketing the tranquilizer. "Stay close and don’t make a sound. Keep quiet."

Finnick’s hand wrapped around your wrist as he began moving swiftly through the shadows. You struggled to match his pace, your silk slippers slipping slightly on the polished floors. Every creak of the floorboards, every distant murmur of Peacekeepers made your heart race, but Finnick didn’t falter.

"Where are we going?" you whispered.

Finnick shot you a look, his expression stern. "Didn’t I say no talking?"

You blushed from embarassment, "I'm sorry- I've just- I haven't been allowed to leave this place in a long time."

"I know," he interrupted, his tone softening just slightly. "That’s why you need to trust me and stay quiet."

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat as he turned another corner.

It wasn’t long before the two of you reached a back entrance you’d never noticed before. Finnick paused, pressing his ear to the door. "Come on," he whispered, tugging you forward as he opened the door, but the moment he did he saw a group of peacekeepers coming down the hall.

"Shit." he whispered under his breath, pushing you through the exit as he quickly closed the door.

He pressed you against the wall, his body shielding yours as he peeked through the crack to watch the Peacekeepers’ movements.

"Stay still," he whispered, his voice low but commanding.

You nodded and held your breath, you could practically hear your heart pounding against your chest, and you were sure Finnick could hear it too because he was looking down at you with...a look. You couldn't exactly figure out what he was thinking, but he was definitely thinking of...something.

The muffled sound of boots echoed through the hallway on the other side of the door. Finnick pulled back, taking your hand as he led you deeper into the shadows of outside.

"Do you even have a plan?" you whispered, trying to keep your voice steady.

Finnick shot you a sharp look but didn’t stop moving. "Yes. Step one: get you out of here alive. Step two: worry about the rest later."

"That doesn’t sound very reassuring," you muttered under your breath.

Finnick let out a soft, humorless chuckle. "Welcome to the rebellion."

As you both maneuvered through the courtyard, there was complete silence.

"Why take me?" you ask suddenly, "To hurt Snow?"

Finnick paused, glancing back at you with a raised brow. "What?"

"Why risk everything to get me? I'm...not that important to him, he thinks I'm a lost cause."

"You’re more important than you think. The rebels need leverage, and you’re it. You’re Snow’s blood. If we can use you, we could end this war."

You swallowed hard, the weight of his words settling on your shoulders.

Finnick’s gaze softened slightly as he noticed your unease. "Look, I know this is a lot, but you’re doing the right thing. You’re on the right side now."

You nodded, unsure if it was reassurance or simply Finnick’s presence that made you feel safe.

He tugged your hand gently. "Come on. We’re not safe yet."

As the two of you approached the outer edge of the courtyard, Finnick stopped abruptly, holding up a hand to silence you. The faint hum of a hovercraft’s engines grew louder in the distance.

"Is that...?" you started to ask, but Finnick shook his head, cutting you off.

"Not ours," he said grimly.

Your stomach dropped as the spotlight of a Capitol hovercraft swept across the grounds, illuminating the pristine gardens.

Finnick pulled you close, his arm wrapping protectively around you as he ducked behind a large hedge. "Stay low," he whispered.

You huddled close to him, your heart racing as the spotlight came dangerously close. The warmth of Finnick’s body against yours was oddly comforting, even more so when he wrapped his arms tighter around you.

"Good girl," Finnick said quietly as he kept you low.

His words sent an unexpected warmth through you again, and you found yourself wanting to impress him, to earn more of his approval.

As the hovercraft finally moved away, Finnick let out a breath he’d been holding and looked down at you, brushing a stray hair out of your face. "You okay?"

You nodded, "I think so."

"Good," he said, helping you to your feet. "Let's keep moving."

You both kept moving but then Finnick stopped abruptly, holding up a hand to signal you to be quiet. His expression was hard, calculating, eyes flicking back to the mansion in the distance.

"What's wrong?"

Finnick’s gaze flickered toward the front gate, where a squad of Peacekeepers stood guard. The front gate was heavily fortified, and with the increased military presence lately, you knew escaping through there would be nearly impossible.

With a swift motion, he reached for a small device tucked in his belt, his fingers working expertly as he adjusted the settings. He looked at you, his eyes serious but with a glint of something like reassurance. "Get down," he ordered, his voice low.

"Finnick, what are you-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, he threw the device at the gate and quickly shielded you with his body.

The sound of the explosion tore through the silence of the night, the force of it rattling your bones. The entire front gate of the mansion was engulfed in a cloud of smoke and fire, sending debris scattering in all directions. You could already hear the shouts of peacekeepers and the sound alarms blaring in the distance.

"We need to go now" he gripped your wrist tightly and pulled you along again. His pace was unrelenting, and despite the fear that was settling in your chest, you had no choice but to keep up.

"You’ll be fine," Finnick murmured, his voice steady despite the chaos surrounding you. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Your breath hitched in your throat. You felt butterflies in your stomach. You're his mission. His protection was overwhelming, and you wanted more.

[lovecoree]

༄ SAD GIRL H. HYUNJIN !

PAIRING✰ — husband!hyunjin x blackwife!reader ft. Chan

synopsis: arguing with your husband and soon to be father of your child was not something you like to do, especially when your water breaks at the worst time.

genre: angst

warning: arguing, foul language, hyunjin is mean in the beginning :(, fluff ending!

this is an anonymous request <3! first angst post hope you like it !

“Fuck, you’re unbelievable right now.” Hyunjin shook his head feeling frustrated by the minute. He watched you with a heavy glare as you accused him of cheating. All because you seen his ex girlfriend constantly calling him and sending a bunch of text messages, every chance she gets. It angered you how Hyunjin wasn’t taking you seriously and made it seem like you’re the problem in this situation. “Are you serious right now? Why are you ok with your ex texting and calling you?!” Your voice grew louder as each word tumbled out of your mouth, remembering the exact moment you saw her name pop up ten minutes ago before the argument.

“Jesus y/n— she’s going through a hard time—”

“And I’m not?”

Your voice was starting to shake while tears welled up in your eyes at his excuse. Hyunjin words died down as he glanced down at your stomach, a little bit of it peeking out from the bottom of your white cozy sweater you wore. His eyes darting back up to you, your mind racing as you didn’t expect him to roll his eyes while running a hand through his dark long hair, a habit of his that he’ll never get rid of. “Y/n I get that you are pregnant, but the world is still spinning it doesn’t stop for you.” Hyunjin spoke with an irritated tone, words already spewing out and too late to regret what he had said. The first tear drop graced your face as you looked at him with disgust.

The husband you loved was defending the actions of his ex girlfriend and could care less about you, his pregnant wife.

“You’re an asshole, you know that? Are you seriously justifying her actions right now! Fuck, I know the world doesn’t stop spinning for me, but at least have a fucking brain to know that your ex shouldn’t be texting and calling you in the first place!” You cried out letting tears stream down your face, all the pent up anger and sadness spilling out all at once, the aching pain from your heart as you felt so many emotions at once. “I’m your wife and you’re belittling my feelings.” You sniffed, eyes filled with tears.

Hyunjin sighed heavily, feet moving towards the couch to grab his phone and keys. Looking at him with confusion, you watched him pass you without even a glance your way and heading straight to the door. “W-Where are you going?” Your voice broke down even more as Hyunjin looked your way. “I need some air, that’s all.” He said, but you knew he was basically telling you he had enough which only made you frustrated. Before you could even say something or stop him, he was already out the door. The sound of the front door slammed shut made you flinch.

You couldn’t help but cry even more, mind going crazy from overthinking. You and Hyunjin would have disagreements from time to time, but they were never serious and easily forgotten. This was the first argument that put you in the situation where you felt alone and seem crazy. Hyunjin made you feel like you were the problem and it slowly started getting to your head? Am I over reacting? Should I say sorry?

You are so stressed about the situation, your body started to tense up and your contractions started to kick in, but even more painful. “Shit!” You glanced down at your sweatpants seeing a wet spot forming. Your water broke and you didn’t know what to do but cry in pain. Your mind went back to Hyunjin, wishing y’all never argued and wanting him helping you through this painful situation. You slowly made your way to your bedroom, each step painful as you made your way to the nightstand to grab your phone. You quickly pressed Hyunjin’s number.

“Hyunjin please.”

You cried painfully holding on to your stomach feeling the baby kicking. The call went straight to voicemail for the third time, having no choice you called your best friend Chan who answered after the third ring. “Hey y/n—” “Chan I need your help!” Your screams made Chan worried as he frantically asked what’s going on. “It’s a long s-story— fuck! Please my water broke and Hyunjin’s not answering his phone, fuck Chan it hurts.” You cried into the phone as you crouched next to the bed still holding your stomach. “Ok ok y/n ima need you to breathe in and out for me, I’m on my way as fast as I can.” Chan was quick to leave the house and drive over to your place.

He arrived in less than ten minutes, he has a key to y’all apartment since you and Hyunjin trust only him that much. You hear footsteps approaching your room, you glanced up to see the door open and a panic Chan looking at you worried. He came closer to see you clutching your stomach, body glistening with a thin layer of sweat and you breathing how Chan told you to. “Hey, im here now let’s get you to a hospital.” Chan noticed your sweatpants were damped and was quick to cover your body with his jacket to properly shield you once he helped you up. He helped you along the way to his car and to the hospital.

Hyunjin arrived to the hospital once he received an angry call from Chan. He was out of breath as a ran towards the room the receptionist told him you were in. “Hyung…” Hyunjin breathed out, seeing Chan sitting outside your room. Chan eyes locked with Hyunjin and his face went cold. Chan was quick to stand up as Hyunjin cautiously approached the angry man. “Chan—” “The fuck is wrong with you, leaving her alone like that, especially when you’re in the wrong.” Hyunjin’s face dropped, feeling the guilt and shame while Chan shook his head, disappointed in his actions.

“I didn’t— fuck, I wasn’t—” Hyunjin stuttered feeling the first tear drop, feeling worse as he sobbed in the quiet hospital hallway. Chan sighed as a patted his friend’s back before bringing him into a tight hug. Chan was still mad at Hyunjin, but seeing him cry lets him know that he regretted what happened. “Stop crying and go apologize to your wife and see your child.” Chan said softly, backing away while Hyunjin wiped his tears before slowly opening the door.

The sight of you holding your new born child made hyunjin’s heart swell, wishing he was close to you during a difficult and precious time. You noticed him once he shut the door, your gaze going back to your baby not wanting to ruin such a precious moment for you. “Baby—”

“If you’re here to argue, I don’t want to hear it.” You mumbled softly not wanting to wake up your baby. Hyunjin frowned as he stepped closer, “No baby, I want to apologize.” Hyunjin voice came out soft and genuine, you looked him in the eyes to confirm that he was in fact sorry. Hyunjin sat down in the chair next to your bed, his eyes gazing at his baby, smile gracing his face.

“I want to apologize for my behavior, I shouldn’t have made you feel little in the situation that I was clearly wrong in. My ex means nothing to me I swear and I would never leave you or my child for her. I should have never even indulged into any sort of conversations with her, I made sure to block and delete her number. You mean so much to me and you’ve been through so much and I’m proud to have a beautiful strong wife like you.” Hyunjin’s words brought tears to not only his, but your eyes.

“Dammit Hyunjin, I’m supposed to be mad at you.” You smiled watching him laugh before coming close to place a soft kiss to your lips. “Thank you for apologizing, I’m just a little sad you wasn’t here to hear your baby’s first cry.” You pouted causing Hyunjin to frown a little. “I know..I know, I’m here now and I’m not leaving.” He promised glancing down at his baby.

“Can..can I hold…” His words died down looking at you. “Her..and of course you can hold her.” You chuckled lightly, lifting her up slowly towards him. He gently held his daughter in his arms, heart beaming with joy at the feeling. A smile gracing his face as he took in her facial features. “Gosh, she is beautiful just like her mother.” He complimented placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before doing the same to you, smiling as you grew shy at his affection.

“I love you both dearly.”

[xylatox]

January 2025 Fic Recommendations!!

a/n: my first fic recommendation list for the year!! All these fics I have read and I have loved every single one of them; please show your love to the authors by reblogging, liking and even sharing your thoughts with them :). To the authors, I'm sorry for the tag!

Key - ☆ -series ♡ -one-shot

Tomorrow X Together

☆ Between Twilight Skies | @jjunbug ~ ongoing

wc - 7.5k+

pairing - choi yeonjun x 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, huening kai x 𝖿��𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾r

synopsis - in a world that's on its dying breath, the once green and lush landscapes get buried in more and more layers of ash. the once flourishing streets that were full of magic are now a dull hum. yet, there is still hope—and it lies in the hands of you and kai, the last people to possess magic. suddenly, you remember the story of a forest that watches, and a well of life that lies deep within. you're determined to save your bleak world in any way that you can, yet, you weren't expecting to end up in a brand new world entirely.

♡ Bloodbound | @beomiracles

w.c - 2.5k

pairing - vampire!taehyun x human!reader

synopsis - Oh, you. So pretty, young and alive. Blood flows within your veins, carrying all the way to your beating heart, the one he can hear from miles away. Your breath hitches when his sharp fangs brush against your neck, your eyes flutter before they widen in fear. — God it drove him insane

♡ The Scientist | @dawngyu

w.c - 21k

pairing - popular hueningkai x deaf fem!reader

synopsis - Kai, who thrived in sound. Loud noise, vibrant conversations, the hum of life. And the quiet girl that sits prettily by the window—had begun to haunt his mind—stirring his heart the way only music ever had.

There must be some scientific explanation for this... right?

♡ The Last Safe Space | @dawngyu

w.c - 30k

pairing - idol!beomgyu x fem!soldier reader

synopsis - The world didn’t end with a bang. It ended with a whisper, a deadly virus creeping through the streets, turning the living into something… monstrous.

It was supposed to be a mission. Get in. Get out. Rescue the five a-list boys holed up deep in the city of Seoul. But nothing in this new, broken world is simple anymore.

The dead don’t scare you as much as his starry eyes do—deep brown eyes that make you question if you’re the one who needs saving, after all.

♡ When The Reaper Weeps | @gyu-tori

w.c - 12.4k

pairing - grim reaper!taehyun x fem mortal!reader

synopsis - The afterlife, where death waits in shadow, Taehyun walks the line between humanity and duty, a grim reaper bound by unyielding rules and a heart he has long denied. Cold and distant, he collects souls with precision—until one last wish changes everything.  

Y/N’s days are numbered, given seven days before the after life welcomes her. Her final mission is simple: mend the broken ties of her past.

As the days slip away, Taehyun’s carefully constructed world unravels. Y/N’s determination forces him to confront the emptiness in his existence. When choices arise—between rules, rebellion, and a love neither is prepared for—Taehyun must face the cost of defiance.  

Will he remain the Reaper, bound to his duty, or will he weep for the first time in centuries?

☆ Supermarket Flowers | @yunverie ~ ongoing

w.c - 15.5k+

pairing - taehyun x reader

synopsis - In the quiet corners of a bustling campus, Taehyun, a once-passionate artist, finds himself at odds with the canvas. Each brushstroke feels heavier, every color muted by the weight of personal battles he keeps locked away. Across the hall lives someone just as adrift— you, a musician whose melodies have grown somber since a breakup that shattered your rhythm and dimmed your spark. Two souls, dulled by life, separated by a thin wall but worlds apart in their own silence.

Fate weaves their paths together in an unassuming art supply room, where their individual searches for solace lead to an unexpected companionship. Amidst the scent of paint and the soft strum of guitar strings, they begin to fill the gaps in each other’s lives without even realizing it. Conversations spark over spilled paints and improvised melodies, and laughter starts to echo where silence once lingered. Slowly, they start to see colors they had forgotten and hear music they thought they'd lost.

And as life begins to take on new hues, they realize that perhaps, just perhaps, love might be worth taking a chance on again.

☆ To Someone From A Warm Climate | @hyukascampfire ~ ongoing

w.c - 93.3k+

pairing - faerie!taehyun x reader, faerie!yeonjun x reader

synopsis - a life lived as a human among the fae is one hard-earned. the folk are built of indescribable beauty, and of debauchery and mischief. for some, a life lived subservient to the folk is just fine; but to those who dream of something more, they would spend their lives clawing and biting to make it happen.

you, looking for a way to escape a life as a faerie’s human servant, put a new foot forward thinking that any life could be better than that. but, when your first assignment as a king’s spy is alongside a brooding, icy faerie man, you begin to wonder what your place in this foreign world really could be.

♡ Letters of Yesterday | @gyu-tori

w.c - 9.1k

pairing - cursed writer!hueningkai x fem artist!reader

synopsis - When love is as fragile as memory, Kai is cursed to forget everything—and everyone—he loves. No matter how deeply he feels, the magic erases him, leaving only blank pages where once there were memories. But Y/N refuses to give up, even when every day brings a new heartbreak. As she clings to the fleeting moments of their time together, she fights to keep their love alive, knowing that each day could be the last he remembers her.

In a cycle of forgotten smiles and vanished kisses, can love survive when memories are fleeting? Or will the price of holding on to Kai’s love be more than she can be

Seventeen

♡ Baby | @sailorsoons

w.c - 29k

pairing - Soongyoung x f. reader

synopsis - Soonyoung had been in your life for as long as you can remember. You haven’t spoken since your wedding to someone who isn’t him, but when you uncover your husband’s plans to turn against your family, you don’t know who else to call.  

♡ Cherry Picker | @gyuswhore

w.c - 19k

pairing - Hockey player! Seungcheol xfigure skater! reader

synopsis - [ice hockey]: a manoeuver in which a player, the floater, literally loafs (spends time in idleness) or casually skates behind the opposing team's unsuspecting defencemen while they are in their attacking zone.

There wasn't much you counted on in life; just your skates, your drive and how it felt to win. And of course, your local ice rink, that is now being colonised by an obnoxious hockey team in all their big, loud, stinking glory. Neither does it help that one particular red donned specimen forgets to leave his cherry picking on the ice.

♡ agrodolce | @amourcheol

w.c - 27.5k

pairing - dessert chef! mc x dessert chef! seungkwan

synopsis - one would expect being a dessert chef to be a life filled with sugary goodness, but nothing is sweet when working alongside boo seungkwan. when the two of you are forced to create a special dessert for the winter menu together, you think the restaurant will burn down. late night planning, shopping mall snooping, and a simple dessert might just save you from your expectations.

♡ Full Throttle pt1 - pt2 | @diamonddaze01

w.c - 20.6k + 16.7k

pairing - ferrari driver!yoon jeonghan x journalist!reader

synopsis - jeonghan's not used to someone who pushes his buttons as easily as you do, and you're not used to someone who challenges you as quickly as he does. maybe it's time to go full throttle, both on and off the track.

Enhypen

♡ Faking It | @shy2-29

w.c - 12.5k

pairing - lee heeseung x reader

synopsis - You had never liked Heeseung, and he had never liked you either. Over the three years, both you and Heeseung had become the most popular student in the university. You barely spoke to each other, just exchanged the occasional spiteful look in the hallways. You had sworn never to speak to Heeseung again—until one day, he unexpectedly asked you to be his fake girlfriend.

♡ cross the line | @heegyukeluv

w.c - 14.5k

pairing - heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis - “How do you know if someone is flirting with you?”  It was Heeseung’s question to you, and you were left with no option other than to show how you do it.

♡ between you and me | @haologram

w.c - 40.4k

pairing - lee chan x fem!reader

synopsis - everything you've ever done, chan has been by your side - either egging you on or talking you off the ledge. after a rough year of studying, failed relationships and having chan be the insistent angel on your shoulder, the holidays roll around - and let's just say you're not too happy about it.

♡ Falling Alone | @babeyun

w.c - 39.5k

pairing - lieutenant!lee heeseung x therapist!housewife!reader

synopsis - cold cases were heeseung’s specialty, and he cracked every single one. cold hearts were your specialty, and you have yet to make a single chip in your husband’s.

♡ grocery store receipts | @paarksunghoon

w.c - 31.5k

pairing - sunghoon x reader

synopsis - your hot neighbor seems to have everything you don’t: charm, confidence, and a sense of direction in life. you’ve managed to keep to yourself in the time you’ve lived across from his apartment but the holiday season brings brings out unresolved feelings, and you find that the best present of all has always been standing right in front of you.

♡ do you think I'm fragile? | @just-nc-tea

w.c - 30k

pairing - hockey player heeseung x coach's daughter Y/N

synopsis - A car accident has turned your life upside down, leaving you with a knee and ankle that ache like they belong to someone three times your age. Navigating college with these setbacks is hard enough, but when your overprotective dad insists you take an internship with the men’s hockey team, you’re thrust back into the world you’ve spent years avoiding. The rink represents everything you’ve lost—and then there’s Heeseung, the captain whom you somehow cannot stop thinking about.

♡ iced americano season | @just-nc-tea

w.c - 39k

pairing - hockey player jay x radio host x influencer & barista Y/N

synopsis - A simple iced americano is about to ruin Jay’s entire season. Falling for the cute barista at his favorite café means free coffee, but it also comes with unexpected complications. Between her overprotective best friend stirring up drama and the internet’s relentless spotlight on his personal life, Jay quickly learns that some risks are worth taking—even if it means skating into uncharted territory. He regrets nothing

[elyxir1zz]

Sevika x Psychic reader

cw: mentions of age gap, fluff, awkward sevika, non specified reader

so apprently tarot cards are cannon in arcane so this super cute idea came into mind because chapter 8 of between the lines is taking forever

Sevika leaned back in her chair, her fingers drumming idly on the table as she stared at the small trinket shop booth. Gambling had lost its thrill. Sure, it was fun to win, but lately, watching the poor fools cry and beg for their money back just felt pathetic. She needed something different—something interesting.

That’s how she ended up here, in this strange little booth tucked away in the darker corners of the undercity. The place was cluttered with oddities: tapestries depicting eerie murals, shelves lined with glinting trinkets, and an abundance of plants Sevika suspected weren’t real. Plants didn’t thrive in Zaun, not with the toxic air hanging thick and heavy. Still, the shop had a strange charm, though the dim light behind the curtain made it feel more like a stage than anything else.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when the curtain rustled, and you stepped inside. Sevika raised an eyebrow as you smiled and took a seat across from her. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected—maybe someone mysterious, cloaked in shadow, with piercing eyes that could see right into her soul. But you? You were... expressive. Bright. A bit too cheerful for someone working in a place like this. Your jewelry jingled softly with every movement, catching the low candlelight.

“How are you today?” you asked, lighting a candle with a calm, practiced motion.

Sevika blinked, caught off guard by your friendly demeanor. “Uh... good,” she replied, her voice gruff as always.

You nodded, shuffling a deck of cards with smooth precision. The silence that followed wasn’t awkward for you, though Sevika felt the weight of it. She wasn’t used to situations like this—quiet and intimate. She usually thrived in chaos and noise, not... this.

You set the deck aside and held out your hand. “Give me your palm,” you said softly, your tone steady but inviting.

Sevika hesitated for a second. “Oh—” she began, almost offering her mechanical hand before catching herself. Embarrassed, she extended her flesh-and-blood hand instead. It was calloused and worn, a stark contrast to the softness of your fingers as they cradled it.

“Are you okay?” you asked gently, glancing up from her palm.

“Yeah... jus’ never done this before,” she muttered, shifting slightly in her seat.

You nodded knowingly. You already knew who she was—Silco’s right-hand woman. Her reputation preceded her. But as you examined her palm, you found yourself thinking about everything you knew about Silco and his influence over Zaun. You’d never liked him. You were just a kid when Vander died, but even then, you’d known Silco was bad news. His rise to power had only confirmed it, and every time you pulled cards for Zaun’s future, you seemed to draw the Nine of Swords—a card of despair and suffering.

Your fascination with fortune-telling had started when you were young, and though you’d built a career out of it, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Business was booming in dark times like these. People came to you desperate for guidance, hoping you could offer them protection or answers. But you couldn’t grant those wishes—that was up to the arcane forces that governed this world. Still, you saved up every coin you earned, dreaming of a day when you could leave Zaun behind.

As you studied Sevika’s palm, your fingers traced the lines on her hand. “Do you have a lot of lovers?” you asked, your tone light and teasing.

Sevika flushed, her gaze darting away. “I guess...”

You raised an eyebrow at her response, leaning forward slightly. “You think realistically, with your thoughts straightforward,” you said with a soft giggle. “This also says you’re cautious when it comes to serious relationships.”

You let go of her hand, and Sevika flexed her fingers slightly, the faint blush still lingering on her cheeks. “That’s... that’s fuckin’ creepy,” she chuckled, though there was a note of genuine surprise in her voice.

You smiled and pulled the deck of cards back out, spreading them in a fan-like display across the table. “Pick three,” you said simply.

Sevika nodded, her expression growing more serious. She pointed to three cards, sliding them across the table toward you.

You laid them out in front of her with deliberate care. “This is your past, your present, and your future,” you explained, flipping over the first card.

You flipped over the first card, placing it upright in front of Sevika. The artwork depicted a shadowed figure carrying a heavy bundle of swords.

“The Ten of Swords,” you said softly. “This represents your past—a time of betrayal, pain, and endings. You’ve had to endure things that most people wouldn’t survive. But the card also signifies resilience, Sevika. You’re still here, no matter what’s been thrown at you.”

Sevika’s lips tightened, her mechanical arm resting on the edge of the table as her flesh hand clenched into a fist. “Yeah, sounds about right,” she muttered.

You nodded, not pressing her for more. Instead, you moved to the second card and turned it over.

“The Knight of Pentacles,” you explained, tilting the card slightly so the candlelight caught its detailed image of a knight holding a golden pentacle. “This is your present. It speaks of hard work and determination, but also a sense of duty. You’re someone who gets the job done, no matter what. But...” You hesitated for a moment before continuing, “it also suggests you might be stuck in a routine, going through the motions without thinking about what you truly want.”

Sevika frowned, her expression darkening slightly. “Routine’s all I’ve got,” she said, her voice gruff.

You gave her a small smile, sensing there was more to her story than she let on. “Let’s see your future,” you said, your voice soft but steady. You flipped the final card.

The room seemed to grow quieter as you revealed the image of a towering spire struck by lightning.

“The Tower,” you said, your tone more serious now. “This card represents sudden change, upheaval, and destruction. It’s not an easy card to face, Sevika. It means that something in your life—something foundational—is going to come crashing down. But...” You glanced up, meeting her eyes. “It’s also a chance for rebirth. Sometimes, we have to lose everything to figure out who we really are.”

Sevika stared at the card, her jaw tightening. “So you’re tellin’ me everything’s about to go to shit?” she asked, her voice laced with sarcasm, but there was an edge of unease beneath it.

“Not necessarily,” you said gently. “The Tower isn’t just about destruction—it’s about clearing away what doesn’t serve you anymore. It’s painful, yes, but it’s also an opportunity to rebuild, to start over with something stronger.”

Sevika leaned back in her chair, her gaze lingering on the card. For the first time since she’d walked into the booth, she looked genuinely unsettled.

“You don’t strike me as someone who’s afraid of change,” you added, trying to ease the tension.

She smirked faintly, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Depends on the change,” she muttered.

You gathered the cards and shuffled them back into the deck. “The future isn’t set in stone,” you reminded her. “The cards show possibilities, not guarantees. What you do next is up to you.”

Sevika nodded slowly, her expression thoughtful as she stood up. “Thanks,” she said gruffly, slipping a few coins onto the table before turning to leave.

As she pushed through the curtain, you watched her go, wondering what choices she’d make in the days to come. You couldn’t shake the feeling that her Tower moment was approaching fast, and it wasn’t going to be an easy fall.

[valacre]

: ̗̀➛ On the Shoulder of a Giant

Megatron x Reader - transformers prime

Your life was nothing compared to his, minuscule, short and insignificant, yet you were no fool when poor excuses were concerned. For all his speeches, infuriatingly wonderful poetry, and his oh-so-deep and pleasant voice, not even Megatron could fool you with the reason he gave for keeping you by his side.

Sat atop his shoulder, clinging tightly to a protruding spike, you side-eyed him as he smirked at you, far too pleased with himself for rendering you so fear-stricken. Well, fear-stricken in his optics, you for your part were both that and greatly annoyed. Within your glass cage you had at least been warm with enough time to think through your life and choices, whilst here, atop the tyrant’s shoulder, the world rumbled with each step he took, threatening to send you to an abrupt end. You did not fully believe he would let you fall and die; he’d surely catch you, but only for as long as he saw value in your life.

The human who had been seen close to Optimus Prime surely must be of great importance, and though you remained tight-lipped and uncooperative, the warlord had proved himself surprisingly patient. Within your glass cage, you’d been still as a statue, unwilling to even entertain anyone with anything. Atop Megatron’s shoulder pad? Well, constant fear had a way of chipping away at your mind, and you would eventually let something slip, whether it was out of frustration or anger.

Nothing was revealed to you. Every screen was filled with Cybertronian symbols, and although Ratchet had attempted to teach you some, you were, unfortunately, a slow learner. Megatron also ensured you understood nothing of what they spoke either, so here you were, clinging to the worst being to ever enter Earth’s atmosphere like a lifeline.

He seemed to take some sadistic pleasure in knowing that you knew your life was in his servos. If not for him, you’d be at the whims of his Decepticons, some of whom appeared more than eager to cause you suffering; Airachnid chief among them. You detested the way she looked at you, and you detested the fact that you hid against Megatron, squeezing in close to his neck to evade Airachnid’s searching optics.

The rumbling of his chuckling had made your cheeks flush with humiliation and anger.

“Take care in not frightening the human too much, Airachnid. We wouldn’t want their feeble little heart to give out too soon, would we?” he said, glancing down at you with those glowing red optics of his. You sent him a scorching glare in return, and he laughed. “Such fierce hate! You greatly amuse me, little one. Perhaps I ought to keep you as my pet once you’ve revealed the location of the Autobot base.”

“Eat dirt,” you said, wishing to curse him out but being too afraid to push the limits. The deep chuckle you received in return made you look away, eyes refusing to meet his optics as much as you were refusing to accept what you were feeling.

Was it a ploy to soften you up to him? Had they been watching you, gathering intel about your interests before kidnapping you? Surely it was no coincidence as to why Megatron spoke to you about poetry, art, and music whenever you were alone.

He’d threatened you at first, done his job quite well in frying your nerves, but as he’d noticed the way you’d listened closely when he gave a speech, and the way your eyes had followed the movements of his servos and arms, well… he’d begun to indulge himself.

The less paranoid part of you believed he didn’t get to speak to others about his interests often, at least the ones that didn’t involve the war, so perhaps your unhidden fascination had sparked an interest in him? Surely that was one of the reasons why he insisted you stay seated atop his shoulder, which was also why you tried your best to not meet his gaze; feigning disinterest so he may let you back into your cage.

Unfortunately for you, Megatron was attentive, and with you so near nothing was missed on his accord. You understood that far too easily once you dared to glance his way only to immediately find him smirking at you, those sharp denta glinting in amusement.

It would have been easy to hate him. You should hate him; despise him, wish him dead. Yet, you could not. Not when you’d been the one who caught him off-guard, only for a moment, and you’d seen a small window where he was not smirking, but smiling, genuinely, optics a gentle red as you’d been momentarily lost to the sound of his voice grazing your ears with the most beautiful poetry you’d ever heard.

Just as much as he’d taken in your expression of wonderment, you’d caught him with a smile that spoke of gratitude and… You dared not even think of what that second word could be, because if you did, then your heart may sway towards a sea of bloody red which appeared to calm its storm for you; only you.