#and even to this day simon certainly still acts like this when given the opportunity

[raw-law]

rahhhhhhhgghhgg ive been less active since the servers creation bc now i just talk to you directly more often. but, i still like to send asks because its fun. its like mail, i send a little message, you guyz read it. then i get a notification with a reply like a day or so later and its so thrilling to me. i love mail so much. i love buying thingz online and then getting a little treat in the mail. it makes me lowkey ecstatic! i actually just bought an mcr shirt because they released merch for the 20th anniversary of their sophomore album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. i'll forget i ordered it and then in a few weeks, a little treat for moi!!!! j'adore les petits cadeaux pour moi!!!!

what is your opinion on the shift from sending letters to just calling or texting people instead? do you think instant forms of communication are a betterment for society or do they ruin the fun?

-🦌

Light:

Good to see you again, Deer Anon!

And I'm glad you like sending asks; I like reading them as well, even though sometimes I mightn't have time to answer. It's good you got a little treat for yourself, you deserve it.

Anyways, to answer your question.

I think instant forms of communication is wonderful. Without it, after all, we wouldn't have the chance to be running this blog, and I wouldn't be able to meet Ryuzaki. It's also convenient when people want to get in touch with us, and without it, we wouldn't be so developed and safe.

However, it is rather regretful that not a lot of people write letters any longer because of this. Letters are a sincere, heartfelt form of communication, and in my opinion, so much more worth treasuring than messages on a phone screen. Through a handwritten, decorated letter, you can find out so much more about the letter's writer, and I find that a very beautiful thing. I still write letters to my ex-teachers, though not as often as I used to when I was a kid and not yet with a phone. And that's a little sad.

Honestly, both have their pros and cons. But my view is that, at the same time when texting friends and calling family, we could write a simple letter to them, asking about their day, and maybe draw little doodles on it. I'm sure that'll make their day, and maybe also the days after that. :]

Thanks for the question, Deer Anon. I loved answering this one.

L:

ahh... i had a feeling that might happen with the addition of a discord server.. eh, what can you do. the server's fun anyways.

but i am glad you enjoy the asks so much. i'm also glad there's people who still have an appreciation for mail in general. i too quite enjoy the simple act of getting a box i've forgotten about and tearing it open, though it is a little ironic considering i'm not really fond of physical gifts, unless they're practical or edible. i just like the unboxing bit. i hope you have fun opening up that mcr shirt of yours. it certainly sounds special. rock on, you hopelessly reactive romantic.

as for my opinion on instant communication... it's all rather conflicting..

i appreciate the advancement of technology. it's played a large part in improving our daily lives, and like light has said, it's given me the opportunity to meet him, along with other people close to me and the askers on this blog.

... but it all feels a bit much to me, at times.

people having the capability to simply.. question me whenever they please feels too weirdly personal.. i know it's irrational, but i just don't like it. i don't like that pressure. nor do i like the way the formatting of words has changed because of it. it's just not something for me. i'm only really alright with it when it comes to people i consider special, but even then i feel like i'd enjoy it more if we communicated through things like letters or even emails. have you seen Simon VS. The Homo Sapiens Agenda? it's a favorite of mine. sometimes i catch myself yearning to be somebody's blue. it really is irrational..

thank you for the ask, it was a pleasure to ponder. always fun to see the tidbits you share. :)

[mewkwota]

This is Simon. My companion from Europe. I can’t understand him at all.

Simon’s depiction in his Goemon cameo (at least in the manga) reminds me a whole lot of how he’s depicted in Captain N: haughty, brash, and can’t be taken seriously ever. Which is perfect because it tells me that this is likely how Simon acted around anyone for quite some time, before learning to truly open up.

Who would have thought both an eastern and western crossover including Simon had him acting like a stuck-up jerk. For whatever reason, I just love that.

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Important asset [Billy Russo x Reader]

Title: Important asset Pairing: Billy Russo x Female!Reader Word count: 3k Published: 22 April 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Billy Russo fic, I hope it's not that bad, I'm still trying to get a hold of his character :) Summary: [x] Being a former military personal gives you the opportunity to work for Billy’s company. Becoming a very important part of the company provides you with an even closer relationship with your boss. However, he seems to be deliberately dancing on your nerves, increasing your already built-up frustration.

Ben Barnes and Characters Masterlist

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Working for Anvil felt like a safe place. After serving your country for years, coming back from your last tour turned out to be more difficult than you could have anticipated. Protecting important personals and working as security wasn’t something you wished to do, but after starting the job, working along with people who have been through what you have, your view of the company has changed. The job was different, but the people you worked with have given you more support than anyone, including your family, friends or your therapist for that matter.

Joining Anvil wasn’t easy, the requirement process raised some issues that you had to overcome. The physical part didn’t offer any difficulty, but the mental exam seemed to present some obstacles. It wasn’t until your second try that you have been approved and joined the team. That was when you met Mr. Russo, CEO and founder of Anvil. He was just as handsome as you have heard, and he had a way with words. He was confident and knew just how to use his charm. Even if you wanted to deny your sudden interest in him, you couldn’t have.

It seemed that even if he didn’t look at you as a woman, he certainly found your abilities interesting. You didn’t just become one with the team, a crucial member, but also became one of Billy’s most important assets. Having both good communications skills and excellent combat skills meant your worth in Billy’s eyes have grown and provided a great deal of opportunity for you to stay beside him. Officially you weren’t an assistant, but unofficially, Billy liked to give you a nice amount of work, keeping you close by from early morning to late afternoon or evening, sometimes past 10pm.

“Mr. Russo,” you called out to him as you walked behind him in a narrow corridor of the Anvil headquarters. Billy turned around, adjusting his tie with a confident smirk across his face. “I heard you were looking for me,” you added as you finally arrived beside him, glancing up at his handsome features, looking very professional in his expensive suit. You wanted to look feminine and pretty, instead of being dirty and sweaty, wearing a pair of tracksuits, but sometimes your work required you to look more worn out than you wished to be. He had a certain aura that kept pulling you towards him, but as confident as you were in your abilities to protect your country and your people, you were just as uncertain about your appearance when you appeared in front of Billy.

“Yes, I have. Care to explain why I can't reach you on your phone?” He asked, his features unimpressed with your lack of availability.

“I was training, I can’t possibly bring my phone with me everywhere,” you replied frowning, but you quickly adjusted your expressions, before he could have scolded you. It was clear that he wasn’t happy with your reply, but he dismissed it after all.

“Come to my office at 1700 hours. I have a couple things to discuss with you,” he replied in an authoritative manner.

“I have to train the new recruits at 4,” you explained, but he just shook his head.

“Ask someone to replace you,” he stated firmly, accepting no objection. But you took your job very seriously and even though Billy was your boss, often you found yourself going against his decisions just to spite him.

“I can’t do that,” you stated, lips pursed to emphasise your objection. “There’s no one to cover me,” you added. His firm stance and sharp inhale reassured you that he was anything but happy with your answer. He took a step forward, forcing you to take a step back and collide with the wall behind you. Your chest felt as though it was a small box, containing only a small portion of oxygen, its lack of tightened your throat, starting your heart off in a dangerous pace, pounding hard against your ribcage. Billy’s presence always made you feel as though you couldn’t breathe. A simple gaze in your direction, a confident grin, his low, deep voice calling your name made you weak at the knees and left your mind wandering to paths you should have never gone to, causing thousands of butterflies to erupt in your belly.

“I’m your boss and I can change your schedule whenever I want to. I want to see you in my office at 1700 sharp, or else—” he didn’t finish the end of his sentence, but you were sure his ideas were entirely different from yours.

“Or else—?” It escaped your mouth involuntarily, receiving a low growl from Billy, a threatening aura, still it didn’t frighten you, if anything it encouraged you further. “I think we both know you will not fire me, Mr. Russo. I’m a very important asset to your company. I am a very dedicated employee and therefore I will try to adjust my schedule to fit your request, but I cannot promise anything, unless you personally can provide someone to take over from me,” you replied in a challenging manner, earning a questioningly raised brow from Billy. Trying to read his face you couldn’t decide if he was actually considering helping you or he was planning how to murder you in the spot.

A heavy sigh left his lungs, but he didn’t back away. “I will send Simon to cover you,” he said between gritted teeth.

“That is absolutely brilliant, I’m so glad we are on the same page,” you exclaimed with a wide grin across your face as you turned around to leave the man behind. However, before you could have left, he grabbed your arm and pulled you back against him, your palms landing on his hard chest, feeling every inch of each fine muscle under your touch.

“Pay attention to your attitude because it has gotten out of hands recently and you are standing on a very fine line,” he whispered, his breath tickling your cheeks. Indeed, you have been rather free with your words and actions around Billy, and you knew you were playing with fire, but it seemed that was the only way to get his attention.

“I might be pushing some boundaries, but my only intention is for the company to work effectively, to produce people that do their tasks efficiently meanwhile wearing Anvil’s name with pride. If I neglect my duties and ignore my job, even if it’s for your request, what use am I to the company?” you asked with a certain pride. Whilst your intention was to object to Billy once again, to be somewhat bratty, every word that left your lips were true. Anvil has given you more than you could have ever wished for and not even Billy could stop you from making this company one of the most well-working organisations.

Billy took a sharp inhale, trying to decide whether you were just being spoilt once again, because you were indeed aware of your own worth, or if the company really took priority in your eyes. His nod reassured you of the latter as he let go of your arm.

“I like the way you are thinking, but it doesn’t excuse your attitude. You are an important asset to the company, but not irreplaceable. By the time you come to see me in the afternoon, try to get rid of it,” he spoke sternly, before he shook his head and offered you a cocky grin as he turned around and left you in the corridor. You couldn’t stop the tiny smile from appearing in the corner of your lips, his expression reassured you that you were anything but invisible in his eyes.

As you were leading a shooting session for your team, Billy interrupted your practice, clearing his throat whilst leaning against the doorframe, watching your people. You looked at your watch, afraid of being late, but according to your time, you weren’t even anywhere near the time you were supposed to be in his office.

“Keep practising,” you instructed them as you walked back to Billy, whose arms were folded in front of his chest, his eyes following every step you took towards him. “Is everything okay?” you asked as you stopped in front of him.

“Hmm,” he replied with a simple hum and a single nod. He seemed to have something on his mind, and you were sure he would soon voice his opinion. Biting his lip, he grimaced slightly. “Your team needs more practice,” he added nonchalantly. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned around to check on the targets. Indeed, there were some errors, but you were overall satisfied with their performance, they were former members of the US Armed Forces after all. Inhaling sharply, you turned back to him, staring at his expressionless face.

“Is this really why you came here?” You asked with a questioningly raised brow.

“I was just wondering how useful you are to the company since you have been walking around voicing your importance. Just like you did in the morning, if I recall correctly,” he shrugged casually.

“Let me see if I understand. After all I have done for the company and for you, now you are checking on my people and my progress, questioning how much we are worth to your goddamn company?” You hissed in anger. Billy seemed to be on a roll attempting to piss you off at any given time. Usually, you could keep your act together, but he has done nothing but insulted you that day and he was very close to reaching your limits. You stared into his eyes and in the lowest, most threatening tone you could manage, you continued. “Listen to me Russo, I can take a lot, I’m quite a resilient person, but I’m very close to walking out of here and never coming back. If you would like me to leave then say it, but if not and you would like me to keep working for you, then let me do my job and leave me alone for the rest of the day,” you exhaled sharply and after a deadly gaze directed at your boss, you turned away and joined your team. Your blood was boiling from the amount of anger he could bring out in you, as if he found your frustration entertaining. Although you expected him to come after you and give you a monologue about humbling yourself, by the time you looked back towards the entrance, he was long gone.

It was already 5pm and Simon was nowhere to be found. You instructed the new recruits to take a 5-minute break from the exercises you have given them as you rocked from one leg to the other trying to calm yourself, slowly exhaling and inhaling. Preparing for the scolding you were about to receive from Billy, your blood pressure had risen. You groaned as you saw Simon run through the door, heavily apologising for his lateness. Shaking your head, you walked up to him and instructed him about the details of the recruits’ further training. By the time you were supposed to be in Billy’s office, you were jogging across the narrow corridors of Anvil, trying to minimise the nagging Billy was about to give you for not arriving in time.

“You are late,” you heard his voice as you opened the door, grimacing at the harsh tone. Billy didn’t even look up from his desk, his eyes were attached to the paperwork he was signing off.

“Not my fault,” you added, walking up to the table and sitting down across Billy.

“I told you to be precise,” he groaned, unhappy about your lateness.

“Next time send someone who actually appears in time,” you retorted, feeling fed up with his continued scolding.

“Once again you have that attitude,” he cleared his throat in frustration.

“Russo!” You shot up from your chair, placing your hands on his paperwork, staring straight into his eyes. “I’m aware that I have a slight problem with my attitude, but I don’t think it’s fair that you blame me for something I had no say in. You have asked Simon to replace me, still at 5pm sharp I was still in the training hub alone with the recruits, because he was late,” you replied firmly.

“I don’t think I have asked for an excuse, so why do I have to listen?” He asked with a deep frown, slowly standing up from his chair, his stance projecting authority. But at that moment, you couldn’t care less. Your blood was rushing through your veins, your built-up frustration threatening to reveal itself. As if Billy’s mere purpose was to dance on your nerves. And he was successful.

“Billy,” you called his first name with clenched teeth. You have gotten used to calling him Mr. Russo or Russo, even though you were close to each other. However recently he has been deliberately annoying you and you couldn’t take it anymore. Indeed, you wanted to get some kind of reaction out of him with your brattiness, but receiving the same attitude didn’t seem that entertaining. You knew you were supposed to be professional when you were working, even though he made it his mission to piss you off, but you just lost your self-control. “I have done nothing for this company but work my ass off to help you. When you asked, I had to be at two even three places at the same time. I have no life, because every single free time and day off I’m supposed to be having, I have to spend here to help you. I don’t mind, because I love working here and I want to make this company a better place. But you are the one talking about my attitude, even though I have never asked for anything in return?! Have I ever asked for a raise even if you dumped hours of work on me? You keep me here from early morning to late evening and I’ve never once complained, still you dare to talk about my attitude? Please, tell me what your problem is with me, because recently I feel like it’s your mission to get on my nerves. At this point the only thing I can think of is that you want me to quit because that’s the kind of hostility that comes across from you,” you huffed releasing all your frustration on your boss.

“You—” he wanted to speak up, but you didn’t let him. It was your time to talk, and you didn’t even give him a chance to object.

“No, I’m speaking,” you interrupted him, earning a sharp inhale from the man. “I understand that I’m only a mere subordinate, and I know I should not have the attitude that I do take on sometimes, but I am still a human and I don’t have to deal with your moodiness on a daily basis,” you hissed. “Tell me honestly, is it your mission to get me to quit? Because at this point you are very close to forcing me to resign and—” you had no way to finish the sentence as Billy grabbed the back of your neck and pulled your lips against his, earning a moan from you. He only let go of you for a second to get around the table, his movements quick as though he was a lion hunting down his prey. He attached his lips to yours once again, pushing you up on the table and positioning himself between your thighs. He sneaked his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, his other hand firmly holding you close to him by the back of your neck, wanting nothing but to reduce the proximity between the two of you.

“Do you ever shut up?” He asked, breathing heavily against your lips. “I hear nothing but your continuous yapper,” he groaned as he laid his forehead against yours, massaging random patterns on your thigh. “Why on earth do you think I have given you so much job to do, you dumb woman? Can you be any more oblivious? I didn’t just dump all those random tasks on you and left you to do them, did I? I stayed behind with you, isn’t that, right?” he asked through gritted teeth. “You really know how to get on my nerves, and this certainly isn’t how I imagined this to come out, but you make it impossible for me to keep my cool,” he inhaled slowly, forcefully pulling you closer to him as he stood between your legs, making you moan at the contact. “I’m going to give you two options now,” he stated as he took a step back, giving you space to think. You can walk out that door, act like nothing happened and we will go back to being a boss and an employee. Or you can stay, and we continue what we started. But then there’s no turning back. I don’t just let go of what’s mine,” for a moment you ran the options through a logical part of your mind, that screamed for you to walk out the door. But you couldn’t possibly listen to the voice when you could finally be Billy’s after you have done so much for the man you longed for.

You grabbed his belt and pulled him between your legs, whispering against his lips. “Close that door,” Billy’s jaw clenched and without a second to waste he stood by the door, locking it behind him and getting back to you in haste, capturing your lips with his hands exploring every part of your body.

“So, have I become irreplaceable now?” You asked with a proud, overly confident grin as his hands tried to remove your shirt impatiently. His eyes darkened at your words, his hands stopping mid-air.

“Don’t get cocky with me,” he groaned, grabbing your jaw and connecting your lips once again, trying to get you out of your clothes. Whatever Billy called you for was long forgotten for the rest of the evening, you were busier with each other’s company.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

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Taglist is in a reblog from now on.

[invisibleinorange]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: T Warnings: Presumed Character Death, Suicidal Ideation  Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Simon Hastings/Daphne Bridgerton Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Featherington,  Benedict Bridgerton Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin Summary:  Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". (#I’mHereToKillYouAllWithFeels)

---

Anthony and Benedict had expected a lot of different reactions from their younger sister, dead silence was not one of them.

They stood there though watching as she read the letter, complete and utter disbelief and confusion clear on her face.

Eloise Bridgerton was certain that Penelope Featherington told her everything.  Sure, Colin had always been nice to Penelope but so were the rest of her brothers.

If there had been something out of the ordinary, she would have picked up on it.  If one of her brothers was taking more notice or spending more time with her, she would certainly picked up on it.

Colin had barely broken off his engagement to Marina before he departed.  Why would he have been so concerned about Pen?

This whole thing felt ludicrous and the only rational explanation was that this was some cruel prank.  Sure, she knew that Penelope was incredible but her brothers were all idiots.   As much as she might have loved to have her best friend have become a sister, she’d never seen it as the remotest of possibilities.

Reading the letter, she felt almost guilty for having never given Penelope enough credit for being capable to grab the attention of one of her brothers.

After a long moment she raised a hand as if to tell her brothers to not even say a word.  She was going to get to the bottom of this.

“You had both better hope that I don’t have cause to leave Gregory my only brother when I return,” she muttered and then with was gone, leaving the safety of the drawing room toward the one person who could answer any of the questions she had.

--

The reason Penelope Featherington could get away with more than most was because no one actually ever paid her much attention. No one cared what she did honestly and that was why it was so easy to keep herself shut away in her bedroom, convince herself that it would be so much easier for everyone involved if she just disappeared.

There were certain things that she had to get in order though.  She had forced herself to sneak in the night to allow Lady Whistledown to honor Colin but after that, she’d begun to get her affairs in order.

She had every intention of it being the last thing that she ever sent to print. She intended to have the secret die with her so that those she loved could at least keep some self-respect.

There were other letters that she had debated putting together too but somehow the words that were the most important were the most impossible to put together.  Her family wouldn’t even put on a show of missing her. The only person left who might actually miss her was Eloise.

She kept plenty of things from her over the years though and perhaps, it was for the best if she never knew.  

The saddest part of it all was that her mother never learned.  The necessary toxins were still easily accessible in the home.  Penelope had listened when Marina had detailed what all she’d consumed.  Surely, if that could nearly kill her if she doubled it, it would actually do the job. If it didn’t work, she was pretty sure she would just throw herself into the sea.

Her normally healthy pink skin was pale, her hands trembled as she wrapped her hand around the deceptively sweet smelling cup of tea. She raised it to her lips, prepared to take a sip.

Her plan was interrupted by the door opening with a slam.

The look on her face must have said it all because all 167.6 centimeters of Eloise Bridgerton came at her with a horrified force, knocking the cup out of her hands letting it shatter and spill against the floor.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” the brunette bellowed.

It was enough the send Penelope crumbling into the ground, curling into herself.  She was shattering and a part of her felt selfish for this all. She no longer had the strength to lie though.

“I want to join him,” she sobbed.

Eloise was completely taken aback but she still descended to her own knees, wrapping her arms around the red-head trying her to best to calm the storm.  She didn’t have to understand any of this to understand that there wasn’t a chance in Hell of her letting Penelope actually harm herself.

“You will not,” she ordered. “I won’t let you.”

“This is all my fault,” Penelope cried.

Eloise didn’t see a possible scenario where that could be true. The letter that her brother had written was still clearly imprinted in her mind along with the millions of questions that followed.

She was starting to think her brothers might have been right to share it.

A loud sigh escaped her lips and she forced her friend to look her in the face.

“My brother would not want this no matter what happened between the two of you,” she said resolutely, knowing that without a shadow a doubt.  

It was Penelope’s turn for confusion to show across her features.

“Nothing happened between me and your brother.”

Eloise couldn’t help but wonder if this was one of those situations where someone protested too much. Sure, she’d clearly missed something but her eyes were wide open now and she just wanted to know the truth.

“Then why did he write to you?” she couldn’t help but ask.

If Penelope could have turned paler in that moment, she was pretty sure that she would have.  Eloise wasn’t sure if she swooned, she’d have been able to keep her up right.

“He … wrote … me?” she asked.

Eloise nodded.

“Before he left,” she said. “It just doesn’t make sense to me because you’ve never given me any inclination that you had any passing fancy for any of my brothers and – I know I’ve been busy with my investigation but surely, I would have noticed something.  Surely, if you were this in love with my brother, you would have told me.”

She didn’t say it because it was of no relevance now that Colin was gone but she was a bit hurt with the thought that she wouldn’t have been told. As much as it might have been weird, there was no one she would have rather had become a sister. In many ways, she’d always felt as if they were sisters.

Her words shamed Penelope.

“I didn’t tell you because he wouldn’t have felt the same. I’m not like you and your sisters. I don’t have Lords and Dukes fighting over my hand. The only men who ever dance with me at balls do so out of pity.  Yes, I … believe I loved your brother but he never would have loved me. Maybe he didn’t marry Marina but there would be another next season or the next.”

Eloise’s loyalties were completely and utterly torn. Did she defend her brother’s character? Did she argue her best friend’s virtues?

“ You’re incredible, Pen.  Maybe the men and the Ton are idiots but that doesn’t change the fact you are one of the smartest, kindest and most loyal people that I’ve ever know. Even if I am furious at you for not telling me all of this, I’ll keep telling you as much.”

There was a pause, the folded letter retrieved from where she’d stashed it in her haste to get there to investigate.

She extended it toward her friend after a long moment of thought.

“I was going to say my brother was daft but apparently you both are when it comes to romance. I’m sorry that he’ll never be able to tell you as much himself.”

--

My Dear Pen, Everyone in my family has a bit of a label to them. I love them all dearly. It’s sometimes a big heavy trying to live up to their accomplishments. Being clever has always been my method of disguising my discomfort in my own skin at times. If you are reading this, I was a coward who couldn’t be man enough to utter the very words that have taken to plaguing my every waking hour. When I am with you, you disarm me.  I am in awe of you to the point that it terrifies me. I’m not completely sure that you recognize how magnificent you truly are. I know that you think that no one takes notice of you but I do.  You’re also my sister’s most beloved friend and as such I may have taken for granted the fact you would always be there. I know that I have acted beastly in recent weeks, throwing myself head first at an ill-fated engagement with little consideration for your own circumstances, ignoring you when you sought to warn me and taking our friendship for granted. I cannot apologize to you enough. I am completely and utterly undeserving of the repeated forgiveness you have bestowed upon me. I had hoped I might throw myself at you for your mercy once more. I know that you are facing bigger issues than my own selfish need of your company though. I understand now that this is why you spurned my request at the ball.  I was wounded when you took leave of me but struggle to find sleep, I knew just how foolish I might have been to think that you would even want to spend the night dancing and talking with a rake like me. You have always deserved the attention of a man not a boy. You deserve someone who would  put you above his own boyish whims. You deserve to be cherished always. By the time I return from Greece, someone else will have seen how magnificent you really are. Perhaps one day, I will grow into the man that you have always had faith that I could be and when I approach you won’t feel need to take leave of me. I will never be as good as Anthony or Benedict but if when we can meet again you so  much as deem me worthy of friendship, I will not take such opportunity for granted.

Your most humble friend, Colin

[charliejrogers]

Yes, God, Yes

Full disclosure: I not only attended a Catholic high school, but I specifically attended a Kairos retreat, the exact retreat which the characters from 2020’s Yes, God, Yes attend. In the film, they call it “Kirkos,” but everything about “Kirkos” is the same as my (and seemingly every) Kairos. So let me clear up a few things for those of you who saw this film and thought, “This shit at this movie retreat can’t be what they do in real life.” Yes, Kairos leaders really do collect your phone and watch upon arrival to the retreat center since you are now on “God’s time ”(kairos comes from the Greek word καιρός which literally means “God’s time”). Yes, you are forced into small groups with your other classmates and feel this weird pressure to have a sad life story to share. Yes, small group leaders start to play music while they tell their own story AND pass out the lyrics as if these song lyrics are real deep poetry. One of my retreat leaders, for example, handed out sheets of the lyrics to Florence + The Machine’s “Shake it Off.” Now, I LIKE Florence + The Machine, but even still the lyrics to that song are nothing special. And, most of all, yes, those who come back from Kairos do tend to act a little cultish. At our school it was referred to as having a “Kai high,” a feeling in time when everyone just wants to be friends yet those people only exclusively hang out with one another.

In defense of Kairos retreats, at their very best, they offer adolescents at a critical time in their development the opportunity to reflect on their lives thus far, evaluate if they are living out the values their parents and community have instilled in them, and give them a safe space to work through conflicts, apologize, and try to be better people. At their worst, it’s a self-congratulatory experience where people act morally superior to others without really doing anything substantial… or even worse it’s a period of time where adolescents might unearth and talk about really hard topics like suicide, depression, etc. for the first time… and yet are given no real guidance on how to handle those emotions outside of this four day experience!

All this said, this is not a review of Kairos retreat. It is, indeed, a film review. I just wanted to make clear my biases etc. before talking about it since the retreat does more than provide the setting for the majority of Yes, God, Yes: the retreat’s four-day thematic structure doubles as the film’s plot structure. Just as in real life, our protagonist does a lot of questioning about her life and her faith during her first day, does some “crying” during the second as people, “accepting/trusting” the third, and then “living out” the lessons she learned on the fourth day and beyond! The difference is that in real life, teens are supposed to do these things in regard to their faith... or protagonist across those four days has a genuine sexual awakening.

In fact it’s exactly the desire to suppress her sexuality that prompts our protagonist to go on the retreat in the first place. Because our protagonist, Alice (played by Stranger Things’ Natalia Dyer), has just discovered something about herself that is hard to put out of her mind: she likes sex! Or, more specifically, likes masturbating. Alice is, from what we can tell in the prologue, a pretty by-the-books Catholic teen. She follows the rules, goes to Church with her Dad every Sunday, and os pretty sexually naïve… sheltered as we used to describe kids. Someone starts a rumor that Alice “tossed” a boy’s “salad” at a party and the rumor spreads like wildfire. Even the teachers know about it, and she loses her status as a gift bearer for the school’s weekly Mass. Of course, Alice doesn’t even know what “tossing salad” means (nor truthfully did I… but the movie seems to anticipate this by providing a definition to the audience at the very beginning of the film.)

All Alice knows is that she likes arm hair… like LIKES arm hair, something she discovers when she’s on an AOL chat room and someone sends her porn. That’s right, this is a film set in the early ‘00s, so if you hold any nostalgia for that time, get ready to have your fill from the era’s cheesy pop ballads to giant brick phones, to the fact that America (while starting to be so) wasn’t so health conscious that’s it not crazy to believe a teenage girl would just come home from school and snack on frosting and a giant bowl of Cheetoh’s Puffs. The nostalgia is not quite as in your face as in Captain Marvel, but it’s certainly more of a focus than it was in Lady Bird.

Yeah, you knew the comparison was coming. Let’s just be clear, this is by no means trying to be the next Lady Bird. This movie knows it’s pretty frivolous to begin with. Still, it’s hard to avoid comparison with the last big movie about a Catholic girl coming of age in the early 2000s. What I learned in watching this movie compared to Lady Bird or even Boyhood is that merely recreating aspects of my former life does not a good movie make. While I loved the fact that part of watching Lady Bird was getting to see someone shine a light on how ridiculous high school theater could be, that was never the point of the movie. Here, meanwhile, a significant purpose of the film is to highlight the fact that, yes, Kairos retreats are weird and the Church sucks. While I found myself nodding my head in agreement with what I was seeing on screen… it wasn’t exactly enjoyment as much as thinking, “yup, this is what a Kairos retreat is.” Furthermore, I feel like there are aspects of Kairos that would be great for skewering and I love the parts they absolutely nail: the cultish nature of the retreat and the pressure to frame your life in a sad way… but they ultimately take a route of criticism that is too easy and frankly is not a focus of most Kairos retreats… the focus on shaming one’s sexuality and the innate hypocrisy that behavior inevitably reveals.

If there’s a villain in this film, it’s probably the retreat leader and school priest Fr. Murphy (Timothy Simons), who gives in to rumors of Alice’s sexual impropriety as much as any schoolyard bully. No one in this whole film, from Fr. Murphy, to the head of Alice’s bunkhouse, to her small group leader, to even her best friend, takes Alice’s spiritual journey seriously, as they all assume Alice is not taking the retreat seriously as she seems to be avoiding talking about her recent, rumorous activity. Of course, there’s a bit of #MeToo hypocrisy here in that the male with whom Alice is said to have been engaged with enjoys none of the backlash that she has been dealing with. And to that degree it’s a satisfying movie in that Alice gets to dish out a little #MeToo revenge.

Still, even with all things conspiring against her, Alice retains her good spirit throughout the film… as well as her determination to further explore her sexuality. On the one hand, it’s a little unrealistic the risks she takes in trying to learn more about her body, but on the other hand teenagers and young adults are friggin’ weird when it comes to figuring out themselves. Ultimately she is emboldened in this take once she finds out that all those people who are out to get her to confess her “sins” are sinners in much the same way.

Probably the best scene comes at the end of Alice’s third day of the retreat when she runs away from the retreat center and walks into a lesbian bar where she hears the story of someone who used to be Catholic and is now not. More important than anything she could learn at the retreat, this Iowa girl learns that some normal people… just don’t have a religion. For some people this world, its pleasures, its pains, is more than enough. Alice doesn’t become a full-blown hedonist after this, but she is opened up to realize there’s more to life than Catholic guilt.

Perhaps to make this good message ring out, the film as a whole, despite some absurdist elements, feels like it’s meant to be a somewhat accurate reflection of reality. I wish the writer/director, Karen Maine had tried for a slightly more absurdist approach or taken out the absurdity altogether. She already makes the Catholic high school authority more caricature than character, and the plot at timesis almost silly. Therefore, the tone of the movie just sorta feels off throughout. Just about the only thing keeping this movie grounded is a great performance by Dyer who portrays a genuine sexual awakening very faithfully, capturing the mix of confusion, guilt, and excitement all at once. Even when Alice does something downright stupid, Dyer’s performance engenders our trust from the start, and we are always on her side. I wish I could have liked this movie more as it really does accurately portray some aspects of a Kairos retreat and is about as close as I think I’ll get to having it portrayed in a major film, but ultimately by not treating the Church authority with the same amount of nuance paid to Dyer’s Alice and her sexual awakening, the film ends up being an enjoyable, if one-noted, experience. Come to make fun of Catholics, stay for Dyer’s performance.

 **7/8 (Two and seven-eighths out of four stars)

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Evanescence's Amy Lee Talks Musical Evolution, Growing Up & Life Under Quarantine

The frontwoman opens up to the Recording Academy about the hard-rock mainstays' forthcoming album, 'The Bitter Truth' and its lead single, "Wasted On You"

The current coronavirus quarantine has turned out to be a mixed blessing for Evanescence leader and singer Amy Lee. While she is elated about the new music her band is producing for their first album in nearly nine years, they have to figure out how to finish the project being apart. They also had to postpone touring Europe with Within Temptation and cannot interract with their fans anytime soon. That feels ironic given the anticipation for their new release. At least Lee did not have to face being separated so soon from her five-year-old son Jack and explain why his mother had to go away on tour, and she got to jam virtually with Lzzy Hale on the Halestorm song "Break In." At the same time, Lee admits, her immediate family members are driving each other a little bit crazy. That's to be expected.

Lee and her bandmates have been adjusting to the circumstances. They decided to change the choice for the lead single off of their forthcoming album The Bitter Truth by swapping it out for the song "Wasted On You." Thematically, however unintentionally, it feels like now and features all five band members in their own homes engaging in various activities from contemplation to playing music. The video is very fitting for a band whose singer frequently channels inner emotional turmoil that people struggle with alone. Thus the clip feels like a natural extension of their work.

"Yeah, this is the place I always put myself in," concurs Lee, speaking on the phone to the Recording Academy from her home in Nashville, which fans are seeing for the first time through that video.

"Most of us in the band are very private," notes Lee. "Showing my home is a big deal for me. Just being our real selves without makeup, just living in real life, not acting. What's powerful about that is that everybody around the world is doing the same thing. The idea behind it was to show that at our core we're all still connected even though we're not physically together."

When she saw the first edit of the clip from director P.R. Brown, whom she praises highly, it made her feel very connected to her band. "I missed them," admits Lee. "I pulled the trick on myself, feeling all these emotions about being close to you guys and how we're going through the same stuff. I guess it was going to be effective because it totally worked on me."

Given how depressing life feels for many people right now, Lee believes that new music is extremely necessary, and there are new Evanescence songs still in the making. The Bitter Truth is not actually finished yet, and Lee is not sure how many songs will make up its entirety. Individual tracks will just be released when they are and eventually be collected as a cohesive whole.

"I like living in the moment, and I don't have it all planned out," says Lee. "And that's beautiful. We always wanted to do it this way. It's lucky because we got to continue down our path. We went in for the first batch of songs with Nick Raskulinecz in the beginning of February. We have that batch, but I'm not sure exactly when we're all going to be able to get back together again since we live all over the world. Jen's in Germany. But whether we're going to have to do some things remotely, we still have to get together to some degree."

Usually, the band records new music and it takes a year or so for it to reach the public's ears. They started working on "Wasted On You," a break-up song of sorts about freeing oneself from routine and toxic patterns, the day before New Year's. Sharing it with fans and getting feedback so soon after it was completed feels like a gift of instant gratification that they find special and rare.

Naturally, many fans have been anxious for a new Evanescence album, but they have continued to snap up concert tickets and have remained loyal throughout the near decade-long duration. "It's not like they got pissed off and left," remarks Lee. "They still want it whenever it's going to come, and that's a huge gift. Especially now. There's just so much music out there that you can only find if you're searching for it."

Lee has continued making new music over the last nine years. Following her emancipation from her previous label Wind-up Records in 2014, she jumped into many new projects. The first was the Aftermath album that served as the soundtrack to the movie War Story starring Catherine Keener as a war zone photojournalist. That was done in collaboration with cellist Dave Eggar, who also worked with her and producer/composer/drummer Chuck Palmer on music for the 2015 short film Indigo Grey: The Passage by Irish/hip-hop dance troupe Hammerstep. The musical trio further collaborated on scores for the documentary short I Am Her (2016) and the feature film Blind (2017). In 2016, inspired by the birth of her son two years earlier, Lee did an album of children's music songs entitled Dream Too Much.

Such diversity should not be surprising considering that at the core of Evanescence swirl goth, metal, and pop sounds that commune without overriding each other. This makes the band less easy to tag and simply reflects Lee's diverse musical tastes. Last year, they released a cover of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain."

"I like a lot of pop music," says Lee. "I like a lot of dark, trippy, trap-pop weirdness. Even if that just comes out in the way that I'm crafting a melody, it's there for me enough that I feel it in the way that I want to feel it. Then all those other elements that play a role, like cool guitar riffs and things from other genres, it's when it all blends together that it really sounds right. That's a picture of who we are."

While she knows people certainly expected certain new music from her, Lee has needed to scratch that creative itch that led her to such outside explorations. She felt that denying herself these opportunities would make her feel like she was not being true to herself, even though her fans craved a new Evanescence album. Lee felt compelled to work on that "weird song idea" or collaboration with a cellist. "If I don't let myself do it, then I get frustrated," she concedes. "There was something else I needed to get off my chest first."

The singer and pianist mentions that when she was pregnant, she thought her mom phase would outweigh work, but her need to create only got stronger because it was such an emotional time for her.

"Up until the week before Jack was born, I was working on that Aftermath album which was so great because it was moody and weird and creative, and it didn't all rely on the same old tricks," recalls Lee. "A lot of it was instrumental. People want me to sing a ballad. I actually wanted to play the piano live with Dave [Eggar] and write as we play and record that, then create the song that's totally weird, electronic, Africa-inspired. There's all kinds of weird stuff on there."

Ten months after Jack was born, a lot of emotions were welling up inside of Lee, which naturally led to Dream Too Much. "I just felt like I had a whole new chamber of my heart that started up that I didn't know about before, and I needed to express it," she elaborates. "Weirdly, becoming a mom made me need to create a lot more. There hadn't been an all original Evanescence album until now, but it's just been everything else." She chose to jump onto all of those "someday, I want to do..." projects.

When Lee did return to making music with her main project, it was for 2017's Synthesis album featuring Evanescence songs reworked with a full orchestra and electronic music elements along with two new songs and three instrumentals. She notes that many people thought that that release was a clue as to where the band's music was heading, but in fact, it was the opposite.

"Because we got to do that very different thing, I felt so motivated and inspired to run the other direction and really dive headfirst into the rock part of our music and our current sound as a band," says Lee. "I think allowing yourself to do all the things that your heart wants to do as an artist is just healthy. It's not like there won't be more fuel inside you that's going to want to create more the next day."

The long break between albums certainly helped feed her fire for the band. Further, Lee's artistic life has been augmented lately by two special musicians. The first is aforementioned cellist Eggar, whose resume includes The Who, Josh Groban, Beyoncé, Carly Simon, Bon Jovi and Manhattan Transfer, has been a great collaborator for her.

"He's just got such a bright energy and is so encouraging but also really, really talented," enthuses Lee. "He pushes me to the next level without it being painful, if that makes sense. We were talking about wanting to make a documentary of his life because you just sit down and listen to him talk about stuff like living on a beach in the south of France and playing a million dollar cello."

On the recommendation of Eggar, Evanescence guitarist Jen Majura came into the fold back in 2015 following the departure of longtime member and songwriting collaborator Terry Balsamo. She is the other key player.

"What I've learned over the years is the harder thing about finding a person that's going to be in your band family is the way they fit as a person," explains Lee. "There are a lot of people that can play amazingly, and Jen is a great musician, but for somebody to really fit into your family dynamic is hard. I called her and flew her to New York, and we just spent time together. We went to guitar shops, went to lunch, got drunk, and had conversations about music and jammed a little bit. But mostly it was just becoming friends, and it happened really quickly. It just felt right. We knew that. I knew that I liked her, and I could see things in her that reminded me a little bit of myself. It's been really nice to have such a cool jolt of positive energy that she inserted when we needed it a lot. Now we can also have background vocals. We've never been able to have that before with me being the only girl, and I wanted it to be a female voice."

Circling back to the new song "Wasted On You," there is reference to being "six feet low" that reminds one that on first two Evanescence studio albums there was one song apiece that referenced Lee's late sister, who passed away at the age of three when the singer was six. It turns out that Lee recently lost her younger brother, who died at the age of 24.

"It's really hard," says Lee, turning somber for a few moments. "This has been a crazy time, the last few years. A lot has happened to us within the band. Since the last album, there's a lot to say. We are still who we are, but there have been things that have caused us to change our perspective, and the way that we see the world, the way that we see other people, and the way that we think because of the losses that we've suffered. I'm speaking in plural because our bass player Tim just lost his stepdaughter."

Lee adds that this has been a time during which, in so many ways, she had to grow up and didn't want to. "I just want to be a kid again," she concedes. "I just want to be a kid with my siblings and my mom and dad, and somebody else I know at the end of the day is going to take care of it. Somebody else is going to be the dad, somebody else is going to be in charge. It's a really shitty thing that when you grow up, you have to be the one who does that. You have to be the one to make everybody else feel okay. And sometimes it's not okay. That's the bitter truth."

This moment dovetails into the Recording Academy's recent conversation with Tori Amos about how one does not really understand another's pain unless they have experienced it personally. And a person does not need well-meaning but cliched platitudes from others to deal with pain. They just need to process it in their own way.

"That's a huge part of this band and making music for me from day one," declares Lee. "I just need to process the fact that I hurt right now, and not say, 'But it's gonna be okay.' I still have hope after all, but I think it's important sometimes just to say, 'Hey, I hurt' and let that be the message because other people are hurting too. Instead of being fixed immediately, we need to process our pain, we need to feel the pain. It's important. It's part of what is eventually going to let you get through it. The only way out is through."

That concept might seem anathema to many people caught up in a social media and mass media world where everyone wants to put on a happy face and does not admit to feeling wounded or defeated.

"Right, we don't show the pictures," acknowledges Lee. "I don't Instagram when I'm having a horrible day. We're just showing little clips of life when something was awesome, so when you look through that window into somebody's life you're not getting the full picture. You're just getting the highlight reel. That isn't real."

Funnily enough, the music and videos of Evanescence represent the opposite aesthetic. They show when they are not having a good day.

"That's true," concurs Lee, laughing out loud. "You just listen to my album, and you hear how horrible everything is."

At least that emotional sincerity has allowed her to produce some timeless tunes, with more on the way.

[dbhilluminate]

DBH: Illuminate- Hit and Run (part 2)

Characters: Connor-50 / Z, Dennis, Nick, Kate, Connor-51 / RK, Axl  Word Count: 5,857

Axl spots a trine of RK800's entering Detroit on a bus inbound from Belle Isle- Kate moves to tail them with the intention of finding out why they're there, but is spotted by Connor's doppelganger and forced to do something she regrets in order to escape.

( Chapter Art by triple_jays_art , Co-authored by grayorca15)

Previous Chapter

• Chapter Index • Characters •

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November 12th, 2038 This certainly wasn’t what Kate anticipated she’d be doing with her afternoon. Most days, if she wasn’t focused on any particular task, she’d spend her spare time combing the city for anything of interest, which could be defined as a variety of chores. Some days she found stray deviants in need of a hand, sometimes she’d take the opportunity to dig for information; sometimes it just meant rounding up supplies for Jericho’s ever-growing refugee population, or checking in with contacts she hadn’t spoken to in a while. But today was different. Today it was three unforeseen RK800s in disguise on a bus, inbound to the Rosa Parks terminal- or at least, that was what she’d been told. How it was even possible that a doppelgänger (let alone three) of a supposedly unique model of android was just as important a question as the why. Illuminate hadn’t exactly done anything in particular to upset the media lately, but then again, DCPD hadn’t made any significant discoveries in the deviancy case, either. And if they had more than one unit lying around unused, why wouldn’t Cyberlife send backup to hasten their progress? The last twenty hours had been anything but dull, in spite of this pressing revelation. Ill-prepared as she was for their arrival, Kate had been waist-deep in preparations for Markus’ broadcast from the Stratford Tower since she’d last spoken with Cyberlife’s resident Android liaison within DCPD the night before. Following her conversation with Connor, Kate returned to Jericho at Markus’ request to find him agonizing over what to include in his speech. Although she had specifically told him she would contact him when Illuminate was ready to brief them on the plan, his tired tone spoke volumes to what he’d really been wrestling with. Even though he’d had two days to prepare by the time she made it back, he’d gotten a whole lot of nothing accomplished in that time. Between Josh’s suggestion to take a pacifistic approach, North’s insistence that he phrase it more like a list of demands, and Simon’s ever-neutral ‘do what you feel is right’ stance, he was having a hard time hearing his own thoughts. Markus was desperate to speak with someone who could ‘see reason’- and by that, of course, he meant someone who had considered all the angles, who could see the bigger picture. She couldn’t really argue against that: as much as she liked Josh and could appreciate North’s passion, they were extremes on opposite ends of a very flammable argument, one which would undoubtedly either blow up in their faces or result in humanity slamming the door on compromise for good. What he needed was to speak with someone with a little more verbal finesse, who could hold the middle ground in an argument that held enough weight to balance the scales, but had the potential to tip them favorably when the time was right. Reluctantly, Kate agreed on the condition they give her crew one more day to finish preparations, since her visit would be taking time away from her ability to do so. While Markus had eagerly accepted her bargain, neither had anticipated just how long it would take for them to reach a consensus, in spite of how closely their opinions mirrored each other’s. For seven hours they went back and forth between lectures, debates (to which she’d played devil's advocate), and half a dozen games of chess. In the end, Markus found the message he was looking for (just the right balance of informative and ominous). But what came afterward had her seriously doubting whether he would have ever been able to pull this off, had he not had Illuminate at his aid. “I’ve been thinking about how we could get into the broadcast control room at the Stratford Tower.” “You what…?”

Kate put on a straight face, smothered the impulse to press her fingers into her eyes and sigh heavily, and humored him in spite of how asinine his suggestion that they just walk through the front door really was, when there were less conspicuous alternatives than showing every camera in the Stratford Tower their faces.

“As long as we don’t act strange and look like we belong there, no one will question our presence.” “Yeah, and I get not wanting to draw attention to yourself but still, it’s just not the best idea,” was all she could manage after a pause. Markus sighed in frustration. “Will you just… listen? Before you make your decision?” Kate had a feeling she knew how this conversation would end, but granted his wish and gestured for him to continue. “I’ll take the elevator up to the forty-seventh floor, change into a disguise as a working android-” “Stop- hang on a second,” she interjected to hold up a hand between them, as she tried to understand the thought process behind something so unnecessary. Already, he was losing her. “Why would you need to pretend to be a human… just so you could pretend to be a service Android?” “A quick change to throw off suspicion?” “But you literally just said that was the purpose of going through the front door- to not draw attention to yourself. If someone sees you enter the bathroom wearing one thing and leaving wearing something else, much less android clothing, they’ll get suspicious.” “Then we’ll just have to hope they don’t notice.” “Or, you enter through the sublevels of the tower as a working android and use prejudice to your advantage. Service androids are all over and those armbands make you invisible to humans, no one’s gonna think twice about why you’re here instead of there.” Markus paused for a moment to consider her suggestion before he nodded in agreement. “Okay… but we still need access to the server room on that floor.” “Those aren’t servers, it’s just a patch closet,” she corrected, “But you can still use them to gain access to their network.” So far, this was the first part of his plan that made logical sense. “Why do you need to get in there- to gain access to their security feed?” “No, to gain access to the window wash lifts.” Kate’s thought process came to a screeching halt, only this time she couldn’t hold back the condescending look that came as a package deal with the slow, confused blinking. “...and… why would you need access to those?” “To reach the top floor.” As much as she wanted to point out how they could just take the service elevator to do that, she held her tongue. “And... how do you expect to get out onto it?” “We cut a hole in the glass, crawl out onto the lift, and climb the cables for the other lifts-” “Markus...” The exasperated utterance of his name was a plea for him to stop in and of itself. “This is completely absurd. This isn't Mission: Impossible, and the Stratford Tower isn’t Fort Knox.” “If they see us enter the room, but don’t see us come out, they’ll assume we’re still working. No one would be the wiser to what we’re doing,” he insisted. “That’s assuming they don’t also have security cameras in the server rooms... which they will,” she reminded pointedly, “But never mind that- what then?” “From there, we cut a hole in the window of the top floor, re-enter and rendezvous with Simon and Josh-” “And how are they getting up there?” Markus hesitated to answer. Based on his reaction to the advice she’d given him as she deconstructed the first part of the plan, and the embarrassed shift of his eyes at her question, she could tell he was reconsidering. Kate lifted her brows expectantly to prod the question out of him. “... the maintenance elevator for construction.” he mumbled at last. Kate was silent for almost a full minute as she sat there processing what he’d just come back around full circle to. Disbelief painted her face as she took in a deep, calming breath, tented her fingers before her face, and covered her nose and lips to hide the annoyed twitch in her cheek. “...If you had no purpose for getting into the server room other than to gain access to the window wash lifts... and if they can get to the top floor without having to do any of what you’re suggesting… then why don’t you just save yourselves the trouble and all take the maintenance elevator?” As anticipated, Markus didn’t have an explanation ready. In his bewildered silence, she continued the train of thought. “Or better yet- take the fire escape with only a handful of security cameras in the stairwell that will take you right to the top of the tower. Why do any of this and risk getting caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing?” Markus’ eyes darted through empty air for a full minute as he searched for a reason, but sighed sheepishly and conceded her logic when he found nothing. “You’re right… I’m overthinking this.” “You’re making a very simple solution needlessly complicated,” she agreed with a sigh and a soft hand on his shoulder. “I said I’d get you in and I will, so just leave the planning to us. We have a lot of experience with these kinds of ops.” “So what would you suggest?” “You just focus on making your speech and getting out before security shows up. We can get you badges for access no problem, you shouldn’t need uniforms. Getting you in isn’t the hard part, it’s getting out before you get caught that’s the problem,” she explained as she rummaged through her bag for her tablet. “I actually have an idea for that,” Markus chimed in, “And I think you’re gonna like it.” Kate gave him a tired look, sighed, and nodded as she waited for his response. “The only way out, once security is alerted, is up- on the top floor, that takes you to the roof.” “Right…” “So then the only way off is to jump.” “Base jumping!? In the middle of a crowded city!? Are you-“ The initial suggestion sounded ludicrous, but the longer she thought about it, the better it sounded. Markus wasn’t wrong. Once cornered in the Broadcast room, the only way out of the tower was off it. But the problem with that became an unplanned escape route once they landed. Parachutes would give the police enough float time to calculate where they’d land, and jumping from the tallest building in the city would make anyone looking out a window in their direction a potential whistleblower. Only a handful of things could possibly ensure their escape. “It could work,” she admitted after a minute with a nod. “If all of you aim for different rooftops as landing points, you’ll minimize the possibility of being caught once you hit the streets. And if you’re lucky, and the weather contributes to low visibility, the odds decrease further.” “I take it you approve, then…?” “It seems like the only viable option you’ve got,” she agreed as she brought up the three-dimensional blueprints for the tower. “I’ll have Sarah procure the parachutes and run you through an exit strategy later tonight once we’ve finished our surveillance. For now, let’s talk about getting in” “I’m all ears.” “Since you’ll be taking the maintenance elevator all the way up, there’s no need for a working android uniform. Plain clothes are fine. Wear a coat over your parachutes, and board the maintenance elevator from the sublevels in the parking garage to avoid drawing too much attention on the street,” she explained as she marked their point of entry and zoomed in on a map of the top floor. “Once you get to the seventy-ninth floor, you’ll just need the code for the access corridor. I’ve got a hack that’ll get you right through, but beyond that, it’s all up to you. Now, how do you expect to get into the broadcast monitoring room?” Markus went quiet again as he tried to get an understanding of where she was coming from. “Didn’t you just say you could get us badges?” “Yes, but that won’t get you past the two human guards outside the door,” she noted as she gestured to a vestibule down the hall from the primary elevator doors. It wasn’t lost on Markus how familiar she already was with the building’s layout and security. “If I didn’t know better, it sounds like you’ve done surveillance of this building before.” “That’s correct,” she affirmed, “I surveilled Stratford before I started my broadcasts. I used to piggy-back off their network before I figured out how to utilize Detroit’s emergency broadcast system instead.” “Did they ever catch on?” “Thankfully no, careful planning and a confident presence went a long way in making people believe I belonged there.” “Then we’ll defer to your judgment.” “I would hope so- you asked for our help, remember?” Preparations were in full swing first thing in the morning. With the help of his disguise as an independent photographer working on an architectural piece about The Stratford Tower, Axl surveyed the building from the outside in as far as he could without drawing attention to himself. After he’d confirmed the maintenance elevator’s location in the parking garage and verified the need for a badge tap to take it anywhere, he made his way up the staircase as high as it would take him. Every ten floors he checked the stairwell corners for security cameras and jiggled the handles to make sure they could get back in. Each door was locked by the same system, which required a badge to open it, but with access to the building and rolling looped security footage as they ascended the staircase, it would still be a feasible backup plan, should the elevator not pan out. While Axl busied himself with his own surveillance work, Kate used Cyberlife’s servers to generate a fake service email that looked convincingly real and sent it to the department to notify them that their units had been ‘flagged for a potential defect and would need to be inspected to verify whether or not they had been affected’. Kate intercepted the outbound call to Cyberlife customer service and assured the human operator that a tech was ‘on their way’ and would be there by noon. As predicted, the humans didn’t think much of it. Posing as a Cyberlife Tech made it easy enough to fool the receptionist at the front desk, and a quick call to the monitoring room cleared her for entry. She slipped up to the seventy-ninth floor without a fuss. The two guards at the vestibule only spared her a glance and a “Morning, Miss,” as she passed, and the moment she set foot into the broadcast room, the human operators asked her to conduct her inspections in the employee break room. Careful not to take too little or too long examining each Android, she ran a diagnostic program on each (just for show), sent back the two that weren’t needed, then turned her focus to the third. Kate ran her diagnostic, but instead of sending him off right away, she ran one more program. The broadcast Android’s led flashed a solid orange to indicate the virus had successfully uploaded, then spun down to yellow, blue, then a soft white. Two blinks and she was in his mind. You have been Illuminated by the blessing of RA9- Jericho requests your assistance in our fight for civil rights. Speak of this to no one, and grant them access when they come knocking. The android ducked his head in understanding, then stood to leave the room. But before you go, I have a favor to ask. After she’d confirmed with the humans in the department that their Androids ‘had not been affected by the defect’, she left through the corridor from which she came. From the other side of the second door, she heard the security guards at the desk grudge over having to do anything but sit and watch the game. “The hell could that be…?” One of them scoffed as he got up from behind the yellow counter and made his way through the first set of doors, the second man in tow. It’s probably just a mistake, but we’d still better check it out. Kate faked dropping the tablet in her hands, baubled the piece of tech with a few nervous stammers, then stumbled into the security guard with a loud shriek. “I… I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t-...” “It’s alright, miss, just take it easy,” he assured as her hand moved across the badge on his hip and quietly slipped it into her coat’s pocket. “I’ll- I’ll just…” With a timid smile, she pushed past the two men, made her way to the elevator, and jabbed repeatedly at the button on the wall with a sigh and a small hair flip to keep up the flustered ruse. It did the trick. Once she heard the doors close behind her, Kate doubled back to the maintenance doorway in a vestibule five to ten steps away, and quietly opened the door into the hallway. The security code on the number pad to the unfinished side of the top floor hadn’t been changed since the last time she’d used it- an oversight on security’s part, but she wasn’t complaining. It was just one less thing they’d have to plan for. She stepped into the unfinished studio on the other side of the wall, approached the elevator and waited for it to arrive. As the doors rolled open with a hollow clanging, a familiar face glanced up at her from his position on one side of the car. Reese had already boarded, ready and waiting in android maintenance attire for her stolen credentials. As they descended the rickety shaft, a wordless touch to the badge on his hip transferred the data from the badge in her pocket to the RFID chip inside the card and reprogrammed the old data. Thirty floors down, he exited the elevator and slipped out into the halls of Channel Sixteen studios, pretended to service one of the cleaning carts wandering the floor, and waited for Kate’s distraction. A floor beneath him (after she’d changed the color of her hair, thrown on a ball cap, stripped off her Cyberlife duds in the safety of the unmonitored maintenance elevator, and dumped them in a garbage bin), she exited the East workspace and took a leisurely stroll down the hall to the emergency exit at the other end of the floor. With a pause at the door and big breath to steady herself and prepare for the sprint, she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching- then pushed the door open into the stairwell and yanked down on the lever of the fire alarm box in one fluid movement. A split second before the alarm began to ring throughout the building, she was through the door and already trotting down the staircase. Please remain calm, and proceed to the nearest emergency exit. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Moments later, security scattered from their office one floor above and dispersed accordingly as the head barked evacuation plans to his subordinates on their way out the door. Out of the corner of his eye, Reese watched as the men flooded the staircase Kate had used to make her escape and shot a silent message her way to let her know they were coming. Security inbound, get to ground as quickly as you can. She already had a fair head start- Kate was six floors down by the time she’d received his message, and once the crowds of people from each floor started to enter the staircase, it made it even easier for her to quick change one last time and blend into the crowd. As soon as she passed out of sight of the last security camera, she stripped off the light jacket, pulled her hair out of the high burgundy ponytail as she removed her hat, and constructed a brown bob just short enough to conceal the features of her face. The preoccupied herd shuffled around her as she moved from the middle of the staircase to the right and blinked the grey of her irises away into an inky brown, then dropped the jacket in the corner of the staircase as she smoothed out the wrinkles of the white business shirt underneath. We’ve got access, Sarah confirmed a minute later over their frequency as Kate touched down on the bottom floor and headed straight for their rally point. It seemed Reese had succeeded in planting the hack in the security office. Fall back and rendezvous at Capitol Park in half an hour. By one they had finished their surveillance of the Stratford Tower and rendezvoused at Capitol Park to make sure no one had been followed. By two, Kate had circled back to their base of operations, changed into something more practical, and returned to the park to do some remote planning and clear her head. Axl had been back on Overwatch duty for a few hours by the time her facial recognition algorithm flagged Connor’s likeness on the cameras watching the interstate. It stopped him cold, even if the prospect of the deviant hunter being there was as incongruous it sounded. Even more bizarre, though, was the realization that he wasn’t alone. The way he was conversing with two of the other male passengers sitting in front of him seemed all too familiar. Suspicion inclined him to run a check through DCPD servers against known personnel, only for the search to come up dry. But when he ran their profiles against Cyberlife’s database instead, Axl realized he’d stumbled upon the mother of all rabbit holes. Before Kate even had to ask, he’d downloaded their files and forwarded them to her tablet alongside the cropped pictures pulled from the surveillance cameras. There was no mistaking the identities. Three RK800 Androids. November 12th, 2038 - 03:39 PM The three-hundred-and-sixty degree views in their files, shot against a stark white background, provided a detailed virtual model of each variant; but what was most intriguing was that these androids bore no resemblance to one another aside from their model number, serial numbers included. Customized appearances came as an option for many standardized models, but as androids designed for police work…? It just seemed unnecessary. Axl, are you sure about this? Well, yes and no- only one is a Cyberlife RK800, the other two are retrofitted Intelligents that flagged in Cyberlife’s database under the same category… “RK800 program”? The scowl that creased her forehead as she stared down into her tablet was hard to mask. As far as anyone knew, there had only ever been one RK800 produced, yet here she was staring down a dossier that implied not only was there more than one, there was an entire dedicated to them, deployed to major cities across the country- some versions of which included relics from a Cyberlife sister corporation called Intelligents that had gone under some ten years prior. Intelligents certainly weren’t commonplace- in fact as far as the rest of the world knew, there weren’t more than a handful of operational ones still out there. Cyberlife had bought up the company and repossessed its remaining property when they filed for bankruptcy, and the name was all but forgotten in favor of Cyberlife’s growing empire. She’d done her research on Ezra Izkierka at one point -or should she say, Elijah Kamski- and his attempt at marketing customized one-off Androids. The idea to manufacture them was as absurd as it was convenient for higher-paying customers looking for a niche product. Why he would try to compete with his own company didn’t make sense at all to her, but then again this was the same egomaniacal son of a bitch who'd erected the country’s biggest monument to his own ego. It didn’t have to follow logic, he was probably just bored. But the question still stood- if Cyberlife had the means to create superior models like the RK800, then why repurpose old technology? What was so important about these two Intelligents? And what was Cyberlife’s game? What the hell are ITGs doing in Detroit? she followed with a sigh and a forward head tilt as she furiously swiped into a keypad on the tablet to mimic angry texting. And what is this about a program? I thought Connor was the only one out there. Hell if I know - information is your business, not mine, Axl reminded as he lazily shifted from one camera feed to the next, following the boys as the bus pulled into the station and released its air-brakes with a deflating groan. You really never saw anything about an RK800 Program when you were digging into Cyberlife? I was only looking for Connor’s file, not an entire program, she reminded with an annoyed sigh, The category is just a detail I overlooked. So what’s the purpose of a program? If I had to hazard a guess…? To get a grip on the deviancy outbreak, she mused as she examined the footage of the new RK800 on her radar. There were no outward differences between Connor and this android, if it wasn’t Connor after all. The proportions of his face, the rich, sometimes bronze irises, right down to the stray tuft of hair that brushed across his brow every time he moved his head- there wasn’t even one freckle or follicle out of place. He was an exact match to the Connor she knew, at least at a glance. How do you know that isn’t Connor? came the question that was already on her mind. Was she absolutely certain it wasn’t him? They hadn’t spoken since the night before, so who knew what he’d been up to in the last twenty-one hours. But then again, the jurisdiction of his casework kept him chained to Detroit like a dog on a leash, so it didn’t explain why he would be coming in from outside the city over a bridge on I-75, and not just from Belle-Isle. And what about the others? The idea of Cyberlife creating an entire program of RK800s had her on edge. But she’d have to look further into that later. I don’t, she replied after a minute of silence, But I’m going to find out. Give me a minute. Brown eyes scanned the crowd as she lifted two fingers and double-tapped her temple; her eyelids flickered as she hailed the radio frequency they’d been using to communicate. The easiest way to settle the confusion was to just ask him for herself. Connor, where are you right now? There was an uncertain pause that she interpreted as confusion over why she was calling and asking for his whereabouts. On my way to Central Station from following up on a lead on the east side of town. Are you on a bus, by chance? Another confused pause, followed by an uncomfortable question. No, but- why do you ask? Kate’s brows popped in an almost mocking way and she shook her head with a half mumbled “of course”. No reason, just thought I saw you downtown… Well, you couldn’t have, he declared. Clearly, she conferred. Thanks for the info, I’ll check in with you soon. So it wasn’t him. This RK800 was someone else, someone new. Did Connor know they were coming? Or would it be just as much of a surprise for him as it was to her? Either way, it was likely he’d find out sooner rather than later, and her inquiry probably already had him guessing. With that out of the way, Kate turned her attention to the two Intelligents tailing their new person-of-interest. The two ‘sidemen’ certainly looked different enough to be called distinct at a glance. The shorter was fair-skinned with pink undertones and narrow blue eyes set in a deceivingly-oval-shaped face that cut sharper angles in profile than head on, with red hair just long enough to be raked back into a modest, professional sweep. With the exception of a distinct lack of freckles, it was clear Cyberlife had drawn their inspiration from the most characteristic of Irish traits. He probably looked better when he smiled, but in this stereotypical “mugshot”, he looked more like he was about ready to punch whoever had taken the photo. The taller Android was an even-stranger hodgepodge of qualities, the most notable of which were his heterochromatic brown and green eyes hidden under a mop of knotted, chestnut hair, which managed to make him look sensitive yet serious all in one glance. According to the available information, it wasn’t a fluke, an error in the image, or a rushed repair job. His facial features were far more angled and willowy, with just enough exaggeration in the brows, cheeks, and lips to be considered unconventional. Even in the photograph she could see how he inherently looked more nervous and timid than his counterpart, a smile could go either way with this one. Upon reading more into the blank slate of their profiles, there was an unsettling amount of “nothing” behind the boys, but that was expected of newly-activated, non-deviant units. Their kind virtually always started off the same: an open wordless book of impressionable metals to be written upon. In spite of what was in their files, she was sure the ITGs probably still bore the buffed-out impressions of their original experiences- unless those drives had been completely replaced, memory erasure always left streaks like irritated paper, which could be raised with the right shading. The thought made Kate’s heart ache in sympathy for whatever memories had been stolen from them. Perhaps with the right influence, she could sway their sympathies to their cause. Their RK friend, on the other hand, was one she’d need to keep a close eye on. Seeing as his sole purpose was to hunt deviants, there was no guarantee that this RK also possessed Connor’s deviant-leaning personality. If anything, she needed to expect the worst, and if these three were anything like Connor, it’d be better to get ahead of them now than wait and see which lead they dug up first. They’re on the move, Axl reported as their new persons-of-interest stepped off the bus and stretched their stiff limbs. Any idea where they’re headed yet? she asked curiously. Why don’t you go find out? They’re at Rosa Parks Terminal, a couple blocks southwest of your current position. If you hurry, you can catch them before they get going. Kate’s thirium pump regulator hiccuped as she glanced up to gauge the foot traffic that Friday afternoon. She didn’t want to have to go traipsing through the city just to follow a couple of ITGs when she wasn’t dressed for the possibility she’d need a quick change in the event she was ‘made’, but they were right there, right now, within easy reach, just a three minute walk away. A better opportunity may never present itself, once they reached their intended destination. Keep me posted on their movement, guide me right to them. You got it. Kate didn’t wait for his directions, just tucked the tablet into the inner pocket of her vest, placed an earbud into each ear and took a few steps forward before bothering to look up and feign surprise as she leaned out of the way of an oncoming man she’d seen coming several seconds ahead of time. Small tics like this came easily to her now after a year’s worth of practice. How did you even spot them? she asked as she jogged across and down the street, now that she’d had some time to think about it. Surveillance was what Axl did, but to have spotted them on a traffic cam coming into town? Even for an Android monitoring every security camera on the Detroit grid, the odds were astronomical. Wasn’t me, he admitted. It was your program that picked them up while they were sitting at the toll booth. Figures. A gloating smirk worked its way into her cheeks as she indulged in a split-second moment of satisfaction. It wasn’t the first time her algorithm had miraculously turned up a familiar face in a crowd. That it had proven precise enough to peg an off brand android disguised as a human was nothing short of brilliant, and she was proud of her work on the code. You’re gonna need to move faster if you’re going to catch them, he relayed as the men stooped to retrieve their bags from the subspace storage compartment. Head south on Washington and West on Michigan. If you run, you can get ahead of them. Combat boots slapped heavily against the sidewalk as she vaulted over a concrete barrier in her path and trotted across the street, dipped and zagged around a few lollygagging pedestrians who’d stopped to take a look at the statue of General Alexander Macomb standing sentry over the intersection, and sprinted across the other side of the street during a break in traffic. Looks like they’ve opted to walk, Axl noted over the frequency, as they started moving South from the bus terminal. Keep an eye out for three men in hats- a ski cap, a baseball cap, and a flat-billed driver’s cap. Don’t be obvious with your approach. Three men of varying heights of that description should have been easy enough to spot. There were only so many arrangements consisting of three hats to pick up on, most of which were wearing beanies by mid-November. The six minute walk turned into a three minute sprint, and she arrived south of the terminal just in time to catch a glimpse of the men enter the sidewalk traffic about two hundred feet in front of her. Compared to her, they’d been moving at a much more relaxed pace. You’re almost within range, move to intercept, but keep right and low. Try not to draw their attention. I know what I’m doing Axl, just keep an eye on them and tell me what you see, she snipped with an annoyed sigh as she pushed her way through the crowd and caught up to the brunette. Radio silence for now, emergencies only. Copy. As Kate maneuvered around him and the redhead, careful not to bump either, the earbuds honed in on their frequency mid-conversation to an amusing exchange that would have left her grinning, had she not been undercover. “-enough without getting dropped off at the front door. Worked out in your favor after all, didn’t it?” “Well- I never asked to be shown the favor. I only-” “Relax, Nick. I’m just pulling your leg.” “...How? My legs are over here.” “Figure of speech, remember? Add that one to your registry.” Their third remained unamused as she passed, stoic as his namesake in his early days with Detroit Police. Already, that was reason enough to remain on high-alert, but she kept her distance ten steps ahead- no more, no less, and waited to see what she could glean from their conversation.

[wandering-dogs]

Hi! I hope this is ok to ask, but why'd you pick a BC to be your service dog? Definitely not judging, because I've been really strongly considering it myself, but everyone tells me that BCs are generally too sensitive for public access!

Oh boy, I just managed to delete everything I wrote on this. =w=;Well. This is REALLY fucking long, so… Under the cut we go.TLDR; there were a lot of personal circumstances to think about between my disabilities, money, and timing, and it was moreso that a BC fit neatly into those than I necessarily wanted a BC from the beginning.

So! First off, I should mention, you’re absolutely correct. When I got Wander, this was a thing I was warned about. I specifically asked for a dog who rebounded off of scares quickly, and I got just that. He definitely recovers fast, but he is, absolutely, a sensitive dog. Moreso than I would have wanted.

But, there were a few things I had to think about that led me to getting a BC, even with the warning that they were sensitive.

1. I’ve seen a lot of successful border collie service dogs. Like, a surprising amount. This was one of the reasons I even started looking into them! That, combined with a few questions placed at a few different people, really made them seem like an option. Not necessarily, the ideal, but…

2. I don’t like the main service dog breeds. Or, rather, I hate living with them. I’ve owned labs and golden retrievers, and I really, truly, did not want to have to live with another. I think they’re great dogs! I think all my friends should have one! But I know myself, and I know that it would not be fair to me or my dog to get one of those two breeds. Even if they have a higher chance of success, what would that have mattered if I was constantly getting annoyed at things that are perfectly normal for those breeds? Poodles, which were another option, I just didn’t know enough about. There’s a lot of grooming that goes into them for one, which I have no experience in (though I’d love to learn) and I know nothing about their temperaments other than they are retriever-y dogs. Which is why I ended up vetoing them to be on the safe side.

3. An organization was likely out of the question. I don’t know enough about organizations and how they should run to tell a good one from a mediocre one, to start. Then there’s also that they normally choose breeds that I just simply don’t get along with. But the real kicker is that I really couldn’t locate one that would work with me. I’m autistic and have PTSD along with some other mental issues. Finding an organization that works with autistic adults? Near impossible. I, to this date, have not been able to locate one that looks decent. And PTSD ones are mostly geared towards veterans, which I am not. The other issue is time frame; I did not have a ton of waiting time.

4. So, I was majorly depressed at the time. Like, sleeping for days on end, not getting out of bed, angry, depressed. This was partially due to processing multiple layers of trauma! The main issue however was that I hit an autistic breakdown. Think of it as a mental break. I couldn’t read for several years after this happened, for example. I still, to this day, have some days where I cannot read more than a sentence at a time without losing the ability altogether. Typing up a paragraph? This whole thing that you’re currently reading? That was a pipe dream for me at the time. And for someone who spent their whole like from age 4 (yes, four) to 19 reading chapter book upon chapter book a day to cope? That was a devastating loss. I have still not been able to read as many books, but I’m improving! (for reference, I’m currently 23)

4.5. Animals are my life. At the time, we had lost our old rescue lab, and just gotten Simon, who had settled in beautifully. I’d intended to see if he would work out as a service dog, but was told no immediately (family dog, not YOUR dog), and wasn’t allowed to work with him. This meant his anxiety worsened because I couldn’t continue his socializing, and by the time they realised I really needed a service dog, it was too late for Simon to have a chance. (He’s also protective, so it wouldn’t have worked out anyways most likely) But, I was depressed, in bed, and had no purpose. Caring for a puppy would force me out of bed. I knew this, my mum knew this, and so it just kind of… It didn’t have a rush or timeline. I was willing to wait. But it definitely was something I couldn’t just sit around and wait years for either.

5. Originally, I’d planned on getting a Berger Blanc Suisse. And in all honesty, I still plan on getting one! I still think they would be better suited to my needs, and I certainly prefer the look and size of them! But, I couldn’t find a good BBS breeder near me, and shipping/flying out was likely not an option either. Now that I know more of where to look, I have my eye on a few, but… That’s neither here nor there.

6. I was worried that the dog would wash out. I couldn’t be sure that I would be able to afford regular training, as I am paid based off of commissions, and knew my parents wouldn’t make it a priority (i was correct). This meant that there was a pretty decent chance that the dog would wash out, because I was the only one who’d be training him. I didn’t really have any local dog training friends, all I had was some practice on Simon and a plethora of videos and research. Which meant that the dog washing out had to be taken into account from the start. I’m not a person who would be able to rehome a dog I raised as my own, though I understand why and how others do. But I definitely needed some sort of backup plan. Border collies are good at sports, make decent pets in case the dog washed out into an ESA, and yet also were okay service dog prospects! Not ideal, but it was one of the closest I could find to an ideal dog. A little bit of sensitivity seemed like a decent trade off for a dog who I knew I could do a ton of things with, even if my plans well through.

7. I’d been looking into BC’s already, more as a backup plan if I couldn’t locate a BBS breeder that would/could work with me, when I got a recommendation towards a BC breeder. I went in, looked at her page, looked at her dogs, joined her pup group and poked around, and finally sent her a message, asking if she was going to have any future breedings that would supply a dog with the temperament I needed. She messaged back saying she had a puppy there already who fit, and we worked out a discount contract. I’d already had some money saved up between commissions and some donations, and my parents offered to cover the rest of the cost. After that, its history.

I’m sure I forgot something, but that’s… a lot of info anyways.

I want to be very clear though, now that I’m at the end.

I don’t regret getting Wander. I am not on good terms with his breeder anymore, after a lot of drama, but I do know a lot of people who own her dogs, and like them very well. I love Wander a lot, and he really was the perfect dog for me at the time. I don’t know if I’d change any of my choices if I had the chance; I can’t claim to know that.He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. I call him a service dog in training still because I feel that he very much is. I can’t say for sure that I’d wash him out. He has flaws, and I am afraid that they’re worse than I think. But when given the opportunity to act out or be afraid? He doesn’t. He constantly surpasses my expectations.He does have a few issues caused by my dad when he was a puppy; Barking at strangers, for example, or people leaning over him, which makes him a bit nervous.He also is not a perfect dog because I’m not a perfect trainer. With the right experience, I think Wander would have already been a fully fledged service dog. But I don’t have that experience; I couldn’t give him that.

If you wanted reasons to go for a border collie as a service dog, there are plenty.They make great dogs if they wash out. They pay attention to you. They’re ready to go whenever you want or need to. They aren’t grooming heavy. They’re not as talkative as some other breeds (Wander for example is near silent). They’re gorgeous, multipurpose dogs.But there are just as many, if not more reasons to go with a golden, or a lab, or a poodle.So my advice, unsolicited as it might be, is to make sure that your reasons, however many there are, are weighed correctly. I had fewer reasons to go with a border collie, but they were more important reasons to me. They weighed more than the reasons I could have chosen another breed.

Next time, I doubt I’ll get a border collie. But for me, with the timing and other concerns I had? A border collie, especially Wander, was the perfect choice.

I’d also definitely rather have a trainer next time, but I’d also have rather had one this time too.

[neshabeingchildish]

The Man for the Job

He had lost a lot. His childhood being the first casualty of gaining a superpower, and most recently, the woman he loved enough. He couldn’t say for sure that they would have lasted. He’d loved and lost before, but not like that. He’d been the one to end or at least drive away most potential relationships. But… This one was harder to let go of, mainly because he hadn’t been prepared to. It reminded him of how fragile everybody around him was. How human. 

It could have been any one of them that day. It could be any one of them tomorrow. Every mission was a cause for panic for him and he always had to pretend that he was okay with that. Hell, it was his tagline, for crying out loud. But, he was not okay. He was early years of knowing Piper (when she was merely Henry’s sister) NOT OKAY with constantly worrying about them, being out in the field. Now, he had to worry about them being in politics, as well? 

It was terrifying to think of what would have become of the Man Cave if Spoiler had actually shot her. She was a young mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, and a public figure. So, while they tried to mourn or tried to help her recover, it would have also been a media storm. He’d done this already with Henry. He’d done this already with Mimi. He. Did. Not. Want. To. Do. This. Anymore. But, what was the alternative? To quit? To retire early and leave Swellview to Piper to defend? 

She hadn’t left the hospital in days. There was a collective of V-Force heroes guarding Billy Thunderman’s room, but she was still there, in her Lady Danger costume with no mask, hoping for the best. They tried to get her to at least go home and get cleaned up. But, she was worried that if she left and something happened, it would be “like that episode of the L Word.” Henry brought her a bag of clothes and toiletries, but after crying, pulling herself together, and imagining that Billy moved every time she headed for the shower, she couldn’t risk even the few minutes it would take her to get cleaned up. 

She had gone through this with Henry. She had gone through this with Mimi. Neither of those times was she able to bear sticking it out and being there with them. She didn’t want to do that to Billy. He was a lonely guy. He felt misunderstood and left out. He felt like while he was close to his siblings, being a middle child, he missed a lot of opportunities to connect with them in certain ways. She wanted him to know that there was somebody who felt a connection. She wanted him to have somebody here for him. Maybe she was getting soft. Maybe she had fallen for him. She couldn’t really figure that out at the moment, but she couldn’t leave, either. 

Captain Man was working alone for the time being. Mr. Danger tried to help out, but people took those opportunities to try to come to question him about being Henry Page, about Piper Hart being Lady Danger, and about him being able to walk. At first, he’d try to remind them that they were venturing into an active fight scene. Punching and begging them to leave because he was in the middle of something. They’d refuse and he tried to answer the questions, “Yeah, I’m Henry Page. Sorry. I don’t have any excuse for you. I can’t speak on Lady Danger. Yeah, I can walk, but I do need braces in order to do what I do. My legs aren’t what they used to be, so the chair isn’t a complete lie. PLEASE GET OUT OF THE CRIME SCENE!” People continued to do it until Simone and Charlotte decided that it was a hazard to citizens to have Mr. Danger there. They just couldn’t help themselves. 

Away from Swellview, though, people were less likely to be as concerned, though they were certainly interested in it all. So, Thunder and Danger was generally the go team for missions away from Swellview and the Thunder girls helped Captain Man, when needed. By the time Charlotte looked at overall crime and the distribution of heroes, she decided, “I don’t think that Swellview needs a hero.”

Simone shook her head and said, “It never has, but it had one because the hero in question was from Swellview and didn’t want to travel or relocate. Captain Man’s record would be abysmal if he weren’t indestructible. So, there was no reason to pressure him onto a team, aside from you’d have an indestructible man on team. He used to be in rotation, but my mom let him have his tenure in Swellview when she came on board, in order to decrease some incidents without making it seem like he was being demoted. What does Lady Danger want to do?”

“She hasn’t decided. She’s waiting for Billy to wake up. She’s getting more and more angry that he isn’t and that none of us are there, so I thought that we could maybe send out some VForce to some of these assignments and be sure to gather there for them soon.”

“Yeah… I don’t think it  would be very tactical considering some of the tasks that Danger Force is currently handling, but…” Charlotte gave her an exhausted look and she shrugged and smiled gently, “I’m not gonna argue with you. You’ve got a knack for finding solutions. And… What has Captain Man said about the offer?”

“I want to ask him when he’s not thinking about all of this. He’s a simple guy and a lot of complicated stuff has happened lately. I don’t want him to feel pressured.”

“He’s going to be President of the Hero League. There is no other way to feel but pressured.”

“Yes, /I/ get that. /You/ get that. But, he’s fine with the world burning while he relaxes, if he feels too much under pressure. If it isn’t about Swellview, he’s not that concerned and even then, sometimes his motivations are questionable. I just want him to be in a receptive headspace when I ask him.”

“Listen. The position is unchallenged. After that assassination attempt, none of the political types want the gig. They’d rather die fighting than on stage politicking. And those who would consider it, we’d be placing in danger to even extend the idea. The non-pows are looking at us and thinking that as expected we can’t handle issues in the supers community. They might stage a takeover. All of my fears may be realized. In order for that not to happen, I’ll ask him,” Simone said.

“But… You don’t know how to communicate with him. I’m telling you, he’s something else…”

Simone opened up the line to connect with him and Charlotte simply threw her hands up in surrender then folded her arms shook her head and gave Simone “the look.”

After a moment to transform, he answered the call in the Man Cave. “OH! It’s just you two. What’s up?” He didn’t get this team up. He did realize that sometimes you had to come to an understanding with people that you didn’t agree with, but I thought for sure Charlotte would stand her ground with this piece of work. And he couldn’t tell whether or not trusting her would be the same as it was for Charlotte trusting her husband years before. He wasn’t sure how that made him feel; he only knew he wasn’t okay with it.

Simone said, “Captain Man. You have given many years of your life to fight for justice. Through the ups and downs, you remain brave and honest.”

“I know this,” he said, a bit suspiciously, because he honestly wasn’t sure where they were, as a group, with this girl. 

First off, she was married to a douche, who he hated. Secondly, she really hurt Charlotte’s feelings. Third, he didn’t know her very well, but he knew that he didn’t like her for those first two very good reasons.

“We need you to do something for us. As you know, less than a week ago, there was an attempt on Mrs. Page’s life. The shooter had terrible aim and it was most definitely going to end with me receiving the attempt. My brother-in-law was brave and quick and he threw himself in the line of fire for my sake and the sake of my children. Unfortunately, he isn’t indestructible. We have a superpowered healer who made sure that he didn’t die while he got medical attention. We’re waiting on the news of his recovery.”

“Nice of you to say ‘as you know,’ before telling me everything that I know. Why are you calling me and why isn’t Charlotte talking? Did you do something to her?” He was already angry at the thought. Charlotte must have been being held hostage to sit here through whatever this was! But, he noticed Charlotte’s amused face and figured something out. Whatever was happening, Charlotte had told her not to do it and she did it anyway. So, he wasn’t about to cooperate with little miss Poison Ivy. The only dealings with her would be at the approval of his little Charlotte.

“Captain Man. We need you. Charlotte wanted to do this under other circumstances, but if we wait too long to set things in motion, the non-pows, the supers, the heroes, and most importantly, the villains will think that there is no order, no peace and no plan. We have to act fast, I’m afraid. We need to ask something of you.”

“If Charlotte said no, that’s the answer,” He said.

Charlotte cleared her throat and watched the green veins in Simone’s temples flair. “Actually, Captain Man, I wasn’t saying “no,” I just wanted to do it better than this. But, she is right about it.“ Now, they sort of had his attention. Charlotte could see that he wanted to at least give her the chance to say her piece, but she could also see that he still wasn’t with it. "We need to figure something out as soon as we can, and we think that you’re the only person who can help us.”

“It was actually her idea!” Simone added. Captain Man was listening, more now. To Charlotte, not to stupid green girl head. 

“We need you to take up the mantle of President of the Hero League,” Charlotte said, ripping off the bandaid, since Simone had gotten them here. She had a feeling this would be a new component of their future as his presidential staff. He sat down and shook his head. “I know what you’re thinking. That sounds like a lot of work. You’ve got Swellview to think about. You’ve got a dog to take care of, and a Schwoz in the Man Cave. You’ve got to make sure that Lady Danger is okay. You can’t just leave Swellview to anybody. Swellview is your baby. The Man Cave is you haven. I can see that all those things have been troubling you, especially since you still haven’t been given a reasonable amount of time to grieve over Mischief Minder and this is a huge responsibility.”

“Glad you understand,” Captain Man told her. He was ready to end the call now. Bringing up Mimi was hard whenever he wasn’t prepared for it. Charlotte knew that. And now, he wasn’t prepared for it and that girl was next to her, looking like she was expecting something from him too. He didn’t even know or like that girl! ‘That’s right. Direct anger at her. Charlotte means well. Her. She means… green. Mean green. Mean Girls. Wait, what?’

Charlotte broke into his tangent of panicked thoughts. “I hope that you understand this: We’re all going through it, Captain Man. We didn’t all lose what you’ve lost, but you know that I have lost before. You saw me whenever I couldn’t wake up Henry and you know that the last thing that I want is to trouble you while you’re in the state of mind that you’re in. Trust me when I say that all I want to do is go home and cuddle with Hammy, with some ylang ylang firing through the vents and the room at 72 degrees. I want my hair deep conditioned and to get a facial and sit in a steam room and come out and make love to my husband. I want…”

“I get it!” Captain Man said.

“But, I can’t do any of that right now. I have to try to fix what was done with Gwen’s transformation and the destruction left in her wake, to non-pow and supers relations, to the sanctity of secret identities, to the reputation of the Hero League and to those personally affected and impacted, just trying to make sense of their lives now. You get it and you know. But, what you might not know is that I can’t do it without you. How many times have you heard me say that in all the years that you watched me grow up?”

“Why me?” Captain Man asked, tearing up.

“Most importantly, I won’t lie to you - your indestructibility is something that we obviously need. People are trying to murder those of us who aspire to this position and you can’t be physically harmed that way. But, in addition to that, you’re perfect for this, Ray. You know what it’s like to be a regular person, even though it’s been many years since you were.”

“Not that many! I’m not that old!” He fussed.

“You were born a non-pow,” she corrected herself. “You became a super early enough that it affected your childhood in a way that supers extremists can relate to. Your non-pow dad exploited you from the moment you had your accident and raised you like some kind of experiment, so you have no reason to trust or like them, but you’ve been surrounded by them most of your life and they love you now, enough to care about what you say and do. You’re very handsome.” He smiled at this. “You’re charming.” He smiled brighter and covered his heart with his hand. “And, you’ve been a hero with a good standing with the Hero League, and with the city that you serve, and you’re recognized nationwide! Remember that time that you saved Double G? He still lets me see shows for free!” They were both smiling and Simone wanted to gush about Captain Man, too, but she had a feeling that might ruin it. He didn’t seem that fond of her. “Captain Man, you were like a second dad to me. You gave me my first job. You gave me a recommendation that helped me to be in the position that I’m in today, and I thank you for that. Now, I need you to do a job for me, and you’re literally the only person who can. It will be a lot of hard work, but I have your back, always. I promise.” 

“Okay, then. I’ll do it,” he said, looking like he was holding back tears. “I’ve gotta uhh… go to the bathroom, Bye!” He hung up on them and she just knew that he was gonna go cry. 

Charlotte looked at Simone and said, “I learned that trick from him, but it’s actually an age old saying. You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

“An old non-pow saying, I presume? Why would I want to attract flies?” Simone asked. 

Charlotte sighed and repeated the phrase into an app she’d been working on in her fired time to translate non-pow specific language to supes language, for all of those who literally grew up around zero of them. The phone recited, “Your heart disarms an opponent much harder than your fists.”

“OHHHH!” Simone said and nodded. Then, she thought about it for a moment and defended herself, “I didn’t feel like I was being rude to him! I listed all of his accomplishments and the reasons why we needed him.”

“Yeah. You didn’t say anything about how he looked (his love language) or anything sweet to him, though.”

“I can’t lie as easily as you,” Simone said. “I grew up in Metroburg. I didn’t have to be secretive about stuff.”

“You planned an entire coup right under your mother’s nose.”

“She doesn’t pay attention to anything I do. I barely had to distract her,” Simone shrugged her shoulders, but Charlotte could tell that was still a raw subject, probably especially since not even a week ago, Charlotte was picking at the wound. “Anyway. We have our president, so I’m collecting my babies from the nursery and going home.”

“By yourself? Henry and Max are still on assignment… You wanna… You’re welcome to stay with Hammy and I…”

“I don’t need your pity protection, Charlotte. I can take care of myself and my kids.”

“I just didn’t want to be alone and since our husbands are working together, I thought… I mean… They could touchdown at my place afterwards and…”

“Okay,” Simone said. “Sure. Want me to grab Hammy from the nursery too?”

“If you will. Thanks.”

Simone nodded and headed towards the nursery. She wasn’t super excited to go to the empty temporary quarters without Max and she wasn’t really in the mood to stay at her mom’s either, having just thought about how easy it was for her to not pay attention to her while she staged the escape of their most dangerous fugitive. She certainly had a lot of raw feelings about Charlotte, but she had them about Evelyn too, and those were longer. 

Besides, Evelyn’s home had a guest room. Charlotte’s had guest quarters. That was more room and relaxation for the babies and her while they waited for the men. Max and Simone still hadn’t been able to find a suitable space, with their history. Simone peeked into the president’s office, where Evelyn was there, getting things ready for the next in line. “Hey, Mom… We’re gonna crash at Charlotte’s into the guys get back. I was headed to the nursery, if you have time to say goodnight to the girls?”

“Of course, I have time!” She said and dropped everything that she was holding. They were in a much better place, but Simone figured she needed super therapy before they’d be “good.”

.

Henry nor Max realized how tired they were from all of the traveling and working that they had been doing until they got back to Charlotte’s house. A simulated tour guide, which was simply a Henrygram (you remember the hologram that moves about the house) came to collect Max and escort him to the guest quarters, “Where your wife and children are anticipating your arrival, even as they sleep,” it said. “Mr. Page. The woman of the house is in the heir’s nursery reinforcing his crib.”

Henry looked confused by that, but he and Max went their separate ways and whenever he saw Charlotte, her face brightened and she rushed to hug and kiss him. Hammy looked annoyed that she had abandoned her mission to secure his crib. They finished kissing and saying hello, only to look at Hammy and see that he seemed to be finishing the job, himself. “He looks like he knows what he’s doing,” Henry chuckled.

“Of course he does. He’s a genius,” she joked and picked the baby up to hand him to Henry. “Say hi to Daddy. Mommy’s gonna finish your crib so you can go back to sleep.”

“What’s wrong with his crib?” 

“The sensors didn’t pick up his swaddle because some wiring got damaged in the sync device. I’m reinforcing it so that the swaddle doesn’t squeeze him too tightly while the crib can’t evaluate his vitals.”

“You wanna sleep on Daddy while Mommy does smart girl shit?” Henry asked.

“Henry!” Charlotte said.

Hammy laughed and laid against Henry’s heart. He was asleep within moments. After they put him back into his crib and swaddled him with Charlotte’s perfected perfect swaddle, it was Char’s turn to lean against Henry’s heart and fall asleep. They had one of those beds that you could pull out of the wall, for nights whenever the Danger life got to them and they just had to be near their precious baby - which was pretty much any time Henry was away for long, or any time that he came home.

There were a lot of things that he hated at the moment - the fact that Simone and Charlotte had been so ugly to each other through the campaign (when they had been on the same page on the mission that set Team Danger in stone), having to be away from his family for so long, knowing that Lady Danger would be taking over Swellview by herself sooner than he felt like she was prepared for (especially with all the ruckus about her unmasking after the election debate), Charlotte going back to work for the Hero League… He made a pillow of his worries and collapsed into them. 

Charlotte’s interface scanned him and he heard a whirring that made him wake up, panicked. The sound was from an opening in the headboard that pushed out a crystal before shutting and leaving it there. “What is?” he whispered.

And, judging from his whisper, the interface knew that meant he was trying to be quiet, so she also spoke at a low volume, made gentle for sleeping purposes, “Sardonyx provides you the stabilisation and strength required to have the endurance, energy and fortitude to create good fortune based on good moral ethics… Would you like me to continue reading sardonyx facts to help you return to sleep?”

“Yes, please,” he said. And so, that happened.

.

Ray got ready to go to the hospital. He had zero attachments to the Thunderman kid. He didn’t think that he liked anybody from that brood, at this point. But, if he was going to be President of the Hero League, Charlotte thought that he needed to show the supers that he cared when one of them fell.

The kid had woke up a week after his attack, conveniently when all of his loved ones were present. They said that he’d been ecstatic to find that Lady Danger was THE Piper Hart. They said he kept referring to her as THE Piper Hart. Ray knew one thing - that definitely went to her head. Piper Hart was one of those online personalities that people followed, but didn’t necessarily love. She gave a good show, but her ways rubbed people the wrong way and those who knew her before loved getting on the Internet and speaking about how horrible she is in real life. Ray would agree but he had gotten used to it by now.

Still. Most of her love these days came from being Lady Danger. It was nice to have a fan who also had a crush, who knew you as two different people, but knew you as you and as your better self. Ray had that not too long ago… 

He made his way to the room with a tray of meatballs. "Here, Kid. This is for you.” Billy looked confused as he thanked him. “Piper! You’ve finally cleaned yourself up!" 

She smiled a little and pointed her thumb at him, "This is my boss, Ray.”

“Oh!” Billy said. “I thought it was just a friendly meatball man.” After a while, he thought about it again. “OH! It’s your BOSS!” He looked starstruck, now. Ray patted him on the back and asked, “Mind if I sit?”

“No. This is so cool. You know… You’re gonna be the first new official President in my lifetime!" 

Ray sat down and nodded. "Kickbutt wasn’t president when I became a hero, but she was a pretty good fighter. I worked with your dad before, too.”

“Yeah! That’s awesome.” They talked for a while, then Ray and Piper left and Billy ate his meatballs. Piper didn’t comment on how weird of a gift that was because Ray was never any good at that sort of thing. He gave her an autographed photo of himself after she already knew his identity and had been working with him. But, in hindsight, that was an excellent gift, because she sold it for a lot of money.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to become an internet sensation, get my degree as I grew in reality TV fame, build up my career and become a household name, marry rich, and be hashtag goals for at least a generation. Kid Danger wasn’t supposed to be my brother. I wasn’t supposed to become your sidekick, have some of the worst years of my life trying to prove myself to him and failing, get a permanent scar on my face and now have to take over the top hero spot in Swellview AFTER I unmasked in my freaking sophomore year of college? My life is over. I’m not okay.” She said it calmly, but he still felt it deeply.

“Yeah, Kid. Me neither,” Ray finally admitted out loud to someone.

.

He looked okay. Now that Billy was awake, he healed up quickly and was going to help Piper out in Swellview. He crashed at her place and Jasper asked him several questions. Piper insisted, “My actual brother didn’t do all of this!”

Jasper eventually must have been pleased with the responses, because he finally left them alone. “Always gotta humor older siblings,” Billy said.

“He’s not my sibling,” Piper said. “Well… not by blood, anyway.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Well… I guess tomorrow we start serving Swellview together.”

“We’re a good team. It’ll be great. My sisters will help whenever we need them.”

“My brother tried and was cornered by groups of people who wanted to know his personal life. What if that happens to me?”

“I’ll very quickly get them away from you,” he said and smiled. 

“And you don’t mind being the sidekick of someone who hasn’t been a hero even a portion of the time that you have and has no superpowers?”

“Well, you’ve been a leader all of your life. And I’ve seen you do many amazing things without any powers. Besides MR. DANGER took his wife’s last name. Women are who to follow to be honest.” She just smiled, and reflexively covered her scar when she did. “You know… you never have to cover that around me. You’re not less beautiful because of a battlescar that you won being brave for your team.”

She scoffed, “I’d have preferred she slit my throat.”

“Not me. Then, we wouldn’t have met. Now, we get to see each other every day. I’m grateful she didn’t slit your throat.” Piper took a deep breath and then lunged forward to give him a quick peck on the lips. She sat back quickly and held her own hands. She used to be able to flirt with the best of them, but since her scar, she had been hiding. She’d been shyer. Billy smiled and reached for her hands. She took his and played with it in both of hers. “We’re gonna be fine, M'Lady." 

"Thanks for saying that. I think I’m okay now.”

[janephillipsblog]

The Further Education of a Rogue

The past six weeks have been a busy but fantastic leg on my journey as an actor. As well as volunteering for the One Yellow Rabbit High Performance Rodeo for most of January, I ushered for several other shows which also got me in to see them. “The Robber Bridegroom” with Jupiter Theatre - somehow there is something even more gruesome about the dismemberment and murder of a puppet on stage than the realistic killing and maiming found in horror movies. Very well done and a play that made you think about social attitudes to domestic violence. Then there was the very brilliant “Deathtrap” by Ira Levin with Vertigo Theatre that would make one scream with laughter one minute and scream with horror the next. Next was “Shakespeare in Love” with Morpheus Theatre which was wonderfully done and then there was “Boom X” written, directed and performed by the super talented Rick Miller for Theatre Calgary, which took us through the years of Generation X which is, of course, my generation. I also ushered for Neil Simon’s “Plaza Suite” for Simply Theatre, a classic play that I have never seen before. Again, very well done. I feel that watching as much live theatre as possible is incredibly valuable for anyone wanting to create within that medium. It inspires me for my acting and even for my future writing and directing. 

Ushering for Boom X, Theatre: Calgary.

On the big screen I saw “The Upside” with Kevin Hart, Bryan Cranston and Nicole Kidman, which was good, and on the small screen, I am still working my way through “Orange is the New Black” as well as “The Office” (US version). I also saw “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” starring Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson, both favourite actors of mine. So good! I listened to several interviews with McDormand after watching that film as I wanted to learn more about her as an actor.  

At the beginning of January, I started a six-week Essentials of Film and TV course with Company of Rogues Actors’ Studio (corogues.com), taught by Joe-Norman Shaw. In 2004, after about a year in Alberta, I took Scene Study I and II with Rogues. It was around that time that I had started to think of acting as more than a hobby, and a passion that could be developed. Both courses, one of which was taught by Stacie Harrison, who still teaches at the studio and whom I spent a day on set with on “Jann” back in September, were a really good experience for me. In both these courses, the students were paired up and given scenes to work on over the duration of the course, which allowed us to delve more deeply into a scene than would normally be the case for a community theatre production. The first session was with an instructor called Natasha who no longer works at the studio, but I will never forget how she told my partner and I that watching our scene (from Caryl Churchill’s “Top Girls”) was like watching “Coronation Street” which was to me, a big compliment. It was one of my favourite shows at the time and I’ve just started watching it again after a hiatus of many years. During Stacie’s class, I brought in long stem wine glasses for use in our scene from “Women of Manhattan” by John Patrick Shanley. Another group asked to borrow them and both ended up breaking during that scene (which was a couple fighting). Note to self: never use favourite items as props – I broke a tray that a friend had brought to a play to use as a prop last year. It was her mother’s and I am pretty sure that that incident has not endeared me or community theatre in general to her mother!

Essentials of Film and TV was different in that it focused on the audition aspect in the film and television world, however we also did discuss working in the industry as well as acting in general. For the most part, each week we were given sides of a scene from a movie to work on with a partner for the next week and then would have a bit of time in class to work on the scene together before it was presented in front of the rest of the class and videoed with each partner acting as the reader for the other one. For one class we had to do cold reads and were given about 20 minutes to prepare and for the last class, it was set up like a real audition with sides provided just a couple of days ahead of time and audition times given. We could not prepare with a partner and none of us got to watch others audition. It certainly felt like a real audition to me despite knowing that it was the last class of a six-week course! I felt that I really improved my audition techniques over the course, even learning to use a chair or water bottle appropriately in the audition room (as that is all that there often is to help set the scene). We had been provided a handout for Uta Hagen’s Six Steps with questions to be answered for the character and the scene. I have started to use this for every character I get to portray in an audition including ones for my theatre monologues. It works. I had the opportunity to practice with two film auditions in January (one being a self-tape) and felt a lot more confident in how I presented myself in an audition. The best take-aways from the class (other than the experience and practice) were to enjoy the journey and to not worry about the outcome of auditions too much as at the end of the day it is about whether an actor’s essence fits the part – apparent when we watched several people do the same scene. All in all, the Rogues’ Essentials of Film and TV, as with any of the courses offered by the studio in general, is a safe place for an actor to develop skills and to practice their craft.

I had my first professional theatre audition with Vertigo Theatre at the end of January. I had submitted my résumé and headshot, but it was still quite a surprise to get an invite to their general auditions in my junk mail one afternoon! I had to prepare two contrasting monologues. The day of auditions, I had already taken the day off work to attend a volunteer orientation session with AARCS as a cat caregiver and chose to go riding prior to that in the morning. I recited my monologues as I drove in the car including reciting them backwards. I am glad I wasn’t at the office as at least riding and AARCS took my mind off what felt like impending doom. By the time I was getting ready to go I was turning into a bit of basket-case - I suddenly couldn’t stand my own company. I was afraid that I would dawdle and be late. I dropped my keys as I was heading out the door, fumbling to pick them up as I juggled my purse and water bottle. (Incidentally, it was the same the morning of the mock auditions for the Rogues class, adding to it, the fact that I dropped my change for parking when getting out of the car on that day!) I took the train downtown and headed to the audition venue, second-guessing myself on its exact location. I headed inside the building and up the elevator and then down the longest corridor ever or so it seemed. I was early and I noticed that the two people that had signed in ahead of me had been in “Spamalot” with me in the fall – a lot of people I know got auditions with Vertigo and Theatre Calgary this year. Soon enough it was my turn. After a brief chat with the panel of two it was time to do my monologues. The first one was Katherine’s speech from Shakespeare’s “Henry VIII”. I honestly don’t know what came out of my mouth for the first couple of lines. I told myself to get a grip and continue and I think I recovered ok. Hopefully it looked better than it felt! The second monologue was Rivka’s opening monologue from “In the Cards” by Caroline Russell-King. It went as well as it ever has. I was sat in a chair and crossed my legs for the most part, however when I uncrossed them, my right leg just shook and vibrated (why couldn’t it have done that when needed in last year’s “Wake in the West”?). After, I sat down for another chat with the audition panel who explained that once the season for next year was announced there would be auditions for specific shows and I could let them know if I was interested in auditioning for any of the roles and that they would let me know if they wanted to see me for anything as well. So it wasn’t so bad after all!

This past week, I took a three-day Stunt Combat Workshop with Adrian Young of AY Action Services. It was an intensive, but fun and rewarding three days. When I joined ACTRA last summer I was asked to fill out a form if I was interested in doing stunts, something I hadn’t really thought about before. This wouldn’t get me stunt work but it would add me to the list of people interested in pursuing the work – it is a hard segment of the industry to get into. The workshop sounded useful, appealing and boundary pushing and so I signed up. It did not disappoint. The first day was mostly unarmed fight choreography and I was able to utilize techniques I learnt many years ago during Tae Kwon Do and the workouts at Canuckles MMA (RIP Max Marin), though I have to get used to “cheating” my hits for camera rather than just almost making contact. I also learnt how to do sit falls as well as forward tumbles. It was an intensive day and I was exhausted by the time I got home, at which time I had a hot bath right away. The next day we added fake handguns to the mix and learnt disarming techniques. We started to put together some fight choreography which we would include in an action sequence for our demo reel to be shot the next day where would we would each get to be the hero. That day finished with wire pulls where the stunt person would be pulled back on a wire into a fall as they were “kicked” or “punched” back. I didn’t feel ready to try this technique myself and so I just watched (as a few of us did). The final day was super fun as we shot our action sequence. I felt that it was a good simulation of a day on set for an action film and I did truly feel like I was either in a video game or an action star. It was a fantastic workshop and once again a safe environment as each participant was able to just participate in the activities they were comfortable with, though there were plenty of opportunities to push personal physical boundaries.

Striking a pose at the Stunt Combat workshop with AY Action Services

We started rehearsals for Gilbert & Sullivan’s “Princess Ida” with Morpheus Theatre at the end of January and it is coming along, though still in its early stages. The show goes up in April. I also auditioned for “The Wedding Singer” this weekend with Front Row Centre. If I get into that show, it will be a very busy Spring for me that’s for sure! 

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON INDIGO’S MAIN DANCE, LEAD VOCAL BAEK SUNWOO...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 20 DEBUT AGE: 16 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 14 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: Choreography

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): simon - his english name, the fans use it but he actually dislikes it INSPIRATION: loved to perform and wanted to pursue dance as a career, thought he’d have a better chance at making it in south korea than in canada SPECIAL TALENTS:

speaks fluent french and english

freestyle dance

abacus calculation/mental math

NOTABLE FACTS:

flexible - can hold his hands behind his back and step over them

has a brother back in canada

can make his eyebrows dance

is ambidextrous

used to play goalie on his school soccer team

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

sunwoo needs a creative outlet, one that indigo’s current musical direction won’t stifle. choreography is a good one, but he’s still on the lookout for one - starting with acting. he’s terrified that if he doesn’t find something he’s going to hit another slump, making this an urgent, short-term goal.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

further down the line, sunwoo wants to establish himself as a performer and a choreographer. indigo is popular now, but as they grow older as a group at some point they’ll have fewer comebacks and will need other activities to fill their time. sunwoo wants to get recognized by msg entertainment as someone who can choreograph other group’s songs. if and when he leaves the company, he’d like to open a dance studio, but he’ll have to have a strong enough reputation as a dancer and network in the industry to ensure its success.

IDOL IMAGE

with his doe eyes, sweet smile, and young age at debut, msg quickly assigned sunwoo an endearing, boy-next-door image. this stands in contrast with his onstage charisma as a main dancer and particularly with indigo’s original, rougher concept. the contrasting “onstage” and “offstage (but still on camera)” personas meant that from early on sunwoo was noted for his versatility. he also retained a slight french canadian accent in his korean, which made him unique and strange enough that he still gets equally teased and fawned over for it.

since the end of re᛫group, msg has focused on emphasizing the things that the public had noticed about him during the show: his work ethic, his optimism, his generosity, his choreography. that’s all fine and well, except that it’s exhausting. since he was so young at debut, he wasn’t expected to use any of his energy on anyone else in the group - as long as he kept up and did his part, that was enough. this new image meant he had to juggle taking care of himself and others, at least in front of the public. it was a natural part of his personality that came out on the show, but not to this extreme. it may be exhausting to have to keep this facade up but it worked to get him through more of re᛫group than he would have otherwise, and it’s successfully kept the new fans on board with him even after he got off the show.

his biggest issue as a performer is that his condition is too easily affected by public reception. when he and indigo are being praised and loved, he’s filled with a unique buzz and energy, achieving a kind of onstage charisma in his performance that can’t be replicated. when he and indigo receive criticism or, worst of all, during their slump, he hits a block. this is the case for pretty much anyone, but sunwoo’s two poles are too extreme. he’s certainly come out of the crash he had during indigo’s rougher years, though, and as indigo maintains a spot near the top he’s been able to stay motivated and keep his quality up. but since the slump he’s been overly sensitive to any fluctuations in indigo’s success, which has made the fluctuations between his good days and his bad ones more dramatic.

IDOL HISTORY

baek sunwoo was born in montreal, canada on an early march morning, rain drizzling outside turning the top layer of the snow still on the ground into slush. he and his brother were raised in a modest two-storey house by their accountant parents who continued to emphasize their korean heritage by speaking korean at home, eating korean food, and attending korean language school on saturday mornings. he took on the canada-friendly name of simon outside the home, but never considered it as a replacement for his korean name - just a way to protect his given name from being regularly butchered.

as a young boy he stood with his feet turned inward, a minor issue which his paediatrician assured his parents could be fixed with leg exercises, suggesting dance as an option. four year old simon was signed up for ballet and took to it like a fish to water, falling in love with the endorphins of exercise and the rush of performing. as he grew older he started taking different dance classes - hip hop, jazz, and modern dance were added to his repertoire. at ten he joined a local dance crew and performed at local festivals and competitions. soon he spent five nights a week at the dance studio. at first his parents objected to him putting so much focus on dance rather than school, but as it became clear that he was taking it seriously as a career path they became dedicated to helping him see his goals through.

he always wanted to be a dancer, always wanted to perform. most importantly, he wanted to be famous. he knew he was a good dancer and had potential. but would it be easy to make it as the son of south korean immigrants in the canadian entertainment industry? he tried, for a time. simon auditioned for les grands ballets canadiens and for the national ballet and was rejected from both; he continued to perform with his dance crew, but they never seemed to win any of their competitions. at the end of one of these competitions, though, simon was approached by a man in a suit with a business card, who told him he was “talented” and had “lots of potential” and “just the right look”, and that he should go to toronto to attend international auditions for a company called msg entertainment. simon had never paid close attention to kpop - he’d heard some songs, but couldn’t name members of any group or anything - but after getting rejected from the canadian dance scene, he figured this was the perfect opportunity. he’d surely have a better shot at fame being korean in korea than being korean in canada. after getting his parents to double- and triple-check that this wasn’t a scam, he booked a train ticket to toronto. after a few rounds, he got a contract, ditched the name “simon” altogether, and packed his bags to move in with his cousins in seoul.

adjusting to trainee life meant coming face-to-face with the shortcomings he hadn’t realized he had. he wasn’t used to hearing korean spoken at a quick pace or with regional dialects, so he often frustrated others with requests for them to repeat themselves. he also spoke korean with a weird french canadian accent, which made it difficult for others to understand him in turn, so sunwoo was put into language classes to fix his messy pronunciation. he attended cheongdam high school and suddenly had to adjust to an entirely different school system and learn subjects in a language he previously mostly used around the house. he didn’t have much experience with singing, either, and there was a steep learning curve to catch up with the other trainees. worst of all, after about a year of training, he started to feel burnt out by the experience. as he focused on his progress and his dancing and vocal skills improved, he found himself stuck in a hole - not listening to other music except kpop, distancing himself from the styles he used to enjoy. he identified less and less with what he was putting out as it earned him more and more praise.

when he was placed in the predebut group that became indigo, sunwoo was revived with new energy. msg wanted a flagship boy group out of them, and that meant flashy choreographies, intricate music videos, catchy music. he liked the direction they were going in enough to bring him out of his slump. he was at his peak when they debuted to huge and sudden popularity. he became quickly known for having a young, sweet personality that contrasted with the onstage charisma their songs required.

after face, though, they hit a slippery slope downwards. their first comeback didn’t generate the interest their debut had, and no matter what efforts the members tried to put in to boost their popularity again, indigo was written off as a failure. sunwoo slumped along with the group, struggling to find a way to prove himself to the public and burn off his creative energy. he turned to choreography, initially just pitching ideas to the msg choreographers and eventually working his way up to getting his name noted in the credits. with promotions few and far between, though, there weren’t as many opportunities to show off. msg gave him something else to do by getting him to return to after school club every once in a while following a successful indigo appearance there. it was a chance to show off his english, keep indigo in the minds of the public, and maybe even gather an international audience for the group, if korea wasn’t going to be welcoming. sunwoo wasn’t a natural at variety, but he felt more comfortable being able to entertain in english, and even if he didn’t boost indigo’s popularity during any of his visits, he certainly didn’t do them any harm.

he’d never admit this, but when msg told indigo that they’d be competing on re᛫group, sunwoo was humiliated. the word “disbandment” wasn’t said, but it felt like a last-ditch effort to save their group. without success on the show, their future seemed highly jeopardized. the pressure made sunwoo hit another slump. knowing that the public held his future in his hands made his feet stumble more often, his voice crack more, his stress more difficult to manage. what he had going for him, though, was his image. he was still only eighteen years old, young and fresh faced and armed with the sweet personality msg had instructed him to take on years ago. he was open on the show about his struggles and talked about them in confessionals while keeping an everlasting hopeful tone, leading to a surge of sympathy from viewers. even as he struggled, he was a strong dancer, and was shown helping others learn the choreography, often staying in the dance studio until late going over details one-on-one with those who needed it. he was praised on his choreography for many of his stages, resulting in public acknowledgment of his skill. though he was certainly not at his peak, sunwoo became known for his generosity, his optimism, and his work ethic. it wasn’t enough to save him - he barely made it into the top 20 - but it was enough to help boost indigo back into the public eye and solidify their reputation for their perseverance.

indigo was more popular after re᛫group than they were even when they had had their explosive debut. msg immediately had plans to put together a comeback, and soon enough indigo was back onstage, earning their first music show win and basking in attention they had been starving for. with the pressure of keeping the group together off his back, sunwoo got out of his slump, with fans noting how much his stage presence and charisma had improved since the show. the song they had promoted was softer than what they used to do, not quite what sunwoo would have chosen, but who cares? they were saved. then msg decided to have them release another song, similarly emotional and slow. then another, then another. as a main dancer who had just bounced back from a decline in his skills and self-confidence, sunwoo wanted to do what he loved: to dance. all of indigo’s newer releases were soft and pretty ballads, with choreographies that required little more than a few mic stands, some swaying, and a twirl here and there. his body ached for the pulsating beat it used to dance to. while the group only rose higher and higher with their new sound and aesthetic, he became restless. he was bored.

on his own time, sunwoo has continued to focus on choreography as a means for him to express himself, even if indigo itself has limited opportunities for it. he’s hopeful that they’ll still have a chance to release a dance track again and have some success with it thanks to their new popularity. he’s also started to look to other avenues, dipping his toe into acting by getting himself a role in the idol-focused drama dream high. he’d always wanted to be famous - now he finally, truly is. but that alone isn’t enough if he can’t dance the way he wants to.

[smashingatsonicspeed]

AUGUST SMASH DIRECT THOUGHTS

Boy! That last Smash Direct certainly added more hype then there already was for Ultimate. Just like with the E3 Direct I’m going to go through the major things covered in the order they were announced

SIMON & RICHTER BELMONT

Simon was technically leaked twice. He was among a seemingly credible leak that mentioned Ridley, Snake, Ice Climbers, and no cuts. And then Simon apparently was accidentally leaked through some goof up by Nintendo. (Though I dodged it since I know it was only one night before the reveal so I still didn’t know for sure if Simon was in until the reveal). But either way this ia amazing, Castlevania is certainly a worthy inclusion in Smash on the likes of all the other NES franchises represented. But what wasn’t leaked was Richter as an echo. Richter was the protagonist of Rondo of Blood. Which wasn’t exactly on a Nintendo console unless you count Dracula X in the 90s. Richter was also in Symphony of the Night which has never been on a Nintendo console. But he’s famous even in the meme-wise cause he’s the one who’s there for when Dracula yells “WHAT IS A MAN?!” in the hammy voice acting that was normal for this era of gaming. He was also an unlockable character on a DS game but otherwise Richter isn’t too Nintendo famous. But he is the most popular Belmont in Japan. They just needed to still feature the most iconic Belmont as the main inclusion still. I’m fine with Richter though. Though when I play as either of them, I’m playing Simon more for sure.

P.S. The trailer was great, not just for the super cool footage of Simon. But it was hilarious seeing Luigi running scared. Luigi getting killed by Death has quickly even become the latest Smash Bros. meme

DRACULA’S CASTLE STAGE & BOSS

The stage itself looks fittingly creepy and will have some pretty amazing music I imagine too. And Dracula being a boss is great as well. I kinda wish they’d have him yell “WHAT IS A MAN?!” when he came in. But I imagine that would be a bit much and ruin the moment. But it’d be hilarious to me.

NEW ECHO FIGHTERS: CHROM AND DARK SAMUS

When Chrom showed up I actually smiled. Now I’m no Fire Emblem fan. And yes it’s another sword user, and a fourth Marth-like character. But given how humiliated Chrom was in Smash 4. Not just in the Robin/Lucina trailer but the memes it caused in the Smash fandom that made a once proud and potential newcomer into a butt monkey on nearly the same level as Ridley with the TOO BIG memes. Even for characters I don’t necessarily want to see I would not want that fate to happen to their fans. It’s just brutal. Though at the very least Chrom seems to borrow a few moves from Ike as well. I even thought at first he was an echo of Ike before I checked later that it was actually for Roy. So I’m pretty happy Chrom actually got to have his chance. I am also certainly using Chrom more then I ever will for Roy.

It’s no doubt though that Dark Samus stole the show for echoes. She’s already my favorite echo so far and she has some slick-looking animations that may make her more worth playing then regular power-suit Samus. Metroid fans can be happy that they’ve doubled up the reps. And both of them are well-deserved additions.

ECHOES CAN EITHER BE STACKED OR SEPARATED ON THE CSS

This also may lessen the disgust that people had with Dark Pit’s inclusion back in Smash 4. Just put the echoes in the corner of the character they’re echoing. I’m certainly going to keep them stacked myself. I think the CSS will also look cleaner that way

ALL CHARACTERS WILL BE REVEALED BEFORE LAUNCH

In other words, Sakurai has had it with those final roster leaks only weeks/days before release. Base Game speculation’s days are numbered until the final Smash Direct before release (Which would be likely in October or November). DLC speculation will immediately start after it. But we’re going to have our explosion of reactions to the final base roster done soon enough. Going to be some tense times until then

RETURNING STAGES

There’s so many returning stages! I’ll just say that Brinstar Depths, Magicant, and Fountain of Dreams are particularly ones I’m excited are back. Yoshi 64, Venom, Fourside, New Pork City, and Windy Hill are also nice to see.

CAPTAIN TOAD ON NEW DONK CITY

Welp, Captain Toad is looking very unlikely now. He could be DLC potentially since he isn’t a major stage hazard nor an Assist Trophy. But with a focus on longtime fan favorites and bringing every veteran back. Captain Toad just fell to the way side. It’s a shame, if the newcomers have been chosen in the same fashion Smash 4’s was. I think Captain Toad would of been a near certainty. This also unfortunately means that the last chance for a playable Toad has left us. Smash can’t include everyone, even with some characters like Ridley finally getting their chance, there are still some characters that would certainly count for Nintendo All-Stars that just couldn’t quite make it. This is probably one of the few disappointments I had with the direct. But I’ve dealt without a playable Toad for 4 games already, I can deal with another.

103 STAGES

Man that’s a lot of stages. Not to mention we won’t have to unlock any, they’ll be there from the start. Though Sakurai mentioning this does have me suspicious that this means there’s no more base game stages to add unless they are really trying to hide any newcomers that may come with stages. But it seems odd to point this out exactly if there were even just a few more stages in reality

STAGE HAZARD SWITCH

If you’re a competitive player or even just dislike stages where you’re fighting the stage more then your opponent then you absolutely should love this option. More viable stages and everything

STAGE MORPH

Now this is cool. And could definitely add to the Chaos of a match especially if you randomize both stages. Imagine you get a nice stage that would be competitively legal but then BAM you get something like Great Cave Offensive or Big Blue as the stage morph stage. Plenty of opportunity for hilarity there. Should be fun.

800+ TRACKS + 20 SONIC SONGS + STILL ONLY 2 FINAL FANTASY SONGS

Man this game’s soundtrack is going to be crazy! I am interested in what they have new for Sonic. There’s apparently only 20. If every Sonic song returned that was in either of the last two games. There’d be room for only 2. But if none of the Brawl ones return that leaves room for 6. And that’s not counting the possibility they cut some songs. Though perhaps another bummer from this is apparently Final Fantasy is still only getting 2 songs. So now we know it wasn’t just DLC budget getting in the way. Square is still being stingy.

STAMINA NOW A STANDARD MODE THAT CAN HAVE STOCKS

I’ve always kind of liked Stamina mode as something to be a change of pace of the regular gameplay. So it having it able to have stocks is quite cool

FINAL SMASH METER

Now this is really cool and may even open the possibility of some tournaments allowing Final Smashes in tourneys. I doubt it will be in really serious tournaments anyway, but could certainly allow for some hype in tourneys that do allow it.

SQUAD STRIKE

It’s a little vague at the moment. But Squad Strike might be the closest to something like the match in Smash Tour with a different character per stock? Though it could also just be a 1v1 match for each character. Also opens up for battles between teams.

OFFLINE TOURNEY RETURNS

You can have offline tournaments again like in Brawl and Melee! I sometimes just did CPU only tournaments with those which was kinda fun to watch. Just overall neat to have that back

SMASHDOWN

A cool option to have people not just use the same main they’re great with and also encourages people to diversify the characters they use.

TRAINING MODE UPGRADES

Training now has essentially a ruler to know your character’s launching power! Very cool and Competitive players will love it since it’s much easier to measure things.

CLASSIC MODE BACK TO MORE STANDARD

This is definitely a return to form for Classic mode. It’s kinda like SSB64’s but it’s a different set for each character that’s predetermined. No matter how many times you go through with one particular character it will be the same. While that may arguably sound like a step backward from the complete randomness of Melee’s classic mode. I actually love this a lot, the team can choose a particular set of opponents that make sense for that character to fight. Or even if it makes absolutely no sense, then it’s up to the fanbase to think of a reason for why they fight. Also what seems to be a thing is each character has a name for their run. Kirby had Gourmet Clash and Roy had A Journey of Swords. Bringing the same kind of intrigue that the Punch-Out Stage titles bring. I am excited to go through with every character like I always do.

NEW POKEMON

Alolan Exeggutor is hilarious, Abra will certainly provide some salt on some people, Mimikyu was a character often seen as possible to be the Gen 7 rep so might of been the first major reconfirmation not counting the Captain Toad one found later. Vulpix is a cute addition to the pokeball lineup. And Ditto is amazing. I almost kinda want the enemy team of this game to now be Ditto fighters.

NEW ASSISTS

Only 2 possibly major reconfirmations in the form of Zero and Shovel Knight. Zero was often seen as a possible 2nd Mega Man rep and Shovel Knight was considered the most likely if an Indie were to ever make it. It’s a miracle Shovel Knight even got this far though. Yacht Club games should be proud. Other then those though, Klaptrap looks annoying to deal with, Kapp’n seems funny just for the characters in the bus’ faces, Chef Kawasaki is the return of Kirby’s old Brawl final smash repurposed, Nikki’s a cute character to include, and the Majora’s Mask Moon is amazing as an assist trophy idea. It doesn’t even discriminate, even KOing the one it summoned. There was also the Rathalos assist trophy that turns out to also be a boss

ASHLEY DECONFIRMED

At the tail end of the Assist Trophy section was the sudden appearance of Ashley and not even with the name tag. Though they made her eyes red again. Ashley was considered one of the possible likely newcomers revealed this direct mainly because last week WarioWare Gold released. So it would be great timing.But it wasn’t to be. Sorry Ashley fans

MAIN MENU AND A MYSTERIOUS SPIRITS MODE

The menu looks more refined then Smash 4’s though I didn’t mind the Smash 4 menu as much as most people did. However most of the buzz is of course around the mode Sakurai had blurred out. Through some deblurring people found the mode will be called “Spirits” but that’s still too vague to know what it’ll be exactly. Based on any hints though from the bosses, it seems it will be some kind of Adventure mode. My guess is something in between Melee’s Adventure Mode and Subspace. Not as extensive as Subspace but more content then Melee’s adventure mode for sure. Perhaps you find the spirits of the characters to unlock them. But anything else is definitely all speculation at this point. It’ll be interesting to find out what this mode will be all about when we get to it.

KING K. ROOL

You know they just had to leave us with one more thing. And it certainly was a big one. K. Rool was only 2nd to Ridley in being one of the most wanted characters in Smash. And was often seen on the top of the list on the ballot. Also gotta say the trailer is amazing to show all those heroes and the villain and then it cutting to Donkey Kong, cause that’s when exactly you know who’s coming. The Dedede fakeout was also hilarious, though I doubt it really fooled anyone. K. Rool was in Smash and Donkey Kong finally gets a much needed increase of representation. Perhaps we’ll see Dixie soon come up as a Diddy echo. But until then K. Rool is what Donkey Kong fans as well as a good majority of Smash fans wanted. And he’s here cementing this Smash as certainly even more fan service focused then previous games.

Overall, an amazing direct. and can’t wait to see what else is in store for this game. We still have more characters and of course the Spirits mode to see. The road to Smash Ultimate is getting smaller each day and we’re surely in for a few more spots of interest along the way. Cannot wait to see what’s revealed next!

[dailyaudiobible]

11/22/2018 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 44:1-45:12, 1 Peter 1:1-12, Psalms 119:17-32, Proverbs 28:8-10

Today is the 23rd day of November. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it's a pleasure and an honor to be here with you today. And, I guess, traditionally this is the beginning of the holiday season, black Friday. And, so I guess we can say it's the most wonderful time of the year. And thankfully the rhythm of our year takes us right through the most wonderful time of the year and we just continue to take steps forward, which is what we'll do today, of course, because it’s what we do every day. We’re reading from the Good News Translation this week. Ezekiel chapter 45 verse 13 through 46 verse 24.

Introduction to First Peter:

Okay. So, as promised at the beginning we find ourselves being reunited today with an old friend, the apostle Peter. And, of course, we’ve had plenty of opportunity to observe the personality and character of Peter throughout the Gospels and, of course, in the book of Acts and we've experienced his passion in action but we’ll now hear that passion in written form in the letter we know as 1 Peter. So, let’s talk about where we’re headed. Simon or Simeon was Peter's actual given name but by the time that that he had become a part of the inner circle of Jesus, Jesus had given him the name Cephas, which in Aramaic means rock. And, so, when the Aramaic language is translated into the Greek language than the word Cephas becomes Petros. And, so, there. Now we can see the origins of the English biblical name Peter. And Peter’s story is certainly one of redemption, is certainly one of absolute transformation. It’s hard for us to forget his lowest moment when he denied Jesus three times in Caiaphas's courtyard. And from there we followed Peter all the way to the upper room where tongues of fire hovered over those awaiting the coming Holy Spirit. And after that Peter was different. He was empowered with an anointing and a boldness and we’re still feeling the impact of that today, both from the witness of his life in the Gospels in the book of Acts and from the writings that we’re about to read. So, Peter says in his letter that he's writing from Babylon and although there's plenty of conjecture, the general consensus among biblical scholars is that he was probably referring to Rome. And incidentally, most biblical scholars would make the same parallel with the book of Revelation. When Babylon is referred to it is likely referring to Rome. So, with that in mind 1 Peter it is generally dated from the early to mid-60s A.D., somewhere within the vicinity of time that the apostle Paul was first released from prison. And the letter was written to God's chosen people who are living as foreigners in the provinces of Pontus and Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia. These were five provinces of the Roman Empire and they're all now located within modern-day Turkey. Peter used the term “God's chosen people who are living as foreigners” because this had been something that was well understood in Jewish culture. Those living as foreigners or the diaspora were those who had been scattered all over the world in different exiles and in terms of first Peter, most recently those would have been fleeing from persecution because of their faith. So, there's a little context, but first Peter is a forthright letter. If James kicked our butt, first Peter is pretty forthright too and it packs its own wallop, but under underneath all of it is a letter that's written actually to encourage, to bolster, to lift up those who are suffering because of their faith and to be a reminder, a beacon, to remind them of the glorious hope for those who do endure. So, if we’re still kind of smarting from James we’re about to get a second helping of straight talk as we begin the first letter of Peter and today we'll read chapter 1 verses 1 through 12.

Commentary:

Okay. So, even though the postures that the apostle Peter is writing about in his first letter, which we’re reading, even though those things are intended to be lived out every day, we mind find it, what's being said is particularly relevant to the time of year we’re moving into now. I mean, because this is the time that our schedules start to fill, right, and they fill with joyful festivities but it's…along with all of that comes plenty of challenges, right? The rest of our year kind of gets disrupted. And in that disruption, we may find ourselves like feeling that something's missing or fighting for our place, right, whether we’re fighting for a parking spot at the mall, which some of you probably are today, or within the family dynamics that arise around the holidays. And Peter gives us counsel in advance out in front of things on how to face trying times like these. So, quoting Peter, “Be obedient to God and do not allow your lives to be shaped by those desires you had when you were still ignorant. Instead be holy in all that you do just as God called you is holy Scripture. The scripture says be holy because I am holy.” So, obviously Peter’s not talking about holidays in the 21st century, he was talking about the shape of our everyday lives but since we’re headed into one of the most uniquely stressful times of the year, the counsel becomes immediately available. I mean…just…we read a lot of words today but if we just remember these, “you must be holy because I am holy”, right? That can be a rescue when we’re absolutely exhausted, when were emotionally spent, when we’re pulled into challenging environments, when we’re rubbing up against all kinds of stuff that just comes at this time year. Because often when we’re stressed out, right, we’re trying to find ways to cope and we’re overwhelmed and. And, so, we move toward trying to be in control…we try to control the environment, or we become incredibly opinionated or we become extremely judgmental. And, ironically this isn't a new 21st century phenomenon among human beings. On the heels of Peter's encouragement to live holy lives he had this to say, “You call him Father, when you pray who God judges all people by the same standard according to what each one is done.” So, we have to remember that we are each individually on a journey with God, especially in these stressful times like the holidays. None of us have been appointed that the spiritual judge over our peers or our family. God will handle it and He is impartial because He knows what's really going on. So, in instead, Peter offered an alternative thought that relieves us of our control and returns us to a place of gratitude. And here's how he says it, “Now by your obedience to the truth you have purified your selves and have come to have a sincere love for other believers, love one another earnestly with all your heart. For through the living and eternal word of God you have been born again as the children of a parent who is immortal, not mortal.” So, to be able to achieve or to live into this kind of love, even in spite of the stressful times, Peter goes on, “Rid yourselves then of all evil. No more lying or hypocrisy or jealousy or insulting language.” And oddly these are the kinds of behaviors we get pulled toward around the holidays when things are starting to fray, right, when it's all starting to get to us. So, we can lavish gifts upon people while simultaneously being deceitful, hypocritical, jealous and full of all kinds of unkind things to say. And this is not unlike James observation that God can be worshiped, and His creations can be cursed out of the same mouth. And he had something to say about it and we should remember, “Surely my brothers and sisters, this is not right.” And the same conclusion applies to what Peter is saying. And then from our reading today, lastly, Peter gives us the “why” of all of this in a stunning reminder of who we really are, “you” and this is quoting Peter, “you are the chosen race, the Kings priests, the holy nation, God's own people chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God who called you out of darkness into His own marvelous light.” And we have to acknowledge that the seasons we are entering is centered around that that absolute truth. Like all around the world we’ll begin to consider the arrival of the Savior who has called us out of darkness. And maybe this is the first time you’re realizing just how close to Christmas we are with all that’s just happening around us this week. Let's carry into the season with us this reminder, something that we can continually tell ourselves. “You must be holy, for I am holy.” Let's bring that into a season that celebrates the coming of the Holy Child and just allow that, that reminder of holiness and the invitation that we are being given to be holy and carry that into this season and let it shape our experience and be an influence for our decisions because we always have a choice. We can do good.

Prayer:

Father, we invite you into this, this what we’re talking about. We must be holy because you are holy and we certainly invite you into that because we can’t be holy on our own. We need to interact and collaborate to be intertwined with you. So, come, Holy Spirit. But we also pray over this coming season, out in front of us now, of joy and celebration that brings tremendous challenges to certain lives in all kinds of ways. We need you. Come, Holy Spirit we pray into the days ahead we ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what’s going on around here.

And today is Black Friday and…well…I talked about it a couple of days ago but that means that the Daily Audio Bible Family Christmas Box for 2018 is now available and it is packed full of things that you’ll want to keep for yourself and things that you’ll want to give away. And this year's Christmas Box is a good one. We have the Promise Land double DVD set that is always popular around here because…well…frankly it allows us to go in with a window and look around basically at the places that we have visited so often in the Scriptures. And double DVD set has over four hours of content to just really, really immerse yourself in the land of the Bible. So, that is in the Christmas Box. We’ve also included the last two books that I've written, the first one called Reframe in the second one called Sneezing Jesus. And these are both books of spiritual transformation. They are…I mean…literally when I sit down to write, I'm writing because I feel like I don’t have a choice…like I've reached a point of wrestling that I need to begin to put things on paper, that's where things start. But in my heart and in my mind, I'm always writing toward someone and that someone is our community. So, if you have been taking the journey through the Bible and haven’t taken the journey through Reframe or Sneezing Jesus, they’re in the Christmas Box this year. And man I wrote it, so, it's hard for me to say you really should read this, but I wrote it to be read by our community, people who are hungry for the Scriptures and are truly pressing in to the relationship with God that is offered through Jesus and actually trying to live this faith and actually allowing this faith to transform us. I’ve written these things that journey. So, both of those are included in the Christmas Box. And one additional book called “Going Solo”, written by my friend Robert. And it is about the solo parenting journey. There are plenty of single parents in this community, but there's probably none of us that don't have a single parent in our lives. And Robert went through a season of being a single dad under some pretty dire circumstances. And he shares this story. So, but it’s not just like a book of commiseration or a book of tips and tricks. Like, it's not…it's exactly what a single parent who is overwhelmed needs to hear with no one expecting anything in return. It's just pouring life into a tattered soul. So, if you are on the solo parent journey then, yeah, this for you. But if you’re not, you know someone and this is for them. We also have our Daily Audio Bible Christmas cards for this year and they’re very beautiful and they have the word for the year imprinted on the front, “Hope”. So, there’s 20 cards and 20 envelopes in the Christmas Box. You can order the cards…like if you send out more than 20, you can order your Christmas cards from Daily Audio Bible. They're not big advertisements for the Daily Audio Bible. They say Daily Audio Bible on the back, like where Hallmark is…would usually be. That's it. But they are a fantastic way to invite your friends and family along for the journey with you in the coming year. So, yes there’s a pack of 20 of those in the Christmas Box but you can order as many of them as you want separately at the Daily Audio Bible Shop. And we’ll talk about that in the second. Also included is the Daily Audio Bible Christmas bulb for 2018. And I think this is the seventh year we've done this. Of course, the word “Hope” is on Christmas bulb. And I have a one of these for every year that we've been doing it and it goes up on the tree every year and I look at that little place on the tree, and it reminds me of all the journeys, all the miles, all the words, all the life that goes into a year of the Bible. So, that reminds me of all the journeys we’ve taken and just brings you into our home. And I know that that's become a tradition for many of you and that's true for you as well. So, the Christmas ball is in the Christmas Box. Also, we’re lovers of the Black Wing pencils and we have those in the Daily Audio Bible shop with all of our writing paraphernalia, which by the way, those writing kits are awesome Christmas gifts. So, you can check that out. But this year we were able to work along with our friends at Black Wing and get the Daily Audio Bible imprinted on some pencils. We’re not allowed to sell them like in boxes of 12 or as individuals but we’re allowed to put them in the Christmas Box. And, so, there’s is a Black Wing Daily Audio Bible, one-of-a-kind, in the Christmas Box this year. And then, of course, your choice of our Windfarm coffee or our Windfarm boutique tea. And lastly, a surprise, a mystery. And everybody will get the mystery, but everybody won’t get the same mystery, but one additional resource of some sort will be in the Box this year. So that's the Daily Audio Bible Family Christmas 2018. It's a good one and it's available now on the Daily Audio Bible Shop. So that's at dailyaudiobible.com and then you click Shop and you'll see the Christmas section and you’ll find all the stuff. Of course, you can access the shop from the Daily Audio Bible app as well. So, we always sell out of these. I recommend if you want one that you get one sooner than later. Those of you who are outside of the domestic United States, including our neighboring nations of Canada and Mexico, the cutoff date for us and kinda feeling confident that everything would arrive for Christmas, is the 28th of November, which is less than a week. So, if you're international and you'd like this to arrive for Christmas, then I wouldn't delay. We will send them, of course, after the 28th internationally, but not sure the gonna arrive in time for Christmas. So, don't delay on that. If you're inside the United States then, you know, there’s a little more time but wouldn't wait, they sell out every year. So, check all of that out in the Daily Audio Bible shop. It's Christmas time. Here we go.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible here as we approach the end of the year, then obviously, I can't thank you enough. My humble gratitude is beyond my words because every day that we sit down to come together like this is another day that we've done something in collaboration with God and His word, but also in community together. We just wouldn't be here if we didn’t do it together. So, thank you. There’s a link on the homepage of dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

hi, my name is Gwen Kavune and this is my first time calling the Daily Audio Bible. Today is November 19, 2018. I am so glad to be a part of the daily audio Bible. I really love hearing Brian and his commentary on the Bible each day. I’ve been listening for…since late in October and I really, really enjoy listening to the commentary, like I said. This is such a great venue for hearing the word and it’s great for me to because I am blind. So, this is a great way for me to hear the word of God. And hearing the prayer…being able to have a place to leave a prayer request is great. And to have other people agreeing with you and prayer is a great thing. I love having that available to me and having other believers out there supporting and encouraging me. That is so great. And I enjoy hearing from others and I enjoy…I’m sorry…I enjoy the poetry from Blind Tony. You do a wonderful job. Your gifted…

This is Judy and Steve in Salt Lake and this call is for Christine with the bumpy dog. Christine, we heard your call, not the first one, but the last one __ and we just want you to know that we are praying for you and we’re sending you a virtual hug. And I would’ve called sooner but I couldn’t talk. Just know we love you and we’re praying for the peace that passes all understanding for you, for healing according to God’s will. Whatever comes next, we pray that you are strong and that you know His love for you is never-ending. And we pray this in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

Hi everyone, it’s Karen in St. Louis. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers for my 60th. Got a couple of texts from Marlene that were so encouraging and Shannon from Salem, your song your prayers and Josh from Indiana, your prayers were just like from God for my heart and I’m so grateful. I’m grateful for this community and am so grateful for Brian, Jill, and the family that’s answered the call. And I’m most grateful to Jesus who is the author and perfecter of our faith. And He’s our ultimate hope. And, so, Brian, I loved your commentary today on James and talking about the faith and works and then also going into our tongues. All these things that we’re going through in most of the fall, I think about Paula and the devastation that you’ve incurred and Christine with the bumpy dog, my heart goes out to you sister. And, so many others, you know. But this kind of encouraged me because we are on a journey. And in Hebrews 12:1 it says, Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. And I just think about how it is constantly just looking to Jesus. And I thought about what you said Brian, at the family reunion, and about how you said that you never felt so close to the Lord is when you are suffering. So, brothers and sisters, take heart in this Thanksgiving where we give thanks to Jesus. I love you all. Bye-bye.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family, this is Becky from Orlando. I am calling in right now for Paula the child advocate. I just heard that you lost her home. I am so, so, so sorry that that happened in the wildfires. I hadn’t heard your original call and, of course, my eyes started tearing up when I heard that. I’m so sorry for your Paula. I’m gonna keep you in my prayers for you to find a house and some temporary housing in the meantime and just for some comfort. So, I’ve got you in my prayers and I’ve also got Christine with the bumpy dog in my prayers also. I’m praying for God’s healing touch on you for the chemotherapy to do its thing and to heal you and for you to find relief and for you to be able to get back home. So, I’ll keep you both in my prayers and I love you all very much. All right. Have a good day. Bye-bye.

[mesaylormoon]

Film and Fluff Blogging: A Review of Love, Simon

When viewing the trailers for Love, Simon I had only a minor interest in seeing the film. I appreciated that it addressed the conflicts surrounding coming out, but beyond that, it seemed only to be generic. It certainly didn’t help that the marketing for Love, Simon was incredibly obvious in the way it used coming out puns, and for only a short while, I didn’t insist on seeing Love, Simon in theaters. Fortunately, after having seen it, I can say that I enjoyed the film more than expected, and that others can easily have a fun romp identifying with a character that is needed in today’s social climate.

Simon Spier, a seventeen-year-old boy, is just like other teenagers. He has a loving family, enjoys spending time with friends, and eagerly awaits the day he’ll graduate high school. He is, however, withholding a secret from everyone in his life: he’s gay. Although Simon believes that people would love him even if they knew his secret, he has trouble fully embracing his identity. He doesn’t quite understand why; he may just want others to remember him as he always was, or he just doesn’t believe that the attention is needed. Whatever the case, he is determined to stay silent about his identity. In the midst of all of this, Simon begins to form a romance with a boy who calls himself “Blue”, and Martin, one of Simon’s peers, threatens to expose the two to the rest of the school.

Some of the more problematic elements of Love, Simon include the characters’ lack of personalities, as well as their forced interactions with one another. Everyone who plays a major role in the story seems to only embody the kinds of archetypes one would associate with a romantic comedy, and in a film as significant as this, I do think that this flaw is a notable one. I suppose one could argue that Simon is a decent character; he is witty, thoughtful, empathetic, and his responses to other peoples’ remarks are sharp, sarcastic and humorous. Unfortunately, such qualities do not apply to the rest of his friends. Leah, Abby, and Nick are all essentially the same people: blandly fun-loving, supportive, and caring. These traits, while certainly not bad, make the characters incredibly unmemorable. Even if Love, Simon is among the first film of its kind to tell the story of a young man coming out, a host of friends that have more definable personalities would’ve made the film stronger. If, for example, Simon’s friends had been fiercely loyal, protective, wild but not troublesome, and deeply compassionate, audiences would’ve had a more memorable cast. Disregarding my criticism, however, Love, Simon’s characters are decent, and what redeems them is the love they maintain for their best friend.

As I stated before, the performances of Love, Simon leave much to be desired. Considering that this cast is comprised of unknown child actors, I should show more mercy, but in any film, believable and emotional acting is necessary. Every line delivery and exchange between actors in the film is fairly detached and dry, and this does detract from the dramatic tension and lighthearted moments in the film. There are certainly attempts made by everyone on screen to laugh and enjoy conversations with others, but no one seems to be wholly comfortable with even being filmed. The young performers’ credibilities suffer as a result, and as an audience member, I found it difficult to see the camaraderie between characters that are supposed to be friends. To add to these difficulties, the dialogue in the first half of Love, Simon is generic, and the relationships between Simon and his friends become even more artificial.

Despite its more impactful flaws, there are definitely redeeming aspects of Love, Simon that make it enjoyable. The humor is one of these things. Although the film is quite conventional in the way it tells its first half of the story, the characters are given dialogue that is much, much more amusing than I would’ve expected in the second half. I can’t list too many details, as this review is meant to be spoiler-free, but Ethan, a secondary character, is hysterical. His interactions with others are what complete the film. 

Ethan: Can we get some hummus for that baby carrot?

Yes, it’s an obvious euphemism, but how can you not laugh at that?

There are a great deal of similar moments of hilarity delivered by characters besides Ethan, and they only add to Love Simon’s entertainment value. 

The plot of Love, Simon is not the most unconventional, but it is effective. I personally believe that the film, as well as Simon’s relationship with “Blue”, would’ve been made stronger, more powerful and emotionally-charged had the two met solely in-person, but having the main characters communicate in secret allows for the LGBTQ audience to identify with their plight. Many gay people, even if their families are supportive/liberal, likely feel fearful of accepting who they are for the same reasons Simon does. In addition to these internal conflicts, confessing who you are to others, no matter what your social situation may be, is difficult. It’s not easy to gauge whether or not you will be shunned by society, or how you’ll navigate your personal/romantic life once you reveal your identity. For these reasons, I acknowledge that even the more standard story of Love, Simon is actually necessary, seeing that it is the among the first film of its kind to address the uncertainty of coming out. And it isn’t as if this setup lacks merit in the film; Simon and “Blue” share a surprisingly heartfelt bond with one another, and they have great chemistry. This is especially impressive, considering that, for most of the film, they don’t interact with one another face-to-face. Both enjoy expressing their likes, interests, fears, and expectations of the future, and it’s easy to believe that they are both in love because the message they send feel so natural. Having never seen a film that could accomplish this sort of feat, Love, Simon is definitely commendable. I do think, however, that the tension provided by Martin’s threats to expose the couple only weaken the conflict. There is enough uncertainty surrounding the fact that Simon and “Blue” know not how their family and friends would react to hearing the news about their sexuality, and if they had the opportunity to silently decide when they would come out, Love, Simon would’ve had a more solid, subtle story. But as it is, the film’s story is good, as well as relatable.

The most appreciable element of Love, Simon, in my opinion, is the ending. The last moments of the film help to finalize a more inclusive message, and that is what I think separates Love, Simon from other LGBTQ films. Again, I can’t spoil it, but it’s wonderful that the message can reach an audience beyond those in the LGBTQ community. It’s very empowering.

Love, Simon is not the most original of love stories, but it is certainly a charming one. I can’t praise every element of the film, of course, but the humor and the difficulties the characters face when learning to love themselves comes from a genuine place. With the marginalization of the LGBTQ community still being a prevalent issue, characters such as Simon and his friends can potentially calm the anxieties of those who have yet to share their identities with others. Every good element I listed about the film makes it more than worthy of recommendation, and I hope that the gay community, as well as all viewers, will be able to enjoy a film that they can identify with, laugh and cry at, and share with others who struggle with similar problems.

[jadelotusflower]

May 2021 Roundup

Watching

Chess: The Musical - My second live theatre experience for the year, but this time with no seating restrictions. It certainly felt weird and uncomfortable to be packed into a full house again, even if everyone was wearing masks. I've never seen Chess performed, although I have watched the 2008 concert version many times. I enjoyed seeing it properly staged and sung live, even though I suspect there may have been some illness in the cast as there was issues of breath control and strained voices on occasion. Natalie Bassingthwaighte has a good pop/rock voice and she killed Nobody's Side but was just fine with the rest (including a patchy British accent). Paulini has the pipes as Svetlana, although I do wonder if she would have made a better choice for Florence. The other standout was Brittaine Shipway as The Arbiter, usually a male role but actually working much better gender flipped and having a powerful female character outside of the love triangle (and who spends almost the entire show onstage observing).

Mank (dir. David Fincher) - A love letter to old Hollywood through the eyes of Herman J Mankcovitz as he writes the screenplay for Citizen Kane and looks back on his days in the studio system. Some familiarity with that film is required, or at least the broad brushstrokes and the main players - William Randolph Hearst as the inspiration for Charles Foster Kane, the actress Marion Davies, and Welles himself (who looms as a shadow figure throughout most of the film, shot in shadow, or profile, or in costume until the climactic confrontation with Mank). Gary Oldman is somewhat miscast as Mank imo; he carries every one of his 65 years and is just not believable as a 43 year old Mank, affected with alcoholism and a broken leg though he is. Maybe it’s that Mank (as the film depicts him) is just not very interesting - we’ve seen the self destructive drunk with acerbic wit so many times there’s just nothing new in it and feels quite tiresome. He is however a fulcrum for the other more interesting characters to work around; the lens through which we see Hollywood in action. And there’s a lot going on - the ruthless duplicity of Louis B Mayer, the writers rooms at work, the rich and powerful dismissing the rise of Nazism, Hearst bankrolling a campaign against socialist Upton Sinclair. This video is worth watching dealing with some criticisms, particularly the depiction of historical events, Marion Davies, and authorship. The rest of the cast is however very good - Amanda Seyfried as Davies, Charles Dance as Hearst, Tom Burke as an uncanny Welles. It was also nice to see Robin Hood alum Sam Troughton as John Houseman!

Seyfried has been rightly praised and she is indeed the best part of the film (aside from the bizarre Brooklyn accent and the missed opportunity to give the role to an actual actress in her 40's), so much so I wish it had been entitled Marion and about her perspective of Hollywood. Because there’s still distance, we are viewing her from afar - the bird in the gilded cage - not privy to her inner world and that’s a shame, because she’s clearly the most interesting of the lot. It should come as no surprise that this film does not pass the Bechdel test, even though there clearly was An Attempt to boost the presence of the female characters. Other than Marion Davies, we have Lily Collins as the long suffering assistant Alexander, Tuppence Middleton as the long suffering wife Sarah, and Monika Gossmann as the enabling German housekeeper Freda. Variations on a theme, all revolving around and Mank and exerting little to no agency. There’s also, rather out of place, the silent women in the Paramount writers room, topless except for sparkly pasties. If it’s meant to be a comment on sexism of the time it fails, because it is just there, like window dressing, when female screenwriters did exist and are yet somehow completely absent. Also absent are the women who wielded power at the time - the gossip columnists Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons who threaded the Hollywood needle much as screenwriters did. I enjoyed the film, it’s beautifully made and the time period lovingly depicted, down to the era-appropriate framing, camera lenses, music, and of course, filmed entirely in black and white. I guess I’m just less and less interested in these kinds of stories, or at least these stories told through the same old perspective. For a different take on the Welles/Mank collaboration, check out RKO 281 (that incidentally does feature both Hedda and Louella and is on youtube in its entirety). For more of the facts, The Battle Over Citizen Kane is also a very good documentary about Hearst’s attempts to kill the film. Marion Davies is also fictionalised (earlier in her career) in The Cat’s Meow, which I have not seen for many years but remember quite enjoying. Girls5Eva (season 1) - A girl group with one hit album in the 90's reunites after a rapper samples their biggest hit - this is a fun show satirising the artifice of 90's pop as well as the current music scene, with a great cast including singing greats Sara Bareilles and Renee Elise Goldsberry, and comediennes Busy Phillips and Paula Pell (who has at least ten years on the other girls, but they hang a lantern on it, and I appreciate her plot/character in no way revolved around her size). I really enjoyed it, and am still singing the ridiculous but catchy title song with big Spice Girls/B*witched energy.

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (season 2, episodes 5-13) - A meandering, hit and miss season overall - multiple characters introduced and given setup only to be shunted within a few episodes, plotlines picked up then pushed aside (Emily's post-partum depression that basically boiled down to "I'm on meds so I'm fine now" was particularly egregious) - I cut the show some slack because clearly covid interfered and caused a shortened season, which makes the latter half of the season exceptionally rushed. Alex Newell continues to be MVP, and his romance plot was honestly so much more compelling than Zoe's. I didn't really have a horse in the Simon/Max race, I liked both characters even if the OTP of the show was Zoe/Therapy, but while I'm happy the love triangle finally over, the speed of the back and forth really undermined the story. But I enjoyed the final twist and look forward to next season (hopefully it is renewed).

This is Us (season 5) - I don't expect much from this show other than soapy drama and emotional scenes engineered to make me cry, but is yet another reminder about why I shouldn't get attached to ships while shows are still airing. I have a soft spot for Smallville alum Justin Hartley, but Kevin's season of girlfriend's past is so damn tiresome. Maybe it's just that Madison has become my favourite character and I want the best for her, maybe it's the sloppy writing more interested in twists and turns than a compelling character arc. But hey, there's still the always excellent Sterling K Brown and Susan Kelechi Watson, and I continue to be impressed by Mandy Moore - I remember when she was a teen pop star breaking into acting and she's come so far, making all the right career choices (including pulling double duty as producer/choreographer over at Zoey's).

Reading

Mythos (Stephen Fry) - Fry's typically irreverent and witty take on the Classics (even though he is on occasion a bit twee), his focus mainly on the gods, their origin and exploits. I was a Greek mythology kid, absolutely obsessed with these stories although I never really graduated to a Greek mythology adult but rather a casual fan. It was nice to revisit this world, as many of them I had forgotten or had never known all the details (children's versions being understandably light on the rapes and grislier aspects). As Fry notes, these myths were not kindly to humanity and particularly women, which perhaps leads into the remainder of my Greek mythology reading month:

Circe (Madeline Millar)- A retelling of the Circle myth, the goddess best known for transforming Odysseus' men into pigs, and a book that I've finally got around to reading after many, many recommendations. While perhaps not all I was expecting, Millar's writing is lyrically beautiful and touches upon the nature of gods and humanity, parents and children, exile and freedom,and I enjoyed it very much.

The Penelopiad (Margaret Atwood) - Another retelling, this time from the pov of Penelope. I've wanted to read this since coming across a quote ("be like water") that I used for a fic, and the novel, while very short, is typical of Atwood's masterful writing style and love of multi-layered meta. Like Circe, this does not paint Odysseus in a good light, as Penelope reflects back on her life from the Underworld, her story interspersed by the Greek Chorus of the maids butchered on Odysseus' return to Ithaca, and the story is as much a vindication for the innocent maids as Penelope.

Writing

Nothing posted this month, but words written for Against the Dying of the Light (1111), The Lady of the Lake (1006), and Here I Go Again (1390). That makes a total of 3,507 for the month and 27,469 so far this year.

[reallifeblogthings-blog]

Audience Studies (3P18) Blog Post #1

Welcome to my ever so exciting blog. I will be speaking of both personal and non-personal life experiences as an audience member and how they relate to topics covered in COMM 3P18, readings and the textbook.

In today’s society, we are always part of an audience weather we acknowledge it or not. Social media is most notably the most common way someone my age consumes media, which is where I find myself mostly participating as an audience. As a Brock University student I am given the freedom to be an audience member in multiple exciting events. Primarily, my audience experiences have been influenced by technology. It has brought opportunities of events to my knowledge, thus allowing me to be an active student in my community.

Specifically, information sources such as instagram and facebook have provided information about Basketball games (Dates and times), which have influenced myself to be part of such an audience. In first year, considering university was a very new experience, I found myself acting upon what brock media was pushing. Since I had no previous knowledge, following the mass behaviour of others was my only guide (J. Sullivan, Pg. 6). I quickly found through sources on instagram, Brock is a school that is dedicated to basketball. Not many of my new peers were that interested in attending the home opening basketball game, yet, I feared we would be missing out on an important first year experience. This was due to the Spiral of Silence theory, “the idea of human beings steadily perceiving a fundamental fear of isolation, a need to not be rejected by others, but to be popular and respected (Noelle-Neumann, 1977)” (Neubaum, G., Framer, C. 2018). Thus, driving myself to push my friends to participate as audience members at the basketball game. I’m glad I did, going to those games created memorable times with my friends, like watching us embarrass ourselves with failed half-court shots, simon says games, and screaming loud enough that we would receive free shirts.

The Brock student experience does not only fall outside of the classroom, we are students after all, which means lectures also play a role in making us aware of what audiences we really participate in. Social media has changed the way audiences have now come together, we have seen this in lecture, and the textbook where a classic Greek theatre, and the published local news wouldn't have gone as global as the outlets we have today. Lectures during the school year have provided many opportunities to discuss things we wouldn't normally in our everyday lives. In COMM 3P18 and many previous classes like COMM 2P15, we have focused on what is circulating in the news, a source of mass media. It has become clear that such information can be damaging to us as viewers, especially with the growth of audiences in the past years (J, Good). For example, in some of my classes we have spoken about a famous youtuber Logan Paul. Logan is a influential person on youtube, who receives over millions of views on each video he produces. He recently had an incident where he was shamed all around the world due to media, which was publicised all over the news.  The video features Logan and a few friends through the Aokigahara forest in Japan, also known as the suicide forest. The group was making a comedic video of them hiking through the trails when they stumbled upon a body (not uncommon). Wanting to please viewers, while also being the naive person Logan is, he continued to make ‘a laugh’ with the body in the background. Such a shift in our cultural technology sphere has made our generation seem as though we need more views and we attempt to do this by making audiences laugh. However, this can be damaging, especially in this case where a video that is watched publicly by thousands of audience members is a detrimental experience. Soon after the video was released, Logan was published world wide, receiving hate, but it also showed how all those who watch among different media platforms, can come together so quickly to try and right the wrong that someone has done. The video ended up getting removed due to the mass amount of comments. When the audience saw potentially damaging information being spread publicly, there was then a need for restrictions, because the world does not need someone else (such as a fan) following in his footsteps, to make the same naive mistake (J, Sullivan. Pg, 26). The audiences hold such power, mostly socially, because they discuss things, they make decisions on what they watch or purchase, thus allowing ourselves and the world around to learn as audiences (J, Good). People’s awareness of information and information environment are shaped by what is in the news media, if it wasn’t would we even think about it? Personally I wouldn't be thinking about Logan Paul and his friends.

Despite the fact that lectures are SO much fun, I find more memories at Brock outside of the classroom. Another essential moment to my first year audience experience was also the Meridian hockey game. The hockey game of the year is always against our rivals Guelph, and in my first year was a key aspect to my first year memories at Brock. Now, personally I don’t like hockey at all, yet, this game made me realize first hand the amount of power one group of people have at a hockey game. The day started early with routy drinking games, dressing up in red, navy, and white, and a lot of yelling. I pictured the actual game to be a group of people surrounding a rink cheering on our team. I definitely wasn’t wrong, but my guess was slightly underestimated. The game was loud, people were most certainly drunk, and it was clear we were not big fans of Guelph. Lucky for me, my friends and I sat right behind Guelphs team, with a few other interesting people we didn't really know. During the game, those people who were sat beside us became more rowdy, along with more and more people around them. It got to the point where the people who started out just like us; sitting and watching the game, turned into holding onto the railing, yelling impolite things to the Guelph team. Eventually it got to the point where the referees stopped the game due to the side railing breaking, putting people in danger. When I look back at this, I genuinely laugh, but after just a few classes in 3P18 I started to notice that those rowdy people are the reason researchers are concerned in audiences today. Researchers are concerned about things such as riots, sports (like in this case), because there is power in the physicality of audiences (J, Good).  This started to look familiar to the Greek and Roman institutionalized and ritualized public speech of stage drama. They used a small stage, in an outdoor venue, where they were able to have such a lively audience such as throwing fruit, yelling, basically interrupting the performers (J, Sullivan. Pg.9). The Greeks and Romans fixed this because they were aware things like this would happen the play writers would incorporate aspects of audience involvement (J, Sullivan. Pg.9). Yet, we still have such powerful fans but not such an easy fix, they are extremely supportive of teams, and also drunk. How they plan on fixing that, I will truly never know.

Brock has presidential elections for BUSU, vice president and much more. Its obvious students care about voting for someone who fits into student life, to ensure the students opinion is represented, and in these cases I truly believe the public opinion of all students is being heard. More recently, Brock University has looked into making voting for students more accessible. On October 22nd St. Catharines is holding municipal elections. Brock students, as well as myself have seem to become more interested with the election day, since we (as students) seem to be continuously screwed over with both bus and living areas. For example, last year Winterberry street, a mostly student area, receives multiple complaints that busses were driving too fast through the area, as well as students were making a mess of the area. Now, I found this interesting because instead of looking to the buses/ bus drivers who drive through that area, they just cancelled the bus… logical right? Also, instead of putting out a notice to keep the Winterberry area clean, they thought they could push students out of the new area by moving the bus stop far enough, students wouldn't be happy walking such a distance. Apparently, this was based on public opinion, yet, Brock University students take up a great deal of the population specifically in that area. So, when they were taking “public opinion” it was actually from a public facebook page, where I found most parents acting imaturly towards students, calling them names, saying we are ruining the city, ect. The whole situation was quite mind boggling to me, and now with the election coming up, at least Brock is promoting us, the Brock audience to vote, but, there's a catch. In order to vote, you must have a government ID which states you live in St. catharines, and if most students are like myself (I think most are), my ID’s have my home town, so I and many other students are unable to vote. Therefore, in St Catharines, even if Brock faculty and students is a large number of the audience population, the actual public sphere of the area is residents who seem to hate students. I believe the parents (not all) around the area conform to the Agenda Setting Theory where “the new agenda profoundly shaped what voters thought was important” (J, Sullivan. Pg. 70). The facebook page of parents coming together is mostly two parents stating rude comments about students to an audience of other parents, which now all parents believe is true, even if its unseen by their own eyes. It is clear to me that the true public opinion isn't being recognized because the media agenda-setting is trumping other parents personal opinion about public issues, and pushing someone else's which is now becoming the public agenda. I believe this is why the public sphere is not always accurate at representing the true public audience. I can only hope that enough students and faculty live in St.Catherines, or have residency here so the media producers such as parents are not the only one’s framing the media to push the public opinions on their own. It would be a shame in my last year (hopefully) as a Brock student, if I see even more lossed. I just want to ask the parents one thing: where would you like us to live? If only they could randomly sample across St. Catharines for the best outcome, but unfortunately that’s not how elections work.

Overall, I have had an exciting student Brock experience, from social media pushing me to games, drunk populations forcing games to stop, lectures connecting me to the outside world, as well as getting involved politically to bring out the true public opinion. I can't wait to see what other audience experiences I will be faced with through the year. I believe if we keep in mind how audiences play such a significant role in society we can keep finding more interesting things that audiences can bring to us. Thanks for tuning in :)

-Kim Parker