#and even capitol security is so much higher now i don’t think they’d be able to wreak as much havoc

[smallphoenix13]

also the “they’re going to respond with violence” point is kind of moot because WE KNOW. they already have. does anyone else remember the insurrection? we were able to combat it then, we can combat it now

[intuwam]

ls

@needeesse​ }

it’s the,

feeling of an arm slung around his neck, of breath hot against his neck and his own breath in the hotel room. as jongin sits and thinks about his decision, about a very heavy but not too intoxicated baekhyun hanging off his shoulders, he wonders just how they’ve reached this situation. he’s no better, the flush has reached down to his chest and his shirt is open, receiving every beat of air that baekhyun exhales when he leans down, doubling over in yet another laugh. jongin thinks he might go crazy.

it started earlier, when they all arrived at the hotel. it was a big day for everyone. while they’d talked about it, practiced about it, bled and sweat for it, actually being here was different. actually arriving after weeks and weeks of shooting in secrecy, of concept meetings and confirming schedules, they were arriving in L.A for the reveal of Super M at Capitol Records.

jongin couldn’t remember the last time he’d buzzed with so much anticipation. there’ve been moments yes, the first time they debuted, first time performing at an end of the year ceremony, first time being anticipated at said ceremony, his first solo photoshoots, his first solo performance, there were so many times and each time felt like something new, something separate.

like now. there was nothing that could describe the excitement of what he’d been tasked with, what they’d been tasked with. the name that’s ben attached to this project and expectations for the people in it, it was monumental, more than just him, more than just EXO. rather than cripple him, the responsibility was invigorating. jongin carried it in every step from the airport, to every smile at press conferences and every wave towards fans and reporters alike.  

people are bound to their thoughts, their understanding of the kind of person he is and now it’s his chance to show an entirely new audience. he’s more than excited, his energy rivals that of lucas himself. however, jongin’s more reserved about showing it. for the cameras it’s all poised waves, smiles wide and as expressive as they’ve been taught and learned to give.

through hotel hallways and backstage rooms it’s him bouncing at everyone’s side. him and taemin, a force since their trainee days. even though they don’t meet up as often as they’d like, ti’s always the same when they’re back together. the same bickering and banter that brings home anywhere they go. home as familiar as the cheap korean food they’ve ordered from some restaurant down the street and their translator whose korean is - passable. she’s trying. and like all times, jongin is trying to make sense of the city, the people and himself in all of it.

having taemin around makes it easier. they stick close on the way to interviews, seated around tables and interviewers alike. taemin understands how jongin processes new things, big things, probably better than anyone he’s ever known.

probably.

because this is something for their family. and the only thing that could make this better than them performing as the best of their company, and as the best of their country, would be performing with someone he holds just as dear. differently but dear.

it’s more than luck. jongin often wonders how he ended up with luck that gave him both taemin and baekhyun. the day they were both called into the room and the project was proposed, jongin hadn’t left baekhyun’s side practically bounding around at the idea, the possibility of doing this together. taemin was one thing, he was afraid but deliciously so when it was with taemin. with baekhyun he couldn’t be, he was too secure. and he navigated those two feelings from the moment they started practicing together.

he navigated taemin stealing teasing glances when he gets a move wrong, jongin kicking at his leg to tell him to move into a window. he navigated baekhyun giving him a look through the mirror as he practiced the same move over and over, his perfectionism shining even in the pockets of time he gets in the song.

they’re all perfectionists, but there’s a way in which taemin handles his own and the way baekhyun watches his. taemin pats his back, sweats with him, falls on the floor in a heaping mess of laughter and strained breaths. baekhyun, lets him sling his body over him, lets his chin rest in the dip of neck and his body relinquish control for once. for the day.

it’s different.

jongin bathes in both feelings, he’s almost dizzy when he thinks about it.

it’s the moments. taemin nudging his way past jongin when they reach the airport walkway, jongin chasing after him. it’s jongin sticking close to baekhyun when they head out, but a hand’s distance from the elder as they navigate fans and the familiar bustle of their job as idols. it’s the usual, and jongin finds his normal anxious tendencies falling when baekhyun’s hand rests on his thigh in the car. a moment, through all the screams and the excited talks of the younger members, the newer members. he smiles, sleepy and safe behind his mask.

it’s the comfort. it’s taemin holding him in a grip and knocking the air out his lungs backstage. the two fo them jabbing at one another and getting drawn in the excitement of everyone around them. they’re all a little nervous, a new stage, a new kind of people. they handle it differently.

ten prefers to stretch and stretch and stretch and lucas talks to him, talks to everyone really. mark jumps in place, shakes out his arms and taeyong closes his eyes, whispers reassurances, maybe even prayers. they’ve all adopted their rituals, taemin who’s been solo longer than most has his own as well. he takes his breaths, loosens up his neck and his throat, a habit since before the days he could sing so well.

jongin doesn’t bother him in times like this, though he forgets the only other person in tune with his routine. baekhyun’s hands on his back startle him. while baekhyun stays in his moment, there’s always a bit of him in jongin’s and vice versa. even as baekhyun’s eyes are closed and he’s humming melodies to keep himself grounded, jongin doing the same, replaying moves in place, they’re still beside one another. baekhyun’s hands rubbing circles into the sorest parts of his body, areas only those who witness the longer nights of practice and more frustrating performances could remember. it’s the comfort that someone who knows him that well, that intimately is here.

taemin is slapping at his shoulder, the others are all jumping around and jongin thinks it's a blessing. it has to be.

it’s having his best friend beside him. he says it so many times in the interviews he’s sure people think he’s just speaking to speak. gloating really. he’s grateful. he’s more than grateful, and for someone like taemin he hardly gets to say it, show it. so he uses his time. the time after the performance, the time together after the staff cheers on a successful debut and jongin is beside taemin holding the glass tight in his hand and screaming like they don’t have a performance the next day. like they’ve rented the entire floor and people can’t complain.

days like this, nights like this - a lot is forgotten. restrictions and restraint alike. it’s things like this that lead him to situations he can’t quite navigate.

jongin’s on his third glass when baekhyun approaches them, falls down in the couch. taemin’s only relatively tipsy, still able to lean up and walk off to talk to ten apparently. they’re still in the attire from the press conference makeup and all and jongin would like to thank whatever higher power suggested they pull baekhyun’s hair up for this. he holds out the empty glass to the elder who then laughs. it’s loose, less planned and intentional as the ones during the day. jongin prefers these laughs.

‘i won’t fall for it, someone’s got to wake you all up tomorrow morning.’ “that’s if we aren’t busy trying to wake you up tomorrow.” jongin’s laugh is just as light, purposeless if only to prove that he’s listening, that he understands. and that’s enough. ‘i’d expect you to be less sober, since you’re with tae and all.’ “someone’s got to drag his ass back up to his room tonight.” ‘that’s only if someone isn’t dragging your ass back to your room.’

jongin pauses, surveys the hotel room and the younger members jumping to their heart’s desire. ten and lucas are yelling in three different languages and mark is obviously recording for blackmail purposes, too sober to be allowed permission to videotape them. taeyong is, tipsy, and dancing with taemin and jongin can only laugh. they were all a match no doubt.

“we work well don’t we, all of us?” ‘don’t see how we couldn’t.’

it’s true. anyone could see that it was true, even through the speculation and the hate. it made sense in the long run. it’s almost unbelievable that they’re here, that they’re the ones who are here. jongin remembers a lot, how many years had been spent hoping to be anywhere, somewhere. how many nights were spent and how he talked about this with his friends, with taemin and soon with baekhyun, sehun, suho, chen, all of them.

now they’re here. he can’t think of anyone he’d rather be here with.

‘you’ve definitely had too much.’ “hmm?” jongin doesn’t remember when he finished the glass in his hand. ‘no one else you’d rather be here with huh?’ “isn’t that obvious?”

a pause. jongin thinks, that whoever did the makeup today deserves a raise. that it’s not that baekhyun has the best skin, or that the lighting in this hotel is just right tonight but he just thinks everything about him is the best. as jongin’s vision focuses, he notices thanks the same higher power that the shirt isn’t tailored too tight, that the suit jacket is open and that this room is awfully hot. he thanks a lot of things, liquor for allowing him to be consciously unconscious of all the thoughts he usually keeps at bay. he’ll be a little shameless for as long as his head swims in thoughts, desires, feelings.

“hyung did you drink?” ‘not much - why.’ “your ears are turning red.” ‘you’re drunk, you’re leaning over.’

is he?

‘should taemin take you to your room?’ “why can’t you?” it’s an actual question. because as much as jongin observes, thinks, he realizes he doesn’t think he’s seen baekhyun much today. they’ve been together all day how’s that possible. “i haven’t seen you all day.” ‘i’ve been with you all day.’ there’s a look baekhyun’s giving him and as of right now jongin can’t read it. even as he leans forward to try and make it up, he can’t tell what it is. it’s similar to when he talked to the others about how excited he was to perform with taemin and they asked if baekhyun was in the group. it’s something - similar. instead, jongin forfeits thinking and leans his head on the older’s shoulder. if he mentions that he’s missed baekhyun, he doesn’t quite hear it over the sound of the members screaming.

baekhyun doesn’t move if only to take the drinks offered to them. the night drags on and he’s caught up in the smell of cologne.

“you hate this brand.” ‘no, you hate it. so i don’t wear it much.’

jongin’s nose wrinkles and baekhyun’s laugh makes jongin’s head fall to his chest.

‘jongin’s gone!’ he hears mark’s voice first and raises a hand to protest. he only loses his balance and falls further against his member. ‘not gone enough.’ there’s a shot glass in that same hand and when he’s rising he discovers there’s a glass in baekhyun’s as well. ‘do your song some justice why don’t you.’ any words for taemin are left in baekhyun slinging arm around jongin’s neck. he’s going for it, so jongin does the same. lucas and ten are screaming it’s the love shot, taeyong’s doing the dance and well, maybe taemin snapped the photo because mark is too busy covering his eyes.

jongin barely gets to pull back before the sound of their song playing has both him and baekhyun bursting into laughter at the corniness of it all.

‘another!’ and who are they to deny.

they take as many as the song says so. by this time, jongin can barely lift his head, he’s thankful for the hold baekhyun has on him, even fi it’s only to keep himself up as well. they sway back and forth in the couch and jongin can make out the figures of their members but he doesn’t focus. he focuses on the feeling each time baekhyun leans forward, laughs and hot air shoots down his chest. he focuses on how much hotter the room’s become, how the arm on his neck damn near burns and he’s caught between wanting to fall into it and escape.

there’s still, nowhere else he’d rather be.

‘now, i know you’ve had too much.’ each word, slightly slurred and slow has jongin shivering down to his feet. he doesn’t move though, instead he holds his ground - as well as he can anyway. “i wouldn’t have picked anyone else.” ‘yeah? you’d always pick taemin wouldn’t you.’ “aww hyung, i’d pick you too you know that.”

he would. that’s the truth. but there’s another truth. something underneath the tease. it’s something burning, rising from the way his chest starts to thump as baekhyun rises to look him in his eye. as his words challenge and jongin’s own heart threatens to betray all he’s worked at. all the slight touches, hidden smiles and looks between backstage mirrors and practice rooms.

he’d pick taemin of course. his best friend, someone that knows him better than he knows himself. someone that knows just how he is because that’s how he is.

but in that same breath, jongin would be scared to pick baekhyun. that’s a truth. ‘why.’ a truth he’s not sure he’s whispered aloud until he hears the question posed back.

it’s a truth that nights like this can’t hide. when he knows taemin’s ushered the others to their rooms, quiet and without suspect. it’s a truth that maybe, only flushed cheeks and lips that have tasted liquor can say.

he’s scared because, everyone know how he feels about taemin. his best friend. platonic soulmate if you must. everyone knows and he doesn’t have to hide it.

baekhyun though, no one knows about that. they know the surface. that that’s his member, someone he’d do all of this over with. someone that’s seen him at his lowest when he couldn’t even call his best friend. someone that’s seen him broken, confused, excited, the first line for all the flaws and the glory.

he’s not ready for anyone to know that truth. maybe he himself isn’t ready for it. that’s why he shies so quickly, his head drops into the older male’s shoulder.

‘what’s the truth jongin?’ if jongin were to pick baekhyun every time, he couldn’t hide things for much longer. that’s the truth. it burns on his lips, the fear making him still, hands brushing at the older’s shirt. the desperation to say it can’t get past the fear of everything being false. this moment, the moments before it and the moments that could be.

the truth is jongin’s sure his heart would pick baekhyun each and every time.

there’s silence and he’s sure he’s said it, he’s ready to pull back, ready to accept the consequences.

for the moment, jongin can’t tell if the kiss that happened next was in his dreams or not.

he’s sure about the words though.

‘mine too. every time.’

it’s the words, that make it all worth it.