#and err after listening to it on repeat i got this piece of shit ass shitty ass shit doodle

[sheepthatgobaa]

I decided to really get that love inside of you

I would never ever lie to you, yeah

You ain't never gotta lie to me

I'm everything that I strive to be

So do I look like him?

Do I look like him?

I don't look like him

Song: Like Him by Tyler, The Creator

[saiyukisecretsanta-blog]

When Morning Breaks

For @junkerfox by @imaginarydragonling (imaginary_dragonling on AO3)

Surprise! I hope you like this gift!

Title: When Morning Breaks Pairing/Characters: Sha Gojyo & Cho Hakkai; Sha Gojyo & Genjo Sanzo Genre: Outer Space AU; Astronaut AU Rating: Teen & Up Warnings: Some foul language Optional: Playlist on Spotify

“Home Command, come in, Home Command.” Gojyo counted to three before pressing the intercom button again. The signal at mission control back on earth should have alerted someone that he wanted to talk by now. “Home Command, come in, Home Command.” Gojyo didn’t know what the signal was, but he hoped it was a big flashing red alarm. With sirens. And whistles. “Home Command, come in—“

“WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?!”

“Ohhh, so you are alive and listening!” Gojyo couldn’t help the grin spreading across his face at the rage in his flight director’s voice. Genjo Sanzo sounded like he was several notches above his usual eight on the irritability scale.

Excellent.

“I was beginning to think that you were all dead…” Gojyo said. “And I’d come home to the zombie apocalypse and have to shoot you all to survive.”

“If you were here, I’d put a bullet through your brain.”

“Whew, woke up on the wrong side of bed did we? Or haven’t you had your morning cigarette yet, eh Sanzo?”

“That’s Genjo to you, Sha. And none of your goddamned business!”

“Yes sir, Genjo Sanzo-sama.” Gojyo raised his hand in a mock salute even though Sanzo couldn’t see him.

“You’re such a shithead, Sha. And you’re late. Where’s your status report?”

“Well, somebody didn’t pick up when I called.” Gojyo tucked his hands behind his head and kicked off from the control panel wall.

“I had other matters to attend to. I’m not your babysitter.” Gojyo smiled at the aggravation in Sanzo’s voice.

“Sorry. I forgot how busy you must be, running a whole mission control center by yourself.”

“Piss off!”

Gojyo laughed. “What’s been happening back there? You’re crankier than usual these days.”

“Never you mind.”

“Must be something big then.” Gojyo braced his hands against the wall to halt his momentum. He flipped over and kicked off again with practiced ease. “Come on. What’s been happening down there? Share the gossip will ya?”

Silence from Sanzo, and Gojyo was eyeing the intercom button again when Sanzo’s voice crackled in his ear, “Is your newslink working?”

Gojyo twisted his head to scan the panel of lights and switches that made up the control system of his spacecraft. He spotted the green light on the bulb after a moment of searching. “Yeah…”

“Read the damned news yourself.”

“Aww, come on Sanzo. Maybe I just want to hear your voice.” Flip. Kick. Float. “It gets lonely up here, ya know?”

“Disgusting. I better not be in any of your perverted fantasies.”

“Oh, would you like to know? Let’s see, there was last night when—”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Gojyo cackled. “C’mon Sanzo… It’s so fucking boring up here. Humour me with a story.”

“Go read a book then. Isn’t the ship library full of them?”

“They’re all so boooringggg. Nothing but audio films about human nature and the histories of war. Not even a cartoon porno among the lot of them. Whoever stocked this baby up must have been an old geezer.”

“Hmph, sounds educational. Maybe you could learn a thing or two and fill that empty head of yours.”

“Hey, my head is plenty full. I’ve got all these fantasies about you in here.”

Gojyo grinned and did two more laps between the walls of the control compartment while Sanzo ranted about kicking his ass and shooting him when he got back to earth.

Gojyo waited until he heard Sanzo drawing deep calming breaths and the tell tale drag of a cigarette before Gojyo drawled, “So, I guess that’s a ‘no’ on the story then?”

There was the shattering of a cup and the clatter of files and papers hitting the floor from Sanzo’s end of the line. Gojyo reminded himself to get something nice for housekeeping and janitorial services when he got back as he listened to Sanzo redecorate his office.

“Just give me your damned report,” Sanzo grit out after he had finally finished cussing out Gojyo.

Gojyo rated Sanzo at a nine point five and figured he had pushed him enough. “Righto, Sanzo-sama~~”

“Oh, this will be the last time we talk for awhile.”

That made Gojyo sit up. Although ‘up’ was a relative term when one was floating in zero gravity. “You going on vacation or something, Cherry-chan? I know you don’t have a girlfriend, so it can’t be that you’re getting married and going on your honeymoon…”

“Shut up. It’s none of your business.”

“I disagree. You’re leaving me for someone else and you won’t even tell me what she looks like? Does she have a big rack?”

“…”

“Is she prettier than me?”

“…”

“It’s actually a boyfriend isn’t it.”

“I SAID IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YOU PERVERTED COCKROACH!”

“Sanzo, we’re friends, right? You know you can tell me if you got demoted—”

“If you must know,” and Gojyo could clearly visualize the vein throbbing at Sanzo’s temple, “I have to go oversee a training mission.”

“Wow wow, Mr-High-and-Mighty supervising a training mission? Don’t you have subordinates for that?”

“None that are competent, clearly.”

“What’s wrong with this guy?”

“He’s a promising candidate, but apparently can be quite the handful.”

“That’s what they said about me and look how I turned out!”

“All the more reason for me to nip this in the bud and beat some sense into him now. You’re a lost cause.”

“Oh stop. You’re making me blush. Sounds like the little monkey is about the get some training. You should hand him over to me when I get back. I could give him some tips.”

“Not a fucking chance. He’s stupid enough to believe what you say too.”

“Aww, he sounds adorable. I can’t wait to meet him.”

Gojyo thought he heard Sanzo mutter ‘over my dead body’ under his breath, and decided to switch gears to more pertinent matters.

“So, who’s your replacement going to be? Not some brown-nosing intern right? I need a professional here.”

A pause before, “You’ll see soon enough, Gojyo. I gotta go. They keep calling me about the twerp. It’s annoying. Your new flight controller will check in with you at the usual time tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

“Naww, you’re going to leave me hanging, Sanzo? After all the pictures of the moon I took for you…

“You’re letting a chick take over right? Please tell me it’s a chick, Sanzo. Sanzo? Sanzoooooo!”

Gojyo knew when to give up. Sanzo was probably long gone and Gojyo wasn’t feeling like enough of an ass today to annoy anyone else at mission control. He had had enough fun winding up Sanzo to last him a while. Gojyo blinked. He was going to miss him.

Space was boring. It was quiet, empty, cold. Gojyo worked out, ate, attended to bodily functions. He even started on an audio book, a Chinese classic. He got through about five minutes of it before he gave up and shut it off. Gojyo blasted music from the speakers and waited for sleep to claim him.

Alarms were blaring. White and then red. White and red. White. Red. She was white. The water was red. The tub was full. Red. The water was spilling over. Red. Pooling around his ankles. Red. Soaking his pants. Red. The water was cold. Shouts. Screams. The scent of copper was overpowering. He couldn’t breathe—

Gojyo’s eyes snapped open, gasping for breath. His ears were ringing, but it was just the ship’s intercom begging to be answered.

Someone was trying to reach him.

Gojyo ripped his sleeping bag open, was waylaid by the tangle of straps anchoring him to the sleeping alcove before he freed himself and kicked off the wall to shoot the ten feet or so across the main hub to get to the control compartment. His shoulder slammed into the wall as he flipped the switch to open his coms channel.

“What the everloving fuck is the emergency Sanzo?! If the ship’s not headed towards a collision course I’m gonna roast your ass!”

Silence. Though, he was sure that there was someone there because he heard their sharp intake of surprise, could almost hear the gears turning in their head at his less than courteous response. Odd, Sanzo never hesitated to give Gojyo a piece of his mind.

“My apologies.” Gojyo froze. That wasn’t Sanzo. The voice was male, but the tone and timbre of it was all wrong. Unless Sanzo has caught a head cold that made his voice higher in register, milder… sadder? “Did I wake you, Mr. Sha?”

“Err…no, no, I was awake at umm I mean it’s already six-oh-six…oh fucking hell that’s early.”

“Do you not rise at oh-five-hundred hours everyday, Mr Sha?” The way the voice said it, Gojyo didn’t know if he was supposed to be ashamed for not being up at the crack of dawn or reassure the voice that the notes he had on Gojyo’s schedule were, in fact, correct.

“Oh-five—? Oh no, fuck no. I mean, I know check in is supposed to be at six, but Sanzo never cared. Heck, he’d murder me if I called at six before he had a chance to read his paper. Much better to wait til eight when he’s got at least two cups of coffee and half a pack of cigarettes in him.”

“You check in late because you’re afraid the flight director will murder you in space? All the way from earth?”

Gojyo didn’t know if he should be insulted or amused. “Hey, the man’s a demon. If there’s something he wants, he’d move heaven and hell to get it.”

“Ah. Yes. I suppose that is rather like him. I still have to log your report though.” There’s a delicate pause. “Could you…?”

“Oh shit man, sure. Here’re my specs.”

Gojyo recited the figures and the man dutifully recorded his dictation, thanking Gojyo when they were done. He sounded young, definitely not much older than Gojyo, if at all. But he was competent. He hadn’t asked Gojyo to repeat himself, hadn’t hesitated on some of the more intricate readings, and Gojyo got the sense that he had been perfectly and thoroughly understood. Not an intern then. Gojyo wracked his brain trying to place him. Who had he known that was this calm, cool, and polite?

Too polite.

“Well, I think that is all. I will let you go and perhaps you will be able to catch up on those hours of interrupted sleep, Mr Sha.” The voice sounded contrite. Or amused?

“You gotta go huh?”

“Yes, I suppose I should withdraw.” The voice was soft, apologetic. “Good morning, Mr. Sha.”

Something stirred in Gojyo.

“Hey wait.”

“Yes?”

Gojyo let out the breath he had been holding, “You my new flight controller?”

“Yes, I suppose I am.”

“Aww, shucks,” Gojyo huffed a laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, you seem nice and all, but I was really hoping Sanzo would do the world a favour and get a chick on the line for me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. We’re a bit short staffed at the moment. But if you really mind, perhaps I can ask Sanzo to—“

“Nah man, it’s fine.” Gojyo located his headset and put it on. “I was only kidding. You gotta learn to live a little. Anyway, I know this isn’t the most exciting job, and I know I’m not the easiest person to work with, but I guess, what I’m really trying to say is…nice to meet you.

“I don’t know who you pissed off to get stuck with this post, but beggars and lonely astronauts can’t be choosers and I’m just happy to meet ya.”

Silence, and Gojyo wondered if he had said too much. He had a tendency to come on strong. But then the voice said, “Thank you, Mr Sha. That’s very kind of you to say.”

“It’s Gojyo. Just call me Gojyo.”

“Alright, Gojyo-san.”

“Say, what’s your name?”

More silence. And then, “Hakkai.”

Gojyo smiled. “See ya around, Hakkai.”

The line went dead and Gojyo checked the time. Four minutes to oh-eight-hundred hours. Not that it mattered. Gojyo found that time held little meaning in space where there was no sunrise or sunset. Gojyo sighed. He let the monotone droning of the narrator from the audio book he had abandoned yesterday lull him back to sleep.

“Let’s play twenty questions.” The words slipped out before he could stop himself.

He had just finished giving Hakkai his report, and Hakkai had just wished him good morning. Hakkai always hung up after wishing him good morning. Just like he had the day before. And the day before that.

“I beg your pardon?” Hakkai sounded surprised.

Gojyo tried to play it cool. “Twenty questions? Y’know… It’s a guessing game. Or a getting to know you game.” He hadn’t meant to say that. So much for playing it cool. “Whatever. I’m bored, man.”

“Hmm, I see.” Gojyo floated with baited breath as he waited for Hakkai’s response. “How do you play it?”

Gojyo’s elbows banged against the wall. When he had finished swearing, “You’ve never heard of twenty questions?! What about I spy? Truth or dare?”

“I can’t say I’m familiar with any of those.”

“… That settles it. This isn’t just about boredom anymore. Y’need an education.”

“I do?”

“Yup. Here, I’ll start. I’m thinking of something. You have twenty questions to guess it. Go.”

“Umm, what colour is it?”

“Black.”

“Is it cold?”

“Yep.”

“Is it space?”

“Gee whiz, you’re good at this.”

“Ha ha ha, thank you, Gojyo-san.”

“Beginner’s luck. Your turn. Got something?”

“Oh. Yes, I suppose I do.”

“Boxers or briefs?”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you wear boxers or briefs?”

“How is this supposed to help you win?”

“What makes you think this isn’t winning?”

“…”

“Is your silence an invitation to find out for myself?”

“You do know that this is recorded right?”

“Sanzo’s the only one who would listen to this. He wouldn’t care.”

“How do you know?”

“You’re right. He would care. He’d be furious. I’m wearing boxers by the way. Black with little red hearts. Wanna see?”

“Gojyo-san!”

“Alright, alright. Well, boxers or briefs?”

“Umm…”

“Oh, I know! You go commando like Sanzo!”

“What?!”

“Yeah, didn’t you know? Do you want to know how I know?”

“…no, I don’t think I do.”

“Aww, I love that story. I tell it all the time at parties. Or to anyone who will listen to me really. Hmm, maybe that’s why Sanzo stopped assigning other people as my flight controller. You can tell our Great Leader I told you all about it… Hakkai? You still there?”

Gojyo somersaulted and looked at the panel. The intercom light was still on. For one long moment, Gojyo thought that maybe he had gone too far, that Hakkai had simply gotten up and walked away. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened to Gojyo.

But then—

Hakkai’s laugh rang in his ears. It was a melodic sound, delightful, genuine.

“Do you do this with all your flight controllers?”

“Only the ones I like.”

“Oh, really?”

“Oh, really!”

When they had both stopped chuckling, a comfortable silence fell between them, broken only when Hakkai, soft and serious, said, “Briefs.”

They played twenty questions everyday. Sometimes Gojyo won. Hakkai won more. Even when Gojyo tried real hard. Before he knew it, a month had passed, and winning or losing didn’t matter so much anymore.

“What do you do for fun?”

“Fun?”

“Hobbies. Y’know, things you do in your free time.”

“Oh! I cook, clean, do the laundry—”

“Hold up. Seriously? You sound like an old lady.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“N-no… Are you an old lady?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m about the same age as you.”

“How do you know how old I am?”

“It’s in your file.”

“Oh… Oh right. … What else does my file say?”

“Sha Gojyo. One hundred and eighty four centimeters, seventy-five point three kilo—”

“Skip the boring stuff, man. What does it say under the personality evaluation and comments section?”

“Lecherous. Simpleton. Pain in the ass… I don’t think I should repeat the rest.”

“… Sanzo wrote that didn’t he?”

Hakkai was easy to talk to. Gojyo found himself looking forward to their chats after they were done recording the status of Gojyo’s ship. Waking up at oh-five-hundred hours didn’t seem so abominable anymore. Gojyo almost looked forward to it.

“I’ve been thinking about your question.”

“What question?”

“About my hobbies. Something I would do for fun.”

“Oh. Did you come up with something?”

“Gardening. I think I would have liked to take up gardening.”

“What do you mean you ‘would have liked to?’ Don’t you have a garden?”

“… No, I don’t.”

“Hmm, well, something to work towards I guess.”

“Perhaps.”

“Don’t you have a hobby now? What do you do when you’re not working or sleeping?”

“I… I’ve started practicing tai chi?”

“… You’re really an old lady at heart aren’t you…”

“Ha ha ha. I suppose I am.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Don’t what?”

“Take up gardening. If that’s what you really want to do. Just do it. Give it a try. If it brings you happiness, who cares what some fucker up in the sky says.”

“I sail.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I sail. You told me your hobby, I’m telling you mine. Fair’s fair.”

“Oh, thank you. That’s a nice hobby, Gojyo-san.”

“Have you sailed before?”

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Shit man, you haven’t lived then. Sailing… It’s an adventure. Wind in the sails and sun on your back. And my boat, oh… This baby I’m in right now might be newer and shinier, but she’s got nothin’ on my girl…”

“He.”

“…huh?”

“He’s got nothing on your girl.”

“You calling my spaceship a ‘he?’”

“Trust me. It’s a he.”

“Alright, man. It’s a he.”

Those were good days.

After two months of talking to him daily, Gojyo thought he knew the man pretty well. Gojyo could at least tell when Hakkai was being honest and when he was hiding. From what, Gojyo didn’t know. There was more to Hakkai than met the eye. Or the ear, for that matter. However, it wasn’t his place to pry. But sometimes, it made him wonder.

Especially on the bad days.

“It’s raining, isn’t it.”

“Ha ha ha. Wow, Gojyo-san. How did you know?”

“Sanzo hates the rain. He gets grumpy and closes in on himself. Becomes even more of a crab ass. You’re like him in that sense.”

“I’m a crab ass?”

“No, but you also shut everyone else out.”

“I’m sorry. That was rude of me. Whatever you’re dealing with is your business, man. I’m just… Eighteen months is a long time to be alone. It’s in the job description, and you talk to all these shrinks before you go, but you’re never quite prepared, y’know? What am I saying, of course you don’t know. I hope you never know either. It’s like prison. Not that I’m wishing that on you either, but, sometimes, I feel like I’m going crazy. Or like my mind is just going. It’s like a never ending journey. Alone. I think that’s the worse part. I think I could handle it if I wasn’t alone. Sorry. Give me a minute, I think one of the food packets got loose. Some days… I just wish I never woke up.”

Time wound on. Six weeks. Five weeks. Four weeks before he could dock at the International Space Station and shuttle back to earth. Gojyo felt his spirits lift. Hakkai must have sensed it too, because he was back to his cheerful self and seemed determined to keep things that way.

“What’s the first thing you want to do when you get back?”

“You planning a surprise party for me?”

“Hahaha. I can’t tell you if it’s a surprise.”

“Fine… I would have a smoke. Drink beer. Pick up chicks and definitely shag someone.”

“That’s quite the list.”

“Gotta have things to look forward to, y’know… Otherwise, what’s the point of living?”

<hr>

“You should come by sometime. I’ll be down by the docks. Look for the biggest whitest yacht in the bay. My sailboat will be right next to it, with the scuffed up hull and red sails.”

“Isn’t that painting yourself poorly?”

“Nah man, my boat—she’s a babe. What really matters is what’s under the hood. She’s got heart and she’s got soul. She’d never go down. Not without a fight.”

“I see.”

“You’ll come right? For a day trip at the very least. You’ve gotta experience the sea at least once. It’s warm and slow and rough and you’ll never know what you’re gonna get next.

“Not like space. One short struggle with the G-forces, then it’s over. Rest of the time you’re just floating, feeling your body rot away. Space has got nothin’ on the sea.”

“Why did you become an astronaut then?”

“I dunno, because people told me I couldn’t be. Why did you become a flight controller?”

“It’s something to pass the time.”

“Shit, man. That’s depressing.”

“Oh, is it? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Nah, man, it’s cool. Just…you sound like you’re on your deathbed.”

“Oh. Right.”

Gojyo twitched.

“You’re not, are ya?”

“What?”

“Dying…”

The silence was deafening. Gojyo was about to ram his fist into the intercom button when Hakkai spoke, “Gojyo-san, I want you to know that—“

Alarms wailed and the warning lights around Gojyo flashed orange and red.

“FUCK!” Gojyo punched the alarm button, muting the sirens overhead even as he stared at the screens on the control panels.

“Gojyo-san! What’s going on?”

“You tell me! I— Shit! Micro asteroids. Coming in hot! They’re going to shred right through me!”

“Bank starboard! Full blast on aft thrusters.”

The window of space that had been relatively static throughout his journey spun and wobbled with disorientating speed. There was no time to think. Hakkai directed him with laser precision and Gojyo’s acted, timing burns and bursts of speed to maneuver his ship away from the asteroids that were hurtling towards him. The spaceship whined and rattled in protest.

“Push it. You need more speed.”

“I’m already pushing it to the max! Any more and I’m going to blow this baby apart.”

“Reroute power from the side thrusters to the pod blasters. You’ll get more speed that way.”

“Are you crazy?! Did you hear the part about blasting apart?!”

“Do it. Jeep can take it. Trust me.”

Sweat beaded on his forehead and the hard knot in his stomach made him want to hurl. Gojyo could feel the ship shuddering around him, the impact of asteroid bodies reverberating through the metal and the control stick he was wrestling with.

In the madness and rush of adrenaline, Hakkai’s voice in his ear was tranquil. A bell that chimed into the void, pure and true. A beacon that promised a way out of this nightmare. Gojyo trusted him.

Gojyo survived.

“How did you know?”

“The calculations on my screen indicated that—”

Gojyo shook his head. “Not that. How did you know where to get more power from. And that it wouldn’t tear the ship to pieces.”

A beat of silence, and then, “I knew. I’m the one who designed him.”

The questions came then, welling up like a spring, beating down like torrential rain. But Gojyo held back the flood and let Hakkai speak.

“It wasn’t just me. My sister was involved too. It was a joint effort.”

Gojyo could hear it then—the smile in Hakkai’s voice, the utmost fondness with which he spoke about her, the shadow that chased his every word and mention of her. It stained everything.

“You know, she wanted to call him Hakuryuu—the White Dragon. I liked Jeep better. She pouted at me for days.” Hakkai laughed.

It was the saddest sound Gojyo had ever heard.

“I owe you a beer.”

“Gojyo, I told you, it’s quite alright—“

“Hakkai, it’s the least I can do. I mean, you saved my life and shit. How about the day I get back to earth, I’ll take you out. My treat.

“Sanzo can come too if it makes you feel better. Though if he’s coming, it’ll be his treat. He’s the one with the corporate card.”

“Gojyo, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. But I’m afraid I will have to decline.”

“What? Why man? If you’ve got a girl, she can come too. We can all just go out as friends to celebrate you saving my sorry ass.”

“Ha ha ha.”

“C’mon… What’s holding you back? Are you sick or something?”

“…Something like that.”

“Oh shit. I mean… I’m sorry man. We don’t have to go out if you don’t feel like it. Is it…is it serious?”

“Hmm, the prognosis is quite bleek.”

“Shit. But you can get better right? You’re going for treatment or something?”

“After a fashion.”

“Fuck man, what are you doing sitting behind a desk then? I know you’re dedicated and all that, but if I were you, I’d be out there living, doing whatever—whoever—the fuck I wanted, no fucks given. I’ll take care of your baby for you. I promise to bring her—him—home safely.”

“Ahahaha, I’m sure you will. Or rather, Jeep will take care of you.”

“Hey, that works for me too. So go on. Tell Sanzo you quit. Go live your life man.”

“I wouldn’t know where to go if I left.”

“Don’t you have friends? Family? You could go visit them. Hey, go see your sis! Crash at her place. Maybe introduce us. What do ya say?”

“Ha ha ha, she’s not very good company these days I’m afraid. Quiet. Doesn’t say much.”

“Bet ya I could get her to talk.”

“Ha ha ha. You don’t know my sister. What makes you think you could do that?”

“I got you to open up didn’t I?”

“…”

“Is that a challenge? I like a challenge.”

“You would lose, Gojyo-san.”

“Such negativity! Give me one good reason why I wouldn’t succeed.”

“She’s dead.”

“Well, shit.”

<hr>

Conversation fizzled out, and Hakkai hung up soon after that. Sleep eluded Gojyo, and the next morning found Gojyo huddled by the control panels, impatient for the red numbers in the timepiece to change to the hour when Hakkai would greet him with a ‘Good morning, Gojyo’ as was their custom. Gojyo couldn’t wait.

“Hey, Hakkai. About yesterday, I—”

“Come in, Jovian Exploration and Evaluation Pod, this is the Houtou Space Research Organization. Can you hear me?”

Gojyo paused in shock. He had another week before he was due to dock at the International Space Station where Jeep would be handed off to astronauts from Tenjiku. He had assumed that Hakkai would walk him through the docking process. Or at least be with him right up until the handoff moment. He was supposed to have another week. It was too early.

“Come in, Jovian Exploration and Evaluation Pod. Is Sha Gojyo there?”

If he hadn’t already been suspended weightless, Gojyo would have collapsed as another shock hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. Because he recognized that voice.

“Jien?”

The silence seemed to stretch on forever before the voice on the other end answered, “Gojyo! So it is you! I saw your name on the log but I couldn’t be sure. It’s so good to hear from you! How’re ya doing kid?”

“I’m fine.”

“Whew, you’ve been on quite the adventure! I always knew you’d go far. You’ve gone the furthest that any man ever has! How does it feel—”

“Where’s Hakkai?”

“Uhh…Hakkai?”

“Yeah, the guy who’s been my flight controller for the past three months.”

“Umm…” The sound of papers being shuffled crackled harsh in Gojyo’s ears. “Genjo Sanzo?”

“No, not him. The other guy. The second one. The nice one.” The one who laughed when he should cry. The one who pretended that nothing was wrong when his world was falling apart. The one who smiled when his heart was breaking. Gojyo had never seen Hakkai smile. Didn’t even know what Hakkai looked like. But it didn’t matter. You couldn’t see broken hearts either.

“Hmm, the only person listed here as a flight controller is Genjo Sanzo. Are ya sure—”

“Listen, Jien. It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, or hear you, so to speak, but why are you here? Isn’t this kind of ahead of schedule? Did something happen at Keiun?”

“Oh, yes, about that… I don’t know either. This was all rather sudden. We weren’t expecting you for another week at least. But we got the call yesterday. The big bosses talked and, well, here we are.

“I guess there must have been some emergency over at your base? I got the brief this morning and dialed in as I was instructed.

“This is quite the coincidence isn’t it? I mean, I knew you were on this mission, but there are other flight controllers, and I was already assigned to our guy on the station.

“But hey! Now I get to walk you through the docking procedure, just like I taught you how to drive. Remember that? Man, you were such a punk back then. I hope you fly your ship better than you drive. Especially after the micro asteroid field you guys went through. Man, that was a close call. Your engineers did a good job with the ship. Seems like she’s quite the trooper.”

“He.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s a he… the ship…. Nevermind.”

“Uhh, ok… Oh! Did you hear about the explosion? I mean, it was months ago but…”

Gojyo tuned Jien out. He was glad to hear from him, but the incessant chatter felt jarring, wrong somehow. It was like an itch that he couldn’t scratch, and Gojyo suddenly wished for the vast emptiness of space and the silence of his thoughts.

“…the sentencing is gonna happen really soon. Someone’s gonna go to jail. I mean, it was a catastrophe.”

“Huh? Oh, right. Listen Jien, I’m gonna go. Gotta make sure stuff up here is ship shape when I hand him off to you.”

“Oh, is there anything you need help with? I can pull up the schematics—”

“No. Jeep’s fine. I just have my shit all over the place. I’m gonna start cleaning up. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

Gojyo hung up before Jien could protest. Gojyo pushed himself towards the fore windows where he could see the Earth and the moon approaching, small blue-green and white orbs that would only grow with each passing day. He was closer to home and other human beings than he had ever been in eighteen long lonely months.

He had never felt more alone.

It was good to hear from Jien. It really was. Gojyo just found that he didn’t have much to say. So Gojyo listened to Jien describe his life in Tenjiku. Their Research Director was a genius, but he sounded like an asshole. Jien talked about the team of people he now worked with. The guy he supported was actual royalty. He talked about him a lot.

“He kind of reminds me of you.”

“Devilishly handsome and a smartass?”

Jien laughed, full throated and hearty. Gojyo’s lips quirked up in a smile.

“Ayy, I won’t deny he looks a bit like you… But no, that’s not what I meant.” Gojyo waited. “You’re both stronger than you look, but more fragile too… I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“Hey, what happened with mom… It wasn’t your fault.”

“I could have done more.”

“You did enough. Look where we both ended up! Not bad for a couple of orphans they said would never amount to anything.”

“There was no stopping you. Not when you had your heart set on something.”

“You didn’t do so badly yourself. This Kou guy sounds like a real dream to work with…”

“Hey, Gojyo?”

“Yeah?”

“If you have some time off, you can always come visit, you know?”

“Yeah… Maybe I will.”

Docking was easy. Jien walked him through it and Gojyo piloted Jeep into place without a hitch. Just before entering the airlock tunnel, Gojyo paused at the threshold, his bag of meager belongings slung over his shoulder.

“I’ll see you back on earth, buddy.”

Gojyo patted Jeep’s hull and stepped out of the ship.

The guy who greeted Gojyo was shorter than him, with long dark red hair like fire and serious violet eyes. He nodded and floated to the side, allowing Gojyo to enter the station unimpeded.

“Thank you~~” Gojyo said as he moved past him.

The station felt enormous, alien after the familiarity of Jeep’s white walls. Music echoed down the curved corridor, the electric guitar riff a stirring anthem of defiance. Gojyo grinned.

“You Kougaiji?”

“Yes. Are you Dokugakuji’s brother, Sha Gojyo?”

“Yep, that’s me. How long you staying up here?”

“I have three more months before the next astronaut arrives. Someone from the Western Space Coalition. You’re not coming back, are you?”

“Me? Fuck no. I’ve had enough of space to last me a lifetime.”

Gojyo made his way towards the pod that would shuttle him back down to earth.

Jien talked over the com to both of them as Kougaiji helped strap Gojyo into the seat of the pod that would take him back down to earth. When Kougaiji had double checked his harness, Gojyo held out his hand.

“It was nice meeting you, Kougaiji. I know my brother likes to nag, but he’s got your back and he’s looking out you.”

Kougaiji’s eyes widened, the seriousness of his expression lifting to let something softer shine through for the first time. Gojyo smiled.

“Hey, Jien. Take care of Prince-sama here and keep him company. I guess I’ll see both of you again soon.”

Gojyo laughed as Jien spluttered into the com and he kept the grin on his face as he hurtled through the atmosphere. He was going home!

He wondered if he would find anyone waiting for him.

He was looking, for everything he couldn’t see.

He was listening, for something he will never hear.

He’s waiting, for nothing.

The cigarettes were stale. The beer tasted flat. The conversations were trivial, as were the people he chatted up.

Gojyo tried to enjoy himself. He really did. It was his party after all. Or at least, his return and the success of the mission had been used as an excuse for the employees of Keiun Space and Aeronautics Institute to let loose and drink the night away. Gojyo plastered a smile on his face, tried to listen to the chick with the ponytail who was bouncing in front of him as she told him about her six cats.

Gojyo’s eyes scanned the crowd, gaze drifting over the party goers packed in the hall. The attendees weren’t just people from mission control. Engineering, R&D, even corporate administration had been invited, and turnout was high.

A flash of gold caught his eye. Gojyo excused himself from ponytail girl and made his way through the crowd. But by the time he had pushed through the throng of people, Sanzo had disappeared. Gojyo swiped another flute of champagne from the nearest waiter and downed it in one gulp.

“Do you have a last name?”

“Umm, no. Can’t you look him up with just the name I gave you?”

“He’s not in the system of current employees. I could check the archives, but I need a full name for that.”

“Couldn’t you just look again? He works here. I spoke to him barely two weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry, Gojyo. I’ve checked twice and his name doesn’t come up anywhere. I’m sorry…”

“Hey, it’s ok… No, don’t cry. It’s my bad… I must have misheard. I can still come and pick you up at eight? Yeah? Ok… I’ll see you then. Oh, one last favour. Could you please be a dear and give me a list of everyone who worked on the JEEP project…”

No one has seen him.

No one has heard of him.

No one knows.

The list was useless. Even Google failed. He was a ghost. A memory. A dream.

Gojyo refused to believe that.

After a week of hanging around mission control, ignoring the raised eyebrows and curious stares while he tried to catch more than two seconds of Sanzo’s attention, Gojyo had had enough.

He marched into Sanzo’s office armed with newspaper, coffee, and Sanzo’s favourite brand of cigarettes one morning. Sanzo only raised an eyebrow and glowered as Gojyo slammed the offerings on his desk before kicking the door shut and locking it behind him.

“Hakkai? As in Eight Prohibitions? Never heard of him. What kind of idiot would think that’s a real name.”

“Maybe the idiot who was abandoned by his assigned flight controller.”

“Whatever. It’s clearly a pseudonym.”

“You let the guy take over for you. Surely you must know his real name.”

“If you want to know, ask him yourself.”

“And how, pray tell, am I supposed to do that when I don’t know who he is?”

“Not my problem.”

“Seriously?! Maybe I should just go up to every single person in this facility and ask them—”

“Haven’t you done that already? How’s that working out for you.”

Gojyo slumped into his chair, head cradled in his hands. He missed the way Sanzo’s eyes flicked up from scanning the newspaper spread out in front of him, deep purple gaze regarding Gojyo over wireframe glasses.

“At least…tell me that he’s ok?”

“Sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Sanzo!”

“Look, why are you so fixated on finding him? You should be enjoying your time off. Sailing around the world or whatever. Stop wasting your time.”

“I can use my time however I want. And I’m not fixated, alright? The guy saved my life.”

“He did his job.”

“Is it too much to want to know who he is, so that I can thank him in person?”

“He must really want your thanks if he went through all that trouble of making sure you knew his name.”

“Gods, can’t— Can’t you just tell me? I just want to know that he’s ok. I won’t even try to contact him. I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“…”

“…”

“Maybe, he doesn’t want to be known.”

The day was hot and the sun beat down on him without mercy. His neck and shoulders were already starting to sting. If he wasn’t careful, the skin would burn and peel.

Time for a break anyway.

Gojyo secured the last bit of rigging and reached for his bottle of water, dumping the warming liquid on his head. It was cool against his skin and the water that dripped from his recently shorn hair tickling his bare shoulders.

Gojyo turned and made his way to the shaded part of his deck. The docks were quiet, deserted. Even the gulls were silent, unwilling to waste their energy caterwauling in the stifling heat.

Movement. There was someone walking along the boards, prowling between the luxury yachts moored around him. The figure was tall, of medium build, dressed in a white collared shirt and loose dress pants, walking purposefully between the boats, turning to look at each one of them as he passed. His stride was slow, languid, and his form shimmered in the heat like a mirage.

Gojyo groaned. Another rich bastard shopping for a new toy to impress a new girlfriend or fulfill some empty romantic notion of the sea. It was odd that this one was alone, but Gojyo wasn’t keen on making small talk with anyone who was loaded enough to buy their own yacht for the sole purpose of being able to say they owned it.

The man was heading his way, and sunlight glinted off the man’s glasses as his head turned towards Gojyo. Gojyo cursed, turned his deck chair very pointedly away from the docks and the approaching stranger, and flopped down into it. Gojyo closed his eyes, pulled his bandana over his eyes and reclined, tucking his hands behind his head.

With any luck, rich bastard would get the hint and leave him alone. He really didn’t feel like talking today.

Coolness. A shadow had fallen over him, or the sun had become hidden behind a rogue cloud in the blue cloudless sky. Gojyo opened his eyes and looked up into the face hovering above him. Rich bastard had a pretty face he’d give him that.

“This boat’s not for sale. If ya want to ask about the yacht, you’re outta luck, buddy.”

Bastard smiled. Shit. He had a nice smile too.

“Hard as it may be for you to believe, I don’t want your money.” He was younger than Gojyo had first thought. He looked to be around Gojyo’s age, not yet old enough to find owning his own yacht an attractive way of flaunting his personal wealth. Rich bastard’s son then. “Look, buddy. She’s not for sale and no amount of cash is gonna convince me to take you and your friends’ drunken asses for a joyride.”

The man withdrew, but only to look up and down Gojyo’s boat, like he was thinking about how much his baby was worth so that he could offer it—and maybe some—to Gojyo to tempt him. The nerve of him.

“Hey! I told you, she’s not for sale. Why don’t you take your daddy’s credit card and go fuck off to your own piece of sunshine? You take one step onto her, you touch this boat and I will personally haul you to the police station and report you for private property infringement.”

“What if I had an invitation?”

Gojyo’s protests died in his throat. Because that voice. That voice. He knew that voice.

Gojyo sat up slowly, afraid that if he moved too fast, the image before him would waver, disappear like a illusion, and he would wake up alone to the rocking of his boat and the lonely cry of the seagulls.

“Ha… Hakkai?”

And the smile on the man’s face said it all. The corners of his eyes crinkled, and Gojyo found himself staring at startling green eyes, deep as the lonely sea and just as secretive, just as sad.

“Good morning, Gojyo.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Hakkai told him the whole story. How he and his sister had been engineers. Their experiment had gone wrong. There was an accident, a whole lab had been reduced to rubble. He had been careless, too ambitious, too proud. His sister and a thousand people had died because of him. There was an extensive investigation. Sanzo had been involved, had confronted him about it, and advocated for him at the trial. He let him work at flight control while decisions were made and judgements were deliberated. The sentencing hearing came sooner than expected.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

“I tried to find you. I looked for you, asked after you. No one knew who you were. Is Hakkai even your real name?”

“No, I’m sorry. It’s Cho Gonou. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Gojyo wasn’t mad. He’s not hurt that Cho Gonou didn’t trust him enough to tell him his name. Gojyo understood abandonment, the feeling when the world has been ripped away from you, when you are left with nothing but yourself, your sins and shortcomings.

Gojyo fought—still fights. It was exhausting. Cho Gonou fought too, and if he needed a respite and had chosen to hide, faceless, behind the name of Hakkai, Gojyo understood.

“So, what are you going to do now?”

The sun hung low on the horizon, warm rays hitting the red sails of Gojyo’s sailboat and bathing them in crimson.

Gonou shrugged, a simple up and down motion. Gonou was smiling, but his eyes looked towards the ocean, lost.

“You can come sailing with me. I could use an extra pair of hands.”

Red captured green. “These?” Gonou held up his hands—smooth, unblemished, beautiful. “I wouldn’t know what to do with them.”

Gojyo grinned. “I’ll walk you through it. It’s not Jeep, but she’s got the same spirit.”

“She?”

“She. Definitely she.”

“Are you sure you want me, Cho Gonou, mass murderer and wanted criminal, at the helm of your beloved boat, manning your rudder?”

“You’re right. I don’t trust Cho Gonou. This invitation is for Hakkai.”

“I think I can manage that.”

THE END