#and end up forgetting everything ive written by the time it crashed

[anistarrae]

not a request buuuut how do you color your drawings like. the way you do it. how do you decide colors? how do you do tones and stuff and. it’s hard to explain sorry 😞 i just really like the coloring

i didnt know how to explain it so i opened iMovie

[ynscrazylife]

i’m a simple gal...... i like seeing natasha being overprotective and a little homicidal SO could i please request some cute mentor!almost itherlynat x reader? maybe reader gets badly hurt during training or someone on the team hurts her feelings? mamabear stabs? 🥺

More Than A Mentor | n.r fluff fic

Summary: After an accident, Y/N realizes her and Natasha’s relationship goes beyond mentor and mentee.

Authors Note: Thank you for requesting! I’ve missed writing Marvel/Natasha.

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Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/marvelocks

Natasha was not an easy mentor, and Y/N learned that quickly. She was understanding and patient, yes, but she also knew when to push Y/N and went to be a little stricter. 

The thing was, Y/N was never completely sure what side she’d get of her mentor at what time - though she found herself not having to worry about it after . . . The Accident. 

That disastrous day would go down in the team’s history, yet no one liked to talk about it. It was a day Y/N would never forget: it changed . . . everything.

It was one of the rare days that Y/N wasn’t training with Natasha. She had a meeting with Fury so Steve filled in for her. Y/N was not accustomed to training with a super soldier, and had to quickly adjust (it didn’t make it any easier that he had his shield, too). 

She was doing well - at least, she wanted to think that she was - and so far had deflected almost every punch from Steve, managing to get one or two punches against him herself. 

Nonetheless, the air was knocked out of her when Steve slammed her against the mat. She grunted, angry only fueling the pain when she saw that stupid smirk on his face, and used that to her advantage; he wouldn’t expect her to recover so quickly (and in truth, neither did she) but she did it anyway, throwing all her weight against the Captain. She secured he legs around his waist like Natasha taught her and, using the strength in her legs and pushing his broad shoulders, just about managed to get herself out from being pinned on the mat. Now, though, they were both sorta sitting on the mat, so Y/N kneed him in the chest, pushing him down. 

“You’re good,” he whispered, just slightly out of breath, before he - seemingly without using any strength at all - threw her to the side where she rolled. 

Y/N cursed under her breath, getting her feet. It was impossible to win against a super-soldier! Think, Y/N, think, what did Natasha teach you? Cmon! 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve grabbing his shield, and got in a stance to either catch it or evade it - she hadn't decided yet - when yells distracted her. In her hyped up, adrenaline-pumped state, the first thing that came to Y/N’s mind was that someone was hurt. She was about to call of the training when a large, solid force smacked into her stomach, sending her flying into the air where she hit the wall, losing consciousness. 

Steve's eyes widened, not thinking it’d actually hit her, and jumped into action. “Who the hell screamed?” The blonde yelled as he ran to his fallen teammate. He carefully turned her on her back and looked her over for injuries, seeing bruises and bleeding starting to form on her stomach and ankle and her head bleeding. 

Bucky and Sam practically crashed inside the room, trying to beat each other. 

“He threatened me!” Sam exclaimed. 

“He tried to steal my metal arm!” Bucky defended. 

Both men came to a screeching halt when they digested the scene, though. Steve rolled his eyes at his idiotic friends and tried to put pressure on Y/N’s head wound. “Sam, get Bruce, please. Tell him to prepare med - and Bucky, get Natasha. She’ll want to be here,” he ordered, and the men nodded, guilty. 

Steve carefully picked Y/N up in his arms and hoisted her into the air, carrying her to med where Bruce and Helen were, Sam explaining the situation to them. Instantly, Helen jumped into action. She instructed Steve to lay Y/N down on one of the med’s beds and then ushered the men out of the room, where she then began grabbing various medical things and assessing Y/N’s injuries, instructing Bruce to hook her up to an IV.

Steve and Sam stood outside, not saying a word to each other, both pacing back and forth. They did not have to be silent for long, though, because pounding footsteps soon approached and the men looked up to see a very furious Natasha with Bucky trailing behind her. 

The redhead’s eyes fell onto the closed med doors and huffed, turning back to Steve. “I leave her with you for training one day and she gets hurt?!” She demanded, crossing her arms and glaring at him. 

Steve swallowed. “Nat, I-” He began to say, but was cut off. 

“What happened?” Natasha asked. 

Steve glanced up at her, first irritated when she asked him a question and then interrupted him whilst he was answering, but backed off when he saw the urgency, the nervousness in her eyes; she was scared. Scared that Y/N was really hurt and guilty. 

“We were training. I threw my shield at her, expecting her to catch it or duck . . . But Sam and Buck distracted her and it hit her,” he said, not wanting to throw his friends under the bus but also knowing he had to be truthful.

Natasha stood in place, processing the information. She took a breath, and had almost completely calmed down when Bucky decided to open his mouth.

“Y’know, if anything we tested her. What if someone yelled during a mission? Is she gonna get distracted then?” He mumbled, not really meaning it but wanting to spare him and Sam Natasha’s wrath.

Karma’s a bitch, though, because it did the exact opposite.

If you blinked you’d miss it: Natasha swiftly turned and pushed Bucky against the wall, pinning him there with his hands above his hand.

“Don’t you dare start blaming this on Y/N, you hear me?” She said in a low tone, glaring.

Bucky quickly nodded and Natasha released him. When she did, the door opened and Helen appeared.

“She’ll be okay—” Helen began, and Natasha let out a breath of relief, “—but she does need to be off training for at least a month. She has a concussion, broken ankle, and . . . the shield sort of stabbed her in her stomach.”

It took a couple moments for all four to digest this. Steve paled and Natasha’s crossed arms for tighter as she bit her lip. “Can I see her?” She asked.

“She’s still unconscious, but yes,” Helen answered, nodding.

Natasha almost failed to contain the gasp lurching to leave her throat when she saw Y/N, all bandaged up. The spy gulped and sat down beside her, not knowing what else to do other than sit there, and had no clue what she’d say when Y/N woke up because she sure as hell wasn’t leaving her. Thankfully, Natasha had some time to think it out.

Almost a day later and Natasha hadn’t left — Clint had convinced her to go sleep and eat for a couple hours, but that was it — and now, Y/N woke up.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Y/N murmured in a haze of confusion, squinting her eyes to see her mentor curled up in a chair, reading a big book.

Natasha snapped her head up and immediately sat forward, a smile covering her face. “Y/N! You’re awake? How are you feeling? And how many times have I told you to call me ‘Natasha’?”

Y/N blushed but nodded. “I’m fine, probably the painkillers’ doing though . . . How long was I out?” She said.

“Around a day,” Natasha answered.

“Did you . . . Did you stay here?” Y/N asked again, a little smaller this time, playing with her blanket.

“Most of it, yeah,” Natasha murmured, relaxing into the chair.

“Really? You’re-you’re not mad?” Y/N said, eyes wide and jaw dropped in surprised.

Natasha scrunched her face up. “What? No — of course I’m not mad! You’re like my daughter! How could I be—?”

Natasha was cut off by Y/N’s loud, yet thankful gasp. The teenager sat up and wrapped her arms around Natasha and, after a moment, Natasha smiled and wrapped her arms around her too.

Y/N truly was like her daughter, and mothers were always protective over their children.

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[thefanficmonster]

The Five Scares (and one revenge)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having a tendency to scare people, Corpse has gotten used to his friends being jumpy whenever he appears from the void into a Discord call with them. However, the one who has it the roughest with the spooks has to be his partner Y/N. Basically: The five times Corpse scared Y/N and the one time they scared him

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your lovely request it was a real joy to write and I had a ton of fun doing so! Hope you have equally as wonderful of a time if you happen to come across it and give it a read despite the long wait you’ve had to endure which I apologize for. Love, Vy ❤

I

Having had to go home for the night to keep an eye on their roommate’s dog, Y/N and Corpse agreed to have a video call before they fell asleep. They didn’t want to appear like that typical clingy and cheesy couple but after spending almost a whole week curled up in Corpse’s apartment, the two would feel each other’s absence to a very saddening degree to the point where they’d even forget the other isn’t around and would call out to them. 

Letting the call ring, Y/N’s hand comes up to smooth out their hair. However, the touch reveals to them that their hair needs a bit more than a simple tap or a pat to be tamed so while they wait for Corpse to answer the call, they quickly head to their bathroom. Flicking the light on, their reflection greets them with the underwhelming news of the actual state of their hair at the moment: an absolute mess. They proceed to do their best with the single hair-tie they have handy. A bobby pin or two would be neat but they have no time to go and grab one right now, seeing as how they can’t recall if they even brought them back from Corpse’s apartment. If they didn’t, they would have to search their roommate’s room for some which would take an even longer amount of time.

Eventually, they manage to tame it in something closely resembling a presentable ponytail and exit the bathroom feeling more exhausted than before. With a loud sigh, they crash onto their bed, face-first into the sea of pillows, groaning at the slight sting of their muscles relaxing at last.

“Y/N?“ The decently loud mention of their name by a deep, familiar yet sudden and unexpected voice startles them to the point of squealing and jumping an entire inch away from where they were positioned.

They look around their room in a frenzy, wondering where on Earth that voice came from and how it could be here with them right now.

“Y/N, you there?”, before they could locate it, it emerges once again, helping Y/N get an ide of where it’s coming from - somewhere in the messed up bed sheets.

“Corpse?“ They finally find their voice, “Y-yeah I’m here. Question is: how are you...“ and then it all clicks, causing them to twist their face in an expression of utter disappointment and bury it in the palms of their hands, groaning.

“You forgot about the video chat, didn’t you?“ Corpse asks, amusement not even attempted to be hidden in his voice.

“Yup.“

II

It’s been one hell of a day. Y/N’s college lectures exhausted them to a max and their six hour job following their classes did nothing to help them AT ALL. Quite the opposite actually. Makes sense why they look, move and talk the way they’re doing right now: like a ghost, zombie and an elder combined in one. To add to their misfortunes for the day, they were met with the mocking ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign taped to the doors of the elevator, laughing in their face with the information that their hellish experience for the day is far from over.

Just the thought of having to climb to the fifth floor made their stomach turn in the most unpleasant way possible, but the though of how long that would take made matters even worse. Arriving at their designated apartment, they have every right to be pissed, cussing their heart out. 

However, then comes a new problem: the inability to pinpoint the correct key. They proceed to curse themselves, the keys, the door handle and the door itself before punching the poor wood that did no wrong and just stands here, serving its purpose of keeping unwanted people out of the apartment it’s guarding.

Following their anger outburst and front-door-abuse, they proceed to try finding the correct key once again, this time slightly more calmly as to not accidentally miss it in their frantic rifling.

Right as they’re about to try the third key, however, the door opens. Well, it’s opened by someone on the other side, that someone being none other than their boyfriend Corpse who’s currently staring at them wide-eyed, one eyebrow raised, the word ‘confused’ basically written across his face.

While he’s processing the sight in front of him, Y/N lets out a little scream, jumping back and away from the door, a hand placed over their chest as their wide eyes scan their boyfriend who now seems equally terrified as a result of their reaction.

“Corpse?!“ They manage to gasp, barely hearing their own voice over the loud thumping of their heart and the rush of blood in their ears, “What the hell are you doing here?!“

The confusion on Corpse’s face deepens, reaching whole new levels as his eyes gaze deeper into theirs, searching for the meaning behind their bizarre question. “You mean...at my own apartment? What am I doing, at home?“

For a few seconds, the two just stare blankly at one another, processing everything that’s just happened. Suddenly, it all just kinda caves for Y/N and they burst out laughing, doubling over, their arms clutching at their stomach as they do so. Their laughter is contagious, so Corpse can’t help but let out a few chuckles himself.

“Alright, you’ve been driven to insanity, I can tell.“ He mumbles at his reckless partner, coming up behind them and wraps his arms around them, lifting them up and carrying their laughing ass inside.

III

Finally deciding to sit down and get this damn project started, Y/N already feels like they’ve had enough of it, burnout already creeping in and threatening to ruin their work and trip them up every step of the way. It wouldn’t have been so bad had the subject not been one they absolutely despise and wish they could get out of studying but alas they’re stuck with it.

They equip their headphones as soon as they plant their butt on the desk chair in their tiny room in their tiny roommate-shared apartment, putting their Spotify playlist on shuffle as they open a blank Power Point document. They work better with music blasting in their ears since the silence tends to be too loud and distracting when they’re trying to focus. So, that way they can also sing their heart out in peace and not get disturbed by the sound of their own off-key singing. Win-win, basically.

Singing ‘Never Forget You’ by Zara Larsson and MNEK, they get a little carried away, ditching the project to enter a full-blown music video they can imagine down to the detail in their mind.

However, there’s a surprise awaiting them.

As soon as MNEK’s part of the song begins, another voice apart from his echoes through their headphones, singing along to the song. Freaking the fuck out, they let out a loud scream, smacking the headset off them, sending the object falling and landing on their laptop keyboard with a crash that only serves to further startle their roommate’s dog which comes to check if they are being attacked or something only to be disappointed by the lack of action.

When pushing the headphones off, they did so with a force strong enough to snap the cable out of the laptop entirely so now the room is filled with the sound of that same foreign voice laughing his ass off.

A voice that belongs to no other than Corpse Husband himself.

“You gotta learn to disconnect from Discord calls, Y/N.“ The fucker says, still cackling wholeheartedly at his partner’s misery.

Pissed off or not, Y/N would have to admit he’s got a point. But they’d also rather never speak again than admit it so...

“Fuck you!“ is what they say instead, seconds before disconnecting.

IV

Making breakfast is not something either Corpse or Y/N are used to, mostly cause they both either wake up late or skip the meal entirely. Regardless, having been given a day off from work and having no classes since it’s Saturday, Y/N saw no better way to start their day off than to prepare a nice breakfast for them and their boyfriend to enjoy. Problem is: they aren’t the most skilled in the kitchen. Sure they can scramble an egg or make mac and cheese, but in order to do it correctly they are not allowed to have distractions of any kind. Not even music, that’s how you know it’s serious.

Seeing as how Corpse has never seen them cook, he’s obviously unaware of theirs. The dummy straight up waltzes into the kitchen, unintentionally remaining unspotted and unheard by Y/N because he’s barefoot and because they have their back turned to him.

“Whatya cooking over there babe?“

Y/N’s focus bubble, being as thin as it is and considering they initially thought Corpse was still asleep, they have every right to let out the yelp they just did, dropping the egg they were gonna crack over the pan in said pan in its entirety - yes, shell and all.

A moment of silence commences: regretful on Corpse’s end and frustrated on theirs. Neither of them dares to say anything to avoid triggering the other. Well, that’s the case until Y/N decides enough’s enough and they turn to look at him, a wide, obviously fake smile plastered onto their face.

“Scrambled eggs, following a secret recipe, property of the L/N family.“

Seems like your pre-breakfast snack is an extra large dose of sarcasm, huh?

V

“So, how was your day? You sound pretty chipper so I take it wasn’t a nightmare like a few days ago.“ Corpse comments over the phone, listening to shuffling and shifting as Y/N moves around the apartment, getting ready to head out.

“It was great actually. Got some important results back and, not to brag or anything, but they were higher than I expected.“ They reply, a genuine wide grin refusing to leave their face as they silently count the amount of money they’ve got in their wallet. “I’m gonna go buy a cake so we can celebrate it. It’s no small deal, trust me, especially not when I initially thought I’d fail both these exams to the point of being pitied.“

“Wait...-“ Corpse attempts, his voice suddenly sounding strained and urgent but that’s the very reason he cannot seem to find or get the right words out of his system. Not that Y/N gives him any time to figure it out.

“No Corpse, you cannot change my mind. Cake and beers, we’re celebrating toni- SHIT!“ They scream as they throw open the front door, bumping square into someone standing on the other side, almost dropping their phone.

Taken aback by embarrassment and fear, they leap back, their eyes searching for the ones of the person whose personal space they just invaded. Well, to be fair, he was the one invading their personal space by standing right outside the door to their - well, to Corpse’s apartment.

The fear and irritation die down almost instantly when Y/N recognizes the person standing opposite them.

“Mind telling me why we’re talking on the phone when you could’ve come in and we could’ve had a normal person conversation?!“ They snap, ironically enough - they’re still holding the phone to their ear.

So is Corpse whos is smiling guiltily, “That’s why I called, I forgot my keys, but I got...carried...sorry.”

Well, at least this serves as proof Y/N’s not the only forgetful one.

                                                            ~  ~  ~

Corpse has been stuck in his recording room for four hours now, never stopping his stream to take care of his basic human needs such as eating or going to the bathroom. This behavior of his has Y/N worried sick and unable to focus on the task at hand - an assignment they’ve been trying to finish for two hours now, sitting with their computer on their lap and looking hopelessly at the blank Word document waiting for them to fill it up while they are waiting for it to start writing itself.

Seeing as how neither are gonna happen, not until Y/N puts their mind at ease, they slowly put the laptop aside, standing up to carefully skip on over to Corpse’s recording room to check on him, stopping by the kitchen to grab him a snack and a bottle of water along the way.

The door to the darkened room is open a crack, as usual, suggesting they can enter without knocking - this also means he’ll probably not hear them even if they knock so the whole gesture would be pointless. Not that Y/N has a tendency to knock or anything... Waltzing in, they find that the only light in the room is the very faint and dark glow of the computer screen which is displaying a dark and dingy room from a first-person view of the protagonist of whatever game Corpse’s currently playing.

“Corpse?!“ They whisper-yell/hiss at him, trying their best to grasp his attention without startling him - they don’t need to be told that the game is of the horror genre and the last thing they need is for their boyfriend to flip backwards and fall out of his chair because they scared the shit out of him. “Hey?!“

Neither attempts prove futile so, despite their best instincts telling them differently, they walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder. The reaction, while within the realm of expectancy, is a lot more startled than they expected, accompanied by a scream on top of all. They’d never heard him scream in fear before, it’s quite amusing if they’re being honest.

They suppress a snicker as Corpse’s wide open eyes meet their squinting ones in the darkness, “Y/N...babe...what is it? Is everything ok?”

Y/N rolls their eyes, “No, everything isn’t ok. Your unhealthy habit of forgetting to take care of yourself, for example.” They put the snack and the bottle on the his desk, giving him their best disappointed-parent look before turning on their heel to strut their way out of the room. However, just as they are about to make their exit, they stop right at the doorframe, giving their stunned one final glance over their shoulder with a smug smirk playing across their face, “Oh and by the way, that’s what I like to call revenge.” Just like that, they leave, pushing the door back into its previous position.

And boy, is it some sweet, sweet revenge.

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[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (6/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Note: As always, feedback is very much appreciated.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Every morning even before he opens his eyes completely, Levi would reach for his phone on the side table.

His first connection to reality was always the time written out on the lock screen of the phone and the blue light on his screen as he checked all his notifications. He never remembered when exactly he had gotten into the habit of doing just that. Regardless, the clean interface and the clusters of notifications on real life topics and class announcements were effective ways to forget whatever dreams he may have had the night before and focus on real life obligations and responsibilities.

That morning was a little different. As he motioned his right hand that familiar distance from bed to side table, he found a barricade in the form of a metal bar and as he maneuvered his hand beyond it, all he felt was air and a wall. Levi opened his eyes to his left to see the sky just outside, a familiar mix of purple and pink.

That was at least enough for him to conclude that it was probably around six in the morning. With no quick fixes of gratification, Levi found himself taking stock of whatever was at hand. He allowed himself a long look at the sky, long enough for the blue to start peeking through and the light be enough for the room to illuminate enough for Levi to be able to make sense of his surroundings without the help of artificial light.

Levi slowly sat up. It was the white covers and the white ceilings that clued him to it first. The IV attached to his arm came second. Then Levi was suddenly aware of the weight on his left knee, the dull pain and the bindings.

He sighed and threw himself back down on the bed, wincing as the immobilized leg protested that rough movement. His mind was racing. Memories were starting flooding back to him much faster than he could connect the dots to what was in front of him at that moment. The white ceiling kept all the stimuli at a more manageable level at least.

If everything had gone according to Levi’s expectations, that Saturday morning, Levi should have been on the train to meet Hange. His anticipation at meeting Hange had him planning every intricate detail. As he looked up at the clear slate above him, he imagined the quick jog to the station that should have been reality if he hadn't been so careless the night before.

Everything after crashing on to the ground was a blur. It was as if the searing pain then the numbness on his left knee had interfered with his ability to process the world around him.

He remembered Hange talking to him, but not what she was saying. Soon after, there was a stretcher then sirens.

His grasp of the world around him only got worse as he arrived in the hospital and they hooked him up to an IV. The rest of it was blank save for a few loud voices, the moving of the gurney from one room to another. his coach's voice, Erwin's voice and Hange's voice.

As Levi contemplated his situation that morning, he couldn't help but ruefully note as well that at his current state, he probably wouldn't be able to even manage the lighter tests Hange had wanted him to do that day.

I’ll only find out more if I get out of here.

Levi pulled the blanket off. How bad was it? Over his knee was a piece of thick cloth or possibly layers of it, held together with velcro on top. As Levi swung his legs to the side of the bed. He could not help but note how unnaturally heavy his casted leg was.

The prospect of placing his bad leg on the floor and the uncertainty of what kind of injury he had Levi scrambling for support and he found himself, hopping awkwardly on his good leg while leaning on the hospital walls as he made his way to the door of the room.

He never really found out how long it took him to make the few meter journey to the door of his hospital room. The frustration at the unfamiliarity of his situation only had him disregarding time. To him, it felt like ages. He had stopped a few times and leaned on the wall, his head spinning from exhaustion, fear or maybe even the medicine they had been pumping him with since last night. On the way to the entrance, he did not notice the door that had silently opened and only realized someone had entered the room when they were right beside him already.

“You shouldn’t be standing...” It was one of the voices from last night. Fortunately, it was the one he felt most comfortable hearing.  

Hange should know everything. “What happened last night?” Levi spared not time asking that question.  

“Let’s get you back in bed first.” Hange seemed like she was in no hurry to tell him. Her movements were slow as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided him to a position where he was barely putting any weight on the floor beneath him.

As soon as Hange had made sure he was settled on the bed, her pace suddenly quickened as she turned on the lights of the room, pulled out his phone from the drawer, placed it on his side table, pulled a chair to his bedside and sat on it. “I can’t stay for long actually. I have to go to campus, do some work in the lab. If you need anything important… You’re covered at least by the insurance plans....”

If you need anything important from your dorm, you better tell me now… That was the last sentence Levi had made sense of. Hange turned on the lights and the gravity of Levi’s injuries became clearer. The bruises and the abrasions on his knees and hands were raw and fresh. Some of the worse ones had been bandaged up. He had gotten those same injuries before but having been an athlete for a long time, those were easily brushed away and he had mistaken the aches for stronger and more painful manifestations of exhaustion. He could not tell from then but his back had that same familiar ache, maybe even a little stronger.

“Levi, listen.” Hange put her hand on his, catching his attention. I know you’re probably angry with me… And you probably don’t want to see my face anymore. Just allow me to help you get settled at least and I’ll get off your back and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“Never see you again?” Somehow those words hit harder and rang more painfully in his ears than the rest of his injuries. That was when Levi noticed the small signs: Hange’s back was a little straighter, she kept herself a little more distant and even the way she placed her hand on his was more hesitant. In fact, it was back on her lap as soon as he had processed that action on her end.

It was as if they were back to where they started.

“I’ve gotten these types of injuries before. I’ll just ice them, forget about them and go back to training,” Levi assured. In the end though, it was more for himself than for her. Levi looked to Hange and although he had hoped for a smile and a nod in agreement, he wasn’t surprised when she looked towards his legs, keeping a sullen face.  

Hange shook her head. “ I saw what happened. You hit your knee on the bar pretty hard then you fell at an awkward angle.” For a moment, Hange looked dumbfounded as if she was replaying it all again in her head. “I don’t know how bad it is yet but they had to temporarily set it last night. You were in a lot of pain…”

“Then they’ll prescribe pain killers.” He was probably on some pain relievers already.

“You don’t get it do you? This competition season is out of the question. Hell, your whole career is probably out of the question.” Hange looked away. “And it’s my fault.”

He should have been angrier at Hange.

The way she had explained it, from when he had fallen on the hurdles, her shitty stitching skills which could have delayed the healing process, all the way to encouraging him to change his form, his injury could have been traced back to her. It was still a long shot though. In the end it had been Levi’s decision and he was completely aware of that.

Would he have tried that hard? Would he have taken all those risks if he hadn’t met her? He was sure that it was at least possible to twist logic and delude himself into thinking it was her fault. The Levi of a month ago would have done just that. At that moment, when he put two and two together though, surprisingly, he felt no anger. In fact he felt nothing.

It could have been from shock or confusion. It was as if for a second Levi had forgotten how to feel. Hange left the room as silently as she had entered with a quick reminder to just send it through chat.

Levi wrote it out as coldly and professionally as it was requested and sent it before locking his phone and placing it back on the side table.

For the first time in how many years, he did not even have the energy to look through his phone.

                                 A Tale of Two Slaves

The emptiness he felt festered to something else with each and every test they put him through that morning.

Every nurse and every intern who wheeled him from room to room and did the tests always had something to ask. They asked about training, records and tournaments.

How he had learned to jump so high. How he had polished his form so well. How he maintained consistency with every attempt.

Suddenly they were theorizing the injury.

You probably hit your leg hard on the bar while it was extended... Landing awkwardly from that height is more than enough to dislocate your knee.

Their tones were kind as if to make light of the situation he was currently in. They had done the complete opposite though and with every test and every conversation, Levi was forced to face his emotions head on, the future that awaited him.

And Hange. What was Hange planning?

He had sprained his ankle before but that was the first time he had experienced such comprehensive testing for one limb. They had explained the tests as they went about it: mobility tests, nerve tests, vascular tests all for his left knee.

As they rambled on and on about him, Levi found himself thinking of the only tests that had mattered to him, the ones Hange would ramble about.

She wanted to test his vertical jump, his horizontal jump, the power in his legs, the strength. He was miserably failing every test the therapists were throwing at him. Putting minimal weight was enough for Levi to realize that his knee was fucked. Just a small movement was enough for his left knee to buckle under him. Levi wondered how less than 24 hours ago, he had managed to use that leg to jump two feet in the air.

By the time Levi had arrived back in the room, his lunch was waiting for him on the table by his bed. He pushed it aside, instead going for his phone.

Multiple Ligament Injuries. That was what one of the nurses had casually mentioned.

Levi found himself digging up all the way until scientific journals. He had wanted to see the words cure, recovery and heal but all he found were outlooks and prognoses.

9-12 months of no physical activity. Pain and stiffness his whole life. There was no direct cure. There were no straightforward answers, only arguments and well thought-out opinions on treatment plans.

The details were in and out of his brain within seconds after he read them. If they differed for every case, there really was no point in memorizing or even trying to set his expectations. He had spent the whole morning in chairs and in bed but somehow, Levi was exhausted. He opened his phone to the different chat groups. Others had asked about him.

He only composed two messages that day as replies to the tens or even hundreds of notifications. One to his parents and one to his coach.

Don’t visit...Was he ashamed? Was he exhausted? Terrified? Confused? Levi could not pinpoint the exact feeling but somehow his body felt heavy and the only thing he wanted to do was roll over and sleep.

He had managed not to cry but for a few minutes he was blinking back tears.

                                     A Tale of Two Slaves                  

ACL, MCL, LCL. A string of letters recognized from the internet.

The doctor had given the meanings of those acronyms as he explained them. Levi was quick to forget them though, there were more important things than that. Like who was explaining it to him and what exactly the injury meant for him. Or for Hange.

The doctor that had taken over his case was Erwin. The last time Levi had seen him, he had been in a civilian wear. The blonde wore a white coat over his polo and dress pants as he stood next to Levi’s bed side, looking more powerful and more authoritative than he did back in the laboratory.

As he talked, Levi felt no need to listen. Erwin after all was only confirming the fears and the doubts that were running through Levi’s brains.

This season is out of the question. Reconsider whatever plans you may have as an athlete.

What about Hange’s research? Levi had wanted to ask. It just did not seem right then, as Erwin continued to explain the prognosis.

“I’ll be honest with you,” Erwin said as if he hadn’t been honest with Levi the past few minutes. “There’s no right way to go about this. Knee injuries are pretty complex and the treatment I’m suggesting now is just my own opinion. It’s probably even a gamble.”

All medical advice is just someone’s professional and educated opinion. Levi was quick to figure that out when he had read the abstracts of articles, discussion evaluations, prognoses and never exact cures for his own injury.

It was at that moment that Erwin mentioned the gamble that Hange had entered the hospital room with Levi’s overnight bag slung over her shoulder. She was looking down and from his angle, her face was unreadable.

Erwin had mentioned surgery and strict physical therapy afterwards. With Levi graduating that year, it meant he was out of the running for collegiate championships anyway.

But if it works out, maybe, just maybe he could go back to jumping. And somehow, Levi realized just the movements he had gotten used to and the sensations they had allowed him to experience, actually made him consider the gamble worth taking even if it was a longshot. Only a small percentage of the population actually regained full control of their knee after a devastating injury like that.

“Shouldn’t he wait a few months before getting the surgery?” Hange suggested. “I’ve read some articles about it before…”

“There’s some damage in his nerves and in his vascular system which needs to be addressed soon if he wants to gain control of his knee. If we divide this into multiple stages, Levi will be back to square one after every surgery. It will only delay the healing process.”

Hange kept quiet. For a moment, everyone in the room was silent.

Erwin spoke up. “Hange’s not wrong. There are more conservative ways to go about treatment. In the end, it’s up to you whether you want to listen to me or request a second opinion. I’ll wait for your answer in the morning.” He turned to Hange. “And Hange, we’re going to have to talk about your plans for your thesis. First thing Monday morning in the lab.”

“What’s your plan?” Levi asked. Since Erwin left the room, Hange had been standing too awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking uncomfortable at the turn of events. How much had she heard?  

“What’s your plan? Erwin always has a good reason for everything but… I’ve seen articles about rushing into this surgery and I’m just unsure about it,” Hange said. “To be honest, no matter what happens, these types of injuries don’t leave people and if you’re going to live with it for the rest of your life, might as well not risk something so unnecessary?”

“Hange, answer me first what’s your plan?” Levi had stopped listening at “but.” He was already dead set on getting the surgery anyway. Somehow he knew, Erwin’s gambles were never baseless.

I’ll get off your back and you’ll never have to see me again. Those words only echoed again in his head as he focused on the panicked look Hange was giving him at that moment.

“My plan on what?”  Hange asked.

You’ll never have to see me again. Levi had realized even before they had met that afternoon that her thesis was the only thing that had kept them talking and contacting each other. With that gone, what next?

Levi found himself scrambling for excuses, for a reason to see her. “Your thesis.” You heard Erwin, I’m gone for the next nine months or probably even the next few years. Are you going back to Elijah? Are you gonna find some other athlete to study?” It was unintentional but Levi heard the venom in his own voice.

Hange gave Levi a wry smile. “I haven’t decided yet. But I’m planning on talking to my parents and ----”

“I’m not asking what your parents plans are. I’m asking about your plans.” Levi interrupted.

“They’re paying for my tuition, for my home. I at least wanna get their approval for something as heavy as what will be my graduation. Besides, It’s not just about my parents, I have to consider Erwin…”

Levi slammed his fists on the bed in frustration. The Hange in front of him was avoiding his gaze, as if looking to find an answer elsewhere, maybe on the white walls or the tiled floors. That was not the Hange he knew. Hange knew how to make decisions on a fly, hell, Hange was a squad leader. She was the commander of an army. Suddenly for the first time, it felt like he was talking to a completely different person. Levi felt duped.

“Your plans Hange,” Levi emphasized. “What kind of crapsack household did you grow up in that you can’t make decisions for yourself. Your research is your decision. Relying on someone else to make decisions? That's not the Hange I know.”

Hange shook her head looking dumbfounded. “Why are you talking about me like you’ve met me before? What do you know about me? Or my home? We’ve only been talking for a month.” Hange paused for a while, avoiding his gaze. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not angry. I’m  just curious. I mean, as far as I remember we only started talking a few weeks ago back in the track. I’m flattered really because I’ve been following you for a long while but, why are you so invested in my plans?”

Why are you so invested in her?  Levi looked away as he felt the blood rushing into his face. “It’s just that… I guess...This is just not the Hange I expected you to be.” He managed to say.

In the end, a voice still lingered inside him, a voice saying that there was some truth to his silent expectations for the type of person Hange should have been.

                                  A Tale of Two Slaves  

A few days later, on a Tuesday morning, Levi did have the surgery.

On the days leading up to it, he was alone. Hange had told him then, that she would be spending Sunday with her family, Monday in the lab.

There was a nagging feeling inside him that Hange was avoiding him. It could have been paranoia. There wasn’t much to think about after all. His unchanging view the next few days leading up to the surgery were the white ceilings and the white walls of his room, decorated with a few visits from a nurse and the hospital meals which at least had some variety in appearance but little variety in taste.

He had finished most of his schoolwork by Monday afternoon and even finished the readings for the three classes he was taking that semester. Soon, there was nothing much to do but look through his phone.

By Monday night, he was told by the nurse that he wouldn’t be served any dinner in preparation for the surgery.

By Tuesday afternoon, Levi was making sense again of the white walls and the white ceilings, the sky through the window that was all too bright, and the smell of flowers.

The smell of flowers.

“You know Levi, I was thinking of something…”

Levi looked towards his bedside to see Hange sitting there and behind her, flowers sitting on a vase, a simple arrangement.  

“We’re taught that humans are at the top of the ecological hierarchy and at the top of the food chain. We’re apparently the greatest creations. But, we’re so easy to maim or injure for life” Hange said, as if she hadn’t been avoiding him the past few days. “Flowers can grow from stem cuttings. They can patch themselves up even after we pull out the flowers or some of the leaves. But you sprain your ankle once and it’s never the same ankle again.”

“Why are you here?” Levi asked, as soon as he finally had control of his voice. He didn’t want to play along.

“For a visit.” Hange said matter of factly.

“You said I wouldn’t have to see you again.” Levi challenged. Hange trying to lighten the mood with random conversation had left a bad taste in his mouth. He regretted his words though soon after he saw the slight wince she made.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve been thinking about my thesis. And I talked to my parents about it…”

“I told you before, I want your decision, not theirs.”

“Yes, if you had let me finish last Sunday instead of being angry, I would have told you. I’m making the final call. I just want to consult,” Hange said, looking exasperated. “ I have funding, tuition, time and logistics to consider and I’m back to square one. I don’t live on an island, Levi. Just because you can live in one, doesn’t mean everyone can.”

She was right. Somehow, the way she had said it, the way she had explained herself was convincing enough for Levi to realize that the Hange he knew was still inside her.  Levi felt his stomach drop in embarrassment at his immature outburst rooted in the frustration he had felt. He wanted to look away from Hange as she narrowed her eyes at him, looking at him expectedly.

What’s your plan? Levi had hidden how he felt behind a veil of a casual conversation, behind a fundamentally neutral question. At that point, he had given up. For three days, just bringing up such a vague question was not giving him the answers he wanted.

"Then what’s going to happen to us?” Levi asked. “I mean, we won’t have much reason to see each other after this.”

“I don’t know yet. I’ve been wanting to do this type of thesis for a while so it’s gonna be hard to change.” Hange admitted.

That confirmation was all he needed. Am I being selfish? Levi had to make the conscious effort to stop himself. In a perfect world, he would have wanted her to adjust, to find a way to work with his current limitations. He had held on to a hope that somehow she would suggest something to keep them talking, keep them seeing each other.

Suddenly, the rest of the things he would have wanted to open up about were all taboo.

If Hange were to change her topic for him, if she were to do anything just because he suggested it, he was sure he wouldn’t be satisfied with it. . At the same time, just imagining that phantom athlete doing the jumps for her, recalling how Hange had been left speechless watching Elijah’s jump, how she had stood up and clapped her hands slowly then quickly had Levi’s heart racing and his head spinning. His human inhibitions, as weak as they were at that moment, were the only thing stopping himself from begging her to stay, hell, from demanding that she considers him when making her decision.

Levi turned his eyes towards the white ceiling above him, a futile effort to clear his mind. As his inhibitions and desires waged a war in his head, he couldn’t even grasp for a reply, an emotion to articulate.

Hange took the initiative. “Levi, I want to ask you something…” She started. “Do you still want to see my face? After everything that happened?”

Levi gave a small nod, the only movement he could manage without letting out a wave of emotion.

“Then I’ll consider that when I make my decision.” At least she noticed it.

                                   A Tale of Two Slaves  

It was Erwin who had informed him of Hange’s decision.

Since Hange had visited that Tuesday, she never did come back. Levi had convinced himself at least to accept that that Tuesday afternoon would be the last time he saw her.

Wednesday afternoon, Erwin visited, informing Levi that he would be released from the hospital that Friday. Levi found himself almost ecstatic at the news. The white room was depressing. He never did get comfortable or familiar with the hard mattress beneath him and the barriers of the hospital bed.

“Also, Hange sends her apologies. She’s been busy working on a new proposal this week,” Erwin added.

“A new proposal?”

“A thesis proposal,” Erwin clarified. “She had to do everything from scratch, so she’s been spending a lot of time in the library.”

“She changed her topic?” It was a question of confirmation for himself.  Levi noted then that most students could only access online journals for free using campus wifi. An oddly comforting fact which at least justified their lack of interaction the past two days and consequently, quelled his doubts..  

Erwin nodded. “She told me a few days ago.”

“Why?” Levi felt guilty for the wave of relief that washed through him.

“Why what?”

“Why did she change it?” For a second he was happy. As quickly as it came, that bout of joy morphed into guilt.

“I'm her thesis mentor, not the one who makes the final decision.”

By Friday, Levi was at least independent enough to do the packing he had been raring to do himself since that weekend.

To be able to maneuver quickly and efficiently on crutches though, Levi had spent a good chunk of Thursday learning how to maneuver his way around with the crutches he was prescribed. By that day at least, as he cleaned out the dresser and packed his stuff, he had enough skill to balance on one crutch while emptying the dresser or dragging one of the chairs to his bedside without putting any weight on his bum knee.

Late Friday afternoon, Hange was the one who picked him up. It was no surprise, she offered to take him back to campus only that morning.

They exchanged pleasantries and after that, Hange did all the talking. Somehow she understood that after having spent a good morning cleaning out the room, Levi was exhausted. He probably could have fallen asleep on the taxi ride on the way back to the dorm if Hange hadn’t been so loud and the taxi hadn’t been so cramped.  

“You sure you don’t need someone to take you up?” Hange had taken his bag from the backseat and slung it over her shoulder as they arrived at the entrance of their dormitory.

“It’s fine.” Levi knew she meant well but her initiative to take the bag before he could even attempt to carry it was insulting.

Despite her insistence, Levi forcefully took the bag with his right hand, keeping his left knee heavily planted on the ground. He swayed a bit as he balanced his weight with his overnight bag slung on one shoulder.

“Just tell me when you give up.”

Levi looked away as he said that. He didn’t know what face she was making as she said that but he opted not to look to save himself whatever exasperation or stress it would have caused him. Instead, he focused on  trying --yet failing -- to gain as much distance as he could as he hobbled into the dormitory building.

He was disappointed to see that Hange did not follow.

I can always thank her later. Another excuse to text her at least. He had other things he wanted to ask her like what had made her decide to change her thesis. More importantly, what did that mean for him?

At that point in time though, he had more important things to think about like the fact that his room was on the second floor.

It was late afternoon on a Friday meaning most students were out, while others were cooped up in their rooms already and the hallways were empty. He probably wouldn’t have asked for help anyway. In fact, he was relieved to see nobody had seen him stare at the stairs for a good few minutes.

Although he had spent most of yesterday learning to move with crutches, nothing had prepared him for stairs.

He hobbled back towards the lobby where there were at least a few places to sit. If he were going to be thinking of a next plan of action which would be less embarrassing than asking for help, he concluded it would be better if he didn’t expend energy balancing on crutches.

As it turned out, Hange hadn’t left. Levi found her leaning by the entrance of the dorm with a knowing smile on her face. An annoying and mocking smile. An “I told you so,” in the form of a subtle gesture.

Levi was annoyed for a split second, a little peeved. The initial feelings were quickly washed away though by the wave of relief that followed.

He was just glad to see her there.  

[donaidk]

Rhythm of Time - Part III

New year, new part, new banner, same old me with my ramblings... Not gonna make it long, just the usual quick thank you for reading this and all the other parts/stories and hope you guys will enjoy this too :) Part II | You’re here | Part IV Masterlist

„ What do you want? ” I asked immediately not to give him any time to start talking about anything else. He always had a reason to search me out, and it was never about anything usual for a lovely father-daughter chat. It was never that simple.

„ Congrats for the job with Haas. I knew they will realise your talents. ” He said, a smile getting on his face, which made my stomach turn. „ Don’t really know what you think of me. Can’t I congratulate my own daughter? ” He asked back, making me roll my eyes. I was just relieved that Mick already left and this was a private conversation.

„ You mean your personal slave? ” I bit back, crossing my arms in front of my chest while not taking my eyes off his ones. „ You never want to just chat. There’s always something ” I shook my head a little, as not one bit of my body wanted to be in his vicinity.

„ Oh, even you know that was only a misunderstanding. I would never do something like that. ” Dad let out a sigh but he could never make me rethink my decision about any of his business offers. They were all dirty traps, well covered by his connections.

„ Just like you would never hurt anyone else either. Right. ” His words made me roll my eyes again, and it didn’t help that I saw nothing like regret in his eyes after my question. „ Look, I have a real job to do, not like others… I would appreciate it if you could just get out of my way and not try your dirty tricks out on me. I know you too well already. I’m immune. ” I shook my head, rather walking back to the paddock, to get a car with someone else from the team, as I didn’t want to waste one more driver’s time for just one passanger.

„ Mona… Don’t be like this to your own dad. ” He came after me immediately, but as soon as I felt his hand around my wrist anger pumped through my veins and I tore my hand away from him.

„ Don’t you dare play that card. You lost your right to do so years ago. You have nothing to do with me, and I would be the happiest human on this Earth if I could never see you again. I rue ever getting to know you. ” I glared at him, turning back just so I could push him back from myself. I never felt so much hatred towards a family member prior to the day I realised all his wrong doings. Him calling my name again just restarted the fire inside me, once more. „ I don’t have your name for a reason. Do me a favour and forget me finally. You should be fucking grateful that Mum still believes you. ” I poked his chest before turning on my heels so I could finally get to our garage as soon as possible, where I knew he wasn’t allowed in.

I let out a sigh as soon as I was finally inside and sat down next to Pete who was still going through data before they would have to get the garage packed up. The car was already back in it’s place and even though it was covered on most parts you could see the broken suspensions sticking out. I knew they would have to start fixing it for the next race, although they had more time for it as the next one was in only two weeks time. It was probably lucky that it wasn’t during a race that was followed by another immediately. Made everyone’s job easier and gave them time to completely fix it and get it back where it was before. With a sigh I looked back at the screens even though I knew I couldn’t really help them in any way. This wasn’t really my field and I would have probably either messed up everything or I just wouldn’t even be able to comment on any part of the data if they ever asked for my opinion.

In the end I stayed until they all were done and gladly helped packing up as I really didn’t feel like going outside of the pitlane, and giving a chance for my father to try talking to me again. I didn’t know if he had the balls to stay right until he would be kicked out with the last few visitors, or if he gave up after my response to his approach. Maybe I was giving him too much credit with the second option, but I wanted to believe that it was possible. It would mean I was getting closer to finally getting fully out of his grasp. The media coming up with rumours involving him and I twice a year was truly enough for my mental health. I didn’t need him giving them even more to report on, breaking down my reliability day by day, pushing me further away from my goal of working in the sport without being connected to him. changing my name was one step, but I knew quite well it wouldn’t solve everything and people will still know who I am and who brought me up until my realisation that he was no good as a parent and I could finally take my own decisions.

It was already quite late when the car that took Pete, two of the mechanics and myself, back to the hotel arrived at the destination and we could get out. I dragged myself to the elevator, taking it up to my level where I separated from the guys and went to my own room. The little LED on the lock just turned green and I was about to push down the handle when the door two down from mine opened and I turned towards the sound, getting caught off guard by the movement I saw from the corner of my eyes.

„ Hello. ” Mick greeted me as he stepped out of his room, making me nod in his way. „ Are you coming to dinner? ” He asked again, making me stop in my tracks and step back before I would be inside my own room.

„ I already ate, but thank you. ” I lied and shook my head a little, but before I would have stepped inside I forced myself to look up at him. „ Sorry for the car situation. He can time his ’visits’ quite terribly. ” I added with a sigh hoping that bringing it up won’t just make it even more awkward. There was only silence after my apology, making me want to take back everything I said. I was just about to do that when he was quicker and spoke up.

„ Do you want to talk about it? I mean that usually helps… if you talk it out with someone. ” He surprised me, as I anticipated him trying to get out of the situation rather than offering help. „ It doesn’t have to be me though. You probably have your own friends who usually help you with these things. ” He shrugged a little, almost leaving for the diner when I nodded my head.

„ I would appreciate that. ” I added to my gesture so he would know for sure what I meant. „ Only if you have the time to do so. I don’t want to take up your free time. ” I spoke up quickly again, realising I had no right to change up his whole schedule with my own problems. He probably had better things to do than listen to my rambling about my dad being an asshole.

„ I’m completely free. I’m just gonna get dinner and head back here. Take a shower until then. ” He offered, making me nod again and finally enter my room as soon as he was further away from me, already at the end of the hallway to get into the elevator. Before he would turn around and see me still standing there, I stepped inside closing my door.

His idea did plant a seed in my head, and even though I didn’t plan on it, I took a warm shower, putting my hair up in a towel in the end as I got some clothes out of my suitcase, to change out of the robe. I would have probably just got my pajamas on, but knowing I will have someone over I thought it would be better to get normal clothing out. I was just about to brush through my hair when there was a knock on the door, making me confused for a second, before I got to the door and opened it up. Mick with two containers of food wasn’t a sight in front of me that I anticipated. As soon as I stepped aside he came inside, handing me one of the containers.

„ Robert sent it, knowing you didn’t eat at the track and wasn’t going to do so here if you didn’t come down with me. ” He answered my silent question that my risen eyebrow held, making me smile a little. Some of the crew knew me too well, I guess. „ So, a movie or just chatting? ” He asked, making me look up to see him take a seat on the couch like it was his room we were in. Somehow it still didn’t make me feel abashed as it felt strangely normal.

„ We can start something if you want. Won’t promise that my mind will take it in though. ” I let out a sigh, getting the remote from the TV in front of the couch before sitting down on the other side opposite to him. I watched him take it from my hand before switching it onto a channel that was playing the highlights from today, making me chuckle. „ Guess that won’t strain my poor brain. ” I shook my head, opening the top of the container to see one of my favourites inside.

We watched the replays on the screen as we dived into our food, although there wasn’t really anything we haven’t seen before. I felt myself tense up when they showed the only crash of the race, which was of course Mick’s, but I was glad to see that wasn’t one bit affected by it now. They usually got over them easily, if it wasn’t anything serious or life changing. I was about to finish my meal when they changed to some interviews and immediately felt sickness take over me when I saw the name Jason Hackett written out on the screen and just seconds later the camera turned to show my dad with a full on grin, standing in front of a microphone. They were asking him about rumours of him bringing back the Hackett name into F1 and even though he denied to have any plans like that right now he did hint on having talks with one of the teams. My stomach turned in a way I thought was impossible, at the idea of my father getting to work with another team after how the last occasion like this ended a few years ago.

„ Guess we know why he was there today at least. ” Mick sighed next to me, although I couldn’t break my glance away from the TV until he went off screen finally. „ Although it’s quite a bold statement that someone would like to work with him, taking the outcome of his last sponsorship with a team into account. ” He added with a scoff, making me nod in agreement. I really didn’t know what to think about this all together.

„ You know he’s my father, don’t you? ” I asked him when I was finally out of the trance the interview caused me to fall into. „ Stupid question. Probably everyone knows, however hard I’m trying to keep it from them. ” I poked at a piece of a chicken angrily, almost poking myself in the hand through the material of the box.

„ I wouldn’t say everyone knows. Your friends for sure do, but for example the mechanics probably never even thought you have a connection to him. Only way if they really looked into the cases back when they happened. ” He shook his head a little, mostly just looking at his own food, which wasn’t the sign I was looking for. I had to make myself remember that he was still the one to bring this up and come to my room. „ You’re not running around telling everyone, and also joined the team after all the changes, so they didn’t even have your ’real’ name to start off on. ” He added with a shrug looking back up at me, my worries fading away about him feeling trapped in this conversation.

I had to agree with him, as I really didn’t give myself away for everyone. Why would I? My only dream was to finally get out of his shadow so I could be my own person finally and not just a puppet of his. We stayed in silence watching the TV as they changed to some biking footage from the previous day, while I was still in my thoughts mostly. It was probably one of my worst traits, spending at least two quarters of my time inside my thoughts, completely shutting the outside word out. It gave me the chance to work things out inside without getting anyone worried about me, but I mostly stressed about things that weren’t worth it anyways, making me waste my time.

„ Did you know back then? When I still had his name? ” I asked him, still looking straight at him as I really didn’t want to miss his expression so he couldn’t lie to me. He took a deep breath, probably debating how he should put his words.

„ They made sure I knew. They told us who he was as the accusations were quite fresh back then. But I didn’t know that you’re his daughter. ” He shook his head, looking quite truthful and I believed him. He didn’t give me a reason to do otherwise. „ When I woke up, I had texts from the PR managers that there were photos of the two of us talking with a group of people. They asked me to keep clear of you until I had my contract signed, so photos like these won’t bring my future team an unsure feeling about me. ” My hand stopped in the middle of lifting the fork to my mouth, resting the silverware down on the box again. That wasn’t something I thought about.

„ That’s lovely. Although, I understand their fears. Even I know how messy he leaves everything he touches. There aren't many who can steal millions and still stay out of jail. ” I rolled my eyes, closing the top of my box as I lost most of my appetite. „ Lucky that I stood up against him, isn’t it? At least I’m not someone in their eyes who may interfere with things for him. ” I sighed, crossing my arms in front of my chest. It was the only thing I feared, losing all the respect I worked for in the past few years just because they think I’m here thanks to him.

„ How did you end up at Haas actually? You never mentioned that before. ” He questioned me, making me look up from the floor again.

„ Erica was a family friend of ours who stood up against my dad when he was accused of stealing money through sponsorships. Back then she was still in F2, and then she helped me get my voice heard after he messed up again just with an F2 team. ” I started my story that I never actually told anyone before. Not many were curious enough to actually ask. „ Then when I started university but realised it wasn’t what I wanted she took me as a trainee and helped me get my education in PR management in a way that was compatible with our travelling, so I would have the qualifications if I wanted to look for something outside of Haas in the future. ” I finished up with a smile on my face from the memories. I could only thank Erica for me. She was almost more family to me than my own blood. She trusted me, even when they considered me a wild card in the media.

„ Guess everyone needs a mentor in their life? ” He asked with a similar smile on his face and I could only nod in agreement. Having someone guide you wasn’t too bad of a thing, until they only had good intentions. If someone, Mick probably understood my position the best out of the team members we had.

[ashistrashhh]

here are some fic recs!! including sakuatsu, bokuaka, kuroken and matsuhana bc i couldnt help myself

if you want, ask me about a certain ship and ill give you some recs!

-sakuatsu-

Marble and Sandstone by red_camellia

rating: G words: 12,937 chapters: 2/2 

author summary: Miya Atsumu only cares about volleyball and nothing else. That is, until he develops a strange obsession with the marble statue of a young man that seems vaguely familiar in his university's arts department. One day that statue comes alive as the very real Sakusa Kiyoomi, and they are left with the mystery of why Sakusa Kiyoomi was turned into a statue and only came back to life when Atsumu touched him. Their new-found connection and the strange mystery turns Atsumu's life upside down, not least because of his growing feelings for Sakusa.

my notes: this was a rlly cute fic!!! 11/10 would read again!!

let it go (paint my body gold) by lunarism

rating: T words: 3,272 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It becomes a routine for them. Sometimes they go grocery shopping and make dinner together, other times they end up talking until Sakusa feels like his own shower and bed is calling him. Every single time Sakusa gets home, shrugs his coat off, balls it up, and proceeds to scream profusely into the fabric for a few minutes.

my notes: pining!!! sakusa!!! also casual painter!atsumu!!! and they paint together!!!

craft a miracle with these hands, lips, (silence) by chrysanthe (sonderesque)

rating: T words: 4,252 chapters: 1/1

author summary: ‘Someone is here to ruin your night,’ his door tells him. ‘You should let them in.’ “I’M HOMELESS OMI-OMI. HOMELESS,” yells the one here to ruin his night. “LET ME IN.”

(What does Kiyoomi sell his sanctuary for?)

my notes: hnnn rlly fuckin cute,, and domestic,,,,

Clipped To You by littleboat

rating: T words: 8,174 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It starts with Hinata Natsu, of all people.

Well, if Atsumu’s being honest with himself, it started way before that, but he’s not, so that’s besides the point. And thankfully, he’s just petty enough to blame all of his problems on a thirteen year old girl.

or Sakusa starts wearing hair clips and Atsumu is more than a little obsessed

my notes: minor kagehina, bokuaka // god these fics rlly make me simp for fictional characters even more than i should. but!! sakusa!!! in hairclips!!! and a pining atsumu!!!

learn how to lay me down in something other than danger, other than fury by rosevtea 

words: 34,211 chapters: 1/1

author summary: All of the ways fellow college TA Miya Atsumu reinvents Kiyoomi's definition of normal.

my notes: god i loved this. it’s a fake dating au and like,, even though they’re “dating” sakusa keeps letting his guard down little by little around atsumu and it surprises everyone. komori and akaashi just know  that they’re were genuinely pining for eachother

among probabilities and a thousand fates by aalphard

rating: T words: 15,675 chapters: 1/1

author summary: prompt fill for “in a world where the red string of fate exists, person a’s finger always twitches when person b, who can see the string, tugs on their string” | or sakusa thought he had a tic and atsumu liked to see his confused expression when it started to happen exclusively when he was around.

my notes: i! loved! it!! so basically atsumu and osamu have the rare gift of seeing the red string of fate, so they know its real but sakusa, like most other people dont believe it exists. so atsumu gives sakusa a (kinda) hard time. rlly cute!! i love soulmate aus!

-bokuaka- 

love in the time of wifi by dalyeau

rating: G words: 4,177 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Akaashi is coming to terms with the fact that he might be romantically interested in his volleyball captain. Hence, doing what any sixteen year old with a problem should do. He asks about it online.

my notes: really cute fic about akaashi asking what he should do about his crush on a site similar to reddit. its kinda a “i didnt know it was you” kind of fic and it made me happy

steam by orphan_account

rating: E words: 8,474 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 bokuto: why is he so hot bokuto: why am i so gay kuroo: LMAO you mean your vice captain right bokuto: yeah

The coach blew the whistle for practice to begin, and Bokuto drummed his fingers against the bleachers, awaiting Kuroo’s reply. He was about to walk away, when his phone buzzed in his hand.kuroo: i got this bro bokuto: what bokuto: wtf does that mean

Bokuto started to panic.

my notes: explicit!!! but really wholesome. kuroo is honestly the best wingman. i also think this is my favourite bokuaka smutfic?? 

just to miss the sun by rosevtea

rating: T words: 15,126 chapters:1/1

author summary: Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

my notes: akaashi is a booktuber and bokuto crashes one of his streams. fans begin to speculate. rlly fluffy and can u tell i like bokuaka

brain fish by iceblinks

rating: T words: 12,026 chapters: 6/6

author summary: Akaashi wakes up to a string of texts from an unknown number. 

my notes: i love text fics and i love wrong number aus so u can tell how much i loved this. really fluffy and i come back to it time to time

-kuroken-

us three by honey_s

rating: T words: 5,137 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo’s gaze flits over to the utensil. His eyes bulge out of his skull. “Wh—is that a meat hammer? Put it back!” Akaashi’s head recoils back in confusion. “I don’t understand the problem here.” “Why on Earth have you got a fucking meat hammer? We aren’t going to kill somebody!” “Well,” Akaashi begins, clearly taken aback, “I apologise for assuming. I had heard Kenma-san had been hurt in school and after getting a message from both of you to meet late at night, I merely filled in the blanks and assumed we were going to beat someone up, for lack of a better term.” “Not literally! I meant metaphorically, or figuratively, or something!” “Idiomically?” “That isn’t a word, Bokuto-san.” “Jesus Christ,” Kuroo groans, dropping his head into his hands. “We're going to jail."

my notes: bokuaka and kuroo are ready to beat someone up for kenma!! and we stan!! 

Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos by strawberryriver

rating: G words: 6,141 chapters: 1/1

author summary: 

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

my notes: again with the soulmate au bc i cannot help myself. but really cute!!! probably gonna read this again later!

Boom, Toasted by protostar (hearthope)

rated: T words: 6,782 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 FROM: yuuji any bets on who hes texting??

FROM: eita He's smiling at his phone. Kuroo, probably

FROM: kentarou Kuroo

TO: fake family Have any of you ever once considered not prying

FROM: eita You deserve it

FROM: yuuji how can we not when ur in love!!

Kenma gets a text from an unknown number. He'd be lying if he said the guy behind it wasn't kind of endearing.

my notes: again, i love wrong number texts. it focuses more on kenma’s friendship, but kenma’s pov with texting kuroo is more than him realizing feelings and stuff. really cute, ive read it multiple times. 

Japan's most subscribed by NeverNothing

rating: T words: 3,631 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

my notes: i! love! social media! fics!!! really cute and basically people wondering who the mysterious kuroo is to applepi. 

MATSUHANA!!! the underrated gem

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic

rating: M words: 2,119 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

my notes: honestly more funny than it suggests, but its matsuhana, they’re meme lords.

rated m for by orphan_account

rated: T words: 10,692 chapters: 1/1

author summary: He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

my notes: a very good voice actor au. there is some misunderstanding on hanamaki’s part bc he didnt finish listening to matsukawa, and this is really cute and i love matsuhana. 

In A Quiet Night, All Sounds Carry by levyovochka

rating: E words: 4,794 chapters: 1/1

authors summary: “Ah, ah, Too—!”

Hanamaki hates his university dorm.

“—ru, let me cum, please!”

Hold up. That’s a fucking understatement. Let him rephrase it: Hanamaki loathes his university dorm with passion. Detest the damned abomination, abhors it—

“—ru! Coming, coming—”

It has only been a month and Hanamaki already wants to die.

my notes: as u can guess minor iwaoi // rlly well written and bottom hanamaki rights and maybe my favourite matsuhana smutfic??? and hooh boy i simp for matsukawa

call me maybe by totooru

rating: T words: 33,689 chapters: 14/14

author summary: Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

my notes: minor iwaoi, daisuga, bokuaka // god i think this is my favourite matsuhana fic overall, maybe in general, but my god is it great. this is probably a common rec, but its understandable as to why it is. basically au where makki texts matsun (who goes to karasuno) instead of oikawa for tips to beat iwaizumi at an arm wrestling match. but they keep messaging. and holy shit i love their conversations. please read this, it is 256/10

there we go!! i might go a part two with more ships (kagehina, tsukkiyama and iwaoi) but this took up way to much time lol. i have an essay due in a couple hours. but hope u like these fics as much as i do!!

[lollybliz]

bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by  Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights.  Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm.  “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!

[bean-pole-art]

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art​, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th? 

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary:  Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now -  2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

[bau--prettyboy]

Vials (Spencer x Ethan)

Trigger warnings: heavily based around drug addiction, mild use of language Relationships: Spencer Reid x Ethan (this guy) Summary: Ethan’s always known about his boyfriend’s addiction. One day, he decides to talk about it A/N: Written for day 2 of @mrsh0tchner ‘s Criminal Minds discord writing challenge (yes this is late what about it) Word count: 974

“So, this is it, huh?” Ethan asked, observing the vial in his hand. Though it hadn’t been much, his tone tilted towards an accusation rather than a question. Spencer was absolutely mortified. This was the last thing he needed tonight. The case they were working on was nothing but stressful. Whenever the topic of drugs would come up and he’d say something that you could only learn from experience, the team would give him pitying looks, and Spencer wanted to snap. He wanted to yell at them, to tell them to stop beating around the bush and to actually talk to him, or to just stop caring. He wanted to scream that he could do it, that he didn’t need their little side glances and sympathetic sighs, that he was trying to get better and they just needed to leave him alone. At the same time, he wanted to break down, to tell them everything, and to beg them for help. But instead he did nothing, simply burying those urges deep down in his mind.

It was harder to hide from his boyfriend, yet easier to live with. Ethan knew the signs- he wasn’t oblivious to the way Spencer would lock himself in the bathroom for hours on end so he wouldn’t see him give into his temptations, or see the wreck he became when he thought drugs were a solution. He noticed the way he’d get anxious and fidgety, how he’d snap easily or sweat a lot, how he seemed like he was holding something back half of the time. Ethan knew what it was like, as well. Every fiber of him wanted to help him, but he knew it was easier said a hundred times over than done. So instead, he didn’t pry. He didn’t have any proof, after all. The only thing he had that couldn’t be blamed on his anxiety or stress was the tract marks left behind. “One time, when I was in the hospital,” Spencer had explained, “there was this resident who kept missing my vein with the IV.” His story was clearly bullshit, but Ethan never called him out on it, even if he wanted to.

However, the moment he saw Ethan leaned back with his legs up on the kitchen table with his kit laid out in front of him, he knew things had just become about ten times harder to live with. Spencer stood there, his mouth cracked open and a look of venom in his eyes, but said nothing. Part of him felt like he should be embarrassed; that his boyfriend shouldn't have that because Spencer shouldn't have it, but he didn’t. No, his mind was flooded with emotions, but shame wasn’t one of them. Though he knew he was the only one to blame, Spencer couldn’t help the feelings of anger and betrayal that forced his throat to close so his words couldn’t escape. A tear welled up in the corner of his eye, threatening to run down his cheek, as he gripped at the cuffs of his sleeves. There was a moment where they locked eyes that Ethan felt terrible, knowing just by the slight quiver of his lip that the not-so-subtle confrontation had pushed him over the edge somehow.

“Fine!” Spencer blurted, his voice cracking as he spoke. “I’m a junkie! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I have everything I could’ve asked for: a job in the FBI, the most supportive friends, a mind that can’t forget anything, and a boyfriend that’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met, and yet I still need more! I’m selfish, and I put everything I have on the line just so I can shoot up and feel numb for a while! I find a way to try to screw up every good thing that’s ever happened to me, and ‘that way’ is in this bottle, alright?! So go ahead, leave!” There was a moment that he paused, letting his words hang in the air as a tear ran down his flushed cheek, where he truly broke. He never asked for an addiction, he never asked for dilaudid, and yet somehow, here he was. This time, when Spencer continued, his voice wavered and his tone was hushed, all the anger having escaped him, leaving only guilt and sorrow in its wake. “I don’t know what you’re waiting for.”

While the other man spoke, Ethan had sat up, his heart breaking as he paid close attention to every word Spencer said. All he had to do was give a sorrowful, “oh, Spencer, sweetheart,” before the floodgates opened. Spencer had slumped over where he stood, his whole body trembling as he sobbed, his emotions crashing over him in waves, slowly pushing him, drowning himself in his own thoughts. He simply leaned forwards as he felt Ethan’s arms wrap around him, holding him in a tight embrace. They stood like that for a while as Ethan rubbed comforting circles on Spencer’s back, giving him time to calm down. Once Spencer’s breathing evened out and his grip on his boyfriend became more desperate, as if he were begging him not to go, Ethan pulled back just enough to see the other’s blotchy and tearstained features. “Spencer, Spencer,” he whispered, his voice low and husky, yet so soft and comforting at the same time. “Look at me, baby.” A hand came up, tenderly cupping his cheek and tilting his head up, raising his gaze from where it had fallen without the support of Ethan’s shoulder. “I’m never gonna leave you, alright?” His whisper received a feeble nod from Spencer. “I promise.”

The only word Spencer could stammer out was, “p-promise?”, which broke Ethan’s heart all over again.

“Promise,” he reassured with a nod. “I love you, and I’m so proud of you, darling, for staying strong. So, so proud.”

[patchworkstateofmind]

Returning a Favor | A Marvel AU Fanfic, Chapter 1

Uhm, Ive never actually posted on tumblr before, and also never written about Marvel, so I hope if anyone even reads this, you will hopefully be nice ^^

So, anyways, this is a scene from an Idea I had, it takes place in the time between Spiderman Homecoming and Avengers Infinity War. If you like the idea or my writing style, make sure to let me know, so I can continue my Idea^^

I actually recommend to listen to some music while reading this, I suggest a dark academia, royal core playlist on youtube. (I think its suits this story the best, but you do you)

Okay I should stop blabbering, Lets go!

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Title of Chapter: Ballroom Talk

Word Count: 2,4k

Other Chapters: Ch.1, Ch.2

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The music hangs heavy in the air, as you leaned against the wooden railing of the staircase. Dozens of couples twirled and turned over the marble floor and the golden chandeliers, lit with real candles set the ballroom in a magnificent golden light. Golden specks of dust whirled through the air and the movement of the puffy skirts only made them twirl even more.

You looked down your crystal glass, hmm, empty. Sighing you placed your glass on the platter of a waiter that walked by you. Your gaze crossed the room, looking at the majestic oil paintings, probably worth thousands of dollars. Decadent.

Your eyes met brown. Great, the eyes you were trying to forget. You adverted your gaze and turned around, the skirt of your dress swaying as you made your way down the side of the ballroom, trying to get away. “Excuse me.”, said a voice behind you. You sighed.

“look, I don’t have time for this right now.” You turned around and he stood in front of you. Towering at least 2 feet over you normally, he now was eye to eye with you. Heels do seem have a good point. “I know, I’m really sorry, but I was told to do this.”, he said, so he knew too, that it was just an annoyance, rather than a mission. Gosh, he sounded so much like a teenager, it was almost embarrassing.

“I know too. But I am not joining your little team of ´Revengers´”, you painted quotation marks in the air and even though the half mask on his face managed to hide his emotion quite well, you were sure you could see him snarl. You chuckled lightly. “Let me guess, your friends are right out there, ready to crash the party any moment”. You nodded your head towards one of the stained-glass windows. “Okay, kiddo.”, you began. Actually, you weren’t quite sure how old he was, he seemed at least your age, if not older, but you liked the way it railed him up.

“I know that normally, we would have a nice fight of words and then your teammates come crashing in, saving you, because you obviously aren’t strong enough to handle me on your own. You and your friends set everything on fire, I get away and yet again you think you’ve won because you’ve killed another ten old bastards, that don’t mean anything to us. But you need the accomplishment, and we don’t want you to feel like you always destroy everything without any results. And yet you do.”

He opened his mouth, trying to defend himself, but you simply talk over him. “Let’s face it. You couldn’t find a point to start your search, so you thought you would show up here, thinking that we are dumb enough to not disguise a hidden meeting better than a ball. And you thought you could crash this meeting but then noticed, that it is a real ball. And now you want information, so they sent you in her, totally blending in with everybody here.” You reach for his neck and fix the collar of his button up.

“But now you noticed that there is no one important here, that actually has information. And I know that your teammates probably realised this, but I’m not quite sure if you are intelligent enough to do too, so I’m throwing you this bone.” You make an eccentric pause. “Peter, have you noticed that not even one important person is here.”, you pointed towards the dancefloor. “And you know why? Because there is a hidden meeting, but we all know that you and your little team aren’t even remotely clever enough to even think about this, so we sat up this ball. Of course, that’s not the only reason, its also to get rich old bastards on our side, feeding them with bacon wrapped dates and hors d´oeuvres and telling them that we are this”, you pinch your fingers together. “Close to curing cancer.”

“Are you serious?”, Peter brushes his hand trough his hair. “So this is all a setup to lead us into the false direction?”. “You look distressed”, you say and reach for the tablet of yet another waiter that walks by. “Here, try some of that, it will calm you down, but yes, this is just a setup”. You take the glass and press it into Peters’ hand. He doesn’t seem to pay attention to you though, his hand lays on his ear and the other, with the glass, he raised up to his mouth. “Did you hear that Mr Stark?”, he asked.

You try to swallow a giggle. “So, I was right”, you say and turn around, making your way down the corridor. “You really couldn’t think one step further and realise that we aren’t dumb enough to hide secret things better, tsk.”

It takes Peter a few seconds to notice you are leaving, but when he does, he is sprinting down the corridor after you. “Wait!”, he yells. “Come on Peter”, you answer annoyed, it comes out as a snarl. “Why are you so relentless? You had the mission to get information, I gave you information. Its not my fault that the information is that you suck”

“Hey! We don’t suck!”, he defends and jumps around, side to side, trying to move in front of you, but your massive skirt is blocking his way, making him dance around you. Though you must admit that even though this tight corset and the puffy skirt annoy you, you can’t seem to help but thank the 18th century fashion for making people stay away from you.

“Why don’t you just go back to your friends outside, because as you can see, there is nothing interesting here, just a bunch of old dudes, dancing with young and impressionable girls on the search for a rich sugar daddy”, You say. You are really done with this shit.

“I don’t think we have that what we want yet”, a voice came from in front of you. To be fair, you didn’t expect anybody else here, which made you stop in your tracks. You needed a Minute to calm your muscles again, trying to keep your masquerade on. “Oh, thank god”, Peter huffs out from behind you. Great, you are stuck.

You raise one side of your mouth to a smirk. “Captain America, didn’t expect to see you here. Thought you would be busy with squeezing yourself into those tight spandexes.”, you say. “Though I must say, tailcoats suit you much better, you should make them into your uniform, rather than that ridiculously patriotic Costume you always wear.” “I could say the same to you, oh, wait, you look like the wallpaper of my grandma exploded on you”, he says and grins. “Ouuh, burn”, You say mockingly. “You know you could just say you like me better without clothes”, You say and glance back over your shoulder. Only to find that Peter is blushing, you look back at Cap, he’s blushing too. Double kill.

“Well, if you would excuse me Gentleman, I’ve got a dinner date to keep”, You try to manoeuvre your skirt around Cap, but he positions himself right in front of you. “I don’t think so.”, he crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s not very nice, to keep a lady from following her plans”, You say and try once again, but he takes a step sideways, blocking your path yet again. “Let’s see it like this”, Cap begins. “You can either talk with me right now, or we will take this outside and you can see if you were right with the assumption that it takes more people than one to fight you.

You sigh. “Nice move, America. Taking advantage of the girl in heels, so it can’t run away.” You turn around and look at Peter. He has taken off his mask and you lock eyes with him. “Well then kiddo”, you say and open your hand. “Give me your glass, if you don’t use it, then don’t mind if I do” He hands you the wine glass and you throw your head back, downing it in one swift motion. You place the glass onto a side table and motion for Captain America to follow you. “You want to dance?”, you ask. He lifts an eyebrow. “So, you really wanna fight”, he asks. “Nah, not now. I mean it literally, if I have to spend more time here, then why don’t use it”

He turns around to look at Peter. “Go outside, I will meet you there, if I don’t come out in ten Minutes send them in” You can’t help but snicker at this and now its your turn to cross the arms over your chest. “Are you so afraid of me? The mighty Captain America- Oh wait, the mighty one was Thor, wasn’t it? Well anyways, I’m gonna spend the rest of my evening on the dance floor”

With those words you make your way back to the ball room. The music is still the same, eerily beautiful, like from an old historian drama. You reach the end of the hallway and look at the Captain. He reaches into the inside of his tailcoat and pulls out a velvet mask. “Glad to see you thought about bringing one yourself, I counted on the fact that I would have to lend you one of mine.” You tap onto your mask. A light beige, velvet half mask, adorned with blue pearls and light blue lace. It matched with your dress.

He holds out his elbow and you interlock your arm into his. You make your way to the dance floor, its not a formation dance, so you don’t stick out when you two join in in a free space. He places his hand on the side of your body and you reach out to place your hand in his. You begin the turn around the floor, not thinking about a choreography.

“Okay, Mr. America”, you say, now quieter, although the music and the chitter chatter all around you should make it hard for anybody else to hear your conversation. “You have this one dance, if you want to talk any longer, we will have to fight. And we both know that a fight will end in at least on person to be hurt. And I don’t know why, but I don’t think it will be me.”

He meets your stern gaze with just as much aversion. “I do think too that one dance is more than enough”. “By then, start your questions”. You turn outwards and twirl yourself back in under his arm. “Why are you doing this ball?”, he asks. “Like I said, its easier to have meetings that shall not be interrupted, if you have something where the people that could interrupt are occupied” “So, I guess that’s why you are here too, because they don’t want you to interrupt either?”, he asks and you can hear his intention right through. “I am really sorry, but I think we both know that you will not be able to question my loyalty”

He leaves your hand to place his on the other side of your waist and you place yours on his shoulders. With a swift motion he lifts you up as the music reaches its climax and with a turn puts you back down on your feet. “Next question”, you say. “You are running out of time”

“Why this masquerade?” You sigh. “I know, it’s very cliché isn’t it; I also don’t know why it has to be in this Victorian style, but I guess it should make the people here feel more at home, old people like old stuff, don’t they? But of course, I shouldn’t tell you about old stuff, I mean, you’re the 100-year-old” He rolls his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant”. “Ugh, I know, you see, this is a disguise for a meeting, but its also a coming together of really rich people, and really rich people tend to do really bad stuff. Its easier to gather blackmail bait when people feel safe because of a mask that isn’t hiding anything.” “So, it’s a trick to steal money from the rich?” “No, its to steal Power from the rich. If you want to really win this game of power, you got to have the rich and powerful on your side, not only the handymen. And based on the facts I do know; you don’t even seem to have the handymen on your side. The Avengers, always there for the people”, you sigh mockingly. “but doing nothing more,  than leaving a trail of misery and destruction. Cut to the chase, what is really the reason you and your friends are here?”

“Where is the secret headquarters of Hydra?”, he asks, and you drop your smile. “Oh, straight to the point I guess”, You say and take a step away from him. He grabs your hands and pulls you back in, this time his hand lands on your back, holding you firmly in place. He leans down to your ear. For other people it must look like you are a couple, but the snarl in his voice is more than enough to find out the real affirmation between you two.

“Cut it, we know that you and your little crew have connections to hydra” You lean back, trying to bring space between you two and snarl back. “You should be careful who you make assumptions about, some people are not very happy to be affiliated with those people.” “Those people!?”, he gets louder. “Last time I remembered you blowing up a part of Siberia, destroying everything in a 100-mile radius. You are nothing better than Hydra.”

“I am not in affiliation with Hydra, but remember this for the next time we meet, America.”, you hiss and now you lean into him. “I will rip everything you love apart if you don’t keep your dirty hands of my business. And I think we both know that I won’t hesitate. But maybe I shouldn’t threaten you” You lean back and push against his chest, stepping away. “If you dare once again to interfere with my business, I will destroy everything any of you are fond of. Your little boy, Peter. This naïve and sweet boy. How about we start with him? Or maybe start with something that hurts. I come to know about a certain woman named… What was it? Peggy?”

With these words you turn around and storm of, you don’t hear footsteps behind you, and you are really sure that he won’t be following you.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Thank you for reading!

Have a great day!

[saturnselkies]

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY 🌟

Continuation and the final part of the playlist Awakened in Starlight I did ages ago!! I hope you enjoy!! Under the read more is the story. Please do read!! 

Thank you for reading and listening, if you do.

ACT I: I could never sacrifice you

1. Sacrifice by Sharon Lyons

A tiny little sacrifice. Her mother would always say, for worlds to turn, some things would be lost among the space between galaxies.

Ouri was young back then, a much tinier dragon, much more impressionable. Now one sacrifice felt like touching a pulsating black hole.

The silver tree bloomed above Ouri. She dug her hands in the golden sand of the cosmos. By her feet the lifeless body of Najwa lied.

“Weaver of Worlds, you must let go.” The leaves echoed through the white room. “Fate beckons you, Scion. It is time.”

Golden magic blossomed on her fingertips and she felt a pang of frightening pain. “I’m sorry, mother. I’m sorry, Silver Tree. I’m sorry, Najwa.”

The room was a golden field, and death became life.

2. Across the Universe of Time by Hayley Westenra

“And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away The feeling all over is a black black day But I know that I’ll see you again And I know that you’re near me”

***

ACT II: I could never forget you

3. Light in Between by Abby Gundersen 

Najwa tried to forget. She really did. Tried to leave everything behind. To be forgotten amongst the cliffs of Desert Highlands.

Shame, sadness, anger; they danced underneath her skin every day. Her dreams were plagued with meadows blooming in the sunlight. Songs of ancient times.

Najwa wondered if other Awakened actually dreamed. Or if she had just ended up in a bizarre predicament. One that would forever be a mystery. Unless…

Unless she found Ouri.

Najwa gritted her teeth and patted Toffee’s back to try and distract herself. The summit wildhorn bleated and rested her head above Najwa’s. “Yeah, I know gal.”

4. God Only Knows by RAIGN

“I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you If you should ever leave me Though life would still go on Believe me”

***

ACT III: And so they dance between knives and lies

5. You Have to Let Go by Adam Fielding

“How could you!?” Najwa shouted. Her hands grabbing at Ouri’s Mordant Crescent outfit. A reminder so grim. A reminder so ugly.

“Najwa, I’m not who you think I am.” Ouri was visibly shaking. Forming words had become hard for her.

“Oh you think I don’t know? The display is sickening.” Najwa pushed Ouri against the wall with such force the nearby shelves shook. Ouri simply stood still, her eyes full of guilt.

“No, it’s not that.” She tried to relax her shoulders, but ultimately failed. Ouri knew bringing this up right now would be either an incredibly stupid idea, or completely destroy their chance of ever reconnecting. “I’m just… following a list of things to do.”

“This can’t be serious.” Najwa’s eyes were pure rage. “Was “Awakening” me part of the list!?“

“No… He didn’t do anything to you. I-” She swallowed hard. “I did.”

It took only a second for her eyes to lose the deep hazel color. Replaced by golden shades and cosmic hues. Ouri was the night sky. The far seeing cosmos. Written all over her skin.

Najwa stepped back in a daze. Her mind was a volcano erupting in the middle of the ocean. “What is going on.” Najwa stepped back as further as she could clinging to her scythe. If she still had a beating heart she knew it would have plummeted out of her chest by now.

“Spearmarshal. Najwa.” Ouri paused. And the universe watched them from the corners of the tapestry of time. “The list is what your people call a prophecy.”

The sudden realization hit Najwa like a crashing wave. All those cryptic dreams. All those shades of gold dancing at he back of her mind. The prairies of starlight. All of it. “Am I bound to you!? You did this to me!?”

“N-no! No! I cut the connection. Your will is your own.” Ouri quickly interjected. Panic was taking over her.

“How dare you!?” Najwa’s grab on her scythe was painfully tight. Tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“If it were not me. It would have been Palawa Joko! I didn’t want that!” Ouri pleaded. Pleaded to be understood between fate and choice. Between golden threads and shadows.

“You…” Najwa’s anger was like a bursting sun. Extinguishing a galaxy before it was even formed. “You are a monster. I regret the day I crossed paths with you.”

A sacrifice. A hole in the tapestry of time.

“I know.”

The birds did not sing that morning.

6. I Cannot Raise the Dead by The Dark Element

“In a time before us We were both someone else And we can be again We both let wrong one in To keep the right one out And now we’re both without”

***

ACT IV: Until tomorrow begins again

7. Heart Lying Still by Nightwish

The Domain of Kourna was even more dreadful than Najwa remembered; she ended up finding an empty building to sit on while the Sunspears were organizing the attack on Gandara.

She kept pulling at her attire. It felt strange to use the Sunspears’ dervish insignia again. But here she was, ready to help destroy the cause of all the pain in her home.

“Mother?” A voice came from the door.

“Yes, Khalida?” she responded lamely.

“Jeez, I thought you’d be happier. Is not seeing your daughter for the first time in eight years a good thing?” Khalida teased her, raising her eyebrow playfully.

“I- No. I’m sorry, hunbun.” Najwa panicked and tried to get up.

“Hey. I’m just teasing. I know all our wounds are still pretty fresh.” Khalida placed her hand over her mother’s shoulder, signalling her to sit back down.

“Yeah…” Najwa said.

Khalida sat next to her and hugged her knees. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Ha. I should be the one asking you that.” Najwa leaned her back against the wall. Her whole body was tense.

“C'mon, Mom. We might all just die in a few hours.” She elbowed her mother and grinned.

“Gods. When did you become so…” Najwa tried to find words to fill the gap of so many years lost. But nothing came up. She knew it would always be something hard to manage. “Never mind. I came to a conclusion. And I don’t like it.”

“Uhhhhh? Yeah? So early in the morning?” Khalida quipped.

She snorted at the comment. “You know, Ouri.”

“I do know her.”

“I might have said some really. Really. Upsetting things to her.” She shuddered remembering the last time they had talked. It was a chilling sonnet in the back of Najwa’s mind. “I was hurting. I still think she had no right to bring me back to life. But…”

“You see her point now?” Khalida said.

“Yeah… Being bound to Joko would have destroyed every fiber of my morals. I am still here. I am still mostly myself.” She looked at her hands and felt a spark of warmth. “I got to see you again.”

“Then you should tell her that,” Khalida simply offered.

“I think I should just let it go-”

“You did that for eight years.”

“And here I thought I was the mother.” She frowned and crossed her arms.

“Things change. I am a Spearmarshal now.” Khalida smiled.

8.To the Moon and Back by Moonlight Haze

“I still love you so bad To the moon and back and I Yes I miss you daily to the moon and back I’d go anywhere now To the moon and back for you Hope my voice will reach you To the moon and back Time cannot heal scars that lie so deep Inside this void of mine”

***

ACT V: I will cling to the heart between dawn and dusk

9. Between the Lines by Felix Räuber

Ouri and Najwa both stood across each other. The fortress sounded eerily silent after Aurene and the Commander had stopped Joko. Only the faint cheers in the distance, from both the dead and the living, could be heard.

Najwa took a deep breath and touched the grotesquely adorned walls. “This could have been my fate.”

Ouri eyes followed the other woman’s form. She bowed her head slightly, avoiding her gaze.

“I don’t know how I feel about everything that happened,” Najwa continued. “I even find it hard to believe that I am here.”

The former Spearmarshal dragged her feet through the tar. The oozing pools reflected her face in such a distorted manner. “Gross. I wouldn’t want to have this inside of me.” Najwa grimaced.

Ouri bit her lip, trying not to chuckle at the comment.

“Are you just gonna let me monologue?” Najwa pouted. “I remember you being a chatter box.”

“You said you wanted to talk…”

“Always a little too literal, are we?” Najwa walked over to Ouri. “It’s just. I… I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Ouri blinked. Her eyes were gold and shining. They contrasted the beautiful dark blues of her skin.

Much better outfit, Najwa caught herself staring at her curves. The essence of the stars painting her body was mesmerizing. Ouri titled her head at the slight pause.

Najwa coughed and tried to re-focus. “Us.”

Tentatively she reached out for Ouri’s hands. They were glowing in a flame-like effect. Najwa could swear they felt like what one would describe as the heart of the universe. Warm, cold, terrifying, and enticing all at the same time.

“The reason. The reason it hurt so much to know what you did. The reason it felt less of a burden if I was just another Awakened is…” She pushed back her tears. And squeezed the other woman’s hands. “Is because. I.”

“I love you.” Ouri cut her off.

Najwa didn’t need to ask. Najwa didn’t need to understand. Ouri was a Celestial. A Scion of a grand river of the cosmos. A life bearer. How could a life bearer leave someone to die. Someone she loved.

Yet disbelief still colored her blushing face.

“You. You love me?”

Ouri nodded.

Najwa should have known that from the first day they met. Ouri had always been a spark. The fountain of the gentle sun. Najwa connected their lips in a rush of emotion. Soft and willing. Somewhat rough and passionate, too. Full of regrets, mistakes, and guilt. Full of joy, love, and forgiveness.

“I love you, too. Gods, I do.”

Dusk and dawn danced together for the first time in a millennia.

10. Forever by Frozen Crown

“Find in light the essence of the night Say forever Forever Till the stars shine on our hearts Tides won’t last Our time is dying fast But this moment, our moment It will shine bright on our hearts”

***

ACT VI: Spearmarshal and Scion

11. Celestial Dreams by Rachel Currea

“So do I get an honorary Celestial membership?” Najwa’s hair sparkled against the wind. The grey tips had become glowing and golden much like her eyes.

“Well… if you want one.” Ouri laughed.

“Yes, I do.” She grinned widely. “Don’t tell the other Awakened, but this is so much cooler.”

12. Night Will Fade by Beyond the Black

“Somewhere beyond this world Far beyond this life Fate will raise our souls out of the past Somewhere beyond this day Night will fade away Will you follow my final words For tomorrow beyond this world”

13. Into a Dawn by Feridea

“I never let go, of my hopes and dreams I never was afraid, the road is free To find a star, to guide me through this twilight fall Into a dawn”

[macmilllan]

                                       “ i want to stay. i want to leave. i am                                           three oceans away from my soul. ”

cis male / he/his. ┊ if you’re looking for FINNIAN MACMILLAN, you’ll probably find HIM in the HUFFLEPUFF dorm with the rest of the SEVENTH years. they’re the TWENTY-ONE year old PUREBLOOD who looks kind of like ROME FLYNN. they seem CURIOUS, QUICK-THINKING, & JUDICIOUS to me, but apparently they’re also IMPATIENT, DISTRUSTFUL, & RECALCITRANT. maybe that’s why they remind me of waking up early, so it feels like you have the whole world to yourself; the salty breeze off the sea; making up your own rules to board games;   family photos and heirlooms locked in a trunk you don’t open; the adrenaline rush of thriving at the last minute; a feeling deep down that you’d never make it on your own. ( ooc: zoe, 22, cst, she/her. ) 

WARNINGS:  parental death, car accidents, manipulation, underage alcohol use ADDITIONAL MATERIALS:   finn’s playlist, stats page, & pinterest board  

i.

the macmillans were always a large family, sprawling and warm and bright.  generations ago,  they found themselves written up as one of the sacred twenty-eight and were,  if not quite baffled  (for they were proud to make and display beautiful family trees,  and thought it made sense they were one of the stronger pureblood clans around),  uncomfortable with the company that put them with.

for years they’d been more than content to exist as their own enclave, almost;  existing in the wixen world and attending hogwarts and welcome members of society,  but always,  always happy to return home to ireland away from the larger wixen communities.  it was rare to see a macmillan settle down in hogsmeade or godric’s hollow;  they preferred to do business with muggles in their communities when they could,  only went to diagon alley when it could not be put off any longer.  

it was strange;  but the sort of strangeness easily written off as eccentricity,  that didn’t seem to ruin their standing in good pureblood society.  

perhaps that was because they weren’t reclusive  —  for years and years,  they made friends with other families,  saw their children married off with greengrasses and abbotts and longbottoms and happily attended the large society weddings.   they were proud of their various children and their various accomplishments.

augustine macmillan was only one macmillan out of many.  he was the eldest son of an eldest son,  going back several lucky generations that made him favored.  

if the macmillans were the sort of family to call a certain child the heir over all the others,  it wouldn’t have been a question:  augustine was the heir.  the golden boy.  beloved not just by his family but by everyone who had encountered him at hogwarts,  where he met his wife,  briar shacklebolt.

no one was really surprised when they moved back to the macmillan family home. augustine’s father had recently died.  his younger brother was also recently wed,  and moved to spain to live near his wife’s family.  it fell on augistine to keep up the old macmillan estate on the sea.  he and briar were happy to take on the responsibility;  they agreed that there was no better place to start their family.  

and they did  —  they were,  like,  really good at starting a family,  actually.  they had their eldest son,  shea,  shortly after settling into the macmillan home,  and five years later had lark and lonen,  the twins.  the twins were joined by niamh three years later,  finnian three years after that;  when little astrid was born a year after finnian,  the couple finally decided they were done.   they had their perfect,  large family.  the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea was loud,  filled with love and laughter and a perfect amount of lived-in chaos.  everything was perfect.  

ii.

later,  all the wixen gossip and newspaper tributes would call briar and augustine’s death a senseless tragedy,  an unthinkable thing.  plenty of muggles die from car crashes;  but purebloods,  from good families,  heir to their names,  just  —  didn’t.  they died from well-earned old age or an illness that had them in st. mungo’s for months leading to their demise.  from spell inventions gone badly,  or from being on the wrong end of a duel.  those sort of deaths made sense;  they were noble or expected.  strangers heard news of the macmillans’ death and found it shocking enough to reveal disdain.

it wasn’t altogether strange for a pureblood family like theirs to have a car.  even the ministry used the muggle vehicles,  charmed to weave through traffic with an ease everyone felt wixen had earned.  briar and augustine didn’t have anything flashy  —  just a nice family thing,  affixed with an extension charm so all six of their children could ride in it comfortably,  if they needed to.  

technically, the extension charm was illegal;  but everyone who knew about it looked the other way.  after all,  the youngest macmillan kids attended a muggle school at the local town,  so they could have friends and socialize before moving on to an intermediate academy.  people whispered about that  —  the illegal magicking of the muggle vehicle,  the fact that their children attended a muggle school  —  in the wake of the couple’s death.  the macmillans had spent generations currying enough favor for people to willfully forget that,  despite their perfect lineage,  they were a little too comfortable with muggle things.

no one brought it up,  at briar and augustine’s funeral.  no one wanted to punish those six kids for what they knew were the sins of their parents,  and their parents alone.  little shea macmillan was only eighteen,  barely an adult in the wizarding world and still at hogwarts;  there was no way he would have a car,  and charm it,  and drive it around roads where muggles go like that’s at all safe.  

no,  people were quick to help him,  and jump to his defense and his aid.  because they were quick to want him to turn out different from his parents.  

iii.

finn was seven when his parents died and suddenly everyone turned to his oldest brother like he was the head of the family now,  the one in charge of the gaggle of macmillan kids.  shea was still going to hogwarts.  even the well-meaning strangers who wanted to meddle in their lives didn’t want to steal a hogwarts education from shea.  he had three years to finish out;  everyone knew he’d step up as caretaker as soon as he was done,  because that was the right thing to do,  and everyone was sure shea would do the right things.  

an older woman,  somebody’s grandmother,  if she wasn’t theirs,  came to stay at the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea with the kids during the school year.  finn and niamh and little astrid were still too young for intermediate academies;  so she took it upon herself to pull them out of the local muggle school and homeschool them.  

she was kind and helpful,  and shea was too grateful to wonder at how determined everyone was to keep the last of the macmillans away from muggle life.

she never stuck around during holidays and summers,  when shea was back from school.  finn liked her plenty,  but he was happy when shea finished school and strongly encouraged her to stop sticking around at all. the macmillan home never really felt like it used to;  finn was seven when his parents died and that was old enough to remember what life had been like with them around.  

but it was amazing to have shea back for good.  finn felt like things returned to normal,  a little,  when he had his brother around for good.  their house was filled with love and laughter and a perfect amount of lived-in chaos.  no,  life wasn’t all around perfect anymore.  but it was good.  

iv.

their parents had left more than enough gold in the family gringott’s vault that life was always comfortable for the six macmillan kids.  shea could easily fall into the role of guardian for his siblings without worrying about money.  by the time shea was done with school,  finn still had one more year before it was time for him to start at an intermediate academy.  it was a golden year,  him and shea and astrid,  with lark and lonen and niamh coming home for holidays,  everything feeling as right as it could.

all six kids remembered all too well how often people had popped into their home,  trying to load their ideals off on them.  those distant cousins and family friends never seemed to be around now that shea was back for good.  finn,  for one,  was glad.  he’d been raised to be polite,  and kind,  and so he’d sat and nodded and listened to all those adults like he knew they wanted him to.

but you could only take so much of hearing near-strangers try to disparage your parents without explicitly speaking ill of the dead.  even the not-grandmother who’d looked after him and his sisters when their brother was at school had made more than one snide remark about the troubles that came with forgetting that wixen stood apart of muggles for a reason.

finn didn’t feel all that charitable towards the attempted correction everyone seemed to think he’d needed,  grief-stricken at seven.  pureblood society had seen the macmillan family floundering after a tragedy and leapt on them like vultures.  the intent,  he was sure,  was to sway the kids back towards wixen society.  it probably did the opposite.

the macmillans were still an upstanding pureblood family that no one would look down their noses at;  especially not knowing now that the remaining family members were all orphans,  deserving of canned sympathy even years removed from their parents’ deaths.  people were kind to finn,  and he was kind to them in return,  polite in his careful dismissals and practiced brush-offs.  he had his siblings and had learned at a very young age that he just couldn’t rely on anyone else like he could rely on them.

shea was protective of his siblings,  especially finn and astrid who had been so little when they were thrust into his care like he knew what to do with them.  he encouraged the two of them,  and niamh and lonen and lark,  to keep their distance from anyone who seemed too intent on getting them to believe a certain thing or act a certain way.  

people had ulterior motives,  and they were ruthless in getting children to believe those motives were right and just.  the macmillan family had always been self-sufficient,  and they were all determined to keep it that way,  now that they didn’t need to rely on anyone for anything.  

v.

everyone had their job within the macmillan home  —  the thing they did for their siblings that kept things running smoothly,  everyone useful,  everyone loved.  

finn had learned to cook at the elbow of lark and their brief not-grandmother;  when he was home from school,  first his intermediate academy and later hogwarts,  his first stop was the kitchen.  it was a huge,  spacious room in the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea,  the place where so many of his well-worn memories of briar lived.  he felt most connected to his mother there and insisted,  along with lark,  to be in charge of meals.  he and his older sister were a well-oiled machine.  

it was no surpise to any of them when he followed her lead and was sorted into huffelpuff.

she owled him all the best spots in their common room and the best snacks to request from the kitchens,  and her twin lonen wrote to him with old pranks he’d pulled as a gryffindor,  in case finn felt like keeping up family tradition.  niamh was at hogwarts with him,  and rolled her eyes at how much everyone seemed to coddle little finn  —  but she had a mean right hook and promised her fellow slytherins would have finn’s back if anyone tried anything with her baby brother.  

shea owled him,  too.  but just to say he was proud of finn.  finn glowed with love at that one and decided he’d keep all three letters for the rest of his life.  maybe it was a silly,  sentimental sort of choice to make,  when he was fourteen now and supposed to be a grown-up hogwarts student,  but finn stood by it.  

he’d had an early growth spurt and carried himself with the sort of well-worn confidence that made other people decide he was cool.  he had a tendency to play his cards close to his chest and slap on the same practiced niceness with everyone  —  if other people thought that lent him a sense of mystery,  that it made him cool,  that was fine.  it just meant everyone would leave him alone,  for the most part.  that was how finn liked things.  

there was this potential in him to be soft  —  he was the youngest boy in the family,  and for a while there,  when he and astrid were the only ones not in any kind of school,  everyone looked after them as the babies of the family.  he used to need an army of stuffed animals on the bed at night to keep him safe,  used to cry any time he smelled something like his father’s old cologne.  it wasn’t just that there was a potential in him to be soft;  he was soft,  deep down,  and always had been.  

but that didn’t really serve him well,  did it?  all those well-intentioned strangers had swooped in on him and his family in their greatest moment of weakness.  finn was a good guy,  a sweet boy.  that’s what adults always used to call him,  when they were trying to weave their way into the macmillans’ lives.  

but he could wrap all that goodness and sweetness in steel and wield it like a weapon if need be.  it was safer for him and his family,  that way.

vi.

finn loved himself a task.  he wasn’t a believer that idle hands were the devil’s plaything or anything so brimstone-y as that,  but he just didn’t like to sit doing nothing.  some part of him always had to be moving,  lest his mind take over and decide to race in the stillness.  one summer,  he and lark worked their way through julia child’s mastering the art of french cooking.  it felt like a kind of fuck you to all the wholesome,  magical,  english cookbooks people had left them as gifts when they’d seen how many muggle ones were in the macmillan kitchen.  

they owled their uncle,  still living in france with his wife and kids,  progress reports on each recipe.  when he came to visit during christmastime,  finn and lark cooked his family increasingly elaborate french meals until his wife laughed at them and snorted wine out of her nose.  they just ordered a pizza from the muggle place in town,  after that.

one summer,  finn taught himself to play guitar.  he was awful at it for a while,  and niamh,  whose room was next to his,  cast a silencing charm on it until he promised to keep an eye on the clock when he was practicing so he didn’t keep her up until three in the morning.  he got better,  like,  eventually.  his siblings had never been under the illusion his peers were under,  that finn was cool.  

mostly they made fun of him for picking the guitar when the family had a perfectly nice piano in the living room he could have used,  instead of the guitar he bought second-hand from a shop in the town next to the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea.  

the six of them had elaborate board game tournaments,  and games that weren’t quite board games with rules they made up themselves.  exploding snap was an event at home,  everyone tipsy on mulled wine and cider,  well-fed on whatever finn and lark had made for dinner that night.  they organized three-on-three quidditch games on the beach and yelled at anyone who let the quaffle fall into the water.  

vii.

it was different,  in school.  finn was less himself at hogwarts than he was at home,  where he could laugh with his siblings as they laughed at him and feel like not even his missteps would be looked down on.  despite his years at school fully immersed in the magical world,  finn still felt wary around people who weren’t directly related to him.  it even took him a while to warm up to his uncle and his wife and kids,  once they finally started coming around again.  

finn couldn’t help but feel like he couldn’t fail in front of anyone he didn’t already trust with his life  —  and the list of people he trusted with his life was a very short one.

his peers weren’t as bad as adults were  ( there was not a single professor finn had ever trusted.  the ones who were nice and likable were worse than the ones who everyone else disliked )  but there was something about being simultaneously abandoned and conditioned by strangers when he was a kid that made him not want to let his guard down around anybody.  it felt like both a personal failing and an act of survival.

making friends for him was both very easy and almost impossible.  

people tended to like him.  finn wasn’t sure what it was  —  maybe he just had a face,  or his habit of being unfailingly nice to everyone paid off in unexpected ways,  but there had never been a shortage of people willing to walk with him to class or sit with him at breakfast.  he could talk to them,  and joke with them,  and even fall into something that looked enough like a friendship that he was never really alone.  

but finn wouldn’t have cared if he was alone all the time,  which  —  he was reasonably sure was not most people’s reactions to having friends.  it was fine;  he was fine.  at the very least,  it made it easy for him to satisfy that itch under his skin that said he had to keep moving at all times.  people with friends never sat alone at quidditch games,  and they always knew when there was something fun going on.  there was always someone willing to play wizard’s chess with him,  or go to the library to work on notes.  

finn was technically thriving at hogwarts.  his grades reflected as much,  and he knew he’d have no trouble making it in the world outside of the castle.  but he never really felt like he was thriving,  and was mostly just happy thinking there was a world outside the castle.

viii.

shea and lark ganged up on him,  sometimes.  both of them thought he was doing himself a disservice by phoning so much of his life in.  it was true that all of the macmillan kids had been messed up,  in some way,  by their parents deaths and the three years immediately following them.  finn just carried it differently than any of them;  and despite it all,  he was still one of the babies of the family,  coddled and looked after.  finn preferred to be the one looking after things.  it made him uncomfortable to be seen.  

for them,  only for them,  finn promised he’d try to live more in his life;  to not be so distant and practiced and kindly removed.  it didn’t feel right on him,  like a borrowed coat.  he wasn’t sure anyone else would’ve noticed he difference.  he’d gone through the motions of being involved,  of being a friend,  for years now  —  and he’d been good enough at going through the motions that trying for real felt more like faking it.

honestly,  just this once,  he wasn’t pleased his siblings were looking out for him.  he’d coasted through most of his hogwarts career and then spent his last three years floundering,  trying to act like a real person and then remembering it wasn’t supposed to be an act at all.

the world was changing,  malleable and more malicious than ever,  right outside the warm glow of his family home.  during christmas break,  the ministry made changes to the auror’s office that made all the macmillan kids look at each other with worried eyes.  there were several warring forces shifting under the surface of things.  their home was a safe enclave,  and everyone felt he and astrid were protected enough within hogwarts’ walls.  

but there was no denying that things weren’t going to sit peacefully for much longer,  if there’d ever been any real peace.  finn was just enough of a pessimist to think it was only a matter of time before the world boiled over,  like a pot unwatched.  it sure as hell felt like he had picked a poor time to try and give himself into feeling things for real.

[thechroniclesofdaraliss]

100 Mutants & Masterminds Session Ideas (Part IV)

It’s been a while since the last list. The chaos of living one life as a civilian and the other as a vigilante is always a balancing act. But here we are, another 100 ideas for all your superhero adventures! Whether you defend a small neighborhood or the entire planet, there should be something here for everyone. If you like what I do, please like, comment, or reblog. So let’s grab our massively overpriced vehicles and take call all our partners in crime-fighting, and take to the skies for another day of heroism!

You investigate a series of robberies and discover that the party behind it is a matriarchal clan where crime is the family business.

B-rank heroes are trying to take on your enemies so they get status. But in the end, they’re endangering more lives than they’re saving.

Prominent meta-humans are being sent invitations to play a game on an island where their skills will be tested. They must complete the objectives, and get the highest score to win. The catch? Some of the objectives involve killing other participants.

Someone is orchestrating tragedy for heroes, knowing that they will become powerful meta-humans. But what does this person have in mind for them once they reach their full potential?

A catatonic billionaire uses everything in his power to find a body suitable for his devious mind. This includes his money, technology, and criminal connections.

A series of magical books have been stolen, each one belonging to one of the foremost sorcerers in Earth’s history. But when put together, they will unlock a codex that will either unleash an evil creature, or bind it again for another 10,000 years.

A foreboding alien ship is hovering over the world’s largest cities, but does not destroy them. Instead, it’s sucking energy out of them. You must stop it before it leaves the world in darkness.

A villain is terrorizing the city by infusing common items with poisonous substances. He challenges you to crack the code and save the city.

A team of heroes calls for your help in taking down a mutual enemy.

A league of villains forms to take down your team.

Disaster strikes (bridge collapse, burning building, etc) and you have no way of getting your super suit in time. You must find a way to save the civilians without blowing your cover.

A new set of meta-humans hit the streets and are using their unusual abilities to reek havoc. No particle accelerator explosions or toxic waste disasters have been recorded, so you need to find out how these powers originated, and how they are being transferred.

A city-wide cryogenic freezing has occurred. With everyone motionless, the villains will be able to judge the wicked and preserve the innocent. Everyone is at their mercy, except your team.

A monstrous being has emerged, but they don’t seem capable of harming anything. The government insists on recollecting it, but it fears what will happen when it is brought back. You must aid in this beings capture or escape. Both will prove difficult.

A new power source has emerged that can imbue people with life and power beyond measure. The only downside is that they are written out of existence.

A meta-human has the power of cellular regeneration. While he hoped to use it for healing, the villains want to use it to form weapons, making the cells take in an infinite number of forms.

Someone has replicated the event granting you superpowers, and is trying to take your place. They will stop at nothing until you’re replaced, dead, or otherwise incapable of resuming your duty as a hero.

An alien crash—lands on your planet and requests your help in reassembling it’s spacecraft. It says it must escape its intergalactic pursuers, but refuses to tell you why. You must either turn the alien in to humans, turn it in to its pursuers, or help it escape.

After saving children from a natural disaster, you unleash a mythical creature that is hell bent on destruction.

A cannibal is on the loose in your city, and for every person he feeds off of, the more enhanced his powers become.

Someone has perfected the genetic code in a plant (or animal) species. With it, they will be able to cause infertility and systematically cause extinction of crops, species, perhaps even humanity!

A criminal empire is growing too fast to fight the old-fashioned way. So instead of a fight in the streets, you have to go undercover to take down their biggest operations.

When one of your teammates falls ill, and conventional medicine fails, you will have to use unconventional methods to cure them. You will have to shrink yourself to cellular size and take down the illness at its source.

Terrorists have demanded that the heroes reveal their secret identities to the world, or they will kill ten innocent people every week.

A legendary hacker has died, claiming that he has developed a universal hack, codenamed “Skeleton Key.” Whoever finds it first gets to keep it, and the clues are all throughout your city to find it.

A hero goes to great lengths to remove their powers. Their continued existence as a full-time hero is destroying their relationships. But the supposed cure is a trap to kill them.

The mob’s greatest hitman turns out to be a child. After saving him/her from a disaster, it turns out they had planned the whole thing to bring you in.

A mysterious new gang surfaces at the same time a new a mayoral prospect arrives in the city. Is the whole thing a coincidence, or a devious scheme?

The ancient Gods are holding a conference in your city. They plan to decide whether or not to finally unleash the apocalypse. Until they make a decision, they will pit you against some of the most vicious and powerful creatures ever made.

A villain has designs on demolishing the entire civilized world so humanity will die out and natural order will be restored. Only the strong will survive as the wilderness dominates the landscape, and mutants become gods.

A mysterious entity lands in your city. But when you investigate, it’s a humanoid Figure with no memory of who they are or where they come from. You must find out why, and if they’re a threat.

A man has gained superpowers, and elects to take revenge on the people that tormented him in high school, and ultimately killed his family. Subdue this mutant and either teach him to use his powers for good, or turn him in.

Explosives have been placed on every entrance and exit to your city. Nothing goes in, and nothing goes out. This is the perfect opportunity for the villain behind it to declare himself supreme ruler of the metropolis.

One of your most prominent villains has recently gained a massive inheritance. You’re convinced they’ll use it for crime, but their actual usage surprises you. They clean up the streets (so they can take it over later).

The promising new brain-training clinic is actually a twisted experiment to drive people crazy. By overloading the mind, it’s possible that psychic abilities will be unlocked. While this does work in some, it’s disastrous for others.

Someone is rewriting the memories of the people they capture. Rebels are suddenly obedient, children forget their homes, and heroes are becoming villains. Find the pattern, and discover a lead back to who is altering these people’s minds.

A reclusive aristocrat has called for the help of your team. A terrible curse has been placed on him for as far back as he can remember, and it is now spiraling out of control. All born from an artifact owned by his family for generations. He’s tried to destroy it, but it’s only harmed him in response. Discover what this malevolent force is, and vanquish it.

People are going missing across the city. Only it’s not regular missing persons, they vanish out of thin air.

Mutants have gathered from all over the world to discuss their rights as mutants when most have treated them as monsters and outcasts. Many call for the destruction of humans, but some hold out hope. That is, until a riot ensues and kills five mutants in cold blood.

An omega-level mutant has flown across the sky of a major city and declared war on humanity. He calls for all his fellow mutants to either stand by him or perish. While this may be localized to once city, his ambition led carry to other cities. Perhaps your own.

A natural disaster has forced all of your city’s civilians into safety shelters. Once they’re inside, the villain will infuse the shelter air vents with cyanide. His enemy, be it the populace, or a group within it, will perish.

A band of young and powerful meta-humans are tearing up America as they leave every town they cross scared, robbed, or destroyed. One of their members is picked up by your team, and he wants to stop them. He knows their weaknesses, but it will still require a team on par with them to win.

A villain has been terrorizing the world for centuries, yet his presence has always remained hidden. But now that his operations been stopped by you again, he will reveal himself and accept the challenge of killing you. A ruthless criminal mastermind who has replaced his body with soulless machinery.

Aliens invade your planet, only their arrival is not malicious in nature. They are stopping here because their armada has been demolished, and they were look for reinforcements to take down a far greater evil. And since your planet is rich with meta-humans, you are the perfect allies.

A shape-changing entity has arrived in your world that will achieve invincibility when it collects all nine artifacts it is hunting for.

An entity has entered the dream world, and is trapping all of the world’s children into experiencing the perfect dream. One they don’t want to wake up from. He hopes to harness the collective unconscious of humanity’s children and become all-powerful.

A maniac obsessed with immortality is taking people off the street and using them in an experiment to extend human lifespans. You try to stop him, but those that survive insist on helping him.

Your latest trophy from crime fighting is a bug to discover your team’s secret lair. With this information, the villain who was put away will have his second in command attack you when you’re at your most vulnerable.

A massive fortune is left behind by a man who enjoys playing sadistic games. His last will and testament is that his entire fortune goes to whoever finds it. You must use your team’s resources and find the money before your enemies do. With so much on the line, all of your enemies could be in the running!

A corrupt cop is tormenting meta-humans no matter what their affiliations. His status under the law makes him untouchable by criminals, and he intimidates his colleagues into submission. You must bring him to justice when the law and underworld won’t touch him.

A new kind of competition has emerged for meta-humans: Hero Olympics. Complete with obstacle courses, team battles, and all manner of organized heroics, it’s the perfect place to exhibit your skills. It’s also ample opportunity to commit a crime.

The next holy war has been confirmed. Only this time, it’s the “Holy Knights” of Humanity against all meta-humans.

The mastermind behind all the city’s crimes has declared war on your team. He has demolished your headquarters, and or a price on your head that’s so high, civilians are gunning for you.

A villain is collecting a vast assortment of arcane relics, each with a different ability. Once all of them are gathered, he believes he will become the supreme ruler of the cosmos. But really, he will become the lapdog to the creator of the relics.

A terrible tragedy (war zone, act of terrorism, outbreak of a deadly disease) has been looped by an unknown entity. If you are to escape this nightmarish scenario, you’ll have to prevent it from happening in the first place.

You have been captured by your enemies. They have you in their clutches, and are about to unmask you when you and your team manage to escape. But as you try and leave, you discover you’re in the headquarters of your enemies. Its labyrinthine design keeps you trapped in a sadistic game of cat and mouse.

An anarchist at the head of an underground organization has called out for the elimination of heroes, only he doesn’t want to take their lives, he wants to take away their powers...permanently.

A zealot of an ancient religion has gained the power to convene with spirits. After communicating with them, he has concluded that if the earth is on the brink of destruction, he will be able to merge with a cosmic being responsible for the formation of the universe.

A powerful elemental villain is planning to make the entrain the entire city with their element (perpetual heat wave, relentless blizzard, carnivorous jungle, etc). With such an intense source of energy, they will be able to expand their influence exponentially across the country, perhaps the world.

An unconventional mob war hits the streets. A mob boss has been killed by his second in command, in the hopes of usurping his seat of power. But shortly after this, his spirit emerged and becomes the leader of a whole new underworld. The living and dead of your city engage ins turf war, and you have to stop it before civilians get caught in the crossfire.

The latest exhibit in a museum has been stolen. You track down the thief, and discover that they are of alien origin. They claim that this artifact was “entrusted” to humanity, but is actually a pocket dimensional prison, containing some of the universe’s most vicious intergalactic criminals. It is scheduled to release them all to conquer earth, a planet seen as low-priority. Survivors will be given a full pardon of their crimes as well, free to rule earth as a sovereign nation once it’s been conquered.

The Earth is drawing alien objects into its gravitational pull, and shattering them to form rings on par with Saturn.

A group of tech-savvy teens are using special effects technology to rob people as they pass through the woods, and they gradually expand their racket into the city. But as you advance on their “territory” they reveal a few tricks to put meta-humans in their place.

You intercept a drug den, only to find that the Lotus Eaters have lulled its inhabitants into a state of bliss. You must find a way to save the drugged humans from their trance.

A hidden civilization has intercepted your team. They hope to use them as their guardians in exchange for protection from the surface world. The catch is that you can never return to your home. Find a way to escape.

A cult of corrupt magic users plans to use human sacrifices to resurrect an ancient entity. Only when he is finally revived, his intentions differ with that of the people who summoned him.

Someone is removing select organs from a handful of human targets. Some believe it to be a serial killer collecting trophies, but you’re certain there’s more to it. Someone trying to replicate human beings, replacement parts, or an attempt to save a loved one.

A child approached your team, intent on finding a long-lost parent. When a picture of them is shown, you recognize them as one of the most powerful heroes of your time. You must find out who this child is, how they don’t know their identity already, and how to help them.

The city has become host to a massive array of holograms. When a registered hero touches one, it provides a set of holograms to challenge your skills. Is it a corporation’s challenge, a tech-wizard’s prank, or a distraction for a heist?

A sentient collection of antimatter beings possessing animals, objects, and people to fight humanity. They are revealed to be planet-consuming entities that fester like bacteria in the wounds they create on the planet’s surface. Their end goal is to encapsulate the whole planet in their festering influence until they form a massive new entity the size of earth.

Heroes have gathered in secret to discuss disturbing movements of an old villain’s movements. But this is impossible, as this villain died fifty years ago.

A creature has been captured by the villains, and they plan to use it to steal buildings by tunneling beneath the city.

A school for superheroes is being developed, and the heroes and politicians of your city are backing its development. However, many of its students need guidance, experience, and protection. Perhaps you can supply all three.

A nomadic biker gang has declared war on heroes. They are armed with anti-mutant weaponry, and seem to have limitless funding. You suspect there’s more at work, but you must defeat them first.

A band of heroes have gone rogue and are fighting against the law. Their leader has fallen off the radar, while his partners reek havoc. You are tasked with discovering why they went off on their own, and bringing them in by any means necessary.

One of your most formidable villains has recruited a meta-human child that lost his family as a result of one of your heroic exploits. The child has no way of coping with what he’s lost, and so the villain “guides” him to get revenge on you.

A villain has kidnapped the world’s foremost scientific minds to rebuild the earth from scratch. He plans on gathering all the world’s species, and preserving them in a spaceship while releasing a nerve gas throughout the planet. Once the dust settled, the world will be his for the remaking.

An Elder evil is released when it is thawed from any icy prison in the arctic. Most think it means to destroy the earth, but it’s really looking to reclaim something it lost.

Children are going missing every night and there is no sign of a struggle in their homes.

A hero plans to marry his love interest, only to have the villain come in and threaten to destroy the chapel if she doesn’t marry him instead.

A prophecy of doom looms over your city, and soon plagues begin to demolish the metropolis. Is it a supernatural force at work, or a mad scientist scaring everyone away?

A series of doors open to different parts of the world, each leading to a great evil to overcome (monster, criminal operation, etc). Is this the work of a hero trying to vanquish evil, or a villain trying to eliminate the competition?

You discover a strange life form that’s a hybrid of nature and technology. The purpose of this anomaly is unknown to you, but it seems intent on breaking out of its container and mingle with the soil.

Meta-humans are disappearing all over the city. Some from home, some from prison. You attempt to track them down, but it seems they’re being rescued and sent through a program called the Railroad to freedom from human society.

Meta-humans are being sent to labor at a camp while their families are forced to live under the tyrannical rule of the mastermind behind the abductions and his meta-human enforcers.

A scientist attempts to revive his deceased wife using a combination of black magic and scientific formula. But what he brings back is one of the deadliest foes your team has ever faced.

The latest milestone in military technology is anti-mutant battle-suits to be worn by soldiers. Little for their buyers know that they are meant to kill heroes as well as villains.

The team is placed in a hunting ground where they are being sought out by a hunter of legendary reputation. If you manage to kill or capture your pursuer before he does so to you, you will be free to leave.

A hero has fallen to the side of villainy. You must decide whether to turn them back to the die of good, or turn them into the law.

Someone is trying to combine the genetic code of mythical creatures (vampires and werewolves, hydras and dragons, elves and humans). But that’s end results prove to be more volatile than expected.

A villain has unlocked his psychic powers to such a degree that he can carve out his own little piece of the world and gather inhabitants for his world by rendering them comatose in reality.

A group of vampires are attempting to resurrect their elders to lead them into a new age. You must decide whether to let the coven live, and escape authorities, or to destroy their chances at starting new and causing more destruction.

A member of the villain’s ranks has defected, but has requested sanctuary for him and his family. If you pull it off, he will give you the rest of your enemies on a silver platter.

A paranoid mob boss has put up a fortress in the middle of your city, with entire buildings bought off and filled with armed guards and assassins. You must find a way to bring him to justice before his aircraft arrives on the roof and takes him out of the Justice System forever.

Villains are gathering from all over the world at a castle in one of the wildest and least-known portions of the world. You must go there and find out what they’re planning. If you can take them on and beat them in combat, that’s just a bonus.

You enter a Necromancer’s tomb only to find that it has been carved in the bowels of the earth to stretch for miles. Complete with undead guards, dark magic traps, and the ability to turn fallen heroes into recruits for defense.

A behemoth has been loosed in the city. Find a way to subdue it without causing the civilians and city more harm.

Spoof heroes and villains begin cropping up like weeds. While some see their exploits as comedic, it’s encouraging others to take to the hero and villain life without realizing the consequences.

A group of crazed killers have had their minds transferred to robotic bodies. They are able to strike at humans without need of food, water, or rest. All they have to do for the mastermind in turn is to kill targets he chooses first.

An “Underworld Gate” has opened above your city. This occurs once every 100 years, and always marks the site of a massacre, disaster, or genocide. You must find a way to close the gate and save everyone residing in your city.

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: Cant help falling in love (8/?) Part 2.

Here it is.. part 2 of chapter 8... is that really Logans mom? How does Ellies dad react to the news she is married to Colt??? You can catch up HERE. And as always, if you want to be added to the tags, drop me a line.

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature

Song inspiration:

“Riya! Damnit.” Ellie gasped, Riya instantly cupping her mouth. Ellie Stood making her way over to her father.

Colt stood behind Logan,  schock written all over his face at the series of events. Riya just announced to everyone that He and Ellie were married. Her father being an ex cop, was probably about to kill him, sure he had a gun or two, or three laying around. And did Logan just say Mom?

Logan stood there, completely stunned, baked beans covering his shoes.  Was he imagining things? Because the woman standing there next to Ellie's dad looked an awful lot like his mother.  He remembered seeing her when the foster parents would bring him to the jail to visit. That all changed when he got sent to live with a shitty set and he ran away, never looking back.

“Logan? Logan is that you?” Sally spoke, tears in her eyes.

Frank looked between the two, dumbfounded. Of all the women in the world he would fall for, he had to pick the one who was possibly the father of his grandchild, and an ex criminal. His eyes darted past Logan and locked right onto Colt, who stood frozen in place. “You!” He seethed, Pointing a finger at him. “Oh shit.” Colt quickly placed the pan he was holding down on the table and took off into the house.

“Oh no you dont, get back here.” Frank took off running after him, coleslaw dripping from his pants. “Dad, wait.” Ellie followed the two into the house. “Dad, just wait. You don't understand.” He froze in place “what don't I understand? How you ended up married to him,” He pointed to Colt who stood at the door. “Because that I don't understand.  How did this happen? When did this happen?”

“6 years ago. In vegas.” Her dad's eyes went wide. “iIt was the night before, well everything went down with the brotherhood.” Her dad slumped down on the couch, the feelings of that time crashing down on him. “She asked for an annulment Mr Martin. This isn't Ellies fault, I didn't file it. If you want to blame anyone, blame me, not her.” Colt stepped forward, his eyes locked on hers.

Her dad let out a long sigh “Well, at least if He's Lucas father, you'll be married.” Ellie closed her eyes “I'm filing for divorce.” Her dads face reddened. “Colt,  why don't you go outside and help out. I need a word with my daughter.” Colt hesitated, waiting for her command. She was his queen, she would always be his queen no matter what, and he would do anything she asked of him, but he wouldn't willingly divorce her. “Go ahead colt.”  He nodded walking back out to the back yard, leaving Ellie and her dad to have a serious discussion.

Logan blinked, stunned. “What. How did you.” He couldn't form the words.  

“Logan, I have been looking for you ever since i got out of jail.” Colt stopped immediately, backing up a pace to hear what was going on. “Oh really? And when was that? Because it seems you haven't done a great job of it.” Logan stood arms folded.  “well, there wasn't much of a trail to follow, you stayed pretty well hidden. The last bit of information I got you were in California, so I came out here.” Logan stared at her, still in Shock that his mother was there. “Can we talk? Please Logan, you have no idea how long I have been waiting to see you.” Logan nodded and the two walked off alone.  

Colt looked over to where toby and Luca were sitting at the kiddie pool, he walked over “Hey squirt, why the long face?”  “Is grampy mad at you?” she sniffled. “No, he's not mad at me sweetie. Everything is ok.” he assured her. “Hey Colt, um aunt Riya said you and mommy are married. Does that mean you're my daddy?”

"Eliana Renne Martin, what the hell do you mean you're filing for divorce?" Frank shouted. "Dad, calm down." "I thought you would be more mad at the fact Ive been married for 6 years and didn't tell you."

"Dont rock the boat Ellie. What is your reasoning for divorcing? Our family does not divorce, trust me it would have been easier to divorce your mother when she got bad, but I didnt did I?"

"No. You didnt. I just, dad we were 18 and 19, we were young and uncertain if we would be in jail or dead." Her father shutteres at the memory.

"I cant talk to you about this. I think youre makimg a huge mistake, but youre my daughter and I love you. Just please, please think about it."

Colt stood there in Shock,  not sure how to handle or answer it. He was relieved when he seen Ellie come out of the house, luckily she was headed right for them. “What's going on?” She noticed the uncertain look on Colts face. “Someone heard the announcement, and has a question.” Ellie looked down at her daughter “Mommy, if you're married to Colt, does that mean he's my daddy?” Her eyes went wide, she looked between the two,she had no idea how to answer without generating a lot more questions. “Well, sweetie i'm not sure. But how about, how about you go to see what grampy is doing ok?” Luca nodded and walked away, they look on her face told her this wasn't the last she would hear about it.

“Im sorry el, She just came out of nowhere. I didn't know what to say.” Colt ran his hand over his face. “Its ok. I didn't either. Lets just hope we get these results back soon. So we know for sure.”  Ellie looked over at Logan sitting by himself, a beer in hand. “I should probably go check in on him.” Colt nodded as she walked away.

“Mind some company?” He looked up, and patted the seat next to him. “So. I guess you heard my mom is dating your dad.” he snorted.

“I heard something like that. How crazy is that?” he let out a half hearted laugh. “But seriously, how are you handling it?”

“I don't know. I'm kind of excited to finally have my mom around. On the other hand, i'm scared.”

Logan told her how his mom was in a car with his dad and a friend. She had been dating him for a little while and they stopped at a bank, his dad apparently robbed it and she was locked up as an accessory. When she got out finally Logan had ran away from foster care and hid himself pretty well. “I guess It's nice to not be alone anymore.” Ellie grabbed his hand “hey, you're not alone. All these people here, the crew, me, Luca. We're you family. You haven't been alone because wherever you go, were with u. Right here.” She placed her hand on his heart. “Thanks Ellie. The same goes for me. I'll always be there for you, no matter what.” He kissed her cheek, and walked over to where Mona and Ximena were standing.

Ellie sat there watching her dad and Sally talk, for a few minutes before hugging and kissing. She turned her head, not wanting to see that. She wondered if her dad knew about Sallys past. She seemed like a very nice woman, and she had not seen her dad so happy. Not in a long time, not since before her mother died. She learned years ago not to judge a book by its cover, so she would give her the benefit of the doubt. If she hurt Logan, she would hunt her down and handle her, herself.  

The day went on, the drama of day seemed to fade away, and everyone ate and were enjoying themselves.  They had a corn hole tournament going on in one corner. Toby lounged in Lucas swimming pool, buzzed and sunburnt, but happy as hell. Logan and Mona were on one team, while Ximena and Darius were on another. Stacie, and Sally sat around watching them.

Colt relaxed in a lounge chair, Luca asleep in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. “You're seriously holding her while she sleeps?” Colt chuckled “well Logan was holding her,  he passed her off to me when it was his turn in Corn hole. She just, fell asleep.” Ellie shook her head. “Suns starting to set, we should probably wake her soon so we can head over to the field and see the fireworks.”  “yeah, my arms dead, so sounds good to me.”

“Luca honey, time to wake up.” Ellie stroked her hair. She started to stir a bit. “He squirt, it's almost time for fireworks. Get up.” Lucas eyes fluttered open. “Can I have some ice cream?” she spoke with a yawn. “Yup. Come on, I'll take you.” Colt stood shaking the sleep from his arm as they disappeared into the house.

Riya slid up next to her. “Watching those two fawn all over Luca has got to be the sexiest thing I've ever seen.” Ellie's mouth flew open. “Ri, you're married and have a son.”

“I know. But seriously, I'm not even sure why you want to divorce Colt. He's clearly still in love with you. Unless.”

“Unless what?”

“Unless you want to be with Logan instead.” Riya waggled her eyes at her.

“I don't know what I want. It's just the right thing to do, divorcing colt. We were so young.”

She rolled her eyes “Whatever you say Ellie.”

“Are you Drunk Riya? And where is Marcus?”

“Mayyyybeeeee.” She giggled. “Dare set the pack n play up in the house, hes sleeping mom sheesh.” Ellie playfully pushed Riyas arm.

They headed out to the field to watch the fireworks display. Toby playing music to go with the show. “Uncle Logie, dance with me.” Luca stood up yanking on his shirt. “Oh sweetie, Stacie asked me to dance first.” Luca puffed out her bottom lip “Ok.” she turned to walk away “Lulu wait. Of course I'll dance with you. Stacie said its ok.” Luca beamed as Logan spun her around. Countless awes coming from the women watching. “Logan is such a good dancer.” Ellie sighed as she watch him float across the black top with her daughter.  

Colt cocked his brow. “Hey. I remember us having some pretty good moves.”

“Of course we did. Are you. Are you Jealous Colt?” she eyed him suspiciously.

“Dance with me Ellie.” she smirked taking his hand. “Oh I guess For old times sakes.”  the song changed as Colt pulled her closer. “You remember this song?”

“How could I forget it.”

Her mind went back to that night in Vegas.

*****

Ellie stood in the empty room, her shaking hands flattened the front of the short white dress she picked up at chapel boutique. Under better circumstances she would have had her father there to give her away, Riya as her maid of honor. She would have spent months picking out her flowers, the dress, the colors, food. But this right here, was what she wanted to do in the moment. Not knowing what the next day would hold. Would she be in jail, dead? She wanted to experience getting married,  she loved Colt, and Colt Loved her. A knock came at the door. “You ready sugar?” An older lady dressed in a tight patent leather dress asked her as she handed her a bouquet.

Ellie nodded as she stepped out of the room. A soft melody began to play as she stepped onto the aisle runner, her eyes locking with Colts.

His breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her. He looked handsome wearing a black suit, he fidgeted with his fingers, anxious to take her hands in his. She stood before him, as they joined hands. “Ellie, you are breathtaking.” his voice cracked with emotion,  making her tear up. “You look so handsome Colt.”

They turned towards the officiant, dressed head to toe like Elvis. “Dearly Beloved. Uh huh. We are gathered here today to join these two hearts together.” They tried to stifle their laughter, quickly composing themselves. “Do you Colton Take Eliana to be your wife?” Colt slid the ring on her finger “I do.”

“And do you Eliana take Colton to be your Husband?” She slid the ring onto his finger “I do.”

“By the state of Nevada and the King, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride. Uh huh.” He shifted his hips in true Elvis fashion. As Colt took her in his arms, their lips meeting in a sensual, sweet kiss.

They shared a first dance, in the chapel. Colt pulling her close to him.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you.

“You know. I think the king was onto something with this song.” Colt smirked. “Oh? And what's that Mr Kaneko?”

“I couldn't help falling in love with you, Mrs Kaneko.”

*****

“I wish you would reconsider the divorce El.” Colts words pulling her from the memory.

Take my hand, take my whole life too. But I can't help, falling in love with you.

“Colt. It's just the right thing to do.”

“the right thing for who? Because I still Love you Ellie. Can you honestly say you don't still Love me?” She stared at him for a moment,  stunned. “I… I…” A loud boom went off above them, Luca came running up “Mommy. Mommy. Its starting.” She grabbed her hand “come on Colt, sit with us.” Her free hand grabbing his.

The next morning Ellie drove into town, she entered the building and stood in line. Her mind swirling from the night before, the dance with Colt, watching Logan dance with Luca. She was so confused, so lost. “Next.” She heard the woman call out. She walked up the desk

“How can I help you?”

She took a deep breath. “I need to file for divorce.”

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[ariwilder]

It’s not over until the Fat Lady sings | Part V

Pairing: Penny Haywood x Jacob’s Sibling

Summary: It’s over. It’s your final day at Hogwarts. It’s time to say farewell to your friends and soon enough the start of new adventures.

Part I  |  Part II  |  Part III  |  Part IV | Part V

Several days go by without any of you bringing that up. By the end of the week, you are prepared to give up on talking about it entirely. As last resort, you try to throw an offhand remark on one occasion, much to your amazement and embarrassment. Only to be met with a "What about that day?’,  ‘The sunset was nice, wasn’t it?’, and ‘It was such a boomer we got wet!’. It is almost as if that instant at the beach hadn’t happened at all to Penny Haywood. If you didn’t know her any better, you would’ve testified on veritaserum that Penny Haywood had drank a forgetfulness potion. 

You find yourselves easily falling back into routine as days go by day. You think It is for the best, you know, even despite the initial anxiety. Better to get it over with. You had never been good at the whole dating thing, anyway. Not that holding hands meant both of you would abruptly start dating. You had dated a friend before, if briefly, only for it to end in complete chaos. A neglectful partner too fixated on finding the vaults to commit to a romantic relationship.

You decided you were better off as friends, and that was that. Thankfully, you broke it off in good terms. It was hard not to.

To this date, you aren’t quite sure whether your friendship ever recovered from that hit. Hence, after such short-lived fling, forming a romantic bond with anyone simply evaporated from your desires. Until now. You had always liked Penny. Since day one. Who didn’t like Penny? How could you not? Liking Penny had always been so easy. Sunny, brilliant, kind, Penny. Unreachable, distant, mysterious, Penny. This fondness of yours is tiptoeing around your heart and it scares the hell out of you. Holding hands might not have meant anything to her, for all you knew. Penny is a natural flirt, that much is common knowledge. She might’ve felt lonely and homesick that day, and you —the only source of comfort in the middle of nowhere— happened to be at the right place and the right time.

You just held hands, right?. It didn’t have to be a big deal. Even if it was to you. Dating while being apprentices? A recipe for disaster, surely. Your friendship with Penny really is too precious to you to risk it like that.

You remind yourself of this as often as you need to. As you hear the soft hum of her breathing beside your bed lulling you to sleep. Until the memory of your intertwined hands falls on the back of your head for you to recall only every now and then.

You find yourself deeply immersed on a book about defensive spells when Rakepick enters the living room with Penny tailing behind her hot on her heels.

“Pack what you find most necessary for we are leaving at 10 p.m. sharp. I expect no delays; we’ll be leaving by Portkey. Questions?”

To this day, Patricia Rakepick’s ability to deliver orders still blows you away. Her level of confidence and presence left no room for doubt or disagreements. Not that you would ever confess that to her. You sense Penny following your nod at your side before watching Rakepick disappear behind the doorframe.

“That was unexpected,” Penny comments beside you.

‘You holding my hand out of nowhere, and never commenting about it was unexpected’ is what you want to answer but you think better of it. Not wondering about it, is, to you, still a work in progress. 

“Yeah.” You sigh and close your book with a thud. You don’t want to be distant or cold with Penny but it has become increasingly difficult for you to look her in the eye.

“Do you already know what you’ll bring on the trip?” You hear Penny trying to chitchat you before you decide to bolt towards the door to your room.

“I’ll be on it!”

You are not quite sure she hears when you close the door behind you. You feel so frustrated you kick your trunk with the sole of your dirty boot. This is so stupid. Being alone with Penny made your heart fret. Your mother used to stir you a calming potion whenever something was particularly wreckful on your nerves, but asking for a calming potion meant asking Penny for a favor and it made you incredibly nervous, almost as if, tiny mad pixies lived inside your stomach whenever Penny was around. Everything reminded you of her, the blue in the sky, the ray of sunshine that escaped through your window every morning, the sensation that overcame you whenever you drank your morning earl grey tea.

You hide your face into your pillow and sigh. It will be over eventually, hopefully, sooner than later. You are glad curse breaking always managed to prove a useful distraction.

You don’t see Penny much for the rest of the day. You busy yourselves over with different activities. What could be considered important to you had a completely different meaning to Penny Haywood it seems.

You decided to take your trunk with you. Despite Rakepick making the mention of only taking only what could be considered indispensable, you weren’t about to leave many of your belongings inside a house you were not sure you were going to return to. You had read Rakepick’s books, and her adventures and experiences remained far from safe. For Rakepick to abandon her jurisdiction under Gringotts after leaving Hogwarts for a solo expedition, it could only mean serious business. That and the fact that you still didn’t know where you were going is worrisome. It could be right in the middle of nowhere. Everything seemed highly suspicious to you and for that, this whole trip gives you an ominous feeling. If I all came crashing down, where would you go? What about Penny?

You don’t get to grill on this question when the door to of your shared room opens. A disheveled looking Penny tumbles on her bead with a sound thud. She is already wearing a long crimson robe over dark breeches and high boots.

“You look tired.”

She doesn’t even look at you as you watch her melt into her mattress.

“I’ve been sorting a portable potion rack and workshop. I’ve been brewing non-stop for weeks,” Her eyes are closed but you can still recognize the phantom of dark rings under her eyes.

You been doing nothing but read and practice spells all day long for weeks, and moderate physical training. The occasional sparring with Rakepick is proving to be the most physically and mentally exhaustive exercise in your schedule. However, preparing difficult potions could be taxing. You remember from your N.E.W.T.s experience, and feel guilty for not being particularly supportive to your friend. Penny, of course, never complained. You can’t help but think Rakepick had hit the jackpot managing to recruit her. Penny’s experience was closer to labor abuse than apprenticeship, if anyone asked you. 

“Why are you here for really, Penny?”

The question had plagued you ever since Rakepick pointed it out to you. Unlike you, she wasn’t receiving any guidance, and had just been ordered to brew potions nonstop for a yet undisclosed adventure. What could be in for her? She had already refused Rakepick’s offer as curse breaker once, back in your 4th year at Hogwarts. What could be different now?

“I still have to pack my trunk, why?"

“You know that’s not what I meant Penny,” You are sitting over your bed, legs crossed. Penny’s eyes open slowly, and she quickly gives you a sideway glance.                                                                                        

You lock eyes, your heart propels into a gallop. You feel like running suddenly, a part of you feels you don’t really wants to hear her answer, but it was almost as if your body had been hit by the full body bind curse.

Time moves agonizingly slow as you see her mouth move and wet her lips. 

“Why are you asking this all of a sudden?” Her voice is low and serious and so very unlike herself. It almost sounds scared to you.

It almost scares you too.    

The sound of heavy boots going down the stairs loudly interrupts you from even thinking of an answer. You hear Rakepick’s loud voice thunder through the walls. 

“Change of plans, we are leaving now! To the yard, now!”

You and Penny exchange knowing glances instantly. Your conversation will be moved to the back seat for now. Whatever reason Rakepick had to evacuate her home before schedule had danger written all over. The kick of adrenaline pumps to your veins.

“I’ll help you pack the rest,” You tell Penny before accio-ing your own dark travelling cloak.

Penny shakes her head and throws a small leather clad messenger bag into your hands.

“Put whatever you need inside. I used an enlargement charm on it. I’ve already packed all that I needed there. I’ll meet you outside. I still need to pick up something up.”

She runs  towards door, leaving you dumbfounded.

An enlargement charm on a bag? Brilliant. 

“Where’s Haywood?” Rakepick’s voice is brisk. She doesn’t even look at you as you arrive. Her eyesight set on the looming forest.

“What’s going on?”

You squint your eyes in the direction of the forest and despite your best efforts, you see nothing out of the ordinary. The sun is starting to set in the distance but there is still enough sunlight to be able to spot anything unusual. Rakepick’s uneasiness worries you.

“We need to go now.” She looks over her shoulder, over yours and it does nothing to calm your nerves.

“Why? What’s going on? We deserve to know!” You speak louder than intended and more certain than you feel. Rakepick’s unusually apprehensive eyes lock with yours. 

She grabs unto your arm, hard, “Listen kid, remember when I told you curse breaking is no dandy walk in the park and you might get people after you, eventually? Well, something terrible might happen to us if we don’t leave now. I might protect myself but I’m not sure I’ll be able to protect you.”

“I’m ready,”

Penny’s words break through the dense silence that had suddenly risen between you two. You are not sure whether she listened to Rakepick’s words but she lets go of your arm instantly. You don’t give her the pleasure of seeing you flinch. The probability of not living beyond this day suddenly downs on you. Your face is stoic, you don’t want Penny to worry more than necessary.

You see her take out a pocket watch from her pants and open it. In the silence of the yard, its ticking noise rose to prominence.

“We are using the bucket over there,” She points to an old tattered steel bucket a couple of feet from you. It suddenly displays an intense blue hue. You had failed to spot it ever since your arrival; only taking note of it now.

“Go.”

You touch the old tattered bucket and feel the now familiar twig under your navel before feeling the air being knocked out of your lungs. Your body sails with force downward.  You fall into tall green grass and weeds. This time around with much more grace than your previous experience. You feel Penny’s small hand cradle into your arm for support. You don’t brush her away as you see her steading herself. You try your best not to give it much importance. 

Someone is waiting for you. It is a middle-aged woman. She looks younger than Rakepick but far older than either you or Penny. She is also the shortest of the four of you. Her skin, light brown, with big almond-shaped tawny eyes. She had a bright yellow headband over her head that did a very bad job at managing her wild bushy dark hair. Her cloak, unlike yours, is sleeveless and brightly colored green. Her most distinctive feature is a tribal tattoo that went from her right shoulder right over to her upper arm.

“Paty! Como você anda querida? ” Much to your surprise, she envelopes Patricia Rakepick in a particularly long hug. 

You and Penny exchange surprised glances. ‘Paty?’ you mouth the nickname in silent disbelief.

“Not as well as you, it seems,” It is weird to you to listen to Rakepick sound gleeful, but she smiles genuinely at the unknown woman. You cannot remember if you have ever seen her wear a smile that did not carry a smirk before.

“Como sempre, Paty, como sempre,” she gives the older woman a loud peck on the cheek before turning to you. Her big feline eyes inspect you up and down.

“Who are you?” she asks you in English. Her words carry an accent you don’t recognize. The strong intonation of the /r/ giving her easily away.

You don’t wait for Rakepick to introduce you and tell her your name. You are not sure if telling complete strangers your real name is a good idea but you do it anyway. Much like everything you usually do. You elbow Penny beside you to follow suit.

“I’m Penny Haywood, nice to meet you,” The overly polite Penny nods downwards as sign of acknowledgement.

To this moment, Rakepick still hasn’t disclosed to you of your location.The trees are tall and green. The ground packed with tall green grass that reached well over your ankles. Ivy, vines and weed mounting over every single tree. The heat is mild, and humid, very unsettling to your soon sweat coated cloak.

“So, this are your protegés.” To you the dark skinned woman looks unimpressed. You can understand her; two youths just out of Hogwarts could hardly look particularly skilled.

“One of the best talents of their generation, they wouldn’t be here otherwise.” This is the first time you hear Patricia Rakepick compliment you. Your chest swells with pride. Your mentor-apprentice relationship is complicated, but hearing her confess she thinks so highly of you gave you a sense of accomplishment.

“We see about that,” Her accent is thick, and latin.

“Excuse me, where are we, exactly?” You wanted to add ‘and what are we supposed to be doing here’ but her incredulous stare cut your question mid-sentence. You grab into the hem of Penny’s robe instinctively. Her eyes were big and piercing, as if she could go through you. Like a big cat rounding a prey waiting the exact moment to attack.

“Paty, you do not tell?” She puts her hands over her hips. It made your crack smile. Someone lashing out at Rakepick, not everyone got to see that.

“We left early ‘cause one of their messages got intercepted. Of course, I did not tell them.” you exchange glances with Penny. Did she message Charlie or her family? Was that the reason why Rowan never answered your owl? You feel foolish all of a sudden. You could recognize Penny’s own regret across her face as well.

“That happen when you involve crianças!” She points a long manicured long finger at you, wild hair bopping over her head. You don’t understand what she means and you wonder whether you should feel insulted or not.

She closes her eyes as if to regain her composure before turning to you, “We are in the Amazônia, and follow you shall.” Her cloak twirls dramatically after her once she gives her back to you.

Your adventure had taken an unexpected turn. If you are not mistaken, you are now on the other part of the Atlantic. You give Penny a sideway glance to see her as awestruck as you felt.

“Ah, I almost forget. My name is Maria Aparecida Oliveira, you can call me Maria,” Her hair bops as she walks.

“Professor Oliveira,” Interjects Rakepick. 

You do not listen into the following quarrel as you are too taken aback to process what you are witnessing. You are in the middle of some jungle, right in the heart of some mystery, and you could not wait to figure it out.

AN: I know. A long hiatus. I know the chapter is short. I know, it is a transition chapter. It just took everything in me to have the courage to have the fic head this way. But this fic is out of my control now. As in, it writes itself and it wants to follow road. I hope everyone enjoy. Special thanks to my lovely beta, @lucknight, who helped me a lot, particularly on things with Brazil. A lovely person, really.

You can always find it on Ao3. Look for the link on my fanfic masterpost on my tumblr. Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear from you! 

xOxO, lycopene

[starfaring-princelotor]

Hopelessly Devoted To You

Hello my Prince and thank you for another doozy of a word.  Devotion is one of those things that can be experienced on so many levels, and in the case of this little story it is of a familial aspect. Nearly everything I write is about you, but as you already know how devoted I am to your Highness, I thought that just this one time I would go off script, so to speak.  ~ Babs

It’s 7:30 A.M.  The alarm on her phone goes off, just like every morning.  It doesn’t matter that she just fell asleep two hours ago, her day begins with or without her consent.  She lays there, staring at the ceiling, steeling her resolve before throwing the blankets off and sitting up.

Quietly descending the stairs, laptop under one arm, phone in hand, she makes her way to the kitchen and sets up the coffee pot to brew.  The kittens are all rubbing around her ankles, waiting for breakfast, expectantly looking at her as she sets her computer down in order to free her hands to pull out the food bowls.

Once they’re fed, she goes down to start laundry, hitting the reheat cycle on the dryer before heading back upstairs.  Then it’s time to empty the dishwasher only to start filling it again, cleaning the kitchen and preparing the list of meals for the day.  She pulls certain items from the freezer and makes sure everything is in order for breakfast.

She carefully opens the door to the makeshift bedroom off the kitchen, just to verify that all is as it should be.  Hearing the deep and slow breathing of the occupant, she backs out and gently closes the latch.

She adds a healthy splash of cream to her coffee cup, picks up her laptop and phone, and wanders to the sitting room.  Curling up on the couch she checks her messages on her phone while waiting for the laptop to come to life.  She takes a sip of her coffee and is joined by one of the kittens, jumping up to lay by her feet.  She reaches down and scratches his ears, remembering the day that changed her future.

********************************************

“We don’t know what’s wrong with her.  We’re checking for brain swelling, have done the lumbar puncture, and gotten a sample to rule out a UTI.  Has she been sick lately?”  The medical personnel were all surrounding the bed, poking and prodding, shining lights into her mom’s eyes as she lay prone on the gurney in the emergency ward.  She wasn’t talking, she wasn’t responding, her eyes rolled back in her head, her face ashen.

Her mom was behaving as if in a coma.  The MRI’s were being scheduled, as well as a battery of blood tests, CT scans, doppler testing, chest x-rays, everything to determine a reasonable explanation for what was happening.  She paced the room, opened the laptop and popped in a CD of her mom’s favorite music, in hopes to reach her on some unconscious level.

Eventually it was time to be admitted and taken up to the stroke ward.  She picked up all of her stuff, carrying everything as she hurried behind the hospital transport staff.  The room they were brought to was spacious and there was a foldable couch for family to sleep on.

She settled herself by organizing her things, before she started pacing the room, tears flowing with fear, waiting for the next medical staff to visit.  This was the pattern for several hours.  A visit by a doctor, nurse, physician’s assistant, physical therapist, hospital administration, and housekeeping, in between hours of nothing but waiting.  She fell asleep in the chair next to her mom, holding her hand all through the night.

Days of ICU stepdown and IV treatments later, her mom’s mind finally started to work, and she regained consciousness.

“Good morning!” the nurse yelled to her mom.  “Do you know where you are?”

Her mom nodded and said, “Yes”.

“Good!  Where are we?” she yelled.

“Hospital,” her mom answered.

“Yes!  We’re in the hospital!” she said with an excited voice.  The nurse gestured to her, “Do you know who this is?”

It was a shock to her when her mom turned and looked at her blankly, shaking her head no.

“This is your daughter,” the nurse said.

“Hi mom, don’t you know me?” she said.

The woman shook her head and turned over on the hospital bed, looking away from the stranger her oldest daughter had become.

********************************************

She sipped her coffee, listening for noise in the room behind her, starting to type her newest work that she was hoping to complete within the next few hours.  She was waiting for the call from her mom, needing her help to get out of bed.  As soon as she did it would be medications, physical treatments, and helping to dress.

She typed furiously, hiding within the words, letting the characters take her away to new worlds, stopping only to sip her coffee, and look up an occasional word in the thesaurus.  She felt herself slipping away, dancing in the words that were flying from her fingertips.

The sudden crashing sound that came from the bedroom had her throwing the laptop aside and sprinting into the other room, throwing the door open to find her mom on the floor.  She had attempted to get up, but the wheelchair had slid away, and she toppled over.  She grabbed the sling and slid it under her mom’s arms, securing it at the waist to help her up from the floor and into her wheelchair.

A quick check just to make sure there weren’t any additional injuries, she grabbed the fuzzy robe hanging on the door hooks and wrapped her mom in it.  Now it was down to the routine schedule.  First came the prosthetic leg, and then the cane so her mom could walk if she chose.  The amputation had come during the last bout of a mental lapse due to sepsis.  It was discovered her mom was suffering from an infection that originated from the bones in her foot.  It was either lose the leg or she would lose her life.  There was no decision to be made.

Next it was time for coffee and breakfast, which she prepares after pushing the wheelchair into the sitting room where her mom could wait, watching tv.  The laptop is still open after being abandoned on the couch, partially written page sitting here, cursor blinking.

Medications soon follow, along with general ablutions and getting dressed.

Then she would be able to pick up the laptop again, maybe.  Oh, there goes the dryer buzzer.

Never mind, the story could wait until later.  She sighs as she descends the stairs to the basement to gather the load and start the next one.

**************************************************

“So, miss, we can’t say how long she’ll be suffering from this newest dementia trouble.  She might be gone for an hour, a day or maybe even for good.  Have you discussed any long-term care options?” the doctor said, looking over the Living Will directive.  

“We did.  She needs to be home,” she answered, hugging herself at the finality of the conversation.  “If she comes back to us and finds herself in a retirement home, she’ll take that depression express bus to death.  I can’t do that to her.  I promised her she would always have me around to take care of her.  She’s going to be home with me.”

“That’s admirable.  So many families can’t make that choice.  You are certainly devoted to her,” the doctor said as you nodded.  “We can help make sure you have the proper support mechanisms in place.  Being a long-term caregiver is a very challenging, and you will face a lot of obstacles.

“I will not abandon her.  She is my family and she needs me.  I won’t leave her stuck in a place to slowly wither and die.  She needs to be where she has familiarity.  She needs to be with someone who loves her, even when she doesn’t know who I am.”  She let the doctor know that it was her final decision.

********************************************

She stood in front of her boss, handing in her resignation letter.  Her mom needed full time care and she simply couldn’t work a full-time job any longer.  The part-time she had would have to suffice.  She’d figure out how to make ends meet, somehow.

*********************************************

She walked into the counselor’s office, ready to terminate her schedule for the next semester.

“But, you’re only three classes from your Bachelor’s Degree!” the counselor exclaimed.

“I know, but I can’t come to campus anymore.  If I’m not there she might set the house on fire, or fall down the stairs, or wander out the door and never been seen again.  I’m going to be with her, taking care of her.  It’s my life now.”  She tearfully turned in her paperwork to drop all classes and return her student aid.

**********************************************

The evening routine is just like the morning, except in reverse.  Laundry, dishes, medications and treatments, getting pajamas on and washing her face, helping her into bed before removing the prosthesis.

She bends over and kisses her mom’s forehead, adjusting the pillows and pulling the blankets up to tuck her in.  She wonders how long it will be before her mom retreats into her mind again.  Will she still know me in the morning?

“Sleep well, mom,” she says.

“Don’t stay up too late,” her mom says.

“I won’t,” she lies as she turns out the light and closes the door.

She starts up the coffee again.  It is only 9:30 P.M.  She has four hours to get the next chapter done before it’s too late to meet her deadline.  Pouring the coffee into her cup, adding the flavored creamer, she finally sits back on the couch, the blueish glow emanating from the laptop.

She allows the world on her screen to suck her in, becoming lost in her written words, forgetting the reality around her.  One thousand words.  Then two thousand.  The clock reminding her that her deadline was racing towards her.  Three thousand.  

Spell-check.  

Saved.  

Updated on the platform.  

Posted.  

Headphones on.  

Site connected.

“Hello friends,” she says.  “How was your day?”