#and either way whats important here is that it bothers me and thats whats conflicting

[ganondoodle]

as i was awake in the middle of the night for like 2 hours bc i felt sick i had more somewhat random totk thoughts

one being that i really hate how raurus response to concerned zelda is, after sonia died in that almost funny how little impactful it was way, "im sure you are here for a reason" (actually, i hate how often this sentence is used in general to .. idk i guess its supposed to be inspiritational???)

bc what does that mean actually? him saying that to someone who got there absolutely by accident really just sounds like "i dont care go figure it out yourself bc i dont want to think about anything concerning you or your troubles lol" i guess its meant to sound like OOOOH fate has BROUGHT you here bc you have to furfill a role you dont know yet (spoiler its being a sacrifice girl with no personality) and besides me hating the 'inescapable fate' trope in general (at least the way its usually done in these games, which is not to struggle against it but willingly accept whatever you are told and pretend thats good) its really jsut goddamn boring and is really only an excuse to well .. ignore her and her trouble; shouldnt you, if you were actually such a cool guy like the game wants me to believe so bad, do everything in your power to get zelda back to her own world before shes pulled even further into the war you caused now that her only ""mentor"" that could help her get more use of her pretty much useless sudden powers is gone too?? i know shes basically dead wife sonia replacement (can of worms ugh) but it still grinds my gears whenever i think of that cutscene, bc i cant help but hear it as the lamest excuse in existence to not care about her and just kinda .. see what happens which in this case means leave zelda completely on her her own since both rauru and mineru die as well (honestly shouldnt rauru have thought about like .. any plan to defeat gan besides dying himself, given hes the oh so cool and goodest guy king whos only mistake was not stabbing gan the second he stepped into their kathedral castle thing, like even if you had a plan it can still fail but it seemed like he just kinda went in with a handful of people that didnt seem to know each other at all, never got names or faces -or unique voices for that matter- to fight gan face to face inlcuding the girl that came from a different time and had nothing to do with any of this conflict and couldnt even really control her sudden new powers just seems pretty stupid)

thought 2

how totk really feels like botw but for the people who didnt like shiekah tech, its not a sequel, its botw again, but version of only sonau, its like a pokemon game that had two versions but one has weirdly incoherent story and acts like the other never existed jsut as a whole its like retreading the same points but worse, all shiekah tech that was so integral to the world and had such a long history just vanishing and no one caring about any of it like it never happened, HELL the titans were called divine beasts in english but i guess they werent divine or important enough to keep around LOL champions WHO and isntead a never before seen or even heard of race for that matter showing up and planting their ass in every place the shiekah were before, dare i say it feels weirdly manipulative, like either them or some outside force erasing every fact about the ancient shiekah and replace them with sonau stuff bc they are the hot new shit now

this is a point that just doesnt stop bothering me, how the shiekah tech seemed so carefully designed and integrated into botws world and story, its a difficult to keep balance after all, integrating high tech stuff into a medieval setting, but they made it work! and then totk comes around and throws a bunch modern day tech into it puts some vague greenish stone filter on its exterior and call that even better more ancient tech; why did they even bother to make pottery inspired laser shooting spider legged robots so well integrated when they throw a car and rockets into the next game without a thought and call it a day, what was the fucking point

it feels like someone was dead set on having a set of legos thrown into the game it had no place in, if you want players to build whatever they want make a building game instead!! especially if you are just gonna throw it in with seemingly no consideration how out of place it feels togehter with the fACT THAT YOU ALREADY HAD AND ANCIENT HIGH TECH CIVILIZATION WITH A VERY DISTINCT AESTHETIC THAT WAS ALREADY WELL INTEGRATED INTO THE WORLD YOU ARE PLANNING TO REUSE WITH ALOT OF MYSTERY AND UNKOWN STUFF ABOUT THEM TO EXPLORE FURTHER YOU COULD HAVE USED!! but i guess they just "didnt want to play with you anymore" and that so much so that they went out of their way to erase every trace of it, i dont think the words shiekah tech are ever used in the game, and the purah pad and her towers just drive me more isnane bc they are the same shit but called different and also much worse, liek the purah pad isnt some more developed shiekah stone, no its a glorified camera with a teleport function and thats it

(i know i said this before but i really cant stand how obsessed every single NPC is with sonau shit, you get told to your face every second line of dialog that they are so cool and are so mysterious that it just makes me annoyed of them even more, the game is obsessed with shoving them everywhere and telling you over and over you too should obsess over them, they werent weird like that about the shiekah stuff in botw?? the biggesst talking point in botw was calamity ganon ..... which makes sense and in totk its like ... gan is mentioned what, in a newspaper article??? once???and then not even by name i think???)

aside from that big point which will never let me go, its also just .. its not moving forward anything, it actively walks BACK the progress that was made in botw, call me dumb but i dont really count moving one step up in the social roles of each race as a character development (for the side characters like the champions desc- ahem SAGES) but mainly zelda ... god how dirty she was done, totk pretty explicitely makes her regress any development she made in botw aside from she likes link uwu and some people like her too, but also not enough to notice that that weird zelda being all evil and weird isnt her (INLCUDING THE CHAMP- SAGES WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY FRIENDS WITH??? you dont have to be a genius to pick up on that my god, were you all given the mc dumbo potion or what)

she gets put back to square one, back into the little itty bitty princessy maiden role forced upon her by her royal parentage, this time rauru edition, back into a white little dress, back into the scared puppy eyed teenager, back into a situation she cant handle, back into losing everyone around her (tho honestly botw made me care more about rhoam than totk did about rauru), back into being forced to do a big sacrifice- but worse actually

in botw she went to FIGHT AND HOLD GANON IN THE CASTLE SO LINK HAD TIME TO RECOVER AND IT WOULDNT DESTROY THE LAND!! and you are telling me in totk rauru takes up her botw role and she bascially killed herself to ... restore the mastersword.

......... she ... she did that only to be a glorified version of the stone pedestal in the forest. and then she gets returned to normal itty bitty girly no problem via magic sparkle beam at the end and

DOESNT

EVEN

REMEMBER.

it really is just botw but worse, you even get yet another ghost king of hyrule to guide you around (rhoam did it better fight me ... we dont talk about the questionable choice to make himself darker skinned when posing as just some guy)

i honestly dont think i was ever truly taken aback by anythign that happened in botw, while in totk, the further i played, the more i had to fight with myself to keep the feeling of unease, disappointment and betrayal down

its such a god damn shame, totk should have stayed a DLC, i will forever mournfully dream of a game that explores more of the ancient shiekah, doesnt erase integral parts of the world, developes characters more instead of making them regress back and make them end up even less developed than at the start of the game, dives into buried secrets and mistakes of dark pages of history without giving into a weirldy nationalist(imperalisitc?) narrative and lets characters have some agency for once

if it werent for the yiga i might have actually considered refunding the game, just to be at peace with myself

anyway, aboslutely incoherent word vomit.

[smilepilled]

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hi. important / significant post for this blog today, very wordy but also very heartfelt. mainly targeted for the 400 milestone + things ive been wanting to say. hopefully the wording isn't too wonky? ❤️‍🩹

thanks if you stop by. might edit this later to make it "less fancy", if it ends up bothering me — dividers and decoration are mainly for organizing it and making it feel like the blog's thing. either way...

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hi, smilepilled/"bug" here (please just call me marcyie); this post will be about things id like to communicate directly to whoever sees it, and something regarding the blog (especially considering the 400 follower milestone). its mainly due to: (1) not wanting people to see me as some cool huge figure and instead just see me as a silly user having fun in my zone, AKA wanting to me treated like just any other random blog; and (2) communicating about intentions regarding people & situations.

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to start off: im not particularly joyous or happy with having ~400 followers or otherwise being "popular"/"known", because im straight up just some old (soon-to-be-legal) teenager who looks at pretty stuff on tumblr autistically. hence why im not planning on commemorating — however, please do know youre all very dear to me! i am very thankful for all the people i've met here ♡ i am a moot-focused account, i follow anyone that follows me, and you're all very much oomphed up in case you followed me.

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i would prefer to avoid any parasocial images from my person, or anything similar like that, so please just keep in mind: im just some random person online! im friendly and all, but please know im not and i dont want to be some "cool tumblr user", im a stranger online that is friendly but most people dont know much about; im just marcyie, the friendly tumblr neighborhood bugthing, treat me as such. i am keen on having understanding and nice interactions with people, but i am not some influencer or whatever. ^_^;

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ADDITIONALLY, a reminder that i personally will always be glad to solve any troubles thru personal "1-on-1" conversation over fights. if u gotta, send me a message and i'll get to it with u! seroously. even if ur fresh from some tense situation with me involved. if u demonstrate willingness to make peace im gonna be just as hearty. i heavily dislike being seen as some unstoppable force or hazard or whatever else — or worse, an opp. :'D i actively go out of my way to NOT be an opp to people, and even if i make mistakes, the intention is very much there, severely so. i really think often about making amends with people who i've had problems with, but since i am unaware of how to do that in a "socially acceptable way", i end up not doing it out of fear of making anything worse. its quite annoying for me, paradoxical as well.

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while i do have very complicated feelings towards a few people who've been in a headache of a situation (indefinite times, and indefinite amounts of people) with me being involved, id like to affirm that the greatest one is that of wanting to just make peace with whatever and whoever i've affected. im aware i say a lot of dumb things in the dumbest ways, and usually its interpreted in the worst possible way — something im painfully aware of, because i am not a english speaker mainly and i have deep problems with communicating what i feel/think with words. i mess up, i jumble up wording, and thats ultimately okay — if i make mistakes, its usually trying to do something good (or something bad towards someone bad, like a racist person, or something similar. which isnt great either!). im glad to be asked apologies of whenever, because most of the time i just end up not realizing that what i say was innapropriate or hurtful, hence creating a lot of the conflicts existing between me & others.

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i can apologize roght now, naturally in a shallower "blanket" way, for things ive said. because i am sorry: and i hope i can be forgiven, but most of all i really just want people to realize that my mistakes are learning experiences, and not things im proud of. im working on a lot, and while im aware some people will just not have the wellbeing or otherwise patience to deal with my erratic behavior, i do ask to be humanized as i often do with others in my head — i am constantly defending people in my head, and while i shouldnt do that for some, i still am hellbent on trying to be humane to others.

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either way, that's all. having 400 followers was very sudden, and as much as i'm thankful, i humbly ask to be treated normally — please do not view me as some cool tumblr blog, big wowzer, a fan-having awesomest, and moreso a seventeen year old autism unit in their corner of the internet where they hype stuff (and people) up. genuinely just a silly blog for me, im not focused on follower counts or influencing or anything — very much the contrary, this is my corner of the internet, for me, not for others. and im glad to meet a lot of people, but i really wont hesitate to archive this and start a new blog entirely for my sake (and others').

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have a lovely day. please remember to eat and drink water, and take breaks! my activity has grown a little lower, and i plan to continue focusing mainly on my real life situations over online stuff. please have a moment to be kind to yourselves, and remember to keep love in your hearts! 💜🩷🤍💛🧡❤️

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TL;DR — please dont "be my fan", be my moot. treat me as some random friendly teenager acquaintance, and not a figure online. also, please remember i make mistakes while aiming to be good & do good; i like people and circles with them, and communicating in general isnt my forté, but i still try my best to be nice and do things properly. i'm more than glad to solve anything with people that needs solving, but since i can often make things worse by caring too much or trying too hard, i'll just leave this note here. thank you for four hundred moots, but please, keep me as a moot and not as a "woawza tumblr user", Please. ❤️‍🩹

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[mtherhino]

One side, Two lives

Chapter 11

That’s all I needed to hear

First Previous Next

Warnings: panic attack, blood, mild self harm, suicidal and self deprecating thoughts and swearing

“I’m so freaking stupid!” Roman shouted as soon as he rose up in his room. He dropped to the floor, his eyes shut tightly as they started over flowing with tears that he had held back earlier. He had been so mad and hurt after the wedding but that doesn’t excuse what he said!

“What was I thinking! Why did I say that to De-Janus! Making fun of a side’s name?! God dammit that’s one of the worst things I could say!” Roman yelled at himself as he pulled at his hair. The creative side grabbed both of his arms in a death grip as if he were trying to physically hold himself together. His breathing was becoming erratic but the prince didn’t pay it any mind as thoughts continued to swirl in his head.

           I was so angry I caused Patton to have a meltdown! Janus was only tying to help and I just kept treating him like a villain and a threat! Hell he felt the need to protect Thomas from me and Patton! At this point Roman was gripping at his arms so badly that his nails had broken the skin. He didn’t even notice that his sleeves where starting to turn a bit red.

           Janus was right. He’s always been right! I am the evil twin. The creative side thought sadly. I mean even Patton agreed with him and he’s the one that created the concept in the first place so it has to be true!

Well of course its true. It’s not that big of a surprise, you’ve always been a disappointment. Roman’s head snapped up when he heard the voice. It didn’t sound like just a voice in his head this time, it sounded like someone standing in the room right next to him, it sounded so much more real.

Of course I’m real! As real as what you said back there. You’re such an idiot by the way, saying that, not only to Janus, but in front of Patton? I didn’t think you could get anymore stupid but I guess I was wrong. The voice seemed to chant in his ear. Roman covered his ears with his slightly bloody hands, his breathing becoming even more frantic. He felt as if the walls of his room where caving in on him and there was no way out.

           I have to get out of here, he thought, I have to get away form him! The prince looked around and spotted his closet door. Without thinking the prince got up and ran, opening the door and sprinting into the imagination. He wasn’t sure if he remembered to close the door but that was the last thing on his mind as he ran deeper and deeper into the woods of the mystical terrain.

           Unfortunately even as he ran the voice didn’t let up.

I mean would it have been that hard to just listen to the others? Even I’m surprised at how egotistical you were back there! Hahaha! The voice didn’t stop for a moment and Roman didn’t either. He felt bushes and branches tear and rip at his prince costume but he didn’t care. The only thing on his mind was getting away form that dam voice!

           Roman didn’t stop running until his legs eventually gave in on him and he hit the ground, he’s knees getting scrapped in the process. The prince finally took a moment to look at his surroundings. He was somewhere very rocky and its didn’t look like there was any foliage in the area. A heavy fog had set in wherever he was so he couldn’t see more than a foot away from him. He carefully stood up, his legs still shaking.

           Where even am I? This doesn’t look like mine or Remus’s part of the imagination? As Roman thought that the fog  began to clear. The creative side looked up, horrified as he saw the mouth of a giant cave. He knew exactly where in the imagination he was in now. Roman began backing away form the cave, memories he’d rather forget coming to mind.

How could I come back?! I have to get out of here now! The prince turned to run away but tripped on a rock that he didn’t see.

“Ha! You’re so pathetic, its no wonder all the others hate you!” The voice shouted.

“Shut up” Roman whispered back as he covered his ears.

“You cant even do you’re one job right! Your useless and everyone knows it, especially Thomas!”

“Shut up.” The fog started to swirl around the side angrily.

“There’s no way Virgil could ever care about a weakling like you! He’ll just abandon you in the end, especially when he finds out what you did today!”

“I said shut up.” Romans voice now held a hard edge to it.

“Even your brother will leave you once he realizes he’s been wasting his time caring about you!”

“Shut up!” The fog had become a storm at this point, Roman kneeling in the eye of it.

“YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH! YOU COULD CHANGE EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT YOU AND YOU’LL STILL BE A WORTHLESS NOTHING! A BURDEN TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU!”

“SHUT UP” Roman yelled as he stood up and faced the storm around him, the voice having become the thunder. “DON’T YOU THINK IV BEEN TRYING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH?! IV BEEN TRYING MY WHOLE DAM LIFE TO BE THE PERSON THEY WANT ME TO BE!”

“AND YOU’VE FAILED! ALL YOU DO IS CAUSE PAIN TO THE ONES AROUND YOU! YOU CANT BE WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BE! HELL! YOU CANT EVEN BE WHAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE! YOU’RE NOT THOMAS’S HERO!”

Roman felt as if he’d just been stabbed in the gut. All the other things the voice said, he’d known all that, he’d just been trying to deny them, but today had confirmed it. He was no longer Thomas’s hero, the one thing that mattered most to him. The thing that made him keep trying to be better. Now all Thomas will sees when he looks at him is a villain.

The stormed died down as Roman fell to his knees, completely broken. The voice spoke again, this time much softer. The tone would have almost been comforting if not for the words it spoke.

“It would be better for everyone if you just disappeared.” Romans face held a sad smile as he heard those words.

“Your right. They would all be better off if I was gone. I wish I could just disappear.” You could practically hear the smile in the voice’s next words.

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

           Roman realized his mistake too late.

“No! Wai-” but before he could finish his sentence a golden chain wrapped round his arm. Roman struggled and tried to pull it off but to no avail. Before he knew it more and more chains continued to wrap around his limbs and drag him into the cave. Roman tried to resist but he was in no state to fight. The cave was much deeper than it appeared to be and by the time the creative side’s back hit the wall he was in near complete darkness. A figure started to emerge in front of him and Roman could do nothing but stair wide eyed in fear.

           By the time the thing in front of him completely took form the figure looked more like Roman than his own twin did. The only physical difference was a streak of black in his bangs and his outfit change. The thing wore a similar costume to that of the prince’s except the white was replaced with black and a long golden cape followed behind him. The insignia on his shoulder also had a golden crack in it going right down the middle.

           The figure took a deep breath and sighed.

“It’s nice to finally have a body again, its been ages since I’ve actually been able to walk around.” The figure opened his eyes and instead of the apple green Roman’s were they were a dark red that seemed to glow ever so softly golden. Roman gasped and simply continued to stare at the side in front of him.

“Do you honestly have nothing to say to me Roman? Are you not happy to see one of your oldest friend? The side sneered at the captured prince.

“I thought you were gone.” Roman said as he now glared at the other side. “I thought me and Remus got rid of you a long time ago.” The side smiled a cruel grin and laughed.

“You actually thought you got rid of me? Ha! I may have just been reduced to a voice in the back of your head but I was never gone.” The side pulled out golden sword and twirled it around.

“And now that you’re finally out of the way, I can finally take full creative control for myself.” The  figure started to walk out  of the cave as Roman struggled even harder to get out of his chains, he couldn’t risk letting him go and him hurting Remus, he had to do something! Not being able to get out of the chains Roman tried his last option, talking.

“PRIDE!”

           The side finally looked back at the sound of his name.

“Please,” Roman said, practically begging at this point, “please don’t hurt the others. Your conflict is with me so jut leave them out of this!” Roman yelled desperately while Pride smiled cruelly.

“You care a lot about them don’t you Roman.” He said in a smooth tone. His eyes seemed to glow a bit brighter and his smile grew ever so slightly.

“That’s exactly why I’m going to make their lives a living hell.”

           Pride continued waking even a Roman yelled at him to leave the others out of it. He smiled as he reached the open fields of the imagination and saw the closet door.

“You’ve had you chance at being in charge long enough Roman, now, its my turn.”

***

Remus knew something was wrong. He had just been drawing gore in his room when he felt as if the world had shifted. What in this horrible world was that? The duke thought to himself. Although he would usually ignore something like this part of his mind told him that something important just happened, and he needed to find out what it was.

Maybe Roman will have a clue whats wrong, he was summoned earlier to talk to Thomas right? Maybe thats why I feel like someone stabbed my brain with a rusted spoon? The creative side decided he would investigate and started heading over to Roman’s room. There was a heavy feeling of unease went he got to the light sides area which confused him.

Was the argument that bad? Usually this place is filled up with disgusting rainbow and sunshine feelings but now its just, dull. Nevertheless Remus continued forward and tried to open his twins room but was slightly surprised when he found it locked. Roman almost never locks his door. The duke was starting to worry about his brother so he sunk into his twin’s room, not bothering to knock of course.

The creative side was surprised when he didn’t find his twin but a much less energetic room than on average. Usually Roman’s room radiates creative and hopeful thoughts but today a feeling of hurt and anger covered the room. Ok so somethings definitely wrong here, and where the hell is Roman? The dark side thought as he looked around the room. Remus spotted something that might help him in his endeavors.

There on the window sill sat Alexander the venus fly trap, shaking like he was in  freezing cold weather. Remus crossed the room and petted the little plant.

“Hey little guy, do you know whats going on because I have absolutely no clue.” Alexander leaned into Remus’s hand as if he was trying to hide. Remus only became more concerned. He created Alexander to be a strong and brave creature, so if something scares him, it can’t be anything good. For the first time the duke noticed that Roman’s door to the imagination was open.

           Ok that’s definitely not a good sign. Before the creative side could go though the door he saw a humanoid figure approaching. Remus breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey Ro, you really got me worried there for a while.” The duke failed to notice that Alexander tried to hide even more as the side stepped though the door.

“Ha,” the figure said as it finally stepped tough the door, “sorry Remus, but I’m not Roman.” Pride smiled as he saw Remus’s face turn white as the duke recognized him. The dark side jumped back as he summoned his morning star.

           “Wheres Roman?!” Remus shouted. Pride laughed at him.

“Your dear brother is gone, and soon you will be too.” The new side said as he drew his sword. Remus growled in pure anger and charged forward at the side. Pride dodged Remus swings easily and landed many blows. The creative side wasn’t in the right head space to fight as he worried about what Pride could have done to his brother. In a matter of minutes Pride had managed to disarm the duke and cornered him, the room nearly being destroyed in their fight.

           “You’re nearly as pathetic as Roman and I didn’t even think that was possible.” Pride laughed as Remus growled at the fact that someone would dare talk about his twin in such a way.

“You’re just a stupid little beast. Actually,” Pride said as a smile made its way onto his face, “that gives me an idea.” The red clad side snapped his fingers and Remus let out a scream of.              pain and shut his eyes tightly.

When he opened them he looked up at his now much taller foe. The duke raised his hands to look at himself and saw that they had been transform into, green tentacles?! Remus tried to curse but he could only make small clicking sounds with his beak. Pride chuckle and using his powers crafted a tank on the still standing desk. He then proceeded to pick up the green octopus and chucked it into the tank, Remus slowly sinking to the bottom and as a lid was placed over the inclosure.

Pride, now having full creative control, fixed the room with a wave of his hand. The room took up a much darker aesthetic with black and gold being the main colors. The new side smiled at his work. Things were finally going his way after so long of waiting. A dark smile came onto his face as he whispered to himself,

“Long live the new king.”

Tag list:

@lovelivingmydreams

[constablegoo]

@astralglam​​​​ filed a report .

mint: does your muse view themself as virtuous & moral? what do these words mean to them?

OHOHO. hey hi ily. this is, of course, one of odo’s deepest ongoing battles, and the moment he stops questioning it is the moment he becomes a founder.

the founders grant themselves god status.  GOD!  status. they just reach out and pluck it. Within their range of power, the founders become unquestionably Just and Virtuous and Moral, their Word becomes Law, it becomes “the way things are” and “fact” and they create their own reality stemming from thousands of years of intense xenophobia. they’re above it all. gods don’t make mistakes, right? sure, maybe changelings were hunted and feared ages ago but they still fear it, and that drive for Order and Control over the galaxy is now encoded into their genes and they place a companion structure into the genes of every other species they control, subjugating them to the founders’ own cozy position as Gods, or-- ‘gods’. the founder (i rly don’t like saying “female” founder so she’s THE Founder. she speaks for the link.) makes it quite clear on many occasions that the founders are not here to negotiate. they fully intend to control EVERYTHING at any cost. it is absolutely  chilling  when she cuts garak down with: “they’re dead. you’re dead. cardassia is dead.” and draws the line between the dominion and everyone else miles deep into the sand.

that same genetic coding is one of the first semi-concrete things odo comes to understand about himself and, horribly, he’s landed into conditions under the occupation that very easily could have taken advantage of a less meticulous or stubborn changeling. no, odo says initially (and incorrectly), i am not bajoran** and i am not cardassian and i stand apart from either side of this conflict and so i am bound to PURE Virtue and Morality because of it. he can’t be bribed or bought or won over, and he won’t allow for anything less than a kind of incorruptibility. this effectively wins him allies (and enemies) on both sides, however -- that’s just not how the universe works. the truth of it is that no matter how much he tells himself he is not a part of their regime, his working with the cardassians makes him a collaborator in that he has then recognized their authority and ultimately upheld their legitimacy, even if he never agreed with the cause, even if he was also on some level a casualty of it. at some point when he moves past ‘contract’ investigation and begins to work permanently, he falls into the trap of thinking Order is the same thing as Justice... huge yikes. in that moment he becomes a true and apathetic villain, but he’s subsequently haunted by the resulting execution of innocents. it shakes something up in him. years pass and he still wonders, what other mistakes has he made? what other less direct consequences of his ‘neutral’ arbitration exist? he (and everyone around him) has to live without really knowing, and it’s a constant reminder to him of the power he holds and it informs his understanding of what Real (and imperfect) Justice Means.

**sidenote but later in s7 he introduces himself as ‘from bajor’ and AAAAAA. its good. very good. yeah, you’re bajoran, odo. he gets it now.

Mirror odo is really the ultimate example of an odo having taken those instincts to extremes in an environment that rewarded him for them -- there is no guilt there, and even a sadistic kind of pleasure in it. i’d argue that gaia!odo is another, less extreme example of an odo who’s been alone too long and lost sight of things when he single-mindedly (and against kira’s wishes) chooses her (one person) over 8000. like holy shit? NOT ok? uhhuhhhhfff. anyway. very fortunately, neither of these are OUR odo, but act as great foils to reflect on the worst (bastard cop) qualities or potential qualities of our goo pushed to highly visible extremes, which star trek just loves to do all the time.

but regular/prime odo isnt exactly a rule-follower, either. throughout his life, he frequently takes things into his own hands, uses his abilities to his advantage, spies, wiretaps, eavesdrops, and yes, harasses [quark] sometimes -- he develops his own set of values and personal rules and follows them; even starfleet comes in wary of him and how he operates and hes on thin ice. but because of possibly his most redeeming quality, odo is able to adapt those self-ordained values toward something increasingly honest: for how rigid he can be in personality, he is HIGHLY influenced by the world around him,  listens hard  to what his friends and allies have to say and adapts that feedback; this allows him to evolve and grow and take important matters to heart. he becomes more flexible and better able to hold onto what’s really most important after locking into a decision, because above all else, he is passionately committed to doing the Right Thing. he PLEADS with himself in things past, “your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions.” by his tendency to push back against what is laid down as ‘law’ (something he becomes more and more aware of and effective at doing) as not always being good or right, or necessarily even creating Order (the thing he’s driven genetically to want), he prepares himself to challenge the most deadly voice of authority -- that of his own people.

so... yes and no. odo’s role and persona as ‘your average security chief’ might dictate that he be virtuous and moral, but he so obviously can’t fit the same exact mold as others in his position -- he has these insane abilities and this mind-consuming nature and it requires he tread with extra care, but he also has a potential for more adaptive, more nuanced morality. he has to build up his own definitions to the words, constantly examine and tease and test them, or else he risks straying too far from what he really wants to achieve -- harmony, honest justice. he has to accept that he’s a part of the system he operates in (not, in fact, alone or isolated! something he actually wants), and know that he is not exempt from making the wrong choice, just like anybody else.

carnation: what is your muse’s relationship with their gender? how do they express or not express this relationship?

ODO AND GENDER!!! i love odo and gender. let’s take this one step at a time. he starts out as an amorphous glob -- he has no gender. there’s no basis for assignment, no culture of difference, and all the goos are goo. odo takes on the shape of the first living thing he sees / the thing he sees most frequently: dr mora. he adopts an image of masculinity from mora and he adopts the hair. that’s about it, and it’s pretty much arbitrary. (maybe the hair is simple enough for his skills, too?) the next people odo meets are also these very masculine, military, cardassian leaders, so again -- this is all he knows! this is neutrality. i imagine it takes him some time to work out what the differences in gender are, and sex, and orientation, romantic vs sexual stuff, all of that. it’s all got cultural baggage he knows nothing about and does not experience, and he’s also dealing with multiple, clashing cultures to boot. since he doesnt have any strong inherent leaning, he simply opts out. he/him becomes his default because thats where he started, thats what he’s been able to successfully present and how people know him, and, terrifyingly, under cardassian rule, it probably offered a bit of safety, too, which was obviously something he needed at the time.

way way way way way down the line in season seven, odo asks kira to (paraphrasing) look at me. what do you see? [i see you.] but this is NOT me, this is only a shape ive assumed in order to fit in. she says, yes, i know that. but this is who you have chosen to be. “a man. a good and honest man.” (i knowww shes not really talking abt gender here BUT) its hard as a trans person not to read the metaphor. he’s chosen to express SOMETHING. he’s chosen something other than what he was given (neutrality) and although he doesnt personally buy into what ‘masculinity’ “should be” (ie the ferengi, smh) / would certainly not argue he doesnt feel non-binary, this is how he has presented all his life, its how hes been treated, and it is what he has chosen to adhere to. there’s a choice in that, kira’s right, and now it reflects something about him.

parallel this, i’ll mention the “female” founder again bc of course there is no discernable reason for her to have a gender -- other than to appeal (im not talking sexually here although there’s,, obviously weird shit happening with the link... yike) to odo in the sense that until that point odo has lived with “gendered” individuals and, i think importantly, kira is with them when they first meet. i think its safe to say the founder saw her, figured she was a friend/ally to odo or at least familiar to him, and took her general representation to appeal as a friend/ally.

otherwise... why, honestly? the founder’s got NO love of humanoids lmao why would she bother.

anyway i’d like to see odo experiment a bit. because when hes safe, he can!! aside from his own doubts and insecurities about shapeshifting, at some point he really has no reason not to, at least a little bit. really, it should just be another thing to practice, much like becoming a convincing rock or a leaf, its just that there are other significances in the cultures around him. i’d just like to see him loosen up a little. have fun. grow ur hair out a bit, odo, why are u still looking like ur terrible dad.

[obeymematches]

Hi, I’d love a matchup! You put so much care into them. As far as my personality goes, I’m very quiet. Typically I don’t talk unless I’m prompted. When I’m with people I like or know though, I tend to make sarcastic remarks or joke around in general. Even so I’m still not very talkative. I articulate my thoughts better through text, so that’s how I tend to communicate about my interests or deeper things in length. I’m an empathetic/sympathetic person, but unfortunately, (1)

I’m rather bad at feelings, so I tend to either give advice on how to fix what made them upset or just lend an ear and let them vent. I believe I’m a good listener at least. I’m also extremely nonjudgmental and laidback; you won’t see me making much of a fuss over anything. Everyone considers me a little eccentric too, so who am I to judge? In fact I’d probably indulge with them as best I could. As for my own hobbies, I play multiple instruments, (2) play video games, draw, and dabble in archery. I love hanging out in abandoned places and taking walks at night too. I collect rocks and other useless trinkets I find on the ground because it makes me happy, and I looooove plants. For a partner I’d need someone that can give me a lot of space without feeling like I don’t care about them. I’m very introverted and someone that would constantly needs attention to feel loved would probably feel like I don’t care about them (3) whenever I take time for myself. I also would like someone that understands the way that I show affection; I accept them fully, I indulge in their interests. I offer that inherent trust of never abandoning them. And when they are sad, that my awkward back rubs or suggestions for their problems are just how I show that I really care and am doing my best with something I’m not very good at. If I have someone that can accept me for my reclusiveness, (4) they would have someone that accepts them for whoever they are, too. I’m also very calm in nature, so I hardly ever get steaming mad. Overall, it can be hard to get to know me because I’m generally a lone wolf, but if they do get the chance to know me well they’ll find I’m the type that they can talk to for just about anything. With some sarcastic and perhaps overdramatic remarks and humor. That’s all, thank you! (5)

Hiiii!! 

aaw thank you for saying that! i do take my time with requests though😤 i hope you’re still here anon!!! 

Okay I wanted to do yours yesterday but i’m gonna keep it real with you i had to think a bit more about it so sorry! 

Anyways what I want to say is that I match you with Solomon ! 

here is why;

I don’t think your quiet nature would bother him at all. I mean he can prompt you to speak if he wants to. I think he gets more invested when he learns that you’re actually sarcastic and funny once you open up. 

Well because of the brothers you don’t really have much chances of talking in person for quite a while, so the fact that you open up via texting more is actually a good start. Later you can sneak out with him and by then you can give more of yourself to him and vica versa. I don’t think he is the one to open up a lot through texting because he has his secrets, but once you talk more often in person that will change, so just be patient! 

Well as I mentioned Solomon ain’t the one who vents about his problems very often but when he decides to open up pls just listen to him it’s rare that he does that!!

pros of that is you don’t have to worry about being bad at feelings on the regular (especially at the first stage), con of that is sometimes you should prompt him to open up more, let him know that he can trust you, etc

The fact that you are a chill lover means that you probably wouldn’t mind if he took some extra time researching something, isolating himself from the world for a couple days or so. Though I think that would only happen before you establish a relationship and the early stages of it. Later when a thing that i’m not going to spoil turns out i’m sure he would want you by his side through anything he does. 

so anyways that saves you some serious conflicts

I think he would be supportive of your hobbies and he would sometimes indulge but sometimes not really. I think it would depend on how busy he is and how interesting he finds a certain hobby of yours. But like in the first stage he would do anything to sweep you off your feet so he is going to indulge in whatever even if he isn’t particularly into something. 

he would definitely love to hear you play an instrument, for example! 

I think he is a good partner to join you on a midnight stroll. I mean he is a powerful sorcerer, you could feel pretty safe next to him. 

oh he can show you his own rock collection darling. this one is from the reaper’s cave, and that one over there-

i think he is pretty flexible when it comes to space he should give to his partner so don’t worry about that, he gets it. just communicate your needs honestly and there will be no conflict about this

it’s great that you accept people without judging  - goes without saying why thats important when it comes to Solomon

oh don’t worry he made a pact with Asmo, i’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be more overdramatic than him, and if Solomon can handle that then he can handle you too! 

in general he does everything to find a way to your heart and earn your trust - he has plenty of experience, he can befriend the most needy and the most introverted demons, so he is pretty confident about conquering your heart too! 

Not many conflict arise in this relationship, if anything that can be a bit unhealthy is him keeping stuff (including feelings and troubles) for himself, but yeah that can be changed. 

[imaconstantmess]

Until

Until

First attempt at writing anything, criticism is something that is welcome and much needed so please tell me if there was anything you didn’t like.

Warnings: swearing, abuse(ex), angst with an ok ending

Steve x Gender Neutral! Reader

Steve’s mind has been occupied for the past few weeks, and it’s got something to do with the recruit he’s been assigned to train.

part 2 here

Cold.

Empty.

Bright.

“Damn it.” Empty shelves stared at him, save for some sauces that he never used, and some out of date milk in the door. Since when could he not act like an adult and remember to go food shopping every once in a while? He almost slammed the fridge door in frustration, but then he remembered that the fridge wasn’t made to be shut in anger by a super soldier who could keep a helicopter grounded.

The apartment was nice, clean, and more modern than Steve would have chosen. He didn’t want to admit it but he couldn’t help but like the designs Stark kitted him out with; He’d actually said thank you for the record player to both the males’ surprise. With a heavy sigh Steve looked for his keys while shrugging on the leather jacket that he liked to wear. He hadn’t bothered to change clothes since yesterday, since he’d been stuck with debriefing a late night mission to some agents, one of which liked to argue. He doesn’t know where they found him but he suspected he wouldn’t be working on the field for much longer.

Steve decided to just bike it to the nearest fast food place, since he just didn’t have the effort to buy and cook his own meal tonight. Steve wouldn’t usually ditch a healthy meal (a habit left over from when he needed all the strength he could get), but the frustration and sleep deprivation he’s been feeling lately has him doing strange things. He pulled up to the closest diner that would be open, the brightness of the inside straining his eyes a little. It was stereotypical in design, with the black and white tiled floors and old, faded red leather booths. Not all the neon lights worked, but it was clean and had pretty good food from what Steve remembered. He started looking at the menu until he heard the one sound he didn’t expect to hear.

Your voice.

——————————————————

Training was tough. You’d passed the intelligence tests, the demanding physical examination, and had shown excellence in taking orders and adapting to the situation at hand, singling you out from the other recruits in your regiment. That’s why they chose you, as an experimental new initiative that Nick Fury had come up with. It was meant to be a sort of civilian type of avengers, ones with no powers that could blend in more easily with a crowd. An American version of elite spies under shield authority and direction. And you were chosen.

Each avenger with hand to hand combat training got a recruit. Tony and Bruce didn’t have one because tony relies on his mind and if Bruce fights, the other guy makes an appearance. You did an intricate personality test, asking questions as simple as ‘what’s your favourite colour and why?’ To ‘what do you think the most important global issue is at this time?’ and from those results you were paired with the avenger that you were most compatible with, to help ease the training process and create an almost student/mentor situation. You got Captain America.

Surprisingly, the first session you two had together didn’t involve training. It was almost an interview between the two of you, but a lot more casual. Steve text you to meet him an old diner in New York, one that you happened to frequent often. You already ordered your drink when you sat down in a booth, skimming over the menu.

“F/n l/n?”You looked up and found a nice pair of baby blues looking at you, and although you knew he was attractive from the tv, real life was a whole other experience. If you weren’t taken...

Before you could gawk, you put on a friendly smile and answered “Thats me. I’m guessing you must be Steve Rogers”

And that was the first time you met.

——————————————————-

It was late. You’d just got home after a briefing for a mission which lasted longer than it should have. Sam’s recruit, agent Andrew Garrison, had a mouth which led to some sarcastic remarks towards Steve which were in your opinion, uncalled for. When Steve put him in his place it made you feel some type of way, but pushed those feelings aside. You were in a relationship that was coming to almost a year long. When you got home to your cosy apartment you kicked off your training boots, and was about to take off your shield assigned jacket when you heard a cough from the couch.

You went to look in the fridge for something quick to eat, but settled for a bottle of orange juice “Hey, sorry I kept you waiting, the briefing went on longer than it should have. Garrison decided to sass Steve, so after Steve basically put him in his place Fury came in and gave a long ass speech on how we have to show the same respect to other mentors that we show our own” you plopped down next to your boyfriend on the couch but your smile faded when you saw the look on his face. “Tyler? What’s wrong? You alright?” Concern laced your voice as you reached out to tough his face. You were shocked when he slapped your hand away.

“What’s wrong? I can’t believe you’re even asking me that...” he got up and started running his hands through his dark hair. “You’re never here anymore. You’re always training... if thats even what you’re doing” his dark eyes look different, almost like you’re looking at at stranger. While you’re too shocked to reply, he raises his voice in an almost shout. “You’re always out! Shield can’t be training you that much. How can I trust you? You’re around other men all the time!” He spat, his face almost in a snarl.

“Are you kidding me? I’m training under the avengers, not sleeping with other men! You’ve seen Steve- CAPTAIN AMERICA- drop me off! How could you think I was lying?” Your voice was strong but there was a sting in your eyes.

“Then how come Ive been seeing disgusting purple marks on your neck!?”

“I GOT JABBED IN THE FUCKING THROAT-“

“LIAR!” The argument went on for about 15 minutes, you trying to prove your innocence while Tyler just kept making more and more ridiculous accusations. You’d had arguments before, but never this bad. You turned, about to walk to your shared room to try and avoid the conflict- until a loud sound was heard on your right. He’d thrown the damn pot fruit bowl at your head. You whipped round, a look of shock on both your faces, as if he couldn’t believe he’d done it either. This was the turning point for you, things had never been physical in your relationships and they never would be. The shock on your face turned to anger as you fought back the urge to restrain him, like Steve had taught you. You grabbed your keys, and put your jacket back on.

“We’re done. Try to attack me again and i will show you just how much training I’ve done” your face looked terrifying, but under the mask you were heartbroken. You’d thought he was the one you were going to spend your life with. You were wrong. Obviously. You stormed out of the apartment, too consumed by anger to realise you had nowhere to go. You had limited cash on you, and your closest relatives were a state away. You couldn’t ask your friends to come pick you up, it was too late. After walking for almost an hour, you came across an old diner you lived going to. You told Steve about this place a few months ago, and both of you went after a particularly hard day of training. Plus it was literally open 24hrs, so you could stay until it was early enough to catch Steve or Sam on a run. You sat down at an empty booth in the corner, but since the diner was empty you could see and hear everything. You ordered a simple cheeseburger and a coke, not wanting to spend much money. You just sit and wait until you hear the phone ring. It was Tyler.

“Babe? Where are you? I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done that it was all my fault-“

“You could have killed me. And I completely agree, it was your fault.

Don’t call me again. I don’t know when Ill be picking my stuff up. Bye”

“Y/N don’t do this, I love you-“

“If you loved me you wouldn’t have thrown a bowl heavier than a brick at my head.”

You heard the door open, but you were just angrily staring at the table, not bothering to see who came in. You were biting your knuckle to stop yourself from crying, pent up emotions wanting to break free. You tried to keep from crying, growing silent as you evened your breathing.

“Why are you doing this?! I thought you loved me! Maybe I did aim it at your head so what!?” Your heart sank. He’d meant to hurt you. Knock you out, maybe even kill you. “You deserved it for turning away from me. Why can’t you just come back? You need me. Give me one valid reason why I should stop calling you”

“You tried to fucking kill me”

_________________________________________

“You tried to fucking kill me”

Steve heard your voice and whipped round. He hadn’t noticed you in the corner when he came in, but the words you just spoke sent a small shiver of fear down his spine. What had happened? We’re you ok? You were still in your shield assigned training outfit, and there didn’t look to be any blood on you. He quickly walked towards you and saw you angrily slam your phone down, an unreadable expression on your face.

“Y/N? Everything alright?” It unnerved him to see you like this, he’d never seen you sad, or even angry before. Irritated at losing hand to hand combat? Sure. But he’d never seen you like this... so open... so...vulnerable.

You blinked back tears as you slowly rose your head up to look at him. He’d taken a seat across from you, arms on the table and the most concerned look you’d ever seen him with. Then again, after taking a quick glance at your reflection in the mirror, you did look a mess. Hair messy from a days training, red eyes and a blotchy face from almost crying. You decided it was not a good look on you.

“I’m-“ you were about to say fine, but you weren’t. You needed someone to talk to, and although it might be considered unprofessional, Steve was worried and you knew he wouldn’t drop it. He’s too stubborn. “Actually, I’m not fine. My personal life has just been obliterated.”

You let out a dry laugh to try and hide the hurt.

“Y/N, what happened. Tell me, please.” The way he had said please, with so much emotion almost made your heart burst. And with those eyes, full of concern and... something, staring directly at you you found it hard to not tell him everything. You looked and the table when you started explaining, almost ashamed of what happened.

“You remember my boy- well EX boyfriend, Tyler? He tried to maim or kill me. Haven’t figured out which he meant to do yet.” You hoped a bit of sarcasm would make the words you just spoke seem less... heavy to the super soldier. However when you glanced up, the look on the super soldiers face was pure anger. Before Steve could say anything, you carried on “ he didn’t actually touch me, but he tried to. I walked out before anything else could happen.”

“What do you mean tried to?” His voice was eerily calm, but soft. It completely betrayed his stiff posture and furrowed brows. You’d never seen him like this, but you weren’t scared. Somehow it was comforting.

“Well you know that big, heavy ornate fruit bowl that my grandma made me?”

“The one shaped like a peacock? Feathers for the bowl?” You nodded.

“He threw it. At my head. I was walking away and it hit the wall next to me.” You explained quickly, seeing him lean back and nostrils flare slightly. He was directing his angry gaze at anywhere but you, you weren’t the reason for his anger.

“He could have killed you. A blow to the back of your head from and object like that- jesus it could’ve cracked your skull open. You could-“ he swallowed, calming himself before finishing his sentence. “ you could be dead right now. Or unconscious, or with a cracked open skull...” as he trailed off he realised how bad the situation could have been. You could’ve been hurt. Not by some trigger happy mafia member, not by a highly trained hydra assassin. Hell, not even in training. When he caught your throat in training a few days ago he thought you were going to hate him forever, and he hated himself for hurting you. Even after you caught your breath and smiled, no laughed at him for fretting, he still hated himself for putting you through unnecessary pain. The fact that you were hurt in your home, in the one place you were supposed to be safe infuriated him. He had never wanted to kill, not really, but the anger and secondhand fear for your safety could have been the thing that made him do it. He looked at you now, seeing past the obvious and noticing the circles under your eyes and the way your body just seemed exhausted, physically and emotionally. Before he could speak, you decided to change the subject. Until tomorrow at least.

“Hey you getting any food? I can practically hear your stomach from here.” You said with a smile. Steve relaxed his posture a little and realised he hadn’t ordered in his haste to check on you. As he turned around to once again look at the menu, to cheeseburgers and cokes were laid out infront of you both by a middle aged woman, who had a young motherly look to her.

“I know you didn’t order anything, but the diners quiet and I couldn’t help overhearing a few things. I added cheesy fries, no extra cost.” The woman turned to you, wiping her hand on her black apron in a worried manner. “I hope you’re ok sweetheart. If you want, I can sneak you another drink, on the house. Just ask.” She gave you a kind smile as you thanked her and tried to return it, completely forgetting to ask Steve if he was ok with the meal. It reminded you why you joined sheiks in the first place, to protect people like her.

You and Steve started eating, and for a few minutes there was nothing but comfortable silence. Until Steve had a thought. After taking a few sips of his drink, he broke the silence.

“Do you have anywhere to stay tonight?” He was not under any circumstance letting you go home to that psycho.

“Actually, I was just going to chill here for a few hours and hopefully catch you or Sam on a run...” now that you’d said it out loud, it sounded kind of stupid.

Instead of being angry, Steve just looked sad as he asked “why didn’t you call someone? You could’ve called.. me.” He almost sounded disappointed. He was, he would go pick you up from Japan if you’d asked him. He thought you knew that. “I would’ve picked you up..” he picked up a fry to try and seem more casual about what he’d said, about what he’d implied.

“Honestly, after I stormed out I was angry- walking around New York for an hour” you stopped to take a sip of your drink and have some fries. “It’s late, tower is on lockdown in early hours. And.. everyone was so tired after today. It’s not fair on them if I wake them up.” You took a bite of your burger and swallowed quickly. “ And you... you’ve been so stressed lately and after that stunt Garrison pulled I thought you deserved some sleep” you finished your sentence with a light shrug. You took another bite of your burger and looked at Steve, who couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. How dare you think you’re less important than a few hours sleep.

“You can stay at my place if you’d like, Ive got a spare room... it has an en suite.” As Steve was nearing the end of his sentence he thought he sounded stupid. He’d daydreamed once or twice about having you live with him, sharing a bed... but he never thought that this would be the way it was going to happen. He’d kept his distance because you were in a relationship, never going over the platonic boundary with you.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be a burden-“

“You’re never a burden.” He said that a bit too quickly for his liking.

“Well... ok, sure, thank you. I don’t really have any spare clothes so I might be a mess in the morning...” you laughed slightly and Steve’s eyes lit up. That’s better.

With a slight blush, Steve said “if you want, Ive got some spare clothes you could sleep in. You can wash your clothes at my apartment if you’d like.”

The gesture was oddly intimate, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to refuse. You both finished your meals, which Steve refuses to let you pay for since “you’ve been through a lot tonight. I’m paying”

You said your goodbyes to the waitress and headed outside. You were trying to hide a smile.

“What’s got you smiling?” Steve asked as he handed you a helmet.

“Not going to lie, I’ve always wanted to ride your...” you paused, making sure his bike was an old Harley. But Steve couldn’t stop himself from finishing that sentence in his head. “Harley. It’s so much cooler than the bikes in Starks garage. Hey, why don’t you have a helmet?”

“I don’t live too far, and I’m more likely to survive than you. And besides, we’re not going to crash.” He said as he swung his leg over the bike. He gestured for you to get on and after fastening the straps on the helmet, you got on behind him. You hesitated before putting your arms around his waist, but then just wrapped yourself around him. The feeling of his strong back pressed against you sent a pleasant wave through you, and Steve was just glad you couldn’t see the shy smile on his face.

“Ready?” He asked as he kicked the engine into life.

“Mmm” you said as Steve moved forward, leaving you clinging to him.

You couldn’t wait to go to sleep, even if it wasn’t in your bed.

Steve was just happy you were safe now. He’d never once offered his spare room to anyone except Bucky, he’d never trusted or cared about anyone enough.

Until you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: hope you liked it, it’s my first ever attempt at writing a fic so opinions and criticism are welcome :) I’ll do a part 2 if this gets a note, new to tumblr so I’m not sure if anyone will read it.

[luminisvii]

okay im gonna go black out and write some bullshit about my Thoughts on Literary Analysis and Character Writing bc i love writing and i love trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. i am an unfortunate fan of fire emblem, so the real joke is on me, but let’s do this anyway. using a lot of bold as always! it makes me feel special.

Why is Leonie such a divisive character? 

as per usual, here is my disclaimer that it’s okay to like Leonie. it’s also okay to dislike her, as long as you’re not being a massive dick about it. lord knows people are rude to me about lorenz and i didn’t ask for their opinions. if you like leonie, i am not out to get you, i’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t, i’m not even mad at you. Neat! you like a character i don’t! and that’s just fine. i honestly don’t care! go have fun! 

so let’s talk. theres a TL;DR at the end so be ready.

i’ll make no bones about it: i’m in the camp that dislikes her. i don’t have the energy to hate her as i do for faye, but leonie is pretty obnoxious as a character and it’s an uphill battle to like her. i’ve played VW like three times since i’m a self professed GD stan so i’ve dealt with her a lot, read most of her supports, and seen her as a character in actual cutscenes and stuff.

the short answer: making a character obsessed with another one and having that be most of their personality is really annoying. 

the long answer: let’s start on that now! these are my personal thoughts and analysis, so you’re free to disagree with me if you think i’m falling short.

one statement i will make right away is that i’m not offended by leonie being mean to the player. a lot of people who stan leonie like to argue that people dislike her because she’s one of the few characters who doesn’t kiss byleth’s ass immediately. that’s fine. that doesn’t bother me. after all, seteth and hapi are mean to byleth at first too, and those two are far more beloved… in fact, it’s funny that they’re mean to byleth. i would also argue that my favorite lord claude is not buddy buddy with byleth at first either, but if these popular opinion threads have proven anything to me, people love taking claude’s lying ass at face value. that’s besides the point—it’s okay that leonie isn’t immediately friendly to byleth. that is not an objective character flaw. characters need something to conflict over in the narrative, and not being instantly friendly to a player insert is not a problem in the slightest.

the major flaw in leonie’s character, imo, is that the writers decided it was a brilliant idea to make her obsessed with a man who barely seems to acknowledge her. this is an extremely unfortunate reoccurring character trope in fire emblem. notable other victims that more modern fe fans may recognize are faye and cordelia, faye being the worst offender. luckily, leonie isn’t as bad as faye. but it really is irritating that leonie, along with these other women, seem entirely driven by men who cannot acknowledge them. within three houses, you have similar traits in male characters as well: cyril is another notable offender, and to a lesser extent, dedue’s fixation on dimitri. now, we do see jeralt talking to leonie at the very least, and he does speak about her at least once in my memory, and positively at that. so it’s not as pathetic as the likes of faye. 

outside of that, leonie cannot stop fucking reminding everyone she comes across: she loves captain jeralt. she’s his only apprentice. and you, dear player, who is his child, are not good enough, because you don’t love him as much as she does. practically all her convos with byleth are about how they don’t love jeralt enough, save for a slight turn around in the A support where she talks about her promise to protect byleth in jeralt’s place. to be honest, i usually ditch her in any run i’m forced to take her (hello sylvain, the superior idiot redhead cavalier) so this promise is just cute.

the arrogance in this attitude is insensitive at best, and as seen in her B support with byleth, potentially malicious and self centered at worst. 

let’s not beat around the bush. the main point of contention for leonie is her B support with byleth, which is locked to jeralt’s death. you cannot get this support until jeralt has kicked it. and if you’re on GD, chances are you have gotten enough support points with leonie to get it immediately upon his death. the man’s grave is still fresh. what does she have the gall to say to her beloved mentor’s child?

“I've spent my whole life working to become a great mercenary like your father. There were so many times when I wanted to ask his advice, but I couldn't. I just had to make do. That's how I've made it this far. Just hard work, all on my own. But then you come along... And it's like you don't appreciate Captain Jeralt at all, or how lucky you were to have him around your whole life! Ugh! It still really bothers me! You might be his kid, but I'm still his best apprentice! Got it?!”

YIKES.

no matter how you dice it, saying that to someone whos father just died? NOT GOOD. it doesn’t matter what her reasoning is. a lot of people argue that this is realistic, that she’s acting out of grief. maybe so. however, if the game wants me to like her, they’re failing, no matter how realistic her reaction is. if this was supposed to be seen as a moment of weakness, that would be one thing, but it’s clear leonie never learns anything from this. she never gets better. she spends the rest of her life constantly centered on jeralt, and sees byleth as a competitor and obstacle to his affections, even after he’s dead. 

i don’t want to entirely make this about byleth, because let’s be real, byleth is only one of her many supports. but it is the most easily noticeable, and the least charitable to her character. 

also fun fact i did a basic search for jeralt in her supports and thats 37 times hes mentioned lmao this isn’t even accounting for her non support dialogue! which is still a lot! 

so a decent chunk of her supports still involve her talking about how great jeralt is as if the man is jesus. her better supports don’t involve him at all. i don’t have easy access to a lot of her dialogue by chapter, but quite a bit of her regular dialogue references jeralt too, be it by name or title, and a good chunk of her endings, especially her solo one, have her just taking up his title and job and drinking habits. it’s supposed to be seen as cute.

this woman is in her 20s at the beginning of the game. she’s my age. this kind of behavior is worrying. 

so you’re thinking “tell, you’ve spent a LOT of time talking about how leonie won’t shut the fuck up about jeralt. what about the rest of her character? unlike faye, she actually has one!” right you are! i will concede that. leonie does have things going on for her outside of her constant screeching about jeralt! what are they?

we see that her personality has her as a hard worker and frugal person because she’s grown up in a life that has less than many of her peers. she’s rational and rather keen, capable of assessing her opponents correctly and outsmarting them. she likes to help others. her supports with claude are fairly interesting as they talk about their own perspectives on the world to each other in a friendly manner. she talks to bernadetta and praises her skill in craft and manages to befriend her. in fact, all her supports where she doesn’t mention jeralt at all are pretty good. she can be headstrong and sometimes quick to jump to conclusions, but leonie isn’t one to be too beholden to preset ideas and shows a capability to learn and change.

wait, this sounds like a pretty well rounded and likeable character i’m describing! what happened here? this kind of portrayal is almost contradictory to the side of her that only thinks of jeralt. 

a lot of people who like leonie like her for these aspects. at first, i had thought her to be interesting, since she’s the poorest student in the entire school, here on money raised by her entire village, which must have been extremely difficult for them to do. she doesn’t understand how nobles can be so frivolous, and butts heads with the likes of hilda, who has been raised in luxury her whole life and she clashes even harder with lorenz, who is obsessed with nobility. in a way, leonie is the slap from reality that many of the rich students from garreg mach need. and she also serves an important function in the dynamic of the deer—she’s a bit of a hapless straight man to all their bullshit. they always need one of those! in the lions, that role falls to ingrid, while edelgard plays that to her own house. 

so yes, there is merit in leonie’s character. there’s a lot to like about her here. however, in my opinion, it’s not enough to make up for the incredibly abrasive aspects of her fixation on jeralt. it really just comes back to that—that someone decided that it would be a fantastic character trait to have her never stop thinking about a man, and flaunt this to the man’s child. constantly. almost all her dialogue directed at byleth is about jeralt. post skip, a lot more of her lines become about jeralt and making him proud. it’s like she thinks that he’s her dad. she’s a grown ass woman! leonie is one of the older students! she is an adult by the time the game starts! an adult with some actual worldly experience, unlike her peers! what went wrong? why is she like this? why did they make her so fucking annoying when it comes to jeralt?

so yes, that’s what i think is the major flaw of her character. a flaw that is not easily overcome. cyril is a largely derided character for similar reasons. another simple control+f tells me that rhea is mentioned in cyril’s supports 59 times so uh, woo! he has leonie beat there.

worst of all this is a flaw that narratively, she does not overcome. she never grows and gets better from it. she never changes her single minded determination to impress jeralt, even long after he’s dead. a good chunk of her endings have her taking up his business and acting just like him, taking his title too. somehow lorenz is the more likeable character, and lorenz starts off as a much worse person than her! he starts as a stinky incel classist and somehow, especially over the course of verdant wind, manages to learn and grow and change into a much better person, while leonie remains stagnant in who she is. her own peers outdo her in almost every aspect, in that they appear to be capable of growing up while leonie, already an adult, never seems to show any signs of maturing over the course of the game. we see ignatz turn from a meek nerd to someone who’s willing to do what it takes to protect what he cares about. marianne grows from suicidal and depressed to finding the will to live because it means she’ll be able to spend more time with things she enjoys and people she loves. lorenz goes from snobbish and distant over his complex about nobility to being one of the kindest members of the deer, willing to go against his father for the greater good. even hilda matures! hilda starts the game lazy and unambitious, trying to avoid work, saying she’d never risk her life for her friends, to fighting against some of the strongest forces in the continent and ESPECIALLY on CF we see her refusing to abandon claude in his time of need, no matter how bad it gets, even if it costs her life. what does leonie do? leonie seems to forever be stuck in the mindset that she has to impress jeralt, no matter how far she goes.

this is incredibly nitpicky, i’ll admit, this isn’t really part of the character analysis, but i find she under performs as a unit too. she may have ungodly speed and no weaknesses in her skills, but damage output wise she’s easily outdone in house by the other canon paladin of lorenz and his wonky statline, and out of house sylvain has basically the same ability as her, the same color hair, and a crest + relic that make him way more effective. the man has bulk, too. so, that’s a small ding to leonie as well. i had the same problem with sully in awakening. for all the talk about how these women are just as good as the men, they appear to under perform quite a bit.

and i’m gonna talk real quick in a basic list format of arguments i’ve seen for people defending leonie, since i’m running out of like, a coherent way to talk about some of this stuff.

-She’s realistic.

maybe so, but the game intends for me to find her as likeable and sympathetic, as it is for all recruitable characters. her reactions to byleth and sometimes others may be realistic, but don’t paint a charitable image of her. again, the moment in her B support with byleth is so bad, it makes her seem like she’s acting towards them with cruel intent. while i don’t care about byleth’s feelings since byleth isn’t a real person, what it does is it paints leonie as malicious, no matter what her intent was or how realistic it is. yes, she’s in grief, she’s lost someone important to her, but in what context is telling someone who just lost their dad that they didn’t love him enough supposed to garner anything but hatred? even if she apologizes for it in their A support, that means she basically took years to do so and still seems to think of byleth as an obstacle to her being like jeralt.

although as i have said before, the rest of her personality is fine. i find her non jeralt stuff is much more well written. she’s a down to earth person amidst a sea of lunatics. that’s not a problem.

-People don’t like her because she’s mean to Byleth. 

this is probably true in some regards although i can’t say for certain. because byleth is a player insert and some might take it personally, but otherwise i find this isn’t much of a good universal claim since there’s more to the disdain to that. personally, i think it’s hilarious when video game characters are mean to me, but that’s just My Opinion, so no, i’m really not offended by leonie being mean to me. other characters are also mean to byleth, and that leads into the next point...

-Other characters act similarly towards Byleth and they’re popular.

one, look at those stupid unpopular opinions threads on twitter. they’re not as loved as you think. two, a lot of the characters who are listed for these things are often the likes of seteth and felix, and let’s talk about the context of their actions there. seteth is indeed mean to byleth at first, but his intent is wildly different from leonie’s—he’s suspicious, and rightfully so, of this mercenary who came out of nowhere and rhea is suddenly showing a lot of interest in and is giving a position of power to. seteth is not acting out of malintent or jealousy, he’s acting out of concern for the students and his daughter as well as rhea. because his core intent is “protect everyone around me” it comes off as far more palatable and dare i say, endearing. this is vastly different than “i’m jealous towards byleth because i love their dad and hate that they’re getting attention i can’t.” with a character like felix, this is outright incorrect—felix is not necessarily more rude to byleth more than he would be anyone else. felix is angry with the faerghus four in particular, but everyone else gets the same level of vague disrespect from him otherwise, so his behavior is not centralized to byleth. again, i don’t care about byleth’s feelings. there is also cyril, who is similarly obsessed with rhea, and is just as irritating as leonie for it, if not worse because he gets an extra layer of being a poc character obsessed with a white one who saved him. 

tl;dr: context and intent matters. a lot. i know this is a ton to ask of the fe fandom to consider taking things beyond face value, but please consider the context of characters actions and their intent behind them.

-People who don’t like Leonie are misogynistic.

i won’t discount that there are bad actors who are likely extra critical of leonie because she’s a female character. it could be and has been argued that the reasons that characters like edelgard and ingrid are so controversial is because they are female. but not everyone who raises criticisms is strictly doing so in bad faith. most people i’ve seen criticizing leonie do it for the same reasons i am, which is that she’s an abrasive character. these traits would not be any better on a male character and in some regards could be worse. so for this one, it’s better to take it as a case by case situation, and pay attention to how people are talking. those doing so for less savory reasons often let it slip eventually, somehow. i’ve been avoiding using the word “bitch” in this entire thing for this exact reason.

-Her non-Byleth supports are good.

this is highly subjective imo and comes down to what you personally like in a character. i do like some of her non byleth supports, but she still has an unfortunate habit of bringing up jeralt in non byleth supports, so the only ones that are truly good are the ones where she doesn’t talk about him at all. even then, some like her one with marianne can do the same accidental portrayal of her seeming like a pretty unpleasant person. this isn’t saying that leonie can’t be flawed or short tempered, after all i adore felix and he’s got Some Fuckin Issues, but her portrayal as a kind and bright person clashes with how she’s portrayed surrounding byleth and jeralt. far too much. i like her supports with claude, i like her line with bernadetta, and her seteth one is good too, but i’d also argue that as a personality she doesn’t bring much to the table. she’s a perfectly serviceable character when she’s not dealing with byleth, but i personally fail to see more appeal to her. she isn’t particularly enrapturing like some of the others, and unlike someone like ingrid who has a similar role in BL, doesn’t have the shared history and integration with the deer that grants ingrid a unique perspective on her peers. although again, this is highly subjective, so it’s tough to argue about this. i’ll grant that yes, the writing that doesn’t surround jeralt is WAY better and almost makes leonie a redeemable character.

-Other characters are worse.

very true! i’ll cite faye again as the bottom line for “this is how abysmal this character could be” and in feth itself there is, as stated many times before, cyril. however it doesn’t mean that leonie is better by association. and i also often see people citing seteth as an example over the rudeness to the player too, but once again that’s about context and intent. hapi is a lesser example, due to a similar mistrusting nature, and there’s quite a bit of the cast who are cold and rude because that’s just who they are. now, thank fucking god that leonie actually talks about things that aren’t jeralt. like, seriously, i’d die. she still talks about him too much, but i really should go through all of faye’s dialogue to do a proper count. 

so now you’re probably thinking—if you even got this far—“gee tell, you sure do like running your fuckin mouth, eh? so what’s the point of all this?�� let’s wrap it up. 

the TL;DR:

what this all boils down to is that leonie’s got a serious problem in her writing where her entire life revolves around a man, and the way it’s dealt with isn’t particularly great. she doesn’t have a dynamic character arc like some others that redeem them from their problems, and the personality she has outside of her relationship to jeralt and byleth often clashes with the one she has with them, particularly centering on byleth. when dealing with byleth, the image it paints of her is extremely negative, and not one easily shaken—again, the B support moment is just THAT BAD. that is the most cited moment for why people hate her. it just seems like for all the flaws she has, they are not compensated for or grown out of like other characters in the game do for theirs.

theres also that tweet about how we put more thought into these characters than intsys does, so. yeah. definitely doing that right now. thanks, intsys, you did it again.

i will also point to the argument that we should hold the writers accountable, not the fictional characters who aren’t real and don’t have feelings. i don’t think leonie needs to be held accountable for her bullshit. i just wish the writers could have treated her better.

this is personally why i find leonie so difficult, and hopefully if you didn’t understand why people don’t like leonie, this can help enlighten you. i’m willing to hear people out if they have something to say, and as always, if you are a leonie stan, please go enjoy yourself, have fun, and don’t let me ruin your parade. i just enjoy trying to figure things out and talking a lot along the way! so that’s all, here’s hoping that in the future they do better, and remember that GD is the best house okay bye take this picture of me typing up this whole ass thing

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eps2.2_init1.asec

Mr.Robot: Season 2 Episode 4

break-down / character analysis / head canons 

(Spoilers obviously, but contains stuff up through end of season 4)

A: first scene

I love this scene a lot so I wrote a lot. 

(The Memorial Day situation)

Elliot had been pen-testing, doing white-hat hacking for some wall-street gig. (Timeline= ?-May 2014)

He was on some type of project where he needed to hack until it was un-hackable. (Seemed dedicated to his job there)

Elliot is court ordered into anger management with a shrink (Krista) after being fired for destroying the servers. Hs he claims he was locked in there and fell asleep then woke up in a destroyed room. (I still suspect this retelling to be halfway unreliable even though it’s how it’s told at least twice in the show.)

This happened Memorial Day weekend. - night or around 5pm presumably - people wanted to go clubbing etc. and Elliot did not. They couldn’t leave because Elliot was working. (He didn’t care about them enough to let them go, or was just dedicated to his job you choose.)

        2. (Job offering) 

Elliot is offered to work at all-safe by Angela around this time (Halloween 2014) but it’s been months since he had been working so what was he doing?

A bunch of Grey-hat hacks to get shady people arrested? Seems he may have just finished one when Darlene arrived. 

He sees some potential in accepting, because it a Trojan horse (both what you think it is and slang for a backdoor into a server network). 

He’s been thinking about it, though we don’t know how long he’s been sitting on this offer. “the right access the right malware.” His plan is to take down Evil Corp (It’s the first time he’s voiced this, and Darlene doesn’t take him entirely serious at first.)

      3. (Darlene and Elliot)

Darlene comes on halloween, she seems bothered by something that may have happened that night (if my timeline is right it could be she had a fight with Cisco because they should’ve still been together then) whatever it is Darlene feels she needs Elliots company that night. 

This is the first mention of init-1 the code between her and Elliot. He tries to excuse himself when Darlene first answers, with an excuse he’s going out. Darlene picks up that this is half-assed, showing us that despite her being gone she knows her brother well. (It’s little things like these that give hints as to the hosts habits and how much they overlap with MM’s)

“Great Darlene, haven’t seen you in a long time either. I’d love to hang out.” Judging by the fact Elliot is just now telling Darlene he’s been fired we can assume the extent of there communication is pretty much zilch. Darlene has been away from the city for some time, but I’m not sure its ever mentioned how long. 

Per tradition, they’re smoking weed while watching the careful massacre of the bourgeoise (1984). (Darlene is a talkative/hungry type of high and Elliot just chills... and maybe has deep philosophical conversations) This movie carries a lot of importance because it becomes symbolic of F-Society. It starts out with the masked man killing the bourgeoisie kids at a new years eve party, but I do wonder if thats the entire plot or not.

Darlene says several things about it: 

(A) The movie was made to disprove meritocracy. (showing the separation of class through the absurd ways in which the characters act.) 

(B) it was the source of their psychological dysfunction. (Probably because it’s x-rated, I think this line should only be taken as a joke)

In the dream sequence later in the episode Tyrell and Joanna are wearing similar outfits to the brother and sister in the movie (hinting how Elliot probably sees them)

We get clarification on Darlene having Panic attacks, this is something that has come up before. Elliot shows genuine concern for her mental well-being.

 “Since when did pretending everything is okay become the all mighty norm?” *proceeds to act like that at the beginning of season 2* 

Unlike Elliot, Darlene has a digital social life. Has instagram, and orders off postmates probably lives a normal life of a 23 year old who happens to be really smart and good at stuff. I definitely think all that go thrown in the trash the second f-society became more than just a what-if. By the beginning of season 1 she’s just as off the grid as Elliot is. (But like I just wanna see Darlene live her life again dammit.) 

Sidenote: I wonder who this one is. Part of me wants to say this is Elliot the  host, but I have my suspicions MM took over after Memorial Day, (or at the least started to front more often…). Though it does leave me asking why there are sudden amnesia barriers in the time leading up to 5/9. Fragment Krista says MM found it important to start messing with Elliots memories and his past and inadvertently this meant forgetting his sister? Was it a subconscious choice? I can’t confirm, but I still do wonder how much of Elliot we really see in flashbacks and how much of it is MM.

         4. (“Do you talk to mom?”)

Dialogue: “No. You?” (“Fuck no, she still shits on dad every time I talk to her… I wish I remembered him better.”)

I don’t have a note really, but this moment is fairly awkward given what we know about Ed—d. Not sure how I read Elliot’s face here, but I think he’s probably on the same page as her because- 

Elliot has kept the Mr.Robot jacket.

I believe this indicates the host and MM I think are (were) both protected from knowing about what their father did otherwise that shit would be trash. I wonder Does host Elliot also have the view of his father as his only friend? Anyway I definitely see this as a trigger for Robot, like, thats his clothes for one and ed—d is sort of the trauma he holds.

A switch definitely occurs once the mask is on. There’s an awkwardness where Darlene loses her laughter: does she know exactly what his disorder is? I think at the very least she suspects and picks up on these things. She knows that Elliot is forgetful and experiences moments of derealization because she’s dealt with those moments with him. They are siblings after all, and I think this scene is pretty much in here to hone that in.  

Mr.Robot starts a whole speech about a plan to take down E-Corp. Elliot (in reference to everyone because I think this is a shared understanding) knows the hard part of this hack will be he fallout (“that’s the key, the follow through.”) 

More indicators he’s been really thinking about this for a while (At the very least since Memorial Day so 6 months; at most since his dad got leukemia). He (Mr.Robot) works out that E-corp will try to come back from the hack and there needs to be a way to stop the from happening. 

Destroy public confidence = destroy E-Corp  (And this is what Darlene’s been shown doing this season so far) 

He then takes off the mask and he’s gone quiet (dissociated?) Probably a switch back. (He looks at it in a way that makes me feel like he doesn’t remember putting it on.)

End scene. 

B: Darlene’s visit

“The only way to patch a vulnerability is by exposing it first. The flip side is exposing the vulnerability leaves you open for an exploit.” (I believe this line tells us this episodes logic)

(Plan discussion.)

The plan involves losing confidence in e-corp and Elliot has lost confidence in the plan. (though we are aware phase 2 isn’t necessarily just about losing public confidence, Elliot is later shown to not want this either). He sees it as too dangerous to continue on with, and he feels guilty about it given how Gideon was killed, he doesn’t want more people to die. 

However, I feel as if he probably already saw into all the vulnerabilities (because he’s like that). Already figuring they could be exposed (hence danger). He sees the best option would be to quit while they can, but Darlene is refusing. 

“What did you guys think was going to happen exactly?” - Darlene referring to Elliot as plural. (We love to see it)

Elliot says it wasn’t him who said everything. (Clarification that a switch did happen in scene 1.)

      2. (“This is what she does”)

What does darlene do? 

Likely: When she wants something but doesn’t give full honesty about it and doesn’t tell Elliot everything. In other words Darlene keeps secrets, and hides the important bothersome details. She sort of beats around the bush. (She does something like this in scene 1 she needs Elliots company but won’t talk about or say why then avoids confrontation of her mental health)

She’s doing it here not so much for her own comfort but the safety of her brother, because she knows he has vulnerabilities, and can be triggered and emotionally unstable. She doesn’t want to upset him because she needs him to help her and he can’t do that in an unstable state.

C: Chess 

1. (Meeting with Ray to play chess)

Chess isn’t really the focus here; Ray picks up on a lot of conflict happening internally, and as an exploit to get Elliot to trust him gives the chess board over. 

We see how guilt is burdening Elliot, and he is considering owning up to everything he did. Even mentions how it could stop Darlene from doing “crazy shit”. He doesn’t want to lose her either; or lose any more people for that matter. Losing people was not a part of saving the world he signed up for. There’s also guilt in general because of 5/9 because things are turning out bad. 

I’m fairly convinced Mr.Robot is incapable of feeling guilt, or is just hiding it behind the 10 layers of clothes. (Though I guess he’s never met Gideon so why should he care?). Anyway he is consistently focused on seeing everything through no matter the costs. 

I just find Mr.Robot coming in and saying he’d swan dive off a building for saying anything pretty funny (don’t ask)

He exaggerates a lot of the time but honestly sometimes he is dead serious about putting the body in pain or in life and death scenarios and so he can be fairly destructive so it’s hard to tell if he is joking, but hey MM (and to my hc host) does hard drugs, so...

2. (A game to end all games between us)

“Winner takes all.” (“Of what?”) “Us.”

(Mr.Robot really do be like “I’mma kill you or myself” Bitch I do not think..)

Robot says Elliot “will be absent from knowing. Losing time forever. A deep black void.” Basically he’s gonna throw him in a pit. And honestly it sounds confident, like he probably feels he can take full control since he’s been around the longest along with the core. (But we know he wouldn’t do it even if he could, the guy has a soft spot. Anyway this is like the IDK what number of times Robot be doing a loop around to get a point across to Elliot. He do be playing the long game and I think secretly he loves a good scheme.) (This is what Mr.Robot does.) 

Elliot gets visited by Krista in prison and has told her about the game. (Judging by the fact they meet in her ‘office’ and not in the “Kitchen table” setting we can assume they’re allowed to meet in a private location.) (Edit: disregard this bit I forgot about the reveal that he’d just imagining it on like two separate layers to feel safe enough to speak)

“Krista’s wrong annihilation is always the answer” (He’s just as bad honestly, Krista teach this boy constructive ways). He sees annihilation as self improvement, getting rid of parts of yourself that are ugly or unwanted. We create our identity around desire, and that means destroying parts that are undesirable so all thats left is practically a mask of who we are. (I think the tie into Whiterose through this spill about annihilation is a bit cheap but like I understand the choice) Anyhow Elliot’s pretty much agreeing to a western showdown and has no idea it’s all a rouse so Robot can have his point. 

4. The chess match

Ed—d apparently taught Elliot his first ways to code through teaching him computer chess. He talks like he really understands all the logic of chess which makes me think he was letting Ray win before. 

Mr.Robot definitely feels a bit uncomfortable with being associated with him just a hint in his voice. 

Ultimately they find out neither of them can either win or lose but Mr.Robot knew all along that would happen.

“Fighting for the future we want, it isn’t about playing chess is about what we do out there with them.” (peaking out of his ten layers to show he cares about the outside world, while also expressing how they need to get out of prison.)

“I want to be here Elliot, with you.” (God my heart.) 

D: Darlene and Cisco’s hook up

Darlene is very paranoid while walking around, she isn’t sure if F-society really are being offed. However in front of F-society she tries to comfort their suspicions. 

Cisco comes to Darlene to warn her about getting killed by DA… but he’s the one who ultimately gets offed. (Poetic cinema)

We learn Darlene’s the type to get upset and defiantly end up having sex in the bathroom of a shady dive bar with her on and off again boyfriend (also Cisco why didn’t you pull out before talking about Dark Army again, like dude lol.)

This is definitely the point they start getting back together. 

There a message in gold written on the wall that reads “There's an unequal amount of good and bad in most things. The trick is to figure out the ratio and act accordingly. Stay frosty all. Peace.” - its from this tweet: x 

Operation Berenstain is first mentioned. I’m in agreement the name references the popular conspiracy about alternate timelines. 

E: Leon lays it down

Leon asks Elliot if he wants to even be here, tells him he “has to dream in order to find out the future he’s fighting for.” (My initial though is I’m not sure if this means here as in prison or here as in alive, sorta feels like the latter)

“If you like it” (The future you envision) “then it’s beautiful, if it’s not then you might as well fade the fuck out right now.” (Hard) (definitely means the latter)

I appreciate Leon so much. “Existence could be beautiful or it could be ugly. But thats on you.” He’s really good for Elliot, really no bs, no loop arounds, he just tells it straight. And you know what? He listens to him because he actually goes to bed dreaming about it. 

“What is the future? Leon says one needs to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence.”

This dream sequence is so impactful, Leon’s influence. I’m not gonna go in on the shots, however we do get to see a really honest view on how Elliot truly sees the people that have been a part of his life in a variety of subtle ways. We see a lot of what he desires or seeks is happiness for everyone around him. 

“Will I reconnect for those I care for. Will I reunite with old friends long gone. See the ones I love find true happiness. Maybe this future includes people I never dreamed of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. The world I’ve always wanted. And I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I bold texted that last bit because it really hits, and I think its what becomes the foundations for what Elliot ends up saying to Whiterose at the end. Not to pull a Darlene but this show is clearly trying to say how hard it is to find connection in a world of capitalist alienation. 

When Leon sort of digs into Elliot and asks if he really does want to die. Elliot’s dream confirms, no, we find out Elliot actually wants to live in order to improve the future, and he wants connections to be there. It’s what he’s always wanted. (Yet he still does the end all match right after this sequence because he’s convinced he’ll win and get that future on his own. Both these boys are very stubborn.) 

F: Do you remember the first command you ever taught me?

Init 1. 

What Elliot taught Darlene when her computer kept crashing. She says this in scene one, and its what makes Elliot stop making excuses. The same thing happens here, Elliot has no choice but to help. Thats what the code between them means: Drop everything and help me.

What is it? Init 1 is a run level in linux which indicates a single-user/emergency mode. Streamlining the route to only the root, while disconnecting from the network or multitasker. Used for administrative tasks.

Elliot has to stop the FBI from owning f-society and the only way to do that is by using Ray’s computer. (fuck Ray btw). Just to make sure, he asks Darlene is he is really needed by her or if she wants Robot. I think he needed the reassurance that Darlene still cares (and of course she does). 

The second part of the title is .Asec - android files preventing corruption from other programs. So the whole title translates to roughly; Help prevent corruption. And a nod to the way of doing it through hacking into the FBI android phone network. (These titles are genius and have so many layers)

G. Side stuff

1. The FBI have found Fun Society LLC through Dom. I love Dom but idk how I feel about her in these early episodes. She is a fairly good detective though. I think Romero’s character being linked to stealing power from the grid is a nod to the novel Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Ellison touches on social and intellectual issues faced by the African Americans in the early twentieth century. Also I noticed Dom’s supervisor is there and he’s already seen trying to sway the direction away from uncovering he truth. 

2. On that note so is Angela. I think we’re intentionally supposed to be annoyed with her because she’s staying at E-Corp even though she knows she’s being manipulated. 

“All of my dreams are coming true right now.” - as the bastard guys are being arrested. Not to say this slapped but it did.

We find out Whiterose and Price are in bed together on this thing and this has something to do with Angela and the plant negotiations in the lawsuit. On the phone Whiterose is fussy about moving her operation to the Congo quickly. (lets not try to reason how this plan of hers all works or what the hell it even is). Things are awkward knowing that Price is Angela’s dad, I can’t tell if he’s actually getting close because he wants to know his daughter or if its purely out of getting her around he and Whiterose’s fingers. (both? both.) 

In any case I think Esmail sets up the Angela as a counter vulnerability within the main plot, as she’s being open to exploitation by remaining at E-Corp. (refer to the logic set-up) 

3. I don’t care for Joanna’s appearance in this episode but she’s running out of money to pay of this guy who has information that could frame Tyrell for murder and is still seeing this guy she definitely hates or likes him but doesn’t love him. Complicated. She needs the severance package to pay this guy off. Tyrell is another vulnerability but he’s undercover.

H. Head canons I thought of while watching 

If Elliot hadn’t opened the door when he did Darlene would’ve picked the locks.

Darlene’s go to is always some type of asian food.

The weed is Elliots but the Bowl is Darlenes.

We see coats on the wall hooks in Elliots room, but I think the likes the cold because its grounding so he usually leaves without one on.

When Robot is high (on weed) he just talks like nonstop.

Not a head canon really but I notice Elliot never uses the backrests in chairs. However Robot becomes the chair he is the chair.

Darlene stopped going to dance classes after the hack, I think Angela has also stopped going.

Leons favorite subjects are philosophy and history

[benhaardy]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get a ship for Queen and BoRhap? Xx I'm 20, 5'5, dyed hair that's currently red, 3 tattoos and glasses. I study technical theatre, specialising in stage management which means long hours and very short breaks. I get stressed very easily and suffer from anxiety and OCD. I am obsessed with history and love to sing/dance and act out scenes when I'm alone in the house. I also play bass. I am very quiet and introverted but loud when you get to know me. Hot tempered xx

i ship you with GWILYM and JOHN!

much like gwil, you are quietttt before you get comfortable so when you were introduced to him at a party for a play, it was pretty chill and subdued. as the night came on, you both opened up and stuff to each other.

he understands how you are and what you can and can’t do very well and though he hasn’t met many people with ocd, he tries to understand as much of it as he can when you guys get more serious.

gwils very sweet and accommodating and open it's very nice

his voice is quite soothing also so when you’re all stressed he just talks you through it. and you rant and you cry and you everything but hes there 4 u and he wants to let you know that!!! he understands how hard it is to just be in a play he can’t imagine how hard it is to run it !

when you have to work late you always apologize profusely to him but he literally just shuts you down. iTS FINNNNEEE!!!!!! he says. he always understands. duty calls, yknow.

you two are that cute couple at the library whispering profusely as you both see books you like. he likes the classics and ofc you like the historical ones and sometimes you exchange books to see how both of you like them. both of you usually end up liking each other's books.

he deffffiniiiteeellyyyy understands acting out scenes when you’re on your own. you join each other often when either of you are doing it and it turns out to be pretty fun and chill.

singing!!!!! dancing!!!!!!

ok, first of all, i just wanna address: this man is a noodle. he's a big noodle and he loves messing around while dancing. it's basically just a pool noodle jumping up and down and sometimes flailing. you laugh a shit ton when he debuts it during get-togethers and everyone literally loses their shit

(hes actually a pretty good legit dancer tho)

his singing voice is so smooooothie and pretty nice even though he sings off key a lot to hide his talent. you always compliment him anyways and you can see the blush on him start to rise.

“who’s is this?” he asked, pointing to the bass in your room. “mine, silly.” “you can play?” “uh, yeah?” “i have someone who needs your help.”

enter joe mazzello and your crash course with him on playing the bass. though it wasn’t one of the requirements for joe to get cast in the film, he wanted to be sure. gwil took pictures a lot when you two were working together and they were quite cute.

lmao, he LOVES your hair and playing w it. you two are also that cute couple w the glasses that everyone knows and you twin sometimes.

dd

first of all, john is basically one eye of your storm. he is the calm in the middle of everything. though just a dude will not fix what’s happening, he helps you deal with it in a lot of ways.

his presence is just so chill that it’s relaxing. when you’re hurrying to make everything work for the show he can always tell when everything is just. too much. just way too much. he waits for you until you have a break and you guys just eat the food he brings and VENT. vent vent vent.

john is very patient and yes will wait for a whileee before you get a break. but it’s worth it just to be there at your side (to remind you how he still loves you, he still loves yoooooouuuu [sorry]) to just be like. i’m here for you. i love you. you have someone that’ll be there for you when you’re stressed.

he’s also a voice of reason and you both have long talks when you both can just about life and your stresses and everything. yall like talking about the future

he knows your boundaries and what you aren’t comfortable with. like anyone, you feel like you’re bothering him when he offers to go to the store and such for you. you two were very open with each other from the start and you could tell him what you could and couldn’t do pretty quickly.

you also comfort him when there are band disputes. he rants quite a bit because of all the conflict. ᵈᶦˢᶜᵒ ɴᴏ ᴅɪsᴄᴏ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵍᵉᵗˢ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇ ˢᶦᵈᵉ ᴛʜɪs ᴅᴏᴇsɴᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙ sɪᴅᴇ. john just wants them to blease!!! stop!!! his stories are quite funny and when he dramatically retells them his impressions are pretty spot on.

buttttt your relationship is absolutely not just deep stuff and everything. he has quite the sense of humour and you guys will tend to literally just laugh at like. nothing. the guys will just watch you two giggle and be like … ?? but it’s you and john, there’s nothing quite like either of you.

the boys get used to you two’s loud laughter. you two bring out the best (and most outgoing) side in each other.

you closed the door as quietly as you could, getting home from a very very long and stressful day at work. you threw your keys in the bowl, put your jacket on the stand, and plopped on the couch. you rubbed your face, your eyes, everything in an effort just to kinda… wipe off the tension and stress. you sat up and took a large breath and noticed a card on the table. that familiar teeny little-slanted writing was on there telling you to “just sit back and relax for a little. there’s food and everything in the fridge and i’m upstairs. if you’re coming back in the middle of the night, just wake me. i love you. -john”

both of you love music (ofc) and when he found out you played the bass also he was extremely happy. you’d be someone he could bounce ideas off of, someone to tell him, hey, this sucks or this is really good. you play together often.

one time you were at the studio with him, early in your guys’ relationship but after he found out you played. john handed you his bass nonchalantly and boom. you played just like normal. you looked up and the guys were all staring at you. “what is it?” you asked, handing the bass back to john. “you really are the perfect person for him,” freddie said softly, his smile genuine, happy. you blushed, it was only such a little passage of time that you two had been together.

singing! he loves your voice and you sing along to his playing quite a lot. when it’s a late night at the studio, you two just chill on the couch, you’re on one side, he’s on the other side with a bass, both of you just lying on your backs

^thats a lot of commas but anyway it’s so chill.

sometimes he sneaks up behind you when you’re acting out a scene and he loves watching you do it.

he finds your hair super cool and your tattoos nice and maybe he’d get one in a different universe but for now he’d just rather look and love yours.

hey hey hey i just wanna let you know that like wowowooww what you do is the lord’s work and its super freaking cool that you do all of that like wooaah. i rlly hope you like this and i got what i have about ocd right that was very important to me. thank you for being so willing to talk to me about it !!! if somethins wrong just shoot me a message. byebyee !!

[curly-q-reviews]

VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!!  i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay.  well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know??  basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life.  ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything.  i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert  cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research.  which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT). 

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle.  these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance.  u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all.  these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her.  and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it).  and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out.  i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad.  and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!!  script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it.  natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches.  jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor.  she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers.  shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her.  oh and guess what her name is.  just guess.  ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend???  humping her?????  i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party???  why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man).  but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex.  there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off.  like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird. 

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible.  he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it.  i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad.  ooooohhhh its so bad.  dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva.  oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy.  like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault.  her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!!  THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just??  slap each other???  for no reason?????  except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus.  just.  this was an experience.  i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix.  but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn.  i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to.  0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!!  im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

[up-among-the-stars]

Cycle 307

The five times Kaizo forgets his birthday, and the one time he doesn’t.

i.

Kaizo is sixteen when he first forgets.

Granted, he forgets a lot of things these days, but none of which he actually means to. He's taking his time with the mask, and while the side-effects aren't disabling, they're not exactly productive, either. It's annoying, how the memories he wants buried stay vividly clear, but Imus forbid he remember his own naming day.

So when his grandfather walks in the training room, a whole shift early and wondering why he hasn't started cleaning up, his first response is a very eloquent, "What?"

The general stares at him. "We're going to the plaza."

"...why?"

"It's your naming day," the man says with a slight frown, watching as Kaizo blinks in realization.

"Oh. Right."

"You forgot." It's not a question.

Kaizo hums, looking back at the sentinel he's pinning on the wall. He releases his hold and ends the simulation with a quick command, idly watching the bot sink back to the floor. He can still feel his grandfather watching him, but he honestly doesn't know what to say.

It was his choice to keep the mask, and the consequences were something he just had to live with.

He settles with a simple, "It's a work in progress."

Kaizo meets his grandfather's eyes, lets the other search his face for a few moments, and waits. His mouth quirks upward when he gets a small nod, knowing that the general has seen his resolve. Out of habit, he does a quick salute, before heading off to his room for a quick shower.

Training can wait; for now, he has a celebration to attend.

ii.

There are... things outside his room.

Kaizo is barely back from his latest mission when he spots the colorful mess in the hallway. He was gone for a couple of lunar cycles to patrol the Latsyrk quadrants, having picked up a couple of frequencies that belonged to powerspheres.

He'd managed to collect five of them before deciding to head home, which is how he finds himself in this current situation.

Frowning at the storage blocks scattered at his doorway, Kaizo wonders if someone dropped them, before pushing the thought away. Everyone in the East Wing knows where his room is, if only to avoid it. He's not the... kindest of people, especially after long-term missions. He blames Bora Ra for that one.

Upon closer inspection, he notices one that looks like Maya's. Bronze has always been the mechanic's color, so he picks that one up, half convinced that it's safe. If anything ever happens to him, he can always drop by her shop for an unannounced visit.

He's turning the cube over when he notices the storage date, then everything clicks.

Oh, Kaizo thinks. It was my naming day.

He hadn't really been paying attention to the date recently, but he supposed those close to him still did. Pressing the release button, Kaizo steps back just in time to catch a metallic blue slab, sleek sides tapered off to a handle.

He shifts to hold it properly and watches as it morphs around his arm to form an ion blaster.

Maya really doesn't hold back, Kaizo thinks, smirking at the possibilities for his next mission. The sword may be his preferred medium, but even he wouldn't refuse something with twice the power. He shuts it down before grabbing the other blocks still at his feet, wondering what the others got him as he finally enters his room.

iii

He's still bleeding.

Kaizo pants as he stares at the wound on his side. With a grunt, he lets his head thunk back on the tree behind him and tries to catch his breath, fairly content with being idle for the first time in two cycles. He knows Lahap enough to assume that the lieutenant has kept the data chip safe, so for now, he has only one problem.

He counts to ten before trying again.

"Xek'trs," Kaizo hisses, voice sharp in his mother tongue as he presses his activated sword against his side. It's one of the messier ways to deal with his injuries, but the wound has been bleeding enough to make him worried. He'll have to clean up better once they get out of the system.

It's after the fourth try that he finally manages to cauterize the cut successfully.

Damn Iaku and their traps, he thinks darkly, remembering how their target had worked with bounty hunters. It's not every day that they went to a mission with half the specs they needed, but this one happened to be more of a surprise than the captain was expecting.

Absentmindedly, he thinks how bad of a surprise it was.

He doesn't exactly remember the day.

iv.

There's a missed call, and from a direct line.

Kaizo narrows his eyes at the yellow triangle blinking on the screen. There are three options: either he's been found out, his planet is under attack, or it's a really important tip that he's been waiting for from the few contacts he has.

Whichever it is, he's going to have to call back.

Pulling up a few lines of code, Kaizo sets a frequency. The holographic display lights up a few moments later, and on it is -

"Aeron?"

From the screen, a guy visibly lights up as he signs a greeting. Kaizo offers a quick smile, before asking, "What's with the call?" He watches as the other signs, brows raising with the speed and every cut-off sentence as the man on the other line turns more sheepish.

"A," Kaizo interrupts after the fifth attempt is waved off, "As funny as this is, can you at least tell me if there's a problem?"

Aeron freezes mid-motion, before slowly signing, 'no.'

"Okay." Kaizo blinks. "Why'd you call, then?"

"He wanted to greet you, idiot."

Kaizo can't help the smirk that makes its way on his face at the reply. "Still ratting people out, greaser?" he asks, waving off Aeron's panic at Maya's sudden comment, "Same as always, I see." There's a snort, and Kaizo can practically hear the eyeroll in her reply.

"So are you. You would've forgotten your naming day if A hadn't called."

"Fair enough."

v.

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Do you... think we could visit home?"

Kaizo looks up to see Fang staring at the ground, hands fiddling with his gloves. It's a little amusing how nervous his brother still gets around him, though it's not surprising, with all that he's done. He's not exactly the best sibling in the world.

Although -

"I don't see why not," he says, tilting his head at how the other seems to perk up at that. "Something important?"

Fang blinks at his question, before looking away and mumbling, "Sort of."

Interesting.

-

If he's going to be honest, the last thing Kaizo expected Fang to be worried about was his naming day celebration.

Their parents had been surprised, to say at least, but so was he when Fang pressed to have the trip in a cycle. Kaizo watches as his brother talks animatedly with their parents, telling them about adventures he had with his friends.

It's... nice, seeing them again.

Though it's not something I can always afford, Kaizo thinks.

He stares at his soup as he takes another sip.

(+ i.)

So, the kids know when his naming day is.

But did they really have to do this? Kaizo thinks, three parts amused as he stares down at the pile of... presents outside his ship's control room. The other fourth of him is feeling an odd sense of déjà vu, but that's mostly ignored for the shocked look on his lieutenant's face.

"Lahap," he says, startling the other to attention, "You start the ship."

The lieutenant makes a face. "Captain?"

"I'll deal with it," he replies, crouching to pick up the a-little-too-bright bundle. Color-coded, he assumes, eyes automatically finding his brother's gift, as well as Boboiboy's. There are three green packages, though, so he assumes that the twins were in this, too.

Really, what is it with people and naming days.

a bunch of important notes (read: headcanons) for those who are confused:

- i have this headcanon that kaizo’s grandfather is a general??? idk, it sounded pretty cool, and kaizo had to get his military background from someone

- another headcanon: kaizo’s mask is an incomplete weapon, kind of like a prototype, so sometimes it messes with his brain and makes him forget things

- birthdays are called naming days in their planet (as features in another fic of mine).

- edit because i forgot ajjsjahs: Imus is one of their planet’s three major deities 

- when he’s not at home, kaizo stays in the garrison. his room is in the east wing.

- Latsyrk quadrants: a bunch of quadrants opposite from the one that has kaizo’s planet.

-  Xek'trs: made up curse word because i want kaizo and fang to speak alien languages!!! or something, just let them have a mother language, please.

- Iaku: another made up thing, but now an alien race. they’re known for hunting, hence the traps.

- maya and aeron are my ocs!!! read more about them here. 

- ps. i know very little about interstellar communication omg, im sorry sdjfhsdak

- the kids would totally give the captain gifts, if they found out about his birthday. they’d throw him a party, but they’re not close enough, and most of them can see that kaizo isn’t one for huge celebrations.

- gifts the kids probably gave: tea (from boboiboy, and yes, he asked fang to help), a cupcake (from yaya, bUT DON’T WORRY, THE OTHERS HELPED), a pin (from ying, and it definitely says ‘rebel’), a glass figurine (it’s kaizo’s sword, gopal didn’t know what to give but his friends kept bothering him, give him a break), new gloves (from fang, because kaizo actually goes through them pretty quickly), and alien tech (sai gave him the latest comm link in the market, and shielda gave him a holopad, also the latest in the market)

a/n: i feel very conflicted about this because i feel like i haven’t shown my view of kaizo as well as i wished??? but thats because too much of what i have are headcanons and i cant write well enough without making you guys confused??? anyway, this doesnt look like it fits the theme much either, but hear me out: the thing that makes it not-so-happy is that kaizo doesnt really care for his naming day. it - it would’ve made sense had i published my first entry for kaizo week, but then it would need more explaining and its 1 am and i need to sleep. bUT ANYWAY, i hope u guys at least enjoyed the fic skdjfhjksa

[awed-frog]

Why do you think JK never made Snape care about Harry? I always expected thats where the story would go at one point but then it didnt at all... like at least a moment of effection or something

Several reasons, I think.

First, as I said in the other post, it was too late for Snape. He is the antihero, much more than Voldemort ever was, and he was set up to fail from the start. He would die with his unresolved issues deep in his soul - the guilt, the rage, the inability to trust and love another person (perhaps for fear of what that love would do to them, because look at what it had done to Lily). By the time Harry crashes into his life, Snape has find a modus vivendi - it’s dark and unpleasant and it keeps him in a lot of pain, but it’s all he knows, and we’re all afraid to let go of things that have kept us safe for years - even if those things are chains and cages. So, even at this moment when Snape would have the chance to start over and teach Lily’s child in the way he wishes he himself had been taught (the fact he was disagreeing with old textbooks at the age of sixteen shows quite clearly what he thought of the whole system) - well, that’s not something he considers. Consciously or subconsciously, he must have worried about what would happen if Harry refused him and mocked him, like James had done. What his colleagues would say if he suddenly changed his demeanour. What Harry himself would know about him - Snape doesn’t know how Harry grew up - what if Petunia had told him everything about ‘the Snape boy’, the weirdo who stalked her younger sister, the kid with the drunk father who was never quite clean and never quite tidy? I sort of believe that’s why Snape was so harsh on Harry during that first lesson - not only he saw James on his face and that hurt him deeply, but he was probably terrified Harry would know things about him - things only Lily could know, and what if she’d told Petunia, or if Harry had found her letters? So no, Snape never tried a different way, because the one he was walking - that was painful, but he already knew that pain he could bear. What if a new path brought him a pain he couldn’t bear?

(Which would have been the case, because if Snape had allowed himself to care about Harry, to love Harry, even, in this clumsy, childish, unfinished way that seems the only way he knows how to love people, how could he have let Harry die? He would have turned against Dumbledore, would have done anything to keep Harry safe like he’d done for Lily, and Dumbledore’s plans would have failed, and Voldemort would have won.)

Second, books need conflict, and since this was (allegedly) a children’s book, it needed conflict kids could easily get. The greasy, bullying teacher was a perfect character many kids could understand at once - and also an uncomplicated way to teach kids than life is not literature, and not all conflicts are resolved. If HP had been written in the Victorian era, then, why not, Snape would have had a dramatic change of heart and sobbed in Harry’s chest, begging for forgiveness; but personally, I like that JK Rowling chose to create a modern world full of real people, and this is how it works - Snape would probably have learned to get along with Harry, even to appreciate him - in time. And time is something he wasn’t given.

Third, what I really liked about including Snape, especially in the context of a war and the Order, is that this is how it works and we should tell children the truth: in difficult times, we need to make allies, and those allies will sometimes be - unpleasant. How much we’re willing to ignore, or forgive, when fighting side by side with someone - well, that’s mostly what defines groups and countries. Because the stupid thing is that we’re surrounded by war stories (mostly, movies about WW2, and enough) and yet those stories tend to be blissfully simple. Good guys on one side, bad guys on the other. Right. As if. In reality, what happens when you face a powerful enemy is that all of those who’re threatened by it need to decide if they can work together to bring it down. We’re never reminded enough of the fact the British government chose to do nothing against Hitler so that Hitler would crush trade unionists and the workers movements in Germany - they bet those left-wing groups would be much more of a threat than Hitler to Great Britain, and boy, were they wrong. Much in the same way, Communists and Anarchists tore each other apart in Spain, never realizing that Franco’s army would burn them all to the ground and impose a fascist dictatorship in the country that would last for decades. In Italy, on the other hand, Communists and Catholics worked together in the Resistance, and only returned to their ‘natural’ state of animosity after the war, when it could be expressed in Parliament, without guns and violence. So, well - the Order and Snape - I liked this idea that this man is on the right side of history, but he makes no concessions to it, because, on the whole, he’s not a nice man. He risks his life to save other people’s, but he will bully his students and he will actively dislike Harry and that’s not going to change. 

And this brings me to another point: one of the most important messages of the book, to me, was what Sirius said to Harry, Ron and Hermione: “The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters”. This is a crucial teaching, and something that particularly young people, with their tendency to see things in black and white, should hear. It’s ironic it was Sirius saying that, since it’s debatable how much of a good person he was - I mean, don’t get me wrong, I adore him, but here’s someone who, like Snape, was never given the chance to grow up emotionally and is still blinded by the mindframe of his class (in Snape’s case, that was the deep-seated resentment of a working class kid, while in Sirius’ case, the careless, impatient privilege of the elite). Of course, Snape stood out in this category of people who’re supposed to be on your side but are still awful, and, again, the fact JK Rowling refused to redeem him by forgiving Harry for being is father’s son - that’s okay with me. It wouldn’t have felt right. It was too soon, things were too complicated between them, and - crucially - Snape never knew enough about Harry (never bothered to find out enough) to understand this was someone he could like. To him, Harry was always the child and and teen (I always read Snape as someone who was not particularly comfortable around either), the spoiled brat, the one who needed to get his way, who disregarded orders, never put any effort into anything, and would one day get his friends killed, just like his father. Because we know Harry, and we understand why he does what he does and we love him even when he’s not perfect, but to Snape, Harry was the guy who was so self-involved he didn’t even notice Hermione was time-traveling for one full year, the one who got to play Quidditich before everyone else just because he was ‘special’, the one who never bothered to study Legilimency just because he didn’t like being told what to do, the one who deliberately accessed Snape’s most private memories (and, come on, whichever way you look at it, that was a dick move) and probably laughed at what he saw for weeks afterwards (Snape never realized Harry was profoundly disturbed by those memories), and, finally, the one who almost killed a fellow student with his arrogant, reckless use of magic he didn’t know. So, as I said - Snape is still at fault here because he never bothered to get to know Harry, just decided to hate him on principle, but from is (warped) point of view there were reasons to objectively dislike Harry, and they didn’t have enough time together to correct those impressions of each other. I like to think Harry spent some time with portrait!Snape after the final battle, that they became friends this way, but who knows.

And finally, there’s no getting away from it: these are profoundly Christian books. JK Rowling’s faith shines through in the best possible way - and I say this as a non believer and as someone who doesn’t have a particular sympathy towards Christianity. There was, of course, the whole point about questioning God and raging at God and losing your faith, which basically was the theme of the entire seventh book and, even as a non religious person, I found that very moving and relatable; and Harry as a Christ figure, sacrificing himself to save humanity. But one of the most amazing things was something else: the whole ‘love your enemy’ message that was such an important part of the books and led to Harry winning and saving the world. Because here is where you really see how exceptional Harry was (especially if we consider he was a teenage boy): over and over again, he lets go of his pain and his anger and his fury, and chooses empathy instead. He never truly hated the Dursleys, despite everything, and saved Dudley’s life when he could have fled on his own. He spared Sirius’ life when he thought Sirius had killed his parents. He spared Pettigrew’s life when he knew Pettigrew had killed his parents. When he realized what Draco was actually going through, he felt pity, at once, for someone he’d solidly disliked for six years. In that train station, he managed to feel worry and compassion even for Voldemort, whose soul was an ugly, sad thing no one had ever wanted or loved. And, of course, he forgave Snape so thoroughly he ended up naming one of his sons after the man. I know some people were outraged by this, but I think they were simply missing the point. Harry is a Christian hero, and his special power is to do this incredibly difficult thing: to love unconditionally. To understand. To feel others’ pain (this was expressed, on a symbolic level, by his unwanted ability to feel his parents die). This is Jesus at his best, teaching us that it’s not the healthy man who needs a doctor; that loving someone when it’s easy to love them - that’s good, but it’s not enough. We rarely mention this part of the Bible nowadays (I guess ‘real’ Christians are having too much fun refusing to bake cakes for gay people to stop and reread the Gospels), but this was, and still is, a disturbing, revolutionary teaching. Because the thing is, you have the right to hate those who wronged you. It’s human, and it’s fair, and they deserve it. But ultimately (and this is where you see Eastern influences on Jesus’ thought), where does that hatred lead you? What good does it do? “What about my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?” Harry didn’t name his kid after Snape because his own pain didn’t matter; on the contrary, he did that not to redeem Snape, but to heal his own soul. Forgiveness, love, compassion - that’s the way forward. And it’s not just fiction, either - Harry chose to use Expelliarmus against Voldemort, and okay, but when Carlo Cattaneo, a philosopher and one of the leaders of the Italian 1848 revolution against Austrian occupation, saw a group of his own people about to lynch a collaborationist, he stepped in and told them, “If you kill him, you will be doing a justly thing; if you don’t kill him, you will be doing something saintly.” - the man was spared.

So, well, to wrap up this overlong essay - this last point, I feel, is crucial to understand why JK Rowling didn’t want Snape to have an easy way out. Harry needed to learn about trust and faith - as Lupin said, trusting Dumbledore meant trusting Snape, unconditionally - and Harry’s journey was not about being thanked and people changing his mind about him and recognizing he’d been a great guy all along; no, his journey was about learning to love even when it was difficult, even when it hurt, even when his whole soul turned into angry storms at the injustice of it. And Harry succeeded. He chose to bury Dobby rather than securing the most powerful weapon in existence, he chose to forgive Dumbledore for his many failings, and he chose - incredibly, saintly - to feel pity and compassion for a man who’d wronged him and tormented him for seven years, because, like his mother, he understood the way out is to love everyone, especially those who do not deserve our love. If Snape had been kind to him, had had a change of heart, Harry’s decision to forgive him would not have been as strong and meaningful as it was - and since this was Harry’s story, not Snape’s, Harry’s need to evolve as a character trumped Snape’s possibility of redemption. 

[winterywitch]

ace discourse survey results:

okay, so unfortunately i can only see 100 of the 176 [as of writing up this post] respondents as a non-paying member of surveymonkey - my apologies for not noticing/unpublishing it sooner, hopefully these results are comprehensive @_@ looking at them, i feel like for the most part they are

so aight here we go, i’m posting the results for each question - the data for the 100 respondents i can see, including the answers i agree with personally

1.) Who are the two opposing sides in ace discourse, if there are sides at all?

my hot take: Ace exclusionists vs ace inclusionists

2.) Is the ace discourse a recycled form of bi discourse?

my hot take: Yes, the bi community was excluded and in many ways still is for many of the same reason aces are now. [in hindsight i wanted to add a slightly more neutral answer for this one though]

3.) How do you feel about the comparison of TERFs to exclusionists?

my hot take:  There are a lot of noteworthy similarities, but it's important to acknowledge the differences in scope, power, ideology, etc. between these two groups instead of insist they are identical.

I think it's a fair comparison, but only in the hands of trans women. If you're not a trans woman, you have no place to be making this comparison.

4.) Do you check someone's about or links before calling them a cishet?

my hot take:  Yes, someone who is not cishet should not be called a cishet, ever. It's invalidating and it's just wrong.

Yes, people are constantly mislabeled and misgendered in the discourse on ALL sides and I don't want to contribute to that.

Calling people cishets isn't a thing I feel moved to do, usually. I don't think it matters, if you're making a shitty argument then you're making a shitty argument.

[the last other response is kind of funny to me FSR like welp at least youre honest!]

5.) Where do you think aroaces lie on the scale of oppressed vs not oppressed?

my hot take: Aroaces are oppressed, but their oppression functions differently than the oppression of gay men and women, multiple-gender-attracted people and trans people.

Aroaces are not oppressed, but they're not exactly favored and praised by society either. They're sort of neither privileged nor oppressed. [at least not oppressed in the exact same sense otherwise LGBT ppl are]

Unsure

6.) Let's say someone you know is a butch woman who is attracted exclusively to other women, but she has no real interest in sex and doesn't experience sexual attraction to other people, though she's got no problem having sex if it means pleasing her partners. What would you call someone like this?

my hot take:  Of course, she is whatever she identifies as, but my impression of her before being told what her preferred labels are is:... (pick another answer from the identity labels above)

An ace lesbian

(and/or) A stone butch lesbian

[note about the 2nd response: yes, absolutely, but the point of this question is how people identify these traits - this person could identify as literally any and all of the terms listed here if she chose to, you would not be forcing any of these labels on her.  maybe a better way to word this question would have been “lets say YOU are [etc etc], bc the point isnt how well you force labels on strangers. i am against forcing labels on people.]

[note about the 3rd response: the woman in question is a lesbian, shes a woman attracted exclusively to other women. but i had no idea that bi/pan women had their own terms like that, thank you!]

[note about the 4th response: errrr, this is about two adults having consensual sex, the hypothetical lesbian is not being taken advantage of, and she would not be at fault if she WAS. people are not in the wrong for consenting to sex, if they happen to be asexual. what is wrong is taking advantage of people. sorry i dont mean to argue with any of the responses but this one, as a survivor of coercive sexual abuse, and someone who used to wholly consent to sex when i IDed as ace rubbed me ALL kinds of wrong ways.]

7.) Let's say someone you know is a cis man exclusively attracted to women sexually, but has no real interest in romance and doesn't experience romantic attraction to other people. What do you call someone like this?

my hot take: He can call himself whatever he wants, but it would bother me if he referred to himself as anything but...: (pick another answer from the identity labels above)

A cishet aro man

8.) A man calls himself bisexual because he is attracted to women and nonbinary people. How do you feel about this?

my hot take: I'm happy! He's respecting NB peoples' genders, which is something that's unfortunately rare. Good on him for not lumping in NB people with binary women. BUT: I hope he understands he doesn't experience the homophobic aspect of biphobia, he does not experience oppression on the axis of being same-gender attracted.

[note about the other responses: there are a lot of concerns expressed about fetishization wrt saying you are “attracted to” nonbinary people - what i meant to imply with that is that he does not exclude them from his dating pool, and that he does not lump them in with binary women. he is not a nonbinary chaser, and he is not identifying people as NB just by looking at them, he is taking them into account as they come into his life. so the comments about fetishizing dont really apply in this situation - that’s on me, sorry for not wording the question better!]

9.) How do you personally identify in terms of gender and sexuality? (Don't be afraid to use the "other" option if you don't see yourself represented here)

my hot take/identity: Bi

Nonbinary

Woman

Don’t call me SGA

10.) Do you feel there have been any real, tangible benefits from the discourse? If yes, choose the answer that best fits how you feel, or type something in the "other" box. If no, choose the answer that best fits how you feel.

my hot take: No, it's all seemed seriously pointless.

No, it's ruined a lot of my friendships and mutual follows I liked a lot.

No, it's made my time spent on Tumblr extremely tense, uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing. I wish it would just end already.

No, it's caused a rift in the LGBT community on Tumblr that I fear will never be repaired. I preferred when we were all unified, and we weren't arguing over who is and is not LGBT "enough." [note: we were never unified, but there was definitely a period on tumblr when FAR FEWER people were arguing about LGBT identities with each other within the community]

No, and I wish it never started at all. However, I've found like-minded peers who make it a bit more bearable.

No, it triggers a lot of bad feelings in me and leads me to argue much more than I normally would. It's almost impulsive, I can hardly stop, but I hate it and it hurts.

Yes, it's shown me that Tumblr is a hellhole beyond hope, and it's given me the strength to move partly/completely to Twitter/Discord/Mastodon/Etc.

Yes, I've learned who and what to avoid for the sake of my own mental health.

I'm a little conflicted on this one. Yes and no, I think. [Ideally pick another answer or two from the above that you agree with to explain exactly how "yes and no"]

so hm thats that i guess!! feel free to reblog this with your Hot Takes and whatnot but i am REALLY gonna request that no like, actual arguing/discourse/aggressive shittiness takes place on this post, this is a zone for people being nuanced and decent with each other and their Discourse.avi, not for your sick owns about the pure aceys or the oppressive allos or whatever

[trendingnewsb]

MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rBtxTD

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2rbYbGf via Viral News HQ

[y01te-moved]

ok so this is mostly thoughts on like,,, idk what to say without making it overly obvious but it’s not anything i do or don’t want anyone to read, and i’ve sorta censored names to keep it vague i just want to get these thoughts somewhere that isn’t in my mind so here’s the ultimate Blook Please Shut The Actual Fuck Up, Dammit post.

**** is just living proof that i can end up with a rlly nice and chill group of tight-knit friends and i’ll still think i’m constantly fucking up in front of them constantly even if i know deep down they probably don’t care i just can’t convince myself that i’m not a huge bother due to the simplest things like not always talking

and it’s all **’s fault, or at least it comforts me to blame them for my problems at this point regardless of whether or not that’s really shitty to do

because realistically it’s not like they ever wanted to ruin my life, i can only assume, they just have a bad sense of humor that often times bothered me or made me uncomfortable and i could never say that to their faces and i still cant which is why i’m even making this post like the fucking cowardly idot i am.

it’s also because of that that i just straight up left instead of actually maybe trying solve the issues like a normal actually half-decent human being is supposed to.

i feel like while it was ultimately shitty on everyone’s part since they had no right to be so fucking rude to begin with but i did do a lot worse when it came to causes of the issue. it’s my fault i never just tried to be rational and say “hey don’t do that that’s kind of offensive/rude and it’s making me feel bad can you stop?” although i wonder if they’d have ever listened, or just turned that into some dumb in-joke as well. i don’t know why i’m saying this i know they wouldn’t and that’s why i gave up and tried to disappear.

however, it is indisputably my fault for the temporary discourse that had to take place on this hellsite once i finally started to get comfortable with how it all worked out. i mean i did make it easy for anyone from ** to find me on here thanks to adding my acc on here as my “website” on **********, and then i’m the one that was like, “nice those toxic shitheads may have disbanded” after they apparently found me whenever they did and got rightfully mad. it was kind of sucky to get yelled at by people who i thought i’d finally removed from my life but i had it coming and probably even deserved worse than i what i got for being such a let down in general.

i feel like they could have reacted better to everything but i probably started the overreacting when i got to the point where i started to doubt the kind of humor that ** had and the kind of vibes it gave off. obviously i never said anything about it to them but i still did react badly to a lot, i feel.

no matter how many times i’m told on **** i just can’t convince myself that i didn’t end up gone due to anything but an act on impulse. it was in the moment, and it felt good at first. i was finally away from a group of people that were “the worst thing ever” but now i almost wish i was back there putting up with the occasional offensive joke and mockery over the smallest little mistakes i’ve made instead of having these kind of feelings towards people i knew for a really long time and now hate more than they probably deserve to be hated.

the entire issue is so fucking dumb and minimal compared to things other people talk about all the time and it makes me feel bad that i’m this worried over something so trivial that barely even matters anymore. maybe it’s just to give me something to think about besides actual issues, or maybe it is an actual issue i’m just struggling with that everyone else moved on from. i don’t know.

i just hope ******* knows how much i really wish they never saw me as a friend, not because i didn’t or don’t want to be friendly if i can but if they never bothered adding me to ** out of the complete blue i’d never be here, having to worry about this. granted, not putting up with all that bullshit would mean i never would have stayed on ***** long enough to end up being invited to ******* and meeting everyone i’ve met on **** which i’m really thankful for. but i wonder if i’d have been better off oblivious to either group than to be a good, and possibly but i don’t want to speak for them and be wrong since i’m still new af compared to everyone else even somewhat important part of.

i just hope everyone in ** knows that while i don’t hold anything against them personally, not even *******, they have overall been a more negative experience to me than a positive one. and that i’d at least like to blame them for a lot of my paranoia over a lot of stuff involving social interactions whether they ever wanted to or not, and that i do hate you but at the same time i’m really fucking sorry that i ever did anything that made you what i can only assume hate me back.

i just hope **** knows that i appreciate all of them a lot, and i’m thankful for them putting up with my bullshit constantly, even though i feel like a lot of times i’m just a similar kind of weight to them as ** is for me, just, with less toxicity. i’m thankful for all the help/support i’ve been given from them regarding, well, a lot of trivial problems like this one, even if i fuck up a lot of the advice half the time and i can barely help much with other issues in return. even though thats not the point of this post i’m so glad i got to know the people there especially since that’s where i got the final bit of help in decision making that i needed to make a confident decision regarding **** and **. it may have had a few bad consequences due to how fucking dumb i am but even through those they were still really chill and i wouldn’t have been able to handle it without them and i really really hope they know that even though i’ll never be able to say it without worrying i’m being bothersome and overly emotional.

tl;dr: ** is a piece of shit i wish i was never a part of y’all have ruined my already miserable fucking life but i’m sorry because im probably the one thats being shitty and dumb and petty in this situation i both hate and don’t hate you all very much its very conflicting but at least ive got **** to help keep me somewhat sane even though theyre way too good for me tbvfh.

[katielang-basicsculpt-blog]

Introductory Questions

My name is Katie Lang; I am a sophomore sculpture major, former photo major, and I’m from Leesburg, VA, which is about two hours north of Richmond. I’m excited about sculpture for the freedom of expression that I can enjoy in this department. I’m also looking forward to making art that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer for long hours while I edit photographs and export massive files for printing those photographs.  I didn’t realize I would miss getting my hands dirty quite this much. 

What is something in your life that you want to empower and why? - I suppose my drive to continue creating, because sometimes I question if my art is worth anyone’s time other than my own. But for myself I don’t know how I would exist without it. 

What is something in the world that you want to further empower and why? - My answer to the last question could probably be applied here as well. 

In what aspects of your work so far do you feel strongest? - I feel that the concepts and ideas behind my work are pretty strong. Also my drive to pursue ambitious projects. 

In what aspects of your work do you feel the weakest? - Communicating those concepts and ideas to an audience/viewer. The ideas behind my work are typically pretty complex, and sometimes during crit the class doesn’t quite catch all of it. At the same time, I like the idea of obscuring things from the viewer and communicating with what I don’t show them; I want them to do some work to get meaning out of the piece. I also like the idea of the meaning being different for every viewer; partially because it makes it more interesting and partially because it’s impossible for it not to mean something different to everyone. However, I have been criticized for not taking a rigid enough position on the meaning of my work. 

Who would you list as the five artists who interest you? - Joseph Beuys; I watched an interview of him being grilled by a panel of intellectuals who wanted him to explain to them the meaning behind his performance piece “How to Explain Pictures to a Dead Hare” with plain words. He told them in multiple different ways that if it could be explained with words then he would have just written about it instead. He went on to tell them that art is meant to be understood with our “sensory organs”, and not in the same way that we understand the meaning in words. I found this to be incredibly inspirational. Teiji Furuhashi; I recently saw one of his installation pieces at the MoMA and found it enchanting. I want to look for more of his work. Rene Magritte; His paintings make so much sense and don’t make any sense at the same time. Out of all surrealists I think he captures a dream the best. A couple of them I actually have trouble describing with words. Yayoi Kusama; I like the simplicity and chaos in her use of repetition. Somehow her work manages to be meditative while also being humorous. Shana Lutker; In her expansive sculpture installations, each part of them is its own piece with its own meaning, but put together they tell a story. I feel as though I need to quickly mention Agnes Martin and Brittany Nelson. 

Name two of the favorite artworks you have ever seen - “God” by Ragnar Kjartansson, and “The Seducer” by Rene Magritte

Are you indoorsy or outdoorsy? - Both without a doubt. Indoors wise, I take the composition of my space very seriously. Every object in my room and where it is in my room is considered with extreme care. Feng Shui is very important to me and I can’t stand when my room doesn’t feel right. Because of that my room is always neat. There are many ways in which I lean toward connecting my indoor space to outside. To me, windows are the most important feature of an indoor space. I have a lot of plants that I’m proud of and very attached to. I’m not sure how to explain how I’ve thrived outdoors, but I enjoy them. 

What subjects in the world outside of art most interest you? - Definitely sciences. I geek out about science. I’ve always loved biology; even though most of what I learned in AP Bio isn’t particularly useful in my life, I greatly value understanding how life works and knowing about the other living things on this planet. I’m also very into history in a similar way. My knowledge of world history isn’t used in my everyday life but I enjoy knowing about things I’ll never see or experience just because I can. 

Name three people that are no longer living and are not artists that interest you and why? - Rosalind Franklin, because she was one of those women who were successful before women were supposed to succeed. 

How is your work political? - I really can’t think of any way that my work is political. 

How do you use social media in your life? Do you want more or less? - I almost exclusively use instagram. I like the simplicity (although it becomes more complex with every update) and having something to do with all the pictures I take with my phone thats quick, easy, and free. My instagram page is a visual representation of myself that changes as I do without me having to put much of a conscious effort into it. It could be a way of getting myself out there but I dont think I take it seriously enough for that. It’s also a way to find new art and artists. I wouldn’t say I want more or less of it. Maybe less at times when I feel that it’s distracting. 

If everything goes the way you wish it would at this moment, what will you be doing two years after you graduate? - Living in New York, working with other artists in some way, showing at a gallery, and making something important. 

Does gender play a conscious role in your work? - Not often. I tend to stay away from making work about myself, and gender would be a difficult topic to make work about unless it’s about oneself.

How does your race and issues surrounding race influence your work? - The biggest effect being white has on my work is that I don’t make work about racial issues. I don’t see it as my work to make. 

What is a physical material that you have worked with that feels more powerful than your body? - Light

What is a social material that you have worked with that feels more powerful than your autobiographical experience? - I rarely work with my autobiographical experience but I don’t think I use very powerful social materials because I don’t feel that my work is particularly powerful yet. 

Is your sexual orientation something that figures into your work? - Almost not at all. I wouldn’t even bother labeling my sexual orientation, and I’ve never had a conflict with it or felt the need to show people work about it. 

How do current events affect the way you make art? - Conventional current events don’t factor into my work very much.  It’s funny that I avoid making work directly about myself, but my own current events have been inspiration for a project. My final for digital imaging last semester was a series of outdoor still lifes that I left out for days in an attempt to attract a possum that I had once accidentally attracted to our deck. 

Do you use art history as an ingredient in your work? - Yes, particularly in the still lifes I was making last semester. I often referenced the themes of classical painting still lifes. 

Does your lack of sleep make you feel stronger or weaker? - that mostly depends on what I’m doing and it goes through a bell curve. If I’m taking notes in a lecture class or doing something sedentary - weaker. While if I’m generating ideas or actively making a piece, I’ll start out feeling weaker but after a point feel great and then gradually decline into total exhaustion. 

What is your fantasy studio? - Big windows, high ceilings, spacious, and lots of plants. It would either have to be in a large city on a floor high enough to muffle some noise, or out in the mountains but not too far from a city. 

Do you want to make a lot of money in your life? - If I’m being honest, yes. Enough to travel, have nice things that aren’t essential, and not worry constantly. 

How do you think about your diet? - My diet is the way it is for convenience, effectiveness, and cost efficiency.  I have almost no time to cook and not enough money to get food that does much other than make me full. I’d consider these personal choices. That being said, it really isn't too bad. It’s also extremely irregular. I always eat breakfast and it’s the only part of my diet that isn’t unpredictable; it usually consists of some variation on a couple eggs and some toast. The rest of the day is comprised of things that keep for a long time and are fast. I don’t drink much other than water, coffee, tea, and an occasional red bull. I’m also a vegetarian, which is both a personal and social choice. 

Three specific experiences in your life that you would be curious to feed into an artwork? - Some recent experiences could be inspiration, like the one I mentioned with the possum. However I can’t name specific ones right now. 

Identify aspects of your past work that people have challenged that you want to confront this semester - I want to better communicate my concepts to the viewer while also balancing my interest in strategically hiding things from them. Another balance I want to strike is between allowing the viewer to make their own meaning out of the piece and holding true to what I intended it to mean. 

What general conversations about peers work have you felt lacking and want to pursue? - I am definitely interested in the conversation of materials and the process by which the work was made. 

Do future technological developments excite or scare you? Or both? How? - Both, I think countless and unimaginable good and bad can come technological developments. 

Name several artists that you have come across in the past year that you want to learn more about? - Teiji Furuhashi, Yayoi Kusama, Steve Reinke, Shana Lutker

What kinds of learning environments are/have been most exciting for you? - Lots of freedom but with an idea to push off from with project assignments. Honest feedback. Emphasis on concept development but learning new technical skills too. 

List five questions that you want to fuel your work? - I have a hard time answering this because I’m not sure of what kind of work I want to make. I’m stumped here. (to be answered at a later date)

If you were to conceive of one art assignment/prompt for yourself what would that be? - A full room installation that communicates through what the audience can’t see.