#and efnisien's like 'idk man i am i kind of enjoyed some of that idk what to tell you'

[not-poignant]

Excerpt from chapter 101 of Underline the Black:

‘The thing is… Well. It’s so overwhelming for the people with me. James could only do this two or three times a year. Perhaps in being so restricted, I became used to taking it further, more often. I’m sure my instincts know it might not happen again for six months.’ ‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said softly. ‘So. I mean, that sucks too. For you. I don’t enjoy doing it for three days straight. Mostly because I actually kind of lost my mind a bit and stopped paying attention to a lot of it.’ Wouldn’t you want that? Gary thought, confused. Efnisien cleared his throat a few times, and Gary brought the water bottle over again, giving him small sips. Efnisien still didn’t seem interested in taking the bottle for himself. And once he was done drinking, he pressed his face into Gary’s chest like he was hiding for a moment. Then, he took a breath and turned outwards once more, looking at the open window. ‘If it’s like that every time,’ Efnisien said, ‘I could maybe do it five or six times a year. If it was only for one night, then maybe twice a month? If we could do other stuff as well in between?’ Gary didn’t know what to say for long moments, absently cupping Efnisien’s face and keeping it close to his chest. That seemed…far too generous. He was certain no peak alpha – except for maybe someone hyper-controlled and on the lower end of the ardolphogen spectrum like Augus – had ever been offered something like that. Possibly peak alphas just took it from others. But what Efnisien suggested was something Gary had always assumed was an impossibility. He used to be jealous of betas who could have penetrative sex every day, if they wanted to. And while this wasn’t every day, it was a far cry from anything he’d ever known. ‘You need time to think it through,’ Gary said, even as a part of him cried out to accept the offer.