#and each floor is full of about 4-6 trash bags worth of Stuff that people are just leaving Each Day

[clownboyskingdom]

Help I’m dyibg

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 8

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who has a phenomenal smile and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 8 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7

Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you ♥

Attention ! If you wanna be tagged pls send me a message or an ask it’s easier and faster for me than going through the tags of each part every time. Thank you :)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

Mötley Crüe is playing from the headphones connected to his walkman as Billy takes a few hops the stretches his arms in preparation.

The air is sizzling with excitement and anxiety. An all consuming scent of rubber and sweat and deodorant washes through the halls and the cluster of boys get ready to face off against another team.

Billy has been allowed back on the team after a short suspension. It’s not that the coach has such a soft heart or that he feels in any way sorry for Billy. Really if this was any other situation, Billy is sure he wouldn’t be allowed back on. Thing is, Billy is their best player and everyone’s well aware of that. 

Neil always says things are only worth something if you’re the best at them. Anything else doesn’t matter. Billy vividly remembers one time in 3rd grade when he won second place in a track and field competition. It was just for run really but the 3 best runners got a little trophy. Billy was so proud of himself. So full of confidence and joy to take home this small little plastic trophy. Neil scoffed at him, threw it right in the trash. Second places don’t mean shit, Billy.

Work harder, Billy.

Stop disappointing me, Billy.

He shakes his head trying to rid himself of the memories. Repressed childhood trauma is not something his mind should be lingering on right now. He needs to get his fucking head in the game.

The boys all huddle together in the center of the room as Coach Bell enters, clapping his hands together to get their attention. Billy takes his headphones off and stores the walkman in his locker. 

His eyes sweep around the room, wandering from one teammate to the next. He should be feeling some kind of connection to these boys, they’re his team. His mates. Though this isn’t a coming of age movie is it ? This is real life and sometimes in real life you have to face the facts that you don’t give a shit about your teammates and that high school basketball isn’t the epic bonding experience the movies like to make people believe it is.

He lets his eyes wander towards Coach Bell, a tall burly man with a receding hairline always hidden beneath a baseball cap and a bushy mustache. He loves to portrait the fatherly mentor type. The down-with-the-kids, BBQ-on-a-sunday kinda guy. What he really is though, is an asshole who likes to project his own teenage dreams and failures onto the team.

It doesn’t matter though, not to Billy. Bell was a good coach and Billy was a good player and that’s all that matters. 

The next 10 minutes consist of encouraging words and awkward group huddles and some kind of stupid chant to get them all hyped up for the game. Billy can slowly feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins. This is his game, everyone else is just playing along.

The crowd is bustling with excitement as the team enters the court. They’re all clad in greens and oranges, faces painted, waving tiny flags and holding up signs. It places a smirk on Billy’s lips. To have people cheer for him, it feels euphoric. 

His eyes scan the people, and although he knows he’s not gonna find the face he’s looking for, his heart still holds onto that teeny tiny spark of hope that one day he might. He’s mentioned the game a few times during dinner, has purposely left a flyer on the kitchen table and one pinned to the fridge.

Neil isn’t there though. He never is. He probably never will be. This isn’t worth his time, Billy isn’t worth his time. Basketball just ain’t no Baseball. 

Billy has to bite his lip, trying to keep himself from getting riled up over something he can’t change. This really is no place to get lost in his anger towards Neil.

As he takes another sweep across the crowd his eyes land on a pair of familiar ones and his heart takes a leap in his chest. Suddenly all the resentment that has been cursing through him just second before, is gone and replaced by unfiltered pride and confidence.

She’s giving him one of her radiant smiles, one that just demands for you to smile back. So he does. (Y/N) points down at her shirt and only then does Billy notice she’s wearing his team colors. A team that’s technically the rival of her own school team.

He likes knowing where her loyalty lies.

The timer on the board is counting down mercilessly as the tigers get the ball, moving towards the goal. 

Matt Carraway has the ball, passes it to Tim Johnson who passes it to this new guy named Chris but he’s not gonna make this shot, everyone can see that much. 

Billy’s free and Billy is the best player and when he meets Chris’ eyes, a silent understanding is reached. Chris passes the ball. It feels heavy in Billy’s hands, whatever moves he makes next determines if they win or lose this game.

All eyes are on him now, he is awfully aware of that. The weight of this game rests on his shoulders as the clock is counting down. 

He pushes himself off of the shiny gym floor, trying to channel all his anger and frustration into this jump, this throw. His mind flickers back towards something Dr. K has said, something that they have told the kids at the center. “ Take the bad and make something good out of it “.

Take the rage and channel it into energy. Score these fucking points.

The ball leaves his hands and he knows it in. There’s no doubt in his mind when the crowd goes silent, so silent you can hear a needle drop, that just a second later they will be cheering, they will be jumping off their seat and clapping up a storm and it will be for him. 

The ball falls through the basket and hits the floor just as the buzzer sounds and just like Billy’s predicted, the crowd goes wild. 

A certain sense of disbelieve mixes with his pride, this is just fucking high school basketball. But then again, it gives him a feeling of pride, of doing something right. Even if it’s not baseball. Fuck you, Neil.

Billy is vaguely aware of his teammates clapping his back and pulling him into euphoria fueled halfway hugs. Though his eyes firmly search for one person and one person only. When he finds her, he raises his arms above his head and lets out a cheer himself. Who cares if his dad is here, as long as she’s sitting on the bleachers in his team colors, smiling that smile that makes him weak in the knees.

It’s then, when their eyes connect and the world around him seems to melt into the background, that a pair of arms wrap around his neck and a pair of lips collide with his. It’s not the lips he wants to kiss though. These lips don’t taste like cherry coke and too much sugar. 

Billy pushes the girl away and she looks at him with confusion written all over her face. She’s one of the cheerleaders. A petite girl with gorgeous ginger curls and big brown eyes. Billy before (Y/N) would’ve loved this. Winning the game and getting smooches from a beautiful girl. 

Lately that’s not what he wants though, he doesn’t want to kiss other girls, just (Y/N). exclusively (Y/N).

“ What ? Billy did I do — “ the girl questions but Billy isn’t listening. It’s like her voice vanishes in the euphoria of the crowd, creating a chaotic melody.

What she has to say, doesn’t matter. What does matter, Billy thinks as his eyes wander back over towards the bleachers, is that (Y/N) knows the truth. Thought where just a moment ago a pair of eyes looked back at him, now there’s only a a deserted space and a knot growing in Billy’s stomach, hoping that he hasn’t just had a first class seat to ruining his — relationship ?! 

He wants to follow her, see where she’S gone and try to fix what has just been cracked by a kiss he never asked for. A kiss he never wanted. The gym is stuffed with people though, a cluster of humans he’s unable to maneuver his way through. With every second he gets more and more upset more and more frustrated. This isn’t how he wants today to end. With a sad girl and a broken heart. 

There’s eyes following his every move, admiring him. He is well aware of the attention resting on him right there and any other day he would relish in it. Not tonight though. All he wants right now is a shower and to get the fuck out of here to explain the situation to his — his girl.

A loud chatter still sounds from the inside of the gym and Billy pushes through the side entrance of the school and steps outside into the chilly nightair, hair damp from the shower. 

His hands desperately fumble around his gym bag, looking for the pack of cigarettes he’s sure he’s thrown in there sometime before the game. Though he stops when a voice speaks out to him.

“ Good game, pretty boy. “ 

She looks like an angel in the moonlight, he thinks. Ethereal. The jacket she’s wearing, the denim one, is tightly wrapped around her frame, shielding her from the cold winds of a fast approaching fall. 

That denim jacket — it’s his. One he purposely left at her place one he discovered she liked wearing it. Her place, where his toothbrush now rests in a little cup by the sink and where there’s a drawer specifically for his clothes. Her place that feels so much like a home.

“ You’re here “ he chokes out, the words feeling bitter on his lips. Of course she’s here. (Y/N) doesn’t run from problems. Doesn’t just leave when things go south. 

He feels kind of ashamed he even thought she would just leave. Not her. Never her.

“ Of course I’m here. “ 

“ (Y/N) I — “ he says, ready to grovel, to beg and plead and explain, though he doesn’t the chance. (Y/N) shakes her head and softly cuts him of by placing a loving kiss on his lips.

“ I know. I saw you push her off. I just — “ he sighs and combs a hand through her hair “ I was so angry at this girl kissing my boyfriend I just had to leave otherwise I probably would’Ve punched her and I — I really didn’t wanna do that. It’s more than enough having one fighter in this duo “ she laughs then kisses him again.

No matter how casually she slips it in, Billy notices the term boyfriend being used. He wants to ask her if she truly means it, if she’s sure that’s what she really wants. He wants to remind her than he’s been with quite a lot of girls but that he’s hardly ever been a boyfriend. Not since 6th grade and back then it was all just a childish fantasy. He wants to tell her all that, but he doesn’t. It would only complicate things right now. This is neither the time nor place to have long serious talks about their relationship and what they mean to each other. 

And maybe he wants to be a little selfish too. Enjoy the fact that she trust him even when things don’t seem to go in his favor. That she wants to be with him. That she likes him enough to call him her boyfriend. Maybe just for tonight he’ll decide to believe her words. That you don’t have to earn love, don’t have to be deserving off it. Maybe for tonight he’ll just let her love him and love her in return. No questions asked.

“ Really ? Aw man I would’ve loved to see that. I bet you have a mean right hook. That just put some real sexy images in my head “ he jokes then buries his head in the crook of her neck placing hot kisses on her skin.

“ Billy ? “ another voice calls out to him, pulling him out of his euphoric bliss. 

When he looks up, Billy is faced with yet another redhead, only this one is quite a bit smaller and way more familiar. She’s flanked by another girl who’s stuffing her face with nacho chips and looking at him and (Y/N) with curious eyes.

“ Max ? “ 

“ I just wanted to congratulate you. That was — a really good game. “ 

“ Thanks “ he says but notices her eyes keep flickering towards (Y/N).

“ Uh — this is (Y/N) “ he says, motioning towards her.

“ Oh that’s (Y/N) “. 

He hates the teasing edge in her voice and for a moment he thoroughly regrets every telling her about his girl. Though he must admit, Max had been nothing but sweet about it. Helpful and honestly interested. She genuinely cared about his date. Had been nothing but kind when Billy did nothing to deserve her kindness. 

“ (Y/N) this is Max — my sister. “ 

It’s the first time he’s ever called her this without ulterior motives, without it leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. This is his sister whether he likes it or not. Maybe it’s time to start seeing the good and ignoring the bad because none of the bad is Max’s fault in the end. 

(Y/N) shakes hands with Max, asks her a few questions, gets friendly with the two girls. Maybe this is what his future could be like, Billy thinks, a beautiful girlfriend and a sister that’s a pain in the ass but who’s also fiercely loyal and protective over her family.

Maybe this is the family he needs. Fuck Neil. Fuck mom. 

This is all he needs.

“ That sounds awesome but I think Billy wants to go party with the team. Right, Billy ? “ (Y/N) asks, shaking Billy from his daydream.

“ Huh ? “ 

“ I said I think you wanna go party with the team tonight ? Celebrate your win. “ 

Honestly, Billy didn’t give a shit about the team. Hawkins parties were usually boring as fuck and especially those thrown by Tim Johnson. Usually he went anyway, because as bad as the parties were, they were loud and he could pretty much always count on some girl being there that would at least blow him. Booze and loud music and a warm body always managed to take his mind off of the shitty situation at home. Could numb his breaking heart for a few hours.

He has a new way of coping now. One that looks at him with gorgeous eyes full of love. One that cooks him breakfast even though she’s horrible at it and gives him space in her closet. Hawkins can keep it’s parties if only he can keep his girl.

“ Nah, not really feeling it. “ 

“ Really ? Huh. What do you wanna do instead ? “

Have sex with you for the entire night in various ways on various surfaces. He thinks. But there’s two middle schoolers present and though he can be quite crude this is crossing the line, even for him.

“ I don’t know. What do you wanna do ? “ 

“ Well … “ she says, a small smirk pulling the corner of her lips upwards as her eyes move towards the two girls. 

Oh no. What has he gotten himself into.

Hundreds of sparkling lights are illuminating the fairgrounds in vibrant hues of red and greens and blue. There’s music and laughter coming from every direction and the smell of cotton candy and candied apples carries heavy through the air.

Billy used to love going to the fair. Whenever things at home were particularly bad, mom used to take him to one of the many boardwalks along the west coast to go on rides and eat their body weight in candy. 

Sometimes they would drive for hours just to check out one they hadn’t been to before. They’d ride the ferris wheel and win little trinkets at the game booths and challenge each other on the bumper cars. Billy remembers begging his mom for just one more ride on the merry-go-round, just one more. 

She always let him go at least 3 more. 

And they’d laugh and cheer and eat so much cotton candy they’d almost throw up. 

But he was happy then. So so happy. And mom was smiling. Even though, thinking back now, Billy wonders if her heart was breaking even then. If maybe she was just good at hiding it. But she was smiling and she never did that at home.

Those are some of his happiest memories and walking onto the Hawkins fairgrounds makes them all come crashing down on him like rain in a thunderstorm.

Max and El quickly disperse to somewhere else and (Y/N) grabs onto Billy’s hand shyly almost timidly. As if she’s not sure whether or not this is okay.

It is okay though. It’s more than okay and he wants her to know so he pull her closer, throws an arm across her shoulder and kisses her softly on the head.

“ Where to first ? “ 

“ Hmm … “ she wonders “...how about the merry-go-round ? “ 

Glancing down into her eyes, Billy can’t help but admire the way the lights reflect in them, like tiny multicolored stars, like fireflies dancing on a resting river. His heart does the weird flatter things again. It’s strange and unfamiliar but he’s growing to like it. He’s getting used to the fact that someone can make him feel an emotion other than fear and anger. 

He loves this girl and the girl loves him back.

“ Merry-go-round it is “ he agrees and quickly drops a kiss on her lips. He decides then, that her lips are his favorite taste.

“ Which one do you want ? “ Billy asks (Y/N) who’s tucked into his side as they approach one of the game booths. He’s purposely steered them towards the basketball game. Firstly because he’s already won a game today and secondly because he knows the ways in which this game is manipulated which in return mean he knows how to outsmart those and win after all.

(Y/N) eyes wander along the wall filled with stuffed toys one looking cheaper and uglier than the next. There’s a pink plush bunny about the size of a small dog. It has black buttons for eyes and a loopy smile stitched onto it. (Y/N) points it out to him and says “that one. He’s looks so cheap and so sad. I gotta give him a loving home. “ 

And it’s ironic really, how his girl has a heart so big she chooses the ugliest and most sad looking plushy just because she feels bad for it and thinks it deserves a loving home. 

“ Alright babe. I’ll get you that bunny, you just watch” 

Billy pays the clerk and gets handed 3 basketballs as (Y/N) jumps up on the little ledge and watches him with childlike wonder. He throws her a wink, moves the ball from one hand to the other and back, trying to get a feel for it. He knows this ball is way overinflated and probably has a hard time fitting through the hoops as it is. Not to mention the hoop is most definitely oval shaped. 

The only way to win this is a high shot straight into the hoop, if it bounces off the board it’s game over. 

Billy takes a deep breath, lines his shot, exhales and — makes it, earning him a kiss on the cheek from (Y/N) and applause from the people nearby.

“ You’re doing good, baby “ (Y/N) cheers and for a moment he feels like he’s back at the Santa Monica pier with his mom, who said those exact words when he first attempted the hoop game.

He only made the first throw but it didn’t matter, his mom was proud anyway and he got a little heart shaped keychain as a consolation prize. He gave it to mom and she had it on her key ever since. Billy wonders if she still has it. If she looks at it sometimes and thinks about him.

Shaking those thought off, he lines another shot. Makes another shot.

2 out of 3.

Another kiss and another cheer.

One last time he lines up a shot and gets it in, making the crowd cheer and earns him a bunch of kisses all over his face. 

A disgruntled looking clerk hands him the bunny and Billy hands it to (Y/N) as they walk away from the booth. This feels good, this feels like the movies always tell you it’s supposed to feel. Being young and being in love. 

She’s smiling, Billy is fairly sure she hasn’t stopped smiling all night. Her lips taste like cotton candy and funnel cake and with the air growing colder she cuddles closer to his side. 

He wants to stay in this moment forever. Content. Happy. Free. 

“ Hey, “ he says and nudges her a little before nodding towards the ferris wheel “ you wanna go up ? “ 

(Y/N) bites her lip in consideration, he can tell she’s unsure about it.

“ What ? Are you afraid of heights, baby ? “ 

“ Nooo “ 

It’s an obvious lie. He thinks it’s adorable.

“ Come on, babe. You can hold onto me real tight and I won’t even slip the guy a fiver to make us stop at the top so we can makeout. “ 

She takes another deep breath, looking up at the ferris wheel. Billy can almost see the gears turning in his head. 

“ You know, “ (Y/N) starts and cuddles further into his side “ I’ve been taking quite a few risks when it comes to you and so far I don’t regret a single one. Let’s do this. “ 

It makes his heart soar. To know that she doesn’t regret being with him. She’d have all the reason to. Everyone seems to regret him after a while. He hope she never does.

“ But promise to hold me though. “ 

“ Always, babe. Real fucking tight. “ 

Hawkins looks different from up above. Quieter. Peaceful. Almost — beautiful.

Maybe it’s the magic of this evening or the perpetual enchantment (Y/N) brings to his life but this is the first moment since he’s moved here, that Billy feels completely content. 100% at peace.

“ This is terrifying. Tell me something to keep my mind off of things “ (Y/N) mumbles and hides her face against his arm.

“ What do you want me to tell you ? “ 

“ I don’t know, let’s play 20 questions. “ 

“ What are we ? Teenagers ? “ 

“ Yeah, Billy. We literally are. “ 

It’s then, that Billy realises how far removed he feels from people his age. Tragedy and sadness and fear make you grow up faster and the make you grow bitter and despite being the center of attention, Billy never felt like he belonged when going to parties. He always felt like watching the world around him move and dance and be teenagers while he was playing his part and then went home to where misery lived and anger and pain.

This feels different. 

This feels like he’s finally living his life. Finally he gets a few moments where he can be 18 and silly and goofy and fun. With his girl in his arms.

“ Okay, I go first. If you could see any band live, who would it be ? “

“ Easy, Queen. No doubt about it. “ 

Billy shrugs “ okay answer. “ 

(Y/N) scoffs “ Okay. You don’t know what you’re talking about. They’re the best. Anyway, my turn. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to be ? “ 

His mind immediately wanders towards California, the beaches and the sun and the feeling of home. Thought there’s a shift in his emotions lately. Home feels closer now. Feels like it’s bound to her not to California, not to a place.

“ Right here with you “.

That earns him another kiss on the cheek. 

“ What’s your favorite thing about me ? And you can’t say my dick because that’s fucking vulgar and there’s families around “ Billy jokes, successfully getting a laugh from her.

“ I wasn’t gonna say that. “ 

“ What, is it not good ? “ 

“ It’s great just — It’s not my favorite thing, goofy. My favorite thing about you is your smile. And I know this sounds cheesy as hell but you have a great smile. It’s phenomenal. So radiant. I love your smile. “ 

I love you, he wants to say but can’t bring himself to.

“ Have you ever been in love ? “ (Y/N) asks.

Billy thinks back to California and a time when he thought he knew what love was. There was this girl, her name was Grace and she was gorgeous. She knew how to surf and how to throw back 4 tequila shots and still looks good doing it. She was funny and charming and she kept Billy on her toes. But she also didn’t get him. She got upset when he was late for dates and she didn’t show any interest in Max. She laughed at him that one time he mentioned he was able to play the piano.

She was never his girlfriend and now Billy thinks that’s a good thing because he was never in love after all. 

“ Before now ? No. “ 

“ What about now ? “ 

Billy gently cups her face and nuzzles his nose against her. Their lips are so close he can feel her skin against his, her breath mingling with his.

“ I’m in love with you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Think you should know that “.

Kissing on top of a ferris wheel feels different. Maybe it’s the stars shining above or the ocean of colorful lights sparkling below but something is different.

Or maybe it’s the fact that for the first time in his life Billy’s told a girl that he loves her and she says it back.

“ I am 100% sure I’m in love with you, pretty boy. “ 

Whatever it is, it feels magical.

The gravel crunches underneath their boots as (Y/N) and Billy make their way towards her car, the bunny is tucked under her arm and he hand is holding onto Billy’s as he’s chewing away on the candied apple she so desperately wanted and then had been unable to finish.

“ Hey, pretty boy ? Thank you for tonight. I got to feel like a real teenager for the first time in a long time. I got to see my boyfriend win a basketball game, get jealous over a stupid cheerleader kissing him, spend time at a fair. It just — it was wonderful. Thank you. “ 

He doesn’t answer, doesn’t know how to. So he pulls her closer and kisses her head and he hopes she knows that he feels the same.

There’s a big crowd of men in their path, yelling and howling and scuffling around and it makes (Y/N) terribly uneasy. 

“ Think we should take another way around them ? “ 

“ That’s the only way to get to your car, babe. Don’t worry I bet it’s just some stupid high school kids. Maybe some drunk truckers.  It’ll be fine. “ 

But things aren’t fine, are they. There’s a sinking feeling in Billy’s gut. Like something is about to happen and destroy the magic of tonight.

They get halfway past the group as their huddle opens and one of the men falls against one of the booths right in from of Billy and (Y/N), as the crowd roars up in a sickening chant of mock and laughter before they wander off.

The man’s face is severely damaged. There’s a cut above his eye, his nose is swollen and there’s blood coming from his mouth. They really did a number on him.

Billy is about to walk on as (Y/N) pulls him back, rooted firmly in place. 

“ Babe, whu— “ 

“ Billy, “ (Y/N) chokes out, voice timid and scared “ that’s my dad. “ 

@babygal-babygal / @anxiousamandapanda / @imjusthereforsupernatural / @chhhcherybomb / @tomarisela / @noodlenerd101 / @xxcxrolinexx / @bippity-boppity-boopa / @mcrmarvelloki / @silver-winter-wolf / @thecrowclubsmanager / @theroyalbrownbarbie / @salemlysi / @sarai-ibn-la-ahad / @asheseiler / @stra-vage / @ssstutteringbbbill / @biliyonce / @addictofsupernatural / @angelophany / @charmed-asylum 

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag. 

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling. 

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria. 

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow. 

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt. 

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste. 

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash. 

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart. 

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number. 

Ill be back. 

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep. 

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday. 

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning. 

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me. 

I’m sweaty. 

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone 

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea- 

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress. 

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting. 

I just want to play candy crush. 

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams. 

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me. 

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast. 

Shauna puked everywhere. 

I think she’s leaving. 

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant. 

And she has an infected injection site on her arm. 

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts. 

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan. 

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day. 

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches. 

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends 

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills 

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable) 

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished 

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC 

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day 

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt 

5. My face 

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember 

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital 

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here. 

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions. 

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall. 

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys! 

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room. 

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books. 

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect. 

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth 

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here. 

What an anecdote. 

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper). 

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk. 

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad. 

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing. 

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic. 

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash. 

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is. 

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone. 

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think. 

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all.  Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind. 

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

 The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

 Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely. 

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke. 

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age. 

I’m happy she’s not my roommate. 

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back. 

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did 

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s 

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting. 

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes? 

Its off putting also. 

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn. 

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow. 

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!! 

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush. 

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions- 

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County 

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County 

Tuesday 

7:10 am 

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night. 

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it. 

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world. 

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out. 

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car. 

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it. 

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night. 

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here? 

Newsflash, asshole, I am 

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st. 

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo. 

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties. 

7:27 am 

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights. 

Almost 8 

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil. 

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut. 

I don’t like waiting around. 

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time. 

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast. 

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird. 

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack. 

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down. 

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out. 

I miss my parents. 

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next. 

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting. 

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack. 

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it. 

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t. 

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting. 

I think its around 1 pm. 

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk. 

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless. 

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor. 

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe. 

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is. 

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting. 

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point? 

6:50 pm 

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour. 

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak. 

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement. 

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur. 

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool. 

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left. 

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA. 

New girl who I don’t know 

New guy Brandon- wears vans 

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones. 

Bold move. 

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that. 

Now I just kill time until mom gets here. 

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now. 

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!! 

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great. 

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen! 

Goals for tomorrow- 

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time 

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed. 

11am 

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired. 

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this. 

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs. 

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen. 

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop. 

Shirt is leaving today. 

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild. 

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch. 

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke. 

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me. 

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now. 

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough. 

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment. 

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left. 

Gonna go try to get more crossword 

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower. 

Crazy Tad just said hi to me. 

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show. 

My shirt smells like Keenan. 

Also its almost snack! 

Hmmmmm 4? 

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it. 

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired. 

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur. 

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!! 

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh. 

Time to lay down. Again. 

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets. 

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down. 

Just want to stop crying. 

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious. 

844

Singer has 12 different personalities. 

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research 

9ish 

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me. 

Thursday 

- if… because then 

- one day at a time 

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today. 

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5 

2 more free meals! 

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it 

Nurse Nadine is so sweet. 

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later. 

930

I’m going to get a watch 

I don’t like not always knowing the time 

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

 Don’t know her name 

But I don’t want to 

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win! 

I’m getting sleepy, fuck 

I have like 8 hours to kill 

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal 

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted? 

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy. 

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it. 

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote 

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went. 

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom 

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9. 

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~ 

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon 

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet. 

Also, they said I could keep 19! 

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles. 

After lunch 

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth. 

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young. 

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved. 

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back. 

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice. 

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here. 

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it. 

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working. 

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet. 

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck. 

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand. 

[thecoroutfitters]

Written by R. Ann Parris on The Prepper Journal.

There are probably 1,001 uses for wooden shipping pallets besides sticking them in a burn barrel. We can regularly source them for free or for very low cost by talking to distribution centers and contractor supply stores about their breakage piles, eyeballing the dumpster areas of shopping centers and warehouses, or checking sites like Craigslist and Freecycle.

Spin around online and you can find all sorts of projects and builds for people of all skill levels. They can make our lives easier and seriously cut our costs in many cases. A free item with that much potential makes them an automatic must-have in my book. I’m mostly going to talk about simple builds this time around, but pallets also get turned into pretty impressive structures, gardens, and furniture.

Pallets come in several standard sizes and a handful of configurations. While the type can matter for some of our projects due to the number, cut, and spacing of boards, for the most part applications are pretty universal. For details about shipping pallet types and sizes, check out this site http://www.airseacontainers.com/blog/most-common-shipping-pallet-measurements/.

Disassembled = Board Lumber

Remember, once disassembled, our pallets are just lumber. That opens up the whole world of projects. Rifle racks for the range or safes, food storage shelves, bird houses and playhouses; anything we’d repair or build can be done with pallets.

Those boards also have use in hiding some of the “ugly” around our homes. We can use them to sheath everything from our water storage totes and barrels, to whatever containers we’re planting in.

We can also double up our pallet boards for a little more durability and strength if we want. I mention this because some stuff is heavy and would do better with a 2×4 than 1×4. (I tend to live in the “abundance of caution” and JIC world for the most part, although I’ll dispel that and make heads spin in the next section.)

Safe or Unsafe

How “safe” the various treatments used on pallets is for us depends on our intended use, even if we’re worried about chemicals. Most articles and videos will tell you that only HT-Heat treated pallets are safe, although others include debarked (DB) and the “safe” EPAL European designator. I’m not going to hand my kids lead pacifiers or mix up powdered milk or pony drenches in bleach bottles, but I also don’t get too wrapped around the axle on some fronts. This is one of them.

If you consume Big Ag meats (supermarket to Outback or Whataburger), farmed or bottom-feeder fish, “normal” supermarket eggs and dairy, soda or anything in the center aisles made with corn or soy, or if you drive 3 hours/week, burn trash, touch cash and then your face/food, smoke (anything), handle lead (ammo), sit by campfires, live in a city, microwave food in plastic, use rain catchment without serious decontamination filters, have dark irrigation hoses or foam mattresses, or buy commercial animal feed … don’t sweat those markers too much.

One, you’re more likely to die from a vehicular accident, and be hospitalized from supermarket leafy greens or infection contracted in the hospital than from one more of the ubiquitous chemicals around us. Two, those chemicals mostly only become available as our pallets (or anything) decays. That means tiny increments released over time (vice chugging a can of stain). Chemicals mostly head downward with moisture, with only some outward contact spreading outward – only fractions of them are available for possible uptake. Only fractions of that then ends up in the seeds and fruits we eat.

All that said, the warnings about chem-treated pallets originate from garden methods using them, then became universal “rules”. (Pallet garden potentials are so numerous, I’m not even going to talk about them here – they rate an entire article.)

Point is, don’t blanketly accept conventional wisdoms without thinking them through. They may not even apply (or are total bunk). Some stuff, for some/many people, is worth stressing. Some stuff isn’t.

Water Storage

Speaking of safe and unsafe, the conventional wisdom is that we don’t want to store plastic containers, particularly of water, on concrete due to the chemical interaction that allows contaminants to enter our foods. There’s some hot-not and storage-duration wiggle room, and while I tend to err on the side of caution in this case (and when it comes to previous milk containers), there’s some myth-truth proposals here http://www.preparednesspro.com/myths-and-facts-of-water-storage to spur analytical thinking.

For the most part, I don’t really see how laying cardboard, 2×4’s, or 1×4’s under plastic barrels and buckets destabilizes them unless somebody gets really cute (or stingy). Personally, I’m a big believer in keeping stuff up off the floor, period. Even beyond chemical interaction concerns, being able to stack stuff also comes in handy, both to maximize storage space and in some cases to make it easier to use.

One point to note about water in particular is that it’s heavy. Not only does that apply to any rack we use, it also applies to container sizes. The older I get and more injuries I accumulate and heal, the more I’m willing to downsize. That includes containers for dry goods and water.

It’s just easier to build structures for, pull down, move, clean, and refill a 3-6 gallon bucket than a 35-55 gallon barrel. About the only remaining exceptions in my various storage are wheeled trash cans.

*Those are not food safe, either, if it’s a concern – told you I’d make heads spin. (Most of my trash cans hold mylar-bagged foods and animal evac feed and supplies; some are wash/laundry water catchment).

As-Is Uses

There’s lots pallets can do for us even if we’re not yet DIY-ers, and lots that requires minimal building skills. For one, just getting stuff off the ground, as mentioned above. That can be hay, mulch, bagged amendments, toolboxes in our sheds or outdoors, food storage buckets and barrels, or creating elevated resting platforms and feeding stations in pens or pastures that tend to get muddy.

They can help keep our boots cleaner – and to some degree limit the risk of slipping in wet and icy weather – by creating walkways, and prevent ATVs, Gators, carts, and bikes from bogging down or tearing ruts on trails and in gardens. They can also decrease or eliminate risks and wetness from ditches and seasonal streams, making getting around faster and easier.

Steps & Rails

If we’re on a tight budget, we might find we can use a boost as well as a stepping stone. We might also decide that a step or hill is a little too much for us as we age, get pregnant, or face injury. Pallets can help us there, too, and it tends to be a ridiculously easy build.

Go easy on how high we go with these things – I’ve seen some crazy. They are wood and even treated, they are eventually going to rot and crack, and need replaced. Also, make sure you anchor these things together and to the ground.

If you want or need steps or a sidewalk past mud, a hand rail is usually a fantastic idea, even if it’s just posts somebody can snag. We can turn other pallets into those rails to increase safety and ease.  

Simple Builds

There are plenty of other simple builds out there that at most require splitting, hanging, or trimming an as-is pallet to size, adding some screws or in some cases a hinge, a few hooks, and some cord or chain. The ease makes pallets a valuable learning tool (and confidence boost) for preppers who are just dipping their toe into DIY. The in-expense also means if there’s a screw-up, no big. Scrap lumber is handy to have around.

Some of the simplest ways to use pallets is just to slap three or four of them together to make a work bench, desk, countertop, or table. Flip that on its side, link a few in series, and you’ve got a leaf mold or compost heap. With a sturdy wall or a couple of convenient trees and $3-10 in hardware, and you can make one or two pallets into a permanent or Murphy-bed style station that functions as a desk, a table, or a workbench, indoors or out.

With some additional screws and hooks or disassembled boards, we can use a wall or those handy trees to hang our tools in a shed or outside the garage. We can also hang them from the sides of our tables or benches.

For a really simple build, just fix a handful of shipping pallets together with deck screws (flip-flop which side is up as you stack to increase shelf depth). Add caster wheels and it’s a rolling storage shelf or workbench.

With some cinder blocks or some 4x4s, we can create shelving with very little building experience, using whole pallets, pallets that are cut in half to make shallower widths, or disassembled boards. (Remember: even a pint canning jar is heavy on its own and holds another pound worth of liquids or foods – use healthy boards and consider doubling them up.)

Another super-simple build using just deck screws is stacking a few pallets and adding one perpendicular to form an L shape. Set that on some cinder blocks and top with a mattress, seat cushions, or pads and you’ve got a bench seat or day bed. Some additional lumber or blocks creates storage spaces for totes, baskets, or drawers salvaged from a wrecked dresser or filing cabinet.

If you’re after some inexpensive yard, starter-home, or bug-out location furniture, the sky is the limit and the internet is just full of ideas. Personally, I’m not much for the rustic pallet look, but with a coat of paint or whitewash, our pallets can get prettier if and where it matters.

Fencing & Pens

Another fantastic use for pallets that requires little DIY experience is fencing for our dooryards, gardens, and animals, to protect trees, or just to increase our privacy a little. We can use them pretty much as-is and connect them to each other, standard fenceposts, or poles we make our or a neighbor’s overgrown saplings and trimmings. We can also pull a board or two from each to cut at an angle and drive into the ground for stability or to use as an overlapping connector between pallets.

If heights of 18-24” work instead of 3-4’, we can very quickly halve our pallets and double the area we enclose. We can also totally or partly disassemble them and churn out top-rail or a 2-3 rail plank fencing, or do some extra cutting for an HOA-acceptable picket fence.

If we have problems with raccoons reaching through our poultry and rabbit fencing, we can brace whole or half-height pallets against our existing runs to add depth. Likewise, they can create a buffer to allow some grazing but keep chickens and goats from eating something to the trunk or roots.

We can also take pallets apart and reassemble them in a solid wall if our birds/hares like to do dumb stuff like huddle in a corner where something can get its claws through – there’s little worse than a disassembled critter the predator couldn’t even get out to eat.

I said I wasn’t going to talk about pallet gardens, but when it comes to fencing, that’s actually one of the benefits they offer. Pallet fences allow us to grow vertically either on the protected inside or on the outside of critter pens where our critters can’t reach, or both.

Pallets for Preppers

Pallets can be an excellent step into the world of DIY for beginners, as well as help everybody save money. Gardens, livestock feeders, and sheds are big enough categories to really rate their own articles, but there’s so much more. If you’ve got a need, see if somebody has a how-to using pallets, but don’t forget that pallets are also just board lumber waiting to be sanded.

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[chimneypainter]

Some ladies have a great deal of shoes, others prefer to spend their hard-earned cash on nice handbags. Some gather kitchen area gizmos, books, hours at crossfit, or felines. Me? I gather paint. My entrance storage room holds all my paint supplies and is currently house to nearly eighty canisters of paint, stain, sealer, as well as spray paint. I understand, ludicrous ... you do not have to tell me. My point is that for many years I have learned a whole lot concerning painting as well as have some suggestions that will certainly make painting a space easier, quicker, and also much less messy!

SPACE PAINTING IDEAS & METHODS 1. SKIP THE TAPE Area paint ideas and also methods

Painters tape is great for a great deal of points, but when it involves repainting a room painters tape is essentially the most awful. It takes forever to tape a room and you need to utilize a lot of it. If you have actually textured wall surfaces as well as ceilings (like I do), then forget it ... paint is going to leakage under it anyway. If you have a stable hand (and even if you don't) I advise missing the tape and also making use of an excellent tilted brush instead, (this one is my outright fave) this not only offers you a lot more control however need to conserve you a ton of time (as well as money).

2. ALWAYS GET THE STUBBY BRUSH Which paintbrush is finest?

The kind of brush you utilize when paint actually makes a significant difference.The economical ones do not offer you a smooth finish, plus they dropped like crazy and also leave behind bristles as you repaint. I have actually tried virtually every brush out there and my absolute favorite is this set by Wooster. There is something regarding the squat manage that uses it extremely very easy. The angle is excellent for reducing in and the bristles are high quality. It's the only brush I purchase currently (unless I'm making use of an oil based product, after that I use disposable foam brushes). Additionally, it's excellent for getting involved in limited rooms, like when you paint furniture.

3. USE FLOETROL How to provide furniture a silky smooth finish (as well as lots of various other terrific pointers!).

This idea is actually a lot more for paint furnishings, trim, and also cabinets than walls, yet it's so excellent I can't not include it. Floetrol is a liquid paint conditioner that prolongs the drying out time of latex paint, which just about gets rid of any type of brush marks and gives you a completely smooth coating. It's amazing. Likewise, it's economical and easy to find. It's a have to have for any DIYer.

4. YOU'RE NOT ALSO GREAT TO USE A DROPCLOTH. dropcloths aren't simply for untidy people (and lots of various other stuff you never ever found out about paint).

I like to take shortcuts. I such as to begin tasks without doing appropriate preparation work, even if I'm wish to repaint a bit of my new color to see what it appears like ... which obviously morphs right into full-fledged paint. Making use of a dropcloth is not something you ought to skip though. Also if you have a damp rag to wipe up drips or never even drip in any way, you till require a dropcloth. Reason being is that when you make use of a roller, each time pull it across the wall it spins as well as sprays teeny small streaks of paint throughout your floor. Trust me ... I have a few multicolor floorings as well as a multicolor counter top. Evidence ...

This is why you must utilize a dropcloth.

These teensy paint flecks are so tiny you would certainly never also notice them ... that is until you observe them, then you will certainly never be able to unnotice them and they will drive you insane. They don't come off conveniently either, or in any way in my instance. So save on your own a headache as well as use a dropcloth.

Likewise, while we get on the topic, here is one more reason dropcloths are necessary. When Adam and also I were couples we lived in a teensy little apartment in northern New york city. One of the very first things I asked when looking at the apartment or condo was if I was allowed to paint the walls, to which I obtained an extremely quick "NO, never." So later that week Adam and also I remain in our brand-new apartment or condo, painting. It's cold and snowy outside and also I'm using my common paint clothes as well as a good thick pair of winter months socks. We're about finished with the first wall surface in our new (carpet) living-room when the phone rings. I rush across the space to the phone and action directly right into the paint tray with my very absorptive wintertime sock. I made it a couple of actions prior to I realize what took place, whereupon I freak out, jump around on my clean foot, as well as be up to the ground, slinging paint from my sock sponge the entire time. Adam couldn't decide if he intended to laugh or be totally frightened ... luckily everything occurred over a dropcloth so giggling was an appropriate reaction. Anyway, this is another reason to use a dropcloth, because I make certain this very same situation plays out in living spaces throughout the nation. (This is where you nod your head in agreement).

5. PUT YOUR PAINTBRUSH IN THE FRIDGE. maintain your paintbrush from drying out with this method (and also great deals of various other painting pointers!).

If your life is anything like mine, after that painting occurs in about five-minute increments over the course of a week approximately. It appears that as soon as you obtain your rhythm and also start making development among your youngsters needs a treat, or a drink, assistance going potty, or a full-on quarrel breaks out over a pencil or a rubber band or something else completely absurd. When this occurs you have a couple of choices, you can rinse your brush and help your kids, ignore your children and wish that yelling orders/threats will be sufficient, or place your brush down as well as hope you come back prior to it dries. That is exactly how painting operated at my house till I was reminded of a trick I made use of to do ... place your brush in a ziplock bag as well as put it in the fridge. You can place it in there for approximately a week and it will be flawlessly functional. This saves A Lot time (as well as paint). You can additionally use this method with rollers, simply cover them in saran wrap or place them in a grocery store bag with a rubber band around the manage.

6. LINE YOUR PAINT TRAY WITH TIN FOIL. Make painting much easier as well as less messy with this easy trick!

Right here is an additional idea for easy paint tidy up ... wrap your paint tray in tin foil prior to pouring in the paint. After that when you're done you can just ball it up as well as throw it away. I've also done this with trash can, but I choose tin aluminum foil given that the bags have a tendency to move a lot.

7. PAINT CANISTER LIDS WITH SPOUTS ARE AMAZING. Space Painting Idea.

So you're ready to paint your space. You split open your paint can and also put the paint right into your paint tray. Immediately paint is diminishing the side of your paint can and additionally loads the rim. You recognize you can let the paint being in the rim or else you will never ever obtain it shut, so you run your finger around the rim, causing more paint to leak down the can. "whatever" you think "let's simply paint already". When you've ended up paint one of two things happen ... either the paint left in the rim is still wet, as well as when you pound the metal lid back on the wet paint comes flying out and splatters on your face, OR the edge paint is dry as well as you spend an embarrassingly huge portion of time attempting to dig it out with a screwdriver to ensure that the lid will shut.

I'm right here to inform you, there's a better way. Take 3 of your hard-earned dollars and purchase a paint can cover with a spout. The first time you utilize it you will understand that your pre-paint lid self was a pinhead. The red paint covers by Shur-Line are my absolute favored due to the fact that the spout folds down totally flat and also you can still stack your 57 paint cans effortlessly.

8. ANY COLOR, ANY BRAND NAME. Tips and Tricks for repainting a space. Do you recognize that you don't need to buy paint colors from the shop that makes them? Truly, it's true, I do it constantly. Allow's say you fall for a paint color at Benjamin Moore however don't want to pay Benjamin Moore costs. You can go to Home Depot or Lowes and also ask to blend that shade for you in among their brand names. You do not even need a paint chip, just tell the staff member at the paint counter the name of the shade you want from one more paint store, they can make it. Paint stores have each others formula kept in their computer systems simply for this reason, I've done this a ton as well as never had an issue. Do you instantly feel so totally free knowing this? So go ahead and also love those Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams shades that are $60 a gallon and also get the exact same color for half the rate at the equipment store.

9. ALWAYS BUY A PAINT EXAMPLE FIRST. Interior paint guidance.

I don't know why, however this has actually been a tough lesson for me to find out. I like to assume that bringing paint chips home as well as taping them to the wall is sufficient, however you can not obtain a real feeling of a shade with a teeny small paint chip. Examples are $3 each (at the very least in the house Depot) and also are 100% worth it. That's not all though ... when you get the sample house, make use of the entire point! Painting a solitary brush stroke will not give you a great feeling for the color, particularly there is already a shade on your wall. I just recently repainted the primary hallway in my residence and bought 3 paint samples, repainted a percentage of each one in a couple of places, chose, as well as wound up disliking the end result. Therefore the factor I haven't mentioned it on the blog site yet.

So there you have it, nine painting tips and tricks that I learned by hand. I seem like I require a tenth one to round it out but I'm currently attracting a blank. I make sure next time I paint I'll identify one more one ... that's the method it seems to go around here. Anyhow, leave as well as appreciate tidy, easy, frustration-free painting!

[gelato-of-the-day-blog]

February 6, 2017

    I’m writing this at 12:20 pm on Tuesday because I didn’t have time yesterday to sit down and write! It was the first day of classes but none of us have Monday class so we slept until 11:30. I could’ve slept all day but I set an alarm. We went to meet Jordyn at Gusta Pizza but found out that it is closed on Mondays. We were so upset. We ended up just going to this pizza place across the street from our apartment, Mangia Pizza, that turned out to be really good. I got the #12 which had mozzarella, pecorino, and onions. Sabrina got hers with burrata and it looked amazing. After that we came back to the apartment to work on booking more trips. After much struggle we were all able to book an AirBnb and flights to Amsterdam. This struggle included research into the Schengen agreement and multiple calls to Lufthansa so hopefully we all make it! Courtney and I also attempted to do our first load of laundry! We started with towels incase we messed it up they are easily replaceable. We could only fit 6 large towels and 2 small ones in the washer at the same time. Then we tried to use a translator to figure out how to use the detergent pods we bought. We turned the machine on and it said the wash would take 2 hours and 18 minutes. Great. We watched it start to spin but were a little panicked when we didn’t see any water. After a few minutes we saw water and decided to just let it run. It was around 4 so we set out to do some more errands.

      The first thing we had to do was figure out how to do our garbage. Italy has a very intense trash and recycling system where you have to separate your trash into organics (food, etc.), multi-material (plastics, glass), paper, and then just garbage. I only know this because we spent actually hours trying to figure out how it worked. I still don’t really understand. Our landlord had marked for us on a map where 2 disposal sites near our apartment were so we went to look for them before we took the trash out just to know where they were. We found the 4 bins behind the Galileo museum so we thought we understood the process and said we would bring out the garbage on the way to dinner. Then we went to look for where our classes were so we would know for the following day. Our first stop was Via de Pucci. It was past the Duomo so we headed that way and that was when we stopped for GELATO at Don Nino. If you look at the picture you might be confused because most of you probably know I don’t like whipped cream. Well I didn’t ask for it, they just gave it to me and it looked pretty but I didn’t eat it. The gelato was really good though. The chocolate had chunks of hard chocolate in it. It was pretty cold out so we sat inside and ate for a little. We found Pucci and the LdM classrooms inside the building and were then off to Palazzo Strozzi to look for the next building. Paige needed to stop at Longchamp on the way so we did that. We found the next building and then went to Coin for some shopping. We finally found cheap fuzzy blankets for our beds and I got myself a towel. Paige and Courtney once again could not find a hair straightener there but were given the name of a place they could find one. We went to the place and, after a week of searching, they had success.

        When we got home we had to sort our garbage. We’d been dreading it since we found out it needed to be separate just a little too late. Apparently they go through the trash and if you do it wrong they look for anything that has any information about you on it and track you down to fine you. So we had to put our hands in the garbage. We ended up with 2 bags for multi-material, 1 for paper, and 1 for trash. We each took a bag when we left for dinner and first went to drop the trash. We got there and realized that of the 4 disposal containers there, 1 was for trash, 1 was for organic, and 2 were multi-material. No paper. We dropped the other 3 bags and decided to go look for the other site marked on the map to see if that one had a paper bin. It didn’t. A guy came to drop a cardboard box and we asked him where you dispose of paper. He just said “here” and dropped the box on the sidewalk. We were going to leave our stuff next to his but saw a sign on the wall that said you could not dispose of paper here or you could be fined up to 5000 euros. So where were you supposed to put it???? We had no idea where to even look and it was after 8. We decided to just look around for something on our way to dinner. And guess who was the one lugging the trash bag full of paper? Me! I literally walked around Florence holding a trash bag for 20 minutes. I was really over it by then so I just dumped the whole thing in a public trash can. I’ll let you know if I go to jail.

      We finally made it to where we wanted to have dinner and it was a half hour wait. I looked on maps and saw the name of a restaurant that looked familiar from seeing it on one of the guides (Il Gatto e la Volpe) so we walked there. It looked really busy too but right when we walked in everyone left. We got a table and opted for the family style deal. Every person pays 20 euros and for the table we get a tray of appetizers, 4 pastas, and half a liter of wine per person (we did the math and since we were 5 people that means we got 3.33 bottles of wine for the table). The pastas were incredible. There was a gnocchi in a cheese sauce (basically mac and cheese on steroids), penne vodka (a crowd pleaser), a thick spaghetti in a peppery-cheese sauce, and, my personal favorite, ravioli Bolognese. I ate way too much I was so nauseous after. Totally worth it though. Since we were like the only people there we were bonding with our waiter. When I made a picture of my meal my snapchat story, Niki (coming in clutch again) recognized where I was and also knew the waiters there. I told them I knew her and they brought us free drinks. It got crazy from there. Ramzi and Paige became “honeys” and he said he was also going to Yab later and had a table so we said we’d meet him there. We also said we’d be back to have dinner here at least once a week.

      We went home, got dressed, and made our way to Yab. The promoters outside the club let us cut the line and we noticed we were probably the only Americans there. It was a weird night but so fun. There was a man there who was probably 70 years old wearing a suit just wandering the dance floor. We found Ramzi at his table and spent the night hanging out there. At the table next to him Sabrina pointed out a guy who was an amazing dancer. We pulled him over and danced with him all night. He was so fun. We didn’t know his name so we called him Chris Brown because he danced like him. He said it was a big compliment. We got home around 3 and were off to bed for our first day of school! Courtney and I don’t have class until 3 today so we slept until 11:30 again and are now going to get lunch. Dreading class but it is finally sunny today!