#and during the general traffic hours i'm at the end of my day and very poo brained
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bleaksqueak · 1 year ago
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Elias, my lad…
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hourcat · 11 months ago
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16, 17 & 22 if you please ❣️
OOO bel these are such good questions!!!! thank u my darling <3
16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?
gdjskgldsmlgkdsg i'm such a bad author. 99% of the time it is at the very end of writing it, and it's me going through every song ive listened to in the last week for a lyric. every once in a while tho, i'll be skeleton drafting and be STRUCK with inspiration mid-bullet point and change the doc title and whatnot. (i.e. jersey boy blues, desperado)
17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?
me being a bad author again: i SELDOM do research for the things i write. it's terrible but i end up lingering in the characters more than the context by the end so it doesn't feel too blasphemous imo.
that being said. it's not technically research, BUT i did spend several hours in google maps while writing overtime when they were driving to practice staying awake for extended periods of time in the car. i clicked through the french countryside a LOT trying to figure out traffic patterns and logistics before realizing it would just be easier if pierre fell asleep.
22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?
i used to fly by the seat of my pants and just write on a whim....now generally i have to at LEAST bracket-note all my fics so i can keep them on-track. these days, yeah, i do know how my fics will end most of the time--unless something crazy happens during the writing process that totally 180s my idea.
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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 9 months ago
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When I first watched Mock the Week nearly 4 years ago now, I remember thinking that even for a show where we accept that everyone's going to do some stock lines on the same few broadly accessible topics because it's mainstream light entertainment TV, the references to rail replacement bus services are a little out of hand. There was a stretch about ten years ago when the references were constant, and I thought surely they cannot be that big a part of life.
But I just got caught on a commute home with an announcement that this train is being stopped for repairs so please get off and take a replacement bus, and I take back everything I've ever thought about it. During my commute that's normally about 75 minutes but stretched to 2 hours through uncomfortable traffic today, I thought, everyone who was on Mock the Week in 2012 was absolutely right. Maybe about everything.
It was a shitty way to end a vaguely depressing day, I woke up late and grabbed a shirt without properly looking at it, so accidentally wore a shirt I don't wear often, because it was a gift from my ex-girlfriend and it makes me sad (even though I wore it all the time before we broke up, because it's really nice, because she has excellent taste). So I was vaguely sad when I got to work where it was all decorated for Valentine's Day and that didn't help. I listened on my break to the usual radio show, where I'm currently at the very very beginning of 2017, so it's largely taken up by John Robins discussing how he's just had a breakup and drank way too much during the painful bits leading up to and immediately after said breakup, so he's decided to do dry January to try to get better, and Elis made a joke about how February will be a big drinking month then, and he said no actually he kind of likes the idea that maybe the dry January will lead into just being less of an alcoholic in general and he'll keep it up, but then spends the next couple of episodes telling us that he keeps having harrowing dreams about drinking and then remembering his dry January promise and feeling horribly guilty about it, so it's nice to know I'm not the only person that's happened to. Less nice to know that I've read ahead to the February podcast descriptions and apparently he does start drinking heavily immediately after and continues this for about six more years, which is putting a bit of a damper on my using John Robins as inspiration to try to have my dry January turn into "be less of alcoholic overall", it's not going great (I mean, it wasn't going great anyway, I am not genuinely basing all my decisions off John Robins, I'm just saying I recognize his hope for extending dry January and how quickly that can seem like too big a goal).
Anyway, I decided that listening to John Robins talk about his then-very recent breakup on this day was too depressing (even though he's fairly justified in still being upset about that as he's at the beginning of the new year and it happened at the very end of the old year, while I'm at the beginning of a year thinking of a breakup that happened just over a year ago), so I decided to instead just put the Grace Petrie song on repeat for the rest of my break. You know, the one where every other breakup song that I listened to in the immediate aftermath was about the other person doing something wrong, and I said "Well this doesn't reflect my experience of a breakup", and then I thought of the one called Your Good Heart Is Wasted on Me and said "Ah yes, that is the thing I will listen to at this point in life."
Anyway, it's all right. I mean, it actually sort of kind of is. I'm not sad about it all the time anymore or anything, just a weird congruence of things today that made me temporarily sad about something that it's fairly normal to be sad about. It's almost nice to just had a normal day of being vaguely sad about a 14-month-old breakup and then angry about a rail replacement bus service, rather than, you know, mental health crisis. I'm having a rare day where I think broad light entertainment stand-up topics really do speak to my life.
Actually, I do have something tonight that sounds like it could be right out of a light entertainment stand-up story. It's the fact that I was planning to spend tonight at a comedy night I've not been to before, partly because I figured I'd only been to three of the many nights they run across the city and I should try some others, but if I'm honestly, mainly because it's produced by a woman who asked my brother if I was single like five months ago, and tonight she's also performing on the bill. That has to be a good place to go while being vaguely sad, right? But, like a Mock the Week panelist from 2012, I've had my plans derailed as the replacement bus service put me in a terrible mood and got me home later than planned so I'm not sure I'll bother now. I'll eat a sandwich and see how I feel.
...This has been an entirely unsolicited update on the very mundane aspects of my life. I really am doing sort of broadly fine at the moment, at least compared to a couple of weeks ago. But I would really like to drink some whiskey.
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travelswithzsubes · 8 months ago
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March 20, 2024
Today has been insane. I woke up to a male cat desperately meowing. I'm supposed to be taking care of two cats, and I am taking care of them. But they're acting very strange. Ollie the male incessantly meows sadly and runs away from me anytime I am around; Luna the female hasn't been around for the last day. She didn't come back last night. They have an outdoor area where they can roam around, and I often don't see them for long stretches, but I've seen Ollie often (even though he seems anxious and depressed) and Luna at least once per day. But Luna has been gone for a long time now and I'm getting worried about where she is. The last time I saw her was 24 hours ago - granted, I've been in and out, but she usually at least comes back. Yesterday I came home around 5pm to find that the glass door to the apartment had somehow been smashed. By the cats? By the wind? I don't know. I had to clean up all the glass. This morning I went out (barefoot, which was dumb, I'll admit) to climb on the adjacent roof to see if Luna was out there; when I landed, I felt a sharp pain in my left foot. I must have stepped on some glass - glass unrelated, it seems, to the glass broken in the door to the outside of the apartment I'm staying in. It caused me to drag blood all over the apartment, which I had to clean up. I thought I was ok but my foot still hurts and I can't put weight on the area where the glass touched it. I think the glass is probably still inside my foot. I tried to schedule a doctor's appointment at the office near me but a combination of language barrier and confusion and lack of availability has stymied me. I need to deal with this glass, though. When I tried to empty the trash this morning the cat food that had been fully knocked over and all over the floor when I returned home yesterday somehow got dislodged and spilled again all over the floor. I had to clean it up all over again. This, along with the blood and the cats and the glass and everything else, caused me to leave later than usual. I'm going to a bat mitzvah outside of Jerusalem tonight so it makes absolutely no sense to have my bike with me. But I got on my bike because I was too late to get the light rail to the bus and I thought my bike would get me to a bus faster. It didn't, and it didn't work with the bus times. I ended up riding my way on the road between super polluting buses and a pickup truck that was spewing hot black smoke. I finally decided to take a bus where, because I had my bike with me, could probably get me to work by 9am, which is generally fine (as that bus stops at a stop closer to my office and I don't need to board a second bus to get to the office). But there was a protest in Tel Aviv today and the traffic was absolutely insane on that bus, since that bus makes its way through all of Tel Aviv before getting on the highway. It took just as long to get out of Tel Aviv as it typically does to get all the way from Tel Aviv to near my office (6K vs. 50K). Still, I knew I had my bike with me, and I knew I could get to work relatively quickly once I got off the bus. When I got off the bus, though, and retrieved my bike, the front tire had inexplicably gone flat as it had been sitting there during the ride. It made no sense! So I had to limp/ride partially on a flat tire from the stop to work, which took me an incredibly annoying (and at times painful) 30 minutes. I finally got to work 40 minutes late. Meanwhile, I'm barely sleeping in my friend's apartment, partially because of the cats, partially because I have so much else going on in my life. I'm moving apartments. I, personally, don't have that much stuff, but the apartment I'm living in has to be cleared out entirely, and there is so much stuff there, accumulated over the course of years and years of others living there. My old roommate who's in charge of the bills and selling furniture over there is barely in touch and isn't really on top of anything. I need to get a cleaner over there, I need to hire a mover, but the cleaner hasn't gotten back to me.
New paragraph because Tumblr is making me. I haven't gotten a chance to take photos of my stuff to get a quote from a different mover. Another mover isn't getting back to me about something else. Meanwhile, in my future new apartment, my new roommate is taking care of stuff, but dealing with him personality-wise has been a struggle so far, and doesn't make me feel good about myself. He has expensive tastes and is anxious about filling the apartment with furniture quickly and it's stressing me out. In addition to all that, I recently started dating someone who is beautiful and smart and amazing and sensitive but who is incredibly hard to get in touch with and doesn't respond to texts or calls in a timely fashion at all. She also doesn't show up on time for things and I feel totally not settled as a result. These are all things to worry about, and I can't sleep. I'm so tired all the time. I have to commute every day to near Jerusalem, and I don't feel like I have the time to enjoy life in the way I want to.
I want a beautiful relationship with someone that I admire and love. Life is just better that way. I want to feel settled in an apartment, and have a job that isn't so far away, and one where I can feel like I am a good leader.
Today has been the most crazy day. I have to travel far by bus later on for this cousin's kid's bat mitzvah. I'm going to get back home super late, and I have no idea what awaits me there from the cat perspective. I really hope Luna is alive and safe. I need to deal with this glass in my foot. I need to deal with my bike tire, since Purim is coming up and having a working bike to get from megillah reading to megillah reading is essential. I feel so overwhelmed. Spiritually, I'm in a very low place. I'm balancing so much stuff and in a way I want it all to calm down but I know deep down I also thrive off the excitement and intensity. But it's too much. I know it's not good for me. It's mostly just a bad habit. Please, God. I want something else. I want the hostages to be free. I want mashiach to come. I want everyone to be comforted. I want to be partnered up, with a family, with children, at a time in my life where I still have energy to enjoy them. Please, God. Please help me get there.
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ilightmytorch · 1 year ago
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How I Won NaNoWriMo in Three Easy Steps
Here's where I ended on November 30, 2023:
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I've participated in NaNo since 2016, but the only year I won prior to this one was 2017. So, what did I do differently than I did in 2018-2022?
Go for the Par Badge.
This little baby made all the difference.
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In prior years, I would tell myself I couldn't possibly write 1,667 words during the week with working full-time plus an hour+ commute. So I'd play this game, "I'll write less on the weekdays and make it up on the weekends," except I would quickly get so far behind that I'd need, say, 4,000 words per weekend day for the final half of the month, which is more than I can write, and then I'd lose heart.
This year, I decided to go for the par badge, which meant writing 1,667 words every single day. Which meant I never fell behind and never lost heart.
2. Sprint.
Sprinting on Discord has been a revelation. I've realized I haven't been writing very efficiently. I'd "write" for an hour and only get a couple hundred words, at best. But something about having that timer going and knowing I'm going to have to report back at the end of 20 minutes helps me focus, especially when other writers are sprinting at the same time.
It's also helpful for when it's past 10 pm and you're tired, but you're only at 1,300 words for the day. It's like, "OK, you need 367 words, so one good sprint or maybe two. Less than one hour and you can go to bed."
I'm absolutely going to be sprinting whenever I write in the future.
3. Write Easy Words.
If writers fall on a spectrum from planner to pantser, I'm 70-80% of the way toward the pantser end of the spectrum. For this year's NaNo, I wouldn't say I became a planner or anything, but I had a list of specific scenes I wanted to work on, and at least some sense of what was going to happen in those scenes.
I looked at my spreadsheet for last year, and during November 2022 I worked on a brand new story idea that I'd just gotten (bad idea, because that probably went slower than it needed to because I hadn't had time to think it through) and smut (very bad idea, because I'm a slow writer in general, but particularly slow when writing smut).
Bonus: Dictate.
About 4,000 of my words for the month were dictated into my phone using the microphone button in Google Docs. This is what I do whenever I'm stuck in traffic, which is all too often, unfortunately. I'm a big fan of talking through my story, especially when I'm struggling with it. Often I'll realize that there's a logical problem with the sequence of events, there are character motivations that I need to clarify, or that I'm using the wrong POV. While stuck on the interstate last night trying to get to the last write-in of the year, I identified a logistical problem but also got a really good idea for what my villain is going to threaten to do in the climax, so I'm excited to work on that scene in December!
Bonus 2: Cold Turkey.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite app, Cold Turkey. You start by setting up a block list (it comes with a preset list which you can add to or remove from as needed). When you turn it on, it won't allow you to see any of the websites you've blocked. So, no wasting time scrolling Tumblr when I need to be writing!
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digitalcomfortspot · 2 years ago
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Okay so! Uber 101! From a person with public transport anxiety as well!
APP USAGE
You have to make an account with Uber first. But essentially, when you open up the app, it will ask you where you want to go on the front as a tagline. There's a search box! You put in the name or address of the place you wanna go once you've entered where you are.
It should pull up a map of that route, and some prices for Uber X(normal mode), Uber XL(for people with big luggage or stuff to take with them), and some areas have pet transportation services or expedited rides that cost slightly more.
Prices are based off of distance and amount of traffic that day, generally. It'll cost a lot less to go in the morning when no one's on the road versus the 5 o clock work rush hour. Prices vary, so keep that in mind.
Pick whichever suits your price range and car size, and that will log how much it is and charge your chosen payment method(card, some payment apps, etc). You can cancel at this stage but it might cost a small fee if someone is headed towards you.
You'll see someone headed your way, and a box that says the time estimate of when they're going to get there- listen by CLOCK time, not amount of minutes. This screen will also give you a name, photo of your driver, rating, car make/model and a picture of said car, and liscence plate numbers!
You just stay where you are, and you'll be good to go until they get there.
When they get there, you'll have a code to give them for safety! Once you give them that code, take a ride!
During the ride, you'll get a clock time ETA of what time you'll get there, as well as the map showing you how far along you are, and an option to tip and rate the driver early before you come to a stop.
SAFETY
Uber is generally really safe nowadays, but if you do actually feel nervous, you can send a link to someone you trust so they know where you are and when you'll get there!
In the case of EXTREME emergency(very unlikely), they have a little shield button to give you options to keep you safe, call the authorities, etc. This is also where you'll find that option to share your trip.
After you're done, once you rate your driver, the app will reset, ready for another trip whenever you need it!
DRIVER INTERACTION
Drivers generally get a rating based on how they talk to you, car cleanliness, and so on, but all you have to do is rate them out of five stars. If you don't want to talk to them, you can just put on some headphones, get absorbed in your phone, or just say, "I'm not much of a talker, is that ok?" Drivers will usually respond that that's fine and stay quiet the whole ride.
Drivers go through a LOT to be proven safe to drive with, so it's highly unlikely anything bad will happen with one of them. If something bad DOES happen, you can report them or give them a low rating.
Occasionally, a driver will need to take a different route than the one on the map due to traffic, or knowing a different eoute that is much faster and will actually save you money. If this happens, they almost ALWAYS say something about it. If you need to ask about it, go right ahead. This can be a little scary but I promise, the drivers want a good rating and they don't want to be labeled as dangerous.
GPS TROUBLES
Occasionally, the GPS will go a little screwy. If it ends up that the Uber GPS is wrong, don't panic! You're probably really close to where you're supposed to be!
In these cases, I use my phone to look it up on a different map app like Google apps or Waze, whatever works. Then I give it to the driver, apologize for Uber being weird, and then have them follow the Google map or Waze map instead.
And the last thing:
ANXIETY MANAGEMENT
I know how scary it can be to hop in a car with a total stranger. Trust me, it took me over a year and a half not to feel shaky and anxious! So here's some things you can do to calm your nerves!
- find a distraction. Music, phone apps, etc.
- talk to a friend. If you call someone up, they can help you breeze through the whole ride! If you really are nervous, you can ask them to pretend you're meeting up, and tell them what time you'll be there.
- watch the map/window. If you're worried about exactly where you're going, there's no problem with keeping an eye on the map and the road to make sure you're getting where you need to go
- take a deep breath. It's scary, but you will be okay.
And that's all I have! Sorry if it's a lot, but I hope it helps!
Mutuals…. I need assist….
It looks like I’m going to have to take an Uber when I get up to PA possibly but uh I have *no* idea how to or how much it’ll cost.
Anyone have any generic information on how Uber works like how soon I have to put in an… order? Request? How much per minute/hour generally? How to use the app? Pretty much all I know is that you go on the app say where you’re going wait for car to show up, climb in the back seat, they take you there, and then you pay and tip them.
My mom said my aunt offered me to just drive her own car but she thinks getting an Uber would be easier, and I agree, but my anxiety is Bad™️ when it comes to rideshare apps and public transportation but this is also supposed to be my Big Grown Up Trip where I go by myself and if taking an Uber/Lyft is another big girl thing I have to do then so be it 😭
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boop-le-snoot · 4 years ago
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@buckyownsmylife hey babe! Remember that one time you threw that cool challenge? Here's my entry. Prepare to get absolutely ruined because daddy!Bruce is exactly that sort of man.
main masterlist ☀️ taglist
emotional support nerd
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Your best friend's dad, Dr. Bruce Banner, is hotter than you thought he would be. 6k words, NSFW. Kind of Alt!Reader - she refers to herself as 'goth' in one instance. Tony Stark makes an appearance because God forbid I write a fanfic without him in it.
This is filthy pron, ft. age difference (reader is college aged) daddy kink, throat fucking, dirty talk, praise kink, cream pie, possessiveness, belly bulge and ending with a hint at a threesome. I really crammed all I could from Eyre's wheel in here, didn't I. Oh well.
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"How much longer, dad?" Lyra's annoyed voice struck a chord within me. I tried to hide my snickering - unsuccessfully might I add - causing my best friend to shoot me a hurt look, equally fed up with me as she was fed up with her forgetful adopted father. "You know what, we'll take the subway."
Lyra's father's voice, both agitated and apologetic, reached my ears in bitten-off phrases as the traffic noises around us grew in volume, NYC rush hour rapidly approaching its peak.
With a sound huff, Lyra removed the phone from her ear, staring me down with the most amount of petulance I've ever seen on her usually reserved, placid face. "It's twenty more minutes. Apparently he's driving Tony's car," she offered in the way of explanation, like it actually did anything to better the cold, wet situation we found ourselves in. "Please, and I can't stress this enough, please don't be weird."
I felt a flood of amusement at Lyra's pleading tone. "Darling, if you wanted a normal friend, you should have looked elsewhere," I gestured to my outfit. I looked like a goth boy's wet dream: chunky platformed boots, fishnets, heavy eyeliner. Of course, all in black.
"You know what I mean," she whined, waving off my pointing hand and fixing me with a hard stare. "The least my dad needs is someone that is terrified of him just because sometimes he turns into a big green monkey. It's not as exciting as internet thinks, anyway," the last part of the sentence was mumbled but I heard it nonetheless as Lyra stared out into the traffic, clever eyes looking for a particular car model.
What Lyra didn't know was that I was not at all considering to be terrified by the man who dosed himself with radiation and developed an advanced version of split personality disorder. I could be intimidated by him, sure, because he was incredibly intelligent, a world class scientist with more PhDs than I had zeroes in my bank account, but even despite his green problem, Dr. Bruce Banner was about as far away from 'scary' as a man could be.
The few scarce pictures of him on the internet showed a short, stocky man with kind eyes and salt-and-pepper curls, always dressed in un-ironed, crumpled button-ups with dorky patterns. Looking at him, I mused that there was a high chance he spoke with a stutter and that fact amused me to no end. Jekyll and Hyde, alright.
Lyra was much the same way. Shy and reclusive, with curly brown hair and doe eyes, she spent a good chunk of her first semester in college being avoided by everybody because of her last name; I, on the other hand, avoided everyone out of habit, I'd never been a social butterfly, but the way people subtly made sure to exclude Lyra from all the activities filled me with quiet, seething rage, and I stepped over my general distaste of people and removed my bag from the seat next to me so Lyra could at least study in relative peace.
Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all, I'm sure. Weird goth chick adopts a socially awkward, shunned nerd and they become best friends forever. I had to admit that under the shy exterior, Lyra was smart, witty and even funny sometimes. She was willing to entertain my crude jokes without moaning, at least, and I was perfectly okay with listening to her rant about science every now and then.
Rain banged on the slanted roof of the café we were hiding in, the autumn wind howled, making both of us shiver at the prospect of having to go outside, even if it was for a short moment to run to Lyra's dad's car. The day had started out warm and sunny, but much like a badly calculated chemical formula, it all went downhill a split second after we had set out to leave campus.
"There he is," the grouch in Lyra's expression had me once again unsuccessfully attempting to conceal my snorting.
Nonetheless, I followed her out into the rain, struggling to keep up with the brisk running in my platformed shoes, unceremoniously crawling into the car behind her without sparing a glance at the driver in my eagerness to get out of the freezing downpour.
"Hi, dad," Lyra's tired voice spoke up at the same time as I angrily shook out my hair.
"I've just about McFuckin' had it with New York," I was afraid the dye in my hair would bleed out into my clothes, or even worse, the nice, cream-colored car seats.
"Hello, ladies," the voice that greeted us was low, gravelly and apologetic to boot.
My eyes shot up, meeting an expression full of surprise and amusement. I stared at the shockingly handsome face of Dr. Bruce Banner like a deer in the headlights.
The fine mimic wrinkles had stretched into a resemblance of a smile, soft, plush lips revealing a set of straight, white teeth. The five o'clock shadow framed his jaw, giving it a sharp, defined edge, his clever brown eyes slid down my form, faltering on the pentagram on my belt and my fishnet-covered legs, settling on my chunky boots before hastily snapping back up to my face.
"Dad, this is..." Lyra's voice was full of suspicious bewilderment as she attempted to dissipate the sudden awkwardness.
"Oh, yeah, I'm Dr. Bruce Banner, but you can call me Doc or Bruce," he cleared his throat, turning himself towards the windshield and starting up the car.
"Nice to meet you," I busied myself with putting away any stray hair just to occupy myself with something during the time I needed to recuperate from being just... Looked at by Lyra's dad.
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I was so taken aback by his handsomeness and his aura of a gentle but powerful man that the ride to Stark tower, however swift, went on in slightly awkward silence. The streets outside were, thankfully, noisy, and the lack of an attempt to have a conversation could easily be attributed to Bruce's need to focus on the road, but Lyra's increasingly concerned looks did very little to settle the sudden racing of my heart.
"C'mon, I'll give you some sweats so you can let your..." Lyra's vague gesture towards my upper body disappeared behind her side of the door. "Hey, Tony," she suddenly interrupted her sentence, very obviously addressing another person who I managed to miss as Bruce parked in the spacious garage.
"I've been told you're finally bringing your friend, Green Pea," a voice I'd heard a thousand times on the TV poked fun at Lyra.
She bent down to retrieve her bag, shooting big eyes at me and mouthing an exaggerated "Sorry!"
Tony Stark looked about a week in debt on sleep, a contrast to the way he usually appeared in public. The exaggerated eyebrow raise made me shuffle awkwardly in my spot; the Led Zep tee caught my eyes as I lingered on it, aware of my own Mötorhead top on display. He noticed it too, causing his face leave the snide territory.
"Wow, I didn't expect kids these days to have any resemblance of taste in music but you've surprised me, Corpse Bride," he gave me a quiet wolf-whistle, watching me through lidded eyes.
I felt my eyebrow crawl upwards at his attitude but Bruce spoke up before I could say anything: "Tony, no," so firmly, I had to raise both of my eyebrows. I felt a smile tug at my lips, the situation strikingly familiar in it's essence. Like father, like daughter...
"No," Lyra's identical expression, fond and annoyed, topped up with an accusing finger pointed in my direction had everyone snorting a giggle at the situation.
"Lyra," I whined, just so I could coax her grin that she was very obviously trying to conceal. "See, I told you, every crazy genius needs their emotional support nerd," I fixed her with a pointed look.
She promptly grabbed me by the arm, leading all of us to the elevator as the two men behind us shared a hearty laugh at my well-timed joke. It was either that or I would have completely embarrassed myself by gaping and drooling over both THE Tony Stark and Lyra's father.
The rush didn't stop there. I was promptly and generously offered not only a spare pair of pants but also a whole room to stay in after an invitation to dinner I simply could not refuse. Dr. Banner firmly coaxed me into staying overnight with his pleading eyes and a hearty seasoning of guilt tripping, softly crooning how he simply could not let a young woman to wander the cold, rainy night in NYC alone.
Tony added something too, in a tone way too surefire and patronising. I guessed he noticed my eyes lingering on Dr. Banner, being a genius and all.
In a short amount of time, I found myself seated at a dinner table next to a happy, giggling Lyra who'd downed a glass of wine and was well into her second. I found it adorable how much of a lightweight she was; not hesitating in the slightest to point out that fact when she made hands for a pitcher of water.
Tony was the first one to snark back something vague about his college days and all the wild parties he used to throw, booing Bruce upon discovery that he, in fact, actually studied in college in favour of partaking in various illicit activities. That had both me and Tony giggling with Lyra promptly joining in, both of us losing it over the running joke or her being either a test tube baby or the result of immaculate conception.
Bruce's face blushed scarlet. He sputtered, a few stray drops of his lemonade landing on the (ironed!) collar of his purple shirt, cough disappearing in the wake of Tony's truly amused cackling. Dr. Banner was well on his way to either choke on his Lo Mein or turn green; thinking quickly, I decided to defuse a situation by sharing a harmless, funny story that happened to me as a freshman.
"I went on a date with this guy who said that music was the most important thing in his life, and I thought, wow, that's so beautiful!" I began my story over Lyra's incessant snickering. "So we had dinner and went back to his place because I'm a whore," the whole table erupted in laughter at my deadpan remark, Tony reaching over to give me a high five.
"And as we got there, he put on one of his demos which was just a bunch of sampled and remixed Guns'n'Roses songs, and I thought wow, that's gotta be one of the worst things I've ever heard," I pointedly looked away as Lyra's cackling grew in volume, having heard the same story several times by now and the outrage I expressed at the situation first hand.
"But instead of that I said, wow, that's so cool! Then we did the thing and his whole bedroom was covered in Axl Rose posters and I'm sure at some point Mr. Rose stared right up my asshole," there were tears streaming down Lyra's face as Tony flopped his upper body onto the table and Bruce convulsed helplessly in a silent fit of giggles. "And then I thought to myself: wow, I would have to pretend to like his music if I dated this guy and I just couldn't do that..." I breathed out, succumbing to the mirth at the dinner table. "It was good but not November Rain good, y'kno?"
Bruce snorted loudly, sliding down his chair with a hand over his face. The table shook with the force of Tony's cackling; I didn't see his expression but the howling, rasping noises sent me into another fit of laughter, right on par with Lyra.
"Is this..." Tony rapidly inhaled the much-needed oxygen. "Is this why you keep wincing whenever I play the 'Roses in the lab?" Tony wheezed and Lyra nodded.
"I just... I can picture it, and I-" she made a vague, encompassing gesture and a face.
"Please, don't," I urged with a snort. "There are better ways to get disappointed."
Dinner went on by smoothly after that, everybody happily making remarks on my dating fail, the topic of Lyra's birth and Tony's college shenanigans dismissed.
I caught Dr. Banner's pointed look as we finished our dessert - he was studying me, eyes searching for something that he very obviously wished was there. From the damp roots of my hair to the soft, cotton top clinging to my chest, I wasn't left unscrutinzed and unexamined. Like one of the many specimens he studied on a daily basis, Bruce lingered on the many characteristics that made me stand out in the grey crowd.
"Would you like to see the labs?" He asked, appearing behind me without a single sound.
The freshly cleaned dishes clattered in my arms. I'd almost dropped them, startled, but Bruce's hand landed on the top of the stack right before the top plate would have slipped off and shattered into pieces on the cold tile of his kitchen.
Blood rushed to my ears. "I'd love to," my brain had briefly returned to reality, the rush of meeting both Stark and Banner succumbing to logic and reason. My and his fields of study briefly overlapped, the question he posed was more than reasonable. In fact, many people would cheat, lie and steal to be in my position.
Bruce smiled, opening a cabinet and taking half of the dishes I was holding to stack them up in their proper place. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, exposing wide, muscular forearms littered with dark, coarse hair.
I was sure my face was flaming. After waving off Lyra's attempts to put shoes on me and leaving her to watch her TV show, a wide, warm palm rested on the back of my waist, gently steering me towards the elevator.
I tried to keep my eyes off Bruce in the large mirror on the walls of the car as it swiftly moved down, scrutinizing my appearance instead. My throat bobbed, the elevator car suddenly too small and too hot.
His eyes left marks on me - invisible ones, the kind that I knew were there just from the scorching heat sizzling on my skin.
There was a certain je ne sais quoi about him. Perhaps, it was in the way he was acting - a polar opposite of what I'd had expected, Dr. Bruce Banner possessed a quiet confidence and his patience appeared to be endless, heartily doused with an appreciation for his closest ones. The way his eyes lit up in response to people smiling around the dinner table was hard to miss.
When Bruce spoke about his research - whatever wasn't classified, anyway - the spark expanded into a mischievous fire. I could hardly understand the nuances in his work, scratch that- I could not understand a single word he was saying, at all. The individual syllables registered as they should, but my traitorous brain could only focus on the way he licked his lips in between quickly inhaled breaths.
"You're not... Following, are you?" The corner of his mouth lifted upwards, clever brown eyes fixed on my face.
God, I hoped I wasn't drooling. But to deny the obvious would have been a stretch. "No, not really," I swallowed, willing my eyes to lift from the large veins on the hand that was pointing at a set of equations. Reasonably good at math any day, they looked like the scribbles of a madman to me at the time.
Dr. Banner sighed, letting silence creep among the whirring machinery in the lab for a brief moment. "I don't scare you?" He removed his glasses, cleaning them with the corner of his shirt.
The question reeked of self-doubt and, perhaps, insecurity. "No," I answered simply, not giving him the slightest chance to find doubt in my words. I was barely holding my voice from shaking, afraid he'd misunderstand my reaction to the sudden change in atmosphere.
He was closer to me than I recalled. My hip was almost brushing his, the bulk of his shoulder millimeters from touching against my bare skin, the smell of something herbal, like tea, and sharp chemicals clouding my senses. It was such a contrasting experience.
Bruce turned to me, an expression between hunger and regret forcing me to shiver and look him straight in the eye. A hand landed on my waist, holding me in place with gentle firmness. "I'm a monster, I could hurt you," he whispered, leaning into me like a touch starved kitten. The man screamed contradiction. "We shouldn't."
Vivid images of the Hulk and the rampages years prior flashed through my mind; the rubble, the collateral damage in the form of many lives. I barely remembered it, having been too little to really understand what was going on. One thing, though, I knew for sure: ever since the world became aware of Lyra's existence, there had been no incidents. Sure, the Hulk still appeared when there was a threat, but there were no documented incidents of the green creature running amok, accidentally.
"You won't hurt me," I spoke with conviction. Perhaps, I was bluffing just slightly but I wouldn't lie like that to myself. The variable, the... Twelve or so percent chance of things going... Awry, it made a small, malicious worm inside of me rejoice and fill my limbs with familiar adrenalised yearning. "You're not a monster. Far from it, actually," I used the hand that was not supporting me against the desk to gently cradle the side of his face, letting my fingertips brush over the rough five o'clock shadow on his cheek.
Bruce emitted a sound somewhere between an agitated grown and a pleading whine, sagging with the sound exhale, pressing himself flush with my chest. His face slipped from my palm, the warm tip of his nose running a steady line up my neck, sending goosebumps running wildly down my back as his hot breath tickled the arch of my throat.
"Baby," the nickname punched a stuttered gasp out of me with the intensity contained in just that one word. "I've been hearing all these amazing things about you," his voice dropped, low baritone rumbling straight into my ear. "I won't be able to hold back. I'll want you all to myself," his bicep flexed under my hand.
My knees would have bucked if I wasn't grasping onto Bruce for dear life after those words. I had some sense of personal pride in me, so while my body was an easy, traitorous thing, my mind was more than eager to participate in this game, to ping pong a little bit before... "Yeah? What things?" I breathed.
Teeth briefly closed around my tender skin, nipping for just a second. "You're kind, beautiful," his hand took a steadfast hold on the back of my neck, exposing my throat to his mouth. More skin to mark, more time to whisper. "Intelligent, bright and clever," the more he spoke, the fiercer he became. Bruce's grasp tightened until I was pliant in it, willingly following his silent commands. "A bit of a pain in the ass," a healthy dose of humour was added into the mix as my ass was roughly grabbed, our fronts pressed together at his insistence.
"That sounds about right," I didn't resist the sudden urge to snark, thoughts lazily floating in my head, like clouds on a bright sunny day, fleeting and sparse. None of them caught on. I was focused on feeling the need, on my need to feel.
A sharp smack landed on the plump of my ass, the sound resonating in the eerily quiet lab. The sounds of machinery had dulled at some point, leaving just the two of us panting our lust into each other's space. "I know you can be a good girl. Will you, princess?" His fingertips dug into my flesh, surpassing the soft sweatpants as if they weren't even there.
I could only nod, dumbly, overcome by the sudden rush of blood to my body. The life coarsing through me sang, demanding a release of the pent-up tension.
"What's that?" Bruce removed himself from my neck, catching my unfocused eyes with a crooked smirk on his lips.
"Yes," I swallowed, breathing through my mouth.
"Mmm," he hummed, running both hands over my sides, over the frayed edges of my Mötorhead top. He admired it, briefly, setting his eyes on the band logo that was right over my breasts. Having decided something to himself, Bruce promptly removed it, lifting it over my head with ease and leaving it right on the science lab table.
Taking hold of my hand, he walked over to a hidden set of sliding doors that revealed a rather large, frequently used bed, shutting them just as I walked in, wearing only my bra and borrowed sweats. My back was pressed to the door in mere seconds, hot palms chasing away the chill of the lab as Bruce slotted his lips over mine.
He tasted like something I've never had before. His lips - so plush and supple, took hold of the kiss with practiced gusto, sucking me in without a chance or the desire to escape. I drank from him, sucked on the bottom lip as his tongue explored my mouth, danced with mine.
The room was spinning, the ringing in my ears growing in volume. I was only partly aware of the sensation of sliding down the wall; our knees thudded on the carpeted floor simultaneously, heavy breathing the only noise I could distinguish.
"Breathe, baby, that's it," Bruce coaxed, gently stroking my nape. The soft cotton of his shirt crumpled under my fingers where I held onto him, desperately searching something to ground myself with.
The buckle of his belt clattered and then clinked again as he wrapped the worn leather around my wrists, bringing them together in front of my chest. I exhaled sharply at the intimate gesture, a whine bubbling up from my chest when Bruce used a single fingertip to raise my chin.
My eyes met his; a brown iris tinged with the faintest of green around the outer edge. "This okay, princess?" He sought my face for confirmation, for agreement, for anything.
I nodded, stuttering mid-gesture, remembering our previous interaction. My mouth did not want to cooperate but I forced it to, even if it came out as little more than a pitiful mewl. "Yes, daddy," the word, sweet and sticky like fruit syrup, poured from my lips.
My eyes slid shut as my conscience - or was it common sense? - took hold of the situation. I was on my knees in front of my best friends dad, a virtual stranger, and I'd just-
Bruce's soft chuckle stopped the negative spiral of my thoughts. "That's my girl," he sounded a tad more breathless now, a hairliner in his perfect façade of self-control. As if he'd sensed my indecisiveness, he tugged on the makeshift restraints, pulling me closer, closer and into his lap.
A warm, solid chest with a healthy amount of fluff greeted me. Bruce let my lax, pliant body fall into his arms, catching me effortlessly and bringing my face to his lips. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you're my good girl," he peppered soft kisses all over my flaming cheeks, my twitching nose, my fluttering lashes.
"Please," I begged, shame giving way to the flood of arousal that seemingly hit me all at once. I was aware of the dampness collecting in my panties, the stiffness of my limbs from holding back the ravenous desire to paw at Bruce like a wild animal. "Please, daddy..."
"I know, I know, baby girl," he soothed, not stopping his tender assault on my face. "Daddy will make it all better. I know just what you need," Bruce finally pulled away. I heard the sound of him undoing his zipper and then the awkward shuffle of him shucking off his pants.
Somewhere in between of all that, he'd ended up sitting down on the bed, wearing only his boxers, his shirt hanging open. The red crawled down his chest, partially masked by the coarse salt and pepper hair; his lips were cherry red and his hair was sticking out in odd directions. Bruce looked sinful.
My eyes inadvertently landed on the impressive bulge in his boxers; in response to my widened eyes, he reached out for it, stroking the outline of his thick cock through his boxers. "Like what you see, baby?"
"Yeah," My mouth watered.
"Baby wants a fat cock?" He teased, sounding like he knew exactly what he was doing, testing my self-control like that. With a flick of his wrist, it sprang free, slapping against his tummy, coating the fine hairs with drops of clear, musky fluid.
I swallowed, feeling the taste of him from afar and yearning for more where I was parked between his spread legs.
In a gesture almost loving, he tugged on the belt still wrapped around my wrists, bringing my face to his leaking shaft and my hands to the base of it, letting me feel the weight of his balls in them. The cock throbbed, neglected, weighed down by the heaviness of his full balls.
"Go ahead, baby, suck my cock," the encouragement came with a gentle push to my head.
I obediently followed, wrapping my lips around the pink, moist crown of it, a hum beginning in the back of my throat. My God, Bruce tasted heavenly... I whirled and slipped my tongue a around his head, I dipped into the slit to drink the nectar right from the tap, idly coming to awareness of the broken, choked moans coming from the man above me.
Raising my head got me a view of his chin; head thrown back, the lax O of his mouth glistened in the meager light. My eyes slid lower, to the flex of his abs. Bruce fought hard to stay still. The desire consumed me, a sudden rush of power at having Dr. Bruce Banner's cock in my mouth and the man at my mercy; I inhaled, sliding my mouth further and further down his throbbing length.
"Fuck," I heard him mutter before his hands gripped the sides of my face. "Hungry, baby, are you?" His eyes glowed a faint green; I shuddered at the power he held within himself. Held back for me. "Tap my thigh twice," he spoke and I had no choice but to obey. "Okay. Do that if it gets too much, alright?" I nodded. He gave me a wide, beaming smile. "Good girl," he praised, experimentally bucking his hips into my mouth a few times.
In and out. I focused on my breathing, sharp, little inhales: his girth took up all the free space in my mouth, the tip of it barely fit into my throat. The burn, the stretch; I felt every tenth of an inch, every bulging attempt of my body to accommodate Bruce's huge cock. It was delicious, I couldn't help but crave the same stretch in my neglected, sopping wet pussy.
"Fuck, you're taking it so well," Bruce moaned wetly. "Your mouth... S'like heaven... Could fuck it all day, that's my good girl," the rambling increased in it's intensity as the pace of his hips hastened. Drool and tears flowed like a river; my chin was dropping with it, spit connected my face to his pelvis. "Oh," there was a brief pause to his movements; suddenly, he pulled out, fisting the base of his cock, staring me down with a ferocious gleem in his eye.
I must've looked a straight mess; my face like a crime scene, my clothes disheveled, covered in fluids and most of all - I was desperately grinding against my own feet, too focused on the glorious cock in front of me to notice the weakness of my own flesh. "Daddy?" I questioned, wincing at the grating of my own voice.
Without a word, the belt was tugged once more; in a set of movements just slightly north of acrobatic, I found myself laying on my back in the middle of the bed, my sweatpants suffering a haste demise in the corner of the room.
Bruce crawled atop me, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on every inch of my skin he could reach, mouthing something inaudible into every pore of my body. As he drew closer, I discerned bitten-off phrases, stringing my desire into sticky, tangy mess at the apex of my thighs.
"My perfect baby girl," the words reached me; all tongue, he kissed me once more, arching into me as much as I arched into his hot grasp. A brief inspection of my face - he was satisfied with what he saw - and Bruce crawled back, settling in between my spread legs, breathing hot air on the lips of my sex still covered by a sopping wet piece of fabric.
"Oh fuck," I yelped, feeling him smooch it soundly, the hot wetness of his tongue penetrating the meagre lace barrier with ease.
He moved it aside anyway, with a single finger, giving my pussy a broad lick, moaning into my cunt like a man gone mad. It took a few more licks for him to feel sated enough to surface, all the while holding my hips down. I was so sensitive, I felt even the tiniest flicks to my clit, I was sure if I didn't cum then and there, I would explode.
"Such a pretty pussy, princess," his heavy breathing paused briefly. He nipped my thigh. "So wet, is that all for me?"
"Yes, yes, daddy," I rasped, pushing my cunt into his face, losing all shame and trepidation.
"So tasty," he continued the torture, outlining my lower lips before taking another nosedive right into it, swirling his tongue around every fold, sucking onto my clit.
Bruce ate my pussy until my thighs shook, until my core quivered and I could no longer hold back the choked, ragged screams starting somewhere in the low of my belly and coming out as unholy, all-consuming yowls filled with unadulterated lust.
"Louder for me, baby," he inhaled rapidly, and then, he sucked on my clit.
The world stopped, halted on it's axis, every muscle going rigid in my body and every nerve ending simultaneously coming alive. Faintly, I heard a chant, repeating two syllables over and over, it sounded like my voice - but I had no control over myself. All I could do was weakly grind my hips against Bruce's mouth, faltering when the crashing waves of my orgasm began to recede.
The infuriating overstimulation stopped; blinking hazily, I saw Bruce's eyes glimmer brown and green in front of my face. His nose and his chin was glistening with a thin coat of sticky fluid; disheveled and red, he looked a man on the verge of a revelation.
Something hot and blunt nosed at my cunt, bringing back the moment to me - I realized, with a great deal of impatience - how empty I felt. The decision was minute. "Daddy, fuck me, please, I want your cock," the words came easily.
"That's my girl," his eyes fluttered shut as the first inches squeezed through the snug of my cunt. I was sopping wet and as relaxed as I'd be, but even then, it was a stretch. "Good girl, good baby," the mumbled praise made me whine and my pussy clamp on his cock. "Relax, let daddy fill you up." Breathing through it, I consciously unwound myself around him, letting my palms rest freely on his shoulders. "Let daddy take care of you."
Like melted sugar, his husked words stuck to me inside and out. Short, sharp thrusts; Bruce was patiently burrowing himself inside of me, making his way to reach the deepest parts of me I didn't even know existed. His cock head pressed against something hard and spongy inside of me; stars burst behind my eyes I'd clamped shut on reflex.
I moaned weakly, tugging on his arm, pressing myself closer. It felt so, so good. Like a raw nerve had been exposed and he was stroking it, pushing that little switch with every stroke of his hips.
"I'm not gonna last," he muttered as once again, my cunt squeezed him snugly in place, just as greedy as I was to feel that tiny explosion spark up within me again.
"I want..." I panted. Bruce set in a punishing pace after that, a palm under my ass, squeezing it so hard there would definitely be bruising. I craved it, I needed to see the evidence this was not some elaborate fever dream. "I want... Daddy to fill me up," words came out garbled; it sounded like gibberish to my ears but Bruce - they spurred him on.
"Oh yeah?" That breathless, boyish cockiness was back in his voice again; despite how fucked out he sounded, I prepared myself for something truly out of this world. I just knew.
He sat back on his shins, dragging me by the hips with him, making me shiver and moan and twitch and clamp onto him again as his throbbing cock hit that special spot again. And again. And again.
"Look at me, baby," a hand on my belly and his eyes burning right through me. As they slid down, towards the apex of my thighs where he was still moving within me almost lazily, I saw it.
"Oh fuck," I couldn't utter much more than a two-syllabled profanity. There was a bulge in my belly, just above my pelvis, moving in rhythm with Bruce's hips. And then he pressed on it and I-
Something, someone, somewhere was screaming. The noise was loud and pitched, but even then, I could barely hear it though the neverending waves of bliss that enveloped my whole being. Gold and silver at the edges of my rapidly darkening vision; I was drowning in something that smelled and felt like Bruce. The safety of his arms, the warmth of his heated body, the rapid snapping of his hips-
Oh.
"I'm gonna, fuck," the last word was but a ghost of a human speech. Growling low and filthy, Bruce leaned into my ear, his breath hot and moist. "Mine," his hips stuttered, his cock nestled deep, the sensation bordering on painful, forcefully extracted pleasure. It throbbed with every spurt of his seed; each one felt like a solid punch in the gut to my abused pussy.
"Daddy," I mewled, my body jerking away from him but my mind and my soul yearning for more. His rapidly softening flesh made the idea of being separated unbearable.
"S'good, s'my good girl, m'so proud," he mumbled, looking slightly disoriented as he removed himself from me, immediately pressing me to his side and interwining any free, flailing limbs.
We laid in silence, each of us slowly coming back to Earth after the completely unreal experience we just had. I didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do as the realization set in, the post-orgasmic haze giving way to a sudden rush of clarity.
"I can hear you overthinking," Bruce's voice was fond.
Before I could muster up the courage to snark back, the divided doors opened, one very concerned Tony Stark standing there, armed with a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a pack of cookies in the other. His mouth, previously open to (probably) yell at us, remained as open when his eyes had registered the scene in front of him.
I stared at Bruce. Bruce stared at Tony.
"The noise," he offered in the way of explanation, dangling the pack of cookies, looking, for once - speechless. He recovered quickly, however, even if the remark was a thin ghost of his usual sass: "You pick the nerd over me? I'm hurt," he scoffed in mock irritation, although I was pretty sure I saw some satisfaction in there, too.
Bruce looked at me. I looked at Bruce.
A mischievous grin slowly crept up his face, an identical one beginning to appear on my own face seconds after.
"Hey, two nerds is better than one, right?" My response is what did it; or, rather, it was the evidence of my previous throat-fucking clearly audible in my voice... Tony dropped the cookies and then, the tranq gun.
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Bruce Banner taglist: @pilloclock @mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @persephonehemingway @mostly-marvel-musings @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites @sapphicnoodle69 @couldntbedamned @xoxabs88xox @marvelsbanner @tripleyeeet @tatestripedsweater @stuckybarton
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apixrl · 4 years ago
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DRIVER'S LICENSE.
katsuki bakugou x fem! reader
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WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.
word count: 4.5k
song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)
note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh
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"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"
The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.
Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.
Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.
Not anymore, at least.
Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.
The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.
All these questions with nothing to answer them.
Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.
And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.
He was the one.
Emphasis on was.
So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.
He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.
That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.
That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.
As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.
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EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .
The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.
"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.
"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"
"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"
"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.
"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.
"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"
"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"
"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.
"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"
"In a way, yes,"
"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.
"...Yes?"
"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"
Called it.
"...No,"
"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"
"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"
"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"
"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.
"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"
"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"
"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.
"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"
"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.
"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"
"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.
"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.
"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.
"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"
The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.
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All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.
Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.
You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.
It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.
You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.
Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?
Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.
However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.
So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.
"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.
"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"
"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?
"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"
"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"
"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"
"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"
"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"
You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!
"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"
"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.
Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?
Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.
"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.
"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"
"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"
"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.
Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.
"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"
Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.
"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"
"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.
"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"
"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.
Dumbass.
That's what he used to call you.
The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.
No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.
"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"
That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...
"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"
No more feeling sorry for yourself.
Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.
So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.
An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.
A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.
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marvellouslymadmim · 2 years ago
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1, 8 , 22 and another of your choice
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
Calibri 11pt. I do actually care. Any other font looks fucking weird. I used to write exclusively in Times New Roman and anytime I open an older doc I'm like WHAT. IS. THIS.
I do have a fantasy novel I'm working on that is in Adobe Garamond Pro, because it just...fits. I'm a very aesthetic individual.
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
I'd choose action of dialogue because actions speak louder than words. It would actually make a great tiny oneshot. A little snapshot of what love looks like in mundane moments or something like that.
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
Depends on the story. One shots, under 5 or 6 chapters: no organization. We just rolling with it, baby. Multi-chaps or a series: so. much. organization. I usually write out the plot line multiple times, evolving as the story evolves during the writing process. I also have a master page, which has to do boxes for every single chapter (start, finish, edit, post), plus fic addendums, like creating, finishing, and organizing the playlist, making a masterpost on tumblr, etc. I even schedule when to answer tumblr posts and AO3 comments. As far as tools: Evernote for keeping track of resources/articles for any technical details, Lightroom and Photoshop for playlist/masterpost graphics, pen and paper for outlining whole fic and each single chapter, the notes app on my phone for brief bits of dialogue, Word for writing and the Word mobile app on my phone for writing on the go (obviously I save on the cloud for access purposes). Google docs for when I want to share previews. Spotify for motivation music (seriously, ALWAYS play a videogame soundtrack when you need to concentrate on writing--it's literally designed to help you focus!!!).
3. Dealer's Choice (fitting, given our cursed correspondence): What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
My writing ritual is to write first thing in the morning, before life and everyone else barges in. This is cursed for numerous reasons: if I'm not actually awake enough, I make RIDICULOUS typos and grammatical errors, it's embarrassing. If I don't wake up in enough time before work/other activities, I generally don't write. So if I don't get to bed at a certain time, no writing will happen the next day. If I start writing on a weekend morning, I may spend 6+hours just sitting in bed, writing. My joints HATE this (as does the rest of my weekend to-do list). Sometimes I end up a bit late to work bc I start writing and I absolutely have to finish this thought/scene/whatever so I keep going and then it's like oh. Whoops. We'll just blame Los Angeles traffic.
Ask me a Weird Writer Question.
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smallblueandloud · 4 years ago
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HEY HI WHAT'S UP so i'm almost at the point where i can FINALLY read the tww sense8 au, i'm so excited, you have no idea. so anyway- whenever you're in the mood to write for this verse- how did early cj/andy/toby work? how did they meet, and figure out they were in the same cluster (yes including will i'm so in love with him as a part of this)? what were/are the individual relationships like within it? literally talk about anything- any relationship- within this au, i love the concept so much. ❤
(the sense8 au in question)
hmm, okay, so as i mentioned to you i actually had written a bit about their relationship in some snippets that will probably never be posted. but i don’t LIKE what i wrote, so i’m gonna change it, and we’re all just gonna pretend it was like this the whole time lmao.
andy and toby met first, as always, in boston because i am predictable. in this au you don’t know you’re in the same cluster until you make eye contact without being on blockers (which are telepathy-supressing pills, essentially), so they had no idea it was coming, but toby is running a campaign that one of andy’s college friends is working on and andy’s there because her friend was supposed to go to lunch with her an HOUR ago and toby glances up from the papers he’s holding, and-
well. that’s that. toby isn’t so militant about refusing to get close to andy, although he does still feel a bit odd about their age gap and still doesn’t agree to date her for a while. richard schiff is 6 years older than kathleen york, so i’m gonna say that andy was 24 and toby was 29. but, as andy points out: she’s just as smart as he is, and besides, something in their souls said they were equals, and there’s nothing he can do to avoid it. so they date.
they come up with some ground rules for their relationship. no blockers while they’re together in person. no blockers without a good reason, because they both like being connected. if one of them finds one of the other members of their cluster - because the cluster isn’t complete, they know, they don’t know how big it’s going to be but they know it’s not JUST the two of them - they have to call the other IMMEDIATELY. both of them are idealists like that. they know they’re going to share their lives with their other cluster mates, even if it’s not quite romantic.
and then about a year later, when toby is 30 and andy is 25, toby gets introduced to the new press representative of his latest campaign, a 26-year-old cj. and i think they actually even manage to get into an argument before they make eye contact - but it happens, and toby takes a step to the right into the office where andy has a meeting today.
“i found her,” he says. “the third one.”
andy, forgoing any other kind of conversation - that would only waste time - turns to the politician she’s meeting with. “i’m so sorry, something’s just come up,” she says. “we found another member of our cluster.”
“oh, of course,” says the politician. he smiles at her. “we’ll reschedule, naturally. and- good luck.”
andy thanks him and hightails it out of there. back at the campaign, cj and toby are still staring at each other. toby says, “you’re-” and cj says, “come here,” and grabs his arm to pull him into a broom closet, because you KNOW that was cj’s first reaction.
toby’s still kind of staring at her, because let’s be honest, young allison janney. cj says, “are there any more?”
toby says, “what?”
“in the cluster. have you found any others?”
toby blinks. “yeah, i’ve- yeah. she’s on her way. my girlf- my partner, andy. wait, wait, does that- have YOU found any others?”
cj shakes her head. “not yet. i’m cj, by the way.”
“toby ziegler.”
andy breaks SEVERAL traffic laws but gets to the campaign in a record ten minutes, which by the way are possibly the most awkward ten minutes of both cj and toby’s lives. she makes a beeline for the broom closet and makes instant eye contact with cj, because she is NOT going to lose this connection.
later, cj will think that that’s about when she fell in love.
it’s 1985, and bartlet is elected in 1998, so they still have a ways to go. they eventually fall into a collective relationship, as andy and toby realize that their relationship is never going to be able to return to a pre-cj dynamic. they met her a year after each other, but she’s just as important to the relationship as the two of them are.
cj moves to california eventually, fed up and cynical about the public sector. she takes a job with a media consultation firm, as she does in every world, they’re better at communication in this au. hard to be bad at it when you share a soul, bodies, talents. andy and toby move back to andy’s home state of maryland and andy starts to get closer to her goal of running for congress, while toby just keeps losing campaigns for honest politicians. i’ll say that cj moves to california in 1992, and toby and andy get married in 1993.
it’s a lot easier for you to stay in contact when you’re in a cluster. cj watches tv with toby and andy every night. it’s less of a breakup, in this au, and more of cj saying “i want to go work in california, and we have to be more careful”. she’ll only do romantic things in the psycellium, which is where, say, andy would perceive her if cj was visiting telepathically. no one else can see her, is the point. but she sits on their couch and watches tv with them and heckles toby when he makes dinner and goes to lunches with andy, where she sits on one side of the table and eats while andy makes herself at home in the other chair.
and it’s not great but it WORKS, and it works until jed bartlet calls them all in and cj closes herself off even MORE for the sake of andy’s career and andy and toby’s marriage falls apart. and then we get to their approximate relationships in canon.
toby and andy are divorced and spend a couple of years not speaking, but they’re still CLUSTERMATES and that MEANS something. they still hold to their rule of no blockers when in the same room and, once they start talking again (i think around mid s1), they start talking to each other for comfort and catharsis. oftentimes they’ll argue to get out their frustration with everyone else in their lives. it works.
toby and cj are as non-flirty as cj can manage, which is to say that they’re at canon levels of flirting. i would say it’s PRETTY FLIRTY. they’re keeping their cluster under wraps, and they’re even pretty good at it. senior staff knows because one time they got REALLY drunk during the campaign and had a conversation at normal volume about the boston globe. from opposite ends of a bar. but most of the press doesn’t know, except MAYBE danny, and they do their best to keep it that way. exceptions are at rosslyn and other situations like that.
neither of them generally take blockers, so toby’s attempts at briefing are SLIGHTLY less catastrophic than in canon, since cj can stand next to him and quietly advise. she doesn’t take over his body to do it, though, and they try to limit her advice, since it can get really obvious really quickly. toby takes blockers whenever they hide something from cj.
and cj and andy... are the most romantic of the three, just because cj and toby can get away with flirting and cj KNOWS that toby knows she loves him, but andy has always been better about physical affection - and they generally see each other in the psycellium, anyway. (look, i just want them to KISS.) if marriage equality existed at the time, they’d have probably gotten married and toby would’ve had a Crisis about it, but it didn’t and they don’t. they only very rarely see each other in public, generally at balls and the like, during which they both have to pretend they’re not about to burst out laughing. someone ALWAYS tries to introduce them, assuming they’ve never met before, and it’s worth it for the simultaneous “oh, no, we’ve met.” it’s explained by “cj was toby’s best friend while he was dating andy”, but you and i know the Truth.
okay, and then sam goes to california and meets a spirited young speechwriter and sends him back to the west wing, and he walks into toby’s office first.
toby looks up, meets will’s eyes, and something clicks into place. the last piece of the puzzle. the last member of their cluster. and toby goes, “oh no.”
will says, “uh- can we just. uh.”
“come in,” says toby, sighing and waving a hand. “we’ll handle that later. you have an appointment, right?”
they have their canon conversation, in which toby critiques will’s writing and refuses his help on the inauguration speech, and blah blah blah we get to the end of the episode where they’ve both revealed that they respect each other.
it’s the middle of the night, two days after they met, they’re sitting in the mess hall writing, when will goes, “and the cluster thing?”
“what?” says toby, glancing up. “oh, yeah. there’s two more of us. i’ve gotta introduce you.”
“i went home and looked it up,” says will. “there’s nothing on your cluster anywhere.”
“yeah, well, that’s on purpose,” says toby. “and it’s yours too, now. do you know cj cregg?”
he introduces will to cj the next morning, then gets andy to come into the west wing so she can pass will in the hallway and meet eyes with him. they’re very serious about keeping their cluster under wraps, and it would look REALLY suspicious if toby ziegler’s ex-wife came to the white house to meet the california speechwriter that sam seaborn recommended after two months of casual acquaintance. donna is the only one who notices it, but that’s another story.
the dynamics: toby and will are basically the same as in canon, complete with the s6-7 Rift™. toby isn’t as comfortable with will, hasn’t known him for as long, but they understand each other. they’re both writers. it’s something that andy and cj don’t know, even if they love toby more than will ever will.
as for cj and andy, they basically adopt will as their brother and move on. will and cj can’t be seen getting too cozy, but they talk through problems with each other a lot. andy and will can’t be seen in public together at ALL, but they make it a point to sit with each other in the evenings while they’re doing paperwork or reading or writing. it goes more easily with company, and they want to get to know each other.
and everything’s well and good and happy until toby commits treason. but that’s another story altogether.
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bopinion · 4 years ago
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2020 / 51
Aperçu of the week:
I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours (Lewis Carroll / Alice in Wonderland).
Bad news of the week:
Today, Germany's federal and state governments decided to switch from the 'lockdown light' that has been in place since November 01 to a hard lockdown. In addition to gastronomy, leisure and culture, now retail, schools and kindergartens will also close from next Wednesday until January 10, 2021, and outdoor restrictions will be tightened to real curfews.
In principle, this makes sense, because two criteria are reaching their limits: the capacities in the health sector, especially intensive care beds in hospitals, and the health offices can no longer track the contacts of infected people. The increase in the numbers of infected, seriously ill and dead could hardly be slowed down, let alone reduced, with the measures taken so far.
Unfortunately, this shows once again the powerlessness of politics in the face of the renitence of large parts of the population. I do not mean the annoying and constantly growing group of corona deniers, vaccination opponents and conspiracy theorists. But those who believe in principle in the sense of the restrictions and wear their masks in the supermarket, but find the restriction of personal contacts somewhat exaggerated. And therefore gladly times an eye to squeeze, if the 50th birthday of the good friend is lining up, each Thursday at John's place poker is played and watching soccer alone is boring. That reminds me strongly of wrong parking and speeding: one is aware of the prohibition, but allows oneself a certain freedom in the interpretation of the rules. Besides, most of the time it goes well, you get a ticket maybe every twentieth time. So it can't be all that bad.
Fiddlesticks! Scientists agree that neither schools nor retail stores are major infection drivers. And that in addition to clusters in nursing homes, for example, which can be easily traced, it is above all the contacts in private life, which are still hardly reduced and which can just hardly be traced, that contribute to the spread - the so-called "diffuse infection incidence". However, this can hardly be sanctioned, because neither the manpower of the forces of law and order, nor our legal system (the constitution defines the "fundamental right of inviolability of the home") are suitable tools for an effective prevention of these breaches of law. And the people know this very well.
It is quite simple: if a society does not "function" on the basis of regimentation by an authoritarian leadership, as in China, for example, it is dependent on a solid value system of self-responsibility and solidarity on the part of its free citizens. Unfortunately, however, this apparently remains theory, because it is hardly lived out in practice. Therefore, policymakers are forced to take a multitude of small but implementable measures and hope that the sum will achieve a sufficient effect, because the one truly meaningful and efficient measure is simply not implementable. Unfortunately, however, it is precisely these small measures that cost society dearly: from the financial rescue of the small boutique or the self-employed trade fair builder to the long-term psychological consequences for the youngest children, who can no longer go to kindergarten but are parked in front of the television by their mothers working in parallel in their home offices. Restricting social contacts, on the other hand, would be free of charge. Many thanks to all the inconsiderate egoists out there!
Good news of the week:
The six months of the German presidency of the Council of the European Union are drawing to a close. Expectations were originally quite high, with the team of German Chancellor Angela Merkel and EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen promising a high degree of pragmatism and constructiveness. But then Corona came along and the agenda was completely overturned.
At the end of the week was the last EU summit of the heads of government of this half-year. And hardly anyone expected any significant progress to be made on any other issues besides the pandemic, such as quarantine rules, vaccine licensing or commuter border traffic. And then there was a remarkable press conference after the final 22-hour marathon negotiation. With results. And what results. Here are my personal highlights:
The distribution of EU funds for regional support, in this case specifically agriculture in Hungary and infrastructure projects in Poland, will be linked to compliance with a defined rule-of-law framework. Specifically, freedom of expression for the media in Hungary and independence of the judiciary in Poland. For this reason, these two countries had threatened with a general veto - unfortunately, unanimity is the rule in the EU when it comes to really important issues. And now they actually agreed to it.
Then came the adoption of the EU budget. As this is valid for seven years, it has always been a challenge with many national sensitivities for the small print on page 2,411. This time all the more important, as the budget contains trillions in reconstruction aid for the countries most affected by Corona. A done deal sometime during the night.
And last but not least, the tightening of climate targets. Now, by 2030 - that is, in the usual timeframe for such mammoth projects: by the day after tomorrow - greenhouse gas emissions are to be reduced by 55% rather than 40% compared with 1990. A sporting, but necessary goal. Combined with a variety of green factors such as closing coal-fired power plants, insulating homes, more sustainable agriculture, protecting biodiversity, more humane livestock farming or expanding electromobility while promoting hydrogen drives. Adopted together.
Of course, one can always wish for more. And especially in environmental protection, too little is always done too late. But for me, the decisions taken at the end of this EU summit show one thing above all: cooperation works. And it makes sense. For everyone involved. An important sign, especially in times of increasing isolationism and unilateralism.
P.S.: Oh yes, there is still no agreement on the manifold regulations for the post-Brexit era. But that's not news, that's a farce.
Sense of achievement of the week:
The other day we watched "The Queen's Gambit" on Netflix. A remarkable series about the development of a child prodigy into a chess grandmaster, brilliantly starring Anya Taylor-Joy. Yes, a mini-series about chess can indeed be entertaining and exciting. Vaguely, I remembered that we must have a chess set - somewhere. It finally turned up and last week I, who had practically never played before and just knows the basic rules, won my first two games. Well, one of them against my 12-year-old son, but he was in the school's chess club last year, after all. Deservedly an evergreen and truly the game of kings!
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