#and during the course of the semester we would discuss the programs for these problems | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neko-rogers · 4 years ago

Text

But It’s Better If You Do

Trying to keep your relationship with your professor was easy enough, until you learned that someone had found out about it.

words: 7,424 tags: manipulative!peter, explicit noncon/dubcon elements, degredation, implied overstimulation, blackmailing, kidnapping, college student and professor relationship,

a/n: whew this had a lot of words compared to what i usually write. plus, since im bad at titles, i’ll just use my fav song titles lmao. (ps. erik lehnsherr aka magneto is here and im just glad i could put him in my little fictional world bc im d biggest slut for him)

A complete lie, you just did not want to deal with college fuck boys.

The man in front of the class was practically pouring his heart out into the lecture. The chalkboard was filled with white letterings from left to right, not knowing where to start as you take down notes.

“It is important to keep in mind that bimolecular structure and function are dictated by the properties of the medium in which they are dissolved,” your professor explains while continually pacing from one end to the other among the students seated at the first row.

You decided to seat around the middle to the last row, knowing it was the least obvious way for other students in the class to notice how much you fawn over your Organic Chemistry professor rather than the subject itself.

Honestly you could listen to him talk for hours. All those information he had been discussing would not actually process through your thoughts. You knew that better than anyone.

But who honestly would invalidate your reason? Everyone can probably relate to hating Chemistry, no matter what subcategory it is.

Considering that this was probably one of the most difficult courses you had in your program. You were just thankful and lucky enough you landed on one of the hottest professors amongst the campus.

“Hey what did Professor Lehnsherr say about the problems during synthesis of proteins?” Peter asks.

In spite of being fortunate about everything else about this subject, you were not quite happy about Peter Parker following you around like a lost puppy. Especially during the classes you both have alike.

The boy constantly asks so much questions as if you were the teacher already. In addition, he seemed smart enough to figure things out yet somehow he keeps on bugging you for reassurance.

You did not want to be rude. He has not done anything to completely deserve your rage, however he was definitely getting on your nerves.

Honestly you would not want to be infuriated over his consistent queries, but you were just as distracted as he was, maybe even more. With this, you were looking dumber to him each day.

To anyones pride, it was probably a kick in the stomach. You knew you were not the brightest in this class, but it was best to leave the information to yourself. No need for anyone to point out how mindless you were.

And you really were not. You had other Science subjects you totally excel at. Sadly, Chemistry was just not one of them.

“Well, uh, I don’t think I got that part either.” You look aside where he was seated and awkwardly smiled at him before mentioning an apology, “Sorry, Peter.”

In return, Peter smiled at you and dismissed the question. You were not so sure whether to forget about it or take even the least bit of offense. You felt a little mocked by how easily he did it and innocently he smiled, but maybe you were just overthinking this through.

“It’s fine,” he tells. “I just didn’t get the third bullet, but I’ll try to review it in the textbook when I get home.”

“Oh okay, sure.”

“Speaking about reviewing,” Again, Peter tries to start another discourse.

“I was wondering if you got reviewers for the upcoming text for next week? We all know how difficult Professor Lehnsherr’s exams can get, right?” He lets out a forced chuckle, assuming it could lighten the mood.

As much as he tried to make small talks with you, almost everyday, today you really feel like you did not want to return the favor. Especially after having to bring up the test next week.

“I don’t really make reviewers, I usually just scan the books I have at home.”

Lies. You probably have a box full of index cards and sticky notes in your room.

You tried to use every studying tips every corner of the Internet could give. All those study-life hacks that really did not help much but pile up to your disorganized state of mind.

You fucking tried to study Chemistry. You really did.

“What, you don’t?!” He suddenly exclaims, not realizing the loudness of his voice as it almost caught the attention from people at front. “You seem to be busy all the time though. It’s like I always catch your writing or reading something in class.”

Maybe your mood was just off but it definitely seemed weird for him to say that. Though, you did not want to make something from what he said. It was not worth your time.

“I guess people are not always what they seem to be, yeah?”

Again, Peter gives out that soft chuckle and smile, “Then I guess so. You do make a point.”

He does not argue with you any further.

“Can I at least borrow your Physics book? I only bought Chemistry and Biotech for the semester. Didn’t know they would actually utilize it for once,” he scoffs.

At first you hesitated. You were reviewing for it too, but you already felt bad for being no help whenever he asks a question and often times disregarding him when your mood if off. Plus, you did just make it look like you were not much of a study-freak.

“Okay.”

He instinctively fist pumps the air and looks at you with a wide, grateful grin. “Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver, Y/N.”

“Don’t mention it.” You grab the book he needs from your bag and hands it to him. He accepts it and places it inside his while also clearing the rest of his things.

Looking at his digital wristwatch wherein he raised his index finger up as if he figured something out of it, he says, “He’s going to dismiss the class in a few minutes. We should get ready for Cell Biology next period.

Oh how you hated it. Were you jumping to conclusions? Or was this boy really trying to be too close with you? Or was he just being nice and informing you to prepare ahead?

God, you did not give Peter Parker the right to cloud up your thoughts like this.

“Thanks,” you say, “but I need to talk to Professor Lehnsherr after class. Have to, uh, consult him about my concept paper that he made us submit last week.”

As he tidies his notebooks up and carelessly shoves it inside his backpack, he immediately looks back at you with a confused expression, “Oh, I can always wait for you–”

“It’s fine, Peter. Thank you though.” Two of your hands were instinctively waving in front of you, a meek gesture for him to stop coddling you or whatever move he had been trying to make at you.

“Are you sure? I–”

And if you were ought to be saved further from lashing out over Peter’s incessant attempts, you finally heard the words any student was longing to hear. “Class dismissed. I’ll see you all on Monday.”

“Eri–err, Professor Lensherr just dismissed the class. Better catch up to him before he heads out,” you hurriedly said. And with a loud slam from your notebook, you quickly shut him out. In addition, you practically shoved every thing in front of you into your bag without sparing a second glance.

One strap of your back was slung over your shoulder as you hurriedly flew down the aisle. Professor Lehnsherr was midway into packing his things before you interrupted and approached him.

“Professor,” you call out. “I have a question. About the paper I handed in last week.”

“Uhuh.” He faintly furrows his eyebrows, trying to hide his already obvious bewilderment. “I forgot which assignment was that, Ms. Y/L/N.”

There were students still exiting in class. So you tried your best to make your conversation with him less suspicious. He was most likely doing the same.

“It was about the Chemistry-proposal thing.” You snapped your fingers a few times as you gathered your train of thought, but realizing it was not going effectively. “Well I just wanted to confirm it since, you know, I was hoping for any feedback from you throughout this week.”

“I’m not sure if I have read it. I’ve certainly been busy this week,” he clarifies. “Nonetheless, we can talk about it later. Thank you for bringing it up. I’ll make sure to follow it up in my schedule, Ms. Y/N.”

Both of you made your way out the door once there were only a minuscule amount of students left in class. You probably had been looking at your professor with gushing stares, but you doubt the other people in the room could notice it. They were farther away from where both of you stood, much less would they be able to hear what the two of your were talking about.

“Oh thank you so much, sir!” You almost cried out and jumped in joy while reaching through the threshold. Moreover, you composed yourself before mumbling out, “I’ll see you later, Eric.”

In which you were certain no one would have heard it besides him.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

“I’m sure you’ll get a good grade in the exams, Y/N,” Eric leans back to his seat with a humble smile upon his face.

“Really? I doubt so, there’s a kid in your class that keeps bugging me out to a study date, or whatever you call it,” you sneer. You lick your lips as you finish taking a sip around the wine glass, setting it down and looking back at the man you were having dinner with. “It’s getting very annoying though, he surely knows how to get on my nerves.”

“I’m sure he’s just trying to flirt with you, like any other college boys do.” He optimistically and maturely lays out the options. “It’s pretty normal for anyone to chase someone they are fond of, especially for young adults like you.”

It was a pretty obvious sign that he was trying to let his message reach you.

“Well, I apologize for my standards of men,” you say. “I just want to skip the whole heartbreak in college and character development. All that stuff you usually see in a typical teen romance movie.”

You sigh, looking down and saying, “I already found a man for me. Why would I stoop down for some guy who’s most likely wanting something from me, and dumping me once he got what he wanted.”

“Y/N, I don’t blame you for liking men that’s ten years older than you,” Eric assures. “But I want you to realize that you still have a lot to look forward after graduating

“And I look forward for you too!” You tried to not raise your voice, though having dinner in his house wouldn’t really catch anyones attention. “I can’t wait to finally graduate from second semester and be able to spend more time, publicly, with you.”

“Yes, I understand, honey.” He places his hand over yours as he tries to calm you down. “Like I said, I just want you to make sure that you’ve clearly thought this through.”

Eric adds, “There’s plenty of men out there. I don’t want to take away your opportunity of experiencing something new at such a young age.”

“I’m turning twenty-four! I promise you I’m thinking everything through.” Your voice was much weaker than a few seconds ago. The evident tone of strength fades even with one glance from the man in front of you. You felt yourself shrink in your seat. But you were sure he does not intend to frighten you into compliance.

“Sorry,” you pout. “Didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

“I understand, and I won’t pressure you any more tonight, okay?” He tries to uplift your mood, detecting quickly the shift of the room’s atmosphere. “You deserve a good dinner tonight, like I promised, sweetie.”

His smile made you calmer. It was then that you realized why you were attracted to a man like him even if he was still your teacher.

The way he handles you in any given situation so sensibly. Though it may feels intimidating at first, he consequently tries to override the tone of the conversation which cheers you up.

With one hand, he hold yours and gently draws it towards him at the same moment he leans his head down. Eric presses a kiss against the back of your hand and you butterflies immediately fill inside your stomach. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Every doubt you had entirely disappeared now. If there were hints of you hesitating to continue seeing Eric, they were certainly long gone now.

“Let me drive you home after dinner,” he offers, like the gentleman he is.

Eric always does make sure you get home safe. However, you both agreed that he drops you off at least a block away from your house. Just in case people around your neighborhood might catch you, or worse your parents.

It was not like you were ashamed of your relationship with Eric. Cautious was the term.

You were only a few months in seeing him. Fair enough, he was your second semester professor and the both of you met before that period.

You were not only risking the wrath of your parents once they hear you’re dating an older man, let alone your Chemistry teacher. But you were also putting him at risk if ever his faculty finds out.

Eventually, the two of you pack up and end your conversation. Other than talking about college, the two of you also talk more about yourselves which has progressed you into learning more about each other’s personalities and likes.

He helps you out of his house and into the passenger seat of his car. It had been more than thrice wherein he drove you home, and the familiar scent of leather and the typical Glad air fresheners has clung onto your nose. You strap on your seatbelt on just as he was getting inside the driver’s side.

The ride was not entirely dead silent. Eric made a few more small talks before finally turning a right which was where he usually drops you off. It amazes you how instantly he remembered the way to your home, as you instructed him the first time.

“Thank you for tonight, like always, Eric.”

As always, you made your way out of his car prior to giving him a kiss. You only had to walk straight ahead, glancing at your home which had one dim light illuminating through one window.

Upon entering the house, you figured your parents were already asleep and a hint of the living room lamp was present. Taking the benefit of not having to be interrogated by anyone, you rushed upstairs to your bedroom, turned on the lights, and immediately closed the door behind you with a sigh of relief. A smile was also visible after recalling your night with Eric.

As you made your way towards your bed, a piece of paper lays obvious in the middle of it. Your sheets were flattened and tidied, so you could obviously detect when something is placed on top of it. You have no memory of leaving it early in the morning before you left too.

When picking the paper up, you realized it was a piece of polaroid film. Its back was facing you, having no idea what to expect at the front.

At that point, the smile from your face turned into horror and all the color in you basically drained away.

The picture displayed you and Eric at one dinner night out from a few days ago, you still remember. It could have been anything but malicious, but the way his hand was intertwined with yours as both of you laugh away without worries. It was clear as day, the light shining perfectly at the both of you. Anyone can conclude what was happening in the picture.

You did not know this day would come. The picture was taken from Eric’s home to prevent such things like this from happening. So it puzzled you just as much at it terrified you.

This was definitely someone who had been stalking either one of you. It was not a mere instance like paparazzis who catch celebrities dating on the streets of New York.

Someone definitely have been observing the two of you.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

Days have passed, a week almost. Examinations are scheduled for tomorrow.

And you prayed that the picture you received would be the only thing terrorizing your dreams. But you were completely wrong.

From thereon, you started to receive more pictures, specifically one every morning and night, from your past hangouts with Eric. It were simple shots but had the power to completely jeopardize either one of you, mostly him at stake though.

It was obvious that the person behind this was definitely observing the two of you for a while. Probably even during the most earliest weeks when your relationship with him started.

Though it may seem unfair, you did not mention anything about it to Eric. It was enough the he was keeping with you, his job, and himself private – which clearly was not working out so well. You felt like it was your responsibility to handle this situation. You were so sure you did not try to publicize anything and kept it on the low.

Nevertheless, it was out there. Eric had not mentioned anything so you assumed he did not receive a picture like you did.

Currently, you were seated at the farthest row at the back of the room, somewhat near the corner. Physics was your last subject and you could not wait but finally leave.

In addition, you texted Eric that you would not be seeing him until after the exams. It was an easy excuse not to see him, saying that you wanted to focus on studying for it; however, you knew that you would just be busy thinking about the creepy stalker gallery you have been receiving.

“Hey.” Unsurprisingly, a familiar voice whispers next to you which disrupts your heavy train of thoughts. “You finished studying for tomorrow? I’m about to end my review with Chemistry later.”

“Cool.” Probably the one of the most basic replies in the universe. “I haven’t finished studying, I’m kind of dealing with a lot of things recently.”

You made sure to generalize your answer, but enough for him to sympathize and at least give you some space.

“Oh, sorry to hear about that.” Peter frowns. He takes his seat a few desks away from your left, leaving you to continue thinking. You were thankful for his gesture too.

Surprisingly enough the boy barely bothered you for the entire lecture. You were still engrossed on finding out whoever was stalking you, even so dating back to boys you evidently rejected during the first semester – who badmouthed you immediately afterwards. There were not a lot of names, so it was easy to remember who was who.

You traced back to each boy and remembered what they said after you told them you were not ready to enter a relationship – a complete lie, you just did not want to deal with college fuck boys.

Just as you expected from any of them, rumors have spread out about you which was mostly shaming you physically or mentally. Some were milder insults than the other yet at the end of the day you did not care.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself. “Who was that boy at Liz’s party.”

Your eyes were sealed shut, recalling a list of names while using your thumb and middle finger to massage your temples. It was getting frustrating and mentally exhausting.

After some time, you had so much word filling in and our of your brain that you were not aware that your own name was being called. Your heart practically skipped a beat after hearing it the first time, assuming that you were being called to recite an answer. But you became content after seeing that it was just Peter, who started tapping your arm to get your attention.

“Huh?” You lightly shake your head before turning your head aside.

“Oh, class was dismissed a few minutes earlier than usual–”

“Don’t forget to answer the assignment regarding thermodynamic concepts found it the book. You’ll hand it in immediately on Wednesday.” The professor addresses the class as they were already carrying their bags and themselves out the room.

You start placing your stationeries inside yours, packing your other things up until it was only a pair of earphones and your phone left in front. Peter stood near the aisle while looking at you just as you were zipping your bag shut.

“Oh shoot, I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he states out of nowhere causing you to furrow your eyebrows at him. “I forgot I still haven’t returned your Physics book I borrowed last week.”

Nodding your head and standing up, you shrug it off. “It’s fine. You can return it tomorrow.”

“Sure, but how will you do your Physics assignment?”

Oh yeah. Your professor literally reminded the class a few seconds ago.

“I think I might be able to do it overnight. How many pages is the task?”

“Eight, or nine I think.” He frowns looking very guilty at you.

“Shit,” you swore. That was a lot of pages than the usual assignments given.

“Yeah, professor said it could help add points if you somehow get a bad grade at the tests.”

“Never mind,” you tried to set his mistake aside. “I’ll try to do it within overnight tomorrow. I can ask for help from my friend tomorrow morning and–”

“Wait! I realized you can stop by my apartment to get it.”

“Oh–er, Peter, I don’t think I have time to–

“It’s just nearby the campus, I promise,” he assures and adds, “it wouldn’t be a hassle, it’s probably on your way home anyway so it won’t make a difference.”

“Uhm.” You were doubtful of him.

However, you did realize that you did not have anything to do after class. You were keeping distance with Eric for the meantime which meant that your schedule was mostly vacant after this.

“Please,” he begs, “I feel so bad for keeping it the whole week. I swear it’s like a few blocks from here.”

“Would it take more than twenty minutes?” You purse your lips, convincing yourself that you would rather force yourself to study at home than spend it at someone’s apartment.

“I only take around ten minutes to walk so,” he answers. “Unless you’re a slow walker, of course.” The tone of his voice seeming to be joking.

Again, he pleads. This kid will not fucking budge.

“Fine,” you blurt out. Though, you realized your sudden-almost lash out moment at the boy that you made sure to reiterate it but slower, “I mean, sure. I can stop by your apartment to pick up my book.”

An awaited smile and sense of agreement washes over you.

Peter then leads the way as you walked behind him, maintaining a short distance so people would not throw out any suspicious looks. Like in every college, everyone knows just how fast gossips formulate and rumors spread.

If you think about it though, it might avert anyone’s suspicion – mainly pertaining to your creepy stalker – with you and your Professor. But you were not prepared for that yet, maybe some time when you can finally think about its consequences through.

True to his word, as the both of you exited the campus, it took a short time before the boy in front of you told that you were about to enter through the entrance to the building of his apartment. You were not so sure if it was really a momentary walk or because you were so focused on thinking and keeping a distance.

At some points he did often look back in case you got lost from following him. Plus, like always, he asked you simple questions either about your day or your subjects to make small talk. In which case, you were barely answering him but definitely progressed compared to when he attempted for previous times during class.

In addition, as the two of you walked down the block, the number of faces you could only assume was in college decreased. Meaning that the glares at you eased up.

“Well, here’s my location.” A loud huff follows as he uses a key to unlock the door for the entrance to the building, “It wasn’t that far, was it?”

“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t that far.” You agree as he holds the door for you and then walks right after you.

As Peter leads you upstairs onto around the fourth level, he proceeds to walk along the corridors. The array of same beige colored doors with small golden indents of unit numbers paraded along it too. Eventually he stops and inserts a key into the lock, twisting it until hearing the unlocking sound.

For a moment you hesitated to follow him. You just wanted your book and you were sure he can give it to you on a shorter span than your walk from campus to here. Was it that troublesome?

Entering his complex, you discovered how minimalistic it looked. To be fair it seemed quite small, the living room instantly greeting you through the entrance and a kitchenette at the side. But since his things were tidied up, it looked roomy.

You instinctively close the door behind you, slightly aware that it did not create a locking sound. Following Peter, you took a few more steps until you stood still at the passageway between his living room and entryway.

“Do you want a drink?” Peter asks.

“No thank you.” You were still trying to subtle. “I just want my Physics book, Peter. Please?”

He looked at you and paused for a split second. You could feel the frown behind the expressionless look. “Yeah. Okay. Sure,” he nods for a few times before turning around and proceeding to a seemingly narrow hallway. “I’ll get it in my room. Be back in a second.”

Your feet faintly paced back and forth, still where you stood a few meters between the entrance and living room. After a few more minutes, Peter emerges carrying the familiar book with one hand.

He approaches you within a few stops but stops in his tracks, leaving a distance from you. “Well uh,” he starts as his chin was tucked.

“I just want to tell you something before I hand you back your book.” He looks up at you with really pleading eyes. During other instances in university, you were definitely familiar with that look. However, this one probably ranked as one of the most downhearted ones.

You did not want to feel regretful for him. Though it definitely feels like you just kicked a puppy.

“Was is it?”

“I love you,” he blurts out as his face goes back from hiding and looking down.

It seemed awkward. You were somewhat expecting it, but you were also hoping that this day would not come – or not at least until you graduate and leave the university.

“Oh.” You honestly did not want to react.

Were you going to say sorry? How about thank you? Would it be better if you said you did not like him back? Or will the best response be that you are already taken?

“Peter, I–”

“Are you really dating Eric?” He shots up with eyes appearing almost teary.

What. The. Fuck.

“No,” you mutter. It was not much of an answer to his question. It was more on being quite horrified as your mind started jumping to conclusions.

The amount of things running around your mind right now was immeasurable.

Firstly, anyone could make two and two out of what he said, especially knowing that no one knows it even so around your circle of friends.

Secondly, you should have thought better. Your doubts with Peter should have been grater and you totally underestimated him. However, some part of you prayed that he was just an annoyingly awkward nerd who follows his friends regarding flirting tips.

Lastly, you turned around and ran.

You probably got your way with opening the door and taking two steps out. It was not long before you felt arms wrap around your waist and either side of your arms. You were then lifted and pulled behind while you tried to kick at the air as an escape. Did not work though.

Peter was surprisingly stronger than you thought. He already seemed fairly muscular at class, hiding behind those long sleeved sweaters and flannels.

Eventually the last thing you remember was the image of the door of his apartment open while you get sucked into the room further. Everything went black afterwards.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

When you felt that you were slowly restoring to consciousness, you were aware of the pounding at the back of your head and your arms.

You tried to move your hands, wanting to press against the parts of your body that were aching. But you felt incapacitated as your wriggled your wrists around and felt an unfamiliar sticky fluid enveloping around them.

“Glad you’re awake,” a voice says. “Does your head hurt?”

You tried to open your eyes, the dark lighting of the room not cooperating with your vision. A light from the window and a lamp were the only things that helped you form something out of the void.

From there you saw Peter Parker sitting closely beside you at the edge of the bed.

Hell please let this be a nightmare.

“What–” You groan, “What do you want from me.”

Your mind was building up your anger yet your body says otherwise. You felt exhausted and heavy.

Peter shushed you in a caring manner, “We’ll talk when you feel better. I’ll let you get more rest okay, sweetie?”

“Uhh.”

That was what you could remember the most. If you have awoken for other times in between your sleep, then you surely did not have an idea of it.

When you finally woke up, the level of your grogginess felt little to none already. You looked around and saw that the room was still dark and seemingly still nighttime.

As your head was twisting from side to side, you saw Peter appear from the doorway carrying a translucent cup filled with water in one hand. “Hey, you’re finally awake.”

Instead of replying to him, your wrists writhe beneath the fluid that you are still not familiar of. You could not really look up to get a good view of what it was, but it was wet, sticky, and felt like super glue.

On the other hand, both your legs, ankles, and feet were free. The back of your thighs bounced against the bed as you struggled, but it would not do much since your arms were practically stuck.

“Fuck,” you grumble.

“That won’t help. You’re pretty much stuck there,” he says, Then he takes a seat at the edge of the bed, alike where you remembered him positioned from earlier, “Might as well talk to me until I let you go.”

“Okay then, when will you let me go?” Your voice was calm hoping you could talk your way out of this mess.

“If you behave for me like a good girl, okay?”

Shivers went up your spine as you cringed at his statement.

Immediately, your mood shifts from calm to furious after hearing his disturbing bargain. Then purposely rolling your eyes for him to see. “How the hell will I behave if you’re a creepy stalker! You disgust me!”

Peter hums, displaying a look wherein he seems like he was thinking. You were not sure if it was sarcastic or not, either way it annoyed the hell out of you. “Creepy stalker sounds overstated, it was more on being curious.”

You scoff as well as exclaim, “You sent me photographs of me and Eric at his house! Fucking hell, Peter.”

“Oh yeah that part.” He slyly pouts his lips to the side as he comes to realize what he had done, “I guess it was a bit creepy–” “What do you mean a bit? That was invasion of privacy!”

Despite being trapped, both your hands balled into a fist, feeling very furious at his dense answers. “I was living my own life! I kept my relationships to myself,” you cry out.

“Yes, but you weren’t completely living your life,” he whispers while gently combing his hair through the front of your hair. “You deserve much more than someone who couldn’t proudly tell that you’re his girl. Is he even a man? Do you really enjoy that kind of life, sweetie?”

“We were happy,” you weep. The evident crack on your voice was a signal that you were about to cry though you were not sure if it was because you were held hostage or because you were worried for Eric.

No one would understand your situation with him right now. Especially Peter.

“Trust me you weren’t,” he scoffs. “You deserve so much more, and I can give you that.”

“I’d rather be alone forever than be with you, asshole!” Your voice was inconsistent, clearly affected by how fast Peter’s mood also shifts quickly.

You also figured you were not looking entirely fresh while crumbling beneath him. Drops of tears and sweat were all over your face and neck, both your eyelids felt swollen, and your nose was almost stuffed.

Peter stand from the edge of the bed and advances to his desk from the side. A harsh bang echoed throughout the room as your body twitched out of shock.

“What does that dick have that I don’t?!” He grits his teeth as the curves of his jaw intensifies. A displeased look was written all over his face.

“P-please let me go.”

“I need you to answer, sweetie. We going nowhere unless you answer!” He was never going to let you go if you were not going to cooperate.

Every step he takes closer back to the bed just increases your heart beat further. He had rolled the sleeves of his sweater up to the edge of his elbows and you felt threatened looking at how firm his arms looked.

“Peter, p-please,” you hiccup.

As Peter returns to the edge of the bed, he does not hesitate anymore to keep a distance. His hands hover to either sides over your body and sets the left side of his head on your midriff, laying while also getting a good view of your vulnerable state.

He does not even look life he was struggling to make an effort to keep you down, but you could feel how heavy he was and was barely giving you a chance to move around.

“I can give you so much more, Y/N.” The way his gaze directs at you was definitely one of the creepiest things you have experienced. He had so much emotions yet completely lacked sympathy for your state of mind.

Shutting your eyes, you only cried further. You felt a hand cup one of your cheeks as its thumb wipes away the pouring tears. Like a broken record, you only pleaded more, “Please let me go.”

“I can’t.”

“Why.” You bawled, realizing he has no plans of releasing you anytime soon despite it. “I won’t tell anyone about this, I p-promise.”

“I know that,” he says, “but you’re going to run back to Eric, probably tell him too, right?”

You did not want to answer, merely shaking your head as you resisted a cry from your lips. It was somewhat what you had planned, but now you were just scared shitless.

“You won’t tell anyone but him cause no one knows about it other than you two, right?” He corners your words.

“Eric would lose his job if someone, especially your parents find out, right?” Hell he was correct. He most likely had been stalking you for so long to find out about it.

“You love him so much, you wouldn’t want to hinde

It was terrifying that someone had been learning about you and your life for a while without your awareness.

“Please stop. What do you want... money?” you whimper.

Peter did not seem likes normal college boy; he does not think like one, too, for sure. Anyone with a right mind would not do something like what he did. No one would have the guts to do so.

“I just want you, Y/N. I want to give you what you deserve,” Peter answers as he sits up and leans his face closer to yours. His mouth leaves a small gap from your right ear as he whispers, “Let me make you feel good.”

“No–”

He cuts off your plea with a proposition, “If you let me, I might consider letting you free.”

“You want that, right? Want me to let you go...” His hand combs through the other side of your face, “just let me show you that I can do way better than him.”

Every ounce of your blood was trying not to give in. You were smart, you ought to find a way out of this. However, you realized that it will not be enough. You already struggled so much from the super glue around your wrists and you could not imagine how much more would it take now that Peter was on top of you.

Eventually you stopped struggling and let him be. There was no way out of this than to let him do what he pleases.

You feel his lips press against your ear first and then progresses over your cheek. His grip around your arms loosen after detecting that you stopped struggling beneath him. You could feel him smile on your skin, “That’s it, relax for me. Good girl.”

His hand reaches to undo your pants as his lips drifted on yours to force their way on making out with you. Another hand then presses under your jaw and throat. “P-Peter,” you choke, feeling lightheaded after being unable to breath properly though your mouth until the grip had loosen.

“Sorry, babe.”

He soon descends from your face to your neck and collar region. You were so sure he was leaving marks on you as you felt him suck and nibble against your skin. Like a controlling asshole he was, you expect to see bruises on your skin by tomorrow.

Despite having your hands fastened, he still moves your shirt upwards past your head. It halts and hands loosely around your arms as you emerge topless beneath the boy.

“Fucking beautiful,” Peter compliments your body under his breath.

Although he seemed to have time on his hands, he does not leave a second wasted. He also goes to haul your pants past your legs and ankles. The growing look of impatience on his face says it all.

Peter moves from your side and welcomes himself between your legs. He spreads them out to have enough space for his body and you could not feel more embarrassed than this.

You grit your teeth over each other as you felt him press fingers against your cunt. Instinctively, you clench around nothing as he continues to play with your entrance, making sure you get entirely soaked under his touch.

“You know you shouldn’t hold back. I know you’re loving it so far, your body says otherwise,” he teases before laying on his stomach and moving his head closer to your pussy.

Without a warning, he licks a strip of you making the back of your thighs quake lightly. Peter senses your reaction and continues to do so, using his tongue to play around and poke inside of you until you were slowly giving in without even realizing it.

Just as you thought you were getting used to his actions, he then inserts fingers inside you, feeling your warmth around it as he pushes it in and out.

“Oh,” you moan.

He continues, making sure he also does not leave your bud of nerves behind. The tip of his fingers and tongue alternate on playing against it, making you throw back your head out of pleasure.

“I bet he doesn’t please you like this,” he scoffs.

Eventually, at your vulnerable state, you could already feel yourself closing to an orgasm. Your toes curled as your temples throbbed, sealing your eyes shut as you accepted on giving in.

You bit onto your lower lip, trying to resist a moan. Somewhere inside you, you were still trying to fight back and not let Peter have the satisfaction he had been craving.

“You’re being so tight... Just let it out.” He coaxes and you hate how you did what he told you so.

The extensive grin on his face seemed priceless. He pulled back and you were aware that you seemed exhausted beneath him. You assumed he was done with whatever he wanted to do with you.

But when he started to take off his sweater and unbutton his pants, you realized it was far from over.

As he presents himself just as naked in front of you, he again welcomes himself between your legs. This time you get a better view of him and his muscles and abs. He gets a good view of your body too for sure as his hand reaches to start stroking his dick.

He places one hand on your thigh and pushes it farther to give him more room. Finally, he inserts in inside you and you automatically felt him throbbing between.

There was a growing heat between the both of you, and it only intensified as Peter started to thrust his hips forward and backwards. There was not even a rhythm from him as he moves harder after hearing you softly moan underneath.

The slapping sound echoes through the room that would eventually reek of sex and you felt ashamed that your body was enjoying all of this.

“Ah… ah… ahh… agh….”

“You’re starting to enjoy this, aren’t you?” He brags as one hand was reaching for your breasts while the other holds your thigh up. “Fucking slut.”

Your body and mind were tired and could only hold so much longer. It was not a surprise when your stomach started to churn your the muscles in your thighs were cramping up.

Peter did no help after seeing you starting to wear out. He tried leaning in to make out with you and expect to moan into his mouth. You did for a moment, a combination of both your drools were streaming down from the corner of your mouth.

“We’re making a mess, huh,” he mumbles. “But I know you’re already a dirty fucking girl.”

He proceeds to deprave you with statements, “Can’t believe you’re enjoying my cock better than that old man’s... Such a fucking whore.”

You twist your head aside, trying to hide the fact that you feel like your temperature were burning up. You were so sure he could feel the increasing warmth of your walls either way.

Your eyes were rolling back as you resist arching your back, which was not really a success as the amount of pleasure was overwhelming.

As you writhe beneath him, you felt a hand on your cheek. It pushes your head back onto looking at front and at Peter. “I want you t look at me when you’re going to cum, sweetie,” he orders and you could not do much anyways.

The second time you came was a whole other level. You never felt this with any person you slept with so far, rather not this fast and intense to say. “That’s it, fuck, you’re tighter than I could ever imagine.”

Peter continues until it was his time to cum. The bed continues to move along with his pace and your body was basically abused to his liking.

And even if you were not aware of it, the boy was practically thankful that his agency decided to agree to soundproofing his whole apartment – his motive being for personal reasons, which they did not question any time soon.

You were helpless, you knew that. All you had in mind now was rest. Your eyelids were heavy and your mind was drifting to slumber.

The last thing you remember was Peter moving over your body to come all around your chest like a painter with its paint brush creating a masterpiece from your chest to your core.

“I love you.”

a/n: ily pls leave comments <3

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headingalaxys-spicy · 3 years ago

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Part. 2 of 2p America x Reader x 2p Italy : the diplomat

“Come in I’m ready to take the third student read to have their essay or test reviewed!”

You say outside of your door where you have at least 7 students in line. One of which was tall and caught your eye. The student stood at 5”10 had brunette hair and was wearing a black suit with the first three buttons on his collared shirt unbuttoned. He was handsome in a charming but dark sort of way. He was at the end of the line.

A short student with pink neon-colored hair steps through your door. She was adorable and had a passion for J-fashion.

“Alright, Ms. Vivian. Let’s get started on reviewing your mistakes on Prof. Kirklands’ quiz for his International Conflict class.”

Two hours go by and you’re finally able to get to the tall student who had his eyes covered by sunglasses.

“And your name is? I don’t think I’ve seen you in any of Professor Kirkland’s classes before? Are you one of the visiting students here to audit the class? Or -”

Al cut’s you off politely.

“I’m here to audit Prof. Kirkland’s class [Last name and your gender title you ascribe to] I’m from New York University. I’ve gotten written permission from your university to be here and gather information for my research for my Ph.D. program. It’s nice to meet you.”

He reaches his hand out to shake yours and while you took to shake hands you feel his eyes roam your figure. You ignore it for now.

“What can I help you with today?”

“I was wondering if you would be a peer reader on my research I’m conducting for my finishing project. Since you’re one of the top students on your way to become the next diplomat to Italy. I’ll need your expertise on the economy, culture, language etc.”

“Of course! I don’t have too many projects that I’m looking over this semester so that should be easy. Here is my business card. We can set up an appointment for the coming we so we can discuss the in’s and out’s of your project.”

You had him your business card that has your number and email. It was decorated nicely and elegantly befitting someone of your continuing to rise status.

“Thanks, doll. I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“No, problem. Ciao~” You said that in a tone that may have been a little more friendly than you wanted to lead on. It was due to the fact that you knew this due was attractive. Although you did question why in hell he was wearing sunglasses at 5 pm it’s not like the sun was out anymore.

“The name’s Al by the way Al Jones.~ I’ll be in contact with you soon.”

He states in a slightly seductive manner. He takes off his glasses and winks at you revealing his red eyes that were dangerous and alluring. Al proceeds to disappear into the cold winter night of Manhatten he made his connection meaning that he could now put his plan into place. But, not just for his primary goal of obtaining you to have dominance in the 1p world. It was also to get to know you better. You piqued his interest and he wasn’t going to let that slip away. Pretty, Smart, and on your way to being a powerhouse. A combination of a person that was becoming to be a good mate.

……………………………………………

After several hours of torture, blood sweat, tears, and plenty of knife cuts to his skin Romania finally decided that taking this kind of torture wasn’t worth it. Luciano was good at what he does. After all, he is a mafia boss with connections worldwide. It wouldn’t be too hard for him to hunt and kill whomever he wanted for the right price and persuasion. Considering his omnipotent power in the 2p world and through some of the 1p world, nothing would stop this mad man until he got what he wanted.

“So you will open up the portal for me where I ask?” He forces Romania to look up to him to make his sworn oath.

“Yes.” He says softly and hardly able to keep both eyes open. Luciano really didn’t show much mercy to him during his beating.

“Alright then. We have a deal.~” He picks up his walkie talkie to page one of his onsite nurses. “ “Nurse! Come and patch our latest ally up. We’re going to need him to be ready to go by tomorrow. So I can finally get to their world and extend my influence.”

“Right Luciano. I’ll be there in a minute.” One of his main nurses’ replies.

Within about 30 seconds his head nurse and two others appear to take Romania to the infirmary within the mansion.

“We’ll have him all fixed up by morning sir!”

“Grazie~”

Luciano then decided to go to his office that was in a secret underground place in his mansion. He opens the door with his fingerprint and steps inside. He sits at his desk and opens up his laptop to see that another one of his contacts in the 1p world has given him valuable information on who the diplomat that is going to be upholding relations between him and 2p America ...Alfred or better known as Al. Al was strong but only lacking a little in strength and mostly wit in battle when it came to matchups between him and Luciano. 9 times out of 10 Luciano won.

Luciano proceeded to open the email from his contact. It had a few photos of you along with all of your personal information, where you lived, what you studied and the languages you spoke. Speaks French, German, English, and Italiano~

“This one is quite interesting to me. Now I can understand how they’re able to be capable of holding such powers in world affairs.”

He continues to read from the file that was compiled about you. He just couldn’t resist the urge to know more about you. Your [Hair color/length] and your [eye color] crazy. Although he won’t show it on his face. But you took up his mind the more he thought about you the sooner he wanted to get his plan to dominate. But, now he was in it to dominate and captivate you.

He eventually scrolls down to your medical history and sees that Alfred F. Jones and his boss have implanted a chip in the back of your neck. Since you’re in training to be a high government professional and researcher mainting relations they knew they had to protect national secrets and their diplomats that work under them. Mind control, tracking, or temporary brain shut down abilities…. The smile on Lucianos’ face finally decided to appear. This was going to be so EASY.

“Oh Alfred. You’re paranoia really is going to lead to your downfall.~

It’s almost if you want me to start stealing your diplomats and making your life a-hell.”

Luciano gets on the phone with his contact that send him the information.

“Tell me amico how can we get to the control’s for Prof. [Your last name] microchip. I’ve found a-eccelent way to bring them here. Get me the diplomats for all the Allied Power’s to Italy as well. I need to get started on creating chaos as soon as I can.~”

“Right away sir!”

“Prof. [Your name] first. I need to get her a-out of the 1p world first. I want to show them that at the end of it all that I am all they’ll ever have to worry a-about ~” He gently but firmly coos into the phone. He hadn’t even met you yet and you were driving him nuts.

To be Continued ….

#hetalia #hetalia fandom #hws #headingalaxys writes stuff #allen b. jones #yandere hetalia #luciano #yandere hetalia axis powers #yandere hetalia x reader #fanfic #2p yandere #2p hetalia #yandere 2p hetalia

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orangerosebush · 4 years ago

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University Daze

It took an awful lot more work than one would expect to be a proper family disappointment.

When Sybil Koboi holo-phoned her daughter, Opal made sure to purposefully decline the call rather than simply let it go to her voice mail. During the weeks leading up to holiday breaks, Opal made it clear she would not be visiting any of her patrician classmates’ estates. When her calculus professor had pulled her aside to discuss upcoming course selections, she’d been sure to make a show of letting her lip tremble pitifully when she remarked that her father was loath to let her continue her studies with the university.

On some level, Sybil and Ferrall were proud that their daughter was putting effort into tramping the family name through the mud. The Gro’och’s heirs were dim, the Merrow’s daughter was dull, and the Gancanagh son had dropped out of business school to partake in a Ph.D. program centered on studying historical human-fae relations — there was nothing unique about a rich family having a few oddball or disappointing heirs. These children were asked about in sympathetic tones during dinner parties and then promptly forgotten about a sentence or two into the update provided by the hosts.

Opal, however, was different.

It was not that she had ever failed to live up to expectations, rather, she had sloughed them off like a snake shedding its skin. She clawed herself a new path rather than letting herself get lost in the margins. Opal was a force of nature that had been just barely tamed into the vague shape of a young woman, and her parents consoled themselves with the fact that even if they couldn’t handle her, at least everyone else in their circle was just as lost when looking at the ‘Opal problem’ as they were.

However, neither money nor her reputation could change the fact that engineering majors had to take at least one humanities course before graduating. It was thus that she found herself watching Dr. Vito’tera enthusiastically waving a chalk-dusted hand at some poor first year that had offered him a pity question.

She should have taken the introduction to creative writing course, Opal rolled her eyes, lip curling. Reaching down to rifle through her messenger bag, she groped around for the feeling of paper. Eyes lighting up, she grinned as she successfully pulled out her flier she’d meticulously folded up and tucked away earlier.

Thumbing the paper open, she let her eyes trace over the beautiful writing on the page.

“‘Daoine sídhe University is proud to present its coming annual science fair — internship positions available for the top three contestants’. You’re applying?”

Opal blanched, shooting a look at the oblivious professor at the front of the room before whipping around to scowl at the smirking elf seated behind her.

Short. The annoying underclassman that seemed to trail after the centaur, Foaly, who appeared determined to alienate every single STEM major from ever wanting to work with him again after university.

“Piss off,” Opal muttered, returning to her notes. “You’re not even an engineering major.”

Holly cocked her head, grin widening. “Yeah, I’m a criminal justice major, you’re right. I’m an aeronautical engineering minor , though.”

“You’re a Freshman, alright? Whatever ,” Opal scoffed, turning back around.

The only reason that she was still here in this lecture hall, Opal thought as she narrowed her eyes, mood darkening, was because her mother and father were marginally more annoying than her classmates.

“Holly, you shouldn’t let Koboi imply that about you,” Opal heard Foaly’s nasal voice filter down to where she was sitting. “She’s not better than we are just because she comes from high society. ”

“I didn’t imply anything about her,” Opal grit her teeth, refusing to give Foaly the satisfaction of making her turn around. “I merely said that she was a Freshman.”

“But that’s kind of loaded, don’t you think? There are layers, rhetorically speaking, to mentioning her year,” Foaly continued, keeping his voice low so that Dr. Vito’tera wouldn’t hear the trio.

“I did feel that we were dealing with some implications when she mentioned I was a Freshman, to be honest, Foaly,” Holly sighed, and Opal prayed that the elf wasn’t ramping up to commit to a long-term bit with Foaly.

“There were so many implications, Holly, I’m frankly a bit disgusted,” Foaly chuckled.

Damn it.

Clenching her fists, Opal exhaled through her nose sharply. “If I wanted to imply anything, I would have. Here, I’ll imply something for you, Foaly : the only reason you took this class was to become even more of a sophist than you already are, you contemptible man,” she turned to face the duo behind her, her lips drawn back slightly as to bare her teeth.

At her gaze, Foaly seemed to shrink in her chair slightly, his ears flicking embarrassedly. Holly stared at the two of them, blinking in confusion.

As the roaring of her pulse in her ears started to subside, Opal felt her cheeks begin to warm.

“He might’ve mentioned taking the class because he saw you’d signed—“ Holly grinned, but Foaly spluttered in protest.

“Holly, stop — that’s not true, by the way,” he twittered, holding his hands up placatingly.

Opal sneered half-heartedly, trying to save whatever bit of dignity she could. “I’m flattered, but I’m afraid I’ll be speaking to the professor if you two don’t find somewhere else to sit for the rest of the semester.”

Holly crossed her arms on top of her desk, her defined shoulder muscles visible as she shifted.

“I’m staying here,” Holly announced, a tad cooly. “I don’t want to sit in the front. You two can fight it out over which one of you gets to be my desk neighbor.”

Rolling her eyes for the umpteenth time that class, Opal turned back to face the front of the room.

Hearing the creaking of someone leaning forward behind her, Opal forced herself to watch the board as the teacher wrote out the curriculum map for the class to copy down.

“Hey, Opal,”

Opal’s frown lines deepened. “I don’t want to talk to you, Foaly.”

“About that, actually — you’re making something for the science fair, right?”

Opal wordlessly gestured to the flier on her desk with her left hand.

“Okay, that was a pointless question, I’ll admit it. I’m entering, too,” Foaly remarked, tone trying just a bit too hard to remain light.

“Good for you,” Opal leaned backward in her chair, casting her eyes to the clock.

“So… how would you feel about making a deal?”

Eyes tracing the stuttering movement of the second hand, Opal sighed. “What do you propose?”

She could almost hear his grin.

“Great, great. Just some friendly competition, nothing extreme,”

“Entailing?”

“Loser drops this course,”

Opal inhaled sharply, eyes narrowing. “Interesting.”

“I’m not going to drop the course, just as a heads up to you both,” Holly added, and Opal heard the tapping of Short’s pen as the other woman fiddled absentmindedly at her desk.

“I didn’t ask you to,” Foaly added quietly to his desk-mate, and Holly hummed in response.

Biting her lip, Opal imagined explaining to her parents that she was dropping a course. They’d be livid — and not in a good way. She furrowed her brow. Losing this bet wasn’t an option.

“Fine,” Opal snapped. “But I hope you have a good second choice for your humanities credit.”

“May the best faerie win,” she heard Holly yawn.

“Nice! Do you want to, uh, shake on it?” Foaly trailed off, clearing his throat.

“No.”

“Oh, okay.”

Opal (finally) opened her notebook, ignoring any further attempts at conversation. This would be fine. She already had her plan for the fair. This was her forte — she didn’t care what her parents, or career advisor, or even Foaly had to say about what they thought her skills were, positive or negative. She wanted this prize. Any other details were secondary.

#artemis fowl #i fudged the timelines A LOT to make their uni years sync up shhh #my writing

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addierose444 · 4 years ago

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Spring 2021: One Month Update

We are now just over a month into the spring semester. This is a bit strange as mid-march normally coincides with spring break. Well, normal just isn’t the norm right now and hasn’t been for a while. Like seriously, it has been a whole year since Smith sent us home last spring. Here is a blog post from a year ago about my final week on campus. That was a stressful time, but I was also so naïve about what was to come. In some ways, it’s hard to believe that a whole year has passed; at the same time, it has felt like an eternity. This post is primarily about my current courses and other life updates, but it also felt incomplete without acknowledging the passage of time. Last semester, I wrote a few update posts. I started them because I literally didn’t know what else to write about. However, I found them to be an effective post style that is worthwhile to continue using.

There does finally seem to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Namely, I have received my first dose of the Moderna COVID vaccine! I was eligible thanks to my job in ResLife. I will be getting the second dose in two-weeks time. I feel very fortunate to be getting vaccinated so early. I’ll also be honest in saying that it was really stressful taking the bus to UMass and navigating through the vaccination center. Another exciting update is that I have secured a summer internship at Microsoft! You can read about my application process here.

I am currently living on-campus in Parsons House. We are fortunately still operating in Green Mode which is our least restrictive operating mode. This still includes masks, social distancing, and testing three times a week. We are also still ordering most meals on the Grubhub app. However, there is now some limited seating in the dining halls and we have transitioned to using some reusable food containers. Furthermore, Chuckett (our name for Chase and Duckett) is open for true grab and go. The best part about going to Chuckett is that they have yogurt, ice cream, and snacks. Classes and house events continue to be primarily over Zoom so that we can practice social distancing and include those not living on campus.

As for my classes, it’s been a very busy semester. I am in class less than in past semesters but have had more work outside of class. With that said, this is in part because one of my classes is asynchronous with synchronous labs. To check out all of my past courses, click here.

PHY 210 has been more interesting than I expected. It’s not an easy class, but it hasn’t been the nightmare I was worried it would be. The class has so-called pre-class check-ins (PCCIs) which are short exercises due at the start of each class (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). We still have a full homework set due each Wednesday, but I enjoy having the PCCIs as it’s more similar to the high school homework model (short more frequent assignments that don’t have to be 100% perfect). I now have a much better understanding of complex numbers and why they are useful. Other topics we have studied thus far include differential equations and the Taylor series (both topics were briefly introduced in past calculus classes). We have also been learning the basics of Mathematica and are currently studying integrals in two or more dimensions. Last semester in MTH 212, all of the exams could be taken over multiple days (unlimited time) so it’s not the easiest transition back to timed math exams.

PHI 220 is a great complement to my four STEM classes. Specifically, it’s reading and discussion-based and doesn’t have problem sets! While there is absolutely value in courses unrelated to my majors, I really love learning concepts that come up in computer science but from a different perspective. Over the course of the semester, we have been working our way through Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid. We have been learning about formal systems and been gaining an understanding of Gödel's incompleteness theorems. Later in the course, we will be delving into the study of Turing machines. Each class starts with five minutes of breathing and stretching. The first day I thought it was really weird, but have now gained an appreciation for it.

EGR 220 has been my most time-consuming class, but I have also really enjoyed the course content. I am glad that I took PHY 118 last spring as it gave me a good primer for some of the circuit theories. This is particularly useful as circuits is a fast-paced course. Labs have been frustrating at times due to technical difficulties, but having a hands-on component definitely helps my understanding and makes things more engaging. As long as we stay in Green Mode, we will have a few small-group in-person labs! We have also had and will continue to have occasional full class in-person outdoor demonstrations. (All of my other classes have been and will continue to be fully remote). In terms of course content, we have learned about passive components like resistors, capacitors, and inductors and circuit analysis techniques like nodal analysis and mesh analysis.

CSC 250 has generally been enjoyable as I have an awesome professor. I don’t dislike the course material, but I definitely prefer programming and systems to theory. Also, theoretical computer science requires writing lots of proofs which is not my favorite. I am glad that I took discrete math (MTH 153) last semester as it introduced me to proof writing. MTH 153 an unenforced prerequisite of CSC 250, which I was originally going to take concurrently due to schedule conflicts. In the course, we have been learning about regular expressions, finite automata, context-free grammars, push-down automata, and most recently Turing machines. (See what I mean about the overlap with PHI 220!)

COMPSCI 230 is my UMass computer systems class. You can read more about Five College registration here. The course is asynchronous which has its advantages and disadvantages. It’s nice being able to self-schedule my coursework, but it’s strange not really interacting with my classmates. As the UMass semester started two weeks before Smith’s, I am just about halfway through the course which is honestly sort of crazy. In the course, we have learned about data representation, von Neumann Architecture, caches, and virtual memory.

I am not taking guitar this semester and unfortunately have hardly played my guitar. Last year I had set a daily practice goal that I did a really good job of sticking to. That said, I regret having set that goal as it made playing feel more like a chore. The issue is that when the year ended I was justified in taking a few days off from playing. However, as I was really busying during Interterm it was just too easy to dive into my coursework and other responsibilities. Playing guitar is something that I love, so I am trying to incorporate it back into my life in the right way. You can read about my musical history here. Another music update, that’s really just for me to look back on is that my current favorite song is The Story (written by Phil Hanseroth and performed by Brandi Carlile). I have been listening to a lot of Brandi Carlile’s music over the past few days and absolutely love it. As for 2020 goals, like many people, mine weren’t the biggest success. I originally set out to write four original songs but only wrote two (one of which I had started in August of 2019). I was successful in my reading goal so that was at least one win. You can read about my 2020 in books here.

#college #Smith College #spring 2021 #academics #engineering #computer science #music

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freckledacademic · 4 years ago

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hello everyone!

i had someone request a breakdown of what my medical school/MSTP application looked like, so here we go!

FIRST - a disclaimer! this is my application, and it worked for me. it doesn’t look like the application of my classmates and other medical school friends who also got in. one of my friends got a below average MCAT, but her clinical experience and extracurriculars meant she got into (and is going to!) a highly-ranked medical school. on the other hand, my application was weighted fairly heavily in the direction of academics, since that’s my strength!

also, keep in mind i was applying to medical scientist training programs with the goal of getting an MD/PhD -- my app is also pretty research heavy

onto the specifics!

general

i went to a small liberal arts college with a focus on research. nearly every student does a senior thesis, and science senior theses usually involve lots of lab work/data generation done by the student.

i double-majored in mathematics and biochemistry & molecular biology, and between those classes, gen eds, and music, i was generally over full-time but just under the credit limit per semester.

i took the MCAT in May of 2018, and applied that summer. my AMCAS was in July 9th, and I got approved ~August 10th. this was between my junior (17-18) and senior (18-19) years. i matriculated at my med school in july of 2019.

numbers

GPA - 3.97 (ish? i got two A-s, and everything else was As)

MCAT - 519 (130 on three sections, 129 on one. i don’t remember which one though whoops)

clinical experience

shadowing - shadowed with two different doctors - an oncologist over the course of a semester, and a clinical pathologist for a day. total # of hours - relatively low, maybe 15-25.

clinical volunteering - i volunteered at a free clinic near my college for one afternoon every week or so during most of junior spring and senior year. total # of hours - ~60 hrs

medical ethics program - related to the longitudinal oncology shadowing. once a month, throughout the spring semester of my junior year, we would meet to discuss articles we’d been assigned to read on a topic eg: end of life care, malpractice, etc. total # of hours - ~10 hrs

research experience

research assistant, yeast genetics lab - i worked in this lab during the spring of my first year and during the summer after. it was my first lab/research experience, and it taught me a lot regarding lab techniques and lab mentality. garnered me my one and (still) only publication! total # of hours - 400+ hrs

research assistant, computational biology lab - i worked (and went on to do my senior thesis) in this lab during my junior year. it was partially an excuse to get started with my thesis coding early, because it was going to take a lot of time, but it also helped me get acquainted with my thesis advisor! total # of hours - ?

research intern, cancer research center - this was an internship i applied for that was specifically for students with a year left in college that occurred the summer between my junior and senior year. i worked with a biostatistician on developing a machine-learning model to predict disease risk based off of demographic data. i learned a lot about R, statistics, and regression models. i also learned that i don’t like R, statistics, and machine learning models lmao. note: this didn’t technically go in my AMCAS iirc, because i applied while i was *at* the internship. i did talk about it at interviews!

senior thesis - this was another thing that wasn’t in my app itself, because at the time it hadn’t been written lmao. it was something i was able to talk about at interviews, but it being ~still in progress~ did complicate it

on-campus jobs

peer tutor - got recommended by a professor my first year for a different tutoring program, but my schedule was a mess so i ended up as a one-on-one peer tutor! i really enjoyed it, but i had to drop it with how busy i got junior year, so i only did it for two years (freshman spring --> junior fall). total # of hours - 210 hrs

laboratory course TA, cell biology - again, got asked by a professor to do this. specifically TA’d 2/3 sections junior fall, and then 1/2 or 1/3 sections every semester after that. also held office hours, maintained longitudinal lab experiments, and supervised students performing experiments. total # of hours - 800 hrs (TAing this class was absurd and i did it for four semesters)

extracurriculars

collegiate choir member - i adore singing, and part of the reason i went to the college i did was so i could still partake in music while pursuing a science degree. i was a part of my school’s auditioned choir for all four years at my school, and it involved 1h15m practices 4 days a week, regular concerts, and an annual spring tour. total # of hours - 500 hrs

chorus manager - i was a manager of the chorus as well for three years (sophomore through senior). i was very much in charge of the organization - making sure everyone had uniforms, that those uniforms were on for concerts and that everyone was wearing shoes. shepherding people on trips, solving problems, taking attendance, etc. etc. total # of hours - 250 hrs

i also took voice lessons, though i don’t think i put that down on my app? iirc there’s a limit to how many activities you can add?

other

honor societies

Phi Beta Kappa - general undergrad honor society, inducted junior year

Mu Alpha Theta - mathematics honor society, inducted sophomore year

Beta Beta Beta - biology honor society, inducted sophomore (?) year

awards

Barry Goldman scholarship - honorable mention

Dean’s List - all 8 semesters

various prizes specific to my undergrad

academic merit scholarship, minor voice scholarship

------------

to sum it all up....

i think the pros of my application include a strong academic presence, proof of my interest in research, and the existence of significant interests outside the STEM pathway - namely, music!

i think the major con of my application was a really weak clinical experience section, tbh. i also feel like some schools on the other side of the country from my undergrad like. hadn’t heard of it lmaooo.

everyone’s application will be different!! and that’s good, and okay, and you’ll be fine. you want to think about the things that make you you, and potentially the things that reflect on the kind of doctor that you’d like to be.

#medical school #med school #med school advice #medblr #freckled talks #studyblr #academics unite #academicsunite #medical school applications #whooooop this took me like an hour to write up. what a thrilling tour of my college resume lmao

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tirednotflirting · 4 years ago

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i'm all butterflies (i'm sky-high for you)

just found this lil thing in my wips and i’ve decided (like two months after not thinking about it) that i actually like it.

title from feels like this by maisie peters

read here on ao3

It’s too early to be thinking like this, Ashton keeps telling himself. He can’t be thinking like this so soon. It’s asking for complete and total disaster, for running back up and checking to see if you lit the fuse on the firecracker kind of disaster. It feels terrifying but it’s the kind of feeling he’s found himself craving as of late.

Some 20 or so feet away he can Luke smiling brightly as he tells a story, his hand not holding a glass of wine waving through the air, those in the little circle around him laughing like he’s telling them the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. Luke tends to do that, he can capture the heart and attention of anyone around him in seconds with his bright smile and wide blue eyes. He makes coming to these kinds of things easier. And not just because Ashton suddenly has someone to smile beside rather than forcing himself back into the role of the class clown. He wants to listen to and look at Luke just as much as everyone else in the room.

He had been hesitant to ask Luke to join him for the several weddings and showers he had been invited to that summer. This thing between them was still new. It was intimidating to ask a new love to attend one wedding let alone five in the span of two months. But when Luke had come back to Ashton’s after a movie for a coffee and a finish to their never ending conversation, he had seen the save the dates on the fridge and practically begged Ashton to take him along as a plus one. Helped search through registries and everything. When Ashton had teasingly asked about his interest in attending so many celebrations of love, Luke had only smiled lazily and spewed a few wine drunk poetic lines about love that had Ashton diving across the couch to press their lips together and fit his fingers in the spaces betweens Luke’s.

The summer of weddings had been fun. They had danced and sang and drank their way through May and June, giggling through cheesy slow dances after too many spritzes and shared blushed looks when reaching for sweaty hands during vows that hit just a little too close to home. This was so so new, Ashton kept reminding himself every time Luke would finish his sentences when speaking to old high school friends or when he would wrap his arms around his middle once returning from the bar with another glass of wine, blue eyes meeting his own hazel before a kiss was pressed to the tip of his nose in thanks.

In his earlier twenties, weddings had been a bore for Ashton, even when he managed to find someone else going stag to spend time with, he still felt very on his own. Which he always justified to be as okay; it was a celebration of the love between two other people, he didn’t need to be trying to force that emotion into his own life. But then a bubbly blonde quite literally tripped his way over his own legs in a coffee shop and into Ashton’s life and suddenly the idea of navigating any part of life without him, even after just under four months, made no sense at all to Ashton.

They’re at an adoption party now. The summer of weddings was over though Luke had a countdown on his phone to the winter destination wedding Ashton’s friend from his cohort was having in December. It was early September so classes had started up again but no one was really too thick into the courses they were teaching to have an excuse not to attend the celebration for Michael and Calum’s little one that had just arrived into their life. How anyone had the time for babies during graduate school was beyond him, but Ashton was over the moon to see his friends so happy.

His focus returns to Luke then, his story obviously coming to a close now as Kaylee, one of Ashton’s past colleagues in the lab, sets a hand to his arm and smiles up at him as Luke nods, his focus settled intently on the shorter girl. Luke laughs brightly then and nods and before he knows it, both of their faces turn to where Ashton sits at a baby yellow draped table. Ashton feels a blush creep up to his cheeks as he tries to playfully roll his eyes as he gets up to meet the small group.

“What are you kids getting up to over here, huh?” Ashton jokes as he lets a hand drop to the bottom of Luke’s back, not missing his way he leans just slightly into the touch.

“I was just telling Kaylee about how much of a zombie you turned into last month the week those grant proposals were due,” Luke smiles as he leans over just the slightest bit to press a kiss to Ashton’s temple. “And she was telling me the story of when you slept in a sleeping bag in the lab when testing those catalysts during your rotations. Said it looked like you were having a bit of a slumber party.”

“Oh come on,” Ashton scoffs with a laugh. “If Henderson had just had the guts to ask that post-doc to split the measurements with me this wouldn’t have been a problem! God, I was barely a person that semester.”

Kaylee shakes her head, excusing herself from the conversation to go grab herself a drink. Luke smiles his goodbye, thanking her for the conversation, before turning to face Ashton, his arms moving to drape over his shoulders. He lets his glass of white wine dangle somewhat precariously between his fingers as he pulls Ashton closer in, the other boy’s arms moving to wrap around his waist. “Feel weird yet that you’re going to be a whole Dr Irwin in a few months?

Ashton hums at the feeling of Luke brushing his fingers through the curls at the back of his neck. “Probably won’t feel real until I’m handed the diploma. Or when a student shows up scared at my office hours and says it for the first time.”

“You’re ridiculous.” “I don’t know,” Ashton smirks up at his boy. “You ready to hear Dr Hemmings yet?”

Luke lifts the hand that holds his glass of wine and waves it around at nothing while smiling at Ashton’s playful tone. “It’s different for musicians. We always call each other by first names. Nothing like this nonsense you guys have over in science. Too stuffy.”

Ashton raises a brow at the comment. “I’m stuffy?”

“Oh hush,” Luke shakes his head with a pout. ��You know you’re not like most of them. You’re special to me in every definition of the word. Come on, I want to meet Aleena.”

Ashton lets Luke reach down for his hand, their fingers tangling together as he pulls them in the direction of the table where Michael and Calum sit, a tiny bundle tucked against Calum’s chest while they speak with their mothers. Calum seems to be doing much more of the talking while Michael smiles softly at the baby in his husband’s arms, his finger tucked inside her tiny fist.

“Hi boys,” Calum greets them warmly as they approach while the mothers wander off toward the tables of food set up on the opposite end of the lawn. The signs of parenthood already show on the couple, their eyes just a little bit more tired than a typical graduate student. Calum rubs his hand against the back of the tiny human tucked against him, his upper half gently swaying back and forth some.

“Congratulations, guys, happy she’s finally here,” Ashton smiles warmly as Michael tucks an arm around him to pull him briefly into his side. The three of them had started their program together what felt like a lifetime ago. Ashton had felt a particular joy getting to watch the couple come together and start their own family.

“You know I was thinking about it the other day,” Michael muses as he steps around Ashton to greet Luke in a similar fashion. “And all of the paperwork combined probably weighed more than our child does. It’s mad.”

“To be fair, Mike, babies are small,” Ashton laughs. He turns then to see Calum handing over the tiny bundle to a now sitting Luke, softly instructing how to support Baby Aleena while he adjusts the fleecy blanket around her tiny frame. From where he stands, Ashton can see the baby is fast asleep and his eyes glitter at the way Luke looks down at her.

He feels something akin to a fight or flight response as he carries on the conversation with his two friends, discussing their projects and what the start of the semester has looked like for him. He can’t help the way he tucks himself a bit closer to where Luke sits, letting the blonde lean his head against his hip while a hand moves to fix the collar of his shirt. More than once does Ashton catch a knowing look from Calum.

Eventually Aleena starts whining some, her nap seemingly over and her confusion at the number of people around her evident. Luke gently hands the baby back up to Michael and the couples part ways, the new parents heading in the direction of the backdoor into their house. Luke stands then, his hands dropping to Ashton’s shoulders as he presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Gonna grab another one of those lemonades, you want anything?”

Ashton shakes his head, one of his own hands lifting to cover Luke’s on his left shoulder, his thumb running over his knuckles. “I’m good for now. Thanks, love,” he stops his thumb for a moment and moves to better hold his hand. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here. Like, with me.”

Luke lifts Ashton’s hand that had been holding his own up to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles as he smiles dazedly. “Happy I’m with you too, Ash.” There’s something just a bit more ambiguous in the way he responds but Ashton isn’t given a chance to question him before Luke turns and heads in the direction of the drink table.

Ashton gets pulled into a different conversation then, getting asked about how his writing is going and the new project he’s started his undergraduate assistants on. He knows it's rude but he can’t help the way that he keeps looking to find where Luke has gotten up to in between his responses to questions. He finds it so curious how his eyes are instantly drawn to the tall, smiling blonde regardless of where he’s made his way to around the room. He considers for a moment if it’s just the more definable physical characteristics of his boyfriend that make the search easier on his eyes but as he catches Luke tossing over a quick wink, Ashton’s heart fluttering some at the action, he knows then that it’s something different.

It’s the ease in the way their love fits into Ashton’s life and the warmth he felt watching Luke hold his friends’ daughter. It’s the gentle touches and the way Ashton can hear Luke’s laugh the second it leaves his lips regardless of where he is in a room full of people without a moment of hesitation. It’s love, he thinks. And though it's still so early, Ashton finds himself thinking that that kind of love is something he could get used to.

#lashton #lashton fic #with some side malum bc come on #maisie series #...yeah im fucking doing it #i have another one also chilling in a doc but i requires more work than this so we gotta wait on that one + it's like sad #writing

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myheartrevealedocs · 5 years ago

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Untouchable- Ch 2: The Offer

Summary: A Spencer Reid x OC fanfic that retells select episodes, starting in season 1, from the point of view of Lydia Ambers, a forensic scientist.

Warnings: swearing, discussion about death and illegal activity (but like, at half the normal Criminal Minds level)

Ch 1 | Ch 3 | About Lydia

~ ~ ~

“You got it all sorted out?” Gideon asked Hotch as he walked into his office. It had been a month since their case in Santa Cruz and Gideon had been on Hotch’s ass about this since they got back.

“It’s… not a job…” Hotch started. “I talked to Strauss and she said that there was no proof that a forensic scientist would be of any benefit to the team. Police departments provide them and local forensic scientists have access to scenes sooner.”

“Police departments can also have media liaisons and tech analysts, but we bring in our own,” he argued. “I spoke to some of Lydia’s old professors and they said that she’s not only a good crime scene investigator, but her major was chemistry and she’s fit to get a job in DNA analysis or toxicology.”

“Gideon, what did I say about not getting involved? Strauss needs proof that she is an asset to the team before paying her a salary. So, I got her to agree to let Lydia work here as an intern under your supervision.”

“Done,” Gideon said. “By the end of the month, she’ll have proven worthy of a spot on this team.”

“No, there’s more,” Hotch told him, frustrated. “She only gets to work jobs that we clearly need her on and she gets no more than two cases every 50 days.”

“Fine, fine,” Gideon replied, which did nothing to ease Hotch’s worry. He, too, had been impressed by Lydia during the Jonathan Carrey case, but there were parameters on hiring people into the FBI and Gideon acted like those meant nothing.

He’d been the same way about Reid after he first spoke to him, but Reid was cut out to be a profiler from day one and they had an opening for him. Gideon wanted Hotch to simply create a brand new job title and salary for Lydia and he couldn’t do that.

“Should I call her and tell her to pack up her things and move to DC?”

Hotch blinked. “You haven’t already told her about the possibility of a job, have you?”

“No,” Gideon laughed. “I can’t promise her a job when I don't have the jurisdiction to hire anybody.”

That was a relief, but Hotch was still afraid Gideon had let on too much. He had just admitted to calling her professors to learn more about her abilities. So, he replied, “You can tell her that we have an internship position that she might be interested in and ask her about her ability to leave California. That is all.”

~ ~ ~

“Agent Hotchner. Agent Gideon,” Lydia greeted as she entered the BAU. It was crazy enough to be in Virginia, seeing as she’d never left California, but FBI headquarters?

She shuffled around nervously and adjusted her glasses numerous times despite the fact they were already as far up her nose as they could go.

“Lydia,” Gideon greeted, warmly. “How was your flight?”

“It was alright. Exciting. I’ve never been on an airplane before.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. No one should have to go through airport security for their first time alone,” Hotch said. “Why don’t we step into my office?”

He and Gideon led the way into the bullpen and around to his office. Lydia’s eyes darted around, seeing Morgan, Elle, and Reid at their desks, engrossed in their work. She wondered if any of them would even recognize her if she caught their eye. She was surprised enough when Gideon called.

“I assume you’ve been considering my offer?” Gideon asked, closing the door behind her.

“Considering, yes. But it would be… difficult, to say the least. I’d love to hear it from your mouths… the offer, that is.”

Hotch sat down at his desk and gestured for her to do the same.

“Agent Gideon and I would like to offer you an internship here at the BAU as a forensic science technician. When we took you on as a consultant in Santa Cruz, you proved to have inspiring potential. You would only be called out for occasional cases, once every month or so. Agent Gideon would be your supervisor.”

“And this would mean moving to DC?”

“Eventually, yes. We can’t exactly fly you out to every new scene from California. It would be easier to have you here, getting briefed with us, taking the jet, etcetera. You’ll also need to go through a training period here and likely will be asked to work in the office, even when you aren’t on a case. How big of a problem would that be? Do you have a lot of family there?”

“No, not family. I mean, it’s just me and my sister and she’s been doing just fine on her own while I’ve been at college, so we’ll manage the distance. The issue is I’m set to start a masters program next semester. I’m just… unsure how I feel about dropping out of school. I know this is a crazy opportunity, but it’s not a full-time job. And if I don’t do well and you guys decide not to keep me, I’m poor and stuck in DC.”

Gideon, who’d been hovering in the back of the room stepped forward. “If we fire you for some reason, I promise to personally pay for your flight back to California.” It was a joke, but in all seriousness, a flight wasn’t even half of it.

“You wouldn’t have to drop out,” Hotch added. “Many schools nearby would be happy to have you and the Bureau rarely has problems with schools refusing to work around our interns schedules. And even if that’s too difficult, this experience will likely open up many opportunities in the future. I’d be happy to write you a million letters of recommendation should you decide to find work elsewhere.”

“I, uh-”

“Hey Hotch?” A familiar voice called, knocking on the door.

He apologized to her momentarily, before saying, “Come in, Reid.”

The door swung open and the boy looked right over Lydia’s head to his boss. “JJ wanted me to tell you that she…”

He trailed off as he felt more pairs of eyes on him. He glanced at Gideon before finally landing on Lydia.

She decided to make the first move, seeing as he was stunned into silence. “Dr. Reid, how nice to see you again.” She stood up to greet him, a smile gracing her features.

“Lydia, I uh… Sorry, to interrupt I really had no- Oh! And it’s nice to see you, too,” he fumbled. “I’ll… I can talk to Hotch later. Sorry, again for interrupting.” And with that he shut the door and was gone.

“Sorry about that. I figured it might have been important, that’s why I invited him in. What were you going to say?”

Lydia froze, her mind drifting elsewhere. “Does the team know? That you are offering an internship into the team?”

Hotch shook his head. “We aren’t offering an internship into the team. We’re offering you an internship into the team. We were waiting to see if you agreed to it.”

“Well, I don’t want to force them to work with someone super under experienced. They aren’t paid to be teachers.”

“The only one who’s going to be teaching you anything is me,” Gideon reassured her. “You are more than capable of holding your own with them. I trust you.”

Lydia felt her throat close up. It was all set up. A job she couldn’t even dream of and here they were, offering it up on a silver platter. “So, this is all… serious. I move to DC and just… work for the FBI all of a sudden?”

“If that’s what you want, then yes. That’s our offer.”

Lydia looked Hotch over, as if trying to profile whether or not he was lying. And finally, she said, “I would like that. Thank you.”

~ ~ ~

“You’ll need to fill out some legal release forms, medical history forms, and I’ll get to work on setting you up for your training period and psychological assessment,” a charming girl named Penelope Garcia explained. Gideon had introduced her as the BAU’s technical analyst.

Her office was brightly decorated and she handed Lydia all the information she needed with a huge smile.

“I’m going to be asked to do a thorough background check on you, as well. But that information goes straight to Hotch and Gideon, no one else.”

Lydia chuckled slightly. “I don’t think I have any secrets, but thanks for the warning.”

“Of course!” she replied.

“No secrets?” Gideon asked. “If I remember correctly, you refused to explain anything about yourself that didn’t pertain to the case when I first met you.”

Lydia hesitated slightly. “Well, what do you want to know?”

“What were you trying to hide?” he countered. “If you’re such an open book, you can tell me.”

“I was just angry!” she argued. “It isn’t about hiding, it’s just that after my mom died, I really believed that I was explosive and so I avoid any topics that bring out my stronger emotions. And you were trying to push all my buttons. I was stressed!”

She wasn't sure if Gideon was just an attentive listener or if he was simply interested in her background, but his eyes longed for her to go on. “Explosive?”

“That’s how I got this limp.”

Normally, nothing anyone could say would prompt her to give away more information than necessary. She always tried to excuse it as ‘no one asked’ rather than blatantly avoiding certain topics, but it was pretty obvious to just about anyone she’d met that Lydia was not proud of her past. So whatever it was about Gideon that convinced her to add that comment was something pretty special.

“How?” It was Garcia this time.

The young girl laughed. “When I was 16, I was having some issues and one day I was trying to calm myself down… I often did this by physically getting my energy out so I was punching pillows and throwing things and I kicked something that was heavier than I expected and broke my foot.” She nodded, like she was remembering it fondly, but the other two could tell that it was a cover for her uncomfort. “And then, I was mad because I hadn’t solved my problem and I’d rendered myself useless, so I started walking on it before it was healed. I did dumb shit. I felt like I deserved the pain for being so uncontained and brash. And then the arch of my foot healed wrong and I had to live with a more… permanent reminder of my attitude.”

“Sixteen,” Gideon mumbled. “Is that when your father died?”

Garcia looked shocked that her superior would even say such a thing but Lydia was just intrigued, “What makes you say that?”

He shrugged. “You said that your only family is your sister. So, I figure both your parents are far out of the picture. You said your mom died when you were little, which triggered your outbursts. So, I figured that perhaps you lost your dad as well and if you were having major anger issues at 16, could be due to the loss of your second parent. Brings up old scars.”

She paused, a somewhat sad smirk gracing her face. “My dad’s not dead, but you’re pretty close. When I was 16, my father was sent to prison.”

Garcia and Gideon’s faces read with immediate regret. So, Lydia played it off quickly.

“Don’t stress about it. He’s not a murderer or anything and it’s not… important.”

She hesitated to explain what he did. She figured they were bound to find out soon enough and she really would rather not say it outloud, so she changed the subject.

“Hey Garcia? Do you think you could help me work on transferring schools? Agent Gideon suggested that I apply for online courses rather than continuing to learn on campus and I’m still not sure if I can reapply for everything so late. And I know your job isn’t navigating college websites or anything, but you are good at tech and I’d love some help.”

She brightened almost immediately. “Sure, sweetheart!”

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96thdayofrage · 4 years ago

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Given that array of challenges, many HBCU advocates were hoping that Obama would do more to lift their fortunes. But his focus has been on improving college access and affordability for all students, not necessarily singling out HBCUs for special help.

Not that the administration has been totally deaf to the complaints. Officials restored the $85 million program for HBCUs with great fanfare a year after letting it expire. And overall federal funding for the nation’s HBCUs is up more than $1.5 billion a year during Obama’s nearly eight years in office to more than $4 billion. That total includes a half-billion-dollar increase in direct grant money, as well as increases in federal student grants and loans.

“I know some people place a caveat on that. They say grants and loans to all colleges went up even more,” said John S. Wilson, president of Morehouse College and former head of the White House Initiative on Historically Black Colleges and Universities. “But even if you accept that, a half-billion-dollar increase in grant money to 105 institutions is not trivial.”

Still, some HBCU advocates say the new money does not compensate for the damage done by other federal policy changes that hit HBCUs especially hard.

In 2011, education officials decided to tighten federal requirements for the Parent Plus loan program to prevent families from getting in over their heads with school debt.

The result was that many students, particularly those at HBCUs, found themselves being rejected for loans and unable to pay for college. The United Negro College Fund (UNCF) estimates that about 28,000 students at black colleges — nearly 10 percent of the students at HBCUs — lost their Parent Plus loans during the 2012-13 academic year. Some were rescued by emergency grants and scholarships. Many others were forced to transfer to local community colleges or other, less expensive schools. Still others had to drop out altogether.

“We just could not believe this was happening under a black president,” said Johnny C. Taylor Jr., president and CEO of the Thurgood Marshall College Fund.

Once the administration learned about the damage being wrought by the loan rejections, officials rushed to put together an appeals process. The vast majority of students who knew how to access it were successful in reversing loan denials. But many students never knew they could have the rejections reconsidered.

Two years later, the new credit standards were relaxed. But by then the damage was done. Advocates estimate that the loan problems cost HBCUs as much as $250 million.

The new policies coincided with a general drop in college enrollment as the recession ended and some students chose to work instead. But the decline was more pronounced at HBCUs. Between 2000 and 2010, the number of students attending HBCUs increased by more than 12 percent. But they declined after that, and have yet to recover to 2011 levels despite a recent enrollment spike. That trend is similar to a decline in the overall number of black students attending college, HBCU advocates noted.

Even as HBCUs were reeling from some Obama administration policies, Congress moved to reduce the number of semesters that low- and moderate-income students can receive federal Pell grants from 18 to 12. Lawmakers also limited the use of the grants to just two semesters a year, which became a burden for students who rely on summer school to make up credits.

Those changes had a disproportionate impact on HBCUs, where nearly three in four students receive Pell grants. Many HBCU students — like many low-income students at all schools — need to take remedial courses in college, and just a small share graduate in four years.

UNCF says some 36 percent of HBCU students graduate in six years — a low rate, but one that is little different from the 42 percent graduation rate for black students at all schools. Overall, 60 percent of students graduate within six years of starting at a four-year college, according to the National Center for Education Statistics.

The president often raises the problems of low graduation rates and high loan default rates when discussing HBCUs, which has irritated some advocates.

As Obama was addressing a town hall meeting in New Orleans early this year, a Southern University student asked for advice on how to contend with people who view HBCUs as second-rate.

Obama invoked the proud tradition of HBCUs and said that he did not think that people looked down on the schools. But he went on to lament the HBCUs that are struggling with low graduation rates, adding: “We don’t want a situation in which young people are taking out loans, getting in debt, thinking that they’re going to get a great education and then halfway through they’re dropping out.”

Taylor, head of the Thurgood Marshall fund, said the president’s words were painful to hear. “That was not a response a president should have given. All those things hold true for community colleges, yet he wants to double down on funding them,” he said.

Last year, Obama unveiled a plan to make community college free for students nationwide. He later amended it because of an outcry from HBCU leaders and the proposal now includes HBCUs.

Taylor noted that like community colleges, HBCUs tend to take on high-risk students: first-generation college students who are often from low-income families and low-performing high schools. While many fail to graduate, those who do often thrive. Overall, HBCUs enroll less than 10 percent of black undergraduates, but produce about 18 percent of all bachelor’s degrees earned by African-Americans, according to the UNCF. Overall, 70 percent of black doctors and dentists, half of all black engineers and 35 percent of black attorneys are HBCU graduates, according to UNCF.

While Obama has faced some criticism from HBCU advocates, he also has received praise. Since taking office, his administration has increased the size of the maximum Pell Grant, broadened loan repayment programs, and lowered federal loan costs for students. All of that has helped black students.

“HBCUs are vital engines of economic growth and proven ladders of advancement for generations of African Americans, and this Administration remains committed to supporting and investing in HBCUs,” U.S. Secretary of Education John B. King Jr. said in a statement. “While we are tremendously proud of our work to support HBCUs and their students, we recognize that there is more work ahead to ensure all students have the opportunities they deserve.”

Taylor said the Obamas missed an opportunity to boost HBCUs by not having their daughter Malia — who is set to attend Harvard next fall — be seen visiting an HBCU during her college search, as she was at universities including Columbia and Stanford.

“That would have been a huge lift,” Taylor said. “To me it was telling that his child did not tour a HBCU, at least openly.”

Still, others say that even given some missteps, the Obamas have been strong HBCU supporters. When Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, he donated $125,000 of the prize money to the UNCF. Meanwhile, he and Michelle Obama have repeatedly spoken at black colleges. Last spring, the first lady gave the commencement address at Jackson State University and Obama spoke to Howard University graduates. And on Tuesday, he will participate in a forum on sports, race and achievement sponsored by The Undefeated at North Carolina A&T State University in Greensboro, North Carolina.

“HBCUs need champions,” said Michael Lomax, the former president of Dillard University and CEO of the United Negro College Fund. “And I can’t think of two better champions for HBCUs than Michelle and Barack Obama. My expectation is that they will be able to do even more for HBCUs once they are out of office than they did while in office.”

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janishacolors · 5 years ago

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Dos and donts of Art School

Hey hey Everybody! Happy Sunday ! I hope you’re all doing well during this tough times! I’ve been feeling rather drained but I’m managing. ;w;

My Blackout series exploded on Twitter and I had multiple inquires on print purchases. So I had to drop practically everything I plotted working on this week and set up an Online store ASAP. Also had to figure out what charities the proceeds would go to. Aaaand unfortunately the prints themselves won’t be here for another week so I’ll be setting up pre orders for the print tomorrow!

I’ve also learned that my University has locked us into our fall Semester and we’re no longer going remote. Cases for COVID Have steadily increased here in Florida which makes going back to school very concerning... If a “college experience” is more important than someones health and safety then there’s a problem ;;A;;

Since I have school on the mind, I thought I’d talk about do’s and don’ts of art school. Here’s some things to keep in mind whether you’re thinking about going OR you’re already in it! I’ll be sharing my personal examples along the way but I’d definitely like to hear from you guys as well!

(Comparison Timeline Infographic ) Final Project for Intro to Graphic Design Class

DO go to art school if it feels right for you! Ultimately if you want to go to art school then by all means go to art school. BUT if you decide to go to art school just take the time to think about what it is that you’re going for. If you don’t have a reason why (no matter how crazy or out there it is) YOU MAY BURNOUT ! You’re goals will keep you motivated even during your most challenging classes. My main reason to go to art school is to work for the Pokémon company. It sound super ambitious I know and I plan to go in depth on this another Sunday X3 but it’s what makes me excited about everything I learn in my Graphic design major

DON’T just have one large goal! Continuing off the previous point you need to create many realistic goals for yourself. It’s easy for us to say that we want to work for ourselves or a company but then the question becomes what all are you going to do to reach that goal.Just the thought of reaching this end goal can be daunting but in order to prevent that fear from occurring you need to set small goals. Getting into my major was one of the first goals to my larger goals. We had to apply and submit portfolio works. And now that I’ve achieved that I’m going to start working on a new mini goal of brushing back up on my languages an start draft works for my future portfolio. And in between those goals I’ve set other mini art goals along the way so I stay on track with my larger goals.

DO make sure when you’re deciding to go to art school that it’s the right fit for you. do your RESEARCH! You don’t necessarily have to go to Cal arts or any fancy/expensive art school to succeed. Look into what your local colleges and or universities are offering in their art programs and you might be surprised! This not only applies to classes but also who the professors are too. I found out one of my professors in my major actually did work for the family guy series before teaching!

DON’T Take too many classes. this is a given but it’s something that we tend to not think about when we are applying for courses for the semester. The maximum number of studio classes should probably be three. Each class has its own needs and deadlines and it gets tricky anymore than that (especially if you’re working too) Also be careful about taking studio and academic classes at the same time if you can. Try and separate them out over the semesters. So you could do three art studio classes in the fall and spring but do academic courses during the summer. Summer is the best time to knock out any other academics you might have despite the short semester period mainly because most people take break during the summer. Honestly this allows for more one on one support from your professors if you need it sometimes

DO pick classes that are challenging and interesting to you. Of course there are some classes you have no choice in taking, but It’s really really good to choose classes that will constantly challenge yourself especially if you’re going for an art major or degree. Some of the projects you’ll do can look really good in your portfolio . My most recent spring 2020 semester was most likely the most difficult semester I’ve ever had to deal with mainly because I was learning a variety of different art fields all at once XDD. Each of my classes were kind of unfamiliar territory for me with their own challenges. Overall it was really tough but in the end I learned so much from each of them. You can check out my discussion on collaboration to find out some valuable things learned from my classes https://janishacolors.tumblr.com/post/619694664014004224/artist-collaboration

And that’s going to wrap my do’s and don’ts if you have any art school do’s and don’t you’d like to add or discuss let me know!

Next week I plan to talk about my art goals for the remainder of 2020 which I’m super excited to be sharing X3

In the meantime stay tuned!

#janishacolors #art blog #art advice #artist thoughts #art thoughts #artschool #art school #art tips #art goals

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lil-outsider · 6 years ago

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Michael Sheen is a literal angel, y’all.

Let me tell y’all a story...

First, you need to know a little bit about my year so far. In the year of our Lord, Twenty-Nine-Sheen, well, my life has really spiraled. I’m a grad student at the University of Texas at Austin in the MA in Media Studies program, and I fully intended on graduating this past May. Unfortunately, in January, mere days before the Spring semester that I was registered and ready to go for would begin, I found out that I had to have surgery. I moved all my coursework online to address the problem. Well, financial problems caused by insurance issues left that process in paperwork hell until May, and, simultaneously, my grandmother fell ill in February, and we soon learned that she had quick-onset dementia. She also became incontinent during this time. Very rapidly, she went from somewhat independent to needing care 24/7. I became her new caregiver. My schoolwork got pushed back... Well, I kept working on it, but email communication often failed me and I found myself hoping I could go back to Austin, but nothing was slowing down. In fact, things started building up. My dad started working more, and I had less time to go to my undergraduate school here at home, Texas A&M University-Texarkana, and get work done. I knew I wouldn’t graduate in May, but my dad and I had pooled our money together to pay for one more semester. We chose the summer session because it was cheaper, and we were sure that, if I was given the freedom to work, I could get things done on time. My dad started working even more--3 people were fired from his job at the water treatment drinking water plant here in Texarkana. He was working every single day. I was trying to find any second to show up at school, and I was also very, very exhausted.

In a particularly heavy moment of stress and impending due dates that I couldn’t foresee making, I tweeted Michael Sheen with a funny picture of my cat and some icons @Kiyye had created, and I wrote a little note about how he made me smile in these dark times.

Now, this message definitely uplifted my spirits. My best friend, @vacationingatthepond, randomly checked Twitter while we were on the phone together, getting ready to watch Masters of Sex, and found out the news. We were both ecstatic, as she is mentioned in the original post, too. Like everyone else in this fandom, we’ve been connecting over Michael Sheen content since Good Omens, so we’ve made a nightly ritual of gushing about Michael and watching his movies/shows. We connect over this since we’re hundreds of miles apart and we miss each other a lot. When we watched Bright Young Things, I even found my chosen middle name in Michael’s character. My love for him is real, and this little note made me feel loved, too. Well, last night, my grandmother had a bad night, so I stayed up and decided that I would make a GoFundMe page to try and earn money to pay for the Fall semester at UT-Austin. It was getting dire. Tens of thousands of dollars of loans in, and I was about to have to quit because I couldn’t pay for one more course and I hadn’t applied for FAFSA because I intended on graduating in May. I also went ahead and applied for FAFSA, but this option was really daunting, considering it would triple the cost of school AND the coursework--to get loans, you must be full-time. While I need 3 hours to graduate, I’d need 9 to meet grad school full-time status... The GoFundMe page was a last-ditch effort to secure my spot in school, and remains an effort to get me back to Austin where I can work in-person with my advisor.

Here is the link to the gofundme, if you would like to donate or signal boost:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-rein-graduate-utaustin-grad-school&rcid=r01-15656318453-90964e8dfd13406f&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

I tweeted it to Michael, along with a thank you for his sweet words to my grandmother and I. I simply requested he signal boost my GoFundMe page. Instead, y’all, he donated the entire amount. And he told nobody. He just left it there for me to find. When I came back from changing my grandmother’s diaper this morning, I had a notification from a facebook message that a friend sent that read, “You probably still don’t realize what has happened.” I had sent her a link to the page only 30 minutes before. Within 30 minutes, Michael Sheen single-handedly reached my goal of $3000 and saved my academic career. I’ve only got a little work left on my project. I will graduate now. I cannot even fully process it. Kudos to @neil-gaiman for recognizing that Michael Sheen is actually an angel here on earth.

He told nobody about this. He kept this entirely to himself and the small group of people I have circulated this to. He didn’t share my post or anything--he did something better; again, he just single-handedly saved my academic career. It was instant stress relief. This has been the heaviest year of my life, and he’s made it better. He’s obviously invited to my graduation! Hook ‘em! For those that are interested, my Master’s Report will be available to the public. Here is a description I wrote for the last GoFundMe update: “The project is designed to be accessible to academics and non-academics alike. I have chosen Prezi as the format for 3 reasons: 1. Talking about asexual Daryl Dixon is a fun topic for academics, fans, and queer folx alike; 2. Prezi is a free, accessible service, meaning there are no gates of publication in the way of accessibility; and 3. Prezi allows academic discussion and artistic expression to co-exist for the purpose of the argument/story you want to tell. This particular presentation, "Why a 'Somewhat Asexual' Daryl Dixon is Not Enough: The Importance of Labels in Queer Media" is a particularly meaningful discussion I want to put out into the world--it is dedicated to one of my closest friends, who feels as though non-negative media representations of asexuality are few and far between. Now is the time to talk about asexuality, not as an absence, but as an equally whole and wonderful experience of existence--and a valuable piece of our society.”

@vacationingatthepond, @everybodyownsascar, and I have been miles and miles apart, and we’re all connected daily through our love of Michael Sheen. We’ve jokingly termed the year, “Twenty-Nine-Sheen,” but he really did make my year today. Thank you, Michael.

#Michael Sheen #Aziraphale #He is an actual angel though #Neil Gaiman #good omens #The Walking Dead #TWD #UT-Austin #Acafans #Crowdfunding #Gofundme #I am so happy right now #I love him so much

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uncivilengineering · 5 years ago

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What Kind of Two Years Has it Been

At the end of an experience, and therefore a blog, I usually write a reflection on the experience. The Master's programme ended six years ago and due to life and procrastination and other excuses, I'm finishing this blog only now. But this delay has its advantages, because I know how the story ends and I can tell you what happened to the characters. So maybe, for the first time, this is truly an epilogue.

The journey to this program started in 2012. I was living in Germany and working as a consultant. I always knew I wanted to work first before continuing with any kind of education, because toward the end of undergrad, I had classes with grad students and the ones who had work experience before going back to school seemed to bring more to the experience from applying what they learned from the real world. As I researched Master's programmes, I focused my search in Europe because I was still paying off the loans for my Bachelor's degree. I Googled another program when the MIND programme turned up in the results. After a process of applying, obtaining references, phone interviews and traveling to Munich from Stuttgart to take the GRE in Germany (really), even though this is Europe, the choice came down to Humboldt University in Berlin, with a scholarship from the DAAD, and the MIND programme, with a scholarship from the European Commission. (Lappeenranta University of Technology in Finland takes a close third because I had a really, really pleasant scholarship interview with a very pleasant young man and sometimes I think about how my life might be different if I went there and studied Innovation Management instead.)

I'm sure there was a long decision process and I'm sure I spent a lot of time thinking about it, like most decisions. This all took place eight years ago and I cannot remember the salient details. But I can imagine that I felt like it was time to leave Germany, even though I love (LOVE) Berlin, and the appeal of having an adventure in two countries (I didn't yet know that Asia was on the table) was great. So I gave notice at the consulting firm, said goodbye to my friends in Stuttgart, (wrapped up my last performances as a roller skating Greek muse in the local military base's production of Xanadu - that's real) and moved to Sweden.

In the two years that ensued, I met the best people, took wild risks, had the best time, made my dreams come true and had the adventure I sought. I lived.

I lived in Sweden for a year and was inspired by their example of how to treat guests in your country. I had a job interview in a sauna in the winter and learned what gender equality in society might actually look like. After an application process, I had the opportunity to spend a semester in Thailand. In Thailand I learned how to get from the university to town (Bangkok) and back again. I hosted a cultural show that lasted for eight (or more?) hours. I felt closer to my mom than I had ever understood before. C pointed out that after the midterm exams, I have sat for exams on three continents. I celebrated my birthday at a German brewery in Bangkok. I saw Angkor Wat after the semester ended. I went to all the Disneylands in the world (at the time...back then, there were only 11 parks). I didn't stay long in Austria, but I was there long enough to experience a Buschenschank and run into visa problems. I also saw Carousel and Cabaret in German, and puzzled as to why it was an hour longer than Cabaret in English, which I saw soon after on Broadway. In Glendale I lived in a conference room turned into an ad hoc intern bullpen for four and a half months writing my thesis. I saw things I had been nearby my entire life but never dreamed of seeing in reality.

Blogs are cheesy and navel-gazey but I am glad I did it. I am glad that this and the Germany Part I blogs exist. Sometimes I will look at an old post because someone asked for a travel recommendation (for example), and I will discover something that I forgot. I didn't remember that I was contacted by Swedish public radio to talk about the 2012 United States election. I forgot I had this conversation at NASA JPL about living in Germany. So what's the moral of this paragraph? If you can't blog, at least journal. You think you will remember the exciting things that happen in your day to day life but the truth is, you won't. I am proof!

What happened to everyone? Some stayed in Europe. Some went home. Some went home in Europe. Some got married. Some had babies. Some moved to Amsterdam. Many stayed in Sweden. When I left C, she wanted to stay in Italy. She has since worked her way up to an awesome job at a major company and had a baby! A has moved and is engaged to be married! I was happy to attend C's wedding in Ankara in 2015. I was happy to attend Z's wedding in Czechia last year, and to see my friends again at both.

What happened to me? I accepted an internship in Florida where I spent about five years (and made a bunch of new friends and had a bunch of good times) before moving back to the country where I left when this all started. To be honest, I never expected to be back. Not in this country. In 2017, I was fortunate to attend my class reunion in Leiden; it was also the celebration of the closing of the program. They invited all alumni back to watch the last class graudate. I met the newest generations of the program and saw a lot of old friends. It was just like old times. I came to the first afternoon of the organized program. I thought we would observe the new kids doing their work. No. We kicked off with a case exercise and divided into groups to discuss and then present our results. Our groups consisted of current students, alumni, professors and mentors. In Europe, we are all equal. It was just like old times.

The rest of the program consisted of lectures, discussions and watching the final presentations of the graduating class. Before I left for this trip, I joked that my master programme was ending because it lost funding (truth) from the European Commission because of Brexit (also true but I didn't realize it until I got there and they confirmed that Brexit was one of the factors that cut funding to the programme). There was a party the final evening. In the way that we do. I remember telling all my friends that it would be a very long time before I will see them again. I couldn't foresee an immediate excuse to get to Europe and hang out with them. The day I returned to work in Florida from the trip, I received an email about joining a project that is based in Germany. If I chose to accept this mission, I would have to move to Germany for a period of time. What.

I learned later that, basically, someone found out that I know German. (I promise that I have other skills.) When I was in high school, if you told me I was going to move to Germany, I would have said that you're crazy. I was just this nerd who went to Space Camp and really liked The West Wing and Saturday Night Live. If you told me I was going to move to Germany twice, I would have said, "Then why did I spend all this time learning Spanish?" (among other questions) I know that's true, because I did ask myself that in the first two months of intensive language school in 2010. But the truth is, Germany made things happen for me. When I talk to young people who (for some reason) ask for my advice, in addition to telling them to "follow your dreams," I also tell them the story of how moving to Germany (the first time) changed my life. (And then I tell them why so they know I'm not exaggerating.)

I couldn't refuse. I'm back in Germany. I'm working on getting better at German.

I should have seen this coming. The fall I moved to Sweden in 2012, I came back to Germany to celebrate Thanksgiving. During my Swedish spring, the squad from Germany came to visit Sweden and I put in my tea and hairspray requests (from dm, of course). After my thesis defense in 2014, my first destination was Nuremberg to see E, then on to Quakenbrück to wait with C who was finishing her defense. I attended S's wedding in Leipzig in 2015. I went to Oktoberfest in Munich in 2016. The point is, I cannot stay away from Germany. This is evident and not a surprise.

So far, I have been fortunate that this opportunity has allowed me to meet up with so many friends. A and M are in Amsterdam and have introduced me to Y and T, who are also in the MIND network. S is back in Oslo from Thailand. A is in London. S has moved from Stuttgart to Berlin. A and P and B and K and E are in New York. I still cite the meal in Haarlem (note that's Haarlem in the Netherlands, not Harlem, but I can see why you might be confused because I just mentioned New York) as the best I've ever had and J told me that the restaurant has received a Michelin star since 2014 when we were there so now it's overpriced and overrated. So funny! At Z's wedding in Czechia last year I was happy to reconnect with A, B and M. Everyone else, I'm coming for you! (And I mean that in the creepy way!)

What's going to happen next? Let's find out! Thank you for reading and joining the adventure.

Good night, have a pleasant tomorrow and see you in the future!

Lauren

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addierose444 · 4 years ago

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UMass Course Experience: Spring 2021

This semester, I took my two courses at the University of Massachusetts Amherst (just UMass from here on out). The specific courses were computer systems principles (COMPSCI 230) and introduction to the C programming language (COMPSCI 198C). You can check out my other spring 2021 courses here and read more about Five College course registration here. These courses together replace microprocessors and assembly language (CSC 231) which is the systems core course required for the computer science major. In some ways, this was the perfect semester to take a Five College course as I didn’t need to factor in travel time. However, I also didn’t get the full experience as the courses were remote and asynchronous. My initial motivation for taking a Five College course was to deal with some scheduling conflicts. These conflicts became a nonissue when I decided not to take French this semester. You can read more about my decision to not study abroad here. I took these specific courses because Smith’s equivalent course is only offered in the fall and given my interest in systems taking the core systems courses sooner rather than later made more sense than a random computer science elective.

My use of the past tense in reference to my UMass classes is actually appropriate as I have completed all of the coursework. In fact, I finished COMPSCI 198C before the Smith semester even started. I know that sounds sort of crazy, and it is, but it’s also not as crazy as may you think. Specifically, the UMass semester started two weeks before Smith’s and COMPSCI 198C was a one-credit self-paced course that opened up even earlier. That said, finishing the course in about a week and a half was no walk in the park and amounted to over a full-time job. (This was also on top of my French class and other work I was doing during interterm which you can read about here). While I had the entire semester to complete COMPSCI 198C, I wanted to finish it early so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it during the semester and so that I could feel fully prepared for the COMPSCI 230 for which it was a pre/corequisite. To be totally honest, for a one-credit course, COMPSCI 198C was a difficult and time-intensive course. I’m glad that I managed to finish the course before the Smith semester because it would have been too easy to put off the work given the lack of hard deadlines. On the other hand, if I hadn’t worked through the class so intensively I don’t think it would have been nearly as time-consuming. Namely, I would have taken more breaks and been able to return to my code rested and with a fresh perspective. Furthermore, I would have been more likely to get help.

COMPSCI 198C was broken down into 12 modules and was pass/fail. (It did take the course seriously though because I actually wanted to learn the material). Each module had a specific topic and contained readings, pre-recorded lectures, a quiz, and a programming challenge. As for course content, we learned about data representation in C, pointers, dynamic memory allocation, structs, and more. Going into the course, I did have some background in C from Harvard’s CS50x. (You can read my full review of that course, here). The most fun component of the class was definitely the programming challenges. (It was also the most challenging and at times frustrating component, but that’s how you learn). The challenges were graded by computer (via an upload to Gradescope) which allowed for immediate feedback. The challenges included detailed documentation and some starter code.

COMPSCI 230 was also asynchronous but released material on a weekly basis (9:00 on Monday mornings). The one synchronous component was the weekly lab which for most students took place over Zoom. The weekly coursework consisted of readings, lecture videos, and short lesson quizzes. Fortunately, all of the readings for this course were provided free of charge as pdfs or websites. Because COMPSCI 230 is an introductory course, we didn’t go crazy in-depth into each topic. At the same time, we covered a lot of material and there were a ton of details to pay attention to. Part of the reason we were able to cover so much material is that it was mostly conceptual and thus we didn’t spend half of the class going through example problems like you would in a math or engineering class. As for course content, we learned about processes, threads, and basic computer architecture. We also learned about signals, pipes, and network communication.

We also had a one-hour weekly quiz that we could take any time between noon on Friday and the end of the day on Tuesday. While I did the other coursework during the week and usually took the quiz on Friday afternoon, you could technically do almost everything over the weekend. To read more about a typical week of my spring 2021 semester, click here. In addition to lecture material, we had a total of six projects (and associated project quizzes). These projects involved systems-level programming and were a lot of fun to work on. Like the COMPSCI 198C programming challenges, most of the projects had starter code and were graded by an autograder on Gradescope. The first project introduced us to debugging with gdb. Our last project had us write a client program that communicated with a server to solve math problems. Other projects included a bank simulator and a cache simulator.

While five credits worth of classes is far from representative of an entire university’s courses, it’s only fitting to try and compare them to what’s offered at Smith. This is also highly unscientific as my UMass courses were asynchronous and during a pandemic. (It is worth noting that the vast majority of UMass’s other spring courses were synchronous). The first main difference is shear course size. Specifically, COMPSCI 230 had 316 students and an entire course team. At Smith, our equivalent course (CSC 231) is capped at 30 students. (The largest class I have personally taken at Smith was game theory (ECO 125) which had 73 students). The COMPSCI 230 lectures were by the actual professor, but the lab sections and most asynchronous help were from teaching assistants. With this large class size and the asynchronous format, there was little chance to get to know my classmates and professor. (I did join a Discord with a few classmates, but that was fairly focused on course material rather than general socialization). There was also an official discussion board on Piazza to ask questions (to be answered by other students and/or the instructors). Communication with the instructors (the professor and the TAs) also took place on Piazza with private posts. In fact, the only time I ever emailed my professor was before the course to get the syllabus to submit to the registrar’s office. Despite not knowing us as individuals, my professor clearly cared about us as individuals and about our wellbeing. At Smith, it’s the norm for professors to genuinely care about their students and about teaching. From reading posts on Piazza, I got the clear impression that my peers didn’t feel the same level of support from their other professors. The course size also meant that most everything was graded by computer. The autograder for the projects allowed for partial credit, but the quizzes didn’t allow you to explain your answer. There were a few quizzes that had somewhat ambiguous questions that were dropped from the quiz. This got a bit annoying if you had gotten that question right, but had gotten some others wrong. In a smaller class, the question would probably be kept in and if a student raised an issue they may be able to argue points back just for themselves.

All in all, I had a positive experience taking COMPSCI 198C and COMPSCI 230 at UMass. With that said, I definitely wouldn’t want to have an entire schedule worth of 300 person asynchronous classes. Even though I didn’t have to take these courses this semester, it’s really nice going into my junior year having completed all of my computer science core classes. Furthermore, I should be well prepared for future systems classes including digital circuits (EGR 390dc) next fall which has either EGR 220 or CSC 231 as a prerequisite (and I will have both by the end of this semester).

#college #Smith College #UMass Amherst #five college consortium #spring 2021 #asynchronous #computer science

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100-yardstare · 5 years ago

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I’ve been doing community outreach for intercity girls in Houston and it’s just been continuously again and again opening my eyes to how shitty the school system is today, especially for girls of color and poor people. This one school I was at for the last four/five weeks is an old ass school that hasn’t updated itself since like the 60′s?? And yet the student population is just getting bigger and bigger by the year. So you have girls that are being thrown into the same classes twice a day, sometimes three, because the school doesn’t know where else to put them.

Also my community outreach department travels to intercity schools to talk about important problems that are adamant in youth, like drugs, bullying, food insecurity/how to take care of yourself, and mental health, and it sucks because these class sizes are so huge (and on top of it we’re trying to talk to massive class sizes of middle school and high school students so they are already angsty, tired, being teens etc) that these serious topics are going right over some of their heads. I feel like the ability to reach out to these students would be to have smaller/more intimate discussion groups but that is literally impossible, because even the schools themselves we visit have a hard time knowing where to put US. Also there is this focus on putting the girls in these extra programs like we do during only PE, and since I am in charge of going over end-of-semester surveys I see feedback from the students that doing these classes just during PE sucks because it’s their only class period where they can be active/run/play and not sit at a desk all day.

Yeah I get that English and Math are super important, but when you don’t prioritize physical and mental health of girls over academics and grades whats the point?? I was having a discussion with my dad as I was reading through some of the anonymous surveys bringing this issue up. I asked why it wasn’t possible to shuffle these mental health/issues seminars over the course of the semester through different class periods so the girls are still getting PE/the arts, and my dad was like it’s probably not going to change because schools get money from successful test scoring or some bullshit. Again, money is important but come on. These are KIDS we are talking about that need a stable/lively school life, and that’s not happening because schools are disorganized shit holes.

It also sucks because I’m only an associate... so I have no real power to change this??? Yeah sure I can tell my manager about what I read and see, but I don’t think there’s much she can do either. It just sucks.

#i'm glad i'm learning that this is happening #but it's frustrating that i can't do anything about it #i wish there was a way to magically make everything better #but the system is fucked #kailey speaks #may delete later

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huilianwrites · 5 years ago

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Here’s a little rant about this whole COVID-19 situation. I read somewhere that historians from the future would love it if more people write about what’s going on on a day-to-day basis, especially in times like this (hi future historians! *waves*), and I do think it’s useful for me to let some of these thoughts out instead of just keeping them all to myself, so here’s a little rant.

The COVID-19, or the coronavirus disease of 2019, apparently, became really pronounced around the Chinese New Year of 2020. I’m Indonesian of a Chinese descent, but now I’m studying in a university in Canada. So, at the start, I was just, okay, whatever. It’s spreading in China, and there’s a few cases in Canada because people travel to their hometown in China during Chinese New Year and come back, no big deal. They can lock down the city, and keep people who do have it and have traveled back to wherever they live in quarantine and nothing big will happen. Oh boy was I wrong.

My friends started joking about the coronavirus at first. It’s really not a big deal for us in Canada, and we have much, much bigger concerns, like finishing our problem sets and our next midterm. So they started joking about it, and I didn’t think anything of it other than noticing how my brother can’t go back to university in Hong Kong because they are closing the universities there. Oh, and let’s not forget, my brother hasn’t been in school for a couple months because of the riots of Hong Kong, and now he can’t even go back. People were joking about how the Chinese government develops this virus to end the Hong Kong riots.

Then, as things started to get worse, racism happened. Yay. As I said, I’m of Chinese descent, so I look Chinese, Even if I don’t, I’m Asian, and people started to suspect EVERY SINGLE ASIAN PERSON to have the virus. At this point I haven’t even left Canada in months, because the flight time home, even for winter break, is horrendous, and if I had the virus it would be because someone gave it to me in Canada, which means the odds of you getting it is about the same as me getting it. It reaches a point where I’m scared of coughing in public, because people will then think I have the virus.

Not to mention that I’m still monitoring how things goes in Indonesia, since it is my country. Until months after the outbreak happened, there is no single case in Indonesia. And people started to think that it’s because Indonesia just doesn’t have the capabilities of testing for the virus. Like, are you kidding me? I’m all about criticizing how the Indonesian public health system is, but you don’t have a leg to stand on by saying how Indonesia is a possibly dangerous country to get infected with COVID-19 when you already have the cases of COVID-19 in your own country. Yes, I’m talking to you, Australia and Singapore. Shut up, and deal with the people in your own countries.

But then, of course, things don’t just stop there. More and more cases started to sprout up, and with it, of course, more and more misinformation. Theories about how the COVID-19 is about China developing this virus to take over the world. Like what? And things about deaths because of COVID-19, people spreading panic, and of course, because of smartphones and social media, people who have no idea how to filter information spreads this information even further. Unfortunately, many of my families are amongst them. There are so many misinformation about the virus, but people are not getting the most important information about all of it, which is to WASH YOUR HANDS! They talk about wearing masks, which, does not really help unless you’re already sick and trying not to infect people. Some people wear the N95 respirator, but they don’t do it properly, and leave gaps between their faces and the mask. Some people went further and wore googles and gloves on top of the respirator.

Then things start to get even worse. Italy started to lock down, along with many other countries. The primaries in the US became disrupted because a lot of people got the virus. Indonesia finally had its first case, and the numbers grow exponentially. People are starting to get really scared.

Students start to petition universities to shut down, because 500 students in one room is prime breeding ground for an infectious disease. WHO finally decided to call this a pandemic, which, I’m still bitter about because they only do it once European and American countries started to get lots of cases. But I guess for WHO the definition of a pandemic is the worldwide spread of a new disease. (And the WHO only considers the world to be Europe and America anyways, but that’s my own thoughts and another discussion.)

Finally universities started closing, including my own. All my classes went online in a VERY short time. I applaud all my professors who had to figure out how to went from face-to-face instructions to online classes in a span of about two days. And they managed to make the best of this situation too. Cheers to you, profs! (I’m aware that this has not been the case for a lot of students, and I’m sorry to hear that.)

Canada declared emergency, and all events are canceled, including a lot of performances. The National Ballet of Canada canceled their performance of Romeo and Juliet, which I’m kind of looking forward too. All of the dance crews in my university also postponed or canceled their performances, including my own. We had two big performances scheduled at the end of the semester, and both of them got canceled. My friends who are in performing arts programs got it the worst though. Their year-end performances, which they must have been working on for months, got canceled. I can’t even imagine how disappointed they are. Even I’m already disappointed, and I only dance as a side.

Then famous people started to test positive for COVID-19, including Canada’s prime minister’s wife. Actors and athletes started to test positive. Though, there’s weird and insensitive things that’s happening. First of all, since the COVID-19 mortality rate for people under the age of 60 is not high, a lot of young people thought this is not really a concern for them and continue their travels and parties anyways. Even if you don’t get infected, other people might come in contact with you and then THEY can get infected. And the parties? Come on, people are dying and getting sick. Once classes got canceled a lot of my friends spent the entire weekend partying. You do realize that classes do not end, right? They just got moved online?

Secondly, people started to hoard things. Toilet paper, for once. That one was weird. I don’t know why people want to hoard toilet paper. But then they start to also hoard food and soap and hand sanitizer. Apparently a guy bought 10,000 bottles of hand sanitizer. That is super weird and insensitive. Why would you even need 10,000 bottles of hand sanitizer?

But there’s good things happening too. There’s a video online that’s basically just a bunch of Italians, singing from their balconies because they can’t go outside. There’s also news about how people are donating things to the communities impacted by the COVID-19. And the little things, like people offering to do stuff like grocery shopping for the people most at risk. This COVID-19 also shows how deeply rooted capitalism is, and this made a lot of people to start to notice how capitalism is not an inherent part of human nature.

There’s this thread online about how the COVID-19 is like a trial run for climate change, which, I sort of agreed. Governments stopped for COVID-19. They change their behaviors and stuff. They could have done that for climate change too, but they don’t, because climate change does not really affect them as a person. I guess that’s too general, but COVID-19, a virus, can literally hit even the most powerful person on earth. It has hit famous actors and athletes. It has hit the prime minister of Canada. They see it happening and they know that it can hit them too. So they act. While for climate change, they see it happening but they don’t care because it doesn’t affect them. They are not the ones starving because of climate change. They are not the ones having to relocate again and again because of climate change.

Someone online (and don’t you see a pattern about how I’m taking information online?) wrote about how most young people are so nonchalant about this disease. And in part, I guess it’s because of how the risk for younger people are lower, but also because the younger people have been fighting against imminent end of the world for years now. We know that the world would die if we continue to act the same. This is just another part of it.

Anyways, I thought that even though universities are closing, residences would not. At least not my residence because my university has a lot of international students. But a couple of days in, my dining hall started to only offer take out meals, and I had a sudden realization that this is going to get worse. So I called my parents and asked them whether or not I should go home. I really do not want to be stranded on a country, thousands of miles across from my own country where I have no family. I called them, I booked the ticket (while arguing with my father because he doesn’t think I should), and then started packing. I booked the ticket on Tuesday for a flight home on Wednesday, so I literally only have hours to pack my entire room. I went to grocery stores to ask for cardboard boxes to put my stuff in, and ended up taking one from the dumpster because none of their cardboard boxes are big enough. I arranged for a storage company to come pick up my stuff, but because everything is very short notice, I couldn’t get them to come when I’m still there, so I had to ask my friend to hold it for me until the storage company can come pick up. And then, on the afternoon, there’s an email saying that residences will be closed on Saturday. Wasn’t it lucky that I had booked a flight home before hand?

Oh, and even throughout this, people are still dissing Indonesian government’s ability to handle the crisis. My friends, who are also Indonesian, talk against going home because they don’t trust the Indonesian health care system. Bitch, I also don’t trust the Canadian health care system, and there are more cases in Canada anyways. So they decided not to go home, but then residences started to close and then I had no idea whether they all decide to go home or not. But for the most part, they had families in Canada, and some of them had families in the US. So I guess they could go there. I’m still offended about them not trusting the Indonesian health care system though. What is it about people and not trusting Indonesia? They are Indonesian citizens. It’s people like them who made Indonesia stuck in this weird limbo of being a developing country. And don’t even mention people from Malaysia and Singapore, and how they look down on Indonesia. But that’s another rant that I will maybe write with better sources.

Anyways, so I packed my entire life in two suitcases, a duffle bag, a backpack, and three boxes in the span of several hours. Then emailed my profs because I have two (TWO!) midterms in the days that I will be traveling. Thankfully they are very accommodating. I started my 20+ hours of flight, plus and additional 10 hours on transit.

It’s super weird to be in a flight with people all panicking about the COVID-19. I saw people wiping every single surface down with wet wipes before the flight. They double on masks and wear goggles. Some even wore hazmat suits. As for me, I know that I shouldn’t touch my face, so what I do is I wore make-up. Normally I don’t wear make-up on a daily basis, but if I had eyeliner on, I’m not going to touch my eyes for fear of smudging that off. Same with lipstick. That worked for me, including in the hours of flight that I went through. I also wash my hands plenty, until my skin felt like they’re cracking off because of how dry they are.

In airports, there are officials who checked everyone’s temperature with the laser thermometer. And in one of the flights everyone had to wear a mask. That was such a weird experience. And then there are forms I had to fill when I land, specifying where I had been and where. All of this experience is so surreal.

And then I got home, and my dad started to tell me to go shower, yada yada. Then he put all my stuff out in the sun, and told me that I shouldn’t meet with my grandmother for a while. All of which I know. And then he started JOKING. HE STARTED JOKING. He jokes about how I shouldn’t be allowed to come into his room, and how after I touch something then other people shouldn’t touch it. Like, that’s the hill you wanted to die on? THAT? I’m super pissed. I am perfectly aware that I should self-quarantine for 14 days, but that’s not how you go about doing it, FATHER. That’s just plain rude.

It’s like he doesn’t even want me back home. Like how I should have just stayed in Canada. Fuck you, Father. Fuck you very much. If you don’t want me home, then you should have said before I fucking book the tickets. Now I’m just swearing, but fuck you very, very, very much, Father.

And that ends my rant about this whole COVID-19 situation for now. It’s 5 whole pages of unorganized ranting. Let’s see how much of this rant I would have in the next couple of days.

Peace out, Huilian

#covid-19 #lian writes #rant

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b-kitsune · 6 years ago

Text

Many ways to say I love you: Day Seventeen.

Kidge-a-palooza 2019 Prompt: Gamble. Pairing: Kidge (VLD) Universe: Garrison AU. Status: Part ¾

It was the third time this week that her mother told her how wonderful was the show that Matt had prepared for Shiro a few weeks ago in Garrison, to finally commit himself after many years of courtship. It was nice and kind of lovely to see her mother so excited about the wedding planning to take place in six more months, and her father couldn't be prouder of the person Matt had chosen to live the rest of his life. Pidge frankly at that point, she was up to the top with the story.

At first, Pidge was excited when she had heard it the first ten times after arriving from a diplomatic mission from the planet Daibazaal with Keith and his mother. It had come as a surprise to everyone because her brother had kept it a secret very well, and with a pretty clever idea, even for him. Who after a private celebration in the headquarters where the high officials were enjoying a nice dinner after a strenuous semester, including her father, Matt had taken Shiro to the area where the central building could be seen completely. When the minutes passed, at exactly midnight Matt closed his eyes to Shiro to direct him to the desired place, where the lights of the building were switched on alternately to showing the words ''marry me'' in high.

It had been a risky proposition, given that Shiro preferred reserved and rather private gestures, but during the commotion and seeing Matt kneeling and holding a tiny box with a ring in the middle, Shiro couldn't help but accept between tears and laughter in happiness to the proposition of Matt, who was also to tears when he saw Shiro take the ring between his fingers. It hadn't been random; Matt had decided to do it at that time because midnight would be ten years from the Kerberos mission. The first time they both traveled into space and began to open up through a relationship beyond friendship.

Some people changed some parts of the story by saying that Matt had started crying since he had knelt, to Pidge's amusement.

Everyone had seen it and many agreed that it had been a pretty nice show to see how the lights were playing around the letters that were programmed to light at the desired time while congratulating them for deciding to formalize a relationship that had been developing for years.

Even Lance and Hunk had agreed that it was a pretty charming gesture to commit. Pidge could understand it.

But her mother was being exaggeratedly insistent with the subject. Especially that morning.

''Mom, I heard you the first few times since I got to earth, could you talk about something else?'' Colleen looked at her questioningly when she handed a piece of toast to Bae Bae, who was under the table.

''Sure ... Something interesting that has happened in your relationship, Katie?''

''No?'' She answered uncertainly. ''You know, nothing new. Keith will be leaving for a few months on a trip with the intergalactic coalition to investigate Balmera's robberies by space pirates. He will return before his birthday.''

''You mean that nothing has progressed? Nothing new?''

''What do you mean by that?'' Pidge asked sternly. Now she understood her mother's insistence on the marriage between Shiro and Matt.

''Oh nothing, you know ... You have been together for so long and many would think that you should begin to formalize a little more your adolescent relationship.''

''Our relationship is perfect as it is, thank you very much.'' Pidge replied annoyed. ''Besides, who is saying that?''

''Me, of course.''

''Then it's not important.''

''Katie...'' Colleen's tone made Pidge immediately regret getting up to end the conversation. Her mother, however, only sighed tiredly after a few seconds in silence. ''I don't want you to think I'm meddling in your relationship with Keith ... But it looks like they're not going anywhere, you know? You should think a bit about that.''

Pidge chose to briefly chew on what Colleen was trying to tell her, then say goodbye with a brief kiss on her cheek and take her keys to go to work. She had to give a class in an hour and she couldn't spend time thinking about things that had no meaning or answer.

Not that Pidge hadn't thought of it before. Although her relationship with Keith had lasted various years and they were on excellent terms with their friends and family, she didn't see a future if there were forced to change certain things.

While the marriage rate on earth was extremely low after the integration into the galactic coalition many centuries ago, and many people preferred to leave it as a legislative option before something they really needed for their relationship. Pidge and Matt had the fortune to grow up with parents who loved each other deeply even after many years, so both of them thought that getting married was also part of their life goals when they fulfilled their personal goals. It's not something they said openly, but it was something they craved.

Pidge after knowing about her brother's commitment was really happy for him because Shiro was an amazing person, but at the bottom of her heart, she couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

Maybe her mother had noticed her at some point.

She desired in some future to live in a house next to the person she loved. Share a space that they could order as they wish, accompany themselves while they were growing as people. With all the good and bad that entailed. And maybe, if in the future situations occurred and she felt prepared, having a child wouldn't be something really bad for her. Pidge felt capable of anything, and over the years was able to prove it not only in the world, but the entire universe that she didn't know the limits of the impossible.

But Katie wasn't able to see all that future with Keith.

She had never asked, perhaps out of fear or denial, but she was almost 84.8% sure that Keith didn't want to form a home or a family given his instinctive nature. He was a man of stars, not a person who wanted to get stuck in one place, much less have children.

And that was something that would surely end their relationship at some point.

She pressed hard on her computer to close it and rest her eyes on her current investigation, sighing heavily. She didn't like to think about those things.

''Pidge, is everything okay?'' She looked up to see Hunk approaching her with folded arms, Pidge buzzing affirmatively.

''Yeah, it's just that this code has been giving me problems.'' Lied. Hunk laughed with an incredulous look.

''That's impossible, no code gives you problems.''

''Well, I've been a little tired since my mom has been screaming all day about my brother's wedding.''

''Ahh that's in a few months, I wonder what kind of snacks there will be in the catering.''

Pidge smiled when she made her way to the coffee shop to prepare a coffee while taking a break. Being followed by Hunk who talked animatedly about various types of food that could be accompanied between Italian and Japanese culture.

''It's a misfortune that they will not leave you as a chef in the banqueter’s area.''

''Yeah, I know. But I should have been in charge of the kitchen instead of enjoying the marriage with all of you. That's why Matt and Shiro didn't ask me, although they did ask me for some suggestions for the main courses.''

''That's something.''

Before Hunk could answer, they could hear roars around the corridors and unmistakable voices that made them react with a strong migraine. The people around were afraid to be dragged into the apparent struggle they were having before entering the room with such force that Iverson hit them on the head to stop their discussion.

Lance and Keith nodded reluctantly when they approached Hunk and Pidge who did their best not to laugh at the situation. Or they would start again.

Hunk hit Pidge's shoulder to get her attention.

''I'm afraid to ask at this point what the fight started, but...''

''Surely it will be something stupid.'' Added Allura, who had seen the whole thing in silence when she walked towards them. ''Can you behave like normal adults for a day? You are diplomats and part of the armament that cares for the welfare and peace in the universe, for the ancients!''

''Keith was the one who started!''

''There they go again...''

Pidge commented exhausted as she saw them again arguing for reasons that no one in the room could understand. Although surely it wouldn't make much sense to try to do it. Lance liked to press Keith's buttons whenever he could, and Keith thanks to his competitive personality always ended up falling to Lance's provocations.

And her mother wanted to commit soon to someone like him?

Again, a painful twinge dug into Pidge's chest when she remembered what she was trying to avoid all morning. Calling the attention of Allura while Hunk tried to mediate a little the discussion of both.

''You're okay? You look a little sad...''

''It must just work stress.'' She replied when she averted her eyes slightly. Keith watched her intrigued.

''Did something happen?''

Pidge could answer anything and they would be kind to make her think they believed her until she was prepared to talk. But when she could see standing in front of her, while smiling so warmly. Something in her mind didn't let her take out a single word.

She was silent for too long. Until Lance huffed exaggeratedly causing Keith's eyebrow to contract with discomfort.

''Then I was right? It seems that your courtship is not as you thought.''

''Lance, I warn you.'' Keith's growl came from his stomach, rumbling in the entire room.

''What are you supposed to be talking about?'' Asked Allura trying to stop a future discussion.

''Nothing.'' Keith replied before Lance could say anything. ''I'm sure I could get my answer long before you, Lancey Lance.'' A cheeky smile emerged on both their lips.

''So, it was a bet?'' Pidge said, to which Lance shook his head slowly.

''It is rather a very interesting gamble that we both need to carry out. I hope you have the balls to not retract, mullet.''

''Same for you!''

The others lost the sense of conversation after they saw them return to the hangar of the fighter jets with a determined look and the fire that twitched around them.

Pidge preferred to go back to work, she had enough with one problem a day.

...

''You know? I thought you were too busy mocking Lance to ask us out.''

Keith stopped in front of the viewpoint they had visited after eating some hamburgers at the nearest McDonald's they found after leaving work. If there was something they both enjoyed very much, it was junk food before any elegant dinner. Maybe they would have to tell Lance that that wasn't the rule of all the appointments the next time he tried to invite Allura to dinner around.

Pidge kept a distance from Keith, not approaching him even though she was shivering cold under her jacket. She had decided to end their relationship that night before Keith left for an exploration to a distant galaxy and she had to wait for months. Again.

Keith swallowed hard before speaking.

''Yeah well, I wasn't going to waste my last day on earth with something like that, when I could spend that time with you.''

He took her hand even if she didn't make any move to get it out of the way, or reciprocate. Making her look directly into his eyes. In front of Pidge was the dark violet she had loved so much since she was a teenager.

''I brought you here to talk about something.''

''Is it about your trip?'' Pidge asked, Keith, shook his head, a little nervous at what he would do. ''So?''

''I ... I've been thinking a lot about this since we came to earth. When we heard that Shiro and Matt were engaged...'' Pidge opened her eyes in surprise at the mention of her brother's marriage. Giving him time to keep talking. ''I know that neither of us likes these exhibitionist things but ... Just watch.''

When Keith turned her gaze to the sky that had darkened many hours ago. She could see how several flashes of light coming from the stratosphere began to show through the sky. Taking her hands to her mouth of surprise, she could realize who this whole show was about while the words galra were painted through the stars in vivid colors, with slight explosions assimilating fireworks that, for some reason, galra loved to decorate with anything.

The words 'I love you' have never reached Pidge's heart as much as that night. Keith hugged her gently from the side and they watched the show he had prepared with BOM.

''I ... I know I'm not able to give you a stable future or a family as you wish, Katie.''

Her chest throbbed painfully at his words, staring at Keith when the lights reflected off his skin. His gaze was full of pain.

''I don't see myself able to abandon what I am or what I do, as you don't feel able to leave Garrison and accompany me through the universe.''

Pidge bit her lip, suppressing any refusal she could give since deep down she knew Keith was telling the truth. While she loved to know the universe and discover new technologies through galaxies, she didn't seem able to leave her own roots for something like that.

Keith took her chin to see him again, this time with a much more serene look than before.

''But I want to try, Katie. I want our relationship to move forward, even to form a family in the future...'' He looked away briefly before continuing. ''I can't give you something ideal like Shiro and Matt ... But only if you agree, of course...''

''I don't care about that, Keith... '' Answered, at last, smiling as her tears escaped through her cheeks. ''I know it's not the traditional thing, but... What does it matter? Nothing in the world is hundreds of years ago.''

Keith smiled at her when he lifted her into the air at her response, laughing with happiness as their tears mingled in a rather clumsy kiss. When they walked away, the sky had finally turned towards darkness. Seeing how the fighters were moving towards the sky.

''Whose idea was it?'' Pidge asked, Keith scratched his head, uncomfortable.

''From Kolivan.''

''Your uncle? Seriously!?''

''Hey, the advice he gives me has always been good!''

''Wow ... I never would have imagined it.'' She replied when she snuggled into his chest, looking for some warmth for her frozen nose. Keith breathed hard.

''It's pretty romantic when you take the time to meet him.'' Pidge hummed in response when they swayed around. ''When I return, and after Shiro's marriage, I will correctly ask you to be my wife.'' A sweet kiss on his lips was the answer enough for Keith's heart to calm down and give the evening a successful run and Lance's pride ended up on the floor.

''I'll count the days from today.''

After months, at last Pidge's chest felt really relieved.

#kidge #kidgefanfic #monthofkidge #kidgeapalooza #kidgeapalooza2019 #keith kogane #keith (voltron)#katieholt #pidge gunderson #pidge holt #voltron #voltronship #lance mcclain

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