#and don't freak out if you don't like what i wrote okay i'm having visions of angry people ignoring the bigger issues here

[oleskellybones]

I wrote a short letter of protest to the White House. You can sign it with the information above, and you can READ IT FIRST as well, which I recommend doing ALWAYS before putting your name on something. If you don't like it, you're free to write your own, but please do something if you can.

We won't get anywhere if we continue to reward war crimes with positions of authority.

[caffeineforbucky]

Cruel Summer

Summary: After a two-year absence from your family, you return home for your father's birthday and unexpectedly reconnect with his friend, John Price. A serendipitous attraction emerges, leading to a challenging summer.

Pair: 'Captain' DBF!John Price x AFAB!Reader

WC: 2,008

Warnings: Minors DNI 18+, Age gap. Reader is 26 and John is 37, swearing, longing, some fluff...? Lemme know if I missed any

A/N: I fear it's been a minute since I wrote anything for this blog. This fic might be a few parts. It's been sitting in my drafts for freaking months and I was too excited to get the first part out.

BY CLICKING KEEP READING, YOU ARE CONFIRMING THAT YOU'RE 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"Come on, honey," Your mother's voice resonates in the emptiness of your small kitchen, and the sting in your eyes makes it hard to focus, vision blurring with a haze of murkiness.

With the heel of your palm, you brush away the lamentation on your lashes, heedless in your movements, as you shove a couple of hoodies, books, and other insignificant items into a box—a box of your ex's things. The things he left behind.

"Your dad hasn't seen you in two years. His birthday is coming up in a couple of days, and the only thing he talks about missing his little girl."

That manages to make you smile, if only for a moment. A fleeting glimpse of happiness amidst your heartbreak. "Ryder's there. Dad can have his little boy there instead."

Ryder—your older brother. He was only five years older than you, but while growing up together, you two were inseparable. There was the occasional bickering and fighting, but like all siblings, you grew apart.

He had his life, and you had yours.

"I can hear your dumbass, you know that, don't you?" He tuts through the speaker of your cell phone, and it causes you to snort. He was already with the rest of your family since flying in the night before. Ryder's remark is met with hushes from your mom before she playfully shoves him to continue the phone call with you. Just like old times.

"I don't know, ma..." You mumble, trying your bestest to make it sound like you aren't crying. You knew she worried about you. More than you would've liked, but she was your mother. My job is to worry. She would say. "I've got a lot going on over here and—"

She cuts you off before you can finish.

"Please? I will have to tell your dad when he asks, and he'll start crying and... just come. Even if it's for a day or two. He really wants to see you, and so do I. I miss my baby."

A heavy sigh escapes you, letting your face fall into your palms to wipe the rest of your tears with the tips of your fingers. As badly as you want to refuse, the guilt of not seeing your family in so long starts to creep in, trying to gnaw its way into your conscience.

"Okay, Mom," You finally relent after a couple minutes of silence. You knew how much your parents missed you, and you'd let the lust for independence take you away from the people you loved most, and that was something to feel guilty about. "I'll come."

Your mother's excited squeal makes you flinch, and for some reason, her felicity causes a few more tears to slip down your cheeks, even if you manage a soft chuckle. "Oh, I'm so excited. Your dad is going to flip. I gotta make up your room and—Ryder! I'll talk to you soon, baby. We can't wait to see you."

There were a plethora of responsibilities John had to fulfill when he agreed to attend his best friend’s birthday. He had a job; a task force to forefront. A war to conquer. Nevertheless, he was here, in the backyard of said friends' beach house.

He was used to noise. The bustling crowds of civilians, obnoxious music, and the occasional yelps of children chasing each other around. It all resonated as white noise; his ears filtering out what wasn’t of import.

The smell of grilled hamburger patties permeated the air, his eyes focused on the finesse of each flip.

The tap of his fingers drummed rhythmically against the neck of his beer bottle, smiling and nodding as your father went on and on about his endeavors during his time in the Army.

A broken record; really. The stories weren’t new, at least, not to him—having been a part of those tales himself. The hardships and challenges of having to partake in such horrific adventures. If you can even call them that. Your father had such a colorful vernacular.

John’s eyes looked up in a lazy sweep as he heard the sound of your mother’s voice emitting as the back door slid open. As he took another swig of his beer, there you were.

The man almost choked. The beer comes back up in a fit of coughs, earning a few swats on the back from your father.

“You okay, John?” Your father eyed him humorously, chuckling as he flipped a couple more burgers.

John couldn’t speak, solely nodding as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, mindful of drying off his facial hair.

Fucking hell…

Clad in a cream-colored sundress, every dip and curve of your body was accentuated, the swell of your assets making his mouth water. You were an absolute dream. A fantasy he couldn’t imagine ever thinking of. You were stunning.

He let his eyes trace the outline of your body, from the cherry pattern on your dress to the pretty little red ballet flats you had on.

John had prided himself in being devout to his career. Nothing came between him or it. In his thirty-seven years of being alive, he never once tried to settle down or even dabble in a relationship for fear of never giving enough or never being present. He’d have the occasional fuck, but that was once in a while.

His life wasn’t promised; not in the way he had any control over. Then again, who does?

For the first time since joining the Army, he thought of marriage, and he immediately shook that thought away.

He nudged your father, making him turn toward the profile of his face. With his hand still wrapped around the neck of the bottle, he gestured towards you. “Is that—“

“Ah, there she is!” Your father rejoiced, setting down the spatula as you headed towards where they both stood, your mother trailing behind. John stood idle as he watched you move into your dad’s arms with a semi-forced smile.

“Hey, Dad.” You greet him, letting him rock you back and forth in a tight embrace. “Happy birthday.” Regardless if you’d arrived the day before, your dad was still excited that you were here.

"Thank you, pumpkin."

John watched the interaction from the corner of his eye, a strange feeling tugging at his gut. You were no longer that little girl he remembered—you were a woman now. He took another swig of his beer, curiosity and desire brewing within him.

Once your father had released you from his bear hug, your eyes met with John's. A surprised expression graced your face, recognition flashing across your eyes as if you had completely forgotten that he could also be there. "John?" You questioned, your voice softer than he remembered. 'That you?" There was a hint of a tremble, but it was quickly masked by a polite smile.

"Hey there, sweetheart." He greeted, his voice firm yet gentle. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over you once more, drinking in the sight of you. It was almost as if he was seeing you for the first time. "Aye. It's me."

You chuckled softly, shaking your head in disbelief. "I can't believe it's been fifteen years. You haven't changed much, you know."

John couldn't help but chuckle at your comment, feeling a sense of warmth spreading through him. Fifteen years…

You had to be around twenty-six now.

"I would say the same about you, but—" he replied, letting his gaze linger on yours for a moment longer than necessary. "You've grown up beautifully."

The compliment seemed to take you by surprise, your cheeks flushing a soft tinge. You quickly turned your gaze away from him, focusing on your father who was grilling the patties. "Thanks, John." You muttered, the unease in your voice not going unnoticed by him. Neither did that color on your cheeks.

You could recall the little girl crush you used to have on him all those years ago, when it was adolescent, innocent, and pure. Something to laugh off because it was cute.

But now, standing here as an adult, the feelings that stirred within you when John's gaze lingered on you were anything but innocent. It was a confusing, frightening, yet somehow thrilling realization—one that you knew you would have to confront sooner or later.

Your mother, who had been watching the entire exchange with the sharp eyes of a hawk, nudged you gently, whispering something about helping her out in the kitchen. You took the opportunity to escape, excusing yourself from the men's company. As you turned to leave, you felt John's eyes on you, following your retreating figure. A shiver ran down your spine, but you forced yourself to ignore it.

After you'd left, an awkward silence fell between the two men. John took another swig of his beer, trying to shake off the strange feelings that your presence had stirred up within him. The tension was palpable, a thick fog of unspoken words and hidden desires. It wasn't like him to be so affected, and yet, there was something about you that left him in a state of bewilderment.

His gaze lingered on the spot where you had stood moments ago, the image of your flushed cheeks and the softness of your voice etched into his mind. He raked a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips. This was dangerous territory. He knew it but seemed powerless to pull himself away from the allure.

Your father, completely oblivious to his friend's internal struggle, continued flipping burgers, a contented smile on his face. He hummed a tune under his breath, his eyes bright with happiness. Every now and then, he would glance towards the kitchen door, awaiting your return.

"John," He started, his voice pulling John out of his reverie. "You've gone quiet on me, mate." Your father’s jovial tone contrasted starkly with the turmoil raging within John.

John managed a weak smile, forcing out a chuckle. "Just lost in thought, I guess," he replied, not meeting your father's gaze. He took another sip of his beer, the cold liquid doing little to ease the heat creeping up his neck.

Your father simply laughed, shaking his head. "You've always been a bit of a daydreamer, haven't you?" He said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Just don't go getting lost in your thoughts. We've got a party to enjoy."

John nodded, forcing himself to focus on the present, on the sizzle of the burgers, the sound of laughter from the crowd...anything but his best friend's daughter. But no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts were preoccupied with you.

As the sun began to set, the party continued in full swing. The laughter and chatter grew louder, the music more upbeat, and the atmosphere more festive. But amidst the sea of faces, John's gaze kept drifting back to you.

Your laughter echoed in his ears, your smile imprinted in his memory. Every now and then, he would catch glimpses of you, your silhouette illuminated by the setting sun, your face glowing with genuine happiness. You were like a beacon of light, drawing him in, and he found himself unable to resist.

You were everywhere he looked, in every corner he turned. With each passing moment, the pull he felt towards you grew stronger, more potent. It was like a magnetic force that seemed impossible to resist. It scared him, baffled him, yet excited him in a way he had never experienced before.

He watched as you interacted with the guests, your laughter filling the air. Your eyes sparkled with mirth, your cheeks flushed with excitement. You were the life of the party, and he couldn't help but be captivated by you.

And as he watched you in the warm candlelight of your father's birthday cake, your smile wide as you sang along with your family, he knew he was in trouble. Because for the first time in a long time, he found himself wanting something he knew he couldn't have.

You.

Oh god. It's so embarrassing how long this took to actually write. Please please lemme know what ya'll think. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Should I continue this? ;) Enjoyxx

[lilithinstarlight]

just like heaven

hi guys!!! wrote a VERY self-indulgent rui kamishiro x reader fic in a frenzy just now lol. it's very graphic (in the way of heavy themes i mean) and i honestly wouldn't have written this if i didn't need to get it out of my head like now. PLEASE don't read if ur in a bad mental state!!!

TWs: death, suicide, self harm, depression

When you were nine, Rui Kamishiro stumbled into your life, vibrant, strange, and too tall for his age.

You stood, head high, cotton bunny hanging from one hand and bundle of roses in the other. The black veil obscured your vision, something your sweet little auntie had given you. When you asked 'why', she had only been able to turn away, uttering a small choking noise. You hadn't fully understood, couldn't at that age, but you had a feeling that she mourned more for you than her sister.

A friend of your mother's, Ms. Kamishiro, had sat at your picnic table with her son. Though she left to mingle with the other adults, she had allowed her son to stay at the table to keep you company.

And now you stood, backs to the tables behind you, after the ceremony had moved to a small outdoor restaurant, a 'celebration of life', as you struggled to hold yourself together in front of the boy standing beside you.

"I'm strong... I don't need your help..."

"Um, that's okay, but you can cry if you wanna. I'd be super sad if my mama died..." It was a poor attempt to comfort you, but he was a kid. You didn't need kids. You reached out for an adult, a big girl, someone who knew what to do. Your arms only felt dead air. You let out a final, fatal gasp as liquid began to stream down your cheeks. Rui Kamishiro, the weirdo with the purple hair, wearing an ill-fitting tuxedo suit, wrapped his arms around your fragile shoulders as the roses fell from your hands.

Thirteen was when you discovered the feeling of fleeting euphoria dragging the razorblade your grandmother had bought you brought.

You waited until well past your bedtime, past the lights being shut off, past grandmommy and granddaddy heading off to their claustrophobic bedroom. Once your were sure the house was asleep, you would run to your bathroom and steal the razor meant for your tiny legs, and shake out the blade you had loosened a month before.

In your room, you would slice across your soft forearms, relishing in the cathartic feeling of the small drops of blood spilling out before the real pain inevitably set in.

Every day was the same. Later at school, you would head to the roof to lunch with your best friend Rui and new friend Mizuki, where they would spare your long sleeves in 90 degrees a concerned glance, which you would brush off with a teasing joke. Just like clockwork.

Today was just the same as any other day. Your bento was filled with leftover pancakes, you had gotten third place in your class's race an hour before, and the postman had waved to you on your walk to school. A feeling of calm filled your chest.

You pushed the rooftop access open, clutching your bento to your chest. You were greeted by Rui and Mizuki two feet in front of the door with concerningly serious faces.

"Y/n..." Mizuki said, seemingly unsure of where to start.

"We need to talk," Rui said, gently grasping your hand and leading you to your usual spot. You set your bento down.

"Why so serious, guys? What happened?" You gulped, already knowing where this was going to go.

"Would you mind taking your jacket off? Only if you're comfortable, of course," Rui told you.

"Haha, ever the charmer! Well, this is all I can take off, gotta stay loyal to the husband, you know..." You were beginning to freak out. Your breath, previously already labored, progressed into slight hyperventilation. In, out, in out, your nails scratched against your thighs, you had to take your hands off, take the jacket off, show them your secret --

"Do you need help?" Rui asked, face suddenly covering the sun, surrounded like a halo, reaching down to you like an angel, the angel you had reached for and missed four years ago. You nodded and tensely let him pull the jacket off.

And just like that, a month of open secrets and answers quietly whispered to anyone who cared to look at you were proven. Your friends stared for a moment, trying to figure out what to do.

"Mizuki... could you... give us some privacy?" Rui quietly asked, and she dutifully nodded, heading back to the stairwell with a concerned look thrown back to you.

"This isn't the greatest question to ask right now, Y/n, but... Why?" His look was so soft and gentle that you squirmed to try and get away. Rui's slender hands reached out to hold yours in place, and for a moment, you sat there, not saying anything.

He sighed, and leaned back. "Though I know it won't fix anything, I just want you to know that we love you. Mizuki, and your grandparents, and An, and me, obviously. So, please, do you have what you... use... with you?"

You nodded sullenly, pulling the razorblade out of your pocket. Rui knew you better than you felt you knew yourself, and would be able to tell if you were lying.

Plus, razorblades weren't the only sharp thing in the world.

He grasped it, looked at it with shock for a moment, which changed to repulsion, as if it were what had personally attacked you. He then pocketed it. God, if you thought cutting had brought you euphoria, having someone actually show how much they cared for you had to be some sort of high. You were dazed, about ten times less serious than the subject matter warranted.

Rui got up, holding a hand out for you to take. "Let me walk you home, please?"

You took it with a smile.

You were now seventeen, right on the cusp of adulthood, the age where you could finally relate to those 'older but never wiser' songs.

The inky black sky was set as a backdrop to cold wind running through your hair. At the usually bustling Rainbow Bridge, cars only passed every few minutes. Its normal nighttime lights were shut off, the only light radiating from the city on either side.

One of those rare cars pulled you out of your mind, honking a few times and pulling over. It was a taxi, with a familiar head of purple hair sitting inside. He pulled the door open and hopped out.

"Rui...?"

He ran and threw his arms around you. "Meiko told me to check on you here..." He buried his head into your neck. "She wasn't wrong, I see."

He let go to look at you.

He sighed.

"Sweetheart. I don't know how to help you."

You stepped back, unsure of why that hurt so much.

"I wish I could. So badly, in fact, I'll drive out to Minato at three A.M. because a virtual singer tells me you might be in trouble. Honey, I love you, but I don't have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing!" You had never seen him get so emotional. You realized now that you had never even see him cry, and now here he was, tears wetting his cheeks, looking at you with such intensity that you could do nothing but stand and watch.

"Maybe," You looked down, "Maybe, Rui, you don't have to. It's not your job! You treat me like I'm your patient!"

It was his turn to be taken aback. "Y/n, please, let's get in the taxi and head home. We can talk about this in the car..." You could tell that all he wanted was to get you away from the edge. He was now painfully aware of what one wrong word could do.

You took another step back. And another. And Rui, the gentleman, frantically reached out for your textured wrists.

"I love you so much..."

"Boy, if you don't get back in the taxi in the next thirty seconds, I'm gonna double your fare!" a hoarse voice shouted at you.

"...Yeah. Let's get in the taxi," you conceded with a soft laugh.

Rui's look of victory and pure relief was infinitely better than any argument that could be saved until morning.

[theladyofshalott1989]

Sebastian Sallow Myers-Briggs Type // Like Moths to a Flame Series (Seb x Male MC)

Since my series is told from Sebastian's POV, I thought I would take the Myers-Briggs test from his perspective too. My vision of Sebastian is apparently an ENTJ. The write-up is so scary accurate that it's freaking me out. LMAO. @honeybadgerdontcare394 - Thanks for saying you were interested in reading this (and taking one for your vision of Sebastian too!). @scilla-aster (if you want to try this too!!) I am so curious to see what other writers' versions of Sebastian's personality are. When I read other Hogwarts: Legacy stories, I like to imagine hundreds of different alternative universes where our Bash/Seb/(*insert nickname of choice here*) ends up happy and fulfilled with all our various OCs. (I have a very hard time reading stories that don't end happily for Bash.)

Notes re: his romantic compatibility with Damien (an ENFP), since they are essentially half-opposites (wow!): ENTJs primarily look for intellectual stimulation. As one of the most cerebral personality types, they enjoy debates, and they look for partners who open their minds to new ideas. ENTJs have a treasure chest of knowledge that they love to share with the right person.

^ Sebastian lucked out that Damien is a Ravenclaw and has an extremely curious mind.

ENTJs appreciate partners who can help them get in touch with their feelings because this isn’t something that comes naturally to people of this personality type.

I love this ^ because in my series Sebastian really struggles to understand and express his feelings. Damien is very in tune with his emotions and is not afraid to act on them. ENFPs see ENTJs for who they really are. ENTJs aren’t typically seen as warm people, but they tend to be extremely helpful, generous, and supportive. As one of the personality types who are most interested in people, ENFPs look deeper and notice traits about ENTJs that other people don’t see.

^ Don't mind me; just tearing up here. LMAO. I hope this came across in my series because it's one of the main reasons I wrote it. Sebastian needs someone to see him for who he truly is, and I'd like to think Damien does.

Their communication style chart (Seb - ENTJ, Damien - ENFP):

ENTJs are assertive, competitive, and like a good challenge. At their best, they are bold and confident leaders who are willing to take unpopular action. ENTJs may be overly proud, boisterous, and willing to manipulate others to achieve their goals. At their worst, they can be narcissistic, overly focused on their own needs, and lack empathy for others.

ENFPs often support, openly sympathize, and actively offer help to others At their best, they are gentle sympathizers, who are easily trusted and accepted. ENFPs may be overly revealing and have difficulty being alone. At their worst, they can require too much attention and admiration from others and be excessively involved in the affairs of others.

YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Okay, I'm done now. Here's a silly pic of Sebastian for reading this far :)

[misc-obeyme]

hi cc !!!

i saw that other ask about celebrating Christmas and ajdjwjw, where you said dia would probably research whatever the mc celebrates

so funny to think about with paula bc in my head she just. maybe not HATES but dislikes Christmas (bc ofc im giving her a retail job back in the human world ✨ so she associates it with bad and stressful times)

I WAS GONNA WRITE A FIC. ABOUT SOLOMAMS SHOWING HER THE JOYS OF CHRISTMAS AGAIN. AND I DIDN'T HAVE TIME. but they were literally gonna have to do their own research and figure it out along the way too, bc Mammon wasn't familiar with it, and Solomon wasn't really into it either but he thinks it'd be nice to celebrate together

OKAY BUT LMAO DIA MAKING BARB RESEARCH MEXICAN/HISPANIC CHRISTMAS...LOL

paula is like "oh...i can...what do i do? chill? (She's on edge)" and then dia calls a meeting and is like "PUT YOUR COATS ON WE'RE GOING OUT"

like. even i don't fully understand everything because we always arrive at such an awkward time in the middle of the festivities. but Christmas eve, having to put the baby jesus statue to sleep. Idk who would end up rocking the statue, if they make Paula do it, she'll be mortified. Actually. Paula and Mammon do it. Extra mortified. THEY MADE ME DO IT LAST YEAR...NEVER AGAIN. STANDING THERE IN THE COLD. NOT KNOWING THE SONG. STARING AT THE GROUND. DAWG..

anyway that's just such a funny idea in my head. haven't written in forever. only wrote like. one more scene in my solomams songfic. and im almost done with my holiday exchange... crazy...

OKAY BYEE

Hellooo Lupe!!! I hope you had a wonderful time celebrating Christmas~

Poor Paula, having Christmas trauma due to a retail job 😩

Listen Christmas may be over, but you can still write the fic if you want to! At least that's how I feel about it lol. Write whatever you want whenever you want! But you could always save it for next year, too.

I love the idea that Solomon and Mammon show her the joys of Christmas!! Mammon would looove the gift giving part of things. Not just because he'd like to get gifts, but he likes to shop, too. And I think he'd like giving gifts just as much as getting them. Solomon might end up doing all kinds of weird stuff, I don't trust him aslkdjf. Like that one time he made magical objects for everyone... I shouldn't complain, at least he isn't cooking.

I'm having hilarious visions of Paula and Mammon rocking the statue of the baby Jesus together and blushing and freaking out and being absolutely ADORABLE. Solomon is standing off to the side trying to hold in his laughter lol.

Ahhh well the writing will always be there for you to pick up whenever you desire~

[1d1195]

Wait no bestie I’m the dumb one lol Thursday is what t the extra is called not the story😭 omg I love a good next door neighbors story especially when the mc is trying to act like she isn’t wanting him!

See I love the way you wrote your angst because it makes sense to me!! I don’t think it ever really feels like it’s coming out nowhere but then again even if it does, it’s not a bad thing tbh! Though I totally get being self critical about it like I’m the same way lol for me it depends on the problem on how long the angst vibes should last! Like the Honey cliffhanger was shocking! And yes it was coming out of “nowhere” BUT bestie if we really want to analyze it like targeting a young single dad who is RICH makes sense. Especially with how Chloe’s death was like talked about in news outlets(I hope I’m remembering right lol) then if I was a criminal I would think he is an easy target! Since he obviously will leave the baby with someone who’s not him! ANYWAYS overall it was not dumb and I loved the drama it gave!

gagtita is SOO you coded I can’t even!! I’m sure whatever you may come up with will just be so good!!!

Omg Sam you’re so sweet😭 I’ll definitely let you know little facts that I think you might like! I try to remember when my brain isn’t fried lol

ITS OKAY IF YOU DRAG ME HAHAH I LOVED IT!! I know you would never intentionally try to make me or anyone feel bad! If anything i genuinely laughed out loud when i read it!

Oh bestie his HANDS are just soooo AH! I will certainly update if anything happens lol

Maybe highlights might give you the change you’re looking for without it being too extreme? Idk tbh because I don’t photograph well at all either lol but bestie I bet you’re actually so hot and like you’re super smart and KIND so yeah!!!

How exciting visiting a place you’ve never too!! Fall is so you and I love that!!

I can sleep late when I don’t have classes but typically it’s not ideal because my body will just get use to a certain time sadly lol but yeah its good for three days only though I don’t know yet how it will be like long term! I don’t go on Monday’s so I consider it be just a another day for the weekend lol but yeah this past Monday I didn’t need to do anything so I was so lucky to read the honey update early!

When I drop your full name it’s truly never because I’m upset! If anything I’m just truly GAGGED and FREAKING OUT lol

Hope your week is going well!! Sending you the best vibes! Hope you can find something that makes you smile! Love you bestie!!-💜

You're not dumb lol I was def misleading the way I wrote it. I've got like four or five one shot ideas. genuinely PRAYING they don't turn into a series. I feel like I need a break from writing a series. I've been overwhelming y'all with series 😭😭

I'm glad you see the vision! That makes me so happy!

If you have any facts or tips to help my teenagers be normal those would def be facts I'd be interested in 😂😂

My mom's been encouraging highlights and I should just listen to her because she's always right about my looks. I used to hate shopping with her but now I'm like "Can you tell me what to wear, Mommy, please?" Ma'am tried to put me in turtle necks all the time for most of my childhood and I REFUSED. Now I LOVE turtle necks. My poor mother.

I'm sure I've mentioned I love the moon and I always see posts that are like "the moon is beautiful and doesn't photograph well either" so I try to remember that but it's hard 😭

hahaha I feel that. I love to sleep in! (UNTIL 7) I'm a 5:45AM wake up kind of gal. 7 on the weekends is a delight. I also feel like I don't get anything done if I sleep late. But anyway. I LOVE a Monday off schedule. That's the best! I'm glad you were able to read it early I hope you're able to read the last part soon too! I love your feedback 💕

NO I LOVE THE NAME DROP it's so funny 😭

Hope your week is good too! Love youuuu!!!

xoxo

[hassedah]

hey! I hope you are well . I wonder if you accept the requests but if you do I would like you to do the reaction of the boys during the delivery of their children.

ps: I love your way of writing

MC gives birth to their child :

Hi! ^^

I'm fine! How are you? I hope you are well too! ^^

Thank you! I'm glad you like my headcanons! I wrote the one you asked for. I hope you enjoy it too. The last paragraph concerns a twin pregnancy. ^^

Have a nice day and take care of yourself! ^^

Vladimir :

Just because his mother had five children after him and gave birth in their home does not mean that he knows what childbirth is like and will not panic. He's probably even more stressed than you are, because even though you spent your pregnancy explaining to him that the death rate in childbirth was much lower than in the 19th century, he can't stop worrying. Yet he did a lot of research, read books on childbirth and had a midwife come to the manor for childbirth preparation sessions. He couldn't travel to the city to attend with you after all, let alone during the day.

However, as soon as your water breaks, he starts to panic. There's nothing you can do to calm him down. He goes looking for Ethan and starts circling the two of you like a caged lion. This is stressful for everyone and Ethan is finally forced to call Aaron and Beliath to get rid of Vladimir who is almost making him anxious. Once he's made sure you're okay Ethan leaves you alone but he only allows Vladimir to come and see you after threatening to lock him in the basement if he starts stressing you out again.

During contractions, Vladimir sometimes paces in front of the bed, sometimes he stands beside you to hold your hand. You try not to scream during the increasingly strong contractions, mainly so as not to worry Vladimir, who is as pale as a sheet. You even end up being afraid that he will faint and you don't know how he could stand to see you give birth when he's already completely freaked out by you going through the contractions. You start swearing when the contractions become too strong, but he is so uncomfortable that he doesn't think for a moment to comment on your vocabulary.

He left the room as soon as the labour began, in fact, he's almost thrown out by Ethan, who shouted at him that he was only scaring you with his disaster scenarios. You are in labour and you don't need to hear your husband panicking right next to you. Vladimir paces up and down the hallway for the rest of the delivery, hesitating to come back anyway, while knowing that he is more likely to faint than to be of any use to you. Knowing that he was so anxious, Raphael and Aaron came to keep him company.

After Ethan made sure that you and the baby were okay he let Vladimir back into the room and left you alone. Vladimir came and sat next to you on the bed when he saw your child, his head was spinning and he ended up crying with both relief and happiness. He kissed you both several times. But he did not dare to take the child in his arms because his hands were shaking too much. It was only after an hour that he finally dared to take him in his arms.

Twin pregnancy : He got worried when the baby cried but Ethan didn't come out and you kept screaming. By this time he was sure he was going to faint and Raphael forced him to sit down after feeling him stagger beside him. Soon new cries were heard, different from the first ones. "Are they twins?!" Raphael's exclamation beside him struck Vladimir. He was able to enter the room a few minutes later, you were lying on the bed obviously tired but smiling with two small babies in your arms. He walked slowly towards you as the room was spinning and his vision was blurred by tears. Then he sat down on the bed and kissed all three of you. You would have wiped the tears from his cheeks if you hadn't had both your hands caught. Vladimir remained silent for several minutes without knowing what to say before he managed to speak.

"A name will be missing" he whispered softly to you.

"As I have chosen for the first, I leave you to choose for the second, my darling."

His eyes fill with tears again and you already know what name he will choose. Slowly, he leans in again to kiss you, being very careful not to jostle the babies in your arms.

Béliath :

Succubi often have a lot of children and even if he did not attend a birth, he thought he was handling it well. So he thought he was handling it well, he had bought several books on childbirth, watched several childbirth videos and discussed the subject with you at length. He also accompanied you to all the childbirth preparation sessions you went to and took notes. He is confident that you will be fine and that he is prepared enough not to be anxious. He also knows that Ethan will be there if anything goes wrong and he trusts the doctor completely.

Unfortunately, theory and practice are not the same thing. He felt the anxiety rise as soon as your water broke. He didn't panic though and went to get Ethan. Even though he is anxious, he doesn't stop Ethan from working and just stands next to you and tries not to panic. You can't miss his anxiety, however, but you are touched by all the efforts he makes to make sure you don't feel like he is worrying. Even so, he can't help but ask Ethan a lot of questions.

As long as the contractions are not too strong, Beliath sometimes leaves the room either to walk around a bit and try to calm down, or to bring you something to eat and drink if you wish. He accompanies you to support you if you want to walk and even finds the energy to joke with you despite his anxiety. However, as the contractions become stronger and more painful, he is beginning to find it difficult to joke with you and he winces at every cry of pain. He just wants the delivery to be over quickly so that you can rest and be pain free.

Despite his desire to disappear when labour starts, he stays by your side and will certainly not let go of your hand if you hold it. He whispers words of encouragement to you with each push, hoping it will be his last. In some ways he would rather be anywhere than here, but as you are here, he will not move an inch. When you are finally delivered he sighs with relief and kisses your forehead too happy that your ordeal is finally over.

It lets you enjoy the first moments with the baby while remaining silent. After a few minutes, however, he starts talking to her, explaining that with parents as beautiful as you two, there's no doubt that your baby is the most beautiful on the planet. When he picks him up for the first time, his hands shake slightly and he asks you repeatedly if he is holding him well and if he is not hurting him. This is the first time in his life that he is afraid of being too abrupt, as he usually considers himself to be a rather delicate person in his movements. "MC, look! Our baby is beautiful!" You smile, the baby's skin is still wrinkled, he's struggling to open his eyes and he's swaddled in a sheet, but you're sure that Beliath has never said anything so true, your baby is beautiful.

Twin pregnancy : He didn't quite understand when Ethan quickly handed him your baby. You seemed to be in as much pain as before and he was afraid for a moment that anxiety would overwhelm him as disaster scenarios made their way into his mind. Then he heard crying again and he finally understood what was going on. He kissed your forehead, stroking your hair as Ethan placed the second baby on you. Once Ethan was sure that all three of you were okay he finally left you alone with your children. You and Beliath were silent for a long moment before a light laugh escaped the incubus' mouth. You turned your head towards him stopping for a moment to observe the baby on you.

"You see I was right to buy so much clothing," jokes Beliath as he kisses you again.

"Beliath, we could have fifty more babies and there wouldn't be enough to try on all the clothes you bought."

He tries not to laugh at your answer so as not to disturb the baby who is gently dozing against his.

Ivan :

He wasn't worried and he joked a lot to reassure you about it. Even though he doesn't like Ethan, he knows that he is a good doctor and he knows that Aaron has helped with many deliveries so he doesn't think you are at risk. He doesn't hesitate to accompany you to the birth preparation sessions, even when he would have preferred to do something else. However, he is not as attentive as you are, mainly because the sessions take place during the day and it fights a lot against sleep.

When your water broke, he managed to stay calm. He even went to get Ethan without protesting. They argued a bit, of course, as usual, but it wasn't as aggressive and their argument was actually quite funny. Once Ethan left, Ivan suggested you watch a movie and you joked a lot, so you hardly felt the first contractions.

Things start to get more complicated as the contractions get stronger. Ivan stays by your side and tries to make you laugh a little, but the closer the contractions get the harder it is for you to find the strength to joke. You cling to him with each contraction and gradually he is no longer in the mood for jokes and instead looks for ways to help you manage the pain. He is also becoming increasingly worried as you seem to be in more and more pain without him being able to do anything to relieve the pain, and even a quick glance at his mobile phone for solutions to ease the pain gives him no relevant information.

He calls Ethan as soon as you ask him to and he stays with you throughout the labour. Ivan tries to tell you to breathe calmly but you tell him that if he is not happy with the way you breathe he can take your place. In spite of the stress, or mostly because of the stress, your reply ends up making you both laugh. And Ivan replies that despite all his love for you, he would prefer never to have to give birth. Then he holds your hand and continues to encourage you. He is so focused on helping you that he doesn't even think about arguing with Ethan.

You were never more relieved than when Ethan laid the baby on you. After checking that you were both okay, the doctor left. Ivan has joked a little about the baby's wrinkled skin and chirps words of love to him as the baby grips his finger tightly in his little hand and keeps telling you that he is going to buy a camera so that you can have lots of memories of your child. He hesitates a little when you offer to carry him. He is sure he will never hurt him, but the baby looks so fragile that he is afraid of making a mistake by holding him. However, you don't have to insist for long as he eventually takes it in his arms. It's quite amusing to watch as he takes on a rather silly voice when talking to it and marvels at everything.

"MC! Did you see his little nose?" he exclaims.

You nod, gently stroking your baby's hand and Ivan continues. "And those little ears! MC, did you see his little ears?! And his little feet! My God, he has such tiny feet!" Ivan continues the description with many exclamations before kissing you.

Twin pregnancy : Ivan must have let go of your hand when Ethan placed the baby in his arms. He didn't immediately understand why he was entrusting the baby to him instead of you. After all, you had done all the work and he had only supported you. Then he heard the crying again and realised, the stress of the situation almost gave him a giggle as he imagined the other boys' reaction to the news. You had two babies! Ethan left the room after checking on the three of you. It took another moment for you to recover from your emotions. But then Ivan leaned over and kissed you again.

"You were exceptional," he whispers softly to you.

"I feel like I've been hit by a backhoe," you joke.

"I wouldn't have wanted to be in your shoes".

"For your trouble, you'll be the one to get up and take care of it during the day."

He laughs before kissing you again. "Anything you want, as long as I'm the one to tell Vladimir we've had twins. I'm dying to see his face!"

Aaron :

He attended many births as a child, his mother helped the women of the village to give birth and he often found himself accompanying her to help because she didn't dare leave him alone at home. When he started living in the pack he also attended births and helped out when there was no midwife available. So he doesn't worry, he knows exactly what to do if there is a problem and Ethan will be at the manor too. In fact, he spends a lot of time setting up the child's room with you. He's quite proud that he managed to make the cot himself. It was a surprise that he only showed you a few days before you gave birth. Even though it's just a baby cot, it's huge and you can see why Aaron was so busy the last few weeks.

When your water breaks, he does not panic for a moment. He is ready to help you at the slightest problem. He accompanies you and walks with you as long as the contractions are not too strong. In fact, his presence is so reassuring that you feel really good despite the increasingly painful contractions. It must be said that he does everything he can to make this. He has seen many times how painful childbirth can be and he wants to help you cope with the pain as best he can.

He stays by your side as the contractions become more and more difficult. He holds your hand in his and strokes your hair. He helps you change positions when the contractions are really painful. He also advises you to walk around the room between contractions, but he won't insist if you don't feel up to it. He doesn't really know what to say, especially when the contractions are really painful, so he just encourages and reassures you.

Depending on what you prefer, it will be him or Ethan who will help you deliver. If it's him, he knows exactly what to do, of course, but he's much more stressed. Helping your partner give birth is much more stressful than he might have thought. If you prefer Ethan, Aaron will stay by your side. He holds your hand and encourages you between contractions. His support is the biggest help in managing the pain.

Aaron takes a long look at the baby lying against you and kisses you. He doesn't dare to carry him at the moment. Really, even when you suggest it, the baby is so small and fragile looking, he feels like he might hurt it just by holding it, it will take him a little while to change his mind. He takes your baby's little hand in his and laughs a little as the baby clings to his finger. The baby's hand is so small that it cannot grasp his whole finger. You are silent for a long time, recovering from your emotions, before Aaron smiles at you.

"I understand a little better what my mother meant talking about wanting to eat me when I was a baby."

You smile, your baby's little hand doesn't seem to want to let go of Aaron, who doesn't really dare move. "I think I understand what she meant too."

Twin pregnancy : Werewolves tend to have multiple pregnancies, but that doesn't stop him from being surprised when Ethan places the second baby on your stomach. He'd been convinced that you'd only have one child and even after Ethan left he was still struggling to realise that you each had a baby in your arms.

After a moment, he comes and sits as close to you as possible so that you can be in contact with the baby he is holding. Not without kissing you in the process. He tries to make the most delicate movements possible so as not to hurt the baby, but he feels really clumsy carrying him.

"I should have made two beds, but the first one took me almost three months. It will take me some time to do the second one."

"Don't worry, my darling, Given the size of the cot, there will be plenty of room for both of them to sleep in it for several months."

Aaron smiles before answering. "I may have made it a little too big."

"Don't count on making the second one smaller, especially if you don't want to make someone jealous already." you joke.

Raphaël :

He is no better than Vladimir in this respect. He's never even been to a birth and he has no idea how it works. Well, he knows the theory but the practice… He knows it hurts, but he doesn't think it hurts that much. It's true? Why would people have children if it was painful? He brought the midwife to the manor for the childbirth preparation classes so that you don't have to travel. However, he is not very attentive and often asks you questions about what was said with the midwife.

When your water breaks, he doesn't panic and goes to find Ethan. He knows this is the right thing to do. Once Ethan had made sure you were healthy and warned Raphael that he had no interest in making you anxious if he wanted to stay with you the doctor left. Raphael did everything he could to make sure that the first few moments went well. He read you books, accompanied you when you wanted to walk around the manor and even brought you food when you asked him to.

Things became more complicated when the contractions became more painful. Of course, Raphael knew that childbirth hurt, but he didn't think for a moment that it could hurt this much and he's a bit confused when you start moaning in pain from the contractions. Suddenly he realises that he probably should have listened better to the midwife's advice. However, he continues to do everything you tell him, because he knows that you are in a much better position than he is to know what you need. He helps you to change position, to walk if you feel the need. He would like to find the words to encourage you but for once he can't find anything to say and you seem to be in far too much pain for him to wax poetic.

When labour begins he calls Ethan. However, Raphael does not stay with you throughout the birth. He leaves the room during labour because he feels he is on the verge of an anxiety attack and does not want to put you through his panic when you have much better things to do. It takes him a few minutes in the hallway before he finally calms down and he returns with you before the end to hold your hand and try to encourage you. He strokes your hair and hopes that it will end soon, as he is not sure he will be able to stay calm indefinitely in this situation.

He kisses you when he hears the baby crying, relieved that you are finally out of this ordeal. Then, once Ethan had assured him that you were both fine and left, Raphael came and sat against you. His hands trembled slightly as he gently stroked your baby's cheek. Even though he knows that he is rather delicate in his movements, he was afraid of hurting him. However, he absolutely wants to hold it in his arms and you give him the baby before putting your head against his shoulder. He is amazed by the lightness of the baby in his arms as well as by the tiny noises he makes while wriggling. He marvels even more when he feels your baby clutching one of his fingers. He gently kisses her forehead before holding you close with his free arm. He doesn't try to hold back the tears of happiness running down his cheeks and he's happy to be sitting against you as he's not sure he'd be able to stand if he'd stayed on his legs.

Twin pregnancy : The "There's another one" barked by Ethan as he dropped your first child in his arms shook him. He didn't know what to do with the baby, you seemed to continue to suffer and he found it increasingly difficult to think calmly. He felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders when the second baby cried. He kissed you, shaking slightly, but waited until Ethan had made sure all three of you were okay and left to join you on the bed. Tears of happiness spilled from his eyes as he came against you. You smiled as you wiped his cheeks with your free hand.

"It's a wonderful surprise," he murmured softly before kissing you gently.

Ethan :

This pregnancy was a decision you made together, but because of his background, Ethan was far more anxious than you were. Even though he has helped women give birth in the past, he has read all the resources available to him on pregnancy and childbirth. This doesn't really calm him down and he seems to have a hard time getting into the pregnancy with you. It is more often you who reassure him that he will be a very good father, even though he is still often afraid of failing. Towards the end of your pregnancy, he still feels anxious, but much less so than at the beginning. He has even started to help Aaron set up your baby's room when at the beginning of the pregnancy he didn't even want to set foot there and Beliath even managed to convince him to go shopping with him to buy clothes for the baby.

He knows he is a little more anxious than he should be when your water breaks, but he is determined not to put you through his anxiety when you need him most. He suggests that you watch a film while you wait for the contractions to get stronger, go for a walk in the woods or even play a game of chess or video games (Ivan is willing to lend him his console for the occasion). If you are hungry, he will get you something to eat and drink. He also tries to joke with you, but because of the stress, he can't be as funny as usual.

When the contractions become more intense and painful, he tries to remember all the advice he has read or heard to help you manage the pain better. He will help you to change position when you feel the need, he will massage you if you ask him, to proposes you to take a bath to relax. In any case, he stays by your side and supports you as best he can.

He will probably be the one to help you give birth. He is very stressed at this time, although he manages to keep his cool. So you don't notice his anxiety and Ethan even appears to be very calm. He reassures and encourages you throughout the labour, holding your hand and kissing you whenever he can. He regrets that he cannot do more to limit your pain.

He gently lays the baby against you before finishing the labour and making sure you are okay. For the first care of the baby, he prefers that you do it if you feel able to do so. He will guide you as best he can before making the bed so that you can settle into a comfortable place. It's only once you're on the bed together with your baby in your arms that Ethan will start to relax a little. Knowing his past, you did not insist that he carry it and he is content for the moment to observe it while remaining against you. This seems to be a magical moment for him, especially when the baby wriggles gently before grabbing his finger. At this point his eyes fill with tears and he smiles at you.

Twin pregnancy : He didn't expect it, but he quickly understood what was going on. He gently placed your first child safely in blankets before encouraging you again. The situation would probably have been much more frightening if Ethan hadn't seemed to be handling it perfectly because although you could hear your first child crying, you couldn't see him and you were still in pain. The pain almost disappeared when your second child cried and Ethan hurried to put him against you as much to keep the baby warm as to take care of the first. Once he has finished caring for the first child, he will hand her over to you before taking care of the second. He finally sits up with you after changing the sheets and making sure that all three of you are perfectly healthy. This is also when he really realises what has just happened. Up until then he had been doing baby care very mechanically, so as not to let the anxiety overwhelm him. And it's only now that he sees you with the two little ones in your arms that he realises it. You've had twins. At first he laughs a little in shock, then his eyes fill with tears of happiness at the two little people wriggling in your arms. You smile at him before leaning in gently to kiss him.

"I think we did a great job," you whisper softly.

He nods before kissing you back.

Neil :

Neil won't tell you at any point because he doesn't want to worry you, but he is quite anxious. He has already lost one of his concubines in childbirth and he really doesn't want that to happen to you. That's why he has a whole list of midwives and doctors to go to in case of emergency to bring them back to you, and why you've strangely moved into a mansion near a hospital. When you pointed this out to him, he said it was a happy coincidence.

When your water breaks he is not worried. It's only the first part of the birth, you still have some time to go. So he focuses on helping you to relax. He offers to take you for a walk, listen to music with him, he is even willing to play the piano for you. If you ask him to get you some food, you will notice that the fridge is already stocked with your favourite dishes and desserts that he has bought in case you need them. He takes good care of you and treats you like a queen, because you are his queen so you deserve only the best.

He does everything he can to help you manage the pain when the contractions start to get stronger. They will help you to change position, walk if you feel the need, and may even massage you if you wish. The rest of the time, he encourages, supports and reassures you. He is also becoming more and more stressed, although he is trying very hard not to let you notice, which is working out quite well because at the moment you find him very calm and reassuring.

Things get a bit more complicated when the labour starts. He is knowledgeable enough to help you, but he is lying when he tells you that he is not afraid. He is terrified that he will make a mistake and that the birth will not go well. You begin to sense this despite the pain as his facial features are not as serene as usual, but this does not worry you as he seems as focused as ever on your well-being and safety. He or she encourage and reassure you throughout the birth process.

He comes to lay the baby against you so that you can see him after quickly swaddling him in a blanket, and then he finishes the job. He prefers you to do the initial care of the baby, as he is not sure he knows enough to want to take care of him. During this time, he takes care of making the bed again so that the three of you can lie down in it once you have finished with the baby. When you lie down in the bed, Neil keeps you against him. He doesn't try to hold the baby, preferring to let you enjoy the little one as long as you want, but he doesn't refuse when you offer to hold him. This is quite amusing for him, as he doesn't remember finding his first children as beautiful as the one he has just had with you and he even catches himself talking ridiculously to the little one he's holding, which makes you laugh and him too.

Twin pregnancy : The surprise almost made him lose his nerve when he realised what was happening. How could he not have thought of this possibility for a moment? However, he recovered quite quickly and hurriedly swaddled the first baby in a blanket before placing it safely on some blankets near him. Luckily, the second baby arrived very quickly and much more easily than the first. He came and laid him on top of you and by the time you had fully recovered, he had taken care of the first one as well as he could, of course, he's not sure he's done it perfectly enough so he'd prefer you to make sure the first baby is okay too while he takes care of the second one too. Once the bed was changed and the babies were cared for, you snuggled up on the bed with the babies. You didn't speak immediately, remaining rather silent as you watched the little ones in your arms, then Neil whispered to you.

"Had you thought of that?"

"No, not at all, and you?"

"Not for a moment…"

You laughed before kissing him. "I'm reassured, I was afraid for a moment that I was the only one who didn't understand it. But don't count on choosing his first name too. I let you have the honor of the first name for the first, I get to decide the second."

"Sounds like a fair deal," jokes Neil before kissing you back.

Léandra :

Childbirth is a very common thing for succubi. Leandra knows many succubi who could come and help her if the birth goes wrong, and she has helped with many births herself. She is therefore not really anxious about your pregnancy and she is the one who reassures you when you are worried. She has accompanied you to all the childbirth preparation classes you have attended and has also talked a lot with the midwife, especially about what to do if there are problems. For the rest, she trusts you completely and follows your instructions during the whole pregnancy, whenever you feel tired or uncomfortable she finds a place where you can rest whatever the situation.

You have settled a few days before in an old house on the outskirts of a village, the place is isolated enough that nobody comes to disturb you. Léandra does not call the midwife immediately when your water breaks because she knows exactly what to do. You have bought comfortable clothes especially for the birth and once you have put them on you feel like you are in a little cocoon. While waiting for labour to begin, Léandra prepares the room where you will give birth with you. She fetches you food and drink when you ask her to and walks with you through the forest next to the house.

When the contractions start to become painful, Leandra offers to hypnotise you so that you can manage the pain better. This works very well, you are still in pain, but much less. You are not hypnotised enough not to know what is going on, but the pain seems very distant, and you feel a bit like you are in a safe cocoon as Leandra whispers encouraging words in your ear while kissing you.

She calls the midwife as soon as she goes into labour, and it only takes a minute for the succubus to appear in the room where you are. Even though everything is going well, Léandra is feeling increasingly stressed in her turn. However, she does her best to make you feel comfortable. She caresses your hand and squeezes it, encouraging and supporting you as best she can. Léandra's hypnosis goes a long way to helping you manage the pain, as does her encouragement.

Léandra stops the hypnosis when the midwife places the baby on you. You are slightly surprised by the tiny wings on his back, they look very fragile and Léandra quickly comes to help you position him on you so as not to damage them. After a few minutes of enjoying the baby's presence, the midwife takes him back to give him first aid while Léandra helps you move around before making the bed again. When the midwife leaves, you are already snuggled up to Léandra, your baby chirp softly like a little bird against you and there is silence around you until you speak.

"Do all babies have them?" you ask, pointing to his wings.

"Purebloods yes, hybrids it depends… my little brother didn't have any…

"And how do we deal with them? They look really fragile."

"I'll explain it all to you, dear. She whispers to you before kissing you. But don't worry for the moment, the midwife has done everything there is to do. All you have to do now is admire our baby and its chirping."

"It sounds like a little bird…"

"It's a normal noise you make when you're a baby, smiles Léandra. I've always found it adorable.

Twin pregnancy : There was silence between you as the second baby was placed on your chest. She looked at you, then at the midwife, then at the first baby in her arms before looking back at you with wide eyes of surprise. She had considered dozens of scenarios but none of them included the possibility of you having multiple babies at the same time, admittedly it's pretty rare for succubi to have multiple pregnancies. The midwife moves quickly around you to care for the babies while Léandra helps you move around before changing the bed. You watch as the midwife gently folds and unfolds your children's wings. She returns to hand over your children once you have settled back into the bed before leaving. After she has left, Léandra comes and settles down right next to you before taking one of your children in her arms, the little one almost immediately grabs a lock of her hair which she does not let go of any more, during this time you try to copy the way your partner carries the baby, your movements are slow and delicate because you are afraid of damaging the very small wings which seem very fragile. Leandra notices because after kissing you, she helps you position the baby in your arms before gently kissing her forehead. You come to snuggle closer to her and you can feel her wings covering all four of you as if to protect you. After a few minutes of silence used to observe your babies, she looks up at you with a look full of love.

"You were wonderful my dear." she whispers to you before kissing you.

Farah :

She didn't really like the idea of you being pregnant at first. The pack never gives birth in hospital and because of this she has lost several friends. Admittedly, werewolf pregnancies tend to produce more children than human pregnancies and the babies tend to be bigger and fatter. You have managed to reassure her enough to stop her overprotecting you. However, as you approached childbirth you found that you often stopped near hospitals. Farah tells you that this is a coincidence, but in reality she searched all the hospitals in the area to make sure that she could get you there without any worries if there were any problems.

Your water broke at the end of a long day of walking in the forest. Farah was a little worried that you had been walking too much before remembering that you were at term and that you were due to give birth at that time. She then quickly calmed down and the pack looked for a quiet place isolated enough from potential hikers that you could give birth safely. Once the perfect place was found, the pack left you alone with Farah and the midwife of your group. Farah was quick to make you comfortable while the midwife advised you to walk around and find something to do to relax until the contractions were closer.

Farah is very attentive to everything you ask of her. She brings you food if you are hungry, helps you walk if you want. When the contractions get stronger and you find it harder to manage the pain she holds your hand and encourages you. At the same time she helps you to follow the midwife's instructions which gives you advice on how to limit the pain you feel. Even though it is difficult, Farah's support is very helpful in dealing with the pain, especially when she lets you hold on to her during the strongest contractions and that she kisses you by telling you that you are doing perfectly well.

She didn't let go of your hand for a second when you got to the end of the labour. Knowing that you are in this state of pain is one of the reasons why she would have preferred to give birth in your place. Farah is always encouraging and reassuring you. She trusts the pack midwife to help you deliver, but she won't feel fully reassured until it's all over and you're finally holding your baby.

The pack returned shortly after you gave birth, but they stayed away while you recovered. Farah left for a short time to give instructions to your group before returning to you, You were not alone, however, as the group midwife stayed to look after you during Farah's short absence. This also allowed her to make sure that you and the baby were okay and when Farah returned your baby was already warm in a onesie.

"I'm sorry," she whispers to you sitting against you as the midwife leaves. Wasn't I too long?"

You shake your head before snuggling up to her with the baby still in your arms. He looks as if he is about to fall asleep, his little hand clinging tightly to your clothes. "It was exhausting," you finally whisper.

Farah smiles gently before kissing you. "You've done like a queen, my darling. I'm so proud of you. We'll stay here until you feel ready to hit the road again."

"It might take a few days…"

"You can take all the time you need, don't worry about that." She kisses you again gently.

Twin pregnancy : She was expecting it and quickly realised what was happening when the midwife placed the first baby in her arms. Farah continued to encourage you while caring for the baby in her arms, washing him quickly before putting him in warm clothes. When the second baby arrived, she was already beside you holding your hand and kissing you. However, she could not stay with you as long as she would have liked and had to leave to give instructions to the pack before returning to you. Her brief absence allowed the midwife to check on the three of you. When she came back to you, the second baby was wrapped in a warm onesie and the midwife had already helped you into a warm place. Farah kissed all three of you before sitting down beside you.

"Are you feeling well?" she asked gently as she took one of the babies in her arms.

"Now that it's over? I feel much better… but I also feel like I could sleep for a fortnight straight."

Farah smiles at you before kissing you again. "You can rest as long as you need. I've sent pack members to patrol around the camp and I've even asked someone to go to a bakery to get your favorite dessert."

[tomurderornottomurder]

now that you're dead; eddie munson

pair. gn!reader x eddie munson (reader centric tho)

summ. you never had the courage to admit that you liked eddie and now that he's dead, you regret it every day, visiting his grave rain or shine

gen. angst, try-hard comedy

tw. eddie's dead :(, unrequited love/crush, crying, visiting a graveyard, swearing, steve makes a brief appearance @ the end

wc. 1000+

note. i hate myself i'm sorry (wow look who wrote this in one sitting and edited it in another,, should i screw myself by saying end of writer's block arc???)

The breeze calmly drifts back and forth. In the distance, leaves and grass rustle. Far behind, cars can be heard driving past. There's a sea of headstones as far as the eye can see. In front of you stands a tree and a headstone; they rest on the outskirts of the cemetery. The ground you sit upon is firm, not mushy like it had been. The grass pricks and tickles your skin, making it just uncomfortable enough to seem reasonable.

You lean forward, sitting on your knees to reach out and trace the letters on the gravestone. E You sigh, starting this over again. D D I Your finger trembles for a moment. E M U N S God, you wish things were different. O N You sigh. The stone is still as cold as it first had been against your fingertips. That wasn't reassuring nor was the breeze that came with the realization. "I know," You mumble, "I know." The rustle of what leaves were left on the tree in front of you also doesn't help. "Okay, I get it!" You put your hands up and sigh frustratedly.

"Eddie," You clear your throat as you unfold the letter that had been sitting in your drawer for months and then in your pocket for weeks, and finally today, in your hands all day. "This is stupid," You grumble, "but I've gotta get it off my chest, even if... you're not here."

You set the letter in your lap and shake your sweaty hands. "Gah! Why is this so hard!?" You can practically hear Eddie's laughter at that; it sets you on the verge of tears.

"Okay," You sigh and pick up the letter. "Here goes..."

You hold the letter up as you read it, not able to look anywhere else but the words.

"Eddie, now that you're dead," You swallow and it feels like there's an ever-growing lump in your throat. "Now that you're... I have to tell you this.. because I didn't-" Tears start to blur your vision and you try your best to blink them away quickly so you can read the rest of the letter. "Because I didn't get the chance to tell you." This isn't on the letter but you add, "Because I was stupid."

"Eddie Munson, how do I describe thee?" You smile at your own little bit, hoping that maybe if Eddie can hear this, he'd get a kick out of it. "You're a goofball, you were.. my friend, you were the leader of hellfire, you were a drug dealer. Yes, I know what's in your lunchbox," You chuckle sadly to yourself. "You were a freak, so was I. But you're more than all that," You wave it all off. "You're Eddie Munson. You were Eddie Munson. And I-" It's always this part that gets you.

"And I, Eddie Munson, I love you. Loved you. Fuck! I don't know what's right because you're dead but I still love you." You sigh in exasperation. "I really did- do- whatever!"

"Eddie, I was such a pussy.. still am. I couldn't muster up this stupid confession without a letter and you're dead! I mean c'mon! How pathetic!" You groan, hiding your face in your hands. "I feel like such a fucking idiot," You start to diverge from the letter, letting your feelings form words that just endlessly spill past your lips like vomit. "I am a fucking idiot! I mean," You angrily jut out your hands and gesture toward his headstone, "you were right there in front of me! I could have had you but I was too stupid and now... Now, man, you're fucking dead!" A tear slips down your cheek as you give one good, solid pound to his headstone. "And now I'm here... On my knees, at your grave... Crying like an idiot." You shake your head. "And, man, do you have a solid headstone! I feel like I just broke my hand," You sigh, trying to shake off the hurt coursing through your hand.

"Now that you're dead, Eddie Munson, I can admit that I like you, I love you, I have the biggest, stupidest, fattest crush on your nerdy ass." Your lip quivers after you finish speaking, it pulls at your heart, and you want to die. "If I could just lay on the ground and be absorbed, I'd totally do that."

You suck in a sharp breath, "It sucks here without you, Eddie." You can finally admit it, not that you were ever really denying it. Hawkins was miserable without his presence; without his dorky smile, without his obnoxious music blasting, without his stupid speeches in the lunchroom, without his sly yet annoying flirting, just without him. Not to mention Dustin and Steve and Wayne who are just as miserable, if not more than you. Then there's that empty feeling when you're at the trailer park or in the cafeteria or in the woods and he isn't there like he should be.

You crawl closer to his headstone, turning around so that your arm's behind it like you're holding Eddie or something. "I miss you," You croak out, leaning your head against the headstone. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." You close your eyes and sigh. "Such a fuckin' pussy," You mumble under your breath. "I should have told you," You finalize. "Should've fuckin' told you."

"...Now... you're dead."

"I'm sorry." And the tears start up again.

---

Somehow, not even the rain had woken you up. You sit soaked and uncomfortable before realizing there's a hand on your shoulder. "Eddie?!" Half-asleep and excited, you shout.

"I'm sorry," Steve comes into your vision, kneeling in front of you. "Not him but I'm getting you home." You hear him grumble something about you catching a cold before he wraps an arm behind your back and helps you up.

Once you're both in the car, Steve turns to you. "Hey," He reaches over, "you don't always gotta sit out in the rain, you know?"

"I know."

Steve leaves it at that, looking at you sympathetically before starting up his car. He sighs, running a hand through his rain-slick hair. This wasn't the first time he's picked you up in the rain at the graveyard and it doesn't seem like it will be the last.

[multifandoms27-blog]

Oh God...! | Armin Arlert x F!Reader

Content: Mainly angst, but there's some fluff too. Not an established relationship between Armin and reader.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, profanity.

Notes: I wrote this for my good friend. You know who you are lol. <3

~*~*~*

Armin stood trembling by himself on the rooftop. Eren had just died, so had Mina, Thomas, Nack, and Milieus. Eren gave himself to protect Armin, and all he could do was fucking sit there...that's all he could fucking do.

He didn't know how long he was sitting there while his fellow cadets in the 104th were slaughtered around him, or how many other soldiers' lives were given because of his insolence. Armin beat himself up while continuing to do nothing.

Armin clutched his head as Eren's death replayed over and over and over in his head, while the screams of his squad taunted his ears. His vision became blurry with tears, his head pounding with an onset of a headache. Everything was spinning, Armin wanted to puke, or cry, or die. He couldn't tell.

He didn't hear a new squad come up, nor did he hear the shouts of his name. All he could hear were the screams of his squad members. It wasn't until he was shaken that he finally snapped out of it. His vision cleared and his headache rolled away, his nausea pushed down. When he looked up, he saw (Y/n) sitting there, worried sick.

"Armin! Oh, there you are! What happened? Where's Eren and the rest of the squad?"

Armin stumbled over his words. "(Y/n), I...I...I couldn't-"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ymir spoke, her arms crossed. "They were slaughtered. Nobodies seen them, and they're not around."

"Armin...Armin is that true?" (Y/n) looked back down at the blonde boy.

Armin couldn't respond. Ymir scowled.

"The only reason he escaped death was because he was too much of a coward, I bet."

"Ymir, shut up! You don't know that!"

"Oh sure, defend the coward!" Ymir shot back.

"I'm with (Y/n) on this one, shut up, Ymir!" Conny chimed in.

"Oh yeah?! You both wanna go?!" Ymir yelled, causing Armin to put his hands over his ears and hunch over into (Y/n) embrace.

"I will beat your ass and finally shut your mouth if you don't-" Conny was interrupted.

"Guys, guys, please! Enough! Everyone is tired and scared, but come on! We have to work together and get Armin somewhere safe!" Christa stepped in between Conny and Ymir.

Ymir and Conny quieted down and looked away from each other. Christa looked to (Y/n). "(Y/n), please take Armin and get out of here."

"I can't leave you three-"

"We'll be fine. Make sure Armin gets back safely, then rendezvous back with us." Christa gave her a small smile.

(Y/n) looked up at her from where she was kneeling, and nodded. "Come on, Armin. Let's go."

Armin clung to (Y/n) as she scooped him up into her arms. Using her ODM gear, she brought him further away from any titans, making sure they both were safe. Glancing back, (Y/n) could see Reiner's group struggling with a titan, probably a 10 meter. (Y/n) growled.

"Armin, wait here. I need to help Reiner's squad with-"

"No!" Armin screamed and grabbed onto her coat. "Don't leave! Please, please, please, (Y/n)! Don't leave...oh God...!"

"Hey, hey, Armin, it's okay." (Y/n) pat Armin's head and embraced him, hearing him sob into her chest. "There are no titans around, it'll takle me a few minutes, it'll be okay."

"No, n-no that's not why I..." Armin looked up, tears streaming down his face. "I don't want you to die...please...please don't go...!"

"Armin...if I don't help them, they might die."

Armin's sad face scrunched up even more in pain. "Then...then I'll go with you...! If you...if you get in trouble then I-I'll do what I didn't with Eren and save you..."

(Y/n) looked down at him hesitantly. "...okay, but if you're feeling like you're going to freak out, back off okay?"

Armin nodded vigorously. Both of them then used their ODM gear to get closer to Reiner's group. Armin stayed on the rooftop when Bertholdt slammed into the roof right next to him. (Y/n) shot out her anchors into the titan's shoulder, swung around and cut into the nape of the titan's neck and killed it.

Reiner's group landed safely on the roof with (Y/n). Armin immediately stepped halfway behind her.

"Thank you, (L/n). Why is Armin here?" Reiner commented.

"His squad..." (Y/n) glanced down at the small boy.

Reiner nodded. "Right."

"Come on, we need to keep moving. Thank you for the help, (Y/n)." Annie nodded to her in acknowledgement.

"No problem. Be safe out there." (Y/n) watched Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie ride away.

Armin was beginning to shift back to the state he was in earlier at the sight of the titan, and he tightly grabbed (Y/n)'s hand. Her attention was snapped back to him. "Hey, hey, Armin...it's okay."

Armin once again embraced her. "I know that was quick but...oh God...what if you were eaten just as quickly...?"

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm alive. Everything is okay. Let's get you to safety."

Armin looked up at her, and nodded. His blue eyes filled with tears that she wiped away. Armin thought that she looked like an angel in all this chaos - an angel of death, maybe. As she scooped him up in her arms again and rode away on her ODM gear, he couldn't help but feel safer than he ever had been in her arms.

And for once today, when he closed his eyes, he finally didn't see the slaughter of his squadron.

[korgidorgi]

The Avengers reactions to You getting into a fight at school

Warnings: cursing

Reader wrote to be female (pronouns are only used like once so i mean, anyone can read it ig). (Thinking I'm writing an actual fic out of this)

(idk what/where this gif is from)

(Also I don't own any of the Gifs used)

You got into a fight because some girl was being a bitch to someone you like 😏 (it can be whoever you want, irl crush, Peter, MJ, etc. your life, not mine)

You don't normally pick fights with people so this is like, a big thing for you

The bitch hit you first

You dodged her second attack

and broke her nose

You ended the fight

You ditch school and come back to the tower

Peter told Tony

Tony told everyone else

Peter saw everything go down

Fucking snitch

Don't worry, your crush helped you clean up after :) (you were bleeding a bit)

Tony:

Not too happy about hearing about it

He was passive-agressive to you when you got back to the tower, made you ✨uncomfy✨(He's scary when he's upset ok? He also lowkey has an army of robots)

He finally asks you about what happened and you tell him

Teases you about doing it to get Peter's attention (whether that's true or not, you deny it)

He's very much like a dad about the whole situation

Steve:

When he asks you about what happens, you start cursing

Comes at you about cursing

"Language."

"Sorry, BuT sTiLl!"

Crosses his arms at you, trying to be angry with you

Is secretly proud of you for standing up for someone because, he too, is a goody two-shoes and probably would have done something similar

Picks up that it may have been your crush who compelled you to do it but doesn't bring that up

Bruce:

Indirect about approaching you about it

When he does bring it up, he's a lot more calm than Tony, but gives you a mini lecture

"If that had been me approaching that situation, I never would have because the Big Guy would have probably killed them and we don't want that."

Makes sure you're ok tho

Natasha:

You can't tell if she's disappointed, proud, angry, what

She simply asks what happened, casually springing the topic on you right as your taking a sip of your favorite drink (you choke on it)

At first, she just listens intensely which scares you a bit, but is secretly proud of you that you stopped a fight with one hit (strong bby :3)

She gets you to tell her why you started bickering in the first place and you just come out and tell her about your crush

She encourages you to ask this certain someone out ;)

Clint:

Stalks you from the vents for a little bit before dropping down to interrogate you

Damn near break his nose

At first he scolds you for fighting, but loosens up

"If you were one of my kids-"

He's said too much

You weren't supposed to know he has a whole ass secret family (let's just pretend okay?)

Oh well, cat's out of the bag now

He tells you to not tell anyone what he said

Crawls back into the vent and disappears

Thor:

Isn't the best judge of scenarios like this because things are so much different on Asgard

Praises you for doing the right thing

The two of you talk about fights you've been in and the worst injuries the two of you have sustained (Thor wins that obviously)

You excitedly tell him how it felt getting hit for someone and he fangirls with you as well

He offers you alcohol (despite you being a bit young) (Do you take it?)

Tony yells from the other room

"Don't encourage her, Thor!"

Bucky:

Doesn't really approach you about it, he doesn't really talk with you much tbh (he doesn't really talk with anyone other than Steve, or younger people) (Look, idc if the timeline's screwed up)

Kinda proud you took a punch for someone tho

Gives you a thumbs-up when you pass him after talking with Steve about it

Sam:

Much like Steve, he's a bit stern with you, crossing his arms

Tells you to not do stupid shit like that (without him)

He only loosens up when you tell him that this certain someone has unconsentually stolen your heart

Won't stop teasing you about your crush but doesn't spread it to the other Avengers

Rhodey:

"You fucking what!?"

High-fives you when you tell him the story

Also encourages you about the ordeal like Thor

He's a bad influence on you

"You shouldda just gone in, hit her, and been like 'Boom, you looking for this?'"

Everyone in earshot just freezes and just blankly stares at him

"Not funny, okay. Bad joke."

Tony looks at him, daring him to encourage this behavior

Wanda:

She doesn't confront you about it, more like you race up to her and giddily tell her about it

Asks if you're okay (which you confirm)

Lowkey wants to see what it looked like

"If you want you can look in my head if you wanna see it it was sO aWeSoMe!"

Refuses your offer but looks anyways because she's curious

Nearly freaks out at your memory when you get hit

Very satisfied when you hit the bitch back though

Sees your crush that way, she'll talk with you about your crush when you bring it up later, she doesn't want to ruin your excitement

(I'm considering her a possible crush insert too now so maybe she already saw it and is like, still horrified you'd do that for her bc she doesn't think shes really worth getting sucker punched for so let's do this:)

(She's concerned that you're excited about taking a hit for her but thinks its sweet)

Peter:

He fucking SAW IT HAPPEN! (Ned saw it too)

He freaked out and helped you clean up outside before you buggered off to clean up elsewhere (with the help of your crush, unless it was him, then he leads you somewhere to help clean you up better)

Doesn't know whether to be horrified or impressed

When he tells Tony, he's screaming about what happened and is really blown away by the incident

Really worried about you afterward

Regretted telling Tony because he thought you'd kill him for it (I mean, you might ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ )

Won't shut up about it for the next 3 weeks

Vision:

He really only brought up that you looked different

Asked if you got hurt somehow because of the bruise and cut on your face

You tell him what happened

Doesn't really understand why you of all people would get into a fight

Warns against the (obvious) results of taking physical damage

Isn't much of a supporter or disciplinary figure on this whole ordeal, very neutral

[becausethathappens]

Will you please write a super angsty fic where Link is freaking out because he thinks the wedding vows he has written aren't good enough and Rhett helps him go over them and make corrections and says they're perfect but also, just says the vows he would say for Link if it was them like it should've been because he's heartbroken and Link can tell but their hands are tied and they don't know what to do so they soldier on without saying a word, but wordlessly communicating lifelong love and misery and everything, maybe comfort as well?

i'm really really sad and i can't shake it off and i really want some good angst and hurt/comfort and i really love you, maura, you're awesome

I don't do unhappy endings, anon. I'm confident you don't either. In fiction or otherwise. So, pardon this if it’s not what you expected.

Please enjoy? This was done a little hastily to share it with you (and I should be writing other things per usual) but I've had a rough week and I want to hopefully make someone smile. (I have way angstier stuff in the drafts and I will be sure to get those out eventually, too.) You’ll feel better soon.  🤞  Thank you! 💞

-———————-

now or forever

4k - Rhett writes Link vows.

If you were my boy, Blue

I’d bathe you in honeys (sp?)

I’d sing write you a love song

I’d shoot you a star**

If you were my boy, Blue

There ain’t nothing in this life I wouldn’t give

From my heart, to my toes, to my fingers, my nose (**)

Whatever it takes just to watch you live 

continue to ‘ ’ grow with you like a vine ‘round a rose 

If you were my boy, Bue

I wouldn’t want you all for myself

There’s no star bright enough to match your lightin’

In sickness, blue, so certainly while we have health

Hand in hand, no longer fightin’

What’s destiny (**)

You and & me

If you were my boy, Blue

I'd marry you

&

Thank God for Rhett. Giving him, delivering him, blessing him with Rhett.

Link is in the middle of a spiral (what he’ll later recognize as a panic attack) when Rhett arrives, the eve of his wedding. Bailing him out of this with pen, paper, and a smile.

Link has always been good at improv.

Though Rhett tended to find the words to start. These were his own vows and Link has been putting time to sit and start them off for weeks. Now that he has to, he’s dumbfounded, despite being deeply in love.

Amidst all the planning and chaos, writing his vows was such a given that Link left it as priority sixty-seven on a list of many more.

Unfortunately, even as busy as they’ve been, that list was shredded with the “who gifted what” tracking sheet (both literally, accidentally, and figuratively) back around the bridal shower and it’s been anarchy ever since.

So he thanks God for Rhett, who’s here, to stop another needless disaster from happening.

That same generous God, however, watches him plagued with thoughts of utter devotion at Rhett’s willingness to drop everything on a weeknight and rush over to help Link find his words.

His lyrics, really, is what Link has in mind. Since they used to write songs together and this felt much the same. He’s been floundering all night and now that Rhett’s here, he knows he’ll at least get what he needs done. Even if it’s not all he wants, right now.

That same God seeks judgment on his every decision or flinch against His will, for any reason, to spite him.

For this reason.

He wants to smush Rhett’s face and kiss him. Deeply. He doesn’t.

Even if there were sometime in the past that he could get away with a platonic smooch, now he can’t. He simply could not prevent that from escalating.

So, he merely tightens his grip on the wrinkled scrap paper in his hand and scrunches his eyes.

“Why can’t it be you up there…” Link bemoans, loudly, in his frustration.

Rhett’s eyes widen, in horror, and Link slams his other hand at his mouth, rolling his eyes. “Not like - I mean - why can’t you go say my lines for me. You’re so much better at this kinda thing.”

“Let me read what you’ve got,” Rhett says.

After some review, Rhett sighs, not unkindly and sits down next to Link. “Let’s just talk through what you’re trying to say because, yeah, this reads like liturgy.”

“Ain’t is supposed to? It’s in a chapel!”

“What do you like about her?” Rhett asks, ignoring his nitpicking. “Christy?” Rhett stares at him, waiting, too upset for Link to chastise but clearly wanting to.

“She’s patient,” Link says, reminded by the similar. Rhett folds over the book to an open page and clicks the pen in his hand, writing that down. “A-And she’s kind. Like considerate, ‘specially with babies and little animals. Sh-She does this thing where she immediately drops to their eye-level to make sure they don’t feel unheard or seen. Probably ‘cause she’s always been so tall…”

Rhett’s still writing.

“Then when I’m sick, she forces me to rest. You know I hate that,” Link says, voice rising a little, at the memory. “But you know I need that. You won’t be the last to make me stop and smell the roses or take a break, once in a while.”

“Her hair, write, her hair - the way it looks in the sunshine. Like warm caramel with flecks of gold. She’s a vision, an angel. Especially when she’s wearing all white, like,” Link says, pausing to point to Rhett’s undershirt and pale grey sweats. “Makes blondes look ethereal-like, always has.”

“Oh, and her voice. Sometimes, the way her accent catches, well, you know she don’t like to sing like us, never has, but when she says certain things, asks a question the right way - it’s music. The way it harmonizes with my answer, reminds me of singing, reminds me of us.”

Rhett keeps writing, quiet, and focused.

After a short time, Link can’t stop and wants to crane over to see what he’s come up with. Rhett hands it over after crossing a final “t” somewhere on the page.

“Those’re good, Link, but I think you need to keep closer to what I wrote, leave out the stuff about me.”

“Stuff about you?” Link asks, having spoken in a stream-of-conscious style, Link forgets most of what he even said

Rhett looks away, shakes his head.

Distracted by the desire to read the rest, Link abandons the lingering questions he has about Rhett’s suggestion and response.

“These are great, man, thanks,” Links says, pushing a soft hand into Rhett’s side.

His eyes scan to the bottom where Rhett’s added a few lines about the journey, the marriage, all the ceremonial aspects of the day for him to close with, but then something more.

Something about him.

Rhett catches him catch it and looks further away. “I know Christy pretty well, too, y’know. Y’all are just alike, in that way. She might need some back-up vows, to have and hold.”

Link reads them.

“You know, just in case.”

Link looks up and tries to laugh.

He doesn’t laugh.

He goes back to reading them.

Rhett shifts uncomfortably, touches the back of his neck, and shuts his eyes.

“Rhett, these ’re…”

“I know, bo, you can forget ‘em,” Rhett excuses, still not meeting Link’s gaze. “You want me to… I can rewrite the others on a different - I can turn the page and write ‘em there so you can just…”

“Hey, hey,” Link interrupts him, mad at Rhett putting down his best friend, and eager to explain his actual thoughts. “Rhett, these are perfect. These are… I’m sad I can’t say anything as nice in return to you.”

Rhett finally looks up to acknowledge that and their gaze heats and lingers.

“Not that I…” Link stutters to clarify. “Y-You’d have to be a - if that’s something that was gonna - you know - if that was gonna work…”

His mind does it’s usual jump to a visual for the worst case scenario depicting the implication he stumbled across. Him out eight grand on the wedding. Not to mention a wife, a family, a future, a faith -

a friend -

Link gulps, pushing that back away, pushing them both forward, in his estimation.

It’s too much to bear to think about for another second. When he glances at Rhett, he can’t get a read on his face what he thinks about it, and that’s scary enough for him to want to abandon the concept altogether.

“Christy’s gonna love them.”

It’s enough, saying his fiancée's name, to ground him again. Enough to make it okay for him to grab Rhett’s palm and squeeze it in thanks, between them.

Rhett’s made his choice to give up on film school.

Link’s made his choice to give up on whatever schoolboy obsession he has with monopolizing all of Rhett’s days and nights. 

He’ll stick to the days or every other weekend, however they can still fit time together, is fine by him. This ceremony, tomorrow, feels as much about his graduation from friend to husband, and all that that entails.

They’re adults.

They both know there’s a lot of sacrifices to be made and this feels like the first time he’s really acknowledging how hard they’re going to be to make. He hopes they’ll still see each other.

He hopes their kids will get along.

He has a lot of hopes.

All of them involve Rhett.

There’s a lot he should write down for when Rhett finds his own bride to wed.

Link notices, suddenly, that Rhett is crying. The same part of him that's nearly broken the headwind of these conflicting emotions turns back to comfort him.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Link soothes, realizing he’s also still holding Rhett’s hand.

“‘M sorry,” Rhett intones, the words bubble up and out of him simultaneously, sounding like water draining in a filled sink. “And the night before your wedding, good Heavens.”

“Hey, I’ve been crying all week,” Link says, waving a hand at the stress that planning a wedding has kept put on him. “Nothing I haven’t seen in the mirror.”

Rhett laughs, rubbing a thumb over his own thigh in a way that brushes upwards against the place Link’s clasping his hand. Link nearly pulls his hand back, thinking Rhett’s trying to get him to sense his want for space, but when he meets his eye it’s clear he’d like nothing less.

“I think I’m just -” Rhett starts to say, trailing off. The light from the lamp on the far coffee table is the only thing on in the room. Link drops his gaze a few inches to try and see more of Rhett’s downturned eyes as he hems and haws. He squeezes their hands together, again, this time clasping it more firmly, still pressing Rhett’s large palm down from above. “I think I’m just a li’l jealous, is all.”

It’s the quietest admission he’s heard from Rhett since he told him he failed their chemistry mid-term in eleventh grade.

Link is also so lost at the innocence of the admission that he can only think of follow-up questions. “Of me?”

Rhett looks at him for a long, long minute and finally, when Link’s gaze remains confused for the whole length of the pause, he shakes his head, no.

Then he waits. 

He waits for Link to realize what he means.

But he’s still waiting when Link, oblivious, moves onward trying to comfort Rhett, instead of understanding him fully.

The tension in the room is palpable as Link talks, but only to Rhett, it seems. Only Rhett pictures air bags being deployed in a car safety video as metal hits cinder block. Only Rhett moves his hand, though it’s all it takes to dislodge them from each other completely.

“I know you’re gonna make an amazing husband some day.” Link is saying.

Rhett’s hand aches where cool air now surrounds it.

“I know your wife is gonna get to hear you say such wonderful things about her.”

Rhett wipes his hand of the misunderstanding on the cotton of his pants.

“I know she’s gonna say the same kind of things about you, when it’s your turn up there.”

Rhett mourns the idea that this would ever be requited.

“I know she’s gonna love you, just as much as I do, so she’ll have plenty to say.”

Rhett looks away, wiping the last of his tears from his eyes. 

 “I’ll make sure she has plenty of ideas where to start.”

Rhett pats Link’s leg, in camaraderie, and nods.

And that’s it. They shoot the shit, they make a plan to meet up at a donut place for the groomsmen’s breakfast to thank them for their help, before the ceremony, and they’ll talk things through if Link’s feeling jittery still. Then Rhett’s gone.

It’s not until the next day at eleven on the dot (everyone has an agenda to follow and every moment is accounted for) that Link understands Rhett’s pain.

His mother straightens his tie and flattens the edges of his suit. “You’ll wanna know I heard Christy looks like an angel in her dress, from the girls upstairs.”

“Those actual angels you been talkin’ to, Sue?” Rhett jokes, where he’s twisting his cummerbund around every so often, bored.

“Very funny, honey,” Sue ribs back. “From the cousins, Beth and Hailee Sue. Remember they’re friends with the hairstylist you got to do the curls for Christy’s hair, today? She was over last night getting Christy ready for bed with how to wash and dry it a special kind of way. They were there, too.”

Link starts to tune her out, since there’s a lot on his mind, but then she says more.

“She says the hairstylist was talking about how jealous she was of Christy, all night, getting to marry you,” Sue relays.

“Oh, mama, please,” Link dismisses. The compliments he’s been getting have felt faker than the toupee on his uncle Bruce. That girl has never even met him. “I’m the only person here people should be jealous of, who would be jealous of Christy,” he says, trailing off, muttering his reasoning as he did. “Marrying a trainwreck like me.”

Link looks up in the mirror where some of his friends continue to mingle in various states of undress. Rhett is already dressed, however, and staring straight at Link like he’s been caught with a hand in a cookie jar.

Link’s about to ask what’s wrong when he remembers his words. Then looks again over the planes of Rhett’s face.

Last night’s words slam back into his mind and Link’s mouth drops open.

The church organ belts out an opening flurry of notes before Canon in D begins playing loudly through the sound system built into the rafters above them. Link looks up to see one of the church staff at the door instructing them to join the bridal party to line-up.

Link’s mom dashes off to where she’s paired with her nephew, Link’s favorite cousin, to be escorted down the aisle.

Rhett sees Link’s face rushing through a wash of emotions from a distance, he nods to the staffer in silent understanding that he’ll handle it, and then they’re alone.

He walks up to Link and takes his hand. He squeezes it.

“Hey, you gotta go. We gotta go. It’s showtime,” Rhett insists.

Link looks around like a bomb went off, since in some ways it did, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Rhett seems to pick up on that. He squeezes Link’s hand again.

“I’ll get over it, Link, it’s okay,” Rhett whispers, on the verge of desperation.

That confirmation is enough to fully shatter Link.

Only for a moment. 

The music continues and Rhett keeps his hand hold.

They are adults. They are in love. They have to marry. 

None of these things can be helped.

“I’m gonna be so jealous of Her, too,” Link whispers back. He squeezes Rhett’s hand one last time, as they part.

They leave.

They walk straight.

They part again.

Until later.

They move houses and cities and states.

They move mountains, inside and out.

They move together.

Much later.

They join again.

They run crooked.

They return.

To one another.

Link has spent years worrying a ring that means too much to too few people.

In the beginning, when he cries himself to sleep at what he thinks has been the mistake of a lifetime, it’s His talisman. It reminds him of the expectations upon this life he’s made.

As the years pass, however, the adherence to the bogeymen of their childhood’s rules wears thin. It starts to strictly represent love and patience.

Sacrifice.

It begins to feel like a burden. A representation of what’s been lost, not what’s been found.

He contemplates taking it off, but believes that to be a betrayal of all that it stands for to the people he stands for. 

Then, one day, (surely mid-spin) he hears Rhett tell a story about wanting to change his ring.

He watches the silver twirl as Rhett explains.

He believes he was rushed into a certain type of marriage and a certain type of life by a certain type of person.

It’s a life that he’s grown to love but the ring represents a union forced by custom and not one that’s grown through devotion. 

His ring reminds him of that too often to be good for him.

Link twists his again at the admission.

So, Rhett’s thinking about replacing the ring.

Link returns home that night in a stupor. He’s sure he said one too many things to Rhett to emphasize how wild it felt to hear him talk about changing rings.

Any memories of that day, their wedding, bring up a rush of emotions that he’s never been good at sorting through.

Today’s admission makes him feel the same spur to make use of idle, betrothed hands he feels when he cleans the fridge.

He wants to clean the slate.

He finds an old DVD copy of their wedding ceremony that he paid to have converted from miniDV some years ago. Now he struggles to find a place to watch that DVD. How quickly time has flown by.

Eventually, he ends up in his son’s room - no one’s home for the remainder of the night but he and Christy - now, he’s sitting on a bean bag, squinting at the game console’s controller trying to get the joysticks to move to “play” on screen.

The ceremony bursts to life and, like it was yesterday, Link’s nerves fizzle awake.

About halfway through the video, Christy finds him like that and sits down next to him in a thwump absorbed mostly by the stuffing of the chair.

They watch themselves smile happily at each other and Christy takes his hand.

“Should I be happy or scared to find you alone watching this on a Saturday night?” she asks, wryly, squeezing his palm.

Link doesn’t know what to say. He’s caught up in Rhett’s bygone script being spoken on screen. Words about Christy and about Link that were not their own, declared loudly in front of the congregation.

“I don’t know,” Link admits, shrugging. He doesn’t. He squeezes her hand back.

“You wanna tell me what’s eating you?”

Link hesitates, but relents. He wants that clean slate, after all. “Rhett’s getting his wedding ring replaced.”

“Replaced?” Christy asks, balking.

“Replaced, yeah,” Link responds, sure he didn’t misspeak.

“With what?” she asks.

“Oh, some new one. Fancy thing, very cool, made of trees or something. Honestly he wears the other one, the slick black one more than his wedding band half the time. He says it feels like the old one? It’s the kind of ring you get in a bauble at a vending machine crank. So, he wants a new one.”

“Jeesh,” Christy says, making a face at the screen. The camera catches Rhett stealing glances at the couple, then at the crowd, beaming at all with unbridled pride.

“Wouldn’t you be mad if I did that?” Link inquires, still baffled at the idea.

“Well, no, but don’t you love your ring? Heirloom and all that,” she says.

Link cringes. “Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I do.”

“So?”

“So, I still kind of want to and I’m not sure what that means.”

They watch the screen together.

“Do you wanna stay married?” she asks, in a small voice.

“Yes,” he breathes out.

There’s a long pause.

“To me?” she asks, her voice even smaller.

“Yes,” he breathes in.

She squeezes his hand, her confidence built back up. She begs him to join her.

“And him?” Christy whispers.

They both look the screen, the lens centered on the two of them, but their gaze is mutually torn to where Rhett stands wiping a tear from his eye at Christy reciting the last of the vows that he wrote her. Wrote him. Wrote them both.

She squeezes his hand again.

“Yes,” he breathes out.

She leans her head on his shoulder.

“You should probably get another ring, then,” she jests. “We shouldn’t have to share everything.”

The slate is clean.

There’s a lot he wants to say to Rhett about it, but just as before, he’s relied on Rhett to give him the right words to say. So, instead of words, he starts wearing Rhett’s ring.

Then, a new one, when he realizes he can match him separate from the other, all told. Have something of Rhett’s, all to himself.

In his unspoken push towards something more, their hands now match along with their steps, as they walk forward.

On the last week in July, they get ice cream at the fifth place that month to mistake them for husbands, but the first one he hears Link crow an affirmative in response.

Rhett waits for him while he triple-tips the cashier (for the guess) and pays for their cones.

“Bad joke,” Rhett says, softly, but firm.

“Who’s kidding?” Link parries back, a smirk dancing it’s way across his lips.

Rhett watches him with a wistful look of disbelief.

“Link, we’re married,” Rhett warns him.

Link shrugs. “I know. I’m just waiting for you to figure that out and minding my ice cream here, all right?”

He’s got a mouthful of vanilla bean and extra cookie crumble, the next second, so his vow ends there.

Later, at home, Rhett startles Jessie awake when he fully realizes Link’s words.

He shakes her awake. He shakes them both awake.

“I’m in love with Link,” he says, like it’s a confession.

She kisses him because so is she. So are most people.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

Rhett repeats himself.

So does she.

They stare at each other under the cover of silk and moonlight.

“We’re married,” Rhett whispers, touching his hand to hers. Their rings clink, new and shiny.

“Yeah, and so are we,” she whispers back.

They fall asleep smiling.

The next day, Rhett sneaks up behind Link while he’s working and causes him to spill his cup of coffee. He gets the stink eye for only a minute because it’s the same length of time he can stand Link’s grumpy mug before he has to swoop down and kiss him on the lips.

“You figured it out,” Link says, grinning.

“I did,” Rhett chirps as he kisses Link more.

They take a car to their house. It’s filled with their love and the history of it; before, during, and after.

“What’s this?” Link asks, dazed in their post-sex glow, naked and alive.

He spots an old chord book of theirs from last time they wrote music.

“Oh,” Rhett says, bashful. “I came looking for you here this morning, hoping you slept over again, but, uh,” Rhett stalls, looks away and tries to take the songbook from Link’s hand. Link pulls it far enough he can’t reach. “You were already at the job.”

“And?” Link asks, using his spry, sinewy body as an advantage to slink away from the bed out of Rhett’s grip. He still has the book in hand.

“Those are your vows,” Rhett explains.

Link looks down and squints, confused. These aren’t the vows that Christy read at their wedding. He’s seen that video only a few months back and is sure of it.

“Our vows,” Rhett whispers, explaining further, at Link’s puzzled look.

“It’s a love song,” Link notes, marveling at the gesture. What it means to a young version of himself that once felt like they had surely cut out and mourned the possibility of this - all of this - ever happening. To have that thought coexist with the image of a nude, hulking tree trunk of a husband laid before him smiling up adoringly felt panoptic.

“So are you.”

Link begins to cry.

“Play it for me.”

Rhett wipes his cheek.

“Get my guitar.”

They sing twice more that night, always in harmony (not always in lyric), then spend the rest of their lives together doing much the same.

[leotssukinaga]

Friendship Bracelet

Makoto Yuuki x Reader

A/N: I literally dont know where this fic came from, it just popped into my head a few hours ago and now its here. Disclaimer that I don’t know Yuuki that well as a character so I’m not entirely sure how well I wrote him. This ends so cheesy but its cute so I stand by my choices Summary: Makoto and you have been best friends for years, even when you couldn’t see each other often your friendship held firm. There’s just one issue... Makoto doesn’t know if it’ll survive the romantic feelings he’s developed for you. Tags: Fluff, teeny tiny bit of angst, cheesy as hell, childhood friends to lovers Word Count: 1.7k

Makoto wasn't sure whether to smile or frown as he stared at the bracelet adorning his wrist, fiddling with it with his other hand. It was a little worn, though you could hardly see where he'd had to mend it when he caught it on that fence last year and it snapped, but even after 4 years of wearing it constantly the colours were as bright as the day you'd given it to him, the green heart embedded in the blue standing out as much as ever. It had been on his mind a lot recently- or rather, what you'd said when you gave it to him had.

-

You hopped up to him at lunch time, a sad sort of smile on your face. He knew why. You were graduating middle school in two days, and you weren't going to the same high school. You'd admitted to him a few weeks before that you were scared to face the world without him, that you didn't want him to stop being your friend just because you didn't see each other every day. He'd been a little too embarrassed to admit that he felt the exact same way. "Hey, I made you something. It's a little silly but... I want you to wear it all the time, okay? So that even when you're old and you can't remember your own name, you'll have a reminder that once upon a time, in middle school, we were best friends." He grinned as you showed him the blue friendship bracelet. He didn't even know you knew how to make them, but he admired your handiwork and held his wrist out for you to tie it on. It was only when you'd done so that he was the green heart you'd sewn onto it. "Not just in middle school," he reassured you, "just because we're going to different high schools doesn't mean I'll forget about you."

-

He'd been right, too. The two of you were in your third year now, and your friendship was as firm as ever. Of course, the different high schools situation had changed once Yumenosaki had opened up the producer course and you'd transferred (something you hadn't told him until you surprised him on your first day there), but even in your first year he'd cycled over to your house every night he had free. You'd always fussed over how he had the energy to do that, with how strenuous idol work can be, but he was insistent that you didn't worry about him too much. And now you were at Yumenosaki, he walked you home every day, just like he had in middle school. He was grateful for your ongoing presence in his life, but recently... He wanted things to change. Not in the sense that he didn't want you around anymore- as if he could ever want that- it was more like he wanted to see you more, if that was even possible.

He'd often catch himself thinking about you in a way he didn't know he could- about holding your hand or waking up next to you, about how nice it would be to be your boyfriend. It was bugging him endlessly. How could he fall in love with his best friend? That was something that belonged in slice of life manga and cheesy sitcoms, not real life. Not his life. Not when you had so many better options out there than him, when half the guys in your year were vying for your attention for less than professional reasons- and he knew that every one of them was likely better suited to you than he was. "Hey, what's on your mind?" Makoto nearly jumped out of his seat when you appeared next to  him, a concerned look on your face "O-oh! Nothings wrong, I'm fine." "I didn't ask if anything was wrong, doofus, but the fact that you answered like I did tells me you definitely just lied to my face. Cmon, out with it." "No really, I-I'm okay!" You frowned at him, pulling out the chair next to him and taking a seat. "When did you start hiding things from me?" "W-what?" "I feel like you don't tell me anything anymore... What happened to the Makoto who'd tell me everything, right down to how long it took you to eat your lunch? When did you stop wanting to share things with me?" You looked sad- heartbroken even- as you stared at your best friend. But that was just it. He'd always be your best friend, and nothing more. He'd thought he was okay with that, but he was beginning to realise he wasn't. "I don't know, I... I guess people just grow apart." He knew, the second he said it, that it was the wrong thing to say, and the tears pricking your eyes as you nodded and silently left the classroom confirmed it.

You didn't wait for him that evening. He arrived at the spot the two of you had used as a meeting place since you'd started at Yumenosaki and found nobody there. You didn't pick up when he called you, either, and the walk home was painfully silent without your company. He'd screwed up majorly, all because he couldn't stand to tell you he was in love with you. And he didn't know whether he'd be able to pick up the pieces or not.

But he knew he had to try.

This wasn't like him. Normally he'd call you before heading to your house, it was rude to drop by unannounced, but this time he didn't even think about it. (You'd likely not pick up anyway.) It wasn't until he turned onto your street that he even realised what he was doing, that he'd cycled all the way here without making a conscious choice to do so. Whether it was the fear of losing you forever or some miraculous bout of previously unfound confidence that saw him climbing the tree outside your window and knocking on it like some anime protagonist you guys would definitely make fun of together, he didn't know. All he knew was that when you opened the curtains you looked like you'd been crying- and that you shut them again the second you saw him. He slumped back on the branch he was sitting on, not ready to give up but feeling a little defeated, when he heard the door open below him.

"Makoto! What the hell are you doing up there?!" "I need to talk to you." "Ever heard of knocking?" "I didn't think you'd answer." "You could've tried!  Ugh, will you just get down from there, please? I'm having horrible visions of you with your head splattered on the sidewalk." He nodded and made his way out of the tree, trying not to think about how cute it was when you covered your eyes so you wouldn't have to see if he fell.

"I...I didn't mean what I said earlier." "I know." "You do?" "Yeah! I mean, come on. I know you better than anyone- if that was really how you felt you’d wanna talk about it, give me the reasons. You’re always so gentle with people, even when you don’t like them." "When you didn't walk home with me today I thought maybe I'd messed up beyond repair." "I was upset. Even if you didn't mean it, it hurt. And you've been so distant lately. I don't wanna lose you. Ever." "I don't wanna lose you either." The way you smiled at him warmed his heart, but your next words put a knife right through it. "Good. You're stuck with me as a best friend forever, whether you like it or not."

Makoto couldn't take it. He knew he wasn't good enough for you. You deserved a boyfriend who could sweep you off your feet, not some dork who's only romantic knowledge came from manga. But... even if it was unfounded, he had to have hope. He had to tell you how he felt.

"Y/N, look, I- I need to tell you something." "What is it?" "I-" The words stuck in his throat. You stared at him expectantly as he tried to get them out, but they wouldn't go, no matter how much he stuttered. Now was not the time for him to freak out and forget how to speak. He'd cycled over here and climbed a tree, for God's sake, and now he couldn't even say what he wanted to. He couldn't help but think that this was why you deserved better than him. "Makoto? Are you okay?" "Yes, I just-” He took a deep breath before finally blurting it out, so fast you could barely make out what he was saying. “I'm in love with you and I have been for like a year and I thought I could be okay with just being your best friend- and if you tell me to shut up and never talk about this again then I will, I'll be happy to be in your life in any capacity- but I knew I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, you know? You're just so perfect and I know you deserve better than what I can offer you and it's so stupid for me to think I have a chance in hell but-" "Makoto!" "Y-yes?" "Will you shut the hell up and kiss me already?" "I- what?" "Oh, I have to do everything myself, don't I?" He was still processing what you'd said when you pulled him in for a kiss, cupping his face gently with your hands. It took him a minute to come to terms with the fact that you were kissing him, but eventually he settled his arms around your waist and melted into it. You pulled away abruptly when something cold and wet landed on your forehead, squinting up at the sky. As if the night hadn't played out enough like some cheesy romance film, snow began to fall around you.

"I probably should’ve worn a coat, huh..." "Oh my god, come inside before we both freeze to death!" "Will your parents be okay with that?" "Of course they will, it's you." You reached for his hand to pull him inside, but stopped when you noticed something. "Hey... you're still wearing the bracelet." "'Course I am. You told me to wear it all the time." You grinned up at him, giving him a soft peck on the lips. "I guess that heart means something different now, though." Makoto's real heart swelled in his chest. Being with you was... Well, it felt like something out of a fairytale, or one of those dreams that waking up from upsets you because it's not real. "Yeah. I guess it does."

[simons-calling-the-127-squad]

Unbreakable - Xiaojun

Credit to original owners of the images.

GN College Student Reader X Band Member Xiaojun

Soulmate Au: Red String

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at your friends, who just suggested going to a performance they had heard about that was happening tonight. They wanted to go to celebrate making it through finals, but you wanted to sleep. Your friends pleaded with you to join them, they even bribed you.

"Y/N, how do you expect to meet your soulmate if you never leave your house?" Y/B/F said, causing you to instantly look at the red string tied around your ring finger it weaved through people and eventually left your vision. You sighed knowing that she was right. You finally agreed to join them, resulting in them squealing with joy. Jenna offered to be the driver of the group while Y/B/N offered to help with your outfit. You accepted, knowing that she wouldn't take no for an offer. The group decided they should all head home and get ready, but Y/B/F began pulling you in the direction of her dorm, stating that "you had nothing to wear for it". You knew she was right and allowed her to drag you to her room. Upon entering she greeted her roommate and instantly moved to her room, pushing you to sit on her bed as she started pulling clothes out of her closest and throwing them at you to try on. After numerous outfit changes, she eventually settled on a simple outfit for you. One that fits the scene and your style, pleasing both of you. It luckily didn't take long for her to choose her clothes for the night. She also allowed you to choose the makeup and hairstyle, though only after you pointed out the time to her, making her rush to do her own. She was able to finish before Jenna arrived, the two of you climb into the backseat. Jenna informed you that Nova was already at the performance hall, meaning you only had to pick up Terrance. He was already waiting outside and immediately jumped into the passenger seat.

"It's about time we got to do something fun", he said. All of you agreed and talked about how horrible classes were going. The conversation made the ride pass by quickly, making you surprised when you saw you had already arrived at the hall.

"Remember no stressing tonight. We are here to have fun and let loose", Jenna said as she parked. You nodded in response, knowing the statement was directed at you. The line wasn't unbearably long and soon enough you found Nova who was already sitting at a table with a drink in hand.

"Okay so like the guys in the band are ridiculously hot", she said the moment you guys were in earshot.

"I feel bad for your poor soulmate. Whoever they have to deal with your thirsty ass", Terrance said as he sat down next to her. She told him to shut up before turning to the rest of you.

"So, how's the search going", she questioned. Jenna and Y/B/F both shrugged. Promoting Nova to ask you specifically. You looked down at your string and followed it, your eyes widening as you realized it didn't disappear around in a corner but was instead attached to a male standing on the stage with a guitar in hand. He had the classic 'I'm in a band look going' black ripped jeans with a black shirt and black hair.

"No freaking way", Y/B/F whispered. She had realized your eyes were focused on something, or rather someone, and followed your gaze. Terrance was the next to catch on, he whistled as he looked at the male.

"You're so lucky", he whispered. Jenna and Nova we're still confused, Terrance wasted no time filling them in.

"You have to talk to him after the show!" Nova practically screamed, forcing your attention to her.

"Trust me, I will", you replied. Jenna shushed you and told you they were starting.

"Before we begin we wanted to thank you all for coming tonight. I know that you guys don't know who we are, but we're happy that you're taking a chance to listen to us right now", your soulmate said. He then nodded to the boy sat at the drums, he was tall and blonde. The boy nodded and began playing. After a few beats, your soulmate began to sing, and you couldn't help but be even more thankful this man was the one at the end of the string. After a few songs ended, your friends immediately forced you to stand sending you over to the bar where the male sat.

"I was wondering which of us was gonna make the first move", he said as you took the seat next to him.

"Didn't wanna take the risk of you not noticing", you replied.

"Trust me", he paused to fully turn his attention to you, "I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. And knowing that you are this gorgeous, it makes me even happier to know that you're my mate." He then proceeded to ask for your name

"I'm Y/N. You?"

"I go by Xiaojun", he told you.

"Pleasure to meet you, Xiaojun."

"Pleasure to meet you too, Y/N." The two of you continued to talk for the rest of the night. It was almost four in the morning by the time Nova stumbled over to you, telling you that Jenna wanted to leave and needed to know if you were riding with them. You told her to give you a few minutes and she nodded, going back to the group. You turned to Xiaojun who was already sliding his phone to you. You picked it up and added your number. He instantly sent you a text and begged you to let him name his contact. You handed him your phone.

"Don't check it till you get home", he said as he gave it back, with a wink.

"Do I really wanna know what you named yourself?"

"Of course you do", he laughed. " Is it okay to ask for a hug?" He questioned.

"Sounds like a reasonable request", you said. The two of you stepping closer to wrap your arms around each other.

"Could I also kiss you on the cheek?"

"Yes. In fact, I'd love it if you did."

"Good,'' he said, planting a quick kiss on your right cheek.

"Lemme know when you get home", he whispered as you parted.

"I will. You also better let me know."

"I will", he told you. You waved as you moved closer to your friends and he returned the gesture.

"I already ship it", Terrence said.

"Same", Y/B/F agreed.

" You guys ready?" You asked as you rejoined them.

"Yep. Are you though?" Terrence inquired. His eyes moving to Xiaojun, you begin to blush and tell him to shut up. He laughs at your reaction and stands up from the table.

"Alright, let's head out guys. I'm tired", He said as he began to move to the doors. The rest of you followed and the moment you got in the car you felt ready to pass out. It took all ounces of your effort to change into your pajamas and to get to bed. You texted the groupchat, announcing that you were home. You then moved down to the second most recent conversation, laughing at the contact name. Xiaojun had named himself 'My Forever'. You told him you had made it home and complemented the name. He soon texted you saying he was also home and informed you that your contact was 'My Muse' because he could already feel inspiration for new songs the moment he met you. You smiled at his words telling him he was adorable before telling him goodnight. He replied with a goodnight. A few minutes later Jenna texted the chat to let you all know she had made it home. You told the group goodnight before turning your phone off and settling into your bed. You could already sense that Xiaojun would be in your dreams tonight.

--------

It had been over a year since you met Xiaojun. Here you were, sat at the same table with the same friends as you watched the band perform.

"So this last song is not my favorite song that I have written, but it's also my soulmate's. It was the first song I wrote after meeting them. The moment I saw them at the end of my string, I started to compose this song. So here's Unbreakable", Xiaojun said and started the song. You smiled, being thankful that this man and you were tied together, and so was your future.

A/N: sup guys. Admin 🃏 here, my co-writer and I have decided to launch a soulmate series for the WayV members. Unbreakable is the first story in the series, and we hope to have the second story up soon. Thanks for reading and tell us your thoughts!

[derl30]

ALTERED STATES REVIEW TIME!

OK, this tumblr is, today, a vehicle for me to review ALTERED STATES. And you (the one person who stumbled on this review two-hundred years from n- oh who am I kidding, when the aliens from A.I. who show up to thaw out Haley Joel Osment and the teddy bear who was the real hero of that movie find this) should be very excited about this. Because this movie is insane. And highly entertaining.

Yes, the movie poster looks like ass. If I told you this was a movie where William Hurt (not the William Hurt from that awful 90's Lost in Space remake, or the one who slept through an entire performance as Duke Leto in the Syfy miniseries of Dune. This is before the body snatchers got him) took ayahuasca and got in a isolation tank and it blew his mind so hard he started devolving into a neanderthal and creating dimensional portals and he couldn't stop because he was addicted to finding the truth of existence... Well you wouldn't get that from this poster, would you? So let's move on. Shall we?

The film opens in 1967 with William Hurt's character, psychopathologist Edward Jessup, already immersed in a sensory deprivation tank, whilst his colleague and “buddy” Bob Balaban (he's just Bob Balaban in everything I'm not giving you his character's name look it up yourself if it's bugging you so much) oversees.

Now, you may notice I put buddy in quotes. The reason for that is that Jessup is a self-obsessed ass who seemingly has no reason to be around other people unless he can expound to them one of his various monologues. Bob Balaban barely gets a word in edgewise throughout the entire film. Bob Balaban.

See, Jessup loves the sensory deprivation tank experience. Unsurprisingly, as it allows him to be completely alone with himself for hours.

Later, at perhaps the lamest party ever, a bunch of faculty are chilling out and listening to the Doors. Everyone we see is talking about Jessup. Why? Well, much as Jessup is obsessed with himself, everyone else seems to follow suit by being obsessed with him. One young woman, Emily, (Blair Brown) is introduced to him in this very shot below as he arrives at the party:

Notice how is framed in holy light? There is a closeup after, of him framed in blinding glowing light followed up with a zoom in on Emily's face, enraptured with this incredible dynamic man. So much so that the moment he tries to make a goddamn sandwich she starts grabbing his celery (get your mind out of the gutter) and flirting with him. Which for these two that means talking science, immediately. Talking more at each other than with each other. This is often the way with Paddy Chayefsky's scripts.

PAUSE

Paddy Chayefsky is doubtless one of the great American writers for the screen. He wrote Marty, The Hospital and Network (which is a fucking incredible piece of work). He got an Oscar for all three. He also wrote this movie (Altered States, remember? Good lord) and disowned it completely three weeks in to production. His scripts tend to have very intelligent, driven characters at the center, who monologue extensively at each other. These scripts are not attempting to sound naturalistic.

Ken Russell, however, directed the film. He, like Chayefsky, is top notch at what he does (Direct. I said he directed the film like a second ago, come on keep up). His films, like Women in Love, The Devils, (which was banned in several major countries upon release and has never been shown publicly in its full, uncut form (by the way it's a masterpiece)) the Who's Tommy, Gothic, and Lair of the White Worm are all fucking gonzo nuts. I mean like, when you gave this guy the reins, you were going to Overthetopsville and there will be no stops on this trip. And god bless! I love directors who GO for it!

You're getting the chance to make a movie. Stop hemming and hawing and hit me over the head with what you want to say! Film is a visual medium, USE IT!

I feel I might have made my feelings clear here. So, moving on...

Ken Russell and Paddy Chayefsky immediately started butting heads, right from the start. Chayefsky was a BIG deal, and he wanted control over the picture in a BIG way. Ken would listen to his suggestions on everything to lighting and set dressing, and politely tell him, “No.”, and continue being the director of the film. Chayefsky hated him pretty quickly.

He had much more control over films like The Hospital. Which, if you watch The Hospital, well, it shows. You've got great actors (George C. Scott, Dame Diana Rigg (Dame may be the greatest official title of all time)) saying great dialogue. But its just two very witty bitter people sort of expounding on topics and speaking at each other and suddenly admitting they are in love and discussing what drapes they will have to buy for their new home. It's utterly preposterous, and it doesn't work in the way Sidney Lumet got it to work in Network, by literally making one of the lead characters realize his life is turning into a ludicrous soap opera.

So of course Ken tried to humanize, naturalize, the dialogue sequences. And it works! The film feels more human than the Hospital or Network. Despite the fact that Jessup is literally becoming more and more inhuman throughout the film. One of the ways he does this is by having the character's eat, drink, and work on other things during the dialogue sequences. This is perfectly normal in film, it's called giving the actor “business” to do, during the scene. Chayefsky HATED this. “They are mumbling my precious dialogue! Chewing through it! Sucking it through a straw!” Sorry, Chayefsky buddy. It works for the picture. Chayefsky also felt the actors were too emotional with his dialogue. Right. See, they call that acting.

UNPAUSE

Which brings us back to the first meeting of Emily and Jessup at the party. They are eating during this important scene! I can just picture Chayefsky seeing this, and running to the studio brass to tattle and get Ken Russell fired (as he got Arthur Penn of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired before Ken Russell came on board).

Emily and Jessup are, true to Chayefsky form, extremely intelligent, driven people and hearing them discuss topics such as anthropology and schizophrenia is quite interesting. It's just that what is to come, film being a visual medium, will eclipse just about any dialogue, no matter how good, from our mind thingys.

The two give up on the science talk and go straight to banging on her couch. After, she asks what he was thinking about. His answer is priceless. “God. Jesus. Crucifixions.”

She smiles.

Bwahahaha! Oh Paddy Chayefsky, you sure know women.

He admits he used to have religious visions. She listens to him from the sweaty couch whilst he sits naked on the floor, and starts going on about his father's horrible death of cancer and his loss of faith. And he admits to her that he's a nut. Her response is to call him a fascinating bastard. I think Lucas may have taken notes for Padme and Anakin.

So naturally, they get married immediately.

But none of that matters because Jessup gets back in the sensory deprivation tank and has his first vision. A nightmare of his dying father and lost faith in christianity. It's pretty great, filled with foreboding hospital rooms, his father's face being covered in a burning Shroud of Turin, everything covered by horrible blood red clouds and then THIS FUCKING THING SHOWS UP AND ITS ALIVE AND WRIGGLING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

excuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The many-eyed goat is slaughtered over a gold bible and suddenly Jessups screwing Emily again and we enter a blood vessel looking thing and the vision ends and he never mentions this again. Oh. Okay,

Emily continues on about what a nut Jessup is as they make marriage plans. Her monologue:

“You're an unmitigated madman. You don't have to tell me how weird you are. I know how weird you are. I'm the girl in your bed the past two months. Even sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant... Which can be very nice, but I sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God. (Emphasis mine)

"And you are a Faust-freak Eddie! You'd sell your soul to find the great truth. Well, human life doesn't have great truths. We're born in doubt. We spend our lives persuading ourselves we're alive. And one way we do that is we love each other, like I love you. I can't imagine living without you. So let's get married, and if it turns out to be a disaster, it'll be a disaster.”

It's a disaster.

As in, by the next scene. It starts off happy enough looking, they have kids and people are smiling. And hey, wow it's seven years later! But, well, see, whoops, they are getting a divorce. Well, not they. See, he is divorcing her because he considers the seven years with her a complete waste.

She still loves him, desperately. He doesn't give a shit about her or the kids. He tells Bob Balaban this, straight up. And then starts bugging him about deprivation tanks and Hinchi Indians in South America who have sacred mushrooms that can really fuck you up.

It's at this point you would like for Jessup to be hit by a Mack truck. But the movie continues on. By the way, this is one of the kids he doesn't give a crap about:

That's right. Drew Barrymore's first role is a kid that William Hurt doesn't give a shit about. Something that William Hurt would make a career out of with narcoleptic performances in Lost in Space and Syfy's Dune. So, Emily takes the kids to Africa for her anthropology work while Jessup goes to South America to go deeper into his own creepy mind.

The Hinchi Indians agree to allow him to participate in the drug ritual. They enter their holy cave.

This shot is beautiful. At this point the film becomes increasingly gorgeous. Ken Russell has started to go into overdrive, ladies and gentlemen. Buckle. Your. Seatbelts.

The Indians grab Jessup's hand and cut him, freaking him out. They pour his blood into the drug mixture. They begin to drink. Then he takes a sip. The intensity of the film here has quadrupled. The vision begins, fireworks going off all around him. He sees cave paintings of humans and komodo dragons and this:

The proper life he left behind with Emily. He's convulsing, sweating. The Indians are all around, masked. Snakes. He's laughing in pain. Energy spills from the void. A snake under the parasol strikes and begins to strangle him. He and Emily march toward a nuclear explosion as energy pours from the cut on his hand, becoming a lizard. From within a sandstorm, Emily watches him, naked. Jessup looks at her, entranced, as the soothing sands cover them both, slowly.

It's a beautiful sequence. A perfect film sequence. I can't overstate how strong the vision sequences are from this point forward. Great visual effects work and the madman mind of Ken Russell create something unforgettable, with it's own pace, independent from the rest of the film.

Jessup awakens with a komodo dragon laying before him, ripped to pieces. The Indians and the others all claim he killed it in rage. Jessup remembers nothing, takes samples of the drug to reproduce it, and goes back home.

Back home, Jessup keeps doing as much of the drug as he can and having Bob Balaban record results. They can't up the dosage any more so Jessup hops back in to the self deprivation tank to create a more extreme experience.

In his next session, Jessup states he is having a vision of early man, hunting a deer and killing it. Suddenly he states he is one of them, killing the deer. He begins to grunt like an animal. The two pull him out. He's incredibly pale, blood seeping out of his mouth. He can't speak, and has difficulty breathing. He insists they do an X-ray. It shows that there is a vocalizing lump in the front part of his throat. Jessup claims that his body had begun to revert to a simian state. The medical doctor agrees, stating the throat X-rays looks like that of a gorilla.

Luckily his throat returns to normal. So Jessup finishes up his day by having over a student of his and sleeping with her.

Our hero, people!

At this point we hardly feel sorry for him as his body suddenly begins to twist and bulge in the middle of the night, shifting in and out of neanderthal shapes. It's a horrific sequence, disturbing as hell. You certainly didn't expect the film to shift into body horror.

Jessup feels normal after a while. but sees visions of lava explosions, the birthing of the Earth all around him. Not a good sign.

He goes to pick up Emily from the airport the next day. She asks how he is doing.

“Oh, fine.”

Yeah right.

Emily has been told what Jessup has been doing and is worried, which of course pisses off Jessup even more. The guy is obviously obsessed with reaching the truth and root of existence, much as Emily surmised earlier, and we see he has no fear of even losing his own soul, again true to her word. The only thing that allows us to give a shit about him at this point is that Emily cares for him and she's decent people, okay?

So back Jessup goes into the tank with his ayahuasca or whatever it is. Alone. The tank door opens from the inside.

The hand that pushes it open is covered in thick hair. He's devolved.

Ape-Jessup escapes the tank room and chases a janitor around the building. Again, this scene is fucking freaky as hell. We can't get a good look at this screaming animal that was Jessup.

The janitor gets a guard to help and chases after him into the boiler room, where we finally get a good look at him when he assaults the security guard and escapes.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ape-Jessup runs through the city at night, making his way to the zoo where he kills a antelope and eats it. The Ape-Jessup sequence goes on way too long, but is nonetheless unforgettable. The makeup is much more convincing than the above picture suggests, and whoever performed Ape-Jessup did an admirable job.

The cops find an unconscious Jessup in the zoo and bring him in. Emily picks him up and questions him. Jessup admits everything that he can remember. He also admits that he probably killed that security guard. And once again doesn't seem to give a shit. Prick. He calls it the most supremely satisfying time of his life.

Even Emily seems disgusted with him. But, she's also fascinated with what he's accomplished. As an anthropologist, his transformation fascinates her. And so, she agrees to help oversee his next session. Big mistake.

Before the big session Emily and Jessup romantically reconnect, and then into the climactic session we go!

Get your popcorn ready!

After a few hours in to the session, the video monitor shows Jessup begin to literally melt apart like goo, reverting to primordial ooze, the very beginning of existence. An attempt to open the isolation tank doors blasts everyone unconscious, as light and energy pour forth. Emily is the only one left. She sees Jessup's life energy pulse from within the tank.

Rain pours down around them. The pipes on the walls twist and turn like jelly. The ground is covered with a pool of swirling fog and energy. Emily advances toward the vortex of the tank.

In the emptiness of the beginning of everything, Emily seizes the energy before her and reconstitutes Jessup.

They take him home. While he sleeps, Emily rages over the fact that she loves such a insane bastard, and can't get over him. And, then, after Bob Balaban leaves, leaving Emily alone, Jessup wakes up.

He sweetly admits that the truth he learned was that there was no learnable truth, just unknowable horror, and all that's real is human experience. And he'll be a good boy from now on. Well too bad!

Because that horrible truth isn't done with him, and it's back to goo-Jessup! Emily tries to help him, grabbing him, but this in turn effects her, turning her into a shimmering lava form of herself. Both of them begin to self-destruct as Jessup, enraged, watching her in pain, struggles to retake his humanity, slamming himself into the wall, reforming himself through sheer will and physicality. He grabs her and brings her back, mirroring what she did for him during the final session. They embrace naked in the hallway. He finally admits, “I love you, Emily.”

Fade to credits.

Awww true love!

What can I say to sum up? Awesome 80's practical effects. Genius wacko go-for-it Ken Russell directing. Out of this world vision sequences. A awake and actually remarkable performance from William Hurt. An occasionally turgid but often fascinating script by the ever ornery Paddy Chayefsky. Whats not to like?

Well, the ending is a little rushed. The ape sequence goes on for a little too long and takes up perhaps too much of the films overall running time. The central love story is, well... a little hard to swallow, but hey, I guess there really is somebody out there for everyone. Even self-absorbed, deadbeat, cheating, sensory deprivation loving, ayahuasca dropping, Harvard teachers with a messiah complex!

And on that note, aliens from A.I. Artifical Intelligence, have a good day, and don't leave poor Teddy alone with no one to keep him company!

Sayonara!

[159potterhead]

(this is answer to the previous ask. It's gonna be long. I'll try to give you the insight)

Yeah. I mean apart from me there's also this one other guy he's also regular victim like me coz he also broke a rule but he gets bullied by different seniors not the Michael guy gang. And it's not particularly about the gang or the group coz all those seniors are friends with each other so anyone can bully any junior. This guy has a job for calling me when those seniors ask to see me and this guy makes a run to the cafe coz those seniors wants to eat something. He's always running around here and there. I feel bad for him.

There are more than 200 peeps I guess. They had human ethics class when they called me but that time professor wasn't taking their lecture so most of them left but then too there were too many people in there. Yk I told you I'm in Biotech so like this we have all kind of subjects for major like physics, chemistry, maths, statistics, life science and many more and for all these branches we have a common subject called Human ethics which is compulsory for every one. So all of the branches together sit in one big classroom for this subject.

Tbh, I really don't know what that guy wants, I thought maybe I'll avoid him so I won't get in trouble but it happened opposite coz he got seriously pissed after that. That was the most embarrassing day of my life, I remember everything, I got very close to crying. And he never really talks to me but he called me in their class and was like, why are you avoiding me? And I can't say that to his face, so, I said, 'I was not.' And then he listed a few palce where I tried to avoid him and I had no answer to that, it's a long story but he bought that list of slangs that I once wrote and he told me to read the whole list (it has around 70 curse words half which I had to make up on my own. Initially it 50 but afterwards they increased it. I'll get to it later) He told me I had to yell those words until the person sitting on the last bench can hear me. It was brutal. And he was standing right on my head saying, 'I can't hear you,' I would have killed him that day. I got very close to crying. I only made it till 4-5 words. I skipped few days after that day it was the worst thing ever that's how everyone in his year got to know about me.

Yes! I tried to avoid him many times. If I saw him coming I used to changed my path and I think he noticed coz I wasn't subtle at all. And idk what's up with him coz he started playing hide and seek, if he noticed me changing direction or going the long way to avoid him he just used to take the short route and get there before me just to freak me out. And that guy is not even in my line of vision he's way taller than me and I freaked out every time when he used to come in front of me suddenly out of nowhere. I looked okay not a big deal from outside but from inside I always went in emergency mode, my hands used to get cold. Sue me, I have anxiety I can't help it and if someone will act like this I will feel a little afraid or intimidated yk. And after that task of reading the list out loud he stopped. So that was relief. I often think does these people don't have humanity or what. If I was a guy I would never do this to a girl. And yk this bullying part is also a reason why I'm done with guys. Don't be sorry, it's okay I had my fun in school, so I was kinda prepared for this.

I think you didn't get it. It's the weird universal rule going on from ages, we have to give respect to every senior even if they are from other branch. The rules are not made up by any college authority. It's just something that is going on among students, professors doesn't know a thing about it. There are many rules. We have two cafes over here and one of them is strictly reserved for seniors, a junior person cannot step a foot over there.

Yesss! You get me! That's why I was looking. I don't think it's peer pressure. I think that he thinks I don't respect him and I broke the rule. I think he got more confident after his friends knew. And I think his friends told people of his class that's why they all knew my name.

All my friends and classmates already knows about it. They can't do anything coz those people are their seniors too, and we are supposed to do as they say. One of my tired tried to help me coz she knew someone in the senior batch and that person talked to that Michael guy about me and guess what? They just doubled the slangs. And I had to prove my innocence and I bargained but then too I ended up writing 70. So there's that.

(it’s alright, write ten pages even if you’ve got to)

it’s all cause of those stupid rules!!😡 oh my, poor kid:(( y’all have feet, go and get your own food from the cafeteria! i’m starting to feel bad for him too, he’s just trying to get along with his college years, let him be!!

ohh, so you get stuck in the same hall for a whole lecture? that’s just nice🤦🏻‍♀️

yeah that makes absolutely no sense btw🤨?? baby noo😭 I wish I had been there for you!! umm we have nothing between us, I can avoid you if I want to?? jeez I wanna punch this dude so bad rn. ok srsly what is up with that list omg. YOURE JOKING????? HE MADE YOU DO THAT??? IS HE INSANE OR INSANE??!!? im so so so sorry!!!! that just sounds like an awful way to get introduced to the rest of the school, plus I can’t imagine the toll it had on you!!😭😭

???? what a creep??? I mean that’d be fine if it was a friend, but what the hell does he want?? you have a right to be intimidated, and it’s not your fault you’ve got anxiety, can’t he get it?!! either he finally saw that his actions are that of the devil and felt sorry for you and stopped, which I doubt very much. or someone in that class saw and made him stop afterwards. he shouldn’t be doing this to anyone, regardless!! this is your actual villain origin story against guys, and honestly, I can very clearly see why now. even though, this doesn’t mean that you deserved an ounce of it!

how is that supposed to be any better?? and fine I can show respect, but to the point of calling them maam and sir, is this a school or military grounds? yeah okay that reserved spot thing is passable.

ah okay... a shitty dude followed by shitty friends... how respectful.

honestly thank god I don’t attend your college, no offense. under whose authority am I to blindly do as they say, I don’t get it, I really don’t! oh that’s just great😫 props to them for talking to him though. that just sucks, I am incredibly sorry! :(((

🎶honey I'll be your shelter, I'll be the one to take you through the night. whenever you need shelter, I'll make everything alright, make everything alright🎶💕

[dzpenumbra]

10/5/22

Weird day. Everything was off. Woke up and rushed to find groceries left on my porch for close to an hour. I think the food is all okay, there was a lot of chicken there. But it's cool out so I think it was fine. I got "breakfast" - half a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and an "emergency aka I don't want to make coffee Monster".

My mom came over and helped me sort my big pile of possessions that apparently just takes up half of my main room but I never really touch or look at. We sorted half of it a few days ago, today we tried to get the rest. I made it through a lot of it. Found old notepads with notes chronicling very difficult times. Times that should have been better. Well, maybe just could... I found some old lyrics that I don't remember writing, that's always a really cool feeling. Finding something that you wrote stream-of-consciousness and not recognizing that you were the author. It sounded like my style, but it was all new. Really cool experience when it's in lyric/poetry form, but really fucking weird how when I come across old journals and shit, stuff written in this format, I just kinda start freaking out a bit.

Freaking out is what I want to talk about, and fuck the whole "it's 7 AM, I should..." blah blah. Do I want to rush to sleep when it's already this late, or do I wanna work on my PTSD that I've been having like... a lot of attacks from lately. I've gotta do it sometime, and I spent the whole night just fucking off watching Twitch, playing Rimworld and rushing a not that great sketch for SketchDaily at 2AM. Let's break it up first though, start on a good note. I'm gonna go get the lyrics I found and share them with... well whoever reads this, I guess. If you stumbled across this and there isn't a Like (or whatever you guys call them on this site, I'm new, sorry. -_- ) then you are most likely the only other human being besides myself to hear these lyrics, so consider yourself very special!

I broke open the potion, motioning potently Hope my opening coping mechanisms, giving breath to living death We live in debt to thoughts that accost every sentimental pedal grinding cogs in the machine of dreams. Scream for serene mediocrity, premium property careening into poverty. So offer me your thoughts, you see I never let a picture of ghosts convict or repost my notes. Scoping venues of attack, cracking plastic masks we detach the masses with lactic acids and come back with passions, past visions of incisions digging deeper every second we progress. Stepping to the precipice, letting the second messages set and bet all my poker chips to open this Hopeless Opus. I know we'll overthrow this catastrophic masterpiece. At last I see. Rising from the ashes like a phoenix, taking flight into the Stars.

I think I'll call it "Hopeless Opus". And I think I'm gonna put it in my poetry book. I found it crumpled up in one of my storage bins or cardboard boxes of stuff on the floor. It's probably about 7-10 years old. I probably haven't read it since I wrote it. My house is full of this stuff. Poetry, sketches, half-finished projects, notebooks full of dream journals and sketches and doodles and minecraft diagrams and reference sheets for minecraft builds and notes for Subnautica recipes or Diablo 3 Rift run time-to-loot ratios. Shit like that. Chock full of it. It's pretty weird how this is just like... kinda normal to people in my world. Like... no one really looks at the shit I make and goes "We need to save that, we need to frame that and put it on a wall." Nope. This... We're getting to the root of my freakout today, by the way, so if you can feel that momentum, that intense gravity well in my writing that's just sucking this paragraph over towards this topic, that's what's goin on. Here we go. So let me set the scene.

I went to get my container that had... well basically all of my non-medical grade tattoo supplies. You see... there's a complete arc to my life story that I haven't really touched on here, and that I guess I don't often tell people. Well, I mean... it just doesn't really come up anymore? I guess? I don't know. So, when I decided my whole "custom graphics drawn on anything" store thing wasn't gonna work if I just tried to do it all myself (back in 2010), I decided to pursue tattoos. I mean, it's was a similar idea, and I did draw on skin a lot, and designed my own tattoos, right? So fuck it, let's go be a tattooist. I talked to my tattoo artist when I was getting a piece done by her, I still have the hand-drawn custom text font original sitting around somewhere. She kinda mangled the tattoo of it, to be honest. But I compulsively forgive, so like... it's not like it's permanent... But honestly, I'm more upset with where this went.

I asked her where she apprenticed, how to get into tattooing, if she's looking to take on an apprentice, that whole thing. She told me of this Tattoo School thing the next state over, she said she did that and just got licensed and set up shop. So... I cashed in my Americorps money and put it towards going to this school. I got tons of experience, and met some people. But I was kinda dumped out of the school back to my home state after. No one kept in touch. I met up with one of the guys I went with a few winters later, but it was weird, I was older and bought them booze and sat around sober at their party until I got bored and drove home. So... yeah, not the best scene, kinda super depressing actually now that I look back at it. So... yeah. I reached back out to my former artist, really hoping to follow up on finishing my hours under her. She shut me down. I shit you not. I had an art degree, I trusted her with 4 of my tattoos, she had no apprentice at the time and I went to the program she pointed me towards - the one she graduated from. And she turned me down.

So I went home and set up shop to do work for friends if they wanted it, two people took me up on it. Most of my work the next few years was tattoo design and portraiture commissions. I heard through the grapevine, from my best friend at the time who got one of the pieces she commission from me done by my old artist. I swear, at that point she probably inked more of my originals than her own... I'm a bit bitter... I heard that she had a new apprentice. That it was some teenage, maybe early 20s scene chick or something? Probably someone to just work the counters and clean or some shit.

I was dead in the water with tattooing. I didn't have any connections I could think of. The lady that ran the tattoo school moved down to Florida. The kid that had me buy beer worked at his dad's shop, they opened a new shop at some point I think? Fuck if I know. That whole thing was weird. But that kid tattooed a piece on my leg, so... weird how that's weird, I guess.

I didn't know anyone else. So I just went it alone. And fell back into design. Yeah. So just a few years ago, the winter before the pandemic, I went to a vocational rehabilitation program at the state offices. It was awkward as fuck. But the lady was really nice and her kids watched Twitch so she at least had an idea of what a livestream was. She hooked me up with an interview at an animal shelter as a dude who would be basically scooping cat shit and getting super bonded to animals, then watching them be put to death because they don't have a home to go to. And the lady who didn't hire me made a very fucking smart choice not hiring my ass. She saved me a lifetime of sleepless nights. The other meeting I had was with a tattoo shop like 3 towns over. They get a lot of good press, I had heard their name a lot. I showed up to the meeting about 30 minutes early, it was very early morning for me, probably around 8 or 9 AM. It was winter, and I'm just sitting in my car with the heater on trying to keep my music down, looking through my portfolio from years ago on my phone, waiting for the shop to open.

I went in, they seated me in the waiting area. They were still opening up and shit. I have no idea why this guy would schedule me first thing in the morning... that was really weird, in hindsight... but yeah, there I was, looking through their flashbooks on the table to get a feel for their styles, to familiarize myself with it, see if there were common trends I could bring up. I mean, they could be my future coworkers, I should be cool about it and not just brag and show off the whole time.

The guy brings me in to his booth. I start talking about my work and showing him some pieces on my phone. He was acting pretty aloof and, I don't know, distant I guess? Maybe he was just confused or tunnel-visioned or something. After the conversation was visibly not working for both of us, I don't really know what happened exactly, it was a few years ago... but he made it clear that he thought I was here for a tattoo appointment, and I was very clearly there for a job interview. He went on to start telling me a story about how he did an apprenticeship once, and the guy went to a town probably 40 minutes away from him, over a mountain range, and set up a shop in a remote rural area. He claimed the guy stole his business, ripped him off essentially, and set up a competing business in his area or some shit. I heard stories about this mentality in the school.

I very clearly didn't get the apprenticeship. I tried to explain that I just needed hours and that I was planning on leaving the state anyway so like... it's not the end of the world... but it was a hard no. And I really should have guessed seeing that when I looked at the site after, the only people in the shop were him, his wife, his daughter and her boyfriend/fiancee/husband/whatever. No clue why that dude agreed to set up a meeting with me, honestly. That was actually really shitty of him. Maybe he just wasn't thinking or something. Weird shit.

So that's pretty much where I just said fuck the tattoo thing. It was never my favorite medium. Nervewracking, stressful, tactilely overwhelming. It was good money, but it was never my favorite. It had its spiritual angles that appealed, and I got pretty good at it for a while, but I laid that baton down that day. I haven't really looked back since. Fuck that shit.

Then I reconnected with another friend from way back. He wanted to pursue tattooing, and actually turned down an apprenticeship that was offered to him. This was at like late spring/early summer of the pandemic. I offered him all of my tattoo gear. For free. My coil machines, my needles, my inks, even my rotary and the cartridges for it. They were relics from a bygone era. It's not the life for me. He turned them down. He wanted to do it his way. You know, the same reason he turned down the apprenticeship. That thing. So, yeah.

Today. I got the bin of tattoo stuff. The stuff that wasn't medical grade. The sketches, the prototypes, the piles of unused transfer paper (that would have been used as tattoo stencils). I mean, like over 100. IN THE TRASH. My old catalogue from 2013. IN THE TRASH. I debated throwing away the script from the highschool play I was in that my bandmate's friend was in. The one who played bass for us on stage in a Spiderman suit. I started to get stuck. I threw away some of my art today. Sketches, failed prototypes, but so much of it that it just. All of it hit me. Really hard.

I can't even really explain what happened. I just got really... offended, I guess? Or... just insanely deeply acutely depressed all at once? Or something. I really want to try and articulate this feeling, because then I can remember it for when it inevitably hits again. I was sad and angry and outraged and hurt all at the same time. I felt like if I'm such a talented artist, why the fuck does no one want any of my shit?! If I'm so good and skilled, why the hell is it all going into the trash. I feel in that moment like the kid who had his art pinned to the fridge having to take his own work down and put it in the trash himself, and learn through doing - not from being told in a kind, caring and fair way - that he is not a good artist. He will not be a professional artist. He is not talented enough, and no one will even tell him what skills to improve. No one will even tell him where he's going wrong, what he's missing. They just say "it's great, you're very talented" and then walk the fuck away. So a lot of me just goes, "okay, they're clearly just trying to be polite" and try to figure out what I could make better. But that shit was making me a perfectionist, and I'm very susceptible to OCD habits, so I tried to break free from it. I tried to engage - "what do you like about it? who is your favorite character? what could I do better?" Shit like that. But they're usually out the door by then.

So I bitched to the only person in the world helping me with anything about how no one helps me. About all that. And how I wish people would just tell me that I suck to my face so I can just put an end to all this crap. So I don't have to keep going on deluding myself into thinking I have a future with this. That part of me is very convincing, he makes very compelling points. It's hard to let him speak when I don't fully accept his narrative. I truly know I have talent. I do. But when every bit of evidence in front of you is screaming "the only reason people don't want shit is because they don't like it"... and you fight back against that? When you're the only person that wants your shit? That's just egotism. It's narcissism. I fucking hate it. So rock, meet hard place. Me sandwiched between.

So in that moment, I search for meaning. I search for exemptions to this damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I explain how I wouldnt have this problem if people valued my shit. How demeaning it is that people can't even bother to go to my print shop that's been up for like 2 years. Why? Because... I mean... I don't know? Why is this hard? Just give people my Instagram, my profile has a link on it. I mean that's just like... How. Fucking. Lazy. Are People?! Do you need me to swipe your card for you too? I mean come on here. I think I literally said that to my Mom, like "I could hold a tablet with the shop up and Pay Now button on the damn screen and I'd still have to pull their arm over to press the screen." And you say you like my shit? You say it's good? It's like bargain bin prices too, it's super insulting. So yeah, you can probably tell by how worked up I am now how irritated I was getting there.

So yeah. A long path to get to that place. And that place was clearly a combination of a lot of intensely stressful and life-changing moments. A large nerve cluster at the center where this web of experiences meet. I guess they call that "complex trauma"? I don't know the jargon.

After a while of trying to get through that, eventually it kinda just faded down I guess, I don't know how. I really don't remember a ton. Maybe I let it go or something, I don't know. But the whole time I was just... I don't know... waiting to hear something different. Waiting to hear someone say "you better not give up on this." "You have a gift, you need to see it through, you've already come this far, don't give up now." Shit like that. Not like, you need to get better at marketing. Not like, you need to make more friends. Not like, you need to figure out how to fix this yourself. These are the sentiments I read from the situation, there's a reason they're not direct quotes.

So yeah, a bit of a Yin and Yang here in this journal that I was going to depressedly skip and just try to pass out, but instead stayed up until 8:30 AM typing because fuck it, I need to get this shit out and it's a rollercoaster of a story. I'm glad I got to share the poetry too, I think it's very relevant to a lot of what I'm dealing with here, at least parts of it.

I can feel myself winding down. Thank you for reading if you did. This is the story of how my career went to shit. But it led me to freelance, streaming and content creation, so in the end, this may be a better life for me than the one I was signing up for. I guess we'll have to see!