#and do the napoleons think of joining together? do they think of maybe combining their own forces?!

[isthenapoleoncute]

My favourite thing about napoleons is that sometimes they pick a fight with every country in the world and so then I have to get up at 3 am and grab them from the pound before they are catapulted to a Saint Helena

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[mnthpprt]

Chapter 30: All That Knowledge And No Experience

[As y’all can probably tell from the lack of original posts, I’ve been pretty blocked with this chapter. There’s other parts of the story that I have planned out and really want to get to already, so this just feels like writing filler even though I love focusing on Anaïs’ interactions with all the residents. Sorry if it’s not as interesting T_T but good, juicy shit is coming soon, I promise!]

“Anaïs, wait.” Before I can follow Napoleon off the carriage, Isaac grips my wrist to stop me. I turn to him, confused, and he silently reaches up to adjust the velvet choker around my neck. “That’s better,” he says, blushing slightly. “The bruise was showing.”

“Oh. Thank you,” I smile.

Napoleon offers his hand to help me step down onto the cobbled street. I quickly let go and light myself a cigarillo before taking hold of his arm again, letting him guide me down the road, Isaac close behind us.

“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” I remind them, earning a chuckle from Napoleon.

“You’ll see.”

I become absorbed by a patient silence, quietly smoking as we walk. By the time we come to a stop in the middle of a square, I have already put out my cigarillo. A group of children are gathered by the fountain. I wonder what they’re playing.

To my surprise, Isaac approaches them. A little girl’s face lights up as she rushes to hug him, causing a shy smile to grow on his face, and the rest of the children quickly stop what they are doing and focus their attention on my companions.

“Bonjour, everyone!” Napoleon announces, only for the children to greet him in unison. “Let’s see, who’s missing... Has anyone seen Mathieu?”

“He fell off a tree and sprained his ankle!” a boy yells his reply from the back of the group. Most of them have sat down on the floor, facing towards us, expectantly.

“Oh, no! If you visit him, André, tell him I hope he gets better soon,” Napoleon sighs. He then claps once, indicating the start of what I now think is a lesson of some sort. “Alright, gamins, before we start, I would like to introduce you to our friend. Say hello to Anaïs, everyone!” The children oblige, yelling out a poorly coordinated chorus of ‘bonjours’ as Napoleon gently nudges me in front of him. I wave my hand at them with a chuckle. “She is a scientist, like Isaac.”

I open my mouth to correct him, but Isaac is already ahead of me.

“Physics and chemistry are two entirely different disciplines, you should know that by now,” he lightly scolds the soldier before turning to the ‘audience’. “So yes, she is a scientist, but we focus on separate fields. Any questions?”

“Me! Me!” The little girl that hugged Napoleon waves her hand in the air enthusiastically, and Isaac nods, signalling her to speak. “Hello mademoiselle Anaïs, my name is Marie and I would like to know what is ‘chimistry’,” she rambles quickly, causing me to laugh at her cuteness.

“Well, Marie...” I begin to answer, smiling. I make sure to talk louder so the rest of the group can hear. “Chemistry is like... a recipe for the world. Everything around us is made of tiny little particles that are too small for us to see. There are different types of them, and they combine to make... well, everything. Including ourselves,” I explain, gesturing vaguely at my surroundings. “I study how those different particles react with each other to make new things, and try to find combinations that work well together, that are stable. Does that make sense?” I ask. The students nod.

“What is ‘stable’?” an older boy, about 12 or so, chimes in. I look at Napoleon, and he smiles at me approvingly.

“That’s a very good question... What’s your name?”

“Pierre,” he answers.

“Alright, Pierre. Imagine I��m baking a cake. What would happen if I forgot to put eggs in the batter?” I start, gaining confidence. This is easy.

“It would... fall apart?”

“Correct! The ingredients don’t work well without the egg to keep it all together. The egg makes it stable, so it stays as it is instead of all the different parts of the cake trying to separate. Now, what if I got the eggs right, but I used sand instead of flour?” I continue, chuckling at the disgusted noises from the younger kids. “That would be... I don’t know what that would be, but certainly not a cake!” They laugh along with me. I am not exactly comfortable with teaching, but at least they think I’m funny. “Do you all see what I mean? If I changed one ingredient in the mix, the result would be a completely different thing. If I stirred them in the wrong order, or if I baked it all at the wrong temperature for the wrong amount of time, the result would no longer be a cake. Maybe something resembling a cake, but it would not have all the qualities of one.”

I observe the crowd of children for a few seconds, but no further questions seem to pop up, so I let Napoleon take over as I go sit on the edge of the fountain. It’s taller than the one in the mansion’s garden, and I struggle a little to climb on the stone surface while keeping my dress out of the water. I wobble briefly, convinced that I am about to fall, but ultimately manage to find my balance and get comfortable.

As Isaac and Napoleon begin to divide the students in two groups, he turns to me, questioningly. I think he wants me to join them.

“Oh, I don’t have anything prepared, Napo,” I say, flustered. “Can’t teach if I’m not ready. Besides, I want to watch you two,” I smile from my seat. “What you’re doing with these kids is great... I’m sure they’ll thank you for it in the future.”

Although neither of them really explained the situation, then did not have to. Judging by the children’s clothes, they were probably not privileged enough to afford an education. And then, there’s the fact that we’ve bee teaching class in the town square, as opposed to, you know, an actual school. It’s rewarding charity work, and I can see why they do it. I, however, have no idea how to teach, and I don’t want to ruin the lessons they had planned for the day.

Napoleon teaches history to his half of the group. He tells it like a tale, his charm and flair inevitably captivating the attention of the children. They will surely remember every word he says if he keeps making it that interesting. Meanwhile, Isaac slowly makes his way through each individual student, correcting their equations and taking his time to explain everything they have trouble with. He works patiently, aware of each child’s capacity, and gently guides them towards the correct answer without giving it away. It’s actually quite sweet.

I enjoy watching them until the bell of a nearby church tolls, and I count the chimes. Time to go. I approach Isaac to tell him, as he is the one closest to me, and he excuses himself to the children, pulling me aside. Napoleon sees and does the same before joining us.

“Thank you for today, it was lovely to see this side of you two,” I explain with a smile. “But I have to leave now. Don’t wanna be late for the play.”

“Be careful, nunuche,” Napoleon tells me, growing serious. I wave him off, rolling my eyes.

“Seriously, I’ll be fine!” I protest, annoyed, before turning to Isaac. “All good?” I tilt my head up so he can see my neck and point at the velvet ribbon tied around the bruises. He takes a look.

“All good,” he repeats. “Have fun at the theatre.”

“Thanks.”

I stand on my toes to kiss both their cheeks, like I usually do, and wave at the children as I walk away from the group. I make my way into a narrow street, following the map I brought with me. This time, le Comte gave me a purse along with the dress and choker, and it has proven to be very useful. No more storing items in my stockings, at least. 

A carriage passes by me and abruptly stops. Speak of the devil, it is le Comte’s voice I hear calling out to me from inside.

“Need a ride, ma chérie?” he offers, opening the door.

“Thanks, comte, but I prefer to walk. I haven’t really done much since, you know,” I explain, pointing at my neck, “so I appreciate the exercise.”

He retreats back to say something to the driver, but he speaks to quickly for me to catch it. He then proceeds to step out of the carriage fully before it drives off without him.

“Allow me to accompany you, Anaïs,” he smiles, offering his arm. “I, too, was invited to the opening.” 

“Great, we get to actually spend time together this time,” I reply, returning the smile, and hold on to his arm. He chuckles.

The conversation continues where we left off three days ago in his study. Le Comte is extremely charming, almost supernaturally so. I had forgotten that he is supernatural, but it no longer bothers me. I think it never really did.

We are about halfway to the theatre when he leans down and whispers in my ear without stopping.

“We’re being followed.” 

I turn around to shoot a discreet glance behind me, and sure enough, a man I saw near the square is walking a few paces behind us. I barely noticed him then, but now that I am paying attention, I recognize him from the coffee house. Shit.

We are crossing the same part of the city. That’s probably how he found me. Regardless, I know this neighbourhood already, and I can take advantage of that. I pull le Comte into an alleyway and press myself against the wall. For a moment I think we’ve lost the man, but my breath of relief gets stuck in my throat when I hear his footsteps approaching once again.

“Kiss me,” I command, pulling on le Comte’s lapel to force him closer.

“Pardon?”

“No time to explain, just do it.” He stares at me, confusion glimmering in the gold of his eyes. “Dude, just kiss me, quickly!” I whisper urgently. He hesitantly meets my lips with his and puts his arms on either side of me to lean on the wall as I push him against me, my hand on the back of his neck.

The kiss is chaste, a fact obscured by the deceivingly passionate position we are in. I keep my eyes open throughout, enough to see the man from the coffee house peek into the alleyway and then leave, uttering a curse at the prospect of having lost sight of me. It isn’t until his footsteps fade away completely that I turn my face away from le Comte, a sigh of relief managing to escape my lips this time.

“Sorry about that,” I breathe out. “I’m the one he was after.”

“Is he the man Sebastian told me about? Is he giving you any more trouble?” he asks, worried.

“You mean with the coffee? Yeah, that’s him.” I thought he would have forgotten me after a few weeks, but it turns out that man is as bitter as the drinks he scams people into paying.

“You do know I could have fought him, don’t you? He is no match for a pureblood vampire, after all,” le Comte says, looking in the direction of the main street. “Nobody threatens my guests. That scoundrel needs to be taught a lesson-”

“You will do no such thing,” I interrupt him, interlocking my fingers with his before he can get away. “Arthur already punched him in the face and it only made things worse. Besides, we have somewhere to be. Don’t want your shirt to get wringkled or something.”

“You are right,” he chuckles. “Ma chérie, always so thoughtful. Although if you see that man again, do not hesitate to let me know. I will handle it,” he assures me, regaining his serious expression. The look in his eyes is threatening, but not towards me. I have never seen him like that, even though he is certainly protective of me. That he has proven since the day we met.

“Okay,” I nod, making eye contact so he can see I understood. I begin walking out of the alleyway and gently pull him along, still grasping his hand. “Now let’s go, we’re going to be late.”

[myriadimagines]

You Can’t Choose The Both Of Us

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. One Shot

Characters: [FEMALE] Reader x Illya Kuryakin + Gaby Teller & Napoleon Solo

Warnings: Mentions of terrorism, bombings and death

Request: “And for my Man from UNCLE one could you do one where gaby and iilya like FINALLY kiss and a gif with that with him like looking at her? Ik it’s different but just wondering.” - weasleyswizarding-wheezes

Word Count: 2,030

A/N: The related gif imagine is here [x] !

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You looped your arm through Napoleon’s as the both of you confidently strolled through the hotel lobby. You lifted your chin and tried to appear as haughty as possible, but for Napoleon is seemed to come naturally. You smirked at the thought, and the pair of you made it to the front desk.

“Hotel room reserved for Mr. and Mrs. Smithson.” Napoleon handed his fake credit card to the young girl at the desk, who hurriedly took the card and typed something into the computer. You looked around you, and saw Illya and Gaby making their way to the elevator. Illya looked up and gave you a small smile, which you returned, before he disappeared behind the closing doors of the elevator.

The four of you were undercover as two married couples. You were checking into the hotel now, and would be attending a formal event later in the evening to investigate a bomb threat. Illya and Gaby’s room were two floors above yours, but all four of you agreed to meet in Napoleon’s room to arrange the final details of your mission and prepare.

“Your room keys.” the young girl handed Napoleon two cards, which he took after winking at her. She blushed and looked away, and Napoleon guided you towards the elevator.

“Did Peril and Gaby already make it upstairs?” he asked casually, and you nodded. He fiddled with the collar of his suit as you stepped into the elevator, and as the doors closed you unhooked your arm from his and leaning against the shiny marble wall.

“What?” he laughed. “Don’t like standing next to me?”

“Believe it or not, Solo,” you straightened the skirt of your dress. “Not everyone is in love with you.”

“So who are you in love with?” Napoleon responded unexpectedly. You looked up in surprise. He raised an eyebrow, but your shrugged.

“Well I don’t have to be in love with anyone, do I?” you commented vaguely. “Besides, getting attached while having the job we have isn’t a very good combination.”

“Valid point.” Napoleon said as the doors slid open. The two of you strolled down the corridor in silence as he counted the room numbers. You didn’t hate Napoleon; he was a good guy and was entertaining to be around, but he did have a massive ego. No, you had feelings for someone else. Not that you would admit it though, and you knew Napoleon would tease you relentlessly for having a crush on the Red Peril.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself when you thought about him. Napoleon stopped in front of your door and swiped the card, and Gaby and Illya were already inside. Illya was leaning by the curtains, peering out the window while Gaby lay on the couch inspecting her freshly painted fingernails.

“y/n!” Gaby leapt up and hugged you. “I haven’t seen you in like, an hour! But an hour with Illya feels like a lifetime.” Laughing, you hugged her back. You were definitely the closest to Gaby in the team, and the two of you were best friends. The both of you fell back into the couch, giggling at Illya turned around and raised his eyebrows at you.

“Well, Peril, did you miss me?” Napoleon joked as he set down his briefcase on the desk and took out his laptop.

“I always do, Cowboy.” Illya sarcastically shot back, but he walked over to look at the display Napoleon had just pulled up on the computer screen. “These are the men we’re looking for?”

You pulled Gaby off the couch and with your arms looped, you joined the two men. You look at the computer to see two serious looking men staring back at you. European, you assumed. Probably French.

“Rumoured terrorists.” Napoleon briefly stated. “That’s the mission: keep an eye out for them and the arrest them.”

“Should be easy.” Gaby shrugged, and you grinned. Although not the easiest mission the four of you had, it definitely wasn’t going to be the hardest. Unless tonight had a sudden change in events.

“Alright, so Peril and Gaby will go to the formal first.” Napoleon spun around in his chair to face you guys. “y/n and I will arrive about 20 minutes later. You guys will start scanning the ball first, and we’ll bring up the rear. You all have radio devices attached to your collars, so if anything comes up we’ll contact each other. Don’t separate as a couple, you’re better off together if anything happens.”

“Well then!” Gaby clapped her hands together. “That’s settled. Let’s go try on our dresses, y/n.” Tugging your arm, the two of your darted into the bedroom, picking up your bags as you passed. You close door behind you, and turned around to see that Gaby had already unpacked her dress.

“Pretty.” she held up the dress and to show you, and you nodded in agreement. It was a short orange and white dress, which you knew would look good on her. You reached into your bag and pulled out yours, a pretty white halter dress with lace details on the back. Gaby nodded in approval, as she took off the dress she was already wearing to change. You followed suit, and soon both of you had thrown your original clothes on the bed and were dancing around in your formal dresses.

“You look good, y/n.” Gaby grinned and the two of you twirled each other around.

“As do you, Ms. Teller.” you smiled at her, and the both of you laughed.

“Actually, I’m Mrs. Spencer.” Gaby joked, and you laughed but felt a little hollow. Gaby and Illya had gone undercover as Mr. and Mrs. Spencer, and the two were always paired together because they had ‘great chemistry’, according to Waverly. You never spoke out against it, but it did make you feel a little jealous inside.

“Are you going to come out anytime soon?” Napoleon’s voice called out, and Gaby held your hand and used her free hand to dramatically open the door. She spun you around before spinning herself around.

“Very nice.” Napoleon laughed as he clapped, and Gaby curtsied in response. You smiled bashfully as you noticed Illya staring at you.

“The dress looks nice on you, y/n.” he managed to get out, and you smiled.

“Well,” Gaby announced as she made her way to the centre of the room and stood on the table. “I don’t think you husbands can compete with us beautiful wives. Maybe y/n and I should just go to the formal together.”

“Good idea, Gabs.” you giggled as you ran your hands through your hair. You quickly looked at your reflection in the mirror by the door, and frowned. “I’m going to fix my hair, be out in a minute.” You made your way back into the bathroom and closed the door.

“You know,” Napoleon said as you exited. “You two are always posing as a couple, but you’ve never kissed before.”

“Why would we need to?” Gaby replied a little defensively.

“I don’t know, maybe it makes your cover a little more authentic.” Napoleon suggested, and Gaby rolled her eyes. Illya leaned one of the armchairs, feeling a little uncomfortable. He liked Gaby, sure, but that wasn’t who he truly wanted to be with.

“Maybe you should practice. For tonight.” Napoleon gestured between Gaby and Illya, and Gaby laughed as you came out of the bathroom with your hair combed and braided.

“Perhaps we should. I mean, how can he resist me?” Gaby grinned, flicking her skirt. Illya stood frozen, looking at you uncertainly, but you didn’t realise.

“What are you guys on about?” you looked at them curiously, but Gaby and Napoleon didn’t seem to acknowledge you. Shrugging, you went to Napoleon’s laptop to reread the files he had shown you guys.

“Go on then.” Napoleon prodded, and Illya slowly made his way up to Gaby. Gaby looked at him uncertainly. With her standing on the table, she was around the same height as Illya, just slightly taller. The two of the paused before she finally leaned down and the two of them kissed.

“It’s about time, Peril.” Napoleon smirked and he went over to you and leaned on the desk.

“About time for wha-” you asked, turning around to follow Napoleon’s eyes. “Oh.”

You wanted to take your eyes of the sight of Illya and Gaby kissing, but you couldn’t, mainly due to the fact that Illya was looking at you too. The two of them pulled away, and Illya was still looking at you, but Gaby didn’t seem to notice. She stepped off the table and made her way over to you, but you were already headed for the door.

“Where are you going, y/n?” Gaby asked, alarmed. You quickly shrugged her off. You couldn’t be mad at her, even though you were best friends she had no idea about your feelings towards Illya.

“I think I left something in the lobby.” you excused yourself, grabbing the room card that was left on the nearby table. Before anyone could protest, you had already left and began sprinting for the elevator. It slid open, and you rushed inside, jabbing the buttons to close the door. Before they could close, someone rushed in.

Illya.

“Great, did you forget something too?” you snapped, a little harsher than you meant. Illya looked at you, a little hurt, but still stepped inside and stood next to you. The door closed, and the two of you stood in silence as the elevator descended.

“I’m sorry.” he spoke, but you ignored him, staring straight forward. He reached a hand out to you, but you jerked away. The doors opened and you ran out, even though it wasn’t even the floor you wanted to go to. Illya ran after you as you sped down the corridor, before ending up at the pool.

Taking a deep breath, you took of your sandals and sat down on the edge, dipping your legs in. The pool was empty, surprisingly, and you closed your eyes and soaked in the sunshine. You heard Illya come up next to you, and he rolled up his pant legs and sat down next to you.

“What do you want, Illya?” you whispered, your eyes still closed.

“To apologize.”

“For what?” you looked at him, trying to seem innocuous. But the look in his eyes told you he knew otherwise.

“I know you have feelings for me, y/n.” he said slowly. “I have feelings for you too.”

“What?” you gasped. You gaped at him, and he averted his gaze into the pool. “But… Gaby?” The images of the two of them kissing came back to your mind.

“Oh yes, Gaby.” he responded ambiguously, and you gritted your teeth.

“You can’t choose the both of us, Illya.” you managed to get out, and he shook his head.

“I know, and I’m not choosing between the two of you.” he reached for your hand, and this time you decided not to pull away. “I never considered Gaby. You're the only one I think about.”

“But then…” you were confused. “What about just now?”

Rolling his eyes, he looked above him as if expecting someone to be watching.

“It was Cowboy’s idea. And Gaby’s. I thought it was stupid, but I guess Solo’s plans always manage to deliver in the end.” when he saw your still confused expression, he continued. “They both know you have feelings for me, but knew you wouldn’t admit it. So they thought if they made you jealous it would work. And I supposed it did.”

“I’m gonna kill the both of them.” you muttered to yourself, and Illya laughed.

“If you kill both of them, maybe we’ll be able to go undercover as the couple, for once.” he joked, and you laughed.

“Thank you! I thought I was the only one who noticed how I only get paired with Napoleon and you always get paired with Gaby!”

“We’ll be together next time.” Illya said as he put his hand on your cheek and pulled your closer to him. “I’ll make sure of it.”