#and dean is remembering what going hungry felt like and can’t bear to waste anything now

[bloodydeanwinchester]

god the number of things they wrote for dean on spn that were just meant to be silly funny moments but then actually when you think critically about them they actually point to the deep childhood trauma he’s dealing with. like how did they write something so layered and meaningful by mistake like that???

[supernaturalfreewill]

Words: 4,705 Dean x Reader Summary: Bobby hatches a plan to try to get you and Dean to reconcile after months apart. Warnings: None! A/N: Angsssst and then a happy ending. What more could one ask for?

Your name: submit What is this?

Dean turned when he heard a car door slamming across the yard and he immediately recognized the vehicle. He rubbed a hand over his mouth and chin and glared at Bobby, who was clearly pretending he hadn’t noticed your arrival and was making himself busy flipping the burgers on the grill.

“Bobby? Are you kidding me?”

Bobby glanced over at Dean carelessly. “What?”

“You called her? Really?” You were making your way up to the house and Dean thought your posture looked stiff.

“Oh, calm down, son. Not everything revolves around you. I lent her some gear and she’s just bringing it back.”

Dean chewed his bottom lip and glared at the back of Bobby’s head. “Uh huh. Uh huh, she just happens to be bringing it back the day I show up here with Sam.”

Bobby smirked to himself. “I don’t know what’s got your panties in a twist but it seems like maybe you have some unresolved issues to deal with…”

“Bobby,�� Dean growled.

He finally turned and vehemently pointed at Dean with the spatula. “No. Now you listen to me. You two idjits belong together and everyone knows it. Figure it out!” he spat, before casually turning back around to the grill.

Your boot scuffing on the gravel finally forced him and Bobby to turn. You had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to crash the barbeque. You didn’t tell me you had company,” you said pointedly to Bobby. Dean thought he saw you swallow hard and you looked about as uncomfortable as he felt.

“Must have slipped my mind,” Bobby said, giving you a tight smile.

“Mhmm… I’m sure,” you said. You dropped the duffel bag with a heavy thud onto the porch and couldn’t keep your eyes from landing on him any longer—Dean was standing there with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets and although it had been quite a long time since you had seen him, the expression on his face was one you still could readily decode. He was supremely uncomfortable. Bobby was looking back and forth between the two of you but finally turned back to the grill. You were about to open your mouth to say something when the front door swung open and Sam wandered out. He had a novel in one hand and an apple in the other and the slam of the screen door matched perfectly with the struck expression of surprise on his face to see you standing there so unexpectedly. The next moment he was grinning at you and before you could say anything he had you wrapped in a big bear hug, squeezing you tight enough that a little exhaled “Oof!” escaped your lips.

“Y/N! I didn’t—Bobby didn’t tell us—it’s so great to see you!” he said drawing back and taking you in, looking you over. His expression was so open and earnest and warm, just as you remembered, that you couldn’t help smiling back at him despite your annoyance at Bobby’s obvious scheming and the residual anger you felt toward Dean, with a heaping side of discomfort.

“Yeah, well Bobby forgot to mention you’d be here, too,” you said. Sam could hear the edge of tension in your voice and the swell of happiness he had on seeing you began to sink as he glanced over at Dean, trying to read his older brother’s mood. Dean was avoiding looking at you, mainly staring down at his boots.

An uncomfortable silence settled until you cleared your throat awkwardly and picked up the duffel bag again. “Well, I guess I’ll just go dump your gear in the house, Bobby, and then I’ll be on my way.”

“What? No! Y/N, you can’t leave. We haven’t seen you in forever,” Sam pleaded.

Bobby was pulling the last burger off the grill and he looked over at you with an obnoxious little uptick at one corner of his mouth. “I already counted you in for dinner so you have to stay or it’ll go to waste.”

You gave him a knowing look. “Go to waste? You’ve got a fridge. And two giant men visiting. It’ll get eaten or keep just fine…”

“Y/N, you can’t leave,” Sam said again. You made the mistake of meeting his eyes and goddammit, you didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose but those fucking puppy eyes. You couldn’t say no to that expression.

You sighed heavily and passed a hand over your brow, shaking your head a little at yourself for what you were about to agree to. “Alright… I’ll stay for dinner, but that’s it!” you said, vehemently pointing at Sam, who grinned triumphantly.

“Good. Now get on in the house. Sam’s already got the table ready, so we’ll just set an extra place. Dean—” Bobby held the laden burger plate out to him. “Take this in. I’ll be there in a minute. I’m just gonna clean off the grill.”

“Uhh… alright,” Dean said begrudgingly. He followed you and Sam into the house, his apprehension growing. He wanted more than anything to let his eyes wander over you there in front of him, in the flesh, not just some image conjured in his mind late at night when he couldn’t quite drown out his regrets with whiskey or blaring rock music.

“Beer?” Sam asked, opening the fridge.

You heard footsteps behind you and turned, meeting Dean’s striking green eyes for the first time and awkwardly sidestepping out of his way so he could get to the table. He tore his eyes from yours quickly and you felt that familiar twist in your stomach. “Umm, got anything stronger?” you asked, with a wry laugh.

“Stronger?” Sam repeated. “This is Bobby’s house,” he said, walking across the kitchen and opening up a cabinet which was stocked with liquor. “What can I get you?” Sam asked.

“Rye whiskey, neat.” You and Dean had both said it at the same time and your mouth fell slightly open in surprise. He was straightening up from setting down the tray of burgers and this time when he met your eyes he didn’t pull them away.

He smoothed a hand down his shirt and you thought you saw the muscle in his jaw tense. “Sorry,” he murmured.

You just vaguely shook your head. It was the first time he’d really spoken since you had arrived and it was to recite your drink choice as if he had been sitting next to you sipping them in the evening in front of a log fire just the day before. In reality it had been months and months and months since you had even spoken to each other.

Sam watched the extended gaze between the two of you, the air in the room feeling thicker by the second and he thought about making some excuse to leave, but Bobby was expected in at any moment anyway so he cleared his throat and busied himself with a glass and the whiskey. “Comin’ right up.”

“Umm—” Your eyes were still connected with Dean’s and he was finding it hard to look anywhere else now that he had started studying you. “I’m just gonna—jacket…” Dean said, starting to take off his coat and heading out of the kitchen toward the front room. You didn’t want to admit it but just the sound of his voice, deep and somewhat gruff, was threatening to make you weak at the knees. It conjured images in your mind of lost times that were both precious but also now profoundly painful now that they had passed.

When Sam next looked up, you were standing stock straight in the middle of the room, staring in the direction Dean had gone with a queer expression on your face. It was questioning and a bit sad, but Sam noted that there was no hostility. “Here you go,” he said, breaking the spell you seemed to be under and handing you a small tumbler with your drink.

“Oh. Thanks,” you said, accepting it gratefully from him and immediately taking a big gulp.

Sam’s brow furrowed slightly. “Are you alright?”

“Me?” you asked in surprise. You constructed the most casual expression you could and shrugged. “Yeah. Fine. Just… I don’t know what the hell Bobby was thinking—”

“Well, you could ask me yourself,” he said, rushing into the kitchen.

“Good. Fine. What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?” you asked him in a hurried undertone.

“What? Dinner? Well, I think we’ll all be a bit less hungry at the end of it,” he said, clearly snarky on purpose.

You shut your eyes and gritted your teeth against the wave of annoyance. “You know that isn’t what I mean.”

Bobby sank into the chair at the head of the table. “Dean! Get your hide in here! Time to eat!” He turned his eyes to you again. “Y/N, are you going to join us or are you just—going to run away? Again.” He knew what he was saying. He knew that would get you fired up. And it did. You opened your mouth to argue, feeling another swell of exasperation rising up inside you but Dean was breezing into the kitchen again and taking a seat at the table, leaving the only empty chair the one right between him and Bobby. You felt like the wind just went out of your sails and Bobby smirked at you from his seat.

You bit your tongue and sank into the empty chair.

Dinner was composed almost entirely of Sam and Bobby asking questions of you and you and Dean avoiding looking at each other. You answered the queries as succinctly as you could until Sam finally found something to crack open the hard shell you were holding around yourself.

“Y/N, what happened here?” he asked, pointing to his own forehead above his right eyebrow with a vertical slashing motion. “You didn’t have that scar before, did you?”

Dean’s eyes shot over to your face immediately and you actually froze with your glass halfway to your lips, the next moment setting it back down without any thought of a sip. You cleared your throat and pressed your napkin to your lips briefly, almost as an excuse to hide part of your face for a moment as you steeled yourself against the involuntary torrent of residual fear. “No. No, that one is new.” You had sincerely hoped that Sam would allow you to leave it at that but, of course, he didn’t. And you could feel Dean’s eyes drifting over your face and sense his… apprehension? Concern?

“What happened?” Sam asked, his eyes now narrowed a little in genuine concern too.

“Just a hunting souvenir,” you said, trying to manage your tone so it sounded casual. You avoided everyone’s eyes.

Bobby was considering your body language carefully. He was debating about pressing you further. He could see that there was real fear surrounding that memory. Not only did he now want to know what had happened, but he knew this would break down both you and Dean’s constructed walls. What would be better at getting the dialogue going than vulnerability? “What was the monster?” Bobby asked.

You couldn’t avoid such a direct question without it being blatantly obvious. “Vamp nest,” you said, staring down at your plate. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. The familiar tunneling at the edge of your vision warned of a panic attack and you stood up abruptly, the movement emphasized by the groaning of your wooden chair on the floor. “I need some air.” You practically ran out the front door and onto the porch, leaning heavily on the railing and trying to force your heart and lungs to slow. You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re fine. Just bad memories.

Inside, Dean was staring down the hallway where you disappeared and Sam and Bobby exchanged a concerned look, both now feeling a little guilty for pressing you. Something had happened on that hunt, more than the usual bumps and bruises.

Dean felt a familiar tightness in the center of his chest and even reached a hand up to absently rub at it to no effect. “Someone should go make sure she’s okay,” he said, turning back around to look at his little brother.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I think you’re right,” Sam agreed, but he made no move to get up. Dean’s eyes next landed on Bobby.

“I agree with Sam,” he said pointedly, also stubbornly leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

Dean’s jaw tense and the muscle twitched. “Oh, come on. I can’t—I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to right now,” he growled.

“Well, then I guess we’ll just leave her out there alone,” Bobby said, reaching for his beer. “She’s a grown up. She’s tough. She’ll be fine.” Dean was stubborn, but so was Robert Singer.

Sam was almost ready to cave and go check on you when Dean stood up abruptly, the same groan from his chair mimicking the one yours had made, swearing under his breath. You heard footsteps coming up the hall and the familiar sound of the squeaky screen door and straightened up. You were surprised to see Dean when you turned.

“Oh—” The noise of surprise escaped your lips involuntarily and Dean shrugged in response.

“Yep. It’s me. …sorry,” he said.

Your heart had slowed mostly back to its usual steady pace and you just stared at the older Winchester for a long moment. The silence was awkward, tense, and you found yourself wondering how long it was going to go on.

Dean shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stole fleeting glances at your expression. He had to clear his throat. Why did it feel so suddenly constricted. “Umm—are you okay? You left kind of suddenly in there?”

“I’m fine.”

He nodded, his lips pressing together in a thin line, the corners turning downward. “Good. …okay.”

You expected him to leave, having done the bare minimum to check on you, but he just went on standing there. So, you just went on waiting… for what felt like an eternity. You had a feeling that he was teetering on the edge of saying something and you gave him an inquisitive look, one of your eyebrows lifting of its own accord.

Finally, his green eyes rose from staring at his boots and landed on your face. He seemed to decide something in that moment. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“… ‘it’?”

“The hunt. How you got that fresh scar?” he asked, inclining his chin and his eyes flashing toward what had obviously been a good gash on your forehead.

You turned away from him again, trying hard to suppress the flash of fear you felt from changing your expression, and leaned on the railing again, looking out over the junkyard. “Not really,” you murmured.

“Not really or just not to me?” he asked. You were a little surprised at his bluntness and turned to look at him again, but you didn’t say anything. You straightened up again and after giving him one last, long look you sighed.

“I, uhh… I think I’m just gonna head out,” you said. “This was—whatever Bobby was thinking, I just—I’m gonna go.”

You could see Dean chewing the inside of his cheek, nodding ever so slightly, his lips pressed together again. When he spoke there was an edge to his voice. “Sure. Go. I guess the good thing is I’m not surprised this time,” he said.

You felt like you’d been punched in the gut and the air rushed out of your lungs like it had been forced. “What?”

“That’s what you do, isn’t it? You run. When things get hard, you leave. How many other people have you left in your wake in the past six months, hmm? And here I am, fucking stupid enough to somehow experience it twice. Well, at least this one is mostly on Bobby.”

You were breathing fast and hard now, anger and hurt boiling in your chest. “I ran? That’s what you think happened? I just—I just up and ran? Dean Winchester is the sole victim.”

“No, I—”

“It couldn’t have had anything to do with the person I cared about more than anything else in this world lying to me, for months, and betraying my trust over and over again. No, that wasn’t it!” Your tone was dangerous and rising in volume along with your anger.

“I never said that I didn’t fuck up!” Dean roared back. “But you didn’t stick around long enough to even try to fix it—so I obviously,” his jaw clenched, “we obviously didn’t mean that much to you if you were able to just go tearing off like you did!”

You stared at him, incensed at his accusation. Your fists were clenched so tight your fingernails were digging into your palms, and you didn’t give a shit that Sam and Bobby could probably hear every single word.

“I couldn’t even get you on the goddamn phone,” Dean said. “You were just gone! Do you know what Sam and I thought? For months, we thought you were going to go barreling into something and get yourself killed, which is what started this whole thing in the first place! And now you show up here with that new scar on your forehead—what the hell have you been doing? A vamp nest? Jesus, Y/N, do you think you’re fucking invincible? You need back up!”

You broke your dangerous silence violently. “I had fucking back up! I had back up!” you yelled, sounding almost desperate. Dean’s anger broke at that exact moment and he watched you turn away from him again, slumping your weight down onto the railing. “I had fucking back up…” you said quietly.

Dean’s mind was whirring and he had a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach.

You were staring down at your clasped hands. “You really think all I do is run? That’s what you think of me? Well, guess what? I didn’t. My hunter partner, one of my oldest friends, got caught and he tried to tell me to get out and I didn’t. I stayed. And you know what happened? They killed him in front of me and they turned me. I woke up with my head split open and the worst—I somehow managed to fight the bloodlust, murder those sons of bitches, and give myself the cure.” You sighed heavily, hanging your head and shutting your eyes, before straightening up again and looking at Dean. He thought he saw tears starting glisten in your eyes. “So, running or staying, I guess I can’t win.”

Dean was at a loss… He had said so much in hurt, in anger. He felt like a complete jackass. “Y/N, I—”

But you interrupted him and held up a hand. “Just don’t, okay? I don’t want to fight with you, Dean. I’m just… I’m just frickin’ tired. From all of it.” You stepped past him and grasped the screen door handle when he interrupted you again.

“No,” he said suddenly, forcefully. “No. This time I’m not just gonna let you go.” There was a fire suddenly blazing in his green eyes, making it look like the hues in his irises were dancing.

“Let me?”

“That was maybe the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life,” he said. “And I don’t care if you don’t want to fight with me, I want to fight with you. Because I can’t go on like this, pretending that I’ve just moved on and that I’m fine with you not being in my life anymore because I’m not. I have to try. So, let’s fight. And, if at the end of it, you still don’t want anything to do with me, I can—I can try and live with that, because at least I’ll know I tried.”

You peered at him in bewilderment, your hand still on the screen door, but slowly your fingers slipped from it and the glassiness in your eyes returned as you looked at him. “You hurt me so badly—”

“I know. And you’re right about everything you said. I betrayed your trust. I lied to you for months, and the whole time Sam was telling me I was being a fucking idiot, and, God, I hate it when he’s right…” Dean gulped and stepped a little closer to you. He wanted so much to break that space barrier between you, just to touch your arm… just to hold your hand. “And if I could go back and do it over again, I wouldn’t be so insecure and so—so terrified. I would do it all differently. But at least allow me to explain to you—” he sighed in frustration. All his words were trying to come out at once. “I thought that because I was trying to protect you that it was justified. I didn’t—I didn’t—” he let out a frustrated growl at himself, that he couldn’t find the words. “Relationships are a partnership. We were a team. And I went completely against that and I made decisions for me and for you without including you. I see that now. And I’m so, so sorry. But then you just left… you just—” Dean felt like his voice was about to break and stopped. “And that hurt me more than I even allowed myself to realize at the time.”

Your face softened as you looked at him, the evening now wearing on and the diminishing light making his eyes look deeply emerald. Dean watched your lips part a little in a soft frown, saw your shoulders fall a little.

“Everyone leaves,” he said, and in that moment you saw the little kid in him, simply afraid of losing again and again and again. “One way or another everyone leaves and I just—I never thought that it would be you.”

That stung like a hot knife between your lungs and you felt off balance. The silence stretched for a long moment before you broke it with a heavy sigh. “To be fair, neither did I,” you said. You squeezed your eyes shut along with one of your fists. “I was just so angry and so—it was my fight! And you took that away from me. And I can’t get that back. Can you imagine if I had done that to you? What if I had gone off and killed the thing that killed your mom or your dad without you? And had lied about it to you for months?”

“I know,” Dean said, and took a step toward you. “And I’m so sorry.”

You sighed again, feeling like the last of your walls had just come tumbling down, like Dean had pulled one brick out from the bottom and the whole structure collapsed. “Me too.” You realized that, in a way, by leaving as you did you had betrayed his trust in turn.

“Y/N, you have to know that you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. Every day. Still. Always.”

You felt yourself, your resolve, crumbling further. Dean took another step toward you. “If you don’t feel anything for me anymore, then—please, just tell me right now and I swear I won’t—I won’t bother you again. And I’ll tell Bobby where he can shove his meddling."

You could only gulp nervously and go on looking back at him, the eye contact between the two of you magnetic. You wondered at how earlier in the evening you could barely look at each other and now you couldn’t stop. You felt tears stinging your eyes again and let out a wry laugh, blinking them away. “You’re an idiot,” you said through a teary smile.

Dean stepped a bit closer, his eyes not leaving your face. “I know.”

“This isn’t all just magically fixed—”

“I know,” he said again, his voice now a bit breathy. He was so close you swore you could almost feel the deep timbre in your chest, feel the heat of him, the weight of him.

You stared at him and only had one more second of indecision before you gave in. “Well… kiss me, you idiot.”

Dean didn’t need telling twice. You collided as if you hadn’t spent any time apart. Dean’s arm wrapped around your lower back and his other hand tangled in your hair. The kiss was fierce, insistent and you felt like you were clay softening in a sculptor’s hands. It was blissful to be melting into him again. It felt like you had been underwater for months and were finally able to come up for air. Dean was your air and you drew in deep lungfuls. He deepened the kiss and his hand pressed harder on your lower back, pushing you into him, your body arching against his. He clasped your face and kissed you desperately. Slowly his lips softened on yours and became pleading, gentle, and finally he pulled away slightly and heaved in a deep breath, leaning his forehead against yours, both of you breathless with your eyes closed. Your fingers trailing lightly down his back were familiar and felt like home. Your arm around his neck was comforting, safe. He pulled back so he could look into your eyes and your heart leaped at being able to study his eyes and count the freckles on his nose and cheeks.

“God, I missed you,” he said softly.

You smiled a little at him, still a little overwhelmed. “I missed you.”

His face turned suddenly serious again and he placed a kiss gently on the new scar on your forehead before meeting your eyes again. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that—and I’m—I’m really sorry about your friend.”

Your eyes fell. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

Dean’s hands were resting gently on your hips now and you took in another deep breath, just thinking of how much time you had wasted when you should have been right there with him… True, there was work to be done, trust to be repaired, but this felt like someone had just turned on the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Suddenly, hushed voices just inside drew both of your attention and you caught a glimpse of Bobby shouldering Sam out of the way and both of them trying to sneak back up the hallway, rather unsuccessfully.

You laughed and pressed a hand to your forehead. “Oh no…”

Dean gave you a comical look. “This is going to go right to Bobby’s head.”

“He’s going to go on a total power trip,” you agreed.

“Ehh… honestly, I think given the consequences of his actions I’m kind of okay with it.”

You stood on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Dean pulled you in for another kiss before you could set your heels back down…

[roadtripwiththewinchesters-blog]

S1E2 - Wendigo (Chapter 4)

A/N:

‘Wendigo’ will have two more chapters! They are already written, and just need editing. I use quite a lot of GIFs to help set the scene and help you remember the episode. I find it helps me imagine everything better, what do you think? Hope you like this x 

Word count: 1770

Summary: The group makes it’s way towards Tommy’s last known location. You get a chance to speak to Sam whilst you walk but the conversation quickly goes downhill. You reach the campsite and it’s torn apart. Your quick-thinking aids the group in discovering what the creature is and what it’s doing. Tensions heighten between Sam and Roy.

We made our way to the last known coordinates of Tommy’s campsite. It had been about half a day’s walk into the forest following Roy’s GPS. Roy took the lead with Ben close by him, with Dean and Haley having a conversation behind them, whilst Sam and I took the rear end of the group looking out for signs of anything out of the ordinary. I was glad, the two of us hadn’t had any time alone since we’d been here and the conversation Dean and I had had the night before was still on my mind.

“After we kill this thing, I’m taking you out,” I told him, skipping over a log. “Karaoke bar, club-” I raised an eyebrow at him. “…Strip club? You pick.”

Sam threw his head back slightly as he laughed, but the sight made me feel sad. He deserved to laugh like that all the time. “I keep forgetting it’s legal for you now.”

“Yeah well you missed my 21st,” I said, pursing my lips.  “Thanks for that book you sent by the way, really helped on a paper I did on paganism.”

“So, which alias are you on now? Lita Ford? Shirley Manson?” He teased. The others had gotten quite a bit further ahead, the woods were silent with the exception of our laughter.

“Mine are no where near as bad as yours and Dean’s,” I laughed. “What was your health insurance under? Elroy McGillicuddy?”  

He paused. “That’s dad’s.” Shit. He flashed me a small smile, his way of telling me that it was fine. 

“Sam. He’s alright, you know,” I said catching up to him. “Monsters are afraid of him, not the other way around.”

“Yeah,” I earned a small smile from him. “I know.” 

He kept on walking and I fell behind, walking alone for a while. I began keeping track of our coordinates myself and monitoring the different animal trails for practice. Dean probably had a little too much faith in my tracking, I used to be decent but I was out of practice for sure. After a few hours I couldn’t find a single trail, not even a squirrel. 

We reached the clearing where Tommy and his friends were supposed to be by the late afternoon. But instead of finding them alive and well as we had hoped, we stumbled across a mess of shredded tents, overturned camping gear and personal belongings, everything splattered with blood. I felt sick. I stood back, letting the others investigate, whilst I observed the scene before it could be tarnished. This was exactly how the creature had left it. I thought about the description Mr Shaw had given us, and chills crept up my spine. I noticed there was no source of the blood. It couldn’t be fresh, it had attracted a mass of flies now hovering over the campsite. If they had been attacked by a bear, it would have mauled them there and then. In other words - there would have been bodies to find. This was definitely our creature. I ran my hand over my hip, reassured only slightly by the presence of my gun. We still hadn’t figured out exactly what this thing was, meaning we didn’t know what would kill it for sure. This lack of knowing unnerved me more than anything, I felt so exposed. This was certainly unlike the cases I was used to. 

“Looks like a grizzly,” Roy said, crouching beside the wreckage.

I turned to him, “You’ve seen a grizzly do this before?”

“You’d be surprised what they’re capable when they’re hungry.”

“So where are the bodies?” I whispered, but Roy had already hurried off to investigate with the others, already combing through the tents. I circled the campsite twice before I found the trail. I knelt down, making absolutely certain before I looked up for Sam and Dean. They were occupied by a distraught Haley, yelling for her brother. “Tommy! Tommy!”

Sam hastily intervened, shushing her.

“Why?” She asked.

“Something might still be out there,” he said, scanning the horizon until he caught my eye. I signalled for him to come over, he grabbed Dean on the way.

“You should see this.”

I explained in low tones, not wanting to alarm everyone. “The bodies were dragged from the campsite. But here the tracks just vanish. Weird, right? What’s it doing?” “I’ll tell you what,” Dean said. “You were right. That’s no skinwalker or black dog.”

The three of us made our way back to camp, Haley was on her knees cradling something in her hands. I approached her slowly, dropping beside her.

I bit my lip when she began to cry, about to try my hand at comforting her when Dean reassured her, “Hey, he could still be alive?” I didn’t know if he believed his own words, but I had forgotten he could be that way – gentle, and considerate. Suddenly, a plea came from the woods.

“Help! Help!”

We all rose to our feet, my gun out instinctively in front of me.

“Help! Somebody!” 

I was just as ready to run off into the woods as everyone else until my instincts made me hesitate. I backed up. Of everything that had happened, this made the least sense. The bodies had been dragged away, their trail disappearing. There was three sets of tracks, the most difficult to follow was the one Tommy and his friends must’ve made a few days ago on the way here, the second was the one that dragged them away, and the third was the freshest, it was our own. No one else was out here but the five of us. 

I felt a sense of uneasiness overwhelm me, my instincts told me to stay where I was. But Haley wasted no time in running towards it, claiming it was her brother. Dean and Roy ran after her, Ben closely behind them. I called out for Sam to stay, trying to find the words to explain why, but he yelled at me to hurry. I was afraid of following, it was most definitely a trap but I wasn’t about to stay behind and let it isolate me from my friends, or let them take the thing on unknowing and alone. Sam was disappearing in the brush, I ran as fast as I could to Dean.

I snatched his arm, “Stop!” I hissed. Dean and Haley had already come to a halt in the clearing.

My eyes were wide in fear. Dean grabbed me, “What is it?”

“It seemed like it was coming from around here, didn't it?!” Haley said distracted.

I breathed, “It’s a trap!”

Dean reached for his gun, suddenly much more conscious of the danger but he urged me for further explanation as he and Sam scanned the forest with their eyes. “Dean, what I showed you before. The trails, there were only Tommy’s and ours! No one else is out here!”

“It’s here,” Sam whispered, moving in front of me.

“Everyone back to camp!” Dean ordered and nobody hesitated in bolting.

When we reached the clearing, the packs that had been left behind were gone. The GPS, along with our provisions had disappeared. Luckily, I hadn’t taken mine off of my back.

“Our packs!” Haley exclaimed.

“So much for my GPS and satellite phone,” Roy scoffed.

“I’ve still got this,” I said as I rustled through my own until I found the compass I had packed. I drew Roy’s attention and tossed it at him.

“This’ll work,” he said, nodding in gratitude.

“What the hell is going on?” Haley demanded.

“It’s smart. It wants to cut us off so we can’t call for help,” Sam observed.

“You mean someone, some nutjob out there just stole our gear,” Roy said.

I gripped Sam’s wrists as I came to a chilling realisation. He looked at me, alarmed. “Give me your dad’s journal.” 

He continued to stare at me bewildered. “Sam!” He began fumbling hurriedly, before pulling me aside and shoving the leather-bound book into my hands.

I wasted no time in peeling through the pages until I found it. No body moved, they all stood gawking at me. The wendigo. I stabbed my finger into the page showing Sam. “We have to go.”

Dean prized the book out of my hands, skim reading the page.

“What?” he said, panicked. “Wendigo’s are in the Minnesota woods or, or north Michigan, I’ve never heard of one this far west?” 

I had thought so too, it had thrown us all off completely.

“Dean, she’s right. Think about it, the tracks, the claws, the way it can mimic a human voice,” Sam said.

“Great,” Dean sighed. “Well then this is…”

“Useless,” I finished for him. “We need fire, but it’s too dangerous with the others. We need to take them back and deal with it ourselves.”

“It’s too late for that,” Dean said, eyeing the clearing. “It’ll pick us all off.”

“So what do we do?” Sam called out to the group, getting their attention. “All right, it’s time to go. Things have gotten more… complicated.”

Haley looked about to open her mouth in protest but I took her arm, muttering, “Don’t fight on this, we need to move.”

“Kid, don’t worry,” Roy told us. “Whatever’s out there, I think I can handle it.”

“If you shoot this thing, you’re only going to make it mad,” I tried to explain.

“One, you’re talking nonsense,” he barked to me, pointing his finger in my face. “And two, you’re in no position to give anybody orders,” he said turning to Sam.

“We never should have let you come out here in the first place, alright? We’re trying to protect you,” Sam said. I could see he was growing more and more impatient. 

“Protect me? I was hunting in these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight,” Roy said, stepping into Sam’s face. It seemed ridiculous, Sam towered over him.

“It’s a damn near perfect hunter,” Sam continued. “It’s smarter than you, and it’s gonna hunt you down and eat you alive unless we get your stupid, sorry ass out of here,” Sam said through gritted teeth.

 I glanced at him, surprised that Roy had managed to rile him up so easily. 

When Roy laughed and called him crazy, Dean intercepted Sam whilst I stood my ground between them, shoving Roy back. “Back off,” I warned him, frightfully calmly.

“Chill out,” Dean told his brother.

“Stop it!” Haley demanded. “Everybody just stop! Look, Tommy might still be alive and I’m not leaving without him.” 

Nobody said anything until Dean stepped up. “It’s getting late. This thing is a good hunter in the day but an unbelievable hunter at night. We’ll never beat it in the dark.”

“Tell us what to do,” I said.

GIF CREDITS

1,3: @lancetucker

2,4,5:@buckyssteves

6: @gentlekirk

7,8: @thejabberwock

[ourloveisforthelovely]

I’ll keep you forever 2

Word Count 2,037

A/N: I am really working on my “fluff” skills. Thank you all for the likes and follows from the first chapter! It means a lot. 

Chapter summary and ratings: M for smut. There is fluff too :) Cas and Ava move forward with their relationship

_____________________________________________

Cas spent the rest of the night laying motionless watching Ava as she slept. He had went from a sitting to a lying position so she could sleep easier. She was without a doubt the most beautiful human he had ever seen. He had always thought Sam and Dean had some beauty to them but once Ava turned up he seen true beauty. When she yawned and began to move Cas felt disappointment and joy as her green eyes fluttered. Part of him wanted the girl to sleep in his arms longer but the other half wanted to see her awake and functioning.

When her eyes opened fully Ava’s eyes met Cas’ blue ones. She smiled as she slowly sat up.

“Did you sleep any better?”

Cas asked trying to appear as normal as he could as Ava sat up.

“That’s the best I have slept in a long time. Whatever you did thank you.”

Cas looked down realizing that Ava’s hand hadn’t left his instead her fingers were tracing over his. He liked the way it felt. Never had he wanted human contact more in his life.

“You’re welcome. I can help anytime you need sleep.”

“I like this.”

He said softly. Ava smiled.

“Me too.”

Cas watched her face carefully. She was watching their hands intently.

“Cas I…”

“Feeling the same thing I am…its dangerous Ava. I would be putting your life in a lot of risk. Other angels hate me right now.”

Ava watched sadly as he stood removing himself from her grasp before walking to the window looking out. Cas didn’t blink for a few moments looking even more angelic than ever.

“If its any consolation a lot of things don’t like me anyway. After all I am a Winchester. There are a lot of dark creepy things out there that don’t like me. I don’t care what you are Cas. Angel or not that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care if all of your halo bearing crazy brothers are after you. I care about us…what we could have.”

She slowly got up walking to Cas wrapping her arms around him from behind. Cas stood motionless for a moment before turning in her arms. Reaching down he slowly tilted her face to his locking their gaze.

“I…I…want….”

Ava smiled reaching up running her fingers through his dark hair.

“Its ok Cas. What do you want? You can tell me.”

Cas swallowed.

“I want you…in every meaning of the word. Watching you sleep in my arms last night was the most peaceful time I have experienced in years….thousands of years. At the same time though I am putting you in so much danger. You could have someone much younger, less dangerous, less awkward…”

Ava placed a finger to his lips.

“But they wouldn’t be you.”

Cas still didn’t look too convinced.

“What will your brothers say? Sam and Dean won’t like it. They are so protective of you.”

Ava sighed.

“I am a grown woman. They will get over it. Honestly, they should be happy I found someone so protective. This is where you kiss me Castiel.”

Cas stood watching her for a moment before leaning down pressing a tender kiss to her lips that quickly escalated into a hungry one with Ava pressed against the wall. He finally pulled away upon remembering that Ava would need to breathe. Both panted as Ava snuggled against his shoulder breathing in his scent.

“Wow you sure can kiss.”

Cas smiled laying his head against her.

“You can learn a lot from the pizza man.”

Ava frowned looking up.

“You watch porn?”

She couldn’t help smiling when Cas’ face turned pink.

“Um….a time or two.”

Ava chuckled pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. The embarrassed expression was priceless and  adorable.

“I have three brothers Cas. I know all about porn. You know….you could try some of those skills you learned out on me if you wanted.”

Cas looked a little more frightened if possible.

“Wouldn’t you rather make our first time a little more special? You know…like in the movies that Dean calls chick flicks?”

Ava giggled.

“I want to tell you something. Cas I have never been in love before. I had a boyfriend a year or so ago and I never felt anything for him like I feel for you right now. Our first time would be special no matter the circumstances…chick flick like or even if it happened in the back seat of Dean’s car. In the past few weeks I feel almost like my soul is calling out for you and I’ve never felt that feeling before. I don’t want someone younger or less awkward. I want my angel.”

That was all the confirmation that Cas needed to realize she felt the same way about him as he did her. She recognized their union just as he did. Maybe it could work out and he could keep her safe.

Cas put the civil war going on in heaven out of his mind for the moment and decided to focus on his human, his lover, his everything. He wasn’t wasting the once chance at he had at not being alone. Standing a still a moment long Cas quickly whisked her away to her bedroom with the door locked.

If Cas thought he was awkward Ava couldn’t see how in this moment. He seemed completely confident in himself as he pushed her back against the the wall for another long heated kiss.

“The bedroom is a different kind of confidence. I’m a lot more confident in my abilities here.”

Cas mumbled in between kisses. Ava moaned as he slid his hands up her shirt cupping her breasts. He wasn’t ready to admit that over the past few weeks he had been almost a pervert for her. Cas wasn’t ready to tell her that he had been checking her out at any given moment. He had even gone so low as to being invisible and watching her in the shower.

The previous night when she nestled close to him Cas couldn’t help himself from peaking down her shirt as the loose top fell dangerously low on her shoulders. There was also the moment she had turned in his arms and her behind was pressed tightly against his crotch. Leaving Cas with that uncomfortable tightness in his pants.

“The thought of you being cocky is actually a turn on. Your sass is cute.”

Ava said as she nibbled on Cas’ bottom lip. She had noticed the his now throbbing erection pressed against her thigh.

“I’m pretty sure of my abilities to please you. I like the fact that no one has touched you this way. Also if you like sassy I suppose you are in luck.”

Cas quickly snapped his fingers leaving her nude. Ava moved to cover her body but was stopped when Cas moved her hand.

“Don’t hide yourself from me. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I want to see all of what’s mine.”

Cas quickly picked Ava up laying her on the bed. She watched as his deep blue eyes looked over her body.

“You’re perfect.”

He whispered dipping his head to kiss her again. Ava tugged at the buttons on his shirt.

“It isn’t really fair that you have all of these clothes still on and here I am naked.”

Cas smirked snapping his fingers again leaving him completely naked as well. Ava bit her lip as she looked him over. He too was perfect. So much of his amazing body was hidden by all of the layers of clothing he wore.

Ava slowly reached out running her hand over his well worked chest and stomach before getting braver and letting her hand fall to his manhood gently stroking him. Cas inhaled sharply before moaning.

“That lip bitting thing you just did is a turn on…or I guess as your brother says a kink.”

Ava chuckled as Cas began to kiss at her neck before dipping down to her breasts.

“My angel has a kink. I can’t wait to see what other ones you have.”

Cas’ eyes rolled to her.

“There’s more trust me.”

Ava tried to think of something witty to say but Cas beginning to stroke her folds made her loose all grip on reality. Cas watched her carefully for any sign of discomfort as he added a finger. When she began to rock her hips against his he was satisfied that she was in no pain…yet.

“Please Cas…I can’t wait….”

Her green eyes snapped open when his hand moved away from her. Cas looked down at her with a frown.

“In this position I would like it if you call me by my full name. There is another one of those kinks ”

Ava smiled. The thought of her angel being a dominant in bed was so out of character and such a major turn on.

“Yes sir.”

She purred leaving chill bumps on his skin.

“Much better. I’m going to make love to you now.”

Cas said as he placed himself at her entrance. He faltered a moment before looking up.

“This is the last chance you have to back out. When I take your virginity your as good as bound to me.”

Ava reached up cupping his cheek.

“I want to be bound to you in every way possible. I don’t want to back out now Castiel.”

Again her words were all the encouragement he needed before pushing into her. He tried to ignore the sound of pain she made when he tore through her innocence however, at the same time he loved it. She was his now and he would do anything he could to please her.

Cas didn’t move for a moment giving Ava time to adjust to his size. He instead, let his hand go in between their bodies stroking her clit while sucking at her neck.

“Castiel please.”

Ava whimpered when the pleasuring became too much. She needed him to move.

“That’s it baby. Say my name.”

He whispered as he began to slowly rock his hips into her. The slow and sensual love making quickly led to frantic fast paced fucking her into the mattress sex. Neither would say it but both knew their bedroom life would be a spicy hot one. There was no denying that.

Cas gritted his teeth trying to make sure he didn’t loose control with his powers and strength enough to hurt her.

“Castiel I can’t make it much more.”

Ava cried out. Feeling her body tighten around his was all Cas needed to push him over the edge. Ava lay in the after shock of her first orgasm as she felt Cas finish hard inside of her.

Neither moved for a moment before Cas slowly pulled out and gathered her into his arms.

“Wow!”

She said as Cas snuggled against her.

“Was that satisfactory?”

He asked timidly. Ava giggled. Her awkward angel was back. The sex fiend who would not dominate her was back in the closet. She slowly turned hiking her leg over his hip and snuggled closer.

“Beyond perfect.”

She watched him smile looking beyond proud of himself. That smile…Ava was in love with it. Cas didn’t smile often so when he did it was a treat in itself.

About that time a door in the bunker closed. Both Cas and Ava looked up being broken from the after glow of their love making.

“Cas? Ava? Where did you two go?”

Dean’s voice called from the other room. Cas slowly stood pulling on his abandoned pants.

“I suppose we should inform your brother’s of our little arrangement. Something tells me they won’t be happy.”

Ava frowned as she pulled on her clothes before walking to Cas pulling him into another kiss.

“Whatever the outcome its you and I.”

Cas nodded.

“Now and always.”

@greenappleeyes @djs-lacrimose

[queerstudiesnatural]

#actually this is true for sam too#like haha sam’s a health nut and dean is basically a vacuum when it comes to food how funny right??#but no actually sam is just enjoying having control over what he eats after growing up eating whatever they could afford which was likely#often junk food or fast food#and dean is remembering what going hungry felt like and can’t bear to waste anything now

no actually say that @bloodydeanwinchester ​ !!

god the number of things they wrote for dean on spn that were just meant to be silly funny moments but then actually when you think critically about them they actually point to the deep childhood trauma he’s dealing with. like how did they write something so layered and meaningful by mistake like that???

[livrelady]

#actually this is true for sam too#like haha sam’s a health nut and dean is basically a vacuum when it comes to food how funny right??#but no actually sam is just enjoying having control over what he eats after growing up eating whatever they could afford which was likely#often junk food or fast food#and dean is remembering what going hungry felt like and can’t bear to waste anything now#spn#jenna.post (X)

god the number of things they wrote for dean on spn that were just meant to be silly funny moments but then actually when you think critically about them they actually point to the deep childhood trauma he’s dealing with. like how did they write something so layered and meaningful by mistake like that???

[shortdalee]

Memorializing op’s tags for future reference:

#actually this is true for sam too #like haha sam’s a health nut and dean is basically a vacuum when it comes to food how funny right?? #but no actually sam is just enjoying having control over what he eats after growing up eating whatever they could afford which was likely #often junk food or fast food #and dean is remembering what going hungry felt like and can’t bear to waste anything now #spn #jenna.post

god the number of things they wrote for dean on spn that were just meant to be silly funny moments but then actually when you think critically about them they actually point to the deep childhood trauma he’s dealing with. like how did they write something so layered and meaningful by mistake like that???