#and david became a ray of sunshine to cheer jasper up

[jubilantwriter]

Jaspvid Week 2020:  Day 4 - Hurt/Comfort

(AO3)  @jaspvid-week

get ready for a gratuitous amounts of capslock 

Remember When They Were Bad Friends in Canon?  Well- NEVER HAPPENED.  Aha!  Oho!

Summary:  David was never good at the whole sleeping thing.  He’s been working on it, honest!  And he’s been getting better at it, even if there are some places he’s better at sleeping with than others.  But sometimes... sometimes when he falls asleep, all he wants to do is wake up.

Word Count: 3148

WARNINGS:  PTSD, Graphic Descriptions of Wounds (just to be safe)

David knows that dreams aren't real.  That the chronic nightmares that plagued his sleep as a child were nothing but the result of his fears and anxieties left unchecked and unacknowledged for so long.  He thought he'd gotten over that part of his life - sure, he still had bouts of insomnia every once in a while, especially at Camp Campbell, but he'd very rarely suffered from nightmares that had him waking up screaming bloody murder.  And it's all very rare indeed!  Gwen has only needed to wake him up a few times throughout their time working together.  

He really thought that he was finally okay.  That's what he thinks, when he looks down at hands covered in an inky red before looking back up to see Jasper, hunched over with hands trying desperately to stop the bleeding.

Jasper's bleeding.

Pained blue eyes, wide with fear as light fades fast from them, stare deep into David's own horrified greens.  

"Davey," he gasps out, before collapsing to his knees.  

"Jasper!"  He lurches forward and catches his boyfriend in his arms, and it's just a dream, just a dream, just a dream-

"You have to run!"  Jasper shoves David away as best as he can, already wheezing as blood continues to drip down his chest.  Long, deep gashes that look worse than they did years ago reveal themselves to David through a shredded t-shirt and it's just a dream just a dream just a dream-

"I'm not leaving you here!"  David grabs Jasper as he slumps forward, and it's just a dream just a dream just a DREAM-

His hands feel wet and slick and sticky and red red red-

NO.

Just a DREAM just A DREAM IT'S JUST A DREAM-

But he feels warmth, Jasper feels warm, he feels warm and wet and cold and wet and the wet feels warm and Jasper feels cold and Jasper is solid, solid in his arms and heavy and David can feel his body heave with every desperate gasp every pained shudder every wet cough-

JUST A DREAM!

JUST A DREAM JUST A DREAM JUST A DREAM JUST A DREAM-

BUT WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?

His vision swims and swirls and spins and he can't see there's tears falling from his eyes real tears streaming down his cheeks as he cradles Jasper's weak body and he hears every little "plip" and every little "plop" his tears make as they land on Jasper's face-

Jasper's face Jasper's pale face Jasper's dying face and David begs begs begs to wake up, please wake up he wants to WAKE!  UP!

He doesn't want to feel like he's losing his boyfriend like he's watching the same scene replay over and over again like he's letting things repeat like he's let this happen before one time two times three million times and he doesn't want to FEEL THIS ANYMORE!

HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE THIS ANYMORE!

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP BLOOD ON HIS HANDS BLOOD ON HIS CHEST AND IT'S REAL AND WET AND OH GOD PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP THIS ISN'T REAL THIS CAN'T BE REAL HE DOESN'T WANT THIS TO BE REAL WAKE-

"-UP!"  A deluge of cold water hits his face and he screams, log tossed into the air as Gwen steps back.  "David, shit!"

"I- huh- whu-?"  He pants heavily, looking wildly around the room as he tries to get his bearings.  And then he remembers blood on his hands and blood on his chest-

"Jasper- Jasper!  I have to- I gotta-"

"Woah woah woah!"  Gwen catches him just as he tumbles out of bed.  "David, deep breaths!"  Com on, with me now.  In, out..."  She guides him through a breathing exercise, calming him down just enough for David to finally make sense of where he is.

He breathes in, and he recognizes the cabin he’s in, and where this cabin is.

Camp Campbell.

He breathes out, and feels the heat all around him, hears the crickets, and recognizes what those all mean to him.

It's summertime.

And as he steadies his breathing, all his thoughts connect back to a crucial bit of information.

Jasper's at their apartment, waiting for him to come back.

Jasper's alive.  And well.  And far far far away from the forest, away from bears, away from childhood memories that still struck fear in both their hearts.

"What..."  He blinks blearily, looking out the window and realizing just how dark the sky is.  Or still is, rather.  "What time is it?"

"Three am."  Gwen rubs her temples, exhausted and sleep-deprived.  Whoops.  That was definitely his fault.  "You were shouting- well, screaming, in your sleep.  It was damn near impossible to wake you."  He looks down to see the mud-caked slippers she still has on and winces.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize."  She waves off his guilty look but quickly grows concerned again when his shoulders still droop.  "...Listen.  I called Jasper."  

"You WHAT?"  Though peeved at his shriek, she gestures for him to settle down.  

"Fucking relax, you weren't waking up and I thought he'd have some idea for how I could wake you.  He suggested the cold water.  The bucket was all me."  David blinks before remembering that, oh right, he's currently drenched.  Gwen tosses him a towel before he can start shivering.  Just like Gwen to be prepared like this.

Although he wishes she didn't have to be prepared for this kind of situation.

"Are you gonna call him?"  Gwen watches as he dries his hair, towel now resting on his shoulders as he looks to his phone.  The device sits unplugged, probably from Gwen yanking it from its charger in her desperation to find a way to wake David.

His very instinct is to dial up Jasper's number, but the time of night makes him hesitate.

"I... probably shouldn't."  Though the thought of hearing Jasper's voice, just to hear him breathe and sigh and affirm and reaffirm that he was okay and that it really all was just a horrible nightmare, he thinks about how Jasper also gets up early in the morning to drive to work.  If he calls him now, would the brunette even have enough time to sleep?  What if he crashes his car because he stood up all night talking with and worrying over David?  Jasper shouldn't have to risk that just because David had a nightmare.  "It's late and- he needs his sleep.  He has to wake up in like, four hours."

"Don't think your boyfriend will be sleeping tonight."  Gwen sits on her bed with a tired plop.  "He heard you screaming and was about to drive over here."

"What?!"  David leaps up from his bed and lunges for his phone.  "He can't do that!  I have to make sure he stays home-"  His speed dial calls up Jasper in a second and he listens to the rings anxiously.  "He has work in the morning, and if he comes here, he won't have any sleep AND he won't have any time to drive back-!"

"I know."  Gwen's smirk graces her lips just as Jasper picks up.  "That's why I convinced him to stay home already."

"Hello?"  David's mind blanks as Jasper's worried voice carries over from the speaker.  Of course Gwen took care of that already.  She puts in some earplugs and puts on an eye mask, already turning onto her side to resume sleeping as he struggles to create words.  "Davey?  Is that you?"

"A-ah."  Well, at least she's giving him some privacy.  That's nice of her, at least.  "I.  Um."

"It's okay, take your time."  Jasper's voice soothes him from miles away, and it's enough to get him to relax just a bit.

"...Right."  He closes his eyes and breathes through his nose, exhaling from his mouth and repeating.  Jasper remains quiet, but David can hear his breathing from his side.  And it's.  It reminds him of where he is, and that everything is fine here.  It was just a dream.  "Hey, Jasp."

"Sup, homeslice."  David sits with his back against the headrest, arm hugging his knees to his chest as he listens to every sound of Jasper he can catch.  "You doing alright?"

"More or less."  He laughs weakly.  "It was just- just a bad dream.  A really bad one."  

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I..."  Large gashes that span Jasper's chest flash in his mind.  Had they gone lower when he was first mauled by those bears...  He sucks in a breath and blinks hard, willing the tears to stay at bay.  "I don't think I can, sorry."

"That's okay."  Jasper assures him gently, and he wishes, really wishes, that Jasper was here with him right now.  It's not the first time he wishes his bed was tucked away in a corner of the room, and not just pressed against the wall.  If only so he could feel some approximation of a hug.  "...You want me to drive up there?"

"Don't do that."  Even though he desperately wants him here.  "Y-you have your job to worry about, and there's the bills and rent to pay-."

"I can take a day off, get my shift covered.  Wouldn't hurt to use up a little bit of my PTO."

"It was just a bad dream, you don't have to-."

"David."  Jasper's voice is firm but still maintains that gentleness he's held since they were kids.  "It wasn't just a bad dream."

"...Y-yeah."

"Bud, are you crying?"

"I'm not."  He sniffs and scrunches his brows together.  "...Okay, maybe a little."

"...I'm driving up there."

"No!"  David doesn't need to be there to imagine the shock on Jasper's face.  "Don't- don't come here.  Please.  Please.  Stay home."  His voice shakes and breaks as he speaks, and he's imagining Jasper in the forest, Jasper facing a bear, Jasper bleeding out and hurt-

"Shhh, okay, okay, I won't."  A gasp escapes him and, dang, he really is sobbing now.  "I'm sorry, I won't come."  He hears the distress in Jasper's voice and immediately panics.

"It's not because I don't want you here!"  He tries to wipe away his tears, but they keep coming, and god, god, he wishes Jasper was here.  Jasper could easily make his tears go away with his kisses and hugs, but Jasper being here is the last thing either of them need.  "It's just- you know, you left Camp Campbell for a reason.  And I'm not going to force you to come back here."  Just because I want you here, he thinks to himself.

"You're not forcing me to come over there but..."  He hears Jasper's weary sigh and imagines the brunette running his fingers through his hair.  "...Is this about your nightmare?"

"I..."

His hesitation is enough for Jasper.

"Okay."  The soft understanding is clear in his voice.

"Sorry."  He mumbles into the phone, feeling like an idiot.  "It's dumb- I'm dumb, I wasn't even the one who got hurt- it was you, but I'm sitting here waking everyone up because of a stupid nightmare and I wasn't even the victim, it was you and-"

"Hey hey, wanna slow down for me?"  Jasper's gentle tone has him stop long enough to breathe.  "What's this about me being the victim?"

"...You know.  The... bear attack."  There's a sharp inhale from the other side.  "It's just- it really shouldn't be me, right?  I shouldn't be the one getting nightmares about this, I don't even have the right to, I'm just-"

"You got some heavy thoughts bouncing around your headspace, my guy."  Despite David's words, Jasper still manages to chuckle.  "Listen man, what happened that day... affected both of us differently."

"...Mmmgh."

There's a creak from Jasper's side.  Like he's adjusting his position on the bed.  David closes his eyes and pretends for a second that Jasper's sitting next to him, one arm wrapped around him as he hugs him close.

"I'm not gonna lie - falling from a cliff and being attacked by bears was the most unwoke thing to have ever happened to me, like, ever."  David laughs a little, because of course Jasper would phrase it like that.  "I still hate nature, and I still hate that you're willing to go back to camp every year in spite of what happened.  But you got your own reasons.  Because that day changed you too."  He imagines Jasper leaning against him, pressing his head against David's as he lowers his tone, almost to a whisper.  "You saw me die nearly twice.  Once, when you couldn't save me from the cliff.  And the second time when you found me in the cave mauled and bleeding.  You saw my wounds and helped me back to camp.  You watched it all happen."

"Yeah, I sure did watch."  He grumbles into the phone and sighs.  "You were covered in scraps and scratches and then QM took your badge away because I used your shoes."

"To save me."  Jasper shifts again from the other side.  "Davey, you did way more than anyone else did for me that day.  And you were just a kid.  We were both kids, and you had to watch as someone your age nearly died because all the other adults barely did anything to help."  There's a slight hitch in Jasper's voice as he voices what David won't say.  "Maybe you’re not scared of bears like me, or even hate nature like me.  But Davey, that day made you so terrified of losing people.  Like, really losing them.  And that’s a real and justified and valid reaction to what happened, man.  Because you don't wanna see another kid fall from a cliff or come back covered in blood.  It messed you up real bad, even if you weren’t physically hurt like I was."

"I..."  David sighs as he thinks about what Jasper would be doing right now.  Kissing his temple?  Holding his hand?  Looking him in the eye while cupping his face?  Maybe all three, knowing his boyfriend.  "You sound a lot like my therapist."

"I'll take that as an 'I'm right' card then.  Just, don't beat yourself up just 'cause I'm the one with the physical scars.  It was a bad day for both of us.  Pretty sure if our roles were reversed, you'd be telling me not to beat myself over it too."

"I mean- yeah, I wouldn't want you to feel awful over something like this."

"Exactly."  A soft chuckle comes from Jasper as he jostles the phone.  "...Feeling better, Davey?"

"A little, yeah."  He smiles to himself as he cradles the phone close.  "I mean, as long as I can hear your voice, I think I'll be okay."

"What, just my voice?  You don't want the whole package deal?"  Jasper makes a wounded sound, drawing a small laugh from David.  "I thought you loved me!"

"I do love you, Jasp.  More than the whole world."

"...Aw, I'm blushing."  His laugh turns into a snort.  "Want a pic as evidence?  I think my selfie game is off the heezy now!"  

"As tempting as it is, I think I'll have to pass."  Jasper takes forever taking selfies.  Something about getting the angle right, then getting the right pose, then making the right face, then choosing the filters, and then he starts all over from scratch if he doesn't like it.  David would probably have passed out by the time Jasper manages to send even one selfie.  "I'd rather see you in person."  David continues to smile when he hears a soft squeak from Jasper.

...Wait.  Hold on.

"Is that an invitation?"

Oh hooey.

"No-"

"It's like, what, Friday today?  I can take the day off-"

"Jasp-"

"-It's no big deal, I'm good at faking being sick-"

"Jasp-"

"-Rent a room at that dank motel, it's a motel right?  All I know is that it's got rooms I can rent, and then we can be alone-"

"Jasper, oh my god!"  He covers his mouth to stifle his laugh, but the chortle comes out all the same.  "I still have to do my job!"

"Fair, fair.  But I can just wait for you.  Maybe sneak out during your lunch or something, give me a kiss on your breaks like I'm a prince waiting for a ride-by smooch from his knight in shining armor."

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Am I?"  He can easily picture Jasper wiggling his eyebrows on his face.  "Or am I just happy to hear you laugh?"

"Both."  His laughter subsides as it turns into a content hum.  "...I really love you, Jasp."

"I love you too, sunshine."  David giggles at the nickname as Jasper laughs along with him.  "I'll see you on the weekend then?"

"Alright."  It's not like he can stop Jasper once the man's made up his mind.  And... he really would like to see him again soon. 

"Most excellent, my dude."  

"Ah jeez."  He shakes his head as Jasper laughs again.  "I can't believe you're really coming up here."

"Anything to see your dorky smile."

"You're the dork!"  David rubs at his face, the little trails left by his tears now dried up and gone.  "...Um, Jasp?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks.  For.  Just talking with me."  He smiles against his knees, a light blush on his cheeks even if Jasper can't see him.  "It really means a lot to me."

"...Of course, Davey.  I know you'd do the same for me.  Hell, you already do!"  A sleepy smile matches the sweet laughter on the other side.  "It's getting late.  I'm gonna call in sick and take a nap.  You get some sleep too, alrighty?"

"Mhm."  Warmth blossoms in his chest as he gets up to grab his sleeping log.  "I can't wait to see you."

"Same, homey.  It's lonely without your goofiness to make things bright again."  

"Okay, I'm cutting this off before this continues any longer."  Jasper chuckles on his end before sighing.

"Right, have sweet dreams, Davey."

"You too, Jasp."

"That's easy when all I gotta do is think of you!"

"Jeez- good night, Jasper!"

"Night, Davey!"

He hangs up the call, a soft smile on his face as he giggles to himself.

Right.

It was just a dream.  A bad, awful, horrible dream, sure.  But it was just a dream.  Because Jasper is still here.  Being his goofy, lovable self.  And he'll get to see him on the weekend!  

So maybe he hasn't quite gotten over it as he'd hoped.  But... that's okay, in a sense.  He's not dealing with it by himself.

He never was.

He plugs his phone back in to charge and sighs as the time flashes up at him.

Well, two hours of sleep isn't so bad!

As he curls up on his bed, avoiding the damp parts of it in favor of the drier parts, he thinks he'll take a note from Jasper's methods.

And for those two hours.

He'll just have sweet dreams of Jasper.