#and dAMN IT I STILL LOVE KIEL AND HIS STORY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alicehattera03 · 3 years ago

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Alice I blame you and only you and spoon for the crazy amount of Athykiel angst that has accumulated in my life.... *takes a deep breath* gawwds😭 am I crying... Your innumerable LP Athy and Ezekiel fics have concocted the weirdest dreams in my head, and with every Athykiel fic I am being drowned into angstier thoughts. Today spoon just had to hit the last nail on the coffin. So I have come to a conclusion. I'm going to drown this coffin right into the sea.

Kiel's soulmate is and will only ever be LP Athy and by that I refer to both the Kiels out there. Yes, today I have imagined his love story to be the most tragic in wmmap if it already wasn't. He is one who's love has walked this earth another time. Separated by the passage of time. She was there, forlorn and lost as long as she lived. He is here dying with every hammer that wmmap athy brings down upon his heart(canon). Theirs us a story darker and more agonizing than Claudiana's. Just imagine, to be born in another lifetime, another century while possessing faint remembrances of your love from another lifetime. Who knows, maybe all of them are reborn like athy, failing the second life in Korea. Or maybe time was reversed back. Either way they are separated by the passage of time. This isnt even multiverses and tgat makes this terribly sad, there's no way of jumping parallel worlds and reaching. She is in another era abd unreachable. And Kiel, just in the manner of Claude is governed by the lingering yet connate desires, cravings of his heart, for his soulmate. Only difference is that Claude was chasing after the ghosts of a person who existed and still exists in another form, in another place. But Kiel's simply doesn't. Its just the strings of a belamour that is pulling but the strings don't lead anywhere, they hit a dead end. Unlike claude, no amount of curse removals, remembrances will bring back the memory of his perfect beloved, HIS OWN LOVER, HIS OWN MATE, not Lucas', but his own. Because there is no memory curse that is concealing or warping his love from him, she simply doesn't exist, but the love and want of her has breached timelines and is still residing in his heart, unfortunately, after all that is what attracted him to this athy. And that's the saddest part-athy exists...but not lp athy(I don't mean that they aren't the same person, they are, but time has made her a different person, she isn't his soulmate anymore. She was his when she was in the lp timeline.) Now times have changed and so has she, she isn't the same person anymore, she has breached the lines of time and space and that brought about a change in fate, her fate is with someone else now.

To have that person and yet not have THAT person.

We Athykiel shippers are doomed. 🤡 This angsty thought came to my mind after the Athykiel farewell that was today's episode. What's more tragic than a soulmate separated by time?

Anon...*wipes your tears* while I'm very happy you've read my Athykiel fics(I wonder if you've found the few thoughts scattered on my tumblr? *winks*) I'm also on your side cause IT IS ALL SO TERRIBLY SAD AND HEARTBREAKING OH MY POOR HEARTSTRINGS TO DIE ON THIS LONELY ISLAND FOR A LOVE THAT WILL NEVER BE?!?! LIES WHAT IS THIS BETRAYAL

I WAS HAVING THE SAME THOUGHT THOUGH LIKE here

and WHAT FAREWELL THERE IS NONE I SEE NONE I HEAR NONE I FEEL NONE *cries* I haven't bothered to open the ridi app to read the damn thing yet so it might as well not exist, it does not, my mind is free of farewells, no such thing, mhm hm.

Ah, timelines. These CURSED THINGS why exist when the one time you were supposed to be useful for a guy who waited LITERAL YEARS to be reunited with his love AND JUST GAVE UP ON HIM?? CAUSE WHAT!?!? I mean ok, Lucas is her endgame, I get that, everyone knows that, it's canon, it doesn't mean I have to be happy about seeing Ijekiel hurting all by himself!!!!!

Sure, he'll find someone else(surely, wow that is a real hateful thing, this is why I like reverse harems like just share and be happy you bish) and Athanasia will just become someone he's loyal to, but there's a small feeling in my heart that maybe, just maybe, as gentlemanly as he is, even when he marries, even if he has kids(or maybe he won't and he'll give it to a branch family(oh god no, ew a disaster) he'll always think of her and go to the meadow and daydream when he needs space. Their space.

They were together once, and yet, never were. They were meant to be, but were never united as one. They are the halves of a whole, but were always torn apart. We know that. He knows that.

And it hurts.

#athykiel #athy x ijekiel #who made me a princess #wmmap athanasia #wmmap #answering asks #anon ask #athanasia x ijekiel

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tirorah · 4 years ago

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Road to Berlin’s ‘Road to Berlin’ Sure Was a Road to Berlin Episode

Hiya, everyone! It’s that time of the week, but don’t worry, your assigned reading is pretty light this time. Because, honestly? I don’t have much to say about this episode in terms of character arcs or themes or the like. Instead, you’ll find my brief thoughts under the cut, as well as my favorite stuff from Episode 11.

In the end, this episode was a follow-up to the ending of Episode 10, and also the start of the final offensive, which makes Episode 11 the middle chapter of a three-parter. This is always difficult to make satisfying--look at any pre-planned trilogy and you can see the struggle with ramping up the tension while also not blowing the series’ full load, as it needs to set up the final, climactic piece.

Consequently, Road to Berlin (the episode) didn’t do a lot of exciting things; it simply moved the story along. And that’s 100% fine. It’s just not as richly packed with content as most of the season has been. There was also some blatant reuse of old footage again (they really love that shot of Trude brandishing her guns, don’t they?) but again, I felt it was within acceptable parameters. I did feel like the episode was holding back a bit with the aerial combat, though. Seems the Ratte was the biggest star of the show for this week.

Without further ado and in no particular order, here are my favorite things from this episode!

Patton’s Redemption

Sort of. He was still a gloating idiot, but he actually valued Yoshika’s power enough to argue the 501st’s case to his fellow generals, and he showed admirable tenacity when the Neuroi’s full power gradually revealed itself. He didn’t shout nearly as often either, and was much more reasonable. Overall, he was far less cartoony and made a decent start at showing us why he attained his current rank.

Although I’ll never forgive him for this. That, and calling Yoshika a ‘little missy.’

This Line from Minna

It’s delivered calmly, but I like to think this is Diplomatic Minna Speak for ‘Fuck off and up yours, she saved your damn butts!’

And another thing: the doctor said it’d take Yoshika a week to be able to fly again, but Minna wants a delay of ten days, not seven. It seems she wants half a week extra so that Yoshika can recover more, which is both prudent and kind of her.

The Generals Being Children

Both amusement and disbelief filled me as I watched the generals of different nations bicker like bloody schoolyard kids. It’s true what they say: War. War never changes. (And especially not the ego of man.) The fact a bunch of grown men devolved into chest-thumping and throwing crap at one another is hilarious. Even Lucchini’s been more mature than that this season, and that says something!

Shizuka’s Turbulent Emotions

Again, Shizuka shows off her similarities to Trude; I feel like she’s definitely the type to hold this in until it comes spilling out in one ugly cry like it did here. She just wasn’t able to hold it in as long, likely due to her relative youth.

We also finally got to see the one character arc thing in this episode I was hoping for: Shizuka and her relationship with orders. For the entire season, we’ve constantly seen Shizuka’s rigid obedience to orders reinforced. But when Mio tells her to keep the Shinden’s presence a secret, we see the first time an order brings her true, internal conflict. Although it culminated in a good cry and not her disobeying said order, I have a feeling she’ll buck the trend and either tell Yoshika about the Shinden, or fly it herself.

Finally, it’s nice to see that she doesn’t let her injury scare her, and channels her guilt into some awesome attack runs. Much credit to her; she’s grown quite a bit, and not because she’s emulating the others, but by growing into her new responsibilities as a combatant.

Yoshika Doing What She Can

Respect was earned by Yoshika this episode. Although she was obviously disappointed she wouldn’t be able to fly with the others into the final battle, she didn’t let it get her down and decided to do whatever she could to help. That meant we finally got to see her newly attained medical skills again! All those books she checked out in Episode 1 sure came in handy now.

If you will, think back all the way to Season 1, Episode 2 for a moment. A Neuroi attacked the ship bringing Yoshika and Mio to Europe, and a sailor was injured by shrapnel. Back then, Yoshika was severely shaken by the combat, and when she tried to help the sailor with her healing magic, she was promptly rebuked by someone else, as healing him with the shards still inside would only hurt him further.

But here, people rely on Yoshika’s medical knowledge and even Patton greatly respects her for it. Her suggestion to hole up in the Flak Tower is also a huge success, likely saving all of their lives.

Shirley's Amusement at the Ratte

Why, Shirley, what are you insinuating here? Surely Karlsland isn’t compensating for something! They just like their prototypes huge.

And Perrine’s Dismay

Harrumph! Size doesn’t matter, obviously! Just look at Perrine’s chest.

But honestly, someone else pointed this out too: the fact they’re relying so much on experimental and/or new things shows how desperate they are, and how fragile their gains are.

Speaking of The Ratte

The Ratte is awesome. The way its rounds punched through the Neuroi walls... *chef’s kiss* It’s obvious where the love and attention went this episode: all the carnage! We also got to see a lot of Berlin’s ruins, which is a nice change from fighting over ocean and rural landscapes. In my opinion, this was the way to go with the budget.

Also, Dem Walls!

They were so cool! I was amazed by the way they could reform to cover the gap where they were under attack! They even showed the little drones coming in to stack on top of one another. And later on, how the main body used the walls to shield itself from the Ratte’s full power was also very impressive! I love how powerful the walls were, but that the Neuroi’s resources weren’t infinite. That’s how you write your antagonist.

Not to Mention the Dome of Death!

Let’s be honest: we all knew a snag was coming. But not only was this a clever trap by the Neuroi, it also showcased the Neuroi using the debris to build more of themselves!

Miscellaneous Things

Something I didn’t mention in my Episode 10 post was Lynne’s support. She’s been really good at looking out for Shizuka! And she also scored a huge hit on the drone horde, which was great. And this time, Perrine also took the time to reassure Shizuka; as the one who was originally assigned to train Shizuka, it’s good she’s showing her gentler side now.

The 502nd made a brief cameo! I haven’t watched Brave Witches yet, which I’ll have to get on after this season finishes. It was also really cool to see how the other Joint Fighter Wings were pitching in for the war effort. The 501st are definitely the stars of the operation (as they should be), but there’s a multi-prong attack going on off-screen. Exciting stuff!

I also really like the little touches that RtB’s been so good at this entire season. For this episode, it’s the blue tulip on Yoshika’s bedstand. Seeing as the episode starts on the day after the ending of Episode 10, this means someone (maybe Perrine?) had a Queen of Nederland shipped out to Kiel really quickly, just for Yoshika. It’s sweet!

Finally, while Minna and Trude clashed during the previous episode, here they work together to support one another during combat. Trude comes to Minna’s aid the moment she’s attacked.

The Stuff I Thought I’d Get, But Didn’t

I’d speculated on this episode and came up with things I thought I’d get to see. But nope!

First of all, what’s RtB’s deal with Mio? I can’t believe Minna’s had more subtext with Trude than with Mio this season! Even when the two of them finally spoke with one another for the first time since Episode 2, there was no blushing or anything like that! Are the days of Minna and Perrine fawning over Mio over? Is there someone on the writing team who loves Trude like I do, and has the same problems with Mio that I do? This is really...well, weird. I can’t describe it in any other way.

Anyway, she’s now bringing the B-17 to Berlin, meaning she might get involved somehow (and is also bringing the Shinden, possibly so Shizuka can fly it.) But here I was, thinking, ‘Oh, that plane they showed Mio with in the opening, she’ll fly that, and it’s going to have anti-Neuroi armor!’ and yet I’m not seeing any indication of that happening at all. Mio isn’t even in that plane right now. It’s the Ratte who got the anti-Neuroi treatment, and again, Mio’s presence felt...functional, I guess.

There’s something about her screen presence that bothers me, actually. I didn’t think about it before, because she was absent so much it just didn’t cross my mind, but...what happened to good ol’ jolly Mio? I don’t mind her being a bit more serious--RtB’s been a more serious season, after all--but we haven’t had a patented Mio Laugh since the first episode, and I miss it. Let’s hope the final episode gives her a nice sendoff.

Secondly, for all the fuss they made about Yoshika and Shizuka’s conditions with that downright tragic ending in Episode 10, the two of them bounced back pretty fast. It’s literally been a day and Shizuka’s already running around fine? And Yoshika doesn’t seem to be experiencing any lingering negative effects of her overexertion? (Aside from the obvious.) For a season that’s so focused on consequences and a consistency in tone, I feel like the two of them got off a bit light.

I was also expecting Trude and possibly Minna and Lynne having sad moments because ‘oh no, people we care about are hurt!’ but because Yoshika and Shizuka seem mostly fine, that didn’t happen at all.

Usually, Episode 11 is the one that ends on a somber note, but here it seems they moved that to Episode 10, and instead had Episode 11 strike a more optimistic tone. No one really showed off their flaws, either; maybe Episode 10 was the bookend to that theme after all?

Into the End

The episode ends on a very interesting note. Everyone finds out Yoshika is also trapped inside the Neuroi dome--and why, exactly, was no one informed of her presence on the Ratte?!--and they’re ordered to mount a rescue operation for their besieged comrades.

And then Trude comes with this absolutely surprising revelation:

I imagine at least one staff member had a chuckle at the fact the cast is now embarking on another Road (in)to Berlin.

The what, now? This wasn’t built up or alluded to at all; I have questions, show! Not to mention, how does Trude even know about this? And why is she the one announcing it, and not Minna, the world’s best mom and team captain?

Anyway, the preview seems to indicate some sort of tunnel run--I briefly wondered if they’d have to venture in on foot, but it seems to be big enough for them to fly.

This shot is ominous.

I’m highly intrigued by this decision. Obviously, the final confrontation will play out outside, but to yank the Witches from the air and into a much more claustrophobic space is a confident move. I can only imagine the surprises the final episode has up its sleeve.

Anyway, all in all, this was a decent episode, and while it did have lots of neat little character moments, it’s obviously setup for what I hope to be a spectacular ending.

Even if it doesn’t quite deliver next week, though, RtB’s been so consistently great that it’s already cemented itself as my favorite show ever.

#strike witches #road to berlin

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benisasoftboi · 5 years ago

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Gushing time.

Rune Factory 4 Special arrived a day early, so my entire day has been consumed in nostalgia. The original Rune Factory 4 was the first video game I ever bought on release day - I remember saving up all my money and making my mum drive me to like three different shops trying to find one that had it. I was already a fan of the franchise - before then, Rune Factory 3 had been my favourite video game, across the board. Aside from a playthrough of the first game last year, I haven’t played a Rune Factory game in a long time, certainly not RF4. But just starting up the game and hearing the music again, it was like it was suddenly seven years ago. Running around Selphia and seeing all the characters again - I love JRPGs, have played a lot of them, and I can think of very few that have characters that have stuck with me this long. And the aesthetics - the best thing about the Rune Factory franchise has always been the aesthetics, the music, the scenic and character design, just the general world. It’s a beautifully whimsical balance of urban and fantasy, and it’s the only JRPG world I think I’ve ever come across that I would genuinely want to live in. Rune Factory may no longer be my favourite game franchise - but I don’t think there has ever been another series that has felt so much like home to me.

Here’s a very long selection of personal highlights from the art book (by which I mean photos of the art followed by my rambling opinions):

Yeah, see, here’s the thing - Rune Factory 1 is not a good game. I could write an entire essay on why it’s bad (I actually started and got pretty damn far before realising no one’s interested in my two thousand word review of a game that came out over a decade ago - the short version is ‘Misty Bloom-fucking-Cave’. Anyone who’s played RF1 knows exactly what I mean). Don’t get me wrong, it has good qualities - excellent boss fights, for one, and also, as with the rest of the franchise, it is aesthetically wonderful. But ultimately, it feels less like playing a video game, and more like playing a proof of concept for a game. Which I guess it kind of was - and I can’t hate it because we wouldn’t have the rest of the series without it.

But it literally ends with a dragon spewing plant breath on a tank to make a turnip grow out of the gun. ‘Profound’, my arse.

It’s Raguna! The “master sowrdsman!” (that is not a typo on my part that is a direct quote from the ending of Rune Factory 1 this game’s script had so many issues-). And Mist! My favourite of the ‘canon’ love interests!

Best girl! When I was a kid, my favourite love interest in RF1 was Rosetta. As an adult, it is Tabatha. I don’t know what it is about her that I find so likeable (she’s as lacking in personality as any other RF1 character), but... idk, I just like her a lot.

Camus’s big ambition is to leave town like even once. He will never achieve it

Fun fact about Melody is that she’s extremely depressed, a fact that comes up once in an optional side quest and is never addressed again. It’s incredibly dark for an RF game

Fun fact about Lukas is that he sucks (he’s one of those ‘obsessed with talking about how hot all the girls are’ characters, an archetype that thankfully doesn’t show up again in these games). But also, interestingly enough, thanks to one of RF1′s many, many script errors, if you marry Rosetta (the girl Lukas is the most obsessed with), he’s supposed to express disappointment that he lost her to Raguna - but instead, he implies that he’s disappointed to have lost Raguna to her. The translators typoed their way into giving him a sexuality change. Which is honestly kind of amazing.

LOOK AT THIS SLIME THIS IS SUCH A COOL SLIME LITERALLY EVERY OTHER JPRG SLIME GO HOME DRAGON QUEST GET FUCKED (jk I like Dragon Quest a lot and its slimes are cool too). Wish you could see in-game that this is what they’re meant to be like.

I just generally love the monster designs, they’re really charming

Rune Factory 2! The RF game with the most weirdly mundane protagonist name (Kyle. In the main four games of this franchise we’ve got Raguna, Micah, Lest, Frey... and Kyle). The two generations thing was actually very cool, but when they say ‘each chapter captures a different lifestyle’, what they really mean is ‘the first half is a weak Harvest Moon I’m sorry, STORY OF SEASONS game, and the second half is a pretty good Rune Factory game’

lookit this little fuck

Yue Yue Yue! I love Yue so much, she’s great. She’s kind of like a much chiller version of Anna from Fire Emblem.

It’s really cool that we got to see grown up Cecilia (she was in RF1). I have this silly headcanon that if Kyle doesn’t marry Mana, Nicholas (her friend in 1) comes to visit Cecilia one day in the hazy-post game future, and meets Mana, and they get together. While Yue is my favourite, I do genuinely like Mana a lot, and I just want her to find love, I guess.

Here’s original Barrett! There’s a reason he was popular enough to make a reappearance (well, aside from the whole grumpy pretty boy thing he’s got going on) - he was a great character in this game. His and Dorothy’s relationship is also definitely the most compelling of the rival romances. Bonus Max, who also has a little shout-out in RF4 (check the diary in what will become Dylas’s bedroom at the start of the game)

Ray is male, but apparently he was originally going to be a female character, as he has an unused portrait in a wedding dress. My friend and I agree that this makes him a Trans Icon

Monster designs remain excellent. Especially the goblins

Skipping over Frontier (and also Oceans later), as I never got to play it growing up due to not having a console, and still haven’t got around to it - might try this summer. Except I do need to point out that these guys should be memes. I don’t know in what way. But they should.

Rune Factory 3! My first RF game. The transformation thing was very cool, even if it was basically useless outside the main story. My friend and I spent hours mucking about in the WiFi dungeon. I loved the desert settlement and all of the dungeon designs in general, and man, RF3 is just great. I hope it gets a remake one day.

Raven Raven Raven! I LOVE Raven (as do most). Her story with Micah is the first time I can remember getting genuinely invested in a video game romance. I’m so glad she cameos in RF4. I love her. She’s wonderful.

I have an odd fondness for Marian. When I was about twelve, I decided to do a playthrough where I deliberately romanced the least popular bachelorette. After poking around on forums, I determined that character to be Marian, and did a run with her. And... I actually came to really like her. I find her endearing. I get that people find her annoying and don’t like her... unethical medical practices, but doing that run has still made me a pretty protective of her. It’s been a long time since I played RF3, so maybe I’d change my mind if I replayed now, but currently, as far as I’m concerned, Marian’s a good’un.

I think I also used to low key ship her with Collette lol

Pia’s official art has always been super weird to me because it’s so not what her character is like in-game. She’s a ditzy airhead. This makes her look so serious

RAINBOW! Another character whose art makes them look way more serious than they actually are. Daria is great and would be a meme if this game was more popular. I think she’s also implied to be a relative of Margaret.

I’ve always been super confused about what Kuruna’s skirt is meant to be. Is it fur? Is it part of her shirt? Is it even a skirt at all?

Check it out, it’s the guy everyone would ship Micah with if this game was more popular

I want Zaid to make a reappearance and interact with Doug. Pretty sure it’s canon that they’re from the same clan? Think it would be very interesting.

RF3 definitely had the coolest farm. Also, still love the desert settlement.

This is from Oceans, so I have no context, but it’s just so cool that I had to share

Rune Factory 4. Culmination of the series is right - when I was playing it for the first time, I remember being blown away by just how much it is a true love letter to the franchise. I have never come across another game series that so consistently grew and improved from entry to entry. RF4 was a perfect ending.

Not that I’m complaining about getting RF5. Quite the opposite.

But if it had been the end (as we all thought it was until about a year ago), well, like I say. Perfect.

Well. Aside from soda can nipples. Can’t believe they didn’t fix those. Though in some ways, that would have made me sad too

Dolce has such a cool design, in both human and monster form. I’ve always kind of crack-shipped her with Margaret, for no real reason at all

Vishnal! I love Vishnal. Vishnal is pure as heck. Marrying him this time around.

Doug! My choice from last time around. Another character who looks more serious in his official art than he is in-game (well... most of the time)

And then there’s Dylas, who looks much happier here than he does most of the time. Kind of looks like he and Doug swapped bodies, actually. There’s a fanfic prompt for you.

Their ship name is Dyldo. I love them

Leon is nostalgic for me mostly because my friend and I used to get into a lot of arguments about whether or not he’s the hottest character in the game. She maintains that he is, because muscles. I maintain that muscles aren’t actually that attractive. It is a rift that divides us to this day

(He looks oddly... younger in this art though? Weird)

Sechs Empire is such an unfortunate name. Seriously. How rushed was RF1′s localisation team? All those script errors, and then this (the Sechs were the antagonists in the first game, and were only referenced in passing in the rest until RF4 - so it was a bit of a ‘sins of the father’ situation by then).

Seriously, try saying ‘Sechs Emperor’ out loud and tell me you can take this man seriously

I??? Love??? Them???

I??? LOVE??? THEM???

Still confused as to why Kiel, Xiao Pai, Arthur and Margaret are on the cover now. Don’t get me wrong, I like them, but... Amber, Dylas, Dolce and Leon made way more sense? Even the Archival Cover makes more sense (Vishnal, Clorica, Forte), as those three are all kind of Lest/Frey’s servants (well, Forte for the whole town, but still). Of those first four, all but Arthur basically lift right out of the game with little-to-no impact on the story

NO HAT TABATHA NO HAT TABATHA

I’ve always really loved this Raven picture

And I am thankful for you <3

#rune factory #rune factory 4 #rune factory 4 special #rf4 #rf4s #rf4srelease #i love these games <3

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octrainisms · 6 years ago

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52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 62: What makes you happy?

Octavio: Well……. Geez, um… What makes me happy is my friends. My hombres and chicas and others. They are my family, man. Can’t live without them…. That and cat videos. Perfect. As for the other question…. Man, I think it does, but it’s hard to say really. It’s a kick in the teeth when it happens, but it puts you right. I reunited with Ajay because of my choice leading to such an outcome.

I will answer with no cut because this wall of text needs to be seen without unneeded diverts. Pardon the pizza fingers and emotional typos.

For those who don’t know, I, the mun, Alex, have gone through hell. I was bullied my whole life - even to this day actually - and was kicked down every chance my parents got, telling me my dreams, hopes, aspirations and life choices were the worst (Um hi yes my mom did things that weren’t technically legal so fight me lady).

I have been coerced, tricked, manipulated and down right forced to believe that the r word I will not say, was okay, because I am born a woman and should like it when men do things to my body. For six years I ate once a day for two reasons. One, my mother told me I wasn’t really hungry until it hurt. And two, because everyone called me ugly and fat, the usual (I was borderline anorexic).

I see myself as male, with the unfortunate mutation to make my body female. And because of everything, I have so many issues mentally, ranging from extreme suicidal tendencies to PTSD to anxiety and depression. But the one thing my brain did, is give me Borderline Personality Disorder. Unlike Disassociative Identity Disorder, I know what is happening when all but one personality comes out, I know what is real, not real and so on (bar my PTSD outbursts). I have survived attempted murder four times (three were in one fucking day boy howdy I hate water now).

I got out of an abusive relationship and into a new one more times than I wish to say and was ready to end it all. I had everything set up to be as clean as possible so minimal work for others coming through and had my plan. My personality, Kiel who was born from my pride, convinced me to write a post detailing the death of my muse at the time.

‘What do you have to lose?’

And so I did, then proceeded to write a novel of a goodbye letter. Before posting, he told me to open a new window. Again, those words rang out from his mouth. I let him open tumblr in a new tab, and see an ask. He pushes for me to click it, those same words a mantra by this point. I didn’t care, I just wanted to die and he was making me suffer.

‘Humour me. If it’s hate, then I will step back and let you do this. If it is anything else, you have to listen to me.’

What did I have to lose?

And so I opened my askbox to see one message from someone I adored but was terrified to message.

OMG SENPAI I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU IN AGES HOW ARE YOU ARE YOU OKAY?!

It’s like she knew something was wrong.

Why do you care?

It was cold and cruel, a blunt sort of ‘fuck off’ that I could do when you have the Son of fucking Loki from your books nagging you to at least ask SOMETHING.

And here she is, the fucking angel that ran me over that I never saw coming;

Because you’re amazing and I love your writing and I really want to write with you and be your friend but I’m scared to do that because I don’t want to be a bother and I just have a feeling that something’s not okay. Please talk to me, I know I’m a random but if anything is wrong talk to me please.

I was floored, but the trickster burst into action, egging me on to talk to her. An hour later, I was smiling through tears.

Long story short, what he convinced me to do was buy a chocolate mud cake, eat it in one sitting, then vomit for six hours and hate his guts.

Oh, and that angel? She is my wife now, knows all 183 personalities in my head and loves me, as she said ‘dick or no dick’.

Long story short;

Yes. It all happens for a reason. Not because some higher power says so or anything silly like that. But without those moments of true agony I never would have found my family in my mind. I never would have gone to that web series, made that blog, found that angel and found peace in life again.

Do I have days where I wish I didn’t humour the trickster? Hell yeah.

But I reach out to people, something I was terrified of the first time I did it. I’ll ramble, or write a sad drabble. It’s nothing to be ashamed of at all.

It took me my whole life and one hell of a stubborn Canadian Angel for me to see that I am worth being alive, that I’m awesome and amazing and beautiful and perfect in my own way despite preaching it over and over for years for other people!

If I can be that rock for you, that pillar of hope, I damn well will be. It all happens for a reason, but you have to fight through it, humour that trickster itch of pride in you to see what is around the corner.

Doesn’t matter if a teacher tells you to kill yourself and that it’ll be a grace on humanity, doesn’t matter if that fucking douchebag of a kid calls you ugly, fat, weird, or a freak. Fucking stand up and be proud of it. If they tell you that you’re weird, say ‘yeah, duh dude, it’s kinda my thing’. If they call you fat say ‘at least I’m warm in the winter’. If they tell you you’re a freak, just smile creepily and say ‘we all float down here’.

Look in the mirror and be proud of what you see. Because you have made it this far, made it to this point, despite all the setbacks and chains around your body.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

And don’t you dare give up, don’t you dare stay silent, be loud, be proud. You are unique and perfect in your own damn way, so when they knock you down, get back up. If they tell you to die, live in spite of their words.

One of my biggest bullies in school now works at a mcdonalds, twenty six and still with his mom, starting a family in her home rather than his own, and I know owning your own house is hard, but he called me fat, and now he is three times my own weight. I work in a shop where my co-workers are my family, where I feel safe and loved, where every day I am asked if I’m okay and everything.

I know it’s hard, I know it’s painful even, but it is worth it. Everything that hits you is worth pushing through. I lost six people to suicide throughout my life, and it takes its toll. I asked to nothing ‘can’t you see I miss you?’, but never really thought it about myself, and that’s the kicker. Words destroy people. I’d take broken bones any day. But also, I look to my past, I cry, sure, but I fucking smile.

Without all of that, I wouldn’t be thick skinned for my job, or able to help people from experience. I wouldn’t be proud of who I am if I never went through the moments of hating my very existence.

It all happens for a reason, and if you are still reading this, then take away six simple words from this;

Never give up; never give in

You are worth it, always worth it. Just remember that you’re still alive, and that you are perfect as you are. And that if you ever need a place to turn to, come here, where I, and the 183 others will remind you why living is only half as amazing with you in it.

#the mun #Anonymous #he rants #the long thing here #I love you all #be proud #TW: Rape mention vaugly

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slamsams-blog · 4 years ago

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The Spy Who Loved Me - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond continues this week with Roger Moore’s “The Spy Who Loved Me”. A tale of two government agents who are the top of their class who get paired up to work on a mission together and who ultimately fall in “love”. I put love in quotation marks because we never see or hear from Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach) ever again. Usually when Bond falls in love we here from them again in some way like with Bond’s late wife Tracey, or Vesper Lynd from Casino Royale - so I hesitate to say they fell in love, but I will because that’s the movie’s gimmick.

This is Roger Moore at his peak in the role. This has always been one of my favorite films because of the simple, playful, and fun plot of these two agents trying to best each other, the big action sequences, and of course...JAWS! There are a few things to not like about this one, I mean I can definitely think of a few, but overall you come away from this movie feeling like you have had a ton of fun. We still haven’t seen all the Moore films yet, but I’m pretty confident in saying that The Spy Who Loved Me just edges out Live and Let Die as Moore’s best Bond film. Moore is hitting his stride with confidence and playfulness, the two qualities that Roger Moore brings to the character, and wether you like it or not, what we know Moore’s Bond to be.

Like I said before, this film is incredibly easy to follow...A Russian submarine has gone missing due to a submarine tracking system that is low key being sold to world powers if the price is right. So while Russia deploys their best agent on the case, so does England. What I truly love about this film is the script and direction that set up this story so beautifully. In the pre title sequence we see a pair of lovers in bed, when an agent (we are assuming is the man - damn gender roles) gets called to report. The movie swerves us when the woman answers the call. This is how we are introduced to Triple X. Subsequently Bond is called to London and sets off to ski only to be chased by some henchmen, one of whom, is the man Triple X was sleeping with earlier.

What takes place next is a stunt that helped revitalize what was a struggling franchise on the brink of extinction. The Man With The Golden Gun was one of the worst drawing Bond films of all time - and the franchise was in jeopardy! But they pull off a stunt here when Bond skis off a cliff and they let the camera roll on the stuntman free falling for what feels like forever and kicking off his skis, he then deploys the parachute with the British Flag, and I’m sure people went nuts. This set the future of Bond in a comfortable place for decades to come. And to follow that we get Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better” which I believe won an academy award for best song? I don’t know, I’m too tired to Wikipedia right now, but I know it was at least nominated. I love that song, it sets the tone for the movie in such a beautiful way.

I also believe they did that stunt in one take.

So we are starting off on a great path to an enjoyable adventure where Bond and Anya are gunning for the same microfilm that contains vital information. We are also introduced to Karl Stromberg (Curt Jurgens) who is a mega billionaire who as his own underwater marine laboratory. We don’t really know too much of his backstory and why he is so rich and why he loves the water so much, he just does and wants everyone to live underwater with him. So we don’t know too much about him, which makes his character, to me, rather uninteresting and uninspired. BUT he has got a killer henchman named Jaws (Richard Kiel) who lives in infamy as one of, if not thee most iconic Bond character of all time. There is no way that Jaws doesn’t come to anyone’s mind when thinking of the James Bond Franchise. You would of course think of Bond, Q, maybe Moneypenny, and Jaws.

Funny enough, Richard Kiel actually played the same exact character (Metal teeth and all) in a comedy the year prior to this film’s release called “Silver Streak” starring Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. No idea how that happened. Silver Streak came out in ‘76 while The Spy Who Loved Me came out in ‘77. They had to have been filmed around the same time, so who thought of the character first??

This is the first of two movies that would have Jaws being a thorn in Bond’s side. Here he is absolutely terrifying - in Moonraker they turn him into a comedy act (which I admit is great, I love comedic Jaws). This Jaws is the quintessential Bond baddie. He is so big and strong and can kill people with his teeth and is seemingly invincible. Jaws dies like 40 times in this movie and keeps coming back - it is starting to feel like a running joke.

As the plot unfolds...so do the uncomfortable gender roles that the mid-seventies likes to rub in our faces. We have a bad ass Russian spy who has a Triple X (sex reference) code name and always seems to be falling short of Bond’s cunning - because, well, he’s a man. She also finds herself needing to be rescued by Bond a lot - because, well, he’s a man. I really think they fell short here with this character, they just couldn’t quite pull the trigger on writing a character that is truly Bond’s equal. She gets close, but in the end, she just becomes another “damsel in distress”. However, we get a powerful scene between Bond and Anya when she finally finds out Bond was the one who killed her lover after we had established that they had fallen in love. She says “Then after this mission is over, I will kill you”. Some good stuff there.

This is another film that makes me laugh when thinking about a man like Stromberg, who has these heinous plans to attack New York City and Moscow with NUCLEAR MISSILES, can gets thousands of employees to work for him and just go along with the plan. Stromberg wants to start a new world under the sea (did I get Little Mermaid stuck in your head?). An ungodly insane scheme, but whatever - has he even thought about where the hell he would get his GROCERIES??? This leads to a wonderful battle scene between the captive Naval soldiers who were taken by Stromberg and Stromberg’s men. I love these big battle scenes. Bond catches up with Stromberg who has found more time to sit his ass down for a dinner for 9. Kills him easily. But then runs into Jaws again but scoops him up with a magnet to the teeth. Ingenious.

Final scene of the movie where we expect Bond and Bond girl to celebrate a job well done boils down to Anya seeing her next mission out to kill Bond. But all is actually good, and we end up seeing them celebrate a job well done in front of their superiors. Classic.

The Spy Who Loved Me has some classic moments, unforgettable characters, and catapulted Bond into the future so for that I say it’s one of the best, BUT it does have it’s faults in poor character development and a weak portrayal of Anya Amasova (not Barbara’s fault, just a victim of the times and short sighted writing). That’s all I have to say about that...what did you think of The Spy Who Loved Me tonight??

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom

The Spy Who Loved Me was absolutely great. Roger Moore was so smooth. My favorite car scenes were in this movie. When his car turned into a submarine and even better, when it came drifting out of the ocean onto the beach and Bond tossed the fish into the gawking crowd, it was a laugh out loud moment, even though I am usually watching these films alone. I wasn't so impressed with the big boss, Stromberg, but Jaws was a lot of fun. Barbara Bach had that unforgettable face, but her acting was not quite as much. I don't know which number this was in the sequence, but I love these old Bond films.

24 Weeks of Bond will return August 3rd with -

Diamonds Are Forever

#Roger Moore #jaws #james bond #the spy who loved me #24WeeksofBond

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multi-fan-dom-madness · 8 years ago

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Just You

(gif just because he’s cute)

Fandom: Supernatural Pairing: Rob Benedict x reader Warnings: Rob isn’t married in this. Jason Manns is reader’s BFF. Slight angst, fluff. Type: One-shot Word Count: 3,378 A/N: This is my fic for @iwantthedean'sTwo-Prompt One-Shot Challenge! I would have had this written sooner but I knew that seeing Rob at the Station Breaks concert in Georgia would give me an idea, and it did. Also, work got in the way, which is why this is a little late. (In-concert dialogue edited to fit the tone.) My prompt is in bold. Enjoy!

You hadn’t told Rob you’d be at the show tonight. It was supposed to be a surprise for the whole band, but a week before the concert Jason had stumbled across the plane ticket you had left sitting on top of your dresser. You grin at the memory. You had nearly choked on toothpaste when he came into the bathroom, eyebrows raised in an incredulous expression. “This is real, right?” he’d asked. You had rolled your eyes, rinsing your mouth before answering, “No, dummy, it’s a Monopoly plane ticket. Yes, it’s real. Surprise.” There are no secrets between you two. Even when you try to keep something from one another, it’s nearly impossible to hide it for long. You’ve been best friends with Jason for what felt like your entire life, even though the two of you met when you were in sixth grade and he was in eleventh. The school you attended went from sixth grade up through twelfth, and it was a group of heckling seniors that Jason protected you from. Regardless of the five years between you two, he quickly became a brother-figure and a best friend. When he discovered that you’d be flying from California to Georgia just to see the show, you made him promise not to tell Rob. He agreed, but of course the rest of the band knew within the hour. So as you take your seat at the top of the wooden stadium seats in the back of the small room of Eddie’s Attic, you know that the texts coming through to your phone are from four of the five members of the Station Breaks. Sure enough, you have five unread messages. One each from Billy, Cooper, and Kiel (who is filling in for Humphreys), and two from Jason. The first three express similar sentiments hoping you enjoy the show. The two from Jason make your heart beat a little faster.

7:39pm I’ll be looking for you out there. Really glad you came to see us play 7:41pm Can’t wait to see Rob’s face when he finds out you’re here You shake your head, sending quick replies to the four of them before locking your phone. There’s still some time before the show is set to begin, leaving you with your thoughts. You think back to a few years ago when Jason had introduced you to what has become like his second family: Jared, Jensen, Misha, both Marks, Matt, Rich, Rob, and the rest of the Supernatural Family. You had been blown away by how attractive Jared and Jensen were, but it was Rob who you kept coming back to talk to. You couldn’t help it. From the moment you met him, he’s had a comforting aura to him, much like your best friend, and the way he looked at you with those bright blue eyes of his made you feel some kind of way. Jason knew before you did that you had a crush on Rob. You denied it for months, but after Jason invited you to a convention just last year, you couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. If Jason is the first person you reach out to when something happens in your life, Rob is a close second. In the few years that you’ve known him, he’s been nothing but kind to you. Always willing to listen, always supportive, always ready to offer help. You could sit and talk for hours with him and still find new things to say. It doesn’t hurt that he’s easily as attractive as J2. That patch of silver in his beard and the laughter-lines around his eyes never fail to make your heart stutter. Your phone vibrating jolts you out of your thoughts of Rob. Glancing down at the screen, you fight back a smile. It’s from Jason. 7:57pm Are you sure I can’t tell Rob you’re here? The man won’t shut up about you Your thumbs dance over the keyboard as you contemplate what to say back. No you can’t tell him, is what you type out. Deciding to ignore the second half of the text, you hit send. 7:59pm Fine, fine. Spoilsport Rolling your eyes, you again lock your phone. Jason has never outright said that you aren’t the only one with feelings, but he’s hinted at it a handful of times over the years. Every time he brings it up, you laugh and say, “Yeah, just like Tommy had a crush on me in the seventh grade.” He never says anything after that, but he’s never dropped the subject completely. You catch yourself wondering, not for the first time, whether your best friend is telling the truth this time. Even if he is, part of you is convinced he must have misunderstood whatever it is that Rob tells him. You’re nearly fifteen years younger than Rob, and even in today’s world such an age difference would be frowned upon, especially since Rob is something of a celebrity and you’re just another person working towards an impossible goal of breaking into the screenwriting industry. Truth be told, you’re more worried about the fandom than the media. While most fans are the good kind, you’ve heard stories about certain fans who give the rest a bad rep. Pulling yourself away from that train of thought, you shake your head and look around the room. There are at least twenty people here wearing Rock God shirts. That makes you smile. It’s always nice to see the support the actors are given. After another few minutes of waiting, Jason’s friend Hayden Lee is introduced shortly after 8 o’clock. He carries his guitar to the stage, and you cheer with everyone else. You’ve known Hayden for many years now, and you’ve been to countless jam sessions between him and Jason. You know all of Hayden’s songs by heart, so you find yourself quietly singing along to each of them. He ends with your favorite song of his, “Revolution,” and when it ends you whoop louder than the rest, proud of your friend. He’s come a long way, and hopefully he’ll go even further. He thanks the crowd one last time before adjusting the mic stand down a good half foot. Laughter ripples through the room; Rob’s height is a known source of humor in the fandom, as you’ve come to learn. To you, everyone is tall, so you never really understand why Rob always jokes about his stature until he’s next to guys like J2. You shoot a quick “good luck” text to the band, excluding Rob, and then it’s only a few minutes later that they are being led through to the front of the room. Your eyes follow each of the men – Kyle’s charming looks, Cooper’s lanky frame, Billy’s combed=back hair, Jason’s curls – before settling on Rob. Your stomach flips at the sight of him: a dark button-up shirt, skinny jeans, and a brown hat. It’s something he would wear to lunch with friends. Casual, and 100% Rob. A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. They waste no time launching into their first song, “Slightest Thing,” and you tear your gaze away from Rob to watch Jason. As if he can feel your eyes on him, he looks around the room before he catches sight of you in the back. With a quick smile, he returns his attention to the song. You look back to Rob. As much as you’ve always enjoyed watching Jason sing, Rob is on a whole other level. Watching him is damn near hypnotizing. You quickly get lost in the lines of his forearms as he strums his guitar, the way he jumps with excitement, the honest and heartfelt “thank you” after every song. You’ve never felt overwhelmed by him before, but tonight is different. Electricity courses through you, skittering to the rhythm of the music and spiking with each perfect blend of Jason and Rob’s harmonies. Goosebumps dot your skin. The energy fades only when they pause between songs to tell stories. You’ve lost track of how many songs they’ve played, but you somehow know as soon as Jason starts talking, the next one will be their last of the night. “This next song has a particular significance for Rob and I,” Jason says. He catches your eye for a brief moment before turning back to Rob, continuing with a mischievous grin. “And, uh, Rob’s gonna tell you what that is.” Rob throws his head back, laughing with the crowd. “Well, it- it means a lot to us because it really was the- it was the birth of the Station Breaks some five, six years ago in Rome.” He looks to Jason for confirmation and the taller man nods. “We played a gig and, uh, he was like, ‘Hey, hey, Robbie, you wanna come play with me?’ And I said, um, ‘I’d love that.’ So he was like, ‘How do you feel about Hallelujah?’” The crowd screams its approval. You shift in your seat, feeling the change in the atmosphere. Everyone loves the song, but you know it’s going to be a tear-jerker for most of the people in the room, yourself included. Billy plucks the opening notes, and Jason takes the first verse. Before long the electricity returns as Rob’s voice washes over you in the second verse. Already there is a familiar tightness in your throat as your eyes prickle. It doesn’t matter how many times you listen to this song on the album or watch the boys play it in hotel rooms, it always gets to you. Rob puts so much emotion into it every time. It never ceases to amaze you how open he is with everything he does. How selfless he is. How compassionate. How unapologetic of being himself. It hits you, as Rob croons out his ending “hallelujah,” that you’re in love with him. There are no bells, no fireworks, no singing cherubs. Instead, the realization crashes into you like a two-ton weight, knocking the breath out of you. If you weren’t already sitting, your knees would have given out. You’re in love with Rob Benedict. How could you have been so blind to not have seen it before? It only takes another moment for the doubts to come flooding in: You’re too young for him. He doesn’t see you that way. You’ve been reading too much into him for way too long. With an effort you clamp down on those thoughts. Without knowing why, you decide, for the first time, to trust Jason on this. Maybe he’s right. Maybe Rob does have feelings for you. There’s only one way to find out.

As soon as the band is off-stage and back in their dressing room, you type a frantic text to Jason, asking if he could let you in with them. He answers with a simple “yes,” and a minute later you see his familiar curls and broad shoulders peeking out from the door in the back right corner of the room. Weaving through the crowd, you almost make it to Jason when one of the employees stops you.

“I’m with him,” you say, gesturing to Jason. The woman looks at you with one eyebrow raised before turning to look at him. “She’s with me,” he echoes. The woman lets you pass, and as soon as the door is closed behind you, Jason picks you up in a rib-crushing hug. “Jace,” you groan. “Can’t breathe.” He chuckles and sets you down. “Come on. Let’s go surprise Robbie.” You walk with him through the short hallway to another door, which he opens just enough to peer outside. You can hear people talking, Hayden’s voice among them, so it must be the merch room. He did promise hugs to anyone who bought a CD. Jason motions for you to follow before dashing to a nearby third door. The two of you make inside without being noticed. Jason shuts the door as you take stock of your surroundings. The room is just big enough for the boys and some spare guitars. Billy lounges with a leg over the arm of a crimson plush armchair next to the door. Cooper and Kiel recline on a sofa of the same hue against the wall. Rob has his back to you, occupied with something at the table under the window. Billy winks at you before saying, “Jason’s back.” “Oh good, we were just-“ Rob’s voice cuts off as he turns around. You half expect the two glasses of amber liquid in his hands to plummet to the floor, but instead he just stares at you with wide eyes. You give him a little wave. Warmth begins to bloom in your cheeks. “Y/N?” “Hey, Rob,” you say. Your voice sounds breathless, even to your own ears. He rushes across the small space to wrap you in a hug, and you squeeze him just as tight. When he steps back, a wide smile is affixed to his face, the light in his blue eyes dancing. His hand slides down your arm to hold your own. “What are you- when did you- how-” He shakes his head, laughing. “It’s so great to see you! I didn’t know you’d be coming.” “That was the point.” You smile. The warmth in your face has become a burn. “The show was awesome. You guys keep getting better.” You look around the room to include Billy, Cooper, Kiel, and Jason in your statement. They each accept it with a quiet “thank you.” You turn back to Rob. There is a beat of silence where you swear it’s just the two of you in the room. You can’t see anything but the sparkling blue of his eyes, can’t feel anything but his hand in yours, and your heart threatens to beat right out of your ribcage. Three words hang on the tip of your tongue, ready to be blurted out, but Jason clears his throat. The moment passes. “Guys, why don’t we go meet some of our fans out there?” Jason suggests. Billy is the first to jump up. “Sure. Come on, Kyle, Coop.” The men file out, stepping around you and Rob. You break eye contact with Rob to look back over your shoulder at Jason. “Thank you, Jace,” you say with a smile.” He ruffles his hair like he did back when you were still in middle school. “Anytime, Y/N/N.” “I’ll be out in a minute,” Rob says. Your heart drops; maybe that little moment was just in your head. Maybe you won’t get the chance to find out what he really feels about you. But Jason shakes his head. “Take your time, Rob. I mean it.” The door closes with a click before Rob can reply. You turn back to face him, your eyes downcast. You study the way your hand and Rob’s fit together. “Hey.” His voice is quiet. When you don’t respond, he repeats it again, a little louder. “Hey. Look at me. The silence is making me nervous.” You oblige. With a half smile, you say, “Sorry. Just thinking, is all.” “Thinking what?” “That it’s good to see you, Robbie.” He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. “I still- I can’t believe you flew all the way here just to see us.” You shrug. “I wanted to see the five of you play. I… I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” “We just saw each other last month.” The words don’t sound harsh coming from Rob’s lips, but you suddenly feel childish for missing him. You step back, pulling your hand away to cross your arms over your chest. “I know that, but…” Turning away from him, you try to sort through the whirlwind of emotions rushing through you. The last few minutes have been a rollercoaster, from happiness at seeing him again to that inexplicable urge to confess in front of the others to this sudden onset of doubt. You’re not quite sure what you should be feeling or what you should be saying. “But?” Rob prompts. “But,” you repeat, letting out a pent-up breath, “I missed you.” “I missed you, too, Y/N.” His confusion is evident in his voice, but you don’t have the words to make him understand. You try anyway. “I’m not… I don’t know a good way to say this.” You weigh each word before speaking it. “Do you remember when we first met, what you were wearing?” He’s quiet for a moment. “No. But I remember what you were wearing.” “You had on jeans and that black Smoke Pit t-shirt. I was wearing a Manns Beard tank top, wasn’t I?” “Yeah, yeah you were. Your hair was in a bun that day.” You turn to face him again. “What’s my favorite color?” “f/c.” “Why?” “Because it reminds you of the first bike you had growing up.” You nod. “That’s why I miss you, every time we’re apart.” Rob tilts his head to the side. You can almost see the wheels turning in that beautiful mind of his, and you let him have a moment to work through his confusion. “I’m sorry, I don’t- what does your childhood bike have to do with you missing me?” You chew on the inside of your cheek before answering. “It has everything to do with it. I’ve never felt at a loss for words, but you seem to just get me. You make- I don’t know. You’re just you! And I can’t think when you’re around me.” “Wait, what- what are you saying?” Your heart jumps to your throat and proceeds to jackhammer there. You swallow around it. “I’m saying that I love you, Rob. I love you, and I’m praying to God that you feel the same way, because if you don’t-” He pulls you to him, cutting you off with a kiss. His lips are soft against yours, and his beard rubs against your face as you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. One of his hands cups your face. The other slots into the small of your back to press you closer to him. He pushes you back until your legs hit the edge of the sofa. Pulling him down with you, you knock the hat off his head to thread your fingers into his brown curls. You hook your legs up around his hips to keep him close to you. All you can feel is Rob: lips, hands, body, warmth. Heat scorches through you. Kissing him is better than anything your imagination could come up with, and desire is already clouding your mind. Only when his tongue swipes your bottom lip do you pull back to look at him. Your chests rise and fall at the same rapid pace. He smiles down at you, thumb tracing your cheekbone. “I never thought Jason was telling the truth about you. Guess I was wrong, huh?” “Me neither,” you admit. “Maybe we should listen to him more often.” He doesn’t answer, opting instead to kiss you again, mouth moving against yours with such fervor that your mind goes blank. When he breaks the kiss, it takes you a moment to regain your wits. “You should go out there. They’re probably all wondering why you’re not with the others.” “Come with me,” he says, a soft smile bringing out the laughter lines around his eyes. You smile without realizing it, but you shake your head. “What will they think?” “Who, the fans?” Without giving you time to respond, he continues, “I don’t think- it shouldn’t matter what they think. Is this-” he presses a chaste kiss to your lips “- what you want?” You can only nod. “Do you want them to know about it?” “No. Do you?” “I just got you. I’m not ready to share you yet.” Your heart melts at that. “Then let’s go.” He pulls you to your feet. Grabbing his hat from the floor, you resettle it on his head and straighten it before he takes your hand again, fingers lacing with yours, to lead you forward. “Oh, Y/N?” he says before opening the door. You give him a questioning look. “I love you, too.”

#2p1s challenge #iwanntthedean 2p1s challenge #rob benedict x reader #rob benedict x you #rob benedict #just you #my writing #supernatural rpf #spn rpf #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #thank you again for the extension on this #i feel much better about this version than the first draft #angst #fluff #and tbh the angst is so typical to rob fic? so i apologize for the basic writing

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trouvxilles-blog · 8 years ago

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Character Development : Description

BASICS

Full Name: terrence oberon yoon Nicknames: terry, “t” (lance usually calls him this), dumbass, asshole (both on more than a few occasions) Sex/Gender: male Right or Left: right Age: 21 (international) Height: 5′9 Eye Colour: dark brown Hair Colour: black Distinguishing Marks: a mole on his right cheek; scars across his left wrist; a small diagonal scar on his right temple from getting into a fight; a small, light birthmark on the left side of his chest, and a small, light, heart-shaped birth mark on his right hip bone. Paragraph Of Physical Traits: his skin is fair with golden undertones. his overall body type is slender, but toned from rotc training. he has soft features that people think make him look pretty, and broad shoulders that tells people he’s actually a man which especially helped when he grew his hair out. his arms are toned but still pretty skinny despite doing push-ups and playing basketball; his hair is an uneven dark bob with just as uneven bangs.

FAMILY/RELIGION

Parents: yoon sangchul (father, unemployed asshole alcoholic), alice han (estranged, former file clerk; he doesn’t know what she’s doing now) Siblings: five (5) - titania (tanya), 26, works a desk job her friend got here in the morning and as a bar waitress at night - lance, 23, web developer because he’s basically a genius, got a scholarship in one of the top universities - juliet (julie), 16, 10th grade, takes a lot of babysitting opportunities - tybalt (ty), 14, 8th grade psycho, usually helps julie babysit when their rundown house turns into a daycare every saturday - robin (puck), 7, 1st grade, they love him Marital Status: single Significant Other/s: changes frequently (but who has time for commitment when you barely have time for yourself?) Children: none (unable to think about children when he’s already basically taking of three.) Other Relatives: an aunt who lives in chicago, a grandmother somewhere in northern california, an uncle in incheon (married with kids), grandparents in chuncheon Pets: none (can’t feed a family. obviously can’t feed a pet.) Friends: generally has a lot of friends because he’s way too outgoing and obnoxious for his and everyone’s own good; however, he’s picky when it comes to people he wants to keep a constant figure in his life. - bob kim (a barista from the usual cafe he goes to for coffee runs; he still wonders if that’s his real name; regardless, he still has a crush on bob) - sylvan carter (a barista from the same cafe; bob’s best friend and wingman; in love with terry, but terry doesn’t know nor does he care; terry likes him enough but can never get his name right.) - charlotte ‘charlie’ lee (his baby who he adores so much and will do anything for, including buying charlie cake with what’s left of his money) - aiden kwon (he’s only friends with aiden because aiden is friends with charlie; and also terry knows aiden likes charlie so there’s that.) - kiel sang (a non-blood related twin; both their existence essentially defies any known laws of metaphysics - but their whole relationship is something We Don’t Talk About) Enemies: gets into a lot of petty fist fights, but doesn’t really make lifelong enemies; he probably even fucked one of the people who beat him up at one point. Ethnicity: korean Religion: agnostic (or whatever) Beliefs: he believes in a higher being, but not necessarily a god. he thinks there are probably multiple gods out there making bets and just watching people get fucked over. he still prays sometimes, but he doesn’t tell anyone that. Superstitions: he sticks bills onto every mirror in the house during new year on the off chance that they can earn more money that year. julie and ty have been helping him for the last six years. it doesn’t hurt to try. that’s basically it. Diction/Accent: his southern californian accent is indistinguishable unless he says certain words. he’s also a better english speaker, so he often mispronounces korean words.

SCHOOL/WORK/HOME

Education: public school (primary and secondary); college: verse-dependent, on a cadet scholarship // kookmin university (achieved admission scholarship as a freshman) / santa barbara city college (under financial aid - federal work study) Degree(s): working on his bachelor’s degree in broadcast journalism Occupation: broadcasting student-intern for a tv & radio studio in the morning, mini-mart employee by afternoon night Own or Rent: own; his family owns their own borderline dilapidated house, originally owned by an aunt who moved to chicago. Living Space: cramped; it’s not small in its entirety, but with seven people living together in a two-story, two-bathroom (upstairs has a toilet and a shower, downstairs only has a toilet), four-bedroom house, it’s going to get pretty cramped. terry shares a bedroom with two brothers, lance and tybalt; julie shares a bedroom with their youngest, puck; tanya gets her own room because she damn well deserves it; their dad has his own room, but he’s never around so it’s basically an empty space with a bed. Work Space: the mini-mart isn’t a large place, but it does hold necessary items like basic consumable items and toiletries, which is why they have a lot regulars customers, mostly people who live nearby. the studio is a relatively large media conglomerate. his internship is in the main headquarters which houses multiple enterprises. Main Mode of Transport: walking because it’s free; sometimes the bus or subway if they can’t travel on foot; they steal unattended bikes or skateboards when they have to.

PSYCHOLOGY

Fears: failure, losing control, losing any one of his siblings Secrets: no one from his internship and workplace knows he has bipolar disorder or the fact that he’s gay; they keep illegal drugs at home; his family steals shit to survive. IQ: around 130 - typical for a post-graduate student. (fun fact: his older brother’s is around 160, go figure.) Eating Habits: quick eater because he’s always in a hurry, but not a messy one; sometimes eats on the go - he’ll stuff a piece of bread into his mouth anime style and run out the door to make it in time for class Food Preferences: he’ll basically eat anything aside from pickles (when you have no money, you can’t exactly choose what’s in front of you especially when you know your sister worked her ass off to put food on the table); he loves sweets, especially the hard butterscotch candy the mini-mart owners let him get for free. Sleeping Habits: usually sleeps on his stomach. at the end of most days, he just plops on the bed, exhausted. sometimes he forgets to change out of his jeans. when tanya checks up on them, she has to pull the covers over him. Book Preferences: contemporary classics (the little prince, a clockwork orange, the catcher in the rye, lolita, etc.), can quote shakespeare’s plays but prefers his poems, short stories because they’re quick to read since he doesn’t get much time to himself anymore. Music Preferences: alternative rock, indie rock, indie pop - basically music that pumps him up and keeps him awake. Groups or Alone: groups, mostly because he’s used to it, living with seven people and all. he’s also an extrovert, so he really doesn’t mind being around people. he doesn’t mind being alone every now and then, though. Leader or Follower: both. a follower - when tanya’s in, she’s in charge. he was in rotc, so he’s good with following directions. a leader - when tanya and lance are out, he’s in charge. when he was promoted in rotc, he was praised for being a good leader. Planner or Spontaneous: spontaneous. even his college major was a spontaneous, last-minute decision. he’s especially (dangerously) spontaneous when manic. Journal: used to have one - started multiple ones throughout the years - but never had the time and focus to actually fill one out completely; during junior year, his journal served as a mood diary (as suggested by a therapist). he managed to write on it for three months, and then just forgot about it. Hobbies: reading fiction novels, basketball, soccer, hanging out with his siblings, hanging out with kiel his friends, flirting with bob at the cafe, getting drunk, being an asshole. How Do They Relax: what is relaxation he’ll stay at home and read; he also reads a lot during idle hours at the mini-mart, especially if he takes a night shift. if he’s not too tired, he plays basketball. What Excites Them: seeing kiel almost everything excites him when he’s manic. coffee runs get exciting just because he gets to see bob. What Stresses Them: financial issues (but that’s an issue for their whole family),the possibility of not arriving on time and missing deadlines, not being able to earn enough money. Pet Peeves: slow walkers or people who tend to block the fucking way, especially when you’re in a hurry; people who can’t follow simple directions; people who are habitually late and end up making him late; people who take food from his plate without asking; loud whispering because i can fucking hear you; sudden shift in deadlines; simple grammatical errors. Prejudices: people with mental illness are dangerous and a hindrance (as a collective, despite his only experience being with his bipolar mom and alcoholic dad, hence why he refuses to believe he has the same problem). Attitudes: depends on his mood - manic, stable, depressive. when manic, he has no value for his life (and the law). lance had to force him off the roof once. when depressive, he can barely (or doesn’t) get out of bed. he overdosed once. when stable, his general outlook in life is optimistic - because what else can you do in this situation but hope? Obsessions: keeping things in order, getting enough money to feed the kids for a week, kiel Addictions: caffeine (mostly strong cheap-ass coffee, but they’re also stocked up on soda); alcohol and nicotine (not as bad. he smokes a lot, but he’s trying to keep both under control); does weed sometimes; isn’t really into hard drugs. that’s about it. Ambitions: join the marines (formerly), get into west point (on hold because tanya can’t stand the idea; lance is still trying to talk him out of it); else, he’ll apply for a job at the studio after graduation and work his ass off all the way to the top (from a lowly production assistant to scriptwriter/director/producer; hell, he’ll act if he has to; he’ll take what he can get).

OBJECTS KEPT IN

Purse/Bag: he has a messenger sling bag where he keeps his phone (a black nokia lumia his older brother passed on to him), a worn-out wallet with barely any money in it, a secondhand paperback novel, a pack of cigarettes. Wallet: money (or how much of it he has), an old photo of him and all his siblings (from when the youngest was only two years old), an old family photo tucked behind it, school ID, fake IDs Fridge: two milk jugs, a loaf of bread, cans of sodas, beer (lots of it) - that’s its usual content. Medicine Cabinet: mood stabilizers (lamictal), antipsychotics (abilify, zyprexa which he doesn’t use anymore because he overdosed once), aspirin, some pcp/angel dust that tanya doesn’t know about, and some weed lance hides that everyone knows about anyway Glove Compartment: he doesn’t have his own car but his dad’s glove compartment is filled with receipts, unopened letters (mostly bills), drugs, and money he spends in one go. Junk Drawer: literally junk, except he probably has a gun in there somewhere, and a pack of weed he shares with lance. Backpack: handwritten notes on yellow paper, photocopied pages from required textbooks, photocopied notes, scripts that need proofreading and editing, a secondhand novel that changes on a weekly basis, pens that are pretty much out of ink, a pack of cigarettes. Desk: journal (mood diary; just in case he feels like writing in it again), colored pens, pages from scripts he had to edit and proofread, a pack of cigarettes, the laptop he shares with everyone in the house. Clothes Pockets: loose change, mostly. a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a few small bills stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

OTHER

Halloween Costumes: would be easier if they can actually afford already-made costumes. the siblings used to come together to make costumes for julie, tybalt, and puck with whatever items they can salvage. their close neighbors help them out, too. now that they’re older, they just make one for puck. it’s fun for all of them. it’s something they look forward to yearly. Talents: creative writing, especially comedy writing (he doesn’t think so, but lance does); shooting hoops; shooting a pistol or rifle, and getting perfect aim almost every time; showing up at the last minute; balancing at least ten piping hot coffee cups at the same time; forgetting sylvan’s name; being an overall asshole (he’s the best at this) Politics: a liberal, but mostly neutral. he has other shit to worry about. Flaws: mental instability, addiction, pride, self-destructive tendencies, tactlessness, recklessness, impulsivity, always ready to throw punches, noncommittal (relationships) Strengths: fitness, aim (they were taught to shoot a gun in rotc), intellect (fast learner), wit, determination, creativity, resourcefulness, humor, humility, loyalty, never backs down from a fight. Drugs/Alcohol: a lot of alcohol, frequent drug use (mostly just marijuana; the last time he took pcp, he was manic and almost died from both mania and drug hallucinations), prescription drugs (mood stabilizers and antipsychotics he refuses to take). Passwords: phone: 0603 (it’s not a secret), e-mail: b!tch_y0u_th0ught1004 (tybalt has been trying to get into his e-mail even though he just uses it for work purposes); others: 060395 Prized Possessions: doesn’t really have one except for the photo of his siblings tucked in his wallet. Time and Place: february 22, 2016; 10:00pm; seoul, south korea // february 22, 2016; 5:00am; santa barbara, california. Special Places: the beach. the sound of the waves and the feeling of his toes buried beneath the sand relaxes him. back in santa barbara, his mom used to walk them to the beach every weekend because it was close by. Special Memories: when he got promoted from cadet to officer cadet in rotc. when he had chickenpox, tanya stayed up all night to take care of him. when lance first found out he was gay and confronted him. when he finally told tanya he was gay, and she said i know. during his first mood crash, julie would constantly check on him and bring food up to his room. when tybalt won first place during his first science fair. when puck took his first steps, and all five older siblings were there to witness it.

#[ wow this took forever ]#[ this got super long but fuck it ]#( ` | profile )#( ` | minimalist )#submission #( ` | horribly limited ` hc )

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tumblunni · 8 years ago

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also wtf who designed rune factory 4 this way THIS IS MY ONLY COMPLAINT IN AN AMAZING GAME why are all the romance routes entirely random?? even after youve reached the relationship milestones its COMPLETELY RANDOM whether the event will start every day same for every friendship event and town event and even some plot events you just have to sit there at your bed constantly skipping days for multiple years til the random number god gives you the marriage scene you did EVERYTHING to earn this marriage scene and you have nothing left to do but wait and youll never see any new events with that character until it happens, and you have a very limited amount of dates to go on while youre waiting, and they all do NOTHING except raise the relationship bar over maximum which does nothing. doesnt even increase the chance of the random event?? why even LET me increase it over maximum if it does nothing? thats just tricking me into thinking i havent unlocked the marriage event yet! when I HAVE and i just need to WAIT A BAZILLION YEARS OF RANDOM

anyway i finally got Leon’s random marriage quest and it was Awesome and So Many Tears and now im even more conflicted on who to marry gahhhhh its such a shame you cant resolve everyone’s plot unless you date them, i feel so bad dating all these people when im not able to marry them all, just cos i wanna fix their lives and make them happy but then theyre gon be sad that we didnt get married aaaa

and Leon is especially saddddd

now cos his whole plot is that he had a depressing scenario with a friend as a kid. She loved him but he saw her as just a little sister, and he jokingly promised to marry her once when they were too young to understand. And he didnt know she took it seriously until after he DIED and reincarnated as a fox monster person centuries later too late to do anything about it. And he’s crushed full of guilt that he somehow led her on, and he was never able to apologise, and he’s scared she spent her whole life waiting for him to come back. and then you get this very cool series of sidequests thatre a realistic look at translating languages, and its really motivational how leon is able to help bring knowledge of a dead language back to life and preserve the ancient culture that people thought was lost BUT THEN ENDLESS FUCKIN TRAGEDY kiel accidentally finds an old diary of leon’s friend (WHAT ARE THE ODDS) and he has frickin detailed anxiety attacks unable to even hold the damn paper cos he’s shaking so much and you go on a big treasure hunt to find all the pages and he’s just CRYING SO MUCH mr playboy man! mr flirty asshole! mr stoic! he’s fuckin crying and he cant hold a book without your help and aaaa and his whole story is about how he isnt really the negative stereotypes of a flirty character, he really REALLY values love and he feels depressed he cant love everyone who loves him, so he tries to fake it. And he tries to push people away whenever it seems genuine, but also like... entertain them enough that they dont feel he doesnt love them, i guess? and no matter how promiscuous a person is, they still cant love EVERYONE, you cant just force a relationship on them and say they must be asking for it cos they date other people and enjoy sex. its so depressing that he considers his biggest flaw that he wasnt able to force himself to love someone he didnt, especially when he did care about her, just as a best friend instead! if theyd just talked about it, it would have saved all this heartache for both of them! so then we start piecing together this book and it looks like his worst fears are confirmed, she spent her whole life waiting for him and hating him and its really fucking EXPLODINGLY SAD and then the quest is a bit confusing so i spent several days stuck on this point not knowing who to talk to next, going through random dungeons in case that somehow helped. turned out i did find the right spot but the quest just doesnt progress until you talk to the right person first GAH! stuck for five days on crying leon scene!! NOOOOOO but I finally got past it and CLIMACTIC HAPPY END or bittersweet end more like we find out we mistranslated one bit which was actually PAGE NUMBERS, and we were missing a page all along! and then the final page reveals that she actually moved on and found a new love and had a happy family and grew old together, and her only frustration with leon was imagining that he couldnt find the same thing, worrying that she’d betrayed him. So this wasnt a diary, it was actually a letter she wrote for him to find, having confidence he’d wake up someday and have another chance at happiness! She just wanted him to know that she kept his memory alive and she’s sorry and she was happy and AAAAAAUUUGH im tearing up again the bit that really got me was that we find out that leon’s favourite romance novel was actually written by her. It was so popular it survived into the modern day as a literature classic, and it convinces him that she really was happy with her new boyfriend if she could write something as beautiful as this. And he wants to embody the spirit of the book with you, and keep his new promise to her to have a happy family of his own :) ... AGHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH why cant i marry everyone why do so many of them have plots where it seems like they wont be happy unless i love them... even now i dont really think the leon pairing is my favourite, i wish i could have had this plot as a friendship route! i think it would have resonated just as much since the whole backstory is about him being friends with someone who had unrequited love for him. i wanna be leon’s bestie and ultimate wingman! I like him a lot but I dont really think i wanna marry him! IM SO SORRY LEON AAAA he’s such a soulful beefcake dammit I’m sure he’d find a bazillion better lovers! I’m sure a lot of players did marry him! WHY DO I FEEL SO GUILTY AAAAA its not fair, aaaa arthur was the first one i dated and i also really care about him but in his case his way of acting in the romance isnt very different to when youre just friends so i dont think i wanna commit to that relationship maybe? it might change when i see his final random event but i dont get much ‘he’ll be happy with you’ vibes, its just strengthening their powerful brotp that they had from the start of the game. he feels like someone protagonist would indeed date, but theyd part again on friendly terms after it didnt work out, and then be amicable exes who still care a lot about each other. and I just feel like I wanna marry dylas even though he’s had the least tragic events so far. gahhhh! he just seems SO HAPPY dating you, and has loads of character development since it started, unlike the other two ive seen the dates for. he feels like he’s actually getting something out of this that he wouldnt if we were just friends? its so hard trying to weigh up the pros and cons of romance options in games when im inacapble of actually being attracted to anyone, its just ‘i care about you all and i wanna give you the best possible ending’. I haaaaate when games have it so that romance is always the best possible ending for every single character and they all suffer forever if you dont pick them :P and I havent even seen the romances with the other three dudes yet! GAHHHHH!! Theyre all the ones I wasnt immediately interested in dating, but that opinion could totally change, i could end up with a six way tie :P ... ALSO RANDOM BUT is anyone else really uncomfortable with the queerbaiting in this game? there is a LOt, a LOT of ‘lol maybe gay’, sometimes so clear that it seems the game is outright canonically stating this character is gay or bisexual yet you have no option to marry them unless youre the opposite sex. It gets REALLY uncomfortable with Dylas, he just,,, does not express any interest in women at all unless the player pursues him. And his mutual crush with doug is CONSTANTLY REFERENCED, and called out very clearly for what it is. IOf the game didnt keep pointing it out i would have been able to shrug it off as just accidental chemistry from a failed rivalry plotline or something, but we have EVERYONE saying ‘oh a lover’s quarrel’ and ‘be honest about your feelings’ and ‘i bet you wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and ‘gee i really wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and IT CANT BE ANY MORE CANON THAN THIS. And.. like.. Dylas even says he DOESNT wanna see women in swimsuits, he’s just here at the beach cos Doug might come along. He does not express any interest in women at all except the protagonist! It makes me feel SO uncomfortable! it feels like he’s actually gay, when with most other characters they seem bisexual?? I dunno how to explain it, thats just how it comes off to me. Why is there no option for him and doug to date, why cant i date him as the male protagonist?? His romance route is so totally gender neutral, i did the postgame protagonist swap cheat and it just feels more in-character for him this way. if im gonna steal him away from Doug i dont want it to be a weird gay conversion therapy type thing, it just feels so WEIRD. The one and ONLY stated crush he has on another character, and its gay, and theres NO OPTION FOR IT TO HAPPEN and then he suddenly becomes 100% straight and never talks about doug again if a fem protagonist dates him. SO WEEEEEIRD... I’m just gonna sit here on the non-canon bonus feature dylas x male protag train and never leave. If you cant have doug you shall have the transitioned me! Its funny cos he’s like the only batchelor i very vehemently cannot ship with fem protag, yet do with male protag :P but GAHHH leon deserves a family and i could give him a child and aaaaa SO HARD TO CHOOSE also i am sad that the postgame cheatmode lets you switch to any character but if its not one of the two protags its only your overworld model and not your face portraits. Its weird because every batchelor and batchelorette has the exact same full set of emotions and costumes, so why cant i access that?? its also a shame cos it means i cant roleplay my doug and dylas marriage properly :P CMON MAN WHY U EVEN TELL ME THEY IN LOVE IF THEY CANT BE IN LOVE :P they have the best portmanteau ship name too! douglas! :P

#raaaaamble about gaaaaaame #distract self from feeling ill #no but seriously what is the doug x dylas official ship name and how do i find cute fanart to heal my grumpiness #ITS LITERALLY CANON YET THEY CANT DATE #if you didnt wanna do gay content then dont put gay content in your damn game #i havent seen such an undeniably frustrating example of queerbaiting since some of the yousuke stuff in persona 4

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