#and chay is right: it wouldn't be a choice at all

[the-cookie-of-doom]

[Catching Kim on the walk of shame back to his apartment after his drunken one night stand with Chay]

Tankhun catches on immediately to Kim’s weird vibes. 

“Did he force you?”

“What? No.” Kim doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Chay could never force him into anything, let alone sex. Kims only regret about last night—the best night of his life—is that he barely remembers it. His one chance with the boy he loves, and all he has are vague flashes and impressions, promising a night very much worth remembering. “I’m fine, Khun. Just… just tired.”

“Hmph. Be careful, little Kim, I sense you’re playing with fire.”

“It isn’t going to happen again.”

Khun doesn’t look convinced. But he doesn’t push the matter, throwing his scarf over his shoulder with a haughty sigh and stalking away, his entourage in tow. 

—

[Khun confronts Chay over the incident.]

“Be careful with him, he’s very sensitive, you know.”

“Who is?” Chay asks, bewildered at the sudden subject change. 

“You know who. He feels things very deeply, as much as he pretends he’s as soulless as the rest of us.” Tankhun points a strict finger at Chay. “Don’t hurt him. I adore you both. Don’t make me choose between my darlings, yes?” 

Chay nods dumbly. He doesn’t think it would be much of a choice, but he doesn’t say as much. 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Google’s new phones can’t stop phoning home

On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

One of the most brazen lies of Big Tech is that people like commercial surveillance, a fact you can verify for yourself by simply observing how many people end up using products that spy on them. If they didn't like spying, they wouldn't opt into being spied on.

This lie has spread to the law enforcement and national security agencies, who treasure Big Tech's surveillance as an off-the-books trove of warrantless data that no court would ever permit them to gather on their own. Back in 2017, I found myself at SXSW, debating an FBI agent who was defending the Bureau's gigantic facial recognition database, which, he claimed, contained the faces of virtually every American:

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2017/mar/11/sxsw-facial-recognition-biometrics-surveillance-panel

The agent insisted that the FBI had acquired all those faces through legitimate means, by accessing public sources of people's faces. In other words, we'd all opted in to FBI facial recognition surveillance. "Sure," I said, "to opt out, just don't have a face."

This pathology is endemic to neoliberal thinking, which insists that all our political matters can be reduced to economic ones, specifically, the kind of economic questions that can be mathematically modeled and empirically tested. It would be great if all our thorniest problems could be solved like mathematical equations.

Unfortunately, there are key elements of these systems that can't be reliably quantified and turned into mathematical operators, especially power. The fact that someone did something tells you nothing about whether they chose to do so – to understand whether someone was coerced or made a free choice, you have to consider the power relationships involved.

Conservatives hate this idea. They want to live in a neat world of "revealed preferences," where the fact that you're working in a job where you're regularly exposed to carcinogens, or that you've stayed with a spouse who beats the shit out of you, or that you're homeless, or that you're addicted to Oxy, is a matter of choice. Monopolies exist because we all love the monopolist's product best, not because they've got monopoly power. Jobs that pay starvation wages exist because people want to work full time for so little money that they need food-stamps just to survive. Intervening in any of these situations is "woke paternalism," where the government thinks it knows better than you and intervenes to take away your right to consume unsafe products, get maimed at work, or have your jaw broken by your husband.

Which is why neoliberals insist that politics should be reduced to economics, and that economics should be carried out as if power didn't exist:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/05/farrago/#jeffty-is-five

Nowhere is this stupid trick more visible than in the surveillance fight. For example, Google claims that it tracks your location because you asked it to, by using Google products that make use of your location without clicking an opt out button.

In reality, Google has the power to simply ignore your preferences about location tracking. In 2021, the Arizona Attorney General's privacy case against Google yielded a bunch of internal memos, including memos from Google's senior product manager for location services Jen Chai complaining that she had turned off location tracking in three places and was still being tracked:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/01/you-are-here/#goog

Multiple googlers complained about this: they'd gone through dozens of preference screens, hunting for "don't track my location" checkboxes, and still they found that they were being tracked. These were people who worked under Chai on the location services team. If the head of that team, and her subordinates, couldn't figure out how to opt out of location tracking, what chance did you have?

Despite all this, I've found myself continuing to use stock Google Pixel phones running stock Google Android. There were three reasons for this:

First and most importantly: security. While I worry about Google tracking me, I am as worried (or more) about foreign governments, random hackers, and dedicated attackers gaining access to my phone. Google's appetite for my personal data knows no bounds, but at least the company is serious about patching defects in the Pixel line.

Second: coercion. There are a lot of apps that I need to run – to pay for parking, say, or to access my credit union or control my rooftop solar – that either won't run on jailbroken Android phones or require constant tweaking to keep running.

Finally: time. I already have the equivalent of three full time jobs and struggle every day to complete my essential tasks, including managing complex health issues and being there for my family. The time I take out of my schedule to actively manage a de-Googled Android would come at the expense of either my professional or personal life.

And despite Google's enshittificatory impulses, the Pixels are reliably high-quality, robust phones that get the hell out of the way and let me do my job. The Pixels are Google's flagship electronic products, and the company acts like it.

Until now.

A new report from Cybernews reveals just how much data the next generation Pixel 9 phones collect and transmit to Google, without any user intervention, and in defiance of the owner's express preferences to the contrary:

https://cybernews.com/security/google-pixel-9-phone-beams-data-and-awaits-commands/

The Pixel 9 phones home every 15 minutes, even when it's not in use, sharing "location, email address, phone number, network status, and other telemetry." Additionally, every 40 minutes, the new Pixels transmit "firmware version, whether connected to WiFi or using mobile data, the SIM card Carrier, and the user’s email address." Even further, even if you've never opened Google Photos, the phone contacts Google Photos’ Face Grouping API at regular intervals. Another process periodically contacts Google's Voice Search servers, even if you never use Voice Search, transmitting "the number of times the device was restarted, the time elapsed since powering on, and a list of apps installed on the device, including the sideloaded ones."

All of this is without any consent. Or rather, without any consent beyond the "revealed preference" of just buying a phone from Google ("to opt out, don't have a face").

What's more, the Cybernews report probably undercounts the amount of passive surveillance the Pixel 9 undertakes. To monitor their testbench phone, Cybernews had to root it and install Magisk, a monitoring tool. In order to do that, they had to disable the AI features that Google touts as the centerpiece of Pixel 9. AI is, of course, notoriously data-hungry and privacy invasive, and all the above represents the data collection the Pixel 9 undertakes without any of its AI nonsense.

It just gets worse. The Pixel 9 also routinely connects to a "CloudDPC" server run by Google. Normally, this is a server that an enterprise customer would connect its employees' devices to, allowing the company to push updates to employees' phones without any action on their part. But Google has designed the Pixel 9 so that privately owned phones do the same thing with Google, allowing for zero-click, no-notification software changes on devices that you own.

This is the kind of measure that works well, but fails badly. It assumes that the risk of Pixel owners failing to download a patch outweighs the risk of a Google insider pushing out a malicious update. Why would Google do that? Well, perhaps a rogue employee wants to spy on his ex-girlfriend:

https://www.wired.com/2010/09/google-spy/

Or maybe a Google executive wins an internal power struggle and decrees that Google's products should be made shittier so you need to take more steps to solve your problems, which generates more chances to serve ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan

Or maybe Google capitulates to an authoritarian government who orders them to install a malicious update to facilitate a campaign of oppressive spying and control:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonfly_(search_engine)

Indeed, merely by installing a feature that can be abused this way, Google encourages bad actors to abuse it. It's a lot harder for a government or an asshole executive to demand a malicious downgrade of a Google product if users have to accept that downgrade before it takes effect. By removing that choice, Google has greased the skids for malicious downgrades, from both internal and external sources.

Google will insist that these anti-features – both the spying and the permissionless updating – are essential, that it's literally impossible to imagine building a phone that doesn't do these things. This is one of Big Tech's stupidest gambits. It's the same ruse that Zuck deploys when he says that it's impossible to chat with a friend or plan a potluck dinner without letting Facebook spy on you. It's Tim Cook's insistence that there's no way to have a safe, easy to use, secure computing environment without giving Apple a veto over what software you can run and who can fix your device – and that this veto must come with a 30% rake from every dollar you spend on your phone.

The thing is, we know it's possible to separate these things, because they used to be separate. Facebook used to sell itself as the privacy-forward alternative to Myspace, where they would never spy on you (not coincidentally, this is also the best period in Facebook's history, from a user perspective):

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3247362

And we know it's possible to make a Pixel that doesn't do all this nonsense because Google makes other Pixel phones that don't do all this nonsense, like the Pixel 8 that's in my pocket as I type these words.

This doesn't stop Big Tech from gaslighting* us and insisting that demanding a Pixel that doesn't phone home four times an hour is like demanding water that isn't wet.

*pronounced "jass-lighting"

Even before I read this report, I was thinking about what I would do when I broke my current phone (I'm a klutz and I travel a lot, so my gadgets break pretty frequently). Google's latest OS updates have already crammed a bunch of AI bullshit into my Pixel 8 (and Google puts the "invoke AI bullshit" button in the spot where the "do something useful" button used to be, meaning I accidentally pull up the AI bullshit screen several times/day).

Assuming no catastrophic phone disasters, I've got a little while before my next phone, but I reckon when it's time to upgrade, I'll be switching to a phone from the @calyxinstitute@mastodon.social. Calyx is an incredible, privacy-focused nonprofit whose founder, Nicholas Merrill, was the first person to successfully resist one of the Patriot Act's "sneek-and-peek" warrants, spending 11 years defending his users' privacy from secret – and, ultimately, unconstitutional – surveillance:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2013/03/depth-judge-illstons-remarkable-order-striking-down-nsl-statute

Merrill and Calyx have tapped into various obscure corners of US wireless spectrum licenses that require major carriers to give ultra-cheap access to nonprofits, allowing them to offer unlimited, surveillance-free, Net Neutrality respecting wireless data packages:

https://memex.craphound.com/2016/09/22/i-have-found-a-secret-tunnel-that-runs-underneath-the-phone-companies-and-emerges-in-paradise/

I've been a very happy Calyx user in years gone by, but ultimately, I slipped into the default of using stock Pixel handsets with Google's Fi service.

But even as I've grown increasingly uncomfortable with the direction of Google's Android and Pixel programs, I've grown increasingly impressed with Calyx's offerings. The company has graduated from selling mobile hotspots with unlimited data SIMs to selling jailbroken, de-Googled Pixel phones that have all the hardware reliability of a Pixel, coupled with an alternative app suite and your choice of a Calyx SIM and/or a Calyx hotspot:

https://calyxinstitute.org/

Every time I see what Calyx is up to, I think, dammit, it's really time to de-Google my phone. With the Pixel 9 descending to new depths of enshittification, that decision just got a lot easier. When my current phone croaks, I'll be talking to Calyx.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/08/water-thats-not-wet/#pixelated

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[bunny-jpeg]

hi bunny can I get tiramisu, shortbread cookies, a bagel and chai with Daniel Ricciardo please?🙏🏽

bakery menu!!

want to submit your own order? then hit up the menu! thank you to all of those who have submitted orders, i am working tirelessly to get them all completed!! they have been a pleasure to write though, so thank you!! i love that the daniel ricciardo fandom is still going strong! i've received a tenfold of requests since he got the boot! so i hope ya'll love this <3

tiramisu: “my little slut to ruin.” + shortbread cookies: "and who does this belong to?" + bagel: “gonna paint you with my teeth.” + chai: biting/hickies served by daniel ricciardo (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, biting & hickies, dirty talking & praise, doggy style

pearly whites. the kind of smile that made most weak in the knees. daniel ricciardo was the epitome of the sun. bright and inviting, smiles that could light up rooms. even at his worst he was still smiles, he still could make anyone swoon with them. it was like welcoming the sun into your home.

however, most of all, you loved those teeth most of all in your neck.

daniel wasn't a controlling lover. he cared too much about you and your autonomy to really feel a need to control you. you were your own woman, you were allowed to make your own choices. it was only fair.

but that didn't mean the word 'mine' wasn't thrown around. especially when he had both of his hands up your t-shirt. he groped your breasts while his lips were on your neck. you could feel your heart pounding with lust as he felt you up.

"you're mine." he said, "my little slut to ruin." he licked at the nape of your neck while his grip on you tightened. it almost turned your knees into jelly as pleasure shot through your body.

"danny."

he chuckled, "shh, shh. i know. you know that i know that i'm right." he licked you once more, "i've got you all figured out, beautiful. how much you need this. how much you love when i touch you. i know exactly how to do it, to turn you on till you can't think of anything but, my cock."

"you've ruined me for other men." you whined.

he yanked you as close as he could to his chest and pulled away to look you in the eyes. his eyes carried lust and were beautiful. he grinned as he said, "good."

you ended up in your shared bedroom with daniel determined to get your clothes off. he pushed up your shirt while he walked behind you to the bedroom. eventually that was off before you even made it to the bed.

"danny."

he chuckled, "so beautiful." he got your bra off and eventually your sweatpants you had been in most of the day. he got himself undressed as well and took a moment to admire you. he cupped his hard cock through his briefs and said, “gonna paint you with my teeth.” the idea of you with his marks excited him before the two of you were on the bed and both fully naked.

you gasped loudly when he bit into your neck. your nipples went hard and your back arched. you held onto his shoulders as he left a massive hickey on your neck.

his cock dripped pre-cum onto your stomach as he went in for another series of hickies. he made a little pattern down to your breasts where he bit at your nipples until you were practically kicking out your legs.

"paint you nice and purple with my teeth." he groaned as he rubbed his cock up against your stomach, "you always look better with my marks. now i have to know, who does this belong to?" then reached down to drag his fingers across your achy cunt.

"yours, danny. always."

he just smiled once more before he played with your nipples and left little bruises across your pretty tits. you wouldn't be wearing low cut tops for a good while.

you ended up on your stomach with your hips raised. he admired your backside and wondered how much he could mark up your pretty skin. he pushed himself against you, watching your hips raised a little and admired your beauty.

"you drive me crazy, beautiful." he said with a smile before he started to leave a few dark marks on your backside. he swore he could feel your rapid heartbeat from your back. he rubbed his scratchy beard up against the bruises he left on you.

your back arched and you moaned. the noises only got louder when he sank his cock into your sweet, wet pussy. you held onto the pillow under your head and whined into it.

"danny." you moaned as you felt the pleasure in your gut. your skin ached a little from your lover's hickies. but it left your core feeling warm. you loved it, the same teeth he flashed the cameras were dug into your soft skin.

"i love you, honey." he said as he fucked you. he thrusted his hips and watched your ass shake from the movements of his hips. he could feel the warmth in his gut as he moved against you. you looked beautiful in every way he could have you.

from expensive clothes to one of his t-shirts to nothing, it was all beautiful and it only riled daniel up more as he pleasured you. he groaned a little bit, accompanied by your sugary sweet moans..

"daniel. fuck." you whined as you tried to grasp onto the covers for some leverage. you were so easily moved by his body. he large hands and strength moved you as he saw fit.

but he was never a greedy lover, he made sure his woman came first. he made sure you got your pleasure. he groaned a little bit, "so fuckin' pretty." he chuckled a little bit, "don't you agree? my woman is beyond pretty, even beyond beautiful." daniel laid the praise on thick when he fucked you. but you loved it, you loved when he called you all manner of lovely names.

you were his little slut to ruin, but in the sense that no other man could ever compare to him. he was just simply too perfect. even when he left a messy trail of hickies across your neck.

his pace started to stagger and you felt the pleasure curl in your gut. his whined spurred you on as he fucked you deeply. he wanted to make sure that you took all of him. you felt like a perfect dream around his cock as you panted wildly.

"beautiful girl." he purred, "so fucking beautiful."

you whimpered and arched your back a little bit. you felt the thrum of pleasure in the back of your mind. you clung tightly to the pillow and moaned. with a few more heavy thrusts of his hips, you came around his cock. you felt him bruise your softest areas as you finished.

he came soon after, heavy thrusts that left you seeing stars. it was hot for you and both of you were left breathing heavily. you whined a little bit when he pushed his cock into you once more before he pulled out. a gooey string of cum connected your cunt to his cock. and that made daniel shudder.

he pulled out and you laid in his arms. he kissed at your face tenderly and you felt the warmth of love throughout both of you. you smiled against his kisses and he just beamed at you.

a bright smile with all teeth, you cupped his face lovingly. those pearly whites were just on your neck and took sweet bites out of your delicate skin. his smile was blinding and his bites were bruising <3

[no1heyyyyyyyy]

Sevika's tastes

Sevika is an old lady and she just wants to be left alone. She likes to look good but when it comes to clothes, Miss thing just doesn’t care that much. She always has practicality in mind. So, no dresses, nothing flowy, has to have natural fabrics so that her skin can breathe, and she requires that things are comfortable. Her shoes are always made for hardware with a strong sole and often reinforced. In the modern world, I see her working in metal working (specifically welding), so she has to have clothes that are multipurpose. Though, if she was forced to wear anything really nice, it would be a simple well-cut blazer and a button down with jeans or slacks that conform to her legs nicely. She prefers earthy colors, nothing too flashy. I think she’d really appreciate a nice dark green, or perhaps brown. I also feel that she would enjoy a nice flannel regularly.

With food, I’m afraid her palette is as unrefined as her clothing choices. She genuinely does not care what she eats, though she really likes chicken- loves hot wings, spicy food is her love. But, her comfort food will always be the food native to what part of India her family is from. I don’t think she’s the best cook, but she has a few family recipes that she knows so well (aloo gobi, chai, samosa, tikka masala, saag paneer). And, I think that on nights where she’s feeling really sad or lonely she always craves those foods. She’d love to cook with or for her partner, it’d be the best way to get to know her honestly. Because it allows for her to show vulnerability through actions and without words. She loves to take care of people and I think in modern times she’d mother her friends just a bit, always making sure they’re eating well, drinking their water, and sleeping right (if not she’ll give them some chai). She doesn’t eat beef or dark meats in general, and she isn’t the biggest fan of seafood or turkey. So, she sticks with her chicken and her paneer. She’ll eat tofu but it needs to be in curry or something similar.

This woman would love 80s hair metal, music is something that I genuinely believe she’d love so much. She’d play drums as a teenager, dead set on becoming the drummer of the next Metallica. She’d also love the old school heavy metal bands, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Pantera. She’d love them all. I think she’d like some old school 90s rap too, but none of the new-age mumble rap that’s going on. She wouldn’t really like Taylor Swift’s music, just because it didn’t vibe with her, but she respected Taylor’s ability to get a bag. She has had a huge crush on Adele ever since she heard the album 25 when it came out. She liked some of her music, but thought Adele was drop dead gorgeous and all mature and soulful and shit, hit her in the feels and made her whipped for this woman she didn’t even know.

For movies she loves shitty 80s slasher horror, nothing that makes her think. She’d sit back in her old recliner in her pajamas and house slippers whilst watching Slumber Party Massacre for the third time, and then put on Golden Girls because she feels that Dorothy Zbornak is her spirit animal. She likes a good sitcom too and a ridiculous drama (she loves Desperate Housewives), she likes the camp, the over the top acting and dumb plots, it makes her laugh and feel care free in a way she hasn’t been in a long time. She just wants to curl up with her pets (she would have many) and watch teen-based tv shows that revolve around crime or secrets (Pretty Little Liars, Riverdale, Vampire Diaries, even Buffy etc.). She likes how bad they are, but she gets so invested it’s ridiculous.

For personal scents she’d like more woody, alluring scents that are also kind of sweet. Think Amber by Rag n’ Bone (it smells so good), she doesn’t spray much, just a spritz, it wafts around her just slightly, just enough for women to fall at her feet. Her individual smell wouldn't be overpowering but it would definitely be clear. It’s grounding and soothing. Her sweat stinks though, every time she comes back from the gym, she goes straight to the showers because her own dogs don’t want to come near her b.o.

In general, Sevika is an old woman who couldn’t give less of a shit. She wants to be left alone with her life and her people and chill. Which is why, I feel like she isn’t that opinionated on much unless it’s boundaries or causes she cares about. She just doesn’t have the energy to be bothered with trivial things like which movie to choose for the night, or which restaurant to go to. She is tired and all she wants to do is eat good food with her partner and her pets in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t like neighbors and she doesn’t like people in her business. She doesn’t need a perfect life, just one that’s hers.

for whatever reason the letters are being weird, it is killing me. Please ignore it.

[snickerdoodlles]

Loved your answer to the: "How would you rank the Theeranyakapuls in terms of clinginess?" ask. Can we have Kittisawats as well please?

(prev) (and ❤❤!!)

if the theerapanyakuls are "everything i've let go of has claw marks" boys, the kittisawats are "i will cling until it shatters in my grip"

Porsche: man does not let anything go except grudges. the only reason why he doesn't hold grudges is because he's too busy trying to hold onto EVERYTHING ELSE. Vegas is shooting him but Porsche refuses to lose a friend. Kinn fucks up crossing lines but Porsche won't let go of his cute smile. absolutely never would've taken up Kinn's demand he runs away because it'd mean letting Kinn go. bows to mafia recruitment before giving up his childhood home. Porsche is still holding onto a promise he made to his mother when he was like six years old max. i maintain the only reason why Porsche tells Arthee to go away is because he was already negotiating his mafia contract in his head and couldn't risk anything on Chay's safety because he knew he wouldn't be around, he never would've let Arthee just walk out of their life without those special circumstances. honestly this is such a large part of why Kinn and Porsche work together so perfectly, neither of them ever want to let go of their people and they collect people under their umbrellas at a downright alarming rate.

Chay: also clings to things until they shatter except he is extremely choosy in what he clings to. he has to be, he doesn't have a choice given how hard he loves and how little he has. as furious as he is with Porsche leaving him to join the mafia, he will bow and accept all of Porsche's choices so he can keep his brother. there's no other choice to him really. Chay's already shown he's willing to give up everything else for Porsche, from their home to his dreams to their uncle, and he can't have already drawn that line and then give up Porsche too right after he got him back. he clings to Kim just as hard until Kim shatters it-- i will always maintain Chay approaching Kim after the mafia reveal was just to confirm if he was reading Kim's feelings correctly (he was). Chay would've accepted the mafia and the scheming in a heartbeat so long as Kim's feelings for him were real (they were). Kim walks away from him then, but even then, that isn't what shatters them-- when Kim interrupts him at the club, Chay lets Kim pull him away. he is more than willing to hear Kim out then, he just wants to know if Kim cares (he does). except instead of explaining himself when Chay demands an explanation, Kim says "fine, i'll stay out of your business from now on." that's when Chay gives up Kim, because Kim keeps showing that he cares but claiming the opposite, and Chay can't hold onto someone to his typical degree of sacrifice if he doesn't think they'll stay in the end. that's why he blocks Kim. that's why "why don't you stay" is the perfect apology-- the song that first brought them together, the song they worked on together, the song where Kim lays himself bare to say "i have nothing to offer, i can't drag you into my mess, i desperately want you to be here with me anyways." of course that would reach Chay, who's only wish in life is that his two people stay with him through hell and fire and let him take care of them as much they take care of him. of course that'd open the door back up with Chay, who just wants Kim to explain how he cares and stay.

the kittisawats' clinginess is actually the heart of one of my most favorite kp story concepts ever, which is pushing the mafia aspect to the point where it shatters something in Chay and he has to leave. because Chay will give up so much to stay with Porsche. if he's pushed to the point where he leaves Porsche, either Chay has Kim to fall back on or Chay has nothing, and both options are so much fun for different reasons. and then for Porsche...oh my god, Porsche. Porsche holds onto everything, but his top priority is still Chay. a large part of why he can hold onto everything else is because Chay works so hard to make himself okay and hold Porsche back, so having Chay hit a point where he can't would destabilize Porsche so bad. sure, he has everything else, but what does that matter if he doesn't have Chay? Porsche and Chay are so tightly intertwined and so desperately clingy in the same way that even just straining their relationship brings all this out. "what happens when you can no longer hold onto the person you'd give up everything for?" is a delightfully crunchy story question and so good for these two especially ❤

[snwusberry]

pairing: wooyoung x black!reader

genre: fluff

warning(s): communication issues (please don't hate me), drinking, mention of a messy past relationship, food/eating.

wc: 5.7k

note: this shit took me literal months to finish writing, like no kidding. the wooyoung brainrot was so real though so here it is.

reader's pov

02/10/2023

"easy now, wouldn't wanna burn holes into the board with how hard you're staring." i hear a comment at my obvious indecisiveness and i look up at the insanely handsome cashier in front of me.

"huh?" i ask and he smiles. he has an absolutely gorgeous smile, might i add.

"you've been standing here, staring at the board for quite a bit." i tell him.

"oh, my apologies."

"oh no need to apologize, i was just pulling your leg. let me know once you've decided."

i hum for a bit and i take a moment to take in his features quickly. he's got sharp but gentle facial features, if that makes any sense. he has a mole on his cheek and on his bottom lip which just adds on to his attractiveness.

"actually, what would you suggest i get?" i requests and he smiles.

"well the best sellers from our seasonal menu are the pumpkin pie latte, the ginger-cinnamon rooibos tea, and the cinnamon chai latte."

"i'll get..." i trail off and mentally curse myself for my indecisiveness. from now on i'm googling menus.

"you could always choose one and come back and try the others." wooyoung tells me which breaks me away from my train of thought.

"only if i enjoy this one though."

"of course."

"well then for today, i'll have one regular pumpkin pie latte."

"sit in or to go?" he asks, tapping away on the screen in front of him.

okay weigh out your options girl. if i sit in, i get to look all cute and mysterious in front of the extremely handsome cashier but if i go, i can be even more cute and mysterious, completely out of sight. that's a good idea. if i stay, i'll probably embarrass myself anyway.

"hello?"

"to go. sorry" i tell him and he smiles.

"alright." he says more to himself and he hands me a slip woth my order number. "here you go. they're busy with your order at the back, it'll be done shortly."

"thank you."

i go sit nearby the front counter so i can hear my order number when another customer walks in. a girl, probably around my age and i watch his interaction with her. very similar to how he was with me and i immediately snap out of this daydream world i let myself wander into. i need to focus on other things because i do not need a man to throw me off my loop. much less one i don't know.

he calls my order number though and i stand up to go get it.

"enjoy your drink. hope to see you come back." he tells he with a wink. stand up.

"thank you and that is to be decided." i reply which causes a brief chuckle from him.

17/10/2023

is it too late to turn around? i'm quite literally at the door of the café where that extremely attractive man works.

'come on girl, you saw him flirting with another girl, don't let yourself think you're special.'

yeah, i'd rather bellyflop into crocodile infested waters before allowing myself to even let a man have me by the throat like this, there's more to life. even if he's hot and has a nice smile and enchanting eyes...

just as i feel myself turn around i make direct eye contact with him through the glass of the door. now i could either leave and never come by here again, or go in.

'yeah i'll leave.'

i try to turn around when i bump into someone else who's trying to get in which leaves me with no choice but to go in. i mean, logically speaking, i very well could've gotten out of the way and fucked off back home but i didn't really think of that until i felt myself walking towards the counter, letting the man go before me.

as he orders, i stand behind him, fighting the urge to chew my nails right off. i can still leave, honestly...

"hello, what would you like to order?" his smooth voice cuts through the thoughts in my head.

"huh?"

dumbass

"would you like to order anything?" he asks again.

theres a very good chance he doesn't even remember me so, you know what? i should be fine.

"may i please have the ginger-cinnamon rooibos tea please?"

"sit in or to go?"

"sit in." i answer without even thinking about it which is yet another dumbass decision.

"alright, they're working on your order. you can grab a number and it'll be right with you." he instructs and i nod as i'm about to get an order number. "i take that you enjoyed your drink last time."

"hmm?"

"if i recall correctly, you said you'd be back provided that you enjoy your drink, the pumpkin pie latte. how was it?"

okay pause and let me regroup because my ability to think clearly was gone the moment i thought of coming back here. the latte was good though.

"oh... yeah it was delicious."

"i'm glad you liked it. it took a bit of convincing to even get them to add a seasonal menu."

"this whole thing was your doing?" i ask him and he nods

"yeah. they haven't had one since the last manager left long before i started working here."

"when did you start working here?"

"about 2 years ago, i believe. uh... do you live around this area?"

"yeah. i actually work at the call center not too far from here."

"oh? how come i've never seen you around?"

"i could say the same to you, uh..." i look a little closer at his nametag.

"wooyoung. my name is wooyoung." he tells me with a smile.

"i'm y/n."

"i'll keep that in mind." i smile at him and he obviously returns it.

☆★☆

my best friend squeals like a little baby raccoon at my little "confession". that being that i found interest in someone which hasn't happened since my last breakup about a year ago.

she always said, "heal from what? girl you ain't injured, onto the next!!" nevermind the fact that i put my all into a, seemingly, one-sided relationship.

"okay okay, tell me more."

"sarah, i only seen and spoke to him twice. finding interest in someone doesn't mean i'm trying to get emotionally involved with them. i know nothing about this guy.

" yeah but you said it felt like he was flirting with you." she pushes but i shake my head at her.

"yeah and i also said he probably flirts with other customers, maybe that's just how he is."

"okay since you don't wanna be 'emotionally involved' as you say, just fuck him and let off some steam. lord knows you need it."

"immediately no! you know how that shit ends sarah, it always ends in tears and i'm simply not willing to risk it. sorry to disappoint chief."

"but life is about taking risks"

"i'm not gonna sleep with him sarah. what if hes already tied down, first of all and secondly, i've had enough emotional distress this past year. i wanna focus on myself."

03/11/2023

focus on myself was the biggest bullshit i've told myself because what the actual fuck am i doing here again?

i sigh, walking to the café yet again. i've come here another, like seven times since the last time and engaged in a small conversation with the handsome cashier each time. he's got this thing about him that makes me so drawn to him and i know it's probably the dumbest thing i'm letting myself do, especially since i quite literally barely know this guy, but i'm already in too deep to try and get myself out.

"someone's here later than usual." wooyoung says upon my arrival to the counter.

"it's been a long ass day, i don't even wanna talk about it."

"alright, then we won't. rooibos tea?" he asks and i nod. talk about paying attention to detail.

"may i also have a lemon blueberry cheesecake slice please?" i ask and he smiles with a nod.

"sit in or takeout?"

"sit in." i confirm with him and he nods and prints out the slip.

"you know the drill." he smirks which i quickly look away frok for my own sanity.

"thank you." say and i turn to walk to the table.

"hey uh, y/n."

"hmm?"

"i'm actually clocking off in a bit but i need to get something for someone and i kinda need a second opinion on it so would you like to help me out?" he requests but unlike his usual confident behavior, he seems to be a bit nervous.

i smile at him before answering, "sure, why not."

"thank you, i appreciate it."

"no problem."

☆★☆

wooyoung and i walk side by side in the little shopping center nearby and i'm not gonna lie, it's a bit awkward. i'm willing to thug it out though.

"so what are we getting and who for?" i ask him and he hums.

"it's almost my friend's birthday and i wanted to get him something but i'm kinda bad at things like this so i needed a second opinion." he explains and i nod.

"so what's he like?"

"hmm?"

"your friend. what is he like? what does he like?"

he stops in his tracks to think a little which makes me stop too.

"well he's really reliable..." he says, his words trailing off.

"so insightful."

"well he's really into fashion. he experiments and all that cool stuff with his clothes."

"does he sew?" i ask him and he hims before shaking his head. "alright. uhh... make him something."

"do i look like i do arts and crafts?" he asks me with a finger pointed to himself.

"yes?"

"i'm sorry." he apologizes but o shake my head.

"don't worry about it. let's get him his gift." i reassure him and he nods cautiously.

we walk around the shopping center trying to think of something to get for this mystery man and i'm not gonna lie, it's difficult. it's already hard to think of a gift for someone you know, how do you think shopping for a stranger would be any easier?

the part i am enjoying though is spending time and getting to know wooyoung. he's really great company so being around him feels refreshing compared to being around the same 3 people who don't really give a fuck about what i do with my life, other than my best friend, of course, but life got so busy for both of us that we can't just make plans to meet up all willy nilly.

"hey, his birthday party is actually next friday, you should come by." he says to me as we're walking and i stop in my tracks.

"is that a good idea? i don't wanna like, intrude or anything."

"nonsense, i'll tell him you're with me. it's an open invite so..." he trails off and i sigh.

i've been dying to go out and have fun anyway, and meeting new people has never been an issue for me so why the hell not?

"okay fine. but if he looks even the slightest bit uncomfortable with me being there i'm going straight home." i tell him sternly which he smiles at.

"okay deal."

"the party starts at 7pm."

We reach the bus stop where there's a bus approaching in the distance.

"here take my number my number in case you need someone to pick you up for the party." he suggests and i nod, giving him my phone to write down and save his number. "don't hesitate to call."

"got it. thanks." i reply to him and get into the bus and i look at my phone and see what he saved his number as.

'woo 🔥🫦'

he cannot be serious.

all i can say to sum today up is, it was refreshing.

☆★☆

"HE ASKED YOU TO WHAT?!!!" sarah exclaims.

"calm down. he literally just invited me to a party."

"his friend's birthday party! you're locked in already." she says with emphasis on 'friend'. "do you think he invites every customer to his friends' birthday parties?"

"i don't know maybe?"

"babe, you built your walls so high that you can't even see over them. he's interested in you."

"i don't know..."

"i say go. at least let yourself have fun."

"fine." i say, finally giving in, i mean, it's just a party if we really think about it.

10/11/2023

i hesitantly click on call and the dial tone rings loud in my ear as i wait for him to pick up. maybe i should just hang up and just stay home in the comfort of my bed tonight.

"hello?"

too damn late.

"hi, wooyoung? oh, uh this is y/n from the café. you said to call if i need a way to get to the party."

"y/n, hi. i thought i came in too strong that day, you didn't stop by."

"sorry about that. i was just a bit busy, that's all."

LIE!

"that's good to know. uh, just tell me where to pick you up and i'll be there."

"the bus stop we went to last week."

"okay i'll be there in a bit."

"thank you." he hangs up and i sigh into tge cold air, looking down at my outfit. i hope i'm not overdressed... and i hope he likes the gift i got. it's just a necklace because i genuinely don't know what to get for him and i didn't wanna go empty handed.

surely enough though, wooyoung pulls up in a white car and he opens the passenger's window.

"you coming in or what?" he jokingly asks with a smirk on his ridiculously handsome face and i scoff before entering.

"nice ride." i say, looking around the interior the car and then i turn to look at him.

"thanks, it's yunho's." he admits and i nod. i don't even know who that is but sure. "oh he's another friend of mine, you'll meet all of them today, don't worry about it."

"i'm excited." i beam, turning the volume of the radio up when i hear mamacita by chase atlantic playing and start dancing in ny seat, singing along to the song just overall vibing. "come on wooyoung sing!" i exclaim over the loud music and he sings along with a wide smile on his face.

☆★☆

we get out of the car at a club and wooyoung gets something in the car while i walk ahead and wanter off to the entrance without him but the bouncer blocks the way.

"sorry, were closed for tonight. invite only." he says and i stand there not knowing what to do.

"don't worry, she's with me." wooyoung's smooth voice says behind me and i look back at him and take in his entire appearance. he's wearing a black and white patterned shirt which isn't buttoned all the way, showing off his chest with black jeans and black boots and his hair is pulled back by a pair of sunglasses on top of his head.

he looks too good.

"my apologies." the bounced says and opens the door for us to enter.

"look at you, cool guy. 'she's with me.'" i imitate his voice and he rolls his eyes. "you guys rented this place out?"

"yeah, just the vip area. it's one of those nights where we act like we have more money than we actually do." he jokes and i laugh. "here we are."

he opens the door and let's me walk in before him. the lights immediately draw me in and the music hits my bones but i fight the urge to start dancing since i'm yet to meet everyone here.

"come with me to meet the others." he leads me to the upstairs area where there's a red-haired man talking to someone. i'm rendered speechless at how absolutely gorgeous he is.

"joong, i'd like you to meet someone." wooyoung announces, getting their attention. "uh, this is y/n. i mentioned inviting a plus one for tonight."

"hi guys." i greet with a wave.

"you're the one wooyoung begged me to invite." a man with red hair says stepping forward and i nod.

"yeah that would be me. it's nice to meet you."

"nice to meet you too. i'm hongjoong."

"belated happy birthday hongjoong. i hope you like this." i say and hand him the small gift bag i've been holding.

"you didn't have have to bring a gift. thank you." he smiles, taking the bag. "thanks for making it tonight. please enjoy your night."

"thank you."

wooyoung and walk to a group of people who are sitting around a table and chatting it up.

"hi guys."

"woo, you're back." a really tall, insanely handsome, pink haired man yells over the music and his eyes fall on me for a second. "and who might you be?"

"i'm y/n." i respond, stretching my hand out.

"i'm mingi." he smirks, taking my hand for a handshake.

"this is yeosang, those ones over there are san and his girlfriend ari, jongho went to get drinks with seonghwa and that's yunho and his girlfriend, rissa. guys this is y/n." wooyoung cuts between mingi and i to introduce me to everyone else.

"nice to meet you guys."

"you too. care to join us?" ari asks, holding up a shot glass with some clear liquid.

"now we're talking." i breathe out and make my way to the small circle consisting of san, ari and yeosang.

ari hands me a shot glass and pours me some vodka. i take the shot, letting the liquid burn down my throat and i cringe at the bitter taste.

"so what do you do?" san asks, leaning into ari a bit more.

"i'm a call center representative." i respond to her while putting ghe glass down on the table in front of us. "it's really boring though."

"i could never be one, honestly." ari sighs out and i nod in agreement.

"i've been damn near quitting so many times. what do you guys do?" i ask back, trying to keep the conversation going.

"well i just got laid off work at an accounting firm and san and yeosang work together as personal trainers at the gym nearby."

"more like you got fired." san comments and the girl looks at him with a deadpan expression.

two other men return with bottles in hand who im guessing are jongho and seonghwa. now does wooyoung only associate himself with good looking people? because everyone i've met today is insanely hot.

hongjoong returns from wherever he wad and that's when i hear my song boom through the speakers which immediately gets me on my feet. i've spent a good hour mingling with everyone, getting to know them. it's time to shake some ass.

the alcohol is very well in our systems and i feel rissa grab one of my hands and pulls me up to start dancing to the song.

"come join us birthday boy!" i yell to hongjoong who's standing around with everyone else.

i was definitely over thinking coming out here tonight because i'm having so much fun with these people.

☆★☆

we partied into the early hours of the morning until we couldn't. like literally everyone is exhausted and ready to hit the sheets.

"thank you for letting me crash your party hongjoong. i had fun." i thank hongjoong who goes in for a friendly hug.

"it's not a problem. it's always great making new friends. get home safe, alright."

"i will, thanks." we hug one more time and i say my goodbyes to everyone.

"remember what i said girlie." ari yells to me and i salute to her and turn into someone, coming eye to eye with that horrendous patterned shirt that he managed to pull off.

"come on, let's get you home." he offers and i smile shyly.

"i wouldn't wanna be a bother. besides, i can make it there on my own."

"i have no doubt about that but let me earn my gentleman title here. besides, it wouldn't feel right dragging you here then leaving you to find your own way back." he insistently tells me and i fake a shocked gasp.

"not even because you wanna make sure i get home save, that you're worried about me? i'm hurt."

"and dramatic, let's go."

15/11/2023

i walk into the familiar café without a second thought this time and walk straight to the counter where wooyoung is standing but he's looking elsewhere.

"hey." he looks up and stands up straight.

"you know i'm starting to feel like you only come here when it's my shift." he teases with a smirk but i don't let my guard down one bit.

"oh please, i only come here at this time because it's when i clock off from work."

"aww no other reason? not because you like to see my handsome face?" he questions.

"no it's not that..." i trail, pretending to be in thought before i trail my eyes to him and he's looking at me unimpressed.

"just order and get out of here."

i briefly laugh at his mini outburst. just briefly.

"i'll get the usual." i tell him and he nods, taking down my order.

"and you'll sit in because no matter how much you deny it, you're obsessed with me."

"oh i'm so obsessed, i only frequent this café at this exact time just so i can sit and stare at your handsome face. is that what you wanted to hear?"

"yes, here's your order number. you know the drill."

"wooyoung, i didn't say i wanna sit in."

"you did just now. go on."

i shoot him a glare that he returns a brief sarcastic smile at. i just take the next number from the stack and go to my regular seat.

ever since hongjoong's party, my friendship with wooyoung has developed from acquaintances to actual friends. like he even sent a goodnight text the other night and i felt my heart hiccup. i thought my poor lifestyle choices were catching up to me.

"your order madam." i turn to wooyoung who's now in front of me with a tray in hand. him and i both know he's not supposed to be delivering orders so why is he not behind the counter?

"wooyoung?"

"here before the manager catches me out here." he informs me, looking over his shoulder to check if he's been caught.

"i didn't order an apple crumble though."

"it's on the house. look, i like you y/n and, i don't know, i guess this is my way of showing that. i know it's not the best way to tell you all this but can we talk after my shift?" he asks and walks back behind the counter. just in time for the customer who is just now entering. it's the same girl from all those weeks ago, if my sight is as clear as i believe it is, that is, and i feel my heart sink watching the two of them interact.

have i really let my guard down this much already? i don't know what to do...

23/11/2023

i haven't talked to wooyoung in like five days and my left eye is starting to twitch. there is really no reason for me to ghost him so suddenly, especially after things have been going so well, i mean, i'm locked in with his friends now.

i'm being stupid, and i know i am but the fear of getting my heart broken again overpowers the little bit of critical thinking i have.

"y/n, have you spoken to wooyoung? he's been a bit besides himself." rissa asks me while the movie plays ever so softly on the television. i introduced her and ari to sarah and we all decided to crash at ari and san's house and bust out some movies. only thing is, her and sarah literally passed out minutes into the first movie so it's just rissa and i.

"what do you mean?"

"yunho said he's been in his head the last couple of days."

"oh... i don't know, i haven't really noticed." i tell her quietly and she deadpans at me.

"oh really?" she asks with an unamused tone in her voice and i shrug. "what's really going on?"

"i'm scared of letting myself fall for someone because i don't wanna get my heart broken again."

she turns in her seat to face me completely and she sighs.

"it's too late for that, don't you think?" she questions and i look at her im confusion.

"what do you mean?"

"i mean that you've already fallen for him. you're distancing yourself because you already have and you don't want it to go any further."

i think to myself for a quick second...

i've found myself enjoying his company to the point where i can't wait for the next awful day at work so i can go see him at the café. i get excited when he texts and smile so wide seeing his name pop up on my screen.

fuck this i'm in too deep now.

"seen the light huh?" she asks anf i sigh frustratedly, burying my face in my hands. "you really think wooyoung would break your heart?"

"i don't know... he doesn't seem like he would, i mean, he's so sweet but i've been blindsided before."

"i understand you're scared but trust me, i've known wooyoung for a good five years now and he's never gone out of his way to hurt anyone's feelings."

"okay well who's that girl wooyoung was flirting with at the café?" i ask her and she shrugs.

"what girl?"

"there's a girl with long, ass-length, blonde hair. she's moderately short."

"no way you're intimidated by her."

"you know her?"

"if the person you're describing is who i have in mind... there aren't a lot of blondes in this area. you're probably talking about yuri."

"yuri?"

"she's like, obsessed with wooyoung. he's a really fun and charismatic man so it's easy to be swayed."

"how lovely." i sarcastically comment.

"sorry. she took everything he said as a hint and she's convinced that he wants her but he doesn't. he's just kind to her, that's all."

"and has he made it clear to her that he's uninterested?"

"many times. she says he's in denial."

"wow."

"yeah. so you have nothing to worry about. that man is probably losing sleep wondering what he did wrong for you to stop texting. in your attempt to preserve your feelings"

"i hurt his..." i finish her sentence and she nods.

"his birthday is coming up but the party is this saturday. he'd like you to come."

"i owe him an explanation."

"yes you do."

25/11/2023

the girls and i are getting ready for wooyoung's birthday party at rissa's apartment and i am stressing out, like my leg is bouncing up and down at such a high speed that it feels like my whole body is vibrating. the past two days i was trying to find the right words and put them together.

"girl this isn't an unprepared speech for school, just apologize and tell him how you feel." sarah tells me but that does not help how i'm feeling right now.

"it's not easy."

"come on. you look too hot to be sulking in the corner. i'm a hundred percent sure he's gonna wanna talk to you and hear you out." ari comments which lifts the mood a bit. i even cracked a teensy smile.

"come let's go ladies." rissa says and we file out of the house.

☆★☆

we just got here and there's already someone throwing up in a bush. this is gonna be fun.

"y/n come!" sarah pulls me with here wherever she's going.

"i need to find wooyoung."

"exactly, you need to take a shot before talking to him!"

"sober babes. i need to talk to him completely sober." she let's go of my hand.

"okay then, go look for your man, i'll be by the drinks."

"right behind you." rissa agrees, walking away with Sarah and i sigh.

"i need to go find san, wanna come with me?" ari asks and i turn to look at her. "where you find san, you find wooyoung, come."

i nod and follow her lead the way to the living room of the house where there's a bunch of people there.

"the life of the party is here!" ari announces and makes her way to san who let's her sit on his lap but there's no sign of wooyoung in here. did bro ditch his own party?

"hi everyone."

"y/n, you look stunning." mingi compliments me while walking my way. he takes my hand and makes me do a little spin.

"why thank you mingi. i guess i could say the same to you."

"hey, don't hurt me like this." he says, putting a hand on his chest on fake offense.

"you'll be alright. has anyone seen wooyoung?" i ask everyone but all i get as a response is murmurs across the room.

"check the backyard." one of the men say and a nod with a little thank you.

"okay thanks."

i make my way to the exit to the back yard where it's a bit emptier than inside. it's quieter with crickets chirping somewhere in the plants wnf a nice breeze cools down my skin. it's easier to breathe out here in comparison to the stuffy air inside but alas, there sits wooyoung on the grass with a can of beer in hand.

i can do this. i owe him an explanation after all so i go and sit right next to him which attracts his attention but his blank expression doesn't leave his face upon seeing me.

"hi." i greet him to break the ice but the tension between us is palpable. i clear my throat before attempting to speak again. "wooyoung, can we talk? please, i'm not here to defend myself..."

all he does is silently take a sip from his can and i let out a breath. this is gonna be difficult.

"wooyoung."

"you know, you could've at least told me you weren't interested instead of making me fall for you and look stupid for it." his words cut deep that i don't think i can even come up with any words to say to him.

"i was wrong, i know, and i'm really sorry for that. it was unfair of me to do that to you, you didn't deserve that and i feel horrible for what i did." i apologetically tell him but my eyes are glued to the grass patch in front of us.

"can you at least tell me why?"

"i'm a coward. running seemed easier than letting myself fall for you. i didn't have the best relationship with my ex and our breakup wasn't pretty either, i was in shambles and left to pick up the pieces and put them back and i thought i had finally done that, but clearly i left some of them behind." i explain to him scoffing at my own words at the end. "i saw you talking with a girl i thought you were flirting with and i put all my defenses back up and ended up doing to you what i was scared would happen to me."

"please, she's been annoying me for years now. i've never been interested in her and i've made that clear, i wouldn't flirt with her if i've been trying to get her off my arm. i like you, y/n. let me be there for you. there's no point in restricting your feelings like this. let yourself fall, i'll catch you."

"will you catch my baggage too?" i question and he shifts so that he's sitting in front of me.

"i'll carry it for you y/n."

"wooyoung i like you too and i won't lie and say i haven't imagined us together a couple of times. i'm willing to let my walls down for you if you're still willing to be in my life like that."

"yes, i'll be your boyfriend." he says confidently and i shake my head in disapproval

"i didn't even ask though."

"okay then ask because i'm getting impatient." i laugh at his excitement.

"will you be my boyfriend?" i finally ask him and he puts a hand over his mouth with a gasp all dramatic like a little schoolgirl who's crush liked her picture on instagram.

"yes, i'd love to be your boyfriend." he beams and i smile back at him.

"oh and before i forget. i got you this. it's not much but it's from my heart." i tell him, handing him the gift i got for him.

"what's this?" he asks, taking the small box in his hands.

"open it." i tell him nervously and he does just that and he takes the metal keychain out, smiling when he reads what's written on it.

"you like it?" i ask him nervously.

"yeah i do." he smiles, looking at it.

it's written 'ginger cinnamon rooibos tea with a little teacup hanging from a different chain.

"a significant part of how our relationship blossomed." he says and i let out a relieved sigh.

"i'm glad you like it."

"thank you y/n. for giving me a chance with you and for this."

"it's a pleasure."

"let's go inside, i wanna tell everybody that the cute girl at the coffee shop is now my girlfriend." he exclaims and i laugh as he helps me up.

"let's go."

we walk into the house with wooyoung telling everyone we pass by, "she's my girlfriend."

"hello everyone, i'm back here with my girlfriend." wooyoung says to everyone in the room.

"so it finally happened huh?" hongjoong asks and we nod rapidly.

"she's a yapper." sarah 'whispers' to everyone in the room.

"great because he does too." san confirms and everyone agrees that there's a lot in their hands with us being a couple now.

"oh it's 12 o'clock." rissa announces and we shout a happy birthday to you wooyoung and i hug him tightly.

"happy birthday boyfriend."

"why thank you girlfriend." he smiles and everyone mumbles a choir of disgusted comments.

[beetlemousse]

Now I would like to analyze an event: Purgatory.

Remembering that this is a cold and critical analysis, but without the intention of inciting hatred.

Where did Purgatory 1 fail? For starters, they didn't know what they were doing when they decided that the event would last 2 weeks. And because the safety of the eggs was important, the players were practically forced to participate since there was no 100% guarantee that their children would be saved. For example, Foolish and Leo. Who would save Leo on the other teams? Tina on blue and Roier on green, but that's if they had a chance, because since they didn't know how the rescue would be done in the end, the teams always said they would try to give priority to the parents. So, assuming that the green team won in the end and could only save two eggs, Etoiles, being the leader and the father, gets priority, so he would save Pomme. And assuming that another father was selected to choose, and it was Roier, he would save Richas instead of Leo, because Richas is his son. Now if the blue team won, Tina wouldn't have priority in the choice while Tubbo might have because he's the leader, but he would still have to choose between Chay and Lulah, or he would save both of them and other parents on the blue team would lose their children. There were too many disastrous possibilities and that was what made the players with eggs keep playing. Another thing that forced the players to participate was the imbalance of the teams, something that the red team scored a lot on, and they were right. Despite talking a lot about the lack of people, I think that maybe the ADMS should have taken into account their skills when dividing them. For example, they put Roier, Etoiles and Fit on the same team. 3 beasts in PVP on the same team, and although I love the iterations, I would much prefer Roier and Etoiles to face each other than to be on the same team. Etoiles spent the 1 week practically looking for someone to fight, but the red team didn't have PVP players online,i mean...Philza is good, but he's not stupid, he knows his team can't lose points, so they focused on surviving. The blue team had Bbh but he also didn't fight alone against the green team, after all, dying costs your team points in the final score. The only one who would face Etoiles 1V1 in an epic way was Roier, but they were on the same team and couldn't risk losing points with silly deaths. So, adding the feeling of obligation that parents had towards their children, the terrible division of teams, and the fact that the event lasted 2 weeks, ended up making many people mentally exhausted. And in the end, it was all for nothing because it was Cucurucho who saved the eggs. And the Lore of the cursed team also didn't happen because they didn't know how to work on it, they should have given more clues,but instead, they made the players focus too much on the competition and wear themselves out, so it would be unfair to kill the eggs. It's something that Cellbit himself realized, the way things were organized, it no longer made sense to continue with the Cursed team´s Lore, because without more clues, it was too much of a risk to let another team win, especially for the red team that was at a disadvantage and had to win by other methods, like handing in the missions at the last minute so that other teams couldn't surpass their score. And that's why there were so many changes in the missions, because they had to find a fair way for ALL teams to have a chance to win.

I think Purgatory 2 worked perfectly well because it was a normal competition and there was NO LORE involved.

[greyyson-but-no]

PEACE: death family

just something I felt like writing, this is my headcannon for the end of death family. it just felt most calming for me, the perfect end. it's very long, 1.4K words I think, it's also been a while since I posted writing too. hope you all enjoy. rip death family - how ironic lmao

As the children fell asleep, curled up beside their father that had spent the past few hours apologising over and over again, they could feel her coming. Chayanne felt her presence first, the warmth, the calm that washed over him. Just a second later the same safety settled in Lullah's heart, too and they figured out who it was. There was no one else who had this sense of calmness, who made them feel as safe as this. It was immediately someone they could trust because the two had heard their father mention her name several times. Not as someone dangerous, but instead the most loving person they could ever come in contact with. In fact, Philza had stated that he loved this person more than anyone else, well, no one came above his children, but the point still stood tall. They knew she could be trusted.

Chayanne and Lullah's eyes fluttered open, and while they didn't know where they were, the black endless void that they stood in wasn't scaring them. At the end of wherever they were stood the most beautiful deity they had ever seen. Though her face was masked by a purple laced veil that hung from a large, black dia de muertos-esque hat, a warming smile curled into the deities lips from underneath. Lullah grabbed Chayanne's hand, smiling at the goddess that looked over them.

The Goddess of Death took a couple steps closer. "Oh, my dear children. I didn't expect it to be you two, not yet, at least." She spoke, her voice smooth and clear, and a comfort to Chayanne and Lullah as they went through something that no child should have to endure.

"You're-" Lullah was the first to speak, Chayanne too bewildered to neither understand nor process what was actually happening. "Are you Kristin? The Goddess of Death?"

The deity nodded. "Yes, my loves."

The younger one turned to the older, tugging on his hand and smiling. "Chay, it's okay. Dad told us about her, remember? She's nice, she's okay. Remember, Papa said that if he could no longer take care of us that she could." Lullah explained, Chayanne slowly piecing together what was happening.

"Our dad-"

The goddess cut Chayanne off. "I've known your father for a very long time, dear ones. You don't have to worry anymore."

Lullah dropped Chayanne's hands, moving closer to the goddess of death with a hope that somehow deep down, she knew was false. But it was worth the try anyway. "Is there any way we can see him again?" She knew what everything meant, she knew that they had- they had moved on.

"I can take you to see him but he won't be able to see you. You wouldn't be able to talk to him or communicate at all. Well, there might be leeway with the communication part but he won't be able to understand you or know that you're there." Kristin explained, moving her hands around to her back and clasping them there. "He's in a different plane of existence to you and us, right now. The most I can do is morph the two of you into crows. you'd be able to mix in with his murder as he lives his life."

Chayanne nodded, not knowing how to understand he would never be able to talk to his dad again. all those years, being brought up by him, the child being who he was because of philza, all that gone in all matter of minutes. No communication ever again. But then again, it was bound to happen. They always knew it would happen at some point. All they were were experiments, hatching into what they were supposed to be wasn't possible, passing on was the only option. Looking around, Chayanne weighed up his options, spending the rest of eternity with his sister and watching over their father as he continued with no acknowledgement of their existence or: nothingness.

There was truly only one correct choice. He looked over to Lullah. "I'll do it, if you do too, hermanita."

Lullah turned, eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

Chayanne shrugged, looking over at the Goddess of Death again. "I'd like to see dad, if I'm being honest, and it also means we can stick by each other's side."

The younger one nodded, taking Chayanne's hand again and turning towards the goddess, a large smile brimming on her face, nodding. "We want to see him again. If this is our option then it's the best afterlife i could have asked for. por favor, help us see our dad again."

"As you wish, children." And as she was about to morph them, she smiled, squinting to try and figure out if she had gotten it correct. "Actually, wait, I just remembered something."

The two children opened their eyes again. "What?" They both spoke in unison.

The Goddess grinned, kneeling down to be at the same height as the two children. "You met Rose, didn't you?" And when they both explained she had saved them several times over, Kristin nodded again, laughing a little. "That little demigoddess has a little trick up her sleeve, let me call her over here."

And so the Goddess of Death called over the one that ruled over nature in the world that Philza was from, and soon enough the comforting face of Rose stood beside the goddess, looking over to the two children with a solemn look etched on her face. While she hadn't been expecting them just yet either, the demigoddess understood what Kristin wanted from her. The two children didn't quite understand what was happening just yet, but they had two familiar faces in front of them and with the notion of seeing their dad again and knowing they would be able to stick together forever, they would be okay. They knew it. Soon enough, Chayanne and Lullah found themselves standing on an island, looking over a large, gorgeous area. There were hundreds and thousands of crows flying around the area, diving in and around the floating islands around the edge, cawing with a happiness that the children hadn't seen in anyone for a good while. Chayanne looked upwards, greeted with a large diamond sword, a cape wrapped around it that flowed daringly in the wind, never faltering, never having a risk of falling. Lullah spotted the quartz wall, broken up and cracked, floating up with the islands.

Then yet another crow came flying round, diving with an adrenaline unknown to them before, his wingspan being larger than ever before. His hat, green with white stripes, somehow not falling off even when he flew straight down. The old crow was holding moss, and just a second later he was down by the beach on the other side of the island they were standing on, placing it around. The children were too far to specify what he was actually doing, but they didn't care. That was their father, that was for sure. The same version of him they knew, but completely different. Had no knowledge of them, of ever having children, nor ever knowing Missa. He looked… happy. Not worried, not overwhelmed, just content.

The Goddess of Death took a step forward having been previously stood behind the two children, looking over her husband with a warm look. "He can't see us right now. Thanks to Rose, whenever the two of you choose, you can morph into crows, then he'll be able to see you. Lullah, you'll have little pink flowers mixed into your feathers, Chayanne, you'll have Missa's eyes. He'll be able to differentiate the two of you from the rest but he won't understand why."

Chayanne nodded. "It's better than never being able to see him again." and Lullah nodded in agreement.

And so, for as long as they wanted to, the two children could choose how they wanted to live. If they wanted to hear their father once more, all it took was for them to morph into crows, they would be able to fly to him and speak to him through the mouth of Brian. He wouldn't be able to recognise them, or understand why they were saying what they were, but it meant a lot for the children that he had heard their thoughts once more. It meant everything to them. If they simply wanted to relax, they flew up to Techno's memorial and while Lullah was reminded of the one she had built, she much preferred this one. The Death Siblings would sit on the cross-guard of the sword, watching over their father's world, finally understanding what he had been hiding from them all these months.

Eventually, Philza came to recognise their voices. He started to spot them within a whole murder of his crows. He still couldn't figure out why they were different or why his heart could have burst whenever he caught sight of them, but he soon enough came to terms with it. Whenever he saw them around, a larger smile curled into his lips, a sense of comfort washing over him at the sight of them both safe. Maybe he would never figure out why, but after a while, that didn't matter to Chayanne and Lullah.

They were safe and content, all three of them were. Peace, at long last.

[verynormalaboutkinnporsche]

Let Me Be Tempted, Let Me Be Torn 2

Another 700 words of whatever this is? Angsty. This time Kim POV. Part one here.

-----------------

"Okay," Kim said after a moment, and waited.

"I mean not necessarily right now. You're...." Chay made a gesture that could have meant almost anything.

"No time like the present." It wasn't as if this could get any worse. He'd spent the whole day surrounded by happy, excited people and wanted to claw his skin off the entire time; he could keep it up a bit longer, let Chay get whatever it was he wanted to say off his chest. It was literally the least Kim could do.

Apparently Chay had come into this with no game plan. "I don't actually know what to say." He looked around at the beautiful late afternoon, the manicured lawn now all but empty except for the two of them. "What did you tell people?"

"About why I'm here by myself? COVID in the family is always a good excuse these days." Gloating? That was unexpected from Chay. He looked sad, though. Kim would have preferred gloating. What the hell had prompted him to share that, last time they had met? Maybe the anger Chay had clearly thought he was doing a good job of hiding.

If Chay had come to campus on the weekend just so he could stare uncomfortably at Kim, that was his business. Kim was used to being stared at. He really wanted to go home and achieve some kind of unconsciousness, though. The past couple of weeks had been exhausting, ever since the arrival of the formal letter.

It has been a difficult year. The family needs to come together. The choice is yours; however, no choice is without consequences.

Somehow, he had convinced himself before then that it wasn't any different from how things already were. That it wouldn't hurt.

Chay said, "Why did you say 'for what it's worth'?"

"What?"

"You said 'for what it's worth, I'm sorry.'"

Had he? Ugh. "I don't expect anything I say to matter at this point."

"Why say it at all, then?"

"Didn't think I was going to get another chance. Are you going to ask why again?" It was a great pity that Wik never smoked, and he was very much being Wik today.

"I might."

Kim folded his arms and looked at the ground, trying to think of an answer that might satisfy whatever quest Chay had undertaken. He said, "I must have hoped you would believe me." It wasn't a comfortable thing, but he thought it was true. Look at you, being careful now with the pieces of what you broke. "Please don't ask why. I don't know."

"Okay."

It occurred to Kim that they weren't caught in a thunderstorm right now; he could do this properly. For what it was worth, again. He said, "I handled most of that situation badly. I should have told you the truth. If you want me to say anything else, I'm afraid you're going to have to ask plainly."

"I don't think I do." Chay looked at the ground, too. "All right. Khun asked--"

"Don't." That was a note he didn't allow into Wik's voice, and Chay looked up in surprise. "I will apologize to you ten times or ten thousand times. This, however, is none of your business." Kim had stopped replying to messages from the family weeks ago, let them pile up unread until his phone's memory ran out and then deleted them wholesale. He had been saying Tomorrow things will get better every day for weeks, too. He didn't think he believed it any more.

"I'm not sure about that," Chay said. "He's your dad, not mine. I never agreed to be a party to this. It's cruel. I might not be able to control much about my life right now, but I don't have to be like that."

"Like us," Kim corrected him gently.

Chay shook his head, hesitant at first, then more firmly. "What you did hurt. A lot. I don't know about ten thousand apologies, that seems kind of excessive. Saving my life probably knocks off a few thousand at least. But I never thought you enjoyed it."

me on AO3

[ae-azile]

Progression: Chapter 31 Preview

“They're small islands,” Kim says as Chay walks towards the drugstore with determination, “And conservative. The last store we went to told us that they were part of a delayed shipment that contained unnecessary items-”

“Those ARE necessary!” Chay snaps, then turns around, “Stay here. I'll go in. Can't have anyone catch on.”

“We already researched it. The tourist Islands tend to turn a blind eye-”

Chay walks through the door before Kim can finish. He scans the aisles, sees the tags for brands like Trojan and Durex on empty hooks, then goes over to the woman at the counter and leans in.

“Hi,” Chay says kindly, “Um, I saw that you were out of…condoms-”

Chay feigns a bashful squirm, then moves on.

“Is there a chance that you have any in the back that haven't been put out yet?”

The woman shakes her head, “Sorry. The ships bringing in certain products are late. We’re also out of Cheez-Its. We’re one of the only islands that sell those.”

Whatever will the population do without Cheez-Its? For some reason, Chay can't find it within himself to care.

“Thank you for your help,” Chay says, then leaves the store without buying anything. He will probably feel bad about it later, but if he bought pointless things at every store that didn't have condoms, they would have too many pointless things to carry around.

“Any luck?” Kim asks, his eyes following Chay as Chay goes and sits on a nearby bench before putting his head in his hands.

“This is the worst thing that could have happened.”

“Yeah.”

“We should have savored that last condom,” Chay says morosely, “Made it last. Used the cock rings even.”

By the way Kim glances around at that, he is probably checking to make sure no one heard Chay. But Chay doesn't care. Not anymore. The universe clearly hates him, so let any punishment come his way. Any punishment wouldn't compare to this. Getting ripped away of the opportunity to fuck Kim after just getting a taste of it is torture.

“We could go without.”

Chay’s spiraling thoughts come to a halt, and he looks at Kim with wide eyes. Meanwhile, Kim can't look at him at all.

“I'm obviously clean,” Kim says quietly, “Even if the men who abducted me did do something - and all of the exams pointed to that not being the case - I was tested. Given meds as a precaution. Nothing has come up, even in my most recent appointment.”

Chay blinks, and then sits up straight, “You'd really be okay with-”

“If you are okay with it,” Kim interrupts, then clears his throat, “And if you're clean.”

“...Hia made me get tested right after we all went to Cambodia,” Chay says hesitantly, then rolls his eyes, “Right after he started shipping us. Everything came back clean, and the blood work I did as a follow-up came back clean as well.”

“Oh,” Kim says, nodding, “...We don't have to make a decision today. But I guess it's something to think about.”

It is. Even as they give up on their quest to find condoms and go about their day, it's all Chay can think about.

He needs to talk about it with someone. As soon as they get back from a historical island tour and Kim decides to take a nap, Chay walks out onto the beach and does just that. He wars within himself on who to call. Khun has been surprisingly open-minded and comforting about anything Chay has talked with him about, but he's on vacation with his new fiancé and is also Kim’s brother. It doesn't seem like a good idea to ask him. Kinn sounds even worse, not to mention more intimidating.

He's pointedly ignoring the obvious choice for now.

Maybe Macau. They're the same age. But when he calls, Macau sends it straight to voicemail.

Macau: I'm on a date with Nalin. Sorry. We’re getting Khun and Arm presents. What's up?

Chay: What do you think about me barebacking your cousin?

Macau: BRO, STOP! I don't think about that and I don't want to!

Chay: It's hard for me to wrap my head around too. It sounds appealing though, you know? I'm just worried it is too big of a step.

Chay: What if you and Nalin go on a very quick getaway? You can pack your bags, get on a plane tomorrow morning, take a ferry to our island, and we can get lunch. You can also maybe bring a value pack of condoms so Kim and I can sit on this possibility a little longer. Since you are coming anyway. You can fly out tomorrow night or even the next day. 😃

Macau: Aw, you'd let us stay a full day before kicking us off the island?

Chay: Of course!

Macau: No. Besides, Nalin is bringing the twins over. We agreed to babysit them. Malai picked up some independent contracting work she needs to finish and Preeda is taking some advanced painting course in the evening now.

Chay: Can't someone else watch them? Hansa? Your brother? Pete?

Macau: P’Pete and Hia are going on a double date with Hansa and Pol. They can't.

Chay:...That's so weird.

Macau: Yeah, but Hia is actually looking forward to it?

Chay: Because he wants to make Pol nervous the entire time?

Macau: Maybe. But I think he wants friends like a normal person. And to probably gossip about me and Nalin with Hansa.

Macau: But anyway, can’t bring you condoms. Good luck with whatever journey you go on with Kim, but don't talk to me in detail about it. Thanks.

Chay looks down at his phone sadly before gazing off into the horizon. There is only one person he can talk to. The thought of bringing this up to him brings Chay feelings of both relief and mortification, but he has to do it.

“Chay?” Hia says as he answers the phone, “Hey! How is the trip?”

“It's amazing,” Chay tells him honestly. And that's true. It is. He just hopes Hia will come up with a solution that will make it a lot better.

[sideeffectsofhavingnolife]

IPKKND S:1 EP-5

Thinking of doing a sprint instead of one each day.

Let me grab some tea and churn these out

Me, when high on chai.

Fifth Episode of Iss pyar ko kya naam doon, hoping for progression.

Her being surrounded by men, is just an uncomfortable feeling.

Stop it with the overreaction guys. It's clearly an accidental fall. They are acting like she had a sex tape released.

Oh! Hey Mom, who just came around Khushi after 4 episodes of sulking. Ready to be disappointed once again?

Look at Arnav watching their video, quite fondly, if I may say.

"Meri bezatti karni ki himmat na aaj tak kisi ne ki hai, na ab koi karega." 🙄 He is such a fussy kid!

I just saw Tees Maar Khan's poster behind them. A bit sad that fewer people went to that movie because they were busy watching Khushi's video. Khushi's got Akshay Kumar and Katrina Kaif beat. Nice going girl!

Oh there we go! The catcallers are here. Why are they always in a group of three though? It was the same in Ishqbaaz.

I doubt you all got even a penny in your pockets.

What the fuck is this acting! Lol!

Damn! The mother is very coy. I'd expect her to get in at least one slap.

A group of hooligans disrespecting women. Tick.

The sleazy dupatta pulling. Tick.

Pushing an elderly man off. Tick.

No interference from the crowd. Tick

Setting the stage so a younger man can magically appear and save the day. Tick

This is an every 2000s and 10s bollywood movie scene ever.

And our savior's got the iconic Salman Khan bracelet.

Could you walk a little slower dude? This way you might actually reach in time.

Why are there people just standing around. Like they are not even hesitantly walking by. They are full-on standing and watching as if that's what they stepped out for.

Yo! What kind of acupuncture pressure point did this man hit for the goon's hand to be shaking that much?

"Kaun hai be tu?" Honestly, I have the same question.

Holy Shit, He just made a 'I fucked you mom' comeback.

Not the shawty eating the watermelon.

More people just entered.

Did the bat just break after coming in contact with his arm?! Is this man unbreakable?

I think they forgot to put the snapping neck effect.

Not him instantly falling in love with our girl. Or does he know her from before?

Stop looking at her, my guy. She wouldn't want a man looking at her for the entire next month.

Also they don't know each other at all. This is an entirely new interaction. I need to prepare my second lead syndrome heart. Why are the second leads always the better choice?

Aghh! Bua ji please shut the fuck up! Why don't you visit the ganga ji yourself, perhaps in a kalash?

Ooh, they are going to delhi? Nice, develop the plot.

But does she really think that Delhi is the place to learn 'sanskaar'?

Ab Bua ji ko bahut problem ho rahi hai.

Oh his sister's still here.

It's the divorce you alll.

Nah! This man is really such a child. Isn't it embarrassing to talk such emo shit in front of his employee.

"Di relax, please." He got so triggered.

She saw the news? But didn't she see it live, I am pretty sure she was there.

I know Khushi feels bad but Payal literally has nothing to do with any of this, yet she is trying her best to cope with it.

"Soch ke hi to kiya hai." This bastard is so turned on by this stuff.

"Aapka pati kaha hai?" Lol.

He is gone, boy, they are divorcing.

I am kinda digging this dynamic more.

No! Tease him more. I can just tell she is gonna be a big shipper of Arnav and Khushi in the future.

Khushi! Girl! I love your spirit but please don't make this worse. This isn't as bad, you should learn to be less dependent on your parents. It's about time.

Yeah! sure this makes you so much less suspicious.

Wow! they really pulled up to the news station.

Does she think that they would have even an iota of regret about it.

At this point she would have to take it to the court which she is likely to lose because well, money.

Dubey ji and Chaubey ji. Right, Not at all fictional.

"Uske liye to aapko Delhi jaana padega!" So it's Arnav then.

Oh, so now they feel bad.

"Hum galat the" Well, that was easy.

Now she knows!

Not that she could do much about it anyways! But atleast she can hate him more viscerally now. And that's what we want!

Okay Byeeee!!

Onto the next one, I go!

[freezegirl]

khione meets tim at the silver lotus, a chinese restaurant riding on the coattails of jean grey, ororo munroe, colleen wing and misty knight. it's no paper lantern, of course, but it'll do for now.

aisling has been lying.

four words that cause her to, briefly, close her eyes. she breathes in through the nose, holds it for four seconds, and breathes out through her mouth, mentally counting to six. then she opens her eyes again. neither pain nor surprise crosses her features. just some sort of weary resignedness.

it's yet another jagged puzzle piece that she has to slot in somewhere.

she remembers the nine cards that aisling tucked away. remembers the time aisling told her that, sometimes, she has to play a game that benefits nobody.

remembers fiachra stirring up trouble shortly after her arrival. remembers edgar babysitting them for some reason when aisling was out of town.

she remembers, though. files the things she sees and hears and experiences away for future reference in neat little mental cabinets. she remembers. that's the long and short of it.

there is so much she knows, now, and so much she doesn't.

tim has found something, she knows. a file on how to erase someone's powers. permanently. how that works? she doesn't know. doesn't want to know, even though knowledge is power.

"you have powers," he says, "so maybe you can help me understand what happened?"

khione's heart breaks because he's so young, because he doesn't know what happened to stanley. doesn't know his part in it. her heart breaks and breaks again, mostly for tim, but also for herself because she's going to have to be the one to tell him.

make it fast. it's like ripping off a band-aid. it's like wiping out on the ice; it's imperative you get up as quickly as you can.

they meet again at a later date. this time they sit down in a restaurant called pradeepan's indian cuisine and it grieves khione that she can't just pull tim in for a hug. it wouldn't magically fix everything, but it wouldn't make things worse, either.

apparently the company of v is still whispering in tim's ears because the minute he sits down, he brings out the big guns.

"how do you know it wasn't aisling who killed him? huh? she can revive anyone, save any life she chooses. how come she didn't save him? maybe she isn't as perfect as you think. nobody is. but at least these people aren't lying to me."

she takes a moment to scoop most of the raita out of the little container and onto her biryani. she mixes it together as best she can and then she takes a big bite, savoring the rich flavors.

"most powers manifest during periods of high stress and intensity, you know, elevated cortisol levels and all that jazz. will stronghold's abilities made themselves known during a fight in the cafetaria with warren peace, but only after warren had threatened will's friends. yours made themselves known during your argument with aisling about the file."

khione hums and takes a sip of her chai: "i never claimed she was perfect. you're right, nobody is. and i understand your... grief and frustration, i do. but one) everything comes at a cost and two) maybe they are not lying but not lying and being truthful are two very different things. they are witholding information from you, i'm sure. tell me, if all the cards were on the table and if you knew everything, would you still be here? would this be the choice you would have made time and time again? would this be the path you would have gone down? the road you would have taken?"

from the corner of her eyes, she sees someone who looks surprisingly like edgar tear into a roti roll and wonders how many eyes the company has on them. wonders if she has to give said eyes temporary snow blindness.

"because you've allied yourself with the people who almost killed me, and now you would have your siblings do the same? you're smarter than this, tim. you always have been. do you really think that's what's best for all of you in the long run?" khione arches an eyebrow. "you and whomever else you'd manage to recruit would have to work with people like katie baxter. people who had no qualms whatsoever about torturing me and killing me if it meant reaching her objective."

the only reason she's not going into the harrowing details is because she's sure it'd ruin his appetite. instead, she takes another bite of her food, if only to prolong the inevitable.

"i don't think i'll ever get back to being the person i was before all of that happened. i mean, sure, i can still hold my own but..." khione shrugs. "...we can't go back. can't wind back the clock. we only have now." which means that, at the end of the day, tim has a difficult choice to make.

(it also means that at the end of the day, khione is evander's daughter, is saraswati's daughter. knows that there is power not only in words but in being seen, too, in being listened to. in mining information. giving a little to get a lot. permafrost and ganga may be retired but they did teach her. the fact that she quoted aisling's voice mail? not an accident. not at all.)

as she finishes up her meal and drains her cup of tea, khione adds: "you don't have to face aisling just yet if you don't feel up to it but just know that everyone would love to see you come home, me included." a beat and then: "don't worry about the bill, by the way. i got you."

@clochanam / @bailesona

[roetrolls]

Harlan’s not gonna do shit. I’ll believe it when I see it.

"Funny... I had much same thought about a degree in mortuary science. Quite an unusual choice, that one."

"But perhaps you're right. We'd hate to undo what progress little Zurven has made in allowing himself to return to the public eye, after all. The world would be much duller without those delightful little trinkets, wouldn't it?"

"Then again... Miss Kenshe did so enjoy my gift, didn't she? A well-earned congratulations for the dear, taking such phenomenal care of her own well-being. And so brave of her to continue doing so even after my lovely gesture."

"Oh, and here's a fun one, darling; you would be shocked to learn just how many caegars a month Mallum Pravus wastes on chain-store chai lattes."

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Liveblogging notes on ep. 7.

This one got long! Most of it isn't even about the final scene.

We are back in the urban jungle. (The false escape is another isekai thing, right?) I was wondering if we were going to see anything like this in terms of plot with Kinn missing. I want to know how his family reacted during those three days, though! Kim especially, since this must be among his worst nightmares? Was Khun reliving his personal trauma, or did no one tell him what was going on? Korn annoyed about maybe having to fall back on Plan X? Alas.

What a lovely brawl. Vegas has a literal scorecard somewhere doesn't he.

At least Big is getting a chance to work off some of his frustration on a deserving target for a change. Vegas is like pfft amateur hour here.

Family conference. Uncle Gun so concerned.

Speaking of Vegas' scorecard, he is still after Porsche? Just take the L already.

Finally, an explanation for some of the family dynamic: Korn's fucked up, yo.

OMG look at Kinn having emotions and putting Porsche's safety first. (Again, away from the usual setting. Maybe he should arrange to get shot often.) So that's two people that Porsche has now promised he won't die.

Vegas' faaaace when he doesn't get to have Porsche all alone to play with. Maybe Kinn has been paying attention to his chess lessons after all.

So the major family gets the classy crime and the markers of high culture, but they treat their people like (expensive) livestock. The minor family has the lower-status stuff, but their employees get fresh air and can wear colors.

Did they just sit Porsche next to Macau. It's like we're in a high school AU without ever leaving the show suddenly.

Scene shift from den of vice to home of virtue, although Chay hasn't been keeping the place tidy and now Kim is coming over. Busted and charmed.

A mirror. Korn is concerned about his long-term investment in Kinn's lack of mental health. Hey, remember the last time you were happy? Remember that version of you was stupid af? Also we wouldn't love you any more. Just fucking shoot him next time, jeez. So that choice has been laid out nice and clear.

Porsche straight-up lusting after that motorcycle is one of the purest things in this show. Apologizing to Macau, my goodness, maturity is busting out all over the place (although not on Macau's side). Vegas with the red velvet shirt again, dangling that bike in front of Porsche.

Choices, choices. Hm.

Back to Chay and Kim. Fascinating parallel with the gifts. With Vegas you can't call it anything other than a courtship gesture (as Kinn notes). Kim has ulterior motives, but he doesn't want anything obvious from Chay, who is delighted just to be around him. Having checked Chay's texts to Porsche, Kim doesn't think Chay is a threat. But he's not sure about Porsche?

OMG adorable sunshine puppy. I am so distracted during all of their scenes while I wonder what lip gloss Jeff uses. Ordinary suburban home door locks are susceptible to hairpins, paper clips, etc., but all Chay is hiding is his Wik shrine. The younger generation continues to have better romantic moves than all of their older sibs put together.

After that scene with Korn, I doubt anyone is surprised to see Kinn back on his passive-aggressive bullshit, especially since Vegas is involved. Still, we are a tad disappointed. Porsche is thinking about this like a job; if he's gonna be in the Mafia, he has to think about his long-term career, and working for the main family has pretty much sucked from his POV. Kinn (who has never had a job) is thinking about it like a relationship.

Vegas with the dish on Kinn's late ex at last, putting that classic Vegas spin on it. Porsche understandably shaken.

Meanwhile, Kinn has visitors. These two are growing on me. Lovely bit of contrasting scenework there.

Back to srs Mafia bizness for a whole minute. Which of these guys is the sharpshooter, damn.

Kinn is back to work and taking his friends' advice over his father's. They are stupidly cute. I guess that's one way of finding out if Porsche is down for another try without all the weirdness factors from their first time?

Mafia housecleaning continues, a much more extended scene. Vegas isn't a wimp, I'll say that for him. Porsche has made peace with his job? Smooth and professional as everyone else on this one. Vegas do keep your mind on business and your body off of Porsche.

Success for the minor house means party time. (Somewhere, Chan is frowning.) Vegas still working though, damn. You think about Kinn more than Porsche does, and he's the guy planning to fuck him as soon as this party is over with (has to return that gun, right?).

OMFG Pete. Providing the play by play, because that kind of thing always ends well.

How did Vegas KNOW ABOUT THAT?

Why am I recalling Gun's "after all, we're family" line. Love the bared teeth. Kinn, you are one angry motherfucker like 90% of the time. We're starting to get why, but don't take it out on Porsche.

Uh-oh, Tawan mention.

Always ready to be rough with each other. At least we're not getting another whole episode of angst.

From the slap onward this scene is almost dialog-free; it's carried by such individually small things. The way Kinn says I'm sorry directly into his skin (barely any louder than his breathing), that defeated look and bowed head, such a contrast from a few seconds before. The way Porsche leads with his shoulder when he turns around, and doesn't open his eyes until they're face to face -- he looks so very vulnerable. The lighting shift doesn't just indicate mood; it's like things have moved to a different place. And Kinn just looks completely overwhelmed? That moment where Porsche pushes him back, the little nod, the hands on his face; nobody's mad or upset now.

It's in some ways the opposite of their first scene, which was Kinn giving in to a fundamentally selfish impulse. This one is for Porsche until he decides to make it mutual, reinforcing that he's an active participant this time. Kinn always with the grabby hands. The way Porsche is watching him.

[Side note: This is new territory for Porsche in that a few weeks ago he was straight. When's the last time Kinn had sex like this? Unpolished, unprofessional, messy emotions all over the room, a place and a situation where he isn't in control? It's needy and dangerous (if only because they're 15 feet away from his homicidal cousin), and he looks so utterly delighted.]

And then that embrace?! What a way to end an episode. I can see why half the fandom says this scene rewired their brains.

On a totally different note, there is a lot of food in this ep. Depending on context that means different things, typically underlines connections -- here, most of those connections are methods of control. Interesting.

[pbandjesse]

I had a really nice day off. I got to hang out with Jess and then hang out with James. This was a good day.

I got home last night and was up for a while. I took a shower and hung out on the bedroom floor for a bit. I would get in bed and put on a video and eventually fell asleep.

I woke up at 9 to a text from Jess that she woke up late. But she still thought she would be able to get to the meeting point at 1030. I wasnt in a rush so I told her not to worry and to just let me know.

I would get washed and dressed and felt so cute today. A good feeling. I had a little time and would vacuum the frog tank. It's fun to see the new froggies personalities come out. The one is so inquisitive and has a sweet little face. The other is a little more nervous but is quick to come out for food. It's very cute to see. Plus seeing omelet being way more active. It makes me happy.

I would switch purses. Which was my downfall. Because I forgot my entire wallet in my backpack purse. Oops. Jess would just pay for everything today and I had James venmo her. I felt so dumb when I realized when we were in the cafe. Not the worst mistake but still! Felt silly.

I wouldn't notice that for a while though. I left the house and put on a podcast and enjoyed the 45 minute drive. I would get stuck behind a truck and would change my ETA by a few minutes. But I still arrived at the meeting spot at 1030.

I parked right next to Jess! Who had just pulled in. I was so excited to see her. Big hugs and immediately talking talking talking.

We walked to the vintage cafe and it was a little busy but we sat down right away. The food wasn't the best. But the waitress was really nice. She wanted to know all about my tattoos. Me and Jess ordered egg dishes. And we talked about all our work dramas and stuff in our lives. It was great.

Jess went to sue the bathroom after we finished eating and this is where I realized I forgot my wallet and felt so bad. I apologized and she was like. It's fine! I still felt bad because it is so not like me. I did have my id and my emergency $20 bill in my phone case. So I wasn't completely without but man. It stressed me out.

We would leave there after paying and walked to the antique mall. This little town has so many antique stores. We would stop in a more curated vintage shop first but mostly just to look. We talked. I told her about some things that have been weighing on me lately. And we talked about our upcoming cruise. It was a lot of fun.

We got to the antique mall soon though and we had way to much luck. Jess would get a lot of really amazing pieces. Strawberry jars and a ceiling lamp, baskets, gifts, a blanket rack. So many more things! I was a little more particular and choosey. I did love finding things I already own. I just think that it is a really fun to see. We would even find two of my exact duck lid baking dish and so Jess would get one that matches mine! Amazing.

I would end up getting a wicker/ratton sconce for the stairwell, a solitaire diamond (fake) pendant necklace, a textured accordion wall rack, a glass lion, and a basket purse. And specifically the necklace and the purse are things I have been looking for online for a while now! So this was a lot of fun and I felt super good about my purchases.

I also just had a lot of fun looking at weird stuff. Joking with Jess. Having fun. Being silly. She kept finding bird stuff that she loved. I would tease her about spending to much money. It was all very silly and fun.

We would cut two of her choices to bring the total down a bit. But we still spent a good amount. But a steal for what we got. I was proud of us.

They would pack everything in boxes for us. And we would make two trips to get everything in the car. I gave Jess some clothes I had brought for her to try. And once we had gotten everything in the car we decided to go get drinks and go sit by the water.

We did get drinks. But we did not sit by the water. Jess got an iced mocha, I got an iced chai. And we walked towards the bay but the bench we found was right in the sun and it smelled like a dead animal down there. So instead we just walked around the block and back to the cars. We decided that we would go home now. A nice few hours together. It's never enough time but I'm just really glad we did this. Hopefully we will be able to do things more this summer.

I was pretty tired on my drive home. The sun and heat did take it out of me. But I got home safely. And brought my things inside.

I opened the backdoor for Sweetp and did some cleaning. I would take some breaks to lay around. But mostly I was just taking care of stuff around the house. I hung up the accordion rack in the bathroom. I put things away. I cleaned a little. I had the Roomba going. Ruby continues to try and clean the patio. I would go outside to fix the catio because the screen had come off a little. It was nice hair doing little chores.

I was going to start making jam but we didn't have enough sugar. So once James would get home we would go get more.

I would chill on the couch for a while. James would come home around 5. They would go take a shower. And I would gather myself. And soon we were out the door for our evening plans.

Our first stop was to go to Michael's. To buy beads that match each other's eyes. It's a trend on TikTok and I just think it's so sweet. Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary (we don't actually remember what day we officially decided we were dating so we just sat it's the first) so this was our small celebration. It was fun holding up different beads to try and match eachother. Getting the correct shade for James was tough. They have a little more green in their blue then you would think. But I am happy with the tones we chose for each other. We got stretchy string, paid, and we were off.

We went to target next. And absolutely should have gotten a cart but we just did our best to carry all of our things. We did a really good job sticking to the mental list we made. We absolutely should have written the list down. But I don't think we got anything but we could have more efficient.

We paid and went to the car. I had seen a broken chair in the parking lot and James would pick it up for me to add to sweetp's enclosure for climbing purposes. And then it was dinner time.

We went to five guys. The cashier complimented my hair. And we had our little dinner. It was nice. I was just really enjoying being with my James.

We went home and brought everything inside. I played with sweetp for a little bit pretty soon we were building our bracelets. We did struggle with the beads being a little small for the stretchy string. But we worked together to make our very cute bracelets. James had to restring mine when I didn't make it long enough to tie. And I would go find super glue to finish them. And I am just really happy with how they turned out.

I would make a little TikTok and James would finish some podcast editing. And once we were both finished our little tasks we would jump into making jam.

I crushed up all the berries and James would work on the adding in of sugars and mixing once it boiled. I hope it sets up well. We ended up with 7 jars!! I am hoping we can make thumbprint cookies this week. Maybe some other things like hand pies. The house smells really nice.

We have been hanging out in the couch since then. Just a little cuddling and watching videos. But James was getting really sleepy and they just went upstairs. I am going to join them soon.

We have the day off tomorrow. And no real plans. So James is going to make us crepes for breakfast and we are going to do house tasks. I'm excited to just have a nice day.

And I hope you do too. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[missycolorful]

Hey,

I was reading over your glass child chayanne posts. I was one of the people who posted after the fight between Chay and Lulah about it.

I agree with you,

Chayanne isn't as much of a glass child anymore.

The last stream was a good showcase for the growth of all of Death family (minus Missa who wasn't there)

When qPhil had to make that choice between Chay and Lulah, he only had that they were taken and their egg beds were gone. He didn't know they were asleep still. So if both were awake, who was going to struggle most. Chay who doesn’t have trauma (in qPhils mind) or Lulah a claustrophobic who has been abandoned a lot.

Lulah was the easy answer in his mind.

The way Tubbo was making poor taste jokes and comments afterwards probably didn't help / added fuel to the fire.

A former glass child crow.

hello! :D

exactly, you make great points all around. Chayanne showed signs of being a glass child in the past, esp. when he and Tallulah fought. But after Tallulah grew, the emotional impact of that didn't just go away, and coupled with everything else, it all weighs on him, but he has trouble expressing this to q!Phil. I hope Chayanne's trauma gets explored soon, he deserves more emotional moments.

and yeah, ultimately, phil's situation was one where any one decision wouldn't be easy, nor wouldn't've had everyone be happy and not attack q!Phil's character; kinda comes with the territory of being a crow, I guess.

I won't say much on the Tubbo part. but... yeah, people weren't upset when Phil initially made the decision; it was only when Tubbo poked the bear, where Phil's explanation was a bit more fumbly - either bc the kids were there and he wanted to be careful with his wording or cause Tubbo kept instigating. (tho tbh, if he really wanted to instigate further, he'd have snitched that Phil openly agreed that Chayanne's his favorite kid a month back. But Tubbo's brain is probably mush right now due to the Tubbathon, so I get it. Still lol)