#and carmen immediately gets fucked over by VILE

[carmenized-onions]

Yap sheet, live and in color!!

I wrote this as I was reading it, so it very well may be incoherent since I read the chapter almost immediately upon waking up. 😍 OH OH OH before i forget this is going to be really long, so my apologies, BUT !! Can i get put on the taglist? Pretty please 😛 .... wait adding this later I think im already on it 🤔

1.) I can taste what is happening here, i think, and I swear to god, if it ends up that he calls tony, calls ME THE READER, a distraction, I'll cry. Onion, you will have made me cry. Sigh. A dish getting sent back making him all wiggy does make a lot of sense, though, I fear.

2.) "He’s not meant to be a good person. He’s meant to be a good chef." :< i hate u that's so sad and isolating, and so on the nose for Carmy :<

-side note idk why but this :< and :> have become my absolute favorite lil emojis lately so silly

3.) Cue my eyes widening all comical and shit cause ONION "you should be dead" NOOOOOOOOOO L major L cause wtf

This yap sheet is gonna be mega long if i keep doing it like this, I'm ngl. But i think you'll enjoy it, so I might keep it up

4.) Yes, match our clothes to Carmy's eyes... or whatever !!!

5.) Poor Fak. "So Fak is gonna be our server?" "Yessir." "He any good?" "No Sir." And that's so real, actually. Okay, just read more, and Neil really is a small train wreck, and "Oh wow" definitely made me giggle

6.) I feel like im taking notes for class here, and i usually hate taking notes, so that's how you know you've got me by the balls with this story, Onion. Also, this is its own point bc ik ur gonna reply to these in order like this so this is me telling u that if u don't want me to send these this long i will not be offended cause this is gonna be so much. ALSO did this just for u bc I'll see in other asks when ur lamenting abt people not pointing out certain things (I TOTALLY get that btw) and I usually notice them but forget them in my yap sheet cause i do them after the fact so :> also this point is so long now okay this backfired on me.

7.) NOT TONY REFERRING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS A RESERVATION thats so silly. I love that Fak was all. Oh, is that Carmy's jacket?? And Richie jumps straight to oh yall are fucking. NOT A SEX PAINTING OHMYGOD

8.) :< that's all I have to say about that sequence with Carmy that made me very :<

9.) Anyway, um Tony screaming at the sight of him is also very :< also him immediately thinking he is the problem or like the self loathing taking over is also so :< bc like UGH this poor man I really just want to give him the biggest hug in the world. But in Tony's defense, I, too, would get jumpscared by slicked back hair Carmen. I mean, I guess that tracks since Tony IS me, technically.

10.) Okay Fak appears like he's going to be this bad the whole time so unless theres smth specific to say, I'll just cap the Fak interaction here and say I feel for my man Neil bc I, too, am a very slow learner and I would probably also fall flat on my face just like this.

11.) Richie is so dear to me as a character, like that man held everything together in his two hands and got zero appreciation for it. And like, that is something I relate so heavily to. Richie watching Tiff move on must be so :< even if he does seem like he's made his peace with it

12.) Okay, so i just read for a lil while, but um. CARMY'S OLD BOSS SHOWING UP??? DIABOLICAL!! YOU ARE AN EVIL ONION FR like that's so vile. Also I will say that the syd comforting is so slay. Tony just going immediately into caretaker mode is so me actually

13.) THE RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS !!!!

14.) Anyway I love Syd and Tony and the let me love you is so URGHHHHH i just love them sm

15.) Okay so I hate that fucking guy but ,,, GO TONY !! Love that she basically just handed them their asses by being smart n shit.

16.) RATATOUILLE MENTION !!! Love

17.) Okay the fact that tony questions whether or not Carmen would defend her over impressing chef asshole is so UGH UGH UGH makes my chest all tight bc like, yes, I think he would, i think he absolutely would choose Tony over all of it but... then again.... UGH

18.) OH MY GODDDDDDDD CARMY WROTE TONY A NOTE FOR HER MEAL THATS SO. ITS SO. OH MY GODDD. Even when hes being a grade a dickface hes so sweet :<

19.) LOVE??? Yeah im so gone goodbye

20.) Oh im so dead the moment she got the plate I knew she was gonna give it to chef asshole but STILL IT STILL HURTS

21.) Okay yes im like very :< abt the nat and carmy convo but what is this did mikey have a lil folder abt chip tony like a journal type shit wtf onion

22.) NO THIS IS TERRIBLE NEWS CARMY THINKING SHE DATED MIKEY??? NOOOOO THIS IS EVEN WORSE ACTUALLY THIS IS SO BAD??

23.) I hate you. Thats all 🫶 that cliffhanger was abhorrent

No but fr that was phenomenal and i really hope you like this ugh. Ur writing so fucking good im like crying at the optometrist rn

ALRIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU SKIPPED TO MY ANSWER N DIDN'T READ THE ASK !!! goin' under the keep reading for this one. Will this be the only ask I get through before I have to go run errands? We'll find out. Will there be a snapshot of the next chapter under the cut as a little treat? I honestly don't know, I'll have to look to see if there's anything I can give you that doesn't give away everything lmao.

Before we start though, I do want to note somewhere, I have finished the draft for the next chapter-- I usually don't do to much rework at this point, but I do think it'll need some decent edits-- It's very hard to write like, after a fight, yknow? Like I'm trying to do a very organic aftermath, as well, it's not just a complete cliffhanger, where I can time skip the awkwardness-- And that's like. Woo. Need to revise and make sure it's good.

Anyways, this is all to say:

Thank God I split this from the last chapter, eh? Almost dropped fucking 20k straight on your heads like a comical boulder.

Anyways time to actually REVIEW THIS WONDERFUL YAP SHEET LETS GO

YES you're on the taglist and never apologize for yapping, I do it all the time. And I love to be yapped back to. I know how much work goes into taking notes, so it genuinely really warms my fuckin' heart that you'd take that time for me thank you my love!!

OOH. I think bro gets very close to saying distraction, I think he says that he gets distracted, but never actually calls Tony one straight up. I do think Tony basically calls herself one at some point... Which... Baby, your self image pleaasse. AND YEAH, THE PLATE SENT BACK-- You'd all laugh if I showed you my notes app drafts, I literally have a note titled 'carmy mental snap' and a list of things to fuck with him psychologically that come to me throughout the day

Writing the not a good person, good chef, actually did make me realize what the fuck bro was yapping about in the Season 2 finale. I always like got the amusement or enjoyment line, but I don't think I fully understood what he meant because I was like-- You make food baby, that's a form of enjoyment-- It's not to him. It's money. He doesn't get joy out of being a chef, right now. UGH. I'M RUINED.

Yeah babyyyyy, the voice in his head is still his exeeccccc lets goooooo-- Pulled up the NYC scene dialogue, for that whole morning routine. Pulled all those lines straight from it. Major L to Jeff from Community. He had a major change in character smh

or WHATEVER!!!!!!

I promise I wasn't planning on dogging on Fak this much as a server, and then I watched the trailer, and no spoilers, he fucking bombs and I was like , well, okay, that's the game we're playing Mr Storer? I'll play,,,

DAWWW, again, I know how much this takes, and I should say-- Never feel pressure, lmao-- Whenever I poke at people for not noting things, it's just me poking fun i swear. I never want it to feel STRESSFUL to read these chapters, though (well, i guess i did want THIS one to feel stressful lmao), so please don't feel like you have to do this-- Do i love it? Yes. Do I also beg for essays? Yeah.,,, but like, like yknow what I mean-- Go at thine pace, baby

Richie and Syd are Tony's two besties, and them both immediately going SO YALL ARE FUCKING???? Feels very correct, to me. Sex painting also, I just think is such a Fak thing to whisper. I mean those canvases couples FUCK on, with paint covering, by the way, if that wasn't clear. I don't know how well known a thing that is. I went to art school, so. When worlds collide, yknow.

:< Zero Pulse Carmy L Count: 2 (the morning scene was rough)

I love seeing the different reactions to Tony yelling, because it's either like: AWE POOR CARMY or THATS SO FUCKING SCARY SHE SHOULD BE SCREAMING, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?-- And I love to see that.

I would 100% flail like this. Fak is me at my new admin job every day.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I went from a certified Richie Hater to a lover. Writing this fic I think also aided to that, alot, because it forced me to think very critically about like, what it fucking meant to stick around, when your best friend dies. Like me and my best girlfriend-- The Syd to my Tony, essentially, have both said repeatedly if one of us kicks the bucket, the other one is immediately yeeting it. Like. Richie staying alive let alone in the same place, that takes a lot of fucking strength. Love him.

DIABOLICALLLLLL HAAAAA, I did a little dance, when everyone started tweaking in the comments with that one. Love to see it. Got your asses with that surprise-- Got Carmen with it too, lmao. Can you imagine going to work already in a bad fuckin mood and then the Devil from your shoulder is like 'i'll be there in 30'? Ohhhh bitcchh--- I'd be doin worse than Carmy, tbh.

I would've dug so much more into the RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS!!!! if I was explicitly writing Tony as a POC, but I needed to give her a tamer response with 'i hate you'-- But to note, if I was going full WOC besties, it would've been fuckin' 'oh so you'd prefer peter parker?? racissstttttttt'-- Nothing says solidarity in the black/brown community like calling your fellow POC racist.

LET ME!!!! LET ME!!! Had that line written in my head for quite some time-- I've been planning this chapter since chapter 2, so it's like, like I really got to LIVEEE writing Tony/Syd, I adore them.

GO TONYYYYYY, I was worried I gave her too many talents, tbh. But like. Her title and nickname is Jack of All Trades, and it makes a lot of sense to me that being a Lead Paramedic = Fantastic under pressure, great at giving direction/leading, decent bedside manner + Repairman Level Memory + Wine Fascination since highschool = Not that many actual skills, but they all transfer into so many different branches. So I think she's not to OP lmao. WE'VE GOT TO NERF TONY.

The rat chef!!! I'm shocked no one found it frankly offensive Carmen hasn't seen Ratatouille-- But I do think that would be canon. I think Carmen's life would change dramatically for the better if he just fuckin' relaxed and watched Ratatouille.

RIGHT? I'm literally still debating the idea of what Carmen would do, in the scenario. Like, a lot rides on the idea of a star. His whole life and everyone elses--- Would he prioritize Tony? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm let's not think about it

The note, bah. What a sweetie. It's also like, written on the recipe card he drafted, too, so technically if she gained all the Michelin skills rn herself she could make it. Theoretically.

LOVEEEE...... moving on....

Speaking of Love, I have loved seeing the handful of people saying they knew immediately when she got that plate what Tony was gonna do about it. Like that is both touching to me as an author and also heartbreaking that on a story and character level, you immediately knew what Tony would do to herself there--- Bah.

JOURNAL IS INTERESTNG-- I wonder if Mikey would be the logging type. Maybe entirely unmarked in his notes app.

WOOOOFFFFFF

I'm sorry but I'm not sorry and I hope the OPTOMETRIST APPOINTMENT WAS GOOD DESPITE DA EMOTIONS HAHA

Now let's see, is there anything in the water I can give you here... Anything that won't spoil something,,,

There's not really much that isn't really emotionally charged, so I'll give you this, at least. Feels like any context of the next chapter is spoilery, but eh, read it if you'd LIKE to. haha. AGAIN-- THANK YOU LOVE!!!

[itsdappleagain]

BARK BARK ITS FINALLY TIME FOR THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME CAPER

not giving up on my trademark of being late for csweekly even though i vowed i wouldn't be late on this one. i have an excuse. i was doing audition prep/submission for a musical

OKAY ANYWAY

i think if i ever actually visited the belltower i would take damage just from being in the space

notes under the cut as always!

OKAY starting thoughts. this is. literally my favorite episode in the entire show. my favorite. im so fucking stoked you don't even know i love watching my blorbos get beat up. me 🤝rueitae

anyways. biting this episode and shaking it violently

i like that the faculty tie actually makes sense and they have solid motivations. it isnt just a plot device for a tie

love this shiot/angle of bellum btw so behold her. she is so amazing

okay hi. immediately stopping to go on a rant about the atmosphere in this caper. its. fucking. incredible. the scenery is so perfect. the right balance of beautiful and desolate, and it changes as the mood does. i could do this later but i will do it now because idk i want to its my post

notice as the episode goes on how as the tone gets darker in carmen's plotline, the scenery and mood around her gets colder and literally darker as well.

ivy's backgrounds, meanwhile, stay pretty light throughout because she has somewhat of a more comedic and hopeful storyline while carmen dies in a ditch somewhere.

also, as soon as carmen calls chief, the snow/light of the hologram/shot composition away from the dark trees shows that there is hope now

just....hope that is tinted with cop fingerprints all over it. i just GOD i fucking LOVE how you can VISUALLY SEE HOW HER LIFE IS GOING its reflected by the very environment around her. compare any shot after she gets acme in to the very last one i put in that set of five.

no moment is darker for carmen than when she gives up, on the brink of death, and calls for help, submitting herself to prison and interrogation in the hopes that even if vile wins today, she can somehow survive to take them down again another day.

man, i am barely a minute into the actual episode and i have a lot to say. that trend will continue. sorry not sorry. back to the actual liveblogging.

fun fact the first time i watched this episode i did not notice the acme agents on top of the building watching "carmen"

i love the little hints dropped to audience members who arent entirely in the know yet (7 year olds) that its ivy, not carmen, and that something is up here. lack of gigantic poofy brown hair, different stature, ivys little smile as she goes past. of course, if you're obsessive like me, youve memorized every characters outline and can tell even with wigs on

OH hey my favorite acme agent hang on

its her. she is drop dead gorgeous and has a nose piercing. she also i think gets all of one line in the s4 opener telling crackle to do whatever (or maybe its her partner but anyway i love her)

I have already earned from her

have you been GAY for twenty years chief? julia has

julia slays so hard in this episode. wish devineaux stayed dead longer because she thrives when she's by herself

episode is literally so gorgeous

i love zari just being like oh my god this bitches gay. bad for them

that soft little "i should have known" smile julia does when carmen puts her hand on her shoulder guts me like an animal

live acme (ants to classify and monitor evildoers) reaction

hey!! next time ivy gets into a frozen adventure with carmen in germany she gets an earbud upgrade :D

zack too!!

that "but powerful" line is literally gay. happy pride month from ivy "muscles" "milady" "i feel powerful dressing in my girlfriend's clothing" lastname

obsessed with zack's little finger wiggles to emulate typing when he imitates player

i love just how. rrgh casual they are. yes carmen is super serious and focused this caper (for good reason. launch codes) but they get in a little. julia notices something small about carmen and that she's cold and the playful tone in the reply from carmen before everything kind of goes to shit. "had to loan my coat once I spotted your reinforcements!" its just a bit of information but its some that she trusts julia with. she asks julia if chief is listening but if she was. carmen would have already blown ivy's cover. i know she stole the pen for good measure but seriously she TRUSTS her

i love how julia pats her jacket and then does not react in the slightest she was just making sure that was HER pen not someone else's

ivy being horrible in snow gag is the best part of this episode

i love julia showing off. she doesnt get to infodump to anyone else but she knows carmen will appreciate it. and shes trying to be coy about knowing what carmen is there to do (sorry jules. you would have been right any other time)

i also like that as julia is infodumping shes absorbing MORE by walking backwards and gazing around the city hall

fun fact: i always wondered how the hell the acme agents got into/hid in the hall without anyone seeing them but there are doors in between all of those pillars!

also

this hallway does in fact exist! i mean considering the cs team probably went there to location scout in person (see below picture of duane and the team in san fran) it makes sense!!

anyway. should i made an "only vaguely related tangents" tally counter for these things at the end of the post lmao

i love how super serious carmen gets here. this episode is so much more mature in its theming than some other episodes. from the launch codes to the fakeout suicide to the continued death before capture thing carmen has going on. man. i cant tell if ivys comic relief section is good for lightheartedness or tonal whiplash lmao

she has for a split second the look of a mother who just heard her child say "i frew up"

ARGH and i also love how literally nothing julia can say in that time will help. she tries- oh, she tries- but "its not what you think" mistakenly sounds like she was still in on it. it looks, for the moment, like julia was trying to distract her or this acme agent missed her cue or something. of course later in the ep carmen has plennnty of time

interestingly cs does away with the doors in between the pillars for a more ethereal and sophisticated look but there are doors in my heart

i love how carmen turns to run sideways. girl even if there weren't acme agents there where were you going

i also just fucking love carmen's completely silent analysis once shit gets really serious. she calculates and recalculates what she needs to do to survive here. and she's RUTHLESS about it. i think this is kind of the one time we really see her vile training come out in comparison to someone other than vile itself. she takes those acme agents OUT

part of me wonders if carmen, in that little pause by the door, thought that maybe her chances were better backtracking but she didn't want to have to hurt jules to get out. maybe im just gay and wistful idk BUT okay here's my reasoning!! hang on! stay with me!! carmen equals BAD in tight spaces. saw it in rio, saw it in nz, saw it in poitiers. its everywhere- she does better with more space. however, she does like her high grounds, so honestly this is pure headcanon but like,,, not wanting to hurt julia. send post

also you can see in the background julia TAKING OFF after the other agents....no gun drawn of course

this fight scene with carmen is so fucking fantastic

she never. NEVER. EVER does full fight scenes where she does a lot of offensive but this situation is so different. she SPRINTS at that bitch she holds him HOSTAGE and while of course she's acting so that she doesn't get caught the fight almost portrays her a little villainously with the trail of bodies she leaves behind her as she goes

ALSO THAT FLIP OFF THE WALL MOVE IS SO DAMN COOL. she tricks the acme agent into gassing herself almost effortlessly and only takes a split second to coldly look behind her to make sure there's no one else coming before she takes off again

and then the other three who didnt get knocked out start going after her again which distracts her just enough to let zari catch her with the shot

the shaky "camera" and blurred vision pov as carmen fades in and out of consciousness while instinct alone keeps her going up the stairs is just ARGH chefs kiss

fun fact zari's "there after her" line gets reused in the series finale

btw carmen falling of the tower scared me so bad when i first watched this at like 13. suicide fakeout <3 scared me so bad

also how the camera keeps moving even when carmen doesnt even seem to be in the picture anymore before her glider catches up with it. top. tier

and then the stockholm music kicks in. hoo mama the music in this episode is fucking unparalleled. that incessant, chilling, repetitive string instrument motif as carmen's situation begins to get really dire. aurgh.

carmen's continued pov as player starts getting really concerned about her and she fades in and out. carmen weaving all over the sky and crashing into shit grggrgrgr its so good

ivy getting tazed. yeah.

ivy can pass as an....argentinian.. right boys

player and zack when two out of four of their active teammates just went mia in the span of a minute: 👁️👄👁️

man do you think they thought it was an ambush or something. like i mean it was but an organized effort by one team. do you think zack was scared he would be next and that player would be left in the dark. anyway

the way moose picks ivy up by the scruff like a cat kills me

the citizens of stockholm on this day watching a foreign police strike happen at city hall and then a tourist get tazed, mugged, and kidnapped by some locals: 👁️👄👁️

IN WITH THE HIGH NOTES ON THE PIANO IN THAT SAME REPETITIVE, INCESSANT, CHILLING STYLE OF MUSIC THIS EPISODE HAS AS CARMNE LIES MOTIONLESS IN THE SNOW ARGEHDHDHGDGSDGSDHD

i really enjoy that they show us this desolate, still shot of carmen, completely motionless, trapped in a ravine, miles and miles away from the city. she doesnt wake up. its just the cold, harsh reality. and its starting to snow a lot harder.

julia just snatching the pen gets me every time

i love the emotion dropping out of chiefs tone once she sees the 5'2" pissed off lesbian on the other end

YES julia GO OFF she should have gotten to do so much more. she should have gotten to kill someone.

julia glancing back at zari when she says "chase her away and squander her trust" and zari turning away and balling her first is such a juicy little character moment

the venom in "we had an agreement." fhrjhgfejsjjd step on me

you know how people want that throwback spinoff series for the owl house with the lost moments. that but cs. shadowsan's malaysia mission, how the team operated and the jobs while carmen was recovering, more of black sheep's time at vile/her holdover year, her and player learning together once she tours around after escaping, the shanghai job (not the tsonts one), the cairo job, the swiss bank job. how julia got into law, how chase chose his name, more on carlotta and dexter, the two years after vile's defeat and before their reappearance, more of evil carmen, player's backstory as told in silver lion. there is. so much i want to see. tangent tally.

god. player's decision here is such a hard one. he's like sixteen, and he's potentially juggling the lives of two of his best friends with that line. the decision seems obvious, but in this case it is completely, entirely wrong. player's choice to save ivy instead of carmen damn near kills her, and there's no way he could have known. player guilt angst, please!

once again the music. thank you.

carmen's cry of pure pain as she moves juuust tickles something in my brain. she has no one to put on a brave face for and that crash landing HURT.

also how hoarse her voice is

the more groans of pain as she forces herself off the ground they are so good.

i love this episode for its look into carmen's psyche. so much of her is playing off of others, but in this one she is utterly alone. we see her thought processes in the worst of times with no one to fight but the weather and herself. fantastic shit. never forgiving sarcastic chorus for skimming over this episode and saying nothing happens did you watch it

the puff of breath when carmen says "player"!!!

carmen's tone when she goes "oookay." just is so good. gina did not skimp out on this performance and part of me wonders if she could have done better if she wasnt always trying to play the emotionless, suave hero figure and she let carmen be more human, like in this episode. carmen is seeing that she is injured, acme is trying to reach her, her glider is broken, she has no protection from the cold, and that player and any other help is completely out of range and she is not happy about it

carmen crying out when she slips even more when she's trying to climb its so tangible and delicious

FUN ANECODTE because i havent gone on enough tangents for this post already but the first time i ever saw this episode my dad came to pick me up for his half of the week right here. i had to leave the episode right here, with ivy kidnapped and mia and carmen alone in the frozen ravine, the acme pen blinking. i didnt have access to netflix to finish the episode. for. four. days. let me tell you. um. this episode literally did not let me sleep. that first night i was lying in bed i stayed up until like 3am just staring at the ceiling replaying the scenes and making theories. i was dry in the mouth. when i fell asleep i dreamed about it and kept waking up in the middle of the night. i cornered my dad and recounted the entire episode to him and then reeled off my theories to him. i reeled off my theories to my friends. i was literally consumed by the ending of this episode that i could not see. it was Not Healthy and it impacted me VERY HEAVILY as you can see.

but anyway my one theory was that carmen was going to be forced to call acme for help and be arrested because they kept doing closeups on the pen. good job, thirteen year old me. the foreshadowing worked.

back to the episode

ivys literally so cute in this episode

look at her.

ottoman has chihuahua vibes

the ice lodge staff watching two guys drag some poor red haired white bitch into the hotel like a sack of potatos: im sure shes fine they probably told them she was drunk lmao

im goosebumping something wicked here is one of the phrases of all time

DUMSKALLE

that raw, desperate "no" and scream from carmen is so good. that fall hurt five thousand times more because it was a failure. and also she probably just broke all the ribs that weren't broken before

it took me a few watches originally to see that carmen hits her glider on the way down. first time around i was like where tf did she get that wack ass blanket

draw me like one of your moose boys

moose boy unironically seems like a nice guy who got dragged into this by otter

can you imagine if they showed up with ivy and were like HAHA. CARMEN SANDIEGO. what would the faculty do with this poor white girl who is definitely not carmen. probably wipe her memory and boot out otter and moose but can you imagine their reactions

MOOSE BOY IS VOICED BY SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?? SCREAMING

or maybe it was right here that i got cut off with the panning shot of the pen and carmen sitting away from it staring at it. whatever it was but anyway yeah

the sadness and defeat as carmen shivers and tells this imaginary chief that vile is winning today either way just kills me i love it so much. carmen's death before capture ideology (almost. capture wins but it almost doesnt)

LAUNCH CODES? AS IN NUCYULAH?

also team red. didnt know what was on the data crystal!! they didnt know what the handoff was!!! they just knew it was fucking serious and that makes this all the more scary. had ivy not gotten kidnapped they would have missed it. i mean carmen would have probably tried to drag her foot on deaths doorstep ass over to the ice lodge to try anyway but she would have gotten triple pulverized

someone swinging (insert wieldy object) at a gigantic villain and it doing nothing is my favorite battle trope

more ivy appreciation

she said NOPE

ivy is literally so cool in this episode. she's still herself but she's trying to channel carmen and fill her gigantic shoes by making her proud. but she isnt carmen, and thats okay. she ends up doing it with a mix of carmen's help and her own goofy, clumsy style

AND IVYS TWANGY LITTLE VERSION OF CARMENS THEME AS SHE SUITS UP. ITS AWESOME

again. ivy being terrible on ice gag is the best. winters in boston must have been torture

man it doesnt even show all of it but you can see the agonizing that went into carmen's decision to call acme. once she makes it she doesnt hesitate in grabbing and clicking it. she does it seamlessly and with resignation. shes already fought with herself enough in her own head.

carmen: literally in the middle of the woods, shaking like a travelling fair rollercoaster ride, and bleeding from a thousand cuts chief: oh hey! sorry about that

MAN CARMEN THREW THAT PEN A LONG WAY

i also like that carmen has to heave herself up from sitting, and that she's only standing as a last display of control when every other ounce of it has been ripped from her. she has to lean on the tree, still, even to manage it. as soon as she pushes off of that tree and starts walking towards chief she collapses.

chief those business negotiations. can you wait

i do appreciate that chief doesnt play dumb or think carmen is dumb. she's been calling that pen for as long as carmens been staring at it. she knows carmen knows what calling her means and doesnt try to hide that theyre coming for her.

haha. where in the world is carmen sandiego reference. get it

MAN AND THEN EVERYTHING GETS SOO BAD. you realize just how serious this is when carmen drops the tough act and just reaches out. she does a quip, but her face is just hopeless and she drops like a STONE. she was barely hanging on. already dumped this onto rueitae's post but i think that as soon as she knew she'd done everything she could do and had exhausted every single option except dying on the spot. well. she didnt have a reason to hang on anymore. she gave up every single ounce of control to chief when she clicked that pen and her body needed to shut down to save her. so so so good

i really really like chief running over and hesitating before she puts her "hand" on carmens shoulder. she knows she cant do anything, but she can pretend and she can hope

i really do think she was concerned about carmen here, not just about the intel she was potentially losing. this scene mirrors her past with wolfe nearly perfectly, and it NEVER gets talked about. once again a call chief made on a person who turned out to have innocent intentions (gun was really car keys, julia going off the grid was really just her and carmen talking it out) gets them killed- or, in carmen's case, almost. chief, this time, has the power to save her and fix this mistake. parallels are also fun because obviously carmen is wolfe's daughter so double angst.

ivy immediately switching to suspicious spy face after she slams into the bar is so funny

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN I USED TO JUST RANDOMLY SAY "hello, im shady mcshade from some sleazy rogue nation, check out my briefcase full of untraceable cash!" to just RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY LIFE with NO CONTEXT

the bartender is not paid enough for this

I LOVE THE LADY WHO JUST GETS TF OUTTA THERE WHEN IVY CRASHES INTO HER CHAIR

the little trill of carmens triumph theme when ivy looks at the grappling hook is so good

girl. ivy. you missed that REALLY BADLY for someone who threw an anchor up three stories with pinpoint accuracy like a couple years ago

poor ivy she was doing so well with the quips and the competence until she announced it to the entire ice lodge

warrior cats girls on the playground

ivys unhinged scream as she barells towards otter is so fantastic

it would really have super sucked if zack had run ivy over

again. this episode is so beautiful

i love that otter and moose would normally have never even been glanced at for an episode because they suck so bad but because it was untrained baby ivy (who still kicked their asses) they could be there also who assigned them the nuclear fucking launch codes. who did that

oh man you can see the smile drop off ivys face when zack asks where they can find carmen. she doesnt even think that carmen is still missing. she probably thinks carmens back on track by now, not that it would be HOURS later and shes still missing.

zack getting to ivy on the other side of stockholm: 🐌🐌🐌 zack getting to carmen twice as far away in the middle of the woods: 🦔 (too lazy to find sonic meme. sonic meme.)

julia just giving zari the most disappointed look when zari kicks carmen when shes down

FUN FACT OF THE DAY! in the original storyboards, julia and zari were supposed to get a SHOOKETH reaction shot when chief offers carmen a way out with z and i. they cut it. rude.

the pen lowering down to reveal julia behind it has always felt like such an important shot and i dont know why. like theres some symbolism im majorly missing out on there

ahh, the heartbroken look between friends

AGAIN this episode punches you like an elephant on steroids with that quiet "is she going to make it?" CARMEN IS ON THE BRINK. OF DEATH. AND HER FRIENDS ARENT EVEN CERTAIN SHES GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. MAN. it raises the stakes up so high like obviously she wont die but in a tvy7 kids cartoon this is so fucking serious

carmen, delirious with the cold and pain, wondering if someone made a clone of her:

addressing all groups of people from now on as "student body most vile"

hey vile has a sick waterfall wall

it is really interesting that they do in fact shut down the academy. no one is allowed at the castle anymore once they move there. its also cool that in s4 because bellum doesnt have to be there teaching she can go to the himalayas and tinker full time!

wow. zuko and luz are in that crowd <3

okay. so. best episode ever. i love it so much and ive already gushed about it way too much so i wont keep you much longer.

tangent tally final count: like at least five it depends how specific you are

sorry about how long this is take it up with a brick wall it will be remorseful than me

[thebelljarwriter]

In The Dark - Day 2: A Whisper in The Dark

second prompt entry for @thepromptfoundry :]. I hope you enjoy this one.

Theodora never knew how much she hated being inside these abandoned buildings.

 For once in her life, she couldn't get a normal after high school job like being a newspaper girl or babysitting, but no, she had to hunt ghosts because her teachers hired her and two other girls to do it. That had to be weird, right? Hiring two high school seniors and a junior to talk to literal air in some old building that could very well be a literal safety hazard? Theodora scoffed, she didn’t even believe in ghosts, and yet here she was, in a jacket and a flashlight and her baseball bat in hand. 

 “Carmen.” Theodora called out, the other girl before turning to her. Just like her, Carmen also had worn a jacket and a flashlight in hand, in her other hand, she held a spirit box. Theodora also never knew how much she hated those little screechy radios. 

 “What’s up?” Carmen asked, her tone shaky even though she struggled to keep it steady. She stood still in the corridor of the building the duo had stood in, it was an old house — that’s what Mr. Cabrera said — built over seventy-six years ago that was harboring relentless spirits. Carmen, on impulse, immediately volunteered at the aspect of finally taking on ghost hunting, to finally explore the childhood obsession she had since she was only seven-years-old.

 Only now, she slowly started to regret it. Theodora spoke.

 “How long are we gonna be here? They do know we have school, right?” Theodora arched an eyebrow, “I mean they are our teachers and they’re having us talk to dead people. And for what, I mean, what are they gonna do? Give us extra credit? One of our teachers doesn’t even believe in ghosts so why—”

 Everything went silent. Theodora’s eyes darted across the room while Carmen surveyed her surroundings, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, feeling her heart beginning to beat rapidly against her chest as her gaze fell towards Theodora. The flashlight in her hand began to shake ever so slightly. 

 “Why did we stop talking?” Theodora asked, almost confused by the sudden quiet. Carmen could see the grip on her baseball bat tightened, as though Theodora would’ve been ready to strike.

 “Did you hear that?” Carmen murmured, barely audible enough for her friend to hear.

 “Hear what?” 

 “That. that whispering sound.”

 Theodora barely had ever felt afraid, but now, in turn, her own heartbeat began to quicken its pace. She turned back to Carmen, who had looked like a deer in the headlights about to have a heart attack and faint.

 “I didn’t hear anything.”

 Quiet. 

 And then, “Theo, where’s Ariadne?” 

 “I thought she was behind us.”

 “No, I thought she was next to you.”

 “No, I could’ve sworn she was behind us—”

 But when Theodora had turned around, there was nobody there. Not the young redhead that had eagerly trotted behind them to this vile, haunted little house with her sticker-decorated flashlight and sharp, girlish grin.

 “Wait.” 

 Theodora stared at her, Carmen stood still, much like a haunted-looking statute that stood in an endless, dark corridor. Theodora hung her baseball bat over her shoulder, like she was at her baseball game again, as though she was ready to strike a ball. 

 “What. what could it possibly be—”

 “Come and find me!” 

 The two girls went silent, now staring at one another as though they had discovered something, the voice sounded airy and honeyed, much like their familiar redheaded friend they had first met in the warm mid-september school year. Carmen steadied her breathing, fixing her composure, now a determined expression painted over the panicked look in her eyes, Thedora did not like that one bit.

 “We have to find her.”

 “Are you fucking serious?” Theodora hissed, “we heard a disembodied voice who could possibly be mimicking our friend and you want to look for it? Don’t you literally yelp at the sound of a door creaking, why the hell—”

 “She could be in danger, Theo!” Carmen pleaded, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket and almost dragging her through the corridor, “c’mon, we have to help Ari.”

 “Alright fine,” Theodora grumbled, “but if we die, I’m going to haunt you for the rest of your damn life.”

 “Note taken.” 

 “Good, now let’s find that weirdo.”

[jackie-shitposts]

I Thought Thieves Love Jules!

Carmen strolled out of the elevator, feeling pretty beat after her workout with Shadowsan. Not that she would ever admit that- she had wanted to keep going, but it had only been two days since she got electrocuted in Egypt, so Shadowsan made her cut her workout short while he continued. Carmen sauntered over to the counter, taking a long drink from her water bottle, just as Player’s image appeared on her laptop screen. “Check it out, Red. Julia just posted a new entry on her blog, about a recent find in Columbia.” Player said, ”But it totally digresses into fun facts about fair trade coffee, including a “Red Blend.” Carmen leaned onto the counter. “Could be another riddle to solve?” “Good thing I learned a thing or two about code-breaking from Julia.” Player smirked, clearly excited to show off his new skills. “Every paragraph ends with a number. If you line ‘em up like they're a date and time, it’s tomorrow at 8am.” “Seems Chief wants an opportunity to thank me over coffee.” Carmen quirked an eyebrow. Seems as though she’d be seeing her favorite agent-turned-historian-turned-agent-again in the field, per Chief’s request. “How can you be sure it’s not a trap?” Player asked apprehensively. “If it were, Jules would’ve worded it differently.”

“OoOoO, are we talking about Jules?” Zack asked, peeking his head out from the doorway.

“That ACME gal Carm has a crush on?” Ivy chimed in, peeking her own head out from under her brother.

Carmen rolled her eyes at the sibling’s cartoonish antics. “Jules and I are just friends, you two.”

Ivy scoffed, entering the room and flopping onto the couch.  “Yeah right- then why did you specifically go to her when you needed help decoding the relics?”

Carmen casually took a sip of her water before answering.  “Jules was already familiar with VILE- getting a stranger involved would’ve only made things more complicated and dangerous than it already was.” Zack hopped onto the couch opposite of Ivy, resting his feet up on her knees. He pointedly ignored Ivy’s protests of, “Zack, gross!” and smirked at Carmen. “Oh? Then why did you ask Devineaux where she was in Louisiana?” “Hey, you never told me about that one!” Ivy gasped, feigning betrayal. “I was just surprised ACME let that driving disaster use a car,” Carmen quipped. Player laughed on his side of the screen. “Don’t act like you’re any better, Red. Don’t you remember your first caper?”

Carmen gasped, pretending to be insulted. “Says the 17 year old without a learners permit.”

“Not like I have anywhere to go.” Player laughed, before refocusing on Carmen’s interrogation. “Speaking of firsts, how about when you first met Julia? I listened in, and it totally sounded like you were flirting with her. You called her “Jules” on your first meeting!” Carmen narrowed her eyes at Player in defiance.  “I was just sitting across from Jules so I could blend in while keeping an eye on Paper Star. And what’s wrong with nicknames? I called Crackle “Gray” and Ivy “Ives”. I don’t see what the difference is.” “The difference is that you and Cracker used to be best friends, and now we are best friends. However, you and Jules were not friends at the time.” Ivy said, emphasizing the nickname. “His name is Crackle now.” “He went and rejoined VILE, I think I get to call Gary whatever I want.” Player chimed back into the conversation. “Why did you leave the Magna Cartas with Julia, anyway? You had one conversation with her, what made you think leaving them with her meant they were in “good hands?” “While sitting next to her, I noticed Devineaux’s briefcase, and she said they were travel partners on business. I figured that meant they were law enforcement also trying to recover the documents. Leaving them with Jules simply saved me the hassle of returning the documents myself.” Carmen explained casually. “What about the fashion show in Milan, Carm? Why’d you have Julia help us then?” Zack asked, a shit-eating grin plastered onto his face. Carmen sighed in annoyance. Why won’t they just get off her back about this already? “Jules was the only ACME agent around, and I knew that ACME would be able to get the gowns to safety. And before you ask,” Carmen pointed at Ivy, whose mouth was already open with some smug retort, “I put her in charge instead of you because she would know where the gowns could be put for ACME to return.” At that, Ivy simply leaned back onto the couch and mirrored her brother’s smug grin.  “Yeah, that was a fun night.” She smirked, and Zack tried to hold back his laugh that came out as more of a snort. Carmen raised her brow at the untold story, but she decided not to press. For the sake of her sanity.

“Well, what about Stockholm?” Zack blurted. Ivy and Player’s eyes snapped to Carmen, looking for any hint of discomfort, and Zack immediately tried to rectify the situation. “I-I mean, yknow, you just were gonna go try to get her help before-”

Carmen cut off his anxious rambling, smiling warmly. “Don’t worry about it Zack, I know what you mean. I wanted to talk to Jules to see if she could get ACME to back off. While that obviously didn’t happen, I know Jules didn’t try to betray me.” Carmen glanced out the window for a moment, whispering quietly to herself. “I don’t think I could be angry at her if I tried.” Carmen turned back to her friends and smiled. “Plus, she helped me out in Monaco and Ile De L'oleron afterwards, so-” Player practically leapt up from his chair, causing a loud crash as he knocked the fidget spinners off his desk and dropped the rubix cute he was playing with. “Yeah, let's talk about Monaco! You can’t tell me you guys weren’t flirting at the party. She was so confident you were going to deliver the goods to her door, and you trusted her not to stop you when you stole the eggs. Come on, Red, you know she was flirting with you!” Carmen felt Zack and Ivy’s eyes on her expectantly, and she chuckled at Player’s exasperation. “Player, I’m pretty good at reading people, and I’m fairly certain she wasn’t flirting with me. Even if she was, I was not flirting ba-” “Then what about the roses?”

Carmen’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. How did Zack, of all people, know about the roses?

“Oh my god, the roses! Carm, why the fuck didn’t you tell us about the roses?” Ivy exclaimed, springing up from her relaxed position on the couch.

Carmen bit her lip before answering. “They were just flowers, as a thank you gift for the help. How do you know about them, anyway? I didn’t buy them until after you guys left.”

At that, Player piped up once again. “So Red, you know how at the end of each month, I look through our funds and see how much we spend on capers, to set our budget for the next month? Well, it was pretty interesting for me to see that you used our encrypted card to buy a bouquet of red roses from the flower shop across the street from Julia’s apartment, on the same day we left her the goods.”

Fuck. Carmen needed to shut this down, now. “They were just a thank you gift guys, nothing more. Just something Jules could keep for herself. And red is my color, so the roses seemed like a good gift. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Carmen glared at the redheads sternly, daring them to stop her, before looking down at Player with the same forbidding look. ”I’m going to take a shower. Player, let me know when you’ve got a red eye to Seattle ready.” Carmen closed the laptop, tucked it under her arm and walked out of the room without looking back. ~~~

The video call flickered to black, and Player leaned back into his chair, sighing. Red can be so thick-headed sometimes. As he booked her flight, he thought back to their teasing and banter from moments before.

Red seemed pretty genuine- maybe we were wrong after all.

Player took a deep breath- he didn’t want to call Carmen back so soon, especially when she seemed pretty pissed at the end of their last call- but he had booked her flight for a short two hours from now. So, Player reconnected to Carmen’s laptop, still looking at the red eye information on his other monitor, before hearing a loud, exasperated groan coming from his speakers.

“Holy fuck that was such a mess!”

Player’s head snapped towards his other monitor. The laptop had been set on the dresser across from Carmen’s bed, where she was laying sprawled out in agony. Player quickly hit his mute button and sat back to watch.

Carmen’s arms raised up to cover her face- though Player couldn’t see it, he was sure her face was covered in her signature color. “God, and the roses- why did I use the card for the roses? That’s a basic credit card slip, how am I so stupid!”

Carmen sat up, hands still over her flushed face. “I’m so fucking lucky they didn’t hear us on the ferry or at her office, there’s no way they would’ve ever let that go- I thought I wasn’t being obvious about this stupid crush-

That was all the confirmation Player needed. He clicked unmute and nearly shouted, “So you do have a crush on Julia! I knew it!”

Carmen’s head snapped up to the source of the sound, her face as red as her coat hanging on the wall’s hook. “Player! What the fuck are you-” Carmen froze as she watched Player pick up his cell phone. “Player, if you do what I think you’re about to-”

“Then what? You’re two thousand miles away Red, I'm practically untouchable.” He laughed and grinned smugly at the webcam as he dialed a number.

“Player, you are so dead next time I visit Ontario!” Carmen yelled before she threw her door open, barrelling down the hall to the stairway.

~~~

Zack and Ivy watched in silence as Carmen walked out of the room. When they heard the door to the stairway close, they looked at each other, before they couldn’t take it anymore and burst into laughter.

“Holy shit she looked so mad!” Ivy wheezed through her laughing fit.

“I know! Do you think that means she was telling the truth?” Zack questioned as he tried (and failed) to calm his giggles.

“No way.”

“But she seemed pretty-”

“What are you two laughing about?” Shadowsan’s stern voice stopped the twin’s giggling dead in its tracks. Just as Ivy opened her mouth to make an excuse, since she doubted Carmen wanted Shadowsan involved in her love life, (he is like her father, isnt he?) Zack spoke up.

“We tried to get Carm to confess that she likes Julia, but she kept on telling us she just likes Julia as a friend. Maybe she wasn’t lying, most of her reasons were pretty solid.” Ivy would’ve smacked him then and there if Shadowsan hadn’t interrupted her train of thought with a small chuckle. Since when did Shadowsan chuckle? “On VILE Island, Carmen was trained to be a master of deception. Do you not realize that she was also trained to survive any interrogation?” Shadowsan said, with…humor in his voice? Zack and Ivy were silent for a moment. “Wait, does that mean she actually does like Ju-” The moment was interrupted with a call on Ivy’s phone. When she looked at the caller ID, her eyes widened as she answered it and put the device on speaker. “Carmen does have a crush on Julia!” Player shouted from the phone, just as the Crimson Gay Ghost herself burst into the room and crashed into Ivy. “Dammit!” Carmen yelled, taking the phone from Ivy who was now on the floor with Carmen and laughing. “Player, I’m going to fly to Ontario and kick your ass!” Player’s laughing from the phone was almost drowned out by Zack and Ivy’s. “Oh no you’re not, you’ve got a flight to catch in two hours!” “OoOh where to? To go see your “favorite ACME agent”?” Ivy teased through her laughter. “Yeah Carm, I thought thieves love Jules!” Zack said as he laughed. Carmen jumped off of Ivy, her voice a noticeably higher pitch and her face extremely red as she shouted, “No! I mean- well, that is- I just-” As Zack, Ivy and Player continued to tease an extremely red-faced and stammering Carmen, Shadowsan smiled and quietly walked out of the room. It seems the war may be coming to a close with ACME on their side, but that doesn’t mean Carmen has to stop chasing someone.

[lostbbygorl]

reasons redcrackle shouldn’t be overlooked (PART 1)

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN ???

ok, the very beginning  of redcrackle: FIRST MEETING AT VILE ISLAND/ RELATIONSHIP THERE

Graham walks into the building all cocky and confident, with his trademark smirk plastered on his face. He’s a toned guy with smarts, and also looks, this is gonna be a breeze right? NO! He makes the mistake of getting his ass whooped on the first day, and that by somebody he never expected had it in them...

It’s no secret the new recruits initially didn’t take Carmen/Black Sheep seriously due to her age, height, and the fact that she was obviously favored. Her sparkling, youthful personality as well as her silly code name didn’t help the fact either. Graham, just like everyone else, doesn’t take her that seriously, and makes the mistake of making fun of her, and then the iconic scene where Carmen pulls him over to teach him a lesson comes in, and Gray realizes that she’s not to be messed with. HAVE YALL NOTICED THE IMMEDIATE ADMIRATION AND RESPECT GRAHAM HAD FOR BLACK SHEEP? LIKE INSTEAD OF BITCHING ABOUT HER AND THINKING OF HER AS AN ENEMY, HE SUCKED IT UP AND APOLOGIZED, THEN DEFENDED HER AGAINST SHEENA THOUGH SHE (BLACK SHEEP) WHOOPED HIS ASS JUST SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE AND IT WAS NOT NECESSARY FOR HIM TO DO SO! GRAY JUST THOUGHT “DAMN, STRONG INDEPENDANT YOUNG LADY. GOTTA LOVE HER” :)

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFTERWARDS AT VILE:

As shown in the first season, they were best friends and classmates. Gray and Carmen were boy-girl best friend goals! They aced all their classes together, they knew each other like the back of their hand, and even though the scenes with them together at VILE are mostly short snippets, you can see just how close they were. In Bellum’s first class, Carmen instantly looked at Gray when Bellum pulled out that Crackle Rod. She knew it would entice Gray, and she knew that Gray was meant to have it (and she was right ). Carmen looks at Gray first whenever something spicy happens. His opinion and feelings mean a shit ton to her, clearly. Same goes for Gray. He can just sense what Black Sheep’s reactions are gonna be. THE LEVEL OF RESPECT GRAHAM HAD FOR HER DESPITE THEIR AGE GAP ASTOUNDS ME! HE WENT DOWN WITH HER AFTER COOKIE BOOKER GOT WATER BALLOONS THROWN AT HER, PROVING HIS LOYALTY TO HER. PERIODT.

HE NEVER ONCE DOUBTED BLACK SHEEP, AND DIDN’T FEEL INFERIOR OR BITTER AT THE FACT THAT SHE WAS MORE SKILLED THAN HIM, HE ACTIVELY HYPED HER UP FOR IT. NEED I SAY MORE?

THAT’S THE END OF MY FIRST “REASONS REDCRACKLE SHOULDN’T BE OVERLOOKED” POST. SIT TIGHT AND SHUT YOUR LOUD ASSES THE FUCK UP IF YA WANT MORE :)

[whydoyouhaterapevictims]

On abusive interactions

Last night, tumblr used clownyprincess was approached via DM by Carmen/courteousmingler. The conversation opened with Carmen asking clownyprincess to “walk [her] through” how to commit suicide and went downhill from there. Carmen has since made several posts about this, and posted some decontextualized screencaps from their conversation. 

Carmen’s version of what happened between her and clownyprincess seems to be that clownyprincess was “sent after” her by catandkitty (untrue; catandkitty and clownyprincess are barely acquainted, and clownyprincess was wholly acting on her own during this exchange) in order to gaslight her by calling her motives into question. This is not what gaslighting is. When someone has lied consistently - and provably - as Carmen does when she says that no one ever called catandkitty or myself rapists, and that she never “invalidated” catandkitty’s abuse, and that catandkitty and myself ONLY brought up our abuse in “the chronological middle” of a discussion where asexual rape survivors were sharing their stories, and that catandkitty tagged posts about her abuse with “aces” and “asexual” specifically to create an association between all asexuals and her own sexual abuse, and that she never discusses the sexual abuse of people who have not given her permission to do so... it is not gaslighting to not trust them when they claim to have intimate knowledge of other peoples’ motivations, as Carmen does when she says that catandkitty “wants asexuals to be raped”, or that I have a “passionate love” of rape. When someone says they support rape survivors, but spends the majority of their online time calling rape and CSA survivors “rape worshipers”, “pedophile worshipers”, “pro rape”, saying that their “love” of rape is “masturbatory”, etc, it is not gaslighting to question the degree to which they actually support all rape survivors.  These are questions that I hope would occur to anyone who observed someone acting in way so contradictory to their stated intentions. 

It IS gaslighting to consistently lie to someone, over and over again, and then berate them for not believing you automatically. Which is not to say that courteousmingler gaslights people - I don’t think you can call any singular, one-off interaction with a person gaslighting; gaslighting by necessity takes place over a series of interactions, that is how it works - but having been in an abusive relationship that included gaslighting, it’s noticeable to me that Carmen frames people simply trusting their own immediate perceptions over what she tells them to believe as “gaslighting”. 

After talking to clownyprincess about her interaction with Carmen, we decided that it would make sense for me to post the screencaps of their conversation, as well as a statement from clownyprincess, here. The caps are below the cut. I received them from clownyprincess via e-mail last night, and am only posting them this evening because I had a lot to do today and couldn’t post them earlier.

PLEASE note that this chat contains heavy trigger warnings for suicidal ideation, discussions of rape and abuse, and honestly, serious emotional manipulation. I am not kidding. I find these screencaps deeply upsetting, even triggering. Take care.

There’s a lot I could say about this interaction and I may say it later. The way Carmen lies (claiming that catandkitty tagged posts about her own abuse with “aces”, for example, which is provably untrue) and then repeates the lie over and over and then demands that clownyprincess tell her where she’s lied and then immediately changes the subject - the way she opens with a request that clownyprincess go over suicide with her in explicit detail - the way she starts out questioning and becomes increasingly aggressive and verbally abusive (going from “it’s been really scary lately” and “I’m having a bad day” to “RAPE WORSHIPER! RAPE WORSHIPER! RAPE WORSHIPER!” in very short order) - the CONSTANT, constant, attempts to define catandkitty’s thoughts and intentions, followed by a complete meltdown when clownyprincess said that she felt she understood Carmen’s thoughts and intentions - the accusation that catandkitty and clownyprincess want to rape asexual people. All of that is here. What’s also immediately obvious is that Carmen has a specific sort of arguing style - I observed it from her in the DM interaction we had on my old blog; other people have commented on this as well. She messages you repeatedly, VERY quickly, often shifting the subject slightly from one message to the next, so that it’s hard to get your bearings, and you end up responding belatedly to some point she made earlier. When you do this, she berates you harshly for lying or changing the subject. Recently, she has claimed that this is a symptom of autism, and that therefor if any other disabled people find it hard to follow her particular chat style, they are being ableist, because her disability, I guess, trumps theirs. 

However, I want to close this out with a statement from clownyprincess, that she sent me along with these screencaps. I’ll preface this by saying that clownyprincess and I have been mutuals for many, many years now; our internet friendship dates back to livejournal days, and during that time, I have seen her get triggered and angry, but I have never seen her be dishonest about her feelings and motivations. If there is one person I trust on this hellsite to be a straight shooter, it is clownyprincess. She and I have very different styles of engagement in this sort of thing, but I understand where her anger here comes from, and I have a lot of respect for her relentless honesty in confronting online harassment and abuse. 

Anyway, here is what she had to say:

first of all, I am well aware that I lost my self-control whilst DMing with carmen yesterday and that nothing productive could come of it. I have worked hard to gain a great deal of self-control I didn't have over the last few years and having it stripped away like that left me shaken. the entire interaction has left me feeling hollow and ill.

carmen knew exactly which buttons to push in order to trigger me and elicit an hysterical reaction, because later she can use those against the person she attacked. the aftermath of knowing a manipulative liar managed to suck me into the vortex of her awfulness is stark and ugly. fuck you, carmen, you're a fucking black hole.

I have watched carmen harass an innocent woman, using the most violent and vile language about her, for months. carmen writing this post is what led to our confrontation (http://courteousmingler.tumblr.com/post/160416266640/catandkitty-wants-asexuals-to-be-raped-this-is-a)

carmen maliciously and savagely attempts to rewrite history, casting catandkitty in an incredibly ugly role of a rape advocate and apologist and which I knew could also be extremely triggering for her target. the following in particular horrified me: "catandkitty ran a campaign trying to associate asexuals who say “no” to sex, to violent abusers who withhold sex. because associating these two groups with each other can make the rape of asexuals more socially acceptable."

it is such a heinous, depraved thing to say, especially as it is absolutely untrue. seeing such a malicious lie said about someone who is themselves a rape survivor infuriated and disgusted me. it was so blatantly evil. I sent carmen an ask saying simply "you are an evil fucking monster".  though some may say I started it, I stress again that what prompted my reaction was an evil fucking lie.

she then responded by DMing me with a request to help her commit suicide, as seen in the screencaps. this was deliberate, I have no doubt. it is such a vile, violent thing to say to someone and she knew exactly what she was doing, evidenced in her own words "I know". she attempted to manipulate me by trying to get sympathy and when that didn't work, she doubled down on the same awful, repeated statement about catandkitty. frankly, the whole thing was triggering for me.

having someone deluge me with endless messages all basically just repeating themselves and all with the same disgusting, UNTRUE message about a traumatised woman who was only speaking the truth drove me right over the edge. so many people have explained so many times in so many ways, the only possible reason that occurs to me that carmen maintains her insistence that catandkitty's motives were what she claims is pure vindictiveness. having someone repeat the same HORRIBLE lie like that, over and over, someone intentionally using the most distressing and awful language possible, knowing full well the impact it would have, was awful. I couldn't believe she could lie like that, like she doesn't give a fuck about the actual impacts this is having on a real person. I yelled at her because I wanted her to know that no matter how many times she told the same lie, I would not believe her.

the messages were flying back and forth constantly and by the time I was able to reply to one thing she'd said, another couple of her messages had come through, disrupting the continuity of the messages. her efforts to trigger me reached their peak when she told me that I was trying to make rape easier so I could rape someone. with the sexual violence I've experienced in my past, I just went numb. I realised I was arguing with someone who has no soul and no heart. I played cool and blocked her. good riddance to a toxic hellhole.

I'm not proud I lost my shit with carmen, but that's because it's what she wanted. from the second she sent her first message she knew what angles to play. asking me to help her commit suicide was a seriously abusive and violent thing to do and I am still shaken by it. she wanted to distress me as much as possible, knowing she could then manipulate the conversation to further blind her sycophants and cast herself as persecuted.

I will call an abuser an abuser. carmen has lied and lied and lied about catandkitty and has obsessively stalked catandkitty for seven months now, which is a type of abuse. carmen uses catandkitty's abuse history against her in order to further traumatise her. that is abuse. and when someone is screaming the same stomach-churning lie calling a rape victim a "rape worshipper", you bet I will double down and tell that abusive person they are a liar, that I know they're lying, that they're not fooling me for one second. and there is no damn good reason for these vile lies, except that that piece of shit enjoys it. if someone is gonna stand their ground and maintain the same obvious lie, expressing it in the most violent language they can find, I will definitely draw my own conclusions about their agenda.

oh and catandkitty did NOT send me.  another blatant lie, carmen. I acted on my own accord.

[itsdappleagain]

Arguably one of the strongest character building episodes in the entire series, The Daisho Caper is fantastically unique in its motivations, gorgeous scenery and animation, and subversion of expectations. I’m so ready for this unique and spectacular episode. LET’S GET IT GOING!!!!

(and yes. im mega late. working on it. notes under the cut as always!)

I love this infodump section so much. It’s really beautiful and super unique in that it starts the episode and also happens in a flashback (almost everything about this episode is unique?? From singing to a rejected redemption arc there are lots of things in this episode that never happen again

LIL BABY CARMEN

AWWW WAIT CARMEN ASKS IF HE CAN TAKE HER TO JAPAN AND YEARS LATER HE GETS TO. DAD MOMENT

And you can see how shadow-san distances himself from her as she gets older

Sleepy carmen <333

Sleepy EVERYONE

SHADOWLOLADLOWLEHEE HOO

That ironic little “heh” carmen does is so. Yeah i dont know i love it

Man hideo got SUMMONED she put one finger on the glass and he teleported

HOW ABOUT SORRY, CARMEN

Hideo is honestly so perceptive he would kill it in miraculous ladybug /j okay but seriously he’s already noticed what she knows and he even recognizes her when. Literally not even the law enforcement agency dedicated to catching her could at one point

“Dark forces” checks out, seeing as shadow-san basically means mr. shadow

I love when they get bitchy with each other

Also HI the animation is SOO PRETTY THIS EPISODE

More than a feeling by boston. Its by boston you guys do you get it its by boston

Also this karaoke scene SLAPS

Not zack pulling down shadowsan’s clothing. Yas bitch show a little slutty shoulder

THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN <333

Zack and ivy: thank you thank you!!!!

Carmen and Shadowsan: okay well now that theyve shut the fuck up we can continue talking i guess

MAN HE SAID SPIES AND ASSASSINS AND HE’S REMEMBERING DEXTER…SPYING AND ASSASSINATION WAS WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR AND HE HAS TO CONFRONT IT NOW

HE CAN’T REALLY BECOME A SAMURAI IN THE EYES OF HIMSELF AND HIS BROTHER UNTIL HE CONFRONTS THAT PIECE OF HIS PAST AND LEARNS TO GROW FROM IT WITH CARMEN. MAN THIS EPISODE

PAPER STAR <333

Wait dokuso says “i called you here” do senior operatives have some caper perms? Can dokuso contact the faculty and be like HEY can i borrow paper star

Not quite sure what the little maneuver in the air was supposed to help avoid because it did. Nothing

HNNG okay i’ve dumped on jo’s DMs about this shot but its SO pretty

Follows the rule of thirds line, the gorgeous lighting, paper star framed in the moon, the perspective and use of space, the petals blowing in the wind, glowing in the light. ACTUAL LITERAL ART

Rip deleted scene where paper star says “sheep dont fly” the first time ig 

Season two and those slide-under-projectile shots

Carmen and chucking painful building materials at evil gay women this season

Carmen loves that little flip over the shoulder move

Also I LOVE that you can just watch Carmen figure out who Suhara is immediately its cool

whats up with the dirt on his face

SO BEGINS THE VILE FACULTY SAGA honestly such a fun plot point from this season they'll literally try out anyone

GOD the bridge and the cherry blossoms and the water have I mentioned how gorgeous this episode is

there's always more to the story with shadowsan

also mmm i love. i love that carmen isnt quite certain, so she says "suhara" very quietly. she's testing it out, and the look on shadowsan's face is all she needs to figure out that she's right

just another little tiny clue that shadowsan knows more than he lets on about her past. why would he be guilty about simply not knowing where she came from? if his cover story was true, he would if anything be carmen's savior from a terrible death or being picked up by some random people or something. just. god really good.

SHADOWSAN IS SO TALL NEXT TO HER SJDGDHS

god that transition with the cherry blossoms was good

i feel so bad for hideo he didn't deserve shadowsangst

btw i want to see a spinoff with the faculty/shadow-san's school and early crime days

man the confrontation scene is so raw. hideo is shaking, holding that sword, but he is fucking ready to fight his brother about keeping the sword. man its good

appreciate the scenery

that reveal of the shot being a puddle is also so good this episode is literally art

i love rewatching this episode for the little details- the camera always stopping before ivy's face, the swords discreetly disappearing as the cart goes by. you don't even notice the first time

i know they kill people and stuff but the hoodlums are kinda sweet. yess kings sing that karaoke

i wonder if the elvis song was a nod to the elvis episode they wanted to do with shadowsan (duane said they had to scrap it and im SOOO MAD)

ivy and zack must just have full charisma stats bc i dont know how they keep getting away with blending in literally everywhere. maam thats a white bitch in a wig

i love the three of them immediately sweating their balls off when shadowsan grabs the sword

EVEN THE IMPACT FRAMES ARE COOL

btw the tattoos in this episode are cool i wish more non yakuza members had them

that app on carmen's phone is a gaydar

how long was paper star just sitting in the packaging just going "ooghhh yeah im like a fucking jack in the box im gonna scare her so bad ooogh"

i love the kitty fans

not sure what carmen was going to do with the fans anyway seeing as she doesnt know how to use them as a weapons but whatever

oh nevermind she. i guess does

i love howw carmen just like. rides paper star

girlie has to stop strapping shit to her back it does not work

another one of my favorite shots in the show the lighting is sooo beautiful

i also like how carmen is looking down, not trying to shake her off, reaching a hand down- she doesn't want paper star to fall to her death, obviously

i was like damn how did that little fall knock both of them out cold but paper star LANDED ON HER NECK

PARTIES OVER ELVIS IS GONE

i love the very minimal music when dokuso and shadowsan are fighting its cool

get poisoned

i think they reused the shadowsan poisoned groaning sound twice in a row

anyway also a nice shot here

it seriously looks like paper star was just lying there and as soon as she heard carmen get up she was like oh chill nap time is over

that climbing the ladder animation was so slick

so wait. they predicted? that paper star would not only be hidden in the sword room but latch onto carmen's ankle and follow her all the way up to that roof. so they could glue her

kill kill kill

the anime glasses on dokuso are awesome

out of context it looks like carmen just murdered shadowsan in a swordfight

god the empty room. and then you pan down and shadowsan is kneeling. good shit

MAN what a fantastic scene. he does exactly what shadowsan asks him to- does not forgive him, because he does not yet see a reason to. but he allows him to correct that mistake. what . god what a good rejection of a redemption shadowsan HASN'T redeemed himself (fully) yet it just makes sense

mmm when he appears from behind her and her spidey senses go off. its good shit

just that emotion on her face. she's sympathetic that his brother didn't accept him back, but happy that he'll still go with them on their journey.

now, this is the only time we get a voiceover from carmen (other than when she's talking to crackle in the pilot) and its such a stark choice. like the only time we ever really get an inner monologue from carmen that lets us know how she feels about it

everything about this episode is just so fantastic and different! cs thrives when it dives into character motivations...but it just doesn't do that very much. there are so many unique choices in the episode- from the untraditional infodump scene to the music to the gorgeous animation/lighting to the voiceover to the rejected redemption scene to the hints at shadowsan's true past with carmen...i could keep going on and on about it forever, but I won't. you've seen the episode. its just. argh. its so good

okay that's all from me. hopefully I can get the rest of my cs weeklies out sooner rather than later- im almost done with finals!!