#and call us a scam bc They made an oopsie.

[crownconstellation]

today in work with bri:

- had a customer who said she wanted to cancel her order because she asked chatgpt if we were a scam and i just stared at it for a minute

[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

TODD PROPAGANDA:

dropped the remote for the drone throne he was flying in, and spent presumably several weeks flying around aimlessly armed only with a bag of kettlecorn until he fell out of the sky into a ski race to determine the governor of california and ended up winning

resigned approximately 10 seconds later by saying "i don't want to be governor" and "i'm just not really into labels right now"

wrote a rock opera called Newtopia Rising Book 1: The Search for a New Utopia

addicted to a videogame called decapathon and the box art suggests it's this narrative-driven fantasy game a la assassin's creed or final fantasy but it turns out it's just fucking tetris

bojack uses todd's decapathon addiction to sabotage the premiere of his rock opera and todd only figures this out through a convoluted game of word association

tried to use his big toe to plug the hole of a barrel of ancient lube. the hole is only supposed to fit an erect penis but todd's logic is "the big toe is the penis of the foot"

sold his kidney for sock puppets

known for coming up with wacky ideas, such as: the aforementioned drone throne, a clown dentistry business (to make kids less scared of dentists), a restaurant where the menu is printed on garlic bread, and a gun that shoots cupcakes into your mouth. "uh-oh, is that guy trying to kill himself? nope, just a cupcake gun!"

has $80 in his bank account

his idea of sophisticated adult conversation includes the phrase "sir, you cannot remove your shoes inside this applebees"

has a collection of different-colored hats he never wears

accidentally broke the roll of film that contained the true ending of the sopranos & is the reason it ends in a sudden cut to black

when pretending not to be asexual he says "i'm the best at the sex. hooba hooba!"

built a sex robot named henry fondle who ends up becoming ceo of the company he works for

was president of ad sales for the tv show he was working on but didn't buy any ads until the last minute. and when he does they're all for a pharmacy so this gritty prestige detective show is being advertised by shit that says "oopsie gotta poopsie"

witnessed two smartphones falling in love and made them kiss

in his brief stint as bojack's publicist, his idea of "getting bojack's face out there" is dressing him up in a gorilla suit and having him spin a sign

had a 2-dates-to-the-prom plot but the 2 dates were rival prison gangs and when he tries to get them to get along he accidentally triggers a race war

did a princess-and-the-pauper swap with the prince of cordovia

has been told he looks like octavia spencer

was the director of a star wars movie but got fired over creative differences

when told disneyland isn't real and is just a thing parents make up to shut their kids up like the tooth fairy and santa claus, he sets to work building his own disneyland, gets sued by the real disneyland, and wins by suggesting that the original disneyland had a typo in its name. which, by sheer coincidence, it did: diisneyland.

works at a daycare & refers to the kids as his colleagues

performed a critical analysis of the hokey pokey

hires 12 assistants because "assistants are like deadpool movies. i couldn't stop at just one, even though i probably should have"

one of his assistant's jobs is making sure every five guys restaurant has the right number of guys

is voiced by jesse pinkman

one of the episodes contains an elaborate breaking bad reference where he goes to a chemistry lab to concoct a marshmallow

answers the phone by inserting his name into stock phrases such as "spare the todd, spoil the child!" and "what if todd was one of us?"

his hold music is just him singing his name over and over again to the tune of ode to joy

participated in a hacky sack contest against a russian guy and won by default bc the russian guy had a heart attack

tourists mistook bojack's house for david boreanaz's house and todd saw the opportunity for a scam and took it (this is why he went to jail btw. and he broke out bc a helicopter crashed into the side of the building)

when his clown dentist business fell apart, he released the clown dentists into the woods, where they all got rabies, and while being chased by them he came up with the brilliant idea to turn his failed business into a fear-based fitness exercise. bc if you want to run from them then you really have to run.

won 8 million dollars and accidentally tipped it all to a waitress

eats cotton candy dipped in froot loops

stole jd salinger's pen

lost one of his shoes in the lube incident and spends the rest of season 5 wearing two different shoes

almost got robbed by the celebrity stealing club, convinced them to talk about their feelings instead, and then they knocked him out and took his wallet anyway

when told to look for a job, he thinks the best way to find job postings is in a newspaper, but then he doesn't know where to find a newspaper so he looks up newspapers in his area but then that makes him think of how he knows his own area pretty well but there's a lot of other areas he doesn't know, like south africa, which makes him think of charlize theron, which makes him think of the movie monster, which makes him wonder what year it came out, so he goes to monster.com to look up facts about the movie monster and it turns out they have job postings there. what a time to be alive

got lost in new york

joined an improv cult

sculpted a giant todd head out of papier-mache to scare off whoever was stealing from their fridge (it was character actress margo martindale)

i know it's not really a fair fight what with him being paired against a member of the addams family but he could face off against the entire addams family and i'd still vote for him. please give him a fighting chance :)