#and calebs sexy im just gonna say it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

henry7931 · 9 days

Text

Uncle Nephew Swaps Vol.1

A Very Different Vacation

Caleb:

My best friend Jake and I always travel with our families together. His parents are friends with my parents and I’ve grown up with him all my life.

And when it came time for our family beach trip, we decided to shake things up. Specially, we switched bodies with our uncles!

That’s right! Our entire trip will be me in my uncle Shawn and Jake in his uncle Mike.

So far I’ve really enjoy being inside of Shawn. Especially since we haven’t told anyone in our families about the swap. Luckily, both Shawn and Mike are single so we can do just about whatever we want!

That means if we want to go golfing all day, party all night, it’s really up to us!

I’m not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot being inside of my uncle Shawn. He’s a good looking guy and I can’t help but notice my attraction to Mike’s body. I wonder if Jake would be down to fool around.

His uncle has a sexy chest, he’s fit like Shawn, and from the bulge I’ve seen Jake sport around on the beach— I just know that thing is big!

Maybe after we go out tonight, I’ll try to make my move. In the meantime, I’ll just low key flirt with him.

Wait a minute, I wonder… if I’m so attracted to Mike inside of my uncles body… does that mean Shawn and Mike may already have a thing?

Uncle Shawn:

“Okay smile for the camera!”

I feel Mike grab on tight to my nephew’s shoulder and seductively rub down my back as the photos over.

“You wanna get ready for the beach?” I ask him with a big grin on my face.

“Oh yeah let’s go get ready.”

The second we get back to our shared room, Mike yanks off my pants and my nephew’s eager dick comes flying out.

“Shit, Shawn this is so wrong but I love having these bodies. The amount of times we can keep going in one day.”

“I know! You thought this mornings shower session was enough but damn! I’m already horny again!”

My grabs on to my borrowed cock and I yelp.

“Sorry it’s just so sensitive.”

“It’s all good, I like making you squirm a bit,” he says toying with Caleb’s 21 year old leaking equipment.

I look down at Jake’s beautiful big feet. Mike’s really good at putting those toes to work.

“Ohhh does someone want me to jerk them off again with these toes?” he says wiggling them in front of me.

“Please…”

Mike kisses me with his soft lips. We end up making out for a few minutes before he pushes me back on the bed.

“You ready ‘Caleb’?”

“Oh my ready ‘Jake’!”

Mike wraps Jake’s toes around Caleb’s sensitive cock and i immediately start moaning.

He runs his toes over the shaft down to Caleb’s tight balls.

“Ohhhhh…”

He proceeds to put the other foot towards my face and I start sucking on his toes.

I get the foot good and wet before he switches off to the other one.

His feet stink mainly from him refusing to wear any socks all trip but Mike knows I love nothing more than natural body odor. He’s even wore the same pair of boxers all week which he’s even cum into a couple of times.

I feel him start to pump faster with Jake’s toes. I rub and down his hairy legs. We keep eye contact which is so sexy to me. Both of us don’t want to miss a minute of our experience.

Now we’ve both fooled around with body swapping, especially with each other. I’m normally fucking my own body most of the time when I’m with Mike. But this switching bodies with our nephews all week is a whole new level of kinky!

I soon feel myself get close…

“MIKE!!! IM ABOUT TO!”

Cum squirts all over the place including all over his borrowed feet. Mike lets me lick them clean.

“Now my turn!”

Mikes pulls down his nephews pants and his cock is throbbing. He pushes my face into his crotch and the smell is overwhelming.

Mike throat fucks me tor 10 minutes before exploding down my nephews throat.

We lay back in bed and cuddle our nephews baked bodies together.

All of the sudden someone knocks at the door.

“Hey! Are y’all coming down to the beach?”

It’s my own voice with my nephew controlling it.

“Yeah give us a few! We’ll be down shortly ‘Uncle Shawn’!”

“Ready for the beach?” I say kissing him on the cheek.

“Yeah let’s get dressed!”

Uncle Jax’s Body For Halloween

Timmy couldn’t believe his uncle agreed to swap bodies with him for Halloween! Timmy wanted to feel like a real life superhero so what better way than his uncle Jax’s muscular body.

Now with the latest available technology these days body swapping had become the newest trend for costumes. Especially since home swap devices are so popular, you can really be however you want!

Luckily for Timmy, he’s gets to be his cool uncle all night! I’m sure he’s going to have lots of fun!

Uncle Rocky’s Massive Bod

Jeremy:

I work for my uncle Rocky and when he told me about his vacation I was super nervous to get everything done since I’m no where near as strong as him. But he told me not to worry that he has a plan.

So the day before he was planning to leave he called me to meet him at his house. That’s when he told me about his plan.

I wasn’t prepared for the words that came out of my uncles mouth. He told me we are going to swap bodies for a week. He’ll take my body on vacation while I stay at his house and go to work as him.

“Really uncle Rocky?!?!”

“Yep! Just be careful with my body.”

So here I am inside my uncle doing a bunch of physical labor. Kinda cool right?!?

I’m surprise by just how much easier it is to get stuff done with his big muscles.

The best part about all of this is that after I finish up, I get to go back to his place and enjoy just being him.

My Uncle is a handsome guy and I’m fully aware of it. He even has a giant thick cock which is so fun to jerk off with!

Tonight, I made him a Grindr page. I’m hoping I can find a really cute guy with his body that will let me top him. That shouldn’t be too hard, as long as they can handle this massive monster!

#body swap #male tf #male body swap #uncle

267 notes · View notes

just-a-queer-fanboy · 2 years

Text

The trailer unveiled at that one con (idk which, I wasn't there, wish I was) is making me fucking feral

Like I could make a separate post on every single clip shown because I'm just so in love with this damn show

So I'm just gonna list off my favorites.

Barbie wire is coming, she's hot asf, her voice suits her PERFECTLY, I just love her, especially her tattoos/birthmarks/scarification?

Stolas awkwardly going ".....sexy?" While someone is attempting to fucking kill him is weirdly in character for him

OH GOD HE GETS STABBED IM GONNA CRY

Moxxie gets to be the true girly pop we always knew he was

Barbie wire fight scene barbie wire fight scene barbie wire fight scene barbie wi

Andrealphus. Something about him makes me really wanna shoot myself /j

And did I mention B A R B I E W I R E

There's another shot of sick ass demon possession stolas I just love when he does that it's so cool

I'm starting to hate fizzarolli less (my love for Alex brightman is helping that)

Striker striker striker striker striker striker striker striker

FIGHT SCENES SO MANY FIGHT SCENES I LOVE

Usually I say to eat the rich but moxxies dad has too much visual appeal (no I'm not hitting on him he just has an interesting design)

My friend Caleb (met him on scratch, he's very nice) watched it and now we are both going feral over it

Vivzie is my favorite person ever like this show brings me so much joy it has literally kept me from committing die several times /gen

Anyway I have school tomorrow, I gotta go to sleep. I'm gonna be thinking about it all day hyperfixations are the best thing to ever happen to me

#helluva boss #helluva boss season 2 #helluvaboss #helluva boss s2 #helluva boss stolas #stolas #helluva stolas

17 notes · View notes

lesbiandice · 3 years

Note

critical role for the blorbo & co ask game?

Send me a fandom and I’ll tell you my:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most):

at nobodys surprise, it is percy de rolo

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped):

jester!!!! i love her.....

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave):

cassandra............. she needs more love always i feel in my heart

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week):

ZAHRA. i think of her and i can feel the hearts floating around my head

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):

i wouldnt rlly say he gkfkdhgkjhgf fits these definitions but vax is my poor little meow meow

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason):

im gonna put caleb in the horse plinko machine just bc i can

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell):

sorry ripley even if ur sexy as hell you do need to go

#ask game #jay.txt #critrole

2 notes · View notes

cadykeus-clay · 4 years

Note

Thoughts/theories on the ep?

ok im gonna level with you anon, i watched this episode in bits and pieces while cleaning up cat piss from underneath my bed. so i was not the most focused on it to really start making elaborate theories ... that said. my main thoughts are these: - eye tattoo sexy - maybe its mean of me but i Really hope lucien dies in this ritual attempt. i like him less every time he opens his mouth and i don’t think there’s any chance of getting molly back and i think it would be the perfectly ironic end to someone so confident and all-seeing that he couldn’t forsee his own demise - eye tattoo sexy - i feel like there’s something there with the eye tattoos and caduceus’ commune “they don’t need us all alive”. maybe i’m just saying shit to say shit but i feel like caleb and beau are now part of this ritual and the rest of the m9 will be forced to get them Out of it - eye tattoo sexy - i for one cannot wait for jester to Hag 2: Electric Boogaloo the tomb takers and pull a fast one on them when they least expect her to bc they all think she’s just the silly tarot girl - eye tattoo sexy

- im so proud of caleb for sharing the top floors with the nein ...

- did i mention eye tattoo sexy

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #critical role #asks

21 notes · View notes

plounce · 5 years

Note

god ik its a wm au but I would Love to hear more about beauyasha in this au.. also like what has yasha been up to on earth? how does she interact with beau and caleb before molly arrives? 💜🕊

>:)))! i can absolutely do so!!

so in the first two or so seasons before all the heaven/apocalypse stuff, beau and caleb met yasha in an episode. she never SAID she was a valkyrie but that’s what they assumed she was, since she had a lot of viking stuff on her and the accent and she sort of implied that. it’s what made sense at the time, especially because they had no signs that angels are a real thing.

then molly happens, and then when yasha shows back up again they recognize each other and WHAT! YASHA’S AN ANGEL ACTUALLY?? crazy.

basically what happened is that at around 200 bce or so, yasha fell in love. i’m gonna say that zuala was another angel in her garrison, and angels aren’t supposed to fall in love. they’re supposed to be conforming divine warriors who don’t have all the flaws (or strengths, or texture, or spark) that humans do.

zuala was painted as the main culprit in this transgression. rather than making her Fall (les mis voice) as lucifer fell (because by that point they didn’t want to add any more True demons to hell’s side) for punishment, they decide to just obliterate her a la the hellfire in the last scene of the good omens tv show. it isn’t pretty. yasha is made to watch. she screams, and it makes the sun flare.

the rest of the angels are going to have their memories wiped of her - including yasha - but she learns of this in time and breaks through the floor of heaven and plummets to earth. molly helps her escape, but manages to avoid getting caught doing so.

molly was in the same garrison as them, and his memory of zuala was wiped with the rest of them. he remembers yasha, remembers being fond of her, remembers that she left heaven voluntarily and that he helped her, but there’s so many blank spots. they have him move garrisons to the tomb-takers after that, who are very elite and militant, and he becomes a demon-killing expert. it’s meant to drown out all that. and it kind of works; molly remembers more of yasha when he sees her again on earth.

yasha falls and falls and her angel blade slips from her hand as she dematerializes. it plummets and falls deep into some wilderness. a glint streaking down from the shooting star in the sky that night.

what happens next is the thing that happened with anna - yasha has no vessel lined up and she wasn’t given permission to leave, and is swiftly getting her grace cut off by heaven, and her being is transformed into a human baby. she is born, and grows up in a little scandinavian village a little bit strange. her parents tell her how there was a huge shooting star the night she was born, how they think it’s a good omen form the gods, and she has a sense that she’s different - special. she’s strong and naturally gifted with the club and the axe and especially the sword - anything they put in her hands.

when she’s old enough, she’s chosen to go on their clan’s raids. she excels at getting the resources her village needs from the southern peoples. she’s a terror, and everyone knows that she’s blessed from above.

then one year, she gets separated from the raiding party and is making her way through the forest trying to make it back to the coast so she can find their boat. and out of the corner of her eye she sees a strange glint, and something in her pulls her to go to it. it’s a strange sword embedded in the rock, and she puts her hand on it, and pulls –

and memories and power flood into her. memories of zuala, of creation, of molly, of heaven’s gleaming pathways, of zuala, of the first things that crawled on land, of zuala, of the face of god, of zuala, zuala, zuala. smiling, flying, fighting, touching, burning. she screams. her howl echoes through the woods.

her people have been waiting for her back at the boat, because they can’t leave their best warrior behind. when she strides out of the woods, she’s different. she walks different, and has this power radiating from her. she climbs on the boat, tells them to go. she’s almost glowing a little bit. they row away, and yasha spends the entire journey staring up at the sky, out at the horizon.

after that day she’s different. even quieter. everyone assumes she had a holy experience that day, and she doesn’t disagree, because, well. after that day she’s keenly aware of the norse gods’ presences, and doesn’t age. when she realizes that everyone is moving forward towards death without her (humans seem so small now - she loves her human parents, she does, but remembering what the sun looked like in its infancy changes a viking), she leaves, and goes to asgard, and pledges herself to the ranks of valkyries. she’s not nearly as strong as she once was, but she’s strong enough to fit in with her new people, so she finds herself a place there among the aesir.

(side note im keeping my distance from how this world interacts with non-abrahamic religions - thats SO not my business - just know theyve got their own power and their own places that aren’t like. Beneath that of abrahamic god. because iirc spn was terrible about that) (also i say abrahamic bc iirc islam has a lot of angels and demonology in its culture but thats all im gonna say bc again: i am not a theology major, and this au is much more about the surface fun of it all rather than making any statements or assertions about ACTUAL religions (past or present) obviously) (also i’m never gonna mention jesus or the antichrist or whatever)

the angel blade is tied to her grace. her grace still exists up in heaven, locked away in the archives, so the blade still has its source. it also contains her love for zuala and molly and - and all that she loved before she was torn apart - and that fuels it, connects it to her. gives her access to its power. she’s mostly just sort of supernaturally stronger and can take more of a beating than a normal human, and on certain days/times of year she can fly short distances. days that were holy to her. she carves norse runes on her blade, because it’s hers now. she can’t age or die of old age, but she still does have human needs - food, water, sleep. she’s tough, but if she’s unlucky then she can be killed. luckily, she’s very good at fighting.

her wings… they’re not like they once were. being with the valkyries makes humans see them like other valkyries’, but the aesir can see them for what they are - decayed, fragile, skeletal things, with what remaining feathers there are barely hanging on. like her feathers in cr proper.

after ragnarok, when the surviving aesir meet in the fields of asgard, yasha thanks them for their hospitality, and returns to midgard. she wanders for a while, mostly by herself. she helps when she sees people who need her help, but mostly she just keeps herself alive and moving. quiet, contemplative. loving god’s creation even though heaven hurt her deeply. she spends years not speaking to anyone. what happened to the aesir was traumatizing to her, and she’s secure enough that she doesn’t need what they gave her when she was “younger.”

at some point she makes her way to north america. she wanders, builds cabins, and when she stumbles upon the opportunity she watches over what she once watched over. she’s aware of Hunters but is uninterested in them - they’re not hunting for food and while they help widows and the grieving that’s not their Business. not her business.

flash forward to early season 2. we know beau and caleb by this point and the basic premise of the show and the world. on a hunt in montana beau and caleb take shelter in a cabin during a snowstorm, and in the middle of the night the door opens. beau is taking watch and shoves a gun up in the intruder’s face - but it’s just yasha, holding a deer carcass and looking distinctly unimpressed. “you’re in my house.”

beau stutters an apology, caught entirely off guard by the 6′5″ mountain of a woman, and yasha shoulders past her to the table to stoke the fire and clean her kill. it’s her dinner for next month, yasha gruffly explains when beau asks what she’s doing. don’t like supermarkets.

caleb wakes up to beau helping yasha cut away the entrails. he is very frightened and confused, but when beau gives the all-clear he calms down a little. not entirely, because he knows this woman is beau’s type, and they’re still on a hunt.

they explain what they’re up to to yasha, who nods. says she’s noticed things have been strange. and beau helped her, so. she’ll help them. she’s also bored, and has a good feeling about these two.

so she helps out with the hunt, and throughout the episode beau clumsily flirts with her and yasha never turns her down but also never Flirts back. there’s a tension that’s mostly powered by beau but isn’t shut down by yasha (yasha thinks beau’s sweet and attractive, and she’s taken some human lovers over the last two millennia, but is still devoted to the memory of zuala. the audience doesn’t know that thought). she and caleb connect on a We Are Both Quiet Introverts level, like they do in actual cr (reminiscent of the shaving scene after bowlgate).

it isn’t until the end that caleb and beau think she’s anything but a mountain lady. then she pulls out a HUGE GLOWING SWORD carved with RUNES and THERE’S SOMETHING BEHIND HER THAT LOOKS LIKE WINGS? and then she nods, says goodbye, and walks away into the woods before caleb and beau can pepper her with questions about what the fuck just happened.

they run after her, but can’t find her or the cabin again. in the car ride back to civilization, caleb theorizes that she might be a valkyrie, and beau’s like yeah that sounds appropriately sexy.

yasha is a fan favorite. she had a whole focus episode and she was so mysterious and cool! the audience clamors for her to be brought back, and are sad when she doesn’t show up for the rest of season 2. beau and caleb mention her a couple times, so it’s made plain that she isn’t TOTALLY a one-off, but… hm!

beaujester shippers already existed by this point (jester was in season 1 and again in season 2), and beauyasha gains some popularity. beau having attractions to both of them is present in the show, but she isn’t dating either of them. there’s significance to both of them - they’re both people beau thinks of when she thinks of having Somebody.

a lot of fic about yasha is written between seasons 2 and 4, theorizing about her life as a valkyrie and what her and beau meeting up would be like… which is all then jossed when angels happen in season 4.

caleb gets taken to hell at the end of season 3 because of ikithon and for beau. during his last couple days on earth, he begs beau to find jester. or hell, yasha. don’t be alone, please. live and be happy. go get - go get powerlifted by one or both of them. i heard you sleeptalk enough about that. and beau tells him to shut up, don’t talk like that, i’ll - i’ll find a way to bring you back. and then you can see me get gay married or whatever it is you want me to do. because i’m gonna get you out of there. and caleb smiles, and his eyes say we both know you won’t.

there’s a whole genre of fic about jester or yasha (or both) comforting beau and settling into hunting/domesticity with her or helping her rescue caleb after caleb gets dragged away btw. idk why im making up fake fic about this au but you know what. i deserve this.

yasha is sort of put out of mind in the heaven excitement of season 4 and the arrival of molly as a third companion, turning their duo into a trio half the time. the apocalypse stuff isn’t quite happening yet btw (this is where i start diverging from the seasonal structure of spn), it’s just angels being real and caleb and beau being mysteriously important to them.

there is one point where during the beginning of an episode about halfway through the season where they’re regaling molly with a story of one of their hunts - beau is trying to embarrass caleb with a time he got enthralled by a siren, and caleb bats back with well, at least i didn’t let a giant woman with a dead deer push my gun aside so she could skin the thing with no enchantments on me at all. and beau’s like AW CMON DUDE DONT BRING YASH INTO THIS.

then there’s a shot where their bickering dialogue continues but the camera is focused on molly, who tilts his head a little, considering, then takes a sip of his orange juice (he hates coffee - too bitter! if he’s going to consume something to keep up the idea that he’s human, it’ll be something that tastes good!). then it cuts to the car.

it’s intentionally ambiguous if that’s about caleb getting seduced by a siren, beau being embarrassed, or whatever - it’s just an odd little moment. which is significant when they’re up north again, four episodes later, in a little restaurant off the highway, and they’ve just finished their meal and talk about the season plotline is happening when the door SLAMS open, and booted feet stomp across the dirty tile, strong legs in worn jeans, a huge backpack - beau’s eyes widen - and there’s yasha, striding directly to their table with a look of utmost focus and determination.

beau goes to stand, caleb’s brow furrows - yasha, what are you doing here - what’s going on - when, before they can act, molly stands up, causing the table to rock and their cups to slosh over. yashael! he exclaims, his face split in incredulous delight. you’re alive! you survived! you’re okay - it’s been millennia! what are you doing here?! oh, i don’t care, get over here. and he goes to her, and she hugs him, and beau and caleb are standing there, slack-jawed, as stony stoic yasha cracks a wide smile and hugs molly and lifts him off the ground.

did… did mollymauk just say ‘yashael?’ caleb says, stunned. molly is cradling yasha’s face in his hands, and her cheeks are round with joy. beau’s imagination could never have given her this smile, and she’s jealous a little bit, but also in awe, but mostly also trying to process the two puzzle pieces that just locked themselves together that she thought were totally separate from each other.

(relevant posts to their reunion: art, text, text)

from then on yasha is part of their group, at least for that season. there’s a lot of caleb and beau commiserating over their attraction to two LITERAL ANGELS - especially when the truth of yasha’s fall is revealed. beau is torn up inside about all of it - an ANGEL, for the first part, and her dead angel lover (how could beau ever compete with an ANGEL) and, oh christ, molly’s odd humoring of her crush on yasha is cast in a new light now.

and then jester comes back and… well, now beau’s torn between two hot girls who are both important in the grand scheme of things! yipes!

it takes a long time and there’s probably also some romantic drama in that triangle etc, but beauyaster is endgame. because i have a huge fucking brain.

#chirps #wmspn au #HOPEFULLY THAT READMORE WORKS ON MOBILE BC THIS ONE'S A LONG ONE!#long post #robcr #qll #thank you for the ask!!#autisticbillpotts

31 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Carly & Ali

Carly: 😢💔 Carly: treats not tricks Ali: Baby Ali: You can't say seeing Drew shit himself was anything but a 🍬 Carly: ha Carly: hide & seek? Carly: goldie's gonna b too sad to play unless ur sister steps up her comforting tho Ali: fun Ali: or manhunt Ali: and not a fate I'd wish on anyone, that Ali: he can be on our team, stop him pouting too hard Carly: let him hunt u & he couldn't be happier Carly: even if i offered to take off clothes each time i got found Carly: but you want his boy bestie to find you yea Ali: so telling Ali: Lene would have a field-day Ali: ain't no one's prey, baby Carly: nah hes urs Carly: sweet enough to eat Ali: nah Ali: no one's sweeter than you 🍓🍯 Carly: aw Carly: 🐅💙 Ali: I mean it Ali: you be captain, you pick Carly: cos u havent tasted him yet Carly: u pick & then tell me whos sweetest after Ali: do you want me to or don't you Carly: u wanna Carly: he does Ali: I'm asking what you want, though Carly: i want you to have fun Ali: I am Ali: with you Ali: you don't need to worry Carly: its k & so am i Ali: promise? Carly: ur cute & u dont need to worry Carly: hes just a lad Ali: I know he is Ali: like I knew he'd be a good fit for this trip, that's all Carly: idc if u wanna fuck him on this trip or when we get back is what i mean Carly: u can like him if you don't like him as much as me Ali: I don't like anyone as much as I like you, Carls Carly: is that a truth or a dare? Ali: it's the truth Ali: I don't need to be dared into nothing Ali: I want you Carly: u wanna make me cry i reckon Carly: being 👼 Ali: not even Ali: like you said, if either of us wanted to go there with anyone else, it's a bridge we'd cross as and when Ali: I'm not gonna do anything behind your back, trust me Carly: u don't have to Carly: u can do anything u want Carly: not ur ex Carly: cute as she is its v intense Carly: im letting ur wings stay open Ali: you don't have to be the anti-her, you know Ali: just be you Ali: I care about you, what you want and what you think, just tell me that always Carly: ha what would the anti her b? Carly: ur sister mayb Carly: or drews Ali: either way Ali: not what I'm after Ali: 😬 Carly: idk drews sister is cute Carly: & hed b so mad about it Ali: world's most confusing boner, you mean Carly: 😂 Ali: not looking to blow either of their minds Ali: again, in his case, of course Carly: he's the cutest when he don't know what's happening Carly: like a baby 🐕 Ali: if I was being a bitch I'd say that was always Ali: but I've already wounded his ego too much today Ali: bless him Carly: ha Carly: never heard a boy scream w out being touched Carly: learning things this trip Ali: 😂 Ali: stick with me, babe Carly: 🏫 Ali: not 'til Monday Ali: 👎 Carly: im not gonna go Carly: say it was 👽 Carly: snatched for being this sexy soz Ali: good thinkin' Ali: if they're too squeamish to ask about sickness and diarrhoea, they ain't gonna deepdive into probing, like Carly: or 👻have taken over my body Carly: brb after the exorcism 😈 Ali: shame we ain't kicking it catholic Ali: they'd do it for the fun of, beats a normal day of Carly: @ my gma Carly: shes 😢💔 i dont want jesus inside me Carly: he's too nice like Carly: not my type Ali: could always go for Judas Ali: #hotfriend Carly: o true Ali: plus Iscariot is an amazing last name so Carly: baby we gotta get divorced rn Ali: 💔 Carly: dont b sad Carly: ill b back w a great name u can take Ali: hold you to that, girl 💍⛓ Carly: u can Carly: i love u more than any biblical figures Ali: even Mary Magdalene? 😍😍😍 Carly: dont tell her Ali: keep it between you and me Carly: 💙👼 Ali: you're so cute Carly: you're cuter Ali: nope Ali: I 👑 you the cutest Carly: aw Carly: if it goes to a vote youll win tho Ali: nah Carly: yea Carly: ur sister & ex dont like me Carly: the boys like u more Ali: they ain't got the good taste I do Carly: thats putting yourself down! Carly: they all love u Ali: but I love you Carly: i love u Ali: let's go be alone Carly: yea Carly: shoo the 👻s away for us baby Ali: 🔫🔫🔫 Carly: my hero Ali: you know it Ali: not to be my ex about it either Carly: she did rescue me too first night ever Carly: & shes not that bad Ali: 😒 why don't you marry her Ali: 😉 Carly: too straight Ali: 😂 Ali: we'll show her how straight you are Carly: she invited now? k then Ali: maybe not SEE then Ali: hear Carly: if she hears they all will Carly: sure u want that? Ali: let's deliberate Carly: what does that mean? Ali: that we're gonna start and then I'll see how I'm feeling Carly: o Carly: thats a dare isnt it Ali: if you're up to it, baby Carly: u kno i am Carly: & i can make u be louder than me Carly: if u wanna double dare it Ali: you know I do Carly: yea Carly: i can 👀 Carly: ur eyes r really blue & ur cute face is really pink Ali: it's the 🔥 Carly: nah its me Carly: hotter Ali: not gonna disagree Carly: not what i want u to say Ali: go on then, you 👀 Ali: what do you wanna 👂 Carly: more fun to make it happen Carly: if i tell u course youll say it to be sweet to me Ali: okay, let's play then Carly: where? Ali: don't think we'll be able to stop Marlene coming through if we desecrate her car so Carly: so cute Carly: take our chances w the dead then Ali: you aren't scared anymore, are you? Carly: ive got u to protect me y would i b Ali: and I swear, all treats Ali: or you know, the fun kind of tricks only Carly: ive missed u so much Carly: ur here i kno but scooby gang r too Carly: & yea drews the 🐕 Ali: 😂 omg too real 'cos Caleb is clearly Shaggy Ali: you can be Daphne, babe, I'll allow it Ali: but we can be alone all day Monday, yeah, I promise Carly: which 1 is the hot nerd cuz if its ur sister thats awks boo Carly: soz she loves me if she's the scarf wearing fashionista still tho Carly: ur ex coulda got away w it if it weren't for us pesky kids 😠 Ali: we'll let Meena and her duke it out who wants to be who Ali: I'll have to be Scrappy and I'm not even mad tbh Carly: aw ur that cute Ali: 🥊 Carly: thats y id go anywhere w you even ur exs car Carly: so safe w my baby Ali: always boo Ali: I've got you Carly: hold my hand not cuz im scared Carly: dont let go til u have to Ali: that's a challenge isn't it Carly: if it feels like 1 ill have to b that bitch & throw ur 💍 @ u Ali: 😂 Ali: you know how holdable you are Carly: dont leave me yet k Carly: its so loud in my 🧠 & 💙 how much i dont want u too Ali: I'm not leaving you ever Carly: im not saying u gotta promise me so hard Ali: but I am Ali: 'cos I'm not Ali: I love you now, no matter what Ali: I'm gonna be here for you Carly: i kno u mean it Carly: ur 👼 energy is always around me now Carly: but he's a nice lad who likes u thats not coming around much so don't forget Ali: I'll try not to take that personally, babe 😜 Ali: but I know what you mean Carly: do u cuz being w u is like its still summer @ a party where pretty girls keep telling u ur pretty & the lads who r rides wanna get u drinks & u kno every song thats playing Carly: like being high but w out chasing it or any of the shit u have to do to get 💊 Carly: & it lasts the comedown dont get u Carly: idk its hard to explain cept ive never met anyone like u cuz there isnt Carly: but theres girls & lads same as me everywhere Ali: baby Ali: that isn't true and you've given the proof right there Ali: you've got a poet's soul Ali: you're so special and you don't even know it Ali: that makes you more Carly: ur really magic Carly: im sorry Carly: dont b mad at me Carly: or sad Ali: I'm not Ali: why would I be Ali: like ever Ali: but especially right now Carly: idk Carly: i wasn't ur go to girl for pranking every1 Ali: not because you did something wrong Ali: not because of anything Ali: if I thought about it at all I was just trying to involve everyone, you know Ali: make sure everyone's having a good time Carly: jk 👼 baby i kno ur intentions r pure 💙 Carly: y ur 👑 leader Ali: okay you got me back then Ali: 💚 Carly: ha im full of tricks & treats Ali: 😏 come show me Carly: k

1 note · View note

readbythestarlight · 6 years

Text

c2e37

LIIIIIVE SHOOWWWW

And Ashley’s back for the week!

YOOOO HO HO PIRATE CAPTAIN TRAVIS

please tell me they all actually

THEY DID ACTUALLY DO THE PIRATE COSTUMES

YAAAAS

lol Sam with the Hamilton pose

Matt giggling every time the applause interrupts him kills me

Matt’s giggles in general kill me

Sam and Ashley duet yeaaaah!

“Bidet, bidet!”

Excellent

Oh shoot I completely forgot where exactly we ended last week here we go

Wait wtf I missed Sam’s whole change somehow

“Caleb gave me his Frumpkin!”

She just tHROWS HIM

C: “I have plugged the bottom of the boat, I think our troubles are behind us now.”

F: “We’re about to be bored by fucking pirates.”

Are they being even goofier than usual tonight or is it just me? I’m just cracking up every other second.

J: “I look like me only menacing.”

Travis has got himself an idiots guide to sailing lol

B: “I go over and I smack Yasha’s ass” the crowd goes crazy

Y: “Uh… am I in your way, Beau?”

Big. Meaty. hands.

Ogre. Oh boy.

Fjord’s “I fucked up” face lol

Oh no don’t split up

Oh good yeah just leave the rest of the crew to get the ship to shore

Frick except what about Caleb? He can’t leave or the ship will sink

Caleb’s confused face is life

Travis throwing around all the ship and sailor lingo lol

“Oui”

“Successful” he says. Fjord. You dummy.

”Tracy Beauman”

“Philip Bonjour.”

“Janet.”

“Cornelius.”

Cad and Yasha are a mess

“Sometimes they call me Stew”

“Pirate Sapphire” and the whole crowd goes awwww

“Gilligan” xD

Aw shoot

She’s too clever for you nerds

F: “You have the honor of being in the company of… the Mighty Nein.”

Captain Avantica: “But there are only seven of you…” Always funny

“I lost another fucking owl”

Fjord lying through his teeth is my favorite

F: “Corneulis, what say you to that?”

Cad: “I’ve got some very specific burial needs if we’re actually gonna go that way.”

Don’t you point a rifle at my tall sons head!

They basically got shanghaied into being actual pirates this is amazing

FUCK THE SOUND DIED it keeps cutting in and out :(

“OH SHIT OUR TORTLE”

Jester suggesting they just make a fleet of ships by stealing BOTH

“WOOO 20!”

“The Great Leviathan” YOOOO SHIT

“I am the Chosen” bitch so is he look Fjord you found other members of the club!

“I’ve shown you mine… You show me yours.”

Apparently the sound was a recording issue so it’s just going to be fucked up for the rest of the show which is sad because I feel like I’m missing every other word

“I love this color palate” I love Avantika

DREAMS SHE HAS DREAMS TOO

“Do you often wake up vomit saltwater? Do you have wet dreams?”

“No, unlike some I can hold my brine” BIIIITCH

Guys I love Avantica/Ivantica/however you spell it

SO MUCH FJORD BACKSTORY I WISH I COULD HEAR ALL OF IT

“Your hentai cult” liAM

Matt making notes of them picking on his names lol

Matt’s face poor guy

Sound is a little better now finally

“Is it safe to say that you’ve been under-sharing with us”

Sam was just waiting for bed time so he could have Nott sneak into the cargo hold

Sam and his antics SLAY me

Nott almost just blew them all up

Stealing a keg of gunpowder, I hope that comes in handy later

“I got an arm full of gunpowder, an arm full of rotting fruit, that’s a success.”

Captain Avantica and Fjord omg

I’m sure nothing sexy will happen but I can’t wait for Jester to be jealous for like 3.5 seconds lol

I don’t know who this woman is but bless her for asking Matt that question

“IT’S HIIIIIIGH NOOON”!!!!!!!!!!!!

look I knew she didn’t want sex

Caleb omg you can’t spy on them with Frumpkin!

Aaaand there goes the sound again.

“Speaking of Beautiful” Fjord you smooth fuck

Fjord basically rolls a Nat20 for seduction what a night everyone

SHE’S GOT AN EYE IN HER PALM

Fjord regrets all his life choices

Freeing some kind of trapped god

I’m not sure how I feel about this

Yes I am actually I don’t like it

I like how Fjord is like acting all smooth but inside he’s freaking the fuck out

Fjord is smooth as fuCK

Ouch, dismissed!

“I tuen my head when I get there, and I look back…. AND I WALK AWAY.”

C: “Question - I am still watching her…”

F: “What the FUCK do you mean STILL?!”

ROLL SO WELL LIAM

That’s not good enough

Them poking fun at Fjord for not asking some important questions

Hmmm they’re making very valid points about how she could have killed FriendGuy to get his orb and now Fjord could be next

Oh my goddd

Did Molly have a tattoo with an eye?!

what the fuck

DID MOLLY

WHAT

DAFLKADSGADGSKLAGDSKLGAAGJKLR

WHAT THE FFFFFFFFUCK DID MOLLY HAVE THESE TATTOOS TOO?!

Cad: “What would you even do with over like that?”

N: “Well I know what I would do with it! GET RID OF THE SEAS.”

The stream literally just jumped backwards like 20+ minutes wtffff

We’re finally back to where we got tossed back before, seems like

Oh and now Ashley’s mic is down

Disaster

FJORD DREAM YAAAS

WAIT wait wait

Captain Avantica said “sweet dreams” to him before he left, and then she offered blood to the iron thing above the door

Did she do this somehow?

LEARN.

GROW.

PROVOKE.

Oh. Sabien’s face.

Vandrin’s face. Oh boy.

WATCHING.

Look at your reflection maybe?

WATCH.

I don’t trust this fucking giant sea serpent banished god thing and I want him to let Fjord go my son doesn’t want this

REWARD.

Travis is just like “Matt why are you making me do all this thinking” lol

CONTROLLING THE OCEAN

…Oh no maybe he does want it a little bit. Or at least he enjoys it just a little bit? I can’t tell.

Fjord why the FUCK you STILL lyin’

Is it because he’s afraid? Of himself? Of the power he might have?

Caleb is concerned and I’m trying to decide if he’s worried Fjord is a threat to them, or worried ABOUT Fjord.

Beau: *talking about fighting the fish people*

Cad: “I don’t remember any of this.”

F: “Perhaps someone who needs help with like, STEALTH.”

F: …

F: “Oh I’ve got fucking 0, I’ll look at ti!”

“I hope you slept well” SHE TOTALLY HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT SOMEHOW

NEXT WEEK IS GONNA BE SO GOOD

Tonight was EXCELLENT (even with all the dumb technical stuff)

SO MUCH FJORD BACKSTORY IM SO EXCITED WOOOOO

#emi watches critical role #critical role #critical role spoilers

20 notes · View notes

samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas ❤

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

0 notes

adambstingus · 7 years

Text

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3