#and bye-bye any happiness/excitement/urge to be creative

[zombeesknees]

remember how i had to drop over a thousand dollars in repairs on my car’s undercarriage/brakes like two weeks ago?

well, my brakes went out on the highway coming home from work tonight.

so now i gotta pay for the tow in the morning, AND they’ve gotta do MORE repairs (but i refuse to pay a fucking penny for those -- they were SUPPOSED TO HAVE FIXED THIS SHIT TWO WEEKS AGO FOR $1,300).

i just want one (1) got damn week where nothing in my life is fucked.

please.

[akemiozawa]

Free Writing

Okay, yea, during the games announcement and during my college class time, I had my creative writing go wild, and these are some writing pieces I’ve thought up of. Enjoy!

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Writings no. 1

I glanced around the room, until I stop at my desk. There sat a yellow and red toned apple, the size of a magic 8 ball.

“Hello, what’re you doing here?” I ask aloud. Walking over, I pick it up. The skin felt cool and smooth again at my fingertips.

Hang on. Who put this here? I didn’t even grab one of these when I went to the dining hall. Did Mia put this here?

“Hey Mia!”

“Yea, Charlie?”

“Did you leave this apple in my room?” I turned just as she walked in.

Her teal eyes darted to the object in my hand. Shaking her head, all that spilled from the ratel-hybrid’s lips was, “Nope. Wasn’t me.”

The way her ears tilted to and fro, and eyebrows curled in a confused manner confirmed it.

“Then what the hell-?”

“Beats me, Dude.” She shrugs.

Meanwhile, watching through his ornate mirror, Vil Schoenheit watched the exchange between the two girls. He clenched his hands into fists as he sees Charlie stuff the apple into her bag.

“Let’s go walk around the courtyard till class starts.” The other girl, Mia, requested.

“Sure. Let’s go.” Charlie smiled, and grabbing her bag, fled from the room with the ratel. The mirror warped back to how it was as the scene faded.

“Blast it all! She didn’t bite into it like I hoped!” Vil muttered under his breath. Pacing around his chambers, he let his thoughts fly. “Well, it’s only a matter of time. Besides, it’s in her possession now....and soon will she be, too.” A sly smirk swept onto his lips.

Gaining ahold of his hand mirror, the glass’ reflection wavered and Vil’s face changed into that of Charlotte’s. The latter was smiling and laughing at something Mia said.

“Oh my dearest Charlotte. Very soon, your beauty will be mine for the taking. Enjoy your freedom, little dove. Before you know it, there’ll be no escape from my gilded birdcage of beauty!”

Writings no. 2

The doors clicked open, and I barely managed to slip through the space it made. I quickly sprinted for the staircase as fast as I could with the sandaled feet. My heart kept hammering in my chest. Was it the adrenaline? Maybe fear? Or pure excitement? I couldn’t tell over these black starting to creep in to the corners of my vision. 

“I have to hurry! He’s gonna catch me!” I panicked. The skirt of my gown fluttered against my legs as I hiked up the skirts in order to run faster. If Vil saw me now, he’d be screaming like a banshee at my actions. But he wasn’t here, and I was in a fight to save myself and the others.

I heard a whisper behind me, and out from a cloud of mist, Grim was floating at the same pace I ran.

“You do realize you’re acting like a victim in a horror movie now, right?”

“Not now, Grim!” I spat.

“Hey, I’m just pointing out facts.” He shrugs nonchalantly.

“I gotta find an empty room to hide in until I can get a clear plan going!” I mutter, ignoring him for the time being.

Nothing in the hall so far. But I’ve still got to keep my hopes up.

Writings no. 3

Pushing open the door lightly, I bolt into the empty room. My jaw drops at the sight.

Furniture overturned, smashed windows and shredded curtains, ruined decor littered the entire room. Walls were scratched up and broken. Shit, don’t tell me that’s blood on the floor!

Covering my mouth, I survey the damage that is now the Heartslabyul dorm. If this was what Nerine, Morganna and Xander had done to this place, I’d hate to see how the others turned out.

Crap! The guys! What happened?! I don’t know what I’d do if they died. Just the thought of seeing their lifeless bodies brought tears to my eyes.

“Charlie!”

Wait...that voice... please tell me-

“Where are you?!”

ACE!!!

I smiled when I saw him run through the door with Trey, Deuce, Cater and Riddle in tow. They’re all here! And safe!

“Guys...” I smile, fumbling forward, the tears finally coming down.

Ace was the first to catch me in a hug. I felt small drops on my shoulder, and fierce mutterings of ‘you’re alive!’.

I felt more weight when the others decided to join in on the hug, and Riddle placed a warm hand on my shoulder for reassurance.

Writings No. 4

The entire place was pitch black. Forcing down the ball of spit in my throat with force, I try to keep calm as I walk forward.

A chilled breath runs along my neck. I yelp and swing back around. No one. Brushing a lock of hair behind my ear, I turn back forward.

My footfalls creek with the old floorboards the more I move. So much for trying to be stealthy. 

A Shriek resounds.

Okay scratch that, I can’t stay calm! 

I tried to scream, until two gentle but firm hands grab me by the forearms, dragging me into the shadows.

One hand clamps down on my mouth, to stop my voice from slipping.

“Charlie, it’s me!”

Oh my fucking God. HIM???

My eyes dart to the side, and all I see are Lilia’s blood irises.

“mmmmm?! (Lilia?!)” I shriek, despite my voice being muffled with his hand. 

“Well who else? Mal-Mal? Uh, no! You’re lucky that I saved you before something else did!” He retorted. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Mmmm mmm thmmm mmmmrm?!” (Where are the others?!)

“Don’t worry, they’re safe. Mal sent me to find you before trouble sparked up!”

Little too late for that, Lil. I’ve yet to find Vil, Leona, and Riddle! Now that Morganna has the vice heads locked up, who knows where she might be on the hunt for us. 

He seemed to send my distress, thankfully, and releases me from his hold. 

I shook my head rapidly, “I’m fine!” Fine?! Really?! Why’d I choose that word over something else?!

“Now Charlotte, you know better than to lie to me.” He teased. Damnit.

With nothing else, I spilled the beans.

“Well, that’s certainly not good.”

No shit, Sherlock!

“We have to warn Malleus and the other leads. I’ve managed to locate only half of them.”

“I’ll go with you to find the others before Morganna does.” Without resisting, I agree and we run for it.

(Note, these next three include songs. Links are listed underneath. Two are actual songs I know by heart, the last is inspiration from a certain musical)

Writings no. 5

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oavr9Bj94Vk

Sighing, I clasp the golden pendant around my neck. The cool metal warms up in my palm. The melody of the music box gently tings out the tune. Without missing a beat I lull out,

A gentle breeze from Hush-a-bye Mountain

Softly blows o’er Lullaby Bay.

It fills the sails of boats that are waiting

Waiting to sail your worries away.

The faint memory of my mother singing that same song to me as a child was embrazened within my mind. Her touch...her voice...Her smile...her warmth.....

It isn’t far to Hush-a-bye Mountain and

Your boat waits down by the key.

The winds of night so softly are sighing

Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.

Epel snuggles into me, grasping what warmth I’m emanating from my body. His tears have long since dried and he closes his eyes.

So close your eyes on Hush-a-bye Mountain

Wave goodbye to cares of the day!

Enclosing my own arms around his fragile body, the melody turns into an orchestra of strings and winds. I felt their haunting song play and resound through the hollow air, filling the dead space with a symphony of soothing tones. I held him close to my heart, letting the song lull his soul to sleep.

And watch your boat from Hush-a-bye Mountain

Sail far away from Lullaby Bay.

His breathing grows slow and soon, soundlessly, he succumbs you sleep.

Writings no. 6

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6D8tPJEyqbI

Walking down the dim halls, my thoughts grew bleak. And yet they keep going back to the same symbol that was embedded in the key, the same key which led to the mirror and matched my necklace.

Am I more connected to this world and what’s led on? Is the headmaster hiding something for me that I shouldn’t know of? Whatever the reason, I’ve yet to know... and I’ll find out for myself if no one’s going to help me!

Without thinking, I start to sing an old tune. A song about a poor wayfaring stranger going back home through so much turmoil and danger, but only for a lifetime of happiness back home.

The stranger and I are the same. We’re trying to find our way back, and will do everything to do so, even suffering ordeals, physically and mentally alike. But there’s a dividing line. Between my world and the one I’m trapped in.

I pass by a mirror and stop. I see my reflection: my dark locks were down, a Dutch braid framed my forehead keeping any stray hairs out of sight. My skin glowed under the candle light, giving off a warm beige halo of health. Pink lips in a soft pout. Yellow-brown eyes vibrantly shined through the golden-yellow glow of fire, and tiny freckles lined the apples of my cheeks.

“Charlotte...” I froze. That’s the same voice that called to me when I first found the mirror.

I started to shake, goosebumps prickled my arms and I felt a shiver go down my spine as I back away slowly. No...not again...anything but that!

I was a good few feet away when I bolted down the hall, never once turning back, the feeling of eyes on my figure continued to prolong.

Writings no. 7

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PkB7hfC8aYM

Weeping silently, I let the tears fall into my hands. 

Riddle’s words kept stabbing at my heart like daggers. I could only recall his cold stare before he left with a swish of his cape. 

Despite Trey and the others trying to comfort me, all I wanted was to be alone. They left, regarding my wish.

Why was I always like this? Why was I the one to take the fall? Why?

“Poor Lotte.” “Poor sweet Little Lotte.” Two voices rang out. I gasp sharply and turn to where the voices sang creepily. And involuntary shutter flew down my back. I shivered. The atmosphere felt so...eerie now....

“She’s got a very serious problem, doesn’t she, brother?” One sang and a hum followed in agreement.

“If only-” “-there were something-” “-we could do!” “But there is something....!” The voices kept bouncing left and right. My tears have dried as I kept trying to pinpoint where they were coming from. I scanned the area. Not another person was in sight. 

“Who’s there? Who are you?” I call out in the darkness. I was getting a bit tired and pissed now. “I’m not in the mood for games! Now show yourselves!”

Suddenly from out of the shadows, two identical figures had appeared. They wore the same attire, yet while one was done up perfectly, the other was partially loose fitting. What set them apart more were their looks. Teal hair with a dark strand framing either the left or right of their faces. An earring with three blue stones were worn on the same sides. The two possessed  heterochromia iridium. One eye a dark beige, the other a gleaming yellow. 

The Leech Twins, Floyd and Jade.

“There’s no need to be hostile.” Jade spoke, smiling lightly.

“We know someone who can help you.” Floyd picked up, showing off sharp teeth in a sly grin.

I back up slightly, my hips hitting a chair, my eyes never leaving them. Yet when I blink, they’re gone. I whip my head behind to see where they’re at.

Then there was an arm around my waist.

I shriek and throw my hand back in a backhanded fist, praying for a clean strike. But got caught midair. By another, white-gloved hand.

“Someone who can help you find what you’ve lost long ago.” Cold lips were on my wrist and pointed teeth gently scratch the surface. I held my breath. Shut my eyes in paranoia.

The same feel of gloved hands take ahold of my other hand, lips gently trace the back.

“Just think of it,” they blended as one. “You and your family....reunited....forever....”

My eyes open, staring at one spot. “I-I don’t really understand.” Why with the stuttering, Charlie?!

“Azul...has extraordinary powers.” A voice coaxes on my right.

My eyes widen at that name. “Your...your lead?!” Riddle told off nearly all the dorm leaders (or more in his case every last one of them) that he can’t stand as soon as he took me in. Then again, he’s always like this.... telling ordering me constantly NEVER go join them. Especially Diasomnia’s.

But he’s not here! Yet...why do I still feel hesitant...?

Oh for the love of god, am I seriously letting that midget’s words get the better of my decisions?! He’s not the boss of me!!

“But that’s...I couldn’t possibly....”

“NO!” I scream, ripping myself away. My heartbeat shot up tenfold when the space was extended. “Doing that would be like selling my soul to a demon! I just couldn’t!” Burying my face in my hands, the tears sprung up again.

They seemed to sense my distress. “Very well.” Jade shrugged one shoulder in surrender. “It was just a suggestion.” Floyd finished. With a small bow and tip of the hat, they slipped back into the shadows.

When I felt they had left, I let my hands fall, but now there was a mirror, tall enough for a self portrait. I see my reflection: tear tracks lined down my cheeks, eyes red and hair ruffled. At least I didn’t look like a complete mess.

My eyes trail down to the necklace. Trey had given me a cleaning cloth for my pendant, to always keep it shiny.

Just one look sent me to my thoughts on my aunt.

Aunt Sam...Mom and Dad...I wonder how they’re doing.

Fuck it. I may or may not regret it, but at this point, what other choice is there?

Without thinking, I blurt out, “Wait a minute!”

“Yes?” I could’ve sworn I saw their eyes glow in the darkness.

Looking them dead on, the only thing that left my lips was what sealed my fate: “When’s the soonest I can see him?”

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

That’s what I’ve got 😅. And long story short: Mia was another potential OC of mine alongside Charlie. She’s in Savanaclaw, and a Ratel-Hybrid. I dunno if I should bring her into the fam...

[tiny-taepot]

distant (Mark)

Genre: ANGST

word count: 12k

Request:  something angsty with GOT7!

Summary: a once burning love becomes cold and distant

a/n: this ended up being super long lol, hope you enjoy reading!

Your friends remember the days when you and Mark started dating and how happy you were, your Instagram was filled with photos of you and Mark doing whatever. You were super happy that you had met Mark and despite his busy schedule at work he had always made time with you, anyone who looked at you two would instantly know you were madly in love. A burning, passionate fire of love. Mark and you had moved super fast because you wanted to be together as much as possible, you two moved in with each other after six months of knowing each other. Some people called you crazy for moving in with him so early and how you were going to regret it if you broke up super early, you shook your head and just laughed it off since you knew that somehow you and Mark would someday get married. 

It had been two years since then and you and Mark were still happily together, it was nearing your third year anniversary and you were hoping for a really big anniversary gift, you were really hoping for a ring this year since you and Mark had been together for so long and everyone knew it was coming. You had already got him something very expensive and special, you bought him a new phone because his current phone was breaking and you thought it would help with the communication problem you two had been having recently. Mark had been very late to answering texts and rarely picked up your phone calls, he told you it was because of his phone and how it never notified him when you texted or call. You thought that was very reasonable and phones had expiry dates and this was probably Mark’s phone telling him it was time to upgrade. You were calling your best friend, Sarah, as you were preparing dinner. 

“I really think this is the year,” you smiled hopefully as you dumped a bunch of diced carrots into the pot, you could hear Sarah giggling excitedly. “Please oh please make me the maid of honor,” she squeals as you laugh, “of course, you’re the only person I would every consider.” You answer as she laughs, “good, what type of friend would you be if I wasn’t your maid of honor,” Sarah says as you roll your eyes playfully, you stir the pot as you hear the front door unlocking. “Oh I got to go, Mark is home,” you say as you hear her chuckle “ooooh sounds like he’s home early, must be something special tonight,” she suggestively says as you roll your eyes again. “Okay bye Sarah, we’re still on for Brunch on Saturday, right?” You ask, “of course, bring that ring so I can see it on Saturday okay?” She says, you can feel her grin from over the other end. “Yep, okay I really have to go now, bye!” You say as you hear her say bye and end the phone call. 

“Hey y/n, I’m home,” Mark says as he places his bag down, you smile back to him. “How was work?” You ask as he opens the fridge and grabs a can of beer, he opens it and takes a sip. “It was as normal as it gets,” he answers simply, you realize the cold tone that he answered in. Was he mad? Upset? Or was he just tired of work. Usually when he would get home he would embrace you and smile whenever he saw you, but you guessed these days it was just a little rough at work. You shook the feeling off as you knew that your anniversary was soon so Mark would most likely lighten up for that day. You were so excited to see what he had in store for you, he always had such creative plans and surprises for you. 

It was Friday night, you were all dressed up, you wore a bright red dress that hugged your figure nicely, you had done your hair and make up and you waited for Mark to get home. You had his gift in your hand as you waited patiently for him to get home, as the hours passed you started to get worried. There were texts from Mark telling you that he was going to be late or that there was traffic or even a surprise text telling you where to meet him. You got worried so you texted him, to put your mind at ease.

8:27 PM (y/n): hey, where are you?

You were looking at the text screen hoping for a quick response but as you waited and waited it seemed like he wasn’t going to read it anytime soon. You put your phone away as you walked around your shared living room, you were worried that maybe something happen while he was heading home. You turned on the T.V clicking on all the news channels to see if there had been any road accidents but there were none. All of a sudden you hear a buzz coming from your bag, you open your phone to see a text from Mark.

8:55 PM (Mark): I’m not coming home tonight, too much work to do, save me some food. 

When you saw that text your heart sank, did he forget? You shook off the feeling, you knew how important Mark’s job was and that there probably was no way for him to get home anyways. You changed into sweats and a sweater and ordered a pizza, you were too sad to cook, you just wanted to cuddle yourself and watch romantic movies. You wanted to support Mark with everything but this was a little too much, you were hoping he didn’t forget about your anniversary gift and you knew that there was always tomorrow. 

You woke up to an empty cold bed, Mark didn’t come home last night, you were sad because you felt so bad that he had to work so hard. You figured that you would visit him for lunch and bring him some lunch and his anniversary gift. It was nowhere close to how you planned your engagement story but this was still equally romantic. 

You walked into the brunch resturant and saw Sarah, the moment she saw you enter she had a big grin displayed on her face, you gave her a small smile and she instantly knew. "He didn't propose this year?" Sarah asked, offened for you. You gave her a small sad chuckle. "He didn't even show up, he was caught up with work last night and didn't even come home last night." You answered as Sarah's facial expression lit up, "which means there's still hope right?" Sarah asked her big grin had returned. "I was thinking of getting him some lunch and exchanging gifts at his workplace," you told her but you were doubting that. Her eyes widen even more, you were concern they were gonna pop, "oh my yes, perfect, then you'll be engaged and everything will be good!" Sarah fantasizes as you roll your eyes playfully. "We'll see," you smiled as you took a bite of your breakfast.

You walked into Mark's workplace and walked into his office to see his secretary and him talking, you assumed it was business so you just walked in, the moment Mark saw you walk in his eyes widened. "Y/n? What are you doing here?" He asked as you gave him a tiny smile and walked closer to the two. "I'll let you two talk," Mark's secretary smile softly as she headed out. "So what are you doing here?" Mark asked as he sat back down in his seat and gestured for you to sit down as well, you sat down and took out a lunchbox, you remember how Mark used to beg for you to make him lunches. "I brought some lunch and also have a surprise for you," you smiled as Mark smiled as well. "Thanks y/n, you didn't have to go through all this trouble," Mark said as you shook your head, retrieving the gift from your purse. "No trouble at all, I actually wanted to see you cause I didn't see you yesterday." You slide the gift over to him and Mark's eyes widen. He picks up the gift and unwraps it, he sees the new phone. "Y/n are you kidding me? You didnt have to buy me this," Mark says as you laugh, "nonsense, I realized how you kept complaining about how slow your phone was and thought that this was a perfect gift." You smiled as he immediately turned it on. You frowned as you realised Mark had not given you your gift yet, you waited until Mark looked up at you and saw your facial expression. "Something wrong?" He asked as you laughed a little thinking he was joking, until you realized he was serious. "It's just that I bought you this for our third year anniversary, so I kind of wanna know what you got me," you smiled softly as you heart quickened, this was it, the perfect moment where Mark and you officially start your life together. But then you watched all the colour from Mark's face drain, he forgot. "You forgot didn't you?" You asked as you gave him a disappointed look, Mark shook his head. "Of course not! I'll give it to you when we get home, I just forgot it at home." He smiles, you smile back but you knew he was lying.

It got worse when you got home, when Mark handed you his present to you he was standing and when you opened it, it was a tiny diamond necklace. Now you weren't one to hate gifts because of the value, but this was the necklace that Mark had given you on your six month anniversary. You smiled as he put it on you, you swallowed the urge to cry, maybe this was all an elaborate prank you thought. Mark had always been a man who loved surprises, maybe this was a big surprise.

A week had past since your anniversary and everything was quiet, no proposal, no flowers, no love letters, nothing. In fact, the week had seem to be short of Mark at all, you saw him maybe once this week and rarely had a conversation with you. It was like living with a ghost, but at least the ghost would be there all the time. Mark rarely replied back to your texts and calls and you were getting more upset by the day.

You were cleaning the house when you heard a buzz, you followed the sound and saw Mark's old phone on the dresser, you knew it was wrong to snoop so you continued to mind your business. After ten consistent buzzes you finally sighed and opened his phone, you saw all the texts that you sent Mark that he just opened but never read and then you found her. Jenny. The secretary, you opened the texts to see risky texts and flashy photos sent between the two, your heart was beating so quick and your stomach felt sick. It had felt like someone ripped your heart in two and then repeatedly rammed their foot into your stomach. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks as you saw the two had been spending steamy nights together when Mark was supposedly at work. You wanted to cry and scream at the same time. But a text message conversation between the two really stuck to you, it was about you.

7:55 pm (Jenny): do you think she knows?

7:57 pm (Mark): nope, y/n is an idiot, she'll never find out. I have her wrapped around my finger.

You felt sick when you read that, he took your love as stupidity, you wondered when he stopped loving you and then you thought about how much time you spent on this relationship and how he threw it away so easily. Did you mean absolutely nothing to him? Were you worth nothing to him that he considered throwing you away for some affair with his coworker? You kept reading and it got worse.

8:59 pm (Jenny): Mark, I'm getting sick and tired of sharing you with that bitch, it's either me or her.

9:13 pm (Mark): sweetie please be patient, I'll only be with her for so long, I promise I'll be yours and the stupid bitch won't matter anymore. We'll be happy together.

You wanted to kill him, the way he talked about you made you think about if his feelings were genuine, why did he have to this? Was he not happy with you? Your tears kept coming down and you heard the door open. "Y/n?" Sarah called out as you quickly wiped the tears off your face and walked downstairs with Mark's phone. When Sarah saw you she gasped, "what happened?! Why are you crying?" She asked as she rushed to your side, you couldn't contain the tears anymore and let them flow as Sarah gave you a hug. "H-h-he's cheating on me!" You tried to say but your voice was muffled from the crying, but Sarah understood every word. She clenched her fist as she read the texts, throwing the phone onto the couch she was ready to kill. "I cant believe he would do that to you, how dare he? We should make him pay," Sarah said as you rested your head on her shoulder. She was right, he had to feel something before you ended things with him.

You walked with Sarah to his workplace, you didn't want to go but Sarah insisted, in your hands was a box of clothing and most of Mark's important possessions. In Sarah's hand she had the phone and screenshots printed in her hand. You saw Jenny and him, the way he looked at her, it was exactly the way he looked at you when you two had started dating. You saw Jenny sitting on his desk as his hand travelled furthur up her thigh, your face red with jealousy and anger as you watched her flirt with him and him flirting back. Sarah speeds up her walking to get to his door faster, she slams her hand on the door to get their attention. Mark and Jenny jump as they look over there and see Sarah and you. Mark's face goes white as he realizes that youre here. "Y-y/n" Mark tries to say before Sarah cuts in. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Cheating on my bestfriend with this skank?" Sarah asks angrily, pointing to Jenny, Jenny rolls her eyes as she heads for the door, Sarah grabs her arm. "Don't you even try, you think you can do this and not be at fault?" Sarah asks as she sits back down and scoffs. You clench your fists as you walk towards the door. "Y/n it was a mistake," Mark softly says as you place the box on his desk, you see as Jenny smirks and even scoffs a little. "Mistake? That's not what he was saying last night, you know? When he stayed at my apartment to make love all night. I'm surpise we're still up, we didnt stop at all last night," Jenny brags as you feel the tears rushing to your face. "I can't believe you would cheat on me. After all this time, I've given up job oppurtunities and given up friendships for this relationship Mark, I put in so much effort." You softly cry as Mark tries to hold you but is blocked by Sarah. "Don't even think about it," she growls as he backs up. You wipe the tears and laugh softly, he's shocked that your laughing. "You know I read the texts you sent Jenny, the ones where you called me stupid. I felt mad but you know you're right." Both Sarah and Mark's eyes widen, confusion written all over their face. "I am an idiot, an idiot for spending so much time loving an asshole like you, someone so disgusting that I can't even bother to look at. Have fun with your new girl, I'm glad you're on the same level of scum." You say as you grab his phone from Sarah's hand and slam it onto his desk and grab his new phone. "I'll be taking this back, I'll leave the rest of your stuff outside the doorstep, don't bother to even talk to me ever again. We're over." You say as you and Sarah both walk out of the office, you try your best to look as strong as possible. You immediately break down once you both enter the elevator.

"You were so brave," Sarah smiles softly as she comforts you and hugs you, you cry into her shoulder.

"Why do I already regret this?"

[makingnewenemies]

Hi Hi Hi. Here is a little blurb I wrote off the top of my head about all my friends on this year’s Group Picture Vol. 8. I love them all. I love their songs. And I love that we still keep up this stupid tradition; and somehow the comp keeps getting better and better. Thanks everyone! Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays :) - walt

Sour Guy - All Those Plans Were Wrong

Last summer Kris Schobert (Sour Guy, Walter Etc. / Mitty core member, Ernie…) was admitted to the hospital… and then again… and then again…. I think he spent like a month total in the hospital. It was not chill. But when he got out, the whole experience gave him a bit of clarity and new perspective on his life and the decisions he has made thus far. I won’t speak any further for him, but Kris… hey, nice song! And your quality home recording production and continuation of the WMAHMO slop sound doesn’t not go unnoticed! This song made me tear up in a coffee shop the first time I heard it. 

Slaughter Beach, Dog - Big Band

Slaughter Beach, Dog are randomly GP staples by now but also one of my favorite bands and greatest friends. This song is a bit of a sound change for them, swapping mid tempo soft rock John K Sampson vibes for a theatrical late 60’s / 70’s sound that is a bit more light hearted than normal and I LOVE IT. It’s catchy, it makes me laugh, yet its so true. Glad to have these boys back this year.

Teal & Jer - Alphabet

Portland’s dreamiest duo Teal & Jer (Chain, Riled, Loose, lots of projects) bring a quirky alt edge to our otherwise bland and boring comp. Without them, we’d just be us. I personally would like to hear more Teal solo work??? Teal???

Milk Flud - Rodeo

If you don’t fuck with Milk Flud then you can get out.

Chase Hoyt - Health

Chase Hoyt (Ubu Roi, Feed, Chaz and the Minions of Chaz, The Rodeo…) is a GP fixture by now, and important asset to MNE because it’s his classic rock sensibilities that balance out the overload of folk / indie rock that we swim in. This song not only has a comically true message (health is the most important, i agree Chase) but the vibe, especially the chorus, has my head bobbing and me feeling like I’m on a grassy hillside at an outdoor concert in the 70’s, but also one glass of wine deep making homemade pizzas at an Air BNB with a girl I love, and that is a nice combo of feelings. “Let’s wrap it up / I’ve embarrassed us all enough”

Dry Goods - Learnt Nothing

You hear that flawless acoustic finger picking? That masculine story telling voice that sounds somewhere between a suburban Bob Dylan and a cowboy singing to the emptiness of the high desert? Yup, its Russell Park AKA Dry Goods and FKA Weston Bookhouse coming at us with another folk masterpiece, but this year adding in some new elements we aren’t quite used to- namely some cruisey guitar solos! Rumor has it Dry Goods is in the studio recording a new album right now and I would not be bummed out if this song were on it.

Byronius Punk - Beautiful Things

I just spent 3 weeks with Byronius Punk (Ian Farmer of Slaugher Beach, Dog / Modern Baseball) at his studio The Metal Shop in Philadelphia making a record with his beautiful mind and his new drum machine- so this song really hits home for me. I could write an essay on why this is the perfect Group Picture song- my three main points being - 1. It is a song about the act of creating. (“in everything that exists there lies a certain beauty / I want the world to know how much it all means to me”) which is exactly what Group Picture aims to celebrate. 2. It’s a song written and performed by someone who is usually more in the background of his bands (bassist / backup vox / recording engineer) but here has a platform to express his own individual style and skills, which is exactly what Group Picture wants to promote. 3. It has a Milk Flud name drop, which is a classic and classy GP / MNE move. Thank you Ian. You rule.

Dante Elephante - It Bothers Me

Dante Elephante are Santa Barbara legends and their new album “Rare Attractions” shows them evolving their sound into more loungey and ethereal territory. I am so glad they have joined GP this year, because I see singer / songwriter Ruben almost every weekend when he DJ’s at The Tavern in Ventura and I drunkenly annoy him / vaguely fan boy out on him. Dante being on Group Picture is a sign that our friendship extends beyond Saturday nights at the Tavern. Also their album vibes hard. Check out Rare Attractions on Spotify.

Peanut Butter Cups - Highest Quality

Petition for Aaron Kovacs (Peanut Butter cups, Lauren Records CEO, Winter Break and Summer Vacation drummer) to finally put out a full album? This catchy lo-fi pop rock is undeniably infectious. Fun fact: I’ve been hanging with this boy for almost 10 years and I’ve never heard him sing, but then he sends me these recordings and I’m like wtf your voice is so cool! If he makes a full album, MNE will put out the LP and still give him 100% of the digital income. That is how much I like Aaron’s style. 

Anika Pyle - Young Love

I once wrote a song with the lyric “I’ll probably see her on tour but she won’t be on Group Picture this year.” I’m so glad I was wrong. Welcome to GP Anika Pyle! Anika (Katie Ellen, Chumped) plays raw emotional pop rock songs and this gem “Young Love” is just the tip of the iceberg. When her vocals max out at the end of the tune and you get a little bit of musical goosebumps, that is the feeling you get for a full 30 minutes of watching her play live. Anika, please come in and stay for a while! 

Walter Etc. - This Would Only Happen to Me

Ok ok enough of the soft emotional bullshit. Here’s a song about someone coming to kill me! It’s 100% true. If you’re reading this, help!!!

Jake Lee - Good Run

Jake Lee (Bleeding Gums Murphy) strikes again with a lo-fi indie gem in which we hear Jake Lee reflect on his gaime from last year. Sounds like he made some interesting choices and is coming to terms with them? Or did I miss the mark, Jake? He is and always will be one of my favorite songwriters and his voice in this fuzz effect is not a bad look, I have to admit. The only way my life would be better is if Jake made a full album. Cheers homie.

Babytooth - State Quarters, OR

Technically, this is Babytooth’s official debut on Group Picture, but Portland, OR singer / songwriter Isabel Zacharias had a song on the comp last year that blew me away. It was her vocals and lyrics that hooked me then, and are still yanking me now. Now backed by a full band that gives dynamic range to her songs, it was still that first line “now you know you want a girl without a phone” that had me nodding “yup i love this”. Fingers crossed for Babytooth to become a GP staple.

Trashbike - Weasel

Trashbike is Bread (Blowout, Walter etc., Donkey Lips) and his homie Ru playing the pedals. He told me he wrote this song while stumbling home from the Bye and Bye. Bread is like a sexy emo prince, can’t you hear it? This song rules and I really hope Trashbike is more than just a one and done GP band. I would listen to a few albums of soft songs like this, wouldn’t you?

Banned From Japan - Vegan X

Welcome back to the Socal Valley punk rockers Banned From Japan! If you know that singer / songwriter Matthew Earle has been sober for a few years, this song is hilarious, simultaneously poking fun at vegan straight-edge and himself. The music rips and his vocals are catchy af. Fat Wrecks Chords come and sign Banned From Japan asap!

Walter X - Winter Shy

Ok. This is a bit meta. Walter X (Michael Mahaffie and his WMAHMO / Walter Etc. hardcore chip tune cover project) covers an old Walter GP song as his own GP song. Pretty niche MNE content! This song, in this Lifetime-esque style, his vocals so clear but so gruff, those guitar harmonies, the creative intro and chip-tuney bridge…. this literally gives me chills and is so much better than the original. I encourage anyone reading this to go check out his own original music under the name Jump Cut. It sounds just like this but with Michael’s own songs, shedding the limitations of the musical simpleton Walter songs.  Also, check out the full Walter X album on Spotify! What a talented dude…

Curling - Genkai Trip

Curling released their MNE album “Definitely Band” this year and the musical arrangements / song structures absolutely floored me. Genkai Trip is a song that got left off the album, but lives on through GP! Singer / guitarist Bernie Gelman noted “There's some pretty wacky guitar overdubs where Jojo and I each doubled some guitar parts while the other person was playing with the trem on the guitar, so you get this really weird detuning effect.” and yup that is Curling in a nutshell for you. Always excited to play around with gear and recording techniques that are way beyond my level.  I think this is an extremely underrated band and highly encourage the world to check out Definitely Band on spotify!

Ali Muhareb - DIY Hell

Ali? What the hell did you even make this song? It’s intriguing in the verses and then when the chorus busts out it sounds like if Dough Martsch were an up and coming artist in Portland in 2018. I actually had to text Ali to ask what these guitar sounds were and, if anyone is interested, he responded, “I compressed two guitars together through a virtual amp. And they’re both running through this sick pedal I got called the Data Corrupter.” For sure Ali! Thanks for a bad ass tune.

Dakota Loesch - Don’t Solve My Mysteries

I’ve been listening to a lot of Dakota’s music (solo, Animal City, Lemp Lungs) recently. I keep coming back to it, and its not a mystery. After hundreds of songs in his pocket, songs like “Don’t Solve My Mysteries” still sound musically and lyrically fresh, like Dakota has never had writer’s block in his life. When I listen to his music, I feel like it vicariously breaks down my own creative barriers. For instance when I first heard this song and he dropped the hook “just don’t solve all mysterious” I had that knee-jerk urge to ditch what I was doing and go write a poem or something. His will to create is just that contagious. Combine that with the Casio-keyboard bedroom drum machine vibe that I love so much about his songs like “The Basmati Rice” and you have a 10/10 GP banger. 

Jerbear - Nowhere Girl

Jerbear is Jeremy Murphy (Teal & Jer, Riled, so many) and he is the king of a few things: weird bad guitar tones, asymmetrical organic song structures, rad lyrics that I never understand, and a voice that is universally loved. He stole my heart with Cranberries in the Cosmos on a previous GP, but I think Nowhere Girl takes the cake. Jer- when do we get the full solo album? Please don’t fall into the category of GP lost wonders. You’re not too shabby at this music thing! 

Hemingway - Catch My Cool

Catch My Cool is a B-side from Hemingway’s You Will Never Be Happy.

I played drums in Hemingway at this time and I always vibed that Benny didn’t really like the way this song came out int he studio. I don’t get why? That vocal melody, soft sad and surfy guitar leads… it makes me wanna hold hands with a girl on Christmas Eve while walking down some bougie street looking at Christmas Lights. It sounds like a Starflyer 59 worship track and I love it for that. Benny, you made a mistake. This song should have made the album. 

Alex Maddox - The Hypocrit’s Dilemma

I’ve heard Alex play this song when we get together to jam, and he always laughs it off as a Walter Mitty rip off song. But honestly, this is what I wish WMAHMO would write about if we made a folk punk record today. If you listen to this song knowing that Alex Maddox was a guy who quit his high paying job to travel Europe in his van, surfing and skating and working on farms, the lyrics to this song are way more wanna-be Walter Mitty. The song depicts a transformation in his paradigm and is completely raw, authentic, and sincere. Alex inspires me to chase a wholesome life that is designed for and by myself, rather than the obvious and sterile template that is provided for us, and this song exemplifies that 1000%. 

Uncle Uncle - Nira (I’m Alive)

We played with Uncle Uncle last year in Santa Barbara and I honestly think we should have opened for them. They are actually a good band, both live and recorded. Stylish, friendly, and comically laid back- they might be the quintessential Santa Barbara band. A semi-new band, Uncle Uncle is gaining momentum quickly, and I won’t be surprised when the day comes that Kevin and Dom big time me on State st. Til then, I’m just glad I get to claim that they were on a Group Picture. 

Humphrey Orlando - Set U Free

Ah, Humphrey. No, Humphrey accompanied by Toast. Two legends as old as MNE itself. What is there to say? I could listen to their wandering ballads til I fall into the Big Sleep, and still the melodies linger on…

[irisplate9-blog]

Feed Your Feed: Teen Vegan Haile Thomas’s Top 5 Instagrammers to Follow

Haile Thomas is an 18-year-old health activist, vegan food & lifestyle influencer, and the founder/CEO of the nonprofit HAPPY (aka, Healthy Active Positive Purposeful Youth). Here, she shares her favorite Instagram influencers, ranging from fellow vegan bloggers to self-love advocates. 

Hey there! I am so incredibly grateful to have found a beautiful and loving community on Instagram where I can explore food + everything and anything. And I’m so excited to share that love by spotlighting five Instagram accounts that I’m absolutely obsessed with right now! They all inspire me to be my most creative, authentic and flavorful self (pun 100% intended).

@kimjuliehansen

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Creamy Mushroom and Spinach Pasta with Balsamic Grilled Tomatoes I made for a project on my other page @bestofvegan (get the printable version via the link in @bestofvegan’s bio) ❤️ . Serves 4 Ingredients: 10oz egg-free fettuccine (dry weight)  1 1/4 cup cashews, soaked  2 cups vegetable broth  2 1/2 tbsp nutritional yeast  2 tsp cornstarch or all-purpose flour 3 garlic cloves, minced 1 yellow onion, medium to large, chopped 12-14oz mushrooms of choice, sliced  2 tbsp + 2 tsp olive oil 8oz cherry tomatoes  1 tsp balsamic reduction or balsamic vinegar 1 handful fresh basil leaves  sea salt to taste  1 pinch freshly ground pepper  3 cups baby spinach  2 tsp soy or tamari sauce  2 tsp liquid smoke (optional) Directions:  1.In a large pot, bring lightly salted water to a boil, then add the pasta and cook al dente, which should take about 12-13 minutes depending on the brand you’re using. Once the pasta is cooked, drain and return it to the pot, mixing in 1 tbsp olive oil, fresh basil and ground pepper. Add the lid to keep the pasta warm until you’re ready to serve.  2.While the pasta is cooking, start sautéeing the chopped onion and 2 garlic cloves in 1 tbsp of olive oil in your frypan. Add the mushrooms about a minute later and then sauté over medium heat for 10 minutes, then add the soy sauce and liquid smoke and mix well.  3.Reduce heat to low and start making the cashew sauce. For the sauce, blend the soaked and drained cashews with the cornstarch, 1 1/4 cup vegetable broth, sea salt and nutritional yeast on high until you get a smooth consistency.  4.Add the sauce and spinach to the pan, mix well and let simmer for 5 more minutes mixing in the rest of the vegetable broth little by little (add more if the sauce is too thick). 5.For the balsamic tomatoes, add 2 tsp olive oil and the cherry tomatoes to a grill pan and grill over medium heat for 3 minutes. Add the balsamic reduction or vinegar and 1 minced garlic clove and grill for 3 additional minutes over low-medium heat.  6.Serve the pasta with the sauce and tomatoes and enjoy. #bestofvegan #lunchinspo

A post shared by Kim-Julie Hansen (@kimjuliehansen) on Dec 12, 2018 at 8:12am PST

Kim-Julie is the author of The Vegan Reset and the founder of the very popular and drool-inducing Instagram account @bestofvegan. Not only has her entrepreneurial spirit and animal activism inspired me immensely but also she is truly a brilliant soul who contributes so much light and wisdom to the world. I am always learning something new from her accounts.

@sophia_roe

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on dopamine . . Dopamine is one of our body’s neurotransmitters. It has a variety of functions, and is key in behavior, cognition, motivation and reward. When we receive a reward of any kind, dopamine is released in our brains. Over time, this release of dopamine can lead to learning. As we get "rewarded" over and over again for something, our bodies learn that we should keep doing whatever that is A LOT, constantly even. It can be hard to unlearn those kinds of behaviors. . . The exact conditions when we receive our “reward” stimulus are imprinted on our brains. Research has shown that rats that are given chocolate in a given situation learn to expect it, and the same situation triggers reward centers in the brain even without the chocolate being present. So once our brains connect processed sugar with a particular mood or state of mind, it’s hard to reverse it. For example, for some eating dinner is a time when family gets together, giving you a warm feeling. So later in life you’re feeling lonely, you might try eating to make yourself feel better. . . This is especially true for those who were conditioned as kids to associate sweets with a good deed, get an A=have candy. Later, when they want the same feeling of accomplishment, they often turn to the food stimulus to create that feeling. Hence, "comfort food" . . There are things you can do to train your yourself to eat healthier. Obviously, do your damnedest to avoid calorie-packed, super sugary, and generally “bad for you” foods. If you stop eating them, your brain never gets the chance to associate them with the dopamine reward, making it so you don’t crave them. Resisting the initial temptation will help to resist in the future, + instead of getting dopamine boosts from sugar, you’ll get them when you eat healthy meals. Soon, your brain associates “good for you food” with dopamine rewards, + you’ll find yourself wanting to eat healthy when you want a rewarding brain boost. . . But, my biggest tip, will power! It's not easy guys, fighting urges is hard. But, I promise, if you stick to your guns and fight the urge..in just 10 days..you'll be like "sugar what?!? girl bye, Pass me the salad!”

A post shared by Soph (@sophia_roe) on Sep 24, 2018 at 9:26am PDT

Sophia is someone I truly admire and look up to. Her account is nourishment for your senses. Your eyes get to enjoy stunning images of food, DIY beauty recipes, her curls, or all three! And your mind gets to dive into her expressive and beautiful writing that encompasses the stunning and not so stunning parts of life and how she’s grown through it all — with a vulnerability that allows others to blossom too.

@jessicainthekitchen

Jessica is like sunshine on your phone. Not only does her smile and kindness shine brightly but also her food turns on hunger pangs in an instant. Her love and talent for creating comforting, simple and delicious vegan food is truly amazing. We also share Jamaican roots and that makes it 100% more enjoyable to follow her.

@lulusdreamtown

I am in love with all that Lulu has created and is now shifting into with her platform! From food to self-love to interesting conversations, following her is a true joy. I also love that she is a peer within my generation, using Instagram for good by being her true self and bringing up really important topics.

@the.korean.vegan

Joanne’s moody, rich, soulful food and life feed is complemented by her truly incredible writing. She shares beautiful stories from her life with such vivid and expressive detail that you feel as though you were transported into her story. And the Korean food she makes? To live for. From kimchi fried rice, Japchae, dumplings and more — I’ve even had the honor of tasting her masterful creations on a few occasions!

Source: https://blog.williams-sonoma.com/feed-your-feed-teen-vegan-haile-thomass-top-5-instagrammers-to-follow/

[hellomissmabel]

Bye Bye Brooklyn Boys (7)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky x reader, Steve x reader

Warnings: This is just so sad. Language

Word count: 1.663

Summary: Yeah, how do I even start to explain this one? Heartbreak? All over again? But chins up, Bruce is there as well!

September, October, November, December

January , February

March next year

“You sure I’m doing the right thing, Bruce?”

“I know that you love him and I’m certain that he will make you a very happy wife,” Bruce replied thoughtfully as he adjusted his black framed glasses, giving you a sincere smile. “But accepting his hand in marriage will not come easily. I’m not going to lie to you, when you came to me and told me the good news, I was very surprised. Your engagement comes unexpectedly, so your friends back home will undoubtedly be surprised as well. ”

The ring around your finger has never felt this heavy before, the nerves finally catching up on you in the aftermath of recent events. Officially only six months into the relationship, but you had been dating for almost nine months at the time, your boyfriend had proposed to you by getting down on one knee at the annual university ball. It was quite the spectacle, women in extravagant ball gowns and men clad in hand-tailored tuxedos clapping wildly at this sudden public display of affection. They were gawking at you so naturally you were at a loss for words. You were overwhelmed to say the least, barely able to choke out an answer before his strong arms embraced you and he lifted you off the ground, tears of happiness streaming down his face, grinning like a complete idiot.

Of course  you had said yes and now you’re on an evening flight back home to break the news to your friends and family that you are indeed going to marry a certain blond individual that has stolen your heart and has never given it back. Not that you minded, although there were still a couple of things left that troubled you.

“Yeah, I know. His brother told me the same thing.” You didn’t however tell Bruce that Loki had in fact threatened to make your life miserable if you didn’t accept his proposal.

“Thank you for tagging along with me, I really appreciate it and I think Tony will be happy to see you again as well,” you said to Bruce, turning to a more hassle-free subject for conversation, giving his arm a little squeeze before returning to the book in your lap.

“Anything for the Mother of Dragons,” he teased, a small grin playing on his lips and you couldn’t help but erupt into laughter immediately because did professor Bruce Banner just make a joke?

“I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor,” you admit, “Which reminds me that I owe Tony another series of apologies. I really gave him quite a lip for it.”

“Y/N,” Bruce sighs, “Tony is never going to hold that against you, he likes you way too much for that.”

“True,” you say cheerily, your mood picking up again at the prospect of seeing your good friend again.

“Just don’t tell him you like me better,” Bruce winks and again you’re clutching your stomach as a bouldering laugh escapes your lips, making everyone on the plane turn their head in your direction and shoot you a couple dirty glances.

“Lemme see that ring, Y/N,” Nat urges with obvious delight. If there’s one person more excited than your own mother about your upcoming nuptials, it’s your best friend. You suspect she has already picked out her bridesmaid’s dress but decide to hold off on that topic just yet, the prenuptial bliss enough to keep you in denial for a little while longer.

“That is one giant rock!,” she exclaims, gasping dramatically as to illustrate her point.

“You told me he was loaded but this,” she points at the diamond around your finger, eyes wide with exhilaration, “this truly is a ring fit for a princess alright.”

“I still can’t believe it. How did I end up here?”

“Well, allow me to jog your memory,” she says light-heartedly, arching a perfectly sculpted red eyebrow at you, “About a year ago you went on a foreign exchange to Norway and met this handsome blond stud named Thor who just happened to be an attending resident at professor Banner’s research facility. He needed some assistance and you were more than happy to volunteer and help him study for finals. One thing led to another and, do you need me to go on or…?,” she teases and you playfully jab her in the side.

“He’s not the brightest of students but he sure as hell is a sweetheart. A bit blunt and a little rough around the edges, but nothing a woman’s touch can’t fix.” You shoot her a wink and you giggle together at the absurdity of the situation. A year ago you were crying over two Brooklyn boys and now, now you’re engages to a Norwegian god!

Your glee is cut short when dark clouds fall over Wanda’s elated expression, who has been silently studying the exchange between you and Nat, waiting for the appropriate time to congratulate you.  Something is clearly bothering her and you notice straightaway, urging her to speak up about what has gotten her so worried.

“I hate to spoil the mood, but have you told Steve yet? Or James for that matter? Has Nat already spoken to you about Sharon?,” Wanda blurts out, earning a pointed look from Nat. You give her an uncomfortable smile at first but as her words sink in, your smile falters and is quickly replaced by a confused look. Your eyes search her eyes for an answer but she’s clearly afraid to say more.

“What about Sharon?,” you inquire cautiously, wondering what on earth Sharon has to do with either Steve or James. She can’t stand James and although she once told you Steve’s a really nice guy, she’s never shown any interest towards him whatsoever.

Nat sighs heavily, carding her slender fingers through her red locks, guilt etched onto her face and your stomach churns in anxious anticipation. “Okay, spoil sport,” she snarls at Wanda but her gaze softens as soon as she locks eyes with you. “Might as well get it over with. Y/N, please bear in mind that I didn’t tell you because I was just trying to protect you from getting hurt again.”

“Nat,” I say dryly, warning her not to overstep any boundaries nor to test my patience and good will. “If there’s something I ought to know, I’d rather have it you spill it now before I strangle you with my bare hands for keeping quiet for so long.”

“God, where do I even start?” Nat throws her hands in the air and draws an exasperated breath, exhaling deeply before continuing her story.

“As soon as you left, Steve kicked Bucky out and he’s been sleeping on our couch ever since, drinking excessively and muttering an impressive and very creative string of profanities every time I try to do something about it. He’s a mess, Y/N, but then again so is Steve.”

By now you’re fighting back the tears, nodding determinedly for Nat to keep talking. You want to know everything that has transpired during your absence, even if it means crying yourself to sleep all over again.

“Steve… Steve’s been going out more and more, picking up girls from bars even I don’t go to. He used to flirt with this girl, Peggy I think her name was, but we all knew she was just rebound. Rebound for you. She seemed like a nice enough girl and they did look the part as a couple. He even took it down a notch for as long as they were together although it didn’t last very long. According to Clint she left him because he just couldn’t shut up about you. But Steve wasn’t heartbroken for very long and continued fluttering from one flower to another. After a while the guys got sick of having to deal with his antics and told him to man up.”

“Pietro didn’t take it too well either,” Wanda says, taking over from Nat who was struggling to keep her composure. She absolutely hated telling you this, she absolutely hated those two boys for doing this to you. But she could also see in the depths of your eyes that you needed to hear this, you needed to know in order to move on.

“Pietro stuck up for you, called Steve out on his erratic behaviour. Pietro tried to make him realise that acting out like this wasn’t going to get you back. He told Steve to stay away from the booze and the girls and also made it very clear that if he doesn’t get a grip on himself very soon, he’ll end up just like Bucky, miserable and alone and occupying Nat’s couch. We thought it would make him come to his senses but Steve hasn’t even bothered reaching out to any of us.”

“I could’ve sworn he got his act back together! I thought he was back with Peggy and that she had managed to straighten him up a bit!,” Nat suddenly interjects, her ears as red as her hair, obviously fuming with anger at the memory. “That is, until I accidentally overheard a conversation between her and Sharon. It never crossed my mind that those two girls knew each other. Anyway, that’s how I found out.”

“Y/N,” Wanda gently says your name in an attempt to shut Nat up, her hot-headed fury and clear dismay only adding more fuel to the fire slowly burning you up inside. Her voice is soothing to your ears, nevertheless the message is like a bullet to the heart. “Y/N, Sharon and Steve are dating and apparently he’s already sealed the deal with a ring.”

Ring. It’s the only word that stands out to you. It’s nothing short of a blunt force trauma and your head is all over the place, shaking it fiercely as tears cascade into the pitch-black void that is your reality. “They’re engaged, too?”

If it hurts this much, then it must be love, right?

Right.

Part 8: April

Tagging: the ever-wonderful @beccaanne814-blog @kiwi71281 @a-little-hell-to-raise @unpredictable-firecracker @marvelingatthewonder @emilyinwonderland3 @mrshopkirk @oopsmybagofplums @hardcorehippos @iiharu-kunii @knittingknerdy @winterwolf57 @dontbeamenacetotheforce @winterboobaer @shamvictoria11

[ars-simia-animus]

You’ll Rise Up, Free and Easy

Chapter Four: “Those Days of Living Gently”

Summary: Childhood is sweet and cruel to both Peter and Tony. They are loved, but each faces violence in their every day. It informs who they grow up to be. Trigger warnings for this chapter: mentions of child abuse, mentions of bullying. The theme of child abuse will heavily impact the next chapter as well. Please keep yourselves safe and protected! This story is not meant to hurt anyone.

January, 1903

Peter flitted outside in the morning light to get more firewood for the kitchen. He returned to the doorway less than a minute later, calling to May. “Come look at all the little prints the birds made in the snow!” He cried.

Smiling, she followed him out to a patch of white close to the bare American ash shrubs, where the birds liked to rest. May hummed cheerily, appreciating the delicate tracks made by the birds’ hopping feet. The shadows of these veinlike prints were blue against the crystal snow.

“Aren’t they pretty?” Peter asked.

“As a picture, bambino.” May touched his shoulder. Then she urged him: “Fetch the wood and hurry inside if you don’t want those ears of yours to turn worse.”

Peter grinned, shaking his head. She’d already made him a pair of earmuffs from an old quilt and some wool. He wore them to please her but felt the lingering earaches were finally gone. For two weeks they had held on and May fretted about hearing loss. But, the only impediment to his hearing were the earmuffs.    

While she returned to the kitchen to mind the lox, he jogged to the woodshed. In his mind, he assembled the colorants he would need to create that opalescent blue. Rutile, maybe, could be coaxed into that cornflower hue. How would the little veins look on a porcelain body? When he entered the kitchen, with his basket of firewood, he asked May her thoughts.

“Mmm.” She pondered the question briefly. “I think you could make any idea into a beautiful artwork.”

“That’s not much of an answer, Aunt May,” Peter said ruefully. “I want to know what you think of how it looks.”

“I’d have to see it, bambino.”

“Well, when you imagine it, though.” He persisted and she laughed.

“I’m not in your mind,” she said. So he wouldn’t feel too disappointed, she added: “But you do show me so much of the world that I might bustle past. You have a gift, sheifale.”

He let the topic go, though he felt silly for asking at all. In the little brass box by the stove, he stacked the logs from his basket, scolding himself. Why couldn’t he ever express what he was imagining? It seemed the only means to let anyone into his head was to recreate his thoughts and feelings in the clay. Even then, they never resonated in others the way they did in him.

“Honestly,” May said. “You know who you ought to ask? Mrs. Stark.” Peter brightened, so she continued. “Mrs. Stark is in town for a while, I understand. She has a wonderful sense of aesthetics…”

Peter interrupted with a mock chiding tone: “Aunt May, you make beautiful dresses and blouses—”

“There’s no doubt,” May said, humorously. “However, I piece together what I’ve already seen. You create things no one else has ever seen. You have an artist’s soul.” She transferred the lox onto their plates. “I think Mrs. Stark has a sensitivity…” Her words teetered on the back of her tongue. Unsurely, she said, “... For beautiful things— but also people. I think— Mrs. Stark would understand—what you tell her.”

Peter closed the lid on the box then carried the basket to its place by the back door, considering May’s suggestion. He missed Pepper even though he had seen her less than two weeks ago, on the day after Christmas. She, Tony, and Peter had talked for a little while about his apprenticeship. Of course, they were all soon distracted.

Tony tinkered with a music box that Pepper had gifted him for Christmas; and, somehow, he and Pepper began to play a game in which he wore a blindfold and she directed him, around furniture, from one end of the room to the other. He’d done well until Tony had snuck up silently and poked his chin, causing him to cheep like a startled mouse.

Perhaps, he thought, wilting, they should have focused more on the apprenticeship. There were obviously some differing ideas about it between himself and Tony. Not that he was ungrateful— he sighed miserably.

Is that what Tony thought?

May glanced at him compassionately. “Peter, after breakfast, would you be able to help me make tulle flowers?” He turned to her with a smile, thankful that she’d pulled him out of his head. “Just until Mr. Stark comes to fetch you for your outing?”

“Of course, Aunt May.”

By nine o’clock the table had become a grove of cherry blossoms made of tulle. Peter allowed his mind to wander as he twisted each little flower. Soon Tony would arrive and they could try to talk again. Hope was still in his heart that he could articulate himself without losing his important friendship with Mr. Stark.

April, 1868

Ana despised traveling anymore; it was a stone in the pit of her stomach from beginning to end. All the papers and acting and constant scrutinization by government officials… She’d loved traveling once, when she was innocent and free, but after all the danger of her young adult life, she knew that peace and safety could only be found at home— the home she made, not the one she left.

Realistically, she could have been exempt from going to Canada if she had pushed. The trip was only through the summer and Tony didn’t need her as often now. As he’d grown, she had transitioned from his nanny to the role of his governess. She had a background in education that even satisfied Maria’s standards. Tony was more independent and wouldn’t need lessons over the summer; if Howard insisted he studied, he could always be occupied with bookwork— in theory.

Yet, four months alone, without Edwin and Tony, seemed too high a price to pay for comfort. Edwin assured her that crossing the Canadian border was nothing similar to the secured bordered of Europe nor like entering America from Europe. Also, the Starks had influence and money so as to not be questioned in anything they did. She snorted at this.

“I mean this as a comfort, beloved, truly,” Jarvis said. She could just see him smiling dryly in the dim dawnlight of their bedroom. “But there’s a higher likelihood we encounter a criminal than an official at the border.”

“What ease you bring me, my love.” Ana retorted, glaring at him across her pillow.

He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled until she was flush against him. She tucked her head into his neck and sighed. “Even then” —he murmured into her hair— “There’s nothing to fear,” he said. “Many years have passed and I’ve never relied on inhabitants of this continent to have a knowledge of foreign affairs.”

Ana decided to trust him, just as she had when she was twenty-two. He had helped her escape the war that her family had adopted in her place. For this, he deserved her faith. “Did I ever tell you about the remarkable person I met in Budapest about twenty years ago?” She grinned then gently began to kiss along his collarbone.

May, 1868

Summer in Canada was somehow reminiscent of her youth. Or, perhaps it was an illusion caused by her absorption in the Little Mister’s boyhood. Tony was happy; her heart was always so full when he was happy. It nearly ached. More than once, in fact, she found herself teary while watching him run through the grass, racing kites through the sky. He had made a friend at last and was adorably devoted to him.

The other boy was slight but tall, “all elbows and knees” as she heard Edwin say, gentle, patient, and bashful. Yet, Ana also detected an almost adult sense of self-awareness. His name was Samuel. Maria approved of him, as he came from a family of similar but not competitive wealth. Howard openly mocked the boy as a “dandy” and a “silly-heart.”

Ana wondered what crime it could be for a child to be sensitive. Or whimsical. No, Howard valued analysis, innovation, imperturbability, and any sin that made a businessman look powerful in a smoking room. He never allowed his own son to be expressive or sentimental. Fortunately, Tony found moments of safety and Ana fiercely defended his friendship with Samuel.

With bare feet, the two galloped over the lawn of the Stark’s Toronto estate. They pulled kites behind them that Tony had made, based on the designs Ana and he had created when he was much younger. She beamed at the sight of them, sun-backed, in the sky; they were strong kites and fast.

He had burst into the windowed porch where she was sketching the cour d'honneur of the Királyi Vár, and asked if she had any pink, green, or blue colored paper. “I’m going to make kites, Mrs. Ana, for my friend and I.”

“‘For my friend and me’ is what I’m sure you meant.” She corrected without severity. Laying aside her drawing, she said “Let’s see what we can find! Why pink, green, and blue?”

Tony hopped after her. He was already out of breath, whether from play or excitement, she wasn’t sure. “Those are his favorite colors. Well, he said white was his very favorite and pink was second. But, I already found some white paper in the kitchen.”

Ana led him to the room designated for her husband and herself. It was unfamiliar and uncomfortable to board in the main house— even if Howard had granted them this small apartment and not a room in the servant’s quarters. Jarvis was very favored by their master, she remembered.

Nevertheless, she missed her cottage. She missed the sanctuary of foxglove and larkspur, the stone fence and the iron gate that spoke “hello, bye” with its hinges, the water spigot where Tony liked to steal a drink before they tramped out to the field to play football. Mournfully, she wondered if the groundskeepers were treating her garden well. She had persuaded them to tend it for a pretty sum— pretty enough they ought not to neglect it.

When they reached the room, Ana rummaged through a cabinet of supplies she brought for Tony’s creative interests. These were things that Maria and Howard were not likely to prioritize, such as paste, string, dowels of differing sizes, wax for paper boats, paint and similar supplies. Howard, albeit begrudgingly, had finally noticed Tony’s prodigious acuity with engineering and architecture. He allowed Ana to order extra supplies like bolts, copper wire, etc., for Tony, which were delivered along with Howard’s own materials monthly to his lab. Howard wouldn’t see the purpose of colored paper, though, so Ana kept a supply with the educational budget Maria gave her.

Interrupting her thoughts, Tony asked, “Why didn’t you ever have your own child, Mrs. Ana?”

Her heartbeat was needlessly rapid. She blinked, hard, to control it. “I never wanted any.” It was a simplified explanation.

Finding a collection of colored paper sheets, she pulled it from under a jar of tacks and returned her gaze to him. Immediately, she recognized that her comment had struck him in an unintended way. She took a breath and amended: “I was the eldest in a house of eight children—“ (and fifty revolutionaries, always in and out; mother tended them and I tended the children, the other children…) “and that rather quashed the urge for a while.”

Tony stared at her, so she continued. “Then, in Porthcurno in Cornwall, I was schoolmarm to about twenty students and, again, my maternal needs were more than fulfilled. They were my children.” She held out the bundle of paper until he took it. His face looked like a slack curtain. Behind it was a flurry of activity. “Why do you ask, Little Mister?”

He slipped away from her as if he were going to leave. Then he paused, rubbing his shoulder against the door frame. His back to her, he asked, “Why do you say they were your children?”

“I cared for them. I got to know them and they relied on me.” Ana wondered if he was jealous. Before she could say anything to validate his importance as her pupil, he faced her.

“Am I yours?”

“Yes.” She replied. No hesitation.

“I love you.”

Tony’s words came in a steady but unreadable tone. It was a statement, a declaration, and yet underlaid with vulnerability. Ana’s chest lifted reflexively.

She wasn’t fast enough, though, in swallowing the knot in her throat; he fled out the door. Following him, her hand reached out, but he was gone. He couldn’t bear to wait for a response. His experiment was over. Alone with her breath like a fluttering dove, Ana sank into a chair. I love you— oh, I love you, Little Mister!

January, 1903

May looked across the sea of tulle blossoms at Peter. His face was ablush as he touched the tender fabric. She knew that he was lost in reverie, inhaling the beauty, letting it mingle with his soul, with the parts that reflected it. As if to confirm her thoughts, he said, “Sometimes I think it would be especially nice to be a cherry tree.”

She smiled, murmuring, “Yes, sheifale.”

Peter finished the blossom and reached for more tulle. “I wish I could be one, just for one spring day.” Eyes as soft as clouds, he blew a breath across his palm and the fabric flower floated down to join the others.

Considering him, she asked: “Would you like me to sew some onto your clothes?”

“I,” Peter said, chuckling, “I don’t know. Would I look ridiculous?”

May shook her head. She didn’t speak, but beamed at him. He smiled and his glance fell. Pausing first, May then said, “I have liked having you at home again.”

“Yes,” Peter said. “I’m very happy to be here with you, Aunt May. I am so grateful—” He let the words snuff out with a sigh. I’m so grateful to Mr. Stark.

“This should be enough,” May said and indicated the finished blossoms spread over the table. “Thank you.” With that, he stood to get ready for his outing with Tony, but May’s voice sounded. “I remember what school was like for you.”

Peter’s smile died. He sat back down with resignation, as though he knew this conversation was coming. May had not looked at him but she slowly raised her eyes when he sunk into place. “Please don’t make me go back.” He whispered.

“I would not wish to go back either, if it were me.” May kept her voice low. “I agree with Mr. Stark, however, as I said when he was here last.” Peter cast down his eyes to his sleeve cuffs and began pulling at them. “You deserve an education, motek. Refusing one will only deny you a full life.”

Peter drummed his leg. “Ned is apprenticed to the butcher and Harry is boarding at the academy upstate. School was only bearable before because they were with me.” His voice was as small as it had been when he had come home, dappling the floorboards with blood. “They defended me.” He said.

May felt a hot rush of emotion in her chest. School days had been dreadful for her nephew. Peter would come home from school very late, kept back by the teacher to empty chalk trays or pick up litter. At first May and Ben had hailed his sense of helpfulness and responsibility; but, slowly they realized that no other children were expected to do these chores so often or so many at one time.

He came home with bruises and bloodied noses from his classmates, who he insisted just played too roughly in the schoolyard. They wouldn’t stop when he asked to be left out of these games. Many times Ben found him crying at the boiler room steps of the tenement building, only to have Ned explain that some mean trick had been played on Peter by the other boys.

Letting a hum pass her lips, May reached out and took his hands. “I know. But, sheifale, you are not defenseless.”

Pain crossed his face— pain and worry. May rethought her words. After she had turned over a few in her mind, she said. “Would that old gonif Jameson ever have bullied you away from ceramics? Would you not have returned to study with Mr. Stark because Jameson terrorized you?”

“Aunt May,” Peter said with a huff, “that’s different.”

“Not so different.” She countered. “Would you have allowed your education of ceramics to stop?”

Wordlessly, Peter frowned.

“Listen to me.” May pressed his hands firmly. “You should at least talk to Mr. Stark about it. I’m sure he would listen. He’s a creative one when it comes to solving problems.” The last statement sounded wry, but it was spoken in good faith. She knew that Tony cared for Peter.

“Yes, ma’am.” Peter said. Though the quavers emitted from his heart were blooming wider and wider through his frame, he decided to trust Tony and talk honestly with him.

June, 1868

Jarvis woke to what at first sounded like a morning dove in their bedroom. The cooing filtered through his drowsiness and he finally realized it was a child’s muffled whimper. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and nearly stepped on a bundled form on the rug. After a sharp inhale of surprise, he fumbled to light the lamp on his nightstand.

Ana lifted herself on the third strike of the match. She began to mumble a question, but they were both silenced. The little moans had begun to resemble words. Jarvis replaced the glass chimney of the lamp and moved away, allowing the flame’s light to reveal the bundle on the floor. They knew it was Tony.

“Edwin,” Ana said with a cry.

Jarvis lifted Tony gently. When his hands cradled Tony’s neck and knees, the boy seized. The indiscernible syllables quickened. Jarvis held him more securely as he tried to wrench away. Ana made room on the bed for the child to lie between them. She leaned over him, listening, to decipher the words. He was saying: “Please—don’t—please don’t—please, please!”

Stricken, Jarvis made a motion to wake him, but Ana stayed his hand. Instead, she fixed the blankets over Tony and lied beside him. She brushed his forehead and cheek with her hand. Then she spoke comfortingly to him. In sleep, Tony shifted toward her, though he continued to cry.

Jarvis watched his wife for a moment then followed her lead. He stiffly lowered himself to one elbow. Unsurely, he pressed a hand on Tony’s shoulder. Together, they created a nest around him. Tony began to calm.

“What nightmare do you suppose is causing him such a fright?” Jarvis asked.

Ana was quiet. She flashed a pointed look. “One he’s lived during the day.”

Jarvis sobered.

Without warning, Tony opened his eyes. He must have remembered where he was because he wasn’t startled to see them. First he saw Jarvis and sighed with— relief, Jarvis realized. Then, he found Ana and reached for her the way children do, asking to be held.

Ana drew him against her. He winced and scooted himself closer. “I’m here, Little Mister. We’re here,” she said. Jarvis noticed that he was included in her promise, included in this intimacy.

Snuggled safely, Tony closed his eyes. Ana gave Jarvis a nod; he stretched behind him and extinguished the lamplight. The three settled into each other. A long moment passed.

Then, almost inaudibly, Tony whispered. “Father whipped me.” Sleep abandoned both Ana and Jarvis. Neither closed their eyes again that night. Their gentle days would now become only moments stolen amidst a tumult in the Stark household.

[singledigger35-blog]

Feed Your Feed: Teen Vegan Haile Thomas’s Top 5 Instagrammers to Follow

Haile Thomas is an 18-year-old health activist, vegan food & lifestyle influencer, and the founder/CEO of the nonprofit HAPPY (aka, Healthy Active Positive Purposeful Youth). Here, she shares her favorite Instagram influencers, ranging from fellow vegan bloggers to self-love advocates. 

Hey there! I am so incredibly grateful to have found a beautiful and loving community on Instagram where I can explore food + everything and anything. And I’m so excited to share that love by spotlighting five Instagram accounts that I’m absolutely obsessed with right now! They all inspire me to be my most creative, authentic and flavorful self (pun 100% intended).

@kimjuliehansen

View this post on Instagram

Creamy Mushroom and Spinach Pasta with Balsamic Grilled Tomatoes I made for a project on my other page @bestofvegan (get the printable version via the link in @bestofvegan’s bio) ❤️ . Serves 4 Ingredients: 10oz egg-free fettuccine (dry weight)  1 1/4 cup cashews, soaked  2 cups vegetable broth  2 1/2 tbsp nutritional yeast  2 tsp cornstarch or all-purpose flour 3 garlic cloves, minced 1 yellow onion, medium to large, chopped 12-14oz mushrooms of choice, sliced  2 tbsp + 2 tsp olive oil 8oz cherry tomatoes  1 tsp balsamic reduction or balsamic vinegar 1 handful fresh basil leaves  sea salt to taste  1 pinch freshly ground pepper  3 cups baby spinach  2 tsp soy or tamari sauce  2 tsp liquid smoke (optional) Directions:  1.In a large pot, bring lightly salted water to a boil, then add the pasta and cook al dente, which should take about 12-13 minutes depending on the brand you’re using. Once the pasta is cooked, drain and return it to the pot, mixing in 1 tbsp olive oil, fresh basil and ground pepper. Add the lid to keep the pasta warm until you’re ready to serve.  2.While the pasta is cooking, start sautéeing the chopped onion and 2 garlic cloves in 1 tbsp of olive oil in your frypan. Add the mushrooms about a minute later and then sauté over medium heat for 10 minutes, then add the soy sauce and liquid smoke and mix well.  3.Reduce heat to low and start making the cashew sauce. For the sauce, blend the soaked and drained cashews with the cornstarch, 1 1/4 cup vegetable broth, sea salt and nutritional yeast on high until you get a smooth consistency.  4.Add the sauce and spinach to the pan, mix well and let simmer for 5 more minutes mixing in the rest of the vegetable broth little by little (add more if the sauce is too thick). 5.For the balsamic tomatoes, add 2 tsp olive oil and the cherry tomatoes to a grill pan and grill over medium heat for 3 minutes. Add the balsamic reduction or vinegar and 1 minced garlic clove and grill for 3 additional minutes over low-medium heat.  6.Serve the pasta with the sauce and tomatoes and enjoy. #bestofvegan #lunchinspo

A post shared by Kim-Julie Hansen (@kimjuliehansen) on Dec 12, 2018 at 8:12am PST

Kim-Julie is the author of The Vegan Reset and the founder of the very popular and drool-inducing Instagram account @bestofvegan. Not only has her entrepreneurial spirit and animal activism inspired me immensely but also she is truly a brilliant soul who contributes so much light and wisdom to the world. I am always learning something new from her accounts.

@sophia_roe

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on dopamine . . Dopamine is one of our body’s neurotransmitters. It has a variety of functions, and is key in behavior, cognition, motivation and reward. When we receive a reward of any kind, dopamine is released in our brains. Over time, this release of dopamine can lead to learning. As we get "rewarded" over and over again for something, our bodies learn that we should keep doing whatever that is A LOT, constantly even. It can be hard to unlearn those kinds of behaviors. . . The exact conditions when we receive our “reward” stimulus are imprinted on our brains. Research has shown that rats that are given chocolate in a given situation learn to expect it, and the same situation triggers reward centers in the brain even without the chocolate being present. So once our brains connect processed sugar with a particular mood or state of mind, it’s hard to reverse it. For example, for some eating dinner is a time when family gets together, giving you a warm feeling. So later in life you’re feeling lonely, you might try eating to make yourself feel better. . . This is especially true for those who were conditioned as kids to associate sweets with a good deed, get an A=have candy. Later, when they want the same feeling of accomplishment, they often turn to the food stimulus to create that feeling. Hence, "comfort food" . . There are things you can do to train your yourself to eat healthier. Obviously, do your damnedest to avoid calorie-packed, super sugary, and generally “bad for you” foods. If you stop eating them, your brain never gets the chance to associate them with the dopamine reward, making it so you don’t crave them. Resisting the initial temptation will help to resist in the future, + instead of getting dopamine boosts from sugar, you’ll get them when you eat healthy meals. Soon, your brain associates “good for you food” with dopamine rewards, + you’ll find yourself wanting to eat healthy when you want a rewarding brain boost. . . But, my biggest tip, will power! It's not easy guys, fighting urges is hard. But, I promise, if you stick to your guns and fight the urge..in just 10 days..you'll be like "sugar what?!? girl bye, Pass me the salad!”

A post shared by Soph (@sophia_roe) on Sep 24, 2018 at 9:26am PDT

Sophia is someone I truly admire and look up to. Her account is nourishment for your senses. Your eyes get to enjoy stunning images of food, DIY beauty recipes, her curls, or all three! And your mind gets to dive into her expressive and beautiful writing that encompasses the stunning and not so stunning parts of life and how she’s grown through it all — with a vulnerability that allows others to blossom too.

@jessicainthekitchen

Jessica is like sunshine on your phone. Not only does her smile and kindness shine brightly but also her food turns on hunger pangs in an instant. Her love and talent for creating comforting, simple and delicious vegan food is truly amazing. We also share Jamaican roots and that makes it 100% more enjoyable to follow her.

@lulusdreamtown

I am in love with all that Lulu has created and is now shifting into with her platform! From food to self-love to interesting conversations, following her is a true joy. I also love that she is a peer within my generation, using Instagram for good by being her true self and bringing up really important topics.

@the.korean.vegan

Joanne’s moody, rich, soulful food and life feed is complemented by her truly incredible writing. She shares beautiful stories from her life with such vivid and expressive detail that you feel as though you were transported into her story. And the Korean food she makes? To live for. From kimchi fried rice, Japchae, dumplings and more — I’ve even had the honor of tasting her masterful creations on a few occasions!

Source: https://blog.williams-sonoma.com/feed-your-feed-teen-vegan-haile-thomass-top-5-instagrammers-to-follow/

[makemoneyonlineprofit-blog]

Blue Monday and employee morale: moving beyond the gimmick

https://120profit.com/?p=2551&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr It’s back again: 21st January marks Blue Monday 2019. This infamous day gets a mixed reception when it rolls around, with some feeling concerned and others flouting it and treating it like any other day. After all, the whole idea of Blue Monday comes from a formula to define ‘the most depressing day of the year’ in order to boost sales. Even Cliff Arnal, the psychologist who devised the formula to pinpoint this gloomy day in the calendar, has vehemently refuted it since and urged people not to buy into it. It’s easy to see how people get sucked in though. Blue Monday is everywhere. We’ve been getting loads of press releases about how staff can boost employee morale, facing the marketing deluge head-on. But with all this said, web searches for ‘employees’, ‘morale’ and ‘Blue Monday’ are on the up too. That tells me that, prescribed or not, there is bleakness around today. It’s enough for some employers to want to step in and minimise the damage, anyway. How are they helping? Whether you see it as a genuine positive or easy point-scoring, any chance to boost employee morale is a good thing. It doesn’t even have to be much: arranging an informal do, bringing cakes in or doing some sort of team-based activity. Here are a few examples of how small businesses have made Blue Monday their own. Erris de Stacpoole, senior account manager at The Media Foundry ‘In a bid to tackle Blue Monday, we at The Media Foundry have launched an annual pub quiz called ‘Bye Bye, Blue Monday’. We are on a mission to banish any doom, gloom and blues. The first prize is a Golden Sausage Award’ James Shillaker, director at Incorpore Ltd ‘This Monday we will be treating our office to breakfast and coffees all around to start the day right and put people in good spirits.’ Steve Arnold, CEO of e-days ‘I brought a puzzle back from my holiday in Mexico and on Blue Monday every employee (about 30 of them) will get the chance to complete the puzzle the fastest (within ten minutes). The fastest person gets a prize – an early finish from work. ‘It means everyone gets a fun 10-minute extra break, and it’ll take their mind off work for a little bit. It also creates a great atmosphere of competition, engagement and excitement that everyone can get involved in. It’s a simple idea that’s great for mental wellbeing, for brain health and for general camaraderie.’ Rebecca Siciliano, managing director at Tiger Recruitment ‘This year, Tiger has timed Blue Monday with the announcement of its company incentives for the year, to get staff motivated and engaged about the year ahead. We are also running an exercise bootcamp to get people moving after work and for those who can’t take part in that, have organised a drinks get-together. ‘There’s also have a mental health ambassador who has written a newsletter on wellness and mental health to go out on Monday with tips to avoid the January blues.’ Making real change Despite the cynicism around the third Monday in January, it arguably has the same role as sadness does in general: pulling attention towards a problem that needs addressing. “It arguably has the same role as sadness does: pulling attention towards a problem that needs addressing” For some small business owners, it highlights changes that can be made to improve staff morale in the longer term rather than just for one day. Alan Lynch, CEO of Compare&Choose ‘As a company, we believe in looking after mental health and not just on specific days. ‘We have a flexible work policy in place. I don’t like the pressure that is puts on my staff when they have set work hours. Their tasks must be done but in their own pace – if my staff need a mental health day then they get one. ‘So, if any of my staff will be feeling worse for wear coming, they know they can come to me and do whatever they need to do to feel better. It’s possible because we’re a small company with a handful of staff.’ Mike Foster, creative director at Straight Forward Design ‘I believe the feeling of ‘Blue Monday’ (something which arguably rolls out intermittently over the whole year) can be staved off with in-house projects which are not client-based. ‘On top of that, I try to keep employees happy throughout the year by encouraging side projects in-office. It makes good business sense: smart employers want their team members to feel fulfilled, connected to the organisation and motivated to do great work.’ Mike Nolan, co-founder of PressPlugs ‘Rather than some gimmick, we try to help employees by advising them to focus on the positive. It’s all about a healthy mindset. “Blue Monday is a great day to start to change things” ‘Every Monday morning – and we’ll probably go for a longer session on Blue Monday – we stop what we’re doing for around 20 minutes and practice some mindfulness meditation. This is followed by a simple exercise where they are asked to write down 20 things that they are grateful for. ‘Finally, we try and all have a healthy lunch – having something pleasant built into the day covers all points. ‘It’s vital that employers take note of their employees’ mental health and Blue Monday is a great day to start to change things.’ Read our essential guide on improving employee motivation in the workplace for more. window.fbAsyncInit = function() { FB.init({ appId : '142992242989258', xfbml : true, version : 'v2.10', }); }; (function(d, s, id){ var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) {return;} js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk')); 120profit.com - https://120profit.com/?p=2551&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr

[heyligaya]

Am I really entering “Late 20′s”?

The staggering twenty six as I call it.

Here i am, just finished cleaning out the dishes and thinking

“wait, am I really in my LATE 20′s?”

Suddenly, i had trouble accepting that thought.

I spent most of my birthdays with friends or at work but today, I decided to NOT DO ANYTHING. I even scheduled the articles I was supposed to finish reading for school instead of thinking what to prepare. I did enjoy my last few years looking forward to having a great day with people but I just really wanted this day to be WITH MAHZELF! you feel? :P 

I mean, it’s a step forward to being A FULL BLOWN ADULT. It’s not the same when you turn 18. At this age, the feeling of being able to drive, buy R-18 horror movies, drink alcohol and stay out of the house til midnight is perhaps a little less monumental since you don’t have a benchmark to look forward to. The most exciting thing you’ve probably have ever done is buy a complete set of pens and post-it’s and try making non-sense reminder just to feel the first paper strip its pad. Amirite? 

So, I started writing this after I finished my duties at home and there isn’t any more adulting than that right there.

Thinking about it now, honestly, I didn’t expect reaching this prime. Due to some personal struggles, I really thought that I will NOT celebrate another birthday. Im not claiming anything but you can think whatever it is I am trying to say. That’s something I want you to hold. Not much of a surprise to many but I really am still contemplating the fact that I am still ALIVE right now and I can’t believe how much I’ve grown. So Im going to try my best to atleast pick out the things I’ve grasped through the years. I'm usually fairly cynical of blog posts which are written on an advisory basis, especially when they come from my own head.... I'm fairly certain that I'm as clueless as the next person. I do hope I can make proper points here and there.

I don’t look 26

I’ve been told I look like I’m in my early 20’s (20 – 22), even with makeup. And it doesn’t help that I’m 5’0. To this day I still get asked if I’m breaking curfew.

Getting rid of toxic people is awesome.

A year ago I said bye bye to toxic people in my life: flat out stopped responding to negativity and cut ties with them. I’ve never been happier!

I need my daily alone time

Over the past year, I’ve learned that I need some alone time to really get my creative juices flowing. No offense to my loved ones, but being with people all time time can be draining. Do you ever feel like this?

Wellness is really important

If you want to feel good you need to take care of you before taking care of anyone else. Last year was so crazy I think I developed a few eating disorders BUT im all good now, BUT STILL, being in that situation will make you realize how important it is to take good care of yourself. 

Early twenties are uncomfortable, emotionally and financially

I’ve learned how to buy stuff that I can afford without using credit but with the money I saved and can hold. This kept me out of debt. Im just happy I have financially good friends who teaches me how to use, hold and take money. 

Success feels hard

There is a quote bandied about a lot in start up circles - "you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable."  Whilst I find some of these motivational quotes pretty trite and some downright untrue, I do feel that there is something in the sentiment here. Being uncomfortable keeps you hungry for more and stops you becoming complacent. The act of trying something is perhaps success in itself, regardless of the outcome.

Your priorities change with age

I remember being 16 and having a hard time thinking how can my allowance fit my everyday habitual coffee drinks + my phone case addiction. I will not eat for 2 days just so I can afford those shoes I saw at the mall the other day. Not to mention to think about those cheesy monthsary gifts you put out there and be tagged as THE BEST COUPLE EVER.

Jul aged 25 cares about quite a lot of different things - her partner is now a 6 year old beagle dog, her friends, her MA in all of its varied forms, local politics, getting that scratch out of her car from a mini accident at the parking, my data plan, and the emergency money you hide for an EMERGENCY urge to file a membership for anytime fitness (yup, I upgraded).

Whilst the list exercise above is slightly reductive, I think its a fair observation that the things you want/ have to spend your time on change throughout every stage of life.

I have also found myself valuing my time a lot more, which has resulted in my choosing to spend it only on things I actively want to do. Alongside being more efficient, this has also made me a lot happier, as my policy of not doing things I don't want to do has massively cut down the the time I spend on things that make me resentful. I still do the dishes though... some things you can't escape!

Trust your gut, with exceptions

Overall the whole going with your gut thing works quite well - in my case anyway.

However there have been occasions where my gut has said "YES!" but my head has gone "wait, let's take a second to think about this." 

I have ignored this on a couple of occasions in the past, only to be faced with quite a big, fact based, objection once the initial emotional response has worn off. Basically what I'm trying to say is that whilst emotions fade, rational and objective thoughts generally hold up.

People move forward in their own paces

While people get married and start a family by now, I manage to pursue my MA even this late which shows how people move forward in their own steps of paces. Doesn’t mean you’re not having the same thoughts as what your 26 year-old friends are having, means you’re being left out. It’s just that you are moving forward the way you know how, I think that is even braver. Being able to achieve something and be somewhere by yourself, with your own decision is also considered as making the leap of faith.

TRUST GOD

Whether you’re 26 or 96. Your faith must never wander. Whether you’ve improved or not, gained or lost, challenged or won, struggling or pursuing, always hold on to what God has promised you. Pray when you’re having a hard time and pray when you’re grateful. 25 for me was one heck of a year and Im just happy to be alive. That’s all. Breathing, typing, thinking.. LIVING. So, Thank you, Lord. You’ve done a great job teaching me yet again. How amazing You are. 

Take your time but don’t waste your time.