#and by y'all i mean my own perfectionism and obsession

[thriftdyke]

okay i've decided to bring this back cuz I wanted to reflect on my predictions for 2024 and do it again for 2025 :) so here's that

2024 predictions recap:

jan - accurate; def processed some grief from old friends + started moving on

feb - accurate!! I won my first poetry slam and met a buncha new awesome people

march - yeah that about sums it up. did more slam poetry + met more people and had a lot of cool experiences but was definitely in Little Miss Avoidant Attachment mode

april - ok had a hard time figuring out what this could have possibly been referring to because I do Not remember anything that happened in april. but I THINK this could be about this weird flirtationship thing I had going in feb/march kinda awkwardly ending

may - lol this one is the only one that almost makes no sense because may was genuinely a very good month. end of semester and promising friendships blooming. I guess the ominous vibe of the song could have just been about a lot of things starting + ending

june - definitely danced it out! traveled, went to pride. good month I think

july - best month of the year possibly. brat summer. no notes.

aug - lol. ha. lol. yeah.

sept - had one of the best experiences of my life this month that hurts to think about now!!!!

oct - this song was an omen. ties were indeed cut. hurt like a bitch to be honest

nov - hahahahaha. unfortunately those lyrics are the only part of this song that did Not relate to this month. (I got my heart broken 👍)

dec - certainly felt like I was drowning the entire time! great 👍

OKAY now this year (shuffling from my top songs of 2024):

Jan: Simplify - Young the Giant. chilling the fuck out 👍 letting things settle. focusing on what’s important.

Feb: Bed Chem - Sabrina Carpenter. 😳👀😳👀😳👀. getting my freak on. 

Mar: Burning - Maggie Rogers. healing!!! new reasons to be in love with life & people!!! 

Apr: Mind Over Matter - Young the Giant. honestly I have no idea what this song is about. but getting something about owning my free will and destiny? or obsessing over someone. travel possibly? 

May: Fortnight - Taylor Swift. giving situationship breakup. don’t love that. could just be reminiscing over old shit.

June: That Girl - Emei. messy girl summer!!!! good sign honestly cuz it means I’m living life and letting loose. long as I don’t let the perfectionism and comparison win 👍

July: Casual - Chappell Roan. jesus christ. not another one. ok as I did last year I’m gonna choose to only focus on the lyrics “knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out” and manifesting that FOR REAL THIS TIME

Aug: House in Nebraska - Ethel Cain. ok this is my birthday month and my favorite month so I’m choosing to believe this is about a very intimate and profound experience I will have with someone that will not scar me badly in any way 👍

Sept: A-Punk - Vampire Weekend. ok these lyrics are too complicated for me to figure out rn so I’m just going with the vibe. which is lighthearted and dancy and giving me road trip for some reason. probably because I only listen to this song on road trips.

Oct: Ruins - Jade Bird. ok so there are some communication. challenges. but we are working through it 👍

Nov: Taste - Sabrina Carpenter. petty girl november. maybe I make out with someone who kissed someone else I kissed. maybe I have a threesome. keep it optimistic

Dec: It’ll Get You There - Rilo Kiley. one of my fav songs of all time so taking as a good omen. everything I will have done this year will have served its purpose and brought me on to brighter things 👍

TAGGING same peeps as last year bc I still luv y'all <3

@girls4losers @eruditetyro @capeswater @shivroyscunt

tagged by @griddle-cakes

let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

January - Now That We Don’t Talk - Taylor Swift

gonna interpret this positively as me finally moving on from fixating over past…. people

February - Gloria: In Exelsis Deo - Patti Smith

this song is the ultimate good omen. in february I’ll be full of passion and verve and make life my bitch

March - Frug - Rilo Kiley

hahaha…. so I’m gonna dance real funky while doubting my ability to fall in love. sounds about right

April - Cool About It - Boygenius

mmm don’t wanna think about what this means lol.

May - Seven Devils - Florence + The Machine

Haunted May. why not

June - Elsewhere - Young the Giant

more fearing of intimacy while dancing it out 👍

July - Hey Blondie - Dominic Fike

lol the only reason this is on here is bc I listened to the barbie soundtrack like twice. anyway this is a carefree summer fun kinda song so I’ll take it

August - Your Surrender - Neon Trees

👀👀 whose surrender?

September - Crowded Table - The Highwomen

found family vibes, taking as good sign

October - Cut the Ties - Olive Klug

this song is so good everyone should listen to it rn. anyway this is either giving roadtrip or “fuck it let me blow up my life and make a drastic decision” vibes

November - Casual - Chappell Roan

only lyrics of this I’m choosing to pay attention to are “knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out”

December - Over Your Head - Orla Gartland

well. the conses have to quence I guess

tagging @capeswater @grieving4theliving @eruditetyro @shivroyscunt and anyone else who wants to :-)

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 3: Roberta

• The Gay Divorcee was a smash hit, raking in almost $600k in profit for RKO during the Depression. It was also nominated for Best Picture. So then why are Astaire and Rogers not the headliners for Roberta? No clue. 

• As dumb as that decision was and is, in some ways, it makes their parts even more enjoyable. As the secondary pair, they don’t have to deal with misunderstandings and contrived plot devices keeping them apart or interfering with the development of their relationship. From the moment they’re on screen together, they’re a pair. 

• Their romance in Roberta is of two teenage sweethearts reuniting as adults and instantly falling back in step and in love with one another. The warmth and friendliness of their relationship, which I believe mirrors the true relationship between Astaire and Rogers in many ways, is one of the main reasons I adore this film. There are several scenes/moments where they seem to be themselves and it works perfectly.

• Our characters/actors: Huck (Fred Astaire), Lizzie (Ginger Rogers), John (Randolph Scott), Stephanie (Irene Dunne).

• Love their names in this film: Huck (short for Huckleberry) and Liz. A vast improvement, especially for Rogers who has so far been Honey and Mimi. 

• Of course for plot reasons Huck’s teenage sweetheart will be in the exact same place he ends up. But it’s worth noting that he requests for John to ask his aunt about Lizzie. He intends to look her up himself. 

• Could John be a himbo?? He’s handsome, kinda dumb, but very kind. 

• I like how Liz, in her alter ego as a Polish countess, continues throwing a tantrum even though John pushes her to the couch twice. Rogers doesn’t get enough credit for her slapstick abilities. She also somehow makes the word “orchestra” seem very suggestive.

• Love how Huck slides in towards the elevator in his hast to meet Lizzie again. She’s not mad to see him either, only worried he’ll blow her cover. Which he immediately almost does. 

• A snarky reunion: 

Liz, as the Countess: “Huck is for Huckleberry, n’est-ce pas?”

Huck: “Uhh yes, a couple of n’est-ce pas.”

• His face at being called a piccolo player is only bested by Liz’s barely concealed glee at Huck being demoted this way. In their first interaction, he calls her babe, toots, and playfully bites her hand and she puffs smoke right in his face. I love it. 

Not for nothing, later in the film he will also call John babe and toots. Huck is an equal opportunity complimenter. 

• Their relationship is established immediately as he celebrates her success and beauty. There’s no rivalry or obstacles between them, not even her stage name. While she is careful to remove her hand from between his when their private moment is interrupted, she doesn’t mind it being known she’s going off somewhere with him. 

• Irene Dunne has a fine singing voice but it’s just not what I came to this movie to hear. 

• Huck’s face as he watches Liz sing is adorable. Maybe a tad overdone but incredibly sweet. 

(gif credit @themaladjustedjester​)

• It’s a bit irritating that Rogers is forced to sing and speak in her fake Polish accent for most of the film but dang she does an amazing job with this song. It’s a full-body performance and she does it with gusto. 

• I adore the way Astaire tosses the baton over his shoulder as soon as she comes to sit with him. He’s just like, don’t need that anymore. 

• So cute as they reminisce about their younger years: 

Liz: “You know I think I was in love with you then, Huck.” 

Huck: “I know you were.”

Liz, mildly offended: “Youuuu.”

Huck: “Meeee. And what’s more, I was madly in love with you.”

• Their entire exchange is funny and wonderful. The teasing, the flirting, the declaration of past love for one another that is obviously still true. How he punctuates certain moments with a bit of tap for emphasis. They smile naturally and it feels like two friends talking. This could be AU Fred and Ginger’s real-life story and I would believe it. 

• Talking about how she won a beauty contest:

Liz: “Well, you won it for me. How did you get all the men from the overall factory to vote for me?”

Huck, very pleased with himself: “That was easy. I showed them a picture of Lillian Russell.”

Liz, incensed: “Lillian Russell? Well what was the matter with my picture?”

Huck: “Well if you must know, we got a lot of votes from the farmers with a picture of a prize heifer.”

Liz, about to playfully sock him: “Oh youuuu.”

• “I’ll Be Hard to Handle” is a special dance for many reasons including that the taps were not dubbed over later. Since they used the original sound, we can hear both Astaire and Rogers giggling and whooping throughout the dance. 

Usually, Astaire recorded the taps in post-production since the sound could not pick them up very well during filming. Hermes Pan, Astaire’s choreography partner, often recorded Rogers’ taps since she was typically off filming a different movie by then.

• Astaire often gets a lot of the credit for their dancing because he worked tirelessly on the choreography. Rogers was often away filming non-musical roles while he did this. She was in three other films in 1935 alone, in addition to both Roberta and Top Hat with Astaire. But she put in a lot of hard work too. While filming those other roles, she learned the choreography from Pan so when she showed up for the six weeks of rehearsal, she was prepared. 

• And somehow this number feels perfectly spontaneous. At the start, as he pulls her in, she looks at him flirtatiously and it’s not acting. She waits for him to come spin them around and of course it’s part of the choreography but it’s a lovely feeling of anticipation all the same. Several times they appear lost in their own world, dancing for one another. They also seem to be talking to one another quietly throughout most of the dance. Like before in their films, you can see the acting start and stop pretty clearly. 

• When one of them does a little extra dance, the other watches in true appreciation and delight. Again, not acting. Most instances where they make eye contact they look very pleased with themselves. This is the closest we’ll ever get to seeing what Astaire and Rogers were like in rehearsals, complete with the in-joke bugle call. 

• To understand better the moments of reality vs. acting, just look at the sequence where they challenge each other and argue using different dance steps. All acting. Then look at their faces immediately after this sequence ends and they enter the final moments of the dance. All them. 

Side note: don’t miss how Astaire claps his hands together to make the smacking noise when she slaps him.

• While watching a private fashion show, John and Huck dislike a gorgeous black satin gown that’s low cut and with an almost completely open back because they think it’s too revealing. But later Rogers is going to wear almost this same gown and will look marvelous in it during the “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” dance. 

• After selecting a new gown, Liz teases Huck that “tall, handsome gentleman with large bank accounts will be asking for my telephone number. And getting it.” He replies, “And won’t they be surprised when I answer?”

• Upon hearing that John’s terrible ex, who has just arrived to undump him now that he’s rich and famous, will be leaving on Saturday, Huck departs with this line: “Goodbye, John. I’ll see you Sunday.”

• Irene Dunne definitely enjoys her few seconds of being spun around with Astaire. But who wouldn’t?

• Huck’s line to Sophie, “Gee, darling, you look terrible,” is such a burn and I love it.

• Another thing I have a soft spot for is Astaire’s piano playing. It’s energetic and fun and he doesn’t do it nearly enough imo. 

• Astaire sings 3 songs (I’m not counting the fashion show “song”) in Roberta but they all have that very conversational style that suits him. And in fact both “I Won’t Dance” and “Lovely to Look At” are duets framed as a conversation with Rogers. My favorite part of “I Won’t Dance” is this exchange:

Astaire: “You know what? You’re lovely.”

Rogers: “And so what? I’m lovely.”

Astaire: “But oh what you do to me.”

• I also have to mention the little callback to “The Continental” as well as the strange rhyme of “for heaven rest us, I’m not asbestos”??

• Notice how this solo routine for Astaire is not interrupted by any cuts to his face or feet like previously solos? He got his way with the camera work.

• “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” is a lovely song that I don’t necessarily want Irene Dunne to sing, not when Ginger Rogers is in the same film. 

• Rogers’ acting when Huck talks rhetorically about wanting to marry Liz is fabulous. First, she has to be incensed at the mention of a “Liz” when publicly she’s still known as the Countess. Then she’s flustered that he’s just admitted he wants to marry her. And then she glares at him when he takes up the joke and describes his fiance-to-be as “simple” with “big feet.” And all of that happens in about three seconds. The way she sharply looks him up and down always makes me snicker.  

• This lengthy fashion show is something else I usually skip. Was there a line of gowns that were sold as movie tie-in merchandise? I highly doubt it. But why else is this so long??

• When Astaire sings the lyrics “and heaven to kiss,” his voice drops and Rogers glances at him. Huck and Liz have most certainly been kissing off screen. 

• Absolutely love how the lyrics of “Lovely to Look At” change for Astaire and Rogers. Instead of a “most impossible scheme come true, imagine finding a dream like you,” Rogers sings that he is her “most impossible dream come true, imagine finding a boy like you.” She takes his arm and on the lyrics “it’s thrilling to hold you terribly tight,” he squeezes her hand. 

• Their dance, set to “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” is slow and stunning, one of the most beautiful they created. It’s full of soft looks between them. Rogers spends most of the beginning gazing at him lovingly. Not to be outdone, Astaire does the same when she’s turned away or not looking at him. He also has a small, private smile soon after they begin. It’s lovely. 

• The duet is romantic and yet they don’t embrace fully until about a minute in. Instead, they hover near one another, faces angling together, small touches here and there. Holding fingertips for a particular move. His fingers briefly touch her ribs when she places his hand there for a beat. It’s a dance of deep partnership and love, not courtship. Neither needs to woo the other. 

• And when they do embrace, he holds her close for a prolonged moment before moving into the next step. As he does, that private smile sneaks out again. 

• The sudden dip is another example of Rogers trusting Astaire. She looks magnificent in the pose too. They both do.

• She lays her head on his shoulder, his hand resting gently on her hair, and her arm is around him. It’s a very intimate pose, made even more so by how he tilts his head towards her and his lips are very close to her brow. And there again, that smile. 

• When the music becomes playful, Rogers glances over her shoulder at him and finds his eyes are already on her. Both of their faces soften. 

• And ending a sumptuous dance with a backwards leap up three stairs. Super casual. They walk off the way they began, their arms linked. 

• Speaking of casual, Huck and Liz get engaged in the most laid back way ever. Perfect for them.

• I have always loved Stephanie’s expression when she realizes just how dumb (but sweet) John is. 

• The reprise of “I Won’t Dance” ends the film. Newly engaged but still in the same clothes they just performed a slow, romantic duet in, Astaire and Rogers perform a much more energetic dance. She makes her dress work for her superbly. The way they dance is very like “I’ll Be Hard to Handle,” which shows that this celebratory number is Huck and Liz, not the bandleader and the Countess performing for a crowd. And the choice of song is fitting since in the lyrics he said he couldn’t dance with her for fear he’d fall in love with her. But now they have danced quite intimately and they’re engaged. Might as well keeping dancing together. 

• Soooo another film finished! We’re getting into some of the best ones now. Up next: Top Hat.

• Also if fanfiction is your thing, here’s a very sweet one for this film. 

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

I think you said that Reader has anxiety and ADHD at one point, are they aware of that at this point in the story? love the fic and hope you have a great night <3

(Forgive me for answering a bunch of questions in one post, but these are all kinda related i swear)

As of now (chapter 7), Reader is completely unaware that they have anxiety and ADHD! They've likely been struggling with it their whole life but for one reason or another, they never had someone tell them "no that's not normal but you can get help" and, being the genius they are, they never realized it themselves. They've been under the impression, their whole entire dumb, dumb life, that everyone thinks and feels the same way they do and they're just particularly bad at handling life in general.

(also thank u!!!!!)

(more questions n answers under the cut!)

They're actually quite talented! They would have been considered to have a gift, or maybe even been thought of as a prodigy, in their college years- if only they had better work habits. But, like they do now, back then they worked themselves to sickness and exhaustion- to the point where they were often so clumsy, while working with heavy and dangerous equipment, that once they had to give themselves stitches. Which, y'know. Generally affects performance. If they'd kept better care of themselves and maybe allowed themselves a break once or twice, they would've been in the top of their classes!

So they are very talented at it! But struggling to hold themselves together in college and seeing their grades suffer for it, and a preexisting case of perfectionism and anxiety, doesn't exactly help you feel very confident.

I know some of y'all aren't gonna like the vagueness, but... That part is really up to you.

Even in college, their habits were considered especially bad, and they have a hard time (sometimes to the point of outbursts) accepting that they AREN'T fine and that they DO need help, and they are under the notion that certain people NEED TO STRUGGLE in order to become better at being people- which are all very not good thought processes and could definitely be the result of some kind of trauma, but which could also be explained by years of bottled up self doubt and anxiety.

(If you want my PERSONAL take? As in its not canon to the story, but what I would assume if I was the one reading it? They grew up in a household where they were never praised and never treated as though their best was good enough. They internalized that, and became obsessed with finding a way to be "good enough," even if it means putting their own physical and mental health to the wayside. this aint a canon take tho u can believe whatever u want and thats equally as canon as my thoughts!!!)

[lavienjin]

also lmao i'm gonna get personal for a sec and istg i'll shut up about notes and stuff after this, unless this invites conversation than by all means! y'all know i love the sound of my own voice.

i'm pretty desensitized to numbers because i'm a content creator and i'm on streamer!twitter. let me tell you all, the obsession with numbers that i've seen my ex-friends get into because of view counts, who's in the stream, who raided, etc. has shown to have a huge correlation to burn out (prior, ofc, to the mess that is hate raids + twitch's lack of security). even i eventually got burned out because my timeline was filled with number talk.

it's absolutely okay to be sad when something you've worked hard on didn't receive the amount of love you feel it deserves, that's normal. process your grief, but stand back up. this is supposed to be fun, so find your joy elsewhere than the numbers.

just one more time for good measure: you, a human being reading this, cannot and will never be condensed into a numerical form. fuck anyone who says otherwise (not the sexy kind, they don't deserve that).

the harsh reality of it is, the most pressure we receive is from ourselves. where does it stem from? is it a need to be liked? perhaps a sense of perfectionism? to have others tell you that you're doing a good job? (if you need that reassurance, please know that you're doing an immensely great job).

y'all wanna know what happens if a pressure cooker, an object that's literally built for the purposes of pressure, doesn't get release? it explodes. we are not built to withstand immense pressure from our anxious brains. allow yourselves to let it go.

and if your brain is mean to you today, give it a disgusting name and tell it to fuck off. (i call mine breighleigh - pron. braylee)