#and by unintentionally insulting the one he calls his greatest friend; xiao jingyan proves himself worthy of that friendship still

[neuxue]

Today on “Nirvana In Fire is determined to destroy me”:

Xiao Jingyan: 我既不想郡主这等忠良之辈被朝中奸佞构陷，也不想先生你把他们铺做我进阶的路石。[...] 郡主并非朝中那些沉溺于权欲争斗之流。是她在沙场上浴血厮杀，才保住你们在这紫华帝都钩心斗角。在今后我于你的合作当中，我不允许你把这样的人当成棋子，随意摆弄，随意牺牲。 // “I do not want those like [Nihuang] who are loyal and true to be caught in the traps of these scheming courtiers, but nor do I want you to use them as stones to pave my way. [...] She is not like those indulgent courtiers contending for power. Her efforts on the battlefield are all that protect this imperial capital for your petty intrigues. In our collaboration from now on, I will not permit you to use those like her as chesspieces, to manipulate and sacrifice as you will.”

Which, okay, add this to the rapidly-growing list of ‘things Xiao Jingyan says that are going to haunt him later when he realises who he was saying them to’, but it doesn’t end there...

Xiao Jingyan: 我答应与你合作，你认我为你的主君，那么，你就必须要明白我的底线。// “I have agreed to work with you, and you have acknowledged me as your lord, so you need to understand where I draw the line.” Mei Changsu: 殿下的底线是什么？// “Where does Your Highness draw the line?” Xiao Jingyan: 我曾见识过许多的谋士，见识过他们所做的，最阴险、最无耻的事情。这些人所射出来的冷箭，甚至连最强的人都不能抵御。我的兄长、我最好的朋友...... 他们全都��于这样的阴谋。我绝不能让他们看见我也变成一个像那样不择手段的人。// “I have seen many strategists, seen what they do — the most sinister, most disgraceful things. Not even the strongest can withstand their knives in the dark. My elder brother, my greatest friend... they both fell to such schemes. I cannot — cannot — let them see me become that kind of ruthless, unscrupulous person.” Mei Changsu: 殿下放心。你绝不会成为这样的人。// “Your  Highness, do not worry. You would never become such a person.”

What Mei Changsu does not say: You will not become such a person... because I will do so in your stead.

Lin Shu has become Mei Changsu, the enigmatic strategist, the sort of person Xiao Jingyan claims most to dislike. Has become Mei Changsu, who promises out of Xiao Jingyan’s hearing to take on all the dark and bloody deeds that need doing, to spare Xiao Jingyan’s hands from being stained. Mei Changsu, who presents an inscrutable pragmatist’s face to the one who once called him — still calls him, not knowing to whom he speaks — his greatest friend. Xiao Jingyan, out of respect for the memory of his brother and his friend, cannot become such a person — and so Mei Changsu will.

And so Mei Changsu has become precisely the sort of strategist Xiao Jingyan cannot allow himself to become: someone like those who betrayed him, in order to gain justice or at least closure for that betrayal.

I’m weeping.