#and by that i mean no children by the mountain goats 20 in times in a row with one foreigner's god by hozier squished there somewhere

[lewyn-martell]

i guess i'm gonna use this opportunity to babble on about this since the topic has been raised in the tags... i was going to wait or maybe just not do it since i was limited to 10 gifs and this is only a fraction of the great webweaving you can do with this movie... but whatever ksjdnkjs

one thing to get out of the way... i hope we can all agree that pádraic is a grown man. colm is not out there twisting his arm to be snappy to everyone around him because of his broken heart... and when colm is shown to be considerate, it's not because pádraic is such a nice man that he can get it out of him on those moments specifically. and when pádraic is mean it's not on colm because he is supposedly oh so mean... i know this is probably not exactly what was meant, but it's an underlying feeling in that i get from discussions of this movie and i did this gifset precisely because people get way too caught up on pádraic poor nice boy and colm mean old dick.

'niceness' and the lack of it are tied very closely with mental health in this movie. the Before for these characters involves: pádraic being a 'nice' 'happy' lad even if dull, i.e. (in this context), shallow of thought: will never do introspection. thinks these bad things should be just pushed down for the sake of appearances and cordiality. we are men who meet at 2 o'clock to go to the pub and talk about nothing. we don't read sad books else we might get sad and discover a thing or two about ourselves that could be unpleasant. he is basically the epitome of the this is fine dog meme.

colm is an older man who we soon learn has been wallowing in despair and now dealing with the fact that his life is nearing its end. he is an artist (also described as a 'thinker') and that probably feels like the only thing he is good at (or good for) when his head is as messed up as it is. he lives on a tiny boring island filled with "nice" judgy people who have no qualms about whispering about each other's business (especially if it's bad stuff) while at the same time covering up things too hard to look in the face in the name of the social and personal order of the everything is fine agenda.

i understand why people might think colm just woke up and decided to spring up to pádraic the end of their friendship since we're watching the movie from pádraic's perspective. but it becomes clear throughout the movie that colm cares and feels for him and is not acting on a mindless whim. the audience has to then imagine what kind of things go on his head to drive him to such drastic choices. we don't ever have a full end-all-be-all explanation, but he makes a few things on his mind known and we can draw some conclusions: he doesn't feel at peace in his normal routine and has even been talking to the priest about this despair that is getting worse while his life dwindles. he considers composing music his last line of defense against the seemingly meaningless pit his life will have amounted to, because if people can't see his heart now, maybe he can buy himself more metaphorical time by leaving something for the ones who come later. maybe for them to enjoy and connect to, same as it is for him and old musicians. this is a man at the end of his rope dealing with one hell of a depression.

and while colm takes his anguish and tries to separate himself from people to deal with it, pádraic is so unequipped to deal with his own sadness and loneliness he blows it up to everyone around him. he was still (and might've even stayed there forever, if it wasn't for this incident) on the stage of denying it's there at all. i think colm might even have underestimated both how much pádraic feels for him and how far he is willing to take things because of it. the loneliness it brings forth ends up being too overwhelming for him to do what he usually does.

and the even better thing about this movie is: it's not simply one man's misery rubbing off on the other. colm's own way of dealing with it evolves - or devolves, however you choose to see it - the more pádraic's touches him back and the more he realizes his initial decision was no magic fix. because there is a difference colm had no way of knowing and regulating between facing his own sadness and allowing it to fully take over. we realize music isn't working when he threatens to cut his fingers off (another situation in which colm chooses to harm himself rather than anyone else btw. not all altruistic, of course, but an example of how his decision making works). it ends up being a relief to him, because i think he was putting way too much pressure on himself and chasing the wrong solutions.

but they are way past any return point. because pádraic has realized niceness is one of the first casualties when you are in the middle of despair, if you're not mature enough or don't have energy enough to prevent it. and here i mean both the, uh, duty of keeping up appearances - in a less cynical way, having the emotional space to be pleasant to others without letting your misery leak, as is expected in this context - and the more earnest interpretation it's also there of choosing or being able to cultivate friendship and see Good Meaning in human connection, with all its flaws and complications.

so pádraic's been chasing his fix of getting colm back in his life again, and he slowly grows into the notion that he has to be not truthful, not vulnerable, but harsh. in his mind, the only path he has is channeling his sadness into anger and turn whatever they have left dragging on behind them into some toxic morph of love and hate and resentment and, honestly, some kind of pure entertainment to not lose their damn minds. pádraic takes a look at colm digging his own abyss and decides that he'll show him what an abyss truly is by smashing theirs together until it doesn't even matter how it started. we are never getting out. he can't allow himself to be the oblivious happy lad, he has been forced to face what he's been always pushing down and because of what colm said, he can't afford to be dull. it's not a fully coherent thought, but in his mind, this is the way for them to connect now and he will make sure that this bond is never severed since it seems more sturdy and steady than the complicated vulnerable position of simply dealing with love in its positive sense. and colm eats it up, of course, because it was his insanity with pádraic that was filling his days and even giving him the feeling needed to write music. it was their miseries touching each other that started to give him a better answer: it was human connection after all. while before pádraic and him were mismatched, now they are on the same page and they both see each other better.

in a way, simplifying the themes, i also see this movie as one man rushing to catch up with the other, but running so hard and fast he takes them both past any kind of happy middle, that was a nearly impossible concept with them living when and where they do anyway. and it ends up being miserable but also born out of a mixed-up desire and necessity to face difficult and ugly things. and sure, it's not dealt with in any healthy sense, but it's also not gone. two fucked up men make their situation even more fucked up in order not to lose each other. and they might be just entertaining themselves until comes the inevitable, but isn't that what we all do on this earth anyways.

You used to be nice. Or did you never used to be? Oh God. Maybe you never used to be.

THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN (2022) dir. Martin McDonagh

[simspaghetti]

As I'm doing a rags-to-riches challenge atm for gen 3 of my Random Legacy, I've been looking into mods that make the off-grid experience in TS3 a bit more realistic

I hope this list will be especially useful as a resource for anyone doing rags-to-riches, runaway teen, midnight sun, zombie apocalypse or any other similar challenge which requires your sim to live off the land - I personally love this gameplay style, and I hope this is useful for others too!

As always, if anyone has any suggestions of mods / CC I should add to this list, let me know and I'll update it - it's definitely not exhaustive by any means :)

Mods:

Moar Interactions by Buzzler on MTS

I recommend this mod regardless of if you're playing off-the-grid because it adds a bunch of great stuff, but the interactions particularly useful for this gameplay style are 'work overtime' at the small businesses around town, allowing your sim to earn a bit of extra cash without being officially employed, and also the ability to 'cancel the carpool / schoolbus' (because a carpool wouldn't agree to pick your sim up from their camp in the middle of the woods)

Nraas Careers via Nraas Industries

This mod allows your teen / child sims to be enrolled in home-schooling, which makes much more sense if they're living as a runaway - tutorial for how to assign them to homeschooling is here - I also reccomend using storyprogression to disable curfew for your teen sims if you're playing them as a runaway (tutorial here)

Nraas GoHere via Nraas Industries

This might be a bit random - but this mod is an abseloute lifesaver if your sim doesn't have a car, you can force them to walk long distances without automatically getting in a taxi (best used when combined with the taxi charge mod - linked below)

One with Nature by Spherefish on MTS

This mod is basically the GOAT for off-grid gameplay - it adds the ability to sleep on the floor, pee on the floor, have sponge baths in the ocean / swimming pool and also to relax / daydream on the ground

Pay for the gym by ani on MTS

Some people won't like this one as it definitely makes runaway / rags-to-riches challenges a lot more challenging, but in combination with the other mods I think it makes sense to charge for hot showers when your sim could just go for a wild swim instead!

No Fridge Shopping via Nraas Industries

No more magically buying ingredients from the fridge - your off-grid sim has to grow the produce themselves or go to the supermarket if they want to cook!

Taxi Charge & Subway Charge on MTS

Challenges such as runaway teen require you to buy a flamingo every time your sim takes a taxi - this removes that requirement as your sim gets automatically charged 6-20 simoleons depending on their age - Subway Charge does the same for your Bridgeport sims

No Stretch Children Can Series by Kapaer on MTS

I always recommend this mod for general gameplay anyway, but it's especially useful if you've got kids in your household for offgrid living, they're no longer completely useless!

Attend University online by TwinSimming on Tumblr

Similar to the homeschooling option from nraas careers (linked above), this allows your sim to attend university entirely from the comfort of their computer - they do still have to pay for the degree though!

Off-Grid Inventing Overhaul by SimState on MTS

Allows your inventor sims to create household objects through the inventing table - so you don't have to save up to buy them if your sim is crafty enough!

Ani's Various Mods

I particularly recommend the 'mountain bike' mod which allows your sims to ride a bike around without roads, as well as the 'ration box' mod & 'consignment'

Sleep on Sofa / Bench by Sammonsim on MTS

Scroll down to post #22 in this thread to get the link to this mod - it basically allows your sims to get a full nights sleep on a sofa / bench without having to queue up 50 'nap' interactions

Functional Wells / Off Grid Plumbing & Functional Washboard

This makes your sim have to collect buckets of water from a well if they want to shower / wash the dishes etc. The functional washboard allows them to wash their clothes in a less mechanical way, I reccomend using Danjaley's functional well cc in addition to the plumbing mod as it adds a few more options for your style of lot

Custom Content:

Pallet bed set on tumblr

BionicZombie's Basement Treasures TS4 conversio

Travel Items by Everlasting Garden

Working Futon on MTS

Hollow bee tree on MTS

Camping time set by Toreno

Around The Sims 3:

Camping Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Eco Living TS4 Conversion Into The Wild Trashes & Bonfires / Part 2 Stray Life City / Stray Life Woods Beer Keg / Wine Barrel Squat Bedroom

Twinsimming:

Into the wild set TS4 Werewolves conversion

Simzoo:

All-In-One Bush / Toilet bush Rock / Bucket sink Log Bench / Bench 2 / Rock Stool / Wood Box Cushioned Seat Tree Dresser Haystack bed / Log bed Single table-style counter Raft pool lounger Firepit set

TheSimsResource:

Disclaimer: I do not endorse or condone using this website, unfortunately a lot of great CC for TS3 is locked behind it due to the age of the game - so I've linked some of it here, but I recommend using a reliable adblocker (personally I use Ublock Origin for firefox) before visiting it / downloading anything

Hayloft bunk-bed More Mailboxes (These are a lot less space-consuming than the default mailbox, and I like to either attach them to trees or just hide them in bushes on my off-grid lots lol) The homeless pet set Trapper Bedroom All of cyclonesue's stuff for urban environments

[femboty2k]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.

[fordecree7]

THE BIBLE BOOK OF GOD

Old Testament

Exodus 34

Moses Makes New Tablets

34 The Lord said to Moses, “Cut for yourself two tablets of stone like the first, and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. 2 Be ready by the morning, and come up in the morning to Mount Sinai, and present yourself there to me on the top of the mountain. 3 No one shall come up with you, and let no one be seen throughout all the mountain. Let no flocks or herds graze opposite that mountain.” 4 So Moses cut two tablets of stone like the first. And he rose early in the morning and went up on Mount Sinai, as the Lord had commanded him, and took in his hand two tablets of stone. 5 The Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord. 6 The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” 8 And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped. 9 And he said, “If now I have found favor in your sight, O Lord, please let the Lord go in the midst of us, for it is a stiff-necked people, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for your inheritance.”

The Covenant Renewed

10 And he said, “Behold, I am making a covenant. Before all your people I will do marvels, such as have not been created in all the earth or in any nation. And all the people among whom you are shall see the work of the Lord, for it is an awesome thing that I will do with you.

11 “Observe what I command you this day. Behold, I will drive out before you the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. 12 Take care, lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to which you go, lest it become a snare in your midst. 13 You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim 14 (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God), 15 lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, 16 and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.

17 “You shall not make for yourself any gods of cast metal.

18 “You shall keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread. Seven days you shall eat unleavened bread, as I commanded you, at the time appointed in the month Abib, for in the month Abib you came out from Egypt. 19 All that open the womb are mine, all your male livestock, the firstborn of cow and sheep. 20 The firstborn of a donkey you shall redeem with a lamb, or if you will not redeem it you shall break its neck. All the firstborn of your sons you shall redeem. And none shall appear before me empty-handed.

21 “Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day you shall rest. In plowing time and in harvest you shall rest. 22 You shall observe the Feast of Weeks, the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the Feast of Ingathering at the year's end. 23 Three times in the year shall all your males appear before the Lord God, the God of Israel. 24 For I will cast out nations before you and enlarge your borders; no one shall covet your land, when you go up to appear before the Lord your God three times in the year.

25 “You shall not offer the blood of my sacrifice with anything leavened, or let the sacrifice of the Feast of the Passover remain until the morning. 26 The best of the firstfruits of your ground you shall bring to the house of the Lord your God. You shall not boil a young goat in its mother's milk.”

27 And the Lord said to Moses, “Write these words, for in accordance with these words I have made a covenant with you and with Israel.” 28 So he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights. He neither ate bread nor drank water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant, the Ten Commandments.

The Shining Face of Moses

29 When Moses came down from Mount Sinai, with the two tablets of the testimony in his hand as he came down from the mountain, Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God. 30 Aaron and all the people of Israel saw Moses, and behold, the skin of his face shone, and they were afraid to come near him. 31 But Moses called to them, and Aaron and all the leaders of the congregation returned to him, and Moses talked with them. 32 Afterward all the people of Israel came near, and he commanded them all that the Lord had spoken with him in Mount Sinai. 33 And when Moses had finished speaking with them, he put a veil over his face.

34 Whenever Moses went in before the Lord to speak with him, he would remove the veil, until he came out. And when he came out and told the people of Israel what he was commanded, 35 the people of Israel would see the face of Moses, that the skin of Moses' face was shining. And Moses would put the veil over his face again, until he went in to speak with him

Exodus 34

Diane Beauford

[thehierophage]

Thelemic Holy Season - April 1, 2022 e.v.

April 1, 2022 æ.v.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The Day of Yod, the Day of the Hermit

Hebrew Letter: Yod

Numerical Value as Letter: 10

Numerical Value as Word: 20/14 (Yod+Vav+Daleth or Yod+Daleth)

Meaning: Hand (open, palm, side & fingers)

Thoth Card: The Hermit (Atu IX)

Alternate Title: The Prophet of the Eternal, The Magus of the Voice of Power.

Image:

Correspondences:

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 20 - Tiphareth to Chesed (from Sephira 6-4)

Astrological Sign: Virgo

Element: Earth

Egyptian Godforms: Isis [as Virgin], Heru-pa-Kraath

Geomantic Figure: Conjunctio

Gemstones: Peridot

Perfumes: Narcissus

Plants: Snowdrop, Lily, Narcissus, Mistletoe

Animals: Rhinoceros

Colors:

King Scale – Green, yellowish

Queen Scale – Slate grey

Prince Scale – Green grey

Princess Scale – Plum colour

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Wander alone; bearing the Light and thy Staff! And be the Light so bright that no man seeth thee! Be not moved by aught without or within: keep Silence in all ways!

Mnemonic:

Most secret seed of all Life's serpent plan, Virgin, the Hermit goes, dumb Guardian.

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli, Cap. 5

Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum Sub Figura VII

Being the Voluntary Emancipation of a certain Exempt Adept from his Adeptship. These are the Birth-Words of a Master of the Temple. A.˙.A.˙. Publication in Class A. Imprimatur: N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

V

1. O my beautiful God! I swim in Thy heart like a trout in the mountain torrent.

2. I leap from pool to pool in my joy; I am goodly with brown and gold and silver.

3. Why, I am lovelier than the russet autumn woods at the first snowfall.

4. And the crystal cave of my thought is lovelier than I.

5. Only one fish-hook can draw me out; it is a woman kneeling by the bank of the stream. It is she that pours the bright dew over herself, and into the sand so that the river gushes forth.

6. There is a bird on yonder myrtle; only the song of that bird can draw me out of the pool of Thy heart, O my God!

7. Who is this Neapolitan boy that laughs in his happiness? His lover is the mighty crater of the Mountain of Fire. I saw his charred limbs borne down the slopes in a stealthy tongue of liquid stone.

8. And Oh! the chirp of the cicada!

9. I remember the days when I was cacique in Mexico.

10. O my God, wast Thou then as now my beautiful lover?

11. Was my boyhood then as now Thy toy, Thy joy?

12. Verily, I remember those iron days.

13. I remember how we drenched the bitter lakes with our torrent of gold; how we sank the treasurable image in the crater of Citlaltepetl.

14. How the good flame lifted us even unto the lowlands, setting us down in the impenetrable forest.

15. Yea, Thou wast a strange scarlet bird with a bill of gold. I was Thy mate in the forests of the lowland; and ever we heard from afar the shrill chant of mutilated priests and the insane clamour of the Sacrifice of Maidens.

16. There was a weird winged God that told us of his wisdom.

17. We attained to be starry grains of gold dust in the sands of a slow river.

18. Yea, and that river was the river of space and time also.

19. We parted thence; ever to the smaller, ever to the greater, until now, O sweet God, we are ourselves, the same.

20. O God of mine, Thou art like a little white goat with lightning in his horns!

21. I love Thee, I love Thee.

22. Every breath, every word, every thought, every deed is an act of love with Thee.

23. The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love.

24. The songs of me are the soft sighs:

25. The thoughts of me are very rapture:

26. And my deeds are the myriads of Thy children, the stars and the atoms.

27. Let there be nothing!

28. Let all things drop into this ocean of love!

29. Be this devotion a potent spell to exorcise the demons of the Five!

30. Ah God, all is gone! Thou dost consummate Thy rapture. Falutli! Falutli!

31. There is a solemnity of the silence. There is no more voice at all.

32. So shall it be unto the end. We who were dust shall never fall away into the dust.

33. So shall it be.

34. Then, O my God, the breath of the Garden of Spices. All these have a savour averse.

35. The cone is cut with an infinite ray; the curve of hyperbolic life springs into being.

36. Farther and farther we float; yet we are still. It is the chain of systems that is falling away from us.

37. First falls the silly world; the world of the old grey land.

38. Falls it unthinkably far, with its sorrowful bearded face presiding over it; it fades to silence and woe.

39. We to silence and bliss, and the face is the laughing face of Eros.

40. Smiling we greet him with the secret signs.

41. He leads us into the Inverted Palace.

42. There is the Heart of Blood, a pyramid reaching its apex down beyond the Wrong of the Beginning.

43. Bury me unto Thy Glory, O beloved, O princely lover of this harlot maiden, within the Secretest Chamber of the Palace!

44. It is done quickly; yea, the seal is set upon the vault.

45. There is one that shall avail to open it.

46. Nor by memory, nor by imagination, nor by prayer, nor by fasting, nor by scourging, nor by drugs, nor by ritual, nor by meditation; only by passive love shall he avail.

47. He shall await the sword of the Beloved and bare his throat for the stroke.

48. Then shall his blood leap out and write me runes in the sky; yea, write me runes in the sky.

Love is the law, love under will.

[turqu01s3]

Music Rec Challenge

I stole this bc it seemed fun

Challenging all modcord people to do this too if they want :] @hetboo @nowatchdog @lawdezone @bestatsavingface (ur the ones ik who r active) and also anyone else who wants to do it

Only rule is not to repeat songs:

1. Songs you like with a color in the title

Great White Planes - Nat Lekoff

2. Songs you like with a number in the title

Twenty Twelve - Matt Maeson

3. Songs that reminds you of summertime

Hotel California - Foreigner

4. Songs that reminds you of someone you would rather forget

Affection - Scruffpuppie

Stone - Born Without Bones

Cam’s Song - Secondhand Sound

Cliffy - Matt Maeson

5. Songs that needs to be played LOUD

Uncomfortable - Lanky Laneway

King Park - La Dispute

6. Songs that makes you want to dance

bed head fever - Matty Reynolds

7. Songs you must SCREAM

JUDAS - The Revenant Marigold

Destroyed By Hippie Powers - Car Seat Headrest

8. Songs to drive to

Dark Red - Steve Lucy

The Weight - Amigo the Devil

9. Songs that makes you happy

We’ll Meet Again - The Ink Spots

Creep - Richard Cheese

My Way - Frank Sinatra

10. Songs that makes you sad

The Box - Damien Rice

Sky Full Of Song - Florence + The Machine

11. Songs that you never get tired of

First Class - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Jungle - Hotel Mira

12. Songs that make you feel a certain way

Your Sister Was Right - Wilbur Soot

Cocaine Jesus - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Pulaski at Night - Andrew Bird

13. Songs that made your childhood

Payphone - Maroon 5

Drive By - Train

Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Rockstar - Nickelback

14. Songs you would love to be played at your wedding

No Children - The Mountain Goats (/j)

15. Songs that are covered by another artist

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - Deftones

16. Songs that are not in your native language

когда? - источник

Образы - Ручеёк

Вельзевул - Убей меня, Эйс!

17. Songs from the year you were born (I did a range.. for privacy)

I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

18. Songs you would sing duet with on karaoke

Broadripple Is Burning - Margot & The Nuclear So And So’s

19. Songs that makes you think about life

Kitchen Sink - Isabelle Hyde

Downhill - Lincoln

Banks - Lincoln

20. Songs that have many meanings to you

this body means nothing to me - Shrimp

21. Favorite songs with a person's name in the title

Plastic Jesus - Tia Blake

Robin Hood - Deal Casino

Cleopatra (Acoustic Demo) - The Lumineers

Andra - The Ghost of Paul Revere

22. Songs that move you forward

The Absolute Best Feeling - Joshua Bond

23. Songs you think everybody should listen to

Feel Good - Matt Maeson

24. Songs by a band you wish were still together

Alligator Skin Boots - McCaffery (not really I know he’s evil I just don’t listen to many bands lol)

25. Songs by an artist no longer living

Revenge - XXXTENTACION

26. Songs that make you want to fall in love

Space and Time - S.G. Goodman

More - The Greeting Committee

27. Songs that break your heart

Hurt - Johnny Cash

28. Songs by an artist with a voice you love

Cringe - Matt Maeson

Living on the Sand - Colter Wall

It’s Called: Freefall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

29. Songs people would be surprised you listen to

RIP Roach - XXXTENTACION

30. Songs that remind you of yourself (repeats ok for this one :])

First Class - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Feel Good - Matt Maeson

[sleepymccoy]

Aziraphale’s demon aspect

As voted by 246 people!

The winner is

Owl

with nearly 26% of the primary vote

many people added in their free form answers that they were imagining a barn owl specifically

Owl was the front runner the whole way through this survey, but most of the time by a very beatable margin. The 40 or so people who voted in the last night really tipped it over, it was a tight race! And the results are crazy split imo, a quarter of votes constitutes a win! I love the different opinions and ideas we all have so so much

Ram/sheep came in a hearty second with 16.5% of the vote

A very regal demon there.

After that it gets a little murky, so I’m going to share the second graph I made when is every animal that got more than 1% of the vote. So it’s the top six animals

Magpie and Lion holding strong! Then Moth and Goat looking very good

The second question let you vote for as many options as you thought were appropriate for Aziraphale! So, there were a lot more write-ins! It’s crazy!

I’m using google sheets so I can’t get it to show you every name, but the raw data will be in a read more so you can scroll through everyone’s beautiful imagination there

Again, Owl winds with a solid 20% of the vote. Ram/Sheep coming in with about 15%, followed by Moth, Magpie, Goat, Lion, then Tortoise.

Tortoise was 11th in the first round, tied with Snake (but pale), and managed to surprise me by coming through so strong in the second. Slow and steady, baby.

Nearly everyone who wrote in about Magpies told me that Magpies hoard stuff, so it’s nice to see the hive mind at work there!

Five people told me they were voting goat because of that one piece of art by @hollow-head​ that shows Aziraphale scaling a bookshelf like goats do cliffs. As an artist myself I found it legitimately moving that this one image had stayed with people so strongly. That’s just beautiful. Here’s an example of just one person’s comment

idk dude i just remember one person posted art of him scaling the bookstore shelves like those goats scale mountains and just eating his clothes while he reads it was so fuckin funny but anyway goat eyes are great or he could have lil stubby horns that r covered by his hair

One moth enthusiast took the time to give me a short essay on their choice of moth. I have included a portion of it, cos it was so great

So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Here’s a flannel moth for everyone

and a poodle moth, which i honestly thought was a hoax but i looked into it just now and it seems legit? There’s not a tonne of proof, but the og pictures are from a scientists who stands by them, so like, wow

And then a DIFFERENT PERSON put this in;

the moth i had in mind is Acherontia atropos, in polish called Zmierzchnica trupia główka (meaning more or less "dusk death's head"). i have a whole symbolism planned out and stuff 

Fucking, moth fandom come through!!

I’m vaguely scared of moths, fun fact. I don’t like the thick thunking sound they make when they hit stuff.

Here is the second round but with all the animals that got four or less votes removed for ease of viewing

the one segment there at 12 o’clock that google hasn’t labeled for me is Swan at 0.9%

I cannot believe I didn’t put swan in as an option, that’s all write-ins

So, to summarise, I suggest you take a lot of this with a grain of salt. It is not meant as an instruction to fandom or to railroad creativity. I have a narrow corner of the Good Omens fandom that I interact with, and while this quiz was up for a week I’m not sure it reached a great variety of people. About 250 folks filled it out, which was tonnes more than I expected and I love each and every one of you for filling it out!! But I have noticed that Owl was first on my list and in the free form answers the example prompt I gave included, “such as a breed of owl that specifically speaks to you,“ so I think it’s possible I did that unknowing bias thing that practiced survey folk know now to do. So, grain of salt.

I also think that if animals like Swan and Cat were in the list of options they’d’ve gotten more votes because the people who voted for those were coming up with it fresh themselves. I suspect people would’ve voted for them, but it just didn’t occur to them in the moment. In much the same way it didn’t occur to me in the moment I was writing this survey.

So people know, I got the ten or so animals that I put in the survey from searching the demon!aziraphale tag on tumblr, so it was all stuff that other people had come up with. I was trying to avoid my own bias, but i think in hindsight i could’ve done better!

Having said all that, this was all so much fun and the results are clear!!! Love a good owl!aziraphale

Imma continue to draw my boy as a ram, though. Cos this was all just for a laugh <3

numbers and a few more things under the cut

So some of these have half a vote ascribed to them. That’s for people who in their freeform answer said things like this;

ngl, that one post about him being a swan still makes me laugh

Mourning Dove. Though that Scallop answer was fucking brilliant

And I kinda made a judgement call that that wasn’t a vote, but it was kind of a vote. So I gave them half a point.

There were a few situations where people would write in a specific species. If I got more than one vote for the root animal I just grouped them together, but if it stayed the only vote then it kept the species. Cat got the most specific species mentioned, and in the second vote Bat had a few species mentioned (albino bat being my fave), but I ended up grouping them all just under Cat and Bat to give them a better chance of getting on the graph. There were probably a few other examples but I can’t think of them. The one exception to this is the person who wrote-in Duolingo Owl specifically. For that one I figured Owl is already pretty solid, and that’s just fucking funny, man

I was also pretty generous about some stuff. So, this person didn’t vote for Moose but they clearly regretted it so I added a vote for Moose in the second one where you could vote for multiples. They kept their Ram and Goat votes, of course, but I added Moose for them

I get very bastard energy from my demon az headcanons. Like f-ing shit up for a laugh more than anything, but otherwise indifferent. That's kinda why I like the ram/sheep/goat thing so much because it reminds me of indifference and random chaos. Or a moose. Shit, I should have written in moose

So yeah, it’s hardly a double blind study that’d stand up to any real criticism, but it was fun and I think the essence of it is fun!! Scroll through and have a read. Imma pull a few more of my fave write-ins and put them down the bottom cos it’s great. Esp the ones that only got one vote, the reasonings were stellar on some of those

Here is the first vote results, where everyone could only vote for one animal each

Owl 63 Ram/Sheep 40 Magpie 28 Lion 26 Moth 21 Goat 17 Swan 4 Eagle 4 Dove 4 Cat 4 Tortoise 3 Snake 3 Scallop 2 Rat 2 Rabbit 2 Mongoose 2 Badger 2 Shima Enaga 1 Shark 1 Porcupine 1 Orangutan 1 Mouse 1 Long Furby 1 Hippopotomaus 1 Goose 1 Duck 1 Dragon 1 Cow 1 Cereberus 1 Boar 1 Bee 1 Bat 1 Alpaca 1

Second Vote results, where everyone could vote for as many as they wanted

Owl1 82 Ram/Sheep 136 Moth 108.5 Magpie 98 Goat 96 Lion 72 Tortoise 61 Snake 37 Eagle 33 Cat 9.5 Swan 7.5 Lizard 4 Rabbit 4 Badger 3 Mongoose 2 Dove 2 Mouse 2 Squirrel 2 Bear 2 Raccoon 2 Capybara 2 Dragon 2 Bat 1 Long Furby 1 Rat 1 Boar 1 Goose 1 Peacock 1 Pangolin 1 Lindworm 1 Moose 1 Chinchilla 1 Duolingo Owl 1 Cackatoo 1 Crow 1 Cow 1 Alpaca 1  Dodo 1 Shark 1 Big Dog 1 Snow Leopard 1 Scallop 0.5

All voting was optional. To help explain how scallop lost 1.5 votes from first to second, I believe the people who voted for it in the first question just skipped the second cos they’d said their bit.

In terms of how many people engaged with the questions, Q1 had 245 answers and one skip. Q2 had 241 answers and 5 skips, and Q3 where I just let people talk at me if they wanted to had 84 answers and 162 skips.

So please enjoy my selection of free form answers. They all made me smile but putting all 84 in seems excessive to me, so I’ve chosen the ones that are either full blown mini essays or that make me laugh. It’s still a lot, this project brought me so much joy

-

Shima enaga - It's the hair man

Cow (aka golden calf)

Scallop. He is a snack.

Swan. Elegant but very capable of fscking you up. Mates for life.

basically anything that is both gentle in nature and fiercely loyal, territorial and protective (but prone to anxiety). Also hedonistic esp. with food. For all of these reasons, I think a dog would be the best choice.

Dragon with his hoard of books

it’s about the teeth. just too sharp and too many to be human. (comment from op here, this person voted for shark, just for context)

Turkish Angora cat. Magnificently fluffy, incredibly intelligent, love heights and will jump off crazy high things and land on your head, gloriously dignified until they see a string and run into a wall, love one or maybe two persons to distraction and want everyone else to fuck off, will drape themselves over their person’s shoulders and go to sleep, range from “will jump in the sea to hunt fish and has a murder pit full of seagulls they’ve massacred” to “will fall over at the sight of a baby bird”, very particular about food and will yell at you if you get it wrong. Also the breed that some asshole took three cats from and bred parent to child to make Persians. The cautionary tale has been acknowledged and we love our crazy smart, single braincelled children.

I usually imagine him as an owl because they are nocturnal (and we know that Aziraphale can easily stay awake the whole night reading). Also the image of an owl puffed up is kind of ridiculous and reminds me of him, of how an annoyed Aziraphale would look. However the options above have made me think that a lion would suit him very well, too. A lion or just a very BIG cat. I mean, he makes pleading eyes to get what he wants, likes to be confortable, is a bit of a bastard and often puts himself in awkward situations from which he needs to be rescued. He just... acts very cat-like in my opinion. Also owls and cats are both predators, but are usually imagined (or, at least cats are) as cute little creatures, just like Aziraphale is an Angel of the Lord (a Warrior, actually) but looks all soft and cute and huggable. I dunno. Maybe I just want to pet an Aziracat.

I love all the other people's thoughts about demon!Aziraphale, but what about the honey badger? I try to explain why I have it in mind for demon!azi: its name (I think it's funny, expecially in English because 'honey' can make you imagine it's something sweet (it is for me), while the 'bad' in badger can be an alarm bell (like 'be careful! It is not like it seems!')); its face (ok, who can say its face isn't cute? I think, and hope, nobody can, and like the name, it is a misunderstanding: as always, be careful, it's not like it seems!, I think demons can say something about demon!azi as like "you don't seem like a 'good' demon, you can't be, your face (animal and human) is too f-ing disgusting sweet to be a demon!", I think maybe even angel!crowley, at the beginning, can think something like this ("how in the world somebody so cute like you can be a demon?"), then he discovered how demon!azi can be a very talented demon sometimes, but in Crowley's mind azi is still his little cutie angry furry); its furry's colour (black=demon, white/grey/silver/idkitsname= color of demon!azi's wings, because even if he fell, I can't say no to his white wings 😭); it is a snake's predator (and in my mind angel!crowley is still a snake); its solitary life (demon!aziraphale is alone and he doesn't mind it, unless it's angel!crowley we're talking about, then our cute demon minds it); its behaviour (demon!azi, even if he's cute, can be a really very talented demon: honey badger is fearless and dangerous, it can fight bigger animals if there aren't other chances and it can't escape); its skin is very tough (except for a soft/safe spot, behind its neck if I remember well, that only angel!Crowley knows and sometimes he uses it to calm demon!azi down or make azi do some good deeds); its diet (it has a sweet-thooth, for honey in primis, but it can eat everything it wants... Doesn't it resemble demon!azi?); it's smart (search for Stoffle on your browser if you don't know)... Ok,I think I finish, sorry for the novel 😅

I tend to think of animals that meet three criteria: (1) they exemplify “faults” in his character exaggerated to “sins”—gluttony, greed/hoarding, sloth, (2) they are species that favor fawning or flight as a defense mechanism but can also be bold on occasion, and (3) blend very well or have a keen affinity with human society, specifically thriving in urban (i.e., city) environments. This is mostly because I can’t see “Aziraphale” in a reverse AU that doesn’t preserve some of his core traits as an angel (a little hedonistic, hoarding, anxious, etc.). So I like city-dwelling bastard animals with bonus points for relation to scripture, like a rock dove or a fox or an owl.

Owls aren't  smart, and the pedant in me says not an owl. But, thinking on it, demon aspect, owls are perceived as smart, but designed as deadly silent predators, patient and solitary. So actually demon Aziraphale could take on more owlish aspects. I just like cockatoo better, since they are smart, and showy. Or a crow, although that does amusing things with Crowleys name.

god imagining him as a chimera is !!! (comment from op, there was this odd flurry of mythical animals being voted for one night. i think the survey hit a corner of fandom that leans that way. there was also dragon, another chimera, a griffon, and a lindworm all at the same rough time)

Magpies are great because they’re cute and fluff themselves up (go look at Sophie the magpie) and like hoarding their favorite things but also I’ve watched one just straight up kill another bird before because corvids are sneaky little bastards with no lack of a mean streak if they’re crossed

It’s the duolingo owl, I’m so sorry op but it just is. I genuinely don’t mean to clown on your post, but this take was delivered to me in a sleep induced haze and I believe it’s the god given truth. Demon Aziraphale WOULD try to make you learn a dead language and he’d go about it in a vaguely threatening way (comment from op, you’re so fucking right dude. also, shit like this is made for clowning, i’m with you 100%)

When choosing a demon aspect for a Aziraphale, I usually tried to keep in mind the artistic tradition of which animals are linked with demons. The Good Omens team seems to have drawn inspiration from that source because all the animals we do see are either reptilian or insectoid. Those species were often shown inhabiting hellish landscapes in Renaissance and Baroque paintings. However, Aziraphale never struck me as cold or slimy or hard like an exoskeleton. So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Ok so the only reason I pick magpie is because those bastards are smart as hell but also know how and when to inconvenience the shit out of you, and if you gain their trust then they're absolute darlings but if they decide "nah, dont like ya" then you're basically done and you'll wake up every morning with shit on your car window. I also chose sheep/ram cuz I mean... idk it suits him. I don't remember my other choice but I'm sure I had a good reason.

I feel like a barn owl would suit him well but I'm not really sure why, I also think that a moth would suit him really well because of the whole "moth to a flame" thing and as a demon he would have gotten burned because of that attitude.

I write a reverse AU fic called Lambs to the Slaughter where Aziraphale's demonic aspect is an albino sheep! I imagine him as a mix between a wild Argali ram and the first woolly domestics. I chose an Argali because they're the largest species of wild sheep, but I wanted him to have traits of a domestic breed because he obtains his animal aspect from a sheep in Abel's flock which would be several generations down from the original wild species in Eden. I really think a sheep suits Aziraphale! They're an incredibly common animal and have been since they were first domesticated. Likewise, since the start of human history, Aziraphale has been living side-by-side with humans, providing for them, and protecting them. Due to how common they are, sheep are often unnoticed, which Aziraphale leans into. Crowley wants to stand out. He has a dedicated aesthetic and an obsession with human invention, where Aziraphale leans more towards simpler, known things and creature comforts. He fades into the background, and that suits him fine. He doesn't have to be outstanding to Heaven or to humans or even to Crowley -- it's enough to do his part, to trust in a bigger plan. People associate sheep (especially lambs) with innocence or ignorance which foils nicely to Crowley as the serpent tempting with knowledge, as well as with Aziraphale's own sharp mind and ongoing embers of faith in a system that is failing him, Crowley, and all of humanity. Sheep are, like Aziraphale, soft, cute, and hiding a hard-headed stubbornness and a surprising strength that makes them absolutely fearsome. Aziraphale is very much the sort to put his head down and push relentlessly forward regardless of the pressure and strain. Rams in particular have thick skulls to withstand the brutal force of headbutting one another in displays of dominance. While Aziraphale is clever, he's not above rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done, as messy and unpleasant as it might be (see: pulling a gun on the Antichrist). Also sheep are associated with Pan, a god associated with food, music, theatre, and the criticism thereof, which hit many of Aziraphale's personal interests and hobbies! I like the idea that in a reverse AU, the demon formerly named Aziraphale might be the original basis for Pan!

I wrote in Orangutan for the first question because if I remember correctly they are some of the most violent apes. Although I'd accept bonobo for him too. They fuck alll the time.

mothman aziraphale,,,,, thats it

Snowy owl, speremint's tortoise, and I just adore the goat.

moth - dusty and eats books

Long Furby the way Loni-Capri draws it.

I keep thinking about that Black Philip quote "doest thou wish to live deliciously" because... it fits so much with the general epicurean/hedonism vibe the Fandom has for him ... but in a demonic way and also I think a lot abt that art piece (already referenced many times probably but what the hell) of him climbing his own bookshelves, it's just so good!!

Albino Lion/white lion (matches his hair).  I feel like maybe I should explain why I think Lion would fit him best, lol. Lions actually are rather sedate, inactive for 20 hours of the day (see: Aziraphale reading and unmoving- yes I pulled wiki for this to make sure I didn't spout anything terribly wrong, shhh)  but also there's nomad lions. Lions that range widely and move around sporadically either alone or in pairs (*looks at Crowley after apoconope*) (pairs are more frequent among males who have been excluded from their birth pride)  but also I think of lions as protectors, defenders, and what is Aziraphale if not that? If not an angel who fiercely protects humans, crowley, earth? (When he finally overcomes heaven and it's abuse) lions don't hunt unless they're hungry, don't attack unless they're defending. They've been known to sit directly next to jeeps full of people and just watch them, not attacking or being aggresive.

I saw art once (I have no idea who the artist is) of Demon!Aziraphale climbing his bookcases like a goat and absentmindedly chewing on his sweater while he reads. I felt like the goat aspect suited him perfectly.

Honestly I wrote Az with a rat aspect because, well, it fits who I see demon Az as. He's not super powerful but he is very consequential, like rats carrying plague fleas (this also describes how I see Az tempting). He tries to blend into a crowd, which is arguably one way rats survive, and can get himself into places/situations that should be impossible or super difficult. Like snakes, rats have been unfairly maligned by our culture for a long time, even though they are very social with their colonies, smart, affectionate, and generally good beans. Finally, male pet rats are known far and wide as the lazier of the sexes while the girls are super curious and adventurous.

Somehow his tartan pattern becomes either his colour scheme or his coat/feather pattern.

Eurasian eagle owl. A big, unapologetic grump of an owl that is soft as soft can be underneath. Possessor of the glare to end all glares to be used in such dire situations as being interrupted when reading or being told one has "had enough cake".

[georgieharrisons]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

Tagged By: @astarkey thank you for always thinking of me!

Name: liz

Star Sign: cancer/leo cusp

Height: 5'4

Time: 11:06 PM

Birthday: july 22

Favorite Bands/Favorite Solo Artists: fall out boy, the mountain goats, taylor swift, my chemical romance, alex porat, waterparks, imagine dragons, the monkees, kenny loggins, Mika, mitski, wrinkle neck mules, the decemberists, lindsay lohan, frank iero, elton john, mike curb congregation, adam lambert, halsey, marina and the diamonds, Seanan mcguire, john lloyd young, lupe fiasco, etc...

Last Movie: promising young woman

Last Show: pen15

When did I create this blog: may 2014 i think

What I post: chaos

Last thing I googled: “a7la meaning” 

Other Blogs: nada

Do I Get Asks?: not often but when i do it makes me happy!

Why I chose my url: i needed to change my url because someone i did not want to find my blog did and i had this one saved and adore george harrison so here we are

Following: 435

Followers: 1k somehow

Average hours of sleep: 8ish

Instruments: piano but it’s been a minute

What am I wearing: red ocoee river white water rafting shirt

Dream job(s): these days-nothing really. i guess something with decent work/life balance where i still earn enough to be comfortable

Favourite Food: pasta carbonara

Nationality: American

Favorite Song(s): Currently, my favorite songs are:

wilson (expensive mistakes) // fall out boy

no children // the mountain goats

all too well // taylor swift (both versions)

the sharpest lives // my chemical romance

you are the reason // alex porat

famous last words // my chemical romance

blood // my chemical romance

royal // waterparks

thunder // imagine dragons

Currently playing on repeat: the interrupters. i’m seeing them in concert soon and i wanna get more familiar with their catalog

Last book I read: the hill we climb by amanda gorman. currently reading game of thrones by george rr martin (so much better than the show, i hope he finishes them)

Top 3 fictional universes I'd like to live in: our flag means death (let me help ed, stede, and izzy realize they belong in a throuple and then they adopt me and become my pirate dads to say thank you), what we do in the shadows (movie or tv show but i’d wanna be a vampire. yes i do just want to live in the mind of taika waitit thank you for noticing), or the west wing (this above all others by miles. i want our politics to actually be like that. and i want leo mcgarry to be alive and also my dad. happy fucking father’s day)

Tagging (but only if you want, i know this isn’t 20 but i have social anxiety): @poolsidescientist, @marthaskane, @alexturner-ismysenpai, @rpatbatbirbs, @souloben

[valkyriexpandora]

So I figured I would introduce peeps to my KNY or Demon slayer oc! 

Name: Odoru Rengoku(surname),Kamado(maiden name)

RACE:Human GENDER: Female AGE: 20 HEIGHT: 6'10''(5'0'' Originally) WEIGHT: 226 pounds (113 pounds originally)

Breath: Breath of Okami,Water breathing (former)

Affiliation: Demon Slayer Corps

Occupation: Demon Slayer,Housewife,mother,dancer

Rank: Hashira

Status:Married(widowed)

Parents: Hayami Nishimura (mother), Homura Kamado(father)

Children: Kosuke Rengoku  (son,2 years old), Mayumi Rengoku  (daughter,6 months),Kokoro Tomioka(future daughter), and Sabito Tomioka (future son)

Crush:Kyojuro Rengoku,Giyuu Tomioka(future)

Personality: She is a very motherly and quite patient to those she is around. But then again like all people she can get angry and will put people in their place when need be.She is very strong minded and stubborn as a bull,making it a challenge for others to change her mind. Odoru is always willing to help others and will do anything for her team. She is a very loyal individual and always stays true to the demon slaying code.

Short Bio:  Odoru lived up in the mountains and had a pretty sheltered life. Her father was a hashira and her mother was a dancer. When she was 6 when her mother was killed by a demon. When she got older she met her friends Giyuu and Sabito. She trained with them and Urokodaki. She told her master she wanted to hunt demons and smell the fear like they smell when they hunt humans. After becoming a slayer she married Rengoku as a part of an arranged marriage. She later then meets her cousins Tanjiro and Nezuko and looks after them at times. Breathing forms:

1st form: Alpha's howl

2nd form: Thrill of the hunt

3rd form: Dance of the wolf

4th form: Pack storm

5th form: Wolf's prey

6th form: Neck Breaking bite

7th form: Fear bringer

8th form: Rabid frenzy

9th form: Lone wolf’s cry

10th (is a combo): Kiss of the fire wolf

Trivia:

She has a pet wolf who she calls brother from one of the later litters of her surrogate "mother" (the wolf who took her in)

Lots of people were a bit perturbed by her height, making fables that she is half giant

She likes to be outside a lot and makes little camps

She is self taught in fighting

She is very skilled with cooking and preparing foods

Her method of taking out a demon is chasing them,tire them out and strike them little by little before doing the final blow that kills them

Odoru's specialty is hand fishing

She sometimes eats her food raw which may weird her friends out sometimes

her favorite food is Salmon eggs and butter cookies with goat milk

she will bite people in desperate measures (she has bitten her father in law before when he was super drunk)

She has unusually sharp teeth

She is has her bright red hair, blue eyes, and height because she consumed a red lotus to counteract a poison she took

Okami is a last name she usually prefers going by

She was originally 5’0’’

She had a big crush on giyuu and he liked her back

She only trusts a handful of people mainly her family and friends

She is Tanjiro and Nezuko’s first cousin

She was arranged to be married to Kyojuro when they were teens(about 16,didn’t have their kids till around 18)

Her name means “to dance”

She can cover long distances pretty quickly

Her body is used to thin air since she lives up on a snowy mountain

Odoru’s original breathing style is Water breathing

[theblogchelor]

The Bachelor Week One aka Good Vibrations

Here’s What Happened Monday

In a Pennsylvanian palace 2,000 miles from the La Quinta, thirty women in sequined monochrome (if anything at all) vie for the affections of a Bachelor newcomer who is wholly unprepared to be accosted by dildos so soon into his journey. 

Matt James 101

Last season, the producers took one hard look at the footage of Clare screaming at suitors for not knowing who she was after three failed runs on The Bachelor, Bachelor In Paradise, and Bachelor Winter Games, and decided it was time to bring in some fresh meat for the new season.

Hence, Matt James: spared from Clare’s clutches on The Bachelorette and kept pure to test the theory that ignorance is bliss.

Here is what we know: Matt James is a 28-year-old real estate broker who enjoys taking children out to eat. He lives in New York City and on Bachelorette alum Tyler Cameron’s Instagram.

Matt James has twenty-six abs on his torso and gets a cute little furrowed brow when he talks to Uncle Chris Harrison about the crushing responsibility to do role of first Black Bachelor justice.

We will love him, and we will hate anyone who comes near him. These are the rules.

Nemacolin 101

A quick editors note on locale. Nemacolin Woodlands Resort, where this season was filmed, is tucked away in a beautiful part of the Appalachian Mountains, deep in rural Yinzer country just southeast of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

My family once tagged along to my dad’s American Epilepsy Society conference when it was hosted at Nemacolin in the late 1990s. I was a wee lass, but I do remember riding a horse for the first and last time in my life while my dad was off giving a presentation on seizures.

It is important to me that you know that.

Let’s Meet The Ladies: A Bulleted Summary

Alicia is a ballerina who insists on doing on-camera ballet at every available opportunity. Ballet Girl will be this season’s Guy With Guitar.

Jessenia is a social media marketer looking for her rock, possibly The Rock.

Sarah is a very young weatherman.

Carolyn is a journalist who mistakes lavender for sage and tries to burn it near Matt for whatever reason one burns sage.

Saneh is an IT consultant who arrives wearing goat slippers, a staple of the IT consulting wardrobe.

Kaylah is a healthcare advocate who arrives in a pick-up truck almost certainly borrowed for $20 from someone three miles outsides the resort in Trump Country, PA.

Alana brings cold pasta that she forces Matt to slurp with her, Lady And The Tramp style, without ever disclosing if she has oral herpes.

The Ladies, Continued

Kaili is a hostess from Chicago who arrives in lingerie with two dress options, neither of which opts to put on even after forcing Matt to choose.

Abigail is deaf, but ready for love.

MJ the hairstylist brings a pizza, Kimberley the airline recruiter brings a fish.

Katie the bank marketer introduces her new boyfriend, Matt James, to her current boyfriend, her vibrator. She later names it MJ, after MJ with pizza.

Kit is a 21-year-old fashion entrepreneur who has the face of a Downton Abbey villain.

Queen Victoria arrives on a throne carried by four resort bellhops, who hopefully got a fat bonus for that embarrassment.

Pure Depravity

Everything about the holding room of lingerie and dildos begs for the presence of some Jesus, so Matt kicks off his first interaction with the women with a group prayer.

Later, Matt gets to know the girls a little better – at least, the gentle ones, the ones who praise his vulnerability and challenge him to a nice game of chess – until Katie taps Mari on the shoulder with her dildo and sparks a small feud because Mari did not want to be touched by Katie’s dildo.

Meanwhile, Queen Victoria – the 27-year-old woman who never outgrew the phase of demanding birthday parties at Limited Too – incites new discord amongst the women by taking extra turns with Matt while many of the other women are still drinking up the courage to speak to him once.

The only person who could not be bothered is sweet deaf Abigail, who is too busy making out with Matt in the other room and earning herself the First Impression Rose to notice the drama.

The Rose Ceremony

At the Rose Ceremony, roses are only given to women whose names Matt can remember. Unfortunately, this means the more memorable Victoria gets to stay and a number of girls probably not actually named Sparkle Tits have to go home.

Until next week!

[tidalcreek]

tagged by @tendergazing thank u sm sve!! 💓

1. name / nickname: ty 2. gender: im just some guy 3. star sign: sag sun gemini moon virgo rising. idk what that means i think it sucks 4. height: i thought i was 5′6 for years but i went to the doctor recently and in reality i am. oh god i cant even say it  🤢 5′7 5. time: 4:40pm 6. birthday: november 30 7. favorite bands/groups: the mountain goats, kuinka, typhoon, the decemberists, the velvet underground, bleachers, one direction, 5sos <3 8. favorite solo artist: samia, bruce springsteen, fiona apple, phoebe bridgers, mika, elton john, florence + the machine, julien baker, t*ylor swift 9. song stuck in my head: no children :-) 10. last movie: mikey and nicky! 11. last show: rewatching succession w cait and i am STILL watching hannibal 12. when did i create this blog: i think i remade in early 2018? 13. what do i post: literally i am just a run of the mill white college age gay person on tumblr..lots of art and quotes and i have different tags for writing insp as well 14. last thing googled: the adhd center i got diagnosed at...trying 2 manifest therapy and maybe also medication in 2021 15. other blogs: no sideblogs we url hoard like men 16. do i get asks: almost never except when cait reminds me im stupid <33 17. why did i choose this url: my lover man by bruce springsteen. literally taylor swift wishes she wrote this song and buried it on a 70 track outtakes album 18. following: 423 19. followers: like 350 20. average hours of sleep: 7 probably! i am trying to sleep more 21. lucky number: mmm 9 is my favorite idk about lucky 22. instruments: violin! and i play bass guitar by ear with terrible technique <3 23. what am i wearing: oh you know sweatpants hoodie warm socks 24. dream job: i have a crisis about this every day thank you! i want to make movies and also do social science and also never ever engage with capitalism 25. dream trip: italy (hi sve) to see my relatives, cait ty road trip!! 26. favorite food: any thai food esp pad thai and pad kee mao from my local place 27. nationality: dont make me say it....i do not want to live in the usa 28. favorite song: i fundamentally disagree with this question! but Currently on the level by leonard cohen or the origin of love riverdale cast version :) 29. last book read: last one i finished was the great gatsby again! 30. three fictional universes you’d like to live in: middle earth is thee original emotional support escapism universe; any ghibli movie but mentally i am always on the train from spirited away; and i know prince edward island is not fictional but pei as described in anne of green gables. the only place on earth

tagging @mysterysciencewhatever @cottagelores IF you want to!! 

[northernxstories]

Trading in Dignity

It was shocking how quickly it all came to an end. It started in the 2020s and within a decade, after the third global pandemic, they were faced with the worst yet. All the science deniers, those who refused to distance, wear masks and all of that ... well, most of them caught it. Some of them caught it without showing a single symptom. That didn’t matter because approximately eight months after you were infected, after you thought you were all well again, your lungs started to bleed. Nothing could make it stop. You drowned in your own bed, at night, sometimes in mere minutes. Most of the time, you just went to sleep and never woke again. It was grim.

The survivors were rare and the disease progressed so quickly, institutions fell almost overnight. Whole cities became ghost towns. Survivor teams started sweeping, looking for children, infants, pets trapped in houses and then supplies. Survivors came first. There were a lot of supplies. Not that many people.

She was rare and she knew it. Immune. How? No idea. Luck? Genetics? It didn’t matter at the end of the day. The world grieved and cities were abandoned for smaller communities. It wasn’t like in the horror movies or post-apocalypse fiction. No one ate people, bought and sold people, or any of that ridiculousness. For the most part people tried to help one another. Older people banded together to raise the children who survived. With the population reduced in the span of a decade to less than a third, it became very clear that every single human was a necessary addition. Funny how prejudice and differences in sexuality mattered a whole lot less when the end of the human race was at stake. All that shit became real irrelevant real fast.

In a spate of particularly weird coincidence, some communities lost more of a certain type of people. The east coast of North America for example had nearly no men left. It was startling, You could travel for days, scout many towns and communities and find less than a dozen males. West of the Rocky mountains however, the opposite was true. The average was 1 self-identified female to 20 self-identified males (like people were checking - get real). Some communities the ratio was more like 100 to 1. In the mid-west, prairie region, well there was almost no people left there at all. No one knew why they were so hard hit but the coasts survived. Perhaps it was just population distribution. Scientists would be studying it long after she was dead.

So, in a world where you lived with almost 100 men in your community and the number of single women could be counted on one hand, and you wouldn’t need every finger? Yeah. This was fantastic. 

Again, it wasn’t like the books though. She wasn’t chained, or bound or really mistreated in any way. Nope. None of that.

She was a strong survivor. She had a thriving garden and a number of animals of her own. Her house was cute as hell and in really good shape. Her grandmother had taught her to sew and the rest she learned from books. The little town was powered by a local dam that kept the predatory animals such as the dog packs, at bay with electrified fencing in key areas, including around her goats whom the wolves thought looked super yum yum.

But even she needed supplies. I mean, was she going with a raiding party into a city to get tampons and advil? Ummm ... no obviously. That was terrible. That’s how people died! Those places were not safe. It took rigging and expertise she did not have to be on a scavenger team. Plus do you think they would be cool having one of the few women in town go out with them? You’re dreaming if you think that’s gonna happen buddy and no one went without a team. That was a fucking death wish.

So, she had to shop. She had to trade. Fact of life. They didn’t want her tasty preserves or baking. Nope. That they could do for themselves. She traded the one thing that few had around her - her pussy. Fucked up right? 

Prostitution was the oldest game in the book for a reason it turned out. So she went into the store and put in her order for supplies that she needed. Flour, tampons, books for example. There was a tally and a calculation conducted. She was a modest girl. It rarely went above two visits. Then there was a jar. Yup. A fucking jar, with names on it. Men who had paid into the credit system. 

“One” The merchant stated bluntly marking it in his book. 

“One?” She repeated, a little surprised by how light the requirement was. Her list had been pretty long.  

“Yeah, Bernice fell pregnant, she’s off the list until after and maybe permanently since the Bennett brothers are putting serious court to her. All remaining traders just had their value go up.” 

That’s what they called them - traders. Like she was wheeling a cart through town with little jars or something instead of letting men cum in a minimum of two holes per trade. It was awesome. By the way, that was sarcasm in case you can’t tell.

“Nice.” She replied with a nod, “I hope the baby is healthy.” That was the customary statement these days when anyone fell pregnant. You see, the virus didn’t exactly go away and infant mortality was high as fuck. It was depressing as hell. She didn’t know a single woman who didn’t half dread getting knocked up, even if they really wanted to be a mother. It was a huge risk and all too likely to end in just more painful loss. Yay for survival.

“We all do.” the merchant stated sincerely as he pushed the jar toward her. Sliding her hand in, she let slips of paper, card stock that was refreshed so often you couldn’t get a feel for any one particular person, just dance through her fingertips. You just had to stick your hand in and pray to whatever god you might actually believe in that you didn’t get one of the gross old coots who thought bathing was fucking optional. Last time she had one of those she had about forty baths and still felt disgusting.

She pulled out the card and took a deep breath before flipping it over. Both her and the merchant looked surprised. “Well good luck there. Didn’t even know he paid in.” The merchant marked his book and then nodded. “I’ll get your order in as soon as ... you have about four days before you’ll have had to pay up.” 

That was another thing, the man had to confirm you had ‘paid’. However, if that man lied, he was off the books permanently. Not only that but the other men in town usually paid you a visit and beat the holy hell out of you. It was an honour system true but most followed the rules, out of honour or out of necessity, it didn’t matter at the end of the day. Men who might only get one fuck a year with a ‘willing’ woman weren’t about to lose the privilege because you decided to get fucking cute about it.

“Thanks ... Have a good day now.” She replied with a sincere smile. The merchant was a good man after all. He never put his name in and if he found out one of the men was cruel or unkind even, he’d return their credits and tell them to start getting real used to the sweet feel of their left hand because that was about all they were getting from now on. 

She walked through town, that name flipping through her mind. It was just so unexpected. 

Well no time like the present she supposed. She had had a bath last night, given the old cunt a tidy and all that. She had a debt to pay and she just knew she wouldn’t sleep right until it was paid off good and proper. Yes, it was a little fucked up but that was the system and she had lived with it for a while now. Strangely you kinda got used to it. Most men were pretty appreciative about it. 

Walking down the main street, she noted the weird combination of old and new that had blended together in this world. Cars jerry-rigged with solar panels to charge the batteries travelled on the same road as horse-drawn carriages. Kids wore sneakers cause there were still plenty of those left in old stores but paired them with clearly homemade clothes and then spiked them with leather jackets kitted out with studs and chunks of cell phones used as artistic decoration.

She walked until she hit the slight outskirts of the main town area. She could see him now, his arm lifting as he pounded the steel into shape with a large hammer. Farriers, blacksmiths, knife-makers, welders and so on made a nice living in this new world. You could always tell who they were because they smelled like fire and had arms the size of her entire body it seemed. She licked her lips and straightened her back. For the first time in well over a year, she had to admit that she might just be looking forward to this one.

“Hey ...” She greeted. He put down the hammer and shifted up his eye protection, squinting at her in the bright light of day. “Hey.” He replied back, his voice a little gruff. “You looking for something?” He asked.

“Ummm ... pulled your name.” Turns out all the cool things she was saying in her head since pulling his name had just fallen right on out of her brain. Well I wasn’t cool before, she thought bleakly with a tinge of amusement, Guess I’m not now either. Maybe the next apocalypse.

He stopped, frowning lightly as if he wasn’t sure what she was talking about and then his expression cleared and his eyes grew wide. “Oh.” he said. It was actually more of a sound. He cleared his throat. “I ... I  ... yeah. Now?” he queried.

When she nodded, “If you have the time. Otherwise ... I can come back.” I can come back. What the hell, was she Uber Eats? What the fuck is wrong with her?

He shook his head, “Now is good.” He tipped his head toward the interior. “Let me shut this down a bit and then I’ll wash up and be in.” 

He seemed nervous. Why did she like that so much? Maybe she was bored of the older guys who just had you bend over or would just unzip when they saw you coming. No effort man. No fucking effort. Literally. Wham bam, you’ve paid for your groceries Ma’am.

Mr. Muscles here better put in some damn effort at least.

[thehierophage]

April 1, 2021 æ.v. 

Dies Jovii, 

☉︎ 12° ♈︎ : ☽︎ 10° ♐︎ : ♃︎ : Ⅴⅴⅰⅰ 

  Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

  The Day of Yod, the Day of the Hermit 

  Hebrew Letter: Yod 

  Numerical Value as Letter: 10 

Numerical Value as Word: 20/14 (Yod+Vav+Daleth or Yod+Daleth) 

Meaning: Hand (open, palm, side & fingers) 

  Thoth Card: The Hermit (Atu IX) 

Alternate Title: The Prophet of the Eternal, The Magus of the Voice of Power. Image:

Correspondences: 

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 20 - Tiphareth to Chesed (from Sephira 6-4) 

Astrological Sign: Virgo 

Element: Earth 

Egyptian Godforms: Isis [as Virgin], Heru-pa-Kraath 

Geomantic Figure: Conjunctio 

Gemstones: Peridot 

Perfumes: Narcissus 

Plants: Snowdrop, Lily, Narcissus, Mistletoe 

Animals: Rhinoceros 

Colors: 

King Scale – Green, yellowish 

Queen Scale – Slate grey 

Prince Scale – Green grey 

Princess Scale – Plum colour

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Wander alone; bearing the Light and thy Staff! And be the Light so bright that no man seeth thee! Be not moved by aught without or within: keep Silence in all ways!

Mnemonic:

Most secret seed of all Life's serpent plan, Virgin, the Hermit goes, dumb Guardian.

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli, Cap. 5

Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum Sub Figura VII

Being the Voluntary Emancipation of a certain Exempt Adept from his Adeptship. These are the Birth-Words of a Master of the Temple. A.˙.A.˙. Publication in Class A. Imprimatur: N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

V

1. O my beautiful God! I swim in Thy heart like a trout in the mountain torrent. 

2. I leap from pool to pool in my joy; I am goodly with brown and gold and silver. 

3. Why, I am lovelier than the russet autumn woods at the first snowfall. 

4. And the crystal cave of my thought is lovelier than I. 

5. Only one fish-hook can draw me out; it is a woman kneeling by the bank of the stream. It is she that pours the bright dew over herself, and into the sand so that the river gushes forth. 

6. There is a bird on yonder myrtle; only the song of that bird can draw me out of the pool of Thy heart, O my God! 

7. Who is this Neapolitan boy that laughs in his happiness? His lover is the mighty crater of the Mountain of Fire. I saw his charred limbs borne down the slopes in a stealthy tongue of liquid stone. 

8. And Oh! the chirp of the cicada! 

9. I remember the days when I was cacique in Mexico. 

10. O my God, wast Thou then as now my beautiful lover? 

11. Was my boyhood then as now Thy toy, Thy joy? 

12. Verily, I remember those iron days. 

13. I remember how we drenched the bitter lakes with our torrent of gold; how we sank the treasurable image in the crater of Citlaltepetl. 

14. How the good flame lifted us even unto the lowlands, setting us down in the impenetrable forest. 

15. Yea, Thou wast a strange scarlet bird with a bill of gold. I was Thy mate in the forests of the lowland; and ever we heard from afar the shrill chant of mutilated priests and the insane clamour of the Sacrifice of Maidens. 

16. There was a weird winged God that told us of his wisdom. 

17. We attained to be starry grains of gold dust in the sands of a slow river. 

18. Yea, and that river was the river of space and time also. 

19. We parted thence; ever to the smaller, ever to the greater, until now, O sweet God, we are ourselves, the same. 

20. O God of mine, Thou art like a little white goat with lightning in his horns! 

21. I love Thee, I love Thee. 

22. Every breath, every word, every thought, every deed is an act of love with Thee. 

23. The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love. 

24. The songs of me are the soft sighs: 

25. The thoughts of me are very rapture: 

26. And my deeds are the myriads of Thy children, the stars and the atoms. 

27. Let there be nothing! 

28. Let all things drop into this ocean of love! 

29. Be this devotion a potent spell to exorcise the demons of the Five! 

30. Ah God, all is gone! Thou dost consummate Thy rapture. Falutli! Falutli! 

31. There is a solemnity of the silence. There is no more voice at all. 

32. So shall it be unto the end. We who were dust shall never fall away into the dust. 

33. So shall it be. 

34. Then, O my God, the breath of the Garden of Spices. All these have a savour averse. 

35. The cone is cut with an infinite ray; the curve of hyperbolic life springs into being. 

36. Farther and farther we float; yet we are still. It is the chain of systems that is falling away from us. 

37. First falls the silly world; the world of the old grey land. 

38. Falls it unthinkably far, with its sorrowful bearded face presiding over it; it fades to silence and woe. 

39. We to silence and bliss, and the face is the laughing face of Eros. 

40. Smiling we greet him with the secret signs. 

41. He leads us into the Inverted Palace. 

42. There is the Heart of Blood, a pyramid reaching its apex down beyond the Wrong of the Beginning. 

43. Bury me unto Thy Glory, O beloved, O princely lover of this harlot maiden, within the Secretest Chamber of the Palace! 

44. It is done quickly; yea, the seal is set upon the vault. 

45. There is one that shall avail to open it. 

46. Nor by memory, nor by imagination, nor by prayer, nor by fasting, nor by scourging, nor by drugs, nor by ritual, nor by meditation; only by passive love shall he avail. 

47. He shall await the sword of the Beloved and bare his throat for the stroke. 

48. Then shall his blood leap out and write me runes in the sky; yea, write me runes in the sky.

Love is the law, love under will.

[ladyfl4me]

7, 18, 23 for the song asks?

7.  A song that you love from a genre you don’t usually like

i don’t usually like pop-flavored stuff/electronic music with a lot of synth, unless it makes a really good case for itself. i do like “Coloring Outside The Lines” by MisterWives, though

18.  A song that you like that the lyrics are just so beautiful they’re practically poetry

“Old Skin,” Olafur Arnalds. I mean, look at this shit:

Where the woods would wear the wafting sounds of sea Roves an oath, in search for something more to be Still hard for me Treading lightly, tightly shedding its old skin Leaving trails of night for light to bring chagrin While air grows thin Wailing winds, alarm, in feathers it have dressed Surrounding what's left inside its chest We too shall rest Roaring lungs, as oath becomes through flight past trees Only the rhythm of love escapes the harmonies Leaving us a beat In these hands I'll hide, in these hands I'll hide While this world collides, this world collides It's not enough for me, it's not enough for me

It just rolls off the tongue. Good stuff.

23.  A song that when you listen to it you’re transported to a liminal space, time is pointless and you must sit and wallow in the void that remains

Caramelldansen. I’m only half kidding. If we’re gonna go for wallowing wallowing songs, though... 

“Intro,” C418

“Bigfoot,” Mt. Joy

“Touch-Tone Telephone,” Lemon Demon

“Agoraphobia,” Autoheart

“Honeybee,” Steam Powered Giraffe

“No Children,” The Mountain Goats

“When You Break,” Bear’s Den

send me a really really specific music ask! 4, 5, 7, 15, 18, 20, 22, 23

[helenarlett-rex]

Want to use an eldritch horror in your D&D game? Why not Shub-Niggurath?

Let’s face it. Lovecraftian horror exists in D&D. You got someone playing a warlock? One of the pacts they can make at first level is to the Great Old Ones... If you didn’t realize it, that means Lovecraft monsters... And when people think Lovecraft monsters, they tend to think Cthulhu. But why would you want to use Cthulhu? That’s kind of boring and overdone. There are a lot of other creatures you could use in your game that are way more freaky and interesting. And if you are using Lovecraftian stuff in your game, then you want freaky. That’s the whole point. So... what to use? Have you considered Shub-Niggurath?

Just as a quick reminder, Shub-Niggurath, like pretty much every other eldritch horror, does not have official stats in 5th edition D&D, which is what I am gearing this towards. So instead we are going to have to homebrew. But that’s not a problem. I’m about to collect all the info you need right here.

Shub-Niggurath, affectionately known as The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, is sometimes described as an Outer God and sometimes described as a Great Old One, depending on the source. So honestly you could use it as either. And frankly, does it really make any difference? Either way it’s going to fuck your day up...

Although actually, calling Shub-Niggurath an Outer God isn’t quite correct. She’s would actually be an Outer Goddess. You know... Considering she’s a woman and all... Couldn’t you tell?

Shub-Niggurath is a perverse fertility deity, said to appear as an "evil cloud-like entity". An enormous mass which extrudes black tentacles, slime-dripping mouths, and short, writhing goat legs. So picture this massive cloud, but instead of being made of whatever clouds are actually made of... it’s made of slimy tentacles and mouths. It’s probably the size of a mountain... and it’s walking towards you on little goat legs...

You may be thinking, okay... It WAS scary... until you got to the goat legs... Now it’s just kind of comical... But wait, there’s more! As this thing goes about her business, smaller creatures are continually spat forth out of her. These creatures are essentially just smaller versions of Shub-Niggurath herself. Known as The Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath.

And when I say smaller... I mean they are about the size of trees... perhaps between twelve and twenty feet tall.

So these nasty bastards are just constantly being spit out of her and have to scurry out of the way as soon as they hit the ground. And the ones that don’t get out of the way in time are consumed back into Shub-Niggurath’s miasmatic form. So before you laugh at this giant beast walking around on little goat legs, just remember that she is constantly giving birth and then eating her own young.

Shub-Niggurath also gets around a bit. In the world of eldritch horrors, she’s one hot piece of ass. There’s more than one nightmarish monstrosity with eyes for her so she’s got two husbands. The Not-to-be-Named One, otherwise known as Hastur, because fuck it, we’re going to name him anyways... You know Hastur, right? The King in Yellow...? He’s kind of a big deal... And Yog-Sothoth, who is also a pretty big deal. And with these two, Shub-Niggurath has had many, many children. Through mating with Hastur, because yes, they had nasty monster sex, she has birthed Ithaqua, Zhar, J'Zahar, and the "Thousand Young", otherwise known as The Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath I mentioned above... That must have been some sex if she’s still popping those little things out even now... And Yog-Sothoth is the father of the twins, Nug and Yeb. (Some speculated that Hastur may be their father instead of Yog-Sothoth, but that makes no sense when you look at the family tree. But who am I to say what does and doesn’t make sense when you are dealing with creatures that will drive you insane if you even look at them?)

But enough about Shub-Niggurath’s sex life. She’s the hot polyamorous MILF of the eldritch world. We get it... You know what else she has going for her? Cults.

Of all the eldritch deities, Shub-Niggurath is probably the most extensively worshiped. But can you blame her? Who wouldn’t want to worship that hot little number? Her worshipers include the Hyperboreans, the Muvians, T'yog of K'naa, and the people of Sarnath (although that didn’t go so well for Sarnath) as well as any number of druidic and barbaric cults. And if that’s not enough she’s also worshiped by non-human species on other planets such as the "Fungi from Yuggoth", otherwise known as the Mi-Go, and the Nug-Soth of Yaddith. So if you ever need a cult worshiping an eldritch deity in your game and you aren’t sure what eldritch deity to use, just remember, pretty much everyone worships Shub-Niggurath. You can go to other planets and still find people worshiping Shub-Niggurath...

And do you know what’s cool about worshiping Shub-Niggurath? With the proper occult paraphernalia, Shub-Niggurath can be summoned to any woodlands at the time of the new moon. Summoning other gods is a bunch of complicated bullshit that may not even work because they are fucking gods and can just decide, nah... I’m not interested in showing up for you... But Shub-Niggurath is a people pleaser. All you need are the right components, say a little chant, give a little blood offering... And just like that you’ve got an actual goddess in front of you.

Although I should note that the place from whence she comes is not known. One possibility is that she dwells at the court of Azathoth at the center of the universe. She may also live beneath the planet Yaddith, where she is served by the Dholes. Those are huge, slimy worm creatures that are at least several hundred feet long... It is also possible that she lives in another dimension altogether. So even though she’s a reliable goddess who will actually pop in when you call her, she probably has quite a long ways to travel to get to you, so I wouldn’t go summoning her needlessly. Anyone would be grumpy after making a commute like that...

The Dark Young can also be summoned. They are usually called upon to preside over cult ceremonies. One means for summoning them requires a blood offering. The ritual may only be performed in the deep of the woodlands at the darkest of the moon, and the victim must be sacrificed over a stone altar. Dark young act as proxies for Shub-Niggurath in the accepting of sacrifices, the worship of cultists, in the devouring of non-cultists, and in the spreading of their mother's faith across the world. So unless it’s something big and you just have to have Shub-Niggurath herself, I would probably recommend summoning one of these things instead.

And that’s all well and great for your cultists... but what about a Warlock PC? What’s he going to get out of taking Shub-Niggurath as his patron? Well this is where things start to get a little freakier... and a little kinkier... But what did you expect? Shub-Niggurath is a kinky girl.

For starters, let’s talk about the Milk of Shub Niggurath. That’s right... I said milk... Remember, I did say that Shub Niggurath was a fertility goddess. Her milk has properties that mutate those who drink it into a monstrous hybrid creature. And you may be thinking, hold on... Why would I want to be turned into a tentacle monster? Well there’s a plus side to it too... The tentacle thing is just a side effect. But her purple milk (yeah, it’s purple) cures the drinker of all non-magical diseases and physical damage and status effects. The drinker also gains a +4 bonus to Strength and Constitution for 1d4 weeks.

So think of it a sort of a cure all. Get all you hit points back, fix up any scrapes you may have taken, wipe out any (non-magical) diseases you may have picked up, and removes status effects while granting you a +4 to Strength and Constitution? You show me one potion that can do all of that... That’s a pretty fantastic potion. And all you have to do to get it is summon a gigantic mass of tentacles, who happens to be your goddess, and ask her to let you milk her... No big deal, right?

I mean, aside from the mental image you are trying to burn out of your mind now, it shouldn’t be that bad. This is Shub-Niggurath we’re talking about. She’d probably be into it.

And yes... there is a down side to it... Unless the drinker succeeds at a DC 20 Constitution saving throw, it transforms into an insane outer mutant at the end of that 1d4 weeks. A second dose of this milk accelerates the process, causing the drinker’s mutations to become more prominent and stranger and doubling the speed of the transformation. By the third drink, the drinker goes insane, and becomes a monster on the following round. But it’s not all bad. The milk is a curse and a poison, so anything that will cure poison or remove a curse will end its effects before the transformation is complete. Just not more of the Milk... I know I said the milk cures status effects but the DM shouldn’t allow it to cure status effects caused by the milk itself. That’s like trying to cure poison by drinking more poison.

After complete transformation, only a wish can undo the effect.

As for what an Outer Mutant looks like if the player doesn’t cure himself, there are any number of things you could come up with, but a good suggestion is to just borrow the Aboleth disease from the Aboleth‘s tentacle attack in the monster manual, minus the cure since we already established that only a wish can cure it... and maybe throw on a few tentacles or something. Or since this is The Black Goat of the Woods we are talking about, you could always modify the Aboleth disease and say instead of having to be in water, the player has to be in the forest or something like that.

Just whatever you do, make sure becoming an Outer Mutant is a big enough inconvenience for the player that they won’t want to willingly become one.

But if Shub-Niggurath’s milk isn’t disturbing enough, (and let’s face it, if you are using a Lovecraftian horror in your game, you WANT the people at the table to be disturbed) let’s talk about the Gof'nn hupadgh Shub-Niggurath.

"Gof'nn hupadgh Shub-Niggurath" is the name given to the favored, once-human worshipers of Shub-Niggurath. When the deity deems a worshiper to be most worthy, a special ceremony is held in which the Black Goat of the Woods swallows the initiate through her womb and then rebirths the cultist as a transformed satyr-like being. A changed worshiper is also endowed with immortal life.

That’s right... I just brought unbirthing to the table. Now you are making everyone uncomfortable. Except that one guy who happens to have an unbirthing fetish... But everyone else is feeling really uncomfortable. And that one guy is probably pretending to be uncomfortable so no one realizes he’s into unbirthing... (It’s cool dude. I feel ya.)

But other than making everyone at the table squirm in their seats at the thought of someone getting shoved up Shub-Niggurath’s hoo-hah and deposited inside her womb to become her child, look at the befits a warlock would gain from such a thing.

First change the character’s race to Satyr. Do not recalculate its stats, but give the character the Satyr’s Magic Resistance as well as its Ram attack and Panpipe ability. Also the character is now immortal. As a DM the way I would run this is, the character can still die if he drops to 0 hit points, but I wouldn’t allow for permadeath outside of being eaten by another eldritch horror, like Shub-Niggurath herself... or by a tarrasque... Because those things stomachs can destroy anything... But if the character does drop to 0 hit points and dies I would have him auto resurrect the following day.

And finally, the character is now one of Shub-Niggurath’s favorites so I would give the character one at-will use of Divine Intervention per week. Maybe as many as two or three uses per week at higher levels. But that would be up to each individual DM.

All in all that’s a pretty good trade off in exchange for the unpleasantness of being shoved up Shub-Niggurath’s lady parts and having to call her Mommy... and the strong chance of being killed instantly after...

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that? Remember what I said before? Shub-Niggurath eats her own young. Anything that doesn’t get away in time after being born just gets eaten back up. That’s going to include a gof'nn hupadgh Shub-Niggurath. If a character decides to become one, he’s only her favorite providing he can get away in time... So I’d make the player make a very high Dex save to get out of the way as soon as he is reborn or be eaten by Shub-Niggurath and permakilled.

Being an immortal satyr with free at-will uses of Divine Intervention would make a character kind of OP, so make the risk involved pretty high. Don’t just give it to your players. Make them complete some kind of task for Shub-Niggurath to even be considered worthy of becoming a gof'nn hupadgh Shub-Niggurath. And not a simple task either... And then once Shub-Niggurath has finally agreed to go through with it, hit them with that insane Dex save right there at the end. Maybe a DC 25 Dex save or something like that... Make sure it’s something that the character can actually roll, but has a slim chance of getting. This is one of those things where you either become very OP or die trying. There is no in between. And if it proves to be too hard and your player’s character dies... oh well... This is what happens when you deal with Great Old Ones...

But enough about what a warlock can do with Shub-Niggurath. Let’s get back to what the DM can do with her. One thing the DM should keep in mind is that Shub-Niggurath has many avatars. I mean, she doesn’t become the most worshiped Outer Goddess/Great Old One in the universe by using only one face... So the DM should remember that he can have her appear any number of ways.

We already walked about her true form, but you could also use The Black Goat. The avatar of the goat is the figurehead through which Shub-Niggurath is worshiped. The most common depiction of the Black Goat is as a male. That’s right. We’re talking about the devil here.

Who knew that Satan was just an avatar for Shub-Niggurath...?

But she doesn’t have to appear as male. She’s Shub-Niggurath. She can appear however she wants. So the Black Goat can just as easily be female too. Whatever works best for the situation because this earthly form of Shub-Niggurath is an incarnation she assumes to copulate with her worshipers.

Because, oh yeah... that’s a thing too... That little eldritch slut is totally down for banging her worshipers. Which may explain why she has so many... Who else can say, oh yeah... my god is also my lover? Well... I guess some of the worshipers of Zeus... But we aren’t talking about him.

Oh but speaking of the Greek Pantheon, that brings us to another avatar of Shub-Niggurath. Did you know she’s also in the Greek Pantheon in your player’s handbook? I’ll bet you didn’t... That’s because she’s a deceitful little bitch who has had you fooled. Turns out, another avatar of Shub-Niggurath is none other than... Pan!

Yeah, turns out all those people worshiping pan have actually been deceived into worshiping Shub-Niggurath all along. But what did you honestly expect from a woman who also happens to be Satan in one of her other forms?

But wait, you may be saying... If Pan is in the Greek Pantheon in the player’s handbook, and Pan is just an avatar of Shub-Niggurath, does that mean that we now know Shub-Niggurath’s alignment by looking at Pan’s alignment? Is Shub-Niggurath Chaotic Neutral?

I’d say yes. Shub-Niggurath is neither evil nor good. She simply is. Questions surrounding the morality of her actions can not be answered because they are not comprehendable by human minds. Just like the eldritch horrors themselves. To try to understand them is to know madness. So Chaotic Neutral is actually the perfect alignment for her. But that’s really going to be up to the DM to decide how they want to play her. Remember, I’m just collecting all the info from as many different sources as I can find and compiling it here in one place so you can homebrew her. I’ll be sharing the homebrew I use in connection with this info here at the end, but that doesn’t mean anything I say should be set in stone. Feel free to use this info to tweak your own Shub-Niggurath however you would like.

But moving on, there’s one more avatar of Shub-Niggurath I’ve been able to find. The Magna Mater, or the Great Mother, is a goddess worshiped since before Roman times. I unfortunately don’t know much about this particular avatar of Shub-Niggurath other than that she was mentioned in Lovecraft’s “Rats in the Walls” and “The Horror at Red Hook”. But that is another avatar of Shub-Niggurath.

There’s one more bit of info about our girl Shub that the DM may want to have just in case it ever comes up so let’s talk about that before I get to the fun part. The family tree. Because these eldritch horrors have a family tree almost as bad as the Greek gods.

Shub-Niggurath was born from The Unnamed Darkness, who is one of the three children of Azathoth, the very first god. So Azathoth, the big boy himself, is Shub-Niggurath’s grandfather. This also makes The Nameless Mist and the great Nyarlathotep Shub-Niggurath’s uncles. Or aunts? It’s hard to tell the gender with some of these unknowable horrors. If they even have gender at all... (The early ones all seem to just reproduce asexually.) Now, The Nameless Mist gave birth to Yog-Sothoth, making him Shub-Niggurath’s cousin, who she also married... Eldritch horrors seem to do a lot of keeping it in the family... Officially (as in not counting the speculations some people have) Yog-Sothoth and Shub-Niggurath mated and Shub-Niggurath gave birth to the twins, Nug and Yep. Yep gave birth to Tsathoggua, and Nug gave birth to the only one anyone really cares about, Cthulhu himself. So this makes Shub-Niggurath the grandmother of Cthulhu. And also Tsathoggua but no one cares about him...

Now here’s where things start to get a bit more inbred... Yog-Sothoth mated with it’s parent, The Nameless Mist, and Yog-Sothoth gave birth to Hastur, The King in Yellow. So this makes Hastur Cthulhu‘s half brother, but more importantly, Shub-Niggurath’s step-son (as well as her cousin at the same time). Shub-Niggurath then took her step-son/cousin, Hastur, as her second husband and through mating with him, gave birth to Ithaqua, Zhar, J'Zahar, and The Thousand Young. Which incidentally makes Shub-Niggurath their mother, step-grandmother, and second cousin all at the same time... (And before you start singing “I’m my own Grandpa”, that title is reserved for Cthulhu.)

But now that you know the more immediate parts of the twisted family tree, let’s get to the fun part. What if a DM wants to actually use Shub-Niggurath as an actual monster you can fight in his game?

For creating Shub-Niggurath as a combat monster I use a slightly modified version of stats created by enworld.org contributor, Mike Myler. (Who made a really great Shub-Niggurath but it just wasn’t quite what I wanted.)

Shub-Niggurath

Colossal aberration (great old one or outer god), chaotic neutral

Armor Class 27 (natural armor) Hit Points 682 (35d20+315) Speed 30 ft., fly 80 ft. (hover) 

STR​  27 (+8)​ DEX​  18 (+4)​ CON​  28 (+9)​ INT​  21 (+5)​ WIS​  23 (+6)​ CHA​  24 (+7)​ 

Skills Arcana +14, Insight +15, Nature +14, Religion +14, Stealth +13 Damage Resistances cold, necrotic; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from magical or cold iron weapons Damage Immunities acid, fire, lightning, poison; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical weapons not made from cold iron Condition Immunities charmed, diseased, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned Senses darkvision 120 ft., truesight, passive Perception 16 Languages Deep Speech; telepathy 300 ft. Challenge 30 (155,000 XP) 

Immortality. When Shub-Niggurath is slain, her form shrivels and compresses in on itself before exploding in a wave of milky fluid in a 200-foot radius. Any creature that comes into contact with the milky fluid makes a DC 25 Constitution saving throw. On a failed save, it is transformed into a random creature of an equal or lower CR, or a creature with a CR no higher than its level. A transformed creature makes a DC 24 Wisdom saving throw, keeping its intelligence and memories on a success. When all of the creatures transformed by the milky fluid have died, Shub-Niggurath is resurrected. 

Innate Spellcasting. Shub-Niggurath’s innate spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 24; spell attack +16). She can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components: 

Constant: freedom of movement, true seeing At will: hunger of hadar, dispel magic, dream, project image, sending 3/day: suggestion, feeblemind, symbol, weird​

Insanity. Any creature that attempts to interact directly with Shub-Niggurath’s thoughts (such as via detect thoughts or telepathy) must succeed at DC 24 Wisdom saving throw or gain a long-term madness. When using her telepathy to communicate Shub-Niggurath doesn't activate this feature unless she spends an action to focus her mind on one opponent.

Legendary Resistance (3/Day). If Shub-Niggurath fails a saving throw, she can choose to succeed instead.

Magic Resistance. Shub-Niggurath has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Regeneration. Shub-Niggurath regains 20 hit points at the start of her turn if she has at least 1 hit point. Shub-Niggurath dies only if she starts her turn with 0 hit points.

ACTIONS

Multiattack. Shub-Niggurath can use her Endless Spawn and Frightful Presence. She then makes seven attacks: one with her bite and six with her tentacles.

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +17 to hit, reach 20 ft., one target. Hit: 26 (4d8+8) piercing damage. If the target is a creature it is grappled (escape DC 25). Until this grapple ends, the creature is restrained, and Shub-Niggurath can't use her bite to grapple another target. 

Consume. If a creature starts its turn grappled by the Bite attack, it must make another DC 25 strength save to escape. On a failed save the creature is swallowed whole. A swallowed creature is blinded and restrained and has total cover against attacks and other effects outside of Shub-Niggurath. It takes 21 (6d6) acid damage at the start of each of Shub-Niggurath’s turns. Shub-Niggurath can have as many creatures swallowed at a time as it wants. A swallowed creature can only escape if Shub-Niggurath is killed. If a swallowed creature drops to 0 hit points while inside Shub-Niggurath’s stomach it does not make death saving throws and its body is dissolved. The soul of a digested creature does not pass on to the afterlife and remains imprisoned inside Shub-Niggurath’s stomach until it too is digested and becomes nothing. Souls inside Shub-Niggurath’s stomach take 1d20 years to digest and can not be brought back through any means of resurrection while trapped inside Shub-Niggurath. If Shub-Niggurath is killed before the soul is digested the soul is freed and instantly passes on to the afterlife.

Tentacle. Melee Weapon Attack: +17 to hit, reach 25 ft., one target. Hit: 22 (4d6+8) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a creature it is grappled (escape DC 25). Until this grapple ends, the creature is restrained, and Shub-Niggurath can't use the tentacle to grapple another target (although Shub-Niggurath has an endless number of tentacles).

Frightful Presence. Each creature of Shub-Niggurath’s choice that is within 120 feet of her and aware of her must succeed on a DC 24 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened for 1 minute. A creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. If a creature’s saving throw is successful or the effect ends for it, the creature is immune to Shub-Niggurath’s Frightful Presence for the next minute.

Endless Spawn (Recharge 4-6). Shub-Niggurath births Dark Young that she can mentally command. These Dark Young are loyal to her and defend Shub-Niggurath with their lives. Roll 2d6 to determine the amount of Dark Young she births per turn.

Dark Young (Produced Endless Spawn)

Huge aberration, chaotic neutral 

Armor Class 16 (natural armor) Hit Points 168 (16d12 + 24) Speed 40 ft., swim 30 ft. 

STR ​ 22 (+6) DEX​ 10 (+0) CON​ 18 (+4) INT​ 10 (+0) WIS​ 16 (+3) CHA​ 7 (-2)

Condition Immunities blinded Senses blindsight 60 ft., passive Perception 13 Languages Deep Speech; telepathy 100 ft. Challenge 8 (3,900 XP) 

False Appearance. While the dark young remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a mangrove tree while in the dark.

Trample. When the dark young moves at least 20 feet in a straight line, all creatures within 5 feet its path have to make a successful DC 15 Strength saving throw or fall prone. The dark young can make a stomp attack against one prone target as a bonus action.

ACTIONS 

Multiattack. The dark young makes two attacks: one with its tentacle and one with its bite. 

Tentacle. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 15 ft., one target. Hit: 15 (2d8 + 6) bludgeoning damage. The target is grappled (escape DC 17). If the target is Large or smaller, it is also restrained until this grapple ends. While grappling the target, the dark young has advantage on attack rolls against it. The dark young has four tentacles, each of which can grapple only one target. When the dark young moves, any Large or smaller target it is grappling moves with it.

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 19 (3d8 + 6) piercing damage. 

Stomp. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one prone creature. Hit: 24 (4d8 + 6) bludgeoning damage.

And there you have it. Shub-Niggurath in all her glory. Give that beautiful girl a try in your game next time you need an eldritch beasty and see how it goes. And remember, Shub-Niggurath wants you to use her in your game. There’s a reason she’s the most accessible Goddess in the eldritch pantheon. She wants to be summoned and ushered into our world. So don’t keep her waiting.

[kriscme]

One Life To Live

“One Life to Live” is the title I’ve settled on for this fic (thanks Loueze).  It’s only one chapter instead of my usual three, but it was trickier to do as it sets up what happens next - whatever that may be.  Even I don’t know.   As usual, could be subject to change later on if it suits the plot.  When it’s finished it will be put on AO3.  Thanks for reading.  Chapter 20 Marcus Muir pulls a map from his pack, unfolds it, and lays it across the rock ledge.  It’s a topographical map which shows elevation changes.  He also has another that shows landscape features.   And aerial photographs taken from a hovercraft as well. Not to mention some kind of handheld device that reminds me of a Holo.   Only this doesn’t show pods but your location anywhere in Panem.   Marcus uses it in conjunction with his maps.   “Why did you need me when you have all this stuff?” I ask.   I take a water bottle from the side pocket of my pack and take a big gulp.  The weather is still chilly, but the climb to the top of the ridge has me sweating under my clothes.   Marcus turns his extraordinary eyes to mine. They are a light brown, the colour of maple syrup, and almost the same golden brown of his hair.   Paired with even features, a lithe athletic build, he’s not too bad on the eyes.  A little like Finnick in appearance actually, if Finnick had a not-quite-as-good-looking older brother. “There’s no substitute for local knowledge,” he says as he refolds the map and tucks it back into his pack.   “Take this place.”   He sweeps his hand over the lush valley below.  It’s a magnificent view and a familiar one.  It’s where Gale and I used to meet.  “A map only tells you that there’s a high elevation point and then a sharp drop in altitude.  It takes someone who’s actually been here to know that it’s worth the climb to see it.” “Humph” I grunt in reply.  “And why should it be so important that there’s a view worth seeing?” “For a look-out,” he says, his gaze now trained on the horizon.   “This is perfect.   We’ll have to put up a barrier, of course, for safety’s sake. We don’t want people too close to the edge and falling off.” He maps out a large square with his hands.  “We could put a platform right here.  And once that thicket of bushes is removed, there’ll be nothing to impede the view.” He’s right.  The bushes are in the way.  And the loss of them won’t take anything away from the natural beauty of the place.  But they’re not just any bushes.  Gale and I would nestle into a nook in the rocks between these bushes and the ledge, and talk, and eat, and plan our hunting strategy for the day.  This is the place where we met on that last morning before the reaping to share a meal of bakery bread and a goat cheese, made by Prim.   A few meters away is the large flat rock where Cressida filmed us.  And it’s where I came to rest, that first time I could rouse myself to venture back into the woods after I was confined to 12.  I let the last of Gale go that day, that day Peeta returned.  It was a turning point, I now realize.  To be free of the ties that had bound me to him.   But it was for no purpose in the end.  Peeta no longer cared. 

“Imagine it, Katniss,” Marcus enthuses.  “People using the forest as it should be.  Out exercising and enjoying nature and learning about the natural world. That’s the way we conserve it.  Not by putting fences around it and shutting everyone out.  Or the way it is now with people doing whatever they like.”   I say nothing but he doesn’t seem to expect a response.  I think he’s used to my sullen silences by now.  He hoists his pack onto his shoulders and that’s the signal for me to do the same.   He likes to keep moving.  It’s been a challenge for me to keep up, and I don’t consider myself a slouch when it comes to traversing through the woods. Ambivalent is too mild a word for how I feel about Marcus’s purpose here.  He wants to establish national parks to conserve our natural heritage for prosperity, he says.  He got the idea from an ancient book he discovered in the basement of the Capitol library where he worked.  He had access to all the old books stored down there, many of them forbidden to the public.  They had national parks before the dark days, it seems, and they were very successful. Most of the wilderness areas we have now were once national parks.  The irony is that great care was taken to conserve these areas but the rest of the planet was left to go to pot.  The changes in climatic conditions – rising sea levels, or something – led to civil strife, and then wars and then finally the Panem we know today. It’s not that I don’t see the value in it. I know what’s happened to the woods since the fences came down and people are free to enter as they please. Before the rebellion, you would have been whipped in the town square, or even hanged, if you were caught trespassing.  Only a few of us were daring enough, or desperate enough, to risk it. But, because there were so few of us, what was taken from nature was very little and it quickly recovered.  When I escorted Marcus into the woods for the first time, I saw through his eyes just how much damage has been done.  People have lost the fear that once kept them out of the woods from either predators or the law.  And they are no longer afraid of being put to death if they are caught in possession of a weapon.  Forget bows and snares, firearms are used now and some species are less abundant as they used to be through over hunting.  Trees, some of them centuries old, are indiscriminately chopped down for building material or firewood.  And human footprints crisscross the terrain causing erosion and destruction to undergrowth. I saw rubbish left behind by picnickers, and the remains of a camp fire that was surely too big for safety.  Yet, on the other hand, I don’t want a look-out built on my old meeting place either.  Gale and I were the only ones who knew it was there, so well hidden it is, and now everyone will know about it.   It dawns on me that there was a least one good thing about the pre-war days and that was having the woods virtually all to myself. We continue our walk along the ridge. Marcus makes a few notes as he goes, stopping occasionally to peer across the valley.  I think he’s searching for more look-out sites.   Eventually we descend into a saddle with another steep climb just ahead of us.  It’s sheltered from the wind here and sunlight filters through the tall straight pines.    A fallen tree lies invitingly a few meters away.  I glance hopefully over at Marcus.  My stomach is rumbling and I want to eat.  Luckily, he seems to have the same idea because he props his pack against the log and pulls out a rumpled paper bag.   “Ready for lunch?” he asks. I don’t have to be asked twice.  I take a seat beside him on the log and get my food out too – ham sandwiches, a banana and a couple of cheese buns.  The buns are from Peeta.  For some reason, he’s started baking them for me instead of cookies, even though I can get cheese buns from the bakery.  I think, maybe, that he has a memory of baking them for me, and he’s acting it out to see where it leads.  Rather like with the snickerdoodles when he couldn’t remember the key ingredient.  Going through the motions helped him to remember.   I think now that is what was behind all the touching he used to do.  It came out of all the hugging and affectionate gestures we were forced to do in public as the star-crossed lovers.  His body remembered it even if he didn’t.  And now his body remembers baking cheese buns for me.  Cheese buns equals Katniss sort of thing.  Much as I would like to, I don’t set any store by it.  The action means little without the feelings behind it.   “I know how you feel,” says Marcus. “Hmm?” I mumble through a mouthful of sandwich. “About your woods being turned into a national park.  When you’ve had it to yourself for so long, it becomes like your home.  You certainly don’t want strangers walking through it.  And then there’s the peace and solitude. It’s just not the same when you have to share it. “ I look at him skeptically.  How could anyone from the Capitol know how I feel? All the Capitolites I knew were as divorced from nature as you could possibly get. Artifice is what they valued. Expensive cloying perfumes. Thumping synthetic music that would as soon give you a headache.  What colour wig to wear that day.     “I grew up not far from the mountains east of The Capitol,” Marcus continues.   “The Rocky Mountains they were called in the old days.  Very different from here – the mountains are much taller, more rugged. And there’s far fewer trees but in its way it’s just as beautiful.  My father and I would go hiking most weekends.  Sometimes we’d camp out overnight.  He knew someone whose job it was to the manage the border fence.  He’d turn the electricity off so we could slip under it.  In return for a monetary contribution, of course.” “Wait! Why would you have to get past an electrified fence?  I thought they only had them in the districts.” I say, in surprise. “No, we had them too.  Only it wasn’t to keep us out.   It was to stop people from neighboring districts from getting in. You know, terrorists and other malcontents. That’s what we were told anyway.  My grandmother lived in terror that she’d be murdered in her bed by marauding savages if the fence failed.  It’s a common phenomenon, I’ve noticed, that we assume that others will act exactly like ourselves, if given the opportunity.  We oppress others in the mistaken belief that if we don’t, the oppressed will just turn around and do the same to us.” “But we didn’t,” I point out.  Marcus is free to travel the country as he pleases and to promote a scheme that was forbidden under Capitol rule.  My former prep team prospers in a foreign district. They couldn’t have done that under Snow. But, underneath, a disquieting thought niggles at me.  The Victor’s meeting with Coin and the proposal to choose between another Games with Capitol children, or the extermination of all Capitol citizens.  It was all made up by Coin, wasn’t it?  I assume it had to have been, since neither of those things happened.  But still, at least one person had the idea.  It’s possible she wasn’t the only one. “No, you didn’t,” confirms Marcus, gazing straight ahead. We sit in silence for a little while.  I glance over at him as he quietly eats his lunch.  Suddenly I have an urge to reach out to him, to know him better.  I sense that, in a way, he’s like me.  A kindred spirit of sorts. “My father took me into the woods too.   Not to hike or camp.  But to show me how to hunt and forage.  I was named from the katniss plant that grows around here. Katniss roots are edible – a bit like a potato.  My father once told me, “that as long as you find yourself, you’ll never starve.”” “And it’s in the woods that you find yourself?” he asks, with an understanding smile. “Yes,” I say, after considering his question for a moment.  I’d never thought of it that way.  That my father’s words could allude to more than just my physical survival.  “For almost as long as I can remember, actually.  A friend once told me that I never smile except in the woods.”  I can’t help my lips turning upwards at the memory.  It was Gale who said it to me.  He certainly had to wait a long time for one.  It seems funny now, how intense and focused I used to be. Marcus laughs.  “I bet that’s not true.” He starts to pack away the remains of his lunch. “You do get a sense of ownership about it.  That it won’t be just yours anymore.  Not once we start making it more accessible by laying down walking tracks and putting up signs.  But you know it’s happening already – this incursion by the public.  And they have a right to enjoy the forest too.  At least this way, it can be regulated.  If it’s left unchecked and without rules . . . well, you’ve seen what will happen.” I nod.  “Yeah, it’s not that I don’t see the necessity.  It’s just . . . well, it won’t be the same, will it?” “No, it won’t,” he concedes.  “But change is inevitable.  It’s better to adapt than to fret about something that won’t come back.” I think about this as we make the long hike back to 12.  About fretting over something that won’t come back.  As usual, Peeta isn’t too far from my thoughts.  I fretted over Peeta for the longest time until I decided to accept the inevitable and adapt to the new situation.  I can’t say that I’ve been very successful.  As much as I might tell myself that it’s time to move on, there remains a corner of my heart where hope refuses to budge.  The wedding looms ever closer and there’s no sign that either Peeta or Lace will change their mind.   In fact, they seem more lovey-dovey than ever.  She’s back to licking ice-cream off his face.  I had the misfortune to catch her at it as I passed by the ice-cream parlor a few days ago.  It’s positively sickening.  Johanna agrees with me.  Overkill, she called it.  But apparently not as cringe-worthy as the way Peeta and I used to act.   I did take umbrage at this.  But I managed to hold my tongue.  Johanna has become something of an ally of mine in the Lace affair and I don’t want to ruin it.  I need all the allies I can get.   Johanna arrived in 12 a few days after Marcus. It was toss-up between mine or Peeta’s house where she stayed – Haymitch’s house was never seriously considered.   I wasn’t at home when she turned up unexpectedly at the Victor’s Village, suitcase in hand.  But Peeta was.  So she’s staying at his house.  In the guestroom.   I almost choked on my cheese bun when I heard. What happened to being a good boyfriend? Why is she allowed to spend full nights in his house, when I can’t even sleep there for just a few hours when the nightmares get too much? 

I was sure my hurt and indignation must have shown, but Johanna didn’t appear to notice anything untoward.  Maybe it’s because she was too busy licking the grease from the buns off her fingers, or she just thinks it’s my habitual expression.   Between sips of tea, she filled me in on her adventures as an environmental activist.  That’s a job title Johanna’s given herself.  I knew something about it already.  I had recently seen her on TV chained naked to a tree as part of a protest. Johanna got involved when Marcus came her district to call for the cessation of unauthorized logging in the forested areas of 7 and to declare it protected as a national park.  And Johanna, aimless and looking for something to do, seized upon it as a cause worthy of her time and effort.  She became one of Marcus’s most enthusiastic supporters, organizing protest rallies and demonstrations.  I could see why this combination of resisting authority and civil disobedience would appeal to Johanna.  And it made her quite the celebrity in 7 in a way that’s totally unconnected to the Games.  Most people in 7 were hostile towards the logging companies, who exploited their workers by paying them poorly and making them work long hours in unsafe conditions. No one wanted to see the industry taken to task and regulated more than they.   “Is that what brings you to 12?” I asked. “If you’re here to do the same, I think you’ll find that there’s little for you to do.  There are no big companies to fight, and most people are OK with a national park. After all, there’s no advantage in taking what you want from the woods, if everyone is doing it.  Soon there’s nothing left.  And Marcus has the approval and assistance of the local council too.  That’s how I came to be working with him.” Johanna simply shrugged.  “That’s OK.  I sort of knew that, but I’d thought I’d come anyway just in case Marcus did need my help.   And since my work is done in 7, I figured I might as well travel a bit and catch up with old friends.” She’s bored, I thought.  And lonely. But then something else occurred to me. “Are you interested in Marcus?” “What?” she exclaimed, in genuine surprise. “No!  Of course not.  I mean he’s attractive enough, but he’s not my type at all.  Far too earnest.  And he has a one-track mind.  It’s all about saving the forests with him.  Didn’t even blink when I stripped off in front of him.” “Oh,” I said, momentarily without words. Johanna is used to getting a reaction. It must have come as quite a shock. “Maybe the sun was in his eyes, or something.” “Yeah, maybe.  Come to think of it, it was.”  Johanna reached for another cheese bun.  “So, there’s to be a wedding soon, I hear.  I just caught Peeta as he was about to dash out the door.  He was in a hurry to get into town so there wasn’t time to chat, but he mentioned something about having to finalize the menu for the wedding reception.” “Yes,” I said, trying to put off for as long as possible what I was sure was coming next.  “Peeta’s very particular when it comes to food.” Johanna turned to me with a quizzical look. “Funny.  I’d never have picked you for the big wedding type.  Peeta, maybe.” “Um, it’s not me Peeta’s marrying.  It’s someone else.” I turned my attention to pouring myself another cup of tea.  Anything to hide from Johanna’s startled reaction.   Of course, then I had to explain everything. And there was no sense in spinning some story about how I don’t care or that I’m happy that Peeta is marrying another. Johanna has the best bullshit detector of anyone I know.  And she was with us in the Quell, saw how Peeta’s hijacking affected me.  She knows I was far from indifferent about him.   “Wow,” said Johanna, after I finished. “The evil-mutt version of himself must still be in there.  Except it wants to destroy your soul instead of your body.” “I don’t think it’s quite like that,” I said. “But something is holding him back. Maybe they put some delayed programming into his head.  Something that erased the memories he gained and made him fearful of getting them back. I don’t know.  Dr Aurelius doesn’t tell me anything.” “Are you still in love him?” asked Johanna, peering at me intently. “Yes,” I said eventually.   “But something’s been lost.” “Innocence,” said Johanna, nodding sagely. “And trust.  Well, if you want him back, I’ll help you.  I know if I were in Peeta’s shoes, and I was about to rush into marriage with a half-cracked brain, I’d want someone to stop me.  You in?” I hesitated.  It’s not that I don’t want Peeta, it’s that I’m certain that Peeta doesn’t want me.  And half-cracked brain or not, he’s happy and I don’t want to ruin that.  Anyway, my attempts at interference had just made him more confused than ever.   “In,” I said cautiously.  “But there’s conditions.  He’s not to know how I feel about him unless he specifically asks. We have to give Peeta credit for knowing his own heart, at least.  He wouldn’t be marrying Lace if he didn’t love her.  This has to be about helping Peeta find the person he was before the hijacking so he can make the best decisions for his future.  But if we see signs that we’re doing more harm than good, we back off.  Agreed?” “Agreed!” cried Johanna with almost unseemly gusto. Well, at least someone’s happy.  Johanna has herself a new project.  And then she laid out her ideas for what we should do.   Marcus and I eventually make it to the edge of the woods, where the electrified fence once stood.  It’s now a tangle of twisted wire, flattened into the ground by many feet.  No one seems afraid of predators anymore.  Indeed, most of the predators have retreated deeper into the forest as more humans invaded their territory and decimated their numbers with high powered weapons.   Marcus has plans to erect information boards here and transform the meadow into a picnic area.   I had to remind him that the meadow is also a burial ground and he has promised to respect that.  Maybe a memorial of some kind.   We haven’t spoken much since we stopped for lunch and I’ve decided that’s one of the things I like about him.  He enjoys nature as I do, keenly attune to the sights and sounds around him.  The only talk that’s welcome comes from the birds, or from the wind rustling through the trees.   We’ll part ways soon.  I’ll go home to my house in the Village, only a short distance away.  But he has a far longer trek to his hotel on the other side of town.  It’s not the most convenient location, even mid-week, as he likes to consult with me about future reconnoiters.   “You know, I have plenty of room at my house,” I say. “Why don’t you stay with me for the duration instead of the hotel? It would be more convenient for both of us – closer to the woods for you, and we could plan our walks without having to meet somewhere.” It takes a split second for Marcus to make up his mind.   A couple of hours later, he had retrieved his gear from the hotel and he’s now comfortably installed in my house.  In the guestroom.