#and bother me again with your braindead shit i will just block and move on

[inkyquince]

Alrighty, here we go because why the fuck not. Got a few more anons from the same person though I've repeatedly blocked them so they seem mentally sound in general since they're making multiple accounts apparently, so that leads that to this.

Under the cut I talk about Devil's past controversies, pointing out generally obvious things most people should know, briefly discussing the practise of people coming from from Alt Right Pipelines and then like three paragraphs about how stupid it is to level me with these things, someone who ISNT Devil, whose worst controversy so far was that I liked Dragon Age. Anyway, stop, as Necro put it, One Guy-ing me. Fuck off.

Devil openly had gone down the Alt Right Pipeline a couple of years back now. This was before I knew her, and I'm somewhat sure it's before or shortly after I started writing for DoL in general.

Now, I'd usually won't bother because unless its REALLY funny, I have a rule of not responding more than three lines to anon hate. But there are things I have to point out because the accusation, the ONLY accusation you have left against Devil (not me, even though you're repeatedly badgering me about it, which shows that you're not even in the Discord server, or else you'd be pestering her about it- Which I am glad about, but I'm being used as a weird intermediary.)

Now, because I have to do this for some reason, Devil is very open about her past, who she was at the time and the things she used to say. I remember when she was slowly leaving the Alt Right and even then we'd have a few spats over things she would say. The one comment you keep ambling into my askbox with is a comment she made that she fully feels ashamed of now. It's something I even felt deeply uncomfortable about asking her about, but sure why not, I spent my day in bed from anxiety about this.

In 2021, Devil was making edgy jokes about raceplay with Cora and a few others in the Server and, for some reason, messaged a User if they'd rather fuck a black man or a dog. I asked her about it and she fully owns up to how horrible it was, and it was said while she was down the Alt Right pipeline.

Now, something I've noticed about people who have returned from the Alt Right, is that they are generally praised for doing so, because they have gone through growth while also having to handle that their past is now a deeply uncomfortable subject, but they face up to it repeatedly. Devil is one of these. She is happier now, she has met new people, she has found herself and blossomed into someone I am legitimately proud of knowing and chatting to. This, and she refuses to shy away from her past. She allows any and all questions about who she used to be, without fear. This makes her deeply brave to me. She has owned up to what she's said in public and private and now since has stopped being as active in the DoL server. What she used to say is horrible and deeply vile and she has gone through four years of growing. She admits that she is ashamed of all of it and has talked about it on the server.

So, yes, if you want to, you can keep bringing it up. It's probably best to know about Devil's past because some people don't want to associate with someone who was once down that pipeline, and that is fine. But to what purpose? She admits she said it to be edgy but also that now she doesn't believe in that rhetoric and would never say anything like it again. I believe her on this, but very importantly, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. If you don't believe her, then you can keep an eye out for future worrying comments but don't start a witch hunt about it.

Now, that is one thing. Let's talk about the other thing.

I wanted to defend Devil against a singular topic that the Dolcord hadn't been handling well. The Palestinian genocide and a friend she had cut contact with years ago that had lied about being IDF. One topic.

You took my defense of her to start hassling me about topics I hadn't been even aware of. First, you used the chance of giving legitimate criticism about Devil to be incredibly hateful and transphobic to me. It destroys your attempt at White Knighting, pretending to care about Devil's remarks. Then, when I pointed out that you were upset about the art policy of not drawing shota or loli, you didn't bring it up again in your other anons. NEVERMIND: As I wrote this you anon-ed me again, yapping about Devil making fun of art styles, and to that I say who gives a fuck. Devil has literally made art for the game and I promise you, you have also done it. Everyone has fucking made fun of someone's art style, on Tiktok, Twitter, Tumblr, E V E R Y W H E R E, people are mean, grow a thicker skin, its the internet.

Thirdly: You keep badgering ME about it. After reading my defense of her about on topic, you put me on trial for everything she had ever done in a rape game server.

All that proves something deeply unfortunate about every anon sent to me. You are a terminally online to a worrying degree, go outside and touch grass. Stop sending me anons about something that FULLY doesn't concern me. Stop making multiple accounts to badger me, you absolute fuckhead.

TLDR: Get off Twitter, touch grass, drain the water from your skull.

[kilkreath418]

I’m not the other anon but your bio says ‘he/him’ and ‘lover of men’ so… that definitely makes it sound like you’re gay? Are you not? (I’m not a homophobe so idc but you asked where the other anon got that idea)

Anyway I’m sorry that fictional things get you so worked up, I think you should probably talk to a professional about why you react so strongly to certain topics in fiction that others enjoy.

Before you respond with “ITS ILLEGAL AND GROSS” please consider… literally what is the difference between that and enjoying a videogame like MGS which presumably contains violence and murder (havent played it but ive seen enough to know that. nothing against the games)

Why is it okay to enjoy violence in fiction but not other things that aren’t okay in real life? What’s the difference?

Also, consider why incest is bad irl. It’s because of genetic conditions that are passed onto children, and power dynamics in familial relationships that make true consent impossible. Neither of those things are a risk in fiction, because there are no real people involved! So genuinely tell me what makes it bad in fiction that doesn’t also apply to violence/murder?

It’s perfectly okay to be grossed out by something but that doesn’t mean it’s morally bad. You can just not like it and move on. Block the topic even, if it really bothers you so much.

I hope you have a good day :)

(uhh long post so scroll a bit down if you want to hear me addressing the rest of the post and not just “why incest is bad” for the 1723728th time)

AND SORRY for the long ass post i bet whoever asked this wouldnt read it all LMAOO sorry dude i js talk alot

SORRY TOO for the wait i had a huge response typed up my phone died 😭 ts pmo 💔

ANYWAYS I START HERE..

——————————————-

thank you for being the only remotely kind person LOL i really regret ever thinking SOOO boldly to have an opinion on this hell hole of a website,, i have ppl in my inbox every 5 mins 💀💀

Im really too lazy to type it out but basically my points were

i agree with your points on IRL incest and how its bad, (genetics, power dynamics, etc) but you ALSO have to keep in mind that MOST of society can all agree that incest is morally incorrect. Now you kinda made the points for me already LOL so shit but regardless

just because its fictional doesnt mean its okay,, is rape in media okay? Is white supremacy in media okay? Genuine questions honestly because i dont think so

just because something isnt “real” and cant hurt anyone doesnt mean its not BAD or morally incorrect

Lets say someone draws incest of you and a family member, would it be okay because it isnt real??? Not at all i would think, because its gross, inconsensual, and morally wrong yet again, with a plethora of other things

the same thing applies to MGS, not anywhere is it suggested whatsoever theres anything incenstual about anything in the whole franchise, yet people bring their weird ass kinks and stuff them where no one wants to see it + it isnt welcome,, ive been asking people ik that like MGS and they all agree that ts is NASTY (and whatever call it bias because i know them or some shit but regardless) its all “Fan”-made shit and has no real basis for it anyways

#1 point; just because it isnt real doesnt mean its okay

im really bad at making points esp because im braindead rn its like alm midnight but you get what i mean

it glorifes morally incorrect things which is obviously bad

———————————————————————

Anyways yap yap yap addressing rest of ask!!

first off,, apologies if its not what you mean to come off as.. but dont fucking patronize me 😭 im not a child.. “im sorry you feel this way” type shit is just straight patronizing 💀 not to be a douche but that just really grinds my gears dawg

my… metal gears 🤓🤓.. could even be solid

————sorry,,——————————————

second off, i dont need “professional help” you’re acting like im seriously mentally ill just for saying “kill yourself (quite) a couple (tbf) times

maybe you should go seek professional help as to why you think incest is OKAY /nottryingtobenegative.. just saying…

the answer is really simple 😭 you’re overthinking,, orr maybe you were just trying to make me mad idk

literally just today has NOT been a good day ive been dealing with bullshit all day and this drama is honestly the last thing i needed so obviously i lost it

not going to fucking trauma dump on tumblr dot com 😭 but theres a thing called stress and being overwhelmed to the point where seeing something disgusting of a media that brings me comfort pissed me the fuck off, and so i voiced my opinion about it, free speech lalala whatever

and i know people are gonna be all “wow okay ur so immature that someone being weird at your favourite game makes you freak out like that?? Ahaahaha”

not NECESSARILY.. think of it like idk dawg shaking a coke bottle,,, you shake it,, shake it again, maybe shake it some more.. whats that? Oh a shake.. then you open it

shit goes flying EVERRYYYWHEERE WOOAH 🫨🫨

and like i was DONE i was literally done after that madpost, was out of my system and everything i was gonna stfu and wouldnt have said another word

but BROO LET ME TELL YOU… i had at LEAST like alm 10 asks atp and im not one for “ignore it and move on��� i gotta address shit,, i dont need people thinking im a pussy or something lmao

but dawg everyone kept piling on and pretty much egging me on like do you WANT me to continue?? I had one dude straight up say “im gonna crank it to liquid/solid” like good for you dude ur just fucking weird..

if you people are sooo sick of me and what i have to think then block me and move on

“oh but kilkreath why couldnt YOU block and move on abt the og post???” because i CHOSE not to, and i CHOSE to say that. Sure i like to act in the heat of the moment, and me being already chopped abt it didnt help the whole “kys” tirade, but sure as shit use your own fucking logic 😭 no offense..

————————————————————————-

anyways next topic

and before you people even start “you say you dont like violence in games but tell people to kts” theres a fucking difference between being mad and someone and saying kys and actually being fucking violent LEARN THE DIFFERENCE

I dont enjoy violence in fiction actually, unless you just meant that as a hypothetical,, but i do actually see your point because i was struggling to think of what to say to that LOL

but unfortunately enough, “violence” and whatever are extremely “normalized” for lack of better words, so i think thats why society tends to view it as less serious in a fictional setting vs incest

whereas incest is like that touchy-topic-type ground that everyone, (again..*mostly*) can agree that its “taboo”,, or again, socially unacceptable. I mean its illegal for a *reason*.. a bunch of people in leadership positions (whenever the law was enacted) agreed that it was incorrect enough to completely outlaw it. They wouldnt have outlawed incest if it was okay (but i know your point was in videogames,, getting to tjat)

now i know again, TECHNICALLY its different for video games, but my point still remains, fictional or not, its still bad

i REALLY dont know how to get my point across because i dont want to just repeat something over and over again, but really dude the only way i can get it, is to strawman basically

i know people are going to go “omg what a dumbass comparing incest to “SERIOUS” things like racism” thats not what im trying to do and im sorry if it seems like that fr 😭 im just really bad at like.. debating like this or whatever this is called fr

but seriously

Genuinely asking is a game/movie glorifying hitler okay? Sorry if that sounds like a strawman or wtv thats called but i mean im just trying to understand your logic deadass 😭 i really dont understand how it “just being a video game” makes it okay ykwim?

like okay sure usee umm wolfenstein as an example.. it has violence AND nazis. And its fictional,, one could even say it glorifies that time period but thats a diff discussion

is it okay to have in it? Still no id say.. because again, that was a bad thing that happened in hostory, and no matter whT, ITS STILL BAD.. if you dont think its bad, go ask the victims of the families that died..

same thing for incest. Is it okay to have in it? No.. because… AGAIN… it is a bad thing that HAS happened in the past (and still, unfortunately does), and yet AGAIN, its STILL bad.. if you dont (well you dont) think its bad, go ask the victims of incest

ANY FUCKING WAYS… i am so sorry that was so long i tend to jabber… IDK if you were being sarcastic or not cause im literally as slow as a brick dawg but if you werent THANK YOU for having some class and being civil about shit 😭 havent had a solid debate in a while and i hope you have a good night as well!! 🫶

[deviantartdramahub]

The hidden role by Sleepstar on DeviantArt

So this user on DeviantArt, Sleepstar, had the nerve to call out a friend of mine, known as Triagonal, who was wrongfully banned from DeviantArt. And for what, you may ask? For asking for a fanfic story from olq-plo that had a user by the name of DanishTheMenace, who wasn't even bothered about this request. It was a harmless bit of fun, where it saw Triagonal and DanishTheMenace go on a platonic date, nothing to do with real life, just again, a harmless story about something that would never happen in real life. I know the ages of both users in the story, and there was nothing said by Triagonal that would even give any indication that she was, in any way, a threat to anyone, let alone DanishTheMenace. From the day I first spoke to her to the day she was banned, never once did she try to "throw herself" on anybody. She isn't that type of person, and how do I know that? Because she's an Aceflux Female… read it up, fucktards, if you're that braindead to post such utter shite about Triagonal, you clearly haven't got a fucking clue about her! So, now you're going to be asking, Where do I come into all this? Well, that's easy to tell and connects with Triagonal being bullied by these twisted freaks, better known as the Terrorist Cult, DeviantArtDramaNow!

DeviantArtDramaNow are protecting a peadophile known as BirdThatWhispers, who has a history of bullying, slandering, and attacking people for uncovering the truth about his real reason for being on DeviantArt. He will claim you're the reason why the whole world is so shit, and why everybody hates on him. He'll continue to attack and slander you while you're offline or talking to friends on other websites, and when you come back, or log on, those friends you were just talking to a few hours ago? They will have blocked you, told you they're going to after claiming they have proof of whatever was claimed about you, and then post the same shit lies they got told to everybody else. Or you'll get people like Shadow-Glassen's half brother who blocked me, and then ran his mouth about me so I couldn't defend myself. Charming. But that's one thing I can say is in the past, and really has fuck all to do with how Bird got caught having a sexual roleplay with a 14-year-old girl. The same girl was talking to me about my story, and how she really liked the way it was going. Adding, "I hope you can post more of it, I would really love to read it to the end!", which was really touching to me, due to the fact nobody had said a word to me by that point. Anyway, moving on. Bird better known at the time as, jedikkeneus, was blackmailing her to act like she was "enjoying" this sexual roleplay of him spanking her butt at bedtime with no point of given her any chance to say or do anything. I pointed out that the screenshot wasn't in anyway fake, and was given to me by the same user he was abusing. A few months later Bird changed his username and bio picture, thinking he could get away with it... However, due to the fact I had already read about how the website (DeviantArt) works, he failed to mention that, even if you do change your username and bio picture, you're still going to apper in comments, notes, and posts as the same person. Once again, meaning the only things that change is the Bio picture, and username. One line of data goes to every new user that joins! And as for this Club-Dreamiverse claim, I find that bit funny because a user who was part of the DeviantArtDramaNow blog claimed he was doing the same thing, but yet, the blog owner, Mod-S aka Silerna; wouldn't ban him. So answer me this. Is it really a justifuled action when your own member is doing, and loves doing, the same thing... while you ignore it, and continues to break your own rules that are, by this point, only for people who don't want to be called out for being drama seekers. I mean seriously, you expect people to believe your shit, when you can't even provide us with the links you claim are proof.. everytime I try to go to them it keeps coming up, "can't connect to the server host", which tells me that you're hiding it so none of the millions of victims you've claimed over the years, can see the fake lies you tell!

Get outside and touch grass losers, you're never going to heard because all you do is LIE!

I assume you’re referring to this post and its description. For a post that claims to not be an attack on anyone, it’s definitely a proofless and evidenceless agenda against people that uses a series of conclusions that don’t make sense to justify her final thoughts, and is in league with a group that is now undeniably known as a hate group. In other words, she’s looking too much into it (and the whole “stalking” thing, profiles are public, saying so is not anyone "downplaying stalking"), yet doesn’t look at all into the fact that there is a reason Lovelesslass was banned (hatemongering) before trying to ban evade and send us sexual-orientation-related hate speech. So she’s not the honest justice hero many people think of her as, especially considering she tried and failed to report a Tumblr group that’s not even as bad as the one she belongs to. If she’s trying to slander people who give free art so that she has no competition like often happens, it’s not working today.

I don't hesitate to type this long paragraph tangent because all this comes up so often.

[bluepenguinstories]

Happiness Overload Chapter Forty-Four

We held a funeral in the gardens of our island. Hail Mary's in the form of dead flies thrown over a patch of dirt. Oh, Jeremiah. He would have loved those flies. They were his favorite.

“Care to share any parting words, dear sister?” I turned to the froggy girl beside me, also in mourning.

“Polo!”

Polo stepped up to the patch of dirt. We never bothered with a casket; not because we couldn't have afforded one, but because it would have made much more sense to us to let Jeremiah decompose on his own. It's what he would have wanted. Probably. Not like we could have asked him after he was already dead.

“Polo,” she croaked in that way a griever would croak. After that, she hopped away. That was her whole speech. Her great eulogy. With my head down, I wiped away a single tear that may not have even been there. My eye might have just been itchy due to allergies.

“Thank you, dear sister. Tell me, who has a greater brother-sister bond than the two of us?”

She opened her mouth and flapped her tongue about. Wasn't sure what that was all about, but that was the beauty of it all: I didn't have to know anything.

At last, it was my turn. You could say that my steps forward were less of a walk and more of a chaotic crawl. Now, who would make such an analogy was beyond me, but the point was, you could have made such an analogy. Wouldn't blame you if you did.

I cleared my throat, and began my speech:

“Dear brother Jeremiah, I never understood a single word you said, but you sure helped me drink my wine.”

I did that whole Catholic hand motion across the shoulders and chest thing. You know the one. Not that I did. But I didn't need to, I just needed to act like I did. Actually, I knew, because of course I did, I had knowledge of just about anything at any given point in time (but never all at once and sometimes I knew things while other times I wouldn't know the things I previous knew. Such was my fate), but I had to act like someone who didn't know who was acting like someone who did.

If you're confused, don't be. Life and death in its natural states are chaotic, confusing messes. So if you wanted to break the curse, you just had to say that you weren't confused. That made enough sense, didn't it?

Next to me stood our headquarters, a simple building in the middle of an island. To think, I built this whole organization, known as Lilypad, through such virtues as lying, cheating, and stealing. Was it always easy? Actually, yes. Humans are easily exploited.

From such a statement, you might have considered me some kind of monster. But that couldn't have been further from the truth. I loved (and love, tenses are confusing as well as they were and always have been confusing. Thinking about tenses have always made me, well, tense) all my siblings, just as I've loved everyone and everything I've ever met, in some way or another.

When news broke of Jeremiah's death, I had a whole crew ready to clean up the evidence and transport his body in a safe and delicate matter. But also in a matter that signified urgency. Because it was an urgent matter. We have always cared for our own. With a sigh, I made preparations toward other important matters. One of my associates and “siblings” in this non-related family approached me. For the sake of argument, we'll say this one was named “Gumby”.

“What do we do now, Marco?”

“We move forward,” was my sullen response to the great and gay axolotl. “Just as we always do.”

My shadowed finger clicked on the phone's screen. What would happen next, I was already aware of, but it had to be done for it was the responsible thing to do.

As usual, been bummin' and schemin', being the baddest of asses, yadda yadda.

Well, wouldn't you have it, I was in the privacy of a crowded street when I got my long-awaited phone call.

“Finally! What took you so long? Never mind that, what I'm more interested in is whether I have to call you Celia V. or if I can just call you Celia? Like, is the 'V' really that important? Maybe we don't have that kind of relationship where I can just call you 'Celia'.”

“Kelly Roger, I regret to inform you that I am not that woman,” came an old, familiar croon. Almost had a bit of a laugh to his tone, but then, it could have been an attempt to sound solemn. Ugh. Hated that guy. But...he called at a convenient time.

“Marco!” Hey, I got his name right! “Holy shit! Okay, so you probably won't believe this, but I've been in a dilemma for the past hour or so on how I was going to contact you and out of the blue, you call!”

“I know what you want, but I ask: must you torment a man in pain?”

I paced about and picked my nose. “What, is this about how the guy you sent to kill me fell off a building and died? Yeah, I think I've earned this one.”

“Jeremiah was a dear friend of mine. He is irreplaceable.”

“Wait. Dude. His name was Jeremiah? And he was a bullfrog? And he was a good friend of yours? Holy shit. This is just one stupid reference, isn't it? What kind of fucked up world do we live in where you genetically engineer someone just for the sake of some stupid reference?”

I swear, I was gonna bust a nut laughing. This was too much.

“Please don't laugh, I'm still in mourning.”

“What's your deal, anyway? Why're you so obsessed with me?”

“Take a seat. There should be a bench somewhere.”

“Why, is this gonna be a long story?”

No answer. I checked my phone. He was still on the line. I groaned and looked around. Just a couple blocks over, I found a bench and sat my stupid ass down.

“You could have joined us, but now...it is too late for that.”

“Yeah, kinda figured that when you sent someone to kill me.”

“Shh. I'm telling a story. See, you could have joined us and it probably would have gone like it did in another timeline. Or universe, if you prefer. See, another me manipulated another you to take the ride in the elevators several times until you were so braindead that you put your trust in me. Then, I crushed it. Why? So I could start a catastrophe. Why would I do that? Because my alternate self is an idiot who doesn't appreciate what he has. Oh, I know the reason. His mind isn't quite clear, he's bored. He's frustrated. He wants answers. Just as any man would, really. Or any man who isn't human and who's lived as long as I have. But that's neither here nor there.”

“Okay, soo...you're high on something, aren't you?”

“Always. That is also neither here nor there. Please, don't interrupt me. I deserve to have a whole thousand word speech.”

“Not really. But go on.”

“What about me? What makes this me and that me so different? I'll tell you what, Ol' K. Rog. It all comes down to integrity and commitment. At least one of those I don't actually have, but I'm not sure which one. Which is not to say that I, speaking to you now, am not or will not get bored of the empire that I have raised. But who would I be if I just abandoned it for some other goal? No, this isn't about me. This is about frogs everywhere who --”

“God damn it, will you get on with it? Nobody cares.”

“You are quite rude, you know that? And while I do find it charming, even funny, and just a tad amusing, it's still worth pointing out.”

“Can you keep it to, like, five words, minimum? Wrap it up here!”

“Okay...” He sighed. Not out of defeat, but if I had to wager, just for dramatic effect. “So the me here and the me there are aware of each other and neither of us agree, and we both accomplish what we set out to do and we both meet our downfall, just in different ways. For me...the address to where my base is...”

He gave it to me. Easy as that.

Then, he hung up.

I threw my fists into the air and yelled “woo-hoo!” (But I don't mean like The Sims kind of 'woo-hoo') Everything was going my way. Take that, Conrad!

My boss could be a real sadist.

Well, any boss could. Just by virtue of being someone's boss. But my boss had a real fetish for it, I could just tell.

While there were countless examples, the current one was that she was not present when I needed to speak with her.

“Etna!” I called out.

Silence.

Actually, maybe this wasn't such a bad situation. I mean, no boss, no work, right? I was finally free!

I got up out of my seat, and as soon as I did so, she appeared.

“Where are you going?”

“Uh, to the bathroom? What are you going to do, monitor my bathroom time?”

“Please, I'm much more civil than that. Do I not let you come and go as you please?”

“Uh...shit. Yeah. You're right.”

“All I ask is you update me if any progress has been made.”

Right! That reminded me!

“Hey, so earlier, Kelly Roger wanted to know where we're located. Said if I told, they'd give the address to Lilypad's base. But I figured since we're, like, a big secret and all...”

“Go ahead.”

“What? Just like that?”

“I know what Kelly Roger is trying to do. I find it amusing. So I'd like to play along.”

“Uh-huh...”

“Celia V.”

Yikes. Referred to me by name. This can't be good.

“Do you know the best way to break someone?”

“No? Unlike you, I have actual hobbies.”

“Not through bodily harm, but by crushing their spirit.”

Yeah. Real charming.

Didn't have time to stretch my legs or nothin' before the next call came in. Probably Marco again about to drop a whole essay bomb on me.

“What is it this time? It can't really be that important, can it?”

“Uh...yeah? Yeah it can. Didn't I even say I'd call you?”

Oh. It was Celia V.

“Sorry, my head's a mess.”

“Really? I thought there was nothing in it.”

“Oh, har-har. Do you want Lilypad's address or not?”

“That depends, do you want to know my address?”

My heart skipped a beat.

“W-Why would I want to know that? It's not like I'm coming over.”

“Etna's not home.”

“What?”

“I'm talking about my boss's HQ. Where's your mind at?”

“Nowhere! Jeez! Anyway, you gonna tell me or what?”

“Hm...how can I trust that you won't hang up as soon as I tell you? Maybe you should tell me Lilypad's address first.”

“No way! If I did that, you'd just hang up and I'd never find out the location of your boss's lair.”

“So what are we to do? It's not like we could just blurt it out at the same time, because then neither of us would catch a word the other was saying.”

“...Actually I was thinking that would've been a great idea...” Well, there goes that plan.

“WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! DO I HAVE TO CARRY ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS FOR THE BOTH OF US?!”

“Hey! This isn't easy!”

She huffed. “Not like I said it was. How about we just meet in person and you can take me to Lilypad's base and I can tell you the address to the ETNA Corporation's base on the way. Deal?”

“You mean, like, IRL?”

“We've already met once. Don't make this more awkward than it has to be.”

Oh right. She was that one naruto cosplayer at the parking garage. Totally forgot that even happened until she mentioned it. Funny, too, seeing as my hand still hurt like hell.

At last, I gave her my apprehensive response:

“Let me consult my waifus on this, first.”

“Seriously? Look, I don't have time for this.”

She hung up. How rude. She didn't even wait to hear what my waifus had to say.

I took to my seat, a throne. Before, I didn't have a throne. I had an office where I slept, and that was royal enough for me. But for the special occasion soon to occur, I figured I would pull out a chair from under one of the computer desks and microphone in hand, addressed my non-biological family of frog people.

“Brothers, sisters. It was nice knowing you all. But soon, we will be raided. This is not me giving up on our goal, as the bomb is still set to go off. In a few years, we may see new frogs rise from the ashes. Consider this a necessary sacrifice.”

There were croaks and bellows, burps and groans. Quite the uproar.

“I understand your frustration, I do. None of us want to die. Except me. I've always been curious to know if I could, y'know? I've lived for thousands upon thousands of years, so if I manage to get killed, this will be a new experience for me.”

“Polo! Polo!” There it was, the cries of my sister. Oh, anyone, anyone but her.

“Go, go and find yourself a girlfriend. For the sake of your dear brother.”

Polo hopped offstage. There was no stage, so really, she hopped her way to the back of the building where the emergency exit was. I knew she would take a gondola and travel far, collecting many flies along the way.

“Ah,” I closed my eyes and smiled. “This is fine.”

I could already hear the boots raining outside, soon to crash through the door and the whole building to erupt in a blaze of gunfire and bloodshed.

If, they proved unsuccessful, if my froggy friends killed them, or if they failed to kill me, well...that was fine too. Either way, there would be entertainment.

See, my other self had it all wrong. Why trigger the end of the world when just the fact that the angel had been introduced to the world signified that the end would come in its own time? For that matter, why wait for such a thing to happen when we could see the end at any time? All we had to do was close our eyes...

If she thought I was going to sit and wait for her to show up, she had another thing coming. There were several hard drives worth of hentai in my backpack and it all wasn't going to watch itself.

So, I got up and stretched my legs. Then stretched my arms. It was as if I was gearing up for a big race, something that would never happen given 1) asthma, and 2) fuck exercise.

Just as I started walking toward wherever it was I was walking toward, I caught a glimpse of brown hair, ponytail, and not a 2D character. In other words...c'est la dork herself.

Sadly, she was not wearing that orange jumpsuit this time. Just as I was beginning to associate it with her, instead she wore a black T-shirt with text that read 'I woke up like this' and pajama pants with little bunny rabbits on them. There was also heavy eye-baggage going on, which led me to the theory that she really did wake up like that.

“I'm surprised you're not wearing slippers,” I greeted.

“Shut up. This is professional attire.”

“Professional 'what'? Professional sleepyhead?”

She kicked my shin and I yelled out.

“Fuck! Fuck!”

“Just take me there already,” she growled.

“Fine, sheesh. What about the address to your secret base?”

She passed me a rolled up sheet of paper. As I unrolled it I was expecting it to say 'fuck you, just take me to Lilypad's base or I'll kill you', but instead, it actually had an address. Still, it could have been a fake, or a false lead.

“How do I know this is legit?” I pressed.

“Dude, I hate my boss. She's so domineering. And I'm not even into BDSM.”

“So that means?”

“Whatever you were planning to do with that information, go ahead.”

“Well, I was gonna tell Marco, and I was gonna have his gang and your boss's gang duke it out in the hopes that the two would destroy each other. But now that you're next to me, that would probably be a bad idea.”

“Go ahead,” she shrugged. We were still walking, headed toward the docks. “Call him right now.”

“I don't actually know his number...”

“Ah, too bad. You were almost smart for a second there.”

“Wouldn't you be out of a job if ETNA Corp got destroyed or something?”

“Eh, I got a cousin in Chicago. I could probably crash at her place. That, and I might be able to collect unemployment.”

There was something suspicious about how chummy we were getting. How she just seemed so okay with the prospect of her whole organization going down. Either she was planning something devious, or...yeah, that was the only option.

“So what do you plan to do once we get there?” I threw the question.

“Tell my boss, what else would I do?”

“I thought you hated her!”

“Yeah, well, it's still my job. For now, anyway.”

We continued walking down the street, it would be about a mile or two to the docks and to be honest, I did not feel like I was in any sort of rush. Maybe I could even stall to figure out how to perfect my plan...

“Hey, look! There's an ice cream shop!”

She groaned. “Focus. This isn't a date.”

“I-I know that! I was just testing you to see if you knew that!”

“OH MY GOD. Have you even been around another girl before?”

“Yeah, Velvet.”

She pondered that. “Oh yeah I forgot about that. What was that like? I bet she drove you off the walls because of how annoying she can be!”

“How would you know?”

“Because it's been my job to watch you guys!” Then she held her belly and gave a hearty laugh. “And this whole time, none of you knew! I really am the best!”

I shrugged. “Such is life.”

“So anyway, what was she like?”

“Eh...untrustworthy? Sometimes worrying...she'd pull her hair out from stress. Really freaked me out. Oh, and she would sometimes avoid certain people when she wasn't feeling up to it.”

“Yikes! Sounds like a nervous wreck!”

“Yeah, but I mean, I guess she was good at what she did? She was capable at doing whatever Conrad threw at her, the problem was that he'd give her these tasks most would find impossible and give her impossibly short deadlines.”

“Jeez, and I thought my boss was rough. I can't imagine a boss who would do something like that.”

We arrived at the docks and at first I thought it best to just write down the address for her.

“Do you have a piece of paper and something to write with?”

“Tch. Why bother? You could just take me there, right?”

“What? You just like hanging around me that much or somethin'?”

“NO! But you could write down a fake address. I want to know I've got the real deal.”

I sighed. Things were not going according to plan after all. She was just way too clever. I must have underestimated her because of how idiotic she appeared at first glance, but after spending a little more time with her...it was clear I couldn't get anything past her!

But! Not to worry! Nothing had changed! I could still pull this off!

...until I looked around and realized one tiny problem.

“Yeah, there's no way we're gonna get there,” I blurted out.

“WHAT?! WHAT. THE. FRIAR TUCK. DID YOU SAY?”

“There's no boat or nothin'. Unless you wanna swim all the way out there.”

“Wait a sec. I thought the hideout was somewhere on these docks.”

“...I mean, I'm not even sure, myself...I've never been there...” I muttered.

“I HEARD THAT!”

Without hesitation, she grabbed onto the collar of my shirt and held me over the dockside.

“I ought to have you sleeping with the fishes! You lead me all this way and you don't even know where this place is!”

Shit. Not only am I afraid of heights, but I can't swim either. The great goddess Aqua would have a riot if she knew the predicament I was in. Think, think...

“Hey! Look over there! There's a boat!”

She turned her head.

“Nice boat,” she remarked.

She set me back down and all I could think about was how strong she must have been to have picked me up. I didn't think she had it in her.

As it turned out, she had a terrible sense of judgment: it wasn't a nice boat, not at all. It was some dingy old raft thing, and you had to use paddles, too!

I shook my head.

“No way am I getting in that thing!”

“You don't got a choice, bud.”

“If I get in there, my clothes will get dirty!”

“Your clothes are already dirty.”

I wanted to protest further, but it was like I was being held at gunpoint. Which, I wouldn't be surprised if I was, given our previous encounters, so if she did have a gun hidden somewhere, I may as well go along and do as she says.

We paddled toward the island where Lilypad's base was said to be located at, me giving directions along the way.

“Turn here!”

She started paddling.

“No wait, I think it's the other way!”

“ARGH! WHAT ARE YOU? A BACKSEAT DRIVER?”

“I'm paddling too. Here, if you want, we can switch seats and you can be in the back.”

“NO!”

It went on like that for several (minutes? Days? Weeks? Years?) seconds (yeah, let's go with that. Who gives a fuck, anyway? Time is an illusion or some shit like that) until at last, we reached the island. I could no longer see the docks, and the city itself looked like a blur (maybe that was a sign I needed new glasses?) from where I was sitting. So, if I had to guess, it was at least a few feet out from the docks.

The island itself was quite small, but big enough to host a building, which indeed stood in the middle of the pathetic excuse for an island. The building itself, just looked like a single-floor office building. Not even all that interesting. Just white all around. Guess they were going for that minimalistic look, but if you ask me, if you're going to be a villainous organization, you may as well make your lair look cool.

“Ah! We're here at last!” stretched my enemy, not companion, Celia V.

“Yeah, yeah, now hold up your end of the deal,” I climbed out of the dingy boat and didn't even bother giving the building a passing glance. Celia V. got out a sheet of paper and tore it, then wrote the address down and handed it to me.

“Stuff it in your pocket, don't lose it, don't let anyone else see it, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know how this works.”

“There, if nothing else, I'm a lady of my word.”

She pulled out a phone from her pocket and it just occurred to me what she might have been about to do.

“Hey! What are you doing?!”

She shushed me, then held the phone up to her ear. “I'm calling my boss, what does it look like?”

“I thought you hated her!”

“Sure, but I still have a job for now, and what boss isn't horrible?”

Hm...good point. Though I remember the Ganon fight in Ocarina of Time being pretty dope.

“Come on, come on...”

She growled, then hung up.

“That's weird, I'm not getting a response. Usually she picks up right away.”

While yes, I wished I could have brought her over to the side of good, when all is said and done, the only good person was me, anyway. Everyone else was a loser, so it only stood to reason that she would always side with one of the villains. I was about to tell her such until I noticed smoke coming out of the building.

“Never mind that! I see smoke!” I started running off. My heart was racing. Whatever was going on, it was NOT part of the plan.

“Huh. That's not a thing buildings usually do?” I could hear her say off in the distance. Yeah, wasn't even worth mentioning that she said that, just typical idiot stuff from her. If this was a book, or a script from a movie (let's be honest, I would make for an AMAZING movie character) I'd probably want to have had that line deleted, but that's not really my place, now is it?

Once I burst through the doors of the lame-ass building, I was shocked: wrecked computers and tables, darkened walls and something having caught fire off in the corner, and if that wasn't bad enough, dead frog people.

“What...what's going on?”

Okay, so you would think this was all part of the plan, right? I wanted Lilypad defeated. But this is too early. I wanted to have some of Lilypad's goons wreck the ETNA lair, too! That way the two could have canceled each other out.

I was trying to wrap my head around what had gone on, but I had to stop mid-thought as soon as I saw a tall lady in a lab coat standing in the middle of the room.

“Hey, lady! You got shit for brains or something?! This place ain't safe!”

At first, it was as if she didn't hear me, but just a few seconds later, she turned around, a wicked smile on her face.

“Ah, you must be Kelly Roger. I was hoping you would come.” There was something...off about the way she spoke. As if she was GLADoS or something.

“Uh, yeah? Duh. Guess my reputation has spread across the land.”

Now was not the time to celebrate, however. In fact, I was just left more confused what such a lady (or robot? Could have been a terminator) was doing here.

“H-How do you know my name?”

“I've been watching you. You and your friends.”

“Uh-huh...that's creepy as fuck.”

“Your friends meant little to me, as their impact was next to zero, but I just had to make sure they knew how futile their efforts were. So, I snuffed them out.”

Yeah. That was not good news. My heart started feeling heavier, the heartbeats restless. If I could have thought of a joke to fit the situation, I would have. But all I could do was stand there as she continued to speak.

“You...what?”

“Yes, the place you used to hide under the university? I was the one responsible for its wreckage. I sent mercenaries and watched as they scurried in a panic. Their screams when the bullets rained down on them them were most delightful.”

“Stop that!”

She lifted her glasses up, her expression changing into one of concern.

“You don't like hearing about your friends' deaths? How interesting. I would have thought that it would have provided you some closure.”

She paced about the room in a way that almost looked like she was floating, like a wraith.

“Which brings us to today. Before I heard of your plans, I didn't think I could reach the same levels of pleasure so soon. Once again, this group meant nothing to me, as they would have failed in their endeavors sooner or later, but you could say I couldn't help myself.”

Behind me were the clacking of footsteps, then I heard the doors bust open again.

“Boss? What are you doing here?”

Boss? So that means...fuck.

“Although limited in what I can do outside my domain, I can appear anywhere where there is a computer terminal able to support me.”

I turned to Celia V.

“What?! This robot thing is your boss?”

“First of all, she's an AI, and yeah. Nobody's perfect, OK?”

So, the big boss rears her ugly head. Actually, she didn't look all that bad, and considering she was an AI, that meant she was 2D which automatically placed her on a higher tier than Celia V. over there.

“Yes. My associate here told me all about your plans. After that, it wasn't all that hard to figure out where this place was located on my own,” robo-boss lady explained.

“What? How could you?” I turned to Celia V. once more.

“Dude, you already knew I wasn't on your side.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. That makes things a bit easier to swallow, I suppose.”

“So you did what you did best and did the whole 'send soldiers and explodey' thing here?!” I turned back to The Big Boss.

“Yes, although I can do many things well. I am a supersmart AI, after all.”

“Fuck you, Kizuna! There can only be one!”

“Well, actually, there are hundreds of virtual youtubers,” Celia V. corrected me.

“Look! I don't need your mansplaining, okay? I know when I'm right!”

“I'M A FUCKING GIRL, YOU DICK!”

Not-Kizuna-AI laughed and glared at me. “So once again, you failed. You let your friends die while you ran off, and now, you failed in doing what you believed to be 'setting things right'. Not to worry, however, as I am most kind and once you realize what I am doing is for the betterment of humanity, you may come to thank me.”

“Nah, fuck humanity! I just wanna feel like I matter!”

She laughed once more.

“You never have, and you never will. Your insignificance is laughable at best.”

I shook my head. I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Fuck. Did this stupid robot have that much of a hold over me? As if she could read my mind, she approached me and her fake-hand hovered over my head.

“Now, go home. Go to your family. You are not needed here.”

For just a moment, I felt a burst of white light, and I closed my eyes. When the flash was gone, I opened my eyes, and I was still standing. Alive.

So, I did what I did best: I noped the fuck outta there. That, my dudes, is when the tears really began to fall.

Damn.

Look, I knew my boss could be harsh, but was any of that really necessary?

I seriously need a new career.

“Did you have to do that or did you just wanna ham it up?”

Miss virtual CEO turned to me, and made a faux look of surprise.

“Was I not merciful?”

“What? Because you could've killed them, too?”

Honestly, her doing something like that was why all bosses needed the guillotine.

“Go after Kelly Roger. They may yet have something to hide.”

Ugh. Really. I couldn't just be done with this whole mess? Didn't I deserve a vacation or something?

“Then,” she continued. “When you find out, I want you to kill them.”

“WHAT?!” I balked. “No way! You already told Kelly Roger how insignificant that sap is, can't you just let things be?”

“You will do this.”

“Listen here: I gotta draw the line somewhere and I've drawn my line! I quit!”

“You may quit after you have done what I requested. Refuse and I will have you killed.”

“FINE!”

I stormed out, stamping my foot along the way.

I'll follow them, but I'm not gonna kill them. Kelly Roger's too pathetic to kill.

When I got outside, the boat (raft?) was already gone. Kelly Roger had already taken off and I had no idea how I would make it out of the island.

Okay, let's set one thing straight: I don't do what anyone tells me, not even anything I tell me. There was no way I was just going to 'go home', whatever that meant. No way was the battle over just because of some minor detail. Plus, this was a net positive, if anything. Like, Lilypad was gone. Which means no more harassment from that Marco guy. Now I just had to deal with ETNA Corp.

She said something about manifesting wherever a computer could support her, but if all the computers were destroyed, how did that even work? Ugh, my brain hurts, I just need to get back to the docks.

I arrived back at the docks and made a break for the warehouse. Conrad's letter did say something about some kinda experiment, and there was that thing covered up that I didn't bother checking out. What did I have to lose checking it out now? Even though I was willing to bet it was just something stupid like a ray gun or something.

So in order to skip the whole “I went through here, then I did this, then I did this” thing, let's skip right to the part where I was at that underground airport hanger, where nearby, the secret entrance lay.

I was about to move the crate (again) when I felt something hit my back. I thought it was nothing, maybe just my imagination, until I felt something wrap its way around my stomach and lift me into the air. I looked down and saw what was coiling me: tentacles. They turned me around, and I was met face-to-face with the frog don himself. The tentacles seemed to have shot out from his back, of all places.

“I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going,” I groaned.

“Oh, K. Rog, funny how you can still make jokes in a situation like this.”

“How are you alive?”

He wagged a finger. “Sad to say, I've yet to die. I escaped, but...my sister wasn't so lucky.”

“Oh. Jeez. I'm sorry,” I sympathized except when I remembered how much of a dick he was. “Wait a sec, no I'm not!”

“Yes, you see...she survived as well. But now we are separated. Do you know how hard it is being a Marco without a Polo?”

“You're not even wearing polo!” It was true, he was wearing some kind of Hawaiian T-shirt.

The tentacles constricted further. “Y'know, I always thought this would be hot, but the real thing isn't as sexy.”

“Let's see if you can still make jokes after I've killed you.”

I gulped. “It wasn't a joke, it really doesn't feel good.”

They squeezed even tighter and I was sure sooner or later, I would just break in half. That, or my bones would be crushed and I'd suffocate, but however you look at it, I'd be dead.

“This isn't personal, it's just...personal.”

Okay, I had to give him credit where due, that wasn't such a bad one-liner.

Before I could call curtains on myself, I heard the fire of gunshots and I tilted my head to see Celia V. up on some rafters, holding a machine gun in her hands.

“I do NOT want to know what was going on here,” she stuck her tongue out and made gagging sounds.

“This isn't as lewd as I would have liked!” I called to her. I was still gasping for air, but at least I could still speak.

“I do like friends! They are such fun people, and make for a great meal!” Marco grinned and clapped, then let me go, turning his focus to Celia V.

“Ugh! This is SO exhausting!” She yelled, then jumped down from the rafters. It was a surprise she didn't break her leg or something. “I should be at home binge watching Boruto!”

...Yeah. I knew she had terrible taste.

“Hello, friend! I would like to eat you, but you have no nutritional value, so I think I will wait until I have a salt shaker on hand!”

I couldn't tell if that meant Marco was going to run away, or if it was just Marco going off on another tangent. Either way, I looked around and decided to use the commotion to make my way down.

I pushed aside the crate and opened the hatch. I could hear Celia V's voice behind me:

“Hey! Get back here!”

Nope. Wasn't gonna happen.

I raced down the stairs and tripped halfway down, gracelessly falling to the bottom.

“Owie,” I whined. I shook my head and got up. “Hey bitch-ass door! Open the fuck up!”

“PASSWORD ACCEPTED.”

Seems I could say whatever I wanted and that door would open for me. Must have voice recognition or something. I wanted to go in, then go out and try a different phrase, but I knew time was of the essence, so I just got my badass self in the room and pulled the sheet off of whatever was being hidden.

“No way...”

My eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

“Conrad, you've outdone yourself.”

In a glass case was what looked like a suit of armor, but I knew better. It was a mech suit! It had to be! No, not only that, it had a bug-like helmet which reminded me all too well of Kamen Rider.

Taped to the glass case was a note. It read:

“I have built a suit that I combined with genetically altered bliss DNA to power the suit. If my theory is correct, you should be able to fly around upon wearing it, and will be granted the ability to jump between universes. Please note that there may be some side-effects, like the loss of sanity, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.”

“Hell yeah!” I broke open the case and got fitted into the suit. As I did so, I heard a banging from outside the room. Celia V. was pounding at the door.

“Open up! She yelled.

If I had to guess, she was probably there to finish the job and kill me. That, or she was ready to confess her love to me.

I managed to get the suit on and I tried figuring out where the button to warp out of there was. While doing so, I heard her shoot open the door. She looked pretty beat up, but mostly fine.

“What the fuck...” she whispered.

“Goodbye, my love,” I gave her one final reply as I found the button.

“I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!”

Before she could do, or say, anymore, I pressed the button and I was out of there.

Somewhere, there had to be a universe where I wasn't such a loser and I managed to save the day and defeat both Lilypad and The Flashbulb and was praised as the hero people ought to see me as. I knew I would find that universe sooner or later.