#and bonus gifs if u make it all the way thru lmfao

[ofmdee]

i finished another ofmd diamond painting!

under the cut because there is some rambling 😂

i wasn't super crazy about this one as i was working on it, i felt like stede's hand looked weird, there was too much shadow etc, but once again, the finished product impresses me 😂

used a cropped screenshot as reference:

i'm gonna make an actual pretty post once i get it framed, but i wanted to share a while.

i'm gonna be honest, tho, i think my diamond painting Frenzy is waning, and it's bumming me tf out!!!! i feel like i go thru this constant cycle of nothing interests me, nothing nothing nothing, OH found something fun?? 👀 lets do it CONSTANTLY because it feels good to have fun, it's so much more preferable than the hollow feelings, the anxious feelings, the 'what is the point?' feelings etc, but i inevitably exhaust all the fun that can be had much too quickly, because i don't know how to do it in moderation!!! because i Crave the good feelings and it hurts so much when the thing no longer sparks the kind of intense focus and interest.

and i KNOW i hyperfocus on things to the point of it being detrimental to other things, but that's when i feel.... happiest, i think? when i have something that my brain is so latched onto that it's all i can think about to the point where i start to think hey.... maybe i could be happy one day? and then there is the inevitable crash because i burned out and lost interest

(i live in a terrible fear of this happening to my interest in ofmd one day 💀 and i worry about not having anything to fall back on if that does happen)

anyway, idk what the solution to that is, and im not sure what i'm even talking about anymore, lol, but yeah. it's frustrating!

i'm still gonna work on diamond projects, tho, because i do like the end result. here is my next project:

🤭

no idea how i'm gonna explain this one to my parents, lol, theyre always so interested in what i'm working on but they have No Idea that sim ed and stede exist 😂

oh, it's sunday, isn't it? and i should be getting my period soon, maybe this is why it feels so Intense today.

my gf will be here next month tho so i am holding out for that, when i actually feel like a person who could end up happy. i want our lives together to start, somehow, but there are so many variables and obstacles to that, just..... idk. i want my beloved with me more than a few times a year 😔

anyway, idk, sometimes i just like using tumblr like it's an Actual Blog, lol, it's easier to make things make sense on here rather than twitter.

anyway if u read this, thank u, i appreciate u, and i am including two gifs i don't think i ever shared here in thanks 🥰

these were from the beginning of the year, and part of a spicy set 😏🔞

okay. i think im done lmfao ✌