#and basically has a system of like 5 ppl he hooks up with weekly as well as a bunch of one-offs all of whom he can nonlethal snack on

[transmechanicus]

Bc i am god’s least shut-uppable angel i do gotta clarify, our modern vampire protag is not like, an undead gas station attendant, he’s like 100 years old, he’s well known in his city’s club scene as a hot n solid hookup if you can keep your mouth shut, he’s not at all hesitant to kill douchebags and has Seen Some Shit over the years. The thing i’m trying to highlight is he’s unfamiliar with what other vampires are up to outside the 1 or 2 he’s met who are also focused on being perpetual goth icons like him. So when he finally meets some truly ancient and cruel bloodsuckers who have been around since 200CE and do Hannibal shit to their captives on the regular, it completely blindsides him. Imagine being some poor tortured bastard getting cranked up on a meat hook to get ripped apart by a ballroom full of ghouls, and there’s one dude who absolutely should be at the club who looks like he’s about to start crying at the sight of your suffering. That shit would be delicious through the 4th wall.

Modern vampire who has spent the last 70-ish years of their immortality primarily being slutty in nightclubs and non-lethal snacking on hookups shocked and uncomfortable that most vampires older than the lightbulb are really into torture and cruelty and eating babies alive. Super excited to finally meet his own kind and then oh no. oh fuck. time out wtf are they doing. this is profoundly unsexy they bit that guy’s arm off and are letting him crawl around screaming and crying. there’s not even any kissing or grinding or club music. is this normal?? i am Going to throw up i’ve gotta get these poor ppl out of here. askjeeves how to smuggle 30 naked prisoners (assorted genders) out of vampire mansion time sensitive.