#and as for owen i would like him to get exactly zero seconds of screentime thank you very much ❤

[daniclaytcn]

What do you wanna see the plot being in the next crossover? Which pairings do you wanna see in it that we didn’t see in the first one? I wanna see Eddie and Carlos meet because I think they’re both v chill guys who may have more in common that people might think. Both southern boys who (if we get Eddie working through feelings for Buck) are in love with a firefighter. It would be interesting to see them talk and interact idk I would just like to see it. I wanna see Maddie and Athena meet and work with Grace somehow and some way. Idc just give it to me now. Idk why but I feel like Paul would get along really well with Hen for some reason. Nothing but vibes but I think they’d get along great. Also Chimney and Judd please they both love their partners and I think they’re get along great. I think Judd would find Chim hilarious (as he should) and Chim would think Judd is just really cool for all he’s done and went through and overcame and idk I could see it and I want it

ooh, idk about the plot because i don't know what more natural disasters they could use, but i have a lot of thoughts about team ups! i definitely want to see a lot more of grace (give her like 50% of screentime and i'll be happy lmao) and i would love to see she and maddie team up somehow! they would be awesome! i'd love to see chim, buck and judd team up too; you're right, chim and judd would totally get along! carlos and eddie would be great too! but even more than that i just wanna see more eddie and marjan being flirty besties hehe. buck joining them will just make it an amazing chaotic trio (plus some jealousy on buck's side? 👀) and i would love to see that! hen and paul would make a great team too! and i'd like to have judd calling hen 'miss henrietta' become a thing! i feel like athena and carlos would make a good team if they had some investigation/detective work to do! and i'd like to see a team up of hen, paul and mateo as well it would be so fun! man, there are soo many possibilities.

send me anons

[geekgirlnavigatingtheworld]

I expect spectacle when I see a Luc Besson movie. My eyes will be exhausted from trying to track a thousand and one things at any given moment, and my brain registers a plot and story are in there somewhere, but, quite frankly, I’m in so much visual ferret shock, the first viewing of the movie is pretty much a giant exercise in saying “OOOO! Lookitdat!”. I don’t just accept this, I go gratefully along for the ride.

“Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is based on a series of French graphic novels. I know, I know, being Madam Obvious, there, but, just in case someone reading this doesn’t know, there it is.  This movie is essentially about Valerian and his partner Laureline trying to save Station Alpha, a giant conglomerate of space stations created by thousands of different species (including humans) which has been released to float through space to avoid crashing it into the Earth. A mysterious zone of contamination has cropped up in the middle of Alpha Station. Nobody seems to know what caused it or why, and the Commander of Alpha Station is determined to stop it. Valerian and Laureline are the best agents the government has to offer, so, naturally, they’re called in.

Visually, the movie is stunning. World building is done through progressively more fantastic images, piling on sensory input to provide the eyes with a bountiful feast. The costuming and set designs, as well as the animation are done gorgeously. From a purely aesthetic standpoint, I have no complaints.

Story-wise, however, well, let’s start with it. If the plot seems a bit simplistic, that’s because it is. I understand there are different types of stories with different driving mechanisms. Valerian is written as though it’s intended to be character-driven, however, it’s clear from the outset the setting is the driving force, which is emphasized and reinforced through the scenery. This one suffers from poor and inconsistent writing which would only be acceptable in the framework of a parody.

The characters aren’t really anything new here. Valerian is an overconfident cad, Laureline is a verbally and physically abusive woman who seems to mistake bitchiness for toughness and strength, Clive Owen’s character is-exactly what you peg him for the moment he steps on screen and, in the climactic reveal, ends up elevating his two-dimensionality to glossy standee levels. It’s all predictable. Really predictable. I knew what was going to happen as soon as all our principal players were introduced, which I found both sad and frustrating. I’m also going to more than quibble with a character set up like Valerian’s, where, one minute, he’s got to be chewed out by everyone on the mission with him for not reading his memo, then in a pivotal scene claiming he’s a soldier who’s all about the rules and going by the book. What. the. actual. fuck? No. No. Character development (which there’s zero in this movie) requires character consistency. A truly dedicated by the book soldier would have read that memo so many times he had it memorized, not obstinately, willfully stayed clueless so as to endanger everyone else on the mission with him.

Canonically, Valerian’s pretty much a dick. Besson didn’t mess with that character description much at all. However, with a character like Valerian, he needs to be played by an actor who has the charisma and screen presence to pull it off. Dane DeHaan was not the guy to do it. He just couldn’t pull off the necessary swagger, and instead of seeming laid-back, he comes off as sedated. I’m still not sure if he as an actor was confused or phoning it in.

When it comes to Laureline, I don’t think Cara Delevigne was miscast. I think she got bad direction. Laureline is intended to be the capable one who gets things done. She’s supposed be tough and feisty. She can GET mean, but I was never under the impression Laureline was practically as bad as everyone she’s attempting to save the world from. In the opening scene, which is supposed to be one of those fighting as foreplay kind of scenes, there’s a total lack of chemistry between DeHaan and Delevigne, to the point that, rather than flirty or playful (trust me, there is an arctic desert of playfulness going on there), it’s really uncomfortable and awkward. These two actors are wrestling for superiority and beating the shit out of each other while trying to normalize it in a context of “playing hard to get” and jockeying for dominance. There’s no sexiness. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I will forever point to this as a scene of “No. Just, no.”

Laureline charges through the movie beating people up and shooting things while either screaming or barking at people. She’s supposed to be intimidating. I found her mostly psychopathic. I wanted to see her have more facets than “Generic Kick-Ass Unattainable Soldier Girl”. I wanted her to use some diplomacy and some eloquence to solve some problems, instead of violence, especially given Station Alpha’s intent (which is stated several times, explicitly with the EXACT SAME PHRASE EVERY TIME) to be a place where all species come together to share knowledge and intelligence. It’s really not the kind of place where violence first seems like an acceptable or effective policy. But, you know, as a woman and a feminist, I’m supposed to be totally satisfied with Laureline showing a tiny bit of tenderness when she’s designated the caregiver of an alien creature, which, of course, she knows exactly how to nurture back to health. Dammit. She’s a Mommy to an alien pet. Did I mention this happens when it’s established she’s the only woman in a room full of dudes? No? Well it does. Three more dammits in a slumped formation, let me tell you.

So, in addition to writing issues, we also have two massively unlikeable characters we’re supposed to somehow develop empathy for and root for to ultimately get together. They’re set up as so laughably toxic I can’t hold out any hope for their relationship to survive. 

Clive Owen shows up to chew through scenery and snarl, which he does pretty well, especially given what he had to work with. At least he had a couple of different emotions I could find believable. 

And yet...I still don’t feel as though my ticket was a waste of money.

Rutger Hauer made a return to the big screen in a blink and you might miss it role, but I’m still very happy to see him. He does cranky old bastard well and it’s fun to see him play it.

Herbie Hancock shows up as the Defence Minister. I didn’t  know he acted, but he did and he was easily one of my favorite parts of this film. He had an air of wise gravity and common sense “Valerian” desperately needed. Yes, I admit it, every time he came on screen, I thought to myself “Oh, thank god, there is an adult running things here after all!”

Ethan Hawke’s turn as a sleazy space pimp was inspired and hilarious. He gave himself over to the part with complete, gleeful abandon and it showed in every second of screentime. He was having fun and, honesty, I needed to see someone in the movie looking like they were having fun being in it.

Rhianna also did a great job as Bubble. I’m not sure if this was her movie debut, but she was also great fun to watch. She definitely seemed to be having fun there, too. I was impressed with the impact she gave her character’s relatively small part. She was memorable in all the best ways.

I do like that Luc Besson is a Big Picture kind of thinker. It shows in his movies. He sees the forest and he’s so very excited to show you the entire thing, he sometimes forgets why a single tree might gain importance. He gives his audience credit for being able to follow him when he makes time and logic jumps, and he’s obviously not afraid to try new things. As a filmgoer, I find when I watch his movies, he gives me so much to look at, I see different trees and follow a different path every time. I can appreciate his style and his enthusiasm.

I had a discussion with a friend just yesterday. We were talking reviews of “Valerian” and, of all things, Michael Bay. I don’t like Michael Bay and my friend had to ask, “But why? What’s different about a Michael Bay spectacle versus a Luc Besson one?” 

Admittedly, when I watch a movie, it’s a visceral, emotional experience for me. I watch first, as a rapt starry-eyed little sprocket. Then, I turn around and analyze the hell out of it. My friend was asking me to articulate a difference I hadn’t actually tried to verbalize before.My answer surprised me.

I don’t like Michael Bay movies because he condescends to his audience. His disdain for the public he can so easily shill for their money drips out of his movies more and more obviously with each new sequel. It’s so obvious in the trailers they string together I don’t even have to bother with the movies anymore. He doesn’t care about the franchise. He doesn’t care about the fans. His movies have a rote list of checkboxes and standard-issue explosions, car chases, and female body exploitation scenes in order to distract from the lack of plot and character development. He does his best to shiny thing away the plot holes and inconsistencies.

I’ve never felt as though Besson was throwing cheap tricks at me to keep my butt in a seat and make his box office. Instead, his movies, at least his true spectacle movies feel like someone who opened up a toy box and is trying to show his new friends every wonderful thing he just discovered and convince you to come and play, too. He’s tripping on the thrill of his own imagination and doing his absolute best to bring everyone else along on the ride with him.

So, yes, I loved the eye candy. The alien designs, especially for the inhabitants of Mul (which should have umlauts, but I don’t see how to add them in Tumblr) are very striking. The glimpses of the worlds within Alpha are interesting and intriguing. I found myself wanting to watch this movie again for inspiration for stories I want to tell because it’s so full of sheer concept. 

“Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is a beautiful romp in a Luc Besson sandbox. It comes with some frustrations attached, but I’m glad I saw it.